when people don’t have time for you but you see them posting stuff hanging out with other people…..

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@minimidge
when people don’t have time for you but you see them posting stuff hanging out with other people…..
Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me.
I’m lonely but I still don’t wanna talk to people
I would say you’re wrong, but I’ve been here before, you won’t be the last one to leave
“Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’ve been so fucked up by past experiences I can’t shake or maybe this is just me, something about me that I was born with and something I’ll always have. Maybe I’ll always live with this voice inside my head telling me “you’re a fuck up” and “one day he’s going to leave because you’re not worth staying for”.
Maybe all of this is how my life is going to be, and I can ask all the maybes in the world or just accept that I am a massive fuck up. And that as much as it’ll hurt if it happens, maybe he will leave.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s not just me - excerpt from the voices inside my head
do you ever just realize how different you would have been now if
some people stayed
you had a “best” friend
you opened up to people instead of building so many walls
and that the 2nd and 3rd point might not have existed if the 1st one was true…
Maybe I should just give up on trying to make friends. Everyone always leaves anyway, so what’s the point?
Do you ever want to interact with people but at the same time you don’t because that means you will feel too many emotions? Emotions like jealosy because you may never be anyone’s number one even if you give them your all? Or anxiety because you doubt yourself and wonder if people really like you. And fear of them leaving after everything you gave them - time, secrets, feelings…
A friend said, “You should find someone who has similar faults as you, try to be with them, and let them help you as you help them.”
I replied, “It’s hard finding someone to just stay and want me in their life.”
And too proud to ask anyone to stay and help
So now what?
I don't think I'll ever recover.
How do I have the ability to always say the wrong thing? Always, I will always mess up.
“I’m tired of not knowing where I stand with you. I’m tired of feeling unwanted. I’m tired of feeling unloved. I’m tired of people leaving. I’m tired. I’m just tired.”
Is that even possible ? If it was..I would
Dear Diary,
I wish people didn’t give up on me so easy.