Somewhere in Germany, but I can't place it. Man, I hate this part of Texas; close my eyes. Fantasize: three clicks, then I'm home.
"This is so fucking stupid." I cry out, taking off my dress and stepping into the steaming hot shower, wanting to wash off the emotions from today.
I step out of the shower, drying off. My mind's racing so much that I have the biggest headache ever. I wash my face before finally changing into my pajamas.
Outside, the boys gathered at the fireplace as the girls were getting ready for bed in the makeup room.
"I totally fucked up," Corbin says as he runs his hands down his face. Sincere sighed before speaking, "I mean, it's not like you knew she wouldn't come back with a couple. So stop beating yourself up about it."
Zach nodded before adding, "Literally, bro, casa is about testing your connections, and that was the biggest test right there, bro. So if she throws your connection away completely because you wanted to explore, then so be it, mate."
Corbin takes a deep breath before exhaling. "I know, but it just didn't feel good to watch her look at me like I'm this terrible person, you know?"
"I mean," KC shrugged, "you followed what you felt was best." Bryce added, "It sucks, yeah, but that's the game."
Inside the dressing room, I could feel the girls constantly glancing at me as I did my skincare, which at this point was quite literally pointless because I couldn't stop crying, so my tears were washing it all off.
Trinity came and hugged me tightly as I let out a sob. "You okay, girl?" I sniffled before wiping my face again with my hand. "No, but I will be," I said as my voice cracked a little. "I think what's so humiliating for me is that," I pause, "I've spent all week in casa trying to believe that our conversation meant something to him. That it wasn't just useless words and that we could actually see ourselves being together outside of the villa."
"I think I hype our connection up so much in my head that it hurts worse seeing the opposite," I say, fidgeting with my necklace as Kayda and Aniya join me and Trinity's hug.
"And that's normal, Y/n. He had that chat with you before Casa, making you feel secure in your connection, when in reality he was just waiting for something easier to come." Kayda says as she rubs my back. "I just wish he would've been transparent," I say, disappointed, as I tie my hair up into my bonnet.
Later, as everyone paired off into their beds with their partners, I dreaded going in there. I couldn't stand watching him be so close to someone after me being so vulnerable with him. I took a deep breath before walking inside, grabbing a spare blanket and pillow.
"Y/n, where are you sleeping tonight?" Aniya asked, as she was sleeping alone due to KC choosing Titi over her. "I'm going to sleep in soul ties," I say, blinking back tears, after glancing at Corbin and Parmida cuddled up. I could feel him staring at me.
"You dont wanna sleep with me? I have a whole bed to myself." Aniya asked with sympathy. "No, it's okay, thank you though. Goodnight, everyone," I say before walking out of the bedroom, my bare feet pattering against the wood floor as I make my way to soul ties.
Soul ties felt giant with just one person. I placed my pillow and blanket down, sitting on the edge of soul ties before looking around at the water surrounding the villa, before finally breaking down as I climbed into my makeshift bed. My whole body shook as I sobbed, desperately trying to muffle them in the pillow, so as not to wake anyone.
"I fucking hate this, bro," I say into my arm with a hoarse voice. "I just want to go home." I curl into a ball under the covers, away from where the cameras can see.
Inside, Corbin couldn't sleep, the guilt eating him alive. He kept staring at Parmida, wondering if he had made the right choice, wondering if it was supposed to be me next to him.
After some debating, Corbin quietly and secretly slipped out of bed, his feet softly hitting the wooden floor. As he stepped to soul ties, he stopped for a moment. "Y/n?" He whispered.
No answer. He almost thought i was asleep and was going to walk away until he heard it. A shaky inhale. Then another, soft. Like someone was trying their hardest not to make noise.
His heart sank. "...Hey."
I quickly wiped my eyes before coming out from under the cover. "Hi... Did you need something?" I ask clearing my throat.
"I just.. wanted to check up on you." I gave him the smallest nod. "I'm alive." He nodded as silence came between us.
