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Instagram: misssciara

[misssciara]

Ever since I was young I was always taught to take what I can get and be grateful for it. For example, jobs. If I am offered a job I wasn’t taught to negotiate my salary. I learned that whatever the job posting or starting rate of pay was is set in stone. And in my teenage years I alway was very grateful and said my thanks everyday I woke up to be lucky enough to have a job. Jobs came easy because I took what I could get and always settled. Never negotiated and always layed down when I was told I couldn’t get a raise.

Fast forward to my mid-twenties. I have completed first part of nursing school and passed my boards exam. I am still continuing nursing school as an undergrad and by 2023 will be in grad school. Now, this career path may be easy study for me but I am still working hard to achieve my goals. In my mid-twenties it is harder to find a job. Even as a licensed Nurse. Why? Simply because I know what salary I want. If I don’t get it I know to walk away. Sounds selfish; it sounds as if I’m only in it for the money I know. Reality is I know how hard I work and I know my works worth.

After I graduated my CNA program I remember I told my dad I wanted to keep going to school. He asked me why not just get a job now? He knows the cost of Nursing school and I know that’s why he suggested why not just work. I will work. But I will also keep going to school and I won’t stop until I get what I want in my education.

[misssciara]

I am entitled to an a opinion.

I am entitled to my feeling and how things make me feel.

I am entitled to openly speak about my feeling and opinions without feeling like I can’t do so.

[motivationsforlife]

Hard Choice by Alex Guerber // Instagram // Edited by MFL

[misssciara]

She lost her glow. The thing that made her beautiful. Her light is now full. She feels as though she can only have one emotion. Not allowed to feel sad or hurt because it’s irrelevant. Her feelings are irrelevant and invalid. Nothing is allowed to bother her. She wasn’t always that way. She had a light that surrounded her. Almost like a halo of beauty. But over time that light dimmed. The happiness became forced and her feelings pushed to the back as though she isn’t suppose to feel hurt or sad. Only suppose to be happy and to overlook anything that only made her sad.

[misssciara]

I don’t argue or speak up because I already know what the answers will be. So I keep quiet. And cope on my own.

[misssciara]

Knowing that...now when you say it it feels a little less special to me.

[misssciara]

It sucks to have to deal with your emotions alone.

[somuchforstardusts]

Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris - Hayley Williams

[misssciara]

Still a firm believer that hiding things is the same as lying. How can you say you love a person if you hide secrets from them?

[misssciara]

Toxic trait or normal?

I still try to understand men and that part of them that they cant separate thinking with their brain and thinking with their dick. I try not to get frustrated when they think with their dick but is that something women should not be frustrated about? Is that just some sort of emotion for them at that point? That their penis tells them what to look at. Excuse the vulgarity but it’s something I’ve been wondering for awhile. I guess the main question I would like answered is: Is it something women should get mad/upset about when a man thinks with their penis?

[staypozitive]

[misssciara]

I was shopping for some new sports bras and workout clothes today. I was excited because it’s been a long time since I’ve bought myself anything. Had to try on a few things. I picked up the sizes I typically wear/go to and tried them on. When I did and looked in the mirror I realized how rediculous they looked (they were extremely too small on me) and when I tried the size up they also did not fit properly or flatter my body as well... as I stood there I stared back and forth between the items on the hangers, the try on clothing on me and back to myself in the mirror I literally started crying. Obviously I pulled myself together and changed back to my regular clothing. I gave the items to the clerk outside, I proceeded to get the NEXT size up (so now I am 3 sizes above what I use to be) and only bought a sports bra out of it all. I didn’t even want to try on anything or even look at anything anymore, I just wanted to pay for my item and go. So we did. I didn’t tell my bf about what happened I just kept it to myself. I didn’t want him to worry and I knew that he’d just try to tell me that I’m perfect. It really sucks. I put in a lot of hours into myself. Working out, trying to eat better and be more mentally okay by not adding any extra stress to myself and it still feels as though nothing is changing. I can’t say it’s not changing, I have but the body fat percentage has increased while the scale stays the same. So I hired a trainer/nutritionist. Yes I know I am certified in both departments but it’s different. I think I need someone to keep me accountable during this time. I’m not afraid to admit that I don’t know how to help myself which is why I reached out to someone. I’m not sure if my hormones are just all out of wack due to the new type of birth controll I’ve been taking the past few months or if it’s something much deeper than that.

[misssciara]

If you could, and in all honesty, would you hook up with an ex?

Looking back at to who my ex’s were and where my head space is now I can say no. I would not hook up with any of my ex’s if given a chance.

[misssciara]

Why does a woman have to feel the need to be wanted? She should t have to feel left out, unwanted or as if something has changed. She just shouldn’t have to feel the need to compete with another person. Period.

[misssciara]

Sometimes I really do hate that my brain remembers things that I don’t want it to. And little things can trigger the memories. It’s not about trust issues it’s was just a time in my life when those things hurt. And I guess in some way still do whenever it comes to mind.

[misssciara]

I haven’t been sick like this in over a year now 😩 I hate this feeling so much I can never sleep when I’m sick.

[onefineflip]