summary: lee heeseung was an asshole. you had decided that. having to work with him on a group project made things a hundred times worse. but when a heart longing to experience love for the first time meets someone more than willing to give it, the line between irritation and something deeper starts to blur.
wc: 37.9k (i’m sorry)
warnings: reader is completely inexperienced, angst, miscommunication, reader falls too quickly and gets flustered very easily, kinda slow burn but not really, heeseung plays basketball but it’s barely mentioned, heeseung calls reader “princess” a lot, kissing, making out, features wonyoung (ive), yunjin (le sserafim), beomgyu (txt), sieun (stayc), reader cries a lot
notes: it’s here!! i'm SO sorry this took so long, i was having issues with tumblr :( this was originally only supposed to be 20k words… idk what happened. but it’s a rollercoaster and i love it!!! have fun reading! <3
you had heard of him before you ever saw him.
everyone knew his name- whispered in dorm hallways, watched at games, the life of the party. a reputation built on charm, late-night hookups, and the kind of confidence that made girls fall to his feet with every word he said. you never cared to pay him any mind. but today, you walked into class and found him sitting in your seat.
lee heeseung. just your luck.
you hesitated for half a second before walking up to him. he was hunched over his phone, tapping out a message, looking about as invested in being here as a teenager at their grandma’s bingo game.
"that’s my seat."
his eyes flicked up at you, slow and lazy, like you’d interrupted something important. he gave you a once-over- casual, unreadable- and then, just as plainly, looked back at his phone.
"doesn’t have your name on it."
you exhaled sharply. of course.
"i’ve been sitting here all semester."
"congrats." he didn’t even look at you this time. "find another spot."
and just like that, every rumor, every complaint you’d heard about him settled into place. arrogant. entitled. exactly the kind of guy you had no patience for.
fine. whatever. you weren’t about to argue with someone who clearly wasn’t worth the energy. wordlessy, you drop into the seat beside him, pull out your notebook, and act like he doesn’t exist.
he didn’t pay you any mind after that, instead shifting so he was leaned back against the seat, his feet kicked out in front of him. you wondered what made heeseung so popular with the ladies. sure, he was attractive. that much was undeniable. sadly.
but you had barely had a ten second interaction with him, and he had already managed to piss you off.
you bit the inside of your cheek, holding back a sigh as you waited for the professor to show up. the universe had to have been out for you today. you woke up late, you’re out of your go-to breakfast bars, and you’re sitting next to lee heeseung in class. you were silently praying nothing worse could happen.
you hadn’t signed up for this. you were just trying to get through this class and move on with your day. but here you were, next to the campus playboy himself, the guy who never seemed to take anything seriously, the guy who had a different girl on his arm every weekend.
you tried not to look over at him. you really did. but he practically radiated attention. his messy hair fell perfectly in place, and his broad shoulders took up way too much space for someone who was so annoying.
heeseung wasn’t talking to you, but you could feel his presence next to you, and it was somehow more distracting than if he had been talking to you. the way his fingers tapped on the desk, the faint cologne smell that wafted over to you, even the way his shoes shifted against the floor- it was like he was intentionally making everything around him more noticeable.
you hated how easily he commanded the room. you hated that even now, you were aware of him more than anyone else. and of course, the universe had to pick today to make you sit right next to him. of course, it had to be this class, the one you hated the most. the one you dreaded attending every single day.
you were so deep in thought that you barely noticed when your professor- dr. kim- walked in, snapping you out of your spiral. he glanced up from his notes, then scanned the room with a smile.
“alright, everyone,” dr. kim began, “i’ve got the group project assignments here. please try to work well with your partners, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.”
your eyes widened slightly at his words, gulping as your eyes flickered down to your notebook. group project? there had been no mention of this before. or maybe there was, and you just forgot.
there was one thing about you. you hated group projects. they were the bane of your existence. you preferred to work alone, at your own pace, and not having to be stressed out by a freeloader or have awkward study sessions that consisted of deafening silence.
"and for the final pair…" dr. kim’s voice broke through your haze, "y/n and heeseung."
fuck. of course, the universe was never on your side.
your eyes shot to him automatically, your stomach doing a flip that had nothing to do with excitement. his eyes flickered to meet yours, his expression unreadable. and then, a quirk of his lips and a tilt of his head. like he was observing you. you groaned internally, wishing for nothing more than for the floor to swallow you whole, turning your gaze back to your notebook.
the professor was still talking, but all you could focus on was how you'd somehow ended up in this mess. you barely met this guy, he was an ass, and now you had to work on a project with him.
“guess we better get used to each other, huh?” heeseung’s voice was low and casual, breaking the silence between you two.
you forced a smile, nodding at him, “i guess.” you were already dreading the next few weeks.
you sat in silence for the rest of the class. he didn’t speak to you, and you didn’t speak to him. you wondered if things would’ve gone differently if your morning had gone better, or if heeseung hadn’t been such an asshole.
you couldn’t wait to tell wonyoung and yunjin about how shitty your day was already.
as dr. kim wrapped up, you sat there, wondering just how you were going to survive this. there was no way to escape the fact that you were going to have to work with heeseung. you only hoped you’d survive it with your sanity intact. he had already proved just how arrogant he could be.
the moment dr. kim dismisses class, you’re up out of your seat, dying to get out of this hell-sent class and to the comfort of your go-to café with your friends. you’re so close to the door when you hear his voice- smooth and casual, like he owns the place.
“hey, y/n,” heeseung calls, and you freeze, your hand still on the strap of your bag. you turn to face him, trying to hide the frustration written all over your face.
“yeah?” you reply, fighting to keep your tone neutral, but he can hear the hint of annoyance in it anyway.
he flashes that signature smirk of his, leaning casually against the desk like he owns the whole room. “we’re gonna need to exchange numbers for the project,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “so we can work around my basketball stuff, y’know? i can’t really be falling behind.”
you feel your eye twitch. of course anything other than class would be more important to him. the star player of the basketball team is unable to commit to a school project.
you push the annoyance aside, instead reaching into your back pocket and pulling out your phone. “sure,” you mutter, handing it to him after opening the phone app. you can’t help but notice how his fingers brush against yours, the touch sending a small chill through you.
he taps a few things into your phone before handing it back. “i’ll text you later,” he says, his smile a little too knowing.
you can already feel the heat rising in your cheeks, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of letting him see it. you nod curtly and turn on your heels, heading straight out the door.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
“and then i woke up late! nothing is working out today!” you whisper-shout, dramatically letting your head fall into your hands as wonyoung watches you with a smile, yunjin scrolling on her phone and only halfway listening to your angry rant.
“so, how’s that class going?” wonyoung asks, her tone casual as she stirs her drink. “you still surviving?”
you had told them how much you hated your history class, practically having a complaint about something every time you attended it.
“barely,” you mumble, finally lifting your head from your hands. “we got assigned group projects today.”
wonyoung puffs out a breath of air, squinting her eyes. “brutal. who’d you get paired with?”
you glance at her, your face blank, silently hoping she can see the despair in your eyes as you groan, throwing your head back in annoyance before mumbling, “lee heeseung.”
you hear yunjin gasp slightly, looking back to see her finally staring at you with wide eyes before slamming her phone down on the table.
“wait… heeseung?” she asks, a disbelieving scoff slipping past her lips. “as in the heeseung who’s like… the playboy basketball player?”
you nod slowly, suddenly feeling way more nervous than you’d like to admit, “yep. that heeseung.”
wonyoung laughs softly, pushing your shoulder with her arm. “no way. the universe really hates you, doesn’t it?”
you glare at her, flipping her off with an eye roll, “it’s not funny. i’m gonna slam my head into the nearest wall.”
“let’s not do that,” yunjin shakes her head, placing her chin on her palm as she tilts her head at you, “what’s the big deal, anyway? he’s just a player.”
you sigh, playing with the rim of your cup while shaking your head, “he was an absolute ass this morning. it was like… the worst first impression of anyone i’ve ever had. i actually can’t deal with that for a whole project on top of the class already being a shithole.”
wonyoung leans back in her chair slightly, looking at you with an amused smile. “he can’t be that bad. maybe you’re just having a bad day and he happened to rub you the wrong way.”
you roll your eyes, but her words don’t make you feel any better. “yeah, sure.”
“plus,” yunjin adds, leaning forward with a smirk, “maybe you can have some fun. i mean, make the most of it. you’re working with lee heeseung. most girls would kill to be in your spot.”
you stare at them both, you lips parted in slight disbelief. “yeah, well they can have him.”
the two girls smile at you, clearly more entertained by your suffering and how overdramatic you were. you bring up another topic, eager to get the attention off of you and your project from hell, instead shifting the focus to yunjin’s project in music theory.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
wonyoung was wrong. horribly wrong. heeseung was that bad.
you check your phone for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, the glowing screen mocking you with the time. heeseung was supposed to be here half an hour ago. thirty whole minutes.
you sigh, your fingers tightening around your phone. you had already texted him- a simple, are you still coming?- but it was staring back at you with “delivered” right under it.
your fingers tap against the table impatiently as you stare down at the open laptop in front of you. the library is quieter than usual, the hum of low voices and the occasional rustle of pages filling the space. you consider packing up and leaving, your hands beginning to collect the pencils and highlighters you had set out around you.
“you’re pretty dedicated to this, aren’t you?”
you don’t even need to look up to know who it is. finally.
slowly, you lift your gaze, leveling heeseung with an unimpressed stare. he’s standing there, hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie, looking completely unbothered. like he hasn’t just left you waiting for half an hour.
“you’re half an hour late,” you deadpan.
heeseung grins, like he finds your irritation amusing. “technicalities.”
you scoff, shaking your head. “you said we’d meet at six.”
“yeah, and i meant it,” he says, smirking at the way you roll your eyes. “it’s just that… time is a social construct.”
is he fucking serious.
you gape at him, your eyebrows furrowed. “are you seriously trying to use philosophy as an excuse?”
“would you rather me lie?” he asks, finally sitting, slinging his backpack onto the table.
“i’d prefer you actually care about this project. it’s a huge part of our grade, heeseung.”
he waves a dismissive hand, pulling his laptop out of his backpack. “relax, princess. i’m here now, aren’t i?”
you gulp at the nickname, turning your head back to your laptop to open up the assignment. “barely,” you mumble.
heeseung chuckles, enjoying your annoyance. “fine. i had practice, it ran later than expected.”
“that’s all you had to say,” you reply, your eyes flickering up to meet his, “and a text would’ve been nice.”
“can’t really text when i’m on the court, princess.” he shoots back, tilting his head with a smile.
you exhale sharply, already regretting ever agreeing to meet with him. “can we just start? we’re already behind schedule.”
luckily, he agrees, his eyes drifting to his own laptop.
you sigh, your own attention drifting back to your laptop. all you can do is hope that things begin to go smoother than this at some point. because right now, you’re considering slamming your head into your laptop or the table.
you try to focus, you really do. but it’s hard when every few minutes, heeseung is moving. drumming his fingers against the table, shifting in his seat, clicking his pen as he reads articles on his computer.
finally, you snap, your eyes looking up at him from your screen. “are you always this restless, or do you just have an allergy to being productive?”
heeseung blinks at you, lips quirking up like he finds your irritation entertaining. “nah, i’m just bored. this class is stupid.”
“why are you like this?” you roll your eyes, glaring at him. “even if this class is stupid, it’s still an important project.”
“like what?” he tilts his head, all faux innocence, completely ignoring your second statement. “charming? fun to be around?”
you scoff. “you were late. plus you were a dick this morning.”
heeseung chuckles, shaking his head lightly. “c’mon, princess. loosen up a bit. you’re making a big deal over nothing.”
“look, i had a shitty day. you’re not making it any better,” you mutter, scoffing again. a voice in the back of your head wonders if you’ve broken the world record for scoffing this much in five minutes.
heeseung leans forward, resting his chin on one hand. “i’m sorry. you know… i’m pretty good at relieving stress.”
your jaw drops. “excuse me?” you clear your throat, trying to ignore the way his words have a blush creeping up your cheeks, instead turning your attention back to your laptop. “just focus on your work, heeseung. we need to plan out who’s gonna do what part.”
you don’t miss how he tilts his head, a knowing smile on his lips as he clicks his tongue, nodding. “alright. just remember we have to work around my schedule.”
you let out a groan, your head rolling back as you look back towards him. “heeseung!”
he only laughs in response, shaking his head at how you get embarrassed when other students give you dirty glares.
“sorry,” you mumble softly, your eyes glaring at him. “focus.”
an hour later, you guys had made relatively good progress. you had divided tasks, and heeseung had done his work, for the most part. he still found every opportunity to get on your nerves, but at least he did so while being productive.
you both pack up in silence, swinging your bag over your shoulder. you spare him a glance, mumbling out a small, “bye, heeseung.”
just as you step outside, you hear the unmistakable sound of sneakers scuffing against the pavement behind you, “where you headed?”
you turn your head slightly to see heeseung strolling up beside you, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie as he looks down at you.
“my dorm,” you reply, shifting your bag higher on your shoulder, “it’s late.”
he nods, shrugging as he continues to walk next to you, “i’ll walk you.”
you stop in your tracks, turning to face him with narrowed eyes. “why?”
he tilts his head, raising his eyebrows slightly. “why not? i have nothing else to do.”
“because…” you search for a logical reason, but there really seems to be none. you blurt out the only excuse that comes to mind. “it’s late.”
he furrows his brows, falling in place beside you as you begin to walk again. “it’s 7:30.”
you glance at him, shrugging. “that’s considered late for some people.”
he smirks, tilting his head at you, an amused look on his face. “what if i just enjoy your company, princess?”
your face heats at the nickname, and you roll your eyes, quickening your pace. “we barely know each other.”
“well, i’d like to change that.” he keeps up effortlessly, long strides matching yours with ease.
you scoff, trying to ignore the affect his words have on you. “i think you like to get on my nerves, heeseung.”
he grins, nudging your shoulder lightly. “that too.”
you sigh, glancing at him before looking straight ahead. but you don’t tell him to leave. maybe a part of you deep down enjoys the company. maybe you could allow for a part of yourself to feel wanted if the campus playboy was walking you back to your dorm. and if your heart stumbles a little when he walks just close enough for your arms to brush, you choose to ignore it.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
the door clicks shut behind you, sealing you off from the rest of the world. you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, pressing your back against the door as if that alone could ground you. it doesn’t.
your mind is still running, replaying the moments heeseung’s arms brushed against yours, or the cocky smirks he sent your way, or the remarks he would make to get under your skin.
with a frustrated groan, you push off the door and drop your bag onto your desk chair. you smush your cheeks with your hands, sighing, as if that will stop the warmth from creeping up your cheeks again.
heeseung is nothing but trouble. you know that. everyone knows that. a playboy who knows how to charm his way into girls hearts with cocky words and athletic skills that has anyone swooning. and yet… your stomach twists.
you shouldn’t like his attention. you shouldn’t feel special. heeseung flirts with everyone. that’s just how he was. so why was your stomach in knots? why was your mind replaying every interaction with him- no matter how insufferable he was?
you collapse onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling. you don’t know how to handle this. it’s not like you have experience. no boyfriend, no first kiss, hell, you haven’t even held hands with a guy romantically. the concept of flirting- especially with someone like heeseung, who’s it’s practically second nature to- is foreign to you. you don’t know whether you’re looking too deeply into things, or if there’s actually something there.
you turn onto your side, hugging your pillow. reading too many romance novels had truly skewed your perception of love. this wasn’t a movie. the playboy wasn’t going to fall for the girl in class. this was reality, and things didn’t work like that. sadly.
you’re overthinking it. reading too deeply into his words, his touches, his actions. but why does your heart speed up at the thought of him?
you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping to turn off your overactive brain. but instead, you feel that same flutter in your chest every time you think about him.
the sound of the door opening catches your attention, glancing behind you to see yunjin entering the dorm. her presence relives you slightly, knowing you’ll have a distraction from the storm of confusion in your brain right now. she sends a smile your way, kicking off her shoes and walking towards you.
"what’s going on?" she asks, raising an eyebrow as she surveys you curled up on your bed. "you look like you’re seconds away from ripping all your hair out.”
you laugh breathlessly, flopping on your back so you can look at her without straining your neck. “i’m fine.”
you watch as she smiles slightly, shaking her head and making her way to the edge of your bed, sitting down. “don’t lie. what is it?”
you hesitate, knowing full well what’s bothering you. but you can’t exactly tell yunjin, can you? she knew you better than anyone, knew how insecure you were about having no experience. she would tell you to wake up, and not to fall for his playboy antics. so you shrug, pursing your lips before you speak. “it’s just school. stuff is piling up, and i’m behind on a few assignments. i’m just overwhelmed.”
yunjin studies your face, not saying much. you can tell she doesn’t buy it, and for a second anxiety bubbles inside you at the thought that she knows, or that she’ll keep pushing. but she doesn’t. instead, she nods. “i get it. school’s been ass lately. you’re smart, though. you’ll figure it out.”
you nod, appreciating the way she doesn’t pry. pushing yourself on your elbows so you’re sitting up, leaning against the headboard, you smile. “well, we’ll see if i actually make it through the semester this time.”
she giggles, gesturing for you to move over as she cuddles up beside you. “if you don’t wanna talk about it, what about we watch tv? it could get your mind off of things. we could continue rewatching business proposal?”
you smile, your eyes lighting up at the mention of the show. “please, i can’t live without my daily dose of hari and taemoo.”
she laughs, turning on the tv and going to netflix. you feel a pang of guilt for lying to her, and her knowing that’s she’s lying. but yunjin is your closest friend, she won’t pressure you for answers, and knows when to stop digging. you shake your head slightly, pushing your anxieties to the back of your head. right now, you just need netflix and yunjin’s presence. everything else can come later.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
you tap your pen against the edge of your notebook, staring at the notes that made you want to rip your hair out. why you had to sit here and listen to your professor talk about smallpox for over an hour was unbeknownst to you.
plus, you hadn’t slept well last night. you and yunjin were up until 2 a.m., and when you finally decided to sleep, you couldn’t. your mind kept racing, your bed felt too uncomfortable, the room felt too hot. you didn’t feel like yourself.
and then he walked in. hands in his pockets, his backpack slung over one shoulder. he was late, of course he was. it should be annoying- it is annoying, he’s annoying- but for some reason,
something in your chest tightens. your fingers curl around your pen, forcing your eyes back to your notebook. this was not happening.
you’re just irritated. that’s all. he’s been an ass, he was late yesterday, he’s late today, and he walked in like he owns the place. while you’ve been sitting here for the past twenty minutes, writing down notes that are definitely going to be important for the project.
but then he slides into the seat next to you, the smell of his cologne wafting your way as he clears his throat. “what’d i miss?”
you turn, narrowing your eyes. “twenty minutes of lecture.”
“no shit, sherlock.” he replies, pulling a notebook out of his bag. “mind sending me those notes later?”
you shake your head with an eye roll, turning back to the front of the classroom. “this is why you need to show up on time.”
“c‘mon, princess,” he mumbles, a hand reaching out to tug at the one of the legs of your chair, “help a guy out.”
you gasp at the unexpected tug, turning to glare at him. “what the fuck? stop that.” he only tilts his head, shrugging with that same stupid smirk.
your stomach flips again, but this time, you focus on the irritation bubbling inside you. this is exactly why you would never fall for heeseung. because he’s insufferable. he’s rude. he’s never on time. he uses flirting as an excuse to get out of everything, to get girls to bow at his feet.
he chuckles, moving his hand away. “you’re annoyed.”
“of course i am, heeseung. leave me alone.” you mutter, scoffing as he only shakes his head playfully.
“y/n. heeseung.” dr kim. speaks, your body tensing as you turn towards the front of the classroom, meeting your professor’s expectant eyes. “is this something important you would like to share with the class? or would you like to keep bothering everyone with your banter?”
your cheeks immediately flush, your body running cold as all the heads in the classroom towards you two. you’ve never wanted the floor to swallow more than you did right now. you shake your head, your voice coming out quiet. “no sir, sorry about that.”
heeseung says nothing, simply nodding his head. you were going to kill him. “alright, then. anyway, as i was saying…” dr. kim speaks, continuing on with the lesson like nothing happened as you sit there in humiliation.
“so…” he begins.
“shut up.” you mumble back, your voice quiet as your eyes stay trained on your notebook, picking up your pen to continue writing down whatever nonsense your professor spills. you were pissed off now, all thoughts of entertaining the annoying boy sat next to you gone.
you didn’t know if he had realized how embarrassed you actually were, but he didn’t push. you watched him shift in his seat so he was facing the front of the classroom out of your peripheral vision, also beginning to jot down notes.
the rest of class drags on unbearably slow. you try to keep your focus on the lecture, but your mind buzzes with embarrassment, replaying the way dr. kim had called you both out in front of everyone.
when class finally ends, you don’t waste a second in shoving your notebook into your bag, slinging it over your shoulder, and making a beeline for the door. of course, you’re never quite quick enough.
heeseung appears next to you, falling in step beside you once again. “you’re really gonna ignore me after that?”
you scoff, refusing to look at him as you keep your gaze trained ahead. “that’s exactly what i’m gonna do.”
you hear him laugh, one that shows he clearly finds you entertaining. “it wasn’t that bad.”
you finally glance at him, an annoyed expression on your face. “we got called out in front of the entire class for arguing like little kids, heeseung.”
“and?” he grins, nudging your arm. “it was kinda cute. no big deal.”
you inhale sharply, turning away before he can catch the way your face heats up. “you are insufferable. not everyone is as popular as you, alright? i don’t appreciate that many eyes on me.”
he hums, tilting his head, as if he’s acknowledging your words. “where are you headed, anyway?”
“lunch,” you say automatically, before realizing your mistake.
a smirk creeps into his lips, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. “perfect. i’m hungry, too.”
“no.” you blurt out, your eyes snapping to his.
he feigns innocence. “no?”
“you are not coming with me, heeseung. i’ve dealt with you enough today.” you clarify, trying to make your expression as serious as you can, looking to your front again.
“why not?” he grins, clearly enjoying getting a rise out of you. “we’re partners, aren’t we? we need to work on our… chemistry.”
you groan, rubbing your temples. maybe if you ignore him, he’ll take the hint. he does not take the hint. he continues to walk next to you, ignoring the stares of other girls wondering why heeseung is walking around with you.
so now, much to your dismay, you find yourself exiting the building with heeseung beside you, practically- no, literally- inviting himself to lunch. and as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, your stomach is in knots at the thought of spending more time with him.
the walk is awfully quiet. heeseung doesn’t say a lot- much to your dismay. you wouldn’t say it’s peaceful, it was far from it. while heeseung may have been relaxed, just enjoying the walk, you on the other hand were losing it inside. caught between being annoyed at him or acknowledging whatever feeling was in your chest every time he was near.
it wasn’t like you couldn’t pretend what the feeling was. you knew what a crush felt like. but you didn’t want to pay it any mind. how could you have a crush on lee heeseung? how could you fall for someone this quickly? you had to have set a new record for yourself. you decided it was just the fact that you were yearning for any kind of romantic attention, and heeseung was providing that… kinda. calling you ‘princess’ wasn’t exactly flirting. but you had never had this before, were you just expected to not be flustered?
this feeling was treacherous, and you knew it. falling for the playboy was the last thing you wanted to do. you fidgeted with your hands, worries swirling around inside your head as you try to come up with an excuse that doesn’t make you seem like a touch-deprived college student. lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the incoming cyclist until it’s too late.
before you can process what’s happening, a firm grip wraps around your wrist, yanking you backward just in time. your breath stutters, a small squeak leaving you as you crash into something- someone. the scent of his cologne is suddenly overwhelming, your hands instinctively grabbing onto his hoodie to ground yourself.
his arm is still around you, his body warm against yours, his grip on your wrist loosening, but not completely letting go. your heart pounds in your chest, and you don’t know if it’s from almost getting run over or him. you can feel his breath fanning lightly against your temple, his chest moving as he breathes in. was he always this built? you knew heeseung was strong, but you had never touched him.
“careful, princess,” he murmurs, voice lower than usual. “you trying to get yourself killed?”
you blink up at him, your lips parting, but no words come out. not when he’s this close, not when his arm is splayed across your back, his hand still holding onto your wrist lightly.
and that’s when it hits you. this is a crush. you like lee heeseung.
you pull away quickly, trying to ignore the warmth lingering on your skin as you clear your throat. “i- i wasn’t paying attention.” you stutter out, refusing to meet his gaze.
heeseung lets out a soft chuckle, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watches you, nodding lightly. “yeah, i noticed.”
you scowl, turning on your heel and stomping toward the café, hoping he doesn’t see the way your ears burn. he keeps up with you, and you can hear the smirk in his voice even when you don’t look at him. “so i don’t get a thank you?”
you roll your eyes, trying to fight the blush climbing up your cheeks as you turn your head to the side, never realizing how interesting the road was. “thank you,” you mutter, your voice too quiet he almost didn’t hear. but he hums, and that’s enough for you to know he won’t push further… hopefully.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
it’s been a week.
a week of trying to push away the way your heart speeds up whenever heeseung so much as looks at you. a week of acting like the casual touches and the teasing remarks don’t make your stomach flip. a week of trying to convince yourself you don’t like heeseung. a week of failing.
now at lunch, you’re sat with wonyoung and yunjin, the conversation flowing easily between them- an annoying professor, a party next weekend, overdue homework- but the words barely process.
your eyes are trained on heeseung across the cafeteria. the same place he always sits, with his team and friends, but now you can’t stop looking. he’s leaned back in his chair, laughing at something one of his friends said. he looks beautiful. you can admire his sharp jawline, or the way his adam’s apple moves when he throws his head back, laughing at a joke. and for some stupid, down bad reason, you can’t tear your eyes away.
you’re not even aware you’ve been staring until yunjin’s voice snaps you out of it. “you can’t be serious.”
your head snaps towards her, blinking in confusion. “what happened?”
she doesn’t say anything. instead she pursues her lips, tilting her chin slightly in heeseung direction with a quirk of her brow. “heeseung.”
your stomach drops, your mouth opening and closing as she waits for an answer. “it’s not like that,” you blurt, suddenly finding your untouched lunch very interesting.
yunjin doesn’t buy it. she crosses her arms, watching you closely. “then why are you staring at him like that? is this why you’ve been so out of it lately?”
silence. the air feels too thick, your face burning hotter by the second. you have no good excuse. no answer to her question, because that means you would have to admit it out loud. and you weren’t ready to do that. you hated how obvious you were being, how you were acting like every other girl he’s wrapped around his finger before now.
finally, wonyoung- who has been watching this exchange like it’s the most entertaining thing she’s seen all day- chimes in, "i wouldn’t blame you.”
you turn to her, your eyebrows raising. “what?”
she shrugs, stealing one of your fries before tossing it in her mouth. "i’m just saying, he’s hot. everyone knows that. you’ve been spending a lot of time with him because of your project. i mean… would it be the worst thing if something happened?”
your eyes widen more- if that’s even possible. but before you can get any words out, yunjin is speaking. she looks at her like she’s lost her mind, shaking her head quickly. "are you insane? don’t encourage this.”
"i’m just saying!" wonyoung laughs, holding her hands up in mock surrender. “you never know.”
yunjin scoffs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “no, we do know. heeseung is heeseung. an asshole.” she turns back to you, her expression softening slightly. "you just need to be careful.”
it’s the same thing she always says. it’s everything that you’ve been telling yourself. you just nod, too embarrassed that they found out to even speak.
silence lingers between the three of you. you look on the food in front of you, the other students walking by, the ground. but you can feel their eyes on you, like they’re waiting for you to acknowledge their words- to say anything.
wonyoung breaks the silence, picking at her nails, “i mean, it’s not like you have much experience- let me rephrase- you have no experience with this stuff.”
your head snaps towards her, your jaw dropped. “what the fuck?”
she smiles at you, shrugging. “i’m just pointing out the facts’ y/n. you get flustered by everything. you’re gonna fall too fast, especially with someone like him. that’s the reality for a romance virgin.”
as if this moment wasn’t already embarrassing enough. your face burns, glaring at her. “a romance virgin? what the fuck does that even mean?” you go quiet, realizing you don’t have a comeback to her words, because as much as you hate it, she’s telling the truth. so you resort to sighing, grabbing a fry and plopping it in your mouth. “you guys are so annoying.”
yunjin laughs, also stealing a fry from your plate. “we’re being realistic. and looking out for you.”
“i don’t even like him,” you mumble, your mouth filled with a bite of food, wonyoung wincing at the sight. you only flip her off in response.
she laughs, raising her eyebrows, “right. that’s why you were making heart eyes at him across the cafeteria. i’m surprised you didn’t raise up and start floating towards him.”
you gape at her, scoffing as you shove her shoulder. “fuck off! i was not!”
she doesn’t respond, but her and yunjin share a knowing look, smiles on their faces as they look back at you. you groan, pressing your hands against your face, “you guys suck. why are you torturing me?”
yunjin speaks, her smile already telling you she’s about to make things worse, “just saying, do you really want heeseung to be your first everything?”
you reach your hand over the table to smack her arm, practically glaring daggers at her as all she does is laugh. “yunjin! shut up!”
she just shrugs, fighting back more laughs as you sulk in your chair, arms crossed against your chest. "what? i’m looking out for you. i mean, at least he’ll be good, he knows what he’s doing.”
you decide to ignore her words, your cheeks burning as you look off to the side, sighing at how wonyoung laughs at her words. “i hate you,” you mumble, shaking your head. they only laugh more, wonyoung leaning over to give you a hug.
you reciprocate, begrudgingly. you just want the floor to swallow you right now.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
you were late. to be fair, you weren’t that worried. heeseung was never on time to your study sessions. and, if anything, you were only going to be 5 minutes late.
pushing open the door of the library, you’re greeted with the smell of books, the quiet sounds of footsteps, and fingers tapping keys quietly. time seems to slow in here, somehow. you like it. it’s so peaceful, everyone minding their own business. you stroll quietly, making your way to the study rooms on the side of the library. you had reserved one of the rooms, sending heeseung a text earlier in the day of which one to meet you at.
you walk up to the door, the frosted glass frame with a big blue “5” staring back at you, before pushing it open. you’ll be able to set everything up, maybe get ahead a bit before you have to deal with him, go over things-
but he’s already there. your brain short circuits, like all the thoughts you had disappeared. sitting in one of the chairs, leaned back with one leg stretched out and the other one bent. his hair is damp, which you assume is from practice, hanging in his eyes. a white wifebeater clings to his skin, leaving little to the imagination. his shoulders, his biceps, his chest, his torso. you swear you’re going insane. your eyes flicker to the way his forearm flexes when he scrolls on his phone, your fingers tightening around the strap on your bag.
it’s only then that you realize you’ve been staring. his eyes flicker up from his phone as his gaze locks on yours, the corner of his lip rising. “like what you see?”
you swallow, shaking your head as you step further into the room, letting the door shut behind you. “i’m just surprised you’re actually here on time.”
he only nods, completely seeing through your little act. he leans back more, raising his arms above his head. he groans, and you can’t tear your eyes away from the way his muscles flex, or the way his shirt lifts- just slightly, but enough for you to see a sliver of his skin, his abs highlighted by the fluorescent lights shining down on you two.
you feel insane. your body heats up, taking a deep breath as you (reluctantly) tear your eyes away from him. you busy yourself with pulling everything you need out, trying to ignore heeseung’s gaze on you. the space suddenly feels too small, and you regret reserving a room. you can’t look at anyone else, can’t find a distraction outside of this room. you’re stuck.
heeseung pulls out his own laptop, opening it and speaking, like it’s the most casual thing. “you were staring.”
your breath hitches, but you play it off, glaring at him. “i told you, i was surprised you were here on time.”
his brows lift in amusement. “that’s all?”
you nod, eyes turning back to your screen as you pull up the project. “that’s all.”
“alright,” he hums, but the smile doesn’t drop from his face. your face burns, trying to push all thoughts of how good he looked away as you try desperately to lock in, typing out anything that seems of significance.
this was going to be a long study session.
that it was. you were nearing the hour and a half mark, your brain starting to jumble all the words you read, taking in too much information at once. if you had to read one more article about the impact of diseases and medicine on our society you were sure you were going to start slamming your head against the table.
for once, heeseung wasn’t being a pain. no remarks or teasing. he was silent, actually doing his work. you were grateful for the change, considering how earlier had gone. luckily the tensions had died down, and you two hadn’t talked since you walked in.
then, without warning, he leans in. your body tenses, his arm reaching past you to grab a pen that had rolled over to your side. the scent of his cologne filled your nose, along with his breath lightly fanning against your cheek. you swallowed, trying to keep your eyes trained on your laptop like nothing was wrong.
but he notices. of course he does. his fingers hover over the pen, but he doesn’t grab it. his gaze flickers to you, the corner of his lip lifting up. “you good?” his voice is lower, the teasing lilt evident in his voice already.
you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat as you continue typing, trying to ignore how fast your heart is beating, “yeah, i’m fine.”
he tilts his head, just watching you. then he moves a bit closer, your breath hitching. “are you sure?” he asks again, smiling slightly.
you nod again, too scared to even look his way as you feel your cheeks burning up. “you’re too close. that’s all.”
he grins, unable to hide how amusing this is to him, “too close?”
you nod, confirming his words with a quiet, “yeah.”
he doesn’t back away, instead slowly dragging the pen towards himself as he continues. “what, never had a guy this close before?”
you open your mouth to respond- but no words come out. it’s like you glitched, the words refusing to leave your lips as you try to come up with an excuse, an insult, anything to get the attention off of you right now. fuck.
he picks up on it immediately. his grin falters slightly, his eyes flickering over your face to gauge your reaction. “you haven’t?”
you feel stupid. your chest tightens, embarrassment flooding you. you turn your head quickly- too quickly. not realizing how close the two of you were, your nose brushes against his as you stutter out words. “that’s not- no- i mean-“
“oh my god.” he mumbles, leaning back in his chair.
“heeseung.” you speak, your eyes pleading with him.
he blinks, the smirk gone off his face and replaced with curiosity. “you’ve never been kissed before? actually?”
“heeseung-” you mumble, no other word leaving your lips as your ears heat up, your stomach twisting as he stares at you.
his grin returns, just slightly, a small laugh leaving him as he shakes his head. “that’s.. wow.” he doesn’t sound judgmental, more so surprised, but the damage was already done.
“just drop it,” you mutter, suddenly feeling the need to get out of the room, closing your laptop and beginning to pack up.
“that’s interesting,” he continues, slowly shutting his laptop as he continues to watch you, “you’re leaving?”
you nod, trying to ignore the mortification you feel as you shove things into your backpack carelessly. “it’s already been an hour and a half.”
you go to shove a pencil inside, but with how shaky your hands are, it slips through your fingers, landing on the table. “fuck,” you whisper, so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. he reaches for the pen, his fingers moving faster than yours as he twirls it in between his fingers, watching you. “you good?”
you nod, holding out your hand for the pen, refusing to meet his eyes, “i’m fine. just- can i have it?”
he hesitates, before slowly placing it in your palm. he doesn’t say anything, instead simply watching as you move your hand quickly, shoving the pen into your backpack, before quickly zipping it up and slinging it over your shoulder. you can feel his gaze on you, turning on your heel and making a beeline for the door.
“i’ll see you in class,” you mutter, the door shutting behind you as you walk out as quickly as your legs will take you, trying to hold back the flood of emotions and embarrassment swirling inside you.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
it felt like everything hit you the second you stepped through the door. the silence only heightened the sound of your pounding heartbeat in your ears. you kick off your shoes, your hands shaky as you let your backpack fall to the floor. your mind can’t stop replaying every interaction with heeseung earlier that day.
but it felt like so much more than that. it was about the way you slipped up, your own body betraying you and the truth slipping out. it wasn’t like being inexperienced was a bad thing- you knew that. but you hated how everyone around you was able to talk about it so casually. while you fell behind and lived vicariously through romance novels and cheesy romcoms.
for once, you wanted to know what it was like. and for all people that could’ve found out- heeseung had to know. the boy who had a new girl on his arm every week, who was no stranger to romance. it felt mocking. embarrassing. like the universe was making a joke of you, pointing at you and laughing.
your breath catches in your throat, tears spilling down your cheeks before you can process it. you don’t stop them, you don’t react. you simply stand there, small sobs leaving you as the defeated feeling takes over. you’d tried to hard to not let this take over. to be okay with the fact that you hadn’t experienced love yet, it was no big deal. but it somehow hurt more knowing the one you liked was probably the most unattainable person on campus.
you shuffle towards your bed, your feet barely leaving the ground until you reach the foot of your bed, letting yourself fall forward, straight into a pillow. your tears soak the fabric, your mind swirling with insecurities and thoughts of yearning. to know. to feel. to be loved.
it feels so impossible at this point. like love- true love- will never find you. it felt like everything was boiling over, your body curling up as your tears grow more intense, louder sobs slipping from your lips as your hands grip the pillow.
you didn’t even know how long you had been crying for. you cried until no more tears came out, the sobs transforming into quiet sniffles and labored breaths, until exhaustion took over your body and lulled your body into a peaceful sleep, safe from all the worries of the outside world.
but the peace didn’t last. the sound of the door opening stirs you awake, yunjin’s voice filling the apartment. your body feels too heavy, a dull pounding in your head and a lump in your throat still remain as you turn over slowly. you rub your eyes, trying your best to remove the evidence of your breakdown through your sleepy confusion.
“-and he was so fucking hot, y/n. ugh, i wish i would’ve gone over to his place. and he told me he had a good time, and he wants to see me again!” she spills, kicking off her shoes and throwing her purse somewhere near the door, flailing her hands as she recounts all the details.
she pauses as she turns to you, finally taking in the state you’re in. “were you asleep? sorry. i didn’t mean to wake you up,” she laughs quietly, lowering her voice.
you simply shake your head, still coming back to reality as you push yourself up. you speak, your voice scratchy and slurred from lingering exhaustion, “it’s fine. i shouldn’t have fallen asleep that early, anyway.”
she walks over, sitting at the edge of your bed and looking at you, a smile on her lips before she takes in your puffy eyes. “you doing alright?”
you swallow, pushing down the emotions that threaten to resurface. you nod, forcing a smile. “i’m good. just tired… i’ve had a lot of work lately.”
she watches you, her head tilting like she doesn’t believe you. finally, a smile breaks out on her face as she lets herself fall back against your bed, turning her head to face you. “he was so perfect. like, usually i don’t like pisces men, but beomgyu? he was just.. fuck, y/n, i’m losing my mind.”
you smile slightly at her lovesick rant, her words filled with a giddy happiness that only love can bring to you. you nod along to her words, her eyes lighting up when she recounts the best details.
“are you going out again?” you ask quietly, playing with the hem of your blanket when she stops talking, simply staring at your ceiling with a lovesick smile.
that question breaks her out of the trance, turning to you with a grin. “fuck yeah! he asked me to go to his place next? you know what that means,” she trails off, wriggling her eyebrows before kicking her feet, covering her face with her hands as she squeals.
you laugh, although deep down, you wish you could know what it feels like. the feeling of being desired, of being wanted. and as yunjin continues to ramble, expressive hands and wide eyes, you can’t push down the feeling that creeps up and surrounds you, making you feel like you’re locked inside a dark room that has no key, no door. like you’re falling behind while everyone races ahead.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
“no.”
the word leaves your lips before yunjin can finish her sentence, already knowing where it was going when she started with, “so, i was thinking…” you don’t look up from your laptop, hoping that if you don’t acknowledge them, they’ll drop it. they never do.
wonyoung groans, flopping backwards onto your bed before she rolls over on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands as she stares at you. “y/n, please. you literally never go out.”
you finally spare her a glance, before looking back at your computer. “i’m busy.”
yunjin crosses her arms, a huff of air leaving her. “you fucking liar. all you do is rot in bed. then you wonder why you get no action.”
you glare at her, choosing to ignore her jab at your love- or lack thereof- life. “i enjoy the tranquility.”
“god, you’re hopeless.” she sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed beside wonyoung’s sprawled out figure. “you need to have some fun for once.”
“i do have fun,” you reply, finally shutting your laptop, “a party is not my idea of fun. it’s sweaty bodies, and drunk people, and people making out against walls.”
“you’re so dramatic,” wonyoung laughs, her hands tugging lightly at your calves. “it’s one night. maybe something will happen.”
you shake your head, ignoring the puppy dog eyes she sends you. “no, nothing will. i’ll go and hate it, want to kill myself, and wish i could be back in bed watching reruns of gossip girl.”
yunjin groans, tossing her head back at your resilience. “i’m gonna kill you. you’re coming to this party. you need some action. that’s probably why you’ve been so… whatever you’ve been, lately.”
you freeze, shaking your head lightly. “i don’t need action.”
wonyoung giggles, turning her head to smile at yunjin. “you know, y/n, she has a point. don’t you think it’s time to put yourself out there?”
you roll your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek. “shut up.”
but your stomach twists uncomfortably. they don’t mean it in a harmful way- to them it’s just teasing. they don’t know how much you hate having nothing, the fear of putting yourself out there. and after your breakdown a few nights ago, the topic felt heavier.
more anxiety fills you as another thought creeps in. impossible to shake, growing larger the more you try to ignore it. if it’s a party, heeseung will be there. he always is. the thought of running into him after your last interaction makes your chest feel tight, your eyes flickering around the room.
“i just don’t wanna go,” you mumble, trying your luck again. of course, they don’t listen.
yunjin sends you a look, standing up and grabbing your arms, tugging you forward. you gasp, catching your balance before you tumble off your bed. “didn’t i already tell you you’re coming to this party? get up, loser.”
you huff, reluctantly listening to her just this once. you toss your feet over the side of the bed, letting yunjin pull you to your feet. “you’re so lucky i love you guys,” you mutter, glaring at both of them.
wonyoung squeals, practically flying off of your bed as she wraps you in a hug, jumping up and down. “finally! i’ve been waiting for this day forever!”
you only shake your head, trying to bite back a smile at her excitement. yunjin, on the other hand, has already made her way to your dresser, pulling random clothes out and tossing them over her shoulder.
“okay,” she speaks, tossing a pair of shorts that are too short beside her, “we wanna make you look hot. but also not like you’re trying too hard, a good balance. heeseung’s gonna be there, right?”
wonyoung laughs, making her way over to yunjin to look at the clothes she’s already picked out, holding them up to your body before nodding or shaking her head. your stomach, however, twists at the mention of his name.
“i’m not trying to impress anyone,” you blurt, shaking your head as yunjin pulls out a tiny red dress, “i’m only going because you guys are forcing me.”
she gives you a look, raising her eyebrows. “you realize we can see right through you, right? you act like we’re not your best friends. you want the guy, admit it.”
you go silent, opting to roll your eyes at her words instead. she only laughs, tossing the red dress at you. “try that on.”
“i’m not wearing this,” you mutter, holding it out in front of you.wonyoung whines, shaking your shoulders. “it’s a house party, girl. other people are going to be wearing so much worse. just try it.”
you groan, reluctantly trying the dress on. it’s too tight, too short, showing off your body in ways you’re not used to. you look up, gauging the two girls’ reactions. yunjin tilts her head, analyzing you, before finally shaking her head.
“no, i don’t think that’s very you,” she says, turning back to your closet. “you wanna look slutty, but like, fashion.”
you furrow your eyebrows, almost wanting to laugh at how seriously they were taking this. “great explanation.”
wonyoung gasps, stopping both of you in your tracks. “yunjin, give me that shirt,” she exclaims, pointing to a black lace tube top yunjin is holding up. the lace wraps around itself, one edge falling to create an asymmetrical look. once yunjin hands it over, she grabs a black denim skirt off the floor, holding the items to your body as best she can.
“yes. this is it,” she smiles, yunjin nodding beside her. “put this on. you’re gonna look so hot.”
you can’t deny wonyoung’s words once you have the outfit on. it looks good, the pieces accentuating your body while not showing off too much. yunjin’s jaw drops slightly, nodding as you spin slowly. “i’m so in love with you.”
you smile, shaking your head at her. wonyoung grabs a pair of black heeled-boots, the leather tight around your calves, with a platform that makes you at least 5 inches taller.
yunjin nods, looking at wonyoung, “add a leather jacket.”
once the whole outfit is assembled, you can’t deny it. you feel hot. you look hot. “you look amazing, y/n. heeseung’s one lucky guy.” wonyoung smiles, stepping up to you to adjust the top.
you glare at her, an exasperated breath leaving you. “stop bringing him up. nothing has happened between us.”
“yet,” yunjin says, a teasing smile on her lips.
“oh, fuck off,” you laugh, flipping her off. you couldn’t help the feeling that settled in your stomach. was it anxiety? excitement? you couldn’t tell, but you knew this was going to be a long night. and maybe, deep down, a part of you wanted heeseung to see you in this outfit.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
you regretted coming the second you stepped through the door.
music was blasting through the speakers, the volume combined with all the conversations happening almost unbearable. the smell of weed and alcohol invaded your senses almost immediately. people were everywhere you looked, crowded together. drinking, smoking, dancing, talking, making out.
your feet slowed down, suddenly wanting to turn around and go back home. yunjin tugged your arm, forcing your feet to move again as she dragged you along, weaving through the mass of bodies, trying to avoid bumping into anyone.
wonyoung was right. people were wearing much worse. you still felt out of place though. like people knew you didn’t normally dress like this. like people knew you were trying to look good just for this party.
once the three of you stopped moving, wonyoung looked at you, immediately sensing your discomfort. “you’re fine. no one’s judging you, okay? everyone’s too caught up in their own thing here.”
you only nodded in response, glancing around at everyone. “there’s… a lot of people here.”
wonyoung laughs, finding your reactions cute. “yeah, that’s usually what it’s like at house parties.”
the idea of willingly putting yourself in this environment weekly sent a chill down your spine. things like this weren’t your speed. though, sometimes, you wonder what it would be like to be an extrovert, to enjoy talking to others, spending your days socializing. wonyoung explains something to you, but you’re only halfway listening. your eyes are drifting around the party.
looking for something, or someone. hoping to see his black hair in the crowd of people. a bit hard, when half the people here had black hair.
“oh- there he is!” yunjin gasps, her words pulling you out of your trance as you look at her, raising your eyebrows. you follow her line of vision, nerves bubbling in you at the thought of actually seeing him-
“beomgyu!” she smiles, turning to you and wonyoung with a cheesy grin. “i’m gonna go say hi. i’ll catch you guys in a bit?”
“go get your man,” you smile, watching as she heads off, a pep in her step as gets closer to him. you turn back to wonyoung, unsure of what to do now that you were here.
“so, like, what do we do?” you ask, once again glancing around at the people around you.
“talk to people. get a drink. find someone hot.” she nudges you at the last option, sending a teasing smile your way.
“no.” your reply is immediate, shaking your head. “i’m not having any of my firsts at a random house party.”
she sighs, throwing her head back before looking back at you. “you read too many romance novels.”
you gape at her, your lips forming into a pout. “a girl can dream. let me wait for the one.”
“well, looking like you do tonight,” she pauses, her eyes flickering up and down your figure, “i’m gonna be surprised if no one hits on you.”
her sentence sends a hint of excitement through you, but you quickly shake your head, dismissing the feeling. “i’d rather someone not. that would just be awkward. i can’t talk to people.”
she laughs, but she’s shaking her head. “this is exactly why you need to go out more. put yourself out there.”
you don’t respond, your eyes flickering around the crowd of people once again, watching people's body language, and how they interact with one another. everyone looks so relaxed, simply enjoying the environment.
“anyway,” wonyoung speaks, breaking the silence that settled between you two, “i’m gonna go get a drink. do you wanna come?”
you shake your head, not feeling like navigating through the crowd of people once again, choosing to wait for wonyoung to get back. “no. it’s fine. i’ll wait.”
“alright, do you want anything?” she continues, watching as you shake your head again, denying her offer. “i’ll be right back, then.”
you watch as she walks off, weaving through the crowd and heading towards the kitchen. you lean back against the wall, fidgeting with your fingers as you wait calmly for wonyoung to return.
she doesn’t. two minutes turn to five, which turns to ten, which turns to fifteen. people were starting to send you looks, wondering why you were standing around alone, with no drink.
you felt out of place. no, you were out of place. you glance around, the nerves of everything becoming too overstimulating. you needed to get away from the crowds.
slowly, you push through the crowd, making your way to the hallway. you slip past the people having conversations, and the couple making out against the wall. one door is cracked open, which you can only assume means it’s safe to enter.
you wait outside for a bit, listening for if there’s any noises. it’s silent. you hesitate for a second, before finally pushing the door open. the room was empty, the quiet away from the loud voices instantly calming your nerves. you shut the door behind you, the noise of the party becoming even more muffled, feeling like a breath of fresh air.
you glanced around the room, your heart nearly stopping. heeseung was leaned against the wall, scrolling on his phone. could this night get any worse?
he hadn’t noticed you yet, too busy scrolling on his phone. you gulped, feeling your face flush. you could turn around, you could leave the room. you should do that. but for some reason, your feet wouldn’t move. it was like they were planted into the ground.
he lifted his gaze from his phone, locking eyes with you. you felt like a deer caught in headlights. his expression was unreadable, but he tilted his head slightly.
a brief moment of silence passed between the two of you, your heart thudding loudly in your chest as he watched you.
“y/n?” he asked, his voice sounding a bit surprised.
“sorry,” you finally forced out, fidgeting with your fingers as your gaze drifts away from his, focusing on the wall instead. “i thought this room was empty.”
he simply shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “too loud out there?”
you nod, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. this somehow felt more suffocating than the party did. “i didn’t mean to… bother you.” you mumble, turning around to head for the door.
“you don’t have to leave,” he said, his voice quiet, your stomach fluttering at the sound, “i’m not doing anything. stay if you need a break. if you want.”
you stand still, both choices seeming wrong. staying in the room with him felt like a mistake, but walking back out to the chaos of the party felt slightly worse.
slowly, you nodded, turning around and stepping further into the room. “okay. uh, thanks.”
you both stood there, not saying anything for a moment. you shifted your gaze around the room, your nerves palpable. and heeseung, of course, picked up on it.
“this isn’t exactly your scene, is it, princess?” he asked, voice filled with that familiar teasing tone. you tried to ignore how the nickname had your heart doing somersaults, or how your face heated up. everything felt so much more elevated in the room.
you swallowed, trying to push your nerves aside as you looked back at him. “uh, no, it’s not,” you mumble, almost wanting to laugh at how awkward you sounded.
he hums, pushing himself off the wall and walking towards the bed, sitting on the edge. he looks at you expectantly, only laughing slightly when you raise your brows in response. “are you just gonna stand there the whole time?”
your face flushes, suddenly feeling too embarrassed. your body moves before you realize it, getting closer to him. you can feel your heartbeat speeding up, his eyes watching you as you sit down next to him. you’re not an awkward distance away, but you made sure to put some space between the two of you. the room was quiet, except for the noise of your nervous breaths, your fingers fidgeting with each other.
“so,” he began, breaking the silence, “what’re you doing here, anyway?”
you look at him, shrugging. “my friends dragged me along.”
he hummed, tilting his head, “so then why are you in here?”
this was humiliating. “one is talking to her date and another went to get drinks and didn’t come back,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the smile that crept up on his face.
“damn, princess,” he huffed out a laugh, shaking his head lightly, “they ditched you?”
“i mean, they’re more used to this environment. i wouldn’t wanna, like, hold them back from having fun,” you shrug, glancing down at your hands.
“if you say so,” he responds, going quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “i just still don’t see why you would even come, considering, y’know..”
your stomach drops. your eyes flicker up to his, raising your eyebrows slightly. “considering… what?”
he tilts his head, a slight smirk playing on his lips. “you’ve never kissed anyone. you weren’t lying about that, right?”
heat rises on your cheeks, the embarrassment that hits you suddenly making you feel sick, once again stuck in a room with heeseung and talking about this. “heeseung. i don’t wanna talk about that.”
“why? it’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he replies with a shrug, leaning back against the pillows and playing with the hem of his shirt. “you ever had a boyfriend?”
“heeseung.” you say, but his expression tells you he’s not letting this go anytime soon. you sigh, your voice quiet, the word coming out as a hushed whisper, “no.”
he was quiet, and the more the silence dragged on, the more you felt like you wanted the floor to swallow you. the same humiliating feeling from before was slowly making its way back, the room feeling like it was closing in on you. and then, heeseung spoke.
“you ever wonder what it’s like? to kiss someone?” he asks, and you almost want to laugh.
“that’s a stupid question,” you blurt before you can stop it, listening to the way he laughs quietly.
“sorry. had to make sure,” he replies, and this, for some reason, doesn’t feel as bad as last time did. it doesn’t feel like he’s judging you. more so, just asking questions.
“of course i do. it’s kinda hard not to when all everyone talks about is their love lives,” you reply, finally opening up a bit. you don’t know why you’re telling him this much. you could’ve diverted the conversation, made him talk about something else, but you were opening up.
you were trying to ignore the anxiety bubbling in your chest. from being in a room alone with heeseung, to discussing your desolate love life with him. it felt unnatural- it was unnatural. you were never one to open up to people easily, but it felt like he did it without trying (well, besides when he wouldn’t like a topic go).
“i could teach you,” he speaks, and your head snaps up to his so fast you’re surprised your neck didn’t break in the process. it felt like time stopped. you couldn’t hear the music outside, or the muffled voices. all you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears and the way your breathing picked up. heeseung continued to stare at you, his eyebrows raised slightly as he waited for an answer.
“w-what?” you stutter out, trying to convince yourself you heard his words wrong, that you made it up, some kind of excuse.
“i said i could teach you. you heard me,” he repeats his words, the corner of his lip lifting up again.
your breath hitched. the silence was too loud, the two of you just staring at each other as you tried your hardest to process his words. “you’re joking, right?” you finally ask, your voice quiet, unsure.
but he didn’t laugh. he only watched you, his voice dropping just a bit lower. “it’s not hard. if you want, i could teach you.”
you sat, frozen. blinking out of whatever daze you were in since he spoke, your eyes flickering the the ground. heeseung- the playboy heeseung, the heeseung you liked- offering to be your first kiss. it didn’t feel right. it felt like the universe was trying to play a sick joke on you. like this would turn out to be too good to be true.
you heard him laugh softly, and your eyes drifted back up to him. he seemed to be enjoying how flustered you were, how your brain was quite literally short circuiting. “we don’t have to if you don’t want to. it’s just an offer. but, if you want to, i’m right here.”
you felt your heart speed up more at his words. your mind felt like it couldn’t process what was going on. what was the right choice here? one side of you felt like you should laugh it off, change the subject and act like the conversation never happened. continue to save your first kiss for something special. but on the other hand, this did feel special. you were curious. hell, you’ve been curious for the last 22 years. you were caught between forcing down your desires and enlightening them, finally understanding what you’ve been wondering about your whole life. finally being able to understand the conversations, the movie scenes, the books.
your mouth opened, a protest about to leave your lips, but no words came out. your words got stuck, your true feelings not letting them leave. heeseung noticed your hesitation, pushing himself to sit up.
he watched you, his voice getting softer, quieter. “come here,” he mumbled, his words making your stomach do flips. god, you wanted to slam your head against the wall.
your heartbeat sped up, but you moved closer to him anyway, sitting so close your knees were pressed together. you didn’t know what you were doing, but you knew you didn’t wanna turn around and leave. not at this point.
heeseung watched you, not reaching out until you had stopped moving. his hand reached up slowly, cautiously, gently cupping your jaw. his thumb brushed over your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. his gaze flickered between your eyes and lips, the reality of what was happening sinking it. “you’re nervous,” he whispered, the words spoken like they were a secret just between the two of you. his breath fans across your face, further solidifying the reality of the distance between you two.
you nodded, your breath shallow, unsure. you let your own eyes flicker to his lips before moving back to his eyes. you whispered, your voice shaky, “what if i’m bad?”
he smiled, his thumb tracing your jaw as he shook his head. “don’t worry about that. just follow my lead.”
you nod, everything feeling like a haze. he leans in slowly, and before you can think too much about it, his lips are on yours. it felt like everything around you stopped. your eyes fluttered shut, your breath stuttering.
his lips are soft, and you try to follow his movements as best you can. his touch is gentle, guiding you, taking a first experience from you. the outside world seems quiet, likes it’s just you and heeseung in this moment. he presses his lips a bit harder against yours, tilting your head just slightly. the feeling is all-consuming. overwhelming. you want more and want to get away all at the same time. but it feels nice. it feels like everything you’ve dreamed of. what the lead in a romance movie feels, what the books describe, how your friend’s eyes light up when they tell you about their first kiss with a new guy.
he pulls away slowly, his hand still remaining on your jaw. your eyes flutter open, blinking a little, like you’re trying to ground yourself. his face was still so close to yours, your breaths mixing together. his expression was unreadable, and your heart sped up at the reality.
“was that okay?” you ask, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper.
heeseung stared at you for a moment, not saying anything. his eyes searched yours, his breath soft against your skin, his touch still so light. “yeah,” he mumbled, his eyes still flickering around your face, his thumb tracing your jaw again. “not bad, princess.”
you nod, your mind in too much of a haze to mumble out exact words. you eyes flickered to his lips again, fighting the urge to lean in again, to feel the warmth of his lips against yours. but before you could think about it too much, your phone buzzed loudly against your lap, the ringing snapping you back to reality.
you blink, still dazed, as you look down on at your phone, shaky hands turning it over, the name staring back at you.
wonyoung.
shit. you hesitated for a second, before answering the call, pressing the phone to your ear. “hello?”
“where are you?” wonyoung’s voice came through, a bit hard to hear over the pounding music. “i came back to the spot you were at. i got caught up with some friends, i’m sorry.”
you swallowed, your mind still in a haze. your gaze flickered to heeseung. he was already watching you, having had leaned back against the headboard.
“it’s fine,” you mumble, words trailing off. your heartbeat still felt too loud, and your thoughts were jumbled and all over the place. “it’s- i’m just..”
heeseung raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. he tilted his head, clearly amused by your inability to form a sentence right now.
“hello?” wonyoung’s voice spoke again, pulling your attention back to her. “are you there?”
“yeah! yeah, sorry,” you mumble, pursing your lips. “i’ll be right there.”
“okay. i’ll see you soon.” she replied, the line going dead.
the room went silent, filled with nothing but the awkwardness swirling around the two of you. you were too afraid to meet his gaze, so you stare at your hands, before standing up slowly, placing your phone in your pocket. “um… i should go. i’ll see you around?”
heeseung didn’t say anything, and you took that as your cue to just leave. you walked towards the door, trying to form a coherent thought as you reached for the doorknob. his voice finally cut through the quiet, making you stop in your tracks.
“you know,” he began, his voice teasing, with a hint of something else you couldn’t quite pinpoint, “you look nice tonight.”
the words sent butterflies swirling in your stomach, closing your eyes as you tried to ground yourself. what was wrong with you? you didn’t turn around, too scared to meet his eyes. you couldn’t. so you only nodded, your voice shaky, “thank you.”
you opened the door, stepping out and back into the party. it felt like you were snapped back to reality the second the loud music hit your ears, met with the sight of a swarm of people again as you pushed through the crowd. you tried to ignore the way your lips still tingled, or the way your cheeks heated up when you thought about his hand on your face, his breath so close to you, his lips against yours.
you almost bumped into someone, muttering out a pathetic “sorry” as you corrected your path, finally catching a glimpse of yunjin and wonyoung standing together, talking about some random topic. wonyoung noticed you first, smiling and waving as she noticed you walking over.
you wave back, forcing a smile as you join up with them. all you know is that you’re going crazy. you kissed heeseung. your first kiss. was it a mistake? did you make too irrational of a decision while being caught in the moment?
your thoughts are interrupted by yunjin’s loud voice, pulling you back to the current moment, “you missed everything, y/n. i had so much to talk about. where were you, anyway?”
you open your mouth, your eyes flickering between the two girls watching you with expectant stares. you should lie, make some kind of excuse to avert the attention from you, ask what yunjin had to talk about. but the thought of hiding your feelings from them more than you already are makes a sick feeling appear in your stomach.
“i kissed heeseung.” the words are out before you even realize you said that.
they stand there, unmoving before yunjin speaks, “you what?”
wonyoung only covers her mouth with her hand, a loud gasp leaving her lips as she looks between you and yunjin. you stare sheepishly at the two, no more words leaving your lips as you open and close your mouth, wonyoung finally forcing some words out. “bitch, are you serious?”
the reality of everything feels like it’s hitting you all over again, a shaky breath leaving your lips as you look up, trying to form a sentence in your mind before you speak out loud. “i kissed heeseung. or, he kissed me. we kissed each other? i don’t know…” you cover your eyes with one of your hands, clenching your eyes shut. everything feels too surreal right now.
yunjin blinks, shaking her head as she tries to make sense of the situation. “hold on, start from the beginning, please. what the fuck happened?”
you laugh shakily, shrugging as words come spilling out, “i just- i needed a break from the party, so i went into what i thought was an empty room, but he was in there. he told me i could stay, and we started talking, and he brought up the fact that i’d never kissed anyone-“
wonyoung cuts you off, raising an eyebrow. “how did he know that?”
you gulp, averting your eyes. “that’s a story for another time.” the two share a look, but don’t interrupt you again, letting you continue. “anyway, he said he could teach me… and, yeah,” you mumble, words getting quieter as you finish the story, finally looking back at the two.
yunjin’s jaw is dropped, and she turns to wonyoung with a glare. “you left her alone for ten minutes and she kissed heeseung?”
“i wanted a drink!” wonyoung defends herself, pointing at you, “i didn’t know she was gonna sneak off and make out with someone while i was gone.”
your cheeks heat up, shaking your head quickly. “it wasn’t like that. it was just one kiss.”
yunjin only laughs, giving you a hug. “well, congratulations. my baby is all grown up.”
“oh, fuck off,” you mutter, but your arms wrap around her, fighting back a smile.
“was it good?” wonyoung asks, your eyes widening. “like… is he really that good of a kisser like everyone says?”
your breath hitches at the question. your mind flickers back to how his lips felt on yours, how softly he held you, his breath soft against your lips, how his voice dropped, quiet and gentle. the way everything made you felt. your heart speeds up again at the thought, and you swallow, hesitating slightly before answering, trying to disguise the true thoughts you have.
“i don’t know, wonyoung. it was my first kiss. how am i supposed to know what good means?” you reply, huffing out a laugh.
she groans, unsatisfied with your answer, but she doesn’t push further. yunjin pulls back from the hug, but her hands remain on your shoulders. “you kissed lee heeseung. the lee heeseung. and he offered to teach you. girl, you’re in so deep.”
you shake your head, feeling your cheeks heat up even more, if that’s possible. wonyoung chimes in, tugging your arm. “okay. back to your dorm, right now. tell us everything. leave absolutely nothing out.”
you only laugh, but let wonyoung drag you along, yunjin following closely behind. the comfort the two provide for you makes things feel not as stressful, trying your best to push the anxieties and self-doubt about the turn the night took away.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
your stomach was a mess of nerves as you stepped through the classroom door. it wasn’t that you didn’t expect to see heeseung- you knew he was going to be here. but you didn’t know if you were ready. you had spent the past two days replaying every moment, every detail of that night, too caught up in your own thoughts. you tried to convince yourself it wasn’t a big deal, that it was just a kiss, but your true feelings betrayed you.
you spotted him in what had become his usual seat- which was previously yours- scrolling on his phone, leaned back in the chair. you swallowed, getting closer to the seat as you put on a front, acting as nonchalant and unaffected as you could.
you slid into the chair next to him, pulling out your notebook and letting your bag hit the floor with a soft thud. you busied yourself with opening to an empty page, dragging your pencil along the page to make random, pointless drawings. anything to try and ease your nerves at the moment.
