When I was young people would tease me of how much a cry baby I was.
I cry over a stupid movie, a stupid song, when playing and I am loosing, when being teased, bullied, even when just giving a birthday message.
There was even a time at school when my highschool adviser would sing to me "big girls don't cry". Pathetic, right?
So, growing up, I unconciously trained my self not to cry especially when there are people around me.
Now that I am 25, I still cry but only when I am sad, mad, humiliated, and when I can't talk back because I was raised to be respectful, even when others don't deserve it.
People might say that I am strong now because I don't cry often, but you know what? I miss crying over stupid things, I miss how feeling the pain in my chest, how would tears form around my eyes, how soft my heart was for people, how kind would I be.
I envy people who have the heart to feel someone's pain like it's theirs to carry.
I envy how they cry when someone they knew died.
I envy how they cry while watching a movie, when receiving gifts, when they are at their happiest.
I wish I didn't have to grow.
I wish I didn't have to be like this.
I wish I could still cry when I want to.
I wish I was still a cry baby.
I wish you didn't have to make fun out of me.
