99% of my free time, I'm drinking iced coffee and reading my little romance books. The rest, I'm daydreaming about my own ideas for fictions and romance.
𝐌𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ᰔ
Cold Blooded | J.JK [series]
𐙚 Pairing : Jungkook x female main character
𐙚 Tropes : stepsiblings au, forbidden taboo love, haters to lovers (kinda?), grumpy x sunshine, small town, angst, smut
[Series index]
Slayer | J.JK [one-shot]
𐙚 Pairing : mafia Jungkook x paid assassin fmc
𐙚 Tropes : mafia romance, paid assassination attempt, dark theme, smut
♪: Slayer - Bryce Savage
[one-shot]
Moth to Flame | K.TH [short story]
𐙚 Pairing : Taehyung x female main character
𐙚 Tropes : cheating au, angst , smut , secret and forbidden relationship
[part one] , [part two] , [part three]
Disclaimer : all my stories are and will be written in first pov for no reason other than that’s how I'm comfortable to write. doesn't make a big difference anyway. I'd still recommend you to give my stories a try. :]
I hope you have a nice time diving in to the world of my writings and imagination for a short time of your day. 🩶
Credit for dividers : @cursed-carmine
[But there’s one that I don't know who it belongs to, so credit to the owner]
𐙚 Tropes : cheating , angst , smut , secret and forbidden relationship
𐙚 Word count : 5.5k+
𐙚 Summary : I spent our entire relationship thinking I was the moth, being pulled into him even when I knew I shouldn't have. But now I'm realizing all this time, he was the moth and I was the forbidden flame that burnt him everyday, and still kept his life bright.
[part one] , [part two] , [part three]
Trigger warnings for this part : mentions of self harm, mentions of taking sexual advantage (kind of), explicit sexual scenes, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, ...
a/n : I know I said I'll get back to writing this after my uni exams are over, but I couldn't hold myself back anymore hehe. And now I can confirm that there will be a third part for this story. Also, the editing was a little rushed so pls ignore the errors. Enjoy and don’t forget rebloging and commenting your thoughts. 💌
When you’re friends with Jia, you have to be prepared for gathering plans and movie or game nights at all times. She’s a spontaneous person and loves to have her friends around. She’s also a very persistent person. When she called me on the phone, I couldn’t resist for long. She has a superpower. She won’t back down until she hears what she wants from you.
And so here I stand. In front of her apartment door with a bowl of snacks and a bottle of wine. Her friends usually prefer bear, but just like me, Jia fancies wine over bear. She always watches her weight and doesn’t like to get caught up on drinking bear and gain weight. I personally just don’t like the taste.
Someone finally opens the door, but it’s not Jia herself. It’s one of her friends. Some of her friends have already arrived and are busy with some games. I smile at the guy and walk inside.
The man joins everyone else in the living room, going back to the game as I place everything I brought on the little table next to the door and hang my coat.
Jia leaves her spot on the couch and walks to me.
“Hey, pretty.” She helps me with the snack and wine. She inspects the bottle. “God, I love you. Come on. We’re kicking Joe’s ass in the game. We’ll start the next round soon.” We walk toward the kitchen.
“I told you I don’t like games with dice. Dices hate me.” The guy, Joe, who I’ve seen only twice before, yells at Jia from his spot on the floor.
We enter the kitchen together. I stand by the snack table and put the bowl down as Jia brings glasses for the wine.
She pours us two glasses but pauses when her eyes fall on me.
“Stop being nervous. All of these guys are really good people.” I follow her eyes and just then I realize I’ve been fidgeting with my fingers. She hands me the wine. “I know you’ve only seen them a handful of times and some of them, you haven’t even met. But trust me, they’re all nice and friendly people. You’ll feel just like one of them.”
If only she knew it’s not the people I don’t know that I’m nervous about. It’s Taehyung. And being around him in front of Annie and all their other friends.
They’re still not here, but they will be any minute now.
I really wish I was sick so I could miss tonight. And trust me, I tried. But the universe really didn’t want me sick tonight. Therefore, here I am.
I thank Jia for the glass of wine, because I really need it right now, and take a big swig.
We join everyone else in the living room after talking a little, just the two of us.
There won’t be a lot of people here for tonight’s movie and game night. Unlike her usual parties and movie nights, this time there’s only nine of Jia’s closest friends here, and maybe four more people that haven’t arrived yet. Taehyung and Annie included.
They take longer to arrive than everyone else. By then, I’m on my third glass of wine and way more relaxed than before. I’ve made myself comfortable and have talked and laughed with Jia’s friends the whole time.
I really liked one her friends, Ryu. Jungkook was very easy to talk to as well.
It’s my turn to roll the dice, basically already a winner on this round, when the doorbell rings.
Jia opens the door for them herself. Taehyung and Annie walk in together. Annie with her big radiant smile, and Taehyung with few boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine.
As Jia and Annie hug, Taehyung’ eyes fall on me. It’s like he didn’t need more than two seconds to find me in a crowded room.
He looks at me and the smallest smile sits on his lips. But nobody noticed that except for me.
Warmness floods in my belly as I return the soft smile. Feeling glad and warm that he’s here. Now forgetting about all the reasons I felt so nervous and like a mess. Now, I’m just glad.
They join everyone around the big coffee table. Everyone have to sit close and friendly as we start a game that can be played by this many people.
I’m sitting on a cushion on the floor as Jia, along with Annie and Taehyung sit on the couch. Jia makes place for herself on her big couch, and since they are a couple, Annie and Taehyung share the armchair so there’s more space for others.
I bitterly sip my wine as I focus my attention on the guy next to me who is explaining the game for everyone.
The game starts with me, and it goes on from there. Soon, we all get immersed into the game. I even laugh a few times when Jungkook teases me and my playing strategy. But the excitement in me dies every time Annie attracts the attention of the room and I get reminded how she’s hugging and clinging onto Taehyung.
She doesn’t want people to figure out how their relationship is failing, and that’s what all these acts are about.
They’ve been together for so long, and that has made everyone they know to believe they are the dreamy couple. That there’s no possibility in which they could end up with anyone else.
Everyone saw them as each other’s soulmates. When it came to this couple, they couldn’t think of one of them without the other one. To everyone else, they seemed like one person.
And that might’ve been closer to reality for the first few years, but after a while, that only became their image. The reality of their relationship got way farther from that perfect picture.
The pressure and perspective everyone has been forcing on them is the reason Annie became too stubborn and obsessed with keeping the relationship. Too stubborn to let their friends and families believe anything other than what they already believed.
Even before me, they had come close to breaking up so many times. More than Taehyung could count. Their relationship hanging on by a thread. And each time, she found a way to force the relationship back together.
Taehyung even tried to end things with her once and for all, serious and determined about the decision. He felt how unhappy he had become in that relationship. How unhappy she was, too. But she didn’t want that to happen. Her entire life and personality was formed based on her perfect long-term relationship with the most gorgeous man ever and people’s admiration for them.
She was so invested in that lie that she didn’t want people to suddenly start seeing her as the poor girl who got left by her soulmate out of nowhere.
That day was long and messy, as Taehyung described it. They had their longest fight ever, which ended in tears and things breaking. Annie acted so weird that night, unlike anything he had ever seen of her.
She threatened to harm herself if he left her. Even almost acting on her threats before Taehyung managed to stop her from going too far.
She succeeded in keeping the relationship. After that, Taehyung never brought that topic back again. They still had arguments and fights after that, a lot. But he never brought up breaking up again.
No one else knows about this but me. I was the only person Taehyung ever told about the messed up reality of his relationship. It took him a while to trust me enough, but after he did, the horrible truths came pouring after another.
Annie was a good actor, pretending her life couldn’t be more perfect. But how can someone truly feel that happy if they didn’t feel loved by their partner? Taehyung on the other hand, wasn’t a good actor. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wear his emotions on his face.
He felt unhappy and trapped. All because he didn’t want to risk Annie actually harming herself. He may not be in love with her anymore, but she was still a human. Just because he had no affection for her anymore didn’t mean he had it in him to risk her harming herself and taking her life.
So he forced himself to stay in that relationship and play along with the lie.
But the fact that they weren’t in love anymore didn’t justify our affair. I knew that.
It still didn’t change the fact that our affair was wrong and forbidden.
This round of game ends with Jungkook beating us all. We take a break to eat and drink and talk before we start the next game.
Almost everyone gets up from their spots. I don’t need to go anywhere, so I use my chance and sit on the couch, making myself more comfortable.
Annie finally leaves Taehyung’s lap and joins Jia and their friends in the kitchen. Some of the guys are still in the living room, but no one notices when Taehyung gives me a secret affectionate smile.
I’ve seen him smiling at me thousands of times, but it still doesn’t fail to make my heart race. Just like the first time it happened on the balcony of this very house.
I mouth “Hey” at him.
His warm smile widens as he mouths the same thing back. I open my mouth to talk to him, but Annie and some of their guy friends walk into the living room as Jungkook comes this way and sits next to me.
We act normal again. We don’t try to speak after that. It’s too risky to get reckless.
I hold myself back from looking at him when he picks Annie up from his lap for a second so he can get up from his seat and leave the room.
Thankfully, Jungkook fully distracts me from Taehyung and how much I want to be alone with him.
“What did you say you do?” He asks as he makes himself more comfortable and leans his back on the couch.
I laugh because this is the fourth time he’s asked me that question, counting the first time we met and he asked me that.
“I’ve told you so many times. I work with Jia and Annie.”
He softly chuckles. “I know, sorry. It’s just fun to mess with people.”
Jia hears our conversation and kicks him in the shin. “Stop annoying my friends, JK.”
He just chuckles and turns to me. His eyes fall on the empty glass in my hands.
“Do you want a refill?” He points down to my glass.
“Sure. Why not.”
He takes my glass and heads to the kitchen, taking his own empty glass as well.
In the corner of my eyes, I notice Jia looking my way. I turn to her and see her wiggling her brows with a suggestive smirk.
She leans in. “Do you find him cute? He’s recently single and trust me, he’s an amazing guy.”
My eyes widen.
“No, no.” I weakly protest. “I mean, he is cute. But we weren’t flirting or anything.”
“Why not? He’s a really good option, and I’ve noticed you’ve caught his attention all night.” Her face falls a little in disappointment.
“I’m sure he’s great. And he is very good looking. But I don’t think about dating right now.” I come up with the lie very easily. I’ve said that line so many times, it feels like an automatic answer.
Shortly after my break up with my ex, Jia started trying to set me up with people. She knows a lot of people, so the options were endless. But at that time, me and Taehyung were already getting close behind everyone’s back. So I nicely rejected all of her attempts.
She still hasn’t given up on it.
But she lets this time go when she sees Jungkook approaching.
He offers me my glass and I take it with a smile. He takes his seat next to me and we fall into conversation again.
Like I said, we’re not flirting. Not really. At least not on my side. But he’s an easy person to talk to, so I stay in his company for a while.
But this time, even he can’t distract me from Taehyung’s noticeable presence when I feel him entering the living room again. That’s the kind of effect this man has on me. I’m affected by his presence from a mile away.
While Annie is laughing and deep in conversation with her friends, Taehyung uses his chance and sits somewhere else.
On a cushion on the ground, right in front of me.
It takes all my willpower not to turn my head from Jungkook while he’s talking to me and look at Taehyung. I really want to, though. He looks extra handsome and attractive in his dark brown colored trousers and white button down shirt, with his sleeves up to his forearms.
I think he engages in a conversation with some of the guys himself. I’m not sure. But I do see how his head snaps to our direction when Jungkook suddenly asks.
“Are you free Friday night?”
It’s like the room went quiet, but it didn’t. Jungkook’s question wasn’t loud, only meant for my ears. But I’m almost positive Taehyung heard him too.
I’m kind of taken aback. I don’t want to be rude and reject him too harshly. He does seem like a really nice guy. So I settle for a short polite answer.
“Uh… I’m not sure. I need to check my plans. I’ll let you know.” I smile at him.
He doesn’t seem let down or disappointed. He just nods with a smile. “Of course. Let me know later.”
He doesn’t let me feel awkward after that. Changing the subject like nothing happened, before some of people sitting around the table decide to start a last round of boardgame before we put on a movie.
Jungkook seems interested to join them. He even asks me to join, but I politely pass. I excuse myself and go to Jia’s room, needing some alone time and privacy.
I use her en-suite bathroom for more privacy, since I know the other guys won’t be coming around here.
The same thing can’t be said about Taehyung, because the idiot walks in to the bathroom without knocking and closes the door behind him.
I look at him with horrified eyes.
“What the fuck?” I hiss. “Taehyung, you can’t be in here.”
“I couldn’t wait.”
“Why not? Wait for what?”
Without saying anything, he leans down and kisses me. He holds my face as he deepens the kiss. Melting my heart and my legs simultaneously.
It’s dangerous how little sense of self-control I seem to have when I’m around him. When he kisses me like this.
I lean back and catch my breath.
“Please stop doing that. We’re gonna get caught, Taehyung.” I hold his hands. “You’ve never acted this reckless.”
He sighs and hangs his head down.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He removes his hands from my face and takes a step back.
Suddenly I want to hit myself. I know it’s stupid and wrong to take this kind of risk.
But I don’t want to ever make him walk away from me like that again.
Fuck it.
I take his shirt in my hands and pull him to me as I crash my lips against his.
He doesn’t need a second to think again. His grip moves to the back of my head as he takes control over the kiss easily.
He kisses me hard and I fail to keep up with his pace. I move my hands to hold the back of his neck as I fist his shirts with my other hand.
I don’t want to let go. Fuck knows I don’t. That’s why I let him decide when he wants to end the kiss.
By the times he does, we’re both breathless and panting for air.
His hungry eyes move around my face.
“What was he talking about?” he asks roughly.
I’m still breathless and dazed by the passionate kiss as I speak.
“Who?” I ask in a daze, my eyes focused on his now pink plump lips.
“Jungkook. Did he ask you out?”
With that, my eyes snap up to his. “Huh?”
“Don’t make me ask a third time.” His voice gets rougher as he brings his head down closer to mine.
“Yeah… I guess he kind of did.”
“Are you interested in him?” He asks with bitter venom.
“What?” My eyebrows fall to a scowl. “What do you mean?”
“He’s not bad looking. A lot of girls like him. Are you interested in him?”
“No.” I respond almost loudly, offended he even assumes that, but then remember where we are and lower my voice again. “Taehyung, I’m not interested in him or anyone else.”
“Are you sure, though? He is single. You’d be able to go on dates with him everywhere. He wouldn’t have to keep you a secret.”
With that, I realize why he’s acting like this all of a sudden.
I move closer to him and hold his face in my palm, gently pushing the long strands of hair away from his face.
“What are you really mad about, Taehyung?” I ask gently.
He swallows and turns his head so his lips can touch my palm.
“I can’t. I hate that I can’t hold you instead of…” He exhales painfully. “I hate that I hold and touch her when I want to hold you. Cuddle with you. Kiss you.” He leans down until his lips kiss mine in the softest touch ever.
There’s so much pain in his voice, in his sad eyes.
I wish for all of those too. Doesn’t matter how many times I see them together, it never gets easier for me.
I shut my eyes and hold onto him tighter, letting him know that I understand him. That I feel the same way.
“I hate that he doesn’t know you’re mine.” He holds the back of my head tightly, like I might slip away if he doesn’t hold me close enough, and presses his forehead on mine. “If they knew, none of them would ask you out or offer you ride home. Fuck, I hate this!” He hisses.
I kiss his lips again before he loses control and becomes too loud.
“Shhh.” I plead with hurt eyes. “Please calm down.” I caress his cheeks.
“Please tell me you’re still mine.” He pleads with so much desperation. His eyes searching mine. “I need to believe that after everything that happens, you are still mine.”
“I’m yours, Taehyung.” I breathe out without waiting. “Nothing can ever stop me
from belonging to you.”
He takes a second to search my eyes. He searches for truth. To believe my words are coming from the bottom of my heart.
And in that moment, something sparks in his eyes. A mad, hungry fire.
He crashes his lips on mine again. He doesn’t just kiss me, he devours me. And I’m already too lost to protest. No. I fuel his fire.
He pushes me into the wall. Still kissing the senses out of me as he brings my left leg up to his waist.
His hardening cock grazes my inner thighs and I can’t help but moan quietly. Still, he devours the moan with another deep kiss before he thrusts his hip into mine. My mind goes wild as I moan and groan in his mouth. All I can think about is that I need the barrier of clothes between us gone. Now.
“Please.” I sound so pathetic as I hold the back of his neck tightly.
“You okay with risking it?” He asks.
Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t just mean getting caught. He clearly doesn’t have a condom with him.
Why does he need a condom with me, you might ask, even though he had gotten vasectomy? That’s the unfortunate part.
As their relationship died slowly, they drifted apart more and more. Emotionally and physically. They stopped being intimate long before I was in the picture.
But the night that this happened was when we were already together. One night after a party, when they both drank a lot and Taehyung was drunk off his mind, he
found himself naked on their bed the next morning with a naked Annie in his arms.
He didn’t remember anything from the previous night, but he didn’t need clear pictures to know what exactly happened. The dried semen on his thighs and her
inner thighs were clear evidence.
Annie remembered everything though, but she wasn’t as nearly panicked as he was. She actually enjoyed it.
He never drank alcohol after that, not wanting to risk anything like that happening to him again. But Annie’s enthusiasm about that night’s events made him paranoid.
So, for my own safety, he decided that he will always use condom with me.
But I trusted him. And I wasn’t as paranoid as he was. So I nodded my head.
“Yes. Just be quick please.” I breathe out.
He doesn’t need to be told twice. He gently puts my leg on the ground as he quickly removes his belt. I want to take his shirt off really bad, but we need to be quick and with little damage to our looks as possible.
But I feel my makeup and hair are mostly ruined, anyway.
He unbuttons and unzips his trousers next as I get distracted by the gorgeous view. I watch how hard and fully erected he seems under those boxers. I want to drop on my knees so bad. But we’ll keep that on pause for another time.
He leaves his pants and boxers like that and helps me unzip my jeans. He gently lowers my panties. He slips his fingers between my lips and strokes the soft wet flesh. I swallow my moans as I hold onto his biceps.
He doesn’t waste time. He lifts me off the ground and places me next to the sink, knocking down half of Jia’s skincare around.
I reach for his boxers as he starts kissing and biting my neck. I pull hard at his hair.
“Don’t leave a mark.” I warn with a groan.
He groans and shuts his eyes as he brings his lips to meet mine.
“I don’t want him asking you out again.” His raspy voice makes my lower stomach to pulse.
“Not now.” I whisper as I go to remove his boxers.
I wrap my fist around his cock as I give him a few tight strokes. He hisses, followed with a moan as he brings his face down on my chest. He lowers my black top and bra and starts biting on the flesh of my breast.
“No problem here, right?”
He keeps biting and sucking as he guides his cock to me, pushing in without wasting any more time. We’re already short on that.
I whimper as he slowly pushes in me. He can’t really do that in one move. We’ve skipped all the foreplay.
He groans but he muffles it with my burning skin.
Suddenly, I realize this is the first time we’re fucking raw.
And it’s in my best friend’s bathroom while everyone are in the living room.
Taehyung wipes all thoughts out of my head as he fully pushes in with one last thrust.
My heart is beating like a fucking drum and we’re both panting hard.
“I have to move quick. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
I nod my head and hook my arms around his neck.
I touch his lips with mine just as he starts thrusting. One after the other, he keeps thrusting me to the wall.
He doesn’t starts with fast strong thrusts but his pace builds up very fast. I wrap my legs around his waist so he can go deeper.
I want to scream. But all I can do is whimper quietly. His hips ramming into me like a maniac, his raw cock hitting and grazing all the right spots.
We try everything in our power to keep our moans and groans in. Taehyung seems to be going a good job, biting his lower lip to keep all the sounds in. When I fail in being quiet and a moan escapes me, he brings his hand up from my waist and covers my mouth with his palm as he furiously pounds into me.
He might be able to cover the sounds escaping me, but there’s no way to muffle the sounds our slapping flesh make. God I hope no one comes around this room.
His movements become faster and sharper, forcing me to moan and whimper as the pleasure builds up in my lower belly.
His hungry burning eyes look right through my soul as he pounds his hips again and again.
I lift my butt off the counter, trying to match his thrusts with my own hips, but his pace is too fast for me to keep up with. He hits a perfect angle, and when he sees I shake and shut my eyes while digging my nails into his arms harder, he holds my hips up and hits that angle again and again until I break apart.
I quickly cover my mouth as I orgasm. I’m still going through the shock of the orgasm as Taehyung thrusts faster. He breaths heavy while holding me close to him.
He brings my hips down to meet his last hard thrust as he comes. He throws his head back as he lets out a deep throaty groan.
I’m basically off the counter now, my pelvic pressed against his and my legs wrapped around him. I cling onto him. Our chests touch each other, making us feel the hard pound of the other one’s heart.
He holds me close to him like that for few moments. His hands holds my ass up. He looks me in the eyes.
“I fucking love you.”
My heart pounds in my ribcage for a whole different reason than the amazing orgasm I just had. I look at his beautiful face, his flushed cheeks and gorgeous dark eyes.
“I fucking love you, too.”
He kisses me one more time before putting me down on my feet. We both let out a moan as he slips out of me. We both look down to where his cum starts to spill out of me and onto my panties.
I reach for some toilet paper to wipe the mess, but Taehyung takes the paper from my hand and kneels down in front of me.
He wipes the wet spot on my panties with his finger. His burning dark eyes follow the wet line on my inner thighs. He brings his fingers up and rubs me between the lips with the same finger and pushes his finger in. A sudden whimper escapes me as my nails dig into his shoulders.
“What are you doing?” I breath out.
He takes his finger out and stands up. “Let’s keep them in there.” His voice low.
“What?”
He ignores my confusion as he pulls my panties and pants up before adjusting his own clothes.
We take care of our appearance and wash up.
We speak at the same time.
“I’ll go firs—”
“You go first.”
I smile up at him. He gives me a warm smile and he leaves a soft kiss on my temple
before exiting the bathroom.
I let a long and deep breath out. My lower belly is still in chaos, especially as I think of Taehyung’s cum still inside of me. The fact that he acted unlike he ever had and wanted us both to have a reminder of him on —in, actually— my body.
I run my fingers through my hair and try to detangle them.
I can leave now. He must’ve left the room already.
I open the door fully without checking the room before I walk out.
That, was my biggest mistake. I should’ve checked the room first.
I freeze in my spot.
My heart starts to pound harder than ever. Both Jia’s and Taehyung’s heads whip to my direction.
Jia’s words die and she looks at me. With the lights on, I can see the confusion turning into something else.
I feel like I might throw up. But I compose myself and gulp down.
“I think I got my period. I was looking through your bathroom for some pads.” The first lie that comes to my mind flies out of my mouth so easily, I can’t help but feel guilty.
When did it become so easy to lie to my closest friend?
“I’m done with my phone call. I’ll go check on Annie.” He casually says to Jia, his lie sounding way more natural coming from him than mine came from me.
Jia nods at him and moves her eyes to me almost immediately.
Taehyung walks towards the door. But just before he leaves, he turns his head to look at me. But I’m not looking at him. Taking my eyes off Jia doesn’t seem like a smart choice right now.
I just pray in my head that he leaves the room right now, before Jia notices how
long he’s taking to leave.
Thankfully, when he sees me ignoring him, he steps out and walks out of the hallway.
I act casual as I start to walk towards the door too, but I don’t think I seem as calm and cool as I want to seem.
I get so close to the door, but before I can leave, Jia grabs my arm and closes the bedroom door in front of me.
“Were you really looking for pads in there?”
“What do you mean?” I play confused, with my heartbeat in my mouth.
“I mean, were you actually looking for pads in there? Tell me the truth.” Her eyes darken.
“Yes, Jia. I really was looking for pads there.” I sound calm and confident, but I feel anything but that.
She look into my eyes, then speaks again.
“Why was Taehyung here?”
“What?”
“You know what I mean, so stop acting stupid.” She says with more seriousness than I’ve ever heard her use.
“Jia, I don’t—”
“I said stop acting stupid!” She forces out, cutting me off. “I’m giving you a chance to tell me the truth yourself. Don’t ruin our friendship more than you’ve already had.”
My heart beats faster. I can see it in her fuming eyes. No amount of lies will fool her now.
“Jia, it’s nothing like what you think—”
“Then what is it like? Huh?” She gets louder than before, but still not loud enough to bring everyone else into this. “I know two people after fucking from a mile away. So don’t try to insult me by denying it. You’re both flushed and you fucking smell like him!”
I take a step back when she takes one forward, with fury burning in her eyes.
“Well? Talk!” She lowers her voice when she realizes she got loud. “Were you or were you not fucking my best friend’s long-term boyfriend in that bathroom?”
I open my mouth to answer, but my voice dies down. How am I supposed to respond? Everything I say will kill our friendship. That is, if it has already not died.
All I can do is escape her livid eyes.
This is exactly what I’ve always been afraid of.
“How could you do this? I can’t believe that you’re a fucking home-wrecker! With Annie’s fucking boyfriends of all people?”
I keep my eyes down and try to breathe through my nose, feeling a minor panic attack approaching.
“Look me in the eye, damn it!”
I breathe again before bringing my eyes up to meet hers. Immense hurt and disappointment is slowly replacing the fume in them.
“Jia, please listen. This whole thing is not like what you think.” I take another breathe before speaking again. “Their relationship… and ours… it’s not what you all thin—”
“So what? You think you can justify this? Just because they have some small problems in their relationship?” She takes another angry step forward. “Don’t you realize what the fuck you were doing? You were just fucking someone else’s boyfriend under my roof! When his girlfriend and their friends are still sitting in the next room.”
A tear slips down on my cheek.
I start to explain. I don’t know if Taehyung would be okay with me telling Jia things that he never told anyone else, but that’s a problem for another time.
But just as I start to speak, Jia holds out her palm to stop me. Her eyes cold as ice.
“I don’t want to know how long you’ve been fucking him behind my friend’s back, or why. You will end this. You hear me?” She swallows the lump in her throat and brings her face closer to mine. “You will end whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you before Annie finds out about this. Either you do that yourself, or I’ll be the one to tell everyone.”
With that, she twists the doorknob she was holding and walks out of the room, leaving me without giving me a second glance, let alone a second chance to try to explain everything to her.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 ᰔ
I guess I'm incapable of writing anything with an ounce of fluff. I swear, I'll try next time.
Hope you enjoyed and if you did, please let me know your thoughts and opinions. And don't forget to reblog. 💋
your housemate-turned-fwb takes another girl home after a night out
warnings: angsty, smutty turmoil. it's not that bad, but it definitely isn't a happy lil number. fingering, oral sex (f receiving), rimming (f receiving), vaginal sex, doggy, protected (!!) sex, lil spanks, jaykay sorta makes out with her ear???, jaykay is a fawk boy who needs to learn self-control, oc is holding out for something that'll never happen, multiple partners in one night (jk), jk calls the reader diz (dizzy)
wordcount: 5.8K
note from holly: virgo boy trauma for you in the form of a jk one shot lmao. it's rare you get virgo boy shit laid this bare but he he i love oversharing on the internet! there's an old paragraph from yet another virgo boy fic hidden in here, too so if you think it looks familiar, that'll be why!!
minors dni // cross posted to wattpad
The knock on your en-suite bathroom door comes as a surprise.
The subsequent twist of the lock mechanism from a coin wedged in the bolt on the other side does not.
There’s only one person it would be.
And so you don’t yell. Don’t tell him to go away, even if you do hug your legs into your chest a little tighter.
Sitting on the floor of your shower, dignity is preserved - but with skin as red as the flags that Jungkook freely hands you, and mascara staining your cheeks from the onslaught of piping hot water showering down on you, how dignified can you really be?
No words are spoken as the steam billows from the room, Jungkook not caring to shut the door behind himself. He takes a perch on the closed lid of the toilet, elbows to his knees, tattooed hands clasped beneath his chin. Refuses to look anywhere other than you.
There’s perplexion to his taut jaw - a frown embedded in his brows - but more than anything, there’s an overwhelming sense of confusion in his soft eyes. You’re unaware of the way he’s mirroring your expression back at you; how defeated you look, wet hair sticking to the side of your face, an emptiness in your gaze that is pale in comparison to the void in your chest.
With nothing but the pitter-patter of your shower to fill the space, you’re thankful that he can’t hear the way your heart is beating, or how you’re sniffing back the tears you were freely crying before he arrived.
“Jem messaged me,” he eventually says, quiet beneath the sound of the water. Leaning back, he wipes a palm over his face, then pushes it back into his dishevelled hair. Lets his hand fall between his legs, then shrugs as he looks at you as if to say, 'Don’t look at me like that' or 'It’s not my fault.'
And realistically, you know that it isn’t. Whatever he’s done is within the parameters of what was agreed upon. The way you feel - like Jungkook has stolen the moon and stopped the tides from turning - is not.
It’s not like either of you had ever expected to let things get this far, and definitely not for this long.
What had started as quiet kisses in the corners of clubs when your friends weren’t looking, had catapulted into drunken hook-ups after those aforementioned nights out.
He’d call you Dizzy, ‘cause he was convinced you looked at him like you’d been spinning in circles, all awe-struck and smiley. Pretty. Like a giggle was on the tip of your tongue at all times.
Was easy, back then. Convenient. He was newly single. Not looking for anything.
You’d been quietly harbouring an illicit crush on him from the day you moved into your shared university accommodation. Had been waiting for the stars to align - and once they had, you were certain that soulmates had to exist.
It’s the only way you can explain the small earthquake that happened half the world away at the very time you first met, the tectonic plates shifting to make sure you were perfectly presented to one another.
You didn’t feel the tremors - would have been impossible - but your heart certainly felt something. Adrenaline? Limerence? You’re not sure.
Whatever it was only became more and more prevalent with every tipsy hold of his hand on the way to clubs, or moments stolen in secrecy in the house you now share with six of your friends.
Now in your final year of university, if you spent as much time studying, as you do fretting over Jungkook - what he’s up to, who he’s with - maybe you’d get a first-class degree.
You’re on track for a 2:1.
He’s on track for a first, though.
You choose to believe it’s because he’s naturally more academically inclined (as if you didn’t write an entire paper for him last semester), and not because he spends significantly less time thinking about you.
There’s no need for endless thoughts, though.
The arrangement is simple: You’re friends.
Best friends. Spend all your time together. Are plus ones to events. Fill the void that a partner should fill; at the winter balls, cinema screenings you don't want to see alone, and in the hushed privacy of midnight intimacy. He gets you off when you need it, and you him.
Kisses are never shared between lips - apart from that one summer when he accidentally said he was in love with you, then took it back a week later under the guise of not wanting to ‘ruin’ the friendship.
You don’t speak about that summer.
Hook-ups are in your room, always, ‘cause you’ve only got Jem in the room next door. Jungkook’s room is up on the middle floor, surrounded by all the boys. They’d realise what’s going on far too quickly.
It’s simple - yet excruciatingly complicated when there’s a lack of commitment, and Jungkook looks at you in the way that he does.
His lips are a little deeper than their usual pink this evening, but you put it down to alcohol.
Denial is a wonderful thing, and delusion even greater.
Still, he leans forward to push the shower door open. Leans further still, then knocks the tap off. Lets the water trickle down the drain, the hum of the pipes murmuring like your unspoken grievances.
Rivulets of water chase down your skin. Jungkook watches one race from your knee to your ankle, running straight over the bruises from messy nights out and the small cut at the bottom of your calf from the fountain you’d both traipsed through when you were a little too merry a few nights prior.
He’d given you a piggyback the entire way home, blood staining the white of his shirt; the very essence of you embedded now in the fabric of him.
He’d patched you up after you got home. Showered with you, right here, then carried you the measly five or six steps to your bed. Had told you that you’d definitely get sepsis and die. Kissed it better, then decided he didn’t know any better, and trailed his lips up your leg. Took pity on your impending death and gave you a little, lovely death just to soften the blow.
Funny, how you think sepsis would be preferable over whatever the fuck it is that you’re feeling now.
“Jem messaged me,” he repeats. Presses his lips together, the ring in the corner of his mouth glistening under the white lights of the bathroom. “Said I should check on you. Been in the shower for an hour, apparently.”
Well, you think to yourself, bitterness wrapping around your words like poison ivy. You’ve checked. You can go now.
The words don’t manifest in your throat. Nothing does. Not even the echo of a sob you’ve been holding in since he first stepped foot within your sanctuary.
Instead you’re silent as you get to your feet, not caring for your nakedness. It’s nothing Jungkook hasn’t seen before. Probably knows your body better than his own at this point. Can look at the faded bruise on your chest and know that it was left there by his lips last week. Can pick out which ones of your dainty linework tattoos were there before he met you, and which ones have been acquired since.
It’s a quiet intimacy, the way Jungkook looks at you. There’s no towel in the bathroom - an oversight by your tipsy brain when deciding you needed to wash yourself clean of the man in front of you after arriving home from the club - and Jungkook doesn’t care to offer you one.
Insanity is the product of looking at your body, he thinks. Can’t remember a time he’s ever seen you like this and hasn’t wanted to be inside you. He’s a simple man in pursuit of simple pleasures, and the way you fit him like a glove is the simplest pleasure of them all.
“Hm?” He questions your lack of a response.
His deep black eyes are just like the depths of the ocean floor, and it feels like he’s dragging you right down every single time he looks at you like this. Softly. Tenderly. Sweetly. As if he actually gives a shit.
There’s no room for two in this bathroom. It’s not a space designed to be shared, no matter how many times you’ve both squeezed into the shower under far different circumstances - though now you come to think of it, perhaps they weren’t so dissimilar.
It was always Jungkook’s pursuit of pleasure that put you in that position, just like it put you there tonight.
“Hey,” he says quietly, as you turn to leave, his grip on your waist pulling you between his legs. You don’t look at him. Just keep your head turned to face out of the room - but you make no attempt to leave. Especially when his nose brushes up against the bottom of your ribs right between your breasts, and he husks, “Why are you being like this?”
The softness of his lips as he presses them against your sternum, long lashes splayed across the top of his cheeks, has you spiralling. Kind of feels like he’s twisting a corkscrew through your heart. You know he’ll rip it right out - but maybe you’ll let him, if it means he’ll kiss the wound better.
“Hmm?” He hums. One of your hands rests on his shoulder, the other in his hair, and that’s how Jungkook knows he’s rectified the damage done for a short while. It’s like putting washi tape over holes punched in the walls - useless, and bound to fall off eventually, but ever so pretty in the meantime. Another washi-tape kiss is pressed to your skin, a little higher this time. “We had a good night, didn’t we?”
The tenderness of his voice rewrites the events of the evening. A good night.
Not one with tears, and jealousy, and arguments that people who claim to be just friends have no business having. A night shared together, perhaps, with no one else to intrude.
Didn’t we?
You so prefer this false chain of events - the one where he left the bar with you, and held your hand in the cab ride back just like he’d done in the cab ride there.
“Is she still here?”
He’s surprised that you’re mentioning it. Half-expected you to act like it never happened. Like she never happened. Is what you usually do, whenever he goes home with someone that isn’t you.
Still, he just continues to gently stroke your sides. Doesn’t present you with any sort of weakness.
“No.”
“Did you fuck her?”
There’s a little venom to your tone; the poison ivy around your thoughts sprouting now from your throat.
Her. Some inconsequential girl that neither of you will likely ever see again. Looked nothing like you, but a hell of a lot like his ex.
“No, Diz,” he softens the sternness of his tone with a name only he calls you. “I didn’t fuck her.”
You’ve no idea if this is a lie or not.
It’ll be accepted as truth for an hour. Maybe two. Just enough time for you to convince yourself that you’re the one he wants. That he couldn’t bear to fuck anyone else. That he sent her on her way after a kiss or awkward fumble, because he realised no one else could feel as good as you.
You’ll ignore the fact you know he’s here because Jem messaged him.
You’ll ignore the fact he thinks you’ve been in the shower for over an hour, and has no actual knowledge of the events of it all.
You’ll ignore the scratch mark on his back, and in the morning you’ll believe it was you who left there even though your nails are bitten right down.
The lies you’ll tell yourself will be far more grand than the ones Jungkook ever tells you. Nobody can ever hurt you quite like you hurt yourself.
And so, against your better judgement, you let him follow you to your bed.
There's a clang as he tosses his rings down into the ceramic dish beside your bed. It's white, and speckled in tiny black dots, and matches the one Jungkook has in his own bedroom. Not really a surprise. He was the one who bought it for you. Before then, he used to just tuck his rings beneath your pillows - but he kept losing them, and he found it annoying having to rummage around for them whenever he was trying to make a silent exit so as to not wake you.
You tell yourself that small things like this are Jungkook's way of integrating himself into your life; creating permanence. In reality, it's just something that makes it easier for him to leave.
Leaving is the last thing on your mind right now, though, and it will be until he comes.
It used to be different. He used to stay. You convince yourself each and every time that he’ll do what he used to do before things got so confusing. That he’ll stay, and that things will be okay.
You let him kiss your skin, but he’ll never kiss your lips. Let him lay claim to your body, even though you know he’ll never lay claim to your soul.
It’s nice to pretend.
Nice, when he lays you down and rids himself of his shirt. Nice, when he presses your legs apart, and looks at you like you’re the first woman he’s ever laid eyes upon. Nice, when he says shit like, “Such a nice cunt,” and “Let me make you feel good.”
So nice, when he strokes up and down your inner thigh, eyes trained on your pussy.
So, so nice when he slowly drips a little spit between his pursed lips and watches as it trails down your folds.
So fucking nice, when he spreads you with his index and middle finger, groaning at the sight of you.
See, Jungkook can be nice. Can be honest. Can tell you how much he wants you, and you can believe him without having to do mental gymnastics over it all.
As he sinks his middle finger into you - “Shit. So wet for me, aren’t you?” - Jungkook is on his best behaviour. He’ll make you feel so good that you’ll forget he ever made you feel bad, cause he needs this. Needs you.
Not in the life-debilitating, earth-shattering, universe-bending way that you need him, but in a way that isn’t too dissimilar.
You’re his best friend. He loves you in his own, curious way. Would lay his life on the line for you. Just can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants for no other reason than selfish gluttony.
It’s his fatal flaw, but he just thinks everyone has them. That most people are like this.
Of the seven deadly sins, Jungkook wields them all. Too proud to admit his wrongdoings. Greedy in his need to have everything life can offer, and how he refuses to limit himself to just you. His lust and gluttony go hand in hand - yet whenever any one else with similar predispositions look in your direction, he turns green with envy. Green, until he’s red, wrath taking hold.
But he’s lazy, too. Far too settled in how easy it is to have his way with you. Why would he try harder when you never make him?
That’s your cardinal sin: desperation.
It reeks. Spiced vanilla and black cherry. Tarnishes your skin, until Jungkook licks it from you.
And so as his lips press down your legs, wet and wanting, you don’t object. In fact, you don’t really do anything. You just allow it to happen.
Because you are desperate - for him, his approval, his desire. His heart.
You’ll never get it, mind you, for his heart is hollow.
Saw every example of what he considered to be true love crackle and crumble until it fell apart. Parents divorced. High-school sweetheart cheated. Love, as you know it, doesn’t exist in Jungkook’s understanding of life.
You never stood a chance. Not really.
The only times his heart is full is when he steals enough adoration from yours, and cosplays it as his own. Shines it back at you, and tricks you into thinking that maybe he did mean it when he mumbled false declarations into your lips.
But that was three summers ago, now, and Jungkook is a creature of habit. Too stuck in his ways to ever change. Comfortable in this chaos with you.
‘Cause while the other girls are fleeting, and fun, and always very nice, they’re never comfortable. Not like you are.
“I liked your dress tonight,” he whispers, as he pushes a second finger into you. Pumps them gently, palm skywards, coaxing soft little moans from your lips. Curls them just right, just like he always does.
The affection of such a compliment rids you of the haunting way he’d looked at you earlier that evening.
Up, down. No smile. Turned away to change the song coming through the aux at pre-drinks. Didn’t look at you again until he was passing out shots for everyone to take. Just nodded towards your necklace - the one his hobbyist silversmith mother made you for Christmas - and asked, “You like it?”
The pendant is small. Embossed with the letters DJ - the name his mother collectively calls you whenever you spend the summer together at his place. The hammered edge of the pendant matches the ring that wraps around your thumb. Another one of her creations, gifted to you by him for your birthday.
“Of course I do,” you’d said. Seemed silly for him to ask. You wear it most days.
“Good,” he’d nodded, then took his shot and pretended as if he wasn't all too aware that your dress would be attracting good-for-nothing men all night.
See, Jungkook knows you like the necklace. Had just been reminding you of it, and the fact it’s his initial on there with the initial only he calls you. Well, him and his mother. Goes with the territory.
She’s seen you through your formative years. Only ever sees the good parts, because Jungkook orchestrates it that way.
She doesn’t see the moments like these, when he’s crushed your self esteem and tries to fix it in the most idiotic of ways.
The necklace pools around the base of your throat as your head tips back into the pillows, his thumb coming to toy with your clit, gently pressing down.
“Shush, Diz,” he smiles, so pleased to see your body responding in the way that it always does. “You’ll get us in trouble.”
God forbid the people you live with - who’ve all heard the arguments after his illicit encounters with randomers, and seen his face of thunder whenever you’re getting ready for first dates - ever figure out you’re fucking. Not like it’s obvious in the slightest. Not why Jem texted Jungkook, instead of checking on you herself.
Biting onto your wrist, you try and stifle the impact of his touch - ‘cause if they do hear, it will be your fault. You’ll be the reason everyone knows your dirty little secrets. You’ll be the one who ruins it all. Not him. Just you.
He doesn’t mean to condition you in such a way. Doesn’t even really realise he’s doing it.
Nor do you - but your self esteem is shot to shit. You’re good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love, even if Jungkook insists that there’s no one he adores more. It always comes with an add-on of ‘you’re my best friend’, or ‘you wouldn’t wanna date me anyways’.
Maybe he’s right.
But maybe it would have been nice to try.
Shame.
The pace of Jungkook’s fingers pumping into you begins to slow. Leaking around the base of his knuckles, you’re just as wet as you always are with him. Even when the emotional labour of letting him have his way with you feels like a ten tonne weight on your chest, crushing down on your ribs and spoiling you forevermore, your body still wants him. Only him. Always him.
Withdrawing his fingers, Jungkook taps the outer side of your thigh. “On your front for me, Diz. Face down, ass up.”
With anyone else, Jungkook is far more often on the receiving end. It’s a shame, ‘cause his talents go to waste, it’s just what he’s found to be typical of random hook-ups.
He loves pussy. Loves eating it. Loves that you love it, too.
Slow as he spreads your ass with his hands, Jungkook really doesn’t fuck around with wasting time. He dives in without hesitation, burying his tongue between your folds. Cares not for accuracy, nor carefulness. Just wants his tongue all over you.
Your body lurches forward, hands clutching onto the duvet beneath you. He’s always been like this. Hungry. Just as desperate as you so often feel, but better at hiding it than you are.
His tongue laps against you. Sinks into your soaked hole as deep as he can get it. Uses one of his hands to reach around and toy with your clit while he continues to explore somewhere he knows like the back of his hand.
Pulling back a little, Jungkook’s breathing is heavy. You can hear it. Groan, as he grips your ass again. Spanks it softly, then get back to his previous position. Licks a stripe from your clit up to your leaking cunt, then continues. Flicks up against the tight muscle you rarely let him fuck around with.
But you want him to want you. Want him to have you in whichever capacity he so desires.
You reach back. Tangle a hand in his hair, and encourage him to massage your tight hole with his tongue, like you know he loves to do.
It’s kinda cute, in a way. He likes doing it, ‘cause he loves the way it feels whenever your tongue toys with his ass. Assumes other people must love it too. Just wants you to feel good. Wants to right his earlier wrongs.
He continues to trace up and down both your holes, stimulating your entire body in the process. Rubs your clit with his fingers, till you're writhing against the sheets, body pressed flat to the cotton as Jungkook begins to fuck his fingers into your again.
“You gonna cum for me?” He husks, a smile on his wet lips as he watches the tell-tale sign of an orgasm rush over you. Soon, you’ll be looking at him with dizzy eyes once more, and your namesake will make Jungkook feel things he pretends he can’t feel. “That’s it, Diz. All over my fingers. Good girl. Good fuckin’ girl.”
There’s a relief that comes with your orgasm for Jungkook. Hope that you’ll stop being mardy with him. He doesn’t like it when you don’t like him. These days, he keeps making choices that make it hard for you to like him.
But you always like him - like him so much - in the comedown of a climax.
He doesn’t give you much time to recover. Wants to coax a second orgasm from you while he still can. Pulls you back into position - face down, ass up - and pushes down his sweats. Cock hard, there’s a small damp patch in his boxers from the precum he’s leaked for you. Lines himself up.
“Let me fuck you,” he begs before he pushes into you.
“Uh-uh,” you full forward a little, preventing him from doing what he so desperately wants to do. Turning to look over your shoulder, you shake your head. “Condom.”
He furrows his brows. Has the audacity to look fucking offended, as if he didn’t bring another girl back to the house you share.
You’re stupid, and you’re desperate, and you make all the wrong choices, but you aren’t naive. Not really. Your delusions and denial are always elevated away from reality, of which you like to think you have a firm grip on.
And so you simply say, “Don’t believe you didn’t fuck her.”