“hey, princess,” heeseung spoke, his voice carrying that signature teasing lilt. his tone was so casual, like nothing had happened. you tried to ignore the way your heartbeat sped up at the sounds of his voice, or the nickname that used to make you grind your teeth. “i didn’t see you after you left the room. i thought you disappeared.”
you finally glanced at him, your eyes meeting his. “i’m still here. sadly.”
his lip twitched, that signature smirk forming on his lips. “good to know.”
his tone was so casual, so normal. but yet, things felt different. maybe it was the way he was watching you- his gaze lingering for just a second too long before looking away. or how he wasn’t teasing you as much, you two having a normal conversation for once.
you were reading too much into it. this was the last thing you wanted to do. you kissed him because he offered to teach you. there was no meaning, no feelings behind it- on his end. you cleared your throat, turning back to your notebook. “did you look over the project? i added some notes to the shared document. there’s an article that seems like it could be helpful.”
he shook his head, leaning forward so his elbows were on the desk. “nah. i’ve been busy with practice.”
you roll your eyes, but the usual irritation didn’t come. you continued to doodle on your notebook, trying to focus on the small flower you were creating. but you couldn’t ignore the way you could feel his gaze on you, making heat rise to your cheeks.
“you’re staring,” you mumble, eyes still trained on the flower, adding small blades of grass at the bottom, adding another small flower next to it.
“am i?” he asked, and you could see the way he tilted his head in your peripheral vision. “i didn’t notice.”
you huffed out a breath, forcing yourself not to react. if you gave him an inch, he’d take a mile, pointing out every little flustered reaction you have. it was the last thing you needed.
dr. kim entered the room, greeting the class, indirectly saving you from having to reply. you tried to focus, jotting down whatever he mentioned, but your focus was somewhere else entirely.
every time heeseung moved, shifting in his seat, tapping his pen against your notebook, your attention would be drawn to him. you couldn’t stop it. as much as you tried to focus, trying to ignore him, your mind wouldn’t let you. you felt like a middle schooler with a pathetic crush all over again.
it was stupid. he was acting normal. you were (trying to) act normal. so why did nothing feel normal? slowly, your head turned just slightly, looking towards him. but he was already looking at you. he didn’t look away, your eyes meeting for a fleeting second. your breath caught in your throat, and you turned back to your notebook quickly, shifting in your seat.
you were screwed. your heart lurched, your pulse quickening. a small part of your mind tells you that you’re not imagining things- that something has shifted. something is different. but you can’t place your finger on it. you feel like you’re making yourself go crazy, overanalyzing every little detail. every little glance, every sentence, hell, you payed attention to the tone of his voice.
all you know is that you’re fucked. you’re officially down bad for lee heeseung.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
your day had been horrible. you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep, forgetting that this shitshow of a day ever happened.
you woke up late, the shrill sound of your alarm shocking you awake, the time on the clock practically mocking you as you realized you were going to be late to class. you rushed your morning, not even having enough time to get breakfast, leaving your stomach growling as you rushed to class. you looked like you had just rolled out of bed- which was the truth- as you walked into the classroom, sending an apologetic smile as your professor glared at you.
the lecture was a blur, and to make matters worse, you absolutely failed your test. you knew you weren’t confident with the material, but to have a low c staring back at you made you feel too incompetent. your professor didn’t even hide her disappointment, shaking her head as she placed the paper on your desk, your ears turning red with embarrassment.
now, your heavy feet were carrying you to your favorite café, your comfort away from the hectic world, the one place that brought you peace after a bad day. about halfway there, it had started sprinkling, small droplets landing on you as you walked. it truly felt like you had a rain cloud above only you, making fun of how bad your day had gone so far.
you pushed open the door to the café, the comforting smell filling your senses, and you felt the tension in your body ease just slightly. you tried to ignore the looks of other patrons, wondering why you had no umbrella, your hair and clothes damp as you stepped inside. all that was on your mind was a hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream. you’d been dreaming about it since you walked into class earlier, making a promise to yourself you would pick one up after class to hopefully raise your dejected feelings.
of course, the universe had other plans. the cup looked fine, the white paper concealing what was inside. but when you took a sip, the sharp taste hit your tastebuds, completely wrong. bitter coffee covered your tongue, making your face scrunch up. you blinked in confusion, slowly popping the lid off the cup. they had given you straight black coffee. you stared at the coffee, your pitiful stare reflecting off the dark liquid.
you sighed, frustration bubbling up inside you. you weren’t going to make a scene, you were too exhausted for that. it wasn’t what you did. but you also knew if you didn’t have your hot chocolate you were going to go insane. was it pathetic that a drink could help make your day that much better? maybe.
you walked back up to the counter, politely pointing the mistake out to the barista, even pulling out your crumpled up receipt from your pocket to solidify your point. she didn’t seem to care, staring at you blankly before taking the cup with a sigh, muttering out a half-assed apology.
you wanted to say something, your inner dialogue filled with very creative language as you watched her roll her eyes when she turned around. you felt like a burden, the comfort this place usually provided suddenly turning into a unpleasant experience.
they finally handed you the right drink, about five minutes later. it should’ve made things better, but it didn’t. you thanked her with the biggest smile you could muster, apologizing for the inconvenience and turning around. you were starting to walk to your favorite seat, a table in the corner that gave you a perfect view of the scenery outside, a perfect place to put in your headphones and daydream.
and that’s when it happened. too focused on the previous interaction, too distracted with everything that had gone wrong today. you ran into someone- hard. your shoulders slammed into each other, the force making you stumble backwards, your drink almost spilling. some splashed out the small opening, the hot liquid splashing against your hand, causing a small curse to leave your mouth as you winced.
you steadied yourself, looking up at the stranger. an apology was on the tip of your tongue, ready to admit that you weren’t paying attention, but that’s when you saw his expression. cold. angry. he looked you up and down, like you were a piece of garbage. as if you were an inconvenience. like you had ruined his whole day, his eyes full of judgement. he didn’t bother to say anything, let alone hear whatever you had to say as he scoffed and continued on his way.
it felt like a slap in the face. your mouth opened, almost ready to sputter out insults, but no words came out. suddenly, it felt like the weight of everything that had happened today was crashing down on you. your rushed morning, your failed test, your disappointed professor, the rain, the wrong order, the barista, this stranger- his glare, like you meant nothing. it all felt like too much.
hot tears brimmed your eyes before you could get your emotions in check. you turned around, pushing open the café doors, taking deep breaths to calm yourself. the soft rain from earlier had begun to fall in fat, harsh drops, pouring down on everything. the weather felt like an accurate representation of your emotions in the moment, cold, sad, chaotic. you pressed a hand to your forehead, trying, and failing to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. a lump formed in your throat, and you leaned back against the wall of the café.
you pulled your phone out from your pocket, trying to ignore how pathetic your reflection looked as you unlocked it, a tear slipping down your cheek as you opened your contacts, your fingers immediately finding yunjin’s name as you pressed the call button.
it was like once one tear fell, the floodgates opened. you couldn’t control them anymore, tears spilling down your cheeks as you wiped at your eyes pathetically. the only noise being the quiet ringing of your phone, the rain falling, and your quiet sniffles.
it went to voicemail, yunjin’s happy voice breaking the sad silence. you tried again. still no answer. more tears fell, moving onto wonyoung next. it repeated the same process, ringing. and ringing. and ringing. and then- voicemail. you tried once again to be sure, clinging onto any ounce of hope. same result.
you could feel your heart shattering more and more. you felt alone. your sniffles turned into quiet sobs, clutching your phone as you tried to catch your breath. everything felt too overwhelming, too out of your control, too messed up.
you were stuck here. you couldn’t walk home, the rain was too strong. you couldn’t go back inside, not looking like this. everything was slowly unraveling. your closest friends weren’t even picking up, and you couldn’t get mad at them for it. they had lives too, not always able to drop everything for you. but the betrayal still stung, everything feeling like a personal attack at this point.
you forced yourself to breathe, slowly unlocking your phone once again. you scrolled through your contacts, blurry, tear-filled vision making it harder. you just needed someone, anyone who you could call. anyone who could come get you. your eyes stopped on one person, your heart beating faster at the thought. you clicked on his contact, you finger hovering over the call button, before finally, you pressed it.
it rang once. twice. three times. you were losing hope, more tears spilling down your cheeks as the reality of your situation set in. and then-
“hello?”
your breath catches. you hadn’t expected someone to actually pick up. everything felt so hopeless, the sound of someone’s voice sending a shock through you. you sniffle quietly, trying to get a word out, but it’s like they’re all caught in your throat.
“hello?” heeseung repeats again, his voice more clear this time. “are you there?”
you take a deep breath, forcing your tears and shaky breaths to calm down. you feel like if you speak a new wave of tears will just spill down your cheeks. “i-“ you start, before your voice breaks. you swallow, trying again. “i need a ride… it’s raining. no one else was picking up.”
there’s a long pause, silence stretching between the two of you. you begin to feel stupid for calling, for being such an inconvenience to another person, more than you’ve already been today. you hear a small laugh on the other end, your eyebrows furrowing slightly at the sound. “can’t handle a little rain, princess?”
frustration builds inside of you, but you hold your feelings down. this, however, makes the dam in your eyes break again, more tears spilling down your cheeks. “heeseung, please,” you sniffle, sucking in a shaky breath as you try to get your emotions in check again.
the teasing tone of his voice is gone almost immediately, replaced by confusion as he speaks again. “y/n? are you okay?”
your breath catches at his change in tone. you didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, didn’t want to push your emotions onto someone else, all because you couldn’t handle a bad day. but everything was too much right now. “yeah,” your speak, you words quieter than you expected, a shaky tone to your voice. “just… tired.”
he’s silent for a bit, before he speaks again, and you can hear shuffling on the other end, the jingling of car keys sending a small hope through you. “where are you?”
“the café near campus. the one we went to that one time,” you force out, trying your hardest to sound normal. and not like there’s tears slipping down your cheeks. you think you must look insane. standing under the awning of a café in the pouring rain, tears streaming down your cheeks as you hold a hot chocolate and a phone. it must be a laughable sight.
heeseung’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts, calm and serious, a vast difference from the usual teasing, smug tone he has. “i’ll be there soon. when i get there just walk to my car, alright? i’ll pull up next to the curb.”
you nod, forgetting he can’t see you. when you finally speak, your voice is barely above a whisper, defeated, shaky. “okay.”
the call ends, leaving you in silence again. a shaky sigh leaves your lips as your hand wipes your tears, trying your best to collect yourself. you take a sip of your hot chocolate, the warm liquid providing a small sense of comfort in whatever whirlwind your day has turned into.
nerves fill you again, the thought that you could be a burden creeping into your mind. your hands shake as you rub at your eyes, trying to push the thoughts away. god, you don’t wanna be a total mess when heeseung gets here, but you can’t stop crying. you force yourself to focus on something different. business proposal, hot chocolate, your favorite salad, cats. anything that makes you happy. and slowly but surely, your tears turn into small sniffles.
you watch cars drive by, but there’s not a lot. most classes are out by now and students don’t wanna be parading in this rain. the rain doesn’t let up- if anything, it’s gotten heavier, wind whipping around you at this point.
after a few minutes, you finally see a car pulling up. the sight is so reassuring, but you can’t stop the way your pulse speeds up, or the nerves that run through you. your feet don’t move at first, still too caught in your emotions to move. you take a small step, slow, cautious, before the rain showers you, pelting, hard. you speed up quickly, ignoring the chill of the water as you cling to your hot chocolate, as if that will do anything to warm you up in this weather. it’s lukewarm by now, anyway.
when you reach the car, heeseung’s eyes are on you, the window rolling down as you get closer. “get in,” he says, voice low, but not unkind, “you’re shaking.”
you can only nod, pulling open the door and slipping inside. the warmth of the car immediately envelops you, feeling like a warm hug. you try your best to ignore the way your clothes, now wet, feel against your body. neither of you says anything, but you can feel his eyes on you. you finally turn, meeting his eyes. he looks… concerned.
he raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak. you don’t. so he finally does, his voice softer than it was before. “you wanna talk about it?”
you shake your head, a new wave of emotions hitting you at his question. you blink back the hot tears brimming your eyes again, snapping your head towards the window as a shaky breath leaves you. “thank you,” you sniffle, your voice quiet. defeated.
he hums, his voice reassuring, whether he means it or not. it feels like it’s grounding you in the chaotic mess of your emotions. “don’t worry about it.”
without another word, he pulls away from the curb. heading towards the dorms. he doesn’t tease you, doesn’t ask any more questions. the only noise is the soft radio, the car’s engine, and the rain pattering outside.
you bite your lip, trying to hold back a new wave of tears as you rest your head against the window. it doesn’t work. tears spill down your cheeks, your breathing irregular, labored, as you try to stay quiet, wiping at your eyes as inconspicuously as you can.
heeseung notices, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. he doesn’t push, simply turning up the volume of the radio, masking the sounds of your tears behind the music. it’s such a small action, but it makes your stomach flip, taking a small sip of your hot chocolate to ground yourself.
as you get closer to the dorms, your thoughts swirl, uncontrollable, chaotic. you close your eyes, taking deep breaths. you need to forget about today. pretend it never happened, pretend it was all just a nightmare that you’re going to wake up from tomorrow morning.
but as you sit there, dried tears on your face as you look over at heeseung, your heart speeds up a bit. maybe you needed a distraction. maybe you just needed… something to take your mind off of the day. he turns to you, meeting your eyes, and you glance down at your hands quickly. god, you must look like shit right now.
would it be weird if you asked for another kiss? would that actually take your mind off of how bad today was? thoughts swirl in your mind, half of yourself telling you to just go for it, be bold, ask for what you want. the other side battles it, scenarios of him giving you a dirty look, like the stranger did, filling your mind. you sigh, shaking your head. there’s too much going on in your mind right now for you to also be dealing with this.
the car slows as heeseung pulls up outside your dorm. the low hum of the radio filling the tense silence between the two of you. you should leave. unbuckle your seatbelt, thank him for the ride, open the door, and go back to your dorm. but you don’t. you sit there.
your fingers tighten around the cup in your lap, feeling the paper mold to your grip. you can feel his gaze flickering to you. waiting. you keep your eyes fixed on the window, watching the rain droplets race each other down the glass. your heartbeat sped up in your chest, the pounding in your ears drowning out the noise of anything else.
you should just go. but you can’t move. you inhale shakily, focusing on every ounce of courage you have. “heeseung,” you begin, but the moment you turn your head, his attention on you, the words get caught in your throat. refusing to leave.
he hums, waiting for you to continue. you swallow, nerves building. this is stupid. this is so stupid. what if he says no? what if laughs in your face? the weight of today is already pressing down on you, heavy, suffocating. if he rejects you, if he looks at you with even a fraction of the disdain the stranger at the café did, you might just end it.
you should forget it. push your thoughts aside and leave the car. just curl up in bed and go to sleep. your thoughts aren’t correct right now. your mind is jumbled, your emotions are out of whack-
but then he shifts slightly. placing his elbow on the center console as he faces you. his full, undivided attention on you. he’s waiting.
your breath stutters, heat climbing up your neck. “at the party,” you begin, your voice quiet, barely above a whisper. “when we-“ you stop, shutting your eyes for a second. it’s too late to back out now, you’re already speaking. “when we kissed.”
he doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, simply waiting for you to continue. your breath is shaky, your next words unsure. “did that mean anything to you?”
you regret the words the moment they leave your lips. you sound desperate. pathetic. needy. you shake your head quickly, shutting your eyes. “forget it,” you mumble, as if you can take back the words you just said. “i’m a mess right-“
“i wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t,” heeseung speaks, cutting you off. his voice is quieter than usual. softer, but still firm. “that was your first kiss.”
your pulse stutters, a breath catching in your throat. you finally turn to look at him, your stomach twisting at the intensity of his gaze.
you should stop talking. end this before you do something you’ll regret. but you keep talking, your voice so quiet, you’re unsure if he hears it over the sound of the radio. “can you… can you do it again?”
his eyes widen a bit, but the moment is brief. a flicker. and then that unreadable look is back. you want to take your words back immediately, erase this moment from existence entirely. “you don’t have to,” you add, words tumbling out before you can stop them. “it’s just- fuck. today has been horrible, and i can’t stop thinking about that kiss, and i thought that maybe-“
“are you sure?” heeseung asks, cutting your rambling off again. his voice is softer now, almost as quiet as yours. like these words are only meant to heard by the two of you, hidden from the rest of the world.
you swallow, setting your cup in his cup holder. you don’t trust your voice right now- can't trust it- so you nod instead.
for a second, he only watches you, his expression unreadable. it sends a chill through you, anxiety seeping in. then he slowly reaches up, tucking a strand of damp hair behind your ear. his touch is soft, barely there, but it’s everything you need right now. his gaze flickers over yours- searching for any signs of hesitation. like he’s waiting for you to pull away. but you don’t. you lean in slightly, a silent confirmation. and that’s all it takes.
“okay,” he murmurs. and then his lips are on yours again.
his lips brush against yours, soft, careful, like he’s still making sure this is what you want. he doesn’t press hard, his hand holding your jaw, his lips barely there. you shudder at his touch, at the feeling of him. and then you kiss him back.
it's hesitant- unsure. you still don’t know how to do this, how to match someone’s rhythm, someone who knows what they’re doing. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. it’s not overwhelming. he just guides you, and you let him.
he tilts his head slightly, molding his lips against yours, coaxing you to follow his lead. and you do. you follow the way his lips move, melting more into the kiss by the second. you can feel his other hand moving, his fingers ghosting over the side of your neck. you shiver at his touch, the warmth, the position of his touch sending a wave of heat rushing through you.
his fingers rest on the back of your neck, just below your hairline. his touch is gentle, guiding you closer to him, and you let him, instinctively moving closer to him. the kiss deepens just slightly, his hand pulling you even closer.
you should pull away. stop here. this should be enough. but you want more. a flicker of something unfamiliar and new buzzes in your chest, and you’re moving before you can think too much about it. your hands reach out, finding the front of his hoodie as your hands grip the fabric, pulling him even closer.
that changed everything. heeseung exhales sharply against your lips, and then he’s kissing you harder, deeper. your brain short circuits, the added intensity unfamiliar, but so welcomed. his grip on the back of your neck loosens, his fingers tangling in your hair.
a small noise escapes you, desperate, wanting. it’s barely audible over the noise of the radio and the rain against the windshield. but he hears it. you know he does. you feel the way his fingers tighten in your hair, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss, a quiet hum vibrating in his throat.
your head is spinning. it’s only your second kiss ever, you’re still fumbling to keep up, still clumsy in your movements. but the way he’s holding you, guiding you through it like he knows exactly what he’s doing- he does- you don’t have to think too much. you just follow his movements.
your body melts into his touch, the nerves leading your body as you focus on his kisses and nothing else. your fingers loosen their grip on his hoodie, threading into his hair, your fingers tightening slightly. his breath hitches for a second, a noise leaving his lips. it sends a shiver down your spine. his lips slow, his kisses growing softer again, like he’s trying to ground himself. the thought makes your stomach flip, so many different feelings swirling inside you. new feelings. foreign feelings. but you love them.
neither of you speak when you finally pull away, your foreheads resting against each other. you’re both breathless, lips parted and swollen as you catch your breath. your hands stay tangled in each other’s hair, like neither of you want to let go just yet.
the air is thick with something unspoken, like a line was crossed tonight. you don’t care right now. you don’t want to think about that.
part of your mind knows you should pull away, create some distance before this goes further than it already has. but you don’t want to. so you don’t.
your fingers that are tangled in his hair tighten slightly, and before you can stop yourself, you’re leaning in again. pressing your lips against his, not soft, not gentle. you want more.
heeseung exhales softly, and it’s like his resolve snaps. like everything he was holding back breaks at your movements. his hands drop to your waist, tugging slightly. you pull away from his lips, your breath heavy as your brows furrow.
“what-“ you begin, blinking in confusion.
he cuts you off with a quiet laugh, his voice almost teasing, but with a hint of warmness that’s not usually there. “trust me.”
and you do. you let his hands lift you, the space between you becoming increasingly smaller. the awkwardness of the car’s cramped interior makes your movements more careful. you let him guide you over the center console, your body bending slightly as it digs into your legs.
and then you’re in his lap. his hands remain on your waist, just holding you, watching you. your hands rest on his shoulders, steadying yourself. the new proximity makes your pulse stutter, so close to him it feels dizzying.
his eyes search over your face, before his hands find your back, and he’s pulling you into him. his lips are on yours again, and every thought you had vanishes. this kiss is different than the other two.
it's hungrier, more desperate. like he was holding back, waiting for permission to let go. and you gave him that. his hands are everywhere- your back, trailing up your sides, your thighs, your hips, his touch desperate. like he’s trying to commit you to his memory.
it's dizzying. intoxicating. your hands tangle in his hoodie again, trying to ground yourself as a small noise slips past your lips. everywhere he touches feels like it leaves fire in his wake.
and then his lips leave yours. your breath catches as his lips move lower. he kisses the corner of your mouth, then your jaw. the sensation is foreign. it’s overwhelming. you can feel his breath against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine as a sigh leaves your lips. his hand on your thigh tightens at the noise, a noise coming from deep in his throat as his kisses become messier.
his kisses trail along your neck, sucking, kissing, his breath ghosting over your skin. you felt hot. your fingers tighten in his hoodie, a sharp exhale leaving your lips. your heart is racing, your breathing picking up. your body is reacting to sensations you’ve never experienced before. your head falls back slightly, his lips exploring more area. it’s intoxicating. dizzying. but it’s a lot. it’s too much all at once, as much as you want more.
the moment you shift slightly, heeseung notices. his kisses stop, but he doesn’t pull away. his breath is warm against your neck before, slowly, he lifts his head, his gaze searching yours. his grip on your body loosens slightly, just resting there now.
“you okay?” his voice is low, laced with something that makes your head spin. “too much?”
you swallow, grounding yourself. you want this. you want his touch, his kisses, his attention on you. but it feels like it’s moving too fast, caught between the two emotions.
you nod, before quickly shaking your head. “i-“ you stutter, your voice quiet, breathy and shaky. “i don’t know. it’s a lot. but i want it.”
his brows draw together slightly. he doesn’t look angry, he looks concerned. his voice is quiet, comforting. his hands slide to rest on your waist, simply holding you. “we’ll stop for now. i don’t want to rush you.”
his voice is steady, but his breathing is uneven. there’s an emotion in his eyes you can’t place. they’re darker, flickering over your face. your heart lurches at the mention of ‘for now.’ he wants more as well. you exhale, your breath shaky as you nod. “okay.”
you want to feel something more. you don’t want to move, don’t want to leave the moment. so you lean in, your cheek resting against his shoulder as you breathe out, the warmth of his body grounding you.
his hands hover slightly over your waist, before they trail up your back, hands splaying out as he tugs you closer to him. it’s intimate. too intimate. you’re crossing a line, and you know it.
his chest rises and falls beneath you, his steady breathing calming your erratic heartbeat. the warmth of his body feels like a blanket, everything quiet. you let the silence wash over you. it’s not awkward. it’s comfortable. the only sound that surrounds you is the rain, and the soft radio, “delicate” by taylor swift playing quietly.
his thumbs rub against your back, the small action causing a quiet hum to leave you as you shift against him, getting more comfortable. you hear a quiet laugh leave him, so soft it almost just sounds like a breath. his voice is soft, but it has the familiar teasing tone you’re used to. “you good, princess?”
the nickname feels different this time- not used to tease anymore. like an unspoken acknowledgement that something has shifted, the layers of tension being peeled back slowly, your desires coming to fruition more every time you see him. it’s something neither of you want to say out loud, but you both feel it.
you smile softly, nodding your head against his shoulder. “yeah. i’m good,” you whisper, your voice soft.
he hums, tilting his head slightly so his lips brush against your ear as he speaks again, his voice so soft. “you sure? i know that was… a lot.”
and you know it was. you’re feeling so much. so many feelings swirling in your chest. but you only nod, not wanting to break the moment. “yeah.”
you press closer into him, snuggling up against his warmth. his arms tighten just slightly around you, locking you in his embrace, like you would ever want to leave.
“i’m not going anywhere,” he laughs softly, feeling your hands grip his hoodie just a bit tighter. his voice has a warmth you’ve never heard before, the tone making your stomach flip, and you only hum in response, snuggling your head further against his shoulder.
you know you’re down bad, you know you’re falling. hell, you’ve already fallen. part of you knows it’s a bad idea. while the other part just wants to live. wants to experience this moment. the serenity, the soft sound of the radio, and the warmth of lee heeseung.
and for the first time today, it doesn’t feel like everything is falling apart.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
“i don’t know!” you cry out, throwing your hands up as you stare at the two girls sat in front of you with their jaws dropped. "i don’t even know what happened! it’s all a mess!”
yunjin stands up, immediately pacing the room as she looks at you, shaking her head in disbelief. “wait, let me get this straight? you made out with him. in a car. in the rain? y/n, what the fuck?”
wonyoung, still sitting, crosses her arms. “and you didn’t think to- what, call us? text us? i don’t know, anything.”
you roll your eyes, staring back at her. “i did call you guys. yunjin was too busy getting her back blown out by beomgyu, and god knows what you were doing. he was the last person i could call, and i wasn’t about to walk home sobbing in that rain!”
yunjin stops pacing, turning to you with her jaw dropped. “that’s a valid reason to not pick up the phone!”
wonyoung’s face scrunches up in confusion, her head tilting. “you called me? i was watching youtube, i swear my phone didn’t ring.”
you throw your hands up in frustration. “i don’t care! it’s in the past, i’m just- fuck, i’m losing my mind. i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel.”
yunjin looks at wonyoung, the two sharing a look of disbelief. “okay. you asked him to kiss you, so obviously part of you knows what you’re feeling.”
“i don’t-“ you groan, dropping your head in your hands. “i’ve never done this before, yunjin! it’s all new to me. it’s terrifying.”
wonyoung smirks, clearly enjoying your misery. “you’re down bad, girl. just admit it.”
you sigh, falling back onto the couch. “i know i’m down bad, wonyoung. i blush just thinking about the guy.”
yunjin sucks in a breath, sitting down next to you. “brutal. so, like, what happened after? you made out, then what?”
you pause, mind still spinning as you recount the memories of everything. you turn away from her, your voice quiet as you speak. “he like… pulled me into his lap. and he was kissing my neck…”
there’s a long silence. no one saying anything. you look back to see yunjin and wonyoung both staring at you with wide eyes.
“what the fuck?” wonyoung yells, standing up. you press a finger over your mouth, begging her to shut up. she shakes her head, continuing to ramble. “y/n! oh my god, this is insane!”
you place your hands over your face, heat crawling up your cheeks. “i know! i don’t know what i’m doing, guys! then we kinda hugged? and just sat there for like ten minutes. we only stopped because my legs were falling asleep and i made up some excuse to go inside.”
yunjin only sighs, leaning her head back against the couch. “you’re so oblivious. he wants you.”
you raise an eyebrow at her, slowly uncovering your face. “you don’t know that. why would he want me when he has a ton of other girls that know so much more than i do? i feel like a burden, like he has to teach me everything. i chickened out from a few seconds of him kissing my fucking neck!”
wonyoung laughs, shaking her head. “i don’t know, y/n. why do guys do half of the stuff that they do?” she stretches, raising her arms above her head as she continues. “plus, not every guys mind is filed with sex. maybe he’s okay with taking it slow with you. i still can’t believe you bagged heeseung of all people, though. he’s known for his hook-ups.”
“that’s exactly what i mean,” you mumble, your voice growing more defeated by the second. “maybe this isn’t a good idea. i feel like an idiot.”
yunjin sits up, smacking your stomach before rising to her feet. “stop doubting yourself. you’re hot, okay? you’re looking into it too much, i promise.”
you only glance at her, a pout on your lips. she sighs, grabbing your arms and pulling you to sit up. “i’m not saying to rush into anything, alright? don’t forget his reputation. but if he was willing to just hold you for ten minutes like that? there’s obviously something more there.”
you give her a half-smile, considering her words. they hit deep, considering that his reputation had been the one thing lingering in the back of your mind when you got butterflies thinking about something that he did. what if you were just a game? just something to entertain him until the next girl came along?
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
the last few days had been brutal. you had forgetting what having a crush- an actual crush- felt like. on top of the… physical aspect of it, you were losing your mind.
searching for heeseung around campus, daydreaming in class, your body heating up at the memory of his hands on you. you felt like a teenage boy with raging hormones. it didn’t help that you barely ever had the form to yourself, so being able to act on your desires was rare.
now, it’s 10pm. you’re sitting in your room, finishing up some last minute assignments. yunjin is in her bed, scrolling on her phone, tiktoks playing quietly in the background. you submit your last assignment, your phone buzzing next to you. you glance at it, expecting a random notification, but it’s a text from heeseung.
your heart speeds up just slightly.
heeseung [10:20 pm]: u busy?you squint at the message. your stomach twists slightly, the two simple words sending a rush of adrenaline through you.
you pick it up, anyway, typing out a quick response. you tell yourself to act normal. he can’t tell if you’re flustered over text.
you [10:21 pm] why?it’s read immediately. and almost just as quickly, three dots appear.
heeseung [10:21 pm]: wanna watch a movieoh, for fuck’s sake. this could only mean one thing. you felt your pulse speed up slightly, your fingers hovering over the keyboard before you send your response.
you [10:22 pm]: watch it yourselfheeseung [10:22 pm]: don’t want toyou sigh, reading his message over and over. you couldn’t fall for a trap this easily, but yet, you wanted to.
you [10:22 pm]: ask jake or somethingheeseung [10:23 pm]: he doesn’t look as good as uyour breath catches. oh. your whole body felt like it was heating up, betraying you quicker than your mind was. you should ignore him. put down the phone, pretend this conversation didn’t happen. save your sanity.
heeseung [10:24 pm]: u gonna respond?fuck it.
you [10:24 pm]: i hate u. be there in 10.you push yourself off the bed, yunjin sending you a look when you grab your jacket, pulling it over your arms.
“are you going somewhere?” she asks, tilting her head. you jump slightly at her voice. you had forgotten she was here. fuck.
“uh, yeah.”
she raises an eyebrow, a tiktok playing on loop as she watches you. “at 10:30 pm?”
fuck. think of an excuse. anything. “yeah, i need to-“ you glance around, your eyes landing on your backpack. “i need to print something!”
she just stares at you, her expression full of amusement. “print something.”
you want the floor to swallow you. “yeah.”
"...at 10:30?”
"yep!” you reply, trying your hardest to seem believable.
she blinks. “what do you need a printer for?”
“class!” you reply quickly. too quickly. “what else would i need it for? that’s why, i’m going to the library.”
her eyes narrow, her eyebrows furrowing. “the library closes at nine.”
fuck. you’re horrible at this. “wonyoung has a printer! in her dorm! so i’m going. to print. my paper. because class is important.”
no response. silence envelops the two of you. finally, she tilts her head. “you don’t have class tomorrow.”
you’re going to slam your head into the wall. “fine!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up. “i’m going to walmart for snacks! is that better?”yunjin holds back a laugh, her eyes flickering with amusement. “snack run. got it.”
“yeah, i had to lie or else… or else you would ask me to buy you something. and i don’t have a lot of money.” you reply. she only smirks. she knows you’re full of shit. you know she knows.
“okay,” she shrugs, looking back at her phone. you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding, walking towards the door. just as your hand touches the doorknob, she speaks again. “use protection.”
you freeze, your stomach dropping. you turn to look at her, slowly. “what?”
she keeps her eyes trained on her phone, but there’s a shit-eating grin on her face. “you heard me.”
you gasp incredulously, glancing around the room. “i told you i’m going to walmart.”
she snorts, finally glancing up at you, “yeah, and i’m going to paris next weekend.”
you glare at her, flipping her off. “it was the best i could come up with! you put me on the spot!”
“it was horrible,” she sighs, shaking her head in disappointment before continuing, “i don’t care what you’re do, but at least lie better. and i’m a bit offended you didn’t just tell me the truth.”
you shake your head, embarrassment rushing through you. “nothing’s happening!”
“no.” she replies, a smirk on her lips as she turns off her phone, placing it next to her. “you’re getting dicked down by lee heeseung. that’s what’s happening.”
your jaw drops, and you yank the door open, your face burning red. “i am not! shut up!”
“goodnight, y/n,” she muses, a teasing smile on her lips.
you slam the door shut behind you, stomping down the hall. fuck. that was humiliating. you’re never living that down. she’s probably texting wonyoung at this exact moment, telling her everything that just happened.
you groan out loud, your head falling back as you wait outside the elevator, sending heeseung a text.
you [10:27 pm]: i’m going to kill u.you don’t wait for his response, stepping into the elevator as it opens. your stomach is twisting in anticipation, for… whatever is going to happen tonight. your body is betraying you. your mind is betraying you. thoughts flickering through your mind, making you feel dizzy as you walk to his dorm.
it’s a short enough walk, simply enjoying the scenery of campus as you make your way to his dorm. it’s quiet at this hour, and it almost feels like you’re the only one here, besides the student you pass every few minutes. every step feels heavier, like you’re getting closer to what you know is a like you haven’t crossed before. as if you haven’t crossed more in the last week than you ever thought you would.
when you finally make it to his dorm, following the directions he gave you, your heart pounds in your chest as you stand outside his door. you hesitate, before raising your hand and knocking once. twice.
you hear footplates approaching the door, before it swings open and- oh.
your mouth almost waters at the sight. heeseung is standing there, a white wifebeater clinging to his skin, grey sweatpants low on his hips. his hair is messy and disheveled, making him look even more irresistible. his arms are crossed against his chest, muscles flexing every time he moves slightly.
your brain stops working, your eyes raking over his figure before you realize what you’re doing. they snap back up to his face, but it’s too late. he already has the smug look on his face, and you’re praying he doesn’t say anything.
luckily, by the grace of god, he doesn’t. he leans against the doorframe, raising his eyebrows slightly. “took you long enough.”
you sigh, your lips pursing as you glare at him. “shut up. i’m here, aren’t i?”
“yeah.” he says, voice dropping with teasing tone as he tilts his head. “i was starting to miss you, pretty girl.”
your eyes widen a bit at the new nickname, and you swear your heart skips a few beats. you want to slam your head into the nearest wall repeatedly. you want him to-
no. you take a deep breath, forcing yourself to get a grip. “move,” you finally say, pushing past him and entering his dorm.
it looks like a typical college athlete dorm room. he was lucky enough to get a whole dorm to himself, basketball posters littering the walls, a pc set up where the other bed usually goes, and a small couch and tv off to the other side of the room. it was cozy, and not too cluttered.
he lets you push him, and you try not to focus on how his muscles feel so much more defined through his tank top than they did through his hoodie. “damn, princess. you’re killing me.”
you roll your eyes, walking over to his couch and plopping down on it. you watch as he shuts the door, stepping closer to you. his smirk stays on his lips, his eyes full of something you can’t read, but it sends a shiver down your spine.
“so,” you begin, trying to keep your emotions in check. “what movie are we watching?”
he doesn’t say anything, simply sitting next to you on the couch and turning the tv on. the movie of choice is waiting to be played, and your eyes squint slightly.
“10 things i hate about you?” your voice comes out more surprised than you meant, and heeseung looks at you, tilting his head. you hadn’t expected this choice. you were expecting him to pick a marvel movie, or mad max, something that guys watch, you didn’t know.
his smile is smug, glancing at the tv and back at you. “yeah,” he shrugs, not seeing the big deal. “do you not like it?”
you blink, thrown off. a rom-com? it’s not something you had expected heeseung- or any college boy in general- to enjoy. you feel like you’re uncovering a new side of him, one that you haven’t seen before.
you shake your head quickly, “no, it’s one of my favorites. just didn’t think you would watch something like this.”
he raises an eyebrow in response, leaning back against the couch as he presses play. “i’m a man of depth, y/n.” his voice is teasing, his eyes flickering from yours to the tv.
your stomach flips, but you don’t say anything else. you settle back into the couch, unsure of how much distance to put between the two of you.
about halfway through the movie, patrick and kat finally kiss. lying down after the paintball game, against the hay. it’s like you can feel the tension snapping between them, your eyes staring longingly at the screen.
you can’t look away. it’s something you’ve always wanted. the kind of love you’ve always wanted to experience (well, besides the fact it all started as a bet). your mind flickers to you and heeseung and whatever… this is.
without thinking, the words spill out, wistful, longing. “i’ve always wanted a love like theirs. this movie is perfect.”
silence. the reality of who you just spoke those words in front of settles in. you blink, wanting the ground to swallow you. you glance over at heeseung, praying to every god that he somehow didn’t hear you. he definitely did.
his eyes flicker towards yours, the corner of his mouth lifting into that signature smirk. he doesn’t say anything at first, just watching you, the way you shift in your seat, obviously regretting your choice of words.
“yeah?” he finally asks, his voice low and teasing. it sends a chill through your body, and he leans just a bit closer. “i guess they are pretty nice together, aren’t they? reminds me of us.”
his words make your eyes widen just slightly, your pulse speeding up at his comment. you swallow, hard. your mouth opens, but no words leave your lips. his gaze stays on yours, intense, waiting. but you can’t speak. the room feels like it’s shrinking, the air suddenly too think to breathe.
he tilts his head, the stupid smirk still on his lips. “cat got your tongue?” his voice is still low, but there’s something else to it now. you bite your lip, nerves crackling between the both of you. the movie continues to play, but it’s just background noise now, only sound filling the heated silence between you.
he shifts, his body facing yours completely now, making him feel so much closer. the smirk on his face drops slightly, an unreadable expression taking over his features. your breath stutters, and you force words to leave your lips. “well… i mean-“
he leans in closer, so close you can feel his warm breath against your skin. your heartbeat quickens, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the moment. you try to ignore your nerves, your erratic heartbeat, your shaky breath, the way your lips part slightly. but it’s impossible.
he raises a hand to cup your jaw, his thumb brushing against your bottom lip. “tell me,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, laced with something you can’t quite place. he drags your bottom lip down with his thumb, before letting it fall back into place. “you ever think about that with someone like me?”
you swear your heartbeat stops. because you have. god, of course you have. but the words are stuck in your throat, the moment too tense for you to force any words out. you can’t even think straight. you feel surrounded by him. the look in his eyes, the proximity, his touch.
you inhale sharply, your eyes closing for just a second as you try to ground yourself. it’s useless. you’re too far gone, the moment is too tense. his gaze flickers to your lips, a soft breath leaving his lips, and something inside you snaps.
your lips crash against his, your hands threading into his hair to pull him closer. he reciprocates immediately, groaning against your lips, like he had been waiting all night for this. his hand on your jaw tilts your head, deepening the kiss. it’s frantic, messy, and desperate. charged with emotion and the tension that had been building all night. all the unsaid words pouring themselves into the way your lips move against each other.
his free hand finds your waist, pulling you closer. slowly, he shifts his hand to your back, fingers splaying out as he secures you, slowly guiding you down until you’re lying back on the couch, your bodies pressed together, his legs between yours. his weight settles over you, caging you in, but it feels like more than that. something you can’t quite place.
your fingers leave his hair, trailing down to his chest, your breath stuttering as you feel the way his muscles move beneath his tank top, desire shooting through you. his tongue prods at your bottom lip, asking for more, your mouth opening instinctively to let him in. your breath catches as his tongue brushes against yours. it’s a foreign feeling, and you don’t know what to do. your inexperience is painfully obvious, insecurity filling you. but heeseung doesn’t rush you. his hand on your jaw tilts your head slightly, coaxing you to follow his movements. his kisses are slower now, letting you adjust. it’s messy and uncertain, but he exhales against your lips, hot and heavy, and you realize that he doesn’t care. your inexperience doesn’t matter to him. he wants this. you want this. you let yourself relax, your lips moving more confidently against his.
something inside you clicks, your resolve shattering as your mind is clouded with the desire. the want for more. more of his lips, his touch, everything. your body feels like it’s on fire, need spreading throughout you. you pull back, gasping for air, both of your chests rising and falling as you catch your breath. your mind is hazy from the intensity of the kiss, of the feelings swirling through you.
heeseung’s gaze softens slightly, like he’s about to say something, but before he can speak, you interrupt him. your voice is shaky, but firm. “i want more.”
he stares at you for a second, processing your words. then, his eyes darken, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. a deep, guttural groan leaves his lips, and before you can process it, his lips are back on yours. his kisses are deeper, more urgent, desperate, like you just shattered his last ounce of restraint he had. you feel dizzy, his kisses intoxicating. his touch grows more fervent, one tangling in your hair to tilt your head.
you sigh against his lips, everything feeling like too much and not enough at the same time as your hands grip his biceps, grounding yourself to something. his tongue slides against yours in a way that makes your head spin, the intensity of his kisses sending your mind reeling.
and then he shifts. just slightly, but his hips press against yours. it’s subtle, unintentional, but it sends a shock through your body, a familiar spark burning in your core. you gasp against his lips, your fingers tightening around his biceps as the pleasure spreads.
he notices. fuck, of course he notices. hears the small, shaky sound that leaves you. he pulls back just slightly, his breath warm against your lips. his voice is low, dripping with amusement. “that feel good, princess?”
you tighten around nothing, your thighs attempting to close, squeeze together, ease some of the tension you’re feeling. but you can’t, not with heeseung in between your legs. his lips curve into a smirk, picking up on every detail about your body. he presses his lips against yours again. rolling his hips again, this time deliberately.
your breath stutters. the feeling is overwhelming, too much with all the emotions you’re already feeling, but you want it. your fingers dig into his biceps, using your grip as an anchor for your sanity, but he doesn’t stop. his lips trail along your jaw, down your neck, his voice tickling your skin. “you like that, don’t you?”
you can’t answer, can barely breathe. you try to speak, but he rolls his hips just right, pressing right against your clit, and a whimper slips past your lips. he hears it. loves it. but when you don’t answer, he slows his hips, the loss of friction making your fingers tighten.
you go to protest, but he speaks before you. “c’mon princess”, he murmurs, hand sliding down to grip your waist. “i asked you a question.”
he shifts slightly- just enough for you to feel it. but it’s not enough. your core clenches at the fleeting pressure. “don’t get all shy on me now,” he hums, angling your hips just right before rolling his agan. slower, more controlled.
your nails dig into his arms, head tipping back slightly. it’s not enough. and he knows. he’s waiting. waiting for you to break. and finally, you do. you gasp, voice breathless and desperate as it leaves your lips. “yes.”
he huffs out a laugh against your ear, a shiver running down your spine. “that’s my girl.” his lips crash against yours, grinding against you harder, pulling gasps and whimpers from you.
“fuck,” he exhales, forehead resting against yours. his breath is ragged, fingers tightening on your waist, like he’s trying to hold back.
but you need more. your hips push up, chasing the dizzying pleasure. his grip tightens, his hips rocking harder, faster. “shit- princess…” he groans, burying his face in the crook of your neck. then you feel it. the solid press of him through his sweats. fuck, he’s huge. your stomach clenches, an involuntary moan leaving you. he’s hard, because of you. he’s enjoying this.
you shift again, your underwear sticking uncomfortably to yourself, voice shaky and broken. “heeseung-“
his hand slides beneath your shirt, fingers splaying across your waist. his lips hover against yours, voice quiet, strained. “i’ve got you.”
it's too much. every roll of his hips, every kiss, every touch. your head rolls back, eyes fluttering shut as pleasure rushes through you. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, so close to tipping over the edge.
heeseung watches, his breath hitching. his eyes are dark, lidded, filled with lust. his hands tighten on your waist, hips pressing harder. “you close, princess?”
you nod, your hips trying to push up against him, but he holds you down, forcing you to take it. a groan leaves his lips, his voice strained as he grits his teeth. “fuck… you’re gonna make me blow a load in my pants.”
his words make you shiver, barely processing words at this point. and then his hips move just right- and you break. your entire body tenses, your back arching off the couch as a broken cry leaves you, white-hot pleasure crashing over you.
heeseung’s brows are furrowed, his jaw slack, watching as you tremble beneath him. and that’s all it takes for him. his fingers grip your waist tighter, his hips stuttering against yours as a choked gasp spills past his lips. “ah, fuck-“ he groans out, finally finishing in his pants. his body shakes against yours, the feeling only heightening your pleasure.
it’s silent for a bit, the only sounds being the movie playing quietly in the background and your heaving breaths. you can still feel the aftershocks, your mind foggy, having felt as if it's flown somewhere far away. and then, a quiet, breathless laugh leaves heeseung’s lips. “damn, princess.”
your lips part, but nothing but a soft exhale leaves your lips. your heartbeat is pounding in your ears, everything feeling too heavy. heeseung’s expression shifts, his amusement turning into something softer, his fingers brushing against your cheek. his touch sends a shiver down your spine, still hypersensitive. “you good?”
your eyes finally flutter open, blinking softly. you manage a small nod, slowly coming back to reality.
a small laugh leaves his lips, but his tone remains soft. “you sure? you look like you’re on another planet.”
you nod again, and then reality sinks in. you just came in your pants because of lee heeseung. you basically had indirect sex with lee heeseung. your eyes widen slightly, a hand covering your eyes as you groan quietly. “i can’t believe we just did that.”
he leans down just slightly, his lips brushing against yours ever so softly. “believe it, baby.”
you let out an exasperated laugh, rolling your eyes as you shove at his chest. “literally shut up.”
he only laughs, pushing himself so he’s hovering above you. he just watches you for a moment, silence enveloping you as you both process everything. and then. “not gonna lie, i’ve never came in my pants before.”
your eyes widen, just looking at him. “oh.” you blink, averting your gaze. but then, something clicks. you did that. you were a first for him, too. it causes something proud to bloom in your chest, holding back a smile.
“why do you-“ heeseung squints at you, an amused scoff leaving his lips. “are you proud of yourself right now?”
you avert your gaze, poorly biting back a smile. “no.”
“oh my god,” he groans, his head dropping to rest against your chest. “you so are.”
you giggle, trying to ignore how his touch affects you. “i mean, i think that’s kinda an accomplishment. don’t you?”
he lifts his head, an amused expression on his face. he laughs softly, shaking his head. “you’re unreal.”
“i guess you’re rubbing off on me,” you shrug, pushing some hair out of his face. due to his positioning, though, it falls back right away.
“and, uh…” you hand runs down his face, fingers grazing down his chest as your eyes remain on his. “i’ve never done that with anyone before.”
he lets out a quiet curse, and you can feel his muscles tensing under your fingers. he finally snaps out of it, glancing down at where you’re still connected. “this is just uncomfortable now.”
you shift your hips, trying to ease some of the uncomfortable stickiness. it backfires, heeseung’s hand gripping your hip as he sucks a breath in through his teeth. “don’t move.”
it sends a jolt of electricity through you, your lips parting slightly. fuck, this was such new territory for you. before you can speak, heseung is pushing himself off of you, standing up with a groan.
“i’m gonna go get us some pants.”
you push yourself up on your elbows, your stomach doing a little flip. the word leaves your lips before you can think about it. “us?”
he tilts his head, a soft smile on his lips. “yes, us. i’m not letting you sleep over in ruined pants.”
sleep over. you’re sleeping over. you’re spending the night at a guys dorm- heeseung’s dorm.
“don’t look so surprised, princess. i’m not letting you walk home this late,” he speaks again, watching your surprised expression.
and when he reaches out his hand, pulling you up to your feet, you let him. you let him get you a change of pants. you let him pull you closer in bed. you let yourself fall asleep in lee heeseung’s arms, even though your heart is beating out of your chest the whole time.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
it’s been two weeks. two weeks of this… thing with heeseung. and you’re happy. you’ve never felt this way about anyone before.
you’re not dating. neither of you would call it that. no one has. not yunjin, not wonyoung, not his friends- but they all have that look in their eyes when they see you together. they know. because you’re together. kind of.
you go to his games occasionally, dragging either yunjin or wonyoung along. because he asked you to come. he wanted you to be there.he’s on time for study sessions, even picking you up from your dorm sometimes. half the time is spent actually getting work done, and the other half is spent talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
you go out together now. you take heeseung with you to your favorite café after class. you remember the first time you walked in with him after everything. a few of the workers just stared at you. you always came in alone, but here you were with lee heeseung, standing so close to each other, whispering like your words were only meant for you two.
he takes you to a lookout about a twenty-minute drive from campus. it’s always quiet, peaceful. nothing’s said, but everything is understood. he always takes you late at night, the lights far away creating one of the most beautiful nights. the city feels so close, but so far away. just like everything feels with him.
and then there’s the other moments. the ones that make you question whatever this is.
when he brings your favorite drink to class- because he knows it now. when he watches the shows you recommended, listens to the music you play. when he always makes sure you get home safe, walking you all the way to your door before sending you off. when you catch him looking at you, his eyes softer, something that you can’t quite place. when he can always tell when you’re cold, not even saying anything before he drapes his sweater over your shoulders, going back to whatever he was doing like it was no big deal.it's not obvious you’re together, but it’s obvious that there’s something there. and that’s enough. you’re happy.
you’re happy. right?
the walk to your dorm is quiet. it’s not awkward- it’s never awkward. it’s just quiet. filled with words that neither of you want to say, caught in your swirling minds.
the night is cold, but you can’t feel it. not with heeseung’s hoodie enveloping you, sheltering you from the nipping night air. his shoulder continues to brush against yours, the proximity making you feel safe.
but something feels different tonight. the whole day, something felt off. like all the unspoken words were going to come to fruition. he had acted different tonight. softer. closer.
tonight, he had pulled the hood of your (his) hoodie up when the wind picked up, his fingers lingering for just a second too long. his fingers brushed against yours while you walked together, and for a second, you thought he was going to intertwine your fingers. tonight, he had just watched you when you were speaking. really watched you. like he was memorizing every detail of your face. and now, you’re here at your dorm. and you don’t want to go inside. you don’t want the night to end. you shift your weight from one foot to the other, looking up at heeseung as he stands in front of you. “thanks for walking me back,” you mumble, shoving your hands in the pocket of his hoodie.
heeseung nods, his lips parting. your eyes light up the slightest bit. it looks like he’s going to do something, say something. finally, finally cross that line.
maybe a kiss. not a kiss filled with tension, or a makeout session. a kiss just because. a soft, fleeting goodnight kiss.
but then, he just exhales through his nose, his lips curling into a soft smile. his hands lift, your heart speeding up. it’s happening.
and then, he tugs your hood down. his touch is so soft, it’s comforting. he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, your breath hitching at the action. his eyes flicker over your face, filled with unsaid words, and you can almost see the way he’s fighting his thoughts.his voice is so quiet when he speaks, filled with something you can’t place. “goodnight, princess.”
you swallow, something akin to disappointment filling you. but you brush it off, simply nodding as you take a step back. “goodnight, heeseung.”his lips part again, but he closes them quickly, simply returning the nod. you try not to let your emotions show, just turning around and entering your dorm, the ghost of whatever moment should’ve just happened disappearing into the air.
the door clicks shut behind you, and now it’s just you. alone. it’s quiet. too quiet. you’re half-expecting yunjin’s voice to fill the room, teasing you, asking you to spill all the details- but it doesn’t. she’s spending the night at beomgyu’s. it’s become routine for her.
part of you wishes that was routine for you and heeseung as well. you sigh, running a hand through your hair before finally making your way to your bed, sliding under the covers. heeseung’s hoodie smells like him. that somehow makes everything worse.
everything should be fine. this shouldn’t be a big deal. but you can’t stop thinking about it. the way he looked at you tonight- hell, the way he’s been looking at you every day lately. how close he got tonight, how his touch lingered. and the look in his eyes. like there was so much he wanted to say. but he didn’t. he never does.
you stare at the ceiling, unsure of whether your feelings are valid or not. this isn’t how you expected your first romance to go. not that this is even a romance. or a relationship. or a situationship. whatever it is.
you always thought love would be easier to understand, to navigate. that you would see someone, and everything would just click. you wouldn’t have to wonder, you wouldn’t be anxious. love at first sight, they call it. maybe you read too many books, watched too many movies. maybe you just had an unrealistic expectation of love.
you push the doubt away, along with the lingering thoughts of confusion. they’re not fair. not to heeseung, and definitely not to you. you’re happy. or, you’re supposed to be happy.
so why does it feel like you’re waiting for something that’s never going to come? something just out of reach, like a mirage? no matter how close you get, it continues to get further away.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
the sun is out, trees rustling slightly with the breeze. you and wonyoung walk side by side, her rambling about how some guy in her economics class- anton- keeps trying to flirt with her. it’s funny. sometimes you wonder if wonyoung truly understands how beautiful she is. you can’t blame the guy.
“girl, i don’t know why you’re surprised,” you roll your eyes, a small laugh leaving your lips, “you’re stunning.”
she smiles, her mouth opening as she goes to respond, but the words die on her lips as both your ears pick up on the conversation happening next to you.
“heeseung? oh yeah, he said they were just messing around.”
something said in passing by a guy talking to his friend. something not meant for your ears, but you heard it. and it hurt. made your stomach twist, a disgusting feeling settling in your gut.
there was a party yesterday. heeseung went. he told you he was going. your mind swirled with endless possibilities. did something happen there? was something said? why are other people talking about you?
you don’t react- at least, not outwardly. but the words feel like a punch to your gut. a bucket of ice water being poured over your head. wonyoung hears it, too. you know she did. you watch as she turns to you, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.
“heeseung?” she asks, tilting her head slightly. “did something happen?”
it only makes the ugly feeling inside you worse.
you shake your head, trying to keep your voice as normal as possible. “no. but rumors are just rumors. besides, he’s really popular. people are bound to talk.”
you try to convince yourself you mean what you’re saying out loud. like everything’s fine. like it doesn’t hurt.
she hesitates a bit, studying your face. she opens her mouth, but ultimately nods along to your words slowly, letting it go. she continues to talk, the conversation between you two easily flowing again.
you reply, trying to seem invested. trying to stop the uneasiness forming inside you more and more by the second. but it’s hard. you know heeseung. you know his reputation.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
the café was busy this time of day. conversation and the sound of drinks being made filled the small building, the smell of coffee heavy in the air. you’re sat at your favorite seat in the corner, heeseung sitting across from you. the conversation was flowing easily, the two of you talking about anything that came to your minds.
you didn’t mention what you heard earlier, even though the doubts burned in the back of your mind. as much as you tried to push the thoughts away, they stayed. taunting you.
the bell jingles, alerting that a new customer is walking in. you turn your head, your stomach dropping the second your eyes land on her.
sieun. she makes direct eye contact with you, a slow smirk forming on her face as she walks over. your guard goes up immediately, heeseung having yet to notice her.
you knew about their history. everyone did. an on-and-off fling that lasted for months. they ended things for good just a couple months ago, right before you met heeseung.
“well,” she says, her voice dripping with false sweetness, a fake smile on her lips as she places her hands on the table. “you move on quick, don’t you? i’ve heard a lot about you two.”
your body feels like it goes cold. you glance at heeseung, waiting for him to do something. say anything. but he doesn’t.
his smile falters, his eyes flickering towards her. you watch as he rubs the back of his neck, simply shaking his head before turning back to his cup. it sends a chill through you, that same ugly feeling forming in the pit of your stomach.
sieun doesn’t even acknowledge you. her eyes stay trained on heeseung, her smile darkening, lips curling into something sadistic.
“don’t have anything to say? i heard you were just messing around with this one,” she continues. she can’t even use your name. ‘this one’ stings like a burning rod being pressed to your skin.
but her words stick out the most. messing around. the same words you hear earlier. the same words that had been swirling in your head this whole day, making anxiety pound through you. it felt like every fear you had was being confirmed. every rumor, coming to fruition.
you watch heeseung, your eyes pleading with him to say something. to say she’s wrong, that there is something between you two. that she heard wrong, and things are different this time. anything to make this right.
but instead, he just shakes his head again a small, breathless laugh leaves his lips like he can’t believe this is happening. it makes your stomach twist, frustration bubbling up inside you. the man who always had something to say was now sitting wordlessly in front of you, avoiding eye contact with the both of you.
sieun finally turns to look at you, her smile turning sympathetic, taunting. “you’re cute,” she muses, fake sadness dripping from her voice. “i hope you’re not expecting anything serious.”
it hurts. it feels like a stab wound to the heart, pain rushing through your whole body. your mouth opens and closes, but no words leave you. your gaze flickers back too heeseung, waiting for something, anything.
that something never comes.
sieun simply laughs under her breath and shakes her head, leaving as quickly as she came. leaving you two surrounded by a crushing silence.
your hands curl into fists underneath the table, frustration turning to anger and hurt as you stare at the tabletop. heeseung still hasn’t said anything. he sits there, silent, and you can feel his gaze on you.
it hurts too much. your heart feels like it’s shattering more by the second, and you can’t take it anymore. you’re pushing yourself up from your seat before you can think twice about it, grabbing your bag, and walking.
you don’t look back. you don’t listen to his voice, or the stares from others as you make a beeline for the door. it swings open, the cold outside air whipping around you immediately, only adding to the storm of emotions in your head. you can’t think straight, every thought in your mind jumbled.
you don’t hear him behind you, not until you feel the faintest pull on your wrist do you stop, your breath catching in your throat. you hear his breath, ragged, quick. and finally, after everything, he speaks.
“y/n,” he says softly, cautiously, almost hesitant. his grip tightens just slightly, tugging just slightly more.
“you could’ve said something,” you mumble, the words barely escaping your lips. “anything. and you didn’t.”
there’s a pause. silence. deafening silence. and suddenly, it’s like the rose-tinted glasses were ripped off, leaving you standing with the reality of your actions.
tears brim your eyes as everything hits you all at once. you fell for the playboy. you were stupid enough to just be another one of his girls. your throat tightens, and the words spill out before you can stop them.
“i gave you so much,” you choke out, your voice trembling as you turn around to face him. “i- i actually trusted you. i had hope.”
his expression falters just slightly, his grip loosening, just barely, but you notice it. his mouth opens, but you cut him off before he can speak, all the frustrated feelings you’ve bottled up leaving you.
“you knew how new this was for me,” you continue, your voice rising. you ignore the stares of other students, or the tears that begin to spill from your eyes. “how new all of this is. why would you- why would you take that from me? i don’t know what i’m doing half the time we’re together, but i still try. and you- you just… you don’t try! you give me nothing in return!”
a bitter laugh leaves your lips, full of disbelief. your free hand comes up to rest on your forehead, trying to ground yourself somehow. but it’s no use. your tears keep falling, anger and heartbreak mixing to form the worst rush of emotions you’ve ever had.
“you don’t even kiss me goodnight, heeseung,” you mumble, your voice breaking as more tears spill from your eyes, blurring your vision. “you can’t even do that. the only time we kiss is when you want to fucking make out.”
his eyes widen slightly, and you can see the way guilt floods his features. but you can’t stop. it’s like you’re running on autopilot at this point. you laugh again, the sound borderline hysterical. your body is shaking with a mix of your cries and the emotion running through you, the adrenaline, the heartbreak.
“you can’t even call me by my actual name,” you whisper, the words tasting bitter as they leave your mouth. part of you can’t believe you’re saying these things out loud. “just ‘princess’. always just princess.”
the laugh in your throat dies, simply replaced by silence aside from your sniffles. his face- the guilt on his face- burns into you the more you look at him, your heart shattering at the sight. but whatever this is hurts more. you can’t take it anymore. can’t keep sacrificing your happiness, and having doubts about if lingering touches are true or not.
“you don’t know how much that hurts,” you whisper, the anger you felt finally fading into nothing but heartbreak and hurt. “to give you everything, and only feel like a game. you know, i used to dream about my first kiss. every first i could ever have. and you- you took so many of them from me.”
you finally stop speaking, letting the words sink in for the both of you. it’s quiet, tears slipping down your cheeks, but your face is blank. and heeseung stands there, motionless. confusion and guilt filling his expression, but you can’t wait around for a baseless apology.
so you don’t. you pull your wrist from his grip, and he doesn’t hold you back. he doesn’t say anything. he just watches. and that somehow hurts more than hearing him say anything. you shut your eyes, biting your bottom lip to contain a sob as you turn on your heel, walking away.
through your blurry vision, you don’t look back, keeping your vision forward as you walk away so fast it’s borderline running, your heart shattering more with every shaky step.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
your footsteps were heavy, dragging. the walk back to your dorm had been torturous, dried tears on your face, little sniffles escaping you as you ignored the stares of other students. you could acknowledge that you probably looked like shit.
the door clicked quietly as you shut it behind you, locking you in silence. the familiar space that always provided comfort, seemed to do absolutely nothing for you now. your bag slid off your shoulder, falling to the floor with a quiet thud, but you didn’t even hear it. you felt numb, everything far away.
but here, in the silence, it felt like everything replayed. every word, every emotion, him. your chest tightened, tears brimming in your eyes once again. they started to fall, soft at first, but they soon became uncontrollable. you tried to hold them back, to calm yourself down, but it was no use. your back hit the door, your legs giving out as you slid down, hitting the floor.
you tried desperately to catch your breath, your sobs wracking through you as your hands gripped at your chest, trying to grasp at any sense of control over the situation. nothing was working. everything hurt. you were left feeling stupid and gullible. just another one of lee heeseung’s girls.
and then, you saw it. on your desk chair, his hoodie was draped over the back. the sight sending a new wave of emotions through you. it was like you could feel it from where you sat on the floor, smell the familiar scent of him the hoodie carried. and it was all too much. a sob broke from your chest, loud, audible, everything crashing down at once.
your chest burned. your head hurt. everything felt wrong. you were trying to pull yourself together, but it only got worse. the reality of everything kept tumbling down on you, forcing you to replay the memories of the day over and over.
finally, you heard a door open, your eyes flickering over to the bathroom door only to see wonyoung and yunjin rushing to your side. their expressions filled with concern and confusion. it only made everything hurt more. your sobs were bordering being painful, your body shaking with each and every heaving breath you sucked in.
wonyoung was next to you first, wrapping her arms around you as you continued to cry. you couldn't do anything, your hands shaking in your lap as the tears flowed freely.
“what’d he do?” she asked bluntly, remembering the conversation from earlier. her hands rubbed your head, trying to calm you down as best she could. “what happened?”
your lip trembled as you tried to get words out, but all that left was a strangled sob, your eyes clenching shut. your hands came up to your face, as if you were attempting to block out the pain. but nothing worked. you felt the ache deep inside you, burning, stinging.
“what do you mean ‘what’d he do’?” you heard yunjin ask, her hand rubbing your knee comfortingly. you couldn’t reply, couldn’t even get a single word out. but you heard wonyoung filling her in on the conversation you overheard earlier, only adding to the pain you felt.
you tried to speak, tried to fill them in on what had just happened, but it felt like the words were stuck in your throat, like bile threatening to come up. all that left you was gasps for air. and then, you sucked in a breath, and it all spilled out.
“she… sieun came up to us. said.. he moved on quickly. that i was a game.” you choked out between sobs, shutting your eyes to ground yourself. “he didn’t- he didn’t say anything. nothing. he was just silent.”
“so… fuck. i left.” your chest heaved, squeezing your eyes shut as you spoke the words that felt too real. “he tried to stop me- but i told him everything. everything i’ve been feeling… ands he still didn’t say a single fucking word.”
it felt like saying them out loud meant that it actually happened. that it was real. that you didn’t imagine it, it wasn’t a bad dream.
wonyoung’s arms tightened around you, pulling your head against her chest as you continued to sob, everything feeling too real. you had never felt this before. this all consuming pain that enveloped your whole body. a pain you couldn’t pinpoint, not a physical pain, but an emotional pain. resting somewhere deep inside you.
yunjin’s eyes softened, her hands continuing to rub soft circles on your knee as you shook. “you deserve so much better than that asshole, y/n.”
you swallowed hard, trying to steady your breathing. “i don’t know what i was expecting, but i-“ you choked on your words, closing your eyes before continuing. “i thought it was real.”
wonyoung rubbed your arm with the hand she had wrapped around you, the touch grounding you, comforting you. “don’t say that,” she whispered, her lips brushing against the top of your head, “this isn’t your fault.”
you shook your head, finally lifting it as you wiped your tears, a bitter, disbelieving laugh slipping past your lips. “but it is,” you mumble, your voice shaky, “i let him in. i knew what i was getting into. lee heeseung, campus playboy. and i’m so, so fucking stupid for falling.”
the two girls stared at you, pity etched across their faces as they watched you break down on the floor, the happiness you had been feeling being ripped away from you all too soon, leaving you empty and heartbroken.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
the world kept moving. the days stretched on, long and unbearable. it felt like each one bled into the other. it was strange. how time could feel so, so agonizingly slow. it had only been a few days, but it felt like weeks. but a part of you felt like you were still there. standing, waiting, begging for anything, and getting nothing but silence in return.
you went to class because you had to. because you couldn’t let your grades slip. you sat in your usual seat with your notebook open, but the words blurred together. you busied yourself by doodling on your paper, words entering one ear and leaving the other. you couldn’t focus on anything, when your mind would drift back to him. every time someone leaned back in their chair, or tapped their pen on their notebook, you felt like you could see him.
it made something in your stomach twist violently. you couldn’t tell if it was nausea or longing. but you knew it hurt.
