Hey unfaithful, hey unloving - I will love you

Michelle 23 NTU Sociology Loves all things quriky, coffee or tea, lights lights lights, books, good music in the form of Switchfoot, Coldplay, Goo Goo Dolls, Owl City, alternative rock and the occasional punk rock. Loves bright colors, having fun, laughing, the fact that I'm young, the city, concerts and cozy corners. Jesus completes.

[mixstix]

Fear of being not good enough

For the longest time, I've had an obsession with the way the internet works and design and I've FINALLY gotten down to putting both fascinations of mine together in one portfolio site.

The process of designing it and building it in Wordpress was long and hard, and I did WHATEVER it took to get out the ideal site that I wanted. I envisioned it to have great typography, distinctly Singaporean, tasteful, fun and reflect my style. There were so many hiccups along the way and with the basic HTML/CSS knowledge that I had, I had to solve the problems one by one, step by step, bit by bit. Not a pixel could be out of place. I plowed through the comment and support section of the Wordpress theme to get the answers I wanted, I chased this photographer for the perfect picture for the site until I got his permission to use his photo, I definitely improved in my HTML/CSS skills, I mulled over which was the perfect design decision, I searched for the perfect domain, I searched for a perfect host, I learnt how to use an FTP client, I learnt how to install analyictics on my site, learnt how to troubleshoot what was making my site slow and then consequently speed it up, and this is the final product: www.mixstix.co

Even after everything was almost in place, I still wasn't satisfied. Everything had to be PERFECT. I thought of all the different possible clicking patterns that people would have and made sure every single link worked (because the last thing you need is a dead link - that will be all that people remember). And not only did I make sure all the links worked, I also made sure that all the links opened in a new tab so that they won't forget about my portfolio site.

After I made sure that things could not be more perfect than they can ever be, I finally congratulated myself on the completion of my site. I looked it over again and again to make sure that there won't be any loopholes. Seeing my vision come to life is one of the most rewarding things that I can ever experience. After everything was in place, I kind of wished that it wasn't over. I loved the process.

So my site was done. Only one problem. 

No one knew about it yet!

How am I supposed to get in business if no one knows about me? So I knew I had to put my site up on social media to get exposure.

That terrifies the crap out of me. 

I hate putting myself in the spotlight. I reaallllyyy don't like promoting myself. But if no one knows about what you do, how are you gonna do what you're good at? So self-promotion is uncomfortable but necessary. So I thought about what would be the best time to post on Facebook. I wanted a time where most people would be using their computers and not be on their mobile phones because computers would give the best resolution. So that will definitely have to be on a weekday evening, when most people would be at home. I decided that a lot of people were going to be on Facebook these few days because of the Vietnamese phone scam incident so I thought this period would be good. 

When I finally drafted out my post, I couldn't click it to send it out to the world. I was immensely satisfied with my work but so many thoughts crept in like, "what if NO ONE likes it?", "what if my work isn't as great as I think it is?", "what if I could have done better?". I put off clicking the 'Post' button on Facebook for about an hour. That's the real fear of not being good enough, especially with creative work. 

FINALLY I thought to myself - it's now or never - and just gave it a click.

5 minutes: No one likes it yet. My site sucks. 10 mins: No likes but my page views are going up 15 mins: 1 like! Thank goodness An hour: Couple more likes coming in 2 hours: More likes and 2 enquiries from potential clients and some really great comments 4 hours: More likes, more really great comments, and 5 enquiries, and lots of PMs and reconnecting with people :)

What?! This is crazy. I almost just didn't post the whole thing at all because I was too scared of being not good enough but apparently my fears were unfounded. This gives me such a rush and I know I'm on the right track and I know that taking the next step is the right step. 

I guess sometimes we think we're not as good as we really are and although putting ourselves out there might be scary, we learn, we keep on keepin' on and we grow. 

Here's to remembering that when it comes to creative work, we are better than our fears that tells us we're not good enough.

[mixstix]

The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create—so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating…

Pearl S. Buck

[zenpencils]

AMY POEHLER: Great people do things before they’re ready

[mixstix]

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

-- Maya Angelou

Gonna pick up her book one of these days. Love this quote and live by this quote.

[mixstix]

So excited to be finally singing my favourite hymn tomorrow at care group.