He doesn’t deny it. Shakes his head, not that you can see it. Just reaches to the shelf above your bed, and gets one from the pot you keep them tucked away in. Rarely ever use them. It’s a novelty, more than not, when you use them. Something to make him last a little longer.
It’s different today.
Today, it’s because you don’t know if his cock is fucking clean or not.
It should crush you, but it doesn’t.
Just a fact of life. Jungkook fucked someone else less than three hours ago. Came, probably. For someone else. Over someone else. Inside someone else.
But that desperation of yours is back once more. You want to be the reason why Jungkook loses his mind in temporary bliss. To be better. To be his last memory of the evening.
And so as Jungkook rolls the condom down his thick shaft, you position yourself perfectly for him. Whimper as the tip of his cock kisses your entrance. Whine, as he pushes inside you.
“That’s it,” he husks, gripping your ass cheeks to spread them nice and wide. Looking down to where your bodies meet, Jungkook is reminded of why he enjoys you so much. No one takes him so well. No one. He knows this. Doesn’t know why the fuck he ever feels the need to seek out anyone else. They’re never as good as this. “Fuck. That’s it, baby.”
Your hips roll back, ass bouncing in that hypnotic way he always swears will ruin him. His grip loosens to let you do the hard work, one of his hands stroking up your spine until it’s resting around the base of your throat.
Taking back a little control, he keeps your head pushed into the pillows. Grunts. “Take this cock so fuckin’ well, don’t you?”
The mumble you moan into the sheets isn’t enough for him. He always does this. Asserts control and then realises he actually kinda fuckin’ hates it. Fingers still wrapped around the base of your neck, Jungkook pulls you up.
Chest pressed to your back, Jungkook wastes no time locking you in place with an arm around the front of your waist. His cock continues to pump upwards into you, the movements a little subdued but by no means lacking.
The ridge of his thick head rubs up against your sweet spot. Gets you so fucking needy. Has your hand dipping to your clit to match the pressure.
And when you do? Oh, it’s heaven. You can’t help but whine - so Jungkook uses the hand that isn't on your waist to cover your mouth.
“You only get to cum if you’re quiet,” he tells you. “Be quiet for me, baby.”
But his hips are erratic. The sounds are lewd; skin on skin. It’s wet. Disgusting. Needy. Him, just as much as you. Sweat blossoms on his skin, keeping you both in this clammy haze of hedonism.
Catching his lips on your ear, Jungkook doesn’t care if he isn’t supposed to let kisses linger so close to your lips. Tongue wet, he intrudes. Licks the shell of your ear. Grazes his teeth on your lobe. Whispers, “You looked so pretty tonight,” then drags his tongue across your ear.
Cares not for precision nor accuracy, just the fact that this is an area of the body he doesn’t often explore, and that maybe he should do it more often, given how tightly your pussy is clamping around him.
There’s something about it - the obstruction of one of your senses likely to blame, sound distorted whenever his tongue licks against it - that makes you whine.
You can’t even really do that now. Are too muffled beneath his hand - until he pushes the two fingers that had been inside your pussy earlier into your mouth.
The taste is just the same as it always is whenever he does shit like this. Loves having you taste yourself. Experiencing what he experiences. Wants you to know exactly why he’s incapable of letting you go.
“Slutty little mouth,” he smirks against your ear. “Gonna finish in it.”
“Mhhm?” you mumble against the fingers you’re keeping wet and warm for him.
“Mhmm,” he replies. Presses a kiss to your temple, ‘cause he isn’t really thinking straight. Groans when your cunt clenches from the touch. “God, you want it, don’t you? Want it so bad. Wanna swallow my cum.”
Of course you do. You’ll take what he’ll give you.
Your mumble around his fingers isn’t enough. He wants to hear you say it. Frees your mouth of himself. Grips your chin between his forefinger and thumb. Turns you to face further over your shoulder.
He’s just gonna make you say it. Just make you say something lewd to get him a little closer. Just… Just gonna… Just...- Oh, fuck it. Your lips are just there, and they’re wet, and they’re pouty and - God, forgive me - perfect for him.
His eyes flitter between your eyes and your lips. Is aware you’re doing the same.
“Kook,” you whisper, as if you’re about to reprimand him.
“Please,” he begs. Thinks he needs this just as much as you do. Maybe even more so.
And so somewhere between the overwhelming acknowledgement that this is a catastrophic chain of events, and the promise of a happy ending (of which you know damn well will never reach fruition), you let him sink his lips into yours.
You’re pretty in war, and even prettier in defeat.
Jungkook thinks you’re prettiest when you’re all his.
You think that to be his is to accept an eternal loss.
The breath of his nose is heavy against your cheek as his lips press into yours, brows furrowed. The need for you to be lewd is abandoned, ‘cause Jungkook doesn’t even think he’ll last long enough for it. Thinks that nothing gets him closer than the flavour of your lips.
Hips still jerking up, the sound of his skin hitting your ass echoing around the room, Jungkook fucks himself into you until he can do it no longer. Pulls away. Rips off his condom. Tosses it to the floor. Gets you face down again. Wanks himself to the point of coming undone, hot spurts of cum dripping onto your ass and spilling down to the valley of your spine.
He’s the one moaning now, your body defiled by a boy who you wish would paint you in pretty compliments instead. Still, this is a compliment. Kind of. You’re hot enough to make him cum. That’s nice, you suppose.
“Shit,” he chokes out, breathing all out of sync, heartbeat far too rapid. A light spank is tapped against your ass, then softly stroked. He soothes. Aloe on sunburn. Milk with hot sauce. Pretty kisses in the comedown of a rough fuck.
You won’t get those. Wasn’t a particularly rough fuck, either - and yet it hurts so much when he gets up to leave.
It’s awkward. He doesn’t really say bye. Doesn’t acknowledge the fact he stoked a fire inside you that burned you from the inside out. Ignores the ashes that are scattered around your vessel, as if your soul has been ejected from its home.
He’s warm, when you look at him. That little part of your heart has been stolen once more. He’s just feeding it back to you.
“Sorry,” he says, a hand on your doorknob. “I shouldn’t- I mean, we shouldn’t-”
“It’s fine,” you offer.
That’s the thing about Jungkook. He’ll give you the world, then realise it was never his to give. Always has to ask for it back. You’ve lost count of how many times he’s fucked you, then acted as if was foolish - only to repeat the same mistakes the next evening.
It’s what he’s always done, and is what he’ll always do.
You’ll never learn.
The shirt you chuck on to head downstairs the next morning is his.
Far too big for you, it finishes around your thighs. Television blaring in the room beneath you, it’s obvious your housemates are awake, and even as you’re trudging down the stairs, you’re not quite sure you’re alive.
The headache of an overbearing hangover is threatening your life. You’re certain of it. The fact your housemates have the television set to what must be the maximum volume? Only further sending you to an early grave.
And yet when you see Jungkook sitting by the breakfast bar, hair in all different directions, a bowl of cereal in front of him, and smiling in the direction of whomever else is in the room, you find yourself smiling, too.
“Morning,” you say pleasantly as you walk into the kitchen, ready to flop your forehead down on Jungkook’s shoulder like you so often do.
Ready, until you notice the look in his eyes when he turns to face you.
Ready, until you glance in the direction of his previous smile.
Ready, until you see the girl who looks a lot like his ex-girlfriend and absolutely nothing like you leaning on the other side of the counter. Mug from your trip to Amsterdam together in her hands, and the shirt you got him for his birthday covering her body, she smiles.
You’re drowning.
“Oh,” you say, not looking at him. Only her. “I didn’t realise we had company.”
“Is she still here?”
“No.”
She’s awkward as she nods. “Sorry, hey. I crashed here last night - hope you don’t mind? It’s just you know what it’s like getting an uber at that time-”
“Yeah, yeah,” you nod. Smile. Jungkook thinks you look pretty - but of course he does. You look defeated. “Totally.”
“Did you fuck her?
“No, Diz. I didn't fuck her.”
“Jungkook said you were feeling unwell last night?” She tries to make conversation. She needn’t. You feel far more unwell now than you ever did last night - and that’s before you notice the pretty purple bruise forming on her neck. “How are you feeling now?”
Her care is kind. Considerate. Wholly wasted on you because you’re gonna lie, and say that you’re fine, even though it feels as if your lungs have been filled with venom spat by a lover who is incapable of loving.
Still, you don’t look at Jungkook. Just make your excuses. Leave.
And even though he knows that he should, Jungkook doesn’t chase after you.
He lets you go, because he knows you’ll always come back. You always do.
But if you don't?
Well, he’ll go back to you, and you’ll let him. Again, you always do.
From the kitchen, Jungkook can hear your showering starting up. Appetite lost, he isn’t listening to the girl in front of him. Isn’t even really sure of her name.
All that he’s sure of is that the fall out of this is not gonna be pretty.
𐙚 Tropes : cheating , angst , smut , secret and forbidden relationship
𐙚 Word count : 5.5k+
𐙚 Summary : I spent our entire relationship thinking I was the moth, being pulled into him even when I knew I shouldn't have. But now I'm realizing all this time, he was the moth and I was the forbidden flame that burnt him everyday, and still kept his life bright.
[part one] , [part two] , [part three]
Trigger warnings for this part : mentions of self harm, mentions of taking sexual advantage (kind of), explicit sexual scenes, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, ...
a/n : I know I said I'll get back to writing this after my uni exams are over, but I couldn't hold myself back anymore hehe. And now I can confirm that there will be a third part for this story. Also, the editing was a little rushed so pls ignore the errors. Enjoy and don’t forget rebloging and commenting your thoughts. 💌
When you’re friends with Jia, you have to be prepared for gathering plans and movie or game nights at all times. She’s a spontaneous person and loves to have her friends around. She’s also a very persistent person. When she called me on the phone, I couldn’t resist for long. She has a superpower. She won’t back down until she hears what she wants from you.
And so here I stand. In front of her apartment door with a bowl of snacks and a bottle of wine. Her friends usually prefer bear, but just like me, Jia fancies wine over bear. She always watches her weight and doesn’t like to get caught up on drinking bear and gain weight. I personally just don’t like the taste.
Someone finally opens the door, but it’s not Jia herself. It’s one of her friends. Some of her friends have already arrived and are busy with some games. I smile at the guy and walk inside.
The man joins everyone else in the living room, going back to the game as I place everything I brought on the little table next to the door and hang my coat.
Jia leaves her spot on the couch and walks to me.
“Hey, pretty.” She helps me with the snack and wine. She inspects the bottle. “God, I love you. Come on. We’re kicking Joe’s ass in the game. We’ll start the next round soon.” We walk toward the kitchen.
“I told you I don’t like games with dice. Dices hate me.” The guy, Joe, who I’ve seen only twice before, yells at Jia from his spot on the floor.
We enter the kitchen together. I stand by the snack table and put the bowl down as Jia brings glasses for the wine.
She pours us two glasses but pauses when her eyes fall on me.
“Stop being nervous. All of these guys are really good people.” I follow her eyes and just then I realize I’ve been fidgeting with my fingers. She hands me the wine. “I know you’ve only seen them a handful of times and some of them, you haven’t even met. But trust me, they’re all nice and friendly people. You’ll feel just like one of them.”
If only she knew it’s not the people I don’t know that I’m nervous about. It’s Taehyung. And being around him in front of Annie and all their other friends.
They’re still not here, but they will be any minute now.
I really wish I was sick so I could miss tonight. And trust me, I tried. But the universe really didn’t want me sick tonight. Therefore, here I am.
I thank Jia for the glass of wine, because I really need it right now, and take a big swig.
We join everyone else in the living room after talking a little, just the two of us.
There won’t be a lot of people here for tonight’s movie and game night. Unlike her usual parties and movie nights, this time there’s only nine of Jia’s closest friends here, and maybe four more people that haven’t arrived yet. Taehyung and Annie included.
They take longer to arrive than everyone else. By then, I’m on my third glass of wine and way more relaxed than before. I’ve made myself comfortable and have talked and laughed with Jia’s friends the whole time.
I really liked one her friends, Ryu. Jungkook was very easy to talk to as well.
It’s my turn to roll the dice, basically already a winner on this round, when the doorbell rings.
Jia opens the door for them herself. Taehyung and Annie walk in together. Annie with her big radiant smile, and Taehyung with few boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine.
As Jia and Annie hug, Taehyung’ eyes fall on me. It’s like he didn’t need more than two seconds to find me in a crowded room.
He looks at me and the smallest smile sits on his lips. But nobody noticed that except for me.
Warmness floods in my belly as I return the soft smile. Feeling glad and warm that he’s here. Now forgetting about all the reasons I felt so nervous and like a mess. Now, I’m just glad.
They join everyone around the big coffee table. Everyone have to sit close and friendly as we start a game that can be played by this many people.
I’m sitting on a cushion on the floor as Jia, along with Annie and Taehyung sit on the couch. Jia makes place for herself on her big couch, and since they are a couple, Annie and Taehyung share the armchair so there’s more space for others.
I bitterly sip my wine as I focus my attention on the guy next to me who is explaining the game for everyone.
The game starts with me, and it goes on from there. Soon, we all get immersed into the game. I even laugh a few times when Jungkook teases me and my playing strategy. But the excitement in me dies every time Annie attracts the attention of the room and I get reminded how she’s hugging and clinging onto Taehyung.
She doesn’t want people to figure out how their relationship is failing, and that’s what all these acts are about.
They’ve been together for so long, and that has made everyone they know to believe they are the dreamy couple. That there’s no possibility in which they could end up with anyone else.
Everyone saw them as each other’s soulmates. When it came to this couple, they couldn’t think of one of them without the other one. To everyone else, they seemed like one person.
And that might’ve been closer to reality for the first few years, but after a while, that only became their image. The reality of their relationship got way farther from that perfect picture.
The pressure and perspective everyone has been forcing on them is the reason Annie became too stubborn and obsessed with keeping the relationship. Too stubborn to let their friends and families believe anything other than what they already believed.
Even before me, they had come close to breaking up so many times. More than Taehyung could count. Their relationship hanging on by a thread. And each time, she found a way to force the relationship back together.
Taehyung even tried to end things with her once and for all, serious and determined about the decision. He felt how unhappy he had become in that relationship. How unhappy she was, too. But she didn’t want that to happen. Her entire life and personality was formed based on her perfect long-term relationship with the most gorgeous man ever and people’s admiration for them.
She was so invested in that lie that she didn’t want people to suddenly start seeing her as the poor girl who got left by her soulmate out of nowhere.
That day was long and messy, as Taehyung described it. They had their longest fight ever, which ended in tears and things breaking. Annie acted so weird that night, unlike anything he had ever seen of her.
She threatened to harm herself if he left her. Even almost acting on her threats before Taehyung managed to stop her from going too far.
She succeeded in keeping the relationship. After that, Taehyung never brought that topic back again. They still had arguments and fights after that, a lot. But he never brought up breaking up again.
No one else knows about this but me. I was the only person Taehyung ever told about the messed up reality of his relationship. It took him a while to trust me enough, but after he did, the horrible truths came pouring after another.
Annie was a good actor, pretending her life couldn’t be more perfect. But how can someone truly feel that happy if they didn’t feel loved by their partner? Taehyung on the other hand, wasn’t a good actor. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wear his emotions on his face.
He felt unhappy and trapped. All because he didn’t want to risk Annie actually harming herself. He may not be in love with her anymore, but she was still a human. Just because he had no affection for her anymore didn’t mean he had it in him to risk her harming herself and taking her life.
So he forced himself to stay in that relationship and play along with the lie.
But the fact that they weren’t in love anymore didn’t justify our affair. I knew that.
It still didn’t change the fact that our affair was wrong and forbidden.
This round of game ends with Jungkook beating us all. We take a break to eat and drink and talk before we start the next game.
Almost everyone gets up from their spots. I don’t need to go anywhere, so I use my chance and sit on the couch, making myself more comfortable.
Annie finally leaves Taehyung’s lap and joins Jia and their friends in the kitchen. Some of the guys are still in the living room, but no one notices when Taehyung gives me a secret affectionate smile.
I’ve seen him smiling at me thousands of times, but it still doesn’t fail to make my heart race. Just like the first time it happened on the balcony of this very house.
I mouth “Hey” at him.
His warm smile widens as he mouths the same thing back. I open my mouth to talk to him, but Annie and some of their guy friends walk into the living room as Jungkook comes this way and sits next to me.
We act normal again. We don’t try to speak after that. It’s too risky to get reckless.
I hold myself back from looking at him when he picks Annie up from his lap for a second so he can get up from his seat and leave the room.
Thankfully, Jungkook fully distracts me from Taehyung and how much I want to be alone with him.
“What did you say you do?” He asks as he makes himself more comfortable and leans his back on the couch.
I laugh because this is the fourth time he’s asked me that question, counting the first time we met and he asked me that.
“I’ve told you so many times. I work with Jia and Annie.”
He softly chuckles. “I know, sorry. It’s just fun to mess with people.”
Jia hears our conversation and kicks him in the shin. “Stop annoying my friends, JK.”
He just chuckles and turns to me. His eyes fall on the empty glass in my hands.
“Do you want a refill?” He points down to my glass.
“Sure. Why not.”
He takes my glass and heads to the kitchen, taking his own empty glass as well.
In the corner of my eyes, I notice Jia looking my way. I turn to her and see her wiggling her brows with a suggestive smirk.
She leans in. “Do you find him cute? He’s recently single and trust me, he’s an amazing guy.”
My eyes widen.
“No, no.” I weakly protest. “I mean, he is cute. But we weren’t flirting or anything.”
“Why not? He’s a really good option, and I’ve noticed you’ve caught his attention all night.” Her face falls a little in disappointment.
“I’m sure he’s great. And he is very good looking. But I don’t think about dating right now.” I come up with the lie very easily. I’ve said that line so many times, it feels like an automatic answer.
Shortly after my break up with my ex, Jia started trying to set me up with people. She knows a lot of people, so the options were endless. But at that time, me and Taehyung were already getting close behind everyone’s back. So I nicely rejected all of her attempts.
She still hasn’t given up on it.
But she lets this time go when she sees Jungkook approaching.
He offers me my glass and I take it with a smile. He takes his seat next to me and we fall into conversation again.
Like I said, we’re not flirting. Not really. At least not on my side. But he’s an easy person to talk to, so I stay in his company for a while.
But this time, even he can’t distract me from Taehyung’s noticeable presence when I feel him entering the living room again. That’s the kind of effect this man has on me. I’m affected by his presence from a mile away.
While Annie is laughing and deep in conversation with her friends, Taehyung uses his chance and sits somewhere else.
On a cushion on the ground, right in front of me.
It takes all my willpower not to turn my head from Jungkook while he’s talking to me and look at Taehyung. I really want to, though. He looks extra handsome and attractive in his dark brown colored trousers and white button down shirt, with his sleeves up to his forearms.
I think he engages in a conversation with some of the guys himself. I’m not sure. But I do see how his head snaps to our direction when Jungkook suddenly asks.
“Are you free Friday night?”
It’s like the room went quiet, but it didn’t. Jungkook’s question wasn’t loud, only meant for my ears. But I’m almost positive Taehyung heard him too.
I’m kind of taken aback. I don’t want to be rude and reject him too harshly. He does seem like a really nice guy. So I settle for a short polite answer.
“Uh… I’m not sure. I need to check my plans. I’ll let you know.” I smile at him.
He doesn’t seem let down or disappointed. He just nods with a smile. “Of course. Let me know later.”
He doesn’t let me feel awkward after that. Changing the subject like nothing happened, before some of people sitting around the table decide to start a last round of boardgame before we put on a movie.
Jungkook seems interested to join them. He even asks me to join, but I politely pass. I excuse myself and go to Jia’s room, needing some alone time and privacy.
I use her en-suite bathroom for more privacy, since I know the other guys won’t be coming around here.
The same thing can’t be said about Taehyung, because the idiot walks in to the bathroom without knocking and closes the door behind him.
I look at him with horrified eyes.
“What the fuck?” I hiss. “Taehyung, you can’t be in here.”
“I couldn’t wait.”
“Why not? Wait for what?”
Without saying anything, he leans down and kisses me. He holds my face as he deepens the kiss. Melting my heart and my legs simultaneously.
It’s dangerous how little sense of self-control I seem to have when I’m around him. When he kisses me like this.
I lean back and catch my breath.
“Please stop doing that. We’re gonna get caught, Taehyung.” I hold his hands. “You’ve never acted this reckless.”
He sighs and hangs his head down.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He removes his hands from my face and takes a step back.
Suddenly I want to hit myself. I know it’s stupid and wrong to take this kind of risk.
But I don’t want to ever make him walk away from me like that again.
Fuck it.
I take his shirt in my hands and pull him to me as I crash my lips against his.
He doesn’t need a second to think again. His grip moves to the back of my head as he takes control over the kiss easily.
He kisses me hard and I fail to keep up with his pace. I move my hands to hold the back of his neck as I fist his shirts with my other hand.
I don’t want to let go. Fuck knows I don’t. That’s why I let him decide when he wants to end the kiss.
By the times he does, we’re both breathless and panting for air.
His hungry eyes move around my face.
“What was he talking about?” he asks roughly.
I’m still breathless and dazed by the passionate kiss as I speak.
“Who?” I ask in a daze, my eyes focused on his now pink plump lips.
“Jungkook. Did he ask you out?”
With that, my eyes snap up to his. “Huh?”
“Don’t make me ask a third time.” His voice gets rougher as he brings his head down closer to mine.
“Yeah… I guess he kind of did.”
“Are you interested in him?” He asks with bitter venom.
“What?” My eyebrows fall to a scowl. “What do you mean?”
“He’s not bad looking. A lot of girls like him. Are you interested in him?”
“No.” I respond almost loudly, offended he even assumes that, but then remember where we are and lower my voice again. “Taehyung, I’m not interested in him or anyone else.”
“Are you sure, though? He is single. You’d be able to go on dates with him everywhere. He wouldn’t have to keep you a secret.”
With that, I realize why he’s acting like this all of a sudden.
I move closer to him and hold his face in my palm, gently pushing the long strands of hair away from his face.
“What are you really mad about, Taehyung?” I ask gently.
He swallows and turns his head so his lips can touch my palm.
“I can’t. I hate that I can’t hold you instead of…” He exhales painfully. “I hate that I hold and touch her when I want to hold you. Cuddle with you. Kiss you.” He leans down until his lips kiss mine in the softest touch ever.
There’s so much pain in his voice, in his sad eyes.
I wish for all of those too. Doesn’t matter how many times I see them together, it never gets easier for me.
I shut my eyes and hold onto him tighter, letting him know that I understand him. That I feel the same way.
“I hate that he doesn’t know you’re mine.” He holds the back of my head tightly, like I might slip away if he doesn’t hold me close enough, and presses his forehead on mine. “If they knew, none of them would ask you out or offer you ride home. Fuck, I hate this!” He hisses.
I kiss his lips again before he loses control and becomes too loud.
“Shhh.” I plead with hurt eyes. “Please calm down.” I caress his cheeks.
“Please tell me you’re still mine.” He pleads with so much desperation. His eyes searching mine. “I need to believe that after everything that happens, you are still mine.”
“I’m yours, Taehyung.” I breathe out without waiting. “Nothing can ever stop me
from belonging to you.”
He takes a second to search my eyes. He searches for truth. To believe my words are coming from the bottom of my heart.
And in that moment, something sparks in his eyes. A mad, hungry fire.
He crashes his lips on mine again. He doesn’t just kiss me, he devours me. And I’m already too lost to protest. No. I fuel his fire.
He pushes me into the wall. Still kissing the senses out of me as he brings my left leg up to his waist.
His hardening cock grazes my inner thighs and I can’t help but moan quietly. Still, he devours the moan with another deep kiss before he thrusts his hip into mine. My mind goes wild as I moan and groan in his mouth. All I can think about is that I need the barrier of clothes between us gone. Now.
“Please.” I sound so pathetic as I hold the back of his neck tightly.
“You okay with risking it?” He asks.
Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t just mean getting caught. He clearly doesn’t have a condom with him.
Why does he need a condom with me, you might ask, even though he had gotten vasectomy? That’s the unfortunate part.
As their relationship died slowly, they drifted apart more and more. Emotionally and physically. They stopped being intimate long before I was in the picture.
But the night that this happened was when we were already together. One night after a party, when they both drank a lot and Taehyung was drunk off his mind, he
found himself naked on their bed the next morning with a naked Annie in his arms.
He didn’t remember anything from the previous night, but he didn’t need clear pictures to know what exactly happened. The dried semen on his thighs and her
inner thighs were clear evidence.
Annie remembered everything though, but she wasn’t as nearly panicked as he was. She actually enjoyed it.
He never drank alcohol after that, not wanting to risk anything like that happening to him again. But Annie’s enthusiasm about that night’s events made him paranoid.
So, for my own safety, he decided that he will always use condom with me.
But I trusted him. And I wasn’t as paranoid as he was. So I nodded my head.
“Yes. Just be quick please.” I breathe out.
He doesn’t need to be told twice. He gently puts my leg on the ground as he quickly removes his belt. I want to take his shirt off really bad, but we need to be quick and with little damage to our looks as possible.
But I feel my makeup and hair are mostly ruined, anyway.
He unbuttons and unzips his trousers next as I get distracted by the gorgeous view. I watch how hard and fully erected he seems under those boxers. I want to drop on my knees so bad. But we’ll keep that on pause for another time.
He leaves his pants and boxers like that and helps me unzip my jeans. He gently lowers my panties. He slips his fingers between my lips and strokes the soft wet flesh. I swallow my moans as I hold onto his biceps.
He doesn’t waste time. He lifts me off the ground and places me next to the sink, knocking down half of Jia’s skincare around.
I reach for his boxers as he starts kissing and biting my neck. I pull hard at his hair.
“Don’t leave a mark.” I warn with a groan.
He groans and shuts his eyes as he brings his lips to meet mine.
“I don’t want him asking you out again.” His raspy voice makes my lower stomach to pulse.
“Not now.” I whisper as I go to remove his boxers.
I wrap my fist around his cock as I give him a few tight strokes. He hisses, followed with a moan as he brings his face down on my chest. He lowers my black top and bra and starts biting on the flesh of my breast.
“No problem here, right?”
He keeps biting and sucking as he guides his cock to me, pushing in without wasting any more time. We’re already short on that.
I whimper as he slowly pushes in me. He can’t really do that in one move. We’ve skipped all the foreplay.
He groans but he muffles it with my burning skin.
Suddenly, I realize this is the first time we’re fucking raw.
And it’s in my best friend’s bathroom while everyone are in the living room.
Taehyung wipes all thoughts out of my head as he fully pushes in with one last thrust.
My heart is beating like a fucking drum and we’re both panting hard.
“I have to move quick. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
I nod my head and hook my arms around his neck.
I touch his lips with mine just as he starts thrusting. One after the other, he keeps thrusting me to the wall.
He doesn’t starts with fast strong thrusts but his pace builds up very fast. I wrap my legs around his waist so he can go deeper.
I want to scream. But all I can do is whimper quietly. His hips ramming into me like a maniac, his raw cock hitting and grazing all the right spots.
We try everything in our power to keep our moans and groans in. Taehyung seems to be going a good job, biting his lower lip to keep all the sounds in. When I fail in being quiet and a moan escapes me, he brings his hand up from my waist and covers my mouth with his palm as he furiously pounds into me.
He might be able to cover the sounds escaping me, but there’s no way to muffle the sounds our slapping flesh make. God I hope no one comes around this room.
His movements become faster and sharper, forcing me to moan and whimper as the pleasure builds up in my lower belly.
His hungry burning eyes look right through my soul as he pounds his hips again and again.
I lift my butt off the counter, trying to match his thrusts with my own hips, but his pace is too fast for me to keep up with. He hits a perfect angle, and when he sees I shake and shut my eyes while digging my nails into his arms harder, he holds my hips up and hits that angle again and again until I break apart.
I quickly cover my mouth as I orgasm. I’m still going through the shock of the orgasm as Taehyung thrusts faster. He breaths heavy while holding me close to him.
He brings my hips down to meet his last hard thrust as he comes. He throws his head back as he lets out a deep throaty groan.
I’m basically off the counter now, my pelvic pressed against his and my legs wrapped around him. I cling onto him. Our chests touch each other, making us feel the hard pound of the other one’s heart.
He holds me close to him like that for few moments. His hands holds my ass up. He looks me in the eyes.
“I fucking love you.”
My heart pounds in my ribcage for a whole different reason than the amazing orgasm I just had. I look at his beautiful face, his flushed cheeks and gorgeous dark eyes.
“I fucking love you, too.”
He kisses me one more time before putting me down on my feet. We both let out a moan as he slips out of me. We both look down to where his cum starts to spill out of me and onto my panties.
I reach for some toilet paper to wipe the mess, but Taehyung takes the paper from my hand and kneels down in front of me.
He wipes the wet spot on my panties with his finger. His burning dark eyes follow the wet line on my inner thighs. He brings his fingers up and rubs me between the lips with the same finger and pushes his finger in. A sudden whimper escapes me as my nails dig into his shoulders.
“What are you doing?” I breath out.
He takes his finger out and stands up. “Let’s keep them in there.” His voice low.
“What?”
He ignores my confusion as he pulls my panties and pants up before adjusting his own clothes.
We take care of our appearance and wash up.
We speak at the same time.
“I’ll go firs—”
“You go first.”
I smile up at him. He gives me a warm smile and he leaves a soft kiss on my temple
before exiting the bathroom.
I let a long and deep breath out. My lower belly is still in chaos, especially as I think of Taehyung’s cum still inside of me. The fact that he acted unlike he ever had and wanted us both to have a reminder of him on —in, actually— my body.
I run my fingers through my hair and try to detangle them.
I can leave now. He must’ve left the room already.
I open the door fully without checking the room before I walk out.
That, was my biggest mistake. I should’ve checked the room first.
I freeze in my spot.
My heart starts to pound harder than ever. Both Jia’s and Taehyung’s heads whip to my direction.
Jia’s words die and she looks at me. With the lights on, I can see the confusion turning into something else.
I feel like I might throw up. But I compose myself and gulp down.
“I think I got my period. I was looking through your bathroom for some pads.” The first lie that comes to my mind flies out of my mouth so easily, I can’t help but feel guilty.
When did it become so easy to lie to my closest friend?
“I’m done with my phone call. I’ll go check on Annie.” He casually says to Jia, his lie sounding way more natural coming from him than mine came from me.
Jia nods at him and moves her eyes to me almost immediately.
Taehyung walks towards the door. But just before he leaves, he turns his head to look at me. But I’m not looking at him. Taking my eyes off Jia doesn’t seem like a smart choice right now.
I just pray in my head that he leaves the room right now, before Jia notices how
long he’s taking to leave.
Thankfully, when he sees me ignoring him, he steps out and walks out of the hallway.
I act casual as I start to walk towards the door too, but I don’t think I seem as calm and cool as I want to seem.
I get so close to the door, but before I can leave, Jia grabs my arm and closes the bedroom door in front of me.
“Were you really looking for pads in there?”
“What do you mean?” I play confused, with my heartbeat in my mouth.
“I mean, were you actually looking for pads in there? Tell me the truth.” Her eyes darken.
“Yes, Jia. I really was looking for pads there.” I sound calm and confident, but I feel anything but that.
She look into my eyes, then speaks again.
“Why was Taehyung here?”
“What?”
“You know what I mean, so stop acting stupid.” She says with more seriousness than I’ve ever heard her use.
“Jia, I don’t—”
“I said stop acting stupid!” She forces out, cutting me off. “I’m giving you a chance to tell me the truth yourself. Don’t ruin our friendship more than you’ve already had.”
My heart beats faster. I can see it in her fuming eyes. No amount of lies will fool her now.
“Jia, it’s nothing like what you think—”
“Then what is it like? Huh?” She gets louder than before, but still not loud enough to bring everyone else into this. “I know two people after fucking from a mile away. So don’t try to insult me by denying it. You’re both flushed and you fucking smell like him!”
I take a step back when she takes one forward, with fury burning in her eyes.
“Well? Talk!” She lowers her voice when she realizes she got loud. “Were you or were you not fucking my best friend’s long-term boyfriend in that bathroom?”
I open my mouth to answer, but my voice dies down. How am I supposed to respond? Everything I say will kill our friendship. That is, if it has already not died.
All I can do is escape her livid eyes.
This is exactly what I’ve always been afraid of.
“How could you do this? I can’t believe that you’re a fucking home-wrecker! With Annie’s fucking boyfriends of all people?”
I keep my eyes down and try to breathe through my nose, feeling a minor panic attack approaching.
“Look me in the eye, damn it!”
I breathe again before bringing my eyes up to meet hers. Immense hurt and disappointment is slowly replacing the fume in them.
“Jia, please listen. This whole thing is not like what you think.” I take another breathe before speaking again. “Their relationship… and ours… it’s not what you all thin—”
“So what? You think you can justify this? Just because they have some small problems in their relationship?” She takes another angry step forward. “Don’t you realize what the fuck you were doing? You were just fucking someone else’s boyfriend under my roof! When his girlfriend and their friends are still sitting in the next room.”
A tear slips down on my cheek.
I start to explain. I don’t know if Taehyung would be okay with me telling Jia things that he never told anyone else, but that’s a problem for another time.
But just as I start to speak, Jia holds out her palm to stop me. Her eyes cold as ice.
“I don’t want to know how long you’ve been fucking him behind my friend’s back, or why. You will end this. You hear me?” She swallows the lump in her throat and brings her face closer to mine. “You will end whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you before Annie finds out about this. Either you do that yourself, or I’ll be the one to tell everyone.”
With that, she twists the doorknob she was holding and walks out of the room, leaving me without giving me a second glance, let alone a second chance to try to explain everything to her.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 ᰔ
I guess I'm incapable of writing anything with an ounce of fluff. I swear, I'll try next time.
Hope you enjoyed and if you did, please let me know your thoughts and opinions. And don't forget to reblog. 💋
𐙚 Tropes : cheating , angst , smut , secret and forbidden relationship
𐙚 Word count : 5.5k+
𐙚 Summary : I spent our entire relationship thinking I was the moth, being pulled into him even when I knew I shouldn't have. But now I'm realizing all this time, he was the moth and I was the forbidden flame that burnt him everyday, and still kept his life bright.
[part one] , [part two] , [part three]
Trigger warnings for this part : mentions of self harm, mentions of taking sexual advantage (kind of), explicit sexual scenes, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, ...
a/n : I know I said I'll get back to writing this after my uni exams are over, but I couldn't hold myself back anymore hehe. And now I can confirm that there will be a third part for this story. Also, the editing was a little rushed so pls ignore the errors. Enjoy and don’t forget rebloging and commenting your thoughts. 💌
When you’re friends with Jia, you have to be prepared for gathering plans and movie or game nights at all times. She’s a spontaneous person and loves to have her friends around. She’s also a very persistent person. When she called me on the phone, I couldn’t resist for long. She has a superpower. She won’t back down until she hears what she wants from you.
And so here I stand. In front of her apartment door with a bowl of snacks and a bottle of wine. Her friends usually prefer bear, but just like me, Jia fancies wine over bear. She always watches her weight and doesn’t like to get caught up on drinking bear and gain weight. I personally just don’t like the taste.
Someone finally opens the door, but it’s not Jia herself. It’s one of her friends. Some of her friends have already arrived and are busy with some games. I smile at the guy and walk inside.
The man joins everyone else in the living room, going back to the game as I place everything I brought on the little table next to the door and hang my coat.
Jia leaves her spot on the couch and walks to me.
“Hey, pretty.” She helps me with the snack and wine. She inspects the bottle. “God, I love you. Come on. We’re kicking Joe’s ass in the game. We’ll start the next round soon.” We walk toward the kitchen.
“I told you I don’t like games with dice. Dices hate me.” The guy, Joe, who I’ve seen only twice before, yells at Jia from his spot on the floor.
We enter the kitchen together. I stand by the snack table and put the bowl down as Jia brings glasses for the wine.
She pours us two glasses but pauses when her eyes fall on me.
“Stop being nervous. All of these guys are really good people.” I follow her eyes and just then I realize I’ve been fidgeting with my fingers. She hands me the wine. “I know you’ve only seen them a handful of times and some of them, you haven’t even met. But trust me, they’re all nice and friendly people. You’ll feel just like one of them.”
If only she knew it’s not the people I don’t know that I’m nervous about. It’s Taehyung. And being around him in front of Annie and all their other friends.
They’re still not here, but they will be any minute now.
I really wish I was sick so I could miss tonight. And trust me, I tried. But the universe really didn’t want me sick tonight. Therefore, here I am.
I thank Jia for the glass of wine, because I really need it right now, and take a big swig.
We join everyone else in the living room after talking a little, just the two of us.
There won’t be a lot of people here for tonight’s movie and game night. Unlike her usual parties and movie nights, this time there’s only nine of Jia’s closest friends here, and maybe four more people that haven’t arrived yet. Taehyung and Annie included.
They take longer to arrive than everyone else. By then, I’m on my third glass of wine and way more relaxed than before. I’ve made myself comfortable and have talked and laughed with Jia’s friends the whole time.
I really liked one her friends, Ryu. Jungkook was very easy to talk to as well.
It’s my turn to roll the dice, basically already a winner on this round, when the doorbell rings.
Jia opens the door for them herself. Taehyung and Annie walk in together. Annie with her big radiant smile, and Taehyung with few boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine.
As Jia and Annie hug, Taehyung’ eyes fall on me. It’s like he didn’t need more than two seconds to find me in a crowded room.
He looks at me and the smallest smile sits on his lips. But nobody noticed that except for me.
Warmness floods in my belly as I return the soft smile. Feeling glad and warm that he’s here. Now forgetting about all the reasons I felt so nervous and like a mess. Now, I’m just glad.
They join everyone around the big coffee table. Everyone have to sit close and friendly as we start a game that can be played by this many people.
I’m sitting on a cushion on the floor as Jia, along with Annie and Taehyung sit on the couch. Jia makes place for herself on her big couch, and since they are a couple, Annie and Taehyung share the armchair so there’s more space for others.
I bitterly sip my wine as I focus my attention on the guy next to me who is explaining the game for everyone.
The game starts with me, and it goes on from there. Soon, we all get immersed into the game. I even laugh a few times when Jungkook teases me and my playing strategy. But the excitement in me dies every time Annie attracts the attention of the room and I get reminded how she’s hugging and clinging onto Taehyung.
She doesn’t want people to figure out how their relationship is failing, and that’s what all these acts are about.
They’ve been together for so long, and that has made everyone they know to believe they are the dreamy couple. That there’s no possibility in which they could end up with anyone else.
Everyone saw them as each other’s soulmates. When it came to this couple, they couldn’t think of one of them without the other one. To everyone else, they seemed like one person.
And that might’ve been closer to reality for the first few years, but after a while, that only became their image. The reality of their relationship got way farther from that perfect picture.
The pressure and perspective everyone has been forcing on them is the reason Annie became too stubborn and obsessed with keeping the relationship. Too stubborn to let their friends and families believe anything other than what they already believed.
Even before me, they had come close to breaking up so many times. More than Taehyung could count. Their relationship hanging on by a thread. And each time, she found a way to force the relationship back together.
Taehyung even tried to end things with her once and for all, serious and determined about the decision. He felt how unhappy he had become in that relationship. How unhappy she was, too. But she didn’t want that to happen. Her entire life and personality was formed based on her perfect long-term relationship with the most gorgeous man ever and people’s admiration for them.
She was so invested in that lie that she didn’t want people to suddenly start seeing her as the poor girl who got left by her soulmate out of nowhere.
That day was long and messy, as Taehyung described it. They had their longest fight ever, which ended in tears and things breaking. Annie acted so weird that night, unlike anything he had ever seen of her.
She threatened to harm herself if he left her. Even almost acting on her threats before Taehyung managed to stop her from going too far.
She succeeded in keeping the relationship. After that, Taehyung never brought that topic back again. They still had arguments and fights after that, a lot. But he never brought up breaking up again.
No one else knows about this but me. I was the only person Taehyung ever told about the messed up reality of his relationship. It took him a while to trust me enough, but after he did, the horrible truths came pouring after another.
Annie was a good actor, pretending her life couldn’t be more perfect. But how can someone truly feel that happy if they didn’t feel loved by their partner? Taehyung on the other hand, wasn’t a good actor. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wear his emotions on his face.
He felt unhappy and trapped. All because he didn’t want to risk Annie actually harming herself. He may not be in love with her anymore, but she was still a human. Just because he had no affection for her anymore didn’t mean he had it in him to risk her harming herself and taking her life.
So he forced himself to stay in that relationship and play along with the lie.
But the fact that they weren’t in love anymore didn’t justify our affair. I knew that.
It still didn’t change the fact that our affair was wrong and forbidden.
This round of game ends with Jungkook beating us all. We take a break to eat and drink and talk before we start the next game.
Almost everyone gets up from their spots. I don’t need to go anywhere, so I use my chance and sit on the couch, making myself more comfortable.
Annie finally leaves Taehyung’s lap and joins Jia and their friends in the kitchen. Some of the guys are still in the living room, but no one notices when Taehyung gives me a secret affectionate smile.
I’ve seen him smiling at me thousands of times, but it still doesn’t fail to make my heart race. Just like the first time it happened on the balcony of this very house.
I mouth “Hey” at him.
His warm smile widens as he mouths the same thing back. I open my mouth to talk to him, but Annie and some of their guy friends walk into the living room as Jungkook comes this way and sits next to me.
We act normal again. We don’t try to speak after that. It’s too risky to get reckless.
I hold myself back from looking at him when he picks Annie up from his lap for a second so he can get up from his seat and leave the room.
Thankfully, Jungkook fully distracts me from Taehyung and how much I want to be alone with him.
“What did you say you do?” He asks as he makes himself more comfortable and leans his back on the couch.
I laugh because this is the fourth time he’s asked me that question, counting the first time we met and he asked me that.
“I’ve told you so many times. I work with Jia and Annie.”
He softly chuckles. “I know, sorry. It’s just fun to mess with people.”
Jia hears our conversation and kicks him in the shin. “Stop annoying my friends, JK.”
He just chuckles and turns to me. His eyes fall on the empty glass in my hands.
“Do you want a refill?” He points down to my glass.
“Sure. Why not.”
He takes my glass and heads to the kitchen, taking his own empty glass as well.
In the corner of my eyes, I notice Jia looking my way. I turn to her and see her wiggling her brows with a suggestive smirk.
She leans in. “Do you find him cute? He’s recently single and trust me, he’s an amazing guy.”
My eyes widen.
“No, no.” I weakly protest. “I mean, he is cute. But we weren’t flirting or anything.”
“Why not? He’s a really good option, and I’ve noticed you’ve caught his attention all night.” Her face falls a little in disappointment.
“I’m sure he’s great. And he is very good looking. But I don’t think about dating right now.” I come up with the lie very easily. I’ve said that line so many times, it feels like an automatic answer.
Shortly after my break up with my ex, Jia started trying to set me up with people. She knows a lot of people, so the options were endless. But at that time, me and Taehyung were already getting close behind everyone’s back. So I nicely rejected all of her attempts.
She still hasn’t given up on it.
But she lets this time go when she sees Jungkook approaching.
He offers me my glass and I take it with a smile. He takes his seat next to me and we fall into conversation again.
Like I said, we’re not flirting. Not really. At least not on my side. But he’s an easy person to talk to, so I stay in his company for a while.
But this time, even he can’t distract me from Taehyung’s noticeable presence when I feel him entering the living room again. That’s the kind of effect this man has on me. I’m affected by his presence from a mile away.
While Annie is laughing and deep in conversation with her friends, Taehyung uses his chance and sits somewhere else.
On a cushion on the ground, right in front of me.
It takes all my willpower not to turn my head from Jungkook while he’s talking to me and look at Taehyung. I really want to, though. He looks extra handsome and attractive in his dark brown colored trousers and white button down shirt, with his sleeves up to his forearms.
I think he engages in a conversation with some of the guys himself. I’m not sure. But I do see how his head snaps to our direction when Jungkook suddenly asks.
“Are you free Friday night?”
It’s like the room went quiet, but it didn’t. Jungkook’s question wasn’t loud, only meant for my ears. But I’m almost positive Taehyung heard him too.
I’m kind of taken aback. I don’t want to be rude and reject him too harshly. He does seem like a really nice guy. So I settle for a short polite answer.
“Uh… I’m not sure. I need to check my plans. I’ll let you know.” I smile at him.
He doesn’t seem let down or disappointed. He just nods with a smile. “Of course. Let me know later.”
He doesn’t let me feel awkward after that. Changing the subject like nothing happened, before some of people sitting around the table decide to start a last round of boardgame before we put on a movie.
Jungkook seems interested to join them. He even asks me to join, but I politely pass. I excuse myself and go to Jia’s room, needing some alone time and privacy.
I use her en-suite bathroom for more privacy, since I know the other guys won’t be coming around here.
The same thing can’t be said about Taehyung, because the idiot walks in to the bathroom without knocking and closes the door behind him.
I look at him with horrified eyes.
“What the fuck?” I hiss. “Taehyung, you can’t be in here.”
“I couldn’t wait.”
“Why not? Wait for what?”
Without saying anything, he leans down and kisses me. He holds my face as he deepens the kiss. Melting my heart and my legs simultaneously.
It’s dangerous how little sense of self-control I seem to have when I’m around him. When he kisses me like this.
I lean back and catch my breath.
“Please stop doing that. We’re gonna get caught, Taehyung.” I hold his hands. “You’ve never acted this reckless.”
He sighs and hangs his head down.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He removes his hands from my face and takes a step back.