“y/n?”
you blinked, snapping back to reality at the sound of your name. you looked up, only to be met with the eyes of your professor, staring at you expectantly. fuck.
you swallow, gripping your pen just a bit tighter. “uh…” your eyes scanned the board for something, anything, but nothing made sense. you had no idea what was being discussed, or what question had been asked. you felt embarrassment flood you, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth as you sighed. “i’m sorry, i wasn’t paying attention. it’s been a long day.”your professor shook her head, eyes full of disappointment. “you need to pay attention, you’re usually better than this.”
it hurt. her look of disappointment, her words. if only she knew how you felt right now, the thoughts running through your head. but you only nodded, sinking in your seat as she moved on, another student raising their hand enthusiastically to answer the one you head clearly missed.
you forced yourself to sit through the rest of the lecture, trying to pay attention as best as you could. it didn’t work. eventually, you went back to doodling, your mind running wild with thoughts of regret again.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
eventually, yunjin and wonyoung forced you to go out. they thought it might help, and you believed them. maybe you just needed a night out, surrounded by people. that was bound to get your mind off of everything.
so, you did your hair, your makeup, put on an outfit you felt good in. forced yourself to smile, taking a deep breath as you told yourself over and over that this would help. it was a good idea.
but the second you stepped inside the bustling restaurant, laughter and voices echoing around you, you realized just how wrong you were.
he was everywhere.
in the boy at the next table, who wore his hoodie half zipped, his elbows rested on the table as he talked to his friends. in the smell of the cup of coffee a waiter walked by you, your mind drifting back to the café that had become your go-to. you haven’t gone since. in the laugh from someone a few tables down- a different voice, a different person, but it still made your stomach twist.
the worst part was the basketball game playing on the tv mounted above the bar.
you couldn’t help the way your eyes kept drifting to it, scanning the screen over and over again like you would see him. it wasn’t even your schools team, but you couldn’t stop. it just reminded you of him. the way he moved, controlling the court, making everyone root for him. you remembered the way his eyes would look for yours in the crowd after he scored a point. it made your breath hitch.
you weren’t sure how long you stared, hyper focused on the tv, until yunjin’s hand tapped your lightly, your eyes reluctantly pulling away from the tv and back to hers. “you alright? you haven’t said much,” she murmured, beat voice soft, cautious.
you shook your head, forcing a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “i’m fine,” you lied, forcing yourself to engage in the conversation that was happening. neither of them look convinced.
and your eyes kept flickering back to the tv.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
you barely ate.
you weren’t even doing it on purpose- didn’t realize how long you would go without eating. you just had no appetite, no desire to fuel your body. you would go the whole day, not even realizing you hadn’t eaten until it was 9pm and yunjin was shoving a cup of ramen in your face with a firm “eat.”
it reminded you of how much he loved ramen. the thought only made you want to eat it less, your stomach churning at the thought.
sleep wasn’t much better. nights were the absolute worst.
at least during the day, you could fake it. pretend you were fine, put on a fake smile and laugh at unfunny jokes people made. busy yourself with small talk, classwork, and meaningless conversations to pull your mind away from the storm inside you, even if only for a bit.
but at night, there was nothing to distract you. you had yunjin, of course, but you were tired of dragging her into your heartbreak fueled rants and crying sessions.
so it was just you lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, yunjin’s soft breaths the only noise filling the room.
you felt like you were drowning in your emotions. the loss. the regret. the ache in your chest that hadn’t gone away since that day.
it was like you could feel it physically. like a weight pressing down on you, constantly following you around throughout the whole day, but it was the worst at night. you were tired. all you wanted to do was sleep. but you couldn’t. your mind was running at a million miles a minute, everything coming back to you.
when you finally fell asleep, it wasn’t any better. in your dreams, you were back there- standing in front of him with a broken heart and crushed dreams. you always woke up before he could answer.
and you felt stupid. because this is exactly what you had been afraid of. this is why you had been so hesitant. because you knew how it would end- you knew what he was like. and still, you let yourself fall. you didn’t even try to catch yourself, willingly stepping off the edge and enjoying the freefall until you hit the ground. hard.
this was why you had stuck to romance novels for so long. why you had lived vicariously through kat stratford, rose bukater, lara jean covey… the list could go on and on. because, as much as you longed to experience romance, you were scared. scared that real life wouldn’t be like the book and movies. it wouldn’t be like the songs, or the cheesy love-at-first-sight stories old couples would tell you. and it wasn’t. it was painful, and things weren’t always destined to work out.
even your playlists had shifted. whereas a week ago, your most played song was ‘bewitched’ by laufey, a lovesick smile on your face as you laid in bed, singing along to the lyrics, you found yourself repeating ‘right where you left me’ by taylor swift lately. you felt like the song described your situation too perfectly. you couldn’t decide if that was better or worse for coping. eventually you settled on the latter, because you would cry every time it came on, your breath hitching the second you heard the ‘friends break up, friends get married.”
you just wanted everything to go back to normal. you wanted to go back to the day you met heeseung, walking to a different seat instead of sitting down next to him. you wanted to beg the professor to assign you with someone else. you wanted to never step foot in that fateful party that changed everything.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
it’s quiet aside from the video playing from your phone.
you’re curled up in bed, a bowl of pretzels in your lap as you watch a video essay on youtube about fourth wall breaks. you had nothing else to do.
yunjin was spending the night at beomgyu’s. again. wonyoung had to study for an exam coming up. you were left alone, your phone being your only entertainment. sure, you could’ve gone out. but it’s 11pm. you just needed something to keep your mind occupied.
it usually doesn’t work. but tonight, things are different. you’re happier tonight. things are easier. your mind doesn’t keep drifting back to him.
you stretch, rolling your neck as the voice talks about deadpool’s fourth wall breaks. it’s weirdly interesting. you forgot how entertaining youtube essays could be.
the peace is shattered by a knock on your door. the sound is sharp and unexpected, making you jump slightly as you look towards the door. you freeze for a second, before checking the time on your phone. 11:15pm. who would be here this late?
part of you thinks yunjin came back. but she has a key, so why wouldn’t she just unlock the door?
you stand, slowly walking towards the door, yawning slightly as you near it. maybe it’s wonyoung. she could’ve finished studying and wanted to hang out.
but when you finally pull open the door, your breath catches in your throat.
there, standing on the other side, is heeseung.
you feel your stomach churn. he looks different. there’s bags under his eyes, and his hair is messy, like he’s been running his hands through it. there’s a look in his eyes that you can quite place, something you’re grown accustomed to. you can never truly tell what he’s thinking.
you stare at him, but you can’t get any words out. his eyes are staring back into yours, and it feels like time stops. you’re frozen, unable to move. he’s here. standing in front of you.
you finally find your voice, forcing the words to leave your parted lips. “what are you doing here?”
your tone is sharper than intended, and part of you wishes you could take them back. but it’s too late. they’re out there.
heeseung stands still, his body tense. his eyes flicker around, like he’s lost deep in thought. it’s overwhelming. he hasn’t even said anything and you feel like he’s already said too much. you take a deep breath, your hand on the door as you get ready to close it. but heeseung’s fast. he reaches out, his fingers splaying across the door and halting your movements.
“wait. wait,” he pleads, his voice quiet, breathy. “just let me explain, please. just- just let me in. i need to, fuck… i need to say something.”
you hesitate, your eyes searching his. your mind is telling you to shut the door in his face, crawl back in bed, and pretend this conversation never happened. but you don’t. you can’t. something about his expression, the way he’s standing there, eyes pleading with you to listen for once- it stops you.
so you open the door wider, letting him step inside. your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest, averting your gaze from his as you step to the side.
he steps inside, and it’s like you can feel the shift in the room. you shut the door behind him, turning around to face him, and it’s like something cracks within him. he doesn’t wait a second longer. he just starts talking, words spilling out of him like a dam, like he’s been holding them back for some time.
“i don’t- i don’t do relationships. i don’t know how to do them. i don’t know how to feel this way. wasn’t supposed to feel this way,” he pauses for a moment, running a shaky hand through his hair. “i was fine before you. but now, everything has changed. i’m so fucking confused.”
you stand there, frozen, your stomach twisting at his words. it feels like you’ve been hit by a truck. you don’t know what to do, what to say, how to react. his voice rises slightly, and for the first time, you see his true feelings.
“you- fuck, you ruined me.”
his words are softer than you expect. they lack the usual teasing. they’re not sharp or mocking. they’re just a quiet emission of something he’s been dealing with, something he doesn’t know how to navigate. the pure emotion in his voice cuts through like a knife, hitting somewhere deep inside where all the sadness had piled up inside you.
“you make me want things i don’t even know how to want,” he continues, his voice quiet now, barely above a whisper. “i tried to deny it. i tried to push every feeling i had away. i couldn’t admit it to myself- i was scared.”
he stops talking, sucking in a breath as he stares at you. his eyes search yours, like he’s trying to gauge your emotions. you’re not sure. you don’t even know what you’re feeling right now.
you’re finally able to force a word out, your voice shaky and quiet, like you’re not even sure you want him to hear. “heeseung…”
but he doesn’t respond. he just stands there, his chest rising and falling with every shaky breath he takes. his eyes stay locked on yours, and his mouth parts like he’s going to say something, start speaking again. but instead, he runs a hand through his hair, letting out an incredulous laugh.
it’s not a happy laugh. it’s disbelieving, tinged with frustration and sadness, like he can’t even comprehend the fact that he’s in this position right now, pouring his heart out to someone he hurt.
“fuck,” he mutters, shaking his head, his voice wavering. “i can’t even focus at practice. coach keeps yelling at me, reprimanding me, but-“ he pauses, his eyes landing on yours again. “i can’t stop thinking about you. it’s screwing me up.”
you blink, the weight of his admission sinking in, making your eyes sting and a lump form in your throat. his voice is so raw, his words hitting you like a punch to the gut every time. his hand is shaky as he runs it over his face, shaking his head like he’s fighting something inside himself.
“i don’t know what’s happening to me,” he continues, his voice breathy and laced with emotion. “i can’t stop wanting you. i don’t know what to do with that. i’ve never felt this for someone before.”
he steps forward slightly, and you can feel yourself tense up. there’s an intensity in his eyes, raw and unfiltered. like he’s determined. it’s the most honest you’ve ever seen him be, the first time you’ve been able to tell what he’s feeling by looking at him. it almost knocks the breath out of you.
“i want… i want you to be mine, y/n,” he confesses, his voice full of sincerity. “i want to hold your hand, not just have our fingers brush. i want to kiss you, for no reason at all, but because i can’t help it. i want you to be able to tell people i’m yours. i just, i want to be close to you all the time. i’ve never experienced this before, and it scares the hell out of me. but losing you is worse. i can’t keep pushing my feelings- and you- away when you’re all that i think about.”
you freeze, your breath hitching as his words sink in more and more. he wants you. he wants this. your heart is racing, and your breathing picks up just a bit.
heeseung takes another step closer, his voice barely above a whisper now as if he’s scared to say the words out loud.
“i’m so fucking scared, y/n. this is all new to me. i don’t know how to do this. but i want to make this right. i want to be able to tell you what i’m feeling and what i want, just- please, don’t walk away again.”
the desperation in his voice tears at you, and before you can stop yourself, your vision blurs. the pressure in your chest builds, and a shaky breath leaves you as you feel the dam break. tears spill from your eyes, hot and fast, all the emotions you’ve been bottling up crashing down from the weight of his words.
heeseung’s eyes widen the second he sees your face shift, and in an instant, he’s there. his hands gently cup your face, his thumb softly wiping away every tear that falls. your breath hitches at his touch, a quiet sob leaving your lips.
“hey, hey, look at me,” he says softly, his hands guiding your face up carefully, like he’s afraid you might break. “i didn’t mean to- fuck. don’t cry, baby.”
you can’t stop it. the tears are falling down faster that you can hold them back. heeseung’s thumbs continue to brush against your cheeks, trying to calm down the rush of emotions you’re experiencing. but it’s too much- the words, the emotions, the tenderness. it’s all so new, so different from what you’ve been experiencing these past few days. your chest tightens, a mix of pain and relief swirling inside you, and before you can stop yourself, you press your head against his chest, your fingers gripping tightly onto his hoodie in a desperate attempt to steady yourself.
heeseung tenses up at the contact, his hands still cradling your face, albeit a bit awkward in this new positioning. but he doesn’t pull away. he lets you lean against him, tears spilling from your eyes as both of you breath shakily, like you’re afraid this moment could disappear at any second.
for a few seconds, neither of you moves. the room is thick with tension, and the sounds of your sniffles and his uneven breathing. then slowly, cautiously, his hands finally slip down to rest at your back, gently- his touch so light you almost don’t feel it- pulling you a bit closer to him. his movements are tentative, like he’s not sure if he even has the right to hold you, but he’s too afraid to let you go.
then, slowly, you pull away. but not far. just enough so you can tilt your head up, your eyes locking with his. and for a moment, it feels like the world stops. all his emotions are laid bare- his sincerity, his longing, his fear. and every emotion he’s feeling is mirrored in your gaze. you’re both scared, but you’re no longer hiding those feelings from each other. this is something new for both of you, but you know you’re ready to navigate it together.
before you can think too much about it, or second guess your thought process, you’re leaning in, pressing your lips against his. softly, tentatively at first. it’s different from every other kiss you shared. it’s not the rushed, messy kisses born from confusion and curiosity. no. it’s different. it’s slow, tender, filled with every unspoken word, every quiet confession that’s stayed locked deep inside until now. all the feelings of longing that have finally surfaced.
it’s everything you both wanted but were too scared to ask for. his lips move against yours slowly, and the gentleness of the kiss contrasts everything that came before it. the rush of emotions is still there, but it's calm now, dissipating softly like the rain slowing down after a thunderstorm. it’s just the two of you, finally letting go, spilling your emotions out.
heeseung’s hand moves to the back of your neck, his touch gentle but firm, pulling you closer. you can feel the warmth of his breath against your lips, the soft press of his body against yours. it’s not like before. it’s real. and it’s yours.
when he finally pulls back, there’s a moment of silence. neither of you say anything, but you don’t have to. the air is thick with meaning. there’s no need for words anymore. there’s a silent understanding between the two of you.
a small, hesitant smile tugs at his lips, his hand moving from the back of your neck to cup your face. “i mean it,” he whispers softly, as though he’s trying to reassure both of you. his thumb brushes against your bottom lip, his eyes flickering to them before back up to your eyes. “i’m not going anywhere.”
you nod, a shaky breath leaving your lips as your eyes search his. “i know,” you whisper back, the words a promise exchanged between the two of you.
you lean back in, connecting your lips for the second time that night. the second they meet again, it’s different. the hesitation, the sadness, it all melts away, being replaced by something different. something neither of you can hold back anymore. your fingers dig deeper into the fabric of his hoodie, desperate for something to ground you in this moment. you feel heeseung’s hand move around to the back of your head again, fingers tangling slightly in your hair.
you pull away, just slightly. your lips are still hovering over his, and you whisper, so quiet you’re not even sure if he heard. “heeseung…”
you don’t even know what you’re asking for. you don’t know why you’re saying his name. his breath hitches, but he doesn’t pull away. you can feel the hand on your back tighten slightly, and he exhales softly, voice low. “i know.”
and then he’s kissing you again, more sure this time, more determined. he guides you backward, each step slow, until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed. he doesn’t rush you. he just holds you there, lips moving against yours, as if he’s waiting for you to stop him.
you don’t.
he slowly eases you down on the bed, his hand on your back supporting you until your back collides with the bed. he follows you, until his body is hovering over yours. he finally pulls back, his weight braced on his forearm. his gaze flickers over your face, as if he’s memorizing every piece of you, trying to read your mind in this exact moment. it’s a look you’ve never seen in his eyes before, and it makes your stomach do flips.
he raises one of his hands, his thumb brushing against your cheek. the softness of his touch sends a shiver down your spine, and you can’t help the way you push your head into his touch. and then, he speaks quietly, almost like a vow. “let me prove it to you.”your breath hitches. your eyes widen slightly, and you feel like you can’t move. you can’t speak. you feel like these past two weeks heeseung has spilt you open, making you feel things no one else has ever done before, and now he’s in front of you, offering to do the same. and for the first time, it feels real. heeseung doesn’t push. he just waits. because for the first time in a long time, this isn’t a game to him. it’s not about winning, or getting the girl. it’s about you.
silence lingers between you, his words sinking into your mind. let me prove it to you.
your heart pounds against your ribs, and part of you is sure he can hear it. his thumb continues to trace slow, soothing circles against your cheek, and the gentleness of it, the want, the need you feel pushes you.
your fingers tighten in the fabric of his hoodie, exhaling a slow deep breath. you can feel the nerves pulsing through your body, but the warmth of his body above you, the emotions in his eyes, the softness of his touch, it’s enough. you tilt your chin up, pulling him down into another kiss.
he reacts immediately, his lips moving against yours in slow, careful kisses. he still doesn’t rush you. his hand slips from your cheek to trail down your arm, fingertips skimming across your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake.
slowly, the kiss deepens, bit by bit. his tongue swipes across your bottom lip, and just like last time, you let him in. it’s still clumsy, but you let yourself relax under his touch, sighing against his lips. his hand finds your waist, his fingers tightening slightly like he’s trying to hold himself back, and slowly, his lips trail lowers. to the corner of your mouth, then your jaw, then the soft curve of your neck.
your breath hitches. his lips are moving slowly, his kisses soft and fleeting, like he’s testing the waters, lingering, waiting for any sign that this is too much. but you don’t stop him. instead, you let your head roll back slightly against the pillow, granting him more access to your neck.
his kisses grow more intense at that, sucking a piece of your skin and pulling a gasp out of you. his fingers brush under the hem of your shirt, just barely slipping beneath the fabric, his fingertips pressing slightly on your stomach. it sends a shiver down your spine, and instinctively, your body tenses. not out of fear- but because it’s new.
this isn’t like the last time this happened. it’s more full of emotion, more sure, like you’re dedicating yourself to him. like this time, you’re truly crossing a line that can never be undone.
heeseung notices immediately. he stills, his lips hovering over your skin, his warm breath against your neck sending a shiver through you. he stops moving his hand up, simply opting to run slow, lazy circles on your torso with his thumb. he pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes searching your face, as if he’s trying to understand what you want. what you need.you swallow, his gaze making something churn inside you. your chest is rising and falling in quick, timid breaths, nerves rushing through you. the hesitation is there. the fear. but so is the anticipation. the want. the need to experience something new, to finally give in to what your body and heart have been desiring.
so you don’t pull away. you don’t stop him. instead, you push yourself up slightly, your lips hovering against his, and you whisper, “it’s okay.”
something in his gaze darkens, something unreadable passing through his expression. he holds your gaze for a second longer, like he’s giving you one last chance to change your mind. like he’s trying to make sure that you’re sure. but when you don’t- when you reach up and curl your fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips fully against yours- his restraint snaps.his kisses are hungry, taking more and more from you. and you love it. his hand under your shirt moves again, fingers splaying across your ribs as he holds you there, his lips moving against yours. for the first time, neither of you are trying to hold back. you arch slightly, pushing your chest into his hand, assuring him he can go further.
and just like that his hand moves up more, cupping your breast over your bra and eliciting a gasp from your lips. your fingers curl in his hair, your chest rising and falling at the new sensation.
heeseung can feel his restraint slipping more and more by the second. the need to be all over you, to make you feel sensations you’ve never felt before. but even through the haze, he’s careful. because this is you. and he knows this is a lot.
his lips place sloppy kisses against your neck, his fingers groping and massaging your breast, ripping gasps and sighs from your lips. it’s like each kiss, each touch is a silent question, waiting, asking for permission without saying the words.
and you give it to him. in the way your back arches, the way your hands tug at the strands of his hair, the gasps that leave your pretty lips as he explores places of you no one ever has before.
he exhales a shaky breath against your skin, and he pauses, resting his head against your shoulder. his hand pulls at the cup of your bra, teasing you- and himself. tempting both of you with what’s about to happen. his body is tense, his breathing heavy, like he’s trying to control himself.
and then he lifts his head, his eyes dark and dazed as he looks at you. god, the way he looks at you. it makes your heart stutter, your stomach flip, it sends a rush of desire through you, your thighs attempting to close, rub together, ease any of the tension you’re feeling. but of course, like last time, you can’t. not with heeseung resting between your legs.
his lips part slightly, like he wants to say something. but instead, he swallows hard, his eyes roaming across your frame. and before you can even process it, before you can allow yourself to feel self-conscious under his gaze- he moves.
his finger slides out from under your shirt, and his hands curl around the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head with one smooth motion. a gasp leaves your lips, and he tosses it aside, not caring where it lands. and then he’s back on you. his lips are pressing urgent, feverish kisses across your newly exposed skin.
his hands are everywhere, his lips are everywhere. he kisses you like he needs it. it leaves your head spinning, and your body feeling like it’s on fire.
“heeseung-“ his name leaves your lips in a breathless plea, barely more than a whisper, feeling everything all at once. you feel him shudder against you, his lips pausing against your breast.
then, slowly, his hand slips behind your back, his fingers resting on your bra clasp. it sends a shiver through you, your heart stuttering at the feeling. his voice is low, filled with lust, and he raises his head just slightly, his eyes meeting yours. “can i?”
and you nod. you don’t think twice, simply pushing your back off the bed to give him easier access. and slowly, he pulls your bra off of you, leaving your top half completely exposed to him, showing him more than anyone else has ever seen.
“you’re fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, before his lips are back on you, his lips immediately latching onto one of your nipples, his tongue flicking, his lips sucking lightly, sending pleasure coursing through your veins. his hand comes up to massage the other one, pulling a choked moan from your lips. the feeling is so new, so foreign, and you didn’t know it could feel this good. you can’t help the way you squirm under his touch, your head falling back as breathless sighs leave your lips.
your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging hard. and heeseung groans against your skin. a low, deep sound that vibrates through you, making your stomach clench and your thighs twitch, desperate to alleviate the need growing within you.
and slowly, he sits up, his eyes locked on yours. your chest rises and falls rapidly as you watch him, already missing the feeling of his mouth on you. but then. his fingers grab his hoodie, pulling it over his head.
something deep pools inside you at the sight of him. something that has you attempting to clench your thighs. your eyes take over his figure. the toned muscles, the sharp lines, his v-line, the way his sweatpants hang just a little too low on his hips. it makes your mouth water.
but you don’t get to stare long. because his lips are back on you immediately. trailing over your chest before moving down slowly. his hands rub down your sides, mapping out every curve. his lips trail between your breasts, then down the center of your stomach. his kisses are slow and unhurried, making you feel dizzy. you body is so sensitive to every little thing he does. your breath catches as he gets lower, and lower, and lower- until he stops.
his lips rest right above the waistband of your sweatpants, his hot breath against your skin making you shudder. he looks up at you, his eyes dark, filled with lust, and you can feel yourself clench around nothing.
his fingers toy with the waistband of your sweats, simply watching you. as if he’s asking for permission without saying a word. and you give it to him. you push your hips off the bed slightly, slow and needy, your eyes full of desire as you stare at him, a shaky exhale leaving your lips.
“fuck,” heeseung whispers against your skin, a shiver running through you. you feel the way his grip on your waistband tightens, his mouth so tantalizingly close to where you need him.
and then his lips part, a soft breath leaving his lips as he finally speaks, his voice low and dark. “are you sure?”
you nod, a soft whimper leaving your lips as you wriggle your hips, your eyes pleading with him. he only breathes a laugh against your skin, the sound quiet and breathless, his lips pressing a soft kiss against your skin, a shaky breath leaving your lips as the feeling sends a shiver down your spine.
“words, baby,” he whispers out, his voice low and teasing, but there’s an edge to it that makes your stomach twist and your core clench around nothing.
you don’t even know if you can speak. everything is so overwhelming in the best way possible, your eyes flickering all over his face as he just watches you with a smirk. you push your hips up again, your breath coming out desperate and breathy as you whisper. “heeseung, please.”
that’s all it takes for him. he smiles, pressing another kiss to your skin before his fingers dip under your waistband, tugging your sweats and underwear down in one go. his fingers tug slowly, revealing more and more by the second. you feel more exposed, suddenly aware of how you’re now completely naked in front of heeseung. but you trust him.
his eyes stay on yours the entire time, until he finally gets your pants off your legs completely, tossing them somewhere in the room. only then, does his gaze drop down, and you can see the way his eyes darken as he zeroes in on you.
you go to close your legs, suddenly self aware, but he grips your thighs before you get the chance, a soft gasp leaving your lips as he looks back up at you. “keep these open for me, hm?”
his thumbs rub slow, absentminded circles against your skin as he just watches you. like he’s committing the sight of you laid out bare beneath him to his memory. but it’s torturous for you.a whimper catches in your throat as your hands grip at the sheets, your hips attempting to move. “heeseung-“
he pushes your hips down, keeping you in place as he shakes his head. “you’re so needy, baby.” slowly, his fingers trail up your inner thighs, so close to where you need him, but never quite touching you, never giving you what you so desperately need. you whine, shifting your hips up, trying to feel something, but he just pushes your thighs down again. “patience,” he murmurs, the corner of his lips quirking up. “let me take my time with you.”
and slowly, so slowly, he runs a finger along your slick folds, the sensation making a gasp slip from your lips. your thighs twitch, and he moves his finger up, pressing down on your clit and pulling a soft moan from you.
“oh- heeseung,” you gasp out, your eyes closing and opening again as your chest rises and falls rapidly, growing accustomed to the feeling of someone else controlling your pleasure. he hums, before moving his finger back down, finally inserting a finger inside you. a moan slips past your lips, your walls fluttering around him.
“shit, baby,” he exhales, a breathy laugh leaving him as he looks up at your face before back down at your cunt. “you’re so tight.”
he curls his finger, stretching you open as you gasp and whine, your hands tightening in the sheets as he pushes another finger inside your dripping cunt. you let out a shaky breath, your head rolling back against the pillow.
and then his mouth is on you. a choked moan rips from your throat as his mouth sucks on your clit, the new feeling making your eyes shoot open as your hands fly from the sheets to his hair.
“heeseung- fuck-“ you gasp out, your hips attempting to move, but he uses his free hand to press down on your stomach, forcing you to stay still. to take it. it’s too much too fast. you can feel the knot in your stomach tightening, every suck and press pushing you closer to the edge.
your fingers tighten in his hair, and heeseung groans against you, sending a delicious vibration through you. your thighs shake as you gasp, teetering right on the edge.
“heeseung,” you moan out, your voice shaky and strained, “gonna- i-“
you can barely get the words out before his lips curve into a smirk against your skin. he hums, the feeling making you squirm before he mutters, “already?”
and then his mouth is back on you. his fingers are moving faster, his mouth sucking harder, his tongue working over your clit in slow circles. it's too much. your body tenses up and finally, the coil snaps.
a broken moan spills from your throat as your back arches off the bed, your body trembling as you come undone. you can feel his arm press down harder, holding your bottom half still as you gasp, unable to do anything but take it.
he doesn’t stop. at least, not immediately. he works you through it, his tongue lapping up every drop of your release, his fingers still moving and drawing out your pleasure. only when it’s too much, a whine slipping past your lips as your hands tug at his hair, does he stop.
he pulls back, the bottom half of his face glistening with your slick, his eyes dark as he meets yours- and somehow, you want more all over again.
“still with me, princess?” his voice is teasing, and he pushes himself up until he’s hovering over you. “or did i fuck you dumb already?”
you can barely answer, the aftershocks of your orgasm still coursing through you. his lips hover above yours, a small smile on his lips before he presses them against yours. you can taste yourself against his lips, slightly bitter.
your hips attempt to close, but he’s already settled himself between your legs, and you can feel him smirk against your lips as he grinds his hips just enough for you to feel him. it makes you gasp against his lips, desire coursing through you again. you can feel how hard he is, the outline of his cock pressing against your inner thigh through his sweats.
“you want this just as much as i do, don’t you?” he mumbles against your lips, his voice a low rasp. you can only nod, your breath catching in your throat as he rolls his hips again.
“think you can take me, baby?” he smirks, one of his hands sliding down your body to pull your legs open further, pressing his clothed cock right against your core and grinding down, forcing a quiet moan from you.
“please,” you whine out, your eyes fluttering shut as your mouth falls open in a silent gasp.
“yeah? want me inside you? stretching you out, filling you up for the first time?” he whispers against your lips, pressing his hips harder against yours as he lets out a strained breath.
your breath hitches at the lewd words leaving his lips, but your cunt clenches around nothing. you finally crack, words spilling from your lips. “yes- please… want you,” you murmur, your eyes pleading with him, full of desire.
his smirk deepens, and he presses a final kiss to your lips before pushing himself up. his fingers dig into the waistband of his sweats, and in one fluid motion, he pulls them down along with his boxers. his cock slaps against his stomach, his tip angry and leaking, and your eyes widen at the sight.
how the fuck was that going to fit inside you?
he stroked himself a few times, huffing out a laugh at your surprised expression. “see something you like?” he asks, a teasing tone to his voice.
you roll your eyes with a small smile, but you can’t hide the desire in your expression. the way your cunt clenches around nothing as your eyes flicker back down to where his cock strands.
he leans down, hovering over you as he pulls one of your legs open, exposing you to himself further. his cock brushes against your inner thigh, his tip leaking against your skin and causing you to shudder.
“is it… gonna hurt?” you ask quietly, almost feeling stupid for asking such a question. but he doesn’t judge you. his expression shifts from one of amusement to something more soft, his hand on your thigh rubbing gentle circles as he smiles at you.
“it might sting a little bit,” he whispers back, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “but just relax for me, alright? i’ll take care of you.”
you nod, your voice breathless as you reply. “okay.”
your pulse races as his cock brushes against your folds, the reality of everything setting in. you’re about to lose your virginity. it makes a mix of anxiety and adrenaline rush through you, a mewl leaving you at the feeling.
“that’s my girl,” he whispers, his hand leaving your thigh to grab his cock, rubbing himself up and down your folds, coating himself in your juices and drawing quiet moans from your lips, your hips pushing up just slightly, chasing the sensation.
finally, he positions himself at your entrance, his hips pushing forward as he enters you. the stretch makes your breath catch in your throat. it stings. it’s overwhelming. it’s such a new feeling, sending a shiver down your spine as your cunt clenches around him, drawing a groan from his lips.
“fuck,” you breathe out, your voice shaky and quiet, fading into a moan as your eyes clench shut. he pauses for a moment, letting you adjust to the stretch as he presses a kiss to the corner of your lips.
“you’re doing so good for me, baby,” he murmurs, his hand sliding to your cunt, rubbing soft circles on your clit and ripping a gasp from you. “just breathe for me.”
it distracts you from the burning stretch, dulling the pain the slightest bit as your cunt clenches around him, his hips starting to move again. a soft, shaky breath leaves your lips, your hands coming up to grip his shoulders as he fills you completely.
“feel good, princess?” he murmurs against your lips, his voice soft as his thumb continues to rub circles against your clit, a little faster now. you nod, words caught in your throat as the pleasure begins to mix with the pain, giving way to a sensation- a fullness- you’ve never felt before.
finally, he bottoms out. you can fill every ridge and vein, your cunt pulsing around him as it struggles to accommodate the stretch. his thumb never stops circling your clit, easing you into full pleasure. he doesn’t move, simply resting inside you and letting you adjust to the new feeling.
and slowly, the pain fades. replaced by pleasure, a want- a need- for more. your hips move slightly, a gasped moan slipping past your lips at the pleasure that rushes through you. “please,” you whimper, your fingers digging into his shoulders as your eyes flutter open, meeting his. “move…”
slowly, carefully, he pulls out slightly, dragging out of you before pushing back in, pulling a soft moan from your lips. every roll of his hips presses him further inside you, making your mind hazy as you adjust to the fullness.
“hee,” you whimper out, your head rolling back as the feeling grows more pleasurable, sending your head spiraling with every thrust. his thumb still circles your clit, drinking in every reaction you give him.
“yeah, baby?” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, making you focus on him for a second. “still doing good?”
you nod, your breath getting caught in your throat as he hits a particularly deep spot. it feels good. it feels so good. but you want more. you need more. “yeah,” you whisper. “feels good, but-“
you hesitate, but you don’t need to finish. you catch the way heeseung’s eyes darken immediately, his movements stilling for just a second, like he’s processing your words, before he’s moving again.
“you want more, princess?” his voice is lower now, darker. hungrier. it makes you clench around him, a hiss leaving his lips, the corner of his lips quirking up.
you nod frantically, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his hand leaves your clit to find purchase on your waist. “please,” you gasp out. “i need-“
you don’t get to finish. a moan spills from your throat as he pulls out, only to slam back in. his careful, slow, pace is gone in an instant, replaced by something deeper. something intoxicating. your fingers claw at his shoulders, his arms, his back, anything you can to ground yourself as his thrusts speed up.
“fuck,” he grits out, his head dropping to your shoulder as his hips snap forward again, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. “knew you’d take me so well, baby.”
it’s too much. the pleasure builds, your moans getting louder. you can’t even control the noises leaving your mouth, too lost in the pleasure. you don’t even register how loud you’re getting until his hand clamps over your mouth.
your eyes fly open, seeing him hovering over you now, his gaze half-lidded and dark. his lips are parted, uneven breaths leaving him as his hips continue to ram into you.“shh, princess,” he rasps, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he hits a particularly deep spot, making you moan out against his mouth. “only i get to hear those pretty sounds, yeah?”
a muffled whimper leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around him as you process his words. his pace never slows, pushing your limits, testing just how much you can really take. and you love it.
“bet you’d sound so pretty if you could really let go,” he murmurs, his dark eyes staring into yours. his free hand trails down, resting on your stomach. your eyebrows furrow slightly, just before he presses down. your eyes roll back, a loud moan escaping your mouth and being concealed by his palm. it makes you feel him, all of him. stretching you. filling you completely.
“you feel that, baby?” his fingers press harder, drawing another strangled moan from your lips as your eyes clench shut. “so fucking deep inside you. you take me so well, fuck-“
your body responds before you know what you’re doing. your hips roll up to meet his, desperate for more of the pleasure you’re experiencing. and heeseung loses it.
“can you be quiet for me, princess?” he whispers. and you nod, hazy, dazed. he smirks, pressing harder on your stomach and pulling a broken moan from your lips as your body jolts beneath him.
he slowly removes his hand from your mouth, sliding it down your body to grab your thigh, spreading you wider for him. a choked whimper leaves your lips, your mouth clenched shut as you try your hardest to hold your sounds in. but it feels too good. tears gather in your lashes, your body arching into his.
his cock twitches inside you, a dark grin on his face as he tilts his head at you. “what’s wrong, baby?” his voice is mocking, teasing, cruel. and it only drives you crazier. a tear slips down your cheek, your cunt clenching around him. you don’t trust your voice- hell, you don’t even know if you can speak right now.“too much?” he asks, but he doesn’t stop. if anything, he pushes deeper. you shake your head frantically, a broken sob leaving your lips as more tears spill down your cheeks. he sits back on his heels, the new angle pushing him deeper as a choked moan slips past your lips, your own hand coming up to cover your mouth.
he only chuckles, his voice dripping with amusement- and something darker- as he watches you unravel beneath him. “feels good, doesn’t it?”
it’s too much. it’s all too much. the coil in your stomach is winding tight, threatening to pull you over the edge at any second. and heeseung notices. he notices how your thighs began to shake, your moans turning into breathy, desperate whimpers, the way you clench around him.
“close?” is all he asks, his eyes dark and lidded as he watches you. your hand slides from the sheet to his arm, desperate to find something to ground yourself as you teeter on the edge.
“hee-“ you manage to gasp out, your voice breaking off into a moan as tears slide down your cheeks. he groans at the way you clench around him, his hand finding your clit again, rubbing tight, merciless circles, forcing you closer to the edge. and it’s too much. it builds so fast it makes your head spin. hell, you don’t even feel like you’re real at this point.“come for me, princess,” he groans out, thrusting particularly deep inside you. “let go.”your orgasm rips through you, your back arching off the bed as you cry out, a loud, broken moan barely muffled by your hand. your vision goes white, your body locking up as the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had takes over your body. but he doesn’t stop. his pace doesn’t falter for a second, fucking you through your high, testing your limits as the pleasure shifts into something more intense. your body can barely keep up. you’re sobbing, gasping, your body stuck between pushing him away and pulling him closer.
“just a bit longer, baby,” he groans, his hand moving from your clit to your waist, holding you still as his thrusts turn erratic. your eyes roll back, your poor body unable to keep up with the pleasure you’re feeling.
and then, a low guttural moan escapes heeseung’s lips, his hips pressing as hard as they can against yours as he finally spills inside you. the sensation of being filled has you gasping, clenching around him as his body trembles with his orgasm.
slowly, he lowers himself down, pressing soft kisses to your lips to ease you back to reality, your dazed eyes meeting his as ragged breaths escape your lips. you’re wrecked.
“you did so good for me, princess,” he murmurs, his voice breathless as his lips trail soft kisses down your jaw, his warm hands soothing over your trembling thighs, slowly pulling you back down to earth.
you can’t even find the words to speak. you only nod, your hand slowly lifting to tangle in his hair, just resting there. he chuckles, leaning up to look at you. a soft smile forms on his lips, his thumbs brushing the tears off of your cheeks. “you okay?”
you nod again, your voice wrecked, barely more than a whisper. “yeah.”
he doesn’t say anything, simply watching you. his gaze is so soft, his touch featherlight against your skin. his hips pull back slowly, making you gasp at the sensitivity it sends through you.
and then he’s pulling out, his hands moving down to your hips as he sits back on his heels. your hips shift, adjusting to the empty feeling, a shiver running through you when you feel his cum dripping out of you.
heeseung pauses, his eyes fixed on the sight, hands gripping your hips tighter as he breathes out, “fuck…”
your face heats up, self-consciousness taking over when it finally sets in that you’re completely exposed in front of him. your legs attempt to close, a whine leaving your lips- but heeseung’s faster. his hands grip your thighs, keeping you held open as a smile forms on his lips.
“don’t get all shy on me now, baby,” his voice is quiet, his eyes flickering up to yours as you avert your gaze. your hips shift, another soft, embarrassed noise leaving you, but he simply laughs under his breath. “you were just moaning for me a few minutes ago.”
“heeseung,” you mumble, dragging out his name as you continue to move beneath him, trying to pull your thighs out of his grasp. your hands attempt to bat his away halfheartedly, but you’re too exhausted to actually push him, watching the way he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth with a smile while watching your struggle.
he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your stomach that has your breath catching, your hands halting their movements. “you were so good for me. look at you,” he mumbles, his eyes dragging over your body slowly, “all fucked out and pretty.”
you let out a noise of protest, slapping at his shoulder before your hands come up to cover your face, groaning against your hands.
“okay,” he laughs, finally letting go of your legs. “i’ll stop. don’t want you crying again.”
you huff, turning your head to hide your face in the pillow, but a smile tugs at your lips. “you’re the worst.”
he only laughs again, slipping off the bed, and you hear his footsteps moving away from the bed. “mhm. didn’t hear you complaining earlier.”
you let out a dramatic groan, completely turning your body away from him, choosing not to answer this time.
when he finally returns, he sits down on the bed, one hand gently pulling your leg up, exposing you to him again.
“heeseung,” you whine, lifting your head to look at him. his eyes flicker up to yours, before looking down again, the wet rag making contact with your legs and making you gasp, everything still so sensitive.
“relax,” he whispers, his touch gentle, moving ever so carefully over the parts that make you flinch, your legs shifting with every pass.
you nod into the pillow, finally letting your body relax again as your eyes flutter shut, exhaustion slowly taking over your body.
“there we go,” he murmurs, tossing the rag aside and settling in bed besides you, pulling the covers over the both of you. his arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him, your body instantly relaxing into his.
his fingers rake through your hair, slow and comforting, making you let out a soft sigh, curling further into him.
“you good?” he whispers again, like he always have to make sure you’re alright.
“yeah,” you you yawn, shifting and closing your eyes. “tired.”
you hear a soft, breathy laugh leaving his lips, before he presses a kiss to the top of your head, his fingers resuming their movements in your hair.
“go to sleep, y/n.”
you nod, letting the beating of heeseung’s heart in your ear guide you into a slumber as sleep lulls you away.
───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───
“one iced coffee, please,” you smile, holding out a ten-dollar bill to the cashier in front of you.
she gives you a look, but smiles back, taking the cash anyway. “no hot chocolate today?”
you wave your hand dismissively, biting back a giddy smile. “oh, it’s not for me.”
she raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push, simply nodding and punching in your order. “alright, then. we’ll have that out soon.”
you rock back and forth on your feet, wonyoung and yunjin waiting at a table behind you.
once your order is out, you’re walking back to the girls with a bit more pep in your step, holding the cup up to signal you’re ready to leave.
you begin to walk out the door, a giddy smile on your lips as you look down at the coffee, before back up- completely oblivious to the look wonyoung and yunjin share.
“so, why’d you get an iced coffee?” yunjin asks, tilting her head as she looks at the drink in your hand.
“oh, just for someone,” you smile, shrugging lightly as you continue to walk.
“you look too happy,” wonyoung teases you, poking your cheek as she watches the smile on your face grow larger, “what happened?”
“nothing, guys!” you laugh, pushing wonyoung’s hand away.
you continue to walk, making a beeline for the gym. you don’t miss the confused looks they send you as you speed up slightly.
“okay, seriously, where are we going?” wonyoung asks, speeding up slightly as she picks up on the direction you’re headed.
“the gym? the basketball team is in there right now,” yunjin adds, scrunching her eyebrows. “y/n. y/n? that means heeseung is in there! hello?”
you don’t even hesitate when you open the gym doors, the two girls trailing behind you, clearly confused.
“y/n. why are we in here?” wonyoung hisses, grabbing your arm as the sound of squeaking shoes and a basketball hitting the floor fills the air.
and then, all the noises slow. the guys spare a glance at you, before doing a double take once they recognize you. because heeseung has talked about you. and they’ve seen you with him.
but the moment heeseung sees you, his focused expression shifts. his sharp gaze softens, a smile forming on his face as his feet slow to a stop. he starts moving, jogging over slowly. his shirt is slightly damp, his breathing slightly heavy.
“hi, pretty girl,” he smiles, his gaze warmer.
wonyoung’s grip on your arm loosens, and you can see her jaw drop from the corner of your eye.
“hi,” you reply, holding out the coffee, “i brought you coffee.”
he grins, taking the cup and tilting his head. “really? i thought you hated iced coffee.”
you bite back a laugh, shaking your head lightly before shrugging. “you don’t.”
you watch as his smile shifts into something else. something in his eyes that you can’t process, but he’s looking at you like you placed the stars in the sky. it makes your stomach flip, a blush forming on your cheeks.
his hand slips around your waist, tugging you closer as he presses a soft, lingering kiss to your lips.
your hand instinctively grabs onto his jersey, tugging him slightly closer, your lips forming into a smile against his.
“hello?” you hear yunjin ask, a few guys behind you laughing.
“what?” you ask, pulling back from heeseung’s lips, tilting your head with a small smile. “am i not allowed to come say hi to my boyfriend?”
silence.
until wonyoung squeals, practically yanking yunjin towards her. “i called it!”
even heeseung himself seems a bit thrown off guard, his eyes widening a bit before he pulls himself together, a smug grin pulling at the corner of his lips.
“oh?” he murmurs, leaning in just enough for you to hear. “say that again?”
“damn, y/n,” jake laughs, stepping up besides the two of you and clapping heeseung on the back. “you managed to lock the playboy down.”
“so,” jake continues, nodding at the drink in your hand with a shit-eating grin, “care to bring me one of those next time?”
you don’t even get to open your mouth before heeseung is speaking. “no.”
jake blinks. “i was talking to-“
“still no.”
he throws his hands up, turning on his heel and walking away, grumbling out, “forget i asked.”
you roll your eyes, suppressing a smile as you look back at heeseung, who simply shrugs at you. he’s insufferable.
and he’s yours.
AFTER FIGHTING FOR THREE DAYS... I GOT IT TO WORK. sorry about the weird formatting at some points, it's the only way i was able to fit this whole fic into one post ^^! also,, did not realize how much i wrote "and then" until i was editing this god damn girl stop sing those words for one second... hope you guys enjoyed !!!!
SUMMARY: Ever since your boyfriend Jake transformed from his nerdy high-school self into the university's star football player, you've become everything you thought you’d never be. Jealous. Anxious. Clingy. But Jake really doesn't mind your newfound possessiveness. He encourages it, even. So when he defies expectations again to star in a musical with a stunning costar, you spiral. Now, the “lowkey” relationship you once insisted on gets jeopardized under the weight of your own insecurities.
PAIRING: popular!jake x fem!reader
WORD COUNT: 26k+
GENRE: secret!relationship au, university!au, grumpy gf x sunshine bf (?), smut, angst, fluff, some toxic themes
WARNINGS: mdni, nsfw, porn with plot, tsundere!reader, lowkey crazy!reader, whipped!Jake, lowkey masochist!bf Jake, switch!Jake, emotional constipation, he want that cookie bad, jealousy, avoidancy, football = soccer, unsafe/unprotected sex, cursing, sweat, dacryphilia, storage closet sex, lots of biting/marking, 69, cumplay, jewelry play, begging, failed pull-out method, creampie, squirting, lmk if i missed anything
A/N: Not to pick a favorite child but… I loved writing this fic so much.
a year ago.
It’s the last year of high school, on a relatively normal walk back home. The same cracked sidewalks, the same autumn breeze, the same shy boy matching his steps beside you like he always did. Just like any other day.
Until he decided to ruin it.
“Do you wanna… like, date?” Jake asked suddenly, hands shoved deep into his uniform pants pockets, trying too hard to sound nonchalant. “You know… put a label on us. Or whatever.”
You remember almost running away out of pure instinct, soul escaping your body. But instead, you laughed. Because what the fuck was he on about?
You? Jake? Date?
The two of you were barely even supposed to be friends. He's a straight-A student teachers constantly compared you to, with those thick-rimmed black glasses glued to his face and unkempt bowl of hair. A striker on the football team who watched matches from the sidelines just as much as you did… and you weren't on the team.
And on the other hand, there’s you. Not-so-pleasant you. Considered a troublemaker because you always showed up late to class, talked back to ill-meaning adults, and picked fights with boys who catcalled too much. A rumor spread through school that your dad was a terrifying loan shark with gang ties. He’s a banker.
Assigned classroom cleaning duties was what brought you two together in the first place. It wasn’t fate. Nothing notable. You more or less picked him up on your shoulder and claimed him as a personal assistant. Someone who would fetch you water when you’re thirsty or give you answers to math problems when you were too lazy to solve them yourself.
So why in the world did he think you two should date?
“Who put you up to this?” you wheezed between bursts of cackling. “I’m gonna beat their ass.”
Jake scratched the back of his head, clearly not amused.
“I mean… You and me?” you continued, tears of laughter blurred your vision. “We would make the worst couple ever—”
“I don’t think so.”
You froze mid-step. Jake had slowed his strides down a long time ago, but now he was completely still. You turned to find him a few steps behind, face flushed and hands by his sides.
He’s holding something. A small, turquoise box. One that looked suspiciously like…
You felt like throwing up.
“I-I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he stammered. “What it’d be like if I were your boyfriend. If we… went on dates and stuff.”
Oh, hell no.
It’s like an immediate sense of panic overcame your body. And before your brain could process a single rational thought, you broke out into a sprint. Running down the street like a maniac. In hindsight, you probably should’ve known that you couldn’t outrun an athlete. But you weren’t really thinking, period.
You feel a tug on your waist. Jake had already caught up to you. He spun you around, like the male leads do in those stupid romcoms, and pulled you into him. His face was close. Too close. His glasses slipped halfway down his nose, and a bead of sweat clung to his temple. And it wasn’t from running.
It was from you.
He looked nervous. Ridiculously nervous.
The ring box pressed into your back, and you put your palms sternly against his chest, trying to create some distance between you two. It wasn’t helping.
“Jake,” you warned. “Let go of me or I scream.”
He shook his head, his arms only wrapped tighter around you. “Only if you promise you won’t run,” he replied, a sort of desperation laced in his voice. “And that you’ll listen to what I have to say.”
You bit your bottom lip, suddenly too aware of his intense gaze and how they searched yours through those big, fat lenses. You gave a small nod, not trusting your voice to come out right. The moment his grip loosened, you broke your agreement almost immediately. Your feet moved on their own, like fight-or-flight, as you tried to rush out of his arms. But he was one step ahead of you, grabbing your wrist to bring you back right where you were.
“Really?” he asked, exhausted. “That’s not gonna work a second time.”
You glared, but your eyes betrayed you. They slid down to the turquoise ring box, still in his hand. Jake's eyes flickered in the same direction, clearing his throat awkwardly.
“I can put it away if it’s freaking you out,” he muttered, slipping it back into his pocket. You almost let out a sigh of relief, but not when his large hand was still wrapped around your wrist.
“...Thank you,” you mumbled, eyes fixed on the ground. “Now make it quick.”
Jake's heart constricted. ‘The worst thing she could say is no!’ the internet had told him. This was a lot worse, actually!
“[Y/N],” he started sharply, and the sound of your name on his lips sent shivers down your spine. He released you, only to set both his hands on your shoulders, guiding your gaze up to meet his.
“I… I think—” He stopped, inhaling a deep breath. “No. I know. I… really… really… l-like you.”
His voice was as shaky as his hands, and for a brief second, almost every part of you wanted to knock him out with your backpack because your heart was beating too loud in your chest. It pissed you off. But you held back and just… stared.
Jake, ever the hopeless romantic, had fallen for you the moment you asked him to clean the entire classroom alone while you skipped duties to hang out with your friends. He said yes, only because he has a hard time saying no, especially to someone he found so pretty. But then you laughed and told him you were joking. Told him not to bend over backwards just to please other people. Spent time with him that day when usually, others paid him no attention.
He was enamored ever since.
But the silence between you two was suffocating, heavy enough to stall his breathing. Jake’s palms were growing damp against the fabric of your uniform blazer, and his heart felt like it was ready to fall to the floor. Maybe this was a bad time to do it. Or maybe the ring really freaked you out. Was it too big a gesture? The WikiHow tutorial he consulted had told him to bring a gift, after all.
“Hello?” Jake’s voice cut through your thoughts. He gave your shoulders a tiny shake, trying to pull you out of your entranced state.
“Hm? Sorry… say that again? I don’t think I heard you…”
Jake’s expression fell as he dropped his hands back to his sides in defeat.
“Okay,” he muttered, voice small. It wasn’t worth it. Everything went off script anyway. “Never mind. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”
He brushed past you, shoulders hunched, hands shoved deep in his pockets again. He was fidgeting with the ring box, wishing he could throw it into the nearest bushes. God, he felt dumb. So fucking dumb.
Of course you’d say no! He was nobody. Just Jake. Just some guy you latched onto at the start of high school so you could poke fun at him for the next few years and make him pay for your boba addiction. And you, with your cool-ass friends with eyebrow slits and really underground music tastes. You’re way out of his league—
“Jake,” you called out, surprised at how loud your voice could get if you were desperate.
He turned around immediately, wearing such a pronounced pout even from a few meters away. Somehow, seeing his face again made your throat close up. He liked you. He really liked you.
“Say it again,” you demanded, arms crossed with doubt written all over your features. “I need to hear you say it one more time.”
You walked toward him until you stood close enough to see the nervous twitch at the corner of his mouth. Was this it? Would you actually give him a chance? Jake pressed his lips together and inhaled a deep breath to calm himself.
“I like you,” he said as softly as a whisper. “Would you… Be my girlfriend?”
You looked at the ground, feigning a calmness when your mind was racing with thoughts too insane to vocalize. When you finally looked up again, your heart betrayed you. It skipped a beat at the way his gaze fell on yours, wide and hopeful. It almost hurt. He was too bright, too cute.
(Okay, so what if you liked him back. He didn’t have to know that.)
“Sure,” you said, forcing your voice to sound casual. Jake froze.
Then his entire face lit up. Suddenly, he was grinning from ear to ear, jumping in place like a dog begging for a treat. “Really? Like really? You’ll go out with me?!”
He took your hands in his, tenderly. Like he wasn't entirely sure the moment was real. You felt the dampness of his palms first, then the tug of his fingers intertwining with yours, like he had already rehearsed this part of his confession a thousand times in his head. Your cheeks warmed.
‘What a weirdo,’ you thought to yourself. It’s not like he’d just won the lottery. What was he so happy about?
“Just don’t make it weird,” you grumbled. “Keep it on the down low.”
Jake’s smile faltered, brows knitting together so tightly you were sure it’d leave a wrinkle on his cute face.
“Like… you don’t want people to know?” he asked, voice quieter now. You nodded, confused by his confusion.
“Why would anyone need to know?” you asked genuinely. He frowned, his thumb gently rubbing the back of your hand, silently asking you to reconsider.
“Not even Sunghoon or Jay?”
You scoffed. “Especially Sunghoon and Jay.”
“Why not?” he groaned. You just shrugged.
“I don’t want our dynamic to change just ‘cause we’re dating,” you reassured him, letting go of his hands to ruffle his hair. Like you always do when you tease him. Like that would make it all better. “And all that coupley PDA stuff draws too much attention anyway.”
You’d spent years cultivating your intimidating persona, and in your mind, it was simple. No one else needed to know that you were vulnerable to something as cringe-inducing as dating. The other students would only use it against you. For what? Who knows.
But you could just imagine the teasing glances and whispers in the hallways. If Jake were really serious about dating you, surely he’d be understanding of your aversion towards embarrassment. Right?
He didn't seem entirely convinced. At all. “So… what would be the difference then? Between us now and before?”
You sighed and stepped past him.
“It's what we'd do in private, you know?” you muttered over your shoulder. “Kissing and all that…”
You didn’t see it, how Jake’s ears completely reddened or how his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. His fingers twitched at his side, like he was already imagining what it’d be like to hold you properly. To touch you. To kiss you. Like real couples do.
“D-do you want to see the ring I got you?” he blurted out, catching up to you. “I swear it’s lowkey. It has a ‘J’ engraved inside the band. I got a matching one with your initial, too! No one would even notice if you wore it—”
And you feel your heart thunder in your chest, scaring you into another sudden sprint. “Get the hell away from me, weirdo!”
Your joined laughter echoed down the street as he chased after you. And even though he could catch up to you, he let you have your fun, staying just a little out of his reach.
–
Jake is very good at obeying orders, always has been. Especially after the first few times you glared at him for accidentally reaching for your hand in the cafeteria. He learned fast.
He tried his best not to show affection publicly, no matter how badly he wanted to wrap his blazer around your shivering frame when you would nap during class. He forced himself not to linger near you when you were loitering with your fellow delinquents by the school staircase, laughing at a joke he didn’t quite understand. He suppressed the urge to defend you from teachers who reprimanded you out in the hallways. Tried not to look behind at you for too long during football games he never played in anyway.
Once, someone asked him about his love life, and he instantly turned into a blushing, mumbling mess. And they laughed it off. It was Jake. No one thought twice. He was always like this. Awkward. Flustered.
The parasites he calls friends, Jay and Sunghoon, would probably go into cardiac arrest if they ever found out how he doted on you in private. How soft he was. How gentle.
You pretended not to notice. But ever the observer, Jake sees how your defenses weaken, ever so slightly, each day.
You let him put his arm around you in dark movie theaters instead of yanking it away. Let him stay for dinner with your parents when he comes over to help you study (because lord knows you need it). You stopped flinching when he called you ‘babe’ in private, sometimes responding without even questioning who he was speaking to. It was baby steps, but to Jake, it was everything.
Was it awkward? Yes. The way his glasses got in the way when he finally kissed you for the first time. Your noses bumped together. Too much tongue involved. It was a mess. Still life-changing, nevertheless.
He replays the memory often. The two of you on your bed, him holding your plushie hostage, you trying to rip it out of his arms. The way you fell on top of him with your lips accidentally crashing on his. He pretended like the make-out session that occurred immediately after didn't absolutely ruin him.
Jake edged past the warmer parts of you when no one was around to bear witness. And you both were so good at keeping secrets. No one would have believed it anyway. You’d made sure of that.
–
“You two are very strange,” Jay commented, maybe a couple of months into your secret relationship. Every senior was gearing up for graduation, choosing which universities to attend or which path to take in life.
And of course, Jay and Sunghoon found out that Jake and you would both be attending the same university. Not just any school. A top one. Yonsei.
Jake had earned a full-ride scholarship after finally getting off the damn bench and scoring four goals in a single match against the best high school team in the nation. Jake could've gone abroad to an Ivy League, but he chose not to. Because at Yonsei he could visit family more often, save a lot of money, and… well, keep you close, most of all.
And by the will of a higher being (Jake’s relentless tutoring), you somehow made it in as well.
“I thought you said you wanted to go straight into the workforce,” Jay questioned you. “Now you’re telling me you somehow, in some way, got into the same school as Jake? This fucking nerd?”
Sunghoon chimed in with a smile he always wore before teasing you. “I didn’t even think you could get into college, honestly.”
You wanted to hit him so bad, but you stopped yourself. Your resolution for the new school year was to turn over a new leaf. And that comes with not hitting annoying boys over the head with your fist. You could get arrested for that from now on... So instead, you used your words.
“You’re mad I got in, and you didn’t,” you snorted, sticking out your tongue as Jake snickered beside you. You sat close enough to feel the warmth of his shoulder, but far enough apart to keep Jay and Sunghoon from noticing.
“You guys have no faith in her,” Jake sighed earnestly. “She’s really smart when she applies herself. She just needed a push, that's all.”
You glared at him, not sure if his comment was entirely a compliment. Yes, he played a role in your achievements. No, he could not credit himself for the hard work you put in to get that high-ass score on the college entrance exam. Even your teachers apologized for doubting you.
“Should’ve put those hours of tutoring her into me instead,” Jay groaned. “Now you’re gonna be all alone with no friends.”
Jake’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean? S-she’s my friend.”
He stumbled over the words, clearly thrown off by the ominous comment. You watched him, amused. God, he was so obvious.
Sunghoon just looked between you two, doubt etched all over his face. “Barely,” he scoffed. “Trust me, bro, you are getting left behind as soon as she finds another victim willing to pay for all her food.”
You can start your resolution next week. This time, you really smacked him, sharp on his bicep. Sunghoon yelped.
“Why are you always so aggressive?” he whined, rubbing the sore spot with his arm. You raised your hand threateningly again, but you stopped yourself short.
At the corner of your eye was Jake’s soured expression, a flash of worry obviously overcoming him. But you couldn’t comfort him. Not now. You wouldn’t hear the end of it from these two.
“You never know,” Jay chirped, faking thoughtfulness with a hand on his chin. “Jake might be too cool for us once school starts.”
Jay and Sunghoon exchanged a look and then burst into laughter.
“Ain’t gonna happen!” Sunghoon cackled, putting his whole gut into it. You joined in hesitantly, though your eyes kept drifting to your sullen boyfriend. And he wasn’t amused. Not at all.
Because he never found it funny, the idea of you leaving him behind.
–
“Do you think I’m weird?” Jake asked one evening, with you curled up beside him on your bed. Your knee draped over his stomach, his glasses pushed up just enough to rest comfortably against your pillow. On his late-night visits, your parents would come in to check if you two were truly studying as you claimed. After Jake gained their trust, they learned to leave the two of you alone (when they probably shouldn’t have).
Your eyes were shut tight to prepare yourself for an oncoming nap.
“Yes,” you said quickly, not even giving him time to process the response.
“Like… bad weird?” he asked after a second. He’d been thinking lately, after the conversation with his friends, how different the two of you really were.
How easy it was for you to stand up for yourself. Go against the grain. How you don’t automatically default to nods as he does or lose your train of thought mid-conversation. How you hated being touched by most people but would smack someone’s shoulder when you genuinely found something funny.
He wanted that, wanted to see the world the way you saw it. To move around without hesitation. Even when people called you a troublemaker. Even when teachers scolded you for wearing your uniform skirt shorter than the dress code. How was confidence so natural for you?
“Bad weird,” you teased, eyes still closed. “But it’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”
A small ache tugged at his heart. “You still like me though, right?”
You laughed. Jake loved to do this sometimes. Bait for reassurance. But you’re not that kind of fish.
“Who said I ever did?”
You said it jokingly, but a silence followed. You don’t quite catch it as you drift to sleep, the way Jake’s eyes dimmed.
“Oh,” he said disappointingly, staring at the ceiling.
Sometimes, he wondered if the reason you wanted your relationship to be private in the first place was because of him. If his inability to relate to your friends with secret tattoos and chains on their jeans made you embarrassed to be his girlfriend.
Because you got along well with his friends just fine, could tease Jay and Sunghoon like you’d known them your whole life. But it was so hard for him to do the same with yours. To look natural when he joined that one karaoke hangout, where they looked at him expectantly because you had bragged that he could sing well.
You said it so proudly too, and he wanted to prove himself to them. That he was worthy to be in their presence. And then his voice had to crack.
“Should we get your friend some water?” someone joked, and the whole group laughed. With his cheeks red with embarrassment, Jake sat back down next to you, silent for the rest of the night. It was lame of him. Even he knew that.
But even as he watched you defend him with all your heart, he couldn’t find himself to cheer up. Because in your world, he had always felt out of place.
–
And so Jake did what he’s known to do best. Research.
He avoided WikiHow tutorials on how to ask out a girl and headed straight to the most honest part of the internet: Reddit.
‘makeover tips for guys’
‘how to gain more confidence’
‘how to be attractive enough that your girlfriend isn’t ashamed of you (serious responses only pls)’
He frequented the self-help section of the school library, took notes on everything from fashion advice to fixing his posture. He practiced eye contact with himself through the mirror until they watered, joined Sunghoon in the gym, and copied his weirdly intense routine.
Jake kept this process all to himself, much like your relationship. He learned to be good at that. Keeping secrets.
He would reinvent himself for university. Become someone you’d be proud to show off because he didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Like he would fall behind. And knowing you… he wasn’t sure if you’d bother to look back and see if your loyal puppy was still there trailing behind you.
–
present.
So that’s how your relationship’s been going so far. While Jake was on this great journey to undergo metamorphosis, there were no real complaints on your side.
So why was it like this now?
Waiting for your very late boyfriend, who was making you miss the first minutes of the university’s freshman orientation ceremony. You almost text him a paragraph about how, usually, you're the unpunctual one in the relationship, but a stranger approaches you.
“BOO!”
You almost let out a scream when you notice who it is. Or who you think it is. Is it who you think it is?
Because instead of wild, unruly hair hiding his eyebrows and big black frames resting on his nose bridge, your boyfriend looked like someone else entirely. His hair was styled in a middle part, framing his handsome features perfectly. Instead of his usual oversized hoodie with holes on the sleeves masking his athletic body, he’s wearing a varsity jacket and a simple white shirt that clung way too well to his muscular frame. You could even see the faint outline of contact lenses in the whites of his eyes.
Your eyelashes flutter in confusion. You literally just saw him yesterday. When did he find the time to get a haircut and invest in a new closet?
Jake steps forward with a small, hopeful smile and holds out a box of egg tarts. Did it add to his already late ETA? Yes, but he always thinks about you and what you'd like to eat. Could you blame him for getting you a sweet treat?
But that wasn’t the part you were really focused on.
“Who are you and what did you do to Jake?” you ask, fists raised like a boxer. He chuckles nervously, bringing the pastry box back to his side.
“Do I look weird?” he asks quietly, shifting his feet. The vulnerability in his voice made you lower your hands instantly.
“So…” you start, eyes looking him up and down. “This is on purpose? Like, Sunghoon didn’t put you up to this? Or Jay?”
He pouts. His mom practically screamed, “So handsome!” when he showed her his new look over video call. So, why was your reaction like this?
“I just thought… new school year, new me! No?” he says, puffing up with pride.
