Life In My Head @missmitay-blog - Tumblr Blog

Again.

I’m alone again. And it’s back.

Every time I’m by myself my anxiety comes at me in its meanest, darkest form. It tells me I’m not good enough, that I never was, and that I never will be. It tells me I deserve to be alone. I tells me that I’m worthless. It makes me over think every little detail, every nuance, every word, everything. It makes me cry tears I don’t want to. It makes me long for loves I no longer have.

And yet I remain. Alone. And that’s when I realize...my anxiety has given way to depression. Straight, lonely, devastating depression.

Anxiety: Tell me I’m beautiful! Tell me something! Anything! Keep thinking! Find a way out! Why can’t you find a way out! Why!? There has to be a way out!!!! Where’s the way out? Here? There? Nowhere? Everywhere?

Depression: You are nothing. You will never be anything. Your life is over. What you have lived, and suffered through, is the best it will ever be for you. It only gets worse from here. You’re stuck aren’t you? Good. Stay here. Forever. If you don’t, it will only get worse. And if you do...well what else could you need? You are nothing. You deserve nothing.

#depression #anxiety #latenightthoughts #help #lookingforafriend

imshootingfilm

… .. . by john grzinich Pentax MX, Fuji C200

quotemadness

If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold evermore wonders.

Andrew Harvey (via quotemadness)

quotemadness

Being an artist means forever healing your own wounds and at the same time endlessly exposing them.

Annette Messager (via quotemadness)

poems-and-words

quotemadness

I want to rest. I want to breathe quietly again.

Tennessee Williams (via quotemadness)

books-n-quotes

Music carries the weight of being human, takes it away so you don’t have to think at all, you just have to listen. Music tells every story there is.

Estelle Laure, This Raging Light (via poems-and-words)

poems-and-words

Broken Record

I’m broken. It still hurts. Everything.

The fact that I pushed him away. I created a barrier because I was broken before.

The fact that he didn’t trust me.

That he fell out of love with me. And into love with someone else.

But where does that leave me?

Because I would have, and still would, do anything for him. I don’t love him the same, can’t, won’t let myself love him the same.

But he was my world.

He was my happiness.

He was my everything.

My future.

And when I see his face now I don’t know what I see.

A lost future?

A lost love?

My best friend who broke me?

A mistake?

I want him to remain in my life. As my friend. Not as my lover or as my ex.

I want to erase the hurt I caused him that in turn caused him to hurt me.

I want to fix his broken heart and soul, so that someday someone will fix mine. Because mine isn’t healing. If anything it gets worse day by day.

I’ve talked so much about it to everyone, but I’m starting to sound like a broken record to my own ears. I don’t want to be the weak, broken person. I want to be strong. I want to be filled with love and trust and to have someone make me feel the way he once did.

I’m scared. I’m alone. I’m broken.