MischaMusings

NSFW, obvs. #sorrynotsorry

[its-the-little-things-that-count]

[monillove-deactivated20141003]

Got that right ;)

[mischamusings]

Haha, for better or for worse, I am unique.

[laltrapartedimemadness-deactiva]

[daddys-secrett]

Both are important

[submissivelyspeaking]

Unf.

[mischamusings]

Love, love, love, love. Nothing better than a man dressed like the cover of GQ, who is about to own you like the cover of Kinky Fuckery Weekly.

[mischamusings]

Magic Wand Instructions For Idiots

Yes, I RTFM (I have issues). These are direct quotes…

* Do not use at wet location of body or while body is wet. Um. Sorry, squirting playmate, the manual says you’re screwed.

* Never operate for more than 25 minutes. Fuck off.

* Do not operate under blanket or pillow. Sometimes, it gets chilly. It’s WINTER IN INDIANA, give me a break.

* Close supervision is necessary when the massager is used by, on, or near children… Yes, if by “close supervision,” you mean, “immediate psychiatric evaluation and a trip to jail.” Eep.

* Don’t store your massager in a moist area, nor in bright sunlight. “Moist” brings its own hilarity, and requires no further commentary. But no direct sunlight? Wahhhhhhh. I love storing my sex toys in the window sill. Hello, advertising??

* [cleaning instructions] Don’t use substances such as benzine, lacquer thinner, or other volatile chemicals. If something comes out of your body that is so chemically caustic, you feel the need to clean it with FUCKING BENZINE, you have problems that can’t be resolved with a two page instruction manual.

* Use the massager only for its intended use as described in this manual. See all of the above, and then ask me what the odds are of me following that one.

[mischamusings]

Reposted, because 1) I still find it funny, and 2) I've got the Wand on the brain from using it for wayyyyyyyy too long today. (Major violation of the second bullet point...)

[tastefullyoffensive]

[mischamusings]

Instant solution: stop fucking asking and make the decision yourself. If she's hungry, she'll find something on the menu.

[stylistnotions-deactivated20140]

[mischamusings]

I am an acquired taste, and I am perfectly fine with that.

[agentlemanandasavage-deactivate]

[mischamusings]

And boys, if you're not on board, look at it this way: it's the perfect opportunity to slap her on the ass as she walks by!

[Note: I do not recommend this trick with strangers, unless you are really, really ridiculously good looking.]

[elena-v-93]

[mischamusings]

Vargas girl = style icon. (Minus half the hothouse on your head. That's weird. And allergy-inducing.)