My name is Bob. First things first. If you DON'T wanna see long but sensible text posts, my artworks & doodles, pieces of my life, rants, ideas, and other reblogs like cats love quotes, bible verses, chuck tv series, Emma Watson and other funny stuff then I won't satisfy your blog cravings. :'( I follow people that I wanna follow simply because I find them awesome and I wanna be their friend. I'm not desperate for a follow back and the people I follow find me lurking in their notes all the time for sooooo long already. lol. I promise I won't be waste of dashboard though. By the way I just need readers right now. :D ----- Well then, I am 75% Filipino, 25% Spaniard. I have no criminal record, so far. Just one of the hundreds of thousands of jobless nurses here in the Philippines, blogging as a past time. I was born and raised in the city of waterfalls on the 16th of June. I have a very disturbed sleeping pattern making me a nocturnal human being. Random. Religious. Friendly. My friends usually describe me at first as someone silent but very approachable. In the midst of friendship, they describe me as someone you can talk to about anything and very fun to be with. Little did they know, I have skeletons in my closet. Too private that I don't even blog it. No murder and other creepy stuff involved though. Just a shitty life that I strive to survive. DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE MY ASK BOX SOMETHING ^_^ Add & Follow me at:
The butterfly effect is a concept that states "small causes can have larger effects". A single beat of a butterfly's wings may cause a storm on the other side of the world...so they say.
I couldn’t remember the exact chain of events that lead me into this storm of depression I am feeling right now but I know it all started when I planned to go abroad. They say it is a blessing but right now, being here in the UK feels like a curse. There have been countless times in here wherein I would just sit on my bed, hands wrapped around the knees and tears run down my cheeks. The ever-growing desire to find comfort in another’s person’s arms are long overdue. The overpowering attitude from colleagues and affiliated people is constantly abusing my daily life. The stupidity of my actions driven by unyielding procrastination. The sound of the monsters in my own head. No one would understand and that feeling is scary. It drives a person like me isolated and sooner or later, It might drive me mad.
To help myself, all I could think of is that everything will be alright. I just have to hold on to what little left of my sanity because like every other storm, I know it will soon pass.
I keep getting this uneasy feeling these days. A feeling wherein I have no drive to do anything. A feeling that all my hard work will be for nothing. It’s been a week since we had a proper chat and I don’t even miss her at all. I don’t know what’s happening with me.
I just binged watched dexter over the past few weeks and I gotta say that the ending was very disappointing and I haven’t been warned. LOL. I mean... after all the dark themed tv series went through... they went for the cheesiest kind of ending and gave the entire fan base a huge middle finger. I do not deserve that ending and they would've done better.
It would have been a better idea for the season finale where he has to choose to save Vogel or stay with Hannah. Then he rushed to save Vogel only to find out Vogel betrayed him and chose Daniel / Oliver Saxon. He rushed back to see Hannah dead (which would be nice) and went on an all out war to make sure Oliver Saxon is dead. Meanwhile, the US Marshall is now definite that Dexter and Hannah are connected and went to search for Dexter's last whereabouts. This lead him into investigating Dexter's history wherein everyone that went against him has gone missing. He got hold of Quinn and they backtracked him to Arthur Mitchell's son and him as the suspected Kyle Butler. More evidences came up which made the entire Miami metro left in disbelief. Fast forward, he caught Oliver Saxon and everyone who knew he was the Bayharbor butcher surrounded the old hospital. Debra, pointing his gun at Dexter yet again while the entire Miami police department says "Put down the knife Dexter... it is over." He then saw the the pictures around him (which was supposed to be Oliver's victims) turn into all the people that he has killed (directly or indirectly): Laguerta, Rita, Doakes, Brian Moser, Arthur Mitchell, Travis Marshall, Miguel Prado etc. He looked at Debra with his father beside him saying: "You got caught Dexter. You know what happens next." He then smiles and says: "No Dad, I deserve this and long overdue. I am where I am supposed to be." He proceeds to stab Oliver Saxon and everyone then shoots him except Debra, frozen and hysterical. Dexter then narrates his last lines like all his narratives while doing flashbacks of all the forgotten characters of Dexter for 8 seasons. A blood slide on the floor... then a drop of blood on that slide. The end.
Anyway...that’s just my opinion. It’s been a good jolly ride. Time to find another series to binge-watch. See ya!
In spite of the way that you treat me, I stayed sincerely true. In spite of the way you mock me, I held more closer to you. In spite of all the heartaches, In spite of all the tears.. You hurt me more than I can take and regretted all those years.. 😞
Karamihan daw sa ating mga Pilipino ay relihiyoso, may takot sa diyos, kasi nga Katoliko. Pero ginagawa nating parang ATM ang Diyos dahil sa mentality natin. Tinatakbuhan lang natin kapag may kailangan. Marami ang natatakot sumama sa mga prayer meetings o small groups kasi nga ayaw natin i-give up ang nakasanayan nating buhay o 'di kaya dahil nga makasalanan ka at nahihiya ka sa Kaniya. Please reflect as I present to you, the wrong mentality, part two...
