❛ we’ve all gone too big too fast and then run out of the room. ❜
❛ block letters and cursive look good together! ❜
❛ yeah, but the past is the past. ❜
❛ i mean we’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly. ❜
❛ i don’t give off that vibe. ❜
❛ you could pour soup in my lap and i’ll probably apologize to you. ❜
❛ i’m so open and vulnerable. ❜
❛ i love saying “my wife”, it sounds so adult. ❜
❛ marriage is gonna be very magical. ❜
❛ ooh, who’s that fella? i bet he did kill his wife. ❜
❛ how could another person kill someone? ❜
❛ i’m not gonna do it, but i totally get it. ❜
❛ it’s creepy to have an ex out there after things have ended badly. ❜
❛ anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents has to die. ❜
❛ that’s not even a situation. ❜
❛ hey, you seen any loose milk? ❜
❛ i don’t know if you can tell that from the… everything about me. ❜
❛ … and a hush falls over the room. ❜
❛ isn’t it weird how that became a scandalous thing? ❜
❛ it was just some boring shit i had to do on weekends. ❜
❛ aw, she’s ugly! ❜
❛ wouldn’t you give like a million dollars to see that wedding video? ❜
❛ ‘cause you know how you lie to your parents? ❜
❛ what? huh? what? when? when? ❜
❛ let’s see, what problems can we solve? ❜
❛ that’s not how you talk. ❜
❛ let’s change it to trick ___. ❜
❛ it’s like having a baby that’s also a grandma. ❜
❛ oh, the things i have seen, you cocksucker. ❜
❛ ___ is my best friend in the world, i give her a million kisses a day. ❜
❛ you are no longer the alpha of the house. ❜
❛ look upon your sovereign, ___, and tremble! ❜
❛ it’s haunted, but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash. ❜
❛ i love real estate agents. i mean, they are the true heroes. ❜
❛ it was like hanging out with my mom. ❜
❛ they always have that ‘fun mom’ energy. ❜
❛ so, there’s no toilets. ❜
❛ well yeah, that’s how all of life works. ❜
❛ this is an on - fire garbage can. ❜
❛ this is an on - fire garbage can. could be a nursery. ❜
❛ sometimes babies will point at me, and i don’t care for that shit at all. ❜
❛ you’re never too young to learn our national no - snitching policy. ❜
❛ fell deadly silent, is what they all did. ❜
❛ no one wants to applaud the penis of a 32 - year old weirdo. ❜
❛ i had no supervision when i was a kid. ❜
❛ i grew up before children were special. ❜
❛ i’m so horny and angry all the time. ❜
❛ and i have no outlet for it, so… eggs. ❜
❛ i think emily dickinson’s a lesbian. ❜
❛ you can imagine the kind of stress that i’m under. ❜
❛ i’m telling you three weeks in advance. ❜
❛ that’s exactly what you won’t ask. ❜
❛ and then, he ordered one black coffee for himself, and kept driving. ❜
❛ in retrospect, that’s the funniest thing i’ve ever seen in my life. ❜
❛ what do you do to afford v-necks, ___? ❜
❛ ah, numbers. the letters of math. ❜
❛ no one look at me or i’ll kill myself. ❜
❛ thank you, no one will ever see me again! ❜
❛ who could she have been talking to? ❜
❛ i need you to believe me. ❜
❛ one feels like a duck when one is splashing around in all this wet! ❜
❛ i think about that every goddamn day. ❜
❛ that’s the wonderful thing about crazy people, you know? ❜
❛ eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs. ❜
❛ a very upsetting thing to hear, yes? ❜
❛ if you eat ass and suck enough dick, one day you can sell drugs. ❜
❛ one black coffee. same motherfucker. ❜
❛ my feet were not on the ground. ❜
❛ he never forgets a bitch, ever. ❜
❛ then it is revealed that she has NO hand. ❜
❛ you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclaire. ❜
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