souvenir

destinied to be.

midaehyun:

daehyun noticed it all, even the small things often overlooked: like he noticed the way jonghyun’s eyes had widened, imagined the surprise that made them swell–the shock at having seen daehyun standing in front of him dressed in his trainee uniform, so proud and shameless, basking in the moment of having jonghyun’s undivided attention. it had been so long, but time was only a catalyst; it drove the frenzy forward, fed the reaction. and he shrugged his shoulders at the question, a soft movement without commitment. then he rounded about jonghyun,moved past him to skip the usual display of affection to plop down on his chair instead. there he leaned back, tucked his hands behind his head, made himself comfortable before he hummed. “what am i doing here? well, according to chief choi, i’m here to learn and gain some experience. from you.”

his voice was steady and nonchalant, carried no waves, spread evenly in the room. once it settled, he leaned forward to rest his head against a hand, the other grabbing a pen, twirling it between his fingers. between points, in the spaces between, the grin had returned to his lips and his eyes, thinned and impish, fixed on jonghyun. “now you can’t use the whole ‘we are on different sides, we can’t see each other anymore’ bullshit to stay away from me.” he was glad, mostly, that he could spend time with jonghyun–that another reason had brought their paths together; that the chance of losing him had lessened. he might have masked it behind confidence, might have held tight to emotion, but he was warmed by what it felt to be there; by that joy that swelled and conquered, seemed to ease his nerves at just the sight of jonghyun. instead of giving in, he continued. “so, when are we gonna start chasing mean little gang members? or solve cases like sherlock holmes and john watson?”

jonghyun was so perplexed he couldn’t part his lips to speak, believing that whatever was happening in that moment was only fruit of his imagination and maybe the exhaustion settling after hours deprived of sleep. weeks ago, he remembered daehyun still following the rules of a gang he had been tracking for years, trying to connect tragedies with their own acts; but their trace was always so well erased that no evidences were left behind. now he was there, before him with a uniform jonghyun once worn during his academic years as a trainee. how? when? he thought to himself, repeating the same words over and over, through and through. his brows creased nevertheless, watching the other male acting unceremoniously, sitting down when no permission had been previously given. “apparently your ethics receded back to primitive ones. that’s what you’ve been learning with them?” he didn’t say ‘gang’ nor mentioned the name that even nowadays he refused to think of, but he knew daehyun understood him.

his body plopped heavily onto the chair, back pressed against it, feeling the softness of its texture massaging his sore muscles; loosening tension despite the nodes would remain. his expression was impassive, mirroring daehyun’s though inside he could behold the agitation of emotions, all caused by the male before him; watching his every move as though he was being judged. he tsked at the bold remark, the allegation of his own acts, born by nothing but preoccupation and fear for the younger’s life in regardless of daehyun’s incomprehension. a boy embedded in a man’s body still. “so that’s the reason why you left them and joined the academy?” a brow brushed high, questioning the other while deep inside emotions stirred and a sense of relief washed over him. daehyun was there… daehyun was with him. he reject the life he had and found a place next to him. he didn’t show it, denied any joy that embraced his body in the same way daehyun had embraced all his senses. “at this very moment, i’m torn between sending you home or punish you for ever daring to act so casually around your future mentor.” a leg crossed onto another, lips pressing into a thin line; marking his own position in the most educated and cultivated way although a sigh rushed past his lips, evidencing his surprise and concern still. propping his forearms onto the desk, fingers laced together while eyes examined the other’s expression, seeking for answers, seeking for comprehension. “you shouldn’t be here… for once, i want you to have a normal life. for once, i want to look at you and see a young man, pursuing his own dreams, daehyun…”

#midaehyun #;dtb

writing sins.

midaehyun:

“i never said that.” his voice is direct and sharp. confusion furrowed his brows and rounded his lips–he wondered from where jonghyun had gathered that idea. he was annoyed, a mild sting at the edge of his mind as he thought of how his words had been twisted; how meaning had been reached without his consent. “do you think you could have protected me from an entire gang all my life? did you want me to live my life in fear?”

it felt as though jonghyun hadn’t even tried to understand daehyun’s emotion–which, in turn, introduced him to slow pain that simmered, came from within. but he only sighed, kept stroking jonghyun’s arm as a way to distract conflict. his lungs filled, released only after jonghyun finished speaking. disappointment followed–he hadn’t let a gang define their relationship, couldn’t comprehend why jonghyun had allowed it. daehyun, it seemed, was trapped within the frame of the gang; his value came from affiliation.

this, too, he quieted. it was better to steer away from arguments, especially when it was so comfortable to be in jonghyun’s arms. even if it hurt, he needed jonghyun, wanted him in more ways than others. his lips twitched into a tiny smile that he was glad the older couldn’t see–he hadn’t foreseen being missed.

carefully, he shifted onto his back, kept their laced fingers on his stomach. when he turned his head, though, their faces were so closed that his gaze stuck on jonghyun’s eyes; focus gathered, showed him the details of his features and their lines, the dim color, the way little wrinkles had formed. though the years had made him more handsome, too. it was a realization that washed over his thoughts, colored the scene differently.

he raised a hand to run along jonghyun’s cheek; pressed a thumb against his lower lip. quietly, he spoke.

“you don’t have to miss me anymore.” he was scared of being ditched again, rejected. yet the fear wasn’t thick enough to interrupt his voice; he continued. “i’m right here, hyung. right here, with you, and i don’t want to be anywhere else right now.” his hand dropped to curl around his neck as he moved closer, their noses touching, their lips a small gap away. his eyes, by now, were lidded as he added. “please don’t push me away again, don’t leave me, don’t run away.”

two sharp lines were formed with his eyes, the severity embracing daeyun's words pierced into his very soul and corrode it from the very bottom, skittering towards the core of his own essence; reminding the older male the weakness he still held, so crude that he hadn't the ways to protect those he labeled essential to him. "i would find a way... you know i would. i wouldn't stop until you were in a safe place, with me." a feeble voice, easily mistaken by a breeze meeting the leaves of an ancient tree, mirroring how human he still was; and how alone, he would not succeed no matter what ways he would eventually find. "i wouldn't let you die. i'm certain of that."

what couldn't be transmitted by words, were at last shed by his sentimental gaze when daehyun faced him; countless memories held in his mind being played as he drank in the other's features. how many years had it been since he found that boy in his office, quivering with fear; with the cold outside that dared to freeze his very thin bones? he still looked the same, only with facial lines sharper and a body so developed compared to before. still, it encompassed the same soul, the same boy he met years ago.

