M I N A F A L L O W @mina-fallow - Tumblr Blog

just

I’d follow him to the ends of the earth,

But I couldn’t down the aisle.

Her sneers my way may pierce deep,

But I haven’t felt a thing since you kissed me goodbye.

Judas does as she will

I cried as she took him from me

The first boy, my love now unfulfilled

So broken I don’t even have a simile

Though the day I heard that ping,

I thought my heart came back alive,

When another invited me over,

and told me there was nothing to hide.

‘Come explore, she packed her shit, hit the door’

Body revolted as he wanted me inside, raw

‘Fuck she’s almost home, run and don’t forget your shit on the floor!’

Though he corrupted my youth now twice, he turned the victim to harlot

Red scarlet A, whispers through razor teeth

jaws unhinge as they devour me.

With these creeps I now find myself beneath

Prophecy fulfilled, thought it was love but he comes every other week.

Seductive eyes from a friend’s older guy

Led to late nights, last room motel highway

Taught me all the new ways

Destroying and devouring could get me high

Boys over counties,

They drive around, and call when they’re parked at the cross

My ass like a bounty

But never a trophy to take home, and it’s my loss.

Isn’t it just fine,

How this narrative was defined

For this girl before she was even 18?

Now I watch them through a window down the aisle

though his eye I still beguile

It’s the best you can have; when you can never be taken home.

Here I am

Just another man’s another woman, wondering if I’ll ever just be anyone’s woman.

slaving every day and night/ making sure he looks nice/ for his children I don’t share

#Youtube

First Love

It was just another birthday party for one of our mutual friends. Eye contact across the pool, playing that game of chicken where we see who’s going to say ‘STOP! I’m not gay!’ Neither of us did. Every single locker open, like the cockles of my heart with my soul laid bare under my body lying on that bench. Quiet and hiding, as if our very breaths might give us away and cause the end of our lives. Publicly lynched in every way except for by our necks. I’d never felt a pain so red and searing, but it didn’t stop you. I told myself that the man you want, that you can never be, is the one who’s strong enough to not fall apart and to protect me. Muffling my cries I saw a man who didn’t want me to wear a scarlet letter with that nasty A showing my ties directly to him. It wasn’t until we were praying together in his post but clarity that cried and demanded we beg for absolution. The only absolution I wanted was from my own body. Clearly, I can’t fuck until I break something. I don’t know if I could even break myself.

He called me again last night, and asked me to come over. He had permission to have me on Friday. How is it I know that it’s all going to just be another game of chicken and all night whether on my knees, either for him or this God he swears hates girls like me?

I think he sees the girl hiding deep within me. The truth won’t come out even if all over school I bleed. I don’t care what they say about me.

I’m pretty sure I love him. I’ll do and be anyone he needs.

pupisized

lonelysweet

americacontidied

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊live love laugh romanticize

he told me it was already up in smoke / to leave them in the snow/ and make him my home/ without him my veins will run cold

Does your wife know?

Does your wife know where you were, when you’re late from work? Into the clouds with the girl of your dreams? That I’m only held apart only by your hands it seems?

Does your wife know that I’m the one you can’t live without? The one you send earrings to and tell her that you’re proud? That I don’t know how to function without you around?

Does your wife know what you really do? Getting high inside these dank sheets on our amber perfume? That you whisper you wish time would never resume?

Does your wife know how I ache, when she has you for weeks? That I can’t live without your seed deep inside of me? That you told me serving you is my purpose, my only need?

Does your wife know that your eyes always lock into mine when you cum? Does she know that I’ll never call any of your bluffs? That it’s ‘cause I know behind your eyelids, it’s not her and I’m always enough?

Does your wife know she’s the one who gets all the cheese? The jokes, hand on her back, a finger wrapped with a ring? I’ll get a mourning veil and her your offspring?

Does your wife know of the marks that you leave? Not the notes or the roses she gets, but the ones you make me hide underneath? The ones we agreed show your ownership of me?

Does your wife know, that despite it all, I’d give it all to be her? That I’d play dumb when you smell of others? That all I’d pray is one day, in the end, you makes me a mother?

Does your wife know, deep down in the end, that we’re two similar girls who play different kinds of pretend?

he said i look prettiest when im gone

Rewriting the Narrative

languid afternoons, buckled tight, orange red leaves give way to purple desert nights.

drives with my love, my head on his shoulder, I’d never witnessed a love that didn’t molder.

soft kisses, whispers in his ear, nothing but road and desert in the rear view.

neon vacancy delights, love struck lunatics, forever in love on the 66.

———————————————————————

Languid breaths, bound tight, orange red blossoms - it should be purple dark night.

Trunk bound beauty, mascara runs like tights, too resin dazed to fight.

Strangers kisses, hazy faces never clear, too meaningless to care who’s even near.

Neon vacancy delights, dead struck whore, it wasn’t until after she was found they said she deserved more.

wilting slowly.

“Swallow It, Bitch”

White picket dreams

Stitched perfectly at the seams

A house with a strong man within.

A couple of kids, in awe of our gentle kin.

—————————————

But she knows she can’t have those dreams,

whispers to the wind ‘what’s made for me?’

As if she doesn’t already know.

Swallowing she’ll never be a bride

Men just want her late at night

Telling her everything she dreams to hear.

She might just disappear into the air

It’s easier to embrace than despair

Swallowing the only thing they think she should.

#girlhood in decay #poetry community #poetic #poetry #sadgirl #sad thoughts #sad poetry #original poem #poems and poetry #prose

Pastures Away

I’d never caught someone taking my photo until that night.

Lost in how I looked and dressed, just a dumb struck country boy with stars and my reflection in his eyes.

Who knew I could smile that big?

It felt holy when you picked me up out the car and whispered in my ear.

Everything looks gorgeous in the rear view.

———————————————————

Sometimes in the wake of everything- I wonder what would have happened had we crossed paths later, like now, when stars could have aligned and I could have given you more than I’d ever imagined.

Yet I’ll still whisper prayers, hope you found the girl of your dreams somewhere.

I guess it’s just my cross to bear, knowing what the world’s got planned for girls like me.

#poetry #poetry community #heartbreak #sadgirl #sad thoughts #wistful #melancholia