Misspeaks

[misspeaks]

Germans are adorbs

Some college kids on the train were imitating a British accent... "Cheerio" "Good to meet you, sir." "God shave the queen... Haha, shave..."

[misspeaks]

Me: "You're nicer than I am." Whitlater: "Yeah, I know..."

[misspeaks]

Hi, I'm calling because your company closed a deal for us a couple months ago. I’m not trying to point a gun or anything, but there’s a problem I need to speak with you about.

Submitted by Mikey Mike Man

[misspeaks]

No, I would never say 'dece'. It doesn't even make sense, it's a Maine terminology.

Shawn - Ass Man - dece: short for decent, certainly not east coast slang.

[misspeaks]

You are the most critiqueful person I know.

Jakey - Senior Ass Man

[misspeaks]

So I totally misunderestimated this.

Jakey - Senior Ass Man

[misspeaks]

That's because they always speak American whenever he's over there.

Jakey - Senior Ass Man - giving a weak ass excuse for his brother not learning his wife's native language.

[misspeaks]

Out of the blue: "Man, I used to have the BEST dental hygienist."

Andrew - of course.

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This is the end of the barrel.

Shawn - Ass Man - end of my rope/bottom of the barrel??

[misspeaks]

Hello For this case we are looking to claim the access proceeds of a tax sale.

Andrew - from an email. Excess, not access....

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I have attached my spreadsheet to show how I am requesting my Jacob to locate additional addresses.

Jakey - Promoted to Senior Ass Man!

[misspeaks]

You sit at a cuticle at work?

Marcus - Boss Ass Neighbor Man

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I really need this printed, so I'm emailing it again. I'm pressurizing you.

Jakey Jake - - the new Senior Ass Man

[misspeaks]

He's got a photogenic memory.

Fellow shopper at AxMan

[misspeaks]

Dave the Intern: "My friend showed me this thing where you can turn off all the street lights on Fullerton, from, like, the five way to the El stop." Rest of the office: "How the fuck do you do that?" Dave the Intern: ".. This thing with your iPhone if you stand in the right spot.""

[misspeaks]

I've got two hands but I don't have two mouths.

Jakey Jake - explaining why he didn't answer his second phone while on his first.

[misspeaks]

Jake: "What's the first rule of fight club?" Freddy: "I don't know, I'm not a white guy."