"don't come back to them, stay..." his dark onyx disappeared under his eyelids, the pressure against his cheek bringing forth a warmth he had missed; settling his own hand above daeyun's. digits found place between the other's, curling into an embrace while being guided to his own neck. his orbs surged, meeting a pair that he was all too familiar before leading daeyun's hand to his lips. "i wonder who really left... if it was me... or you." his lips pressed against his palm, planting a kiss onto soft skin before moving them towards daeyun's forehead.

"i won't go anywhere. i won't let you go anywhere." with that final promise, the older male pressed the tip of his nose against daehyun's, a tender gesture; followed by a kiss, concluding with his forehead pressed to the other's forehead. "my apartment had always a place for you... it still has. i've been waiting for this day... always have been."

#midaehyun:#;writingsins

— wrecked ; jonghyun&kibum

kibum-mi:

( ♋ )

it was an explosion of emotions, sensations born from a kiss that was everything but gentle; lips demanding dominance, performing their magic to give entrance to a tongue that was perhaps even more brute. he was not one to provide affection, not only for the alcohol inhabiting in his system, but also for the past he could not push away in regardless of how his mind seemed to lose balance the deeper he monopolized kibum's body. he gave no space to respirate, oxygen seemed pointless; such a human need being momentarily discarded for the repercussion it would arise. no, he didn't want his lips not even an inch away from the other's.

he drank in that moan that elicited one of his own, far hoarser and coming from the depths of his throat; body aching, requiring more than what he was getting so far. he was dominating, that alone elevated his pride tenfold; but the body constrained by his own and the wall behind evidenced the anxiety of being trapped and not free. a perilous growl matched the ferocity of kibum's, having himself being pushed away, deprived of warmth, of a pair of lips he was determined to rape; in the same way he was determined to rape the younger's body.

he leaned for more, pushing kibum's once again against the wall; harder, harsher... refusing to let those threatening feline eyes agitate what was so well control. although... he still lost against the boy when he used the wall against him. stumbling backward, his own sharp orbs stared into a pair that was all too familiar; an agglomeration of silent words being transferred from a gaze to another. how many times had kibum made such expression? how many times had he been rejected? kibum was unpredictable like a storm, one moment he was crawling into his arms... the other he was pushing him away, demanding space and time for himself.

a second growl fled past his lips, the back of his back colliding violently against the same wall kibum had been astatically pressed. his labored breath was deep, audible once a hand curled around his neck although he dared not to move, not to hesitate nor fear for the imminent demise awaiting. for the very first time, jonghyun didn't care about the consequences, didn't gaze those eyes with sadness, disappointment or even anxiety. there was nothing at all, only an indifference that was mirrored by his words; perhaps a smirk driving to the surface and settling above his lips.

"i'm the only person who dared to dig so far in order to break the thickest walls that separated me from you. a fool? yeah, definitely. i'm a fool for trying, for caring, for fighting. and oh please, kibum... you would drop onto your needs just to satisfy those same needs with me." a malicious laugh chortle joined his speech, his own head leaning towards kibum's despite the hand that prevented him from inclining too far. his smirk seemed to accentuate, loving how the other's was starting to lose control; the fist slammed against the wall eliciting a growl of delight, a growl that proved how satisfied he was with each and each reaction of the other.

"you're the fool here, love. for wanting something so frankly impossible." unable to lean further, he rose a hand to grasp the back of the other's head; pulling it to him, forehead's colliding. "i will never forget the day you shot me, the day you turn your back to me and left me fell into my own misery." each word was spat, fury dwelling in his speech, in his voice, in his eyes. "forgiving you? oh, love... all i want is to forgive you and get over all the shit you caused." lies, lie after lie, jonghyun coaxed the other, forgetting the love that all this time had been fighting against his own darkness; screaming, pleading for an opportunity to be given, reminding that jonghyun was now one step closer to losing kibum. but he didn't care, he couldn't care less.

pushing kibum's face to him as his was leaned as close as it could, he managed to press another kiss to the boy's lips; tongue darting out to moist a pair of lips he had damaged thus far. with his free hand, he was not gentle when he slipped it around the other's waist, tugging him close; against him, feeling the two bulges merging into the true definition of need, triggering a moan that escaped his lips shamelessly. "oh, come on, love... i'm not that drunk... and we both need it." purring hoarsely, the smirk returned to his lip; noticing the redness of he younger's lips, so similar to the hue of a lipgloss. "i need it, love."

his hand slipped under the fabric of kibum's shirt, palm pressing to a bare skin; pale and tender, so different from what and who kibum really was. " all these months, i've been deprived of you, of sex and the pleasure it brings along. i couldn't fuck anyone without my mind redirecting all my thoughts to you." heavy eyelids concealed round-shaped eyes, hand pressing against a bare middle; forgetting the hand round his neck and the little air that could pass through his throat. "i'm hard, i'm desperate. just give me what i need, love..."

— captivate ; jonghyun&kibum

mixjonghyun:

(…)

For just a single moment, Kibum wondered how acceptable it would be to make a joke about drinking the blood of his enemies to stay young. Unfortunately, he quickly shook away the idea of imposing his dark humor of the ‘real’ fountain of youth upon his date. Perhaps it was too soon for them to joke around like that. Regardless, he still managed to smile a bit at the thought, and even more so when Jonghyun announced his English was awful. Kibum leaned forward a bit and in perfect English, he said, “I will teach you.”

With a smirk, he pulled back and watched the other pull something up to his mouth from his lap, assuming it was the napkin he had to wipe his mouth with. “Well then, if you want to look at me so badly, we should probably go outside, huh?” Just as he was about to stand up to take Jonghyun’s hand and lead him to the door to leave the dark room, he noticed the other had stood before him and must have not been too stable on standing up because the hand on his shoulder tightened a bit. Kibum instinctively reached up to hold onto the arm to stabilize the male until he could push himself up and hold onto him with both hands. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Kibum felt his hand down Jonghyun’s arm until he managed to intertwine their fingers together then snapped the fingers of his other hand to signal a waiter with nightvision goggles to lead them out of the dark room. Once they were back in the dimly lit main entrance area where they could allow their eyes to readjust, Kibum gave a short wave to the receptionist, telling her to just mail his bill to him. He was a man of his word and would always pay his debts so they had nothing to worry about.

“There’s a bakery a few blocks over so let’s just walk there. They should have some fresh warm baked goods by now.” He offered up a smile as he pulled the elder male along down the street until they came up to the aforementioned bakery. Kibum lead the way inside before somewhat reluctantly letting go of Jonghyun’s hand in order to gesture to all of the different sweet treats. “Let’s each pick a snack and share them by the river, okay?” He pulled out his wallet and handed the shop employee a bill large enough to cover two treats as well as a little bit extra for the worker to keep before pointing to a delicious looking red velvet cookie as his selected treat. The female behind the counter bagged up his treat and handed it to him before turning to Jonghyun to wait for his selection. Kibum also turned to face the elder, anticipating his choice of sweet treat. A small smile decorated his face and he suddenly didn’t want to ever look away from the handsome face in front of him.

body shudder, heart slammed against ribs, lips parted to release a heavy exhalation. two hands, he immediately sensed -- gentle hands that contrast with his rough ones, mirroring years of self-training and a job that required his hands. he inhaled, then exhaled, squeezing harshly the shoulder; feeling so vulnerable in kibum's presence. "yes" he spoke, weak... only a breeze of his voice tracked by a quiver that emphasized the spell cast upon him. he felt kibum's hand around his arm, descending slowly; the details being so discerned even though he had his own coat. it was still so real, so palpable, so human; as though no fabric was separating that palm from his hand. and when their fingers intertwined together, he sworn he felt his legs giving in, almost dropping to his knees hadn't it been the determination to avoid any embarrassment.

in silence, he sought for guidance, giving a step by step until he was finally released of the blindfold; his puppy eyes meeting kibum's feline ones, drinking him in, taking him further into his mind. completely forgetting about the bill and how he detested being treated, he could only follow, feeling the gelid wind swaying his sand of hair, eyes not daring to leave kibum for he lost hours of his face, minutes of his smile and seconds of his eyes. " yes." he spoke again, reducing himself to only one word, although what he truly wanted to say was a 'sounds good' or perhaps a 'great idea'. still, their hands laced together restrained his speech, his natural human reactions and actions.

shuffling in, he did not explored the bakery, only those eyes and what was hidden within; smile growing when kibum's appeared, then disappearing to stare riveted. yet, when his hand was freed and the cold embraced it, he turned his gaze to the employee across them, a counter filled with different cakes properly separated and set onto a decoration perking his attention. he opted for a chocolate cake, peppered with caramel and vanilla, this time holding a small conversation even with a female ( act like a human, kim jonghyun ). he managed to smile, share a few words about the weather and how the next day would rain; all the way having the female setting the cakes into a container, that soon handed to them. jonghyun took it with his hand and turned around to the other, gesturing him to go outside.

"a bit cold, isn't' it?" the breeze joined his voice, hand searching blindly for kibum's, this time prepared for it; this time wanting it more than ever. "do you have a blanket in your car?" with a ginger smile, he turned his body to face the other's, the pad of his thumb caressing the back of his hand; providing warm, providing affection. "i must thank you for the dinner and thank you for the cake. this night... is being probably one of the best of my life. i truly.. needed it. thank you, kibum."

#kibum-mi #;captivate

writing sins.

midaehyun:

( ♋ )

the younger's body was tensed, the reflection of an imminent inner fight that jonghyun knew revolved around him, his own deeds procreating the cause of daehyun's torment; perhaps his own body tangibly close adding to it. he couldn't draw back, knowing that if he did so his own soul would dig further into the depths of suffering; the distance once set by none but himself becoming a throbbing agony he knew if he prolonged it any longer the consequences would be plainly catastrophic. although -- having his body so close to the other's became a grueling combat between his own self and the need to embrace him close; however tightly, however gently.

his words were briskly rejected, he felt it, noticed it; perhaps even sensed -- but he also fathomed the suspension points that came along with the silence. his body moved forward, chest pressed to a back; small compared to his own, the evident age gap reflected in it. although... thoughts had been postponed, a pent-up rage being now released upon such an offense; an arm hooking around a waist, recognizing the familiarity, the lines and details he never forgot; recognizing the boy who once curled digits around his shirt -- demanding attention, demanding love. "are you implying that i was incapable of protecting you, daehyun? are you -- straightforwardly claiming that i didn't have the ways, the strength and the determination to protect you?" he sought for a pair of hues, lips pressed into a firm line, raged teeth under; a jawline, naturally sharp and accentuated being evidently tensed. "you know i would have given up on my life for you. don't give me that crap."

strained, he stared into those eyes while he felt a hand, small and soft, slithering towards his arm, curling around -- burning his skin, burning his flesh and the heart under layers and layers of tender tissue. he didn't speak, only an exhalation and inhalation being driven frontward, lips parting; releasing a sigh, feeling his skin tingling, vibrating under the touch he had lost familiarity with. " for me, you're still the boy i met years ago. you're still the boy i loved, i cherished and treasured with my life. you didn't change... even after everything you went through. you still seek for me, you still curl your fingers around my shirt, bringing me down to have my face near yours. you still have your hand around my wrist, fingers lacing through mine. you didn't change, daehyun. yet..." he caught your hand with his, digits moving, swaying until they found their position between yours, lacing hands together, remarking the past. "you betrayed me... you betrayed me the moment you joined them."

he dared not to speak, only examining the other's eyes, reading the silent words and hoping to find an answer. he proved to be not enough, apparently, as so the younger had declared, but the questions prevailed -- why didn't he notice? why didn't he detect the insecurity in the other years ago? incapable, indeed. he was incapable of protecting the other. thus the question being answered without much thinking. "i'm tired of running away." eyes fixated on daehyun's, his arm returned to hook around his waist, now bringing their hands laced together, resting against the other's stomach. "i'm tired of running away... and tired of missing you."

#;writingsins #midaehyun

— captivate ; jonghyun&kibum

kibum-mi

( ♋ )

he waited for a reaction, perhaps words, perhaps a long, deep, audible exhalation expressing surprise upon his revelation. yet, instead, he was only rewarded with a hum, one that could not be fathomed except for a slim impassiveness that he managed to perceive. he wondered why, for so often he was greeted with a gasp, a sigh and even words that he couldn't help but consider hilarious. thus for that one particular moment, he wished he could see his face and note the expression kibum was displaying despite he could be almost certain it was as impassive as that one particular hum. why? he questioned, and questioned for as long as silence was settled between them. it proved, nevertheless, that kibum was probably thinking about his words and it... somehow unsettled him.

even so, surprised by his following responses, jonghyun couldn't help but breath out a gasp for being indeed surprised by his age. "you do seem young, i must admit... perhaps you should tell me your secrets for keeping such a juvenile face?" his lips parted in order to emit a chuckle, deciding nevertheless that he was done with eating and instead focusing on what really matter. on who really mattered. "english? oh! sounds interesting. my english is awful... i probably know a few words, but to formulate one single sentence? that's indeed not my thing." not embarrassed of his limitation, the male radiated a smile that yet couldn't be seen by the other; his hand absently massaging a thigh that became all too familiar to him.

"oh, it's snowing tonight? how wonderful..." a smile crept onto his lips, setting the fork back to its place whilst he swept a napkin across his lips to indicate he was also done with his dinner. "we can have the dessert somewhere else, indeed. i'm tired of being here, with you... and not able to look at you." he never thought he would feel so relaxed in the other's presence, but in regardless of their little moment, he still felt more familiarized with kibum, thus the plan the latter had in hand was indeed effective.

standing up perhaps too fast, the male nearly lost his balance if it wasn't for his hand resting on the other's shoulder, a bashful smile gracing his lips as he turned his head from side to side; bewildered for not knowing exactly where he was. "i can remove this now?" the male spoke reluctantly, hand seeking for kibum before finding what seemed to his forearm."i'm sort of... lost..."

#kibum-mi #;captivate

— wrecked ; jonghyun&kibum

kibum-mi

( ♋ )

there was no facial response, only kibum's body which gave in to his hands, responding with what seemed to be a goosebump despite he couldn't be completely certain of. he had lost most of his sensibility, part of it given his own intoxicated state, other because of his condition. that bullet had reached sensitive tissues and veins that connected to his arm and hand, restraining his perception to touch. it frustrated jonghyun, in such ways he tsk'ed upon not being able to perceive whether it was a goosebump or merely something of his imagination. even so, his own body easily responded to such mere touch in regardless of not being able to entirely feel it, contracting with tension and the familiarity it brought along.

the silence was excruciating, it seared his skin as he waited for any response, perhaps just an indication or something that indicated kibum truly processed his words. no, he still got a look that he couldn't comprehend at first but concluded to be something between reluctance and disappointment. he didn't care, even if it was all directed to him. after all those months of suffering, being alone when who he needed the most had turned his back on him; jonghyun lost any sense of understanding, of comprehension and sensibility to what was supposed to right and what was supposed to be wrong. with or without a response, he would have his own way -- and he proved it by pulling the other closer, slipping an arm around his middle whilst remaining with his thumb mapping a lower lip that was already all too familiar.

deep down, albeit... when kibum pushed away his thumb, he questioned for a split moment if he was once again giving him the cold shoulder; but was surprised when lips collided with his own, a kiss that seemed to be as innocent as what they never were, but was soon potentiated by a roughness that only he and kibum knew. he responded with ease but sought for dominance, something he never had and requested so many times although he had been denied. for that one moment, however... kibum gave in, so easily that jonghyun became hesitant for a moment, but the response he got from his dominance proved that it was something offered and not forced. his tongue invaded what once belonged to him without any invitation, believing that it still belonged to him... that kibum still belonged to him although jonghyun knew... or was aware of the affairs kibum had after that one night. still, kibum was his. he had been always his since the moment that one question had been answered with a 'yes'.

there were no words to be shared, only that incessant need that not only dominated jonghyun, but also the younger... compelling his bodies to move to find a surface, something solid to press in order to support that ravishing passion. he nearly threw the other's back against a wall, hand lowering to settle under a thigh, tugging it up to wrap it around his waist, seeking for proximity to cease any distance between what needed to be so close. he heard his name, murmured a something that even he himself couldn't comprehend. perhaps it was kibum's name... or perhaps it was just a sigh. he didn't know... he just couldn't process what seemed to be less important than those lips pressed to his and a body so close he could feel every detail of the other even with fabric separating them.

both hands raised, one to pin two wrists above kibum's hand, letting the most carnal need take over as the other was intrepid enough to slide under a shirt, searching for bare skin to feel after months of abstinence. he found it, so easily, felt the softness it had and oh how he growled in pure satisfaction. "i almost forgot how soft you feel..." it was murmured between a kiss that he refused to break, the ferocity of his love laying under his actions, lips swollen but demanding more of such violence. "but oh, how i can recall every detail of you at this very moment."

— wrecked ; jonghyun&kibum

mixjonghyun:

(…)

The more Jonghyun spoke and refused to listen to him and obey his words, the angrier Kibum was getting. He didn’t like not having control. He especially didn’t like not having control over Jonghyun. It infuriated him that the man who would listen to him before was now acting as if Kibum’s words were nothing more than a joke. That stupid fucking smirk. Oh how he wanted to wipe it off the other’s face with such force. Then maybe he would shut up finally and stop acting like such a little prick who didn’t know his place.

Some kind of emotion seemed to strike within him when Jonghyun listed off how much he had drank to apparently gain the courage to visit him. Worry, perhaps? As much as he hated everything that was happening right now, he did still love the elder male. The only person he had ever loved. The only person he would ever show any sign of weakness to. However now was not the time to be exhibiting any signs of weakness, not that Jonghyun would probably remember any of this come morning anyway. He seemed too far gone at this point. Kibum could only hope that Jonghyun wasn’t setting himself up to get alcohol poisoning or accept death what with how much he had apparently drank.

Kibum kept his eyes locked on Jonghyun’s wobbly figure as the other came closer to him. His muscles tensed at the hand that was placed on his shoulder and as it began to make its way up to his neck, Kibum had half a mind to swat it away. He didn’t, though. The other’s words felt like rocks being pelted at him. Of course he had missed Jonghyun. Why the hell else would he so desperately blow up his phone trying to at least get some sort of response out of the other? But at the mention of ‘that one night’, Kibum could swore each word was a flaming rock, burning his skin upon impact. His heart felt like it was being squeezed, but he refused to make any physical signs of a reaction to it.

Although his heart did pound hard in his chest just once in shock when the hand around his neck suddenly tightened. He locked eyes with Jonghyun as their foreheads connected and swallowed hard upon hearing that the other did indeed miss him. That was good. That was a sign that Jonghyun didn’t absolutely hate him for lying to him or being a murderous gangster. There was still hope that the elder would willingly return to him. Kibum could feel the other getting closer and closer to the point where he thought Jonghyun would kiss him and he wasn’t even sure if he would allow such a thing or not. Jonghyun was drunk and only there to berate him for this or that. He wasn’t there on his own free will. It was the alcohol… And yet Kibum felt so momentarily weak at the thought of being able to kiss those plump lips again. It had been too long… Sure, he had people who would willingly throw themselves at Kibum for a quick fuck, but nothing felt the same as when he was with Jonghyun. Oh how he wanted to just… crumple down and melt into the other’s arms.

Unfortunately, Jonghyun’s last words seemed to pull him out of his temporary stupor and a growl pushed passed his lips. No, no, no! Kibum was not going to fall for the other’s drunken advances. He refused to accept Jonghyun in such a state. He was not that weak no matter how much love and desire he had for the snowy haired male. Kibum placed his hands on Jonghyun’s chest and shoved him back a bit. “Stop it. Get out… You’re not here because you want to see me. You’re here because you’re drunk and…” His voice caught in his throat and he balled his fists tightly. Emotions he hadn’t felt in years were all suddenly crashing over him, attacking his mind and his body and Kibum didn’t know what to do with them. All he could manage was to just barely keep up his cold exterior while he felt himself breaking inside.

“Please just stop this nonsense, Jonghyun.” Kibum never pleaded or begged…

his intoxicated state had not been potent enough to neutralize the sudden rush of heat and need that expanded throughout his whole body upon the proximity given; respirations being shared, an exhalation exchanged for an inhalation, no fresh air being allowed between their noses. kibum's features were far too bewitching in regardless of jonghyun being familiarized with them. his bowed-shaped lips that he still could feel the texture against his own, feline eyes that for once, seemed an open book for the male who before had not been able to read them. high cheekbones he could recall tracing with his fingertips, a sharp jawline similar to his own that he remembered peppering with kisses. indeed, so bewitching that jonghyun could be rapidly disposed of all the painful memories he held in his mind.

he could, but he didn't. the hand on his chest serving only to shove him away had been the necessary to break him off of his trance, features swiftly adjusting to the moment, a chuckle extending to a laugh before he rapidly shaped his lips into a pout. "what do you mean, kibum? i'm here because i missed you. i'm here because i wanted to see you." his voice was soothing, peppered with a raspy timbre, his body stepping over any personal boundaries ( because there is none, right, kibum? ), refusing any request for distance. for a split second, he recognized something distinct -- how their positions had changed; how before jonghyun seemed to seek for approval, for comprehension, for attention, for affection, for anything that expressed love and caring. and now kibum was in that exact position, seeking for jonghyun's comprehension, for jonghyun's love and affection. it amused him, exalted his spirit, restored the dominance he lacked during all those months.

but despite his triumphant moment, kibum's final words had been a fatal weapon for a man still deeply and madly in love. kibum never begged. kibum never pleaded. never, not even once during months together. his expression briefly displayed different emotions -- from bewilderment to amusement, from regret to exultance until indifference remained. the dense silence followed by the younger's voice had his body quiver, realizing the tension between them that not even alcohol could abate. he questioned the reasons for his actions, all of them answered the very next second. he questioned kibum's decision in keeping so many secrets, his actions, his reactions and the one pivotal reason for that night incident. those questions had not been answered like his own.

"did you stop when you turned your back on me after you shot me?" his first words came into a rush of hurried syllables, stumbling on each other, eyes resembling those of a puppy staring into a pair of feline ones. "did you stop when you heard me shouting your name? did you stop and thought about me when you left me behind? did you, kibum?" his emotions were an unbridled whirlwind that jonghyun could not grasp and put order in, the origin of the tension built in his body that made his muscles contract, his skin searing and his words a massive support to his fury. "you didn't. so i'm asking you now, do you really think i should stop? in all honesty, i don't think i should." his hand rose to curl around kibum's forearm due to his still unstable balance, the other settled on his waist, finding the proper support to remain upright. "after everything... after everything you've done. after all those lies, all those... broken and false promises. how dare you... kibum?"

he recognized the bubbling sensation in his throat and immediately refused to let any emotional pain reflect in his speech and expression; retrieving his indifference despite within him was a tide of suffering, now escalated by the alcohol in his system. "you should appreciate my presence, appreciate the fact that i'm here now instead of giving two fucks about you and what we once were." the edge of his lips curve into a smirk, one that for a second, mirrored sadness before he quickly concealed it with malice. "and more importantly..." the hand once resting around kibum's forearm, cupped the side of his neck, the pad of his thumb tracing an all too familiar lower lip, recognizing the texture with nature, recalling curves, small details. "you should appreciate that I chose you and not someone else to seek for comfort. so please, save me from all your bullshit and give us what we both need."

kingxrk-deactivated20201027

pat down x jajong

It doesn’t seem to get any worse, knowing that he’s wandering around armed with a gun that Mino’s swiped off of a rookie officer. There was already a likelihood that he had police tailing him just for wandering from spot to spot. In his full height, he stood out from the crowd. Jasung had one arm wrapped around Dante’s waste and the other was holding her hand, in order to attempt to give her all of the freedom to try to take her shot if she could find the sniper. Alas, by the end of the dance number, the gun was retracted.

No shot this time.

Jasung frowned inwardly, but he didn’t let it show on his expression. He already had enough trouble over the fact that they were falling short on time. He needed to get online soon, but the connection was getting difficult to a hold of. He had no opportunity to speak to their SIC, so he had to think on his feet. Jesus fucking Christ, this was an even bigger mess than he ever expected.

@mixjonghyun

his condition was precarious independent of his presence in the ball, still with a shoulder swathed in bandages protecting the wound caused by a shot; one that not only left physical marks, but also a torment in his mind and heart. jonghyun still stood as though nothing had happened, with his back pressed against a stone pillar and a glass of wine in hand, examining attentively the spacious ballroom. safety had been priority for the event, but having open doors for any individual left the lieutenant with his mind unsettled. evidently, he had made a right decision.

a male with a structure distinctly unique had been acting slightly suspicious, with his eyes constantly wandering from side to side whilst a hand occasionally hid behind his back. the lieutenant had seen eye contact between him and a couple of unfamiliar faces, noting a few seconds of silence words being shared. he promptly concluded they were part of a gang.

pushing his back against the pillar, the male walked with difficulty, one hand pressed against the wound as though having it would easy the pain. it didn't, though... albeit, jonghyun was far more concerned with the male who was now disappearing between the agglomeration of dancers in the middle of the room. he still managed to keep up with him, keeping a slim distance albeit knowing the other would notice. even so, he permitted distance, awaiting the arrival of the other's mistake.

#jasungxmi #;pd

writing sins.

midaehyun:

( ♋ )

he had succeeded in keeping some distance, not only physical as so he demonstrated in the way his body refused to invade the space promptly settled for the other; but also mentally, for he didn't allow any emotion to subject him to bouts of longing affection. still, he was aware of the cause of their current situation and the cause of their separation. a decision mindlessly taken upon discovering daehyun's whereabouts, the allies he had made despite jonghyun's frequent lectures over the difference between good and bad; thus how gangs were groups that needed to disappear in order to have peace. nevertheless, he was still struggling with his own daily routine without having the other by his side; a habit gathered after repetitions of arriving his apartment and having the younger male awaiting for him with open arms.

the silence gifted by the other in response to his question agitated jonghyun albeit he understood why. his constant mixed signals were not only confusing the other but also he, himself. he questioned why did he solicit for an answer when he was supposed not to care. he questioned his preoccupation when he shouldn't be concerned over daehyun's health. but mostly, he questioned why his gaze was continuously returning to the other's face when his intention was to keep it on the ceiling.

the first cluster of words had been sharp, piercing right into his chest, direct to his heart. they left him speechless, motionless and perhaps even breathless. he realized soon he had not inhaled whilst the other spoke for fear of missing the emotions through his speech, but the final question had been the most distressing of them all. the back given to him indicated a closure of a possible argument, but jonghyun was far too exhausted to consider his words and the restrictions he set in order to keep distance.

"don't mistake preoccupation for courtesy. if i'm asking you how you're feeling, it's because i truly want to know." he spoke with calm in regardless of his apprehension, eyes mapping the exposed nape that connected to a fairly pale shoulder. familiar, very familiar. "and as far as i'm aware of, i'm not treating you badly. you're not used to having me so... detached." he had been always so affectionate, palm so frequently cupping a cheek, perhaps a side of the neck or even a shoulder. "you've decided to follow a path i told you not to. do you even realize the precarious position you had put me in?" his voice faltered, knowing that any excuse given should not make up for his decision. daehyun was still... daehyun, the boy he took under his wing and probably; just probably... that was the reason why his body was drawn towards the other, chest nearly pressed to a back, lips close to an ear. "don't put all the blame on me. i'm... protecting you somehow... i'm the guy you should run away of, after all, daehyun."

#midaehyun #;writingsins

— wrecked ; jonghyun&kibum

kibum-mi:

( ♋ )

he could see the rush of fury slithering across the other's eyes the more he touched such sensitive matter, his questions coming incessantly; one after another until his emotions would be satisfied, although... the more he questioned the younger and tested his limits, the less content he actually became. he realized soon he was a mere ticking bomb, which in its own pace was getting close to setting off. plus, the alcohol in his system was getting its own outcome, resulting in jonghyun being less comprehensible and more impulsive. thus, his name being spoken with a sharp tone did nothing but add to his already crippled and devastated state. tugging out his tongue, he swept it slowly across his dry lips, staring at the other daringly; a response of his so foreign and odd.

he didn't show any signs of hesitance, surprise or fear upon being rewarded once again with such spiteful voice, but he still turned down any response expected. he simply... waited. for his own time to burst out, for his own time to give a damn like kibum did before. instead, the smirk previously embracing his lips was now accentuating their edges, one hand pressed firmly against his chest as though he was trying to prevent his heart from leaping out of his chest. "ridicule you? i'm feeling downright offended, kibum." his face contorted rapidly to accommodate the right expression reflected by his words, gaze nevertheless observing every detail of the other's reaction to his own. deep inside, albeit... he questioned if without alcohol he would be able to face kibum so easily. the love he bore all that time was now lapped by indifference, but it was due to his lack of reasoning and perception. otherwise... he would be probably on his knees and begging for those arms around him again.

nevertheless... whatever he had in his mind until then was devastatingly swept away upon the other's final words. a frown visible knit his brows, tugged the corner of his lips with precise accuracy to shape them into a line. kibum was... commanding him? the assumption by itself made him crack up, an arm slipping around his own waist in reaction to his aching abdomen. "i didn't know you upgraded your sense of humor, but fuck! you are hilarious!" his laugh diminished into faint chortle whilst eyes momentarily closed in hopes to gather equanimity to his state, albeit... it only served to boost all the rage settled inside him. "and apparently i also didn't know there were requirements to talk with you. i do need to catch up on everything."

he seemed to be too calm after being practically pushed away, rejected and perhaps even derided. in regardless of his disapproval, jonghyun still pushed against the couch and stood up with evident difficulty; his body being pushed onward albeit he managed to keep himself straight. still, he felt the same burning pain on his shoulder that again extended to his chest, one hand gradding itself towards it but being rejected by his own mind. no, he wouldn't show such weakness. " it saddens me, watching you once again pushing me away when it took me... " his frown became more marked as he seemed to struggle with finding the right words, although... he ended up counting with his fingers something that could not be fathomed, one digit being lifted at a time before he emitted an exasperated growl due to failing. "it took me... probably more than twenty beers and... a couple of cocktails to come here. i'm sorry... you know how awful i'm with maths." for a moment, he replaced the thin line shaped by his lips with a smug grin, but it quickly dissipated for the stirring emotions bombing from all directions.

"you called me so many times... texted me even more. i wondered... if you missed me that much..." he reeked alcohol, that much was clear to him; but even so... kibum's scent was far too intense, enough to suppress his own. "i thought you missed me..." his hand boldly set onto the other's shoulder, squeezing it seemingly with affection before he leisurely slid it towards his neck, cupping the very side. "i thought... you wanted to see me. but then... " the pad of his thumb followed the sharp line of the other's jaw, pressing it firmly, his expression returning to a lawyer of impassiveness. "i remembered that one night... how you shot me. how you left me. how you didn't give... a damn about my own condition." he unconsciously tightened his hand around the other's neck, forehead leaning towards forehead; losing equilibrium, losing stability. "but so you know... i did miss you. i do miss you now. even so..." closer... foreheads pressed, tip of noses demanding territory. "don't command me, kibum. i may not have the guts to dunk my gun barrel into your mouth like you probably do, but..." the casual smirk returned, thumb now tracing a bow-shaped upper lip whilst a conceited snicker. "i do have the guts to dunk something... thicker, bigger and warmer."

— captivate ; jonghyun&kibum

mixjonghyun:

(…)

Kibum watched the dark shape of his date taking a mouthful of the food, pleased to hear by the lovely hum of his voice that he must have enjoyed it. What he didn’t expect, was a hand placing itself so delicately on his thigh. The hand was warm and it sent a few unwanted thoughts to his head that he had to push away for the time being. He smiled at the other male even if Jonghyun couldn’t see it. “It certainly isn’t quite so easy, but I just keep in mind that no matter how attractive a person is, getting to know them on the inside is just as important.”

He wasn’t usually so easily affected by touches and close proximity, but perhaps the lack of sight was increasing his receptors of touch tenfold. He had to force himself to hold back a shiver that nearly ripped through his body when the male whispered into his ear. The other’s plump lips felt so soft and delicate against his ear and he wondered how nice they would feel anywhere else. Ah… but he couldn’t indulge in such thoughts like this at dinner. Once again, Kibum realized he needed to keep his mind at bay, at least until he could get the other male alone later in the privacy of his home.

Turning his head towards Jonghyun, Kibum reached up and grabbed his chin, his thumb ever so slightly brushing along Jonghyun’s bottom lip. “It’s my pleasure, Jonghyun,” he said quietly, leaning closer to the other so that their faces were only a few centimeters apart. He kept them there for a few seconds longer in silence before finally dropping his hand from the male’s chin and picking up his spoon to dig up a selection of his risotto. “Tell me about yourself. I want to know more about you,” he said before eating his spoonful of food and grabbing his glass of water to wash it down with.

“I guess we could start with how old you are, what you do for a living, and your favorite color. Mine is red, by the way.” His free hand slipped down to idly play with the fingers of the hand resting on his thigh, mapping out the size and shape of the other’s hand while taking in just the feel of them alone.

whatever thoughts that may have been implemented in his head until then, may it be for the hand he bluntly set over the other's thigh or his lips so close to an ear he was committed to kiss eventually -- they were all fragmented into nothing when he felt fingers under his chin and a soft pad of a thumb pressuring his lower lip. ah, it felt good. it felt so good when it was just probably a casual demonstration of fondness. it still seared his body, in ways he had to breath in for the sake of preventing any sudden discernible reaction. his voice was stuck in his throat although he craved to say something... maybe just to deadpan and pretend that none of kibum's unduly actions were affecting him. but even blindfolded, he still felt his face nearly pressed to his.

he held his breath for a split second, albeit when he felt kibum's exhalation against his lips he sought to breathe in, realizing pathetically how intimate for himself it was. nevertheless, it was as far as he had gotten until then and he understood... maybe the furthest he would be able to get despite kibum's mixed signals. an uneven breath soon crawled past his lips, body loosening its tension that he only perceived when the other's drew back.

"i'm afraid i don't have anything interesting to say..." only after a moment of silence and the other babbling rather adorably, did jonghyun speak with a monotone -- gathering enough strength to focus on the food before him. it became a procedure for him: taking the spoon, sink it enough to fill it with food, then bring it to his lips. but after such brief interaction between them... jonghyun proved incapable of doing anything but noting everything of the other -- from his heartbeat to his calm breathing, from his lips parting to shelter the food, to munching it and swallow afterwards.

"oh..." a soft chuckle escaped his lips, head nodding in response to kibum's suggestion. "i'm thirty..." he paused right there. why? because he was certain kibum would think he was far younger. his face said it all despite his body was lean but defined, stipulating that he worked out fairly, or his job required a lot of strength. even so, he was reasonably hesitant upon the question of his job. "lieutenant for seoul pd..." the corner of his lower lip twitched before being trapped by his teeth, the split second between each answer proving his hesitance in his speech, but he quickly added a final response. "black. my favorite color is black, kibum."

casually, his head turned to the other whilst a small smile crept onto his lips, trying to direct the attention to kibum instead of him... and also because those questions -- he wanted answers. "you? your age? you seem... quite young. besides, do you have any hobbies?"

#kibum-mi #;captivate

writing sins.

midaehyun:

( ♋ )

he was fairly aware of the smile he knew shed more than what it manifested. a smile jonghyun acknowledged far too well for it had been one he so often beheld with much tenderness. he knew, as well, that it conveyed what he didn’t want to discern, but pretended ignorance for the sake of keeping the abiding distance between them.

that, nevertheless, didn’t work as well as planned… but he knew he couldn’t expect more ( or even less ). with an exasperated sigh, he threw the bag of peanuts onto the counter and set the bottle back into the fridge, his body operating far too slow when what he craved the most was a bed – and warmth.

“i know, i would never forget that.” as if pretending that his room was stripped of another presence, he distanced himself from any thoughts of the other and proceeded on disposing of his shirt; plopping, in due course, down in bed to engross himself in the velvet warm provided by the blankets. “i did tell you i could pick you up. but your stubbornness is incredible.” distance, that’s what he longed for right away, but he felt that human warmth, far too familiar, being transferred to him independently of the distance. his head set onto his own pillow, only slightly inclined to observe the younger, features hard, unprovided of any emotions and yet so overwhelmed with them. “how are you feeling…?”

#midaehyun #;writingsins

— wrecked ; jonghyun&kibum

mixjonghyun:

(…)

Being a quiet and relatively calm person by nature, Kibum wasn’t ever one to get angry over much. Annoyed, perhaps, but it would take a lot to get him unleash any kind of fury. That was… until he snapped at his now ex-boyfriend some weeks ago and shot him. He had been beyond furious that night and even for a few days afterwards, but he had eventually started to calm down a bit since then. Though he had to admit, he was indeed quite angry at the fact that Jonghyun refused to even answer his texts or phone calls when he wanted to request they meet and talk.

Having usually never kept his television on for any unimportant reasons, his apartment remained silent as he sat there quietly, left to his own thoughts. This wasn’t abnormal for him, especially not lately. If anything, the dead silence that would be considered quite maddening to most was rather relaxing and calming for the murderous male. Well, it was. An incredibly loud and incessant banging on his front door snapped him out of his thoughts and brought a scowl to his face.

Kibum stood up off the couch and slowly made his way to the door, trying to decide how he would murder whoever it was who dared to disturb him that evening. However, just as he was reaching for the door handle, a name was heard from the other side. His name. He paused, his eyes wide and his heart suddenly pounding hard in his chest. He knew who was on the other side of his door without even looking through the peephole or opening it. The one man he had been trying to contact for weeks… The same man who had insisted on ignoring him and denying him the pleasure of even a simple conversation.

He honestly didn’t think he could scramble to open the door quick enough, though he did find himself fairly surprised by the body that was falling face first towards him. Kibum reached out with cat-like reflexes and caught the man by the shoulders, pushing him back into a standing position and steadying him. “Jonghyun… You shouldn’t lean against the door like that, you’ll…” His voice trailed off as he caught a whiff of the other’s scent. Jonghyun truly reeked of alcohol so he wasn’t very hesitant on concluding that the elder male was indeed drunk. Kibum frowned with furrowed brows, not liking this situation very much now.

“You’re drunk… Which is probably the only reason why you’re here right now.” He let out a rather disappointed sigh before dragging the other into his apartment and closing the door behind him so that none of his neighbors had to witness whatever was about to unfold.

his body never felt so foreign, so breakable, so feeble… so unusually dysfunctional by itself. he found it even hilarious, to say the least, despite it was either burning with the alcohol in this system, or freezing with the pain he occasionally perceived. it was sweet, nevertheless. it distracted him from the mental pain that expanded to a physical suffering he would rather end just by throwing himself into an endless abyss. the initiative was there, dwelling within him but he concluded that his raging hatred towards the one person he thought would never feel any negative feelings towards, fed him. although, he was aware of that one feeling he would rather spit out. that one sentiment which prevented him from doing anything reckless, except for an occasional escape to his own underground world to consume alcohol and drugs.

a sick laugh drove past his lips, either amused or stupefied by the other’s tranquility. it contrasted with his own wrecked state, thousand of thoughts directed him to one particular detail – kibum seemed too calm, too relaxed given what had happened weeks ( or perhaps months? ) ago. he lost track of time, jonghyun thought, despite he could take a hint of it due to his severe wound. it still hurt. it still ached whenever he pressed the side of his body onto a surface. a twinge of agony still seared his body whenever he was reckless and absently touched his shoulder. “oh, excuse my clumsiness. sometimes i can’t help it.” his voice sounded amused, but it reeked poison – although his body promptly warmed up upon being pressed to one far too familiar and his heart… gave away so easily the emotions still accommodating within him.

“mhm, i feel that disappointment, kibum. oh wait! i smell it.” the older male mocked, still incapable of standing by himself and if it wasn’t for those arms securing him, he would have already met the floor in a not so graceful way. but being dragged wasn’t something he was willing to allow – firstly, because of the immediate pain he felt on his shoulder… secondly, because he was no longer one to being dragged and ridiculed. yanking his arm from the other’s hold, he lurched toward the living room without much thinking, having that one apartment ( too luxurious for someone whose apparent job was average) long mapped in his head. he laughed again, remembering once again why. “oh, such a fool.” the male plopped down onto the couch, tsk'ing when he collided his shoulder against the padded material.

“life has been great, it seems.” he rolled onto his back, one arm hanging loosely over the side whilst the other was flexed to serve as a pillow for his head. “how many have you killed since then? i’m curious.” the edges of his natural full lips were curved into a grin, half-lidded eyes escorting kibum’s. “you need to show me those tattoos, i’m so intrigued to count them right now. it seems i’m… unfortunately not part of them, right?” he burst into laugh, hiccuping for he didn’t serve his lungs with enough air. “i’m sorry… i’m sure it was, mhm. devastating, to say the least!” an exclamation, followed by a roll of his body to the side, nearly dropping himself on the floor. “ oh kibum, you need to do so much more to actually kill me. ”

chortling, he lifted a single arm and made a so unnatural grabby hand, gesturing for the other to break off the distance in between. “come here, come here. let me see you with good eyes. you look different! did you change your hairstyle? or did you become… wow!” his eyes widen excessively, hand lowering to press against his mouth agape. “you need to tell me your real name. kibum here, kibum there. it’s getting troublesome.”