Corbin took a hesitant step towards the bed. "I'm sorry." I stared at the ceiling, trying not to cry again. "It's okay." I finally looked at him, taking in his reddened eyes and slouched shoulders. I look away again.
"I just..." I take a deep breath. "I've been trying to figure out all night...what I missed." "I keep replaying our conversation before casa." I laughed softly with no humor. "Where you kissed me, told me not to worry. And I believed you."
His eyes filled with regret. "I never wanted to hurt you, Y/n." "I know." He looked caught off guard. "You know?" I sigh deeply before speaking, "I dont think you intentionally wanted to hurt me...I just think that." I swallow. "You didn't think about me."
I pulled the blanket tighter. "You know what the worst thing was?" Corbin barely whispered, "What?" "It was standing there... in front of everyone, realizing that I was the only one who was genuine."
His eyes closed. He couldn't even argue because he knows I'm right. I looked at him for a moment before giving him a tired smile. "I'm really tired, Corbin." "I know."
"So... I think you should go back to your couple." He stood there for a moment, staring at me. "I dont think I can." I let out a tired sigh. "Corbin..." "I know..I know I should, but every bone in my body is telling me not to leave." I didn't answer him as I picked the skin around my nails. The silence felt heavier than any argument.
Corbin slowly sat down on the bed across from me. I kept my eyes focused on the sky above me and the millions of stars. I was too drained to fight and too hurt to ask him to stay.
Minutes passed as neither of us spoke. The only sound was the cicadas filling the silent void. Then he noticed it. My breathing, uneven. Every few breathes id inhale sharply, trying to stop the sobs.
His chest tightened. "...Baby." I immediately shook my head. "Dont. Please dont call me that, Corbin." His face fell. "I'm sorry." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.
"I just.. My heart can't handle that right now." I say, sniffling. He nodded. Another few minutes passed, and I just couldn't help not asking. "I just keep asking myself.. What's so wrong with me?" I whispered quietly.
Corbin's head snapped to me. "What?" He asked. I laughed bitterly. "Was I not exciting enough? Was I not pretty enough? I didn't kiss you enough?" My voice cracked with every question I asked. "What did I do wrong, Corbin?"
He shook his head before I even finished. He leaned forward, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "There is nothing wrong with you, Y/n." I looked away. "There has to be." "There isn't." I sighed, "If there wasn't... Why wasn't I enough?" A fresh tear slid down my face.
I didn't wipe it away. I whispered, "I really loved what we were becoming." Corbin's eyes closed. "So did I." My shoulders started to shake, and this time I didn't try to hide it. The sob I've been holding in since seeing him and Parmida finally escaped.
Without another word, Corbin opened his arm, pulling me into him. The moment I leaned into him, I let go. I buried my face in his shirt, my hands clutching the fabric. I sobbed so hard I could barley breath.
Corbin wrapped his arms around me. One rested on the back of my head, while the other rubbed my back. "I'm so sorry," he whispered into my hair. I cried into his chest. "I trusted you, dude." "I know. I never want to be the reason you question your worth." He kissed my soaked cheek.
"There is nothing wrong with you. You're smart, kind, and beautiful." I didn't respond. I cried and cried until I had no more tears left to cry. We stayed like that for the rest of the night.
Not as a couple. Just as two people with damaged hearts.
Casa Amor is finally over. Before you and your couple split, you guys had an amazing chat. You stay single. Will he return single also?
We could waste the night with an old film, smoke a little weed in the back room. Hideaway... Say you'll never let me go.
The villa felt hostile.
After seeing what KC did to aniya i couldnt help but lose hope. If they had a strong connection and he was willing to throw it away for 3 days makes me worried about me and Corbin.
The girls and I sat close to each other, all holding hands. I fidgeted with my ring, as I couldn't help the feeling in my gut telling me something was wrong as I replayed the converstation corbin and I had before Casa.
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"So, how are you feeling about casa?" I ask Corbin as we lie in soul ties, my feet resting on his lap.