I remember when I was in Florida for thanksgiving break on exchange in 2012, and I totally didn't plan with the people I was on the trip with to go to the city (Ft. Lauderdale) to visit a church there, but we happened to be there on a Sunday anyway. When I reached Coral Ridge Presbyterian, they happened to sing In Christ Alone, my favourite song and hymn EVER, and I remember feeling I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that time. Just couldn't explain that feeling and it was one of the best feelings of my life.

I really love every single lyric of this song and couldn't find a nice enough graphic for it so I did a quick and simple one.

This is the first verse, where I got the lyrics from:

In Christ alone, my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song This Cornerstone, this solid ground, Firm through the fiercest drought and storm What heights of love, what depths of peace When fears are stilled, when strivings cease! My comforter, my all in all here in the love of Christ I stand

While I was singing the song throughout the day I also thought about how Singapore is experiencing this super dry spell where all the grass is slowly dying and becoming brown and really dry. It's kinda sad. It's also worrying thinking about how the water we always take for granted could be in short supply because of this drought. 

Then I'm reminded that Christ is the solid ground even through the fiercest drought that we're experiencing. Though everywhere around us may be experiencing dryness and lack, may we always have supply and not feel the heat!

In Christ alone, my hope is indeed found.

[redheadnonsense]

“We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.”

Kavita Ramdas (via redheadnonsense)

[inspiring-pictures]

[mixstix]

The reason why I read lots of books on any and every topic and the reason why I always love to see things from other people's perspectives

[life-itself-is-a-quotation-blog]

Not everyone thinks the way you think, knows the things you know, believes the things you believe, nor acts the way you would act. Remember this and you will go a long way in getting along with people.

Arthur Forman (via creatingaquietmind)

[ahztecc]

[disneyyandmore-blog]

[petit-poids]

[mixstix]

I'm reading this for 2014 and I really like 9th January's entry so I wanted to put it up here.

Genesis 3:15 (ESV)

I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.

What theologians call the "Fall" of Adam and Eve is the Bible's origin for brokenness in the world. In the mystery of the Fall, the desire to be like God takes hold of the hearts of men and women. The serpent convinces them they need only themselves; all they must to is turn from him and in on themselves. Thus, here in the first three chapters of the Bible, after the Fall, the need for and purpose of Christ is brought to bear (Gal 4:4).

The bible describes God as jealous for people (Zech 1:14, 8:2). He is the curiously hot-pursuing lover of sinners, harlots, and tax collectors. He is the persistent wooer of those He lost in the garden, those shepherdess sheep. The Undersirables of this world are the apple of His eye. The weak ones the world rejects, He embraces.

And this promise is for you and me. He crushes the evil on on our behalf--the Hebrew promise means, "to crush, or to batter." While we inherit the Fall's curse, God promises to strike the fatal blow upon our enemy, which He accomplishes on the cross for us. While serving as our atonement, the cross, too, is the death-dealing strike against the forces of hell. 

The story starts here: this is the beginning of God's hot-blooded pursuit of His dissolute people. But the cross is the great exchange; there Jesus steals our identity as sinners and defends us from the hopelessness of hell. He is the Lamb of God that takes away the sins of the world (John 1:29). The cornerstone that crushes the work of the evil on, Jesus Christ obscures and defeats the schemes of the devil in his death and resurrection, and he has purchased you for himself. 

--Matthew McCormick, The Mockingbird Devotional: Good News for Today (and Every Day)

Beautifully written and brimming with truth. So glad I made the effort to get this shipped in. 

[et-alia]

Palestinian school boys light candles during a protest against the severe fuel cuts that lead to power shortages in the Jabalia refugee camp, Gaza Strip. Photograph: Mohammed Talatene

[01012012]

[mixstix]

The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.

Sirius Black

[humansofnewyork]

"I can’t stand moral absolutism. You know, there’s always that guy who wants to point out that Martin Luther King cheated on his wife— as if he obviously couldn’t have been a great person if he did something like that. Or someone will bring out an inspirational quote, and get you to agree, and then inform you that Hitler said it. As if a good thought couldn’t come from Hitler. Moral absolutism keeps us from learning from the past. It’s easy to say: ‘Hitler was a demon. Nazis were all bad seeds.’ That’s simple. It’s much harder to say: ‘Is that humanity? Is that me?’"

[crookedtooth-deactivated2022051]

lettering by Sean McCabe