You shake your head, moving your hand on instinct to ruffle his freshly styled hair. But he catches your wrist before you can touch him. You pull away, heart squeezing a bit, knowing that he dodged one of your rare bouts of affection. Or whatever you call it.
“It took me forever to get my hair to look like this,” he mutters, looking away. “Don’t want my hard work to go to waste.”
You click your tongue, trudging past him. Since when did he care about what his hair looked like? This was the same guy who showed up to graduation with a T-shirt and sneakers and got confused when the teachers asked him to go back home and change.
“Whatever,” you sigh. “No more standing around. We have to go—”
“Still not wearing the ring?” he asks, catching up to you. He noticed it earlier when he caught your arm.
When Jake gave it to you just a year before, he set no expectation for you to wear it. He really hadn’t… But it has been a year. Wasn’t it about time? He wears his everyday…
You suck in your teeth and glare at him. “Why would I?”
He flinches. And you start to feel guilt bubbling in your chest as his steps start slowing next to you.
“It’s just…” he mumbles. “It’s not like we’re in high school anymore. No one’s even gonna notice. And no one’s gonna care if we’re dating.”
You roll your eyes. You care. You still had a reputation to uphold. Maybe not as a troublemaker anymore. But still. Something about wearing your boyfriend’s ring for everyone to see and question seemed like your own personal hell. Who would want to be the center of attention as a university freshman?
“It’s the principle,” you say, not really knowing what you mean by it either. Because you are wearing it. Just not on your finger. It hangs around your neck, hidden underneath your blouse. But Jake didn’t have to know that.
You would rather die than give anyone the satisfaction of knowing you were smitten with this man. Soft, but only for him. Your biggest weakness.
“So are we always just gonna be a secret?” he sighs. You turn to face him, but you keep it pushing. It’s too much to explain right now. Or ever.
“Come on,” you insist. “We need to get to the orientation.”
–
Indeed, it wasn’t high school anymore. Because everywhere you turn, Jake’s name is being brought up.
“The hot guy on the football team—”
“He set the curve on the first exam and proved Professor Kim wrong on the board—”
“I saw him help a grandma cross the street. Soooo dreamy—”
It was enough to almost make you pull your hair out of your head. This was Jake they were talking about! The guy who was too shy to ask for no pickles in his damn burgers, who used to let Sunghoon copy off his homework and then rewrote his own just to make sure the teachers wouldn’t catch on. This was your Jake.
You take a moment to breathe.
You sound crazy. Deranged, even. It shouldn’t even matter. Jake was always good-looking! People just never noticed or took the time to appreciate him outside of his ability to decode the most difficult of physics equations.
“A couple of guys from the team think I’d look good with a sweatband,” he says, showing you a photo during a late-night walk. He’s shoving his phone screen to your face, and you pout at the sight. His hair pushed back, forehead glistening. A perfect view of his beautiful, dark eyes.
“Nah,” you say dismissively, trying to push down the fluttering in your heart. He tilts his head, staring at the photo once more.
“Really?” he mutters. “I thought it looked pretty good.”
“Do you really wanna look like Jay in junior year? He’s gonna tell you that you copied him.”
He gives a small sound of acknowledgement. You could tell he’s taking your comment seriously, like you said something truly eye-opening.
“You’re right,” he nods. “Then, how do you feel about a lip piercing?”
Your brows furrow at the thought of metal against his pouty lips. The way his teeth would tug on it. The effect he would have on all of his newfound admirers…
“Absolutely not!”
Yeah, you were losing it.
–
No, really, you might actually be going insane.
It was hard enough for you to create genuine friendships at Yonsei, full of stuck-up rich kids who only managed to get in through elite cram schools and expensive tutors. But after a few polite conversations, their masks fell to show their true intentions. You know now that you are being used as a shortcut to get on Jake’s radar.
Because why do people you’ve never met before suddenly feel comfortable enough to ask you to introduce them to him? Why do they request to follow you on Instagram only so they can find his account more easily? And what pisses you off most—the question they always ask, without fail: “Is he single?”
And you know there's a quick answer you can give. A very simple solution to your eye-twitching problem. Because every time someone high-fives him in the corridors or bats their eyelashes flirtatiously in his direction, you have the overwhelming urge to just pounce on him. To wrap your arms around his middle and never let him leave your sight.
But you can’t. Your pride is too big, your ego too fragile to admit that someone actually managed to slip past the cold exteriors of your heart. So instead, you're waiting impatiently for him to reply to your text.
He's not at practice. He's supposed to be on his way. So where the hell was he?
jake: sorry! study group went for a lil bit longer than I thought. everyone kept asking me for help haha. omw!
And then he sends a photo. It's a group selfie, with him in the middle. Three girls on his right and another two on his left, surrounding him like a piece of meat.
you: dont bother coming. im sick.
With envy, maybe. But you're perfectly healthy.
jake: im sorry babe :( you feeling okay? want me to get you anything from the store?
you: Nah.
You almost scream. There's so much you want to say and admit, but your fingers won’t type any of it. You really don't deserve him. He's so nice, and you're so… Fuck.
Why is it so hard to admit to your own boyfriend that you miss him?!
jake: ok :( I love you!
Your stomach flips.
Haha… You needed professional help. Really.
–
Jake was better at football than the bench in high school ever suggested. Senior hierarchy was everything at Yonsei. A starter as a freshman was practically unheard of before Jake. How he managed to level up from being a designated benchwarmer to being on the field at all times felt like whiplash.
Did he just have this in him this whole time?
I mean, you guess he looked kind of cool out there, all sweaty and serious-looking. Shouting call-outs to his team mid-game. Your legs squirm at the sight. He really needs to put on his damn glasses. (Though knowing you, that might only make things worse.)
You sit there, wearing the university colors of white and blue, holding onto a sign that says “Go Team!”
You would have made something with his name on it, but the thought alone sends shivers down your spine. You could not bear to give the stupid boys beside you the ammo of watching you scream Jake’s name and go crazy over his goals. So instead, you silently watch and admire as he steals the ball yet again.
Jay and Sunghoon, decked out in the rival school’s signature red for no reason whatsoever (they don’t even attend that university either), stood on either side of you with a level of passion you’ve never seen from them before.
“GET HIS ASS!” Jay screams. “Play the mental game! When Player 15 cries, he calls his mom first—”
Player 15 would happen to be Jake.
“The guy with ‘Sim’ in the back of his jersey loves to sing Celine Dion in the shower—”
You groan as heads turn, not enjoying the various glares and snide remarks from your surrounding schoolmates. You still haven't made any substantial friends yet at university. Being associated with these bozos would only make it that much harder. This would be the last time you sneak them into the student section.
“Can you two please sit down?” you mutter. “We’re ahead by like four goals. Psychological warfare is not enough for Jake to lose.”
Sunghoon drops back into his seat with a huff, cracking his neck.
“This won’t do,” he mutters. “Jake’s gonna surpass me in Instagram followers if he wins this.”
Jay chuckles on your left side, still standing and selfishly blocking the view of everyone behind him. “If he wins, you think he’ll invite us to their celebration party after?”
Your brows furrow. “What party?”
Jay finally sits down when the opposing team calls a time-out, one eyebrow raised at your confused expression. “Isn’t that like a thing every school does? First big game of the year, there’s bound to be something.”
Sunghoon nods in agreement. “Yeah, that’s like common knowledge.”
You almost pout before catching yourself. Jake never mentioned anything about a party.
So when the game ended and, of course, Yonsei won, the two boys could not help but ask.
“So there’s a party, right?”
“And you’re taking us?”
Jake looks between the two of them, forehead glistening and hair damp with sweat.
“What party?” he asks, and you smile gingerly. That’s right! You weren’t crazy. He would’ve told you if there was—
“You have to go to the party, Jakey!” a voice chirps from behind you.
You recognize her. The team manager of the football team. Short hair and a cute button nose. Very pretty. Your eyes cut between Jake and her. Wait.
Jakey? Who the hell calls him that?
Jay and Sunghoon give each other some shifty glances and step aside, letting the girl join the conversation. You feel this weird inclination to move closer to Jake, but you suppress the urge.
“Hm?” Jake finally replies, confused more than ever. “No one told me about a party.”
The girl giggles. What even was her name?
“Oh, Jakey! Since you’re a freshman, I’ll give you the rundown.”
She scooches in between you two, pushing you slightly to the side. The boys don’t seem to notice, and you have half your sense not to shove the girl right back.
“Whenever we win,” she starts, “the whole school goes to En Bar nearby and takes it over! Free drinks and everything. You’re our star player, so you definitely can’t miss it. Your friends are invited too, of course.”
She looks between Jay and Sunghoon, not even sparing you a glance.
Jake scratches the nape of his neck. “Sorry, I’m actually feeling pretty tired—”
“We’ll be there!” Jay and Sunghoon say instantly. You raise your eyebrow at them, and the two brush it off.
“We’ll make sure he comes,” Jay laughs, slapping Jake hard on the shoulder. Having gotten hit by the ball in that exact spot just an hour before, he winces.
“I’m not really—”
“Great!” the girl smiles, clapping her hands together. “I’ll see you all there then?”
Of course, her back is fully turned towards you. Dumb and dumber nod in unison, and as the girl walks off, they push at each other excitedly.
“First college party,” they cry out in joy.
“Oh my god,” you mutter. “You two are pathetic.”
Jake nods slowly in agreement. “Well… you guys have fun. I think I’m just gonna head back to my dorm and shower…”
“And get ready, right?” Sunghoon says dangerously, wagging a finger at him. “Because you are coming, right?”
Jake shivers under his friends’ threatening glares. But what really scares him is when his eyes find yours. You look pissed. Fuck. What did he do this time?
“I mean… I guess I could pop in…” Jake says reluctantly. He sneaks in another glance in your direction and sees that your frown grows even deeper. Was that the wrong thing to say?
“Babe?” Jake calls after you as you stride across campus, shivering in your t-shirt and mini skirt. “Why are you walking so fast?”
It’s dark now, save for the dim street lamps. You stop abruptly, and he almost bumps into you. When you turn, your jaw is already clenched.
“Am I crazy, or did that girl just completely ignore me?” you ask genuinely, voice at the seams of losing composure. Because what the fuck was her problem?
Jake laughs nervously. “Choa? I thought she seemed pretty friendly?”
Your expression sours. “Yeah, maybe a little too friendly,” you say under your breath. Jake catches it.
“Wait,” he says with a shit-eating grin, leaning in. “Babe… are you jealous? Hm?”
Your cheeks heat up, arms crossing like a toddler. “Fuck off.”
He laughs now, twisting you around and guiding you forward with an arm around your shoulder. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, babeeee…”
He notices how you don’t pull away from his touch, when normally you would hiss something like, “people are watching,” or something like that. Jake bites back an even bigger smile. You just let him hold you.
The walk to his dorm was peachy for him, save for the fact that his sweaty arm stank up your shirt.
You! Jealous. This has to be a dream. When you reach his room, shared with a sophomore named Heeseung who never seems to be around, you sit on Jake’s bed, still reeling from the earlier interaction.
“Am I overreacting?” you ask him, not at all bothered that he was taking his jersey off. You’re well past the stage of pretending his bare torso flusters you. “Like… did it not seem like she wanted you?”
Jake laughs, wiping his underarms with a nearby towel. “Me? Babe, no. That’s out of the question. She's like four years older than us—”
You roll your eyes. “So where the fuck did ‘Jakey’ come from?”
He shrugs, catching his reflection in the wall mirror hanging on his door. His muscles flex in a way that makes your eyes travel down his well-toned back…
You snap your gaze back to the wall. No. Focus. You’re supposed to be mad.
“New year, new nickname?” he offers, teasingly.
You throw a pillow at his head. Like the athlete he is, Jake dodges it. He turns to you, laughing, amused by how sulky and adorable you look on his bed. Brows furrowed in contemplation, tugging your legs close to your chest. Your plush thighs in your pretty little skirt that would have gotten you dress-coded back in high school with your knee-high socks and…
Fuck.
“It’s not like I care,” you mumble, unconvincingly.
Jake huffs out something that sounds like a chuckle, but his thoughts are elsewhere. His mind (and eyes) are on the edge of your skirt. He places a hand on your thigh and rubs it softly. To you, it felt like reassurance, and it was. But he was also incredibly horny.
“Babe,” his words drawl. “Look at me.”
Your eyes meet his for a split second before he plants a wet kiss on your cheek. “Hey—”
He chuckles as he plants another on your nose. Then your chin. And then your other cheek. And now you’re trying to push him away, but he holds your wrists to prevent you from stopping his incessant attacks.
“Jake—You stink—Freak!” You try to say as his lips find yours, while he’s giggling up a storm. So cute. You're so fucking cute.
His next kiss is deep, drawing out your breath sharply. Your back is on the bed now with Jake on top, his hands still wrapped around your wrists.
Jake’s lips move against yours, your eyes fluttering shut. His tongue prods and pushes in, his taste so sweet and heavy as you breathe in his weirdly intoxicating scent. Like fresh laundry doused in the salt of his sweat. You clench his biceps as he comes up from the kiss to catch some air.
He looks at you, face flushed and mouth parted.
“I’m hard,” he blurts out, and you smack him on his naked chest.
“What do you want me to do about that?” you mutter as you start to feel him press against your stomach. “Don’t you have a party to go to?”
He shakes his head, burying his face in your hair. He lets out a groan, grinding onto you just to feel any part of you against his football shorts. You let out a squeak, clenching at his toned muscles harder.
“You’re not coming with?” he asks, and you can hear the shakiness in his breath. You smirk, wrapping your legs around him and shifting up so that his tent could meet your core. Jake fit between you so snugly.
His head lifts to meet yours, pupils already so dilated.
“Why would I?” you say through hooded eyes, and you could visibly see him gulp. It almost makes you laugh. But instead, you tease him, moving your hips up to graze his bulge.
“I have time,” he groans quickly. “For this. Or whatever you want to do. Like I’m really down for any—”
You roll your eyes, gripping the back of his head to smash him back down to your lips. Your movements are messy, tongues clashing at a feverish pace. He’s still sore from earlier, but like hell he would let this opportunity go. Not when you looked this fucking good. And angry too. (For him, these things aren’t mutually exclusive...)
With trembling fingers, he lifts your shirt and almost moans at the sight of your bare skin. While he wants to thank you for saving him the trouble of not fiddling with a bra clasp, you pat yourself on the back for leaving your necklace at home.
Knowing how frisky Jake gets after the adrenaline of a good win runs through him, it was the right call. You don’t think you could handle Jake seeing you so jealous while having his ring resting on your chest. Yeah, you’d probably die right in front of him.
His hands grab your tits softly, massaging them between his fingers. Jake dips down, swallowing a nipple in his mouth as he watches you sigh out in pleasure.
He’s confident in one thing when it comes to you, and it was this right here. He could make your tough exterior melt just as long as you were under him. Or over him. He has no preference.
His tongue circles your bud, tugging with his teeth lightly.
“Jake—” When he hears you squeak, his dick twitches with anticipation. So pliant now. What happened to that dominance earlier? He’d like to see it come back…
He moves on to the other breast, licking and massaging so it doesn't feel too neglected. Jake loves your tits, could be buried between them for the rest of his life if you let him. But now isn't the time! He has a very mean and very jealous, but also very hot, girlfriend to please. And maybe some party to make it to, who knows.
Jake pulls his shorts down roughly, just enough so that he can take his dick out. Already so big, the bulbous tip weeps with desire for you. He’s palming himself, relishing in how your eyes shut tight, lips parted open as his wet, pink muscle traces circles over your sensitive skin.
He’s nipping the top of your breasts now, careful not to leave marks in visible areas. Jake knows how you get about that sort of thing.
His fingers drag your white, damp panties off your legs, but keeps your skirt on. And the knee-high socks for good measure. His hand meets your core, pushing down on your clit with a heavy pressure he knows you like.
You gasp, covering your eyes with your forearm. You’re so embarrassed. The noises you're making are unbecoming of you. All he does is laugh. Still so sensitive during sex after a whole year of dating. And he’s supposed to be the shy one.
His fingers drag slowly on your folds as he spreads your juices all over his digits. Jake might just cum in his pants with how soft your tits feel as he nestles his head in between them.
He pushes two fingers in right away, and you draw out a sharp breath. You almost hit him on the shoulder. He has no idea how big his hands are. How sometimes you would eye them whenever he helps you with homework. Veiny, like his cock.
He’s moving his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace, wet squelches echoing through the room.
“Ngh—Mmm—” you groan, arching your back to meet his movements. Impatient. You’re always so impatient.
“JAKE!” you cry out, when he rubs over a certain spot.
He looks up at you from his comfortable position between the valley of your chest, and with a teasing glint in his eyes, he says, “You mean Jakey?”
And it’s not an exaggeration in the least to say that you start seeing red. You grab his wrist, the pads of your fingers digging into his flesh. He stops his movements, looking at you with those puppy-dog eyes like he did something wrong. And he did. Something very. Very. Wrong.
“Sorry, I just wanted to tease—”
You pull his fingers out of you. With one swift movement, you grab him by his shoulders and push him down onto the bed. You’re hovering over him now, eyes dark.
Jake swallows nervously. Why’d you have to look so hot when provoked?
“Did I ruin the vibe or…”
“Shut up,” you growl, crashing your lips onto his. He tries to hold your waist to offer support, but you hold his wrists down onto the sheets. He could probably push you off very easily. But he doesn’t. Because he loves seeing you like this. Loves the urgency in your touch.
You want him! And you’re showing it! His heart is practically doing backflips in his chest.
Your tongue explores the inside of Jake’s mouth, licking the roof of it in a way that has him seeing stars. You’re so rough with it. Sucking on his, biting his lip, moving so desperately against him.
“Babe—” he tries to say in between your assaults on his mouth. But it comes out in a breathless whisper when he feels you grinding your slick pussy against him.
“I said,” you say through gritted teeth. “Shut. Up.”
He almost moans when his leaking tip hits your clit. Just the contact alone has the back of his head hitting the pillow roughly. But he forces himself to watch as you move against him as he offers no assistance. Your grip on his wrists moves to the sheets as you focus on grinding against his dick. Swiveling yourself on him back and forth. Rubbing and rubbing. But it’s not enough. He needs to be inside. Needs to feel you right now.
Your breath is on his neck now, riling yourself up at his stunt. Jakey? What grown woman calls someone that? Choa and her nice ass bob... Fuck her!
“Ngh—” he lets out as you suction an erogenous zone on his neck, sucking and biting him like a vampire. Your tongue lapping at his skin to soothe him from the brutal assaults of your teeth. You close your eyes to relish in his taste. So salty from sweat, but still so sweet. But you’re distracted now as Jake breaks free from your hold. He grips your ass with one hand, the other guiding his pulsing member to your slippery entrance.
“Wha—”
He’s looking at you with pleading eyes. “Can I, baby?” Jake begs, cheeks tinged pink. “Please?”
You bite back a smile. What a fucking loser.
You push down on him, just slightly, just enough for his bulbous tip to slip inside. His grip on your ass is now slack. He doesn't even want to fight back, really.
“Fuck—” Jake’s mouth parts open, watching you with heavy-lidded eyes when you come back up. No longer inside you, he groans.
“Whyyy,” he whines. “I said I’m sorry—”
He inhales a sharp breath when you engulf his tip again, tightening around him just a little harder.
“Do you like being called Jakey?” you question darkly. “Like it when other girls feel up on you?”
He shakes his head desperately. “No—Only you—” he says through pained groans.
And then you lift again, laughing at his pathetic form. “I don’t believe you.”
He’s practically writhing underneath you now, his mushroom tip pulsing against your folds. Your skirt hides it all from view, and he just wishes he could rip it off you. Give you a new one, much, much shorter, so he can see everything better.
But only if you let him.
“You’re literally torturing me,” he whimpers, hips jutting up messily. He keeps missing your entrance, the one he desperately needs to be buried in. “Need to feel you right now—”
“What’s it to me?” you ask meanly, your thumb prodding at his bottom lip. His tongue comes out to lick at the pad of your thumb, sucking it ever-so-slightly. You enjoy this view. Him underneath you. Pleading. Whining. Like he's starving.
“I’ll make you feel so good, baby,” Jake offers through the haziness of his lust. Not entirely conscious of how desperate he sounds. “You can use me however you want. I’ll literally do anything. Just please—”
And then you sink, so slowly that his eyes roll to the back of his head. The devil. His girlfriend is the devil.
“Babe—” You shut him up with another open-mouthed kiss. Messy, just how he likes it.
He grips his hands into yours as you suckle his tongue, intertwining your fingers together. You try not to wince as you sheath him fully, realizing now that you were overconfident in taking control before he could properly prep you.
Usually, sex was an hours-long ordeal with Jake. He likes to finger you, then eat you out, then repeat, until he can slip into your slick warmth with little issue. Sex is the only time you don’t deny him the pleasure of seeing you flustered over him. Over what he could do for you. What he could provide you if you let him tell everyone in the world that he’s yours.
Regardless, Jake will always be long and thick, and he still stretches you out so deliciously. Your mouths clash against each other, swallowing back both of your moans as saliva pools at the sides of his bruised lips.
Depraved. That’s all you could think of when Jake bottoms out inside you. He’s so sweaty now, the scent so musky that it drives you insane. Do other girls smell these pheromones when he’s around? Or is this just you and your hypersensitivity to everything that involves him?
You’re moving up and down now, with shallow thrusts that do little to satiate the flame in your stomach. You don’t do this enough—take control enough. Your knees are already weak, wobbling, as you grind down on him.
But you push through it as you continue to impale yourself on his cock, gummy walls clenching him tightly with each thrust. You want to get him off like this, even if your whole body is trembling above him.
And it’s not like Jake doesn’t notice. But like the little shit he is, he doesn’t feel like helping. Because he enjoys the feeling too much, of your breasts bouncing filthily against his chest. When you lift yourself from his lips so that you can focus on riding him, he finds it so endearing. How you put your hands on his abdomen to steady yourself, how you fuck yourself on his length. How much you struggle to take all of him in. Not sure what to do with yourself.
‘My poor baby,’ Jake thinks, chuckling at how tight your eyes shut just to feel him better.
“Need help?” he hums, his hand drawing circles on your hip. You shake your head, teeth gritted.
“N-no,” you try to muster out, but it’s unconvincing. Your movements are stuttering, moans slipping out of your mouth too easily. He smirks. His little pillow princess.
Jake, with his grip on your hips, pulls you down onto his cock. Hard. You gasp as his hips snap up with it.
“Ah—” you cry out, your nails now digging into his shoulder blades. He pounds into a spot that had you almost come undone at that very moment. How did he get so good at this?
Jake lifts you, all the way until his pink tip is the only thing in your wet pussy. Then, as harshly as he could, he pushes you down on him, his thickness grazing at your deepest parts. And he does this again and again until you collapse onto his chest from the roughness of his thrusts.
“I’m gonna—Ngh—Fuck—You—” you try to say through your moans, try to sound angry. But you love it. Love how tight he grabs your bum. Love the slight stretch of pain as he stuffs you full of him. Love that trickle of spit that falls out of his mouth as his back lifts off the bed to feel you better. Ugh, you hate him.
“JAKE—”
“Shhh, baby, ” he whispers, forcing your face into the crook of his neck. “Just take it.”
Jake plunges up into you, propelling your hips down with his harsh grip. He lifts a heavy hand, smacking your ass from behind as you try to match his timing. You scream. He does it again, massaging the tender spot. The pain mixes with the pleasure, as tears prick the corner of your eyes. You feel your climax building now as your lips find his neck again, sucking and biting. Marking him. Let everyone know that he’s yours. That you own him.
“Babe…” he whines, too lost in the suctioning of your tightness to really care. Because he’s close too. So fucking close.
Jake’s arms move up to your back, caging you into a bear-like embrace. His feet plant themselves on the bed, as his dick shoves into you with newfound energy. He’s going so fast, you could practically hear the speed. Feel it too. The wet squelches of his balls slapping against your ass. You move with him, trying to sync your rhythm to his.
“Mmm—Ahh—” your moans jumble into each other. Your legs are trembling, even more than they were before. A searing feeling within you continues to build and build. A single, full thrust from him has you biting into his neck brutally, stifling your moans as your orgasm crashes through you in waves.
“Shit—” he cries out, from both the pain of your teeth and the pleasure of your cunt's constricting grip. You grind down on him, whimpering into his skin, back arched to ease yourself through the sensitivity.
Jake’s dick twitches in you once, then twice. He pushes you off of him and onto the bed, harsher than he intended. But he doesn’t have a condom on, and... he likes the way you look in white.
He hovers over you now, his painfully hard length in his hand. He’s stroking himself with urgency, fist wrapped around himself with a panicked grip. He’s watching you intently as you splay out underneath him. So fucking pretty for him. Lips bruised and bitten so sensually. Legs opened with your juices glistening on the inside of your thighs. Maybe he should stuff his cock into your—
“Fuck—” he groans, mouth parting at the sight of his thick ropes of cum spurting out of him, coating your stomach and tits. He strokes slowly, pumping all that he’s worth onto your body. You welcome it, eyes drinking in his flushed demeanor.
“I love you,” Jake mutters as he comes down from his high. And you don’t say anything back, distracted as your fingers coat themselves on the sticky fluids on your skin. Such a mess, both of you.
You hear it then. Intense vibrations on his nightstand. Jake’s phone, very much neglected, is blowing up with texts and calls. Was it going off like that the whole time? Then his eyes go wide like saucers.
“Shit! The party—”
Your eyes narrow. Before he can pick it up, you grab the nape of his neck to pull him down into another sloppy kiss. Your legs wrap around Jake once more, smirking as you feel him melt into you with little resistance.
“What party?”
morning after.
“You’re a bitchhhh,” Sunghoon cries out, over a FaceTime call that Jake was forced to pick up at nine in the morning. You were already gone by then, running late to your morning lecture.
Heeseung, thankfully, still hadn’t returned to the dorm. Or else you wouldn’t have been able to stay over and let Jake devour you a few more times, but that’s besides the point. He starts humming happily to himself with the memories of last night still fresh in his mind.
“They wouldn’t even let me into the bar because I was wearing the wrong colors,” his friend continues to complain.
“I get it, I get it,” Jake replies, only half-listening. He’s fixing his outfit in the mirror, admiring how well a polo shirt fits him. It’s weird. He’s getting used to not looking like a dweeb all the time, just a few weeks into his big transformation, even with his glasses on right now.
“Yo, do you think these pants look better with a belt or nah?” he asks, not really sparing Sunghoon a glance. He adjusts his shirt’s collar slightly until—
“WHAT THE FUCK—”
Jake jumps, phone nearly dropping from the desk he sat it on.
“WHAT IS THAT?!”
“What? What?!” Jake snaps his head to look behind himself, like Sunghoon might have seen a ghost.
“Did you get eaten by a fucking lion?!” Sunghoon gawks. Jake’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red.
Damn, he forgot.
“W-what are you talking about?” he mutters unconvincingly, slowly coming out of frame. He strips the polo off in a panic, digging through his closet until he finds a turtleneck. It’s autumn anyway. This is fine, right?
“Our friendship is done,” Sunghoon deadpans at the camera. “You got fucking laid and didn’t tell me?! I mean, I understand Jay, he’d make it weird. BUT NOT EVEN ME?!”
Jake shakes his head, tugging the turtleneck on. He tries to roll up his sleeves to look more casual, but now he looks like Steve Jobs. Shit. He should put his contacts on.
“So who is it?!” Sunghoon presses. “Who’s the unlucky girl?”
When Jake doesn’t reply, Sunghoon gasps.
“Unlucky guy?!”
“Man, shut up!” Jake cries, snatching his phone off the desk and coming back into frame. “Please don’t tell Jay.”
–
“Okay, so he told Jay,” he blurts, shielding himself with his arm like you’re about to hit him. “Please don’t get mad at me.”
You almost asked why he was wearing a turtleneck in relatively warm weather when he tugged the collar down to show his neck. Absolutely purple and bruised. And yes. Maybe a dark, suppressed part of you jumped with glee. But the more rational part started cursing yourself out.
“I can’t believe you’d video call him the morning after,” you groan, massaging your temple with your fingers. “Ugh, I’m so stupid. What was I even thinking?!”
Jake gives you a sly smile. “I mean, I’m not complaining—”
You shoot him another icy stare, and he stops.
“W-well, it’s not like they know that it’s you! They probably think it’s someone else…”
You inhale a sharp breath at the thought. Was he gonna tell them the hickeys on his neck were from someone else? Who? Choa?
“Whatever,” you mutter, whipping around as your bag purposely smacked his bicep. You walk off, fists clenched, ignoring Jake’s calls out to you.
Fucking Choa.
–
A full week has passed since the disaster that was Sunghoon seeing Jake’s bruised neck. Your boyfriend only felt safe enough to see the two idiots once the marks faded, and even then, he was a little disappointed to wake up and see them all gone.
“So run it through with me again,” Jay requests, leaning over the boiling hot pot broth. The boys sit in a dimly lit restaurant with a stage in the back.
“Like, you were just walking back to your dorm and boom—you found a rando to hook up with out of nowhere?!” Jay questions, dropping tofu into the soup so aggressively that it splashes Jake’s wrist.
“Why are you making up fantasies in your head about my sex life?” Jake mutters, pushing his glasses up his face. He was too lazy to put his contacts on just to hang out with these two. “I plead the fifth.”
“Bro, I thought you were a virgin this whole time!” Sunghoon adds unhelpfully. “Excuse us for trying to be supportive.”
Jake rolls his eyes, struggling to grab an udon noodle with his chopsticks.
“Wait,” Jay says through the hot pot steam. “Weren’t you walking with [Y/N] that night?”
Jake gulps, throat bobbing as he fiddles with the noodle more to avoid suspicion.
“Right!” Sunghoon snaps his fingers, and for a second, Jake’s life flashes before his eyes. They know. They have to! Fuck, you’re gonna be so mad at him—
“Why don’t we just ask her who it was?”
Jake stares at them and breaks out into a nervous laugh. Never in his life was he happier to have a more idiotic set of childhood friends.
“Please do,” Jake smiles, wondering how you would weasel out of that conversation with them. “She knows her very well…”
A piercing sound of microphone feedback ricochets through the restaurant. The three cover their ears as everyone’s attention turns to the neglected stage.
“Who wants to sing?! It's open mic night!” the restaurant owner booms. When a deafening silence fills the air, Jay lifts Jake’s hand straight into the air without hesitation.
“This guy loves Celine Dion!” he cries out as Jake tries to yank his arm back down. He curses at his friend, but to no avail.
“Okay!” the owner shouts excitedly. “Come on right up, sir!”
Jay and Sunghoon practically drag Jake up the stage, laughing themselves all the way back to their seats in the far back of the restaurant. Jake stands frozen as dozens of strangers stare at him, his heartbeat thudding in his ears. He takes off his glasses, shoving them in his pocket, and brushes his hair back. He couldn't bear to look at all these blank faces staring at him. Confidence. This is all about confidence.
When ‘My Heart Will Go On' starts echoing through the restaurant walls, Jake’s face flushes all the way red. This is exposure therapy; he tries to cope with himself. If he could do this, he could probably build up the courage to ask you about going public. So that his friends stop thinking he’s a loser. Maybe for you to stop thinking it, too.
He sucks in a deep breath. What’s the difference between this and a showerhead? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!
“Every night in my dreams, I see youuuu… I feel youuu…” he starts slowly, welcomed with a soft gasp from an audience member. Jay and Sunghoon’s laughter dies as Jake sings. Shit. He was actually doing it. And he sounded good, too. Like an angel. Was Jay crying?
Jake loses himself in the slow melody of the song, singing his heart out as he does in every postgame shower. ‘This one’s for you, babe,’ he thinks. Wherever you are…
When the song ends and Jake’s eyes open, he’s met with a standing ovation. At a damn hot pot restaurant. Jay and Sunghoon are cheering the loudest, holding their hearts like their once-nerdy best friend was their child at a talent show. The owner comes up to the stage, sniffling.
“Give it up for this random kid!”
As Jake makes his way back to the table, he holds his head up high. He couldn’t have imagined doing this a year before, let alone ordering food at a kiosk without stuttering. It’s like taking off his glasses gave him super powers.
“Excuse me—” Jake turns around. A girl with long flowing hair stops him.
“Are you Jake Sim? The freshman on the football team?” she asks, eyes bright. He nods. Does he know her?
“I’m Suji from the Dance department.” She bows slightly. “Your performance was incredible, by the way!”
He nods, giving a small “thanks,” before he turns back around.
“Actually!” She calls after him. He stops again. “I just wanted to ask if you were interested in auditioning to be the male lead of our upcoming musical! It’s about a football player who finds passion in singing and dancing. I just thought it would fit you so well!”
Jake turns back to face the stranger. He ponders deeply. A musical? Him? He’d never thought about it before, but what the hell! He guesses he’s the type to try new things now. The power of a good haircut, maybe.
“I’ll think about it,” he says with a polite smile.
Suji grins back. “Auditions start tomorrow. We’d love to have you.”
By the time Jake finds his way back to his seat, his friends are already geeking.
“You pulled another?!” Jay cries in anguish, biting his fist. “I should have gone up there. That should have been me! Damn it!”
“It’s not fair,” Sunghoon wails, leaning his head dramatically against the wall. “You had no play in high school. Like absolutely zero bitches—”
Jake snorts, scrounging for his glasses once more to slip them back on. “She was just asking me to audition for some musical.”
“I’m sure she was,” Jay says with a smirk. “I’m sure she’s staring straight at your back right now because she wants you in that musical soooo bad.”
Jake shifts in his chair uncomfortably, and sure enough, Suji is watching him. She shoots up her arm to wave. He looks back at his friends with a confused glance.
“Maybe they’re desperate?”
Sunghoon groans. “I’m gonna call [Y/N]. Let’s get her expertise on this.”
“Don’t!” Jake lunges, trying to grab Sunghoon’s phone as he takes it out of his pocket. But then flashes from that night start playing in his head. You above him. Riding him. Gripping his shoulders. Your lips on his neck, marking him until he whined and begged. All at the mere mention of Choa’s weird pet name for him. Jake clears his throat and sits back, not even trying to hide the shit-eating grin spreading across his face.
“...Yeah,” he says more casually. “Ask her.”
–
ma baby: Come over. Now.
Jake receives your text after Sunghoon’s impromptu call, bringing his hands together in a prayer position to the sky. Thank you to whatever higher being was watching over him.
When he reaches your residence hall, you’re waiting outside your door in pajamas, foot tapping impatiently against the carpet. You start glaring at his silhouette even before he comes into view.
“So,” you start slowly, “you just let anyone talk to you these days?”
Jake’s already giddy. Yes… Be angry with him… Let him in your dorm room and reprimand him, while you’re at it…
“Babeeee,” he teases, his arms already reaching for yours. You dodge him. “Are you mad at me?”
“No,” you reply flatly. “I’m just wondering when you started serenading restaurants and accepting invitations from random girls?”
“Just thought I could finally get some appreciation for my many talents,” he says teasingly, raising an eyebrow at you.
“Are you saying I don’t appreciate you?” you ask, not at all amused by his playful gaze. “I tell you all the time that you’re smart!”
He chuckles. “Everyone and your mom knows that by now, babe.”
You narrow your eyes. ‘He’s learning how to fight back,’ you think sourly.
“So you enjoyed that girl's appreciation, then?” you counter, knowing that you were riling yourself up by asking such a loaded question. Jake bites his lip to stifle a smile. There it is.
He shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says, pushing his glasses up. “I think I might actually consider auditioning!”
And this part is genuine. He’s always enjoyed singing. It could be a cool new experience, especially since he shied away from doing theater back in high school. Maybe now was his moment to shine... But when he notices how your expression darkens, he’s suddenly excited to audition for the musical for a whole different reason.
You look around the hallway, checking to see if anyone's coming by. Then you pull him by the collar and into your dorm room. The door shuts behind you two as you push him to sit on the bed. Jake looks up, eyes bright with pure anticipation as you climb onto his lap.
“What’s up, babe?” he asks, feigning ignorance. And you fall for it. Because your cute, nerdy boyfriend couldn’t possibly have ulterior motives… Right?
“You have class tomorrow?” you ask as you adjust yourself on him, legs encasing both sides of his thighs. His hands find your hips, pulling you closer.
“It depends,” he says, knowing full well he has an 8 a.m. physics lab. “Is your roommate coming back anytime soon?”
Oh yeah. Her.
“Not tonight,” you mutter, already peppering his neck with small kisses. “She’s visiting her parents.”
Jake smirks, tilting your chin up so your eyes meet his. His thumb brushes over your bottom lip as the wheels are already turning in his head. He fakes a cough.
“You know… I think the musical is actually a romantic comedy.”
You’re on your knees, carpet harshly grazing your skin.
“Fuck,” Jake groans, head thrown back as his hand clutches your hair. He’s pushing you down onto his cock, relishing in the way your cheeks hollow around him. How you take his whole length into your mouth without your usual snappy commentary. Look at you. Underneath him. So eager to please, but so in need of control. He bites his bottom lip at the view. It's addictive.
“Just like that,” Jake encourages, stroking your cheek so lovingly. Your tongue licks the underside of his thickness, careful not to have your teeth graze his sensitive skin. He’s so flushed above you, a darkness blooming in your heart. The sight of his glasses pushed so low on his nose bridge. So focused, so desperate for release.
‘My Jake,’ you think to yourself. ‘All mine.’
You bob your head up and down, your mouth plunging down to the base of his member with the help of his tight grasp on your hair.
“Y-yes,” he sighs, his hips coming up to meet your lips. Jake’s gaze never leaves yours, unable to tear his eyes from the tears forming in your eyes from just how much he fills you up. You always had something to say. Always rolling your eyes at him. Now, your eyes were rolling back for a different reason.
His mouth falls open. “F-fuck—”
You smirk as his hips start to lose rhythm. You remember the first time you gave him head. Just like this, knees on the floor of his room back home, with his parents watching TV downstairs. Glasses perched and foggy. He came within seconds. You were proud, just a little, that he was able to last this long now.
“B-babe?” he tries to cry out. “I’m close—”
You pull away from him with a pop of your lips, teasing the slit of his tip with the flat of your tongue. He groans in frustration, but his hands don’t push you down to take him in again.
“Already?” you say, eyes batting up at him. “Why should I give you the satisfaction?”
He whines, his grip on your hair tightening just a little.
“Please?” he asks, not really sure what you want from him. It’s not like he asked you to just fuck him with your mouth! That was all your doing. Okay, yes, maybe he did provoke you. But did that mean he didn’t deserve to orgasm?!
You’re pumping him slowly with your right hand, gripping tightly and stroking enough so that he’s still edging close to his climax. But not close enough to actually reach it.
“I thought I was supposed to be showing you appreciation,” you say pointedly. “Take my time with you and all that.”
He shakes his head ferociously, his hips snapping up into your fist.
“Babe—Please—I’m so—” he groans when he feels you slow your pace again.
“So what?” you ask, feigning naivety. You really are the devil.
He shakes his head. He can’t speak. Can’t even think. Just frustrated with how your lips aren’t wrapped around his fucking dick anymore.
“I’m sorry,” he cries. “I’ll do anything, baby. Please—Just stop teasing—Please—”
His sobs are music to your ears. Your wrist’s pace on him quickens, as your mouth engulfs his swollen tip. Your tongue circles the head, pumping him up and down with all your strength and might. Jake’s hands are clutching the sheets, hips pistoning up into your sticky fingers. He feels his load threatening to spill over.
“Fuck—Yes, baby—There—” He pulls your head back, hand encasing yours, pumping ferociously with you. Your mouth is wide open, tongue sticking out, eyes looking directly up at his. An invitation.
Spurts of his hot, white release coat your pink tongue. He unloads everything within him all over your features. Your cheeks. Your chin. Your cute ass nose. All covered in his milky cum. His mouth parts at the sight. So pretty. His girlfriend is so fucking pretty.
“I love you,” he whispers, as he wipes dribbles of his liquid off your chin with his thumb. “I love you so fucking much…”
You hum back in approval as he lifts you back up and onto his lap. Your face, still stained with his orgasm, comes up to kiss him. He grimaces slightly. You taste infinitely better than he does. He’s almost thankful you part ways with his lips so that you could pepper kisses down his neck.
And when you start sucking and nipping in the same way you did that game night, he smiles. His arms wrap around your waist as you suction his pulse point.
‘I could get used to this,’ Jake thinks.
The audition the next day went surprisingly easily. He truly was the only one trying out for the main role, while Suji was already pre-selected to play the female lead. Jake thinks it’s a bit unfair. What if other people wanted to audition too? But whatever. At least he got the part.
He finds you in between your lectures, holding out a boba for you in his hand. Jake’s not wearing a turtleneck this time, proudly wearing the battle scars of your teeth on his neck. No one’s brave enough to bring it up to him yet, to his dismay. Except you, who promptly smacks him in the arm for his shamelessness.
“You look like a pervert,” you grumble, still taking the drink from him.
He chuckles at your cute expression. You say that like it wasn’t your intention to have him show the bites off. To show that he is very much occupied with someone else. Not Choa. Or whoever this other girl was.
“I was wearing my jacket the whole day,” he reassures. “Just took it off when I came to see you.”
He flexes slightly. “You think I’ve bulked recently?”
You roll your eyes and ignore his obvious fish for compliments. “So how’d it go? The audition?”
He smiles. “You’re looking at the male lead of Singing Striker,” he says proudly, hand to chest. “And before you ask, the name was not my choice.”
You scoff at the cheesiness. “Congrats,” you say through small sips of your gifted drink. “Break a leg.”
“Babe… when you say it like that, I feel like you mean it the other way.”
You shake your head, speaking robotically. “So who’s the female lead? It’s a romcom, you said?”
“The girl,” he starts, snapping his fingers like he doesn’t already know who she is. “Suji. From the restaurant. The one who recruited me.”
Your eyes morph into a squint, like you’re glaring at him.
“...Interesting,” you say, willing yourself not to overreact. So Jake is hot now (always was). Girls just love to approach him with invitations to stuff. And he gets to act in a musical with someone that Jay described as “the baddest girl I’ve ever seen in my life.” Great! You love that, actually.
You bite down hard on the boba straw. “You know what… Are they casting for extras?"
And it's like a bad habit now. How you nip and scar his neck like you’re feeding off him every time a girl even so much looks in his direction. It’s easier than saying you’re jealous, easier than admitting that you have a sick sort of need to control who Jake interacts with.
You almost bent a metal spoon in the cafeteria when a girl asked for his number while you were sitting right in front of him. Granted, you did denounce being in a relationship with him pretty heavily the first few weeks at school. You knew she had every right to shoot her shot, but that didn't stop you from taking Jake right into a janitorial closet and making you eat him out as an apology.
“Fuck, baby,” he moans into the space between your thighs as your hands push him deeper into your wetness. “I've never even seen that girl in my life—”
You grit your teeth, angry that he even mentioned her. “Did I ask?” you growl through sharp breaths. “Just shut up.”
He smiles against your clit, sucking harshly to elicit more of your beautiful noises. He hums into you. Happy that you're mad at him. Happy that he gets to do dirty things with you without having to practically be on his knees and begging. Well, really, he already was.
His tongue laps at your folds, thrusting in and out to prolong his stay in between your thighs. Maybe he is teasing, but really, he’s just taking it all in. Your addictive noises. Your sweet taste. The feeling of his fingers digging into your ass just to hold you up. The way you clench around his tongue when he arches it inside, real deep. Yeah, he needs you bad.
Jake is lapping at you, your legs constricting around him even tighter when he finds his way back to your clit. When he tugs on it with his teeth, you jolt.
“Jake—” He does not care. He nips again, flattening his tongue to soothe the slight pinch. You arch your back into him, riding his face until you stop yourself. You look desperate. Pathetic even. But Jake groans.
“Keep going,” he huffs. “Use me, babe. Use me like I’m your fucking toy.”
You tsk, wondering where he learned to talk like that.
“Fucking pervert,” you mutter through harsh breaths. But your grip on him does tighten, and he whimpers at the feeling of you tugging on his locks.
“You like it when I'm like this, don't you?” You grit your teeth, pushing him in further. His nose is practically buried into your clit as he fucks his pink muscle into you at a merciless pace.
“Like when you get attention. Like when everyone fucking wants you.”
You're seething, practically riling yourself up. He tries to speak, but you clench around his tongue, trapping his voice. He hums into your folds instead, licking the roof of your warm hole as he finds the exact spot he's been searching for. You mewl.
“Fuck! T-there!”
You're grinding onto his face now, smothering him with your scent. Yes, he thinks to himself, please suffocate him. Tremors go through your body as you feel something intense build in the lower pit of your stomach. So close. So fucking close.
Jake’s grip on your ass loosens as he lets you do all the work. Your legs over his shoulder pump furiously into his face. Like, Jake is just a mere vessel for your climax. And he wouldn't have it any other way. He doesn't even nurse his own hard-on, one that's painfully stretching his jeans.
You're fucking his tongue, whining with each thrust, eyes starting to roll back, fingers almost pulling Jake’s hair from his scalp. Your hips stutter and then—
“Fuuuck…” Your orgasm pulses through you in ways that have you screaming silently. Your legs are trembling as his mouth vibrates with his hums against your core. Jake’s lapping up all your juices with an urgency.
Everything. He wants to taste everything. When you gently push him off from the oversensitivity, he resists at first. He holds you in place until he gets his fill, until tears are threatening to spill over. But your legs finally find the ground as he looks up at you with half-lidded eyes.
“I love you,” he whispers, out of breath.
‘Whore’ you want to say out loud, but you know that would only make him hornier. He’s weirdly into stuff like that. But you smile as you comb through his hair. He doesn’t have complaints about you messing it all up as long as you’re fucking him, huh?
Jake, still on his knees, looks up at you with a lick of his lips, savoring the remaining taste of you on it. You wish he could see how he looked. Flushed. Damp. Yours. You almost lift him up to kiss him when—Ding.
The loving gaze you two share is cut off by the sound of his phone. He finally gets up from his knees, checking the notification.
“Oh shit,” he mutters. “Suji says I missed the costume fitting. I think I need to head out soon—”
You smash your lips against his, interrupting his train of thought. You moan at the taste of yourself on his devious tongue. Jake smirks, wrapping his arms around your waist. Maybe you could add a few more hickeys to his collection before he heads out... Just for good measure.
jake: let’s go to jay’s together?
For one of your weekly hangouts. The nights you try to avoid because they always end with you ignoring the pile of assignments you’ve already been putting off.
you: sure. wya rn?
You smack your forehead the second you realize how quickly you sent that text. You swear you weren’t waiting. It wasn’t like you were staring at the last message he sent five hours ago, ruminating over whether it was appropriate to tell him how much you missed him.
jake: meet me by the bleachers :D practice is ending soon.
The speed at which you change outfits is impressive, already heading to the damn field before you realize it. He’s there, dribbling with a couple of his teammates. You sit at the top of the stands, a bit out of his sight. He catches a glimpse of you anyway and waves. You shoot him a simple smile of acknowledgement that dampens almost immediately.
Because you also see Choa, handing him a water bottle. When Jake reaches for it, trying to avoid brushing her hand, she purposefully finds his fingers anyway. It’s enough for your stomach to sink.
Even though he’s just smiling politely. Even when it looks like their conversation lasts for two seconds. It doesn’t feel any less bad. Choa notices you staring, and she scoffs. “This is a closed practice—”
“She’s with me,” Jake corrects her immediately. “I told her to come. That’s okay, right?”
You lift an eyebrow, challenging her. Jake said it the nice way. If she had to hear you speak, you would have probably been escorted off the field by now. She coughs awkwardly and nods, instantly folding under Jake’s attention. Your boyfriend, by the way.
“O-of course,” she stammers. “Just make sure she doesn’t see the playbook.”
The guys continue playing, and you move down a few rows, keeping Choa in your line of sight. It’s like she feels the daggers you send her way because she whips around to glare at you.
“It’s kind of pathetic,” she starts. “How you cling onto him.” You squint at her, not sure if you heard her correctly. You turn around, too, to check if she really had the audacity to speak to a stranger like you in that way.
“You talking to me?” you ask, pointing at yourself mockingly. She clicks her tongue.
“Who else?” she bites back. “Do you even have a name, or do you usually just go by Jake’s guard dog?”
Your cheeks burn in anger. Oh, if you were in high school… She’d have been on the ground by now, makeup stained with turf and pebbles. But unfortunately, you’re trying to stick to your resolution. A reformed delinquent girl at a prestigious university—
“You mute too?” Choa adds in for good measure. You stand, and it’s like Jake’s Spidey senses tingle because he stops to watch, monitoring if he needs to step in.
“You know,” you say, voice cool and devoid of emotion, “you’ve got a lot to say for someone who has to talk like a baby to get a man’s attention.”
She snarls. “Excuse me?”
“Jake’s not gonna let you hit,” you mock, scanning her up and down with a disgusted face. You only say the next part just to piss her off. “You’re not really his type.”
“And you are?” She steps in closer. “You’re stuck in the fucking friendzone, acting like hot shit—”
Oh, if only she knew. The truth is sitting on your tongue, burning, begging to be spoken just so you can wipe that stupid smirk off her face. But you’re not that angry yet. Not enough to expose yourself.
“You seem like such a loser,” she continues, voice laced with malice. “Everyone already thinks you look like some stray puppy following Jake everywhere he goes. Don’t you have a life of your own? Any hobbies? Isn’t it sad showing up where you’re not wanted?”
Ouch. Jake was your puppy. He follows you around everywhere.
She digs right into that ugly little fear in the back of your mind. That you look as pitiful as you feel. That you truly were just biding your time in this dumb university until Jake showers you with attention. Is this what a relationship’s supposed to feel like? Like you’re waiting for him, all the damn time?
You inhale a deep breath. You’re better than this. Better than catfights over someone that’s already yours. A man who sleeps on your chest almost every night... But you’re not above being petty.
“And did he tell you all that,” you ask with fake sweetness, “or are your delusions that Jake’s gonna fuck you starting to get to your brain?”
She opens her mouth, but you cut her off. “I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you,” you continue, sarcasm dripping in your voice. “Make sure Jakey knows exactly the kind of girl you are.”
Choa bites the inside of her cheek. “Not like I said anything wrong.”
“Oh, right.” You pitch your voice up to that grating baby tone she uses with Jake. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate you calling me a ‘fucking loser,’ since you care so much about what he thinks.”
You could laugh at her suddenly hunched shoulders, but you just drop back down onto your seat, fake scrolling through your phone. “Don’t you have a team to manage?”
Choa whips her bob around, stomping back toward the group and desperately hoping that no one heard. But Jake is already staring. He doesn’t look mad. Just resigned.
“Choa?” he calls out, voice low and almost inaudible. He’s not smiling like usual.
“Yes?” she answers immediately, with that lilted tone that sounds like nails on a chalkboard. You don’t hear the conversation that takes place, so curious as to why Choa’s expression suddenly drops.
“Don’t ever talk to her like that again,” he says, and the entire team stiffens around them.
“And next time,” he adds, walking past her, “Just mind your fucking business.”
–
You never, in all your years of living, thought you’d be sitting in an auditorium seat watching your boyfriend act like he was in love with another girl on stage. But here you are, leg bouncing and forearms itching from the irritation bubbling in your chest.
“But don't you get it?!” Jake rehearses, script in hand. His hands flail in fake exasperation. You cover your mouth to hide the wince forming on your lips. “How can I choose between the stage and football?!”
“You don't have to choose,” Suji steps in, acting much better than Jake, at least. “You can do both.”
Jake sighs, throwing his hands up in the air. He's facing her now.
She's pretty, you think. Really pretty. Probably one of the most gorgeous girls you've ever seen in your life. And Jake is staring right into her eyes. You can’t help but wonder if he thinks the same. You grit your teeth at the thought.
“But what would people think of me?” he sighs. Suji shakes her head, moving closer. Your brows knit. That's not part of the script.
“Who cares what other people think?” she says softly, resting her hand on his chest. Your expression darkens immediately. “If it feels like you're alone… Then I can be there to support you.”
Maybe Jake's character should care what other people think, especially if he’s gonna prioritize singing on stage with some pretty girl over his football career—
You slap your own cheek lightly. Relax.
“Cut,” the musical director calls out. “Great job, you two! After this is the dance scene. We can rehearse that tomorrow. I think that's all for the day.”
When the actors and stage crew finally funnel out, you watch Jake stay behind, chatting with his costars onstage. So radiant, smiling at them with his toothy grin and cracking jokes as he says goodbye. He never used to be like that. Used to be so painfully shy that Jay had to accept his academic awards for him in high school.
And yeah, you feel like shit when he's standing there, surrounded by people who have stars in their eyes when he talks, while you're grumpily waiting in a faraway seat with no real excuse to interrupt. You're just part of the stage crew, after all. Just one of the invisible people who move props in between scenes while Jake and Suji’s characters fall deeply in love with each other. Yuck.
But you’re not gonna do the usual thing of dragging him to the nearest secluded area and fucking his brains out. No—you’re better than that. You’re not a loser! You’d let this pass.
“Bye, I’ll catch up with you guys soon! My friend’s waiting for me.”
The word ‘friend’ digs deep into your heart. But that’s your own fault.
Jake walks toward you, and the quick smile he throws your way is cut short the moment he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He stops in front of you, forehead still glistening from the stage lights, eyes glued to the screen even as he talks.
“I have practice in like thirty minutes,” he sighs, scrolling through his calendar. “And then the crew wants to have, like, a group dinner later tonight.”
He cranes his neck to release some tension, finally looking up at you. “Damn. My character is lowkey right. It really is hard balancing the two.”
You roll your eyes and stand up. “The crew? Like Jay and Sunghoon?”
He shakes his head as he walks beside you, still a bit occupied with his phone. He's sending text messages to some massive group chat, text bubble after text bubble popping up.
“The main acting crew,” he says, emphasizing the second word. “I think they wanna run the lines at En Bar and get a couple of drinks.”
You almost stop in your tracks, but you force yourself to continue walking with him, arms crossed. Good for him, you think. And you mean it. He's adjusted so well to university life, while yours feels like it revolves around him.
What's Jake up to? Is his practice done? Who's he talking to? Is it Choa? Is it Suji? Is it every girl that makes eye contact with your newly socially adept boyfriend, who just so happens to have the most gorgeous face known to mankind?
You want to punch yourself real bad.
“Do you wanna come?” he asks when he notices you've fallen silent. He thinks it's cute when you're jealous. Sulking and pouty—when it’s obvious why you’re upset. Not when you're quiet. Not when you're creating distance between you two as he walks beside you.
“I can ask them if we can reserve more chairs—”
“It's fine!” you interrupt, but even you don’t convince yourself. “I have work to catch up on anyway.”
His lips part as if recalling something important, something he promised you.
“I'm so sorry, babe!” he gasps. “I totally forgot that you needed help studying for your exam tomorrow!”
You shrug your shoulders. You’re a cool girlfriend. Super chill. Not crazy at all.
“No, it's okay,” you say, chain necklace feeling heavy on your chest. “I'll just go to the tutoring center. You're busy, I get it.”
His eyes are still laced with concern. You sound so disconnected, so not yourself. Did he do something wrong?
“I can come over tomorrow?” he suggests, but it almost comes out as a plea. “We can watch the new movie you wanted—”
“My roommate’s gonna be home.”
“Okay…” he says, voice fading. “What about my dorm?”
You shake your head. “I'm not really up for a movie, I guess.”
Jake’s expression sours. It feels like you’re shoving sheets of metal down his throat. He can take you angry. Can handle you screaming, kicking, crying, and calling him names. He can’t take whatever this is.
“I can just cancel,” he says quickly. “I’ll come over tonight!”
And Choa’s voice resounds in your ear.
“You seem like a fucking loser.”
You bite your bottom lip and stare at his wavering gaze. You wonder if he pities you.
Has he noticed? How quickly you reply to his texts? How often you show up to his extracurricular activities? How you can’t seem to admit that you’re hurting, even when he’s right here in front of you? God, you hate this feeling.
“It’s okay,” you say, and it’s small like a whisper. “Need some alone time anyway.”
“Alright,” he breathes, relenting to whatever boundary you’ve set with him. He reaches out to brush a strand of hair from your face, but when you flinch, he retracts his hand instantly.
“I love you?” he tests.
You give him a small smile and nod, pushing past him. He moves like he wants to catch your hand and stop you. But as always, he lets you walk just a little too out of his reach.
Because you still don’t say it back.
–
So this is what it feels like to twiddle your thumbs and try not to scream as Jake misses yet another hangout... He’s busy with his daily practices and rehearsals. You get that. But it’s still physically torturous to sit through Jay and Sunghoon stoking the fires of your insecurities.
“He’s gotta be seeing someone,” Sunghoon sighs, reclining into the beanbag in Jay’s apartment. “Dude just abandons his friends without any pussy involved? There’s no way.”
You smash a throw pillow from the couch and into his face, and Jay throws another one for good measure.
“Why do you always think with your dick?” Jay mutters. “Just let Jake be. This is his moment. Not like he had much to work with in high school.”
Sunghoon sighs. “Yeah,” he mumbles, almost apologetic. “He was pretty lame back then.”
You never thought so. Maybe you joked about it, but you never really meant it. He was kind. A little shy. So eager to please and follow you around. And now that the roles were reversed, you weren’t sure how to feel anymore. Fuck. Why couldn’t you just be happy for him?
He has this amazing life outside of you now. Cool friends (not Jay and Sunghoon). Great prospects for the future. It’s like a bird leaving the nest. Your carefully cultivated nest.
You felt like a cloud raining over his head when you’re around him now. After Choa, you started to notice the whispers around campus a little more. How people avoid him when you’re around because you can’t carry empty conversations about upcoming exam scores the same way Jake can.
It’s just different. He is. And it feels like you are too. But not a good different. It’s the kind that makes you feel like this isn’t how you should be. That you aren’t who you want to be… Maybe Choa was right.
And now a pillow is thrown in your direction. You shoot daggers at Sunghoon with your glare.
“What?!” you yell. He pounces in fear.
“I asked,” he coughs. “Is college treating you okay? You making friends?”
You roll your eyes. “Are you my dad?”
Jay sighs. “We always talk about Jake. Sue us for wanting to know how you’re doing for once.”
The words linger. What are you doing?
–
You’re stewing in it, marinating in how lonely it feels to stand in a corner with the stage crew while Jake, Suji, and the rest of the main cast laugh amongst themselves. Whatever.
“Those two are so cute,” a girl beside you says. Gaeul. So sweet, so bubbly. So oblivious to how tightly you clench your teeth. “They’d be like the it couple on campus, no?”
When you look between Jake and his toothy grin and Suji with her sweet laugh, you can’t help the way your heart constricts. “Yeah,” you mutter in disgruntled agreement. “I guess.”
Jake sends you sneaking glances, ones you don’t notice despite your eyes lingering on him.
You haven't been the most responsive lately. He texts you a lot in between practices and rehearsals. Whenever he has the chance. He asks to come over. Asks you to come over. And you’ve turned him down almost every time.
You didn’t attend his last two games, you’re skipping rehearsals that you used to sit through for hours, and Jay knows where you're holed up more than he does. He’s worried about you. Worried that you’re avoiding him. Were you avoiding him?
“I heard you two are really good friends,” Gaeul asks you with sparkling eyes. “He seems like such a catch. How’d you not fall in love?”
You shrug. What answer are you supposed to give? It’s not like you were resistant to his charm either. “He went through a transformation recently,” you admit. “We were both kind of outcasts in high school.”
“Me too!” she says excitedly. “I bleached my hair, and everything before uni started. What about you? Were you two like super shy?”
You shake your head. “Jake was. I was just a bad student. Got in trouble a lot. My parents literally laughed when I told them I wanted to go here.”
And your heart thuds in your chest from a memory. Because Jake believed in you. Sat through hours of studying, teaching you the difference between derivatives and whatever the fuck linearization was, just for the chance to attend the same university. So he could spend time with you, so he could be with you. And now you barely see him.
“Really? I’m not surprised, though. You seem like such a chill girl. Like you don’t care what other people think of you.”
“Trust me. I’m far from it.” You catch Jake’s longing gaze again, but you turn away.
“Starting to think it was a mistake joining this thing,” you mumble, “with how often everyone forgets their lines.”
She laughs. “I like how straightforward you are,” she says with a wide smile. “Don’t really mince your words, do you?”
You smile too, in what feels like forever. It felt free to talk about something—anything—outside of him.
“Unfortunately, I don’t know how to hold back what I say.” Which is a lie. Because you hold back a lot. More than you let on.
“Alright!” the stage manager yells. “Let’s get in position for the final scene.”
The kiss scene. The one you’ve dreaded for so long. You and Gaeul move across the stage, setting up the mics and instruments in their right place. You move past Jake with your head down. He frowns. So you are avoiding him.
“Places, people!”
You watch, from the wings, as Jake pours his heart out into the lyrics. A song about breaking free from stereotypes and whatever other inspirational stuff this whole musical’s about. He’s good. Really good. He moves like a natural on stage, throwing Suji these soft, tender glances that look so painfully real. She glows under the lights, stars in her eyes. And as the song comes to an end, he picks her up to spin her.
Just like the script says. And you clutch your forearm at the sight.
“I feel like I can really be myself with you,” he says to her. “Like I don’t have to hide or pretend.”
Whatever.
“And you make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”
The two stare at each other. A pause. Jake leans in. And so does she. Fuck.
You can’t do this. Can’t watch. You turn and walk out the back exit. Your chest is heavy, constricted with that ugly pang of envy.
Fuck this feeling. It hurt. Why did it have to hurt? You hate the tears that well up in your eyes, hate the shivering of your shoulders as you hug yourself in the parking lot of the stupid auditorium. You need to go back in. Save face. Show how little that kiss scene affected you because you’re supposed to be his friend in the eyes of everyone else.
You clutch your necklace through your shirt, fingers twisting the ring. Jake, who loves you. Who desperately wants your relationship to be public, to show you off. The same Jake on stage kissing another girl for a stupid musical you didn’t even want to be a part of.
He doesn’t deserve this. This monstrous version of you, who cares too much but gives too little. Overbearing to the point of suffocation.
So you walk back in, face steeled and tears wiped. He’s talking to the director with Suji, like nothing happened. Like all semblance of your self-esteem wasn’t just ruined a few minutes ago. But you need to stop. Because it isn't his fault. It isn't even Suji’s.
It’s yours. You hurt your own feelings.
Jake sees you and immediately lights up, calling your name as he jogs over. You don’t smile back.
“I have some time after rehearsals,” he says lovingly, his hand tugging your arm. “Wait for me?”
This would be the last time you would.
–
He tries to hold your hand on the walk back home to steady his heart rate. Opening night creeps closer and closer, and preparation alone won’t save him from the nerves. But when you pull away before his fingers can intertwine with yours, he flinches.
Maybe there are too many people around, Jake tells himself. You’re probably worried about being seen. And so he continues his merry yapping. He doesn’t notice the defeated glint in your eyes or the slow steps you take next to his. He’s still riding the high from rehearsal, still proud he finally made it through every line without stuttering or needing the script.
Maybe he’ll do well enough on opening night that you’ll let him kiss you afterward. Maybe you’ll walk toward him with flowers while he wraps you in his arms. He’d spin you around, brag to the whole world that you’re his girlfriend. Say it loud and proud in front of annoying ass Jay and Sunghoon, who got front row seats.
The thought pulls a grin onto Jake’s face, making him skip ahead a little. And you both keep walking toward the dorms. Just like any other day.
Until you ruin it.
“I’m dropping out of the stage crew,” you say, casually. He stops in his tracks. All semblance of a smile wipes from his face. The show is sold out. It’s too late to get you tickets.
“You won’t be able to watch,” he says, panic laced in his voice. You’re at a standstill, in the middle of campus, surrounded by trees and concrete. “You should’ve told me! I can see if I can pull some strings—”
He’s already taking his phone out to text someone. Probably the director. He doesn’t even ask why. Just goes straight to problem-solving. Your Jake. Too good. Too kind. Too forgiving.
It’s too much.
“I’m not coming to watch,” you say, harsher this time, stopping him from sending the message. Guilt washes over you instantly. Because he looks at you with his brows knit together, eyes wavering.
“I don’t understand.” You don’t want to come? You don’t want to support him?
Your mouth opens to say something. Anything. But your throat feels hoarse, shoulders too heavy. Shit. Don’t cry. You don’t cry in front of anyone.
“Jake,” you start, clenching your quivering hands open and closed. “I can’t do this anymore.”
His heart drops.
“Do what anymore?” he swallows, his mouth dry. “I’m confused—”
“I think we need to break up.”
Numb. Everything is numb.
“W-what?” Tears sting Jake’s eyes before he can blink them back. “Don’t… don’t say that.”
You shake your head. “Jake,” you whisper, careful not to get too close. Careful so you don’t make the mistake of taking back your words. “I don’t think we’re good for each other.”
He inches forward. You take a step back.
“Do you think that? That I’m not good enough—”
“No,” you interrupt. But he isn’t listening. And he doesn’t want to. Because this feels like a fucked up joke, a prank on him that’s been taken too far. Won’t you stop?
“Because if it’s something I did, I can change,” he begs. And your heart breaks a little at how desperately he searches for a hint of emotion in your face. But you don’t relent. You can be the bad guy. You always are.
“Please. We can talk this through.”
“I’m sorry,” you say, an unusual softness in your voice. “I don’t want to change my mind—”
“Why not?!” he asks, voice louder. The quiet that falls between you two is masked by the rustle of surrounding trees, orange and red leaves falling around you two. The cool, autumn air brushes your face. His eyes sting with redness.
“Why don’t you tell me anything?” His voice cracks. The aching in your heart makes you want to give in, to take it all back. But you aren’t like Jake. You can’t adjust, can’t welcome change so openly.
So as you look at him with his slicked back hair and sharp features, so different from a year ago, it feels like you've already lost something. The version of yourself who had more to give than hollow excuses and marks left on his skin.
You couldn’t admit to it even now. That you hate who you’ve become. “I’m telling you right now,” you gulp, bracing your own words. “That I want to break up.”
And the first semblance of tears falls down Jake’s cheeks as he lets out a bitter laugh. He doesn’t believe it. Can’t accept it. He won’t let this be the end.
“If it’s because of what Choa said—”
Your brows furrow. “You heard what she said?”
His hands are in his hair, tugging at it with frustration. You seem angry, but he doesn’t know why. He never does.
“I told her to mind her business,” he explains quickly. “It doesn’t matter what she thinks. So if you’re breaking up with me just because she called you clingy or whatever…”
And he doesn’t know it, but the words trigger something in you. Something you’ve been pushing down over and over again. The feeling of seeming weak, of needing him. The need to monopolize. It sickens you.
“It matters what I think Jake!” you finally burst out. Frustration etched in your voice, shaky from the cold air and your wavering emotions. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
“All I ever do now is wonder who you’re with, why you’re with them, and I just… I just feel so fucking lonely.”
He reaches for you, but you push him away. Your grievances spill out of you before you can hold them back.
“I’m paranoid of anyone who talks to you. I couldn’t even fucking watch you do that stupid kiss scene,” you continue.
“We didn’t even kiss!”
“That’s not the fucking point!” you scream, before you can stop yourself. You inhale sharply when he flinches. Calm down. This is not his fault. Why are you getting angry with him?
“I’m sorry,” you mumble, taking one more step back. He holds your wrist gently to keep you in place.
Jake stares at you with his lips parted, stunned. “So why can’t we just go public?” he pleads. “You wouldn’t have to feel this way if—”
“That’s not the issue either,” you scoff, but you can’t even convince yourself. Because isn’t this how it all started? Your unwillingness to be embarrassed, to seem vulnerable in front of others. Was this not the root of it all?
“Then what is?!” he cries, his grip on your wrist tightens, not to hurt you, but so that you don’t run. Because you’re good at that. Running.
“I get insecure too,” he reassures, but you look past him now. “But I tell you. I tell you when I’m hurt, I tell you when I’m down. Because I… I want you to understand me. I want to understand you too…”
He swallows hard before continuing. “So I don’t get why you would even bring up breaking up before we even try to solve the problem together—”
“Because I don’t want to solve it, Jake.”
His hold on you loosens instantly, arm dropping to his side. You feel colder as he steps back. Jake stares at you, hurt laced in his gaze. Like you stabbed him in the heart and twisted the knife in to marinate.
“...You're always like this,” he mutters under his breath. “Always saying hurtful things without thinking about how they make me feel.”
He feels his throat close up as he draws in some baited breaths. The tears come in more heavily, his cheeks damp as they roll down his pained face.
“So you see what I mean?” you say, your own tears threatening to spill over without you even realizing. A part of him instinctively wants to wipe them away, to pull you close and make it stop. But all he feels is anger. Because you’re the one breaking up with him. You’re the one choosing to end things. What right do you have to cry? What right do you have to look shattered when he's the one in pieces?
“I’m horrible to you,” you let out with pained laughter. He shakes his head immediately.
“No, you’re not—”
“I always pick fights—”
“You don’t—”
“I act like a fucking bitch—”
“Don’t call yourself that—”
"I feel like I’m insane when I’m around you,” you let out, before you can stop yourself.
“I don’t think that at all—”
“But I do, Jake,” you cry. “I hate how jealous I get when you’re surrounded by other people. I hate feeling like I’m holding you back. I hate what I’ve become since…”
And you can’t finish because his tears have stopped. He’s looking at you with a new kind of anguish. The kind that you don’t necessarily expect. The kind that feels like disgust.
“Since you started dating me?” he says like he correctly finished your statement. But that’s not what you're going to say. Never that.
“Since you didn’t need me anymore,” you whimper. “I’m not a good girlfriend, Jake. You’d be so much happier without me. Everyone would think it if they knew.”
He stands in front of you, hollow. If they knew. He has to laugh. That’s the problem. No one does. You don’t want them to. It’s clear now.
“Fine,” he says, and the steadiness of his voice makes you shudder. Good. This is what you wanted.
He’s staring at you, jaded like he had come to terms with it. He used to love how insistent you were about your point of view on things, how firmly you stood by your opinions. Used to envy it. But now, he detests it. That stubbornness.
“Whatever you want,” he sighs, hands slipping in his pockets. “Let’s break up. Pretend we never happened.”
Your mouth parts. “Excuse me?”
Jake scoffs, hands tightening into a fist. They’re trembling, but he won’t let you see. He can do what you do. Act like he’s okay. Act like you didn’t just kill him. He’s gotten very good at that. Acting.
“I’m being honest, Jake—”
“You don’t love me,” he cuts in. And your heart sinks. “That’s all this is. You never show it. You never say it. And I’m tired of hearing you pretend like you’re doing me a favor when I’m practically begging you not to leave.”
His voice cracks, but he continues. “So fine,” he mutters. “Have it your way. You won’t ever have to admit that we dated, start a clean slate without me. Just like you want.”
He presses his lips together and gives you one last look before he takes his hands out of his pockets. He’s fiddling with the ring. His ring. The ring that matches yours.
“You know,” he starts, voice trembling and bitter, “when it was the other way around… when I felt like shit about myself…. I never once thought of leaving you.”
His gaze is on the ground. “Because I always thought I was better with you than without. Because you made me want to be better.”
His voice falters. He looks at you now, sniffling.
“I tried to be better.”
And in one swift motion, Jake takes off the ring. “...But you didn’t even want me enough to stay.”
“Jake, no—”
But it’s too late. You see him throw it, the bushes rustling nearby. Your mouth opens, but no sound comes out. He shoves his hands back in his pockets and walks past you to the direction of the dorms.
“There,” he says quietly behind you. “Like we never happened.”
He doesn’t look back, doesn’t even spare you a glance. It’s only when he’s fully out of sight that you dig through the orange and red pile of leaves, through dirt and branches. Tears stream down your face as you sob, searching for it like a mad woman. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic.
But you can’t find it. No matter how hard you try to find a silver glint in the greenery, there is nothing. And you clutch onto yours like it’s your lifeline. He threw it away. How could he throw it away?
And you wonder then if you made the biggest mistake in your life.
–
You thought the pit in your stomach would fade once you ripped the bandage, but the hole in your heart opened wider. And it’s only been a week.
Jake used to dodge questions about his love life, but now he admits to anyone with ears who walks by that he’s single. You have ears. And you walk by often. You’re not sure if he’s taunting you or if you just want him to be.
When your eyes meet his at the one lecture you still share, he’s the first to turn away. Jake used to sit beside you, shoulder brushing yours, tilting his laptop so you could keep up when the professor switched the slides too quickly. When you pass the football field, you try not to wince when you see Choa latch onto his arm like she belongs there. He used to always pull away.
The worst part is that these stolen glances are all you have of him. He’s blocked you on everything, which feels weird to think about. Jake, who’s always gentle, always forgiving, always offering second chances—even to people who don’t deserve it. Maybe this time you’re one of them.
You have no right to be upset. Not anymore.
And so you wrap yourself in your studies, check out new extracurriculars, even try to make new friends on campus who know nothing about Jake. You try to rebuild, try to go back in time before that fateful day in high school when you met him. But it’s been far too long.
He was a part of you, so deeply ingrained in your daily life. How could you act like you two never happened? Like your relationship never existed? How could he do it so well?
And then, you have to remind yourself. You'd already been doing that anyway.
–
“So what did he do?” Jay questions, tuning his guitar while Sunghoon and you sit in his living room. “Did he tell you he was done paying for your stuff or…”
“Shut up,” you grumble, already agitated enough as you scroll through Suji’s Instagram. You couldn’t even muster the energy to be jealous over a photo of Jake and her holding up peace signs next to each other. You just feel empty. “Nothing happened.”
Jay rolls his eyes. “He’s usually texting one of us to get you to answer his messages by now. It’s been crickets from him for the last two weeks.”
You swallow hard. He used to do that?
Jay’s gaze flickers toward you and sighs as he fiddles with his guitar strings. “You know, I really don’t get the two of you,” he mumbles. “Like you already rejected him in high school, you’re practically just stringing him along at this point—”
You sit up. “Excuse me?”
He shakes his head, dropping the guitar onto his lap. “Jake told us,” he starts hesitantly. “That you ran away when he tried to confess last year.”
‘But that’s not the full story,’ you want to scream out loud.
“Yeah,” Sunghoon laughs as if recalling a memory. “Dude! Remember in the summer when he started going to the gym with me?”
Jay cringes. “Yeah, and he told us it was because he’d be starting this season, but we knew it was just because you said you liked macho guys.”
You shake your head, ears warming at the thought. That’s insane.
“Oh, and that stupid ass ring,” Sunghoon adds, clutching his stomach. Your hand instinctively clutches at your necklace, fingers brushing the chain. “His mom beat the shit out of him when she found out how much he spent on it.”
You twiddle with the ring through your shirt. You should've taken it off by now. He'd already thrown his away. So what use was it leaving him if all you were going to do was hold on?
“Why would he do all that for me?” you mutter, not realizing that you said your thoughts out loud.
Jay shrugs. “Love makes you do stupid things.” And then he sighs. “Go easy on him, okay? You know how he is. Jake’s a sensitive boy. Especially when it comes to you.”
You look down at the ground, shame bubbling up in your chest. Jake loved you. He really did.
–
You smile from your view of the auditorium, even from the back, feeling like a speck of dust in the full house. A bouquet is in your hand as you nervously find your seat. Jake’s right. Everyone’s here to watch.
You could see Jay and Sunghoon’s tiny heads toward the front, pushing down the bitterness of not being able to sit as close as they were. It's not fair, you think. You had to buy a last minute ticket off a student who could no longer make it while they don’t even like musicals. You shake your head.
This isn’t about you. It’s Jake’s big night.
The lights dim. Your boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—steps onto the stage in a football jersey that looks almost exactly like his real-life one. The audience quiets at his entrance. As he delivers his cheesy opening monologue, you mouth the words with him. He’d practiced it so much in front of you. Pride wells up in your chest. He doesn’t stutter once.
Even when Suji joins him on stage, even as they sing together during their characters’ first meeting, you couldn’t help but smile.
The scenes blur as you lose yourself in the show. You watch the characters as they are and not as your ex and the girl you desperately wanted to hate. It was actually fun. The cheeky glances, the perfectly rehearsed dance scenes. The way the main character so seriously thought that singing was going to affect his football career. It made you laugh, made you tear up, made you suck in a deep breath when Jake leaned into her.
And because you’re still you, and because the wounds still feel fresh, you close your eyes. You don’t have to know if he really did it or not. It doesn’t matter. It’s his moment.
‘If only I felt like this the whole time,’ you thought to yourself. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to psych yourself up to find him afterward and pour your heart out to him. You shiver at the thought.
But Jay had said it: love makes you do stupid things.
And you do. Love him.
Enough to buy him flowers. Enough to admit that you’re done hiding. Enough to risk asking him to love you again—even if there’s a chance that he already moved on.
–
“Bro,” Jay starts, with tear-stained cheeks. “Don’t ever do that again. I can’t be crying like that in front of everybody.”
“Quit football,” Sunghoon says, patting Jake on the back with unusually red eyes. “Just focus on this musical shit. I swear you could make it big time.”
Jake chuckles, watching as the auditorium empties of guests. “Thanks, guys. I’m glad you two liked it.”
God, he wishes you were here. He could imagine exactly what you’d say when you walk up to him, with a small smile you try to suppress. Saying good job while ruffling his hair. Trying to act like you didn’t cry like everyone else. Jake smiles, quietly, at his own thoughts. It’s ridiculous, coming up with hypotheticals when you’d already made it clear. You don't want to be with him anymore.
“Jake.”
His heart instinctively skips a beat.
When he turns, the air in his lungs escapes him. You’re holding a bouquet so big it hides most of your frame, looking at him expectantly as you push it towards him. His eyes widen, unable to speak or even take the flowers from you. Is he dreaming?
“You did a good job,” you say, trying to sound as genuine as possible, wanting him to feel your sincerity. “You killed it up there.”
“Thanks,” he says shortly, finally taking the flowers from your hands. He can’t help but stare.
“I—” you try to push out, but Suji rushes to the stage to tap Jake on the shoulder.
“Hey.” She smiles up at him. “We're heading out soon for the celebration. Did you still want a ride with me?”
“Damn, even musicals got afterparties?” Sunghoon mutters to Jay, who attempts to shush him.
Jake returns a smile. “Yeah, just give me a second.”
And when he turns around to look at you, to finally hear what you have to say, your eyes are glossed over. Maybe you’re too late. Maybe this is idiotic after all. It's been weeks. There's no guarantee he'll even listen.
“I just wanted to say congratulations,” you mutter, though you've changed the words you meant to say entirely. It's supposed to be: ‘I’m so proud of you. Will you take me back? I’ll stop being so mean. We can tell everyone we’re in love—yes, even Jay and Sunghoon.’
But old habits die hard. And Suji—beautiful fucking Suji—crushed every ounce of confidence you had to come up to him in the first place.
“That's all,” you say, shooting him a small grin. It doesn't quite reach your eyes. He notices. Jake always does. Just never knows the reason why.
Before you can step back, he grabs your wrist, spinning you into his arms. Like the male leads do in those stupid romcoms.
“Don't,” he whispers. “Please… don't run away this time.”
You stare up at him, searching his gaze.
“Man, what the fuck is going on…” Jay whispers behind the two of you.
Sunghoon shrugs. “You think they finally…?”
Jake turns his head to give a disgruntled look to his two idiotic friends, and they shrink, making their way down the stage to finally give the two of you more privacy. He turns his attention back to you, wrist still in his hand, and gently moves it down to take your hands in both of his.
“I thought you didn't want to come,” he starts, licking his lips through the nerves. “Why are you here?”
Your cheeks heat up. Fuck. Where do you even start?
He draws circles with his thumb on the back of your palms. “Why?” he asks again, more confident this time.
It would be easy to act like your old self and push out a half-assed excuse. That you just want to be supportive, even after you’ve broken up. That you don’t miss him at all. But you're too tired to pretend like Jake's absence in your life didn’t feel worse than when you were with him.
“Because…” you start, with a shaky breath. “Because I wanted to talk to you.”
His brows furrow. “About what?”
And you feel your heart pumping in your chest, your palms slick with sweat. This is harder than you thought.
“I wanted to—” You swallow, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “I wanted to apologize. With the ring. The one you threw away.”
You see Jake's ears turn a bright shade of crimson. “Actually—”
“But I couldn’t find it,” you cut in. “No matter how hard I looked. I tried. I really, really…”
You start to choke up. Because fuck. He'd gotten you that ring to confess to you. Spent all his pocket money so that he could get something he knew you'd love. Had it engraved with the letter J. Your Jake. Your handsome, talented, smart, and wonderful Jake.
“...really want to get back together,” you finally let out, eyes shining underneath the stage lights as tears threaten to spill over. “I'm sorry, Jake.”
His breath hitches, hands releasing yours so suddenly. Your heart clenches. “You broke up with me,” he mutters.
You nod. “I-I thought I needed to. To find myself. But… you were right. I was just running away from my problems.”
You swallow hard, correcting yourself. “Our problems.”
He lets out a bitter laugh. “So is this the part where you expect me to forgive you?”
Your heart clenches. “I'm sorry,” you say again softly.
“You still haven’t even given me a reason,” he scoffs. “So tell me why. Why do you want to get back together when—”
It’s like slow motion, what you do next. You cup Jake’s face right into your hands, crashing your lips onto his. In front of Sunghoon. In front of Jay. In front of the whole cast and crew who were packing up to leave. The same people he’s had to make excuses to about why he suddenly looked so distraught these past few weeks. You pull back, breathless.
“Because I love you,” you say, loud enough to elicit gasps from your watchers. You don’t even have it in you to be embarrassed anymore. Because the words fall naturally from your lips, like breathing. And it's like music to his ears.
“I fucking love you,” you repeat, hands still on his cheeks. His mouth parts open, breathless. He blinks. Once. Twice. And then he smiles, tears forming in his eyes. Jake swoops in, his lips finding yours again. His mouth moves against yours in tandem, slow and passionate. Your eyes flutter shut, soaking in the taste of him. You missed him so much.
When he pulls away, a shit-eating grin lights up his face. “Finally,” he whispers, cheeks flushed. “You finally said it back.”
You lightly swat his shoulder. You should've known he was trying to egg you on. Jake and all his damn questions.
“I love you too,” he mutters against your temple, squeezing you against him. “I love you so much.”
He peppers kisses all over your face, and you hear gagging on the sidelines.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he mutters into your hair. “That shit fucking hurt.”
You smile sadly. “I promise—”
“YOU TWO WERE DATING?!” a familiar voice cries out. Of course. Nosy-ass Sunghoon. You resist the urge to drop kick him right then.
“I have a better question,” Jay pipes in. “Are we invited to this afterparty too or…”
Jake furrows his brows, turning to the idiotic duo. “What afterparty?”
Sunghoon and Jay bombard you with questions about your secret relationship, but mainly just start arguing about who was gonna call the taxi for the party they still desperately wanted to go to, since Suji had already left.
Running far away from the auditorium, Jake and you giggle as the two idiots try to chase after you. When you both reach his dorm, he doesn't waste one second after you close the door to lift you over his shoulder. You yelp as your feet lift off the ground, squeaking when your back hits the mattress with a soft bounce.
He sets the bouquet softly on his nightstand before hovering over your frame, and his knees sink into the mattress as he traps you underneath him. Jake strokes your cheek lovingly, his hand trailing down and down until it reaches the edge of your skirt. Still as short as ever. Thighs so pretty underneath the thin fabric.
“I missed you,” he sighs, hands trailing to the edges of your panties. He strokes your plush skin, sending shivers down your spine. You want to roll your eyes, deflect the warm stirring in your core as he scans your figure, eyes clouded with lust. But you’re supposed to be turning over a new leaf. Honesty and all that.
“Imissedyoutoo…” you mutter lowly, rushing through your words.
He moves closer, ear practically touching your lips. “Hm?”
You lose patience, baring your teeth and nipping his helix. He flinches, glaring at you with a playful scoff.
“You said you weren't gonna be mean anymore…” Jake sighs, tone dripping in mockery as he pouts. And you want to say something more, but Jake’s hands land on your ass, giving you a subtle squeeze.
You know what. You'll humor him. Just this once.
You bring your lips to the ear you just bit, kissing it lightly. Steady hands trail down the fake football jersey he adorns, and to the painful bulge of his shorts. Jake sucks in a deep breath. You chuckle, amused at how suddenly it hardens. So easy to arouse.
“Sorry,” you whisper, licking his outer shell. He shudders against your touch, your breath on his neck triggering goosebumps all across his arms. You squeeze him through the fabric, his head falling to your shoulder. “I’ll stop…”
“Don’t,” he lets out through ragged breaths, as you stroke him languidly. You chuckle. He’s so cute. Cheeks tinged with pink. It makes you want to do worse things to him...
“Lie down,” you command, and he gladly takes your place on the bed. Your knees encase him now, tugging his stupid jersey over his head. “Let me make it up to you…”
His muscles are so well-defined, glistening under the light of your dorm room. You trail kisses down his chest, licking down his abs. Salty. Just how you like him. Jake squirms underneath you as you tug his shorts down, his dick slapping your chin on the way up as it springs free. Jake almost cums from the sight, tip flushed red and pulsing with need. To feel you. To be so buried deep inside you that he can feel the head poking through your stomach.
When you move your head down to kiss his hardness, he digs his fingers into your shoulder. “No, baby,” he mutters. “Come up here, hm?”
You furrow your brows. Why the fuck was he trying to interrupt you during your apology?
“Wha—”
Jake cuts you short, manhandling your waist as his fingers press into your hips. He positions your knees on both sides of his head, turning you around. He pushes your mini skirt all the way up to scrunch around your midsection. Yes, you might have an amazing view of his throbbing cock, but now you can't see his beautiful fucked out face. He breathes in the scent of your panties with hooded eyes, nose grazing your clothed folds.
You pout. “I thought I was the one making it up to you—”
“You are,” he chuckles, interrupting you instantly. He pushes your ass down to his face with one hand, using the other to press your chest flush against his body. Your face inches closer to his member. Oh. That's what he's doing.
“Pervert…” you mumble, coyly reaching out for him. So thick and large that you need to use both hands to engulf him, pre-cum dribbling out of him as if on command.
“I am,” he mumbles, pulling your panties low enough to give him access to your cunt, lying just below your knees. He licks a stripe up your drenched folds all the way to your puckered hole. You wither against him. “Call me whatever you want, baby. Just sit on my face when you do it.”
Your hips land down on him softly as your thumb spreads his liquid down his engorged length. This position was new to you, meaning it was also new to him. But Jake moves expertly like the quick learner he is. He plants open-mouthed kisses on your folds, pink muscle lapping at your labia like a man starved. Your tongue sticks out to offer kitten licks over his tip.
But Jake hasn’t had you in weeks. And he knows what he wants. And it’s not the weak jutting you do against his face, or the shallow sucking you offer his engorged cock. No. He wants all of you. The sick part of you that would degrade him, that would rile yourself up like all those nights before. And he doesn’t want to have to mention a stupid nickname some stupid girl said to bring it out of you.
There were more healthy methods, he’s sure, to guide you right where he wants to be. And so Jake’s hands grip your ass, pushing you down on him harder. Forcing your hips to grind back and forth against his face at the rabid pace he sets, nose sticking in between your folds slightly as his tongue laps at your clit. Like this. Dirty. Raunchy. Aggressive. He fucking loves it.
“Ngh—” you cry out, propelling him to push himself deeper in your mouth. You take a deep breath so his cock can slide through more easily, taking as much of him as you can to drown out your warbled moans. Your tongue finds the underside of his thickness, tapping him as you start to gag. And when Jake reaches the back of your throat, he gives you a second to calm yourself before he bucks his hips up into you. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, remembering to hollow your cheeks as he shoots forward. But it’s hard to stay focused when his wet, pink muscle pushes into you.
“Fuck—Taste so good, baby—” The squelching sounds that mix with Jake’s moans against your bundle of nerves are obscene, sucking and flicking his tongue with a fervor you try to match now. Your tongue curls up to meet the underside of his girth, bobbing your head up and down with ferocity. Anything to please him.
“Mmmm—” you moan around him. Your mouth feels so fucking good, but your pussy on his lips was like actual heaven. He could eat you out all day. As a reward. As a punishment. Anything.
And he breathes your scent in again, groaning once more. He pushes his nose closer to your folds, the tip of it engulfed in your wetness. You almost gag around his dick at the intrusion, saliva pooling at the base of his cock. You wrap your thighs around him tighter, bouncing on his face like he was nothing but a sex toy. Erratic. Desperate. Yes. Just like that. Fuck him like you never want him out of your sights again.
He knows you're close, knows by the way you start scratching at his thighs like an agitated pet. But, no. Jake needs it. Needs you to cum all over his face. Make a mess on him. Of him. His tongue plunges into you now, index finger coming up to play with your clit.
His cock pops out of your mouth with little resistance as your body goes slack with pleasure. You're just licking at his dick with a loose hand at this point, eyes rolling back from ecstasy.
You whimper against the slickness of his sloppy mouth, drool continuing to fall out of the corners of your mouth through your slurred speech. “Ngh—No—Let me—Fuck—Jakeeee—” you try to say, but it all sounds nonsensical.
Jake understands, more than you know, as his heart constricts so deliciously. 'My poor baby,' he thinks. Just wants to make him feel good. Wants to make it up to him so bad. But you don’t know that the only thing that could make him happy right now is for you to choke him out with your sopping cunt.
“Mmm—Ngh—Ahh—” He’s too good down there. Too fucking messy. Why does he do this? Why does he love making you sound like a fucking animal? Your toes curl, the grip around his shaft tightening as your back arches even more into him.
You feel it. But it's different from usual. It feels like too much. Like an impending explosion. You claw at his thigh even more, all of a sudden panicked. “Jake—Let go—Jake—”
When he shakes his head, his tongue swipes your clit left and right. His grip on your ass pushes his nose more deeply into your soaked folds. You whimper, cheek nuzzling against his length in desperation.
“I'm serious….” you whine as you try to pull away. This is weird. You feel weird. You try to run away from it, that foreign feeling. But it's no use. Jake's too smart, too quick. He presses you down on him harder, hugging your waist, suctioning your clit, cheeks flushed from how quickly his mouth works against you.
“JAKE!” you scream as your thighs clamp around him, hips shuddering uncontrollably. Like a hose turning on for the first time, a spray of your juices lands onto Jake's chin and neck, coating him in your dampness. He welcomes it, tongue sticking out to taste as much of it as he can.
You cry above him, tears landing on his dick that still rubs against your heated face. He laps up every last remaining bit of your climax desperately, like they’d dry up too quickly if he didn’t. You whine, grinding yourself on him to steady your heart rate. When he’s fully satisfied, Jake frees you from his clutches, lying you down on the bed so your head can finally rest on a pillow.
His cock is still incredibly stiff. And you're still in tears.
“You… fucking… dick,” you say in between sniffles, not believing you could ever climax that hard in your life. “Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?”
And he knows what’s going through your head. Because old habits do, in fact, die hard. And now you probably think he was out fucking anyone and everyone during the weeks-long hell that was your breakup. Jake chuckles, pulling your skirt down. He bites his bottom lip at the sight of your folds. Glistening with his saliva and your juices. He fists himself tightly.
“Still so jealous, baby?” He smirks. God, please let him indulge in his pouty girlfriend at least once more.
“No, but be honest,” you mumble. “Did you—”
“Fuck other girls?” he finishes your sentence, scoffing playfully at the ridiculousness. Your eyes narrow.
“Well, did you?”
Jake spent almost every day crying, unblocking and blocking your number over and over again just to see if you'd notice. But he can tell you all that later. Because right now, you're giving him a death glare that only makes his cock throb harder.
“No, babe,” he mutters, swiping his wet tip against your even more drenched folds. So puffy after all he's put it through. He peppers kisses on your shoulder. “You know I’d never.”
And you do. He’s only ever been with you. Will only ever be with you. You know that. But still. The wheels are already turning in your head. You know… you're usually the one worried about these things. Doesn't he deserve a taste of his own medicine?
“Imagine if I did—”
And he slams his dick into your plushness, eliciting a scream from you. He doesn’t even let you complete your evil plan.
“FUCK—”
“Don't finish that sentence,” Jake glowers, brows furrowed. You lick your lips deliciously. "That's not funny."
“See how it feels?” you whimper, as he delivers another harsh thrust, your shirt riding up your stomach from the impact. You arch your back off of the bed as Jake groans into your neck, licking a stripe up your jaw.
“All this just ‘cause I made you squirt,” he mumbles angrily, wincing as your pulsing walls squeeze his length into a tighter grip. “So fucking immature.”
You chuckle evilly. “Immature like who? Sungho—”
His childhood friend’s name doesn't even leave your lips when Jake clamps his teeth into your neck. Hard. “OW—”
A taste of your own medicine. But his skin grazes something then—a thin chain that he's seen before but never questioned. You never wore it when you fucked. A circular hardness underneath your shirt that weirdly looks like…
He tugs on it before you can protest, and there on the chain is a ring. With J engraved on the inside. His gaze softens. And you become a blumbering mess underneath him, shy with embarrassment. “I can—Explain—Just—”
Jake pulls out enough so his tip is the only thing suctioned in your folds before pistoning into you harshly once more. You whimper.
“Shut up and let me fuck you,” he mutters into your ear, before engulfing your lips in his. With a newfound energy, Jake pounds into you with urgency, pace brutal against your already sore pussy. His hand comes up to grab your tits, spilling over your bra from the impact of his movements. So rough. So mean. Damn, you were rubbing off on him.
You have this aching desire to flip him over and ride him back into submission, but the slapping of his hips into yours devolves your thoughts into unintelligible moans.
“Ngah—Fuck—Oh my god—”
Jake’s mouth leaves yours as his eyes travel downwards to the piece of jewelry. He likes how it looks on you. Sitting so nice between your bouncing breasts. Maybe, he’d buy you a necklace next. A pretty Tiffany necklace to go with the pretty Tiffany ring on his pretty girlfriend’s pretty finger. Fuck. You’re so fucking pretty.
He brings the ring up to his mouth, biting down on the metal, before he lowers himself onto your lips once more. With the ring in between his teeth, he grabs at your jaw to open for him. Jake transfers it over to your parted lips as you catch the ring with your tongue, coated in his saliva. He dives down into you, your tongues battling as the coolness of the metal moves between your mouths. His thrusts are slower now, but you moan just the same.
Drool drips down both of your lips, the ring getting passed between you two in the movements of your open-mouthed kisses. He lets up, the necklace falling wetly onto the pillow. He admires the red marks the chain leaves on your neck. Maybe a Tiffany choker instead?
And his thrusts deepen, until your cervix repeatedly kisses his mushroom tip. He wished you could see your expression right now. So needy. So perfect.
“Jake—Baby—” When the pet name leaves your lips, Jake lets out a deep, guttural groan. Like he'd been waiting his whole life for you to say it.
“Yes, baby?” He repeats after you, sweat beading down his forehead as he continues to split you open, pumping into your tightness with urgency. His hands are pushing your thighs open now, admiring how the ring sits sloppily on your neck as he jackhammers into you.
“I love you,” you moan out, your hands reaching for his face. “I love you so much.”
He looks at you with glassy eyes, soft and tender. He kissed you again, sweeter this time.
“I love you too.”
And he spreads you apart further, fucking you into the squeaking mattress with his pulsing dick, so big that it fills you everywhere you need him. He pushes in and out, evoking a new set of tears to stain your cheeks. “Baby,” you cry out. “I'm almost—”
“Wait for me,” he pleads, elbows falling to the sides of your head. He buries himself in the crook of your neck. “Can you, baby? Please—”
You try to nod as he's ramming into you as deep as he can go. He whispers sweet nothings into your ear, about how good you are for him, how pretty, how perfect, how he loves the marks you leave him, how he wants you to control him, how you’re the only one he’d ever be with in any lifetime ever.
“Ngh—” His hips snap forward with everything he can give. He feels it now, too. That coil that threatens to spill inside you. But he can't. No condom. No birth control.
And when your hips rise, clenching around him, your orgasm hits you like a truck. You mewl out in pleasure, crying as Jake tries to pull out of you. But you suction him so well, too well, that it's a little too late. He twitches deep inside of your pussy. And his mouth falls open as the first spurts of cum spill, but nothing escapes his lips.
“Fuck, baby,” he whines. He needs to pull out. But your cunt feels so damn good… So warm… So wet… And so much of himself has already spilled inside you… It's okay, right? To fill you up with all of it? But he has self-control. He swears it.
“No…” You whimper when he actually pulls away, his seed dribbling everywhere.
“...’m sorry, babe,” he groans, as his hand wraps around himself, stroking languidly. “I’m so sorry.”
Jake’s cheeks are flushed as he pumps the remainder of his climax on your drenched folds, painting your clit a milky white. He sees the first of his juices push out of you, his fluids like cream all over your puffiness.
“Fuck,” he moans, his fingers coming up to spread it all across your folds. But when you look down, all you feel is empty. All you feel is the need to push down against his fingers and take him all over again.
Jake's eyes widen as he lets out a shaky breath. You look so desperate. For what? He's not sure. But he can't deny his baby anything. He can't deny himself either. He wants to see it just once. Seems like you do too.
“Can I?” he asks in a low whisper, fingers spreading your folds apart to watch more of his load seep out of you. And you nod, shyly, relieved you didn’t have to beg for it yourself, already going through too much exposure therapy for one day.
And so Jake gathers the cum that's gushed over his digits, and with a shaky breath, he pushes them back into you. You tighten your grip on his biceps.
“Fuuuuck—” You cry out when he starts pumping them in and out, slow but still so fucking deep. His veiny fingers always know which parts to knead.
Jake’s eyes are in a daze, obsessed with how his cum goes back in so easily—even when you’re still so tight and so sensitive. Everything feels so fucking drenched. And like this, he wants to see you come undone again.
“One more, baby…” he pleads in a low whisper, pressing butterfly kisses on your eyelids. He licks the tears that spill from your eyes. So pretty like this. “You want to make it up to me, right?”
You can only whine in response, hands shaking as they clutch onto him for dear life.
“Hm?” He asks for confirmation, curling his fingers up to the spongy spot inside you. He grinds his palm on your engorged clit. Whimpering out a pathetic ‘yes,’ you let the pleasure overtake you once again. Your body feels like it's on fire. Too hot. Too much. But still, your back arches up into him, whimpering.
“Come on,” he whispers into your ear. Low and steady. “Give it to me.”
And you can practically hear the mess that his three fingers are creating as they pump into your folds, can feel the stickiness of your mixed juices coat your inner walls. But you shut your eyes, letting the warm tingling overtake your core. Yes—Right there—Fuck—
“I'M—” you screech, but it's no use. Your head falls back against the pillow as you sob. And Jake curses underneath his breath as you spray all over him once again, massaging your clit as he pulls his fingers out to watch. Your hips rise to meet nothing, just your body spraying so beautifully against his torso. His dick could harden once more any second now from the sight. He relishes in it, admiring his work as his cum pushes out of you again. Thick and creamy.
You look down too, seeing the fucked-out state he's put your body into. Maybe you would've been right to flick his forehead and call him every insult in the book for filling you up like that. But fuck. Could you ever have him cum outside of you again if it felt that good to have his cum inside you? No, you'd definitely need to get on the pill ASAP.
Jake’s gaze falls onto your face now, at your bruised lips and your dried tears. But the ring catches his eye once more, the one he hadn’t seen in a year. And his heart flutters.
“Babe?” he starts, lying softly next to you. He wraps you in his arms, not minding the dampness of the sheets below. He’ll clean you up later.
“Mmm?” You respond, on the brink of unconsciousness. Satiated. He touches your chain, the other hand wrapped around your stomach, giving a reassuring squeeze.
“How long have you been wearing our ring like this?” Your breath catches. You'd hoped that he'd forgotten, that the conversation could wait for the morning when your heart wasn't thumping so loud. It takes you a second before you respond.
“Since you gave it to me,” you admit, slowly. Jake can feel the warmth creep up to your ears. And he wonders how he's never seen it, how you seem to hide it so well after all the times he's undressed you before. But then again, you’ve always been good at keeping secrets.
Still, he smiles. Because even after you walked away, even when you said you were done, you still kept this piece of him. Wore it so beautifully around your neck, too.
Fuck—he’s never letting you walk out on him like that again. If you even hint at breaking up, he might actually end up begging on his knees and—
“Not like it matters anyway,” you cut through the silence grumpily. “You threw yours away.”
He lets out a surprised laugh and pulls you closer, squeezing you tight. You pout. What’s he so jolly for?
“What do you mean?” he asks cheekily. “That never happened.”
You turn around abruptly, facing him with furrowed brows. “I literally saw you—”
Your words are cut short when his mouth finds yours, one hand steadies your jaw as the other reaches blindly into his nightstand. A drawer opens. He pulls back just enough to show you the turquoise box, one eerily similar to the one you have in your closet, as he flips it open.
His ring. Silver and engraved with your initial. But how…?
“I guess I'm really good at pretending to throw things,” he answers before you can even ask. Thought I’d be a little dramatic that day…”
You smack his shoulder, but your hand massages the spot soon after, swallowed by the wave of relief that crashes over you. He didn't really let go like he made it seem. He was still yours, even when you thought you lost him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” you grumble, pinching his cheek. All he does is chuckle.
In one smooth motion, Jake lifts your necklace and unclasps it, letting the ring unfurl out and into his palm. You don’t stop him.
He looks at you for a second, as if asking for permission. You offer Jake your hand instead of speaking. He slips the piece of jewelry onto your ring finger, kissing your knuckles. Then he slides his own ring back where it belongs, to where he’s always kept it. Jake smiles up at you, planting another sweet kiss on your lips.
And you know you’ll wear it proudly this time. Without him having to ask.
“I love you?” he says, gently, like he needs to hear you say it back just one more time. Just to make sure. And you kiss him again, warmth coating your features.
“I love you too.”
His heart clenches in the best way possible.
Damn, he could really get used to this.
epilogue
Jake runs to the benches, grabbing at his water bottle like it’s his last salvation. He gulps it all down in seconds, sweat seeping down his body. Practice was way too intense today.
“Oh my god, Jakey,” a lilting voice punctures through his ear. “You're literally dripping.”
His eye twitches as she enunciates the last word.
“Choa,” he starts, shooting daggers at her. He's too exhausted to put up with this today. Or ever. She was graduating in a few months anyway. He might as well say his piece. “First of all, my name is Jake. And second of all, it makes me really uncomfortable when you say things like that.”
Choa pouts, tugging his sleeve like a toddler. “Why?” she giggles. “Do I make you nervous?”
“No.” He pulls away, not even bothering to look at her. “I just don't appreciate how you talk to me.”
She glowers, thrown off by his disposition. He's usually so sweet, so polite. What happened?
“It's ‘cause of your friend isn't it? You know she was so fucking rude to me—”
“My girlfriend,” he corrects immediately. Choa’s hands drop down to her sides. Jake pays her no mind, packing his stuff into his duffle bag instead.
“W-what?” she stutters out. “Since when?”
He shrugs, finally slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Since forever.”
“What?!” she screeches. “How come you never told—”
“Oh Jakeyyyy,” you sing out in an octave higher than your regular speaking voice. He presses his lips together to prevent the laughter that almost seeps through his mouth.
“Yeah, babe?” He calls out, looking past Choa. You're standing with your arms crossed, eyeing her down from a few meters away. A bright new necklace shining above your shirt.
Your gaze flickers back to him, not bothering to waste your precious energy on the small, vicious girl. You tilt your head to the side, beckoning him over in a silent command. And he follows.
Your loyal little puppy.
Jake takes your hands into his just to really rub salt on Choa's wound, your matching rings clinking against each other.
“Do you remember Gaeul from the backstage crew?” you announce proudly, the bob-headed girl long-forgotten. “She wants to hang out with me tomorrow!”
Jake smiles, ruffling your hair. “That’s great!”
“She's throwing something at her apartment this weekend, too,” you slide in. “Maybe… we can go together?”
“Oh yeah, Suji told me—” And he stops himself. But it’s too late. You’re already frowning.
“Okay, so let me go ahead and take Jay instead…” And he pouts at your words.
“Not fair,” he mutters, but you see the smile he suppresses. 'What a freak,' you think to yourself.
You click your tongue, squeezing his hand a little tighter. “...I'm biting the shit out of you later.”
And if Jake had a tail, it most definitely would’ve started wagging.
After your best friend is left heartbroken by the infamous campus legend Jake Sim, you make it your mission to teach him a lesson — the one he won’t forget until he’s practically begging for forgiveness. What starts as a simple plan quickly spirals into chaos, pulling you into a web of complications you never saw coming. Lines begin to blur, intentions get messy, and you realize things aren’t as black and white as they seemed. After all, a bad reputation is a heavy burden to carry on both ends, isn’t it? — CONTINUING FROM THE LAST PART ✦
content tags: tooth rooting miscommunication, jake pmo, enemies to enemies to lover, y/n cries a lot, angst, mid ass slow burn, college au, emotional turmoil, long ass fic, crack, blonde jake, lots of kisses, campus romance (?), fake relationship. NOT PROOFREAD !!
Divider credit: @uzmacchiato
# 6 amor fati
"oh my...is that a freshman?"
"So cute… can’t wait to eat him up."
"hey! stop! can’t you see the poor boy is scared? awwww, is he going to cry?"
Jake hesitantly fixed his hair again, trying not to give attention to the senior girls laughing across from him, or rather laughing at him. His eyes wandered searching for an escape, but wherever he looked, there were only unfamiliar faces and chaos. That one classmate who brought him here was dragged away by a group of seniors as soon as they stepped here and since then he has tried his best to avoid the unnecessary stares and comments. He pulled his hoodie cap further down, trying to shield his face as an uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach.
Fresh air. He needed fresh air right now.
The pool behind the big ass house felt far more welcoming compared to the suffocating atmosphere inside. There was no one outside, thanks to the mid december chill. He adjusted his jeans and plopped down on the ground, not caring about the dirt. A bunch of texts popped up as soon as he unlocked his phone.
Curious messages from his parents, asking for pictures from the welcoming party and a selca to see what he was wearing. Then he saw messages from Riki, complaining about how much he hated Jake for moving so far away for college, followed by a very expected “Bring me Hot Wheels.” There were also a bunch of pictures of him making silly poses with Layla.
Jake’s eyes burned. He missed home so much. This place, the weather—the people made him feel out of place.
Suddenly he flinched at the sound of footsteps behind him. When he peeked over his shoulder, he discovered someone crouched down, searching the ground for something. Curious, he got up and walked closer.
“Excuse me?” he asked cautiously and person looked up at him.
“I’m sorry!—I dropped my tissue here, and I can’t really find it.”
Your panicked voice only confused Jake further. Why would someone be searching for a tissue outside at this hour, away from the party?
“tissue? but why…?” he asked, eyes scanning over you, trying to spot a stain, maybe spilled juice or something. But you looked completely spotless.
Your panic only intensified as you mumbled, “No, no, you don’t get it—I need the tissue now.”
He scratched his head. “We can go inside, and I can help you find a new one—”
You suddenly clutched both his arms tightly “No, no, you’re not getting it! I need it—na—aa—ACHHOO!”
Clear snot landed on the brand new hoodie his parents had gifted him last Christmas.
Eyes widening in bewilderment “Oh no, no, no… I’m so sorry!” you yelped, quickly backing away only for another sneeze to fight its way out.
“Give me your hoodie, I’ll wash it—ACHHOO—”
Before similar disaster could happen again, Jake immediately pressed his handkerchief against your nose, blocking the impact.
“ACHHOO!” The room filled with whispers of annoyance as you hurriedly adjusted your mask, trying your best to hide your face. Unfortunately these were your classmates and there was no way they couldn't recognise the culprit. “Now miss y/n can you please excuse the class and me from spreading spores at 11 a.m.? I really need to finish this lecture.” Professor Min sounded as insensitive as ever. You tried to choke out a faint apology before lowering your head. What a pathetic state of life.
After enduring a few more insults and causing unintentional disturbances, the class finally ended, releasing a sense of relief wash over you. You walked out, clutching a familiar spongebob themed umbrella in your hand. You needed to return this to Jake, and most importantly, explain everything to him.
So what the deal was off? As promised there were no texts, no calls, nothing from Jake since last night. You should have been out shopping for new clothes, getting a hair spa, maybe even planning a vacation with your girlfriends. Instead, you were stuck in one place, unable to move on from this whole lotta mess situation without talking to him.
So what if he treated you like shit? You had it coming after everything you pulled on him. Bad reputation, my ass. Nothing is real. But your feelings for Jake? Those were very very very much real. And if you had to face them the hard way, then so be it. Taking a deep breath, you entered the campus library, the only place you were sure you would find him. Your confidence wavered the moment when despite of looking around you couldn’t find that starking bolnde bed hair. Jake wasn't there.
But when one door closes, another opens right?You turned and started walking toward the basketball court.
Just like you imagined he wasn’t there either. But you didn’t let that thought discourage you when you noticed his laptop open and his belongings scattered nearby. That meant he was somwhere around here. You carefully stepped over his things and sat down right in front of the laptop screen. He was working on some marine engineering project. Your eyes drifted over the books, then to his handwritten notes. Woah that’s some ugly ahh handwriting—
“I didn’t think you were this shameless to show up even after all this.”
You jolted on your feet, the umbrella slipping from your grip in the process “Evelyn…” Had they made up? Did he tell her about the whole fake relationship? Were they together now—like, actually together? The radar system in your brain was severly damaged.
Evelyn looked you up and down like she was window shopping then scoffed “touching someone else’s stuff like that, what the fuck is your problem?” You stammered, tongue struggling to form a proper sentence. “I—I just want to talk to Jake—”
“Well he doesn’t want anything to do with you. I hope I made that pretty clear.” Evelyn raised a finger and shoved your shoulder lightly. “Now get the fuck out unless you want him to hate you even more.”
No. Never.
You didn’t even realize you were shaking as you turned and rushed out of the court.
There was a lot going on inside Jake’s mind. Why was he so salty about you hugging Heeseung? Just why? He had never thought about you like that. But the flowers? Oh shut it was just because he felt guilty. And when he treated your wound? Anyone who cares about someone would do that, right?
Oh…right.
He did care about you. Well again in his defence that just happens automatically when you’re around a particular person for a long time. Yes that was it. This was just another case of attachment to someone who had caused him trouble after trouble over the past months. He never should have paid so much attention to you in the first place.
Jake stared down at his hands as the water kept running over them, the skin on his fingertips turning slightly wrinkly under the pressure.
“Dude you need help with that.”
He came back to reality at Soobin’s voice who was staring down at the open zipper of his pants.
“Yeah, suck it” Jake growled, quickly zipping them up.
The moment he entered the court he noticed his worn out old spongebob umbrella lying beside his laptop. His heart nearly leaped out of his rib cage and he bolted toward the exit, whipping his head left and right, just in case he can catch the familiar sight of your single braid, or even the cherry colored top you always wore.
“I’m so pathetic… fuck,” you sniffled, rubbing the back of your palm over your eyes again and again, trying to wipe away the tears before they could stain your cheeks. The tofu sandwich you were forcing down your throat, half out of hunger and half out of self pity tasted as shit as your life lately.
“Uhh… Y/n?”
You took a shaky breath and looked up, only to find Sunghoon crouched in front of you, concern written all over his face. He scratched his head unsure of what to say before slowly sitting down beside you. You scooted a little to make space for him. After a long minute of silence he finally spoke “are you....and Jake… fighting?”
You shook your head slowly “we uhhh…he’s mad at me.”
“oh...like mad mad?”
“Yeah.”
Silence fell again as Sunghoon absentmindedly fiddled with your Kuromi keychain. “You know…Jake isn’t really what everyone makes him out to be…”
You stopped chewing and slowly turned to look at him. He stared ahead eyes distant and searching for the right words “sure he can be an asshole sometimes, making promises and not keeping them. But I don’t really blame him. He loves his space.” Sunghoon sighed, letting go of your keychain before turning to face you “But that’s the problem. Everyone else loves Jake’s space too”
“I met him here right in this place when he used to eat lunch all alone. Don’t worry, he looked less pathetic than you,”
“Back then Jake missed home so much that he would force himself into groups that didn’t even want him there. Yeah Jake being a pushover doesn’t really sound real does it?”
You stayed quiet while listening.
“But I guess everything changed when some jerks got jealous because their unloyal girlfriends started finding him cute. And that’s how the whole ‘Jake is a womanizer’ thing started.”
You pulled your knees closer to your chest, trying to piece everything together.
“And Jake never once minded that title. Sure it did some bad thing his image but it also made him popular. People from different departments started approaching him wanting to be friends, and he never said no.”
You nodded slowly unsure of what to say. Your entire life's carefully built rule — stay out of trouble and never get involved with a guy like that — crumbled instantly as you realized you had never really known Jake at all.
So what if you did not know Sim Jake at all? You weren’t going to give up. You were going to relearn him and tell him exactly what you needed to in his language.
“And as I was saying, Ja—”
“Sunghoon,” you cut him off, determination settling in your voice. “I need your help.” Sunghoon stared at you for a moment before breaking into a wide grin “atta girl.”
# 7 gbogh
“They locked you inside the art department, Sadie was the reason for your injured finger, and now you’re telling me Evelyn kicked you out when you went to talk to Jake?!”
Chaerin tried her best to stay composed while listing the damage done to you though it was very clear she was mentally calculating the damage she was about to do to certain girls from the engineering department. You shook your head “Chaerin no… listen it was my fault too—”
Chisa and Jurin immediately grabbed her hands as she hissed, “Either Evelyn is getting killed or I’m staying celibate my whole life.”
“Oh we all know the first one sounds more possible—AHH, FUCK!” Chisa screamed when Chaerin yanked her freshly silk pressed hair.
You clutched both sides of your head still unsure how Sunghoon was supposed to help you. Speaking of which you hesitantly glanced toward their table, the one you had been avoiding looking at because seeing Jake would completely shatter your composure. Still...one look wouldn’t hurt right?
When you took a careful glance you discovered the chair empty where he usually sat. Huh? Was he skipping lunch? Afterwards your eyes met Sunghoon’s. He immediately started making weird gibberish hand signs, signaling you to check your phone. You unlocked the device that had been on silent since morning and saw a bunch of texts from him.
Today
after classes
you’re going grocery shopping.
??? I don’t need groceries though.
Just do what I’m telling you!!
Go to the Family Mart nearest to our college.
You’re weird.
Evelyn is having Jake for lunch btw.
FUCK YOU.
You shot him one last glare before slamming your phone down. Across the room, Sunghoon giggled, catching Jungwon’s attention “?” Sunghoon just shook his head muttering a quiet, “You’ll see.”
“Family Mart… near college… uhhhh….oh!”
You finally spotted the store Sunghoon was talking about. It wasn’t that hard to find as the location was within walking distance from the dorms. The bell chimed as you stepped inside. Since it was a weekday the mart was mildly crowded. Kids ran around with lollipops in their hands, their moms complained about the quality of potatoes, and a group of elderly women bombarded the young cashier with overly personal questions like when they were planning to get married.
Ignoring all of it you made your way to the snack aisle.
Why the hell did Sunghoon send you here? Did you make a mistake asking him for help? I mean he was Jake’s friend at the end of the day…trying to calm your overactive mind, you reached for a familiar packet of potato chips.
At the exact same time one of the kids who had been running around earlier grabbed it too. The two of you stared at each other with visible irritation. You forced a sweet smile “uhhh this is very unhealthy. I don’t think you should be eating this young ma—”
“Shut up, hag.”
WHAT? Aw hell no.
You tightened your grip on the packet, the plastic crinkling under your fingers as you tried your best not to lose it. “Excuse me?? That’s so rude.”
“And you’re too old to fight over chips with a kid.”
Okay, screw this kid and his mo—wait, no. Kids like this get their audacity from their dads. Yes, that’s it. Hope the dad steps on a lego block.
With one final tug you snatched the packet away easily from his comparatively loose grip. He stared at you in disbelief mixed with frustration.
“Aww, are you going to cry? Aww–well that’s what happens when you challenge grown ups you little shi—”
“Here, take this.”
You nearly jumped out of your skin almost knocking the entire aisle over as the exact reason Park Sunghoon had sent you to this mart appeared out of nowhere like some biblically accurate angel. The kid’s face lit up instantly as he took another packet of the same chips from Jake’s hand. He stuck his tongue out at you before running off. And just like that fate had you standing there, face to face with Jake.
Jake completely ignored your shocked expression as he began picking out more snacks, leaving you battling your inner demons.
“Jake, hi!” you exclaimed, crouching down and grabbing the exact same snack he was picking. His ignorance continued as he stood up, dumped everything into his cart, then walked right past you. You trailed behind him like a lost duck struggling to hold the snack packets in your hands since you didn’t even bother to get a cart. “Are you okay? I didn’t see you at lunch today! Did you skip it?” you rambled as he placed his groceries at the counter.
Still no answer.
Jake didn’t even spare you a glance. God, am I that ugly?
“Uhh… what are you having for dinner by the way????”
By now the cashier had started giving you weird looks, which you ignored completely cuz this was way more important. Jake picked up his packed groceries and started walking towards the exit. You quickly dumped the chips on the counter and followed him, ignoring the cashier yelling behind you.
Soon enough you found him sitting on a bench near the mart, his groceries resting beside him. You sat down on the other end silently praying he wouldn’t get up and leave. And he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed a packet of chips and tore it open, crinkling plastic being the only sound cutting through the awkward silence. You fiddled with the hem of your top, unsure how to end this painfully one sided conversation.
“Jake…I’m sorry.”
The words finally left your mouth after a long moment. No response as usual came from the other side. But you didn’t stop.
“I wasn’t really thinking before I spoke that day. I was just frustrated… and–and you’re right, it is my fault. Since day one, it’s always been my fault…”
You did prepare a whole apology in your head, but right now with him sitting beside you, only his grocery bag giving you the mercy of not letting him see your ashamed, embarrassed face — it all felt too personal.
“I guess I felt a little entitled when you asked me to be your fake girlfriend because you’re right. No one’s ever really chosen me for anything. My first boyfriend well he kind of dated me because of peer pressure. Of course never said it out loud but sometimes...you just know”
Your voice faltered a bit “But with you… even though it was fake and even though there was nothing between us...I felt chosen. I know that sounds pathetic, and I—I know I shouldn’t even be approaching you after what I did—” You felt trickle of warm tears on your cheeks again “but I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jake, I—”
Something dropped onto your lap.
You blinked, picking it up. Your blurry gaze slowly became clear. A small bracelet. The ones that came free with a certain brand of potato chips for kids. You had them plenty in your childhood. You turned to Jake and found him casually finishing off the crumbs from the same packet, completely unfazed.
Then he stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans then glanced at you over his shoulder.
“Apology not accepted. Do something better.”
Jake waited no second before casually walking out of the area, an all too familiar smile lingering on his face, completely unnoticed by you.
For a moment you just sat there pissed, annoyed and frustrated as hell and definitely ready to strangle him if you ran fast enough, yet a small laugh escaped your lips “ahhh… he’s such an asshole,” you murmured softly, slipping the bracelet around your wrist.
The idea of chasing a guy was far from the rules of ideal relationship advice 101 you and Chaerin wrote in the back of your history notebook at the age of eleven. Yes it was practically blasphemous, but at this stage of having a hopeless crush on ahem Jake Sim felt far more damaging to your health and mental peace.
Sunghoon groaned as you proudly held up a cute oat milk packet, a small ribbon tied around it along with a chibi version of a grumpy Jake that you had drawn yourself. “Cute, right?”
Sunghoon facepalmed. “Jake is allergic to oat milk.”
Your smile dropped instantly “what? I thought every athlete drinks that???”
Erm apparently everyone did, except Jake. You pouted at your hard work before sadly placing it on top of a vending machine. May some poor soul who craves oatmilk finds it.
“Circles by Post Malone…” you scanned through the large collection of Post Malone albums at a CD store that you found in google maps after hours of searching. You noticed jake often quietly mumbling lyrics under his breath clearly he was a front row level fan.
“You’re coming home with me,” you smiled, finally spotting the album you wanted.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this, God…” Chaerin muttered as she handed you a heart shaped paper cutouts. You carefully pasted them one by one onto the khaki wrapping paper you were using for the album trying to make it look more presentable. “Chae, my baby, the love of my life, I hope you get dicked down by Jay again.” Chaerin shot you a deadpan look which immediately shut you up and forced you to focus on your work again.
“Why are you so late—and what the fuck is that??! Jake isn’t into big-ass books by the way!” Sunghoon whisper yelled the moment you rushed inside the library, already half an hour late from the original meeting time. You panted scooting closer to him “that’s not a book” sunghoon rolled his eyes and pointed toward a section “I just saw him go in there.” You took a deep breath and started walking slowly toward your destiny. But your steps halted the moment you heard a familiar laugh.
No way.
You carefully peeked as your heart dropped. Jake and Evelyn were sitting on the library floor. She was pointing at something in his hands as he tried to shield it. They were sitting way too close for your liking and you couldn’t even see Jake’s face clearly, but the way Evelyn leaned into him, her hands wrapped around his arm....
Your grip on the album tightened, nails pressing through the paper wrapping.
Jake must’ve heard the crinkling sound. But when he looked up, you were already gone.
Sunghoon flinched the moment you threw the album at him. It made a loud noise, sliding towards him in a careless manner “you forgot to mention he’s having a good time with her.”
“Her? Who—?! Eve… Evelyn???” he mouthed, as you felt your throat tighten. Sunghoon picked up the album, name slightly visible beneath the torn wrapping. He sighed “Y/n… Jake already has this album. It’s literally displayed on his study table…”
Oh. Another disappointment. You scoffed at your useless tries. You really couldn’t do anything right, could you?
“right...well i have a class now. I should go,” you muttered, already turning your back to him.“The fuck am I supposed to do with this?” Sunghoon called out. You raised your hand without turning back.
“Just throw it out.”
Plan failed.
Chaerin let out a long disappointed sigh as she stared at your message. Poor girl she is never catching a break. She was just about to turn off her phone when another notification popped up from way too familiar name. Her throat went dry as “Jay 🩷” appeared at the top of her chat list after months. With shaky fingers she opened it.
I’m sorry for reaching out like this
but I really need your help right now.
Can you come over?
She chewed on her bottom lip and glanced at the time. 5 p.m. It’s not like this was her first time visiting his room but the last time she went there they ended up—FUCK NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Chaerin shook her head, trying to push away the memories of what had happened after she ended up there. “It’s okay… sometimes history doesn’t repeat itself…” she whispered to herself typing a small ‘ok’ before hitting send.
Jay paced frantically around his room. Fuck. He actually did it. After five nights of contemplating, overthinking and torturing himself with worst possible outcomes he had finally texted Chaerin. “Okay, calm down… she’s just coming to help. Nothing else should happen.” The words of consolation felt too weak already. At some point the doorbell rang, making him jump. He unconsciously fixed his hair before walking to the door.
“Hi…”
Chaerin stood there her hair slightly messy but still neatly styled, usual brown leopard print glasses resting on her nose. Jay took a breath and stepped aside silently inviting her in. Chaerin’s eyes immediately landed on the mess on his bed,
hair color packets, brushes, and various hair care products scattered everywhere.
Resting his hands on his hips Jay rehearsed what he had practiced minutes before her arrival “I’m meeting my family this weekend… and they’ll kill me if I don’t dye my hair back to a normal colour.” He gestured toward his platinum undercut. She paused for a second. God….she loved that haircut on him—
“Listen, you don’t have to do this if you feel uncomfortable. Actually, I—I texted you impulsively. I just remembered you once saying you did a hairstyling project in eighth grade, and how your dad wanted you to take over the salon, and how your brother sold your favorite shampoo to buy a limited edition of death note set…”
Jay exhaled deeply after rambling, leaving Chaerin completely stunned. When had she told him all that? Sure they were close once, but she didn’t remember ever sharing that much.“No, I’m completely okay!” she replied quickly offering him a small smile. “so what color are we doing?”
The bathroom soon filled with giggles and soft splashes of water as Chaerin deliberately poked behind Jay’s ear with the brush.“ow—that tickles!” he laughed, trying to cover his ears while she threw her head back, laughing freely. They waited for the color to set before washing it out. As much as Chaerin had expected this meeting to be awkward, surprisingly it wasn’t. They fell into their places and It just felt like two old friends catching up after a long time.
While washing her gaze lingered on Jay’s face, his crescent shaped eyes when he smiled, the faint dimples forming at the corners of his lips. Ex Friends. Yeah maybe That’s what they were and she had promised herself not to cross that line again.
Chaerin focused on the hand shower letting the warm water rinse away the new brown dye. Her fingers gently worked through his hair, messaging his scalp. Jay relaxed against the bathtub.
“hey Jay…”
“hmm?”
“When did I tell you about my eighth grade hairstyling gig?”
He let out a soft laugh, turning his head slightly. “For someone majoring in engineering with math as your main subject, you sure have a bad memory…” then he turned toward her fully, splashing a bit of water in her direction. She yelped, backing away.
“At that party silly” he continued, smiling unconsciously as he walked down the memory lane “when we both got drunk, you told me about your dream of becoming hairstylist for jungkook and kept playing with my hair saying it looked like some ugly kombucha orange color. I was so confused—like, what the fuck does that even mean?”
Chaerin laughed along with him as the memory slowly resurfaced. She crouched down closer to his level. Jay looked almost boyish now excited as he elaborated “and then you said you wanted to fix my hair. You basically forced me to show you my entire hair color collection—and let’s not forget, you called every single one of them ugly.”
She covered her face, laughing.
“And then,” he continued, softer now, “you grabbed my hair and said platinum would look so much better and then…”
He paused suddenly.
“Then?” chaerin prompted, smiling faintly.
But Jay couldn’t continue. His words got stuck somewhere between his throat and his heartbeat which was suddenly too loud in his ears. The bathroom felt too close only two breathes synching together. Chaerin notices the flush slowly growing from his neck to his cheeks and eventually his ears. She frowned slightly “and then? What happened after that Jay?”
Jay looked into her eyes, pretty lashes behind the thick glasses. Suddenly he reached forward, grabbed her arms and pulled her into the tub. She barely had time to gasp.
“Then you grabbed my hair like this…” he murmured, his fingers gently tugging at her already half undone ponytail. Chaerin's breath hitched.
“And then… you painted my hair platinum silver” His voice dropped to a whisper, before she could process anything he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.
You stared hard at the application form in front of you.
“A field trip? And that too architecture and engineering departments collaborating?????? This feels like a planned murder,” Chisa huffed as she finished filling in her details. “Oh, come on! This is such a sweet moment for Y/n to finally show pda with her boyfriend,” Jurin teased, winking at your direction. You let out a whin “ohhhh shut ittttt, he's not even my boyfriend…”
“I’m manifesting for you baby.” jurin blew a kiss.
“I think I’m gonna dump Evelyn’s body here,” Chaerin said casually, pointing at the river on the campsite map attached to the form making both Chisa and Jurin burst out laughing. Your eyes drifted across the room landing on Jake who was busy discussing something with Jay, most probably about the upcoming match with Sunshine City College.
“I’m more worried about insects and mosquitoes, though…” Chisa made a disgusted face then pointed at Chaerin’s neck “speaking of which—the fuck kind of evolutionary insect bruised you up this bad?”
“girl that’s not an insect, that’s Jay.”
The three of you froze mid action, slowly turning to stare at Chaerin. Her cheeks flushed bright red as she cleared her throat and took a bite of her hotdog.
“I told y’all,” Chisa threw her hands up dramatically “this bitch cannot survive celibacy!”
“Jake’s birthday is two weeks away.”
You gaped at Sunghoon then repeated his words in your head. Jake’s birthday. JAKE’S BIRTHDAY. Your eyes widened with a sudden spark of hope as you sat up straight. Right now you and Sunghoon were sitting in a random café, because of course discussing your goal in Jake's proximity would completely ruin the plan.
“All of us—I mean, you know the boys, we’re planning to surprise him. And we need someone who can make proper home cooked meals. Usually Jay does the cooking but he messes up at least one dish,” Sunghoon said, finishing his coffee before crossing his arms. “But the problem is, you’ll have to stay undercover the whole day—or even the whole week. We cannot let him know you’re involved. That’s what will make it the biggest surprise.”
You nodded eagerly quickly pulling out your phone to note down important points about the plan.