"I'm solid in our connection, like I think we have a great connection, and I don't want to lose what I have with you for someone temporary," Corbin says as he rubs his hand up and down my calf.
"Good, I was thinking the same thing," I say, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. "So we're good?" I say, bringing my face closer to his.
"We're good, baby." He says lowly, leaning in.
-----------------------
As Ariana finally called my name, I took a deep breath before standing up.
"How are you feeling, y/n?" Ariana ask.
"I'm feeling a little nervous." I chuckle. "We had a great conversation before Casa, and I felt as were on the same page. I just hope we're actually on the same page." I say as I feel Kayda grab my hand and hold it.
"Well, let's find out if Corbin decided to stay loyal to his couple." Ariana pauses as everyone looks at the entrance of the villa.
I swear I could feel my heart stop as I saw Corbin. I take a deep breath as I watch him finally make it into my view, but he isn't alone.
"Holy fuck." I hear it from behind me as I close my eyes, trying to regulate my breathing. I open my eyes as Corbin and his new couple make it in front of the fireplace.
"So, y/n, it looks like Corbin has decided to bring his couple from Casa back to the villa, now leaving you single. How are you feeling, y/n?" Ariana asked with a sympathetic look.
I close my eyes for a second as I feel them burn. I clear my throat. "I feel humiliated," I say, opening them and staring at Corbin, who finds his shoes very interesting at the moment. "I thought we had a good talk before Casa. I thought we were on the same page about how we felt about each other, but I guess I was wrong." I say as Ariana nods her head, understanding.
"Corbin, how are you feeling right now" Ariana ask him.
"I feel like this was-" I cut him off. "Look at me when you're speaking," I say firmly, rolling my eyes as I hold back tears.
He finally picks his head up, staring at me. He drops her hand and places his hands behind his back.
"I felt like this was a really hard decision to make, but I feel as if my connection with Parmida is stronger than the connection I had with y/n."
"How do you feel about that, y/n?" Ariana asked me.
"I feel like everyone has the right to pick what they think is better," I say before closing my eyes as I take a deep breath, trying not to cry. "I just feel like the talk we had was pointless. He gave me false hope, thinking that we were going to be okay and come back to each other, when in reality, as soon as he was able to get his dick wet, he stopped thinking about me." I say watching corbin shake his head.
"Dont shake your head because you know it's true," I say, bringing a hand up to wipe my tears before they fall. "It's just so fucking disrespectful, bro," I say as my voice cracks and a few tears fall.
"How was it disrespectful?" Corbin asked with a confused face.
"How is it not Corbin? You literally told me that we were good. You said you felt solid in our connection, and then you turn around and do some fuck shit like that, bro. It's not like you couldn't explore because I wouldn't mind, but you did it so fucking disrespectfully. Then in the video you literally said that I was out the window when all the Casa girls walked in." I say sniffing, now letting my tears fall freely.
"Wait, what video?" Corbin says confused.
Ariana winces. "Oh yeah... the challenge was live-streamed. So the girls could see everything you guys were doing live."
The boys are shocked and nervous now that Ariana has let them know we could see everything they were doing.
"I just feel stupid," I say lowly, picking at my nails. I take a deep breath before speaking. "But...I hope you two continue to have an amazing connection and bloom into something beautiful," I say, smoothing out my dress, trying to conceal my tears as I sit down, pushing my hair off my neck.
I keep my gaze forward, staring into the fire as Corbin and Parmida walk past me and sit down holding hands. I could feel him staring into the side of my face.
I continue to silently cry, wiping my face with the sleeve of my dress so much it's now blotchy as I watch and envy other couples come back together.
The recoupling finally ends, and I'm the first to stand, walking away heading to the makeup room, finally letting out my first sob of the night as I feel people staring at me. The villa girls stand up and follow me upstairs into the room. Inside the room, I break down crying, sliding down the wall. They rush to my side, comforting me.
dededos
germansingergirl
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis