im stuck
so I don't like to finish my thesis anymore
or more like I don't have no motivation to start working on it
it's like the graduation is not enough reason
I'm stuck in my university
my friend graduated. now I'm alone. well not alone. I still have friends whose younger than me. but the point of depression is they're younger than me. and well they're stuck in the thesis shit like me but they already have jobs. which obviously I don't have. lack of trying. I'm not filing applications hence no job.
I'm still pondering about what I should do or rather what I wanted to do. is it to start my thesis which again I don't have motivation inspiration in starting so that path will surely be slow and take my time and age. so looking for a job would be a motivation change of environment because hell I don't like to think about that damn project. but that path would be as hard because of the lack of diploma. I will need to aim lower. lower my standards. low paying job. gosh I hope not. if I get a job I wantto be paid on a right amount.
I think I'm just envious that they're already earning their own money and I'm not. I'm a bum. so one friend is a call center representative which obviously off our track so I don't envy the job I envy the money earned from the job. the other friend. that I envy. cause he's job is totally related to our field I'm sure he's paid in decent amount but he problem is it's project based so income is not regular and no benefits.
what's stopping me on applying
I want a job but afraid of rejection
pridepride. don't want to lower my standard one bec of the damn univ I go to two people will judge hell even my parents would judge me or criticize but criticism is good right? maybe I should learn how to accept them but it hurts hearing theme still
I regret what I have done in the past or the lack thereof. I should learn to let it go at the same time learn from it. but I'm still doing it so yeah I need to think hard on what I did wrong and how to avoid doing it again.
I dont want to be like my papa. i used to idolize him when i was little but that started to change after that trigger even or rather his action.
message to self. avoid being like him
be punctual
avoid delays
accept criticism and opinions
dream something/have a goal
do not depend on someone
be kind and generous
stay calm
be open learn to share thoughts and feelings
stop thinking you're better than someone keep feet on the ground
god I hate it when she's saying I'm like him. I don't want to be him.
and this fuckingtablet sucks. delayed touch response when typing. fuck autocorrect. lenovo a-3300-gv sucks when irts coms to screen responsive ness