The two of you spent rest of the afternoon discussing details, completely unaware of a certain figure capturing pictures from afar.
Operation Jake’s Birthday was officially in motion. With the help of Jungwon and Sunoo you gathered information about his favorite foods. Yes, Professor Min still embarrassed you in front of the entire class for falling asleep mid lecture, but what else were you supposed to do? Staying up all night to design his birthday banner and plan decorations took time.
You did your best to not make Jake uncomfortable with your hopeless stares as much as you could. I mean I don't think he's that eager to see me anyways. You concluded your own theory often catching him ignoring you even if both of you were standing at an approachable distance from each other. That shit hurt so bad. But hey pain is a part of growth after all. You cannot just expect Jake to magically fall for you after the level of weird stuffs you pulled at him.
“I feel like a criminal for ditching you,” Chaerin muttered as she finished touching up her makeup. You smiled softly and shook your head “It’s okay, Chae. You’ve done enough….go enjoy your date tonight.” She squeezed your hand tightly before pulling you into a light hug.
“Text me if something goes wrong, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Balloons… wrappers… paper cups and plates… what else…” you muttered while scanning the small shop. You were out buying decorations since Jake’s birthday was just a few days away now. You hadn’t seen him since last wednesday after jungwon told you he basically locked himself up in his room to finish the final parts of his assignment — and while it helped you stay focused, you missed him more than you wanted to ever admit.
Everything on your list was checked. You waited while the cashier prepared your bill, eyes wandering around the shop…then you looked outside, through the see of people at the crossing, high school students returning home together in a flock, the troubled traffic guard, street food shops just setting up their cart taking in glow of last sunrays of the day, and finally stopped at the store across the road.
It looked like some usual high end clothing store. But the red shirt displayed under warm yellow lighting caught your attention instantly. After paying you crossed the street, failing to contain your curiosity.
It looked even better up close. The small logo on the left side practically screamed expensive. You glanced at the price tag naturally and shrieked. 169 bomboclat dollars.
Soon you sank in disappointment. If only it were a little cheaper…maybe…Your heart ached at the thought of Jake wearing it. Why is capitalism even a thing?
“Found you again.”
You jumped as a hand landed on your shoulder. Heeseung! He scanned you up and down, lips curling into a small smile when he noticed the decorations peeking out of your bag. “Shopping for a friend?”
You shook your head “for Jake.” His smile faltered for a split second before he followed your gaze toward the shirt “out of your budget?”
“I mean wayyyy out of my budget.”
Before you could react he grabbed your hand and started dragging you inside ignoring your little protests “Heeseung what the fuck?! Are you crazy—wait!”
Within minutes both of you were standing at the counter. Shirt neatly packed in a gift box, with a note that read: From Y/n. You tried your best to snatch heeseung's card away, but he shot you a look that made you step back immediately, a pout forming on your lips. Heeseung stared at you for a moment then sighed, patting your head. “Fine. Pay whatever you can—I’ll cover the rest.”
The two of you walked out laughing about how annoyed the store staffs looked while you were arguing over the bill.
“Do you think Jake will be mad if he finds out?” Heeseung asked pointing at the note that now read From 'Y/N and Heeseung'. You clicked your tongue “let him stay mad. I know he’ll wear it. You have no idea what a softie he actually is....bro literally buys chips that has little gifts inside” you laughed raising your wrist to show him the familiar beaded bracelet.
Heeseung smiled warmly his gaze lingering from your wrist to your face. “Yeah…it’s pretty.”
You went quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Thank you Heeseung….I mean I just don’t know how you always show up when I need help the most!— It’s almost like you’re my guardian angel....what you’re laughing?! I’m not joking!” He covered his mouth trying not to attract too much attention, then flicked your forehead “see when your head is empty you say nonsense like this.”
“asshole get away from me!”
# 8 mixed up
“The field trip is a crucial part of your syllabus as well as this semester …” the dean's voice echoed through the big hall filled with restless engineering and architecture students.
Jake yawned, words blurring into noise. He hadn’t been getting proper sleep lately. Assignment had drained him and even after submitting everything he felt uneasy for some reason. Probably the all nighters finally catching up to him. And to make it worse the guys kept gathering in the living room at midnight, whispering about something—and kicking him out whenever he tried to join.
It felt like everyone has taken a challenge of ragebaiting him and he indeed was raging inside.
“Jake Sim, 4th semester, ID number 100902, engineering department.”
His fatigue disappeared soon, attention snapping back into attention as the dean announced his government name from the dais with a very serious look. What's happening? Whispers filled the hall as others started looking at jake while whispering.
“please meet me in my office after your classes.”
“Sunoo no wait!” you yelled as he nearly poured the wrong batter into the bowl. He gave you a sheepish smile and corrected himself immediately. Behind you a whirlwind of chaos unfolded as Sunghoon and Jay kept bickering about the banner placement. Not far away from them Chaerin helped Jungwon to blow up the balloons and lastly Chisa and Jurin tried their best to help you in the kitchen.
The cake was ready and you were icing it carefully. Your mind raced with unfamiliar emotions. God, i hope he likes it.
You kept double checking everything, asking Sunghoon about other potential allergies, preferences, anything. It was extremely exhausting but warm. Everyone had skipped their classes to help you. You wanted to invite Heeseung too but he had a boxing match today. Soon your eyes flicked to the clock. 5:30 p.m. only half an hour more till Jake comes back. You couldn’t wait to see his reaction.
“I’m sorry…what?” Jake’s voice came out hollow as his trembling fingers scrolled through a particular segment of the project he submitted three days ago. It stared right back at him through the dean’s laptop screen. Something was horribly wrong.
“Jake,” the dean sighed, folding his arms “you are one of our very talented students and no doubt your academic performance has been excellent since the first semester. But this is unacceptable.”
Jake couldn’t speak. The information on the screen wasn’t what he remembered writing.
“Even a high school student could tell the amount of ai usage here,” the dean continued. “You’re aware of Decelis rules right? Unsupervised ai usage for assignments and exams is strictly prohibited. I don’t know why you’d risk something like this, especially for such an important project.”
It felt like needles were piercing his skin. This couldn’t be real. He hadn’t used ai at all, not even once. Everything had been his own research from authentic books and verfied sites which he checked numerous times before putting the statistics in.
“We are unfortunately bounded by rules and have to deduct a portion of your credits, I hope you think twice before committing such atrocities like this again. You’re dismissed.”
His head felt too light when he came out of the office. The hallways was suffocating, as expected everyone was staring at his pale face and shaky hands. No stop. Dont look at me. Please go away. He clenched his teeth but before he could proceed any further, a hand grabbed his, pulling him in a nearby empty classroom.
“Jake, I know this isn’t the right time but…I know who messed with your project.” Evelyn's voice felt like some kind of distant noise.
A very weird feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he gathered energy to respond back “what?”
“It’s Y/n.” Evelyn stated firmly. The confidence in her voice knocked the remaining air out of his lungs.
“I saw her messing with your stuffs weeks ago when you were doing your assignment in the basketball court.”
His body stiffened realising exact which day Evelyn was talking about. The spongebob umbrella laying beside his laptop. He remembered everything all too well .“I don’t know if you’ll believe me,” Evelyn continued, her voice dripping with venom, “but she’s evil jake...she's not done ruining your life. I think we both know she’s been behind everything weird that has happened to you this semester.”
The room felt too cold to his liking as Jake tried his best to stand still. The sheer thought of you messing up with his assignments just wasn't making any sense. But whatever information Evelyn provided, pointed at no one but you being the reason for this damage.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but look!” she shoved her phone in front of him “she is now going for two men at once after she is done with you! And not surprised one of them is your friend!” Blurry but clear enough to see there were pictures taken from a distance of you and Sunghoon laughing together. Jake hurriedly snatched the phone from her hands and swiped — the next one was outside a newly opened Ralph and lauren store. You and Heeseung holding hands as he was pulling you inside the store.
“See?” Evelyn muttered. “Going after two guys at once of course with a privileged background. Not surprising at all! typical small town behavior.” Jake couldn't hear the rest. None of Evelyn’s words reached him and his cloudy state of mind. His fingers tightened around the phone.
“Did he forget his way…or what…” Chisa yawned followed by Jurin. Both of them were slumped on the couch. Sunoo had fallen asleep, head resting on Sunghoon’s shoulder as the older guy called Jake for the fifth time — each one going straight to voicemail. Jay and Chaerin exchanged worried looks, and you felt your stomach twisting uncomfortably. It was almost 9 p.m but Jake still wasn’t here. Did he somehow find out you were here…? Is that why he wasn’t coming?
The sound of the apartment door unlocking caught everyone’s attention. Jurin shoved Chisa awake before she could fully pass out and Sunghoon quickly helped you light the candles while a half asleep Sunoo carefully flipped off the switches.
The room was instantly filled with a warm yellow glow from fairy lights and flickering candles. You held the cake, waiting and after what it felt like waiting for an eternity, Jake finally stepped in.
Right then Jay and Jungwon popped the party crackers, colorful confetti bursting into the air with a loud snap.
“Happy birthday Jakeeeee!” everyone shouted in unison, waiting for his reaction.
But nothing came.
“Turn the lights on.”
You turned to Sunghoon, who looked just as confused beside you. Why did Jake sound like that? He hesitated and stepped forward “bro look uppp! See who’s here—”
“Don’t make me repeat myself, Hoon.”
Sensing things were escalating Jungwon immediately turned the lights on. Your throat went dry when you saw Jake’s face. He looked empty and dreaded. Did something happen?
“Where were you on 6th September?”
You flinched. Nearly two months into being a professional troublemaker in jake's life but his voice had never sounded so distant. So cold.
“Jake, what’s going on—” Jay stepped forward but Jake cut him off.
“Y/n I’m asking you. Where the hell were you on 6th September?!”
You flinched at his sudden yell. After quickly doing a mental math, you gathered the courage to answer “I—I attended Professor Min’s class, and then I…” you trailed off. Right, then you were searching for him to return his umbrella.
“I… went to the basketball court to return your umbrella, but you weren’t there, so I—”
Jake let out a sharp, mocking laugh. “So you edited out a whole paragraph of my assignment and replaced it with some ai bullshit!”
Huh?
“What the fuck are you talking about?” you heard Chaerin’s footsteps approaching as stepped closer. Jake pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me be honest with you Y/n....I don’t know why you came into my life, but I do know you’ve brought nothing but problems and misery.”
What's happening?
Sunghoon quickly took the cake from your hands realising you were shaking and set it aside. “Jake, you really need to start giving context before I beat the shit out of you,” he snapped, clearly irritated. The ground beneath your feet felt like it was moving slowly. What was he even talking about? Replacing his assignment with ai?
“Oh yeah?” Jake scoffed “Now you want to beat me for her? Why though? Because secretly both of you are fucking?” he spit out and instantly Sunghoon’s fist collided with his face. “Sunghoon no!” you screamed grabbing him as Jake lunged forward to hit back only to be held back by Jay. Everything in your head blurred together as you dragged Sunghoon afar. Sunoo and Jungwon tried to calm him down as he breathed heavily.
You ignored Chisa who tried to stop you with a worried expression before walking back toward Jake.
You inhaled deeply, bracing yourself for whatever impact was coming.
“Jake let’s talk outside.”
“I don’t think you’re in any position to command me y/n” he stayed stubborn. Fine. You let out the breath you had been holding for so long. “I did not edit your assignment. And before you point fingers at me, remember Evelyn was there the whole time. Even before I entered the court.”
He raised his eyebrows, face morphing into something purely influenced by ignorance “yeah that's your defence mechanism??? Putting the blame on Evelyn isn't going to solve the issue you created from your own fucked up feelings against me—”
Fucked up feelings? Against him? putting blame on Evelyn?
“SO WHAT?!” you screamed finally at your breaking point. “You want to act all righteous and mighty even though you never once saw me editing your assignment with your own eyes?!”
Jake felt a pang in his chest, as every single person in that room witnessed everything you had been holding back spill out.
“If you don’t want to believe me, then don’t! But goddammit Jake you—you are so cruel....both you and evelyn can go to hell for all I care! And fine—I’ll never show my face again! I hope you don’t either you ungrateful shit! I hope I fall and die in a ditch before expressing my feelings for you!” With trembling hands you tore the bracelet off your wrist, elastic band snapping in the hurried process and you threw it at him, beads scattered instantly across the floor. You could not afford to waste any seconds after that and stormed out of room number 15 of the boys’ dormitory with Chaerin, Chisa, and Jurin rushing after you.
Jake stood there, a pit of silence and emptiness feeling his senses. His eyes fell on the broken bracelet near his feet then slowly he looked around. The entire apartment was decorated exactly how he had always wanted birthdays to look as a child. As for his parents fancy dinners had always mattered more than something like this.
He then looked at Jungwon and Sunoo who seemed just as shaken. “Happy birthday,” Jungwon muttered quietly before slipping out with a clearly displeased Sunoo. Now it was just him, Jay and Sunghoon who looked like he was gonna jump him anytime if he turns around. Jay waited for him to speak but when he said nothing, he stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder
“Stop favoring your heart and start using your brain before it's too late”
“I hate him, I hate him, I hate him so much oughhhh I feel like mixing rat poison in his food!” you cried out, voice muffled by the pillow pressed tightly against your face. Chaerin tried calming you down in every possible way, but she knew it was useless. After fifteen minutes of yelling and cursing Jake, you finally lifted the pillow and threw it across the room. “Chae…”
She crawled closer at the sound of your hoarse voice. “Mm-hmm?”
You swallowed, lowering your gaze as your fingers absentmindedly scratched at the bedsheets. “W-what is the punishment for using ai in assignments…? will—will they fail him?”
Oh, you poor girl. Chaerin shook her head gently as she tried to tie your messy hair into a bun. “If it were a regular student, maybe. But since it’s the department topper…..I don’t think so.”
You didn’t know what kind of comfort that brought to your already bruised heart, but you clutched her sleeve anyway.
“…Am I a disappointment to feminism?”
Chaerin cupped your jaw, forcing you to look at her. “No, you’re not, Y/n. You can dislike and like a person at the same time. And NO one in this world has the right to shame you for that” You immediately scooted away from her. “I don’t like him.”
“Not even a bit?”
“No. Not at all.”
She laughed softly and lay down, her head resting on your lap. “Then why did you cook his favorite food? go out of your comfort zone to plan his birthday? and write him—”
“That’s just because… I… because I, uh…”
you started, ready to argue, but no matter how hard you searched for an answer, your mind came up blank. Chaerin propped herself up on her elbow, looking at you knowingly. “See?”
“Not my fault! I want to know too why I’m doing all this even though I hate him… so much…” The anger in your voice slowly faded by the end of your sentence. Chaerin took your hand then placed it over your heart.
“You’re looking for answers in the wrong place, baby.”
Wrong place huh?
Your heartbeat against your palm felt fast, tired from running, worn out from being wrongly accused. So much for liking a dumbass. Jake didn’t trust you. In fact, he never even tried to open the door of his heart to let you in. You were doing everything alone like a complete clown trying to impress someone who didn’t even want to be impressed. There had been so many signs. So many chances to give up. To realize that maybe you just didn’t belong in a world where Jake would ever look at you the way you looked at him. You couldn’t even remember the last time he had truly looked at you.
All you remembered now was that cold, distant expression, pushing you away every darn time you tried to get closer. It was about damn time mission relearning Jake should be aborted.
# 9 intentions
The apartment felt too empty after Sunghoon and Jay finished cleaning everything up. Jake had locked himself in his room after taking a shower. The only sounds he could hear were the faint clatter of utensils from outside, probably Jay putting food away and the ticking of the analog wall clock on his wall. A few minutes ago he had received a text from his computer science major friend felix
I’m trying to glaze our sports instructor for the CCTV footage.
But he’s acting like a total bitch.
Don’t worry bro. I’ll avenge your credit points.
And he knew felix had enough influence to actually get the footage — legally or not.
See? That part wasn’t hard. What was hard was taking back everything he had said just a few hours ago. His grip tightened around the small note he had found inside the gift box alongside the bright red Ralph Lauren shirt now resting on his study table. He had already read it five times. Slowly he lifted it up to eye level again.
His eyes burned as the pressure finally gave way. Fresh, warm tears spilled out almost in no time. God, he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve your attention, your effort, your time. He didn’t deserve Sunghoon, the first person he had truly grown close to after joining this shit ass college. He didn’t deserve Jay, who always showed up whenever he was in trouble. He didn’t even deserve Riki, who had texted him happy birthday with a video of him and Layla wearing birthday caps and yet Jake still hadn’t found the time to reply.
Soft knocks interrupted his sniffles as he slowly sat up.
“Open up.” Sunghoon’s rough voice came from outside. Without saying anything Jake dragged himself to the door and opened it. Sunghoon stood there, eyes just as red rimmed. He probably cried in his room but he would never admit it to jake by the way.
Without a word, Sunghoon pushed past and walked in, then plopped down on the bed. He patted the empty space beside him. Jake followed and sat quietly.
“I’m not paying for your rhinoplasty by the way” Sunghoon muttered after a long silence resulting in Jake letting out a weak snicker “your weak-ass punch did nothing chill.” Sunghoon kicked him lightly in the shin “don’t rile me up fucker.”
Jake sighed while rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”
Sunghoon raised an eyebrow “you’re apologizing to the wrong person.”
Jake swallowed, staring straight ahead. Yeah. He knew that. But he wasn’t sure if the person he should apologize to would even want to see him anymore.
“…Mhm. Pass the apology to her, then.”
Sunghoon shot up, startling him and grabbed his shoulder “Jake, my guy—get your shit straight.”
“I am straight.”
“Your brain starts lagging every time you see Y/n.”
Jake pulled himself out of Sunghoon’s grip and groaned “No it doesn’t! It’s just—there’s never been any normal start between us at all!—”
“And??” Sunghoon cut him off sharply “that girl did so much just to give you a normal start. Do you have any idea?!”
Jake fell silent. The words hit like a punch to the gut “…yeah. And I hate myself for it.”
“As you should, asshole.” Sunghoon glared at him, but his expression softened when he noticed that familiar kicked out look on Jake’s face, the same one he had seen three years ago when Jake used to sit alone on the bleachers during lunch. “What are you thinking Jake?” he asked quietly.
Jake avoided his gaze. “I… don’t know hoon....I don’t know what I’m thinking....what I'm feeling…”
Sunghoon crouched down in front of him “Oh, really? You don’t?” then without warning, he reached under Jake’s bed and pulled out something. A Post Malone album. Similar to the one displayed nicely on his desk, but this one was wrapped in khaki paper, decorated with small paper hearts.
“…Then what the fuck is this doing here? Cuz last time I took it here I remember keeping it in the waste storage boxes to throw it out later!”
Jake couldn’t answer. Sunghoon stood up again then walked to his study table. He yanked open the drawer and pulled out a small piece of paper — a chibi doodle of a grumpy Jake. The fading sticky glue was still noticeable behind it, clear it had been nicely ripped from something. Or better from a certain oatmilk package. "Oh we sure are gonna ignore this one right?"
Then he strode back, grabbed Jake’s wrist, and pulled up his sleeve. A beaded bracelet, very much identical to the one you had torn and thrown earlier was there around his wrist. “And this too?? Did Y/n know these bracelets came in pairs?”
Sunghoon exhaled sharply before continuing, “Why did you even get mad at the idea that I might be hooking up with her? Or fine—let’s be respectful—what if I was hitting on Y/n?”
Jake pressed his lips together ignoring the feeling he was trying to suppress gnaw at his heart. “I don’t really care.”
Sunghoon let out a dry chuckle “Oh really? You don’t?”
“No. I don’t.”
Silence settled between them again as Jake slowly pulled his hand back from his friend's grip. Sunghoon stood still for a moment before speaking again, quieter this time.
“I think we both know what that means, Jake.” Jake said nothing. His fingers brushed over the bracelet on his wrist as he realized how brutally Sunghoon had stripped his feelings bare.
You adjusted your airpods unconsciously, realizing the amount students were staring at you, turning their heads, whispering, and giggling to their friends weren’t just a coincidence. You looked down at your clothes, checking if you had worn it inside out or if your jeans were unzipped. But everything was perfectly fine. After taking your usual seat in the classroom, you noticed even more eyes on you, making it unbearable. Within a minute, you felt a tap on your shoulder.
You removed one airpod and turned around —only to find Heeseung looking at you with a worried expression. You forced a small smile amd he shifted beside you subtly shielding you from the stares.
“You okay?”
“mm hmm… don’t worry,” you sighed and flipped a random notebook to distract yourself. Heeseung took the bundle pages from your hand while shutting it “you want me to beat those people up?”
You let out a frustrated huff “I mean–I don’t even know why they’re staring at me like that…”
Heeseung frowned for a moment “yeah, ignore those dumbasses—”
“Hi, Y/n!”
Both of you flinched as a group of girls from your class suddenly appeared in front of you “uh… hi?”
“Did you really do it??” one of them asked, making you even more confused.
“…Do what?”
They started giggling among themselves. Beside you, Heeseung tensed. He grabbed your hand trying get your attention “Y/n let’s skip this class—”
“You know…hommie hopping between Sunghoon and Jake!”
“And here I thought Jake was the biggest slut”
They burst out laughing.
Your blood ran cold and you turned to Heeseung with a horrified expression. He only shook his head and mouthed 'Let’s get OUT.'
You know what they say about bad reputations. They always catch up. And when they do, they strip your sense of 'self' away, your peace along with whatever little strength you have left.
You stared blankly at the college forum. A picture of you and Sunghoon was posted with a bold caption: “New slut on campus.”
You didn’t know what to think or what to say anymore. Everything inside you was building up, pressure rising with every passing second, threatening to explode into something ugly. “The fuck are you looking at?” Chisa snapped at a group of juniors staring at your table. You clutched your head which was already starting to hurt despite of skipping all lectures since morning.
“She needs her campus pr privileges revoked. This is literally quiet literally a violation of privacy,” Chaerin snarled, pointing at the small ‘by Sadie’ under the post.
“Look who shamelessly showed up…”
Your skin prickled as Sadie and Yunjin approached your table, wearing priceless expressions and victory of their final blow.
“Yeah Sadie, learned that shit from you. True inspiration,” Jurin shot back instantly, wiping the smirk off Sadie’s face.
“Watch your tone, or the three of you will wake up to the same kind of judgment tomorrow.” She hissed to which Chaerin stood up abruptly, her chair crashing to the floor due to the impact and nearby students fell silent. “uh huh? Is that it???” she mocked and before Yunjin could come up with another attack in Sadie's defense, Chaerin grabbed the container of spaghetti Chisa had been slurping from just minutes ago— then threw it straight at Sadie.
The whole cafeteria instantly broke out with gasps and whispers. You tried to pull Chaerin back, terrified as Sadie who was now shaking, gooey red spaghetti sauce dripping down her perfectly styled pink blow dried hair, shot the most sinister look at your table. Yunjin lunged at Chaerin to avenge her, but before her hands could even touch the targeted girl, Chisa grabbed a chunk of yunjin's hair and yanked her back “hoe really thinks her authority works here....it’s a democracy bitch!”
Chaos broke out instantly. Some students screamed, others started chanting 'fight fight!', while the rest pulled out their phones to record. You felt your head spinning when you spotted professors and staff rushing in. It’s a mess. It’s a whole fucking mess—From the corner of your eyes you saw Sadie charging straight at you with her claws out, looking no less terrifying than the red demon from insidious.
Suddenly warmth wrapped around your wrist. “What the fu—”
Sadie’s mortified face, Chisa dragging Yunjin, the upside down cafeteria including screams of students mixed with professors yelling —Everything blurred within seconds as the hand dragged you far far away. No direction or whatsoever, you were just running. Your heart hammered less from the run, but from the strands of blonde hair peeking out from under his hoodie.
Soon you found yourself inside a cramped space between lockers. Pants and gasps filled the small area as you leaned against the cold metal for support. Jake’s hand was still interlaced with yours which you slowly pulled away after realisation. Outside, the dean’s voice echoed faintly “Suspend everyone who was in the cafeteria!”
For seven long minutes neither of you spoke, just trying to catch your breath and avoiding each other’s gaze. But eventually you had no choice. As you looked up, Jake’s sunken eyes met yours. He swallowed hard to hydrate his dry throat “you… okay?”
You nodded not even having the energy to speak. Silence fell again and you suddenly became aware of how close you were — his uneven breaths brushed against your ear and the height difference made your face was nearly level with his chest, the thin silver chain he always wore dangling in front of you. “I should go,” you whispered, your voice smaller than ever. You tried to move but his hand grabbed your wrist again.
“Y/n I—that day, I was—”
“It’s okay Jake,” you replied shortly, shutting him up.
He stared at you for a moment then shook his head “it’s not okay.”
You clenched your jaws. Of course as always he was right. It was infact not okay at ALL. Nothing like this should have ever escalated but guess what? Your staurn being weak was finally catching up to you.
“Jake… let’s just forget anything ever happened,” you whispered, ignoring the lump in your throat. He stiffened for a moment then scoffed “you said you wanted to start fresh with me so how can we just forget—?” You looked up at him through your wet lashes, “yeah… because YOU said you wished we met differently!”
Jake shook his head “but this is not how I—”
“Then what the fuck do you want?!” you yelled, hitting his chest. He flinched even though your noticeably small palm made little to no impact then grabbed your wrist “chill—why do you have to be so violent all the time?”
“CHILL?!” you screamed again and he immediately covered your mouth, glancing outside to check if anyone heard. Tears welled up in your eyes as his hand slowly dropped.
“Jake how—how can I be calm after everything?” your voice trembled. “Think practically for once. From the beginning it was just me. It was always me chasing you, bothering you, approaching you with half baked assumptions… and yeah, maybe I should’ve seen this coming…”
You inhaled deeply, feeling your lungs running out of air “but I tried….I—I tried to mend our relatio—I mean fix whatever 'ship' was between us...and this is what I get for not giving up”
You hit his chest again, softer this time “Jake I’m tired…” You looked up searching his face to see if he had anything to say. But nothing came out. Was his heart made of stone? Did he feel nothing at all?
He slowly stepped back, your wrist slipping from his grasp and your back hit the lockers again.
“I’m sorry… I just—I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have accused you without proof…” he whispered.
Proof.
And he still needed physical evidence to believe you would never do that to him. Ha! What a joke you made out of yourself. It was really just you and your feelings against the whole world, and jake belonged to that world. A hollow laugh escaped your lips as you contemplated to meet his eyes for almost twenty minutes “you don’t trust me, do you Jake…?”
He opened his mouth “no no I do—I just—”
“You don’t trust me. My opinions, my feelings and you’re ashamed of me—”
He grabbed your shoulders and shook you slightly, voice turning hoarse. “Watch what you’re saying...I never said I’m ashamed of you!”
You harshly removed his hands away “That’s the problem Jake! You never say anything at all! So of course my thoughts will fill the gap with everything I ever speculated from your silence!”
“If you’re not ashamed of me, then why are we hiding here like criminals?!”
Jake ran a hand through his hair “You’re getting it wrong—they—”
“They?!” you cut him off shortly “I don’t want to hear about them! Say what’s in your mind. Say it!”
You finished in one sentence and breathed heavily for fresh set of oxygen. He stared at you for few seconds then gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
“Y/n… I think…”
Your heart thumped loudly and you fiddled nervously with your fingers. Is this it??? Was he finally going to—
“I think Sunghoon likes you and I don’t want to get in between you two… so I just wanted to clear things that...I don’t hold any grudges against you… or him.”
Eh?
Ehh???
EHHHH?????
Your face morphed into something very distant and distraught “Sunghoon what now?”
Jake nodded “yeah I know it sounds crazy, but….I think he’s bothered after witnessing us getting stuck again and again in some crazy positions—” He gulped, glancing up and down “I—I mean in life.”
You took a deep breath. What on God’s green earth was Jake even saying? Was he using even a single brain cell he used while studying?
“I think… I think we need to stay away from each other, as MUCH as we can” you whispered knowing you weren’t crazy for wanting that. Jake only nodded in response “yeah… let’s just try not to run into each other without any reason.”
Right. And that was exactly why Jake had very chalantly dragged you here to this vampire coup kinda space. In his defense he just wanted to save you from the mess that was probably still going on inside the cafeteria and to confess Sunghoon’s feelings.
Confess Sunghoon’s feelings…right....not his. Of course no.
He didn’t feel anything. Not at all.
“I still can’t believe birds are chirping and the sun is shining after that mess we survived yesterday,” Chaerin groaned, burying her face into your shoulder. You ignored her and focused on your books.
“You still haven’t told me where you disappeared, by the way.”
You scrunched your nose, trying to come up with a convincing lie “told you—I got scared and ran into the bathroom.”
Chaerin stared at you intently before clicking her tongue “I don’t know…..something about your testimony is not fucking convincing me.”
You shrugged “just stating facts.”
“Yeah, right. Also why are you ignoring Jake again?”
“I’m NOT???” Even if you tried, the desperation to suppress your emotions was obvious in your voice “and even if I am, what’s the problem? I don’t think I can sacrifice my major for something as trivial as Jake.”
“Funny how you say that when I can clearly see the tension—”
“Chaerin, stop. There’s genuinely nothing between us. Not anymore.”
Your best friend sighed, finally giving up as she lay back on your bed “we’re going shopping this weekend. You coming?”
You shook your head “assignments.”
A common class was arranged for the departments participating in the field trip, and the moment you realized that meant none other than just a bunch of grown engineering and architecture students crammed into one classroom, including the a very specific person you swore you weren’t trying to avoid.
You could practically hear the saxophone blaring in your ears.
Since the cafeteria mess happened for the first time in decelis — the principal and deans had let everyone off with just a few guardian calls and warnings. But you knew for Sadie, Evelyn, and the rest of that group, it wasn’t over yet. You had also noticed things seemed better between Chaerin and Jay. She now sat with him during the joint classes, and even though it got a little lonely sometimes you weren’t about to hold your best friend back for your own comfort. Still, you found yourself missing Chisa and Jurin a little more these days, considering they weren’t even from your department to begin with.
Too bad Heeseung wasn’t participating either, he was busy with his boxing gigs and practices as usual. That left you with Jungwon and Sunoo, who stuck together, and Sunghoon, who occasionally sat with you….and sometimes with a certain blonde student who preferred the very last row.
And now, as you stared at Sunghoon doodling absolute nonsense on your notebook, you couldn’t help but wonder what had even made Jake think about such bullshit. God, you wanted to ask Sunghoon about it so badly. But then again, getting involved in more mess sounded far worse than just staying confused.
“I hope this trip will be memorable for our two most loved departments,” an unfamiliar professor concluded her speech, probably a new recruit for the trip. You stretched your neck, trying to ease the stiffness.
“You need help?” Sunghoon asked glancing at your exhausted state after days of barely sleeping. You shook your head, forcing a tight lipped smile “no….I’m okay.”
“Damn, you look rough as hell.”
Jake flinched at the familiar deep voice. Felix gave him a casual salute before slipping into the seat beside him “about the footage, I’m still trying—”
“It’s okay, Felix. I…I don’t need it anymore,” he sighed, gaze unconsciously fixing on your back, which was unbeknownst to you slightly slouched against Sunghoon’s shoulder. He tried to ignore the pang in his chest. Whatever.
“But bro, your credit points—” Felix pouted. Jake let out a small chuckle “I can still score well in the field trip research and finals…” making the other guy mumble something along the lines of “I don’t know how you people manage this,” before getting completely lost in his own thoughts.
“Excuse me… uhm?”
The nineteen year old looked up and instinctively leaned back a little “yes….can I help you?”
There was no way his eyes were deceiving him at 8 a.m. on a class day. Standing right in front of him was the same girl who had sneezed a few days ago and, very unfortunately left clear snots on his brand new hoodie.“Are you okay now?” he asked, a bit cautiously, glancing at his current shirt as your cheeks turned pink.
“Y-yeah…” How embarrassing. You bit your lip and pulled out his belonging you had been meaning to return ever since that day. God, this guy had been hard to find. You were a freshman too but at least you had friends. It seemed like no one in his department even knew him — or maybe they were just discovering him for the first time whenever you asked about him.
“Thank you for that day,” you said, avoiding eye contact as you held out the properly washed and dried handkerchief, the letter ‘J’ neatly stitched in one corner. He took it back and scratching his brown hair awkwardly “you could’ve just kept it…”
What??? Did he think you couldn’t afford a handkerchief or something?...
But you were incapable of carrying one—
Shut the fuck up author.
“I’m really sorry for causing you trouble that day,” you added, this time more clearly while bending down to give him a small apologetic bow. “I’m Y/n from the architecture department by the way!”
An unnecessarily cute smile spread across his face, and you could practically feel the nervous giddiness radiating off him.
“No need to apologize, Y-Y/n… I’m Ja—”
“All architecture students are requested to assemble in the auditorium… I repeat, all architecture students…”
You mentally groaned at the sound of your dean’s voice echoing through the corridor “nice meeting you uhh I should go.” You gave him a quick wave before turning away.
Jake raised his hand to wave back, but you were already gone by then.
“…Bye...y/n.”
# 10 the heart wants what it wants
“No way what—” you gasped in horror, staring at the full sleeved outfits you were planning to pack for the trip. They were ruined with very noticeable holes staring back at you from almost every piece. “Are you fucking kidding me???? Even after paying a bloody amount of fees Decelis dorms have rats in the closet?” you cried immediately yanking every piece of clothing out of your wardrobe and throwing them onto your bed.
Except you were a little wrong. There weren’t any rats in Decelis. They were in your own house, ehich, unfortunately you had failed to notice while packing your winter clothes.
You glanced at the clock — almost 11:30 p.m. Chaerin was out shopping with the girls and you were pretty sure they had wrapped up by now. Calling them for your emergency would be pointless. You just needed some basic clothes for the three day trip. You hesitated for a moment then dialed Sunghoon’s number. He picked up within a few rings.
“At your service ma’am”
You could hear a few familiar voices in the background, but you ignored them and spoke frantically. “Sunghoon, can you accompany me to the mall???? There’s a huge emergency.”
He immediately sensed your panic “wait hold on—”
A few seconds passed before he spoke again. “Is it okay if I bring—”
“Yes, it’s okay! You can bring whoever you want!!” you nearly yelled, already slipping into a pair of jeans and a thin top, not even paying attention to whatever Sunghoon said next before hanging up.
And you wished so badly that you could take back your words. The weather was awful and the top you were wearing did absolutely nothing except sit on you like a useless decoration. Your phone was at 12%, and right beside you stood a very unaffected Jake with Sunghoon, of course. Even when you tried not to look, you kept stealing glances at him.
Ughhh what am I supposed to do??? He looks mad fine in that maroon leather jacket, alright?!
You hugged yourself tightly despite having just argued with Sunghoon about how you weren’t cold at all. From the corner of your eye, you could see him giving you a pitiful look.
You heard the faint rustle of leather shifting beside you and gulped. No matter what happens...you are not going to accept Jake’s offer if he tried to give you his jacket. Not at all. Even if you freeze to death right here.
You glanced at him again, only to find him pulling the jacket closer around himself and buttoning it all the way up to his neck.
Your ears burned hot. Whatever asshole.
You quickly marched up to Sunghoon who was walking a little ahead, completely missing the way Jake’s gloved hands had subtly moved, almost like he had been about to reach out for you. He let out a quiet breath when your presence disappeared from beside him, and slipped his hands back into his pockets.
Looking at the clearly pissed staffs who were definitely not expecting a uni student to go shopping at nearly 11:50 a.m., just ten minutes before closing — you realized you didn’t have the luxury to pick and choose. You grabbed whatever full sleeved, warm clothes you could find on the racks and started mentally estimating the total. You looked around trying to find where the other two boys had gone, only to spot them hanging out near a rack of oversized tees.
You sighed. At least things were better between Jake and Sunghoon. Otherwise the guilt of being the reason for their friendship breaking apart would’ve eaten you alive for the rest of your college life.
“Uh….ma’am, I don’t think these are your size…”
You flinched, not realizing a staff member had been watching you inspect the pile of clothes you had picked. She studied them for a moment, then grabbed a few more items from the rack and handed them to you with a bright smile.“You can try these in the trial room!”
And thank God you did. Because every single piece you had chosen was completely the wrong size. You almost cried in relief when you tried on the clothes the staff had picked. God bless that sweet girl.
Along with basic tops and tees, she had also included a baby pink dress with frills and tiny pearls. Too girly for your taste but it wouldn’t hurt to try right?
You slipped it on and froze. Wow.
Maybe you should start wearing dresses more often. It fit you perfectly. You turned slightly, only to notice the zipper was still open, exposing your bare back. Ugh.
You tried reaching behind, attempting to pull it up yourself, silently praying you wouldn’t ruin the dress.
“Ack!” you yelped in frustration when the zipper refused to budge.
“excuse me?” you called out, hoping the staff was nearby “I need a bit of help here!”
No one responded. You waited for another fifteen minutes and were just about to give up with an expression already turning sour, when the trial room door suddenly opened.
You sighed in relief, still craning your neck awkwardly to look at the zipper “uhm—sorry to bother again, I just need—AHHWHATDAFUCK!”
Your sentence ended in a sharp screech when you saw who was standing behind you in the mirror. Jake bit his lower lip, clearly trying to look anywhere but your bare back as he stammered, “T-the staffs are cleaning up…and there was no one around, y—you were calling—uhhh”
“Well then hurry up idiot now that you’re here!” you panicked, ignoring the sudden heat pooling in your stomach.
He nodded quickly, placing one hand lightly on your shoulder while the other reached for the zipper. Through the refelection you noticed his gaze wavering, shakily tracing the expanse of your back before he startled and looked up. You mentally facepalmed when your eyes met his in the reflection.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to look—the chain is stuck—”
“And who set this system up?! Look at the chain if that helps you!” you snapped again.
He swallowed and looked down again. After a few more minutes of struggling and his rough finger pads occasionally brushing against your back, sending unwanted goosebumps down your spine — Jake finally managed to pull the zipper up. Both of you let out a breath of relief. Then his eyes lifted again, scanning your reflection. You forgot for a moment, that Jake was even inside the trial room.
The dress looked….perfect. Yeah. You were definitely keeping this.
You noticed his lips moving behind you and turned slightly “you saying something?”
He shook his head quickly. “Nah… it’s nothing.”
After giving yourself one last look and checking for any damage, you pushed Jake out of the room and locked the door behind you.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuck…” you whispered, sliding down against the door and covering your face.
“Fucking sexy.”
His ass wasn’t slick at all. You definitely heard what he whispered and a part of you wanted to hear it again. Too bad he was a fucking pussy. A knock came from outside, Sunghoon’s voice reminding you that the poor staffs probably wanted to go home. You checked your reflection one last time, trying to calm yourself down before facing Jake again and then you stepped out.
The walk back to the dorm wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be except for the fact that your stomach kept rumbling, constantly reminding you that you skipped dinner. You wanted to go back and order something but Sunghoon protested, insisting he knew a nearby ramen place that stayed open until almost 3 a.m. Ignoring your protests he grabbed your arm and dragged you in the direction of the shop, with Jake trailing behind.
And honestly you were so glad you listened to him. The moment warm smell of the spicy soup hit you, your hunger spiked. The shop was small, almost like a pocket version of Decelis cafeteria, barely able to fit ten people at once. And at this hour it was completely empty.
The owner looked more than happy to see customers, probably not expecting to make any money this late.
As you relaxed into the small wooden chair, your eyes drifted toward Jake. He was looking at something on his phone, smiling to himself.
There was something about the way the corner of his lips curled when he smiled. It felt familiar. Maybe because you had noticed it before but never paid much attention to? considering he barely smiled back when you two were busy pissing each other off.
You cleared your throat. I mean he still pisses me off.
Your train of thought didn’t get to reach its destination before the owner arrived with three bowls of perfectly cooked katsu ramen. And in no time you dove headfirst into the soupy madness of noodles and vegetables. While eating you noticed Sunghoon quietly picking out spring onions from his bowl and dropping them into yours. You snickered when he met your eyes and soon both of you were giggling.
Across the table Jake tightened his grip on his chopsticks, then picked up a few pieces of chicken katsu and dropped them into your bowl.
Both you and Sunghoon looked up at him, mouths slightly open, waiting for an explanation. He shrugged “I don’t like katsu…”
Sunghoon immediately kicked him under the table “did you hit your head or something??? You literally said you wanted to eat katsu ramen!”
Jake licked his lips, ignoring your questioning look and turned to Sunghoon “ well I just decided I don’t like katsu anymore”
“Please log out.”
“Ahhhh, I’m so full,” you yawned after devouring an entire bowl including the spring onions from Sunghoon and the katsu pieces from Jake. The chilly weather reminded you that you still had to walk back to the dorm. Thankfully it wasn’t that far from the ramen shop.
“Sunghoon you just introduced me to a gem. I’m bringing the girls here next time!” you said doing small excited jumps. Sunghoon chuckled “sure.”
He stared at you for a moment then suddenly stepped closer and grabbed your jaw gently, lowering his voice “there’s something near your eye.”
You paused confused, as Sunghoon’s broad figure hovered so close, his fingers brushing lightly near your eye. Maybe your mascara had smudged a bit, you weren’t really sure. After a few seconds, he pulled back only to trip slightly in the process, making both of you burst into laughter.
Jake bit his tongue trying to stop himself from screaming or doing something he would only regret while watching sunghoon hovering over you, his back facing him. Sunghoon kissing the girl he claimed he might be interested in? Not okay. Sunghoon touching you like that? Definitely not okay.
He can’t.
Why?
He just can’t.
Why? Because he’s a coward who can’t admit his own feelings? Or is it because he was extremely jealous and radiating off black aura realising he never got to kiss you within a normal circumstance.
Jake was acting weird. Like, very weird.
You chewed on a protein bar as you continued packing your clothes. The bus was leaving early at 7 a.m. tomorrow, and since the destination was far you decided not to waste time on your phone tonight and just sleep early. But deciding something and actually putting that into action were two completely different things. You kept tossing and turning, the incidents from the past few days crowding your mind. You and Jake had barely interacted — it felt like time had rewound itself to when you only knew him as someone with a bad reputation, and he probably wasn’t even aware of your existence.
You placed your palm over your chest, feeling your heart beat steadily.
Chaerin did say something about listening to your heart a few days ago. You almost forgot about it.
Nope. There was nothing your heart had to say.
You squeezed your eyes shut and forced yourself to sleep. Within ten minutes, your body finally relaxed under the covers.
# 11 moonstruck
“I can’t believe they’re making us travel at 7 in the morning… ugh,” Chaerin groaned, her face still puffy and voice laced with sleepiness. You laughed while pinching her cheeks as you tried to help her sit up properly on the bus seat. Outside, the view slowly shifted, from tall skyscrapers to wide stretches of greenery, with the occasional factories passing by. The gentle jerks of the bus made you drowsy, and you rested your head against the window.
After almost an hour and a half of traveling, three buses packed with students from both departments finally reached their destination.
The decade old heritage building, subject of this trip's research stood tall just a few minutes away, within walking distance of the accommodation everyone was staying in. After the professors finished handing out room keys, Chaerin grabbed your hand.
“Y/n…me and Jay—we’re staying together…”
You gave her a sly smile “oh ho…?”
But instead of smiling back she looked worried. You noticed it immediately and patted her back. “It’s okay Chaerin. I’m not sad about you leaving me alone—I’ll have the room all to myself anyway.”
She tightened her grip on your hand “uhm… but his roommate—”
“Oh, don’t worry they can stay with m—wait, what?” You went quiet. How did you forget about that detail? Panic creeped inside you as you whispered, “Who is his roommate?”
“Sunghoon,” Chaerin replied almost instantly. You let out a breath of relief. Okay then, sharing a room with a guy wasn’t exactly something you had mentally prepared for, but it was just Sunghoon after all—
“But Sunghoon is sharing a room with Sunoo and Jungwon… which leaves you with Jake.”
Chaerin’s words cut through your thoughts, and your brain immediately stopped working then did a complete reboot.
Everything felt unreal like some crazy new york bestselling author’s bullshit until you and Jake were really standing in the doorway of a single room with your respective luggage.
“See, I’m not doing that ‘you take the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch’ shit,” you rambled, shoving Jake aside as you entered. Partly because you wanted to claim the better side of the bed and partly cause you didn’t want him to see your tomato red face. Jake followed silently as you continued, “Bathroom usage should be no more than twenty minutes—and that includes showering and shitting—what the fuck, hey! that’s my side!”
You gasped as you saw Jake already dumping his duffel bag and stretching out on the side of the bed you had clearly intended for yourself. He shrugged “first come, first serve.”
Insufferable prick.
You tossed your bag onto a nearby beanbag and stormed into the en suite bathroom. Just before shutting the door you peeked your head out and shot him a dead glare “and since I’m the first one to use the bathroom I won’t be coming out for an hour.”
“What the fuck—?! That’s not fair, what?!” He sat up straight for the first time, making direct eye contact.
You stuck your tongue out. “First come, first serve right back at you.”
Since it was the very first day there wasn’t much scheduled — just self exploration and students hanging out. The actual research would begin the next day. You were in the middle of sorting your outfits when a notification popped up in the group chat.
Professor Han: Mandatory physical activities for students will take place in five minutes.
Please wrap up and come outside.
Are you kidding me? It was nearly 3 p.m. Who in their right mind even does physical activities at this ungodly hour? You huffed while slipping into a pair of trousers and a white baby tee. Since Jake was still in the bathroom, you changed in the room and decided to head out before him.
The sun was slowly softening, air turning breezy. You noticed people already forming groups and jogged over where jay sunghoon chaerin was chatting. After catching up and you ranting to Chaerin about Jake stealing your side of the bed, everyone soon found themselves gathered in front of two large cardboard boxes. Professor Han stood at the front with a mic, alongside a few other assistant professors.
“Since this is a conjoined trip, we believe team bonding is very important before anything else.”
A wave of groans and sighs rippled through the crowd, clearly reflecting the ongoing tension between architecture and engineering departments.
Ignoring that, “So, we’ve decided to pair everyone up using a lottery system!” Professor Kim announced. That earned actual curses from the students. “No bad words!”
“First line, please come forward one by one and pick a random slip from either of these boxes. Announce your partner’s name, and they must stand beside you but—” Professor Han paused for effect making sure he had everyone’s attention.
“—here’s a twist.”
The crowd leaned in.
“If you don’t like the partner you get you can exchange them with someone you do like!”
That instantly caused an uproar this time of relief. At least no one would be stuck with someone they didn’t want. The lottery began. Some got their friends, some exchanged and some were left awkwardly unmatched. And then finally it was your turn. You walked forward and picked a slip without much thought. The name slipped out of your mouth before your brain could fully process it.
“Jake Sim, engineering department.”
You heard few girls snickering behind you.
Without missing a beat you spoke again, “I want to exchange my partner with Park Sunghoon!”
You ignored Sunghoon’s confused expression, doing everything in your power to not look at Jake, who stood somewhere behind him.
“What the fuck was that?” Sunghoon whisper yelled. You crossed your arms and ignored the tug in your chest. “Just doing what he wanted.”
“Quiet! No commotion… next one, please come up,” Professor Han continued. One by one, everyone got their partners. And then it was Jake’s turn. He was wearing a cap so you couldn’t clearly see his expression. He picked up a slip, stared at it for a moment then looked up.
“Evelyn Jung, engineering department.”
Your arms dropped to your sides. The composure you had been holding onto shattered instantly. He’s going to exchange his partner right? Right???
Jake said nothing as Evelyn with her bubbly energy skipped over to him in no time, immediately starting a conversation. And to your absolute demise you saw the corner of Jake’s lips curling upward.
Fuck him. Fuck both of them. You were so done.
The warm up session began with everyone helping their partners with stretching, sit-ups, and a few breathing exercises.
“So what the fuck was that?” Sunghoon asked again, pressing your feet down as you did a set of sit ups. “No idea,” you replied kicking him slightly when you felt his grip weakening. “Ouch! Okay, damn!” he winced then glanced toward Jake and Evelyn, who were doing the same exercise not too far away.
“Is Jake going insane after that assignment incident?? The mf said he doesn’t like katsu anymore, and now he just accepted Evelyn as his partner?!” Sunghoon sounded like he didn’t believe a single word coming out of his own mouth. You exhaled sharply. Enough of Jake, Jake, Jake, and Jake. He could go fuck himself with a dildo named Evelyn—
“augh!”
Some students paused nearby at the sound of Evelyn’s voice. Even though you didn’t want to look you still glanced over at the commotion.
“Jake—it hurts!” she winced, pointing at her ankle which looked completely fine. Jake gently rubbed the spot “sorry I might’ve put too much pressure...” She shook her head in denial muttering how weak she felt nowadays then suddenly leaned forward — her lips barely grazed his cheek.
You saw red. You kicked Sunghoon again, freeing your feet, and stood up abruptly.
“Wha—woman what the fuck happens to you from time to time?!” Sunghoon groaned. You ignored him already walking back toward the accommodation. “Tell Professor Han I don’t feel well.”
And for a long time you didn’t. You stayed curled up covering yourself, biting your lips until they nearly bled as your mind filled with a storm of thoughts. By the time Jake entered the room tired and sweaty you were already fast asleep. He crouched down beside your bed, his thumb gently brushing away the dried tears still clinging to your face “why are you always in distress when I’m not looking…”
Your lips moved slightly making him pause before leaning in closer to catch your faint whisper.
“Jake you piece of shit….I hope you get chlamydia…”
Day one of the field trip began with you waking up tucked under the duvet, your voice groggy and your face puffy. You sat up quickly realizing you had slept through the entire night like a baby. Frantically searching for your phone your eyes drifted to the empty space beside you. Seems like someone didn’t come back last night. He was probably with Evelyn.
You sighed, already tired of Jake being the first thought after you opened your eyes, and decided to freshen up. It was officially research day.
After joining everyone for breakfast in the buffet area and successfully avoiding Jake, who seemed to be avoiding you too, you chatted with the others as if nothing was wrong.
“You’re acting weird again,” Sunghoon whispered casually picking spring onions off his plate and dropping them onto yours. You munched on a piece of toasted bread and shot a glare at Jake’s back, where he stood talking to Jay.
“Well I was born with it. Deal with it cause If you’re going to get romantically involved with a person you should like them as a whole.”
Sunghoon scrunched his face in disgust “why the hell would I get involved with you?”
“Exactly—why the fuck would you?!” you snapped “So go ahead and shove that idea into your friend’s thick skull!” and stuffed a piece of bread into Sunghoon’s mouth which hung open in shock.
“Look at these marvelous old money designs! Oh how beautifully they balance with the mechanical structures without hindering the engineering of the base!” The assistant professor walked ahead followed by a group of students including you. Other groups trailed behind different faculty members each being guided through the heritage building. “Oh—and did you know these bricks weigh nearly ten kilos? My my….how did they carve such fine designs…”
Yeah. You couldn’t wait to dig up a brick tonight and smash it on your roommate’s head. Suddenly you were shoved aside as a swaying figure of Evelyn appeared in front of you “Sorry my leg is injured,” she faked a smile before walking up to the professor and whispering something. After she finished, the professor clapped to get everyone’s attention.
“Our lovely student, Miss Evelyn has proposed a plan to take some beautiful photos of the building for later research purposes in pairs! So why don’t we follow the same pairing process we used yesterday?”
And just like that you wished you could dig up two bricks. Because murdering Jake wouldn’t be enough. Evelyn had to go too.
When you were six, there was this strange shaman lady who used to live next door. She would always look at you like something was terribly wrong and tell your mother that your planets were not aligned. While growing up you never really thought of her again until now, at this moment when you just finished drawing out a slip and read the name, the same damn name again, you truly believed your planets were at this point crashing with each other.
“Jake Sim, engineering department,” you called out in a robotic voice. Then you looked up at the crowd.
“I would like to exchange my partner. Park Sunghoon come out.”
“Okay what is your deal actually?” Chaerin smacked your hands as you tried to focus your phone camera on a plain white pillar.
“I want to go home,” you replied almost instantly. She nodded “yes, we all do, but—”
“No, you don’t!” You swatted her hand away, clearly irritated. Chaerin followed your clearly distracted and distressed stare, beyond the plain white pillar and spotted Evelyn taking pictures of Jake while he was busy scribbling something in his notebook. She sighed then grabbed your hands again. “Y/n why are you pushing him away like this when the universe is literally trying to make it work?”
Your mind was still burning from getting paired with Jake for the second time only to exchange him for Sunghoon — and practically hand him over to Evelyn with pink ribbons yet AGAIN. You snapped “I hope the universe fucking blows up tomorrow.”
Chaerin quickly stepped in front of you blocking your view before you could throw hands at the nearby girls who heard your comment while giving you looks. Then she crossed her arms.
“The more you push him away the more you’re going to get hurt,” she said firmly. “If you really want him gone say it to his face. Say you want no trouble and want to graduate without being in his presence. Say you’re done with everything—Right. To. His. Face.”
You clenched your jaw. Like hell you weren’t going to do that. Oh you definietly would. You just needed a little time. Just a little.
As the day ended with a few more lectures, note taking, and you actively avoiding the sight of Jake and Evelyn working together — you found yourself lying on the hotel bed completely exhausted and sweating, even in the chilly November weather. Too tired to even scoot away from Jake who seemed equally worn out. You shifted slightly trying to find a comfortable position under the air conditioner when his hand lightly brushed against yours.
You shot up “how scandalous!”
Jake rolled his eyes “never expected you to have such big words in your dictionary.”
“Not my fault you’re uneducated,” you huffed, tossing the pillows and duvet off the bed that were bothering you. Jake turned to the other side facing the window while you also turned the opposite way, staring hard at the beige wall.
He wasn't even gonna bicker with you now? Wow....well good for you. At least that saved you some time and your mental peace. You bit the inside of your cheek trying not to make a sound as a sob threatened to escape your throat.
Want him gone? How could you want him gone when your stupid heart refused to even accept that this was real? Sure you never wanted trouble. But things were far past that now. Why was Jake making you feel so confused? One moment he pulled you close like nothing had ever happened. The next you were left feeling tossed aside. God—you had even thrown off the duvet. Now there was nothing to muffle your tears or even cover yourself.
“Y/n?”
You heard Jake’s voice, softer this time. And though you wanted to answer, nothing really came out. See, this was your problem. Of course Jake would keep tossing you around if you couldn’t even stand up for yourself.
“Are you asleep?” he asked again.
You opened your mouth to answer but then felt arms encircling your waist and pulling you back, that instantly shut you up. Your back hit with jake's chest, warmth radiating off it. And as you tried your best to not wiggle you felt his breathe on your earlobs. "I'm sorry it's too cold...I'm so sorry...Just let me stay like this for a while..."
His sleepy voice faded into quiet breaths, then soft snores. You let out a careful breath and slowly relaxed into his hold.
Avoiding Jake at this point felt easier than avoiding Professor Min’s eyes. Why the hell was that hag even here? He called the two of you aside during breakfast, eyeing both you and Jake carefully. “I’ve noticed some ongoing tension between you two….not to mention the rumors about you sharing the same room are circulating among the teachers.”
You waited impatiently as he went on about how he shouldn’t catch you doing anything unethical with him blah, blah, blah.
You gulped. Does Jake remember what happened last night?
You glanced at him and found him looking somewhere else completely unfazed. Does he not remember anything at all? The answer had already been clear that morning when you woke up, tucked neatly under the duvet again, while Jake’s side of the bed was spotless, like no one had ever slept there except you. Why was he doing this?
“Y/n, Jake I’m talking to you.”
You snapped back to reality as Professor Min held out a fishing rod toward you both. “You two should go fishing. Consider it bonding time”
What now??? He can’t be serious right????
What shocked you even more was Jake casually taking the fishing rod without any protest, muttering a quiet “thank you.”
He turned and walked away, as you followed behind.
“Jake!—wait—you’re not actually serious about the fishing thing, right?! We have tons of paperwork!” you called out to him as he walked a few meters ahead. He didn’t turn back “There’s still time to think….and if you don’t want to come with me then don’t. I’ll just find another partner.”
Another partner??? What??? He couldn’t possibly mean Evelyn….right?
You let out a frustrated sigh and stomped past him, your steps heavy against the green field even if they barely made a mark.
Day two of the trip officially ended with a lot of note taking and observation. Fortunately everyone worked individually this time saving you from the emotional turmoil of being paired with Jake again. You scrubbed yourself harshly in the shower, tired, irritated, and somewhere close to feeling like dying. This trip was supposed to be your final push to move on. Seems like you were just stuck in the same place forever. That’s it. You slammed the handheld shower back into place and grabbed your towel.
You were going to move on. That was it. No more excuses and accepting anything from Jake.
After skipping dinner for two days straight you couldn’t risk it anymore. You needed fill your stomach before something else went wrong again.
“Slow down oh my God,” Chaerin muttered. You ignored her stuffing your mouth with whatever was on your plate. Sunghoon quickly held out a glass of water when you choked but immediately stopped when you shot him a glare.
“Are you trying to kill yourself or the chicken?” he muttered under his breath witnessing you stabbing the piece of meat repeatedly. Jake was nowhere to be seen. Not like you cared. He was a grown adult, it was his responsibility to eat on time. But your heart dropped when you overheard Jay telling Sunghoon that they hadn’t seen Jake since the afternoon. You slowed down, chewing more carefully, trying to come up with logical reasons. He’d come back eventually. He always did.
Beside you Chaerin noticed your uneasiness and nudged your shoulder. “Y/n did Jake say anyth—”
“Don’t involve me with him anymore,” you cut her off coldly, wiping your mouth with a tissue. Yeah you weren’t getting tangled in this shit again.
Back in the room you went through your usual skincare routine and flopped onto the bed, wishing yourself a very heartfelt goodnight. But even after tossing and turning across the entire bed sleep refused to come. Your hand instinctively reached for your phone.
11:30 pm.
It was pitch black outside, except for the dim lights near the entrance. Where the fuck was Jake? After five minutes of thinking and another five minutes of cursing yourself, you finally slipped on your hoodie and walked out of the room.
As you stepped out of the accommodation, you dialed his number. As expected it went straight to voicemail. He should honestly throw that phone away if he wasn’t even going to use it for its actual purpose. You shivered. The cold felt harsher now that you were out in the open, surrounded by vast, empty fields. From this distance, the site and the accommodation looked like tiny ants. You kept walking. What started as irritation slowly turned into worry. You dialed Jake’s number again but it was no use. A frustrated groan escaped your lips. When was the last time you saw him? Where could he even be—You forced yourself to calm down.
Think. And then it hit you. The image of him taking the fishing rod from Professor Min flashed across your mind.
The small lake behind the heritage building! You retraced your steps toward the old building. Your lungs burned craving warmth, as the air grew even colder near the lake. You turned on your phone’s flashlight.
“Jake?” you called, turning your head frantically. “Jake?!” eventually yelling louder.
What the fuck. You coughed, your throat dry from running and panting. Then you walked further. Slowly your vision adjusted. An old wooden bridge stretched across the lake. And there a hazy figure sat at the edge, shivering, alone, holding a fishing rod.
Fucking hell.
“JAKE!” you screamed with everything you had. The figure looked up. Soon jake's blurry figure stood up a little wobbly, maybe because he was sitting there for long. He dropped the fishing rod on the bridge and started running towards you. After a while his face became visible and you realised the reason he seemed blurry was not because of the weather but because of your own eyes tearing up. You quickly wiped your tears before he could get any closer.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, slightly breathless, clearly not expecting anyone to come looking for him. You clicked your tongue. You wanted to push him straight into the lake. Commit firstndegree murder right there and be done with it. But your trembling hands and racing mind just needed to see him safe.
“It’s almost midnight ” you muttered looking down, fidgeting with your fingers. Jake ran a hand through his hair and nodded. “I know….go back. It’s late—”
“What about you?” you cut in. He stepped back slightly. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
Oof. The same fucking conversation. You crossed your arms and finally looked up, your embarrassment, your shame, everything gone. You didn’t care if he saw you like this anymore, all ugly, devastated, hurt and confused.
“Nothing really matters to you except your own feelings, does it?”
Jake clenched his fists “I didn’t mean it like that, I was just—”
“Yeah, you were just out here fulfilling your duty as an obedient student right?” you snapped. “Leaving everyone worried sick!”
Your head rang with every word. Jake frowned. “No one’s worried Y/n, I texted Professor Min before coming here. I also let Hoon and the others know.”
Oh. So it was just you acting like a fucking madwoman.
“What about me then Jake…?”
Your voice cracked and you didn’t have the strength to repeat it. Jake opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. His mind refused to cooperate.
“Everyone gets an explanation while I’m left stranded here like always…” you whispered just loud enough for him to hear. He reached for your cold hands. “I’m sorry I thought you wouldn’t…”
“Wouldn’t what?”
He bit his lower lip “wouldn’t want to associate with me anymore.”
Yeah right. Thank fucking God he reminded you of that dumb excuse you’d been hiding yourself behind. “Yeah??? Would wanting to make a difference?” you snapped. “You didn’t even take me seriously when I wanted you for myself.”
The words slipped out through gritted teeth. Jake bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he needed to let go of whatever he was holding back—but he just couldn’t.
“Why would you even want me—”
“Yeah, right—I don’t anymore idiot!” you cut him off. “Go fuck yourself! I don’t care if you freeze to death and fall into the river—I don’t care if I never see you again! I don’t!” You shoved his shoulder mid sob.
Something slipped from his clenched fist and fell to the ground.
Under the faint yellow glow of a nearby lamppost you noticed it...a bracelet. Brown beads strung together. You recognized it instantly. The beads were arranged unevenly, clearly fixed after being broken.
Jake bent down to pick it up but you were faster. You grabbed it and noticed the white elastic string—the same one you had snapped weeks ago. Another wave of tears blurred your vision.
“W—what is that…?”
Jake reached out to take it back, but you stepped away.
“Y/n give it back. The beads are still not—”
“It’s mine,” you said, shaking your head.
“I never said it wasn’t yours—it just needs fixing—”
“Damn it Jake I said it’s mine! Stop bothering me!” You pushed him again, this time hard enough for him to stumble back. Jake inhaled sharply. And then walked toward you in long strides. You tried to move but it was pointless. He grabbed your arms and pulled you toward him. You yelped as jake squished your cheeks, forcing you to look up at him.
“Stop acting like a brat,” he hissed, struggling to keep his composure.
Brat? Oh, he wanted to call you a brat right now? Fine. You will show him what a real brat looked like.
You took a sharp breath and threw the bracelet into the lake. A small splash echoed in the silence.
You stood there, breathing heavily, as Jake’s hands slowly fell away from your face. He stared at the water. You didn’t even know why you did that but you were done. Completely done.You turned to walk away but froze mid step when a louder splash cut through the air.
What the fuck—No. No this can’t be—
“JAKE!” you screamed, running toward the edge of the lake.
You shrieked as icy lake water splashed onto you, the reality crashing in — titanic level of shit was going to unfold if you didn’t pull Jake out right now. “Motherfucker I will strangle you if you don’t come out this instant!” you yelled. But he disappeared under the water. No…what?
“Jake…?” you called again. But no response came. Your heart dropped to your ass. Soon you muttered a quick prayer, rolled up your pants, and stepped into the lake. The freezing water bit into your skin turning it numb almost instantly but you were way past caring about that.
“Jake!” you screamed again. Before you could take another step a hand grabbed your leg. You screamed as you slipped into the water.
After what felt like forever, almost twenty minutes of struggling you finally managed to drag Jake’s coughing body out of the lake.
Your strength gave out immediately. Both of you collapsed onto the grass, soaked and shivering. Jake looked like he was about to pass out.
Panic surged through you as you pulled his upper body onto your lap and began pressing your hands against his chest, trying to help him breathe.
“J–Jake can you hear me?? Are you okay?” you whispered, leaning closer to his face. He gave a weak nod. Then slowly lifted his left hand. The bracelet tangled around his fingers.
And through ragged breaths he managed to choke out a faint yes.
You felt an invisible weight lift off your shoulders the moment you heard his voice. Jake tried to sit up, gripping your arms, but you didn’t let him. You clutched his soaked shirt and buried your face against his rising chest.
“Why would you do that?!”
He didn’t reply. You bit your lip hard until it almost bled. “You’re so fucking dumb…so so fucking dumb…”
Jake’s fingers moved gently moving your tangled dripping hair to see your face and he sighed “why would you throw it, dumbass…?”