Skip to the last part if you're not a fan of reading :P
Santa Claus Mentality - Ikaw ba 'yung may mentality na katulad ng kanta na "He's making a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty or nice"? Hindi ganon si God. Hindi porke't makasalanan ka ay hindi ka na pwedeng humingi sa kaniya. Hindi rin porke't sobrang bait mo rin ay lahat nalang ng hinihingi mo ay mabibigay agad. Ang hinihingi lang ni God sa'yo ay lapitan mo siya, ama mo siya at makipag relasyon ka sa kaniya by praying faithfully. Isapuso mo lang ang panalangin mo and make sure your intentions are good.
Slave or Servant Mentality - Nung bata ka ba ay madalas mong pini-perfect ang mga quiz mo para may ice cream ka? Nililinis mo ba ang bahay kapag gusto mo ng extra na baon? Anak ka ng Diyos, hindi ka niya alipin. Ano ang mararamdaman mo kapag may-ari ka ng Jollibee pero ang anak mo ay naglilinis ng bahay para lang makakain ng Chicken joy? 'Diba unecessary na ito?
Perfect Son Mentality - Dumating ba sa punto ng buhay mo na sinabi mong "Bakit mo siya binigyan Lord eh ako ang humingi? Mas mabait pa ako sa kaniya ah!! Mas pumupunta ako sa simbahan, habang siya ay hindi! Bakit wala pa akong natatanggap?" Madalas kasi binibilang natin ang mabubuting gawain natin...pero ang hindi mo naiintindihan ay kung bakit mo 'to ginawa. Kung ginawa mo ito for the intention na may hihingin ka lang, mali na agad. You don't have to impress God, anak ka niya at lahat ng sa Kaniya ay sa'yo rin. Just be humble and patient.
Everything that I wrote will be confusing if you're not a Christian. If you say you are, basahin mo ulet ang story ng THE PRODIGAL SON...(Luke 15:11-31). Kahit anong sama mo man, o clueless sa mga bagay tungkol sa Diyos, pumunta ka lang sa Kaniya at tatakbo siya sa'yo upang yakapin ka at ipagdiwang ang iyong pagbabalik. At kahit sa tingin mo ay binabalewala ka ng Ama mo sa langit, isipin mo lang na kung ano mang pagaari meron siya, pag mamay-ari mo rin yun. Higit sa lahat, magiging anak ka lang ni God kung tanggap mo rin ang kaniyang anak na si Jesus. Erase the old mentality, and start a real relationship with God. Amen? :)
I shall bear witness the forthcoming days where history repeats itself and the smell of ignorant zombies roam around the streets. Upon the layers of soil where blood was spilled for decades, they vomit words such as "justice" and "peace" like they are of the same page...lacking the ability to acquire a brain of their own. Here we stand helpless as the majority exhalt or worship the crowned kings of power, terrorism and greed... feeding feces to their mouth where they chew with great joy. A tragic story unveiling. The blind leading the blind.
"I had enough!! I'm sick of you and all this f*cked up logic of yours!"
I can hear my own voice screaming in my head as I type down the words on our chat. She sent me a voice message. She was crying but I can't understand a word she said.
It wasn't always like this. We used to talk calmly and fix our problems before bedtime. This time, I guess I was fed up. I was sick of her jealousy and lack of trust. The accusations were just too much for my mind to comprehend.
I lay down my bed and not a glance at my phone. I didn't want to talk to her. I wanted a piece of my mind, or a peace of mind - whatever you call it. I stared blankly at the corner of my ceiling for a while. The tarpaulin hanging on the wall caught my eye. It was the tarpaulin I prepared for her on our first anniversary. It's mostly covered with pink and about 12 pictures representing our 11 months of monthsaries and one of our best picture.
Oh yeah, I remembered... Two weeks to go before our second anniversary. It's been a year since then huh? Too bad we can't celebrate it together. She is out there in the middle east and I am stuck in this rotten province. Our communication might be the last thread right now that is holding us together. We had a fight...I think I just broke up with her. What is wrong with me? I feel numb and felt like I wasn't myself.
I stood up and washed up my face. My tears won't stop from falling but my mind is floating somewhere else. My chest however, I can feel the ache. Why is it the chest? Is the heart really responsible for love? Then why can't we fix our argument tonight? How did we fight again? Oh yeah..
It started as a simple reply to a girl who messaged me. She is a new colleague at the operating room department that was added to our shift. That girl turned out to be the cousin to one of my closest friends back in college. She kept on messaging me and to avoid looking like an introvert, I replied a few times. One reply she had included pictures of me. I was confused on why she took pictures of me yet I asked her nicely not to post it or upload it anywhere. I stopped messaging her after that.
It turned out that my girlfriend, who is the jealous type, has been visiting my own profile for the last few months. She wasn't always like that. She started that habit when she went abroad. Without even asking me nicely or saying what's wrong...she got mad and started accusing me of liking that girl. She said I was "too nice" and didn't even tell her about that girl. I tried to calm her down but the accusations kept on going. She wanted me to admit to a crime I did not commit. I wasn't liking other girls. I have been a loyal man all throughout our relationship yet this always happens each time I get a new acquaintance who sadly is - a girl. Each time, with the same approach and accusations: that I liked that girl.
In my surprise, disappointment and anger...I swore a couple times and a couple more along the way. My defense was useless so I blurted out things that I didn't thought I would say. We argued for over an hour until I snapped. I guess shit happens in relationships too. Though the hurt was strong, though the pain is real... we somehow managed to fix things up.
There are things that we need to remember when we are in a relationship...how to nurture it and how to save it at the most critical times..
-to be continued-
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