baby blue

❣ 160508  ❣ 170319 ❣

[mintokkies]

Minho/ Juice ♡ 230629 M! Countdown

[romanceboys]

(fancam) 190216 choi minho fanmeeting tour: best choi’s minho in seoul — attention (by charlie puth)

[romanceboys]

[minhos-ace]

Hi I know it's been a while mostly the whole year but I think I want to catch up on all things shinee from this year & I don't know where to begin. I watched a few live stages up until our page was released and stopped again there.

This might sound weird but I was driving home at 1:30am tonight & was in a shitty sad mood & kept skipping all the songs on my playlist until press your number came on. There's this road near my house on the highway that has no streetlights so I used to be scared to drive at night on it but tonight I was relaxed/not paying attention until that song came on and I didnt feel like the abyss was sucking me in. Dramatic yes but my point is i got a little happier when I heard a shinee song & realized that no matter what happens they'll always be there for me when I'm upset, and I want to keep that feeling with me but I can't do that if I'm still pushing them away.

Aaaanyways tl;dr where tf can I catch up on everything lmao

[minhos-ace]

I think SHINee finally opening up and talking about Jonghyun and how they’ve had/have counseling really helped me be less sad/angry about the whole thing. I’ve been lowkey keeping up with them but haven’t seen anything about them straight up talking about Jonghyun and it hurt me probably more than it should of. I know a lot of people didn’t like videos or pics of them crying going around but tbh I don’t think it’s a bad thing. It doesn’t show weakness or anything, it shows that they aren’t hiding behind a certain image and they’re just human beings with feelings too etc. But that’s just me. 

Anyways now when I see them on my timeline or something I don’t think “oh Jonghyun isn’t there, he’s dead but they’re still promoting..” It’s more like “oh they chose this and they’re getting help and promoting might actually be helping them” I know it sounds bad but I've been pretty ..mad? about the whole thing all year and haven’t listened to the new album, watched the mv etc. but I think I might later today..

[minhos-ace]

i uhh,,,, love u

Idk who this is and I know it’s like a week late because I don’t get notifs for asks anymore but 💖❣️💞💞❣️❣️🌠🌟🎆🌠 ily2

[minhos-ace]

💛 This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you're amazing inside and out 💛

I ❤️💙💖💖❤️💕💝💞💞❣️❣️❣️❣️

[minhos-ace]

happy 1 year to one of the best days of my life :’) I have a lot to say and im feeling all sorts of things, but for once this year im content with a memory i have with SHINee and not crying because im sad, but happy. 

[jinkir]

[minhos-ace]

Hi~ I don’t know if you still remember me xd but I just somehow ended up here on tumblr after quite a long time. I came to you acc and read all your last posts. I pray that you’re better now. I feel very concerned about you~ Please know that I’m always here to support you and send you love from the other side of the planet~ Take care of yourself, be healthy ♡

hi omg ;; yes I do remember you!!! I’m doing a little better now.. no need to be concerned about me haha. thank you so much tho :’) I hope you’re doing good too!! sorry I didn’t see this right away, i come and go sometimes on here lol

[minhos-ace]

❤️

WHAT IS THIS WHO IS THIS WHEN WAS THIS SENT I'M SORRY I'M JUST SEEING IT NOW BUT ILY

[minhos-ace]

I haven't been on tumblr for a while so Idk how everyone's been doing/coping with things but I'm in a bad mindset rn so don't continue reading if your grieving stage is past anger, also it's pretty long.

for 5 and a half years shinee was my only real escape from anxiety. whether it was because I put on one of their upbeat songs and tried to focus on each syllable of every word and listen in on the pronunciation to distract myself, or visualize the music video to it and nothing else, or just get lost in their voices, I don't know but it helped.

it would almost always help. last year I got rid of my severe anxiety and managed to do some amazing things, but something happened just before the incident and I lost an incredible amount of self confidence in myself in December. then I was hit with jonghyun's news. I cried for days like most people, I screamed, i threw tantrums like a kid because I didn't want anything else to change.

after that I buried it. I hid everything that reminded me of shinee. I changed my train of thought when I saw pictures of them. and it worked, but not for long. I started getting anxiety attacks again for the first time in a year. I would be at school and have no way to deal with it. I would be out with friends and embarrass myself by trying to go home and cry instead of doing it in public. and I'm sorry to say but I blame Jonghyun entirely for it.