“Does that thing mean more to you than me?” you snapped looking up at him, eyes red from crying, a tear streaked face, and a very ungraceful runny nose. Jake exhaled slowly.
“I don’t know…”
“Then what the fuck do you know—”
“I just knew I had to pick it up,” he cut in. “Otherwise I’d lose it forever… and I don’t want to lose it.” He looked straight into your eyes. You pressed your lips together holding back another sob then tugged his arm.“Let’s go back…”
He didn’t say anything else and he stood up with your help. And the two of you walked back slowly, close enough for your hands to stay intertwined, toward the faint light of the accommodation.
No words were exchanged but somewhere deep inside, your heart knew something still needed to be said.
The last day of the trip started with both you and Jake getting scolded and grounded by almost every professor after someone snitched about seeing you two wandering the halls at midnight looking like swamp zombies.
Thankfully Jake seemed fine after a long sleep. You made a mental note to have a proper conversation with him once you are back in Decelis.
“Thank you, everyone, for participating in this field trip. Every student here did an excellent job in their research…including the ones indulging in unethical activities…”
You rolled your eyes discreetly at Professor Min’s words. He can go to hell for all you care. You just wanted to get back to the dorm
“...And now, for the most anticipated announcement I received from the principal last night—the date for this year’s gala has been finalized. It will take place on the 7th of October that is few weeks from now.”
The crowd erupted into cheers and whistles. Wait what? Chaerin grabbed your arms, practically bouncing. “Oh my God!!! Y/n!!! Finally the gala week!”
But…your talk with Jake?
“I wish all students good luck for their semester ending exams next month. Enjoy your gala,” Professor Min concluded. And just like that everyone scattered to pack their bags and rush toward the buses. You glanced at Jake. Sunghoon was already bombarding him with something talking nonstop. Jake looked up, as your eyes met with his. And you immediately looked away. Fuck your heart still wasn’t ready to face him. Fine. You’d talk to him. No matter what, hefore the gala. You had to.
# 12 billet-doux
“You’re not coming?? Bitch your grandma is coming,” Chaerin scoffed after you gave her the weakest excuse imaginable for skipping the gala next Saturday. She wasn’t having it.
“Y/n, be fucking for real. How long are you going to lock yourself up and waste your youth?”
No shit your youth was currently busy running after someone who seemed very occupied this week. Jake was elected by his classmates to be the face of the department this gala and that made him almost untouchable (not like he was not anyways). He was constantly surrounded by seniors, being briefed on responsibilities, and all that formal bullshit. And every time you wanted to get up and pull him aside for a little chat you would get bombarded by your classmate who still thought you were two timing with him and sunghoon. Everything was so fucking tiring but you were not giving up until you were seeing the end of it.
“Y/nnnnn!” Chaerin whined again.
You sighed “fine. I’ll go...I guess.”
The girl infront of you stopped spinning on your study chair and jumped. “REALLY??? Oh my God! We need to go shopping this is so happening fina—”
You cut her off the moment she said shopping and walked to your wardrobe.
You cut her off hearing the shopping part and walked towards your wardrobe. "I don’t think i need to buy anything chae...i already got....this one!" You pulled out the same pink dress with frills and pearls you bought before trip and chaerin's mouth hung opened. "Where and when did you buy this gorgeous dress???"
You blushed a little and scratched your neck "well it's a long story"
Jake had been zoning out a lot these days. Well it wasn’t exactly his fault. His head felt light all the time like he was stuck somewhere else but now, at least he knew what he had to do. He stared at the bracelet he had retrieved from the lake that night, the voices of seniors and professors fading into a blur in the background. He needed to return what was yours to begin with.
“Yo.”He looked up to see Sunghoon sliding into the seat beside him.“You…coming for practice later right?” Sunghoon asked but his eyes quickly fell on the bracelet in Jake’s hand. A smirk spread across his face. “Still not giving up? I thought you were done with your feelings.” Jake sighed and slipped the bracelet back into his pocket. “Yeah Hoon. I’m done giving two fucks about waiting.” He leaned back slightly, that familiar smugness returning on his face “I’m going after your crush so watch out.”
Sunghoon blinked “Excuse me???? Hey—Jake! Where are you going—Jake!”
You sat still as Chaerin applied highlighter to your cheekbones. It was already past 7 p.m., which meant the gala would start any moment. You exhaled slowly. It was tonight or never. You needed to talk to jake no matter who comes in between you won't fucking back up.
“Chae, sit down. Let me do yours too” you said, giggling as you made her switch places with you in front of the mirror. By the time you and Chaerin joined Chisa, Jurin, and Heeseung, it was almost 8 p.m. The campus looked something straight out of barbie charm school shit, leaving the freshmen and sophomores who hadn’t experienced the gala before completely starstruck.
“I can’t believe we almost lost this gorgeous ritual because some weirdos gave each other concussions!” Chisa exclaimed, already posing for a selfie as Jurin joined her.
You spotted Sunoo and Jungwon, who immediately dragged you toward the main area. Everywhere you looked it was just gorgeous women with their partners and professors looking dazzling once in a while. Sunoo kept asking you how the field trip joined and as you guys chatted jay ran up to chaerin and kissed her cheeks. Chisa and Jurin elbowed each other silently and you snickered, noticing how red Chaerin had turned. You were so glad she got her happy ending.
A question was stuck inside your throat since evening but you refrained to ask it to others knowing no one could’ve answer that. You knew jake wouldn’t be with his friends.He had more important responsibilities as the department representative.
You felt someone poke your shoulder. Turning around you found a very much awestruck Heeseung staring at the food stalls like he had just discovered heaven.
“We need to try them before they run out,” he said lightly shaking your shoulders. You giggled and followed him. You felt eyes on you when heeseung put his arms around your shoulder. Jobless people probably whispering how greedy you were to go for yet another guy while you were playing jake and sunghoon. But at this moment you were long past the line of giving a fuck. Heeseung and you stopped infront of a cozy stall selling various kinds of tanghulu.
While waiting your phone buzzed suddenly. You turned it on only to find a text from Jake.
Basketball court.
Within 5 mins.
We need to talk.
Your chest tightened.
“Heeseung I have somewhere to go,” you said quickly shoving the payment into his hand.
“Wait—what? At least take a bite—” he held the tanghulu stick up to your lips. You leaned in and took a quick bite, unable to resist his confused expression and the sweet smell from the syrup. Then you ran.
“Ouch—sorry!” Someone bumped into Heeseung right after you disappeared from his sight, causing your half eaten tanghulu to fall to the ground.
“Oh my God, I’m—I’m so sorry!” the girl panicked. Heeseung shook his head trying to convince that it wasn't even his portion to the poor girl who was panicking at this moment. “no no it’s okay…it wasn’t even mine—”
But before he could finish speaking the girl asked for an extra tanghulu to the shopkeeper and turned at him “these new contact lenses I’m wearing are fucking useless.”
Heeseung blinked unsure how to respond. His eyes drifted across her face and stopped on a fading bruise above her eyebrow. Without thinking, he crouched slightly and touched the spot gently. The girl flinched and stepped back. He immediately pulled his hand away. “Shit, I’m sorry! Did someone hurt you??”
She gave a sheepish smile and shook her head. “No….I just do boxing gigs sometimes.”
His eyes widened. “Really? Me too!”
She grabbed the fresh tanghulu and turned back to him, smiling brighter this time.
“Oh my, we should totally exchange numbers! Also—this is for you, as an apology for dropping yours.”
She held it out.“oh I’m Rina by the way! You??”
“Can you ring my phone once? It was just here…” Jake asked as he pushed through the crowd to Soobin, his hands digging through his pockets again and again. Soobin nodded and pulled out his phone to call jake's number.
Jake exhaled and glanced around. The campus was packed — hallways overflowing, everyone dressed up, almost unrecognizable. It felt suffocating. He just wanted this whole gala to end so he could finally find you and talk. His gaze drifted to a group of girls staring at him with heart eyes. One of them was wearing a baby pink bodycon dress.
His mind wandered. What were you wearing?How did you do your makeup today? Did you use that same glittery gloss…or something new? Damn it—he wanted to see you so badly. He came back to reality when Soobin tapped his shoulder “someone picked it up and said they found it in the basketball court.”
Shit he must’ve left it there earlier when he went to clear his head.
He really needed to start using his phone more often.
“Thanks Soob. Gotta go,” Jake muttered, patting his shoulder before heading towards the court.
Your heels echoed through the decorated hallways, spaces that had looked so plain just days ago, now transformed into something almost unreal. You couldn't help but feel a little anxious, it's been a while since you last saw jake, and everything related to him had turned such a sensitive topic to you. The corridor leading to the basketball court was nearly empty just a few bored guards lingering around. Everyone else was inside main hall, lost in the gala.
As you approached, you noticed the door slightly ajar. Maybe he was already there. You swallowed hard, trying to hydrate your sandpaper equivalent throat and clenched your fist while your steps fastened. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears when you stood in front of the door. The light spilling from inside felt almost like a portal. You closed your eyes.
You had to face him. No running this time. Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open and stepped inside.
The court was empty just as you expected. Hoops standing tall, a few basketballs rolling lazily across the floor. Everything was in it's position but something inside you churned uncomfortably.
Infront of you was jake standing still, you recognised his fading blonde and stiff composure. And then your eyes fell Evelyn, the red gown glowed on her tanned skin, her hands were encircled around jake's torso, engulfing him in a hug as she made a direct eyecontact with you. A sickening smile spread on her lips.
Before you could process anything, she rose on her toes and pressed her lips against Jake’s.
You stumbled back, your heels hitting the floor hard.
“What the fuck—?” Jake shoved her away instantly.
His head turned at you next but you were beyond any headspace to deal with whatever you just witnessed happening in front of your own eyes. You turned back quick and started running.
Ignoring the sound of Jake's footsteps chasing after you.
“Evelyn what are you doing here?”
Jake was both surprised and irritated as he saw her inside the court, his phone in her grip. She adjusted her gown and smiled “oh hi Jake! I was just passing by and heard a phone ringing…I recognized your ringtone so…”
Jake didn’t waste a second before snatching his phone back. The fact that his unlocked phone had been in her hands irritated him more than he expected. He was ready to leave but Evelyn grabbed his arm.
“J–Jake! Can we talk?”
He frowned scanning her expression. “No. I have to go I—”
“Jake I’ve waited for this moment for so long…” her voice trembled. “I don’t care what happened in the past—I still really like you. No… I think I love you.” Her grip tightened around his arm. Jake clenched his jaw clearly irritated “you can’t just 'think' you love someone Evelyn” he said flatly “and I didn’t expect you to be this dumb—to not get the hint that I do not feel the same.”
Her lips quivered. “But… I did so much for you!”
“And?” Jake replied. “Did I ask you to do any of that shit?”
A flicker of anger crossed her face “really? You're fucking rejecting me for that rat y/n!?—the—the one who made you lose your credit points by replacing the foundation of marin engineering part in your assignment!”
Jake’s expression changed instantly from confused to something disgusted. He grabbed her wrist and pulled it off his arm harshly.
“I’m sorry? Come again?” he stepped closer. “Say that again.”
Evelyn faltered under his gaze.
“Evelyn Jung,” he continued, voice low, “I think we both know Y/n would never do something like that. And I never told anyone which part of my assignment got replaced.”
A bead of sweat rolled down her neck.“T–that doesn’t prove anything!” she stammered. “Who else would do that to you? Me?! Ha! That’s ridiculous!”
Jake scoffed.
“I don’t care, Evelyn. But take this as a fair and last warning—don’t ever interfere in my academics or personal life again.” He paused a bit before continuing “and that includes Y/n too”
She gasped. Then suddenly hugged him.
“Jake, I admit it—I did everything!” she cried. “But it was out of love! I didn’t think it would affect you this much—”Jake stiffened, trying to push her away, already annoyed at the thought of her makeup staining his shirt. But then she stopped crying, her gaze shifted past him. Before he could follow her gaze, she rose on her toes.
The sharp scent of some cheap drugstore lipstick hit him as her lips pressed against his.
Jake pushed her away instantly. And then he heard clear sharp sound of heels against the floor. He looked up just in time to see a glimpse of a flowing pink dress disappearing through the door.
He knew that dress very well.
“Shit.”
You ran ran and ran, trying to erase everything you had seen in the last fifteen minutes. The bruises on your feet caused by the heels you borrowed from Chisa, dug deeper with every step, but you didn’t have the energy to care. Your vision blurred as you rushed past the glowing lights of the gala, past the loud laughing crowd, past the decorated halls and rooms of Decelis. Soon you found yourself in front of the same bleacher where you cried for the first time after jake avoided you like plague.
You collapsed onto the cold seat, hugging yourself tightly against the chilly air. Goosebumps rose on your skin when you slipped the heels off your feet and saw the deep ugly blisters.
Your gaze dropped to your hands. The acrylic nail on your pinky was barely holding on. Your carefully styled hair had turned into something close to a bird’s nest.
Look at you! such a poor state. And here you were thinking you’d finally make a move on Jake.
Ha! Where the hell did you get that kind of audacity from? How could you even think of standing in front of him like this when Evelyn, with her perfect face, perfect bun, perfect red dress on her perfect figure, had been in his arms? “Ack! I’m so pathetic…” you sobbed, covering your face and curling into yourself, trying to disappear from this cruel place filled with equally cruel people. Everything hit harder than ever. At the end of the day you were still nobody. Still the unchosen one.
“Wahhh…m-mom…” another wave of sobs broke out of your chest as you looked up at the star claded night sky. Why am I such a crybaby?! You rubbed your eyes harshly, knowing your makeup was long ruined anyway.
“Y/n?”
You sprinted up to your feet at the familiar voice.
“I’m sorry Jake! Look away—I look like a mess!” you cried, backing away as your lips trembled uncontrollably. Jake quickly closed the distance between you.
“Go! Goddammit Jake just go! I don’t want you to see me like this—I don’tffh”
Your words got muffled as he pulled you into his arms, pressing you firmly against his chest.
“Fine,” he whispered softly. “I’ll close my eyes. I won’t look at you.”
You let out a frustrated cry, tears spilling all over again, and slowly looked up. He really had his eyes shut tight, as his lips quivered. “But i won't let you go”
You stared intensely at his face. It's a shame Jake got tangled up with you, he really was that beautiful how you remembered your classmates describing him since first year. Up close he almost looked unreal. How could he just hold you like this? You were sure your tears bled on his ironed shirt. You were so pissed. “W-why Jake…?” you whispered, forcing yourself to stay steady in his hold. “Why won’t you just let me go…?”
He shook his head slightly and buried his face in the crook of your neck.
“I can’t,” he murmured “and I don’t want to let you go…”
"But why?!" You hissed, smacking on his chest lightly as your lips wobbled again "look at me...! I'm the prime example of I became what I once hated...I'm such a mess...and sadie probably got new contents to write about me in the forum..." you let out a sigh then grabbed his jaw making him face you. His eyes were still closed.
“Look at me Jake… you might want to reconsider this.” you mumbled as his eyes finally opened. He stared into your tired, red rimmed eyes then looked up at your eyebrows, your sniffling, flushed red nose, your pouty lips, the gloss long gone and your full cheeks. Then slowly one of his hand came up as he wiped a rolling tear gently from your eyes, thumb caressing your cheek.
“You’re still as beautiful as the night I first saw you… behind Jackson hyung’s house.”
Your heart leaped. Jackson…? That senior who had already graduated? But—but that was years ago! You didn’t even know Jake back then.…or did you? He chuckled softly at your stunned expression and planted a loud kiss on your forehead.
“Even that night you looked like a mess, nose all red searching for a damn tissue outside in the cold....you really think I could resent you after you sneezed and your snot fell on my hoodie....I never met a girl so upright disrespectful at the very first meeting....but I guess I felt happy that finally I found someone real among the sea of pretentious people around me”
Your eyes widened. Oh. OH.
Jake's blonde hair was instantly replaced by a dark brown hair as a very baby faced, thick glasses on nose, awkward looking freshman's face floated in front of you. Everything different except the same darn smile.
That's him! You remembered him! How could you even forget the guy you embarrased yourself in front of, right after attending the first ever college party???
“T–that was… you?” Your voice came out small laced with very much shock, and Jake laughed. For the first time in a while you saw him really laugh. You didn't know what happened but the sorm inside you instantly softened into pitter patter of rain.
“Oh my gosh—Jake! This is so embarrassing—” you whined, bumping your forehead lightly against his chest, arms still trapped at your sides because of how tightly he was holding you. “Leave me alone, Jake! I told you to never show me your face again—you’re such an asshole.”
Jake squished your cheeks, forcing you to look up despite your attempts to resist. Your breath hitched at the seriousness in his expression.“Shut the fuck up and take that back. Right now.”
“I won’t! No matter what happens I won’t!” you protested, shaking your head stubbornly, nearly knocking into his nose. Jake turned you around and pinned you gently against the nearest pillar.
“You won’t huh?” he raised an eyebrow. Before you could react, he pressed a quick smooch on your lips.“Wha—?!” you gasped, your legs kicking lightly against his, but that almost did nothing as Jake didn’t even budge.
“Take it back.”
You bit your lip and denied profusely again. “Not happening.”
His hand slipped from your jaw to your hair as he gently tugged them. Then he captured your mouth in a slow kiss. You who promised yourself to not give into his dirty as ever tricks felt your knees buckle when his another hand caressed your hips over the thin material of your dress.
“Still no…?” Jake asked softly, his breath uneven as his eyes flickered between your glistening lips and your dazed expression.
“Huh?” you murmured, completely lost and off track. Jake let out a quiet laugh, then pressed his lips on yours again, this time pausing between kisses to whisper against your lips,
“Take it back…that you don’t want to see me. Because we know damn well you do.”
And there it was. The hard pill you refused to swallow. You were caught red handed.
“What if I said I do…” you whispered glancing down at the frills of your dress before daring to look back up. A soft smile formed on Jake’s lips.
“then I'd like to let you know the feeling is mutual.”
You stepped back slightly, overwhelmed. “I—Jake right now I'm not really the person you want to associate yourself with...I got this whole image of playing you and Sunghoon and heeseung and—and—”
Jake pulled you back toward him, intertwining your hands.
“Do I look like I give a fuck?”
“But you did enough to hurt me before…” you whispered, your voice breaking again. Jake’s expression softened instantly. He pulled you into another hug—this time gentler.
“I’m sorry baby…you should’ve just left me to drown in that lake—Ouch!” he winced when you elbowed his ribs.
Both of you stayed in that position a while. Then you pulled away. Your eyes fell on his shirt, now stained with tears and snot and your eyes widened “oh my god I’m so sorry!” you muttered trying to wipe it off. Jake caught your wrists “It’s okay. Let’s get you cleaned up first.”
Walking back to the dorm with Jake beside you felt different.
Your bruised feet still hurt, heels still unforgiving, but it didn’t matter as much anymore. A fuzzy warmth spread through your chest as his fingers slipped into yours, intertwining naturally. The night was still young. And so were both of you.
“Wanna know how I got my reputation?”
“Jake, I will break your face.”
# 13 all that's left behind
Your eyes fluttered open at the familiar sound of your alarm. Yawning, you fumbled around blindly, trying to find your phone and shut it off. But instead, your hand landed on something soft. You yelped while squirming slightly, still half asleep, and failed to notice the arm draped around your waist— until the warmth of a palm resting against your bare stomach registered. You froze. Slowly, you turned your head and came face to face with Jake.
For a second, you were convinced this was just another one of your ridiculous hallucinations. But when his soft snores grew louder, loud enough to almost make you smack him, you sucked in the scream that threatened to escape.
Jake Sim was cuddling you. Limbs tangled, bodies pressed close. And then everything from last night came rushing back. He walked you back to your dorm. Helped you wash up, ordered food, let chaerin know you were back because you felt sick. And after tucking you in like he always did, you asked him to stay. Barely even conscious, just mumbling in your sleep.
And yet he stayed.
Heat rushed to your face as the realization settled in. This wasn’t a dream. This was very, very much real. Carefully, you searched around and finally found your phone. A few messages from Chaerin and the girls lit up your screen, along with a selfie from Heeseung showing off a new friend he had apparently made. But what caught your attention was the flood of notifications from the college forum.
A sense of dread crept into your chest. What now...? You swallowed hard and tapped on it.
What goes down inside the basketball court.
Under the title two videos were attached that looked very much like cctv footages. You clicked on the first one with shaky fingers and gasped as you realized what it was. Evelyn crouched over a laptop—Jake’s laptop to be precise—typing something frantically. You skipped to the next video and almost lost it. It was footage from last night, right before you found Evelyn all over Jake. With very clear audio of her and Jake having a fairly civil conversation, until she suddenly decided to act like a freak.
Your heart pounded as you scrolled through the ridiculous amount of comments. People were going batshit crazy under the post.
“I can’t believe I’m witnessing this in real time,” Chaerin almost cried tears of joy as a very defeated and furious looking Evelyn, along with Sadie and her little group of minions, were summoned to the principal’s office, not long after the post becoming viral and everyone began confessing how they had been wronged by them.
The sun was indeed shining, and the birds seemed louder than ever that day.
You had never looked forward to a college day like this before. Life felt a little easier after the college forum was finally shut down and every bad reputation disappeared along with it. Sure, people still talked shit, gossiped, and spread rumors, but it all stayed within their little circles. Not that you cared anymore. Your attention had shifted to something entirely different and that's how to stay composed while Jake behaved like an absolute slut in front of you with is infuriating smirk that never left his face whenever you were around him—ugh, he was just as annoying as ever.
But at least he was yours. Well…not in like literal sense, since he hadn’t asked you out yet. But he would eventually right?…Right??
You cleared your throat softly when he plopped down on an empty chair, right beside you in the library. Even though you and Jake had come to a mutual understanding that whatever was going on between you two was definitely more than just some aftermath of collateral damage—you still needed time to process everything.
You clicked your tongue when he started kicking your legs lightly under the table, staring at you intently. Was Jake always this clingy? No no—it’s not like you weren’t enjoying the attention—Suddenly he kicked you harder, making you gasp “what are you?! A dog???” you hissed, kicking him back with full force. Jake giggled and scooted closer. “You refusing to look at me is very entertaining, not gonna lie.”
Fucking hell he was still irritating as fuck. You rolled your eyes and tried to focus on the paragraph in front of you.
“Whatever, I’m busy.”
He leaned in, his lips brushing close to your ear as he whispered “Ruff, ruff.”
Your cheeks burned bright red. You stood up immediately, gathering your things, trying your best to ignore the stupid smirk you wanted to wipe off his face so badly. The dynamic between you and Jake wasn’t something that changed overnight. Or maybe it did just a little. You weren’t going to deny that. But it still felt weird. Six months ago, Jake himself felt like a completely different person to you and yet some invisible string kept tugging at your heart.
What was Jake to you, anyway? A lover? Nah that sounded too soon and too cliché. You liked him a lot. But he hadn’t really made any move apart from stealing kisses from you every now and then, ignoring your weak protests and pouts.…Okay, fine. You were done pretending you didn't liked that at all.
“C–Chaerin… uhm… if I like someone… and the feeling is mutual… do they automatically become my… something…?” You stared at her as she flipped through her notes. “Not necessarily,” chaerin replied casually. “People date, then they ask each other out, and then if they still like each other, they get into a relationship… and then, I guess, they get married.”
So many steps and you were on none of them.
You and Jake weren’t dating. Neither of you had asked the other out.
“Should I… do it…?” you whispered to yourself, staring at the ceiling only to yelp when Chaerin smacked your head.
“I will bury Jake’s body five feet underground if you ask him out. Let him do the job.”
You pouted. Jake didn’t seem like someone who cared about all that stuff anyway.
“Oh, by the way,” Chaerin added, “I heard from Jay that Jake’s been doing a lot of packing. Are you guys, like, skipping straight to the honeymoon phase or what?” She smirked.
You sat up straight. “A lot of packing…?” He didn’t tell you anything about that.
Chaerin noticed your expression, and her smirk slowly faded.
“Y/n… don’t tell me I’m the first person you’re hearing this from… no way.”
As much as you hated to admit it—you nodded slowly.
“Why would he be packing near the sem finals unless he’s getting transferred—oh” Chaerin stopped mid sentence, finally noticing the dread on your face. “He can’t possibly be getting transferred right now… right?” you asked quietly, not even sure if you were asking her or yourself. Was that why he hadn’t asked you out yet? Because he was leaving? Was he really going to go away?
A very much half naked Jake, fresh out of the shower and wearing only sweatpants, eyed you up and down, on his gaming chair before screeching, “What are you doing here?!” He hugged himself defensively. You rolled your eyes and threw a pillow at him. “Jake Sim, why didn’t you tell me you were moving away?”
“Move awa—what?—oh.” He paused mid sentence, finally realizing why you were there as you pointed at the big suitcase standing near his desk. He smiled goofily and crossed his arms, his muscles flexing in just the right way, making your throat go dry.
“Aww, Y/n, I thought I would surprise you—owh!” he yelped when you threw the Post Malone album from his desk at him this time.
“Go fuck yourself,” you muttered, jumping off the chair, annoyed at how he still managed to look that good while getting on your nerves.
“Y/n wait.” Jake closed the distance between you and pulled you into his arms. You nearly froze when your hand brushed against his bare chest as out of habit he squished your cheeks and forced you to look up at him. “Stop running away dimwit.” You tried your best to ignore the feeling of his heartbeat against yours and whined, “Let me go Jake, since you were planning to ditch me anyway.” He stared at your puckered lips before quickly pressing a smooch to them. You let out a weak scream and started tickling his ribs to break free.
“Ahhh! Stop—stop, Y/n fu@@£#£@£!!” Jake dissolved into gibberish, making you laugh as the two of you tumbled onto his bed.
“I’m not leaving you baby,” he breathed out between laughs, making you fluster all over again.“Then why did you pack that big suitcase?” you pouted. He pinched your nose lightly. “I’m visiting my family in Brisbane for a week…”He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. “Layla’s sick, and Mom, Dad, and Riki missed me…so I figured I’d visit them before finals week starts.”
Oh. So that was it. You groaned inwardly, completely embarrassed for overthinking everything. Covering your face, you hid under Jake’s duvet, making him chuckle.
“Don’t talk to me. I’m embarrassed!”
The day Jake left for Brisbane, you couldn’t see him off at the airport because of stupid Professor Min who held everyone back for extra classes. You spent the entire lecture silently praying for that man’s downfall so intensely that Heeseung had to double check you weren’t literally emitting smoke from your ears.
“Finally the last week as a sophomore student,” Chisa huffed slamming her fist onto the bundle of notes in front of her. You and Chaerin were slumped against each other, laughing as Jurin tried to mimic Evelyn’s expression from the time she was dragged into the principal’s office. Honestly, you weren’t even sure what happened to Evelyn and Sadie after that. Not that you cared. Someone from your class did mention that they got suspended, but that was about it.
Right now though, you were waiting for some kind of update from Jake. The last text you received from him was hours ago, right after he landed at Brisbane Airport. He was probably tired, busy with his family. Ugh…it felt so wrong to feel this way. But damn it you missed him more than you thought you would.
“Holy fuck!—every one of these is limited edition!”
Jake laughed at Riki’s reaction as the younger boy stared at the set of Hot Wheels he had brought from korea with stars in his. In his arms, Layla, the cream border collie, clung to him, refusing to detach herself from the moment he stepped into his parents’ house. Now, sitting inside Riki’s room, Jake was being bombarded with questions about his second year shenanigans, and he couldn’t help but laugh as he told him everything that had happened.
Riki whined and smacked Jake’s arm. “Then why didn’t you bring your girlfriend with you?”
Jake wiggled his eyebrows. “Girlfriend? Y/n isn’t my girlfriend though…”
Then he paused. Right. Y/n wasn’t his girlfriend…so what the hell was she to him?
Riki looked completely bewildered at his brother's response and shook his head. “Get out. I can’t believe you’re my brother.”
You swore you were going absolutely insane. The thought of being nothing to Jake irritated you more the longer you dwelled on it. He texted you occasionally, sending pictures of his neighborhood, Layla, his high schooler brother Riki, and sometimes half baked thirst trap coded selfies that made you question your sanity. He wanted you dead. That had to be the only explanation.
Fine. You were done pondering. If Jake wasn’t going to ask you out, you were going to do it yourself—no matter how much Chaerin cursed you or preached about how guys were supposed to make the first move. You were done pretending you didn’t want Jake Sim all to yourself.
Jake pondered, laying on his bed in his childhood room, staring at the ceiling. The bed felt a bit cramped now as it's been years since he grew out of his teenage body. The Spider Man posters around his room along with his medals and trophies that were displayed on the wall from his school days made him feel oddly nostalgic — but right now, he couldn’t care less.
Why hadn’t he asked you out yet? He was so fucking stupid. God knew what you were thinking right now. All week, he’d kept himself busy spending time with his family, sending you occasional updates. You sent him pictures back too, Sunghoon and Jay bickering as always, brunch outings with the girls, even a sticker of Professor Min with horns drawn on his head that made him laugh.
God, he couldn’t wait to go back and hold you again.
“You’re acting weird,” Riki whispered, catching Jake mid thought as he imagined your face. Jake laughed. “How?”
Riki made a face and shrugged “I don’t know…I have this classmate named Rei who does this exact thing when I look at her—I mean, she’s cuter than you, but still, hyung….stop.”
Jake was finally coming back today, and you made sure no lecture and no professor min could stop you from picking him up at the airport. You and Sunghoon arrived right on time, and as your stupid heart did its usual stupid thing at the thought of seeing Jake again after so long, you couldn’t help but bounce a little when you spotted him walking toward you with his suitcase and that big smile. But then you noticed his hair and paused.
His blonde was gone, replaced by a soft shade of brown that made him look exactly like the same guy you’d bumped into years ago and gifted your snot to on your very first meeting—
Author can we stop bringing that up?
He ran straight to Sunghoon and pulled him into a warm hug. “Ahem.” Sunghoon cleared his throat and stepped aside, sensing the very obvious tension between you and Jake as your eyes met with his. It took only a second before Jake lunged toward you with his arms wide open, and you squealed, jumping straight into them.
Sunghoon chuckled to himself recalling how you were ranting in the cab just few minutes ago about the concept of pda being so cringe.
After helping Jake unpack his luggage in his room, Sunghoon headed out to grab ramen from the same place the three of you had eaten at a month ago. Before leaving, he made sure to ask Jake if he was still in his 'I don’t like katsu' phase. Thankfully, this time Jake had no excuse to keep up the act.
The moment Sunghoon disappeared from your sight, you turned to Jake. He had an equally endearing expression playing on his face as both of you were soon on his bed, kissing each other and giggling. Jake's hands lovingly caressed your back as he pulled away between your very needy kisses.
"Y/n, I need to tell you something right now."
You whined, too dazed in euphoria to even comprehend Jake's words, and leaned in to chase his lips again, but Jake grabbed your jaw firmly, keeping you in place.
"Y/n Y/l/n."
You paused after hearing your government name from his mouth for the first time and noticed how serious he looked. Your stomach flipped as you looked into his eyes. Jake took a deep breath and opened his mouth.
"I'm ready to share all the manga links I have from illegal websites with you..."
You chuckled. "Uh huh? That was it?—"
He pressed his index finger to your lips, shutting you up oh so gently. "I am also ready to give you the drive link of all the pirated movies I have downloaded..." You nodded with a smile, staring at a very flustered and adorable Jake, taking in the sight because you knew he was serious with everything he said when he had that look on his face.
"I am uhh...right now I don’t have anything else to offer, but in the future I will for sure. For the time being, I just wanted to ask..."
"Uh huh?"
"Shut up, you make me nervous," he whined, pressing his face into the crook of your neck as your body shook with laughter. He looked up again, his serious face softly morphing into something genuine. "Y/n, will...will you uhh...can we visit my parents the next time—no, that's not what I meant to say!—"
Jake started groaning again, but this time you cupped his cheeks and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "Yes, I would...but before that, would you go out with me, Jake?"
Jake shrieked. "That was my line! Oh my god, that's it. I'm ending it all! Fuckkkkk."
You cackled at his reaction as he kicked his legs. A very visible pout formed on his lips making you almost melt into a puddle.
"Why—why would you—"Jake genuinely felt like jumping out the window. Fuck his stupid body and mind for becoming absolutely uncooperative when it came to you. He bit the inside of his cheek and pulled you impossibly closer. "If I say no, then what?"
You raised your eyebrows. "Say it, I dare you."
That stupid smug look was back on Jake's lips as he wiggled his shoulders. "No Y/n, I will absolutely not go out with y—"
You climbed on top of Jake without any warning and kissed him hard. His words died in his mouth the moment your tongue licked his lower lip, eliciting a low grunt. Holy shit. Even after fighting for dominance, Jake couldn’t keep up. His hands helplessly grabbed your hips, trying to ground you from doing anything that would make Jake the junior awake—though he wasn't sure if that wasn't already happening from the way you were almost devouring him.
"Fuck..." you almost moaned, pulling back and discovering Jake's stunned expression, lost in an entirely different dimension from the wild ride he had just hopped on. "Still no?" You mumbled against his lips, too shy to look into his eyes, and Jake let out a laugh mixed with a whine. "Allat for just saying no...I wonder what will happen if I say yes..."
He sat up a little, lips planting small kisses along your jaw, and panted, "I don't have any health insurance done here Y/n."
You giggled, smacking his chest, and chased his lips again.
Suddenly the door flew open as a very petrified looking Sunghoon screamed making you and Jake almost fall off the bed.
"You horny fuckers couldn't even wait! UGHHHH MY POOR EYES!"
Long story short, Jake did end up saying yes to you — because what else could he have done? You had become more than just a habit in his life, and he was very much against the idea of letting you slip away now.
Finals came and went like a whirlwind of chaos, but this time, unlike before, you had Jake beside you while studying. He helped you with your subjects as much as he could, and you realized his knowledge went far beyond just textbooks. It was a shame that the curtain of ignorance, built in the name of his bad reputation had kept you from seeing how ridiculous that whole concept truly was.
Decelis forum was back up again, but this time with certain limitations and consequences. And no, Sadie wasn’t part of the pr team anymore—in fact, she wasn’t in any clubs at all. There was a new girl named Rina. Heeseung had introduced you to the sweet junior just a few days ago.
At the end of the day, you couldn’t really care less about people spreading rumors about you, or Jake, or anyone in your group. Not when you had Jake beside you. And that mattered far more than holding onto any stupid reputation.
SYNOPSIS ٬⠀⠀✦ in a world ruled by blood and territory, you built your empire from ash and betrayal. years ago, yeonjun shattered your life with a single lie — and vanished. now he’s back, offering salvation laced with secrets, handing over pieces of your land to save the very people he once left to die. old scars reopen as you're forced into an alliance stitched together with memory, resentment, and the kind of tension that never really left. while danger brews at every border and loyalty crumbles beneath ambition, you must decide if the devil you once loved is worth trusting again — or burning with everything else.
PAIRINGS 🗝️ mafia! yeonjun x fem! reader
WARNINGS ❜୧ violence, mafia themes, enemies to lovers, stabbing, blood, grief, all kinds of illegal activities, death of father figure, smut, dry humping WORDCOUNT ''. 28k
AUTHOR'S NOTE ٬ ✦ this is my first time writing a mafia fic and ngl i was super nervous 😭 i’ve never touched this theme before and i was so scared it would come off super cheesy or over-the-top but honestly?? i’m really happy with how it’s turned out so 🖤 hope you guys enjoy it!! Hi guys! this is rain @heesmiles, i'm making this layout for ronnie; i made the header too ! like this its so cutie core
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ#nowplaying - teeth by 5 seconds of summer
Some nights, you forget what peace feels like. And when silence finally settles, you start to miss the sound of violence.
That’s the first thing you think when the cold of 3:17 a.m. presses into your skin like a warning. It’s quiet, but not the good kind. This silence has sharp edges. Because you’re standing on the rooftop of a building that doesn't belong to you but answers to your name. The city stretches around you, lit up like a lie, glittering and full of ghosts. Somewhere out there, someone is bleeding. Somewhere out there, someone’s praying they never hear your name.
You light a cigarette you won’t finish, you never do. Smoke curls between your fingers like it’s dancing for you, like it knows you’re the queen here. The Ghost Queen, that’s what they call you. No face, no past, and also no mercy. No one knows you’re you, the daughter of the man who burned half the underworld down before disappearing into his own flames. No one knows you were born in blood and named after betrayal, and you like it that way.
Behind you, the rusted door creaks open, but you don’t turn around. You already know it’s Beomgyu, your second-in-command, and the only person in this city you’d trust with your back turned. “They're calling again,” he says. Voice quiet, always calm. “Third deal this week gone sideways.”
You don’t answer right away. You exhale, watching the smoke dissolve into the night. “Same buyer?” you ask.
Beomgyu steps closer and leans on the ledge next to you, the city lights flickering in his dark eyes. “Different face. Same pattern. Military-grade weapons intercepted. Police got there too fast. Like... too fast.”
There it is, the rot you’ve been sensing all week. Something is off, and now it’s crawling into your business. “Is it local?” you ask, keeping your voice flat.
Beomgyu hesitates. “Maybe. But it’s spreading. Not just us.”
You glance at him and he meets your eyes. And you both know what name you’re not saying.
Choi Yeonjun.
You haven’t seen him in years. Not since you were teenagers. But you push the memory down like a knife you’re not ready to twist. Instead, you focus on the facts. If someone’s feeding intel to the police, they’re not just targeting you. They’re tearing a path through the power lines of the city. And eventually, that path leads to the Crimson Order, Yeonjun’s organization.
You stub out the cigarette on the concrete ledge. “Let the others know,” you say. “We don’t move anything for the next 48 hours. Nothing leaves the vault unless it’s fireproof and untraceable.”
Beomgyu nods, but doesn’t leave. You can feel him watching you. “You think it’s him?” he asks, his voice quieter now.
You don’t answer, not directly. Instead, your eyes drift toward the horizon, toward the part of the city where red lights burn hotter than the rest, his territory. You think about a scar on someone else's skin. A knife in your own hand. The way his eyes looked the last time he saw you — not scared, not angry, but betrayed.
“I think,” you say slowly, “if it is him... he’s about to wish it wasn’t.”
You turn away from the edge. And behind you, the city keeps burning, because it usually burns like this. Most nights, the city is a machine of smoke and steel, humming with secrets too loud to keep. Your world lives in the cracks — the places where rules bend, loyalty bleeds, and every smile hides a blade. You don’t live, you move, you calculate. You don’t love, you protect, you bleed. And you only bleed for a few.
Downstairs, the lights are low. This is home, if you believe in that kind of thing. This is where you chose to stay with them.
Next to Beomgyu, Choi Soobin’s on a laptop, legs pulled up on the couch like he lives there, because he kind of does. He’s the quiet one, the one who smiles the least and notices the most. He tracks shipments, hacks through government walls like it’s a game. Lee Heeseung walks in with two guns and a bag of dumplings. He places the guns on the table like offerings and tosses you the food like it’s more valuable. He’s been with you since the beginning, an he still calls you “Boss” but smiles like you’re just yourself and that’s why you trust him. Park Jay and Huh Yunjin are arguing over blueprints at the far table. It’s not real fighting, it never is. They’ve known each other too long to mean it. Yunjin is lethal in heels and poetry, and Jay’s the kind of man who doesn’t speak unless it’s necessary, but when he does, people shut up. They were the last to join you, but they fell into rhythm like they’d been there from the start.
This is your family. No blood, no birthrights, only fire and choice. And every person in this room would kill for you. Every one of them knows exactly what you’ve done and why. They don’t ask questions, but they’d follow you into hell.
There’s a map on the wall. Red pins, black threads, coded notes. The whole city, a body open for surgery. Beomgyu stands beside you, arms crossed, eyes on the patterns. “Third deal,” he says. “Same setup. Same leak.”
“Where’s the weak point?” you ask.
Soobin answers from the couch without looking up. “It’s not us.”
You nod once, you didn’t think it was. That’s when Heeseung speaks, voice low. “It’s coming from across the river.”
Across the river. Yeonjun’s territory. You feel it before you hear it, that low thrum in your chest, but it is not anger or fear. It is recognition, like something crawling back out of your bones. “Gear up,” you say. “We’re not waiting to get burned. We’re going to find out who’s lighting the match.”
Your family starts moving. You send Heeseung and Soobin the next morning. Heeseung wears his leather jacket like it’s a second skin, and doesn’t ask questions. Soobin taps his fingers against the grip of his gun while scanning the coordinates, already thinking three moves ahead. They’ll take an unmarked car and rotate comms every two hours. They’ll report directly to you, always. You don’t need to follow them, because you never micromanage blood.
The days pass slowly, so you keep your hands busy, meet with suppliers, cut ties with a contact who got too loud, relocate a storage unit after a whisper of police movement near the docks. You don’t sleep much, but that’s normal. Sleep is a luxury for people who don’t have targets on their backs or memories carved into their ribs.
By the third day, Beomgyu starts getting twitchy. He hates silence, especially when it stretches too long and sounds like a setup. Heeseung and Soobin send in updates, but they’re dry — trail’s cold, warehouse clean, contacts nervous. You get the sense that something is missing. Something’s being wiped before they get there. And on the seventh day, everything shifts. You’re sitting in the back room, cigarette lit, going over surveillance notes with Yunjin when the alert pings. Intercepted frequency. Jay bursts in without knocking, holding a black phone like it’s about to explode.
“Got something,” he says. “Encrypted, but Soobin cracked it.”
You stand slowly, taking the phone from his hand. The message is short, just a few lines, but they slice clean through the room.
to the ghost queen. someone’s leaking our supply lines too. if it’s you, run. if it’s not, stay out of the way.next time, we won’t send a warning.
— ㅊㅇㅈ
Choi Yeonjun. Your jaw tightens, but you don’t say a word.
Beomgyu lets out a low whistle. “Bold move. Must think we’re the ones playing rat.”
Yunjin leans against the table, arms crossed, voice cold. “Or he’s deflecting. Trying to pin it on us so we back off and stop sniffing too close.”
Heeseung, now back and leaning in the doorway, shrugs. “Or he’s bluffing. He wants to see how we move.”
But your head’s already spinning faster. You know Yeonjun, you know how he plays. Or at least, you knew him. He doesn’t know who you are now. To him, you’re just the Ghost Queen — the nameless, faceless woman who rose out of nowhere and carved a throne in the darkest corners of his world. He doesn’t know you were once just Y/N. The girl who ran barefoot through his father’s garden, who once made him get a scar that still splits his left eyebrow in two.
He doesn’t know you’re the reason he can’t look in the mirror without remembering betrayal. And now he’s threatening you? Bold move.
You toss the cigarette into the sink. “He thinks I’m behind this,” you say, voice low.
Jay steps closer. “Or he wants you to think he thinks that. To distract us while he closes in from another angle.”
“No,” you reply. “He’s angry. You don’t write a message like that unless you’re cornered.”
Beomgyu leans in, resting both hands on the table. “So he’s losing product too. Question is—who’s behind it? Because if it’s not him, and it’s not us...”
“Then someone else is cleaning the city,” Yunjin finishes.
It could be another player. But still, you don’t like this, you don’t like being warned. Especially not by someone like Choi Yeonjun, who speaks in threats and smiles like he wants to see your throat split open on marble. And maybe that stings more than it should. You built a name that erased everything you were before. And now, the boy with the scar you gave him thinks you’re just another myth he wants to destroy. So, let him try.
You straighten up, eyes sharper than the knife tucked in your boot. “Let’s make something clear,” you say, voice slicing through the room. “If someone’s feeding the police, we find them first. If Yeonjun’s lying, I’ll put a bullet in his mouth myself. And if he isn’t…” You glance at Beomgyu. “Then we send him a message too.”
Because you're not the girl he remembers. You're the Queen now, and your crown is carved from bone.
It’s been nine days since the first message. Fourteen days since someone started slicing through your shipments. Ten days of second-guessing routes, switching hands last minute, cutting corners and biting your own tail to stay alive. And still, they get to you.
This morning, another one of your cargos is seized. The police raid the docks just before sunrise, like they were handed a map and a schedule. Two of your men are arrested, one doesn’t come back. You hear the news in your office, mid-call, with one hand resting over a blueprint of a nightclub you were planning to take over next quarter.
On the fourth day of that same week, you decide to visit one of your quieter fronts — a gas station on the edge of the city, off a highway no one pays much attention to unless they need fuel or a place to bury something. It’s clean, minimal, looks just like any other rundown 24-hour joint, but it moves more money in a month than most luxury clubs. You pull up in a car no one would suspect. Hoodie up, sunglasses on, no guards this time. You walk inside, nod to the clerk — he knows not to speak unless necessary — and head toward the back, checking the logs.
Your phone rings just as you're thumbing through the most recent drop. Beomgyu. You answer without a word. His voice comes fast, low, urgent. “I found something,” he says. “Someone’s been rerouting the trucks before they even leave the safehouses. Which means whoever it is — they’ve got eyes inside.”
You still and your pulse slows. “Inside?” you echo, cold.
“Not ours,” Beomgyu says. “Or at least, not directly. It’s third-party tech. Someone piggybacking our routes, cloning trackers, feeding fake data. They’re making it look like both our sides are fucking each other up — but it’s neither of us.”
You’re about to ask who, when the sound of an engine makes your skin pull tight. A car rolls up outside, not just any car. Matte black, sleek body, custom license. It purrs into the lot like it owns the place. You don’t need to ask, because you know who it is before the door even opens.
Choi Yeonjun steps out of the driver’s side like he’s in a goddamn movie. Hair red like a warning, he’s wearing a long coat and sunglasses, but his scar is still pretty visible. He doesn’t look your way, he doesn’t know to. But he looks around the station, just once — a subtle glance, head tilted slightly like he knows exactly whose turf he’s standing on.
You press the phone closer to your ear. Beomgyu keeps talking, unaware of what’s unfolding in front of you. “I traced the breach back to an old supplier. Guy named Kang Minjae. He used to deal with Kim Mingyu’s crew before it fell. Now he’s freelance. Works with cops, rivals, whoever pays more. Guess who he’s been talking to lately?”
Your eyes stay locked on Yeonjun as he pops the gas tank, leans against the car. He doesn’t see you. He doesn’t recognize the girl who split his eyebrow open thirteen years ago. The one whose last name he still associates with betrayal. The one who’s now watching him from twenty feet away with the quiet rage of a storm about to break.
You whisper, “Tell me.”
Beomgyu answers. And your world shifts again. “It’s him,” he says. “He’s the one working with Kang Minjae. I double-checked the comms log. That message he sent last week? It was a bluff. He’s trying to pin this whole thing on you while bleeding you dry.”
You don’t say anything at first, just watch him from the other side of the gas station glass. Still leaning against the car like he’s waiting for something, or someone. So you think, of course it’s him. Of course it’s Yeonjun. The one person whose silence you still carry in your bones. The one boy you hurt enough to leave a scar, and the one man who turned that scar into a warning sign.
You end the call without a word. Then, quiet and calm, you step into the backroom, peel off your hoodie, and pull your hair into a loose ponytail. You find one of the spare uniforms hanging behind the door, a faded blue jacket with an old patch on the sleeve. You smear a thumb under each eye, rubbing out whatever leftover makeup you had on. Just your face now, just your skin, just your eyes.
Let’s see if he remembers. So you walk outside, heart steady.
“Can I help you?” you ask, voice casual but clear.
Yeonjun looks up, slowly. His sunglasses are still on, but his jaw tenses the moment your voice hits him. Something flickers. He straightens up just a little, head tilted like he’s trying to place you. The way your shoulders square. The curve of your mouth. Your eyes.
“I’m good,” he says, but his voice is slow. Not arrogant, not yet. “Just filling up.”
You glance at the screen, and see the tank’s already full. You nod and move to ring him up inside. He follows, steps behind you like a shadow. You tap the register. “Card or cash?”
“Card,” he replies, watching you more than the screen.
You swipe it. Let it beep, pass it back with a steady hand. Up close, it’s easier to see the details of him, even with the sunglasses still on. The sharp line of his jaw, the way the light cuts through the red in his hair, the scar across his left eye like it was drawn there on purpose. It should’ve ruined his face, but it didn’t. If anything, it makes him look better, meaner, more interesting. Not that you’d say that out loud.
You allow yourself one second too long looking at him, cataloging the face you haven’t seen in years, now grown into something more dangerous, more defined. The mouth you remember yelling at you in a warehouse soaked in blood. And yet now, he stands there like nothing ever touched him.
So you smile, controlled. Tucked into the corner of your mouth. “Car like that?” you say, tilting your head toward the blacked-out Mercedes behind him. “Little risky to bring it to this side of town. People might start thinking you don’t know where you are.”
It’s not a threat, but it tastes like one. He lowers his sunglasses just a little, just enough to actually look at you properly this time, and something shifts in his expression. Not shock or recognition, but something close. His eyes drag across your face like they’re chasing a memory. He hesitates, just enough for you to catch it, before smirking, lazy and sharp.
“Maybe I like risky,” he says, voice smooth as velvet with a rip underneath. “Keeps things interesting.”
You raise an eyebrow, but say nothing. You’re good at silence, better than he is. He lingers for half a beat too long, then slips the sunglasses back up, nods once, and heads for the door. The bell jingles as he exits, like it’s mocking you for letting him walk out so easy.
You stay behind the counter. Heart slow, breaths slower. He doesn’t know it’s you, but he looked at you like he almost did. And that’s worse than anything else, because now, he’ll start remembering. And if there’s one thing you know about Choi Yeonjun, it’s this: once he starts digging, he never stops.
The garage door slams shut behind you with that low, dragging creak that always feels too loud at night. The sound echoes through the old warehouse and you shrug off the jacket, throw the cap onto the nearest couch, and run a hand through your hair like it might wipe the whole evening clean. It doesn’t.
Beomgyu’s already waiting by the maps on the wall, arms crossed, head tilted, that focused look on his face he only gets when he knows he’s about to tell you something you won’t like. You don’t give him the chance to start. “I fucked up,” you say, blunt.
Beomgyu doesn’t even blink. “Define fucked up.”
You pace. “I saw him. At the station. Just pulled in like he owned the place.”
“The car?”
You nod once. “Blacked-out Benz. Had to be him. And I—” You stop pacing and let out a breath. “I went to him. In disguise, just to see.” Beomgyu’s expression barely shifts, but you know him well enough to read it. He’s not surprised, just disappointed you didn’t tell him earlier. “He didn’t recognize me, or if he did, he didn’t show it. But still—” You sigh deeply. “It was stupid. I acted on instinct. That’s not how I do things anymore.”
You go quiet, the room does too. Then Beomgyu steps forward, flipping a paper file onto the table in front of you. Names, numbers, a few blurred photos stapled to the corner. “I found something,” he says, tone low. “He made a deal with Kang Minjae. Three weeks ago. Off the books, hush-hush, no lieutenants present. And guess who’s been quietly partnering with the militia to wipe competition out and feed the cops enough bait to look clean?”
You stare at the papers, your mouth goes dry. “So he is behind the intercepted shipments.”
Beomgyu nods once. “Looks like it.”
You lean forward, hands braced on your knees. “Then I was right. He didn’t go to that station for gas. He was sending a message. He wants to be seen. Or worse—he wanted me to see him.”
Beomgyu shrugs. “Maybe he suspects the Ghost Queen’s closer than he thought.”
That makes your stomach twist. You’ve built this empire in shadows, piece by piece, and no one ever tied the Ghost Queen to Y/N. You made damn sure of it. But today, you played with fire. “I can’t afford to be found,” you whisper, more to yourself than to him. “Not by him. Not yet.”
Beomgyu crouches down in front of you, voice quiet but grounded. “Then you need to start playing like the Queen you are. No more instincts. No more stunts. You want to beat Choi Yeonjun? You outthink him.”
You lift your gaze to meet his. There’s no fear there, not in him, but there’s belief in you. And you’re going to need that—every ounce of it. Because the closer Yeonjun gets to the truth, the more dangerous this game becomes. And if he remembers who you are? It’s not just your empire at stake, it’s everything.
You tell yourself it’s just another week. Another cycle. Another set of moves on the board you’ve been playing for too long to lose now. You and Yunjin meet in one of the upper rooms of the safehouse—no names, no phones, just the two of you and the map on the wall. Routes are rerouted, codes are changed. You think, maybe this time, you’re a step ahead.
Tuesday brings in a storm. You send Heeseung and Soobin out again. A small job, just a tail. Follow a man who’s been asking the wrong questions in the right places. He’s tied to Minjae. You’re sure of it, you just need proof. They leave before the sun’s up, but they don’t come back that night.
Wednesday, you don’t sleep. You sit in your office, boots up on the edge of the desk, the dim light of the monitors painting your face in cold blue. Beomgyu doesn’t say much, just brings coffee, updates, silence. Every phone buzz makes your pulse spike, but you don’t show it.
Thursday morning, Heeseung stumbles through the gate, half-carried by Jay and bleeding down the side of his arm. No Soobin.
Your chest collapses in on itself the second you realize it. Heeseung’s face is torn, his voice barely works. “They knew we were coming,” he rasps. “They weren’t following us. We walked into it. Trap.”
He looks at you like he’s sorry, like he failed. You don’t say a word. You just turn, walk straight past everyone, slam the door behind you, and scream. You hit the wall hard enough to leave a dent, then another. You don’t care. You don’t even notice the blood on your knuckles until Beomgyu’s there, catching your wrist, holding it firm. “Y/N,” he says, voice low but grounding. “We’ll get him back.”
You shake your head, blinking hard. “No. I’m not risking anyone else. This time, it’s me.”
Beomgyu doesn’t argue. He sees the fire in your eyes and knows better, so does everyone else.
Thursday night, you sit alone in the old car parked on the edge of the city, staring out at the skyline. Your fingers tap the steering wheel, and you remember Soobin’s laugh in the safehouse kitchen. The way he always made sure you ate something, even when you were too caught up in work. The way he smiled like he didn’t belong in this world, like he was born for something softer, but he chose this. Chose you, and now he's gone. Taken. Probably tortured, maybe worse.
Friday morning, you open the vault. Pull out the black case no one’s seen in months. The one with the custom-made Glock, etched with your mark. You strap it to your side like a second skin, then tie your hair back with steady fingers. Jay says nothing when you pass him by. He just nods once, knows what this means. Heeseung sits on the couch, still stitched up, eyes hollow. You stop in front of him, crouch down to his level.
You press your forehead against his for half a second. “You did good. Rest now.”
He squeezes your hand, weak but alive. Then you stand. And for the first time in a long time, you feel it again—the burn in your chest, the ice in your spine. The part of you that built all of this from nothing. The part of you they call Ghost Queen like a prayer or a warning. You don’t wait for vengeance, you bring it.
You don’t say much on the drive there. Beomgyu’s hands are steady on the wheel, the engine humming under your feet like something alive. Jay sits beside you in the backseat, silent, but his eyes flick to yours every now and then, reading the mood. He knows, they both do. You’re not going in to play tonight.
The car turns onto a narrow street lit by red neon and the low buzz of cheap pop music leaking through walls. There’s no name on the building, just a flickering sign shaped like a crown, bent at the edges. Everyone in the city knows what it is. One of the quieter spots owned by Choi Yeonjun’s empire. A place where people talk when they’re not supposed to. A place that only exists because Yeonjun wants it to. You know it’s not a front, but it’s a center. Information moves through this place like blood. And tonight, you’re here to bleed it dry.
Beomgyu kills the engine. You step out of the car, heels hitting the ground like a rhythm no one dares interrupt. You’re dressed like you mean it—tailored black, gold at your wrists, your presence sharper than the weapons you keep hidden. Your eyes lined dark, mouth cold and still. You don’t wear your name on your face, but it clings to you anyway. And people turn to look, they always do.
Jay walks to the bouncer first. The guy’s thick, tattooed, wired on something too cheap to be clean. He squints at the three of you like he’s trying to put the puzzle together. But before he opens his mouth, Jay leans in and says one word, a password. You don’t know how he got it, but you trust him with this.
The bouncer stiffens, then he steps aside. You walk through it like you’ve been here before—which you haven’t, not like this. Not as yourself. You’ve sent people and you’ve heard stories. But this is you, in person, in full view.
And it doesn’t take long. You step into the main lounge, the music drops, low bass humming under the floor. Laughter dies in someone’s throat, glass clinks against tile, and then silence. You don’t have to say who you are, you’re not wearing a name tag. But Jay and Beomgyu are flanking you like twin wolves, and their faces are too well known to mistake. Ghost Queen never shows her face. But if they’re here like this—shoulders squared, eyes sharp—then everyone knows exactly who you must be.
In the far corner of the room, someone’s already moving. Calm, fast, precise. You spot him instantly—Kang Taehyun, right-hand to Yeonjun. He’s not dressed for war, but he’s always ready. His eyes land on you, then Jay, then Beomgyu. You can see the calculations spinning in his head, and then he moves. Not toward you, but toward the bar. With one sharp wave of his hand, he clears the place. Quietly, efficiently, like pulling a fire alarm with no fire. The girls disappear first, then the customers, then the staff. Soon, it’s just you, and Taehyun, and your two.
You step forward, slow and deliberate, until you’re standing just inside the circle of light that frames the empty dance floor. The music shuts off completely. You watch Taehyun’s posture shift, guarded, still polite, but alert. Always alert.
He speaks first. “Well,” he says, voice low and calm. “Didn’t think you’d ever step out of the shadows.”
You tilt your head. Don’t smile. “I thought you might appreciate a house call,” you answer. “Seeing as your boss likes sending threats through back channels.”
Jay doesn’t blink. Beomgyu rolls his shoulder, one hand casually near his waist, close to the blade you know is strapped under his jacket. Taehyun smiles, just a little, not kind. “He didn’t know who he was threatening,” he says.
“Neither do you,” you reply.
And for a second, just one heartbeat, the room feels like it’s holding its breath. You let the silence stretch. Let it cut. You’re not here to bluff. You’re not here to talk things through. You’re here to make sure they know what’s coming if this war keeps building. And Taehyun, smart as he is, knows that too, so he doesn’t speak again.
You take another step forward. “They took one of mine,” you say, voice low but steady. “I want him back.”
There’s a flicker in his expression, barely there. “You’re assuming we have him.”
You tilt your head. “You think I’d come here without knowing?”
Taehyun’s gaze narrows. “Even if you know where he is… what makes you so sure we’re the ones holding him?”
You smile, sharp and humorless. “Because he wouldn’t have gone down easy. And because whatever game you’re playing with these intercepted shipments, it’s gotten messy. Sloppy. And I know Yeonjun doesn’t like messy.” Taehyun’s silence drags out a little too long. You sigh. “I’m not here to talk circles with lieutenants. If I came here in person,” you say, voice colder now, “you should know I came to talk to your boss too.”
Beomgyu finally breaks. “Are you sure about that?” His voice is low, close to your ear, but loud enough to carry. You glance at him, and it’s not even a smile this time, just a look, calm and certain.
“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”
That’s when the air shifts. The lights don’t change, but everything else does. A shadow unsticks itself from the far corner of the room, like it had been there all along. Leaning, watching and waiting.
Choi Yeonjun steps into the light like a punchline you should’ve seen coming.
He’s wearing all black, something tailored and expensive, hands in his pockets, and a smirk tugging at his mouth like he’s been entertained for hours. His eyes settle on you instantly, curious, sharp, and already amused. “Well,” he drawls, voice smooth, deep, familiar in a way that makes your spine lock. “If I’d known you were gonna show up looking like that, I would’ve cleaned the place up a little.”
You don’t flinch, you don’t blink. “Yeonjun.”
He raises an eyebrow. “You know my name. I’m flattered.”
You arch an eyebrow back. “You should be.”
Beomgyu takes a step closer, but you raise your hand again. Yeonjun’s eyes flick over him, then Jay, then land back on you with an edge of something darker. “So,” he says, voice lazy like a slow burn. “You want your boy back.”
“I do.”
“And you’re sure I have him.”
“I’m sure someone in your chain does. And if he’s not back by the end of the week, I’ll tear your operations down brick by brick until I find him.”
Yeonjun smiles wider, slow and amused, like you just told him a joke he wants to hear again. “Fight so dirty,” he says, almost a whisper, “but you love so sweet.”
Your blood goes still. It’s not the words, it’s the way he says them. Like he knows something he shouldn't, like he remembers something he can't place. Like he’s talking to the stranger you used to be. So you meet his eyes, hard. “You have no idea who you’re talking to.”
He studies you for a long beat. Then he shrugs, the smirk still curling at his mouth like it’s carved there. “Maybe not. Or maybe I do, and you just don’t want me to.”
Your jaw tightens, but your face stays still. This is what he does, gets under skin, lingers where he’s not welcome. “Get him back to me,” you say. “Unharmed.”
Yeonjun tilts his head slowly, his eyes dragging over you like he’s trying to peel something back. “You know,” he says, voice smooth, laced with amusement, “I thought it was kind of cute. You, playing dress-up at that gas station. Hiding behind a hoodie like you were just some bored girl with a job to do.” His gaze sharpens. “But I’m not stupid. That face... it’s too familiar.” You say nothing, let him keep talking. His smile widens, all sharp teeth. “You ever work here before? Place like this? You’ve got the look. Maybe you were one of the girls. Back in the day. I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Beomgyu steps again, this time, sharper, but you lift a hand and stop him without even looking. One slight move, and he stills, but the anger radiating off of him is palpable.
Yeonjun laughs, low and cruel. “You should keep your dog on a tighter leash.” He looks Beomgyu dead in the eye, then flicks his gaze back to you. “Lucky guy. Not everyone gets to have someone so beautiful and so... bossy.”
You tilt your head, slow, unimpressed. “I didn’t come here to listen to you flirt badly.”
He smirks. “I’m just saying, I like to know who I’m dealing with. And you’ve got secrets, sweetheart. Big ones.” His tone drops into something darker. “Like how you knew we had your guy.”
“I want him back,” you say, firm. “I don’t care who took him. If he’s in your territory, he’s your responsibility.”
Yeonjun shrugs. “Unfortunately, wasn’t me. I’ve got no reason to touch your people. Unless, of course, you’re working with the cops. Then we’ve got bigger problems.”
You blink once. “I’m not working with the fucking cops.”
He raises both eyebrows, mocking. “Could’ve fooled me. They’ve been intercepting my shipments. Getting real cozy with someone, and it sure as hell ain’t me.”
“I was going to say the same thing about you,” you snap, stepping forward. “Maybe you should look in the mirror before pointing fingers. You’re the one making deals with Kang Minjae. You think I don’t know?”
His smile falters just a fraction, but it’s there, and you catch it. The briefest glitch in his mask. “You’re bluffing,” he says, but there’s less certainty behind it now.
“So are you,” you fire back. “And here we are.”
Silence stretches between you like wire, razor-thin and ready to snap. The whole place feels tighter, tense. Taehyun is on edge, Beomgyu is burning beside you, and Jay’s eyes haven’t left Yeonjun once. But it’s just you and him in this moment. Two predators playing at civility.
“Talk so pretty,” he murmurs, lips curving slow. “But your heart got teeth.”
You stare at him, eyes cold. He still doesn’t know who you are. But he’s close, too close. And you can feel your past creeping in, inch by inch, on the heels of a boy with red hair and a scar you gave him.
Yeonjun exhales slowly, eyes flicking to your mouth, then back up to meet your gaze. “Well,” he drawls, almost bored, “unless this is just your very dramatic way of asking me out, I’m starting to think we’ve got a problem, sweetheart.”
Beomgyu scoffs under his breath, mutters something you catch just barely—“prick”—but you shut it down with a look.
Yeonjun doesn’t even glance his way, his entire focus is on you. “See, here’s the thing,” he goes on, voice low and almost amused, “I thought you were just fucking with me. And maybe you still are. But there’s one tiny detail I keep coming back to.” He leans forward just a bit, elbows resting on his knees. “My shipments are going missing. Yours are too. That doesn’t sound like a coincidence to me.”
You don’t blink. “No. It doesn’t.”
“So either one of us is a very good liar,” he tilts his head, mock-thoughtful, “or we’ve got an enemy in common.”
Beomgyu shifts beside you, stiff. “You expect us to believe you’re not behind it?”