Suddenly I want to hit myself. I know it’s stupid and wrong to take this kind of risk.
But I don’t want to ever make him walk away from me like that again.
Fuck it.
I take his shirt in my hands and pull him to me as I crash my lips against his.
He doesn’t need a second to think again. His grip moves to the back of my head as he takes control over the kiss easily.
He kisses me hard and I fail to keep up with his pace. I move my hands to hold the back of his neck as I fist his shirts with my other hand.
I don’t want to let go. Fuck knows I don’t. That’s why I let him decide when he wants to end the kiss.
By the times he does, we’re both breathless and panting for air.
His hungry eyes move around my face.
“What was he talking about?” he asks roughly.
I’m still breathless and dazed by the passionate kiss as I speak.
“Who?” I ask in a daze, my eyes focused on his now pink plump lips.
“Jungkook. Did he ask you out?”
With that, my eyes snap up to his. “Huh?”
“Don’t make me ask a third time.” His voice gets rougher as he brings his head down closer to mine.
“Yeah… I guess he kind of did.”
“Are you interested in him?” He asks with bitter venom.
“What?” My eyebrows fall to a scowl. “What do you mean?”
“He’s not bad looking. A lot of girls like him. Are you interested in him?”
“No.” I respond almost loudly, offended he even assumes that, but then remember where we are and lower my voice again. “Taehyung, I’m not interested in him or anyone else.”
“Are you sure, though? He is single. You’d be able to go on dates with him everywhere. He wouldn’t have to keep you a secret.”
With that, I realize why he’s acting like this all of a sudden.
I move closer to him and hold his face in my palm, gently pushing the long strands of hair away from his face.
“What are you really mad about, Taehyung?” I ask gently.
He swallows and turns his head so his lips can touch my palm.
“I can’t. I hate that I can’t hold you instead of…” He exhales painfully. “I hate that I hold and touch her when I want to hold you. Cuddle with you. Kiss you.” He leans down until his lips kiss mine in the softest touch ever.
There’s so much pain in his voice, in his sad eyes.
I wish for all of those too. Doesn’t matter how many times I see them together, it never gets easier for me.
I shut my eyes and hold onto him tighter, letting him know that I understand him. That I feel the same way.
“I hate that he doesn’t know you’re mine.” He holds the back of my head tightly, like I might slip away if he doesn’t hold me close enough, and presses his forehead on mine. “If they knew, none of them would ask you out or offer you ride home. Fuck, I hate this!” He hisses.
I kiss his lips again before he loses control and becomes too loud.
“Shhh.” I plead with hurt eyes. “Please calm down.” I caress his cheeks.
“Please tell me you’re still mine.” He pleads with so much desperation. His eyes searching mine. “I need to believe that after everything that happens, you are still mine.”
“I’m yours, Taehyung.” I breathe out without waiting. “Nothing can ever stop me
from belonging to you.”
He takes a second to search my eyes. He searches for truth. To believe my words are coming from the bottom of my heart.
And in that moment, something sparks in his eyes. A mad, hungry fire.
He crashes his lips on mine again. He doesn’t just kiss me, he devours me. And I’m already too lost to protest. No. I fuel his fire.
He pushes me into the wall. Still kissing the senses out of me as he brings my left leg up to his waist.
His hardening cock grazes my inner thighs and I can’t help but moan quietly. Still, he devours the moan with another deep kiss before he thrusts his hip into mine. My mind goes wild as I moan and groan in his mouth. All I can think about is that I need the barrier of clothes between us gone. Now.
“Please.” I sound so pathetic as I hold the back of his neck tightly.
“You okay with risking it?” He asks.
Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t just mean getting caught. He clearly doesn’t have a condom with him.
Why does he need a condom with me, you might ask, even though he had gotten vasectomy? That’s the unfortunate part.
As their relationship died slowly, they drifted apart more and more. Emotionally and physically. They stopped being intimate long before I was in the picture.
But the night that this happened was when we were already together. One night after a party, when they both drank a lot and Taehyung was drunk off his mind, he
found himself naked on their bed the next morning with a naked Annie in his arms.
He didn’t remember anything from the previous night, but he didn’t need clear pictures to know what exactly happened. The dried semen on his thighs and her
inner thighs were clear evidence.
Annie remembered everything though, but she wasn’t as nearly panicked as he was. She actually enjoyed it.
He never drank alcohol after that, not wanting to risk anything like that happening to him again. But Annie’s enthusiasm about that night’s events made him paranoid.
So, for my own safety, he decided that he will always use condom with me.
But I trusted him. And I wasn’t as paranoid as he was. So I nodded my head.
“Yes. Just be quick please.” I breathe out.
He doesn’t need to be told twice. He gently puts my leg on the ground as he quickly removes his belt. I want to take his shirt off really bad, but we need to be quick and with little damage to our looks as possible.
But I feel my makeup and hair are mostly ruined, anyway.
He unbuttons and unzips his trousers next as I get distracted by the gorgeous view. I watch how hard and fully erected he seems under those boxers. I want to drop on my knees so bad. But we’ll keep that on pause for another time.
He leaves his pants and boxers like that and helps me unzip my jeans. He gently lowers my panties. He slips his fingers between my lips and strokes the soft wet flesh. I swallow my moans as I hold onto his biceps.
He doesn’t waste time. He lifts me off the ground and places me next to the sink, knocking down half of Jia’s skincare around.
I reach for his boxers as he starts kissing and biting my neck. I pull hard at his hair.
“Don’t leave a mark.” I warn with a groan.
He groans and shuts his eyes as he brings his lips to meet mine.
“I don’t want him asking you out again.” His raspy voice makes my lower stomach to pulse.
“Not now.” I whisper as I go to remove his boxers.
I wrap my fist around his cock as I give him a few tight strokes. He hisses, followed with a moan as he brings his face down on my chest. He lowers my black top and bra and starts biting on the flesh of my breast.
“No problem here, right?”
He keeps biting and sucking as he guides his cock to me, pushing in without wasting any more time. We’re already short on that.
I whimper as he slowly pushes in me. He can’t really do that in one move. We’ve skipped all the foreplay.
He groans but he muffles it with my burning skin.
Suddenly, I realize this is the first time we’re fucking raw.
And it’s in my best friend’s bathroom while everyone are in the living room.
Taehyung wipes all thoughts out of my head as he fully pushes in with one last thrust.
My heart is beating like a fucking drum and we’re both panting hard.
“I have to move quick. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
I nod my head and hook my arms around his neck.
I touch his lips with mine just as he starts thrusting. One after the other, he keeps thrusting me to the wall.
He doesn’t starts with fast strong thrusts but his pace builds up very fast. I wrap my legs around his waist so he can go deeper.
I want to scream. But all I can do is whimper quietly. His hips ramming into me like a maniac, his raw cock hitting and grazing all the right spots.
We try everything in our power to keep our moans and groans in. Taehyung seems to be going a good job, biting his lower lip to keep all the sounds in. When I fail in being quiet and a moan escapes me, he brings his hand up from my waist and covers my mouth with his palm as he furiously pounds into me.
He might be able to cover the sounds escaping me, but there’s no way to muffle the sounds our slapping flesh make. God I hope no one comes around this room.
His movements become faster and sharper, forcing me to moan and whimper as the pleasure builds up in my lower belly.
His hungry burning eyes look right through my soul as he pounds his hips again and again.
I lift my butt off the counter, trying to match his thrusts with my own hips, but his pace is too fast for me to keep up with. He hits a perfect angle, and when he sees I shake and shut my eyes while digging my nails into his arms harder, he holds my hips up and hits that angle again and again until I break apart.
I quickly cover my mouth as I orgasm. I’m still going through the shock of the orgasm as Taehyung thrusts faster. He breaths heavy while holding me close to him.
He brings my hips down to meet his last hard thrust as he comes. He throws his head back as he lets out a deep throaty groan.
I’m basically off the counter now, my pelvic pressed against his and my legs wrapped around him. I cling onto him. Our chests touch each other, making us feel the hard pound of the other one’s heart.
He holds me close to him like that for few moments. His hands holds my ass up. He looks me in the eyes.
“I fucking love you.”
My heart pounds in my ribcage for a whole different reason than the amazing orgasm I just had. I look at his beautiful face, his flushed cheeks and gorgeous dark eyes.
“I fucking love you, too.”
He kisses me one more time before putting me down on my feet. We both let out a moan as he slips out of me. We both look down to where his cum starts to spill out of me and onto my panties.
I reach for some toilet paper to wipe the mess, but Taehyung takes the paper from my hand and kneels down in front of me.
He wipes the wet spot on my panties with his finger. His burning dark eyes follow the wet line on my inner thighs. He brings his fingers up and rubs me between the lips with the same finger and pushes his finger in. A sudden whimper escapes me as my nails dig into his shoulders.
“What are you doing?” I breath out.
He takes his finger out and stands up. “Let’s keep them in there.” His voice low.
“What?”
He ignores my confusion as he pulls my panties and pants up before adjusting his own clothes.
We take care of our appearance and wash up.
We speak at the same time.
“I’ll go firs—”
“You go first.”
I smile up at him. He gives me a warm smile and he leaves a soft kiss on my temple
before exiting the bathroom.
I let a long and deep breath out. My lower belly is still in chaos, especially as I think of Taehyung’s cum still inside of me. The fact that he acted unlike he ever had and wanted us both to have a reminder of him on —in, actually— my body.
I run my fingers through my hair and try to detangle them.
I can leave now. He must’ve left the room already.
I open the door fully without checking the room before I walk out.
That, was my biggest mistake. I should’ve checked the room first.
I freeze in my spot.
My heart starts to pound harder than ever. Both Jia’s and Taehyung’s heads whip to my direction.
Jia’s words die and she looks at me. With the lights on, I can see the confusion turning into something else.
I feel like I might throw up. But I compose myself and gulp down.
“I think I got my period. I was looking through your bathroom for some pads.” The first lie that comes to my mind flies out of my mouth so easily, I can’t help but feel guilty.
When did it become so easy to lie to my closest friend?
“I’m done with my phone call. I’ll go check on Annie.” He casually says to Jia, his lie sounding way more natural coming from him than mine came from me.
Jia nods at him and moves her eyes to me almost immediately.
Taehyung walks towards the door. But just before he leaves, he turns his head to look at me. But I’m not looking at him. Taking my eyes off Jia doesn’t seem like a smart choice right now.
I just pray in my head that he leaves the room right now, before Jia notices how
long he’s taking to leave.
Thankfully, when he sees me ignoring him, he steps out and walks out of the hallway.
I act casual as I start to walk towards the door too, but I don’t think I seem as calm and cool as I want to seem.
I get so close to the door, but before I can leave, Jia grabs my arm and closes the bedroom door in front of me.
“Were you really looking for pads in there?”
“What do you mean?” I play confused, with my heartbeat in my mouth.
“I mean, were you actually looking for pads in there? Tell me the truth.” Her eyes darken.
“Yes, Jia. I really was looking for pads there.” I sound calm and confident, but I feel anything but that.
She look into my eyes, then speaks again.
“Why was Taehyung here?”
“What?”
“You know what I mean, so stop acting stupid.” She says with more seriousness than I’ve ever heard her use.
“Jia, I don’t—”
“I said stop acting stupid!” She forces out, cutting me off. “I’m giving you a chance to tell me the truth yourself. Don’t ruin our friendship more than you’ve already had.”
My heart beats faster. I can see it in her fuming eyes. No amount of lies will fool her now.
“Jia, it’s nothing like what you think—”
“Then what is it like? Huh?” She gets louder than before, but still not loud enough to bring everyone else into this. “I know two people after fucking from a mile away. So don’t try to insult me by denying it. You’re both flushed and you fucking smell like him!”
I take a step back when she takes one forward, with fury burning in her eyes.
“Well? Talk!” She lowers her voice when she realizes she got loud. “Were you or were you not fucking my best friend’s long-term boyfriend in that bathroom?”
I open my mouth to answer, but my voice dies down. How am I supposed to respond? Everything I say will kill our friendship. That is, if it has already not died.
All I can do is escape her livid eyes.
This is exactly what I’ve always been afraid of.
“How could you do this? I can’t believe that you’re a fucking home-wrecker! With Annie’s fucking boyfriends of all people?”
I keep my eyes down and try to breathe through my nose, feeling a minor panic attack approaching.
“Look me in the eye, damn it!”
I breathe again before bringing my eyes up to meet hers. Immense hurt and disappointment is slowly replacing the fume in them.
“Jia, please listen. This whole thing is not like what you think.” I take another breathe before speaking again. “Their relationship… and ours… it’s not what you all thin—”
“So what? You think you can justify this? Just because they have some small problems in their relationship?” She takes another angry step forward. “Don’t you realize what the fuck you were doing? You were just fucking someone else’s boyfriend under my roof! When his girlfriend and their friends are still sitting in the next room.”
A tear slips down on my cheek.
I start to explain. I don’t know if Taehyung would be okay with me telling Jia things that he never told anyone else, but that’s a problem for another time.
But just as I start to speak, Jia holds out her palm to stop me. Her eyes cold as ice.
“I don’t want to know how long you’ve been fucking him behind my friend’s back, or why. You will end this. You hear me?” She swallows the lump in her throat and brings her face closer to mine. “You will end whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you before Annie finds out about this. Either you do that yourself, or I’ll be the one to tell everyone.”
With that, she twists the doorknob she was holding and walks out of the room, leaving me without giving me a second glance, let alone a second chance to try to explain everything to her.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 ᰔ
I guess I'm incapable of writing anything with an ounce of fluff. I swear, I'll try next time.
Hope you enjoyed and if you did, please let me know your thoughts and opinions. And don't forget to reblog. 💋
𐙚 Tropes : cheating , angst , smut , secret and forbidden relationship
𐙚 Word count : 5.5k+
𐙚 Summary : I spent our entire relationship thinking I was the moth, being pulled into him even when I knew I shouldn't have. But now I'm realizing all this time, he was the moth and I was the forbidden flame that burnt him everyday, and still kept his life bright.
[part one] , [part two] , [part three]
Trigger warnings for this part : mentions of self harm, mentions of taking sexual advantage (kind of), explicit sexual scenes, smut, unprotected sex, creampie, ...
a/n : I know I said I'll get back to writing this after my uni exams are over, but I couldn't hold myself back anymore hehe. And now I can confirm that there will be a third part for this story. Also, the editing was a little rushed so pls ignore the errors. Enjoy and don’t forget rebloging and commenting your thoughts. 💌
When you’re friends with Jia, you have to be prepared for gathering plans and movie or game nights at all times. She’s a spontaneous person and loves to have her friends around. She’s also a very persistent person. When she called me on the phone, I couldn’t resist for long. She has a superpower. She won’t back down until she hears what she wants from you.
And so here I stand. In front of her apartment door with a bowl of snacks and a bottle of wine. Her friends usually prefer bear, but just like me, Jia fancies wine over bear. She always watches her weight and doesn’t like to get caught up on drinking bear and gain weight. I personally just don’t like the taste.
Someone finally opens the door, but it’s not Jia herself. It’s one of her friends. Some of her friends have already arrived and are busy with some games. I smile at the guy and walk inside.
The man joins everyone else in the living room, going back to the game as I place everything I brought on the little table next to the door and hang my coat.
Jia leaves her spot on the couch and walks to me.
“Hey, pretty.” She helps me with the snack and wine. She inspects the bottle. “God, I love you. Come on. We’re kicking Joe’s ass in the game. We’ll start the next round soon.” We walk toward the kitchen.
“I told you I don’t like games with dice. Dices hate me.” The guy, Joe, who I’ve seen only twice before, yells at Jia from his spot on the floor.
We enter the kitchen together. I stand by the snack table and put the bowl down as Jia brings glasses for the wine.
She pours us two glasses but pauses when her eyes fall on me.
“Stop being nervous. All of these guys are really good people.” I follow her eyes and just then I realize I’ve been fidgeting with my fingers. She hands me the wine. “I know you’ve only seen them a handful of times and some of them, you haven’t even met. But trust me, they’re all nice and friendly people. You’ll feel just like one of them.”
If only she knew it’s not the people I don’t know that I’m nervous about. It’s Taehyung. And being around him in front of Annie and all their other friends.
They’re still not here, but they will be any minute now.
I really wish I was sick so I could miss tonight. And trust me, I tried. But the universe really didn’t want me sick tonight. Therefore, here I am.
I thank Jia for the glass of wine, because I really need it right now, and take a big swig.
We join everyone else in the living room after talking a little, just the two of us.
There won’t be a lot of people here for tonight’s movie and game night. Unlike her usual parties and movie nights, this time there’s only nine of Jia’s closest friends here, and maybe four more people that haven’t arrived yet. Taehyung and Annie included.
They take longer to arrive than everyone else. By then, I’m on my third glass of wine and way more relaxed than before. I’ve made myself comfortable and have talked and laughed with Jia’s friends the whole time.
I really liked one her friends, Ryu. Jungkook was very easy to talk to as well.
It’s my turn to roll the dice, basically already a winner on this round, when the doorbell rings.
Jia opens the door for them herself. Taehyung and Annie walk in together. Annie with her big radiant smile, and Taehyung with few boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine.
As Jia and Annie hug, Taehyung’ eyes fall on me. It’s like he didn’t need more than two seconds to find me in a crowded room.
He looks at me and the smallest smile sits on his lips. But nobody noticed that except for me.
Warmness floods in my belly as I return the soft smile. Feeling glad and warm that he’s here. Now forgetting about all the reasons I felt so nervous and like a mess. Now, I’m just glad.
They join everyone around the big coffee table. Everyone have to sit close and friendly as we start a game that can be played by this many people.
I’m sitting on a cushion on the floor as Jia, along with Annie and Taehyung sit on the couch. Jia makes place for herself on her big couch, and since they are a couple, Annie and Taehyung share the armchair so there’s more space for others.
I bitterly sip my wine as I focus my attention on the guy next to me who is explaining the game for everyone.
The game starts with me, and it goes on from there. Soon, we all get immersed into the game. I even laugh a few times when Jungkook teases me and my playing strategy. But the excitement in me dies every time Annie attracts the attention of the room and I get reminded how she’s hugging and clinging onto Taehyung.
She doesn’t want people to figure out how their relationship is failing, and that’s what all these acts are about.
They’ve been together for so long, and that has made everyone they know to believe they are the dreamy couple. That there’s no possibility in which they could end up with anyone else.
Everyone saw them as each other’s soulmates. When it came to this couple, they couldn’t think of one of them without the other one. To everyone else, they seemed like one person.
And that might’ve been closer to reality for the first few years, but after a while, that only became their image. The reality of their relationship got way farther from that perfect picture.
The pressure and perspective everyone has been forcing on them is the reason Annie became too stubborn and obsessed with keeping the relationship. Too stubborn to let their friends and families believe anything other than what they already believed.
Even before me, they had come close to breaking up so many times. More than Taehyung could count. Their relationship hanging on by a thread. And each time, she found a way to force the relationship back together.
Taehyung even tried to end things with her once and for all, serious and determined about the decision. He felt how unhappy he had become in that relationship. How unhappy she was, too. But she didn’t want that to happen. Her entire life and personality was formed based on her perfect long-term relationship with the most gorgeous man ever and people’s admiration for them.
She was so invested in that lie that she didn’t want people to suddenly start seeing her as the poor girl who got left by her soulmate out of nowhere.
That day was long and messy, as Taehyung described it. They had their longest fight ever, which ended in tears and things breaking. Annie acted so weird that night, unlike anything he had ever seen of her.
She threatened to harm herself if he left her. Even almost acting on her threats before Taehyung managed to stop her from going too far.
She succeeded in keeping the relationship. After that, Taehyung never brought that topic back again. They still had arguments and fights after that, a lot. But he never brought up breaking up again.
No one else knows about this but me. I was the only person Taehyung ever told about the messed up reality of his relationship. It took him a while to trust me enough, but after he did, the horrible truths came pouring after another.
Annie was a good actor, pretending her life couldn’t be more perfect. But how can someone truly feel that happy if they didn’t feel loved by their partner? Taehyung on the other hand, wasn’t a good actor. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wear his emotions on his face.
He felt unhappy and trapped. All because he didn’t want to risk Annie actually harming herself. He may not be in love with her anymore, but she was still a human. Just because he had no affection for her anymore didn’t mean he had it in him to risk her harming herself and taking her life.
So he forced himself to stay in that relationship and play along with the lie.
But the fact that they weren’t in love anymore didn’t justify our affair. I knew that.
It still didn’t change the fact that our affair was wrong and forbidden.
This round of game ends with Jungkook beating us all. We take a break to eat and drink and talk before we start the next game.
Almost everyone gets up from their spots. I don’t need to go anywhere, so I use my chance and sit on the couch, making myself more comfortable.
Annie finally leaves Taehyung’s lap and joins Jia and their friends in the kitchen. Some of the guys are still in the living room, but no one notices when Taehyung gives me a secret affectionate smile.
I’ve seen him smiling at me thousands of times, but it still doesn’t fail to make my heart race. Just like the first time it happened on the balcony of this very house.
I mouth “Hey” at him.
His warm smile widens as he mouths the same thing back. I open my mouth to talk to him, but Annie and some of their guy friends walk into the living room as Jungkook comes this way and sits next to me.
We act normal again. We don’t try to speak after that. It’s too risky to get reckless.
I hold myself back from looking at him when he picks Annie up from his lap for a second so he can get up from his seat and leave the room.
Thankfully, Jungkook fully distracts me from Taehyung and how much I want to be alone with him.
“What did you say you do?” He asks as he makes himself more comfortable and leans his back on the couch.
I laugh because this is the fourth time he’s asked me that question, counting the first time we met and he asked me that.
“I’ve told you so many times. I work with Jia and Annie.”
He softly chuckles. “I know, sorry. It’s just fun to mess with people.”
Jia hears our conversation and kicks him in the shin. “Stop annoying my friends, JK.”
He just chuckles and turns to me. His eyes fall on the empty glass in my hands.
“Do you want a refill?” He points down to my glass.
“Sure. Why not.”
He takes my glass and heads to the kitchen, taking his own empty glass as well.
In the corner of my eyes, I notice Jia looking my way. I turn to her and see her wiggling her brows with a suggestive smirk.
She leans in. “Do you find him cute? He’s recently single and trust me, he’s an amazing guy.”
My eyes widen.
“No, no.” I weakly protest. “I mean, he is cute. But we weren’t flirting or anything.”
“Why not? He’s a really good option, and I’ve noticed you’ve caught his attention all night.” Her face falls a little in disappointment.
“I’m sure he’s great. And he is very good looking. But I don’t think about dating right now.” I come up with the lie very easily. I’ve said that line so many times, it feels like an automatic answer.
Shortly after my break up with my ex, Jia started trying to set me up with people. She knows a lot of people, so the options were endless. But at that time, me and Taehyung were already getting close behind everyone’s back. So I nicely rejected all of her attempts.
She still hasn’t given up on it.
But she lets this time go when she sees Jungkook approaching.
He offers me my glass and I take it with a smile. He takes his seat next to me and we fall into conversation again.
Like I said, we’re not flirting. Not really. At least not on my side. But he’s an easy person to talk to, so I stay in his company for a while.
But this time, even he can’t distract me from Taehyung’s noticeable presence when I feel him entering the living room again. That’s the kind of effect this man has on me. I’m affected by his presence from a mile away.
While Annie is laughing and deep in conversation with her friends, Taehyung uses his chance and sits somewhere else.
On a cushion on the ground, right in front of me.
It takes all my willpower not to turn my head from Jungkook while he’s talking to me and look at Taehyung. I really want to, though. He looks extra handsome and attractive in his dark brown colored trousers and white button down shirt, with his sleeves up to his forearms.
I think he engages in a conversation with some of the guys himself. I’m not sure. But I do see how his head snaps to our direction when Jungkook suddenly asks.
“Are you free Friday night?”
It’s like the room went quiet, but it didn’t. Jungkook’s question wasn’t loud, only meant for my ears. But I’m almost positive Taehyung heard him too.
I’m kind of taken aback. I don’t want to be rude and reject him too harshly. He does seem like a really nice guy. So I settle for a short polite answer.
“Uh… I’m not sure. I need to check my plans. I’ll let you know.” I smile at him.
He doesn’t seem let down or disappointed. He just nods with a smile. “Of course. Let me know later.”
He doesn’t let me feel awkward after that. Changing the subject like nothing happened, before some of people sitting around the table decide to start a last round of boardgame before we put on a movie.
Jungkook seems interested to join them. He even asks me to join, but I politely pass. I excuse myself and go to Jia’s room, needing some alone time and privacy.
I use her en-suite bathroom for more privacy, since I know the other guys won’t be coming around here.
The same thing can’t be said about Taehyung, because the idiot walks in to the bathroom without knocking and closes the door behind him.
I look at him with horrified eyes.
“What the fuck?” I hiss. “Taehyung, you can’t be in here.”
“I couldn’t wait.”
“Why not? Wait for what?”
Without saying anything, he leans down and kisses me. He holds my face as he deepens the kiss. Melting my heart and my legs simultaneously.
It’s dangerous how little sense of self-control I seem to have when I’m around him. When he kisses me like this.
I lean back and catch my breath.
“Please stop doing that. We’re gonna get caught, Taehyung.” I hold his hands. “You’ve never acted this reckless.”
He sighs and hangs his head down.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He removes his hands from my face and takes a step back.
Suddenly I want to hit myself. I know it’s stupid and wrong to take this kind of risk.
But I don’t want to ever make him walk away from me like that again.
Fuck it.
I take his shirt in my hands and pull him to me as I crash my lips against his.
He doesn’t need a second to think again. His grip moves to the back of my head as he takes control over the kiss easily.
He kisses me hard and I fail to keep up with his pace. I move my hands to hold the back of his neck as I fist his shirts with my other hand.
I don’t want to let go. Fuck knows I don’t. That’s why I let him decide when he wants to end the kiss.
By the times he does, we’re both breathless and panting for air.
His hungry eyes move around my face.
“What was he talking about?” he asks roughly.
I’m still breathless and dazed by the passionate kiss as I speak.
“Who?” I ask in a daze, my eyes focused on his now pink plump lips.
“Jungkook. Did he ask you out?”
With that, my eyes snap up to his. “Huh?”
“Don’t make me ask a third time.” His voice gets rougher as he brings his head down closer to mine.
“Yeah… I guess he kind of did.”
“Are you interested in him?” He asks with bitter venom.
“What?” My eyebrows fall to a scowl. “What do you mean?”
“He’s not bad looking. A lot of girls like him. Are you interested in him?”
“No.” I respond almost loudly, offended he even assumes that, but then remember where we are and lower my voice again. “Taehyung, I’m not interested in him or anyone else.”
“Are you sure, though? He is single. You’d be able to go on dates with him everywhere. He wouldn’t have to keep you a secret.”
With that, I realize why he’s acting like this all of a sudden.
I move closer to him and hold his face in my palm, gently pushing the long strands of hair away from his face.
“What are you really mad about, Taehyung?” I ask gently.
He swallows and turns his head so his lips can touch my palm.
“I can’t. I hate that I can’t hold you instead of…” He exhales painfully. “I hate that I hold and touch her when I want to hold you. Cuddle with you. Kiss you.” He leans down until his lips kiss mine in the softest touch ever.
There’s so much pain in his voice, in his sad eyes.
I wish for all of those too. Doesn’t matter how many times I see them together, it never gets easier for me.
I shut my eyes and hold onto him tighter, letting him know that I understand him. That I feel the same way.
“I hate that he doesn’t know you’re mine.” He holds the back of my head tightly, like I might slip away if he doesn’t hold me close enough, and presses his forehead on mine. “If they knew, none of them would ask you out or offer you ride home. Fuck, I hate this!” He hisses.
I kiss his lips again before he loses control and becomes too loud.
“Shhh.” I plead with hurt eyes. “Please calm down.” I caress his cheeks.
“Please tell me you’re still mine.” He pleads with so much desperation. His eyes searching mine. “I need to believe that after everything that happens, you are still mine.”
“I’m yours, Taehyung.” I breathe out without waiting. “Nothing can ever stop me
from belonging to you.”
He takes a second to search my eyes. He searches for truth. To believe my words are coming from the bottom of my heart.
And in that moment, something sparks in his eyes. A mad, hungry fire.
He crashes his lips on mine again. He doesn’t just kiss me, he devours me. And I’m already too lost to protest. No. I fuel his fire.
He pushes me into the wall. Still kissing the senses out of me as he brings my left leg up to his waist.
His hardening cock grazes my inner thighs and I can’t help but moan quietly. Still, he devours the moan with another deep kiss before he thrusts his hip into mine. My mind goes wild as I moan and groan in his mouth. All I can think about is that I need the barrier of clothes between us gone. Now.
“Please.” I sound so pathetic as I hold the back of his neck tightly.
“You okay with risking it?” He asks.
Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t just mean getting caught. He clearly doesn’t have a condom with him.
Why does he need a condom with me, you might ask, even though he had gotten vasectomy? That’s the unfortunate part.
As their relationship died slowly, they drifted apart more and more. Emotionally and physically. They stopped being intimate long before I was in the picture.
But the night that this happened was when we were already together. One night after a party, when they both drank a lot and Taehyung was drunk off his mind, he
found himself naked on their bed the next morning with a naked Annie in his arms.
He didn’t remember anything from the previous night, but he didn’t need clear pictures to know what exactly happened. The dried semen on his thighs and her
inner thighs were clear evidence.
Annie remembered everything though, but she wasn’t as nearly panicked as he was. She actually enjoyed it.
He never drank alcohol after that, not wanting to risk anything like that happening to him again. But Annie’s enthusiasm about that night’s events made him paranoid.
So, for my own safety, he decided that he will always use condom with me.
But I trusted him. And I wasn’t as paranoid as he was. So I nodded my head.
“Yes. Just be quick please.” I breathe out.
He doesn’t need to be told twice. He gently puts my leg on the ground as he quickly removes his belt. I want to take his shirt off really bad, but we need to be quick and with little damage to our looks as possible.
But I feel my makeup and hair are mostly ruined, anyway.
He unbuttons and unzips his trousers next as I get distracted by the gorgeous view. I watch how hard and fully erected he seems under those boxers. I want to drop on my knees so bad. But we’ll keep that on pause for another time.
He leaves his pants and boxers like that and helps me unzip my jeans. He gently lowers my panties. He slips his fingers between my lips and strokes the soft wet flesh. I swallow my moans as I hold onto his biceps.
He doesn’t waste time. He lifts me off the ground and places me next to the sink, knocking down half of Jia’s skincare around.
I reach for his boxers as he starts kissing and biting my neck. I pull hard at his hair.
“Don’t leave a mark.” I warn with a groan.
He groans and shuts his eyes as he brings his lips to meet mine.
“I don’t want him asking you out again.” His raspy voice makes my lower stomach to pulse.
“Not now.” I whisper as I go to remove his boxers.
I wrap my fist around his cock as I give him a few tight strokes. He hisses, followed with a moan as he brings his face down on my chest. He lowers my black top and bra and starts biting on the flesh of my breast.
“No problem here, right?”
He keeps biting and sucking as he guides his cock to me, pushing in without wasting any more time. We’re already short on that.
I whimper as he slowly pushes in me. He can’t really do that in one move. We’ve skipped all the foreplay.
He groans but he muffles it with my burning skin.
Suddenly, I realize this is the first time we’re fucking raw.
And it’s in my best friend’s bathroom while everyone are in the living room.
Taehyung wipes all thoughts out of my head as he fully pushes in with one last thrust.
My heart is beating like a fucking drum and we’re both panting hard.
“I have to move quick. Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
I nod my head and hook my arms around his neck.
I touch his lips with mine just as he starts thrusting. One after the other, he keeps thrusting me to the wall.
He doesn’t starts with fast strong thrusts but his pace builds up very fast. I wrap my legs around his waist so he can go deeper.
I want to scream. But all I can do is whimper quietly. His hips ramming into me like a maniac, his raw cock hitting and grazing all the right spots.
We try everything in our power to keep our moans and groans in. Taehyung seems to be going a good job, biting his lower lip to keep all the sounds in. When I fail in being quiet and a moan escapes me, he brings his hand up from my waist and covers my mouth with his palm as he furiously pounds into me.
He might be able to cover the sounds escaping me, but there’s no way to muffle the sounds our slapping flesh make. God I hope no one comes around this room.
His movements become faster and sharper, forcing me to moan and whimper as the pleasure builds up in my lower belly.
His hungry burning eyes look right through my soul as he pounds his hips again and again.
I lift my butt off the counter, trying to match his thrusts with my own hips, but his pace is too fast for me to keep up with. He hits a perfect angle, and when he sees I shake and shut my eyes while digging my nails into his arms harder, he holds my hips up and hits that angle again and again until I break apart.
I quickly cover my mouth as I orgasm. I’m still going through the shock of the orgasm as Taehyung thrusts faster. He breaths heavy while holding me close to him.
He brings my hips down to meet his last hard thrust as he comes. He throws his head back as he lets out a deep throaty groan.
I’m basically off the counter now, my pelvic pressed against his and my legs wrapped around him. I cling onto him. Our chests touch each other, making us feel the hard pound of the other one’s heart.
He holds me close to him like that for few moments. His hands holds my ass up. He looks me in the eyes.
“I fucking love you.”
My heart pounds in my ribcage for a whole different reason than the amazing orgasm I just had. I look at his beautiful face, his flushed cheeks and gorgeous dark eyes.
“I fucking love you, too.”
He kisses me one more time before putting me down on my feet. We both let out a moan as he slips out of me. We both look down to where his cum starts to spill out of me and onto my panties.
I reach for some toilet paper to wipe the mess, but Taehyung takes the paper from my hand and kneels down in front of me.
He wipes the wet spot on my panties with his finger. His burning dark eyes follow the wet line on my inner thighs. He brings his fingers up and rubs me between the lips with the same finger and pushes his finger in. A sudden whimper escapes me as my nails dig into his shoulders.
“What are you doing?” I breath out.
He takes his finger out and stands up. “Let’s keep them in there.” His voice low.
“What?”
He ignores my confusion as he pulls my panties and pants up before adjusting his own clothes.
We take care of our appearance and wash up.
We speak at the same time.
“I’ll go firs—”
“You go first.”
I smile up at him. He gives me a warm smile and he leaves a soft kiss on my temple
before exiting the bathroom.
I let a long and deep breath out. My lower belly is still in chaos, especially as I think of Taehyung’s cum still inside of me. The fact that he acted unlike he ever had and wanted us both to have a reminder of him on —in, actually— my body.
I run my fingers through my hair and try to detangle them.
I can leave now. He must’ve left the room already.
I open the door fully without checking the room before I walk out.
That, was my biggest mistake. I should’ve checked the room first.
I freeze in my spot.
My heart starts to pound harder than ever. Both Jia’s and Taehyung’s heads whip to my direction.
Jia’s words die and she looks at me. With the lights on, I can see the confusion turning into something else.
I feel like I might throw up. But I compose myself and gulp down.
“I think I got my period. I was looking through your bathroom for some pads.” The first lie that comes to my mind flies out of my mouth so easily, I can’t help but feel guilty.
When did it become so easy to lie to my closest friend?
“I’m done with my phone call. I’ll go check on Annie.” He casually says to Jia, his lie sounding way more natural coming from him than mine came from me.
Jia nods at him and moves her eyes to me almost immediately.
Taehyung walks towards the door. But just before he leaves, he turns his head to look at me. But I’m not looking at him. Taking my eyes off Jia doesn’t seem like a smart choice right now.
I just pray in my head that he leaves the room right now, before Jia notices how
long he’s taking to leave.
Thankfully, when he sees me ignoring him, he steps out and walks out of the hallway.
I act casual as I start to walk towards the door too, but I don’t think I seem as calm and cool as I want to seem.
I get so close to the door, but before I can leave, Jia grabs my arm and closes the bedroom door in front of me.
“Were you really looking for pads in there?”
“What do you mean?” I play confused, with my heartbeat in my mouth.
“I mean, were you actually looking for pads in there? Tell me the truth.” Her eyes darken.
“Yes, Jia. I really was looking for pads there.” I sound calm and confident, but I feel anything but that.
She look into my eyes, then speaks again.
“Why was Taehyung here?”
“What?”
“You know what I mean, so stop acting stupid.” She says with more seriousness than I’ve ever heard her use.
“Jia, I don’t—”
“I said stop acting stupid!” She forces out, cutting me off. “I’m giving you a chance to tell me the truth yourself. Don’t ruin our friendship more than you’ve already had.”
My heart beats faster. I can see it in her fuming eyes. No amount of lies will fool her now.
“Jia, it’s nothing like what you think—”
“Then what is it like? Huh?” She gets louder than before, but still not loud enough to bring everyone else into this. “I know two people after fucking from a mile away. So don’t try to insult me by denying it. You’re both flushed and you fucking smell like him!”
I take a step back when she takes one forward, with fury burning in her eyes.
“Well? Talk!” She lowers her voice when she realizes she got loud. “Were you or were you not fucking my best friend’s long-term boyfriend in that bathroom?”
I open my mouth to answer, but my voice dies down. How am I supposed to respond? Everything I say will kill our friendship. That is, if it has already not died.
All I can do is escape her livid eyes.
This is exactly what I’ve always been afraid of.
“How could you do this? I can’t believe that you’re a fucking home-wrecker! With Annie’s fucking boyfriends of all people?”
I keep my eyes down and try to breathe through my nose, feeling a minor panic attack approaching.
“Look me in the eye, damn it!”
I breathe again before bringing my eyes up to meet hers. Immense hurt and disappointment is slowly replacing the fume in them.
“Jia, please listen. This whole thing is not like what you think.” I take another breathe before speaking again. “Their relationship… and ours… it’s not what you all thin—”
“So what? You think you can justify this? Just because they have some small problems in their relationship?” She takes another angry step forward. “Don’t you realize what the fuck you were doing? You were just fucking someone else’s boyfriend under my roof! When his girlfriend and their friends are still sitting in the next room.”
A tear slips down on my cheek.
I start to explain. I don’t know if Taehyung would be okay with me telling Jia things that he never told anyone else, but that’s a problem for another time.
But just as I start to speak, Jia holds out her palm to stop me. Her eyes cold as ice.
“I don’t want to know how long you’ve been fucking him behind my friend’s back, or why. You will end this. You hear me?” She swallows the lump in her throat and brings her face closer to mine. “You will end whatever the fuck is going on between the two of you before Annie finds out about this. Either you do that yourself, or I’ll be the one to tell everyone.”
With that, she twists the doorknob she was holding and walks out of the room, leaving me without giving me a second glance, let alone a second chance to try to explain everything to her.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 ᰔ
I guess I'm incapable of writing anything with an ounce of fluff. I swear, I'll try next time.
Hope you enjoyed and if you did, please let me know your thoughts and opinions. And don't forget to reblog. 💋
𐙚 Tropes : cheating , angst , smut , secret and forbidden relationship
𐙚 Word count : 12.6k
𐙚 Summary : I spent our entire relationship thinking I was the moth, being pulled into him even when I knew I shouldn't have. But now I'm realizing all this time, he was the moth and I was the forbidden flame that burnt him everyday, and still kept his life bright.
[part one] , [part two] , [part three]
Check the trigger warnings in here
Have you even been in situations in life that you never thought yourself to be stuck in? Because you have always believed that no matter what, you will never make decisions that’ll end you up there. Because you could never be that cold-hearted, that sinful.
Situations that make you think ‘what would my friends think of me if they found out where I am right now?’, ‘what would the past-me think about me if she saw me right now?’
The answer to neither of those questions, or other similar ones are good. Both the past-me and my friends would be disappointed and disgusted with me.
I am disgusted with me.
It’s a shame my logical senses haven’t been working for a long time.
They say ‘How you get it is how you lose it’.
I always liked that phrase. I always believed in it. It meant that there’s a balance in the world. That karma works.
Now, with where I am, figuratively and literally, I can’t help wondering is this how she got him?
Is that why she’s losing him to me like this?
Or am I the start of this cycle? Am I the person who made him to be that guy, and I will lose him exactly how I got him?
I can’t seem to stop my head from going there every time I’m alone with my thoughts.
Maybe it’s guilt digging its ugly claws at my insides whenever I'm with him. Because in my conscious I know he isn’t mine and he shouldn’t be here with me. That I have him now because we played the unfair game.
Because I knew when we were done spending our limited time together, he had to go back home. To her.
I think that was the most painful part that made my heart ache. That he lived with her. That every time we were together, he had come from the house he shared with her. And afterwards, he had to go back there.
But what could I say? I was the side lady. The mistress and the heartless villainous bitch. And she was the girlfriend. The innocent victim.
I didn’t have the right to miss him. That right belonged to her. I didn’t have the right to call him mine, because he was hers. I didn’t have the right to love him and receive his love back because all the love was supposed to be for them. Not me.
My self-loathing comes to a halt when I feel him stirring on the mattress behind me. His soft and warm touch on my back. He moves a little more on the bed, turning fully so his front almost touches my back.
We are tangled in my soft and freshly washed sheets. The gentle touch of his fingertips drawing small patterns on my back from shoulder to shoulder makes the hair on my back rise and an electric shiver to crawl down my spine.
My shoulders draw inward a little from the soft touches. I know I just spent the first few
minutes of my day loathing myself for who I've become and what we’re doing, but I can’t help the happy content smile that grows on my lips. My eyes closing on their own record while I enjoy his gentle touches.
I don’t get to wake up to his soothing embrace very often. Occasions like this are painfully rare. And highly treasured and cherished.
I slowly turn to face him. We’re so close I can smell the faint scent of his warm citrusy perfume
on his naked body. Every time he visits my apartment, I end up sniffing the scent trail he leaves
on my sheets and pillowcase after he leaves.
I press my nose to my pillowcase to get a stronger smell of him. His hand is still drawing circular
patterns on my shoulder while he looks deep into my eyes with his sleep-dazed ones. A smile
slowly breaks its way on his lips, too.
He doesn’t say anything. Just keeps doing what he’s doing with his fingertips. His warm and adoring eyes never leaving my face.
It’s like he’s trying to remember every tiny detail on my face, fearing that he might forget them
if he looks away for even a second.
We don’t talk. We just enjoy the peaceful silence of our late morning together. It’s already eleven-fifty AM. But we didn’t get much of sleep last night.
I suggested that for our date night we stay home and watch a movie while we cook our own
dinner. He agreed, after warning me that he may not be much help in the kitchen anyway.
Taehyung is no Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen. But it has been a while since he started trying to
learn more about cooking, practicing as much as he can and watching different cooking tutorials
on YouTube. He swears that even though he only watches them, they have actually helped him
get better in the kitchen.
He even attempted to bake me cookies few weeks ago, even though it wasn’t a very successful
attempt. But it was the thought and the effort that meant the world to me. He really did put all
his efforts in those cookies. He was disappointed and pouting like a baby when they turned ruined before the timer even beeped.
After a challenging meal and watching our all-time favorite movie “Begin Again”, the movie that
we watched in a cinema the first time we went out together, our night slowly turned into a
passionate and heated night of love-making, shortly after tuning to a night where we didn’t stop
fucking until the morning.
Taehyung draws some of the unruly hair that has stuck to my face behind my ear before resting
his hand there, his thumb softly caressing my cheek.
I didn’t want our after-sex bubble to burst. On the rare occasions where he got to stay the next morning, we only had a short amount of time to stay on the bed and in each other’s arms, pretending we didn’t have to cut our time short. That we weren’t monsters, hiding our very forbidden and wrong affair a secret from everyone we know.
I place my hand on his wrist, slowly stroking his skin with the same rhythm as his. We get lost in
each other’s afterglow, just lying in bed and touching the other in every way we can. Like if we
didn’t hold on to each other tight enough, the other one might slip away from our hold and into
the cruel reality.
“Hi.” I say with a smile on my face.
“Hey.” He says softly while tenderly caressing my jaw. His soft eyes studying every
detail of my eyes.
“Do you think there’s a way you could stay in bed with me for a little longer?”
“I haven’t left the bed yet, have I?” he asks amusingly.
“No, I know. I meant for few hours.” He looks at me questionably. “I thought we could stay in bed for the day. Do nothing but eat take out and binge watch a show or something.”
I was really hopeful when I thought about telling him my plan for us for the day. But as he looks
at me with a sad smile and sadder eyes, I'm not as optimistic as I was anymore.
“I'm sorry, baby. If it was up to me, I would want to spend my entire day with you in bed and do nothing. I really do. But I need to go back home.”
He refrains from saying more about why he had to go back. But I remember now because he told me more than a week ago. Annie’s family are here in the city.
He has to go because they are hosting a family dinner at their house tonight. A family dinner
at the house he’s currently living in with her. She had a sleep over with some of her friends last night, that's why he was able to spend the night with me. But he had to go back so they could act
like the happy and in love couple everyone believed them to be.
It’s really hard to hide the bitter look of sadness on my face, but I try my best for Taehyung. I slap on an understanding smile before he notices the hurt in my eyes.
I do an awful job at making the smile reach my eyes.
“It’s okay. I understand.”
I don’t sound as convincing as I wanted.
“I'm sorry. You know that I would rather stay here with you. But she’s been talking
about this family dinner nonstop for weeks. I can’t get out of it.”
“No, no. It’s okay. I don’t want you to get out of it. Don’t worry yourself about it.” I try and
deliver a way better assuring smile this time as I sit up on the bed. “Don’t miss the dinner.”
I push the blanket off me and move towards the bathroom.
But he’s not convinced by my reassurance because he calls my name with plea as he sits up on the bed with
a desperate frown etched on his forehead.