I'm still mad. I'm still really pissed when things like tonight happen. yeah I had someone over and I planned to do stuff with them, but I had to send them home early because I was freaking out for no reason inside and I knew I couldn't stop it. Jonghyun keeps me up late at night sometimes by making me cry and it ruins my day. but I'm also mad at myself for trusting a goddamn band to fucking relieve my anxiety in the first place. i put too much trust into them because who knew one day I would fucking rip them out of my life suddenly and it would have repercussions????!

I know I shouldn't be mad at someone for killing themselves, but everytime I see a picture of Jonghyun that's the first thing I think of. "Why did he kill himself?" I know he had a note and everything, but no i still don't understand. and I don't understand how so many people knew about it but did nothing! Nine knew. his sister knew. his mother knew. maybe more I don't know. I just don't know how some people knew and did nothing to stop him from making the worst decision a person can make. and it infuriates me every day and every night and I just didn't want things to change and I just wanted to show ring ding dong to my new friends so we could all laugh at it or show them how accomplished they were so I could brag about them but I fucking can't anymore!!

I'm just so mad all the time because I don't want to care anymore. I don't want to care so much about people I know nothing about and I want to move on. it makes no sense to just keep feeling like this because it shouldn't be hard to just cut a whole genre of music out of your life!! i want time to move even faster please i don't want these confusing feelings anymore

[shineesace]

im so proud of them

[minhos-ace]

exactly a week ago my, and all shawols', lives changed into something I could never imagine. time since then has felt like it was moving too fast. it's already been a week??? already a week since I woke up and saw the news on my phone and strained my voice from yelling and crying so much, more than I did when one of my cats died.

but a week has passed and I feel so different. I've gone through a major personality change this year, and I feel like this was part 2 to it. I think it's time to let kpop all together go. maybe I'm just really lucky to have made new friends from school who have hung out with me all week and helped me with the distractions from all this. I actually felt a lot better just being with someone who didn't know what kpop was so I didn't have to talk about it at all. with friends and family keeping my mind off everything during the winter break, then school starting again next year, then getting another summer job, I think it won't be that bad moving on from this.

I still don't know what to do with all the posters. I want to take them down, but I don't want my room to look like a bare asylum since they've been covered in posters for 6 years lol. but it's hard to look at them sometimes, especially the ones beside my bed near my head.

I still haven't listened or watched any shinee videos since last week, and I'll probably keep it like that. as morbid as it sounds, I’m taking this as a chance to move on from a good chunk of the internet. I always feel better when i’m not hunched over my desk mindlessly scrolling through pics/gifs. And even though it was actually mostly BTS who got me into a pretty good workout routine a few months ago (with Not Today/Fire/etc.) it’s still hard to listen to them for some reason now.

This is kinda sounding like my last post lmao but yeah idk what to do for the rest of my winter break, probably keep occasionally lurking through my friends’ blogs and that’s it. one of my friends is coming back from her hometown tomorrow so hopefully I can see her more too along with others. I need to find a new hobby now but I won’t force anything, I’ll just see what happens with that.

I'll still be on twitter (@eggbumm hashtag promo) because that’s still fun for now, but yeah, I gtg from here pals

[shineesace]

Star Name: 김종현 RA: 5h 35m 33.5s DEC: +4° 49′ 58.8″

@minhos-ace got me a name a star kit for christmas. so i named it after a star in my life. its officially jonghyuns star now,,, in the most official way you can have a star i guess. ill post the official certificate if you want and… im including this in my letter to shinee for the book project. i want them to find him too❣️

[minhos-ace]

idk if I'm going on hiatus or not but, this blog definitely won't be the same anymore. it's been too hard to check my feeds on here and twitter, and I'd rather emerse myself in literally anything else other than shinee and kpop for now. Idk if this is me moving on from kpop all together, but I couldn't even listen to music this week let alone shinee/bts/blackpink or anyone else I love. I knew the day would come where I'd move on to the next chapter in my life, I even thought about it a lot during school just so I could focus more on my grades lol, but of course I never thought it would be like this.

lots of you said I shouldn't feel guilty for moving on/having fun outside of this world, so I'm really trying not to. thank you to everyone who said that too, it really helped. I hope everyone can find the right healthy coping mechanism for them. maybe I'll stay lurking once and a while but if I don't, ily all ♡✌️

[fyjjong]

blue night radio - 141025 jonghyun: there seems to be a number of people who are having a hard time. everyone please cheer up, everything will turn out fine~. (translated by @cosmicsticks)