Somehow our morning got ruined before it even had a chance to start.
“Seriously. There’s nothing wrong with going to the dinner.” I let out a weak laugh. “Please don’t feel guilty about it, okay? I understand”
It still doesn’t seem to assure him enough but he gives in and lets the subject go. I give him a small kiss on his lips and leave the bedroom.
My apartment isn’t huge. But it is a very nice place, in a very good neighborhood. A onebedroom apartment with one bathroom that has two doors to both the bedroom and living room, and an open space kitchen. It’s not ginormous, just a perfectly good size place for one
person.
After I do my morning routine in the bathroom and take a quick shower, I step out of the bathroom with a robe towel wrapped around my body.
I walk into the living room and I’m met with a fully dressed Taehyung standing over my espresso
machine, busy making me my morning iced coffee.
The sight warms my heart and wakens the butterflies in my stomach.
Taehyung hates coffee. He never drinks coffee so automatically he never cared to know how to make them. But he goes out of his way each time to make my iced coffee every morning we spend together because he knows iced coffee is a must for me to start my day.
He leaves the cup of espresso to chill and just as he turns around, he comes eye to eye with me and sees me standing by the bathroom door, swooning over him.
He greets me with the most gorgeous smile and walks past the kitchen counter to stand in front of me. He places both of his hands on my waist.
I smile up at him and move my body to be closer to him. I nuzzle my nose in his collar to get a whiff of his scent.
Scents are the main revivers of memories. At least they have always been for me. One whiff of
his signature scent, the mix of his natural scent and after trail of his Armani perfume he wore
last night, and I relive all of our moments spent together. Bitter ones along with the sweet ones.
Taehyung presses his lips to my temple with his eyes closed as we stay there for few moments without saying anything.
“Didn’t you want to take a shower, too?” I ask him, worried he might get late.
“No, it’s okay. I'm gonna take a shower when I go home.”
He keeps his lips on my temple. But I bring my face up to give him a questioning look.
“Annie’s not home. She’s won’t be until the afternoon.” He explains to me.
I nod my head in realization. I move out of his hold to walk towards the kitchen. But before I can
do that, he presses a lingering kiss on my forehead before tilting my head upwards with his
knuckles on my jaw. He searches my eyes.
I stare at his dark deep eyes. I don’t know what he’s searching for or what I can say to make him
feel better, but I do my best with my eyes.
I lean into him and peck his soft lips before going to the kitchen. I realize that except for my
coffee, he hasn’t made anything else for himself. I start making something for our breakfast
along with tea for Taehyung.
While I finish up the breakfast, he comes to my side and takes the espresso from the counter.
He gets started on making my vanilla iced latte as I finish setting the breakfast on the counter.
We sit across each other on my counter and begin our meal.
“Do you have any plans for Tuesday night?” I ask between bites of my fruit salad.
“I don’t think I have any plans yet. Why?”
“My office has given me reservations for a really nice place. I thought we could go out and have
a dinner date. It’s a really classy place.”
I haven’t made a lot of new friends in the city since I moved in. Maybe only one or two good friends. Apart from them, everyone else I know are friends from works. And out of everyone I
know, Taehyung is the person I’d want to spend time with as much as possible.
“That sounds nice.” He pauses before his eyebrows lower in confusion. “Where did the sudden
reservations come from? Are there gonna be any other coworkers around?”
My chewing slows down. Seeing someone we know when we’re together in public is something
we’ve always been careful of. Even though I admit it’s been kind of nice to explore new places
we have never hung out with our friends and discovering new locations for our public dates, the
paranoia that someone might still see us together has always drained our energy more than we
want to admit.
No one wants the constant pressure and stress over their heads when they just want to enjoy their time.
“No. As far as I know, no one else got the reservations.”
Taehyung is quiet for few seconds, lost in his thoughts.
“So you were the only one that received the fancy reservations?”
“Yeah, I guess. I closed a deal with a new client and my boss was really happy about it. It was
kind of like a bonus reward.”
“Uh-ah.” He nods slowly and goes back to his dish.
I’m not sure, but I feel he’s not happy with my answer. I search his body language for a hint of
what might be wrong. Eventually when I find nothing on my own, I ask him.
“Is something wrong?”
He looks up to meet my eyes. He doesn’t give too much up with his eyes when he replies. “No. Nothing’s wrong.”
“You sure? I felt your mood changed after I mentioned the reservation.”
He doesn’t say anything at first. Just looks at me and then down, thinking over his respond in his
head. Eventually he sighs and finally speaks.
“I just feel like your boss has been very generous recently.”
“Not this topic again, Taehyung.” I sigh defeatedly.
“Come on, babe. It’s not the first or second time he has given you special treatment. He has a
clear favoritism towards you and there is a clear reason behind it.” He argues but his voice still carries its calmness.
“He doesn’t have a favoritism for me.” I argue weakly.
He arches a brow. “So he gives expensive fancy reservations to every other employee or invites
them out for dinner and buys them random pricy gifts?”
I stay silent and look down at my plate, playing with my fruit salad. “When you put it that way…”
“Please be careful around that guy, babe. Especially if you have to be alone with him in a room. I
really don’t like him, and I would hate to have to go to jail for beating your boss to a pulp.”
My eyes widen. “Okay, how about calming down a little. I’ll be careful around him. Please stop threatening people’s lives, you psycho.”
He might sound like he’s kidding. But I know that deep down, he’s not.
I try to change the subject and deter his mind from focusing on my boss. My boss has been a
triggering subject for him ever since he asked me on a dinner to talk about a deal I was supposed to make with a potential client.
It was just him and me in a really expensive and high-class restaurant. He didn’t do or say
anything inappropriate to me, not directly. But the fact that to an outsider our dinner looked
like a romantic date made me feel very uneasy the whole time. Usually when we had dinner or
lunch reservations to talk about work, they would be in a more casual place, not in a romantic
place that has a reputation for being a place for serious, romantic dates.
Fancy and exclusive restaurants on the more expensive areas of the city that were really hard to
get into were not considered casual or common.
So to say Taehyung didn’t like my boss was an understatement.
Even throwing away the gift my boss gave me five seconds after I opened it didn’t ease his discomfort.
After we’re done with our breakfast, Taehyung gets busy doing the dishes while I put on a pair
of sweatpants and a simple oversize t-shirt that originally belonged to Taehyung. It now belongs
to a separate drawer I cleared out only for the clothes he keeps here.
He doesn’t have a crazy number of clothes in my apartment considering we aren’t able to spent
many nights together. Only a few pieces he bought so he can keep them here along with couple
of hoodies. He didn’t want to bring his own clothes at home and risk Annie’s suspicion.
I make my bed and step out of my bedroom just when Taehyung finishes with the dishes. We
spend some more time together before he says that he should probably leave. Although he
makes sure to give me a warm lingering kiss that will live in my head for a while before he
leaves.
The kiss lasted more than we intended. He held my head between his palms and looked into my
eyes for a good minute. The look in his eyes is the reason I keep falling for him every day. When
he looks at me with his addicting eyes like he is mesmerized. And all I think about is how
enchanted I am by his deep eyes, too.
I usually spend the days I’m not working doing absolutely nothing. Just stay in my pajama sets
and binge watch a sitcom show or something. But tonight, I do everything and anything I can
think of to take my mind off of the gloominess that clouds my brain. I stop myself from wanting
to text Taehyung during the night to check on him more than few times.
Because why would I even want to know how is the dinner going? I tell myself I would only be
torturing myself if I texted Taehyung during their family dinner.
It takes a lot of control and willpower but I keep myself from thinking about how Taehyung and
Annie might be spending their time together. About how they might seem like the perfect
couple with how they keep giving each other little pecks and kisses here and there and cuddle
and hold each other while they’re sitting on the couch and talking to Annie’s parents. I try to not
imagine any of those scenarios as I hold the small fluffy cushion tighter to my chest and try to
focus on watching the TV show playing in front of me.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
What is worse than spending your entire night not being able to stop your brain from thinking
torturous scenarios about someone you love living with someone else, you might ask?
Having to work the next morning while you’re sleep deprived.
The first iced coffee I got from a local café on my way to work wasn’t close to enough for
socializing with people when I only got three hours of sleep last night. I will definitely have to
continue my day with more than one cup of coffee.
The office is still not full when I walk in. I walk straight to my desk trying to look straight ahead
without making eye contact with other coworkers.
I slowly place my coffee and my bag on my desk. I take out my tablet as I sit and wait for my
computer to start and log in. There aren’t many people working in our floor. But we are close to
the top floor, so our office is nice and fancy. With a full glass office for our manager.
For now, I decide to work on my schedule for the week and organize my personal calendar. I
have barely started working when I hear a cheerful feminine voice greeting me from the other
side of office.
Yeah, definitely not enough caffeine in my system yet.
I place my tablet next to my computer and focus the little energy I have on putting on a smile that
doesn’t seem as forced as it feels and bring my head up to look at the happy energetic woman.
“Hey Annie. Good morning.”
“Hey. How was your weekend?” She says with a smile that oddly enough, reaches her eyes.
Who is even this happy and energetic at 8 am of a Monday morning?
Oh god, please don’t tell me that they—
“Are you okay?”
I shake the daze out of my head and meet Annie’s confused eyes.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” I smile weakly. “It was a good weekend. How about yours? What did you do
yesterday?”
I mentally cringe at my question and give myself a smack at the head. Of course I don't want to know how last night went for her.
A massive smile appears on her face. I can actually see memories flash through her eyes. Fuck.
“It was really good. My parents finally got to visit me after months.” she makes herself
comfortable by sitting on the edge of my desk. The huge smile still glued to her face. “Taehyung
helped me prepare dinner and my parents fell in love with it. We hung out and spent the whole
night watching movies.”
I mentally cringe at my awkward smile but I keep it up. If my awkward encounters with my boss
and hours of boring and insufferable meetings prepared me for one thing, it’s moments like this.
When Annie speaks about how much of a dreamy boyfriend Taehyung is. Or when our mutual
friends talk about how perfect and lovely they look as a couple.
It’s important to always. Keep. The. Smile. On.
I should give myself credit, though. The smile looks more genuine with each try even though I
feel a little more dead inside each time.
Annie goes on about their amazing night, their funny conversations and all the movies they
watched until they fell asleep. And I keep my smile through it and pretend I’m interested even
though I’d rather get back to my coffee and the pile of work I need to do.
Thankfully, Jimin, a coworker and a good friend of us comes and saves me. He approaches us
with a work request and asks Annie for help before they both leave my desk.
I relax my face which is aching from the forced smiles and get back to my work.
I'm not really a bitch. Not in the work place and not to Annie. She did nothing wrong. If
anything, I'm the person doing her wrong. But it’s understandable that having to hear her rave
about her relationship to our coworkers puts me in a sour mood. And they have gotten more
and more constant ever since Taehyung confessed to me that their relationship hasn’t been as
dreamy as she tries to make it seem for a long time. If anything, it keeps getting worse.
I tried to feel guilty for having a part in that. But at that moment, cocooned in Taehyung’s big
and warm arms as we cuddled on my bed and he played with my hair, showering me with sweet
kisses, it was a little hard for me to feel remorse or guilt.
I was exactly where I needed to be.
Not saying that the guilt didn’t eat me alive later.
I focus on doing my work and don’t let anything distract me. Thoughts like Annie’s laugh or my
own raging thoughts, or the fact that I haven’t received any texts from Taehyung like I usually
would. Nope. I don’t focus on any of those. I just concentrate on my work.
I usually take my lunch breaks around this hour every day. My back is screaming every swear
word known to mankind at me for sitting in the same position for hours straight, and my butt feels completely numb at this point.
My body is going to hate me when I hit my fifties.
I push my chair back and stretch my body a little, hearing almost every bone on my back and
shoulders crack. The only time I got off my desk today was when I needed another cup of
coffee. I look at my empty cup before I see my phone screen light up with a text notification.
My tired face instantly lights up with a smile before realizing I'm grinning at my phone like an idiot. I neutralize my face before anyone notices and pick up my phone.
As I had anticipated, I see the texts from Taehyung.
Taehyung: Hey curly head. How’s work? Be honest, how many coffees did you have before eating
anything? Don’t forget to leave your desk for a little bit and eat something.
Taehyung: I'm sorry I didn’t call you last night. I tried but I got interrupted the moment I dialed
you and I didn’t get a minute to myself after that. I'm really sorry. I’ll make up for it when I see
you. Can’t wait for tomorrow night. [red heart emoji]
I read the text a second time with a small smile that escapes my lips even though I try to keep
my face plain.
One of Taehyung’s pet names for me is “curly head”. I don’t usually wear my hair in their natural
curly style, preferring straight hair over curls since I think it suits me better. But Taehyung disagrees. He loves the natural style. I think he’s a little too obsessed with my curls.
I really was waiting for him to call me the entire night. I didn’t get my hopes too high, though. I
know how clingy Annie can get when they have an audience. Deep down, I already knew he
wouldn’t be able to call me even though he promised the moment he got some moment of
privacy, he would.
I quickly text him back. Assuring him that I understood it would be hard for him to call me and
that I just hope he enjoyed his night.
I don’t wait for a reply from him. Instead, I decide to have my lunch now.
The moment I step into the breakroom, Jia, one of my closest friends walks in after me and sits
on the empty chair next to me.
“Hey, I've been looking for you. Do you have any plans after work?”
I put my lunch down on the table.
“No. Not any plans. How come?”
“Nothing special. Some of the guys wanted to go out for drinks after work. Thought we could
join them. We haven’t spent much time together lately.”
“Yeah, sorry for that. Life has been hectic lately.” I give an apologetic smile.
“Great.” She smiles happily. “It’s a promise. You will not vanish right after work and we’ll do
some catching up.”
Catching Jia up on my life has turned into a very challenging task since a lot of my recent
activities included a certain someone that I could not mention to any of my friends, let alone my
best friend.
Not only was it hard to imagine the look on my friend’s face if she were to find out about my affair, but it was impossible to bear the image of her pure hatred towards me if she ever found
out who I had an affair with.
Jia and Annie have been good friends for years. The betrayal would feel bigger for her.
So instead, I settle for telling her small boring news about my life. I listen to her life updates for
most of the night. We listen to the music playing in the bar as we drink and talk, occasionally partaking in a conversation with our colleagues, too.
At some point in the night, someone thinks it’s a good idea to play a drinking game. And despite
some disagreements and calling it a silly idea, we play it anyway.
It turns out to be a safe and decent game. No big drama is created and even though we find out
some interesting facts about our work friends, everyone’s dignity remains safe.
No one crosses any boundaries and surprisingly, we have a good time, considering the questions
came from a random website which had a huge potential to go very bad. Because on top of
that, Annie agreed to play, too.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
Before
I ignore the text notification that is lighting up my phone screen again as I refill my drink and
gulp down my drink immediately.
There’s not too many people in the kitchen. Well, not many people I know. Jia is a social
butterfly with a lot of friends and acquaintances from everywhere. It was a given that her
twenty-sixth birthday party would be a crowded one. Fortunately for her, her two bedroom
apartment has more than enough space for all of her guests.
She comes from a great financial background. So it wasn’t hard for her to find a spacious
apartment in the good side of the city when she decided to start her independent life.
I ran away from the swarmed living room and found an amazing company next to her liquor cabinet
minutes ago.
Being surrounded by so many people was not easy for me. I don’t know a lot of them and I’m
not in a socializing mood tonight. The only way I had to entertain myself was to browse on my
phone, but the nonstop texts and calls have pissed me off even more.
I’m not usually a sad and distant person in parties and social gatherings, but tonight I don’t feel like my
usual self. Deep down, I just want to be alone, maybe with a bowl of ice cream and an episode of “2 Broke Girls”. But Jia is my closest friend. I couldn’t forgive myself if I left her tonight and
missed her birthday. So I decided to suck it up and stay for a few hours. I’m not staying until
after midnight. And I try to stay in the more crowded rooms as little as possible.
I catch the balcony empty and take my only chance. I haven’t been able to have a fresh air the
entire night. People have been going in and out of the balcony the entire night for a smokebreak since Jia was very strike about no smoking inside the house. I move towards the balcony
door quickly, not wanting to give another person a chance to beat me into it.
I get out of the living room and close the balcony’s sliding door behind me. I inhale the free air
through my nose. There was no smell of smoke inside, but the headache enthusing smell of all
the mixed perfumes and strong alcohol was starting to make me nauseous.
Honestly, the smell of my own breath is starting to bother me, too.
I look into my handbag for mint, when I notice another presence in here with me.
I jolt when I look up and see someone on the other side, leaning on the edge of the balcony
with a cigarette in his hand.
“Sorry, I didn’t know someone was here.” I say quickly before turning for the door.
“No, it’s fine.” He stops me. “Please, stay.”
I open my lips to respond but I hesitate.
“Is everything okay?” He asks gently.
“Yes. It’s just that… I don’t like the smell of smoke.” I look at the smoke between his fingers.
He follows my eyes and looks down at the cigar in his hand.
I wait for him to get offended and throw me out himself, but he surprises me when he brings his
head up and looks at me with a soft smile.
That’s when I really realize how beautiful this man is. His smile makes my head stop working for
long seconds. He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.
The gears in my head start working when he starts speaking again.
“Oh. Forgive me.” With that, he uses the ash tray on his left to put down his smoke.
I’m surprised by his action.
“You didn’t have to do that. I just came out here for some air. I could’ve just gone back inside.”
“It was my bad. You’re right. People should have some fresh air when they come outside, not be
smothered by the smell of smoke.”
“Actually, everyone comes out here for smoking. I don’t think anyone here needs a breath of
fresh air.” I smile.
“Well, then it makes just the two of us.” He stares ahead into the city.
I look at over his figure leaning his weight on his elbows. He doesn’t look as lively as the rest of the party. Almost like me.
“You didn’t look like you were getting much fresh air a moment ago.” I joke as I point at his half-smoked cigarette.
“Yeah, I guess.” He looks down at it and chuckles. “I suppose I needed to be by myself a little
more than I needed fresh air.” He says on a more serious note.
I understand that. That’s exactly why I needed to get on this balcony, too. No one in that room
knows about the failure of my relationship, not even Jia.
I don’t think it was the fact that I didn’t want to explain to people why I’m not here with my
boyfriend —well, now ex-boyfriend—, or even mentioning that he hasn’t stopped reaching out to
me all night, even though he was the one that ended our relationship three weeks ago that
made me want to be away from people. Just loneliness, and somehow being overwhelmed at
the same time.
We stand in silence and enjoy the quietness. It’s not exactly quiet. The city is alive as it could be
and we can still hear the sound of music and chatter from inside the apartment. But it’s not
being talked to and not having to talk that makes the moment pleasant.
At some point, as we enjoy the view, I feel calm and comfortable enough to break the silence
and hold a conversation with the gorgeous man next to me.
“How do you know Jia?” I turn my eyes to him.
His eyes leave the city to look at me.
“I’m not personally a friend of her myself. I know her through someone.” He settles for the short
answer. “You?”
“She’s one of my closest friends.” I don’t mention that she’s my only true close friend, not
wanting to seem as lonely and unsocial as I feel.
“Then you should be inside, partying and drinking with her like all of her friends. What are you
doing here?” He genuinely asks. He doesn’t sound insulting or mocking by any means.
“I don’t really feel partying tonight. I don’t mind getting drunk, though.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, same.”
“How come you’re not inside?” I ask. “Didn’t you mention you’re friends with Jia’s friend?”
He looks down at his hand as he tangles his fingers together. He slowly nods. “Yeah, but I guess I
was feeling a little overwhelmed, too. I’m not a big fan of huge crowded groups of people.”
“Then how come you attended this party?”
He keeps his eyes down on his hands.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” I quickly apologize when I realize I might’ve overstepped. “I just
meant in the way that everyone who knows Jia knows that her parties aren’t on the more
exclusive and private side.”
He chuckles as he straightens up and sits on the chair next to him.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t offended by the question.” he sighs. “I didn’t have anything better to do, so I
had to come.” He glances my way. “How about you?”
“I can think of one or two things I could be doing right now,” I lean my hip on the chair on the
opposite side of the table Taehyung’s sitting at. “but I had to be here for Jia. Didn’t want to not
be with her for her birthday.”
“But you’re not with her right now.” He raises his eyebrow at me in question.
“That’s right, I’m not.” I chuckle. “But it’s the thought that counts. And she’s so busy with all the
other guests, she won’t even notice that I’m hiding out here.”
“So you’re hiding here? I thought you were having some fresh air.” He amuses with a teasing
smirk.
I laugh at his attempt to bust me. “Can’t a person do both?”
“Yes. I guess they can.” He says as his gorgeous smile starts to wear off.
I look down at my hand as I play with the strap of my handbag.
“It’s interesting how I’ve known Jia for so long but I’ve never seen you around.” He says out
loud, bringing me out of my head.
“I haven’t known her for long.” I sit on the chair. “And we usually hang out on our own, just the
two of us. She has invited me to join her and her friends many times, but I guess I wasn’t
comfortable doing that.”
“Why not?”
I sigh as I look away at the busy city.
“I guess I wasn’t a big fan of huge crowded groups of people, either. I prefer small but close
circles.” I finish with a small smile.
He slowly nods his head while keeping his eyes on me. We don’t break the gaze. I feel lost in his
dark eyes as I notice the asymmetrical shape of his eyelids. It’s almost painful how exquisite his
face is.
I can’t help but feel a strong pull to him. Like I want to be closer to him, and not just in a physical
way. I want to get to know him. I want to keep talking to him and listen to him talking to me all
night. Could it be possible to stay here on this balcony with him without anyone interrupting us
and talk all night? Because that’s what I truly want.
“What?” he asks with a chuckle.
“What?” I ask as I bring my eyes up to his quickly, suddenly feeling like I got caught while doing a forbidden act.
“You’re staring at me.” He chuckles again.
“You were staring, too.”
“Maybe. But I want to know why you were staring.”
“You are a confusing man. Did you know that?”
“Is what you think of me? Just confusing?”
“That, among other things.” My heartrate picks up.
“And what are those other things?”
“What is this, a self-analysis test you’re having? Wanting to know how people perceive you?” I
raise an eyebrow with a tilt of my lips.
He lets out a laugh before turning his eyes to the view in front of us, but seems to change his
mind when he looks my way again.
“I’m Taehyung, by the way.”
I smile at him. A beautiful name for a beautiful man, I think to myself.
“It’s really nice to meet you, Taehyung.” I say his name out loud, wanting to hear how it sounds
on my tongue. “I’m—”
We both jolt at the loud sound of the balcony door sliding open. Jia looks at me with overjoyed
eyes.
“Here you are.” She announces happily. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
Her eyes fall on Taehyung before she stops in her track.
“Oh, you’re here too, Taehyung.” She says with a grin.
Taehyung gives her a smile, but it doesn’t seem to reach his eyes.
“Come on out, you two. What are you even doing in here?”
I go to protest, but Jia leans forward and grabs my forearm. I look behind my shoulder to plea
for help from Taehyung before Jia literally starts to drag me out of the balcony. I mouth “Please
help me” to him. I see him looking our way with a chuckle. He puts his hands in his pockets and
looks down before shakes his head slowly. He starts to follow us inside while Jia still holds my
arm and leads me into her spacious living room.
She guides us through the room and into a group of people. Some of them are sitting on the
couch and some are standing close to them with drinks in their hands, talking.
Jia doesn’t lose the hold she has on me while she leans back and grabs Taehyung’s button down
shirt. She gently shoves him forward.
“Look, Annie. I finally found your man. He’s been in the balcony the whole time.” She says loudly
over the music to the blonde girl sitting on the couch.
My face falls at Jia’s words. I’m socked to the point that I can’t move even a millimeter.
I stand still as I watch Taehyung slowly walk to the couch where the blonde girl is sitting.
From the outside, my face is void of any emotions as I watch with my crazy heartbeat how the guy sitting next to her
leaves his seat so Taehyung can sit next to her. Annie, the blonde girl, puts her hand on his thigh
and he rests his arm on the couch behind Annie.
Taehyung brings his head up and looks directly into my eyes. The second I see his dark hazel
eyes see me looking at him, I avert my eyes. I try to look anywhere but at them.
My eyes fall at the guy standing next to Jia and on cue, he turns his head to me and greets me
with a smile. I return the gesture by a smile of my own that doesn’t quite reach my eyes.
“I haven’t seen you all night. Why do you keep running away?” Jia directs at me.
“Sure you’ve seen me. You just don’t remember because you had to greet a thousand other
people.” I reply with the soft smile intact to my lips.
Jia chuckles. “Yeah, I know. It turned into a bigger party than I planned. And it’s funny because
you don’t know more than half of them. Let’s start from here.”
Two guys that were sitting on the smaller couch leave their seats to go with the two girls they
were talking to, and Jia leads us towards their seats.
She sits on the right side of the couch, leaving me the left side. Right next to Annie.
Jia starts. “This is Annie. One of my oldest friends here.”
She gives me sweet smile and nods her head at me. I feel slightly uncomfortable meeting her
eyes. But I can’t let it show. We don’t even know each other. No one can know how awkward I feel inside because I had a short-lived crush on her boyfriend and admired his insane beauty in
my head.
I mean, I’m sure she’s used to girls admiring her boyfriend. He looks like a freaking Greek god.
“And you’re going to be seeing a lot of her. She’s actually in our company building. She’s been
recently promoted to our floor.” Jia raises her drink to her friend.
Annie happily giggles and returns the gesture at Jia.
I smile politely at her and brace myself for the next person Jia will be introducing to me.
“And this is Taehyung, Annie’s boyfriend. Which I guess you’ve kind of already met.”
I swallow as I meet Taehyung’s gaze. He doesn’t show any particular emotion. He just smiles and
nods his head slightly. His smile is genuine and beautiful. Just like the one he gave me when we
were out on the balcony.
Stop admiring other people’s boyfriends, you idiot, I scream at myself.
I try to not keep my eyes on him for too long. My body stiff and uncomfortable under his gentle
but deep gaze.
My body doesn’t relax as I greet everyone Jia introduces to me, because I can still feel Taehyung’s eyes on me.
And that’s when I know for sure, that whatever chemistry I felt outside on the terrace wasn’t
just in my head. It was something that we both definitely felt. And even now when we’re not alone anymore, we still feel it around us.
We both notice it all, and it’s a good thing that no one else does.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
Present
“Oh my god! It’s huge and beautiful.” A female coworker exclaims while holding Minji’s hand.
Everyone from our office have circled around the happy couple when they walked in together
and announced that they are officially engaged now. They’ve been in a relationship for the past
year and a half and apparently, Junho popped the question this past weekend when they went
on a small vacation with her family.
We are standing around them, congratulating them when someone clears their throat not so
quietly.
We all turn around to see our boss standing in the entryway looking unpleased with the crowd that has formed. He couldn’t care less about two of his employees engagement, so quietly scatter around the office, each person taking their own seat at their desk.
I’m stopped in my track by my boss as he approaches me and asks for a minute of my time. I
don’t want to give him a minute of my time, but he’s my boss and I’m his employee. So I smile
politely and give him a fucking minute of my time.
“What was just going on over there?” he asks with a gentler tone, as opposed to his expression
back there.
“Just congratulating our coworkers.” I say with a flat smile.
“I see.” He doesn’t seem to care anyway, because he asks. “How was dinner last Tuesday?”
“It was great, sir. Thank you again, for the reservation.”
“Oh, of course. Don’t mention it.” He makes himself comfortable and sits on the edge of an empty desk. “Though it was a shame I couldn’t go on the dinner myself, too.” He says pointedly.
I give him a tight smile, fully understanding the meaning behind his eyes and meaningful smirk.
It’s not like I can do anything about his behavior. He’s my boss. He has all the upper hands and
all I can do is to stay silent and take it.
“Tell me, did you go by yourself?”
“No, sir. I actually took a friend with me.”
He hums to himself. I keep my tight smile, hoping he dismisses me so I can go back to my work.
“Good. You keep nailing your deals, and I’ll make sure you’ll get your bonuses for your hard
work.” His voice gets lower. His eyes not leaving me.
I shift my weight on my feet, feeling uneasy with this conversation. I didn’t want to admit it to Taehyung the other day to fuel his fire, but he was absolutely right about him. And I don’t like being alone with this man.
He finally dismisses me and I try to not look too happy as I turn around and walk towards my
desk.
“She’s finally done kissing his balls. God, she doesn’t even try to be subtle about it.” I hear a
woman whisper to someone. They’re talking about me.
I stop in my track. I turn around and see the two women close to each other while they give me
a dirty look. The moment I look at them, they stand tall and neutralize their faces. But it’s not
because of me.
I sense Jimin coming to stand next to me before I see the unfriendly way he looks at the two women. He doesn’t have to say anything to them. They both turn their heads away, pretending
they weren’t talking shit behind my back and scatter away towards their own desks.
He doesn’t leave my side after he scares the nosy mean girls of the office away. I turn to him
fully and see his face soften.
“Don’t pay them any attention.” He tells me.
“It’s hard not to. Doesn’t half of the office already think I’m sleeping with him for bonus and
promotion?” More like the entire office.
And Jimin knows that. That’s why he doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me with helpless
eyes. Like he understands the truth, and wishes he could make everyone else realize that, too.
But he can’t. People will believe what they want to believe. And if they know the truth, but still
decide to believe something else, no one can do anything about it.
“Doesn’t matter. They don’t matter to me, anyway.” I try to use a more cheerful tone. “At least
one person here doesn’t think that of me.” I smile at him.
A smile breaks through his lips before he squeezes my shoulder in reassurance.
“I would never believe such a thing about you.”
We both go to our own desks to get back to our work.
Later that day, we decide to go to our usual place for drinks in celebration of our coworkers
engagement.
We all sit around a table in the bar. Some of the guys bring more chairs from other tables so we
can all sit with each other. Some of us decide to stay here for longer, and I agree. I miss spending
time with the few friends I have. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun hanging out
with Jia and Jimin.
Jia is busy showing us something on her phone when Annie’s phone, who is sitting on the other
side of Jia, rings. Jia pauses the video before Annie apologizes with a grin and answers her
phone.
“Hey, honey. Yeah, we're inside the bar.”
The genuine smile that had lasted on my lips all night falls instantly. It’s no mystery who’s on the
other line.
“Yes, we’re all sitting at a big table.” She raises her head to look around the bar.
I get alarmed by her words. I sit up in my chair while I feel my heart in my mouth. Annie’s growing smile while she shakes her hand for someone behind us frightens me even more.
Oh god. Oh god, please don’t let that be…
Annie hangs up the phone as Jia speaks up.
“Is that Taehyung?”
“Yes. Everyone decided to stay late and drink, so I thought I could call him over, too. We haven’t
all gotten together for a drink in so long.”
Jee, I wonder why.
Jia just smiles happily, and as Taehyung gets closer to our table. I stay put in my seat, my back
facing Taehyung as Jia and Annie and couple of other guys get up from their chairs to greet him.
Most of their friends came to their circle through Jia, and Jia is almost friends with our entire
building. And ever since Annie joined our floor, more and more people from our office joined their social circle.
Somehow, me and Jimin are the only people that don’t hang out with them as much. Jimin has
his own close friends and social circle. And me, well, my reasons are pretty clear. And so I keep
my eyes forward.
Taehyung walks to where Annie was sitting while he says hi to Jimin who is sitting on my left
side. Jimin greets him with a nod of his head before Taehyung eyes fall on me next. I turn to him
just enough to welcome him with a short smile and nod of my head.
No one notices the look we exchange. We’ve had enough practice in situations similar to this to
not get caught. We keep the interactions and eye contacts to a minimum. Because we know
when our eyes meet, there is no hiding the obvious longing in our eyes. That’s why I’m the first
one to break the eye contact and look down at my drink.
“You should bring another chair from over there.” Jia tells Taehyung, pointing to an empty chair
two tables away from us.
“Oh, it’s fine. He can take mine.” Annie chirps before pushing Taehyung down on the seat.
“What about yourself?” Asks Jimin.
Annie sits on Taehyung’s lap and swings her arm around his neck. “I have one right over here.”
Taehyung seams stiff and uncomfortable by her little show but gives her a tight smile. Everyone
else though, find Annie charming and amusing. I put on a tight smile, but what I really wanna do
is to pull at my hair, hard.
Staying here was a mistake. I should’ve left sooner when I had the chance. If I leave now, after I
agreed to stay late, everyone specially Jia will find it weird.
Everyone start talking again. They joke and laugh and order more rounds of drinks. I’m torn
between drinking my heart out until I don’t give a fuck about how Annie keeps playing with
Taehyung’s hair mindlessly while she listens to others talking, or stop drinking now before I get
too drunk and do something stupid.
But it’s hard. I know I don’t have the right to feel this way, but it hurts me to sit here helplessly
and watch them present a perfect couple.
Annie keeps getting closer to Taehyung and kisses his
face here and there while Taehyung keeps his hands perfectly still on her waist. It’s like being
forced to watch a live show of the most torturous play ever.
But I don’t show a single emotion. I sit there and take it all. I keep myself busy by talking to
Jimin, since Jia is too busy being the life of the party and talking to everyone else. And I don’t
want to be involved in their conversation. I don’t want to have to look their way more than
necessary. Even though I know I can’t ignore them and everyone else at the table all night.
When Jia directs a question at me out loud, I have no choice but to turn a little on my seat and
look their way.
The moment I turn around, I go still.
I watch as Annie does a shot but doesn’t swallow the drink. She holds Taehyung’s face tight in
her hand and kisses him, passing the drink to Taehyung while her lips are on his soft ones.
Suddenly, I can’t remember what I wanted to say. I can’t even remember what was Jia’s question. All I feel is a huge wave of nausea. I start to feel sick as I see Taehyung swallowing the
drink and tells Annie something with fury as he uses a napkin to wipe the drink that poured out of her
mouth on his chin. I even hear a few coworkers whistling at them. But the sound is muffled in
my ears.
When I feel the nausea getting more intense, I grab my purse off the table.
“Excuse me, guys. I feel a little unwell. I’ll be back.”
I stand up from my seat and leave the table before anyone gets a chance to talk to me. I want to
run to the bathroom, but that will look too strange.
So I calm myself and breathe through my nose. When I get to the ladies room, I shove the door
open and throw myself in. My purse slips out of my hand and onto the floor as I grab onto the
sink before I feel my legs give out.
I press my eyes shut, but it’s no help. I can’t shake the image out of my head. I know it’sridiculous to feel this way. They’ve done way worse things, but I don’t want to have a front row
ticket to any of those.
I cover my mouth with my palm and breathe harder. I feel my skin getting warm. Too warm. I
hate using public restrooms, let alone get sick in one of them.
I splash some cold water on my burning skin before I hear the door to the bathroom opening. I get myself together and stand straight. Even though I still feel nauseated, I don’t want one of my
coworkers to see me like this. Just like the incident earlier today at the office, my female
coworkers can get really mean sometimes.
But I jump in my spot when I see it’s Taehyung.
I feel the bile rising in my mouth.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I whisper-yell.
I never checked the toilet stalls. We’ll be screwed if someone is in one of them.
“I came to check on you. You didn’t seem okay.” He says before he walks to me.
“I’m fine. Okay? Now please go before someone comes in here.” I tell him, but my words don’t
change the fact that I lean into his touch when he holds my face in his palms.
My eyes close on their own record as I cling onto his hands. His touch is like ice on fire, cooling
down my burning skin.
“But you don’t look okay.” He sounds even more concerned.
“Tae, what if someone sees us in here?” I ask lazily.
“Don’t worry. Everyone were too engaged in another drinking game.” That doesn’t ease my
worries. “What’s wrong with you? Are you going to get sick?”
Yes. I feel like it’ll happen any moment now.
“I couldn’t. I just couldn’t watch you two...” I shut my eyes again.
Awareness dawns on him as he holds my face with a new compassion. He lowers his head till
our foreheads touch.
“I’m sorry, babe. I really am. She keeps catching me by surprise. Trust me, I didn’t want to do
any of those displays of affection.”
I feel the desperation in his voice. He keeps caressing my cheeks with his thumbs as he
apologizes, so I pour my heart out.
“I know it’s unfair to feel like this. She is your girlfriend and I’m nobody. But I just…” My eyes get
blurry as I look up at his beautiful, sad eyes.
“You are not nobody. You hear me? You’re my everything. Everything that is keeping me together and standing up. I don’t have anything but you.”
His eyes are so passionate, pushing out every word with a heavy load of meaning. I look into his
eyes with a new-found revelation.
I’ve always thought I’m the one that fell first and harder. I wasn’t even sure if he ever fell for me,
if he felt as strongly as I felt towards him. Or if I was simply a mistress for him. A woman on the
side.
But his words, the way he’s looking at me, the longing and the pain, I know now for sure. I don’t
know who fell first, but I know that he’s the one falling harder.
“Taehyung—”
He shushes me by putting his lips on mine. Kissing me like it’s our first kiss, like it might be our
last kiss, too. He pours all of his pain and passion into the kiss, forcing my lips apart so he can
push his tongue in.
I don’t get enough time to react. He dominates my tongue in no time, kissing me with so much
skill and force, I feel my heart in my mouth for a completely different reason that earlier.
He slips his fingers through my hair and hold the back of my head. He slowly takes a step
forward while I take one backwards. We repeat the same rhythm until my back hits the
bathroom wall.
He mindlessly thrusts his hips into me, losing control for a moment. We both moan at the same
time, but the sound is muffled by our touching lips. He does the same move again, thrusting his
hips into me, and then I lose my control.
I hang onto his body for dear life, pushing my hips into his, trying to feel more of him. Of the
way he yearns and desires for me. It’s all too apparent in his trousers, getting more obvious by
every thrust of our joining hips.
That’s why he holds my hips in a death grip and stops my movements.
“Stop. I can’t go back with a hard-on.” He breathes out, pain clear in his voice.
“But you already have one. Shouldn’t we take care of that?” I tease as I go to move my hand
towards his bulge. But he’s quick to hold my wrist before I get to touch him.
“Not now. We’ll do that later.” His hand leaves my wrist before it moves slowly from my stomachto the outline of my skirt, wakening every nerve on my body with the faint touch of his fingers.
“Right now, we’ll take care of this.”
He lowers his hand to my right thigh, raising all the hair on my body before moving upward,
towards my inner thighs.
My breathing becomes shallower. His lips are barely an inch away from mine, killing me with
anticipation of tasting them again.
But he doesn’t satiate my thirst, instead he moves his lips to
the space between my cheek and ear, keeping his lips there. I tilt my head in a little so I can get
a whiff of his perfume. I’m addicted to his scent like an alcoholic is addicted to whiskey. Even
sitting so close to her and being touched by her all night hasn’t clouded his scent the slightest.
A bitter taste fills my mouth with the returning image of him with her all night, but they all fly
out of the window the moment his fingers push my underwear aside and faintly touch my burning spot.
My entire body is burning, and he hasn’t even touched me properly yet.
I fist his shirt in my hands, my nails scratching his skin underneath as I move my hips so I can
finally feel his touch.
“Please stop torturing me.” I plea with desperation.
A throaty chuckle leaves his mouth.
“You know how I love to torture you like this. But lucky for you, we’re short on time.”
With that, he finally pushed his fingers in, two at the same time.
God, yes.
My mouth shapes an o but no sound leaves me. I stay silent as he starts to press my g-spot almost immediately.
I arch into his hand. He works magic with his warm and skilled fingers. His free hand yanks my
blouse and bra down. He kisses his way down to my chest and latches onto my nipples. One at a
time, he sucks and licks them while I hold onto his hair and press my lips shut.
He adds a third finger, working all his tricks to weaken my knees even more. I can’t help the
single moan that escapes my lips. I hold in my breath to keep all the noises in as I come.
My heart is pounding like a war drum. His fingers don’t leave the spot until after I’m spent,
fucking me through the orgasm. I sag against him. My legs give out as he takes my weight and
holds me close to him. My breathing is barely even when he straightens my skirt and slips the
hair in my face behind my ear with his other hand.
“Let’s get cleaned. We can’t stay longer.”
He holds me up by my elbows and makes sure I can stand steadily.
“But Taehyung, we didn’t—”
“Shh.” He cuts me off with another deep, bone-melting kiss. “Let’s talk later. Tonight, even.
When we’re out of here and alone.”
“You can come tonight?” I ask with hope.
He leaves a lingering kiss on my forehead. “I will come tonight. Now let’s get out of here. They’ll
notice we’ve been gone for too long.”
With that, I move to the sink to fix my look. My look is not as messy as I thought. My full face of
makeup —except for my lips— is on place to cover the flush of my skin. But I don’t know what to
do about my flushing neck and ears.
Taehyung washes his hands while I splash cold water on my neck before he holds my hand in
his. He picks up my purse from the floor and hands it to me. We leave the ladies room like that,
but before anyone can see us, he gives my hand one last squeeze and lets go of it. I miss his
hand in mine instantly, yearning for his warmth already.
We walk towards our table together. The first person that notices us is Jia. She sits up and looks
over me, then Taehyung.
“Are you okay? You were gone for a while.” She asks me.
I sit between Jia and Jimin again. I feel Jimin looking at me and just noticing I was gone for a
while, too.
“I’m fine. I think I should stop drinking now, though.” I respond to Jia, blaming my sickness on
drinking too much.
“You didn’t even have that much drink.”
Her attention falls on Taehyung who is sitting on Annie’s seat again, she follows after and sits on
his lap. His eyes fly to me almost instantly. Annie is too drunk and busy winning the drinking
game to notice anything. And to everyone else on the table, it’s a simple look. No one sees the
emotions behind his eyes, but I do. It’s desperation, longing and apology, all at the same time. I
give him a faint smile, reassuring him that I’m fine and I understand.
“What about you? Are you okay?” This time, Jia’s question is directed at Taehyung.
He turns to her. “Yeah. There was a line at the bathroom, that’s why it took long.” He says
casually.
For one last time, Taehyung looks over to me, making sure that I’m okay. And I am. Annie is not
slightly as touchy. Everything she was doing was merely a show, a parade of their perfect
relationship. Now that she’s drunk, she doesn’t care about façade. She’s too drunk to even hold
herself straight up.
I feel Jia’s eyes traveling between us, so I stop looking at Taehyung immediately and turn to
Jimin.
“You good?” he asks me quietly.
He didn’t participate in the drinking game. He looks way more sober than the rest of the table
with his drink in front of him.
“Yeah, I’m better.” I smile kindly at him, touched by his thoughtfulness to check on me.
My boss’s “favoritism”, as Taehyung puts it, has made a lot of our coworkers unfriendly and
spiteful towards me. Most of them believe that I’m sleeping my way through success while they
work hard for nothing.
The only person aside from Jia who has been a true friend to me, is Jimin. We aren’t close
friends and we don’t really hang out alone outside our work time, but he is a good friend. And
I’ll always appreciate him.
A laugh escapes me when I turn my head in time to watch a drunk and giggling Minji almost fall
off of her chair before her fiancé jumps to catch her in time.
But it seems like my eyes have a mind of their own, because even though I know I should stop,
they get pulled back to where Taehyung is. But this time, he’s not looking at me. He’s eyes are
on Jimin while everyone else’s are on the cute couple.
I don’t see any emotion in his eyes, he’s just looking at him. Watching him. Until he notices my
eyes on him. He forgets about Jimin and gives me a small smile. I return it before we both avert
our attention back to where everyone else are looking at.
We stay at the bar for a little longer until half the party is too drunk to sit up on their seats. So
we decide to call it a night. Everyone leave their chairs and start calling for cabs, since almost
everyone drank tonight.
Jia splits a cab with two other friends, and since Taehyung didn’t order any drinks tonight, he’ll
be driving Annie home, obviously.
Taehyung offered to give both me and Jia ride to home, since he didn’t want to risk making it
look suspicious by just offering me a ride, but Jia turned him down with a chuckle before I got a chance to respond. He tried to insist harder, but he called him silly and told him that I live on theother side of town from him —yes, Jia. He knows that— and we’ll just get our own cabs.
I smiled at him with apology, because he tried. But it’s for the best. We can’t do what we want
when even one single person we know is around us.
I make sure to wipe my purse clean before I touch it again before I feel someone walking to me.
I raise my head and I’m met with Jimin.
“Aren’t you calling a cab?”
“Oh, yeah. I will. I just dropped my purse in the bathroom. I wanted to make sure it’s clean.” I
throw the used napkin on the table.
“I can give you a ride if you want.”
I look at him unsure. “I don’t think you should give yourself a ride tonight.”
“Don’t worry.” He chuckles. “My drinks where alcohol-free all night. I don’t drink and drive.”
“Oh.”
“So, you wanna stay here or will you be coming with me?”
“No, I don’t want to an inconvenient for you. It’s easier to call a cab.” I stand up.
“Inconvenient? Are you kidding me?” he scoff. “Look, I’m just offering because I know you live
close to my place. And it’s late so it’s getting hard to get a cab. But do whatever you’re
comfortable with.”
“How do you know where I live?” I ask curious.
“From Jia.”
“Ah.” I nod my head in understanding. “She’s a yapper sometimes, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, sometimes.” He chuckles.
He doesn’t seem to have a problem with driving me home, and he looks completely sober, so I
take him on his offer. He’s a good person and it’ll be nice to bond with someone other than Jia
from time to time.
We are the last people to walk out of the bar. Aside from Taehyung and Annie and a couple
more coworkers waiting for their cabs, everyone has already left. Annie keeps dozing off, not
even able to hold her own weight anymore. She leans her weight on Taehyung and he holds her
up with an arm around her mid body. She keeps moving around before slipping from his grasp
for a short moment. Taehyung moves quick to catch her.
I suck in a sad breath and turn my eyes to Jimin when he talks to me.
“My car is parked a block away. Can you walk in your shoes or should I bring the car here?” He
asks out loud.
I can sense Taehyung’s head jerking to our direction. I don’t want to leave him like this. A lot of
unexpected things happened tonight and after how we put a pause on everything for the time
being, I don’t want him to think wrong about this. I need a moment to talk to him before we
part ways.
“Actually, my feet are hurting from my shoes.” I point to my heels. “Would you mind bringing the
car here?”
“Not at all. Wait here.” With that, he starts to walk away.
I look at his back for few moments before I turn around to face Taehyung. Confusion is written
on his face but he doesn’t let out too much or say anything. But I still want to make things clear
for him.
I look over his shoulder to a few coworkers left outside the bar and signal for Taehyung to move
so we put more distance between us and them. He glances behind his shoulder and follows my
lead, still holding Annie up on her feet as we walk away from them a little.
I hesitantly look at Annie, but she’s too drunk to understand anything. So I bring my eyes up to
Taehyung.
“He’s giving you a ride home?” He starts before I do.
“Yes, he is. We live close to each other, and I thought it’s safer.”
“Babe, what is the deal with him? Why does he try to get close to you every chance he gets?”
“There’s no deal with him. He is one of the very few real friends I have at work. He’s just being a
nice person.” He opens his mouth but I stop him before he can protest. “Please, Taehyung, trust
me when I say he has no interest in me romantically.”
He doesn’t look convinced about Jimin’s intentions. But he trusts me, so he seems convinced
enough not to continue.
“It’s just that I hate watching you go home with another man, but…” He doesn’t finish his
sentence. And a sad knowing look passes between us, because we both know why he didn’t
finish that.
Because that’s exactly how I feel every time I have to watch him go home with another woman.
I swallow the lump in my throat and look away.
“I’ll come over tonight after I take care of her and put her to bed. I promise.” He clears his throat
and tells me with confidence.
It doesn’t make our whole situation any less painful, but it’s still enough for me. I don’t care if
he’s not coming with me, as long as he keeps coming back to me anyway.
I know how I sound, even in my own head. And I hate it too. But if doing things that make me
hate my thoughts and actions means I can continue seeing Taehyung and be with him, so be it.
Love is not just blind. It’s stupid and irrational and destructive. And I feel like all of those
because of Taehyung. And I won’t trade him for all the intelligence and logic and material in the
world.
I nod my head. We have a deal. Two hours tops, and he’s back to me.
I can’t help it when my body slowly leans into him for touch. I come to my senses immediately
and get back before my lips touch his on their own record.
But he noticed the short loss of my control. He slowly licks his lips and his eyes fall on my lips
in yearning.
Two hours. Only Two hours.
I quickly put space between us when I hear a car honk. I turn to see Jimin is waiting in his car in
the driveway. I glance back at Taehyung before I start walking away.
“Drive safe.”
I tell Taehyung before I turn my head and walk to Jimin’s passenger seat and leave the bar.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ᰔ
a/n : there will be a second part to this, maybe even a third part. I'm not sure. But that will be it because this won't be a series. Hope you enjoy. If you have any opinions, I'll be glad to read them. ♡
Make sure to catch up on this short angsty and spicy story if you haven’t. ❤️🩹
Warning : part two has some triggering subjects including 18+ content, so make sure to read the trigger warnings for that part and don't interact if you're sensitive to those topics or are a minor. Love you. 💌
𐙚 Tropes : stepsiblings au, forbidden taboo love, haters to lovers (kinda?), grumpy x sunshine, small town, angst, smut
𐙚 Word count : 8.3k+
𐙚 Summary : where the line between hate and love gets too blurred for people who are, by all public rules, supposed to see each other as family.
𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟒) | 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟔)
A month ago, I would’ve never imagined being here where I am. How could I? Even now that I’m living it, I don’t think I could’ve imagined myself in this situation.
Once again, in Jungkook’s car while he’s taking me home from school because he was ‘around the area’ and thought he can drop me off at home and then go to work.
To say I was shocked by his gesture is an understatement. Two months ago he would never do such a thing for me. He wouldn’t even have done it if my mother asked him to. Now he’s doing it because he was in the neighborhood? It’s hard for me to believe Jungkook was in my school’s area around the school closing time for any reason at all. But I didn’t push him to admit the true reason, or tease him like I usually would. It has always been in my nature to tease and provoke him until he lost it and made a reaction. But not now, and hopefully not ever again.
If Jungkook is making an effort to be nice and have a civil relationship with me for whatever reason he must have, despite what our dynamic have always been, I can make an effort to change how I always have treated him as well. I can leave my nasty attitude towards him behind and shake hands of brotherhood and make peace. Metaphorical ones, of course.
Another thing that took me by surprise was that he said he was going to work after he dropped me off at home. Now that grew some questions and curiosity and a while ago, I didn’t care enough to ask or think about them. But now, for some reason I want to know more about it. I wanna know more about him.
But at the same time I’m uncertain about asking too many questions or stepping out of boundary and ruin this peaceful quietness we have. But I’ve been quiet for some time and I am so not used to that.
“Can I ask a question? I know you don’t like answering my questions and feel free to not answer them, but I can’t stifle my curiosity any longer.”
“Oh good. You’re fine. You were quiet for so long, I thought something happened to you over there.” He remarks while carelessly resting his left palm on the wheel and his right one on the
gear.
“Again, I don’t want to cross your boundaries,” Even I know that’s a first in our book. “So feel free to not answer.” I raise my head to give me more confidence. “But we’ve been basically family for many years, I still don’t know what your job is. What is it that you do for living?”
“Why do you think I’m gonna answer any questions about myself?” he speaks while having his eyes and attention on the road.
“Because we’re friends now?” I respond with a playful sweetness.
A small frown sits on his forehead. “I don’t remember agreeing on that.”
“What, so you’re saying we’re not friends now?”
“Let’s call it roommates that have to tolerate each other and be nice so they don’t end up killing each other. You know, for our parents’ sake.”
“I thought we were already doing the tolerating for our parents’ sake all this time.”
“No. It was always too hard to tolerate you. Now, I’m making the effort to do that.” Does he have a… playful and teasing tone in his voice? I can’t even tell anymore. I must be losing my mind.
I just stare at him and scoff a laugh. I don’t know if I like this side of him or if I’m afraid of it.
“Why the sudden curiosity?” He asks more seriously.
“It’s not exactly sudden. I’ve always wondered about it. Now that we officially agreed to ‘tolerate each other and be nice’” I say the last part with sass. “It’s about time I finally know.”
He hums to himself. Nodding his head a little like he’s going through my answer in his head.
“So? What is it?” I ask. Suddenly more curious than I’ve ever been. “You know, the longer you take to answer, the more I believe it’s something illegal.”
He visibly tries to mask his mischievous smile and keep the serious face on place.
“Oh my god! Is your job really something illegal? Are you a drug dealer?”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He just cracks a smile at my overreaction.
“An Assassin?” Nothing. “Jungkook I swear to all Gods, if you’re a trafficker in disguise I’m jumping out of this moving car and go to the police station.” I breath out.
“Is that a smart thing to say to a trafficker? I can kidnap you and torture you for threatening me like that.” He muses. But the joke —or maybe not a joke, I can’t tell— doesn’t calm me. Him fueling the fire I started makes my eyes go even wider. I can’t even focus on the fact that Jungkook was just joking.
When Jungkook sees how wide my eyes are, he laughs and says, “Calm down, you insane drama queen. Do I even look like a criminal?”
“Right now? Yes. You do. And come to think of it, All your club buddies look very dangerous and suspicious looking, too. Please tell me that club is not an illegal place where you do shady crimes.”
“Wait, so just because we like riding motorcycles and have few tattoos and piercings, we look like criminals?” He asks.
“See, you didn’t deny the illegal club statement.” I point my finger at him like I caught him red handed.
He rolls his eyes but still a smile breaks through. “Affairs of the club is none of your business, golden. So don’t concern yourself with them. And no. my job is not illegal.”
“That’s it? Clarify more. What is it?”
“Question time over.” He hits the brakes and stops the car. “Hop off or I’ll get late.”
And that’s when I realize that we’ve stopped in front of our house. I never even realized we’ve arrived at our neighborhood.
I pick up my school bag from the back seat and accidently hit Jungkook’s arm with my body in the process. Being this close and having even such small physical contact with him is a foreign concept, so I put as much distant as I can between us. Jungkook seems to be unaware of it because he looks as steady and cool as ever.
So I clear my head and speak up. “You still didn’t give up the information. At least I know you can be late for it, and I think it might be legal. I’m still not sure about that one.”
He chuckles and shakes his head at me. I open the car and get out with a smile of delight, knowing that I have been able to make Jeon Jungkook smile or laugh more than once in my lifetime.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
After almost two weeks, I was finally able to get a hang on Rowan at his break time between science class and his football practice. He’s been spending his lunch breaks eating with his friends and teammates for the past week. Today he was finally able to get away from them and eat lunch with me. The most convenient place we could have our break and talk a little was on the football field benches. Apart from a few other companies of two or three people sitting with a good distant from us, the benches are pretty clear.
I would be enjoying my lunch with my boyfriend —whom I haven’t properly seen in more than a week— way more if he wasn’t acting so odd. He’s been quietly eating and not responding to me at all.
“Did you hear me, Rowan?”
I don’t know what about his cup of soda sitting on the bench between us can be more interesting than me, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off of it for few minutes, deep in his head.
With my loud question, his attention snaps back on me. He gives me a quick glance and focuses his attention back on his sandwich as he says dryly. “Sorry. Wasn’t paying attention. What were you saying?”
“Do you want to tell me what is going on? You’ve been acting strange.”
He doesn’t say anything. He ignores me while chewing his food.
“Rowan?” I call impatiently now. It’s clear there’s something wrong. Rowan has never been this distant with me. Now I can’t help but think this whole time he’s been avoiding me. I don’t want to think whatever is going on right now is connected to him not having the time to spend time with me for almost two weeks. But with the way he’s acting right now, I can’t stop my head from having crazy thoughts.
“Yes.” He says with force.
“What is going on?” I ask hard.
He swallows his food but doesn’t take another bite. He calmly puts his sandwich down and gives me his full attention now. But his eyes are hard, looking me over with no affection.
“Are you seriously acting like you have zero clue?”
I stare at him dumbfounded.
“I genuinely have zero clue, Rowan. Care to enlighten me?”
“So you’re telling me you also had zero clue of everything when you let Adams down your throat?”
I go speechless. Absolutely stunned to speak properly.
“When did I ever let Adams down my throat? Are you insane?”
“Oh so now I’ve become insane, too? What’s next? The entire school is talking about you two. Everyone think you broke up with me and now something is going on between you two.”
“Something going on between us? Rowan, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” He asks with dead serious eyes. “Is it, really?”
I’m taken aback by him. Not believing what I’m hearing. “Rowan, are you seriously asking me if something is going on between me and someone else?” I ask in the steadiest tone I can muster. My voice still doesn’t sound as steady as I intended even to my own ears.
“Everyone saw how close you two were at the cafeteria. It’s hard not to believe what half of school witnessed.”
“Rowan, you’re making no sense right now. You’ve always known he flirts with me here and there despite me telling him off. I told you about it myself the first time it happened. You also know how I feel about it and how I always respond to him.”
Before me and Rowan started dating at the beginning of our junior year, Adams had on and off thing with few girls in our school. Surprisingly, he never showed interest in me when we were freshmen. A while after I started dating Rowan and he was done with a girl he had an on and off thing with, the flirtations begin.
Rowan always knew I had no interest in him or that he never had a real interest in me either.
Adams is a playboy and a pig. He’s always dating around. He just seems to enjoy getting a rise out of me. I may be the only one he never successfully hit on, and this could be a challenge for him that he enjoys. I don’t fucking care.
“Yes, flirting he always did. And I’m not some insecure guy who feel threatened by a douchebag like him. But don’t you think getting all touchy with you in the cafeteria and so close to you is past silly flirtation? And you let him do that. You didn’t push him away or anything.” His voice getting higher. “The entire school is talking about you being with him. They think we broke up and he’s your boyfriend now. And can you blame them? You’ve been seen with him in the last two weeks more than you’ve been seen with me!”
“And who’s fault is that?” I can’t control myself anymore. I burst like an active volcano. I jump from my seat, my heart beating fast with anger. Words come out of my mouth while he sits and looks at me.
“To my despair, I can’t get rid of him. But not being seen with you is not my fault. Every time we set a date to hang out, you came up with something. We wanted to see each other in school like always, you had to do extra practice. We wanted to meet outside of school, you already had plans with your friends or team buddies.” He tries to interrupt me, but I stop him by holding up my hand. “You’ve been treating me like an afterthought. You barely put in the time to talk to me over the phone. And you have the nerves to accuse me and get upset why you haven’t been around me as much as he’s been? If you had made the effort to spend time with me properly, you would’ve heard about it before any other nosy friend told you.”
With that, I don’t even give him the time to voice out a respond. I’m too mad at him to listen to him with a clear mind.
But my brain was already clouded with too much frustration, and I knew I was going to burst out soon. When I heard the accusation and mistrust in his voice, it was like a spark to lighten the fire inside my head.
I only pick my bag off the bench and storm away. I only hear Rowan calling my name once but I don’t pay him the attention. I don’t even think he made the effort to follow me.
I get away from the field as fast as I can. Each step I take, the more the anger I had morphs into built up tears. You know when you’re so frustrated you can’t do anything but tear up?
But I’ll be damned if I get seen crying in school. I’ll shave my head and get tattooed on the face before I let that happened.
I enter the hallway as I hurry my way to the girl’s restroom. My vision is blurry but I don’t let them fall or my cool façade to break.
I reach the bathroom door and right before I get to open the door, a single tear drops. But I throw myself inside before anyone sees me. The hallway was mostly empty, but restroom is absolutely empty and right now, I’m beyond thankful for that.
Besides the few traitorous tears that fall down despite all my efforts to keep them in place, I hold myself together and don’t break down.
I drop my heavy school bag on the floor and push my hand on the sink, leaning all my weight on them. The stung of Rowan’s cold eyes and our fight makes composing myself harder and harder.
I just keep breathing through my nose to the point I feel like I’ve calmed down, and that’s when more tears cloud my vision. I'm just so mad and hurt.
It happens enough times till the school bells start ringing and I hear more noises coming from the hallway. Nobody comes into the bathroom. Everyone returns to classrooms and I still stand in front of the bathroom mirror practicing on my breathing.
It’s at that point that I realize I won’t be able to go to class anymore. I’m too mentally unsteady to seat in a class full of judgmental students. If I suddenly break down and ugly-cry in front of a whole class —and I will— it’ll turn in to the lowest part of my life. And I’ve showed up to a party thinking it was a costume party and it wasn’t.
My only option is to leave the school without being seen when everyone is in class.
I wipe my under eyes before bending down and picking up my school bag from the floor. I search through it to find my phone. When I do, I see no messages or calls from Rowan. Of fucking course.
I bite my bottom lip hard to stop the fucking anger that makes me wanna throw something to the wall, very hard.
I only see a text from Kim. She’s probably already in class, so I can’t count on her getting me out of school. I send her a quick text saying I don’t feel well and I’m going home. We have literature so she won’t be checking her phone right now.
I go through my options in my head. And honestly I don’t have many. I don’t have any, really. My mom is at work and I fear calling her in the middle of work to have her pick me up from school will only make her worried. I’m going to be a mess just for a little while. My emotions won’t be all over the place once I get through this melt down and sort my thoughts. So it doesn’t worth it to make someone worried about me. The less people see me in this state the better. Less unnecessary worry and less unnecessary humiliation.
The second one unfortunately cannot be prevented, because I’m already dialing my only option.
He's the only person I can’t think of any particular thing he might be doing right now. And he has a vehicle. Three, actually.
I don’t know if it’s the thought of Rowan again, or the fact that I’m in one of my lowest and most humiliating moments and I’m calling Jungkook for help, but tears build up in my eyes and I need to bite my lip again to keep my cool. I taste the iron on my lip as I wait for Jungkook to pick his damn phone.
There’s a good chance he won’t even recognize my number and will ignore me.
Just when I think I’ll go on his voice mail, I hear the low familiar voice speaking in my right ear.
“Yes?”
I hear some faint noises from the background, but they’re too vague for me to tell what they are.
“Hey. It’s me.” I accidently sniffle a little.
He’s silent for a few seconds. When it clicks for him, he sounds so confused I can hear the frown in his voice. “Daisy? Is this you?”
“Yes.” I sniffle again. This time I reach for a tissue. “Sorry for calling. But I literally didn’t have another choice.”
“Daisy what’s wrong?” Jungkook cuts to the chase. He must put together that something happened. He knows just as well as I do, I wouldn’t be calling him if I wasn’t desperate.
“Nothing.” My voice shakes despite my effort to control it. “Are you free right now? Are you at home?”
“Why? Did something happen? Aren’t you at school?” He sounds more urgent.
“Yes. And nothing serious happened. I’m just not feeling well. And mom is working. So is your dad and—” My voice shakes more, making it clear that I’m preventing tears.
“Cut the crap, Daisy. What happened to you?” He cuts me off. His voice sounds more serious. And impatient.
“Are you free or not?” I ask desperately. I don’t care how I sound to him anymore. I just need him to get here.
He pauses for few seconds. “Yeah. I’ll come get you in fifteen minutes.” I hear more noises around him. “Stay in school.”
“Thank you.” I breath out a cry of relief. And before I start sobbing in Jungkook’s ear, I hang up the phone.
I shove my phone back in my bag and cover my face with my palms.
Did Rowan even care to look for me? I was pretty mad when I left him. And he know I turn into a crying mess when I'm too angry. Did he really not care or does he really believe the rumors? That’s impossible. Rowan knows me. He knows I would never betray him. And he knows I loathe Aiden Adams. Just because he was close to me doesn’t mean Rowan would believe something was going on between us. He wouldn’t.
I repeat that in my head like a mantra, trying to believe it. But at some point it feels meaningless. His tone, the words he said. Of course he didn’t fully trust me.
I inhale a deep breath and stand in front of the mirror again. My makeup is a mess. My mascara is not on my lashes anymore. It’s smeared all over my cheeks and my concealer is all gone.
I turn the water on and grab some more tissues. I start cleaning my face as best as I can.
I don’t cry anymore. Instead, I spend the next ten minutes making my face presentable and calm myself.
By the end of it, my face isn’t a mess anymore. But my eyes are slightly red.
I’m combing through my hair when I get a text. I put back my comb and check my phone.
Jungkook: I’m here.
That’s all he says. And frankly, I’ve never been so happy and relieved by a text.
To think it’s by a text from Jungkook is laughable.
I quicky pick up my bag and leave the girl’s bathroom. The halls are empty, but I still walk fast in case I run into a student or worse, a teacher.
I go straight for the parking lot and there, I see Jungkook by his motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans.
He sees me approaching right away. He takes his hand out of his pocket and waits for me. His demeanor looks calm and collected as ever. But his face is impatient. Looking me up and down, probably searching for an injury.
When he doesn’t see anything out of place except for my slightly red, puffy eyes, he starts to speak but I cut him off.
“Wow, you really came.”
“Well, you didn’t sound so well on the phone.”
“Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry.”
“Are you finally going to spit out what’s wrong with you?” He speaks calmer than on the phone. But there’s a demanding force in his tone.
He probably heard my voice on the phone and thought the worst. I pretty much never cry in front of others. Kim and my mom? Yes, but very few times. Everyone else? No.
Jungkook? Absolutely never.
And seeing him standing here in front of my school in the middle of the day, dead serious and demanding answers makes me realize that I’ve worried him a little. Something I never thought possible.
“No. I’m fine. Just like I said, I don’t feel good so I needed to go home early.” I keep my head high and look him in the eye. I sound a lot steadier and calmer now. I can almost pretend I never cried and lost my shit in the first place. Almost. If Jungkook wasn’t giving me sharp eyes.
“You didn’t sound fine on the phone.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I am now.”
We look hard into each other’s eyes, holding our ground and wait for the other one to give up. When I don’t waver, he gives up and sighs.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” He turns around and gets on his motorcycle.
I go after him. He hands me his helmet.
“Here.” Is all he says.
“What about yourself?”
“I only brought one. I wasn’t home when you called.”
I hesitate to take the only helmet, and Jungkook pushes it to me more aggressively. “Take it.” He says sternly.
I don’t argue. I take the helmet and hold it on my hip while I take out my hair tie and open my pony tail so I can put the helmet on. I secure it on my head and when I look up I see Jungkook’s eyes fixed on me. His eyes seem dark and distracted, but as soon as he sees me looking his way, he averts his attention on the helmet.
“You secured it properly?”
I adjust the heavy thing again. “I guess.”
He doesn’t reply. He turns fully forward and starts his motorcycle. I get on the seat and pull down the visor before grabbing both sides of Jungkook’s jacket.
“Sit tight.” He orders gently before moving.
At first he goes slow, but when we get on the empty road, he higher his speed and again I have no choice but secure my hands around his torso.
He takes the route from outside of the city, probably because of its safer location to go over the speed limit. The wind wildly pushes his hair around and onto his face, but that doesn’t seem to bother Jungkook. He doesn’t slow down at any point except for the speed bump. And even then, he’s not slow enough, making me holding onto him even tighter in fear of getting thrown off of my seat.
Suddenly, I feel Jungkook’s phone vibrate from the pocket of his jacket.
“Your phone is vibrating.” I let him know in case the sound of wind is too loud for him to notice.
He finally lowers his speed and takes out his phone from his pocket.
He takes a quick glance from his screen before returning his attention back on the road. He swipes answer as he’s looking forward and takes his call.
“Yeah?” There’s some talking on the other line before Jungkook speaks again. “Does it have to be done now?” More talking. “I’m gonna head down to the club tonight anyway. It can’t wait for a few hours?” he talks to his phone over the sound of the wind hitting us in the face. Well, hitting him in the face.
“It’s okay if you need to go. I don’t mind waiting.” I cut him off before he fully declines.
“Are you sure? It might take a while.” He turns his head a little to my side, still holding his phone to his ear.
I nod my head. “Yeah, it’s fine.” Still holding him around his mid even though his speed is not as high as before.
He starts talking to the person on the other line. “Fine. I’ll be there in a bit.”
As I said to him, I don’t really mind waiting for him while he does whatever they need him to do. It must be important since it couldn’t wait. It seems pretty obvious that he wasn’t at the club when I called him. And he wasn’t home. He was definitely somewhere. At work, I’m guessing.
And if the people at the club know that and they still asked him to get there as soon as possible, it must be urgent.
At the reminder that he was in the middle of his work and I called him crying and asking for help, I feel a pang of guilt and shame. His work shouldn’t have had been interrupted by my problems. We’re not even close friends. Leaving work in the middle of the day to help someone you’re not even close friends with is something that makes me feel gravely grateful towards Jungkook. Not to mention a little more of newfound respect.
I’ll make sure to properly thank him for helping me, no questions asked, when I’m not on the back of his motorcycle and holding on to his body for dear life.
Less than ten minutes later, we arrive at his MC club. I’ve never been properly inside it, mostly because he forbade me or anyone of my friends or our family members to get close to this side of his life.
And mom always asked me to respect his personal life since everyone has a private life they might not want others to get involve with, and to just keep my nose out of his business.
I kind of figured if our parents don’t mind to interfere and meddle with this side of his life too much, then they must trust him and his club and friends to not be involved in anything illegal or dangerous. They always seem to fully have trust in him and respect his boundaries. They used to show some worries about it when we were younger, but Jungkook always assured them that it was just a hobby. A little place where he hung out with his friends and shared the love they had for riding motorcycles and adrenalin. My mom of course worried at first, like any motherly figure would do, but Jungkook always proved that he had the skill and the intelligence to never get himself in danger. And he never got in an accident, so they let him enjoy his passion without bothering him.
I’ve only passed by the club a handful of times, only seeing the outside and never the inside. Unlike our parents, I’m not fully sure how legal and safe this place can be. Kim has showed quite a bit of interest in going inside their club, but she was turned down every time since they knew who she was and Jungkook had banned us from entering the place personally himself. And she’ll turn eighteen later than me. And obviously, no under eighteen is allowed around the premises.
Jungkook parks the motorcycle in front of the entryway.
“Just wait here.” He kills the engine and gets off the seat. “I won’t take long.”
“Wait, I’m supposed to wait here?”
“You said you wouldn’t mind to wait yourself.”
“Yes, but I thought I could wait inside. Sitting down, maybe be offered a nice beverage?” I take a shoot in the dark. I knew Jungkook didn’t want me or anyone I know inside his precious club, but I thought maybe in this situation he wouldn’t make me wait outside and might make an exception this time. So I use my chance and perhaps try to guilt trip him a little.
But he gives me a fake smile. “No, you won’t. There will be no under eighteen inside the club.”
“What on earth might be going on inside that building in the middle of the day that you’re going to leave a young girl in the streets in the cold.” Okay, I might’ve gone a little too much with the dramatic touch to it. But he’s already familiar with my dramatic shenanigans.
“Just like you mentioned, it’s the middle of the day, with the sun right above your head. Don’t worry. You won’t freeze to death.” With that, he starts to move inside.
“Come on. Even Your own friends have invited me here. Why can’t I just come in for few minutes?”
With that, he stops walking. “What friends?” His voice goes frigid and icy as he turns his head to me.
I hold in my breath. I don’t think I said anything wrong, but seeing how edgy he got, I doubt my judgment.
“I don’t remember his name.” I lie. “But if it’s okay for them to have me in, why isn’t it okay with you?”
“My friend invited you, my seventeen year old stepsister, to our club?” he ignores my question.
“In his defense, he said when we’re older.” I add. Hoping it’ll lessen his displeasure with the concept of his friend inviting me to his sacred and private place. “And I’m not staying seventeen forever. I’ll be eighteen next month.” I say defensively.
He finally accepts my change of subject. “Sorry golden, but you won’t be allowed in even when you turn eighteen.” He turns around.
“Why not?” I ask offended.
“Because I say so.” He drawls and keeps walking without bothering to stay and listen to me anymore, like just him not wanting me in is a perfectly good enough reason.
I accept my failure and lean against his motorcycle and wait. I take out my phone to busy myself. And that’s when I remember again why I’m even here with Jungkook when I should be sitting in class in the first place.
Somehow, spending even little time with Jungkook made me forget I was on the verge of melting down in school bathroom a little over thirty minutes ago and why.
I keep looking at the text notifications from Rowan, contemplating if I should act petty and ignore him until the foreseeable future. But then I decide against it. As opposed to what people may think of me, I’m not a petty and stubborn person when it comes to serious stuff. Like relationship. I open his text and read them.
Rowan: Where did you go?
Rowan: Let’s talk about this again.
Rowan: Please, Dais.
That makes my fury from him a little more tamed. But I still don’t think I’m ready to have a talk with him or forgive him. Mostly because I don’t even see him apologizing for how he talked to me earlier.
I am going to reply to his texts and sit down and have a calm conversation with him later. But not now. Right now, I want to get away from him and level my head.
I entertain myself by looking around the building, doing anything to just pass the time. What is it about this club that I’m not allowed in? It’s not like I wanna snoop around the place. But it would be nice to at least sit on a chair while I wait for Jungkook.
I get hit with a pang of disappointment. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me being there. Maybe it’s really just the fact that he doesn’t want me there. Which is understandable. We’ve always been like this. There’s no reason for him to treat me any different from how he used to.
I mean, he’s more civil and tolerating with me, like he said himself. But no more than that. Maybe it was just my own optimism that wanted me to think our relationship will grow with time and become something we can actually call friendship.
But how could I not think that? Sometimes he acts in a way that makes me believe there’s still a speck of hope, but then the next minute he goes back to acting how he always used to. He’s too hot and cold with me. I swear, I do not understand that man at all.
I don’t know how the time passed by, but Jungkook finally comes out of the front door and walks straight to me.
“Is it done?” I ask holding his helmet.
“Yeah.” He takes out his keys from his pocket and gets on his bike. “Sorry if it took long.”
“Not a problem.” I say, taken aback by his apology. “It would’ve been easier if I was waiting inside, but whatever.” I tease anyway. I sit behind Jungkook and secure his helmet on my head.
He twists his head and gives me a dirty look. I notice the small lift of the corner of his lips before he tries to hide it and turns his head again.
See, that’s the exact hot and cold I was talking about.
I cannot figure him out.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
I can’t find my notebook anywhere. I’ve looked everywhere that I thought it could possibly be. I don’t put too much space for my schoolbooks anyway, so the list of places I had to look wasn’t long. I have my book shelves that I keep my novels at, I have two shelves from my closet, and sometimes my vanity.
It’s interesting how sometimes when I’m in a hurry and need to do my makeup fast, I swear I can’t find any of my makeup under the pile of school books and notebooks. They’re all I see when I need something else. How is it possible that the one time I need to use that notebook, I can’t see it anywhere?
In my haste to put my school books in my bag, I accidently trip over a pile of tangled clothes and shoes on the floor. In that very moment, I hear a not so soft knock on my bedroom door.
“Are you ready yet?” Jungkook asks impatiently.
“In a second!” I shove everything I find in front of me inside my school bag. I take my lip gloss with me because there’s no more time for that. Jungkook will flip out on me soon if I don’t move my ass downstairs.
I run down the stairs catching Jungkook already putting on his jacket. His eyes fall to my hand before he brings them up to look at me with a hard gaze.
“Don’t tell me you took this long just to put on a lip gloss.”
“Of course I didn’t.” I roll my eyes at him. “I was looking for my books.”
I walk to the kitchen to grab something sweet as my breakfast. I make it quick in fear of Jungkook getting more impatient with me.
Earlier this morning, when everyone had left the house and I was the last one behind because I was taking my sweet time to get ready, Jungkook knocked on my already open bedroom door. He asked how do I plan on going to school, and I responded that Kim will get here any moment now.
I had no idea if Rowan’s car was already fixed or not. It wouldn’t have made a difference
anyway. I didn’t want to see him right now. Maybe once I’m not so pissed at him.
I was already late and Kim wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so Jungkook offered to take me. I doubled checked what I heard. His reply was narrowed eyes and an impatient ‘Pick up the pace, golden’.
I walk out of the kitchen with a pastry in my mouth while putting on my cardigan.
“I’m starting the car in five minutes. If you’re not in the car and strapped in in five, I’m leaving without you.” Jungkook complains as he takes his cars from the bowl next to the door.
“Don’t be so grumpy, Jungkook.” I finish tying my shoe laces. “You’re twice as grumpy in the mornings. Be a little more pleasant please?” I smirk at him teasingly and softly bump my shoulder to his.
He doesn’t take my advice. If anything, he becomes grumpier. I chuckle at the look he gives me and follow him out of the door.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I liked you better when you were a bitch. This cheerful side of you is irritating.” He says under his breath.
Instead of getting mad, I just laugh at the way he says his words.
“Well, there’s no way back. You agreed to be good friends and you can’t take it back.”
“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” A line appears on his forehead.
“And as a good friend of mine,” I ignore him and continue to tease him. “You’re gonna be seeing a lot more of my nicer and cheerful side.” I grin up at him.
The dirty look he gives me draws another chuckle out of me.
He opens his car which was parked in front of the house. “Just get your ass in the car.” He shakes his head and mumbles something in Korean under his breath.
I don’t understand a word, so I just open the passenger seat door and get in.
“I’m starting to think I should help you convince my dad and your mom to let you drive your own car.” he starts the engine.
My eyes flash to him with hope and excitement. “I know you’re saying this to make a snarky comment, but I would actually hug you if you convince them.”
He gives me a side eye. “Then I definitely won’t do that.”
“Asshole.” I chuckle.
We sit in silence for few minutes.
“Isn’t there any music or something on your car?” I blurt. As far as I know him, Jungkook has a great interest in music. It’s unlike him to sit and drive his car in silence without anything humming in the background.
The silence and the pressure to make conversation with him just to fill in the silence is starting to get a little stressful. Especially now that I’m running out of topics to bring up with him.
“No. I never put music on it.”
Silence fills the car again.
“You can connect and put something on, if you want.” He says after a pause.
The car is a little old to have wireless connection, and I don’t see any wires around.
“I think there might be an old cable in the dashboard. Check there. You can use that.” He informs me.
“Never mind.” I say instead. “You probably won’t like my taste in music anyway.”
“I don’t mind.” He looks my way before he clarifies. “Different genres of music, I mean.”
“I know that. I’ve heard your wide taste in music. But I still don’t like people to hear and judge mine.”
“I already know what you listen to, Daisy. We live in the same house.”
“There’s no reason for you to believe you know all about what I listen to. Besides, a person’s playlist is one of their most private belongings. Like Dan said, you could tell a lot about a person based on what’s on their playlist.”
“Who’s Dan?” A line forms between his brows.
His voice dropping low.
“Dan in the movie Begin Again? Played by Mark Ruffalo?”
The line becomes deeper.
“You never watched the movie? How is that possible when you’re living under the same roof as me?”
“Calm down, golden. It’s just a movie. I never watched a lot of things. Like that annoying sitcom show you’re always watching in your room that has so much laughing noises and the woman with the infuriating nasal voice.”
I gasp dramatically. “You did not just insult my beloved “The Nanny” and Fran Fine. She’s a queen and an icon. Sure, her voice is annoying at first, but after a while, you don’t even notice it anymore.”
He rolls his eyes at me.
“But like I said, you can tell a lot about a person based on what they listen to. In your case, you like a lot of R&B, mostly dark R&B. The ones that no one listens to. And Sometimes Rock and even metal. And honestly, with your personality, it totally checks out.”
“Didn’t know you pay such close attention to me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Jeon.” I roll my eyes at him. “You’re not exactly quiet all the time. Sometimes the blasting music coming from your speakers is too loud to ignore.”
He pauses. “Right.” He says quietly. “Sometimes I forget to consider everyone else, I guess. Sorry if I disturb you guys.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind that much.”
I lied. I’ve been annoyed by his inconsideration and plotted his murder while I took deep breaths too many times to count in the past years. But that was a different time. Now, we have a better relationship. Now he’s nicer to me. And now he was mindful enough to actually apologize.
Wait… Oh my god. He just apologized.
“Wait, did I hear right? Did you just say sorry to me?”
He exhales and rolls his eyes when he realizes where I’m going with that.
“Please don’t start the dramatic act.”
“I thought you never apologized to people. You did. To me!” I exclaim with a laugh.
“Don’t make me take it back, Daisy.” He says hard and serious.
“No, no. No taking back.” I say with a smile. “This day will go on my calendar, you know.”
He exhales another tired breath and drives the car to the school parking area.
“You’re a pain in the ass.” He says under his breath before he puts the car on park. “Stop acting silly and go to your class.”
“You were the one acting silly with that whole ‘I don’t apologize’ thing before. Deep down, you’re just a normal person with a heart like all of us.” I muse with a teasing smile.
“Who said I don’t have a heart. I have a very well functioning one.” He points to his chest as he turns his body just enough to look at me while he’s talking to me. His left elbow resting low on his window.
“Oh thank god for that. Because for years I believed you had none.” I fake relief.
“Come on, golden. I knew you weren’t smart but you couldn’t have been that slow.”
“I’m sorry, did you just call me an idiot?”
“Hey, you were the one that believed a human can survive without a heart, not me.” He shrugs before a playful smirk break through his lips.
I scoff, speechless by his audacity and the fact that he still hasn’t lost his desire to taunt me. “You’ll always remain an asshole, won’t you?” I chuckle.
“Absolutely, dear.” An irritating beam sits on his beams.
My eyes fall on his lip rings, moving with his lips. Suddenly, I can’t take my eyes off, fascinated by them.
He has two rings on the left side of his lip. He got them both around two years ago. We were all kind of shocked to see him come home with not one, but two piercings at once. The eyebrow one got added to his collection months later.
The only time I let a needle near me for a none medical purpose was when I got my ears pierced. Only one for each ear. Not one more. Kim has interest in getting pierced somewhere else as well, but like me, she’s afraid of needles. She has yet to muster the courage to see a tattoo artist.
The dozen piercings Jungkook has on his face and ears —and god knows where else— aren’t the only places he punctured his body with. His full-sleeve tattoo took more than six sessions. Very long sessions of getting stabbed with needle. He is a true maniac.
When I realize I’ve been eyeing his piercings a few moments too long, I take my eyes off of them. I stop myself from focusing on the fact that he just called me dear. Jungkook has called me with various types of nicknames. Mostly insulting, and “Golden” and “Drama queen” are the only ones that stuck for long.
So I stop my raging thoughts and swallow hard.
“You—”
Out of nowhere, I hear a sound of crashing glass before we both lose our balance. Before we know what’s going happening, we both jolt forward with a hard force.
Before I can stretch out my hands to lean on the dashboard on reflex, I feel Jungkook’s arm reaching out to hold me back on my seat.
We both whirl out heads to see what the hell that was.
A car crashed to Jungkook’s car. The crash wasn’t too dangerous, but something definitely broke. Either Jungkook’s backlights or the other’s car. The familiar black car.
“Fuck.” Jungkook swears under his breath and moves fast to open his door and get out of the car.
I follow after him, going around the car to stand opposite of Jungkook and look at the damage.
There’s a small dent in his car and even a smaller dent on the other car. The biggest damage is the lights on the left side of Jungkook’s car.
As I inspect the damage on both cars, I notice Rowan walking out of the driver side of the black car that just crashed us.
“I am so sorry. I was driving backwards, and I got distracted from my mirrors and—” He stops when his eyes fall on me. “Dais?”
He turns his eyes to Jungkook again, and that’s when it hits him. He recognizes who Jungkook is and more distress appears on his face.
He clears his throat before he speaks to Jungkook again. “I truly am sorry. I’ll have my dad contacting you to pay fully for the damage.”
I turn my head to Jungkook. His eyes have hardened. His eyelids lower than earlier in the car when he was looking at me. Then, he looked relaxed and contend. Now, he’s rigid. If looks could kill, Rowan would’ve been six feet under already.
“Now we know how you got your license.” He tsks. “If you get distracted often while driving, do us a favor and don’t ever take Daisy anywhere with your car again.” He tells Rowan, pissed off.
I hold in my breath, not saying anything. Rowan is shocked by Jungkook’s reaction and words. His eyes travel to me, expecting me to make sense of what’s going on for him. Or maybe waiting for me to jump in and come to his defend.
“You’ll be late for class, Daisy. Go get your bag.” Jungkook calls out to me while still staring at Rowan. But his voice sounds way calmer.
I look between them with uncertainty. Jungkook looks my way with hard and commanding eyes.
I slowly walk to the door I left open and take my school bag. I walk by them standing there. The tension can be cut with a knife.
“I’ll call my dad.” Rowan takes his phone out to dial.
I look at Jungkook again, worried he might act on his resentment towards Rowan. If he disliked me before, it’s safe to say he hated Rowan. I don’t know why. But I do know that our improving relationship has not lessened his dislike for Rowan. I’m still unsure of leaving them. Considering the tense environment.
“Go. Everything’s fine here.” He speaks with more calmness.
But his calm always felt like the intimidating dangerous kind. Even though it hasn’t sounded like that to me for a while.
I keep the eye contact. Needing the assurance that they will be fine in here when I leave. When I don’t see anything worth worrying in Jungkook's dark eyes, I nod my head and walk to school building.
If Rowan was already one of Jungkook’s least favorite people, Rowan crashing his car, which is sentimental to him, definitely won’t help at all.
𐙚 Tropes : stepsiblings au, forbidden taboo love, enemies to lovers, small town, angst, smut
𐙚 Word count : 8.3k+
𐙚 Summary : where the line between hate and love gets too blurred for people who are, by all public rules, supposed to see each other as family.
𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟒) | 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟔)
A month ago, I would’ve never imagined being here where I am. How could I? Even now that I’m living it, I don’t think I could’ve imagined myself in this situation.
Once again, in Jungkook’s car while he’s taking me home from school because he was ‘around the area’ and thought he can drop me off at home and then go to work.
To say I was shocked by his gesture is an understatement. Two months ago he would never do such a thing for me. He wouldn’t even have done it if my mother asked him to. Now he’s doing it because he was in the neighborhood? It’s hard for me to believe Jungkook was in my school’s area around the school closing time for any reason at all. But I didn’t push him to admit the true reason, or tease him like I usually would. It has always been in my nature to tease and provoke him until he lost it and made a reaction. But not now, and hopefully not ever again.
If Jungkook is making an effort to be nice and have a civil relationship with me for whatever reason he must have, despite what our dynamic have always been, I can make an effort to change how I always have treated him as well. I can leave my nasty attitude towards him behind and shake hands of brotherhood and make peace. Metaphorical ones, of course.
Another thing that took me by surprise was that he said he was going to work after he dropped me off at home. Now that grew some questions and curiosity and a while ago, I didn’t care enough to ask or think about them. But now, for some reason I want to know more about it. I wanna know more about him.
But at the same time I’m uncertain about asking too many questions or stepping out of boundary and ruin this peaceful quietness we have. But I’ve been quiet for some time and I am so not used to that.
“Can I ask a question? I know you don’t like answering my questions and feel free to not answer them, but I can’t stifle my curiosity any longer.”
“Oh good. You’re fine. You were quiet for so long, I thought something happened to you over there.” He remarks while carelessly resting his left palm on the wheel and his right one on the
gear.
“Again, I don’t want to cross your boundaries,” Even I know that’s a first in our book. “So feel free to not answer.” I raise my head to give me more confidence. “But we’ve been basically family for many years, I still don’t know what your job is. What is it that you do for living?”
“Why do you think I’m gonna answer any questions about myself?” he speaks while having his eyes and attention on the road.
“Because we’re friends now?” I respond with a playful sweetness.
A small frown sits on his forehead. “I don’t remember agreeing on that.”
“What, so you’re saying we’re not friends now?”
“Let’s call it roommates that have to tolerate each other and be nice so they don’t end up killing each other. You know, for our parents’ sake.”
“I thought we were already doing the tolerating for our parents’ sake all this time.”
“No. It was always too hard to tolerate you. Now, I’m making the effort to do that.” Does he have a… playful and teasing tone in his voice? I can’t even tell anymore. I must be losing my mind.
I just stare at him and scoff a laugh. I don’t know if I like this side of him or if I’m afraid of it.
“Why the sudden curiosity?” He asks more seriously.
“It’s not exactly sudden. I’ve always wondered about it. Now that we officially agreed to ‘tolerate each other and be nice’” I say the last part with sass. “It’s about time I finally know.”
He hums to himself. Nodding his head a little like he’s going through my answer in his head.
“So? What is it?” I ask. Suddenly more curious than I’ve ever been. “You know, the longer you take to answer, the more I believe it’s something illegal.”
He visibly tries to mask his mischievous smile and keep the serious face on place.
“Oh my god! Is your job really something illegal? Are you a drug dealer?”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He just cracks a smile at my overreaction.
“An Assassin?” Nothing. “Jungkook I swear to all Gods, if you’re a trafficker in disguise I’m jumping out of this moving car and go to the police station.” I breath out.
“Is that a smart thing to say to a trafficker? I can kidnap you and torture you for threatening me like that.” He muses. But the joke —or maybe not a joke, I can’t tell— doesn’t calm me. Him fueling the fire I started makes my eyes go even wider. I can’t even focus on the fact that Jungkook was just joking.
When Jungkook sees how wide my eyes are, he laughs and says, “Calm down, you insane drama queen. Do I even look like a criminal?”
“Right now? Yes. You do. And come to think of it, All your club buddies look very dangerous and suspicious looking, too. Please tell me that club is not an illegal place where you do shady crimes.”
“Wait, so just because we like riding motorcycles and have few tattoos and piercings, we look like criminals?” He asks.
“See, you didn’t deny the illegal club statement.” I point my finger at him like I caught him red handed.
He rolls his eyes but still a smile breaks through. “Affairs of the club is none of your business, golden. So don’t concern yourself with them. And no. my job is not illegal.”
“That’s it? Clarify more. What is it?”
“Question time over.” He hits the brakes and stops the car. “Hop off or I’ll get late.”
And that’s when I realize that we’ve stopped in front of our house. I never even realized we’ve arrived at our neighborhood.
I pick up my school bag from the back seat and accidently hit Jungkook’s arm with my body in the process. Being this close and having even such small physical contact with him is a foreign concept, so I put as much distant as I can between us. Jungkook seems to be unaware of it because he looks as steady and cool as ever.
So I clear my head and speak up. “You still didn’t give up the information. At least I know you can be late for it, and I think it might be legal. I’m still not sure about that one.”
He chuckles and shakes his head at me. I open the car and get out with a smile of delight, knowing that I have been able to make Jeon Jungkook smile or laugh more than once in my lifetime.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
After almost two weeks, I was finally able to get a hang on Rowan at his break time between science class and his football practice. He’s been spending his lunch breaks eating with his friends and teammates for the past week. Today he was finally able to get away from them and eat lunch with me. The most convenient place we could have our break and talk a little was on the football field benches. Apart from a few other companies of two or three people sitting with a good distant from us, the benches are pretty clear.
I would be enjoying my lunch with my boyfriend —whom I haven’t properly seen in more than a week— way more if he wasn’t acting so odd. He’s been quietly eating and not responding to me at all.
“Did you hear me, Rowan?”
I don’t know what about his cup of soda sitting on the bench between us can be more interesting than me, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off of it for few minutes, deep in his head.
With my loud question, his attention snaps back on me. He gives me a quick glance and focuses his attention back on his sandwich as he says dryly. “Sorry. Wasn’t paying attention. What were you saying?”
“Do you want to tell me what is going on? You’ve been acting strange.”
He doesn’t say anything. He ignores me while chewing his food.
“Rowan?” I call impatiently now. It’s clear there’s something wrong. Rowan has never been this distant with me. Now I can’t help but think this whole time he’s been avoiding me. I don’t want to think whatever is going on right now is connected to him not having the time to spend time with me for almost two weeks. But with the way he’s acting right now, I can’t stop my head from having crazy thoughts.
“Yes.” He says with force.
“What is going on?” I ask hard.
He swallows his food but doesn’t take another bite. He calmly puts his sandwich down and gives me his full attention now. But his eyes are hard, looking me over with no affection.
“Are you seriously acting like you have zero clue?”
I stare at him dumbfounded.
“I genuinely have zero clue, Rowan. Care to enlighten me?”
“So you’re telling me you also had zero clue of everything when you let Adams down your throat?”
I go speechless. Absolutely stunned to speak properly.
“When did I ever let Adams down my throat? Are you insane?”
“Oh so now I’ve become insane, too? What’s next? The entire school is talking about you two. Everyone think you broke up with me and now something is going on between you two.”
“Something going on between us? Rowan, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” He asks with dead serious eyes. “Is it, really?”
I’m taken aback by him. Not believing what I’m hearing. “Rowan, are you seriously asking me if something is going on between me and someone else?” I ask in the steadiest tone I can muster. My voice still doesn’t sound as steady as I intended even to my own ears.
“Everyone saw how close you two were at the cafeteria. It’s hard not to believe what half of school witnessed.”
“Rowan, you’re making no sense right now. You’ve always known he flirts with me here and there despite me telling him off. I told you about it myself the first time it happened. You also know how I feel about it and how I always respond to him.”
Before me and Rowan started dating at the beginning of our junior year, Adams had on and off thing with few girls in our school. Surprisingly, he never showed interest in me when we were freshmen. A while after I started dating Rowan and he was done with a girl he had an on and off thing with, the flirtations begin.
Rowan always knew I had no interest in him or that he never had a real interest in me either.
Adams is a playboy and a pig. He’s always dating around. He just seems to enjoy getting a rise out of me. I may be the only one he never successfully hit on, and this could be a challenge for him that he enjoys. I don’t fucking care.
“Yes, flirting he always did. And I’m not some insecure guy who feel threatened by a douchebag like him. But don’t you think getting all touchy with you in the cafeteria and so close to you is past silly flirtation? And you let him do that. You didn’t push him away or anything.” His voice getting higher. “The entire school is talking about you being with him. They think we broke up and he’s your boyfriend now. And can you blame them? You’ve been seen with him in the last two weeks more than you’ve been seen with me!”
“And who’s fault is that?” I can’t control myself anymore. I burst like an active volcano. I jump from my seat, my heart beating fast with anger. Words come out of my mouth while he sits and looks at me.
“To my despair, I can’t get rid of him. But not being seen with you is not my fault. Every time we set a date to hang out, you came up with something. We wanted to see each other in school like always, you had to do extra practice. We wanted to meet outside of school, you already had plans with your friends or team buddies.” He tries to interrupt me, but I stop him by holding up my hand. “You’ve been treating me like an afterthought. You barely put in the time to talk to me over the phone. And you have the nerves to accuse me and get upset why you haven’t been around me as much as he’s been? If you had made the effort to spend time with me properly, you would’ve heard about it before any other nosy friend told you.”
With that, I don’t even give him the time to voice out a respond. I’m too mad at him to listen to him with a clear mind.
But my brain was already clouded with too much frustration, and I knew I was going to burst out soon. When I heard the accusation and mistrust in his voice, it was like a spark to lighten the fire inside my head.
I only pick my bag off the bench and storm away. I only hear Rowan calling my name once but I don’t pay him the attention. I don’t even think he made the effort to follow me.
I get away from the field as fast as I can. Each step I take, the more the anger I had morphs into built up tears. You know when you’re so frustrated you can’t do anything but tear up?
But I’ll be damned if I get seen crying in school. I’ll shave my head and get tattooed on the face before I let that happened.
I enter the hallway as I hurry my way to the girl’s restroom. My vision is blurry but I don’t let them fall or my cool façade to break.
I reach the bathroom door and right before I get to open the door, a single tear drops. But I throw myself inside before anyone sees me. The hallway was mostly empty, but restroom is absolutely empty and right now, I’m beyond thankful for that.
Besides the few traitorous tears that fall down despite all my efforts to keep them in place, I hold myself together and don’t break down.
I drop my heavy school bag on the floor and push my hand on the sink, leaning all my weight on them. The stung of Rowan’s cold eyes and our fight makes composing myself harder and harder.
I just keep breathing through my nose to the point I feel like I’ve calmed down, and that’s when more tears cloud my vision. I'm just so mad and hurt.
It happens enough times till the school bells start ringing and I hear more noises coming from the hallway. Nobody comes into the bathroom. Everyone returns to classrooms and I still stand in front of the bathroom mirror practicing on my breathing.
It’s at that point that I realize I won’t be able to go to class anymore. I’m too mentally unsteady to seat in a class full of judgmental students. If I suddenly break down and ugly-cry in front of a whole class —and I will— it’ll turn in to the lowest part of my life. And I’ve showed up to a party thinking it was a costume party and it wasn’t.
My only option is to leave the school without being seen when everyone is in class.
I wipe my under eyes before bending down and picking up my school bag from the floor. I search through it to find my phone. When I do, I see no messages or calls from Rowan. Of fucking course.
I bite my bottom lip hard to stop the fucking anger that makes me wanna throw something to the wall, very hard.
I only see a text from Kim. She’s probably already in class, so I can’t count on her getting me out of school. I send her a quick text saying I don’t feel well and I’m going home. We have literature so she won’t be checking her phone right now.
I go through my options in my head. And honestly I don’t have many. I don’t have any, really. My mom is at work and I fear calling her in the middle of work to have her pick me up from school will only make her worried. I’m going to be a mess just for a little while. My emotions won’t be all over the place once I get through this melt down and sort my thoughts. So it doesn’t worth it to make someone worried about me. The less people see me in this state the better. Less unnecessary worry and less unnecessary humiliation.
The second one unfortunately cannot be prevented, because I’m already dialing my only option.
He's the only person I can’t think of any particular thing he might be doing right now. And he has a vehicle. Three, actually.
I don’t know if it’s the thought of Rowan again, or the fact that I’m in one of my lowest and most humiliating moments and I’m calling Jungkook for help, but tears build up in my eyes and I need to bite my lip again to keep my cool. I taste the iron on my lip as I wait for Jungkook to pick his damn phone.
There’s a good chance he won’t even recognize my number and will ignore me.
Just when I think I’ll go on his voice mail, I hear the low familiar voice speaking in my right ear.
“Yes?”
I hear some faint noises from the background, but they’re too vague for me to tell what they are.
“Hey. It’s me.” I accidently sniffle a little.
He’s silent for a few seconds. When it clicks for him, he sounds so confused I can hear the frown in his voice. “Daisy? Is this you?”
“Yes.” I sniffle again. This time I reach for a tissue. “Sorry for calling. But I literally didn’t have another choice.”
“Daisy what’s wrong?” Jungkook cuts to the chase. He must put together that something happened. He knows just as well as I do, I wouldn’t be calling him if I wasn’t desperate.
“Nothing.” My voice shakes despite my effort to control it. “Are you free right now? Are you at home?”
“Why? Did something happen? Aren’t you at school?” He sounds more urgent.
“Yes. And nothing serous happened. I’m just not feeling well. And mom is working. So is your dad and—” My voice shakes more, making it clear that I’m preventing tears.
“Cut the crap, Daisy. What happened to you?” He cuts me off. His voice sounds more serious. And impatient.
“Are you free or not?” I ask desperately. I don’t care how I sound to him anymore. I just need him to get here.
He pauses for few seconds. “Yeah. I’ll come get you in fifteen minutes.” I hear more noises around him. “Stay in school.”
“Thank you.” I breath out a cry of relief. And before I start sobbing in Jungkook’s ear, I hang up the phone.
I shove my phone back in my bag and cover my face with my palms.
Did Rowan even care to look for me? I was pretty mad when I left him. And he know I turn into a crying mess when I'm too angry. Did he really not care or does he really believe the rumors? That’s impossible. Rowan knows me. He knows I would never betray him. And he knows I loathe Aiden Adams. Just because he was close to me doesn’t mean Rowan would believe something was going on between us. He wouldn’t.
I repeat that in my head like a mantra, trying to believe it. But at some point it feels meaningless. His tone, the words he said. Of course he didn’t fully trust me.
I inhale a deep breath and stand in front of the mirror again. My makeup is a mess. My mascara is not on my lashes anymore. It’s smeared all over my cheeks and my concealer is all gone.
I turn the water on and grab some more tissues. I start cleaning my face as best as I can.
I don’t cry anymore. Instead, I spend the next ten minutes making my face presentable and calm myself.
By the end of it, my face isn’t a mess anymore. But my eyes are slightly red.
I’m combing through my hair when I get a text. I put back my comb and check my phone.
Jungkook: I’m here.
That’s all he says. And frankly, I’ve never been so happy and relieved by a text.
To think it’s by a text from Jungkook is laughable.
I quicky pick up my bag and leave the girl’s bathroom. The halls are empty, but I still walk fast in case I run into a student or worse, a teacher.
I go straight for the parking lot and there, I see Jungkook by his motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans.
He sees me approaching right away. He takes his hand out of his pocket and waits for me. His demeanor looks calm and collected as ever. But his face is impatient. Looking me up and down, probably searching for an injury.
When he doesn’t see anything out of place except for my slightly red, puffy eyes, he starts to speak but I cut him off.
“Wow, you really came.”
“Well, you didn’t sound so well on the phone.”
“Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry.”
“Are you finally going to spit out what’s wrong with you?” He speaks calmer than on the phone. But there’s a demanding force in his tone.
He probably heard my voice on the phone and thought the worst. I pretty much never cry in front of others. Kim and my mom? Yes, but very few times. Everyone else? No.
Jungkook? Absolutely never.
And seeing him standing here in front of my school in the middle of the day, dead serious and demanding answers makes me realize that I’ve worried him a little. Something I never thought possible.
“No. I’m fine. Just like I said, I don’t feel good so I needed to go home early.” I keep my head high and look him in the eye. I sound a lot steadier and calmer now. I can almost pretend I never cried and lost my shit in the first place. Almost. If Jungkook wasn’t giving me sharp eyes.
“You didn’t sound fine on the phone.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I am now.”
We look hard into each other’s eyes, holding our ground and wait for the other one to give up. When I don’t waver, he gives up and sighs.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” He turns around and gets on his motorcycle.
I go after him. He hands me his helmet.
“Here.” Is all he says.
“What about yourself?”
“I only brought one. I wasn’t home when you called.”
I hesitate to take the only helmet, and Jungkook pushes it to me more aggressively. “Take it.” He says sternly.
I don’t argue. I take the helmet and hold it on my hip while I take out my hair tie and open my pony tail so I can put the helmet on. I secure it on my head and when I look up I see Jungkook’s eyes fixed on me. His eyes seem dark and distracted, but as soon as he sees me looking his way, he averts his attention on the helmet.
“You secured it properly?”
I adjust the heavy thing again. “I guess.”
He doesn’t reply. He turns fully forward and starts his motorcycle. I get on the seat and pull down the visor before grabbing both sides of Jungkook’s jacket.
“Sit tight.” He orders gently before moving.
At first he goes slow, but when we get on the empty road, he higher his speed and again I have no choice but secure my hands around his torso.
He takes the route from outside of the city, probably because of its safer location to go over the speed limit. The wind wildly pushes his hair around and onto his face, but that doesn’t seem to bother Jungkook. He doesn’t slow down at any point except for the speed bump. And even then, he’s not slow enough, making me holding onto him even tighter in fear of getting thrown off of my seat.
Suddenly, I feel Jungkook’s phone vibrate from the pocket of his jacket.
“Your phone is vibrating.” I let him know in case the sound of wind is too loud for him to notice.
He finally lowers his speed and takes out his phone from his pocket.
He takes a quick glance from his screen before returning his attention back on the road. He swipes answer as he’s looking forward and takes his call.
“Yeah?” There’s some talking on the other line before Jungkook speaks again. “Does it have to be done now?” More talking. “I’m gonna head down to the club tonight anyway. It can’t wait for a few hours?” he talks to his phone over the sound of the wind hitting us in the face. Well, hitting him in the face.
“It’s okay if you need to go. I don’t mind waiting.” I cut him off before he fully declines.
“Are you sure? It might take a while.” He turns his head a little to my side, still holding his phone to his ear.
I nod my head. “Yeah, it’s fine.” Still holding him around his mid even though his speed is not as high as before.
He starts talking to the person on the other line. “Fine. I’ll be there in a bit.”
As I said to him, I don’t really mind waiting for him while he does whatever they need him to do. It must be important since it couldn’t wait. It seems pretty obvious that he wasn’t at the club when I called him. And he wasn’t home. He was definitely somewhere. At work, I’m guessing.
And if the people at the club know that and they still asked him to get there as soon as possible, it must be urgent.
At the reminder that he was in the middle of his work and I called him crying and asking for help, I feel a pang of guilt and shame. His work shouldn’t have had been interrupted by my problems. We’re not even close friends. Leaving work in the middle of the day to help someone you’re not even close friends with is something that makes me feel gravely grateful towards Jungkook. Not to mention a little more of newfound respect.
I’ll make sure to properly thank him for helping me, no questions asked, when I’m not on the back of his motorcycle and holding on to his body for dear life.
Less than ten minutes later, we arrive at his MC club. I’ve never been properly inside it, mostly because he forbade me or anyone of my friends or our family members to get close to this side of his life.
And mom always asked me to respect his personal life since everyone has a private life they might not want others to get involve with, and to just keep my nose out of his business.
I kind of figured if our parents don’t mind to interfere and meddle with this side of his life too much, then they must trust him and his club and friends to not be involved in anything illegal or dangerous. They always seem to fully have trust in him and respect his boundaries. They used to show some worries about it when we were younger, but Jungkook always assured them that it was just a hobby. A little place where he hung out with his friends and shared the love they had for riding motorcycles and adrenalin. My mom of course worried at first, like any motherly figure would do, but Jungkook always proved that he had the skill and the intelligence to never get himself in danger. And he never got in an accident, so they let him enjoy his passion without bothering him.
I’ve only passed by the club a handful of times, only seeing the outside and never the inside. Unlike our parents, I’m not fully sure how legal and safe this place can be. Kim has showed quite a bit of interest in going inside their club, but she was turned down every time since they knew who she was and Jungkook had banned us from entering the place personally himself. And she’ll turn eighteen later than me. And obviously, no under eighteen is allowed around the premises.
Jungkook parks the motorcycle in front of the entryway.
“Just wait here.” He kills the engine and gets off the seat. “I won’t take long.”
“Wait, I’m supposed to wait here?”
“You said you wouldn’t mind to wait yourself.”
“Yes, but I thought I could wait inside. Sitting down, maybe be offered a nice beverage?” I take a shoot in the dark. I knew Jungkook didn’t want me or anyone I know inside his precious club, but I thought maybe in this situation he wouldn’t make me wait outside and might make an exception this time. So I use my chance and perhaps try to guilt trip him a little.
But he gives me a fake smile. “No, you won’t. There will be no under eighteen inside the club.”
“What on earth might be going on inside that building in the middle of the day that you’re going to leave a young girl in the streets in the cold.” Okay, I might’ve gone a little too much with the dramatic touch to it. But he’s already familiar with my dramatic shenanigans.
“Just like you mentioned, it’s the middle of the day, with the sun right above your head. Don’t worry. You won’t freeze to death.” With that, he starts to move inside.
“Come on. Even Your own friends have invited me here. Why can’t I just come in for few minutes?”
With that, he stops walking. “What friends?” His voice goes frigid and icy as he turns his head to me.
I hold in my breath. I don’t think I said anything wrong, but seeing how edgy he got, I doubt my judgment.
“I don’t remember his name.” I lie. “But if it’s okay for them to have me in, why isn’t it okay with you?”
“My friend invited you, my seventeen year old stepsister, to our club?” he ignores my question.
“In his defense, he said when we’re older.” I add. Hoping it’ll lessen his displeasure with the concept of his friend inviting me to his sacred and private place. “And I’m not staying seventeen forever. I’ll be eighteen next month.” I say defensively.
He finally accepts my change of subject. “Sorry golden, but you won’t be allowed in even when you turn eighteen.” He turns around.
“Why not?” I ask offended.
“Because I say so.” He drawls and keeps walking without bothering to stay and listen to me anymore, like just him not wanting me in is a perfectly good enough reason.
I accept my failure and lean against his motorcycle and wait. I take out my phone to busy myself. And that’s when I remember again why I’m even here with Jungkook when I should be sitting in class in the first place.
Somehow, spending even little time with Jungkook made me forget I was on the verge of melting down in school bathroom a little over thirty minutes ago and why.
I keep looking at the text notifications from Rowan, contemplating if I should act petty and ignore him until the foreseeable future. But then I decide against it. As opposed to what people may think of me, I’m not a petty and stubborn person when it comes to serious stuff. Like relationship. I open his text and read them.
Rowan: Where did you go?
Rowan: Let’s talk about this again.
Rowan: Please, Dais.
That makes my fury from him a little more tamed. But I still don’t think I’m ready to have a talk with him or forgive him. Mostly because I don’t even see him apologizing for how he talked to me earlier.
I am going to reply to his texts and sit down and have a calm conversation with him later. But not now. Right now, I want to get away from him and level my head.
I entertain myself by looking around the building, doing anything to just pass the time. What is it about this club that I’m not allowed in? It’s not like I wanna snoop around the place. But it would be nice to at least sit on a chair while I wait for Jungkook.
I get hit with a pang of disappointment. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me being there. Maybe it’s really just the fact that he doesn’t want me there. Which is understandable. We’ve always been like this. There’s no reason for him to treat me any different from how he used to.
I mean, he’s more civil and tolerating with me, like he said himself. But no more than that. Maybe it was just my own optimism that wanted me to think our relationship will grow with time and become something we can actually call friendship.
But how could I not think that? Sometimes he acts in a way that makes me believe there’s still a speck of hope, but then the next minute he goes back to acting how he always used to. He’s too hot and cold with me. I swear, I do not understand that man at all.
I don’t know how the time passed by, but Jungkook finally comes out of the front door and walks straight to me.
“Is it done?” I ask holding his helmet.
“Yeah.” He takes out his keys from his pocket and gets on his bike. “Sorry if it took long.”
“Not a problem.” I say, taken aback by his apology. “It would’ve been easier if I was waiting inside, but whatever.” I tease anyway. I sit behind Jungkook and secure his helmet on my head.
He twists his head and gives me a dirty look. I notice the small lift of the corner of his lips before he tries to hide it and turns his head again.
See, that’s the exact hot and cold I was talking about.
I cannot figure him out.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
I can’t find my notebook anywhere. I’ve looked everywhere that I thought it could possibly be. I don’t put too much space for my schoolbooks anyway, so the list of places I had to look wasn’t long. I have my book shelves that I keep my novels at, I have two shelves from my closet, and sometimes my vanity.
It’s interesting how sometimes when I’m in a hurry and need to do my makeup fast, I swear I can’t find any of my makeup under the pile of school books and notebooks. They’re all I see when I need something else. How is it possible that the one time I need to use that notebook, I can’t see it anywhere?
In my haste to put my school books in my bag, I accidently trip over a pile of tangled clothes and shoes on the floor. In that very moment, I hear a not so soft knock on my bedroom door.
“Are you ready yet?” Jungkook asks impatiently.
“In a second!” I shove everything I find in front of me inside my school bag. I take my lip gloss with me because there’s no more time for that. Jungkook will flip out on me soon if I don’t move my ass downstairs.
I run down the stairs catching Jungkook already putting on his jacket. His eyes fall to my hand before he brings them up to look at me with a hard gaze.
“Don’t tell me you took this long just to put on a lip gloss.”
“Of course I didn’t.” I roll my eyes at him. “I was looking for my books.”
I walk to the kitchen to grab something sweet as my breakfast. I make it quick in fear of Jungkook getting more impatient with me.
Earlier this morning, when everyone had left the house and I was the last one behind because I was taking my sweet time to get ready, Jungkook knocked on my already open bedroom door. He asked how do I plan on going to school, and I responded that Kim will get here any moment now.
I had no idea if Rowan’s car was already fixed or not. It wouldn’t have made a difference
anyway. I didn’t want to see him right now. Maybe once I’m not so pissed at him.
I was already late and Kim wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so Jungkook offered to take me. I doubled checked what I heard. His reply was narrowed eyes and an impatient ‘Pick up the pace, golden’.
I walk out of the kitchen with a pastry in my mouth while putting on my cardigan.
“I’m starting the car in five minutes. If you’re not in the car and strapped in in five, I’m leaving without you.” Jungkook complains as he takes his cars from the bowl next to the door.
“Don’t be so grumpy, Jungkook.” I finish tying my shoe laces. “You’re twice as grumpy in the mornings. Be a little more pleasant please?” I smirk at him teasingly and softly bump my shoulder to his.
He doesn’t take my advice. If anything, he becomes grumpier. I chuckle at the look he gives me and follow him out of the door.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I liked you better when you were a bitch. This cheerful side of you is irritating.” He says under his breath.
Instead of getting mad, I just laugh at the way he says his words.
“Well, there’s no way back. You agreed to be good friends and you can’t take it back.”
“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” A line appears on his forehead.
“And as a good friend of mine,” I ignore him and continue to tease him. “You’re gonna be seeing a lot more of my nicer and cheerful side.” I grin up at him.
The dirty look he gives me draws another chuckle out of me.
He opens his car which was parked in front of the house. “Just get your ass in the car.” He shakes his head and mumbles something in Korean under his breath.
I don’t understand a word, so I just open the passenger seat door and get in.
“I’m starting to think I should help you convince my dad and your mom to let you drive your own car.” he starts the engine.
My eyes flash to him with hope and excitement. “I know you’re saying this to make a snarky comment, but I would actually hug you if you convince them.”
He gives me a side eye. “Then I definitely won’t do that.”
“Asshole.” I chuckle.
We sit in silence for few minutes.
“Isn’t there any music or something on your car?” I blurt. As far as I know him, Jungkook has a great interest in music. It’s unlike him to sit and drive his car in silence without anything humming in the background.
The silence and the pressure to make conversation with him just to fill in the silence is starting to get a little stressful. Especially now that I’m running out of topics to bring up with him.
“No. I never put music on it.”
Silence fills the car again.
“You can connect and put something on, if you want.” He says after a pause.
The car is a little old to have wireless connection, and I don’t see any wires around.
“I think there might be an old cable in the dashboard. Check there. You can use that.” He informs me.
“Never mind.” I say instead. “You probably won’t like my taste in music anyway.”
“I don’t mind.” He looks my way before he clarifies. “Different genres of music, I mean.”
“I know that. I’ve heard your wide taste in music. But I still don’t like people to hear and judge mine.”
“I already know what you listen to, Daisy. We live in the same house.”
“There’s no reason for you to believe you know all about what I listen to. Besides, a person’s playlist is one of their most private belongings. Like Dan said, you could tell a lot about a person based on what’s on their playlist.”
“Who’s Dan?” A line forms between his brows.
His voice dropping low.
“Dan in the movie Begin Again? Played by Mark Ruffalo?”
The line becomes deeper.
“You never watched the movie? How is that possible when you’re living under the same roof as me?”
“Calm down, golden. It’s just a movie. I never watched a lot of things. Like that annoying sitcom show you’re always watching in your room that has so much laughing noises and the woman with the infuriating nasal voice.”
I gasp dramatically. “You did not just insult my beloved “The Nanny” and Fran Fine. She’s a queen and an icon. Sure, her voice is annoying at first, but after a while, you don’t even notice it anymore.”
He rolls his eyes at me.
“But like I said, you can tell a lot about a person based on what they listen to. In your case, you like a lot of R&B, mostly dark R&B. The ones that no one listens to. And Sometimes Rock and even metal. And honestly, with your personality, it totally checks out.”
“Didn’t know you pay such close attention to me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Jeon.” I roll my eyes at him. “You’re not exactly quiet all the time. Sometimes the blasting music coming from your speakers is too loud to ignore.”
He pauses. “Right.” He says quietly. “Sometimes I forget to consider everyone else, I guess. Sorry if I disturb you guys.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind that much.”
I lied. I’ve been annoyed by his inconsideration and plotted his murder while I took deep breaths too many times to count in the past years. But that was a different time. Now, we have a better relationship. Now he’s nicer to me. And now he was mindful enough to actually apologize.
Wait… Oh my god. He just apologized.
“Wait, did I hear right? Did you just say sorry to me?”
He exhales and rolls his eyes when he realizes where I’m going with that.
“Please don’t start the dramatic act.”
“I thought you never apologized to people. You did. To me!” I exclaim with a laugh.
“Don’t make me take it back, Daisy.” He says hard and serious.
“No, no. No taking back.” I say with a smile. “This day will go on my calendar, you know.”
He exhales another tired breath and drives the car to the school parking area.
“You’re a pain in the ass.” He says under his breath before he puts the car on park. “Stop acting silly and go to your class.”
“You were the one acting silly with that whole ‘I don’t apologize’ thing before. Deep down, you’re just a normal person with a heart like all of us.” I muse with a teasing smile.
“Who said I don’t have a heart. I have a very well functioning one.” He points to his chest as he turns his body just enough to look at me while he’s talking to me. His left elbow resting low on his window.
“Oh thank god for that. Because for years I believed you had none.” I fake relief.
“Come on, golden. I knew you weren’t smart but you couldn’t have been that slow.”
“I’m sorry, did you just call me an idiot?”
“Hey, you were the one that believed a human can survive without a heart, not me.” He shrugs before a playful smirk break through his lips.
I scoff, speechless by his audacity and the fact that he still hasn’t lost his desire to taunt me. “You’ll always remain an asshole, won’t you?” I chuckle.
“Absolutely, dear.” An irritating beam sits on his beams.
My eyes fall on his lip rings, moving with his lips. Suddenly, I can’t take my eyes off, fascinated by them.
He has two rings on the left side of his lip. He got them both around two years ago. We were all kind of shocked to see him come home with not one, but two piercings at once. The eyebrow one got added to his collection months later.
The only time I let a needle near me for a none medical purpose was when I got my ears pierced. Only one for each ear. Not one more. Kim has interest in getting pierced somewhere else as well, but like me, she’s afraid of needles. She has yet to muster the courage to see a tattoo artist.
The dozen piercings Jungkook has on his face and ears —and god knows where else— aren’t the only places he punctured his body with. His full-sleeve tattoo took more than six sessions. Very long sessions of getting stabbed with needle. He is a true maniac.
When I realize I’ve been eyeing his piercings a few moments too long, I take my eyes off of them. I stop myself from focusing on the fact that he just called me dear. Jungkook has called me with various types of nicknames. Mostly insulting, and “Golden” and “Drama queen” are the only ones that stuck for long.
So I stop my raging thoughts and swallow hard.
“You—”
Out of nowhere, I hear a sound of crashing glass before we both lose our balance. Before we know what’s going happening, we both jolt forward with a hard force.
Before I can stretch out my hands to lean on the dashboard on reflex, I feel Jungkook’s arm reaching out to hold me back on my seat.
We both whirl out heads to see what the hell that was.
A car crashed to Jungkook’s car. The crash wasn’t too dangerous, but something definitely broke. Either Jungkook’s backlights or the other’s car. The familiar black car.
“Fuck.” Jungkook swears under his breath and moves fast to open his door and get out of the car.
I follow after him, going around the car to stand opposite of Jungkook and look at the damage.
There’s a small dent in his car and even a smaller dent on the other car. The biggest damage is the lights on the left side of Jungkook’s car.
As I inspect the damage on both cars, I notice Rowan walking out of the driver side of the black car that just crashed us.
“I am so sorry. I was driving backwards, and I got distracted from my mirrors and—” He stops when his eyes fall on me. “Dais?”
He turns his eyes to Jungkook again, and that’s when it hits him. He recognizes who Jungkook is and more distress appears on his face.
He clears his throat before he speaks to Jungkook again. “I truly am sorry. I’ll have my dad contacting you to pay fully for the damage.”
I turn my head to Jungkook. His eyes have hardened. His eyelids lower than earlier in the car when he was looking at me. Then, he looked relaxed and contend. Now, he’s rigid. If looks could kill, Rowan would’ve been six feet under already.
“Now we know how you got your license.” He tsks. “If you get distracted often while driving, do us a favor and don’t ever take Daisy anywhere with your car again.” He tells Rowan, pissed off.
I hold in my breath, not saying anything. Rowan is shocked by Jungkook’s reaction and words. His eyes travel to me, expecting me to make sense of what’s going on for him. Or maybe waiting for me to jump in and come to his defend.
“You’ll be late for class, Daisy. Go get your bag.” Jungkook calls out to me while still staring at Rowan. But his voice sounds way calmer.
I look between them with uncertainty. Jungkook looks my way with hard and commanding eyes.
I slowly walk to the door I left open and take my school bag. I walk by them standing there. The tension can be cut with a knife.
“I’ll call my dad.” Rowan takes his phone out to dial.
I look at Jungkook again, worried he might act on his resentment towards Rowan. If he disliked me before, it’s safe to say he hated Rowan. I don’t know why. But I do know that our improving relationship has not lessened his dislike for Rowan. I’m still unsure of leaving them. Considering the tense environment.
“Go. Everything’s fine here.” He speaks with more calmness.
But his calm always felt like the intimidating dangerous kind. Even though it hasn’t sounded like that to me for a while.
I keep the eye contact. Needing the assurance that they will be fine in here when I leave. When I don’t see anything worth worrying in Jungkook's dark eyes, I nod my head and walk to school building.
If Rowan was already one of Jungkook’s least favorite people, Rowan crashing his car, which is sentimental to him, definitely won’t help at all.
𐙚 Tropes : stepsiblings au, forbidden taboo love, enemies to lovers, small town, angst, smut
𐙚 Word count : 8.3k+
𐙚 Summary : where the line between hate and love gets too blurred for people who are, by all public rules, supposed to see each other as family.
𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟒) | 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟔)
A month ago, I would’ve never imagined being here where I am. How could I? Even now that I’m living it, I don’t think I could’ve imagined myself in this situation.
Once again, in Jungkook’s car while he’s taking me home from school because he was ‘around the area’ and thought he can drop me off at home and then go to work.
To say I was shocked by his gesture is an understatement. Two months ago he would never do such a thing for me. He wouldn’t even have done it if my mother asked him to. Now he’s doing it because he was in the neighborhood? It’s hard for me to believe Jungkook was in my school’s area around the school closing time for any reason at all. But I didn’t push him to admit the true reason, or tease him like I usually would. It has always been in my nature to tease and provoke him until he lost it and made a reaction. But not now, and hopefully not ever again.
If Jungkook is making an effort to be nice and have a civil relationship with me for whatever reason he must have, despite what our dynamic have always been, I can make an effort to change how I always have treated him as well. I can leave my nasty attitude towards him behind and shake hands of brotherhood and make peace. Metaphorical ones, of course.
Another thing that took me by surprise was that he said he was going to work after he dropped me off at home. Now that grew some questions and curiosity and a while ago, I didn’t care enough to ask or think about them. But now, for some reason I want to know more about it. I wanna know more about him.
But at the same time I’m uncertain about asking too many questions or stepping out of boundary and ruin this peaceful quietness we have. But I’ve been quiet for some time and I am so not used to that.
“Can I ask a question? I know you don’t like answering my questions and feel free to not answer them, but I can’t stifle my curiosity any longer.”
“Oh good. You’re fine. You were quiet for so long, I thought something happened to you over there.” He remarks while carelessly resting his left palm on the wheel and his right one on the
gear.
“Again, I don’t want to cross your boundaries,” Even I know that’s a first in our book. “So feel free to not answer.” I raise my head to give me more confidence. “But we’ve been basically family for many years, I still don’t know what your job is. What is it that you do for living?”
“Why do you think I’m gonna answer any questions about myself?” he speaks while having his eyes and attention on the road.
“Because we’re friends now?” I respond with a playful sweetness.
A small frown sits on his forehead. “I don’t remember agreeing on that.”
“What, so you’re saying we’re not friends now?”
“Let’s call it roommates that have to tolerate each other and be nice so they don’t end up killing each other. You know, for our parents’ sake.”
“I thought we were already doing the tolerating for our parents’ sake all this time.”
“No. It was always too hard to tolerate you. Now, I’m making the effort to do that.” Does he have a… playful and teasing tone in his voice? I can’t even tell anymore. I must be losing my mind.
I just stare at him and scoff a laugh. I don’t know if I like this side of him or if I’m afraid of it.
“Why the sudden curiosity?” He asks more seriously.
“It’s not exactly sudden. I’ve always wondered about it. Now that we officially agreed to ‘tolerate each other and be nice’” I say the last part with sass. “It’s about time I finally know.”
He hums to himself. Nodding his head a little like he’s going through my answer in his head.
“So? What is it?” I ask. Suddenly more curious than I’ve ever been. “You know, the longer you take to answer, the more I believe it’s something illegal.”
He visibly tries to mask his mischievous smile and keep the serious face on place.
“Oh my god! Is your job really something illegal? Are you a drug dealer?”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He just cracks a smile at my overreaction.
“An Assassin?” Nothing. “Jungkook I swear to all Gods, if you’re a trafficker in disguise I’m jumping out of this moving car and go to the police station.” I breath out.
“Is that a smart thing to say to a trafficker? I can kidnap you and torture you for threatening me like that.” He muses. But the joke —or maybe not a joke, I can’t tell— doesn’t calm me. Him fueling the fire I started makes my eyes go even wider. I can’t even focus on the fact that Jungkook was just joking.
When Jungkook sees how wide my eyes are, he laughs and says, “Calm down, you insane drama queen. Do I even look like a criminal?”
“Right now? Yes. You do. And come to think of it, All your club buddies look very dangerous and suspicious looking, too. Please tell me that club is not an illegal place where you do shady crimes.”
“Wait, so just because we like riding motorcycles and have few tattoos and piercings, we look like criminals?” He asks.
“See, you didn’t deny the illegal club statement.” I point my finger at him like I caught him red handed.
He rolls his eyes but still a smile breaks through. “Affairs of the club is none of your business, golden. So don’t concern yourself with them. And no. my job is not illegal.”
“That’s it? Clarify more. What is it?”
“Question time over.” He hits the brakes and stops the car. “Hop off or I’ll get late.”
And that’s when I realize that we’ve stopped in front of our house. I never even realized we’ve arrived at our neighborhood.
I pick up my school bag from the back seat and accidently hit Jungkook’s arm with my body in the process. Being this close and having even such small physical contact with him is a foreign concept, so I put as much distant as I can between us. Jungkook seems to be unaware of it because he looks as steady and cool as ever.
So I clear my head and speak up. “You still didn’t give up the information. At least I know you can be late for it, and I think it might be legal. I’m still not sure about that one.”
He chuckles and shakes his head at me. I open the car and get out with a smile of delight, knowing that I have been able to make Jeon Jungkook smile or laugh more than once in my lifetime.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
After almost two weeks, I was finally able to get a hang on Rowan at his break time between science class and his football practice. He’s been spending his lunch breaks eating with his friends and teammates for the past week. Today he was finally able to get away from them and eat lunch with me. The most convenient place we could have our break and talk a little was on the football field benches. Apart from a few other companies of two or three people sitting with a good distant from us, the benches are pretty clear.
I would be enjoying my lunch with my boyfriend —whom I haven’t properly seen in more than a week— way more if he wasn’t acting so odd. He’s been quietly eating and not responding to me at all.
“Did you hear me, Rowan?”
I don’t know what about his cup of soda sitting on the bench between us can be more interesting than me, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off of it for few minutes, deep in his head.
With my loud question, his attention snaps back on me. He gives me a quick glance and focuses his attention back on his sandwich as he says dryly. “Sorry. Wasn’t paying attention. What were you saying?”
“Do you want to tell me what is going on? You’ve been acting strange.”
He doesn’t say anything. He ignores me while chewing his food.
“Rowan?” I call impatiently now. It’s clear there’s something wrong. Rowan has never been this distant with me. Now I can’t help but think this whole time he’s been avoiding me. I don’t want to think whatever is going on right now is connected to him not having the time to spend time with me for almost two weeks. But with the way he’s acting right now, I can’t stop my head from having crazy thoughts.
“Yes.” He says with force.
“What is going on?” I ask hard.
He swallows his food but doesn’t take another bite. He calmly puts his sandwich down and gives me his full attention now. But his eyes are hard, looking me over with no affection.
“Are you seriously acting like you have zero clue?”
I stare at him dumbfounded.
“I genuinely have zero clue, Rowan. Care to enlighten me?”
“So you’re telling me you also had zero clue of everything when you let Adams down your throat?”
I go speechless. Absolutely stunned to speak properly.
“When did I ever let Adams down my throat? Are you insane?”
“Oh so now I’ve become insane, too? What’s next? The entire school is talking about you two. Everyone think you broke up with me and now something is going on between you two.”
“Something going on between us? Rowan, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” He asks with dead serious eyes. “Is it, really?”
I’m taken aback by him. Not believing what I’m hearing. “Rowan, are you seriously asking me if something is going on between me and someone else?” I ask in the steadiest tone I can muster. My voice still doesn’t sound as steady as I intended even to my own ears.
“Everyone saw how close you two were at the cafeteria. It’s hard not to believe what half of school witnessed.”
“Rowan, you’re making no sense right now. You’ve always known he flirts with me here and there despite me telling him off. I told you about it myself the first time it happened. You also know how I feel about it and how I always respond to him.”
Before me and Rowan started dating at the beginning of our junior year, Adams had on and off thing with few girls in our school. Surprisingly, he never showed interest in me when we were freshmen. A while after I started dating Rowan and he was done with a girl he had an on and off thing with, the flirtations begin.
Rowan always knew I had no interest in him or that he never had a real interest in me either.
Adams is a playboy and a pig. He’s always dating around. He just seems to enjoy getting a rise out of me. I may be the only one he never successfully hit on, and this could be a challenge for him that he enjoys. I don’t fucking care.
“Yes, flirting he always did. And I’m not some insecure guy who feel threatened by a douchebag like him. But don’t you think getting all touchy with you in the cafeteria and so close to you is past silly flirtation? And you let him do that. You didn’t push him away or anything.” His voice getting higher. “The entire school is talking about you being with him. They think we broke up and he’s your boyfriend now. And can you blame them? You’ve been seen with him in the last two weeks more than you’ve been seen with me!”
“And who’s fault is that?” I can’t control myself anymore. I burst like an active volcano. I jump from my seat, my heart beating fast with anger. Words come out of my mouth while he sits and looks at me.
“To my despair, I can’t get rid of him. But not being seen with you is not my fault. Every time we set a date to hang out, you came up with something. We wanted to see each other in school like always, you had to do extra practice. We wanted to meet outside of school, you already had plans with your friends or team buddies.” He tries to interrupt me, but I stop him by holding up my hand. “You’ve been treating me like an afterthought. You barely put in the time to talk to me over the phone. And you have the nerves to accuse me and get upset why you haven’t been around me as much as he’s been? If you had made the effort to spend time with me properly, you would’ve heard about it before any other nosy friend told you.”
With that, I don’t even give him the time to voice out a respond. I’m too mad at him to listen to him with a clear mind.
But my brain was already clouded with too much frustration, and I knew I was going to burst out soon. When I heard the accusation and mistrust in his voice, it was like a spark to lighten the fire inside my head.
I only pick my bag off the bench and storm away. I only hear Rowan calling my name once but I don’t pay him the attention. I don’t even think he made the effort to follow me.
I get away from the field as fast as I can. Each step I take, the more the anger I had morphs into built up tears. You know when you’re so frustrated you can’t do anything but tear up?
But I’ll be damned if I get seen crying in school. I’ll shave my head and get tattooed on the face before I let that happened.
I enter the hallway as I hurry my way to the girl’s restroom. My vision is blurry but I don’t let them fall or my cool façade to break.
I reach the bathroom door and right before I get to open the door, a single tear drops. But I throw myself inside before anyone sees me. The hallway was mostly empty, but restroom is absolutely empty and right now, I’m beyond thankful for that.
Besides the few traitorous tears that fall down despite all my efforts to keep them in place, I hold myself together and don’t break down.
I drop my heavy school bag on the floor and push my hand on the sink, leaning all my weight on them. The stung of Rowan’s cold eyes and our fight makes composing myself harder and harder.
I just keep breathing through my nose to the point I feel like I’ve calmed down, and that’s when more tears cloud my vision. I'm just so mad and hurt.
It happens enough times till the school bells start ringing and I hear more noises coming from the hallway. Nobody comes into the bathroom. Everyone returns to classrooms and I still stand in front of the bathroom mirror practicing on my breathing.
It’s at that point that I realize I won’t be able to go to class anymore. I’m too mentally unsteady to seat in a class full of judgmental students. If I suddenly break down and ugly-cry in front of a whole class —and I will— it’ll turn in to the lowest part of my life. And I’ve showed up to a party thinking it was a costume party and it wasn’t.
My only option is to leave the school without being seen when everyone is in class.
I wipe my under eyes before bending down and picking up my school bag from the floor. I search through it to find my phone. When I do, I see no messages or calls from Rowan. Of fucking course.
I bite my bottom lip hard to stop the fucking anger that makes me wanna throw something to the wall, very hard.
I only see a text from Kim. She’s probably already in class, so I can’t count on her getting me out of school. I send her a quick text saying I don’t feel well and I’m going home. We have literature so she won’t be checking her phone right now.
I go through my options in my head. And honestly I don’t have many. I don’t have any, really. My mom is at work and I fear calling her in the middle of work to have her pick me up from school will only make her worried. I’m going to be a mess just for a little while. My emotions won’t be all over the place once I get through this melt down and sort my thoughts. So it doesn’t worth it to make someone worried about me. The less people see me in this state the better. Less unnecessary worry and less unnecessary humiliation.
The second one unfortunately cannot be prevented, because I’m already dialing my only option.
He's the only person I can’t think of any particular thing he might be doing right now. And he has a vehicle. Three, actually.
I don’t know if it’s the thought of Rowan again, or the fact that I’m in one of my lowest and most humiliating moments and I’m calling Jungkook for help, but tears build up in my eyes and I need to bite my lip again to keep my cool. I taste the iron on my lip as I wait for Jungkook to pick his damn phone.
There’s a good chance he won’t even recognize my number and will ignore me.
Just when I think I’ll go on his voice mail, I hear the low familiar voice speaking in my right ear.
“Yes?”
I hear some faint noises from the background, but they’re too vague for me to tell what they are.
“Hey. It’s me.” I accidently sniffle a little.
He’s silent for a few seconds. When it clicks for him, he sounds so confused I can hear the frown in his voice. “Daisy? Is this you?”
“Yes.” I sniffle again. This time I reach for a tissue. “Sorry for calling. But I literally didn’t have another choice.”
“Daisy what’s wrong?” Jungkook cuts to the chase. He must put together that something happened. He knows just as well as I do, I wouldn’t be calling him if I wasn’t desperate.
“Nothing.” My voice shakes despite my effort to control it. “Are you free right now? Are you at home?”
“Why? Did something happen? Aren’t you at school?” He sounds more urgent.
“Yes. And nothing serous happened. I’m just not feeling well. And mom is working. So is your dad and—” My voice shakes more, making it clear that I’m preventing tears.
“Cut the crap, Daisy. What happened to you?” He cuts me off. His voice sounds more serious. And impatient.
“Are you free or not?” I ask desperately. I don’t care how I sound to him anymore. I just need him to get here.
He pauses for few seconds. “Yeah. I’ll come get you in fifteen minutes.” I hear more noises around him. “Stay in school.”
“Thank you.” I breath out a cry of relief. And before I start sobbing in Jungkook’s ear, I hang up the phone.
I shove my phone back in my bag and cover my face with my palms.
Did Rowan even care to look for me? I was pretty mad when I left him. And he know I turn into a crying mess when I'm too angry. Did he really not care or does he really believe the rumors? That’s impossible. Rowan knows me. He knows I would never betray him. And he knows I loathe Aiden Adams. Just because he was close to me doesn’t mean Rowan would believe something was going on between us. He wouldn’t.
I repeat that in my head like a mantra, trying to believe it. But at some point it feels meaningless. His tone, the words he said. Of course he didn’t fully trust me.
I inhale a deep breath and stand in front of the mirror again. My makeup is a mess. My mascara is not on my lashes anymore. It’s smeared all over my cheeks and my concealer is all gone.
I turn the water on and grab some more tissues. I start cleaning my face as best as I can.
I don’t cry anymore. Instead, I spend the next ten minutes making my face presentable and calm myself.
By the end of it, my face isn’t a mess anymore. But my eyes are slightly red.
I’m combing through my hair when I get a text. I put back my comb and check my phone.
Jungkook: I’m here.
That’s all he says. And frankly, I’ve never been so happy and relieved by a text.
To think it’s by a text from Jungkook is laughable.
I quicky pick up my bag and leave the girl’s bathroom. The halls are empty, but I still walk fast in case I run into a student or worse, a teacher.
I go straight for the parking lot and there, I see Jungkook by his motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans.
He sees me approaching right away. He takes his hand out of his pocket and waits for me. His demeanor looks calm and collected as ever. But his face is impatient. Looking me up and down, probably searching for an injury.
When he doesn’t see anything out of place except for my slightly red, puffy eyes, he starts to speak but I cut him off.
“Wow, you really came.”
“Well, you didn’t sound so well on the phone.”
“Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry.”
“Are you finally going to spit out what’s wrong with you?” He speaks calmer than on the phone. But there’s a demanding force in his tone.
He probably heard my voice on the phone and thought the worst. I pretty much never cry in front of others. Kim and my mom? Yes, but very few times. Everyone else? No.
Jungkook? Absolutely never.
And seeing him standing here in front of my school in the middle of the day, dead serious and demanding answers makes me realize that I’ve worried him a little. Something I never thought possible.
“No. I’m fine. Just like I said, I don’t feel good so I needed to go home early.” I keep my head high and look him in the eye. I sound a lot steadier and calmer now. I can almost pretend I never cried and lost my shit in the first place. Almost. If Jungkook wasn’t giving me sharp eyes.
“You didn’t sound fine on the phone.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I am now.”
We look hard into each other’s eyes, holding our ground and wait for the other one to give up. When I don’t waver, he gives up and sighs.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” He turns around and gets on his motorcycle.
I go after him. He hands me his helmet.
“Here.” Is all he says.
“What about yourself?”
“I only brought one. I wasn’t home when you called.”
I hesitate to take the only helmet, and Jungkook pushes it to me more aggressively. “Take it.” He says sternly.
I don’t argue. I take the helmet and hold it on my hip while I take out my hair tie and open my pony tail so I can put the helmet on. I secure it on my head and when I look up I see Jungkook’s eyes fixed on me. His eyes seem dark and distracted, but as soon as he sees me looking his way, he averts his attention on the helmet.
“You secured it properly?”
I adjust the heavy thing again. “I guess.”
He doesn’t reply. He turns fully forward and starts his motorcycle. I get on the seat and pull down the visor before grabbing both sides of Jungkook’s jacket.
“Sit tight.” He orders gently before moving.
At first he goes slow, but when we get on the empty road, he higher his speed and again I have no choice but secure my hands around his torso.
He takes the route from outside of the city, probably because of its safer location to go over the speed limit. The wind wildly pushes his hair around and onto his face, but that doesn’t seem to bother Jungkook. He doesn’t slow down at any point except for the speed bump. And even then, he’s not slow enough, making me holding onto him even tighter in fear of getting thrown off of my seat.
Suddenly, I feel Jungkook’s phone vibrate from the pocket of his jacket.
“Your phone is vibrating.” I let him know in case the sound of wind is too loud for him to notice.
He finally lowers his speed and takes out his phone from his pocket.
He takes a quick glance from his screen before returning his attention back on the road. He swipes answer as he’s looking forward and takes his call.
“Yeah?” There’s some talking on the other line before Jungkook speaks again. “Does it have to be done now?” More talking. “I’m gonna head down to the club tonight anyway. It can’t wait for a few hours?” he talks to his phone over the sound of the wind hitting us in the face. Well, hitting him in the face.
“It’s okay if you need to go. I don’t mind waiting.” I cut him off before he fully declines.
“Are you sure? It might take a while.” He turns his head a little to my side, still holding his phone to his ear.
I nod my head. “Yeah, it’s fine.” Still holding him around his mid even though his speed is not as high as before.
He starts talking to the person on the other line. “Fine. I’ll be there in a bit.”
As I said to him, I don’t really mind waiting for him while he does whatever they need him to do. It must be important since it couldn’t wait. It seems pretty obvious that he wasn’t at the club when I called him. And he wasn’t home. He was definitely somewhere. At work, I’m guessing.
And if the people at the club know that and they still asked him to get there as soon as possible, it must be urgent.
At the reminder that he was in the middle of his work and I called him crying and asking for help, I feel a pang of guilt and shame. His work shouldn’t have had been interrupted by my problems. We’re not even close friends. Leaving work in the middle of the day to help someone you’re not even close friends with is something that makes me feel gravely grateful towards Jungkook. Not to mention a little more of newfound respect.
I’ll make sure to properly thank him for helping me, no questions asked, when I’m not on the back of his motorcycle and holding on to his body for dear life.
Less than ten minutes later, we arrive at his MC club. I’ve never been properly inside it, mostly because he forbade me or anyone of my friends or our family members to get close to this side of his life.
And mom always asked me to respect his personal life since everyone has a private life they might not want others to get involve with, and to just keep my nose out of his business.
I kind of figured if our parents don’t mind to interfere and meddle with this side of his life too much, then they must trust him and his club and friends to not be involved in anything illegal or dangerous. They always seem to fully have trust in him and respect his boundaries. They used to show some worries about it when we were younger, but Jungkook always assured them that it was just a hobby. A little place where he hung out with his friends and shared the love they had for riding motorcycles and adrenalin. My mom of course worried at first, like any motherly figure would do, but Jungkook always proved that he had the skill and the intelligence to never get himself in danger. And he never got in an accident, so they let him enjoy his passion without bothering him.
I’ve only passed by the club a handful of times, only seeing the outside and never the inside. Unlike our parents, I’m not fully sure how legal and safe this place can be. Kim has showed quite a bit of interest in going inside their club, but she was turned down every time since they knew who she was and Jungkook had banned us from entering the place personally himself. And she’ll turn eighteen later than me. And obviously, no under eighteen is allowed around the premises.
Jungkook parks the motorcycle in front of the entryway.
“Just wait here.” He kills the engine and gets off the seat. “I won’t take long.”
“Wait, I’m supposed to wait here?”
“You said you wouldn’t mind to wait yourself.”
“Yes, but I thought I could wait inside. Sitting down, maybe be offered a nice beverage?” I take a shoot in the dark. I knew Jungkook didn’t want me or anyone I know inside his precious club, but I thought maybe in this situation he wouldn’t make me wait outside and might make an exception this time. So I use my chance and perhaps try to guilt trip him a little.
But he gives me a fake smile. “No, you won’t. There will be no under eighteen inside the club.”
“What on earth might be going on inside that building in the middle of the day that you’re going to leave a young girl in the streets in the cold.” Okay, I might’ve gone a little too much with the dramatic touch to it. But he’s already familiar with my dramatic shenanigans.
“Just like you mentioned, it’s the middle of the day, with the sun right above your head. Don’t worry. You won’t freeze to death.” With that, he starts to move inside.
“Come on. Even Your own friends have invited me here. Why can’t I just come in for few minutes?”
With that, he stops walking. “What friends?” His voice goes frigid and icy as he turns his head to me.
I hold in my breath. I don’t think I said anything wrong, but seeing how edgy he got, I doubt my judgment.
“I don’t remember his name.” I lie. “But if it’s okay for them to have me in, why isn’t it okay with you?”
“My friend invited you, my seventeen year old stepsister, to our club?” he ignores my question.
“In his defense, he said when we’re older.” I add. Hoping it’ll lessen his displeasure with the concept of his friend inviting me to his sacred and private place. “And I’m not staying seventeen forever. I’ll be eighteen next month.” I say defensively.
He finally accepts my change of subject. “Sorry golden, but you won’t be allowed in even when you turn eighteen.” He turns around.
“Why not?” I ask offended.
“Because I say so.” He drawls and keeps walking without bothering to stay and listen to me anymore, like just him not wanting me in is a perfectly good enough reason.
I accept my failure and lean against his motorcycle and wait. I take out my phone to busy myself. And that’s when I remember again why I’m even here with Jungkook when I should be sitting in class in the first place.
Somehow, spending even little time with Jungkook made me forget I was on the verge of melting down in school bathroom a little over thirty minutes ago and why.
I keep looking at the text notifications from Rowan, contemplating if I should act petty and ignore him until the foreseeable future. But then I decide against it. As opposed to what people may think of me, I’m not a petty and stubborn person when it comes to serious stuff. Like relationship. I open his text and read them.
Rowan: Where did you go?
Rowan: Let’s talk about this again.
Rowan: Please, Dais.
That makes my fury from him a little more tamed. But I still don’t think I’m ready to have a talk with him or forgive him. Mostly because I don’t even see him apologizing for how he talked to me earlier.
I am going to reply to his texts and sit down and have a calm conversation with him later. But not now. Right now, I want to get away from him and level my head.
I entertain myself by looking around the building, doing anything to just pass the time. What is it about this club that I’m not allowed in? It’s not like I wanna snoop around the place. But it would be nice to at least sit on a chair while I wait for Jungkook.
I get hit with a pang of disappointment. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me being there. Maybe it’s really just the fact that he doesn’t want me there. Which is understandable. We’ve always been like this. There’s no reason for him to treat me any different from how he used to.
I mean, he’s more civil and tolerating with me, like he said himself. But no more than that. Maybe it was just my own optimism that wanted me to think our relationship will grow with time and become something we can actually call friendship.
But how could I not think that? Sometimes he acts in a way that makes me believe there’s still a speck of hope, but then the next minute he goes back to acting how he always used to. He’s too hot and cold with me. I swear, I do not understand that man at all.
I don’t know how the time passed by, but Jungkook finally comes out of the front door and walks straight to me.
“Is it done?” I ask holding his helmet.
“Yeah.” He takes out his keys from his pocket and gets on his bike. “Sorry if it took long.”
“Not a problem.” I say, taken aback by his apology. “It would’ve been easier if I was waiting inside, but whatever.” I tease anyway. I sit behind Jungkook and secure his helmet on my head.
He twists his head and gives me a dirty look. I notice the small lift of the corner of his lips before he tries to hide it and turns his head again.
See, that’s the exact hot and cold I was talking about.
I cannot figure him out.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
I can’t find my notebook anywhere. I’ve looked everywhere that I thought it could possibly be. I don’t put too much space for my schoolbooks anyway, so the list of places I had to look wasn’t long. I have my book shelves that I keep my novels at, I have two shelves from my closet, and sometimes my vanity.
It’s interesting how sometimes when I’m in a hurry and need to do my makeup fast, I swear I can’t find any of my makeup under the pile of school books and notebooks. They’re all I see when I need something else. How is it possible that the one time I need to use that notebook, I can’t see it anywhere?
In my haste to put my school books in my bag, I accidently trip over a pile of tangled clothes and shoes on the floor. In that very moment, I hear a not so soft knock on my bedroom door.
“Are you ready yet?” Jungkook asks impatiently.
“In a second!” I shove everything I find in front of me inside my school bag. I take my lip gloss with me because there’s no more time for that. Jungkook will flip out on me soon if I don’t move my ass downstairs.
I run down the stairs catching Jungkook already putting on his jacket. His eyes fall to my hand before he brings them up to look at me with a hard gaze.
“Don’t tell me you took this long just to put on a lip gloss.”
“Of course I didn’t.” I roll my eyes at him. “I was looking for my books.”
I walk to the kitchen to grab something sweet as my breakfast. I make it quick in fear of Jungkook getting more impatient with me.
Earlier this morning, when everyone had left the house and I was the last one behind because I was taking my sweet time to get ready, Jungkook knocked on my already open bedroom door. He asked how do I plan on going to school, and I responded that Kim will get here any moment now.
I had no idea if Rowan’s car was already fixed or not. It wouldn’t have made a difference
anyway. I didn’t want to see him right now. Maybe once I’m not so pissed at him.
I was already late and Kim wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so Jungkook offered to take me. I doubled checked what I heard. His reply was narrowed eyes and an impatient ‘Pick up the pace, golden’.
I walk out of the kitchen with a pastry in my mouth while putting on my cardigan.
“I’m starting the car in five minutes. If you’re not in the car and strapped in in five, I’m leaving without you.” Jungkook complains as he takes his cars from the bowl next to the door.
“Don’t be so grumpy, Jungkook.” I finish tying my shoe laces. “You’re twice as grumpy in the mornings. Be a little more pleasant please?” I smirk at him teasingly and softly bump my shoulder to his.
He doesn’t take my advice. If anything, he becomes grumpier. I chuckle at the look he gives me and follow him out of the door.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I liked you better when you were a bitch. This cheerful side of you is irritating.” He says under his breath.
Instead of getting mad, I just laugh at the way he says his words.
“Well, there’s no way back. You agreed to be good friends and you can’t take it back.”
“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” A line appears on his forehead.
“And as a good friend of mine,” I ignore him and continue to tease him. “You’re gonna be seeing a lot more of my nicer and cheerful side.” I grin up at him.
The dirty look he gives me draws another chuckle out of me.
He opens his car which was parked in front of the house. “Just get your ass in the car.” He shakes his head and mumbles something in Korean under his breath.
I don’t understand a word, so I just open the passenger seat door and get in.
“I’m starting to think I should help you convince my dad and your mom to let you drive your own car.” he starts the engine.
My eyes flash to him with hope and excitement. “I know you’re saying this to make a snarky comment, but I would actually hug you if you convince them.”
He gives me a side eye. “Then I definitely won’t do that.”
“Asshole.” I chuckle.
We sit in silence for few minutes.
“Isn’t there any music or something on your car?” I blurt. As far as I know him, Jungkook has a great interest in music. It’s unlike him to sit and drive his car in silence without anything humming in the background.
The silence and the pressure to make conversation with him just to fill in the silence is starting to get a little stressful. Especially now that I’m running out of topics to bring up with him.
“No. I never put music on it.”
Silence fills the car again.
“You can connect and put something on, if you want.” He says after a pause.
The car is a little old to have wireless connection, and I don’t see any wires around.
“I think there might be an old cable in the dashboard. Check there. You can use that.” He informs me.
“Never mind.” I say instead. “You probably won’t like my taste in music anyway.”
“I don’t mind.” He looks my way before he clarifies. “Different genres of music, I mean.”
“I know that. I’ve heard your wide taste in music. But I still don’t like people to hear and judge mine.”
“I already know what you listen to, Daisy. We live in the same house.”
“There’s no reason for you to believe you know all about what I listen to. Besides, a person’s playlist is one of their most private belongings. Like Dan said, you could tell a lot about a person based on what’s on their playlist.”
“Who’s Dan?” A line forms between his brows.
His voice dropping low.
“Dan in the movie Begin Again? Played by Mark Ruffalo?”
The line becomes deeper.
“You never watched the movie? How is that possible when you’re living under the same roof as me?”
“Calm down, golden. It’s just a movie. I never watched a lot of things. Like that annoying sitcom show you’re always watching in your room that has so much laughing noises and the woman with the infuriating nasal voice.”
I gasp dramatically. “You did not just insult my beloved “The Nanny” and Fran Fine. She’s a queen and an icon. Sure, her voice is annoying at first, but after a while, you don’t even notice it anymore.”
He rolls his eyes at me.
“But like I said, you can tell a lot about a person based on what they listen to. In your case, you like a lot of R&B, mostly dark R&B. The ones that no one listens to. And Sometimes Rock and even metal. And honestly, with your personality, it totally checks out.”
“Didn’t know you pay such close attention to me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Jeon.” I roll my eyes at him. “You’re not exactly quiet all the time. Sometimes the blasting music coming from your speakers is too loud to ignore.”
He pauses. “Right.” He says quietly. “Sometimes I forget to consider everyone else, I guess. Sorry if I disturb you guys.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind that much.”
I lied. I’ve been annoyed by his inconsideration and plotted his murder while I took deep breaths too many times to count in the past years. But that was a different time. Now, we have a better relationship. Now he’s nicer to me. And now he was mindful enough to actually apologize.
Wait… Oh my god. He just apologized.
“Wait, did I hear right? Did you just say sorry to me?”
He exhales and rolls his eyes when he realizes where I’m going with that.
“Please don’t start the dramatic act.”
“I thought you never apologized to people. You did. To me!” I exclaim with a laugh.
“Don’t make me take it back, Daisy.” He says hard and serious.
“No, no. No taking back.” I say with a smile. “This day will go on my calendar, you know.”
He exhales another tired breath and drives the car to the school parking area.
“You’re a pain in the ass.” He says under his breath before he puts the car on park. “Stop acting silly and go to your class.”
“You were the one acting silly with that whole ‘I don’t apologize’ thing before. Deep down, you’re just a normal person with a heart like all of us.” I muse with a teasing smile.
“Who said I don’t have a heart. I have a very well functioning one.” He points to his chest as he turns his body just enough to look at me while he’s talking to me. His left elbow resting low on his window.
“Oh thank god for that. Because for years I believed you had none.” I fake relief.
“Come on, golden. I knew you weren’t smart but you couldn’t have been that slow.”
“I’m sorry, did you just call me an idiot?”
“Hey, you were the one that believed a human can survive without a heart, not me.” He shrugs before a playful smirk break through his lips.
I scoff, speechless by his audacity and the fact that he still hasn’t lost his desire to taunt me. “You’ll always remain an asshole, won’t you?” I chuckle.
“Absolutely, dear.” An irritating beam sits on his beams.
My eyes fall on his lip rings, moving with his lips. Suddenly, I can’t take my eyes off, fascinated by them.
He has two rings on the left side of his lip. He got them both around two years ago. We were all kind of shocked to see him come home with not one, but two piercings at once. The eyebrow one got added to his collection months later.
The only time I let a needle near me for a none medical purpose was when I got my ears pierced. Only one for each ear. Not one more. Kim has interest in getting pierced somewhere else as well, but like me, she’s afraid of needles. She has yet to muster the courage to see a tattoo artist.
The dozen piercings Jungkook has on his face and ears —and god knows where else— aren’t the only places he punctured his body with. His full-sleeve tattoo took more than six sessions. Very long sessions of getting stabbed with needle. He is a true maniac.
When I realize I’ve been eyeing his piercings a few moments too long, I take my eyes off of them. I stop myself from focusing on the fact that he just called me dear. Jungkook has called me with various types of nicknames. Mostly insulting, and “Golden” and “Drama queen” are the only ones that stuck for long.
So I stop my raging thoughts and swallow hard.
“You—”
Out of nowhere, I hear a sound of crashing glass before we both lose our balance. Before we know what’s going happening, we both jolt forward with a hard force.
Before I can stretch out my hands to lean on the dashboard on reflex, I feel Jungkook’s arm reaching out to hold me back on my seat.
We both whirl out heads to see what the hell that was.
A car crashed to Jungkook’s car. The crash wasn’t too dangerous, but something definitely broke. Either Jungkook’s backlights or the other’s car. The familiar black car.
“Fuck.” Jungkook swears under his breath and moves fast to open his door and get out of the car.
I follow after him, going around the car to stand opposite of Jungkook and look at the damage.
There’s a small dent in his car and even a smaller dent on the other car. The biggest damage is the lights on the left side of Jungkook’s car.
As I inspect the damage on both cars, I notice Rowan walking out of the driver side of the black car that just crashed us.
“I am so sorry. I was driving backwards, and I got distracted from my mirrors and—” He stops when his eyes fall on me. “Dais?”
He turns his eyes to Jungkook again, and that’s when it hits him. He recognizes who Jungkook is and more distress appears on his face.
He clears his throat before he speaks to Jungkook again. “I truly am sorry. I’ll have my dad contacting you to pay fully for the damage.”
I turn my head to Jungkook. His eyes have hardened. His eyelids lower than earlier in the car when he was looking at me. Then, he looked relaxed and contend. Now, he’s rigid. If looks could kill, Rowan would’ve been six feet under already.
“Now we know how you got your license.” He tsks. “If you get distracted often while driving, do us a favor and don’t ever take Daisy anywhere with your car again.” He tells Rowan, pissed off.
I hold in my breath, not saying anything. Rowan is shocked by Jungkook’s reaction and words. His eyes travel to me, expecting me to make sense of what’s going on for him. Or maybe waiting for me to jump in and come to his defend.
“You’ll be late for class, Daisy. Go get your bag.” Jungkook calls out to me while still staring at Rowan. But his voice sounds way calmer.
I look between them with uncertainty. Jungkook looks my way with hard and commanding eyes.
I slowly walk to the door I left open and take my school bag. I walk by them standing there. The tension can be cut with a knife.
“I’ll call my dad.” Rowan takes his phone out to dial.
I look at Jungkook again, worried he might act on his resentment towards Rowan. If he disliked me before, it’s safe to say he hated Rowan. I don’t know why. But I do know that our improving relationship has not lessened his dislike for Rowan. I’m still unsure of leaving them. Considering the tense environment.
“Go. Everything’s fine here.” He speaks with more calmness.
But his calm always felt like the intimidating dangerous kind. Even though it hasn’t sounded like that to me for a while.
I keep the eye contact. Needing the assurance that they will be fine in here when I leave. When I don’t see anything worth worrying in Jungkook's dark eyes, I nod my head and walk to school building.
If Rowan was already one of Jungkook’s least favorite people, Rowan crashing his car, which is sentimental to him, definitely won’t help at all.
𐙚 Tropes : stepsiblings au, forbidden taboo love, haters to lovers (kinda?), grumpy x sunshine, small town, angst, smut
𐙚 Word count : 8.3k+
𐙚 Summary : where the line between hate and love gets too blurred for people who are, by all public rules, supposed to see each other as family.
𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟒) | 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟔)
A month ago, I would’ve never imagined being here where I am. How could I? Even now that I’m living it, I don’t think I could’ve imagined myself in this situation.
Once again, in Jungkook’s car while he’s taking me home from school because he was ‘around the area’ and thought he can drop me off at home and then go to work.
To say I was shocked by his gesture is an understatement. Two months ago he would never do such a thing for me. He wouldn’t even have done it if my mother asked him to. Now he’s doing it because he was in the neighborhood? It’s hard for me to believe Jungkook was in my school’s area around the school closing time for any reason at all. But I didn’t push him to admit the true reason, or tease him like I usually would. It has always been in my nature to tease and provoke him until he lost it and made a reaction. But not now, and hopefully not ever again.
If Jungkook is making an effort to be nice and have a civil relationship with me for whatever reason he must have, despite what our dynamic have always been, I can make an effort to change how I always have treated him as well. I can leave my nasty attitude towards him behind and shake hands of brotherhood and make peace. Metaphorical ones, of course.
Another thing that took me by surprise was that he said he was going to work after he dropped me off at home. Now that grew some questions and curiosity and a while ago, I didn’t care enough to ask or think about them. But now, for some reason I want to know more about it. I wanna know more about him.
But at the same time I’m uncertain about asking too many questions or stepping out of boundary and ruin this peaceful quietness we have. But I’ve been quiet for some time and I am so not used to that.
“Can I ask a question? I know you don’t like answering my questions and feel free to not answer them, but I can’t stifle my curiosity any longer.”
“Oh good. You’re fine. You were quiet for so long, I thought something happened to you over there.” He remarks while carelessly resting his left palm on the wheel and his right one on the
gear.
“Again, I don’t want to cross your boundaries,” Even I know that’s a first in our book. “So feel free to not answer.” I raise my head to give me more confidence. “But we’ve been basically family for many years, I still don’t know what your job is. What is it that you do for living?”
“Why do you think I’m gonna answer any questions about myself?” he speaks while having his eyes and attention on the road.
“Because we’re friends now?” I respond with a playful sweetness.
A small frown sits on his forehead. “I don’t remember agreeing on that.”
“What, so you’re saying we’re not friends now?”
“Let’s call it roommates that have to tolerate each other and be nice so they don’t end up killing each other. You know, for our parents’ sake.”
“I thought we were already doing the tolerating for our parents’ sake all this time.”
“No. It was always too hard to tolerate you. Now, I’m making the effort to do that.” Does he have a… playful and teasing tone in his voice? I can’t even tell anymore. I must be losing my mind.
I just stare at him and scoff a laugh. I don’t know if I like this side of him or if I’m afraid of it.
“Why the sudden curiosity?” He asks more seriously.
“It’s not exactly sudden. I’ve always wondered about it. Now that we officially agreed to ‘tolerate each other and be nice’” I say the last part with sass. “It’s about time I finally know.”
He hums to himself. Nodding his head a little like he’s going through my answer in his head.
“So? What is it?” I ask. Suddenly more curious than I’ve ever been. “You know, the longer you take to answer, the more I believe it’s something illegal.”
He visibly tries to mask his mischievous smile and keep the serious face on place.
“Oh my god! Is your job really something illegal? Are you a drug dealer?”
He doesn’t say anything to that. He just cracks a smile at my overreaction.
“An Assassin?” Nothing. “Jungkook I swear to all Gods, if you’re a trafficker in disguise I’m jumping out of this moving car and go to the police station.” I breath out.
“Is that a smart thing to say to a trafficker? I can kidnap you and torture you for threatening me like that.” He muses. But the joke —or maybe not a joke, I can’t tell— doesn’t calm me. Him fueling the fire I started makes my eyes go even wider. I can’t even focus on the fact that Jungkook was just joking.
When Jungkook sees how wide my eyes are, he laughs and says, “Calm down, you insane drama queen. Do I even look like a criminal?”
“Right now? Yes. You do. And come to think of it, All your club buddies look very dangerous and suspicious looking, too. Please tell me that club is not an illegal place where you do shady crimes.”
“Wait, so just because we like riding motorcycles and have few tattoos and piercings, we look like criminals?” He asks.
“See, you didn’t deny the illegal club statement.” I point my finger at him like I caught him red handed.
He rolls his eyes but still a smile breaks through. “Affairs of the club is none of your business, golden. So don’t concern yourself with them. And no. my job is not illegal.”
“That’s it? Clarify more. What is it?”
“Question time over.” He hits the brakes and stops the car. “Hop off or I’ll get late.”
And that’s when I realize that we’ve stopped in front of our house. I never even realized we’ve arrived at our neighborhood.
I pick up my school bag from the back seat and accidently hit Jungkook’s arm with my body in the process. Being this close and having even such small physical contact with him is a foreign concept, so I put as much distant as I can between us. Jungkook seems to be unaware of it because he looks as steady and cool as ever.
So I clear my head and speak up. “You still didn’t give up the information. At least I know you can be late for it, and I think it might be legal. I’m still not sure about that one.”
He chuckles and shakes his head at me. I open the car and get out with a smile of delight, knowing that I have been able to make Jeon Jungkook smile or laugh more than once in my lifetime.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
After almost two weeks, I was finally able to get a hang on Rowan at his break time between science class and his football practice. He’s been spending his lunch breaks eating with his friends and teammates for the past week. Today he was finally able to get away from them and eat lunch with me. The most convenient place we could have our break and talk a little was on the football field benches. Apart from a few other companies of two or three people sitting with a good distant from us, the benches are pretty clear.
I would be enjoying my lunch with my boyfriend —whom I haven’t properly seen in more than a week— way more if he wasn’t acting so odd. He’s been quietly eating and not responding to me at all.
“Did you hear me, Rowan?”
I don’t know what about his cup of soda sitting on the bench between us can be more interesting than me, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off of it for few minutes, deep in his head.
With my loud question, his attention snaps back on me. He gives me a quick glance and focuses his attention back on his sandwich as he says dryly. “Sorry. Wasn’t paying attention. What were you saying?”
“Do you want to tell me what is going on? You’ve been acting strange.”
He doesn’t say anything. He ignores me while chewing his food.
“Rowan?” I call impatiently now. It’s clear there’s something wrong. Rowan has never been this distant with me. Now I can’t help but think this whole time he’s been avoiding me. I don’t want to think whatever is going on right now is connected to him not having the time to spend time with me for almost two weeks. But with the way he’s acting right now, I can’t stop my head from having crazy thoughts.
“Yes.” He says with force.
“What is going on?” I ask hard.
He swallows his food but doesn’t take another bite. He calmly puts his sandwich down and gives me his full attention now. But his eyes are hard, looking me over with no affection.
“Are you seriously acting like you have zero clue?”
I stare at him dumbfounded.
“I genuinely have zero clue, Rowan. Care to enlighten me?”
“So you’re telling me you also had zero clue of everything when you let Adams down your throat?”
I go speechless. Absolutely stunned to speak properly.
“When did I ever let Adams down my throat? Are you insane?”
“Oh so now I’ve become insane, too? What’s next? The entire school is talking about you two. Everyone think you broke up with me and now something is going on between you two.”
“Something going on between us? Rowan, that’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” He asks with dead serious eyes. “Is it, really?”
I’m taken aback by him. Not believing what I’m hearing. “Rowan, are you seriously asking me if something is going on between me and someone else?” I ask in the steadiest tone I can muster. My voice still doesn’t sound as steady as I intended even to my own ears.
“Everyone saw how close you two were at the cafeteria. It’s hard not to believe what half of school witnessed.”
“Rowan, you’re making no sense right now. You’ve always known he flirts with me here and there despite me telling him off. I told you about it myself the first time it happened. You also know how I feel about it and how I always respond to him.”
Before me and Rowan started dating at the beginning of our junior year, Adams had on and off thing with few girls in our school. Surprisingly, he never showed interest in me when we were freshmen. A while after I started dating Rowan and he was done with a girl he had an on and off thing with, the flirtations begin.
Rowan always knew I had no interest in him or that he never had a real interest in me either.
Adams is a playboy and a pig. He’s always dating around. He just seems to enjoy getting a rise out of me. I may be the only one he never successfully hit on, and this could be a challenge for him that he enjoys. I don’t fucking care.
“Yes, flirting he always did. And I’m not some insecure guy who feel threatened by a douchebag like him. But don’t you think getting all touchy with you in the cafeteria and so close to you is past silly flirtation? And you let him do that. You didn’t push him away or anything.” His voice getting higher. “The entire school is talking about you being with him. They think we broke up and he’s your boyfriend now. And can you blame them? You’ve been seen with him in the last two weeks more than you’ve been seen with me!”
“And who’s fault is that?” I can’t control myself anymore. I burst like an active volcano. I jump from my seat, my heart beating fast with anger. Words come out of my mouth while he sits and looks at me.
“To my despair, I can’t get rid of him. But not being seen with you is not my fault. Every time we set a date to hang out, you came up with something. We wanted to see each other in school like always, you had to do extra practice. We wanted to meet outside of school, you already had plans with your friends or team buddies.” He tries to interrupt me, but I stop him by holding up my hand. “You’ve been treating me like an afterthought. You barely put in the time to talk to me over the phone. And you have the nerves to accuse me and get upset why you haven’t been around me as much as he’s been? If you had made the effort to spend time with me properly, you would’ve heard about it before any other nosy friend told you.”
With that, I don’t even give him the time to voice out a respond. I’m too mad at him to listen to him with a clear mind.
But my brain was already clouded with too much frustration, and I knew I was going to burst out soon. When I heard the accusation and mistrust in his voice, it was like a spark to lighten the fire inside my head.
I only pick my bag off the bench and storm away. I only hear Rowan calling my name once but I don’t pay him the attention. I don’t even think he made the effort to follow me.
I get away from the field as fast as I can. Each step I take, the more the anger I had morphs into built up tears. You know when you’re so frustrated you can’t do anything but tear up?
But I’ll be damned if I get seen crying in school. I’ll shave my head and get tattooed on the face before I let that happened.
I enter the hallway as I hurry my way to the girl’s restroom. My vision is blurry but I don’t let them fall or my cool façade to break.
I reach the bathroom door and right before I get to open the door, a single tear drops. But I throw myself inside before anyone sees me. The hallway was mostly empty, but restroom is absolutely empty and right now, I’m beyond thankful for that.
Besides the few traitorous tears that fall down despite all my efforts to keep them in place, I hold myself together and don’t break down.
I drop my heavy school bag on the floor and push my hand on the sink, leaning all my weight on them. The stung of Rowan’s cold eyes and our fight makes composing myself harder and harder.
I just keep breathing through my nose to the point I feel like I’ve calmed down, and that’s when more tears cloud my vision. I'm just so mad and hurt.
It happens enough times till the school bells start ringing and I hear more noises coming from the hallway. Nobody comes into the bathroom. Everyone returns to classrooms and I still stand in front of the bathroom mirror practicing on my breathing.
It’s at that point that I realize I won’t be able to go to class anymore. I’m too mentally unsteady to seat in a class full of judgmental students. If I suddenly break down and ugly-cry in front of a whole class —and I will— it’ll turn in to the lowest part of my life. And I’ve showed up to a party thinking it was a costume party and it wasn’t.
My only option is to leave the school without being seen when everyone is in class.
I wipe my under eyes before bending down and picking up my school bag from the floor. I search through it to find my phone. When I do, I see no messages or calls from Rowan. Of fucking course.
I bite my bottom lip hard to stop the fucking anger that makes me wanna throw something to the wall, very hard.
I only see a text from Kim. She’s probably already in class, so I can’t count on her getting me out of school. I send her a quick text saying I don’t feel well and I’m going home. We have literature so she won’t be checking her phone right now.
I go through my options in my head. And honestly I don’t have many. I don’t have any, really. My mom is at work and I fear calling her in the middle of work to have her pick me up from school will only make her worried. I’m going to be a mess just for a little while. My emotions won’t be all over the place once I get through this melt down and sort my thoughts. So it doesn’t worth it to make someone worried about me. The less people see me in this state the better. Less unnecessary worry and less unnecessary humiliation.
The second one unfortunately cannot be prevented, because I’m already dialing my only option.
He's the only person I can’t think of any particular thing he might be doing right now. And he has a vehicle. Three, actually.
I don’t know if it’s the thought of Rowan again, or the fact that I’m in one of my lowest and most humiliating moments and I’m calling Jungkook for help, but tears build up in my eyes and I need to bite my lip again to keep my cool. I taste the iron on my lip as I wait for Jungkook to pick his damn phone.
There’s a good chance he won’t even recognize my number and will ignore me.
Just when I think I’ll go on his voice mail, I hear the low familiar voice speaking in my right ear.
“Yes?”
I hear some faint noises from the background, but they’re too vague for me to tell what they are.
“Hey. It’s me.” I accidently sniffle a little.
He’s silent for a few seconds. When it clicks for him, he sounds so confused I can hear the frown in his voice. “Daisy? Is this you?”
“Yes.” I sniffle again. This time I reach for a tissue. “Sorry for calling. But I literally didn’t have another choice.”
“Daisy what’s wrong?” Jungkook cuts to the chase. He must put together that something happened. He knows just as well as I do, I wouldn’t be calling him if I wasn’t desperate.
“Nothing.” My voice shakes despite my effort to control it. “Are you free right now? Are you at home?”
“Why? Did something happen? Aren’t you at school?” He sounds more urgent.
“Yes. And nothing serious happened. I’m just not feeling well. And mom is working. So is your dad and—” My voice shakes more, making it clear that I’m preventing tears.
“Cut the crap, Daisy. What happened to you?” He cuts me off. His voice sounds more serious. And impatient.
“Are you free or not?” I ask desperately. I don’t care how I sound to him anymore. I just need him to get here.
He pauses for few seconds. “Yeah. I’ll come get you in fifteen minutes.” I hear more noises around him. “Stay in school.”
“Thank you.” I breath out a cry of relief. And before I start sobbing in Jungkook’s ear, I hang up the phone.
I shove my phone back in my bag and cover my face with my palms.
Did Rowan even care to look for me? I was pretty mad when I left him. And he know I turn into a crying mess when I'm too angry. Did he really not care or does he really believe the rumors? That’s impossible. Rowan knows me. He knows I would never betray him. And he knows I loathe Aiden Adams. Just because he was close to me doesn’t mean Rowan would believe something was going on between us. He wouldn’t.
I repeat that in my head like a mantra, trying to believe it. But at some point it feels meaningless. His tone, the words he said. Of course he didn’t fully trust me.
I inhale a deep breath and stand in front of the mirror again. My makeup is a mess. My mascara is not on my lashes anymore. It’s smeared all over my cheeks and my concealer is all gone.
I turn the water on and grab some more tissues. I start cleaning my face as best as I can.
I don’t cry anymore. Instead, I spend the next ten minutes making my face presentable and calm myself.
By the end of it, my face isn’t a mess anymore. But my eyes are slightly red.
I’m combing through my hair when I get a text. I put back my comb and check my phone.
Jungkook: I’m here.
That’s all he says. And frankly, I’ve never been so happy and relieved by a text.
To think it’s by a text from Jungkook is laughable.
I quicky pick up my bag and leave the girl’s bathroom. The halls are empty, but I still walk fast in case I run into a student or worse, a teacher.
I go straight for the parking lot and there, I see Jungkook by his motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans.
He sees me approaching right away. He takes his hand out of his pocket and waits for me. His demeanor looks calm and collected as ever. But his face is impatient. Looking me up and down, probably searching for an injury.
When he doesn’t see anything out of place except for my slightly red, puffy eyes, he starts to speak but I cut him off.
“Wow, you really came.”
“Well, you didn’t sound so well on the phone.”
“Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry.”
“Are you finally going to spit out what’s wrong with you?” He speaks calmer than on the phone. But there’s a demanding force in his tone.
He probably heard my voice on the phone and thought the worst. I pretty much never cry in front of others. Kim and my mom? Yes, but very few times. Everyone else? No.
Jungkook? Absolutely never.
And seeing him standing here in front of my school in the middle of the day, dead serious and demanding answers makes me realize that I’ve worried him a little. Something I never thought possible.
“No. I’m fine. Just like I said, I don’t feel good so I needed to go home early.” I keep my head high and look him in the eye. I sound a lot steadier and calmer now. I can almost pretend I never cried and lost my shit in the first place. Almost. If Jungkook wasn’t giving me sharp eyes.
“You didn’t sound fine on the phone.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I am now.”
We look hard into each other’s eyes, holding our ground and wait for the other one to give up. When I don’t waver, he gives up and sighs.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” He turns around and gets on his motorcycle.
I go after him. He hands me his helmet.
“Here.” Is all he says.
“What about yourself?”
“I only brought one. I wasn’t home when you called.”
I hesitate to take the only helmet, and Jungkook pushes it to me more aggressively. “Take it.” He says sternly.
I don’t argue. I take the helmet and hold it on my hip while I take out my hair tie and open my pony tail so I can put the helmet on. I secure it on my head and when I look up I see Jungkook’s eyes fixed on me. His eyes seem dark and distracted, but as soon as he sees me looking his way, he averts his attention on the helmet.
“You secured it properly?”
I adjust the heavy thing again. “I guess.”
He doesn’t reply. He turns fully forward and starts his motorcycle. I get on the seat and pull down the visor before grabbing both sides of Jungkook’s jacket.
“Sit tight.” He orders gently before moving.
At first he goes slow, but when we get on the empty road, he higher his speed and again I have no choice but secure my hands around his torso.
He takes the route from outside of the city, probably because of its safer location to go over the speed limit. The wind wildly pushes his hair around and onto his face, but that doesn’t seem to bother Jungkook. He doesn’t slow down at any point except for the speed bump. And even then, he’s not slow enough, making me holding onto him even tighter in fear of getting thrown off of my seat.
Suddenly, I feel Jungkook’s phone vibrate from the pocket of his jacket.
“Your phone is vibrating.” I let him know in case the sound of wind is too loud for him to notice.
He finally lowers his speed and takes out his phone from his pocket.
He takes a quick glance from his screen before returning his attention back on the road. He swipes answer as he’s looking forward and takes his call.
“Yeah?” There’s some talking on the other line before Jungkook speaks again. “Does it have to be done now?” More talking. “I’m gonna head down to the club tonight anyway. It can’t wait for a few hours?” he talks to his phone over the sound of the wind hitting us in the face. Well, hitting him in the face.
“It’s okay if you need to go. I don’t mind waiting.” I cut him off before he fully declines.
“Are you sure? It might take a while.” He turns his head a little to my side, still holding his phone to his ear.
I nod my head. “Yeah, it’s fine.” Still holding him around his mid even though his speed is not as high as before.
He starts talking to the person on the other line. “Fine. I’ll be there in a bit.”
As I said to him, I don’t really mind waiting for him while he does whatever they need him to do. It must be important since it couldn’t wait. It seems pretty obvious that he wasn’t at the club when I called him. And he wasn’t home. He was definitely somewhere. At work, I’m guessing.
And if the people at the club know that and they still asked him to get there as soon as possible, it must be urgent.
At the reminder that he was in the middle of his work and I called him crying and asking for help, I feel a pang of guilt and shame. His work shouldn’t have had been interrupted by my problems. We’re not even close friends. Leaving work in the middle of the day to help someone you’re not even close friends with is something that makes me feel gravely grateful towards Jungkook. Not to mention a little more of newfound respect.
I’ll make sure to properly thank him for helping me, no questions asked, when I’m not on the back of his motorcycle and holding on to his body for dear life.
Less than ten minutes later, we arrive at his MC club. I’ve never been properly inside it, mostly because he forbade me or anyone of my friends or our family members to get close to this side of his life.
And mom always asked me to respect his personal life since everyone has a private life they might not want others to get involve with, and to just keep my nose out of his business.
I kind of figured if our parents don’t mind to interfere and meddle with this side of his life too much, then they must trust him and his club and friends to not be involved in anything illegal or dangerous. They always seem to fully have trust in him and respect his boundaries. They used to show some worries about it when we were younger, but Jungkook always assured them that it was just a hobby. A little place where he hung out with his friends and shared the love they had for riding motorcycles and adrenalin. My mom of course worried at first, like any motherly figure would do, but Jungkook always proved that he had the skill and the intelligence to never get himself in danger. And he never got in an accident, so they let him enjoy his passion without bothering him.
I’ve only passed by the club a handful of times, only seeing the outside and never the inside. Unlike our parents, I’m not fully sure how legal and safe this place can be. Kim has showed quite a bit of interest in going inside their club, but she was turned down every time since they knew who she was and Jungkook had banned us from entering the place personally himself. And she’ll turn eighteen later than me. And obviously, no under eighteen is allowed around the premises.
Jungkook parks the motorcycle in front of the entryway.
“Just wait here.” He kills the engine and gets off the seat. “I won’t take long.”
“Wait, I’m supposed to wait here?”
“You said you wouldn’t mind to wait yourself.”
“Yes, but I thought I could wait inside. Sitting down, maybe be offered a nice beverage?” I take a shoot in the dark. I knew Jungkook didn’t want me or anyone I know inside his precious club, but I thought maybe in this situation he wouldn’t make me wait outside and might make an exception this time. So I use my chance and perhaps try to guilt trip him a little.
But he gives me a fake smile. “No, you won’t. There will be no under eighteen inside the club.”
“What on earth might be going on inside that building in the middle of the day that you’re going to leave a young girl in the streets in the cold.” Okay, I might’ve gone a little too much with the dramatic touch to it. But he’s already familiar with my dramatic shenanigans.
“Just like you mentioned, it’s the middle of the day, with the sun right above your head. Don’t worry. You won’t freeze to death.” With that, he starts to move inside.
“Come on. Even Your own friends have invited me here. Why can’t I just come in for few minutes?”
With that, he stops walking. “What friends?” His voice goes frigid and icy as he turns his head to me.
I hold in my breath. I don’t think I said anything wrong, but seeing how edgy he got, I doubt my judgment.
“I don’t remember his name.” I lie. “But if it’s okay for them to have me in, why isn’t it okay with you?”
“My friend invited you, my seventeen year old stepsister, to our club?” he ignores my question.
“In his defense, he said when we’re older.” I add. Hoping it’ll lessen his displeasure with the concept of his friend inviting me to his sacred and private place. “And I’m not staying seventeen forever. I’ll be eighteen next month.” I say defensively.
He finally accepts my change of subject. “Sorry golden, but you won’t be allowed in even when you turn eighteen.” He turns around.
“Why not?” I ask offended.
“Because I say so.” He drawls and keeps walking without bothering to stay and listen to me anymore, like just him not wanting me in is a perfectly good enough reason.
I accept my failure and lean against his motorcycle and wait. I take out my phone to busy myself. And that’s when I remember again why I’m even here with Jungkook when I should be sitting in class in the first place.
Somehow, spending even little time with Jungkook made me forget I was on the verge of melting down in school bathroom a little over thirty minutes ago and why.
I keep looking at the text notifications from Rowan, contemplating if I should act petty and ignore him until the foreseeable future. But then I decide against it. As opposed to what people may think of me, I’m not a petty and stubborn person when it comes to serious stuff. Like relationship. I open his text and read them.
Rowan: Where did you go?
Rowan: Let’s talk about this again.
Rowan: Please, Dais.
That makes my fury from him a little more tamed. But I still don’t think I’m ready to have a talk with him or forgive him. Mostly because I don’t even see him apologizing for how he talked to me earlier.
I am going to reply to his texts and sit down and have a calm conversation with him later. But not now. Right now, I want to get away from him and level my head.
I entertain myself by looking around the building, doing anything to just pass the time. What is it about this club that I’m not allowed in? It’s not like I wanna snoop around the place. But it would be nice to at least sit on a chair while I wait for Jungkook.
I get hit with a pang of disappointment. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me being there. Maybe it’s really just the fact that he doesn’t want me there. Which is understandable. We’ve always been like this. There’s no reason for him to treat me any different from how he used to.
I mean, he’s more civil and tolerating with me, like he said himself. But no more than that. Maybe it was just my own optimism that wanted me to think our relationship will grow with time and become something we can actually call friendship.
But how could I not think that? Sometimes he acts in a way that makes me believe there’s still a speck of hope, but then the next minute he goes back to acting how he always used to. He’s too hot and cold with me. I swear, I do not understand that man at all.
I don’t know how the time passed by, but Jungkook finally comes out of the front door and walks straight to me.
“Is it done?” I ask holding his helmet.
“Yeah.” He takes out his keys from his pocket and gets on his bike. “Sorry if it took long.”
“Not a problem.” I say, taken aback by his apology. “It would’ve been easier if I was waiting inside, but whatever.” I tease anyway. I sit behind Jungkook and secure his helmet on my head.
He twists his head and gives me a dirty look. I notice the small lift of the corner of his lips before he tries to hide it and turns his head again.
See, that’s the exact hot and cold I was talking about.
I cannot figure him out.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
I can’t find my notebook anywhere. I’ve looked everywhere that I thought it could possibly be. I don’t put too much space for my schoolbooks anyway, so the list of places I had to look wasn’t long. I have my book shelves that I keep my novels at, I have two shelves from my closet, and sometimes my vanity.
It’s interesting how sometimes when I’m in a hurry and need to do my makeup fast, I swear I can’t find any of my makeup under the pile of school books and notebooks. They’re all I see when I need something else. How is it possible that the one time I need to use that notebook, I can’t see it anywhere?
In my haste to put my school books in my bag, I accidently trip over a pile of tangled clothes and shoes on the floor. In that very moment, I hear a not so soft knock on my bedroom door.
“Are you ready yet?” Jungkook asks impatiently.
“In a second!” I shove everything I find in front of me inside my school bag. I take my lip gloss with me because there’s no more time for that. Jungkook will flip out on me soon if I don’t move my ass downstairs.
I run down the stairs catching Jungkook already putting on his jacket. His eyes fall to my hand before he brings them up to look at me with a hard gaze.
“Don’t tell me you took this long just to put on a lip gloss.”
“Of course I didn’t.” I roll my eyes at him. “I was looking for my books.”
I walk to the kitchen to grab something sweet as my breakfast. I make it quick in fear of Jungkook getting more impatient with me.
Earlier this morning, when everyone had left the house and I was the last one behind because I was taking my sweet time to get ready, Jungkook knocked on my already open bedroom door. He asked how do I plan on going to school, and I responded that Kim will get here any moment now.
I had no idea if Rowan’s car was already fixed or not. It wouldn’t have made a difference
anyway. I didn’t want to see him right now. Maybe once I’m not so pissed at him.
I was already late and Kim wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so Jungkook offered to take me. I doubled checked what I heard. His reply was narrowed eyes and an impatient ‘Pick up the pace, golden’.
I walk out of the kitchen with a pastry in my mouth while putting on my cardigan.
“I’m starting the car in five minutes. If you’re not in the car and strapped in in five, I’m leaving without you.” Jungkook complains as he takes his cars from the bowl next to the door.
“Don’t be so grumpy, Jungkook.” I finish tying my shoe laces. “You’re twice as grumpy in the mornings. Be a little more pleasant please?” I smirk at him teasingly and softly bump my shoulder to his.
He doesn’t take my advice. If anything, he becomes grumpier. I chuckle at the look he gives me and follow him out of the door.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I liked you better when you were a bitch. This cheerful side of you is irritating.” He says under his breath.
Instead of getting mad, I just laugh at the way he says his words.
“Well, there’s no way back. You agreed to be good friends and you can’t take it back.”
“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” A line appears on his forehead.
“And as a good friend of mine,” I ignore him and continue to tease him. “You’re gonna be seeing a lot more of my nicer and cheerful side.” I grin up at him.
The dirty look he gives me draws another chuckle out of me.
He opens his car which was parked in front of the house. “Just get your ass in the car.” He shakes his head and mumbles something in Korean under his breath.
I don’t understand a word, so I just open the passenger seat door and get in.
“I’m starting to think I should help you convince my dad and your mom to let you drive your own car.” he starts the engine.
My eyes flash to him with hope and excitement. “I know you’re saying this to make a snarky comment, but I would actually hug you if you convince them.”
He gives me a side eye. “Then I definitely won’t do that.”
“Asshole.” I chuckle.
We sit in silence for few minutes.
“Isn’t there any music or something on your car?” I blurt. As far as I know him, Jungkook has a great interest in music. It’s unlike him to sit and drive his car in silence without anything humming in the background.
The silence and the pressure to make conversation with him just to fill in the silence is starting to get a little stressful. Especially now that I’m running out of topics to bring up with him.
“No. I never put music on it.”
Silence fills the car again.
“You can connect and put something on, if you want.” He says after a pause.
The car is a little old to have wireless connection, and I don’t see any wires around.
“I think there might be an old cable in the dashboard. Check there. You can use that.” He informs me.
“Never mind.” I say instead. “You probably won’t like my taste in music anyway.”
“I don’t mind.” He looks my way before he clarifies. “Different genres of music, I mean.”
“I know that. I’ve heard your wide taste in music. But I still don’t like people to hear and judge mine.”
“I already know what you listen to, Daisy. We live in the same house.”
“There’s no reason for you to believe you know all about what I listen to. Besides, a person’s playlist is one of their most private belongings. Like Dan said, you could tell a lot about a person based on what’s on their playlist.”
“Who’s Dan?” A line forms between his brows.
His voice dropping low.
“Dan in the movie Begin Again? Played by Mark Ruffalo?”
The line becomes deeper.
“You never watched the movie? How is that possible when you’re living under the same roof as me?”
“Calm down, golden. It’s just a movie. I never watched a lot of things. Like that annoying sitcom show you’re always watching in your room that has so much laughing noises and the woman with the infuriating nasal voice.”
I gasp dramatically. “You did not just insult my beloved “The Nanny” and Fran Fine. She’s a queen and an icon. Sure, her voice is annoying at first, but after a while, you don’t even notice it anymore.”
He rolls his eyes at me.
“But like I said, you can tell a lot about a person based on what they listen to. In your case, you like a lot of R&B, mostly dark R&B. The ones that no one listens to. And Sometimes Rock and even metal. And honestly, with your personality, it totally checks out.”
“Didn’t know you pay such close attention to me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Jeon.” I roll my eyes at him. “You’re not exactly quiet all the time. Sometimes the blasting music coming from your speakers is too loud to ignore.”
He pauses. “Right.” He says quietly. “Sometimes I forget to consider everyone else, I guess. Sorry if I disturb you guys.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind that much.”
I lied. I’ve been annoyed by his inconsideration and plotted his murder while I took deep breaths too many times to count in the past years. But that was a different time. Now, we have a better relationship. Now he’s nicer to me. And now he was mindful enough to actually apologize.
Wait… Oh my god. He just apologized.
“Wait, did I hear right? Did you just say sorry to me?”
He exhales and rolls his eyes when he realizes where I’m going with that.
“Please don’t start the dramatic act.”
“I thought you never apologized to people. You did. To me!” I exclaim with a laugh.
“Don’t make me take it back, Daisy.” He says hard and serious.
“No, no. No taking back.” I say with a smile. “This day will go on my calendar, you know.”
He exhales another tired breath and drives the car to the school parking area.
“You’re a pain in the ass.” He says under his breath before he puts the car on park. “Stop acting silly and go to your class.”
“You were the one acting silly with that whole ‘I don’t apologize’ thing before. Deep down, you’re just a normal person with a heart like all of us.” I muse with a teasing smile.
“Who said I don’t have a heart. I have a very well functioning one.” He points to his chest as he turns his body just enough to look at me while he’s talking to me. His left elbow resting low on his window.
“Oh thank god for that. Because for years I believed you had none.” I fake relief.
“Come on, golden. I knew you weren’t smart but you couldn’t have been that slow.”
“I’m sorry, did you just call me an idiot?”
“Hey, you were the one that believed a human can survive without a heart, not me.” He shrugs before a playful smirk break through his lips.
I scoff, speechless by his audacity and the fact that he still hasn’t lost his desire to taunt me. “You’ll always remain an asshole, won’t you?” I chuckle.
“Absolutely, dear.” An irritating beam sits on his beams.
My eyes fall on his lip rings, moving with his lips. Suddenly, I can’t take my eyes off, fascinated by them.
He has two rings on the left side of his lip. He got them both around two years ago. We were all kind of shocked to see him come home with not one, but two piercings at once. The eyebrow one got added to his collection months later.
The only time I let a needle near me for a none medical purpose was when I got my ears pierced. Only one for each ear. Not one more. Kim has interest in getting pierced somewhere else as well, but like me, she’s afraid of needles. She has yet to muster the courage to see a tattoo artist.
The dozen piercings Jungkook has on his face and ears —and god knows where else— aren’t the only places he punctured his body with. His full-sleeve tattoo took more than six sessions. Very long sessions of getting stabbed with needle. He is a true maniac.
When I realize I’ve been eyeing his piercings a few moments too long, I take my eyes off of them. I stop myself from focusing on the fact that he just called me dear. Jungkook has called me with various types of nicknames. Mostly insulting, and “Golden” and “Drama queen” are the only ones that stuck for long.
So I stop my raging thoughts and swallow hard.
“You—”
Out of nowhere, I hear a sound of crashing glass before we both lose our balance. Before we know what’s going happening, we both jolt forward with a hard force.
Before I can stretch out my hands to lean on the dashboard on reflex, I feel Jungkook’s arm reaching out to hold me back on my seat.
We both whirl out heads to see what the hell that was.
A car crashed to Jungkook’s car. The crash wasn’t too dangerous, but something definitely broke. Either Jungkook’s backlights or the other’s car. The familiar black car.
“Fuck.” Jungkook swears under his breath and moves fast to open his door and get out of the car.
I follow after him, going around the car to stand opposite of Jungkook and look at the damage.
There’s a small dent in his car and even a smaller dent on the other car. The biggest damage is the lights on the left side of Jungkook’s car.
As I inspect the damage on both cars, I notice Rowan walking out of the driver side of the black car that just crashed us.
“I am so sorry. I was driving backwards, and I got distracted from my mirrors and—” He stops when his eyes fall on me. “Dais?”
He turns his eyes to Jungkook again, and that’s when it hits him. He recognizes who Jungkook is and more distress appears on his face.
He clears his throat before he speaks to Jungkook again. “I truly am sorry. I’ll have my dad contacting you to pay fully for the damage.”
I turn my head to Jungkook. His eyes have hardened. His eyelids lower than earlier in the car when he was looking at me. Then, he looked relaxed and contend. Now, he’s rigid. If looks could kill, Rowan would’ve been six feet under already.
“Now we know how you got your license.” He tsks. “If you get distracted often while driving, do us a favor and don’t ever take Daisy anywhere with your car again.” He tells Rowan, pissed off.
I hold in my breath, not saying anything. Rowan is shocked by Jungkook’s reaction and words. His eyes travel to me, expecting me to make sense of what’s going on for him. Or maybe waiting for me to jump in and come to his defend.
“You’ll be late for class, Daisy. Go get your bag.” Jungkook calls out to me while still staring at Rowan. But his voice sounds way calmer.
I look between them with uncertainty. Jungkook looks my way with hard and commanding eyes.
I slowly walk to the door I left open and take my school bag. I walk by them standing there. The tension can be cut with a knife.
“I’ll call my dad.” Rowan takes his phone out to dial.
I look at Jungkook again, worried he might act on his resentment towards Rowan. If he disliked me before, it’s safe to say he hated Rowan. I don’t know why. But I do know that our improving relationship has not lessened his dislike for Rowan. I’m still unsure of leaving them. Considering the tense environment.
“Go. Everything’s fine here.” He speaks with more calmness.
But his calm always felt like the intimidating dangerous kind. Even though it hasn’t sounded like that to me for a while.
I keep the eye contact. Needing the assurance that they will be fine in here when I leave. When I don’t see anything worth worrying in Jungkook's dark eyes, I nod my head and walk to school building.
If Rowan was already one of Jungkook’s least favorite people, Rowan crashing his car, which is sentimental to him, definitely won’t help at all.
I go straight for the parking lot and there, I see Jungkook by his motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans.
He sees me approaching right away. He takes his hand out of his pocket and waits for me. His demeanor looks calm and collected as ever. But his face is impatient. Looking me up and down, probably searching for an injury.
When he doesn’t see anything out of place except for my slightly red, puffy eyes, he starts to speak but I cut him off.
“Wow, you really came.”
“Well, you didn’t sound so well on the phone.”
“Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry.”
“Are you finally going to spit out what’s wrong with you?” He speaks calmer than on the phone. But there’s a demanding force in his tone.
He probably heard my voice on the phone and thought the worst. I pretty much never cry in front of others. Kim and my mom? Yes, but very few times. Everyone else? No.
Jungkook? Absolutely never.
And seeing him standing here in front of my school in the middle of the day, dead serious and demanding answers make me realize that I’ve worried him a little. Something I never thought possible.
“No. I’m fine. Just like I said, I don’t feel good so I needed to go home early.” I keep my head high and look him in the eye. I sound a lot steadier and calmer now. I can almost pretend I never cried and lost my shit in the first place. Almost. If Jungkook wasn’t giving me sharp eyes.
“You didn’t sound fine on the phone.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I am now.”
We look hard into each other’s eyes, holding our ground and wait for the other one to give up. When I don’t waver, he gives up and sighs.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” He turns around and gets on his motorcycle.
I go after him. He hands me his helmet.
“Here.” Is all he says.
“What about yourself?”
“I only brought one. I wasn’t home when you called.”
I hesitate to take the only helmet, and Jungkook pushes it to me more aggressively. “Take it.” He says sternly.
I don’t argue. I take the helmet and hold it on my hip while I take out my hair tie and open my pony tail so I can put the helmet on. I secure it on my head and when I look up I see Jungkook’s eyes fixed on me. His eyes seem dark and distracted, but as soon as he sees me looking his way, he averts his attention on the helmet.
“You secured it properly?”
I adjust the heavy thing again. “I guess.”
He doesn’t reply. He turns fully forward and starts his motorcycle. I get on the seat and pull down the visor before grabbing both sides of Jungkook’s jacket.
𐙚 Tropes : stepsiblings au, forbidden taboo love, enemies to lovers, small town, angst, smut
𐙚 Word count : 6.9k
𐙚 Summary : where the line between hate and love gets too blurred for people who are, by all public rules, supposed to see each other as family.
𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟑) | 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 (𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟓)
The atmosphere this past week has been…heavy. Nobody has spoken a word about the events of last week, but the air in the house has been thick. And quiet.
Jungkook has been at home less than before, and mom has been persisting on taking me to school in the mornings and bringing me back herself.
Other times, Kim goes out of her way to be my ride. If not, I just call a cab service.
I’ve brought up getting a car for me as a solution one or two times. They all got —and very nicely— rejected. Apparently, I'm not ready for it. Especially since I don’t have a driver’s license, and I can’t get one until I’m eighteen.
So a few more months until I can bring that conversation back on the table.
I was desperate enough that I even thought about suggesting taking the car in the garage. The car is an old silver Jeep Wrangler. It appeared when I was very young, so all my memories regarding that car is very fuzzy, but it has been in the garage as long as I can remember and honestly, I can’t think of the last time I saw it leaving there. It’s just been sitting there and picking up dust. I'm not even sure if it actually works. And I didn’t think I had the influential talents to convince my parents to spend money on fixing it. Plus, it would still take time to get it fixed. So I dropped the thought before I got my hopes high on it.
But damn it. Because it’s frustrating sitting around and waiting for someone to get home so you can finally leave the house and meet your friend. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now.
I spoke on the phone with Jungkook’s dad earlier and he said he’ll be home in less than an hour. Hence the waiting.
He took the twins for their rock climbing class and he’s staying there until they finish. And since there’s no way in hell I’ll be walking the town in heels, I sit on the couch scrolling through my phone and TV channels.
I’m typing back a respond to Rowan, when I hear footsteps coming from stairs. I ignore them since I know Jongho’s footsteps are way lighter. So that leaves only one other person. And I’m still ignoring him and pretending he doesn’t exist.
I know. Really mature.
But you’re not exactly left with many choices when the other person is just as immature and unbearable, if not more.
I can see him entering the kitchen without so much as glancing this way. If it wasn’t for the sound of TV going around the house, I’d say he didn’t even notice
someone was here.
Just as I think we’re going to fully ignore each other just as we’ve successfully have done for the past week, I hear him from the kitchen.
“Didn’t you have plans with Ms. Prom Queen?”
His voice sounds low and hoarse. Like he just woke up from a long nap, which he probably did. I had not seen him in the house all morning and noon which means he may have been at work until few hours ago.
Which is still a mystery to me. His work hours don’t seem coherent enough for me to make sense of what he does (not that I care or spend too much time trying to figure it out. Just occasional curiosity.) And I never cared enough to ask anyone in the house. I don’t really think even they know what exactly it is. Just happy he’s keeping himself busy and making money.
Also, how does he know what plans I have and whom I’m meeting? And the audacity of this man overlooking the fact that I was the prom queen last year. And he knows that!
“You know I was the prom queen last year. And that’s it? You’re officially admitting you eavesdrop through my walls?”
“Please.” He snorts. “The neighbours two houses away know you have plans with your red hair friend.”
I just roll my eyes at him and keep texting Rowan.
“What are you doing home anyway? Shouldn’t you have been gone thirty minutes ago?” Jungkook talks again.
“Why so eager to get me out of the house, Jeon? A special someone going to visit your excuse of a room for an evening filled with disappointment?”
He comes to the view with a can of coke. Standing tall and broad against the wall. His face cold as ice and showing no emotions.
“You think I would ever bring a girl here in this house? There’s already a crazy blonde here that I can’t stand.”
“So you’re confessing your type to be blonde girls?” I raise my eyebrow at him in question. A mischievous smirk finding its way on my lips.
He easily ignores my question like it couldn’t matter less, and walks his way further into the living room.
He sits down on the couch on the left side of the room. “Didn’t answer my question.” He tells me flatly.
“Neither did you.” I raise my eyebrow again.
“My type is none of your business.”
“Ooh. So you do have a type.” I muse, mostly a statement than a question.
“Why the sudden interest in my type, golden?” his voice gets low. His eyes cold and intimidating.
“You’re the one who started with “bringing a blonde girl to hookup”, not me.” I give him a shrug, acting nonchalant and going back to typing on my phone. “And not that I need to answer to you, but I’m waiting for your dad to get home and drop me off at Kim’s.”
“Why him? Harvard-Law-School boy doesn’t have his car yet?” He tilts his head to the side while he throws another jab at my boyfriend.
I narrow my eyes at him, ready to throw Josh’s ninja stars at his head. “No.” I say with force. “Rowan’s car hasn’t been fixed yet. It needed some piece that the mechanic didn’t have. So they had to wait for it to get shipped here. It’s gonna get longer to get it back.”
He stays silent and doesn’t say anything else. So I go back to my phone again, trying to type back my respond for the seventh time.
“The rich brat was good for one thing and he couldn’t even do that right. How disappointing it must be to be his girlfriend.”
I could throw my phone at his head. Seriously, I would, if he hadn’t brought his head up and talk directly to me again.
“Get up. I’ll take you.”
I stop in my track. I’m taken aback by him. I don’t hear any sarcasm or unseriousness in his voice. He words are just as serious as his face.
I huff out a laugh of disbelief. “Are you drunk?”
Jungkook seems more unpleasant with my respond.
“Like the last time you agreed to take me somewhere? No thanks.”
“Yes, I agreed to take you. And I took you to school perfectly safely. You got to your class in one piece. Didn’t you?” His eyes flare up.
“You’re an asshole. Need I remind you the last time we talked in your room? Why are you offering help now?” I ask him accusingly. Suspicion pouring out from every inch of my body.
“I’m not.”
“But you just said you’ll take me.”
“I did.”
My face scrunches, confused. I don’t understand what he’s saying anymore.
“Why the fuck are you looking at me like that Daisy? Do you want to go or not?” he snaps.
Yep. That clears everything out again. That sounds more like the asshole I know him to be.
For a minute I thought he was having a stroke. And if he could read my mind and heard that thought, he would call me dramatic again. But for a minute, he felt so out of character. And that’s not what I’m used to.
He lets out a sigh and gets off his seat. “I’m not gonna sit here all night till you make a decision and speak. I’m gonna go grab my jacket and leave anyway. If you want to go, then get your ass up. If not, enjoy waiting here for another thirty minutes.” He smiles dryly and leaves the living room without waiting another second for a respond from me.
Five minutes later. he’s downstairs. Wearing his jacket and putting on his shoes.
I’m still a little skeptical about all of this. But I don’t voice out any of the thoughts. I’m pretty sure if I question him one more time, he’ll fully snap out of whatever this is and return back to the annoying bitch that he usually is.
Why not get a ride out of him while he’s showing himself helpful for once? And if he’s planning to kill me, well whatever. At least if I go down, I’ll make sure to take him down with me, too.
He changed into a pair of black jeans. He didn’t change out of the black t-shirt he was wearing before. He’s also wearing his black leather jacket.
“Are you going somewhere after?” I blurt out. I instantly regret letting my curiosity win over.
Jungkook glances my way while putting on his other shoe.
“Nosy much?”
I give him a dirty look. “Was just curious, you jerk.”
I start putting my own shoes on. I can’t wear my usual heels or I’ll lose a few toes from frost bites. The weather has been chilly these past few days. So I wear a pair of suede black ankle boots. They have two inches of heels, which is a must for me. Except for my Nike sneakers, I don’t think I own any flat shoes.
“Don’t be then.”
He walks out of the house without looking back. I follow him outside and lock the door behind me.
His motorcycle is there on the driveway but he doesn’t walk towards it. Instead he walks to the garage and opens the garage door with a click of a button on his keys.
I yet have to know what he actually does as his job. But I can tell for sure, it pays good money. Really good money. Besides his Harley, he owns a black Yamaha R6R that is currently sitting in the garage.
I don’t see him ride it that often. He mostly uses it when he’s out with his MC club friends. He used to ride it a lot before. He would just get on it at nights and disappear for hours. Probably engaging in races or something. Now, he spends most of his days out, probably working and his nights away spending time at his club. If he’s not doing neither of those, he’s in his room, away from the rest of us. He is a private person and thrives on being alone. Usually in the dark.
We could not be any more different even if we tried.
“Do you really think I’ll get on that damn sportbike of yours? I barely survived the Harley one.”
“We’re not taking the motorcycles.” He walks inside.
“We’re riding the twin’s bicycles then?” I ask stupidly. We’re literally left with those or Jongho’s skateboard. And I prefer neither.
“No, you fucking genius.” He forces out and rolls his eyes like he’s already done with me. “We’re taking the car.”
He removes the cover on top of the car, throwing all kinds of dust in the air.
“Wait, it seriously works?” I cough into my fist. “If I had known that, I would’ve already asked mom and dad to let me drive it.” I mutter. But Jungkook hears me.
“In your wildest dreams, sweet cheeks.” He taunts, unlocking the car and opening the door.
“I beg your pardon?”. Did he just call me—
“The car isn’t theirs. It’s mine. And the only way you can drive it is if I’m six feet under.” He pauses. “Actually, you can’t have it even then.”
“Wait, It’s Yours?” I ask with too much shock, my jaw basically on the dusty floor.
I get inside the car after Jungkook and look around the car with wide eyes. Jungkook puts the key in and starts the engine. After too many tries, the car finally turns on. It has obviously been too long since it last was on the road. I’m surprise it actually works.
Suddenly it makes sense to me how I never saw his dad using it, or how I could never find the keys to it anywhere. The keys were with Jungkook all along. But there’s still so many things that don’t make sense to me. I have so many questions that I know if I start asking them, Jungkook will throw me out of the moving car.
He pulls the car into the driveway. He barely leaves the street, and I already reach my limit of staying silent. I need to ask.
“How is this your car? I thought it was your dad’s old car. It was in the garage as long as I can remember.”
“I only drove it a couple of times. It mostly stayed in the garage.” He tells me neutrally. He doesn’t say anything else. Making it clear that that was the entire answer.
I turn my head his way and look at him. His eyes are glued forward, not moving. His eyebrows are slightly downward, wearing his signature cold expression. I’ll bet on my entire shoe collection that he wears that frown even when he’s sleeping.
He has one hand on the wheel and the other on the gear, driving peacefully in silence. He drives with so much ease. Like someone that is an expert, not like someone that hasn’t driven in so long. It’s in that moment that I realize how little I know about him. We’ve lived under the same roof for nine years, almost ten. And I know him less than I know my friend of four years.
“When did they get this car for you? I don’t remember getting it or you driving it at all. How long ago was it?”
“I’m already getting a headache from you.” He sighs.
“I’ve only asked two questions.” A scowl sits on my face, feeling offended.
He glances at me for a moment. “Trust me, you can give someone a migraine just with one sentence.”
This guy…
Jungkook has a natural gift for making me lose my temper around him. I may give someone a migraine with just one sentence, (I do not. What the fuck?!) but he can make someone see red with one sentence.
But I control my temper and don’t let him get through my skin or annoy me. I breathe through my nose and lean back on my seat. I tell myself that he is the one giving me a ride with his car. And unlike him, I can be a nice respecting person. I will not punch him in his guts…
“I got it when I was sixteen.” Jungkook suddenly says, his voice low and slow. He doesn’t add anything. He continues to drive silently. His body seeming more tense now and the scowl slightly deeper.
I read the room -more like car- and don’t ask any more questions. We sit quietly while we both stare ahead.
“They bought you a car at sixteen and when I speak about having a car, they act like I asked to join a cult?” I blurt out. My brows furrowed.
The question wasn’t really aimed at anyone. More like the thought slipping out of my mouth without meaning to.
That’s why it was shocking to me when I heard the sound of Jungkook snorting a laugh at my silly thoughts.
My head jerks to him. There’s still a small smile on his lips when I look at him, but he covers it quickly and goes back to his neutral face.
But his shoulders loosen up from their tense shape.
“I can be a very persuasive person. Also, they didn’t buy it. The money was my own. Can you afford one yourself?”
“Yeah, sure. If I start crapping money today, I can buy a car in no time.” My fakesmile floods with sarcasm. “So what kind of sixteen-year-old has enough money to buy a car? Where did you get that money from? Did you use to steal?” I joke.
The moment the questions leave my mouth, his shoulders tense up again. He stays quiet. Doesn’t say anything or crack a smile. He keeps his eyes forward and focuses on driving.
This time, I truly shut my mouth. I turn my eyes forward and regret asking questions about him in the first place.
After another few minutes of taking turns around the corners and me guiding him through the way to Kim’s house, he parks in front of her house.
He unlocks the doors and just when I’m about to open my door, I stop. I turn my body to face Jungkook. His body in facing forward and when he notices me pausing, he looks at me. Waiting for me to say what I want to say.
“Thanks.” I say softly. “I know you don’t hear that a lot from me, but thanks.”
He nods his head in acknowledgement. “You’re welcome.”
I go for the door handle but pause when I hear Jungkook speak. “You do have a plan of getting home back safe, right?” his question sounds unsure. Perhaps making sure I make it home safe is as much of a strange concept to him as it is to me.
When he sees me hesitate to answer, he explains himself.
“I won’t be able to take you home.” But he quickly clarifies, “Not because I’m an asshole. I am going somewhere after here. And it’s gonna take few hours.”
“It’s okay. I get it. Don’t worry” I reach the handle but Jungkook stops me again.
“Do I need to worry about you doing something crazy again?”
“No. Don’t worry. I’ll get home safe.” I reply softly.
I never have problem with eye contact. Holding confident eye contact through all kinds of encounters is my natural gift. But right now, I have no idea where to look at. For reasons I don’t comprehend myself, looking into his eyes feels agitating and uncomfortable. So I look down, anywhere but his dark eyes.
I never even had this problem with him. Usually, I feel pretty confident looking him in the eyes and call him an insufferable jerk or tell him to fuck his own ass (when my young brothers and parents aren’t around, of course.) I’m not used to being domestic around him. When it’s just the two of us. Alone, in a car. And I’m clearly not used to him asking ‘will I get home safe?’
I know between two normal civil people, that question is as normal as it gets.
But between us? Just… new. And I guess I experienced a lot of new things with Jungkook today.
Jungkook nods at my respond, convinced enough. He turns his attention forward again. Ready to leave for wherever he plans to go.
And so I grab my handbag and open the door before getting out of Jungkook’s car and walk towards my friends front door.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
Unbelievable. Ever since my first relationship I swore I will never become a clingy type of girlfriend. The type that have to keep calling and texting their boyfriends to meet every single time. And then turn to a bitch and throw tantrums like kids when their boyfriend says something like ‘Sorry, babe. I have a last minute football practice’ or ‘Sorry, something came up with my friends, I have to cancel on you’. But screw all of that, because right now? I’m fucking fuming.
Un-fucking-believable.
I shove my phone into the small side-pocket of my bag after reading his last text. I need to be away from that text or my phone. Otherwise I might take it out on an innocent student passing by me in the school hallway.
I’ve lost count of the times Rowan cancelled seeing me in school for his football practices or hanging out with his friends. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect him to miss his practices or skip hanging out with his friends just for me and my needs.
But at this point, it feels like he’s always skipping spending time with me. It feels like he spends more time focusing on everything else than me. I’m pretty sure the only time we properly saw each other in school this week, was the class we sat next to each other. And that’s because we both have that class. The only class we share. Unfortunately, we’re separated on all the other classes.
I’ve only shared my irritation and concerns over this whole thing with Kimmy. She’s the closest person to me and the one person that knows almost everything about me.
And my friend thinks I should talk to Rowan about this and show him I don’t like this situation. Now you might think, communication. What a bright and healthy idea, Kim.
Well, her idea of ‘talking about it with Rowan’ is different from what you may think. She’s a hot-headed person. And when she’s trying to advise me on what I should say to people, she doesn’t use many nice words. Her delivery of the said words aren’t much nicer either.
Her help only made me second guess the decision. I don’t want to seem like a clingy girlfriend. And I fear starting an argument with Rowan about wanting to spend more time with him than what he gives me, is going to make me look exactly like that. Like a clingy girlfriend who’s trying to seek attention at any cost.
But I’m still not cooled down. Trying to control myself and not confronting Rowan makes the frustration worse.
Especially in this time that I need my boyfriend more than before. These past few days I couldn’t help but need the presence of my boyfriend more. I don’t know what’s going on with my brain, or maybe even my body, I just know I’m frustrated as fuck and I need emotional support.
I pass through hallways and hurry my way through the other students, to where I know my friend is right now.
I see her sitting at a cafeteria table and talking to a guy I know she has had her eyes on for a while now. God, it must be nice and stress-free to be single. You just flirt and have fun and don’t take anything serious. At least that’s how Kimmy does it.
Not that I want that. I love my relationship with Rowan. And I care for him so much. I just don’t care for all the times we fight or hit a slight bump in the road in our relationship. Like the one we’re hitting right now.
Kimmy’s eyes fall on me. And it doesn’t take her long to see the distress in my face and entire body.
Before I make it to their table, Kimmy interrupts whatever the-guy-I-forgot-hisname was saying with her sweet and charming smile and starts saying something to him. The guy looks between her and me and just as I reach their table, the guy stands up and takes his bag off the other chair. He looks at Kim one last time and Kim returns the look with a seductive one and mouths something.
I want to roll my eyes at her but I stop myself when I catch the guy turning to me and giving me a polite smile and nods his head. I should feel bad for not returning the gesture given out of politeness, but I don’t. I just wait for him to get far enough to be out of earshot. When he does, I throw myself on the seat next to Kimmy with a frustrated huff.
“This better be good enough,” she circles her hand at me. “Because he was this close to ask me to join him in his hottub.” She holds out her thumb and point finger with a small gap between them.
“Rowan is at practice. Again.” I push away my bag on the table. “And look, I know outside our relationship he has a life. Study and his football and other things. And I’m not a needy girlfriend. But I swear to God, if he cancels on me for a ‘last minute’ football practice one more time, I’m going to kick my foot in his balls.”
Kimmy bursts into laugher and I glare at her.
“No, seriously. I support that. I think you should do it right now.”
I look up at the ceiling and ask for patience. “I can’t believe I have the type of best friend that encourages me to kick my boyfriend in the balls when I’m raging, when she should be putting sense into me.”
“Yes, and we’re the best type.” She beams at me before she pushes her barely touched drink at me and points at me to drink it. “But seriously, if this whole cancelling on you thing bothers you, just tell him that.”
She bites her fries as she speaks. “I’ve been with my fair share of guys and trust me, they’re not really smart people. Specially not your boyfriend.” She mutters the last part.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I exclaim offended. My eyebrows furrowed.
She ignores me and keeps going. “And with idiots like your boyfriend, they don’t know when they’re doing things wrong or acting like jackasses. You have to tell them and hope that they’re mature enough to see it and do things right without making a scene.”
I lean forward and rest my chin on my hands with a sigh. “I just fear I might cause an argument or misunderstanding.”
She points her manicured cherry nail at me. “That’s when he proves to you how much of an idiot he is and you’ll dump him.”
“No Kim. We’re not gonna break up over a silly disagreement.”
She shrugs and goes back to her lunch. “Well, I don’t know what you want to do with him. And I know you want to respect his personal schedule and let him do what he wants. But don’t let him test your limits and take you for granted.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t” I nod my head with certainty. But I think I’m mostly trying to assure myself.
“Good. Because now that we took care of that problem, another one is walking right this way.” Kimmy looks behind my shoulder, her eyes narrowing at whomever is walking behind me.
I hear his nasty voice before I get to guess who it might be.
“Hey Daisy. I thought I might find you here.” He sounds too happy. Like it was hard to find me. Like I was purposefully avoiding coming eye to eye with him. And well, I was.
“Guess I found someone to kick in the balls, after all.” I mutter in detest so only Kim can hear me. She hears me and tries to hide her smile while subtly nodding her head in agreement.
Aiden of course, is clueless to our silent conversation and sits on the empty seat uninvitedly. “I was looking everywhere for you.”
“Were you, now? Why?” I ask dryly.
“Did I need a reason to look for you?” he slings his right arm on the back of my chair and brings my chair closer to him.
I don’t answer at first. I just move my wide glaring eyes between him and where his arm is resting. My eyes shooting laser at his relaxed arm. “Yes, Aiden. You do need a reason to look for me.” I spit out. “What’s your reason? And be quick with it.”
“Okay, love. But only because you’re in one of you little tantrum moods and I want my head staying on my neck.” He snickers while I glare at him. “Me and a few of my friends are getting together for a study group and want to get some studying done this weekend. Care to join us?”
He gently grazes his finger on my hair, tangling his finger around a lock. He must think he’s being seductive while I’m starring at the finger with wide eyes, shocked and speechless by his audacity.
Before I get a chance to act on my intrusive thoughts and bite his finger off or bend it and poke it in his smug eye and wipe that smirk of his pricky face, Kimmy butts in.
“I didn’t know you nor any of your friends do any studying. Ever.”
Aiden snaps out of his character and glares at Kim. “Shocked you didn’t know something, Calloway. Specially since you’re the one person in this school that is never minding their own business.” He says sharply, his words spiteful.
He averts his attention back to me and ignores Kim again. Putting the flirty façade back on, he looks at me with the smirk that unfortunately some girls do fall for.
God, high school boys are unbearable sometimes. Today, more than ever.
“No, Adams. I don’t care to join a study group. Least of all, yours. So please get up now. You’re interrupting us.”
He seems surprised by my answer. His smirk falls, like he expected any other answer from me. Honestly, Kimmy was right. All guys are idiots.
But he collects himself again and doesn’t give up. “Okay, hon. No worries. But promise to study well anyway. Don’t want your grades to make trouble for you.” The dickhead has the nerves to poke my nose with his finger and smile at me. I stare at it with raging eyes and I’m ready to act on my earlier thoughts, but his next words baffle me even more.
“Anyway, I know you don’t want me to, but unfortunately, I have to leave. Have to get ready for gym class. See you later, feisty girl.” He gets up from his chair and loses his smile when he turns his eyes to Kim. “Calloway.” He says dryly and then winks at me and blows me a kiss before walking away.
I’m speechless. Actually lost for words by this boy.
“What goes on in his head that makes him do and say the things he does?” I askgenuinely, stunned and with my mouth open slightly.
“I bet my left butt cheek that his head is actually empty. So god know what’s going around in there.” My friend sighs tiredly.
After that, Kimmy tries her best to distract me from… well, everyone.
Rowan, and this moron.
It’s not that I’m a coward or scared to confront either of them. But I usually don’t engage in conversations that I don’t deem worthy or necessary.
It may be built up frustration, but this whole Rowan thing have been going on for too long, and this Aiden thing is getting out of hand.
At first he was just a duchebag who flirted with me here and there, despite me making it clear for him that I’m in a relationship and I’m not interested in him the slightest. Then it grew to him using every chance he got to come close to me and me insulting him until he temporarily left me alone.
Now, it’s straight up harassing me. Getting touchy and comfortable with crossing my physical boundaries.
Kim may be right. I might need a serious heart to heart conversation with Rowan.
And as for Aiden, I don’t know what I need to do that I haven’t done already. Pepper-spray him in the eye?
I know all the anger in me is building up to the point I will explode soon. I just fear when it happens, a blameless and clueless person is going to be on the receiving end of it.
· · ─ ·ʚɞ· ─ · ·
By the end of the day I still haven’t gotten a chance to properly see Rowan. I stayed in school area in hopes I can see him after his practice. When I texted him, asking where he is, he sent a short text letting me know that he needs to stay after the school hour to practice more with his team for the upcoming match they’ll have soon.
The cons of dating a member of the school football team are already hitting me like a pan in the face.
I got disappointed when I got his text. But I wore my big girl panties and tried to be an understanding girlfriend. I wished him good luck and told him to take care of himself, and not to push himself too hard. I got a blow-kiss emoji in return and nothing after.
As far as I know, Rowan’s car hasn’t gotten fixed yet. And he’s getting a ride from one of his teammates.
I mindlessly make my way out of the school area, expecting my mom to arrive soon.
I don’t see my mom, but what I do see makes me question my vision.
I see a car I know, but it’s not my mom’s. It’s the old silver Jeep, parked in the parking lot of my school, with Jungkook sitting behind the wheel, waiting.
Can he be here picking up her… girlfriend?
God, I don’t how I can make peace with the fact that Jungkook might be hooking up with a girl from my school. I don’t have many close friends here, a lot of acquaintances and girls that I’m friendly with, but not many real and close friends.And he dislikes all of them. So at least I don’t have to worry about him hooking up with one of my friends.
I don’t know if I should go to him or not. There’s a slim chance he’s here for me. But my head says the chances of him being here for another girl is higher than that.
I don’t remember Jungkook ever showing interest in one of the girls from my school, or even meeting one, ever. But just like he said not so long ago, he never brings his girlfriends or hookups arounds the house. So even if he is seeing someone from my school, I wouldn’t know.
I start walking to his car before I think too much of it. Jungkook notices me and reaches down to lower the window of passenger seat. His other hand resting on the wheel.
He doesn’t say anything and lets me speak first.
“Please don’t tell me you’re seeing someone from my school.” I don’t know why that’s the first thing I say.
It’s none of my business. Even saying it out loud and in his face feels weird. He’s a grown ass man and should see whomever he wants.
Even though thinking that someone could be a high school girl makes me feel uncomfortable. From my high school.
Ew. Please no…
Jungkook’s face turns genuinely confused and disturbed.
I roll my eyes at him to cover the relief I feel from his words. But his words still make me feel unusual.
“Why would I be seeing someone from here? The female species haven’t gone extinct yet. And you couldn’t pay me enough to date high-school girls.”
“Good to know at least you’re not a pervert.” I retort. But I go back to the main topic. “So why are you here?”
“I got bored so I thought I could come back to get my diploma again.” He deadpans without humor. “To take you home, Daisy.”
“You’re doing nice things for me, two time in less than one week?” I ask with disbelief. “Do I have cancer and mom is not telling me?”
“No, golden. You’re fine and same as ever. A drama queen.” He taunts. “And I’m not doing the nice things for your sake. Consider it me wanting to get back on your mom’s good graces.”
With that, it doesn’t seem like a lucid dream or a prank. So I get in the car. “Right. That makes more sense than any other possibility, like you being nice.” I comment.
It actually does make sense. I may not be like an important person to him or count as one of his favorite people, but my mom kind of does. He has always respected her and made little efforts to make her glad. They may not have been big gestures. But coming from Jungkook, they always meant a great deal to mom.
I know us having a tough relationship always bothered mom. And Jungkook definitely knows it too. So maybe mom getting so disappointed and upset with him a few days ago, was finally the wakeup call for him to at least try to change the relationship dynamic he has with me. As he said, “just to get back on her good graces”.
Or maybe, I’m getting ahead of myself with this wishful thinking and I can see myself and Jungkook becoming friends in my wildest dreams.
“Excuse me for my trust issues. Not even considering the event of two weeks ago, It’s hard to remember the last time you did something for me. Anything.” I say as I put my seat buckle on. “So how did mom take you volunteering to do this?”
“Was skeptical at first, just like you.” He says as he puts the car on drive and pulls out of the parking spot. “But I made it clear that my intentions were wholesome. And like the lovely trusting woman that she is, she asked me to send her my live location and if I didn’t show up at home with you in one piece on time, she’ll come for you herself. You know, after she kicked my ass.”
I stare at his sober and humorless expression for few moments before I burst into laughter. I haven’t laughed this genuinely in few days.
Jungkook doesn’t look my way but I see a hint of smile on the edge of his lips.
I can’t believe my mom said that to him. She has always been so gentle and loving to Jungkook, especially due to his preference of keeping to himself and being away from us a lot. But I guess he really did wake the beast inside of her. The very beast I inherited from her.
“Wow. She’s really giving you a hard time.” I can’t help the giggle that leaves me.
“Yup.” He sighs and switches his hands on the wheel to change gears. “It’s fine. It was my own fault.”
I listen carefully waiting for more. But he doesn’t say anything else.
I try to hide my smile. Because he finally admitted that out loud. And after living with Jungkook for nine years, I know that’s the closest thing to apology I’ll get from him.
“So, you’re using your car again.”
Not only it’s the second time that I’ve seen Jungkook doing something to help me in nine years, it’s also the second time I’m seeing this car out of the garage in all these years.
“Yeah. I think I like driving with it again.”
Jungkook seems so at ease. he is a quiet person in general. But usually, that silence seems tense. He’s an intimidating person that observes more than he talks. So usually when he’s quiet, I feel like his watching and monitoring us. What he’s thinking? I have no idea. That’s what I’m always wondering about him.
But right now? He seems chilled out. Not tense at all, just relaxed.
And I’m not delusional to think it’s because of my presence. It definitely has something to do with this car. Something about this car means something to him. But it’s not a gift, since from the very little information he gave me, I know he bought it himself.
This car in sentimental to him. The fact that the car has been in the garage for so long, even though no one used it. The fact that except these last two time that he drove me with it, he had only used it a couple of times, according to himself.
And now, the fact that he feels so at ease while driving it, even if it’s to give his notso-favorite step sister a ride with it.
“So I can take the dream of bargaining with you over it and convincing mom and dad to let me drive it to my grave?” I ask lovingly and with hopeful eyes.
Jungkook takes a turn before raising his eyebrows and glancing at me. “Yes, you can. I already told you that you can’t drive it even if I’m dead.”
“Worthed a shot.” I mutter disappointedly and lean back on my chair.
We sit in silence. Which is a rarity for us, because this is a rather comfortable silence. No talking. No banter or fight. No sound from the radio or background music. Only the outside noises coming from our windows down.
I like being in truce with Jungkook Jeon. I hope we can make it last.
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 ᰔ
Hello lovely readers. Sorry for my long absence. My life has been crazy for the past few months. Uni and well... a lot of other things. If you are reading my work, know that I'm very grateful and I hope I can keep making you enjoy the time you give to my work ❤️
I have the next chapter ready and I hope I get to upload it way sooner than I did this one. It's also a long one. Please stay tuned.
I go straight for the parking lot and there, I see Jungkook by his motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and black jeans.
He sees me approaching right away. He takes his hand out of his pocket and waits for me. His demeanor looks calm and collected as ever. But his face is impatient. Looking me up and down, probably searching for an injury.
When he doesn’t see anything out of place except for my slightly red, puffy eyes, he starts to speak but I cut him off.
“Wow, you really came.”
“Well, you didn’t sound so well on the phone.”
“Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry.”
“Are you finally going to spit out what’s wrong with you?” He speaks calmer than on the phone. But there’s a demanding force in his tone.
He probably heard my voice on the phone and thought the worst. I pretty much never cry in front of others. Kim and my mom? Yes, but very few times. Everyone else? No.
Jungkook? Absolutely never.
And seeing him standing here in front of my school in the middle of the day, dead serious and demanding answers make me realize that I’ve worried him a little. Something I never thought possible.
“No. I’m fine. Just like I said, I don’t feel good so I needed to go home early.” I keep my head high and look him in the eye. I sound a lot steadier and calmer now. I can almost pretend I never cried and lost my shit in the first place. Almost. If Jungkook wasn’t giving me sharp eyes.
“You didn’t sound fine on the phone.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I am now.”
We look hard into each other’s eyes, holding our ground and wait for the other one to give up. When I don’t waver, he gives up and sighs.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” He turns around and gets on his motorcycle.
I go after him. He hands me his helmet.
“Here.” Is all he says.
“What about yourself?”
“I only brought one. I wasn’t home when you called.”
I hesitate to take the only helmet, and Jungkook pushes it to me more aggressively. “Take it.” He says sternly.
I don’t argue. I take the helmet and hold it on my hip while I take out my hair tie and open my pony tail so I can put the helmet on. I secure it on my head and when I look up I see Jungkook’s eyes fixed on me. His eyes seem dark and distracted, but as soon as he sees me looking his way, he averts his attention on the helmet.
“You secured it properly?”
I adjust the heavy thing again. “I guess.”
He doesn’t reply. He turns fully forward and starts his motorcycle. I get on the seat and pull down the visor before grabbing both sides of Jungkook’s jacket.
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