Yeonjun finally glances his way, lip curling slightly. “I expect you to shut up when the grown-ups are talking.” Beomgyu starts forward, but your hand lands on his chest, firm and contained. You shake your head once, and he steps back, jaw tight. “Cute,” Yeonjun murmurs. “Protective. You trained him well.”
You take a slow breath and turn to him fully. “We need to talk.”
“Aren’t we already?”
“Alone.”
He lifts a brow, clearly amused. “Wow. So forward.”
Taehyun looks at you, then Yeonjun, then you again. “Boss?”
Yeonjun shrugs, standing. “Why not? Let’s see what the queen has to say when she’s not hiding behind her princes.”
Beomgyu steps in immediately. “Gyu,” you say, calm but sharp. “Wait here. If I scream, kill everyone.”
That gets a reluctant laugh from Jay. “Subtle as always.”
You follow Yeonjun down a narrow hallway that leads to a private back room. He walks slowly, shoulders loose, like nothing in the world could touch him. Like he owns the floor and the city beneath it. You wonder, as you follow, how many people he’s fooled with that walk. You wonder how many more he’ll fool before someone finally gets to him.
He holds the door open for you, exaggerated and mocking. “After you, Your Highness.”
You brush past him with your chin high, and he shuts the door behind you. The room is dim, velvet-draped, stinking of expensive liquor and older secrets. You stand in the center and he leans on the edge of the table, arms folded, watching.
“So,” he says, that smirk never quite leaving his face, “what’s this? A truce? A confession?”
You cross your arms. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Too late.”
You sigh, tired already. “Look. I don’t trust you. You don’t trust me. But if you’re telling the truth—if you’re really not behind this—then someone’s running both of us in circles.”
“And you think pillow talk’s gonna fix it?”
You step closer, tone steady. “I think two people with a common enemy have two choices. Work together, or let the enemy win.”
He laughs. “Work together?” he echoes. “That’s rich. Tell me, sweetheart, how do I team up with someone who won’t even tell me her name?” You don’t answer, not yet. He watches you, eyes narrowing, like he’s trying to draw your outline in his mind. Then: “I know I’ve seen you before,” he says quietly. “Not just the gas station. Somewhere else.” You lift your chin and he studies your face. Silence lingers a little too long, and then his voice cuts through it. “You’ve got a war in you,” he says, slowly. “And I’m starting to think I like it.”
You almost smile. Almost, but not for him. Instead, you say, “If I’m here, it’s because someone I love is missing. And if I find out you had anything to do with that—”
Yeonjun cuts in, voice low and wry. “You’ll burn my empire to the ground? Sounds exhausting.” He tilts his head. “How about we skip the empty threats and you just tell me the truth.” Your expression doesn’t shift. He takes a step closer, close enough that you can feel the smugness radiating off of him. “I’ll help you,” he says, voice casual, almost bored. “I’ll find out who took your boy and who’s fucking with our shipments.”
You narrow your eyes. “And what’s the catch?”
Yeonjun’s smile sharpens. “Tell me how we know each other.”
“We don’t.”
“Wrong answer.” He clicks his tongue. “Come on. You recognized me at the gas station. You came straight up to me wearing that little worker costume like you were playing a part. But you knew exactly who I was.”
You scoff, folding your arms. “The red hair, the expensive car, the scar. People talk.”
His eyes narrow, and he doesn’t believe you, not really. But he doesn’t push yet. “Hm,” he hums. “Yeah, people do talk. That’s the problem.” His gaze drifts over your face again, lingering. There’s something behind it now, not just arrogance. “You look like her, you know.” You stay still, too still. He keeps going, voice lower now. “The one who gave me this.” He gestures lightly to the scar slicing through the skin just above his left eye. “Never saw her coming. But when I did—she smiled. Just like you did. That kind of smile sticks.”
Your mouth is dry. “Sounds like she was smart.”
He tilts his head. “She was. Dead, though.” He shrugs, mock regretful. “Shame. She was pretty. Kinda looked like you.”
You shrug too, cool and detached. “Pretty girls die every day.”
“Mm,” he smirks. “True. But they don’t all pull blades on me and vanish.” You hold his stare. Let the weight of it settle between you. If he knows, he’s playing a long game, but you’ve been playing longer.
“Do we have a deal or not?” you ask.
He licks his bottom lip, just briefly. “I’ll help,” he says finally. “We both want the same thing. Whoever’s behind this is making a fool out of both of us. And I don’t like being made a fool.”
“Neither do I.”
“So,” he says, pushing off the table, standing to his full height, “you’ll give me updates, and I’ll give you mine. We trace the leaks. We find your boy. We kill whoever’s responsible.” You nod, slow. “Temporary alliance,” he adds. “Don’t get clingy.”
You almost laugh at that. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
Yeonjun grins again, dark and satisfied. “You’re really not gonna tell me your name?”
You lean in close, just enough that your lips almost brush his ear. “Would ruin the mystery, wouldn’t it?”
And with that, you turn and walk out, leaving him standing there, half-sure he just made a deal with the devil. And maybe a little intrigued by the fire still burning behind your eyes.
Jay and Beomgyu are standing where you left them with shoulders tense, gazes sharp, like they’ve been waiting for a gunshot. You don’t have to say much, you never do. Your heels click softly across the velvet floor, past flashing lights. You stop only when you’re close enough for them to hear you without raising your voice. “Let’s get out of here,” you say, smooth and low.
Jay doesn’t say a word, just nods once. Beomgyu exhales like he’s been holding his breath since the moment you walked in. As you reach the main doors, pushing past the heavy curtains, the air changing from incense and heat to something colder, Yeonjun’s voice calls out from across the club.
“Your Highness!”
You don’t flinch, but you stop. When you turn, he’s leaning lazily against the far wall, arms crossed like he’s got all the time in the world. Lit from behind, half in shadow. “Taehyun’ll be your point of contact,” he says, like it’s a gift. “He’s good with updates. Polite, too. I’m sure your boys will love him.” You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed. He adds, “Try not to miss me too much.”
You don’t dignify that with a response. Just turn on your heel, long coat brushing your calves, and disappear into the dark.
The next few days move slow. Taehyun reaches out first. He’s cold and precise, just like Yeonjun promised. Every message comes through clean, encrypted. You assign Jay to keep the line open, Beomgyu to cross-check everything with your own intel. Heeseung handles the shadows, the street-level whispers, what people don’t say out loud.
There’s a name that keeps surfacing: Kang Minjae. You already had your suspicions, but now the links are undeniable. Minjae’s been moving like a roach in the walls, playing every side that lets him breathe a little longer. Yeonjun’s people confirm he’s got connections in the militia, and that he’s been sniffing around routes that were meant to stay quiet. Some of the evidence leads to areas only your own crew had access to — which means the leak might be internal. That truth burns worse than anything else.
You’re careful, never in the same place twice. Your face remains out of sight, your name still a whisper wrapped in fear. But inside your core, something's cracking. Soobin is still missing. His trail is faint, but not cold. Some surveillance footage caught a convoy passing through a border checkpoint under fake credentials, days after he vanished. The timestamp lines up with the night you lost him. Jay triangulates the route. Heeseung maps it. It points to a facility miles outside the city — nothing official, but everyone knows who controls it.
Militia. And you know who’s protecting them.
So you wait. You sharpen your knives in silence. Every meeting with your crew is sharper, tighter, more desperate. You sleep less, smoke more. And every time an update comes in from Taehyun, you read between the lines, looking for Yeonjun’s voice in the spaces where it shouldn’t be. He stays quiet. You’re not sure if that’s good or bad, but you’re sure of one thing: this isn’t over, not even close.
It’s a Tuesday. You head to one of your quieter spots, a laundromat tucked behind a strip of closed-down shops, one of your smaller fronts. No one’s supposed to be there but your crew. You’re not there for show, you’re there for air. Heeseung walks a step behind you, always watching. You push through the metal door, let it clang shut behind you, and immediately feel that slight shift in energy. Someone’s sitting on one of the folding tables near the back, legs swinging lazily, fingers drumming on the edge.
You know that face. Hueningkai. He shouldn’t be here.
Heeseung stiffens behind you before you can even whisper. Your body moves before your mind does, in casual steps, but the kind that keep your right hand free. Kai’s head lifts when he sees you, and he smiles. Bright, almost naive. “Didn’t know this place was open to the public again,” he says, voice all sunshine and breathy charm. He looks between you and Heeseung like you might be siblings, or hired help. “Nice jacket.”
You lean back against a dryer. Calm, but your pulse is sprinting. He doesn’t know you, not yet. But you know him, you’ve read his file. The boy with the baby face and the mind like a minefield. He works for Yeonjun. Keeps his hands clean, his lips looser than they should be. He plays dumb, but he isn’t.
You don’t answer him. Instead, you tilt your head toward Heeseung, eyes sharp. Handle it.
Heeseung steps forward. “What are you doing here?”
Kai shrugs. “Waiting for someone, I guess.”
“Someone sent you?”
“Kind of. We’re looking into something. One of Minjae’s old associates might’ve used this building a few weeks ago. It’s near the harbor.”
Your breath catches, because the harbor is too close, too damn close to where Soobin’s trail last pinged. If they think there’s a hideout nearby—you cut your own thought off. Your eyes snap back to Kai, who’s now looking at you more closely. Heeseung’s moved into a partial block, but it doesn’t matter. You can feel the recognition click behind Kai’s irises like a switch flipped without permission. His smile fades.
“Wait,” he says, eyes narrowing. “You’re her.” Heeseung shifts, ready. Kai doesn’t move, but something in his whole posture turns glassy. “The Ghost Queen,” he murmurs. “Huh. You’re prettier than they said.”
You want to ask who said what, but you don’t. You’re too busy trying not to tip into a panic. Soobin. If Kai’s here, if he knows this spot’s hot, how long before they relocate Soobin? Or worse?
You step forward. “How close is the location?”
Kai blinks at you. “Close enough that you being here just set off some very loud alarms.” His smile returns, but it’s hollow now. All teeth, no warmth.
You swallow hard. Rage pressing tight behind your ribs. You glance at Heeseung — you could go. You could move now, you could flip the building upside down, if Soobin’s that close.
“You really shouldn’t let your emotions make your calls for you,” he adds gently, like he’s offering advice. “Someone could use that.” You should answer him. But then Kai reaches for his phone, calm and polite, and you don’t stop him. He dials fast, brings the phone to his ear with a sweet little hum.
“Hey,” he says into the receiver. “It’s me. Yeah, no — I’m fine. But she’s here.” There’s a pause. His eyes stay on yours the whole time. “She’s nervous,” he says. “Like, the bad kind of nervous.” Another pause. Then: “No, no. She hasn’t done anything. But she might move before she should.”
He hangs up without waiting for a goodbye. Your throat is dry and your fists ache from clenching. Kai slides off the table and stretches like he’s just woken up from a nap. “Anyway,” he says brightly, “you should probably clear this place out. I’d hate for things to get messy again.”
Then he waves, cheerful and friendly. Insane. And walks out like he owns the air. Heeseung watches the door for a full minute after it closes, and you’re shaking slightly. Not from fear, from fury and desperation. From the suffocating ache of knowing that Soobin could be so close and you’re still one step behind. You exhale.
“Heeseung, call Beomgyu. Jay. Everyone. Now.”
You’re already moving. Your voice comes out sharp, controlled, but barely. Your heart’s not in your chest anymore, it’s somewhere else, screaming. You shove open the back door of the laundromat and suck in air like you’ve been drowning. Heeseung’s at your side in an instant, grabbing your wrist. “You can’t just storm into this,” he says. “You’re not thinking—”
“I am thinking,” you snap. “I’m thinking that Soobin’s still alive. And if I waste another minute twiddling my fucking thumbs, he won’t be.” Your chest heaves. “He’s not just crew, Heeseung,” you whisper. “He’s family. He’s mine. If they kill him just to send me a message—” You cut yourself off, jaw tight. “I can’t live with that.”
Heeseung hesitates. He wants to fight you on it, but he sees your eyes. The shaking in your hands. The fear twisting beneath all your armor. “I’ll call them,” he says finally. “But if you’re wrong—”
“I’m not.”
He doesn’t argue again. You pace like a storm while he makes the calls, and twenty minutes later, you’re piling into two black SUVs with Beomgyu, Jay, Heeseung, Yunjin and three others you trust with your life. Nobody talks much. There’s no plan, just a location and a name and too many emotions to fit inside one car.
Beomgyu drives like he’s got something to prove. You’re in the front seat, fingers twitching in your lap. The closer you get, the more it feels like your skin’s turning inside out. “Are we sure this is it?” Jay asks from the back. “No chance it’s bait?”
“It’s always bait,” you say. “But sometimes the mouse still has to bite.”
The harbor comes into view, with containers stacked in quiet patterns, dim lights humming, the water black and endless. Beomgyu slows down before turning in, park just behind a half-burned warehouse a few blocks from the drop point. Everyone starts checking weapons. You don’t even glance at yours, it’s second nature by now. What you do look at, though, is the sleek black car that turns the corner right as you do. Expensive. You don’t need to see the plates because you know exactly who it is.
Beomgyu sees it too and his mouth twists. “Are you fucking kidding me.”
You stare as the engine cuts. The car door opens, and Yeonjun steps out like a goddamn ghost from a fire. Hair tied back, long coat, no urgency in his bones — just that unbearable swagger that you want to tear off his face, again. You exhale through your teeth. Beomgyu mutters something violent under his breath, already half-reaching for his gun. You stop him with a look.
“We might need him,” you say.
“Yeah? Or maybe he’s just here to gloat when they drag Soobin’s body out of the water.”
“Either way,” you say coldly, “we’re finding out.”
Heeseung joins you as you step out of the car. “You still wanna go in with no plan?”
You glance at the harbor, the shadows waiting inside it, then at Yeonjun, who’s now leaning against his car like he’s posing for a magazine cover. “No plan’s ever survived the first bullet,” you mutter. “Let’s move.”
And you do, straight into the lion’s den. You and your team stand near a stack of containers, weapons visible, eyes sharp. Five figures emerge from the far side, shadows peeling off the darkness like it’s nothing. Taehyun walks first, with Hueningkai at his side, bouncing slightly on his heels. Behind them, Chaewon moves like a ghost, quiet and deadly. Sunghoon stalks a few steps behind, all tension and watchfulness. And then, at the center of it all — Yeonjun.
He moves like he owns the ground beneath him, like the night shifts to make space for him. Of course he would show up with a team like that. He stops a few feet from you. No gun drawn. Just that infuriating smirk pulling at his mouth.
“I should’ve known you’d beat me here,” he says, voice low and amused. “But damn. No plan? No scout? Just vibes?”
Beomgyu growls beside you, but soon he steps back with a glare, jaw tight. You turn to Yeonjun. “I don’t have time to wait. Soobin’s in there. I can feel it.”
Yeonjun tilts his head, studying you with those sharp, calculating eyes. “And what? You were gonna run in, guns blazing, and hope for the best?” You don’t answer. He chuckles — soft, infuriating. “You’re being reckless.”
“I’m being desperate,” you say. “And I don’t have the luxury of pretending otherwise.”
That makes something shift in his expression. The smirk falters for a breath, then curves back up, softer this time. “You care about him,” he says. “That’s cute.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
“I’m not,” he replies, surprisingly sincere. “I think it’s admirable. The way you fight for your people.” You say nothing. Yeonjun glances toward the maze of containers behind you all. “I know this place. Minjae used to run small trades out of here — weapons, mostly. Smuggled in, offloaded straight into trucks by the south gate.”
“Does he still use it?” Jay asks, stepping forward.
Yeonjun nods. “Sometimes. When he doesn’t want attention. He’s got a room near the waterline. Old office converted into a holding space. I’d bet money that’s where he’s keeping your guy.”
“What else?” you ask. “You don’t come here without more than a guess.”
Yeonjun flashes a grin. “You wound me.”
Taehyun sighs beside him. “There’s always at least three lookouts. Usually on the cranes, plus one by the west exit. If they spot us, they’ll burn whatever evidence they’ve got. People included.”
Your stomach clenches. Heeseung steps up beside you. “So what do we do?”
Yeonjun exchanges glances with his team, then he looks back at you. “We go in quiet. I’ll send Taehyun and Sunghoon up the cranes, take out the eyes. If we’re lucky, we’ve got five minutes before someone inside realizes we’re here.”
“And if we’re not lucky?” Beomgyu asks.
Yeonjun smiles. “Then it’s a bloodbath. But hey—” he looks at you, all charm and teeth “—at least we’ll get matching scars.” You glare at him. Yeonjun’s eyes slide back to yours, glinting with something that feels like amusement laced in real calculation. “We don’t have time to execute anything fancy. But I’ll make you a deal.”
You arch a brow. “This should be good.”
He smiles, slow and smug. “We go in together. Just the two of us. No noise. If we run into someone, we say we’re here to negotiate.”
Beomgyu steps in immediately, tension rolling off him. “No fucking way.”
“You trust him?” Jay asks you quietly.
You look over your shoulder. Everyone’s waiting on you. “No,” you admit. “But I trust that he doesn’t want to die tonight either.”
Beomgyu looks at you like he wants to argue more, but he knows better. His jaw ticks. “You sure about this?”
You nod. “It’s fine.”
“I’ll be right behind you,” he says. Not a threat, but a promise.
Then you turn to Yeonjun, who grins like this is a game he’s already winning. “Let’s go,” you say. You and Yeonjun move through the outer edge of the harbor in silence, sticking close to the rows of containers. The metal is cold against your back every time you press into the shadows. You keep your pistol tight in your grip, the weight grounding.
Yeonjun glances down at it, amused. “You don’t strike me as someone who handles her own mess.”
You don’t look at him. “That’s because I never had to appear in person. Until now.”
He lets out a low chuckle. “Right. Ghost queen. Rarely seen, always whispered about. Real dramatic branding.”
You side-eye him. “You’re just jealous no one whispers about you. Only bitches.”
That makes him smirk. “Bold words for someone walking into a lion’s den with me.”
“I’m not afraid of lions.”
He hums, ducking beneath a rusted staircase, motioning for you to follow. You do, close enough to feel the heat off his body, but not close enough to lose your head. “Funny,” he says, leaning into the next bit of cover, “you never gave me the vibe of someone who’s reckless for people.”
“And you never gave me the vibe of someone who thinks before speaking.”
Yeonjun turns slightly, facing you under the shadow of the catwalk. “I think a lot of things. Especially when you’re around.”
You roll your eyes, scanning the area. “Focus.”
“I am,” he says, voice dropping low. “Laser sharp. Just distracted by the company.”
You adjust your grip on the pistol. “Don’t forget why we’re here.”
“Right. Your guy. Soobin.” He squints toward a building near the edge of the water. “If Minjae’s keeping anyone, it’ll be in that one. Windows are blacked out. No patrols near it.”
You glance toward it too. “We get closer. Quietly. Check it first.”
He starts forward again, and you follow. His hand brushes yours at one point — maybe by accident, maybe not. You don’t pull away, you keep moving. As you creep past an open bay, he says, almost casually, “You really would’ve killed me the other night if I’d been involved.”
“No hesitation,” you answer.
“That’s hot.”
You stop and glance at him, deadpan. “Seriously?”
“What? I like a woman who threatens me with conviction.”
You almost laugh. But instead, you focus ahead, heart pounding a little too fast for comfort. The door to the building is twenty feet away. The only thing standing between you and Soobin might be whatever trap Minjae left behind, or nothing at all. But either way, you’re not walking away until you know.
And then a sudden voice breaks the silence, too close, echoing faintly between the steel containers stacked around the edge of the dock. “Shit,” you whisper, grabbing Yeonjun by the arm and pulling him back fast. He doesn’t fight you, doesn’t speak either, he just follows.
You both slide behind a rusted container, low to the ground, barely a foot between you. The voices grow clearer. Two men, laughing about something. Footsteps scraping against the concrete. Yeonjun presses close, chest against your shoulder as you crouch beside him. His breath hits your jaw. The scent of him—something clean and expensive—wraps around you like smoke. Your pistol is still firm in your hand, the safety already off. His fingers graze the small of your back as he shifts just slightly to look around the edge. Too close. Too fucking close.
Your eyes catch on the faint silver scar above his eyebrow, half-faded now, but still familiar. You left it there. You remember the way his skin broke open, how red his face had been after. Yeonjun catches your staring.
“What?” he murmurs, voice low and rough. “You like my face that much?” You don’t answer, and his eyes narrow. The corner of his mouth lifts, sharp. “If I didn’t know she died… I’d say you look just like the girl who gave me this.” You stiffen, he sees it. “You even look at me the same way,” he continues, voice a little too soft now. “Like you’re already planning where you’ll leave the next one.” Still, you say nothing. His eyes flick down to your mouth, then back up. “Interesting.”
“Back off,” you mutter, but you don’t move. Can’t. The space is too tight. The air’s too charged.
He leans in instead, just slightly, close enough for his words to press against your ear. “It’d be poetic, wouldn’t it? If the girl who carved my face turned out to be the one I keep thinking about every time I get bored at night.”
You shoot him a glare. “You’re disgusting.”
The voices outside fade, footsteps drifting elsewhere. But neither of you moves. His hand finds your waist, steady, possessive.
“You hate me,” he says.
“More than anything.”
“Then why are you looking at me like you want me to kiss you?”
You scoff. “You wish.”
He leans in, lips barely brushing your cheek as he speaks. “I don’t wish. I get.”
There’s a fire in your chest. Not soft, not romantic. Not even something you’d name. It’s sharp and twisted and dangerous. The kind of tension you don’t survive if you indulge. You push him back — just enough to breathe. “We’re not here for this.” He doesn’t fight you, but he smiles like he knows something you don’t. “We’re here for Soobin,” you snap. “Focus.”
His gaze lingers on you a second longer. Then he nods, finally looking away. “Right,” he murmurs. “Let’s go find your boy.”
But even as he turns, you feel his eyes still on you, even when they’re not. Like he’s still working out the puzzle, and like he already knows the answer.
The door creaks as you and Yeonjun slip inside the warehouse. It smells like rust and oil, stale water and something older. The air is thick with the kind of silence that doesn’t sit right. Every step echoes a little too loud. You move slow, pistol raised. Yeonjun does the same, behind you. Your breath catches. Something shifts.
And then—
“Drop your weapons.”
Two clicks. Cold steel against both your temples. Fuck.
You don’t see them, but you feel them, the men behind you. You and Yeonjun exchange a glance, and with a slow, calculated movement, you both lower your guns to the ground. Boots scrape across the concrete. A shadow moves forward from the far end of the warehouse. Minjae.
He steps into the flickering light above, dressed in black, expression dark with something dangerous. “I expected more from you,” Minjae says, eyes fixed on Yeonjun. “Showing up here with company.”
Yeonjun lifts his brows, casual as ever, like he isn’t surrounded by armed men. “Relax. I came to talk. Thought we could work something out. You know, just… friendly business.”
Minjae doesn’t smile. “Who is that?”
Then Yeonjun shrugs. “My girl.”
You don’t flinch, you don’t even blink. The lie slides off him easily. There’s a beat of silence. Minjae’s eyes shift to you, cold and calculating. “I know why you’re really here,” he says. You stay silent. Let him keep talking, and he steps closer. “He’s Ghost Queen’s, isn’t he?”
Yeonjun gives a short, forced laugh. “You think I’m dumb enough to come here for her people? Come on. I don’t work with her.”
“Don’t lie to me,” Minjae snaps. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? That I wouldn’t find out?”
He signals to his men. A moment later, you feel rough hands wrench your wrists behind your back. Zip ties cut into your skin. Yeonjun resists for half a second before giving in with a bitter smile. “No need for the theatrics,” he mutters. “You could’ve just asked nicely.”
“Shut up,” one of the guards snaps, forcing him to his knees.
Minjae looks down at the both of you, satisfied. “You didn’t come here to talk. You came to find him.” Your jaw tightens. “I knew someone would come looking. I just didn’t think it’d be you. And certainly not with company.” His eyes scan your face again. “She’s too pretty for this life, don’t you think?”
Yeonjun’s smirk returns. “I like pretty things.”
Minjae crouches, eye level with you now. “Tell me, sweetheart. What’s your name?”
You don’t answer, but Yeonjun does. “She doesn’t need one.”
Minjae laughs. “Of course she doesn’t.” He stands. Pacing, thinking. Then he turns to one of his men. “Lock them up. Separately.”
Yeonjun tenses beside you. “That’s not necessary.”
Minjae smirks. “Oh, I think it is. Let’s see how long the Ghost Queen’s new pet lasts without his little gun.”
You clench your fists, biting back every instinct to fight. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this. But now you’re in Minjae’s hands, and whatever game he’s playing — it just got personal.
The room they put you in is small, metallic, no windows. Bare walls, one buzzing fluorescent light that flickers above you like it’s mocking your silence. It smells like mold and blood. You’ve been in worse places, but not many. You don’t know how long you sit there, could be minutes, could be hours. Then the door groans open and a guard steps in with rough hands, cold grip, and he yanks you up without a word and drags you down a narrow corridor.
You’re shoved into a larger space with a concrete floor. A single chair bolted to the ground. Your wrists are still zip-tied. A second later, they shove you down onto the chair and bind your ankles. And that’s when you see Yeonjun again, across the room, tied up to a pipe against the far wall. His head is tilted slightly down, a thin line of blood trickling from his mouth. His shirt is ripped at the shoulder, his face bruised, but his eyes don’t leave you. He looks at you like he never stopped.
Then the door creaks again, and Minjae walks in. He looks completely at ease, smug even, his black boots echoing off the concrete. “Well, well,” he says, circling you like a hawk. “Yeonjun’s girlfriend. I’ve been dying to meet you.” You glare up at him, jaw locked. He smirks, stopping right in front of you. “Can’t lie. I get it. Sharp mouth. Killer stare. I’d probably throw a few alliances in the trash for you too.”
“Choke on it,” you mutter.
Behind him, Yeonjun shifts slightly in his restraints. Minjae crouches in front of you. “Tell me, how long have you two been shacked up? Does he cook breakfast? Call you sweetheart? Or is it all bullets and blackout sex?”
You roll your eyes. “Go to hell.”
“Touchy,” he says, and then, click. A blade appears in his hand. Small, curved. Clean, at least for now. “Thing is,” Minjae says, voice light and casual, “you’re lying to me. I can feel it. And I don’t like being lied to.”
You keep your expression neutral, but your pulse spikes as the cold flat of the blade presses against your cheek. You don’t flinch, you refuse. “Maybe you’d look better with a scar. Right here.” He taps the tip against your cheekbone. “Something to match your boyfriend’s. Wouldn’t that be poetic?”
“Get that fucking thing away from her.”
Yeonjun’s voice slashes through the air. Low, furious and dangerous.
Minjae stills. Turns his head slowly, eyebrow raised. “What was that?”
Yeonjun grits his teeth, jaw tight. “I said—get it away from her.”
The room falls quiet. Even you are surprised, but you still freeze, heart hammering.
Minjae’s smirk wavers. He straightens up, turning to face Yeonjun. “Interesting. You didn’t seem this protective when you walked in here like an idiot.”
Yeonjun breathes hard, nostrils flaring. “You want the truth? Fine.” He lifts his head slowly, eyes on Minjae, but you know he’s talking to both of you. “I was intercepting the shipments. All of them. Yours. Hers. Everyone’s. For weeks.”
Your blood runs cold. Minjae’s whole face shifts. “You what?”
Yeonjun continues, voice steady. “At first, I was helping you hit Ghost Queen’s routes. You paid well. You gave me access. I knew her ports, her blind spots. So yeah—I made it easy for you.”
You feel like the floor shifts under you. Your blood runs cold.
Minjae raises a brow, amused. “Right. So what changed?”
Yeonjun’s jaw ticks. “I started losing my own shipments.” That wipes the smirk off Minjae’s face. “Big ones,” Yeonjun says. “Routes only you knew about. Timings only you had.” Minjae stiffens. “I thought maybe Ghost Queen had found out and was hitting me back. I figured it was retaliation. But it wasn’t her.” Yeonjun finally lifts his eyes. Not to Minjae, to you. “It was you.”
Minjae’s amusement snaps in half, replaced by something sharp. “So what, you came here to cry about it?”
“No,” Yeonjun says, voice cold. “I came to fix it. That’s why I turned to her.”
Minjae’s head tilts. “Who?”
Yeonjun murmurs. “Ghost Queen. We’re working together. She wants Soobin back.”
You flinch, just barely, but enough. And when Minjae glances at you, you plaster on the most confused, irritated face you can, like none of this makes sense, like you have no idea what they’re talking about. “Wait,” Minjae says slowly. “That little shit was with her crew?”
“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “And you took him because you thought he was with me. My guys said he was snooping around your port. You assumed he was part of my team.”
Minjae runs a hand down his face, pacing once. “Fuck. Thought you sent him to steal my shipment.”
“I didn’t,” Yeonjun says. “You were already stealing from me. Why would I send someone into your nest without backup? I just didn’t stop you when you grabbed him—because I knew whose he really was.”
You blink hard, chest pounding. So he knew, he knew the whole time that Soobin was yours, that he worked for you, and he let Minjae take him anyway. Used it to his advantage, he let you panic, let you come running. So you stare at Yeonjun, heat crawling up your neck, your fists clenched in the zip ties until your fingers start to go numb. Rage is bubbling under your skin, sharp and hot, but you hold it down — because Minjae can’t know who you are. Not yet.
Minjae exhales harshly, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Jesus Christ. You two are a goddamn mess.”
No one speaks. He finally looks back at you, eyes narrowing like he’s reassessing everything. You force your expression blank, neutral, disinterested. Because Yeonjun may have just saved your cover, but he also sold you out. And now you owe him nothing.
Minjae’s boots echo as he crosses the room again, slower this time. You try not to shift in the chair, even as the plastic zip tie cuts into your wrists, even as the ache in your ankles pulses with every second. Then he’s in front of you, and the knife is back. He drags the flat of the blade along your shoulder, then up, slow, until the cold steel rests just under your chin, the sharp edge kissing the soft skin of your neck. You hold your breath.
Across the room, Yeonjun tenses so hard you swear the veins in his neck might snap. “Don’t,” he bites. “Minjae—”
But Minjae doesn’t look away from you. “You lied to me,” he says quietly. “You played me for a fool. I don’t like being made a fool, Yeonjun.”
Yeonjun swallows hard. “I gave you information. I did my part.”
Minjae presses the blade in just enough for you to feel the sting. “No, no. You sold me a story and sat back while I bled for it.” He finally turns to look at Yeonjun. “Now you owe me.”
Yeonjun breathes through his nose, jaw locked. “What do you want?”
Minjae doesn’t blink. “Who else is at the port?”
Yeonjun hesitates. Then: “Just us.”
Minjae’s smile is thin and humorless. “Funny. Because my guys saw someone else.” Your stomach drops. “Skinny little bastard. Long black hair. Looked like a rat cornered in a trap. He was hiding inside one of the containers. Now he’s out there, making a fucking mess.”
Your heart drops so hard it might crash through your ribs. Beomgyu. You force yourself not to react, not to blink, not to move, not to scream.
The blade is too close, the stakes are too high. Minjae tilts his head, still looking at you, but now his voice is directed at Yeonjun. “You really gonna sit there and keep lying to me? When I just watched that kid shoot two of my men and crawl back into a crate like some street dog?”
Yeonjun doesn’t answer. His jaw clenches, teeth grinding so loud you can almost hear it. His fingers twist against the restraints on his wrists, blood already seeping around the plastic. Minjae lets out a long sigh through his nose. Then the knife shifts — not cutting, not yet — but pressing. Just enough for you to feel the weight of it against your pulse point, enough to make you swallow reflexively, and feel the sting.
Yeonjun’s voice is gravel. “Let her go.” Minjae raises an eyebrow. “She has nothing to do with the boy,” Yeonjun continues, voice tight, almost strangled. “She’s not part of this.”
Minjae chuckles dark and bitter. “No? You’re dragging her around like a trophy then?”
Yeonjun’s eyes flash. “I said let her go.”
Minjae doesn’t move. “You want the kid back?” he asks. Minjae smiles, all teeth and violence. “You want her to walk out of here with her face intact? You want me to call off the guys who are probably about to blow your little container rat’s head off?” He steps back finally, pulling the knife away from your neck slowly, like it’s reluctant to leave. He wipes it casually on your shoulder, like you’re nothing but a napkin, and turns to face Yeonjun properly. “Then give me something.”
Yeonjun lifts his head. “What do you want?”
Minjae’s expression hardens. “Territory.” Yeonjun doesn’t flinch, but you can see it hit him like a punch. “You’ve got a route down south,” Minjae continues, pacing now, loose and dangerous. “Quiet. Prime for expansion. I want it.”
“That wasn’t part of the deal,” Yeonjun growls.
Minjae shrugs. “Yeah, well, the deal changed when you lied to my face. When you helped the Ghost Queen behind my back. When you kept secrets.”
The words hang heavy in the air. You keep your expression neutral, though inside your blood is boiling. He knew, Yeonjun knew exactly who you were, and still played both sides. And now Beomgyu is out there, alone, likely cornered. Soobin is still missing. And your cover is hanging by a thread.
Yeonjun’s chest rises and falls with shallow, restrained breath. “You think you can just take a route from me?”
Minjae smirks. “I’m not asking. I’m offering you a trade. The kid for the route. Their life for peace. Simple math.”
Yeonjun’s jaw ticks as he breathes in slow through his nose, chest rising once, twice. You can see the calculations behind his eyes. His silence isn’t hesitation, it’s rage, controlled, deadly rage.
But Minjae mistakes it for weakness. He turns back to you without warning.
“No—”
Yeonjun’s voice is hoarse and sharp, but it’s too late. The blade slices across your cheek, clean and fast.
Pain blooms white-hot as your head jerks to the side, breath catching in your throat. The sting is immediate, followed by the slow warmth of blood slipping down your skin. It’s not deep, not fatal, but it’s a message. And Yeonjun receives it loud and clear, because he roars. A guttural sound tears out of his chest as he lunges forward against the restraints. His wrists strain, veins bulging, teeth bared like an animal ready to rip someone apart.
Minjae watches him, amused. “There it is,” he mutters, low. “That’s what I wanted to see.”
Minjae raises the bloody blade, twirling it lazily in his hand. “Not if we make a deal.” Yeonjun freezes. “I want the southern route,” Minjae says again, calm now, like nothing just happened. “And I want access to one of the Ghost Queen’s ports. Not the main ones—something smaller. You can get it for me.”
Yeonjun’s eyes flick to you, your cheek slick with blood, your expression still and cold despite the pain. He doesn’t speak, but his silence this time means: yes.
Minjae grins. “There we go. Knew you had a rational side.”
Then he snaps his fingers, and two of his men appear instantly, grabbing you roughly by the arms. One of them mutters something about not getting blood on his jacket.
Yeonjun fights the bindings again. “Where are you taking her?”
“You’ll see,” Minjae replies, stepping aside.
You don’t speak, and you don’t look at Yeonjun. You just let them drag you down a long, dim corridor. Every step makes your face throb, your jaw stiff from clenching. They push you through a rusted metal door and slam it shut behind you. And for a moment, all you can hear is your own ragged breathing. The metal room is dim and cold, reeking of rust and sweat, but you barely register any of it—because right in front of you, alive but wrecked, is Soobin.
Your knees hit the floor hard as you scramble toward him, your throat catching on a sound you hadn’t realized you were holding back. His name leaves your mouth like a prayer, like it means something more than just syllables. “Soobin—”
He lifts his head slowly, eyes half-swollen and glassy, but he smiles, barely. “Hey.”
Tears sting your eyes before you can stop them. You cup his face in both hands, thumb brushing over the bruises on his jaw, and you press your forehead against his like you’re afraid he’ll disappear if you let go. “God,” you whisper, voice shaking. “I thought—I thought you were—”
“I’m okay,” he rasps, but it’s a lie. He’s not okay, he’s barely breathing, but he’s alive.
“Y/N,” Beomgyu’s also there, and his voice is soft but urgent beside you. “You’re bleeding.”
You blink, disoriented, then remember the cut—your cheek throbs, the blood sticky and warm. You pull back just enough to see Beomgyu crouching beside you, eyes wide with panic. Before you can say anything, he’s already yanking at the hem of his shirt, tearing off a strip of fabric with his teeth. “Hold still,” he says, his hands trembling a little as he presses the makeshift cloth to your face. “I swear to God, if they touched you again, I’ll—”
“I’m okay,” you whisper again, voice thick, but you don’t stop him. He’s too focused, too gentle, like he’s trying to fix something with his bare hands. His fingers brush your jaw as he ties the cloth in place, the fabric warm from his skin. You glance between the two of them, heart racing. “Where are the others?”
Beomgyu exhales, sitting back on his heels. “Gone. Got out before things got ugly. I stayed because of Soobin. I couldn’t just—” He runs a hand through his hair. “Didn’t know they’d catch me too.”
Relief washes through you in waves, so overwhelming it makes your limbs weak. You sit down fully, still close to Soobin, the burn in your chest finally settling. But the weight of everything you’ve just been through presses in. You swallow. “It was Yeonjun,” you murmur, voice tight. “He was behind it all. From the beginning.” Both boys look at you, stunned into silence. You continue, barely able to meet their eyes. “He helped Minjae steal from me. From us. He lied about everything.”
Soobin flinches, like he didn’t want to hear that. Beomgyu clenches his jaw, fists tightening on his knees.
“I was going to kill him,” you say, raw and bitter. “I wanted to. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.”
Beomgyu exhales through his nose. “We should kill him.”
But you shake your head. “He saved our lives.” They both blink at you. “If he hadn’t made a deal with Minjae, we’d be dead right now. All three of us. He gave up part of his territory. Maybe even part of his crew.”
Beomgyu and Soobin don’t say anything at first. Just sit there, taking it in. You’re curled between them, one arm still wrapped carefully around Soobin’s shoulder, the other resting against Beomgyu’s thigh. It’s the only way you can stay grounded, with touch, warmth. The knowledge that they’re here, really here.
Beomgyu scoffs beside you, shaking his head. “Yeah? Great. And what did we give up? You almost got your face carved off.”
“Almost.” The word slips out before you can stop it. You’re tired, so tired, but you cling to the sliver of logic that’s keeping you upright. “He didn’t have to do it. Yeonjun could’ve let us all die. Would’ve been easier for him.”
“Don’t care.” Beomgyu shifts beside you, folding his arms across his knees, his voice sharp. “Doesn’t erase everything else he did.”
You don’t argue. Because he’s right, too.
It’s not long before the silence turns tense again. The door clangs open, sharp and sudden, and all three of you tense instinctively. Heavy boots scrape against the concrete, and a shadow moves inside. Yeonjun. They throw him in without ceremony. He stumbles forward, hands no longer bound but arms limp at his sides, and hits the ground with a harsh grunt. His clothes are soaked with sweat and grime, his face smeared with dirt and blood, not all of it his. His jacket’s gone, his knife, gone. The glint in his eye? Also gone. He’s empty now, hollowed out.
Beomgyu surges forward before you can react, fury written all over him. “You bastard—”
You grab his arm mid-motion, holding him back with both hands. “Beomgyu. Don’t.”
“Let me go!” he snaps, voice cracking, muscles tense under your fingers. “Look at her! Look what you let them do to her!”
Yeonjun doesn’t flinch, doesn’t raise his head, he just breathes slowly, like each inhale costs him something. “Could’ve been worse,” he mutters finally, voice hoarse. “Could’ve been all four of us in body bags.”
That does it. Beomgyu stops fighting, but he’s still vibrating with rage, breathing like he’s ready to explode. You stay between them, hand still clutching his wrist. Yeonjun finally looks up. His eyes go straight to your face—and linger on the bandage Beomgyu tied around your cheek. You watch something in him twist, and it’s not satisfaction, it’s shame.
“No one else is coming,” Beomgyu says from the wall, voice dull. “So what now?”
You turn to Yeonjun. “Yeah,” you echo, still holding Beomgyu back. “What now?”
Yeonjun sighs and sits back against the wall, dragging his knees up to his chest. “They’ll keep us here a little longer. Keep us guessing. Then they’ll probably dump us in the middle of nowhere. Maybe in enemy territory. Maybe not.”
Beomgyu snorts. “How thoughtful.”
You frown. “And then what? We walk?”
“If we’re lucky,” Yeonjun mutters.
“If?”
He looks at you again, his expression unreadable. “I burned my deal to get you out alive. That’s all they wanted. Leverage. A show of power. Now that they’ve made their point, keeping us any longer is just a waste of resources.”
“And if they don’t let us go?” Soobin asks.
Yeonjun closes his eyes. “Then I’ll find another way.”
Beomgyu scoffs. “Yeah? With what army?”
But you don’t join in the cynicism, not this time. Because you saw the look in Yeonjun’s eyes when Minjae pressed that blade to your throat. That wasn’t strategy, that wasn’t calculation, that was something else. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do with that. But for now, you do the only thing you can—lean against Soobin, keep one hand wrapped around Beomgyu’s, and stare at Yeonjun like he’s both the reason you’re alive and the reason you’ll never sleep the same way again.
They don’t come for a while. You lose track of the hours, and it’s always cold, always quiet, except for the occasional drip of water somewhere behind the walls, or the sound of Beomgyu pacing like a caged animal. Soobin sleeps most of the time, his head on your lap. You run your fingers through his hair and try not to cry every time he winces in his sleep. Yeonjun doesn’t speak. He stays on the opposite wall, arms crossed, eyes half-closed. Watching everything, but saying nothing.
It’s Beomgyu who breaks the silence most often—jokes, insults, wild theories about how you’re all going to die in increasingly dramatic ways. But even he starts to get quiet as the hours drag on.
Then, suddenly, without warning, the door slams open. You don’t even have time to stand. Boots thunder in, and black fabric is yanked over your head. You hear Soobin growling, and Beomgyu cursing. Someone grabs your arms, too rough and fast, and you’re being dragged, stumbling blindly, unable to see or fight back. The floor changes beneath your feet, concrete, gravel, then something smooth. A van. The ride is short, bumpy, silent. Then the doors open, and you’re thrown out like trash.
You hit the ground hard, gasping as the sack is ripped from your head. Cold wind, empty road. Forest on both sides. Nothing else. Soobin lands next to you with a grunt, then Beomgyu. Then Yeonjun.
It’s only once you’re all out that you realize someone slipped something inside your pocket before throwing you out: your phone. So you scramble to unlock it, signal's weak, but it’s there, and you hit the contact you’ve called more than anyone else in your life. “Heeseung,” you breathe when he picks up. “It’s me.”
“Y/N?” His voice breaks. “Holy shit. Are you okay? Where are you? What happened? I’ve been going crazy—”
“We’re alive,” you say, eyes scanning the empty road. “They dumped us in the middle of nowhere. But we’re out.” You tell him everything, about Minjae, the deal, the betrayal, the scar on your face that’s still fresh and stinging. He doesn’t interrupt, just listens. You hear the way his breathing falters, like he’s struggling not to break down.
“Stay where you are,” he says finally. “I’m coming.”
The line goes dead. You lower the phone slowly, still kneeling in the dirt, and then you turn. Yeonjun’s sitting nearby, arms resting lazily over his knees like he’s on a fucking picnic. Something in you snaps. You’re on your feet before you realize it, storming toward him.
“You lied to me.” He doesn’t move. “You used me.”
Beomgyu grabs you around the waist just as you lunge forward, arms locking around you from behind. “Don’t,” he mutters. “You’re already hurt.”
“I don’t care!” you shout, struggling in his grip, blood rushing in your ears. “I should kill him right now—”
“I know,” Beomgyu says softly, tightening his hold. “But you won’t.”
Yeonjun finally looks up at you. And for the first time since this whole nightmare started, he speaks with a calm so cold it makes your stomach twist.
“You think I don’t know who you are, Y/N?”
Your heart slams against your ribs.
“You think I don’t know exactly who you are?” His eyes drop to the cut on your cheek. “You think I don’t remember the night I got this?” He lifts his hand, fingers brushing over the faint, jagged scar that cuts through his eyebrow.
Silence. Beomgyu’s grip goes still around you. Soobin’s head lifts. The wind whistles through the trees, like even the world wants to know what you’ll say next. But you don’t say anything, because the past just walked out of the shadows, wearing Yeonjun’s face. And suddenly, this isn’t about survival anymore. It’s about everything you thought you’d left behind—coming back to bite.
You were fifteen the last time you saw Choi Yeonjun.
Not this version of him — not the man with blood on his hands and a scar running down his face like a warning — but the boy. The boy in the silk shirts and the too-expensive shoes, the boy who rolled his eyes at banquet speeches and snuck you stolen desserts under the table. The boy who knew what it meant to feel trapped in gold cages.
You weren’t supposed to be friends. Children like you were meant to become weapons, not companions. But when you were forced into that same gilded room week after week, dressed like pawns in a game you didn’t ask to play, it was hard not to notice each other. He was magnetic, even then. All sharp smiles and lazy charm, already too good at getting what he wanted. You were colder, quieter. You watched more than you spoke. You already knew you were disposable — illegitimate, your father’s sin in a pretty dress. You had no seat at the table. No name that mattered.
Except to Yeonjun. He used to call you Ghost. You didn’t know if it was a compliment or a curse, but you liked it. It felt like something that belonged to you.
The night it all burned down started like any other.
You were at the Choi estate, the grand mansion at the edge of the city, the one with the koi ponds and the marble floors and the halls that echoed when you breathed too loud. Your father, Kim Mingyu, was in meetings with Choi Hyunwoo, Yeonjun’s father. Talks of expanding routes. Sharing ports. Making more money off the war brewing overseas. You and Yeonjun had been shoved into the side parlor to stay out of the way. The windows were tall and the fireplace glowed, but the tension was always heavier when your fathers were close. Yeonjun sat sprawled in an armchair, and you were lying on the rug, arms crossed, counting each second you weren’t being used like leverage.
“I heard your dad wants to marry you off,” Yeonjun had said suddenly.
You didn’t flinch. “He wants to pretend I don’t exist. That’s not the same thing.”
Yeonjun looked at you, head tilted, lips twitching. “You know, if you married me, that would solve both our problems. Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife.”
You rolled your eyes. “If you keep talking, I’ll be the one killing you.”
He laughed, you almost smiled. Almost.
Then— gunfire.
The kind that doesn’t echo through halls like thunder. The kind that thuds, short and final, and you both froze.
Yeonjun stood first. You followed him to the door, but before he could open it—click. It locked from the outside. Someone didn’t want you to see what was happening. You banged on the wood. Nothing. The quiet that followed was worse than the gunfire.
After a while, the door opened. Yeonjun was expecting a servant. Maybe one of the guards. But it wasn’t that, it was a man you didn’t recognize. Pale skin, black suit, eyes like ice — too still, too calm for a house that had just swallowed gunfire. He stepped into the room and leaned down to whisper something in Yeonjun’s ear. You were still by the window, but you didn’t miss the way Yeonjun’s entire body went still. The way his jaw tightened, then clenched, like he was trying not to scream.
“Yeonjun?” you asked, turning toward him. “What is it?” He didn’t answer. You stepped closer. “What happened?” Nothing. No movement. No sound. You were standing right in front of him now. He was pale. His hands trembled. “What happened?” you asked again, more forceful, but still nothing. You raised your voice. “Yeonjun, what the fuck happened?”
And that’s when you saw it, the flicker of something in his eyes. Not grief, but guilt. Your chest dropped. “What did your father do?” you whispered.
Yeonjun looked at you then, finally. But not with answers, only silence. That was enough. Your hands slammed into his chest. Once. Twice. He let you, he didn’t even flinch. “You knew,” you spat. “You fucking knew, didn’t you?!”
His hands caught your wrists mid-swing. Not hard, just enough to stop you. “Y/N—”
And that’s when your fingers wrapped around the hilt of the knife. It was small, thin, sharp, hidden in the side of your boot. A gift from your real mother. The only thing she ever gave you. Your hand moved before your brain did. You slashed upward, sharp and fast, not caring where it landed. All you saw was red. All you heard was your father's voice, echoing in your skull. “Trust no one in silk.”
The blade caught him across the face. A clean, slicing arc from brow to cheekbone — just above his left eye. Blood bloomed instantly. Yeonjun stumbled back, gasping, a hand flying to his face. It came away red. He stared at you in disbelief, chest heaving. You didn’t flinch.
“You let them kill him,” you said, your voice shaking. “You let them kill my father.”
Still, he said nothing. And that silence was the last answer you needed. So, you ran. You didn’t stop to look back. Not when the door burst open again. Not when footsteps thundered after you through the corridor. Not when you reached the side gate and scaled it like a girl possessed. You ran until your legs gave out. And even then, you crawled.
It took them three days to declare you dead. A fire in your house. Charred remains. No doubt it was you. Probably suicide, probably shame.
But you weren’t dead. You were lying in a pool of garbage behind an abandoned noodle shop, ribs cracked, blood soaked into your shirt, half your face bruised black. You couldn’t see straight. You couldn’t move. That’s when Beomgyu found you. He was stealing food. That’s what he told you later, just trying to survive like everyone else. He could’ve run when he saw you, most people would’ve. But he didn’t. He swore at first — loud and panicked — then knelt beside you, pressing a shaking hand to your neck to find a pulse. You tried to speak, but you couldn’t. He carried you anyway.
You woke up two days later in a basement with a blanket over you and a bandage around your ribs. There was a sandwich on the floor. He was sitting in the corner, arms crossed, watching you like a stray that might bite. “I thought you were dead,” he muttered.
He didn’t ask your name, you didn’t ask his, but from that day on, he stayed close. You healed together. Then Soobin found you. He was older, smarter, calm in a way that made you wary. The three of you weren’t a gang. Not at first. Just strays with nothing left to lose. But slowly, you became something else. You started calling in debts. Digging up secrets. Using what you knew and what your father taught you — and twisting it into something deadlier.
A whisper started in the streets. A name, passed like a warning: The Ghost Queen.
No one knew it was you, not until the summit. Not until you walked into that hall like you owned it, head high, mask off, eyes colder than anyone remembered. Not until Yeonjun saw you again for the first time in a decade.
And in that moment, the scar on his face felt fresh again. Because the ghost he thought was buried, was standing in front of him. And this time, she wasn’t running.
The silence on that empty road was the kind that clung to your skin. You stood there, the black sack they’d shoved over your head was now on the ground, forgotten. The ache in your body didn’t matter anymore. Yeonjun sat a few steps away on the edge of the road, face bloodied, exhaustion sinking into his bones, but like none of this was new to him, like losing everything was just another Tuesday. You turned to face him, jaw clenched, hands shaking.
“So you know,” you said, voice low but laced with venom. “Good. I'm glad you know.” Yeonjun arched a brow, slow, like he was waiting for the punchline. “You know what you did. You know what I lost. You know what I had to survive after that night.” You gestured toward Beomgyu and Soobin. “These two? They saved me when you destroyed everything I had left. And even now, you’re still screwing me over.”
He let out a dry, bitter laugh. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he muttered. He stood, brushing dust off his pants. “I’m the reason all of us are still breathing. I gave up part of my territory, part of my crew. If we’re keeping score, I’d say we’re even.”
Beomgyu stepped forward, jaw clenched so tight it looked painful. “You’re lucky she wouldn’t let me get to you. Because if it were up to me, you’d be face-down on this road spitting teeth.”
Yeonjun sighed like he was bored. “Ah, great. The dog keeps speaking.”
“You have no idea what you did to her,” Beomgyu snapped. “You think one scar makes it even? You sleep at night with her blood on your hands?”
Yeonjun’s gaze flicked to you, then to Beomgyu, then back. And then, quiet, cold: “She left a scar on me too. Don’t forget that. She knew exactly where to put the knife.”
You stepped forward before Beomgyu could explode again. “You deserved that knife, Yeonjun. Because when I needed you, you chose silence. You let them kill my father. You sided with yours.”
“I was fifteen, Y/N,” he shot back, eyes sharp now, voice rising. “I was locked in that room with you. I heard the gunshots the same as you. You think I had a choice?”
“You had a choice to follow me!” you shouted, your voice raw. “To help me. To find me. But instead, you left me to die. You let them burn me!”
He flinched—not visibly, but you felt it. “I did look for you,” he said, voice low. “For years. I searched for your body. For any sign you might’ve lived. And all I ever found was ashes.”
You barked a humorless laugh. “How convenient. No need to deal with me. No need to face what you did. What you didn’t do.”
He took a step closer. The scar over his left eye caught the fading light. “And you? You hid behind a mask. Built an empire out of borrowed blood. Turned yourself into a ghost so you wouldn’t have to remember your own sins.”
“I survived,” you hissed. “That’s all I had.”
Yeonjun didn’t answer. For the first time in the entire fight, he looked like he didn’t have a comeback. And then, the rumble of an engine. Headlights broke through the dust cloud on the road. A black car, old but fast, came flying toward you like salvation itself.
Soobin turned. “It’s Heeseung.”
Beomgyu relaxed—just slightly—but his eyes stayed locked on Yeonjun like a loaded gun. The car skidded to a halt. The door flew open. Heeseung bolted out, panic and relief battling on his face. “You’re alive,” he breathed, rushing to you.
You didn’t speak. Just let him wrap his arms around you, just this once. Yeonjun watched from a distance, eyes unreadable, expression carved from stone. And you didn’t look back at him. But you knew he was looking, because he always was.
You stopped with one hand already on the van door, your other resting against the frame like it was the only thing holding you up. You didn’t turn immediately, but you felt him behind you. Heeseung turned too, halfway into the driver’s seat, brows rising with amusement as he saw who had the audacity to still be talking. “You need a ride, Your Majesty?” he drawled, mock-serious. “Plenty of room in the trunk.”
Yeonjun rolled his eyes with a muttered, “I’ll manage.”
Beomgyu didn’t even attempt to hide the snarl curling on his lips. “We should’ve left him in that ditch.”
“Beomgyu,” you warned softly, not because he was wrong, but because this wasn’t the time. He huffed, shooting Yeonjun one last glare before climbing into the van, slamming the door harder than necessary. You lingered a second longer, eyes locked on Yeonjun. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, half in shadow, half in the hazy morning light. His red hair looked more copper than flame now, but that scar — your scar — cut through it like it had the day you gave it to him. Time hadn’t softened him. If anything, it had carved him into something even sharper.
The dust had barely begun to settle when Yeonjun’s voice cut through it. “Y/N. We need to talk business,” he said, not with force or threat, just fact. You didn’t respond at first, just looked at him. And in that moment, something cracked. Not in your expression, because you were too well-trained for that. But behind your ribs, in that locked box you thought you’d buried. Because the worst part was that you remembered. You remembered everything.
Not just the betrayal. Not just the blood, but the moments before it all fell apart. You remembered silk shirts and wide staircases, sneaking out of boring banquets with Yeonjun to sit on the roof of his family’s estate, trading secrets under a sky too vast for two children bred for war. You remembered him giving you half his dessert when your father ignored you at dinner, remembered the way his eyes used to light up when he made you laugh. You remembered the hours spent in quiet competition — chess matches, blade training, stolen books you both claimed to hate but always finished anyway.
You remembered him grabbing your wrist in that room, trying to stop you, begging you not to open the door. You remembered the look in his eyes after you cut him. And you remembered running, not just from his family, but from him. Because he was the only person in that world who had ever seen you. And you didn’t know if you hated him more for failing you — or for still seeing you now.
“Come find me when it’s time,” you said finally, voice steady, chin high.
You turned and climbed into the van. Heeseung looked at you in the rearview mirror but didn’t speak. Soobin passed you a water bottle, quiet and steady as always. Beomgyu just shook his head like he still couldn’t believe you let that man live. You didn’t explain yourself. You just leaned back into the seat as the van pulled onto the road, the rising sun spilling gold across the horizon like the world hadn’t just tried to kill you again.
Behind you, Yeonjun grew smaller in the rear window — a figure carved out of memory and regret. But he wasn’t gone. He never really was.
The week that followed was full of antiseptic, quiet rage, and the kind of exhaustion that didn’t come from lack of sleep — but from surviving something you shouldn’t have.
The first morning back, you woke in your own bed, in your safehouse buried deep in the outer rings of the city. For a split second, you thought it had all been a nightmare. Until you turned your head and pain bloomed sharp across your cheek. You hissed, and before your fingers could even brush the wound, Beomgyu was already there.
“Don’t touch it,” he muttered, crouched beside the bed, eyes bruised with worry and zero sleep. “You’ll reopen the cut.” You tried to bat him away. He glared. “I swear to God, Y/N. Sit. Still.” So you did. Beomgyu cleaned the wound every morning, careful but muttering curses the whole time, most of them directed at Yeonjun. “You should’ve let me beat the shit out of him,” he grumbled more than once, dabbing ointment against the split skin like it was a battle tactic.
“I think your fists were too busy protecting my ribs,” you replied dryly, and he scowled but didn’t deny it.
Soobin, meanwhile, spent most of the week in bed. He had a cracked rib and a deep bruise on his thigh that turned every shade of black and blue before it started to fade. But he took it in stride, quiet as always, and only winced when Beomgyu wasn’t looking. You checked in with him often, more often than he liked. “I’m not dying,” he’d mutter, and you’d answer with, “Good.”
You didn’t mention that you barely slept. Or that some nights you stared at the ceiling for hours, replaying Yeonjun’s words, his voice, that look in his eyes when he said he knew who you were. Because the truth was, you didn’t know what haunted you more: the past, or the fact that he had lied.
By the third day, your inner circle had rotated to secure-mode. All comms were rerouted through Soobin’s backup systems, deep-web tunnels and burner signals only a handful of people in the world knew how to follow. Even then, everything was reduced to code. You stopped saying names. You stopped trusting phones. You stopped breathing easy. Because if Yeonjun was right — if Minjae had more planned — this wasn’t over.
You adapted quickly, you always did. You started giving orders again, rebuilding connections, tracking every whisper that floated through the city. You wore a hood every time you left the house, and your knife stayed strapped to your thigh. The cut on your face ached every time you moved your mouth, but you didn’t complain. Beomgyu did enough of that for both of you.
On the seventh night, you found a message waiting in your most encrypted channel. No name, no signature. Just coordinates, a time, and one line of text.
You're coming with me. Try to look like you like me.
You stared at the screen for a full minute before even breathing. The coordinates were downtown — one of Yeonjun’s more luxurious clubs, the kind that didn’t even have a name on the front, just a line of guards who knew when to keep their mouths shut. The time was just before midnight.
He was making a show, of course he was. You already knew what this was: he had something planned. A meeting, a gathering. And clearly, Yeonjun wanted to look like he had you in his pocket, because Minjae still thought you were his girlfriend. That was your leverage, that was your shield, and Yeonjun was cashing in.
“Absolutely not,” Beomgyu snapped, the second you brought it up. “I’m not letting you go parade around on that bastard’s arm like this is fucking prom night.”
“You don’t let me do anything,” you said calmly, sitting across from him. “I’m going. I’m just telling you in advance so you don’t explode and level the building.”
“You say that like it’s not still an option,” he muttered.
Heeseung, lounging on the couch nearby, raised a brow. “So we’re crashing a party now?”
“More like we’re playing pretend,” you said. “Yeonjun’s meeting with some major players, and he wants me there to make it look like we’re together. I’m not going in alone, though.”
Beomgyu narrowed his eyes. “You better not be suggesting—”
“I’m taking Jay and Heeseung.”
Jay blinked. “Wait. I am?”
You nodded. “Minjae hasn’t seen either of you in person. As far as he knows, you’re just… hot background noise.”
Heeseung grinned. “I am great at that.”
“Figures,” Beomgyu muttered. “You’re picking the two most reckless ones.”
“They’re unpredictable,” you said. “Which makes them valuable. And I trust them.”
Beomgyu didn’t argue. He just nodded. “Just don’t let Yeonjun get in your head.”
You didn’t answer that. Because part of you already knew: he was already there.
The club didn’t have a name. From the outside, it looked like a museum built for gods — all black marble and gold trimming, slick columns, a single brass door guarded by men who wore tuxedos carrying pistols under their lapels. There were no signs, no posted hours, no public records. If you were meant to be inside, you already knew. If you weren’t, you never found the door.
You stepped out of the black car just before midnight, heels clicking against the stone, silk brushing against your thighs. Your dress was fitted, ink-black, slashed low at the back, and a single necklace at your throat. Jay and Heeseung stepped out behind you, both in tailored black suits and matching expressions: calm, unreadable, dangerous. Bodyguards. Ghosts. Whatever you needed them to be.
The guards at the door let you in without a word. And inside, the bass was low, the air perfumed, gold lights flickered across the ceiling and the whole place smelled like heat, power, and money. There were no screams, no dancing, no crowd. Just whispers. Just very rich, very dangerous people pretending they weren’t afraid of one another.
You scanned the room, and of course, he was already watching you. Leaning against the bar like he owned it (which he did), Yeonjun was dressed in charcoal grey, shirt undone at the collar, sleeves rolled up, his rings glittered when he lifted a glass to his lips, and his eyes burned through you even before you took your first step.
He didn’t move as you approached. Just raised an eyebrow and smirked, lazy and lethal. “No dog today?” he said. “I was hoping to see if he bites.”
You didn’t blink. “Beomgyu sends his regards. And his middle finger.”
Yeonjun smiled like you’d complimented him. “Ah, the language of love.”
You took the drink he offered, mostly for the excuse to put something in your hand that wasn’t a gun. “Cut the bullshit, Yeonjun. Why am I really here?”
“Because you like looking at me,” he said smoothly. “And because Minjae thinks you’re mine. So, you play the part, he doesn’t question why I kept the West docks. He thinks he’s dealing with me. Not with Ghost Queen, and that keeps you alive.”
“I don’t need you to keep me alive.”
“No,” he said, leaning in, “but you need me to keep your empire breathing.”
You hated how close he was. Hated how calm he made you feel. Like standing in the eye of a hurricane. Everything around him was chaos, but he — Yeonjun — was composed destruction. A man who smiled while the building burned and said, You’re welcome for the warmth.
“You think all this justifies what you did?” you asked, eyes sharp.
He raised a brow. “What I did, darling, is what keeps your little boyfriend patching up Soobin’s wounds instead of burying him.”
You smiled without humor. “Careful. Your jealousy’s showing.”
“You always say that like it’s not part of my charm.” Yeonjun laughed like he actually liked his answer. You turned away, about to walk, but he caught your wrist lightly, easy, no force behind it. “You are wearing my necklace.”
Your hand rose instinctively to your collarbone. Shit, you hadn’t realized. Your body betrayed you before your mind caught up. Instinctively, your hand flew to your collarbone, the simple chain, delicate and old, still resting just beneath the neckline of your clothes. You hadn’t realized. Or maybe you had, and just refused to admit it to yourself. The weight of it had been familiar, comforting, buried beneath all the armor you’d learned to wear since that night. The night you gave him that scar.
Yeonjun was watching you closely. His eyes didn’t move from your face, but you could feel his attention shift from the necklace to the faint scar just beneath it. The bruise on your jaw was fading now, but the laceration across your cheekbone was angry and fresh, the stitches tight and unkind. He didn’t speak for a long moment, his gaze darkened, something unreadable moving behind it.
And then: voices behind him. Shoes on marble. Laughter and steel wrapped in suits. You turned just as Yeonjun did, instinctively stepping a fraction closer to him without meaning to.
Minjae arrived with men with cold eyes and colder hands behind him. His presence filled the room before he even spoke. Expensive suit, louder than the lighting. Yeonjun straightened, casual as ever, all lazy charm and mask-perfect posture.
“Minjae,” he greeted, voice like a blade in velvet. “Right on time.”
The older man’s eyes swept the room and landed on you. His gaze took its time, drinking you in with the kind of arrogant slowness that made your stomach turn. Yeonjun’s hand brushed the small of your back. A show, but also a claim. So you tilted your head, gave the smallest smile, the kind that didn’t reach your eyes. You felt Heeseung and Jay nearby, playing their roles well, quiet and watchful from the far end of the room.
Minjae grinned. “You should take care of that scar. I don’t like damaged goods.”
You smiled at him, slow and dangerous. “Good thing I’m not yours, then.”
There was a beat of silence. Yeonjun laughed first, then Minjae. The tension melted into something easier, at least on the surface, but the scar still burned, and the necklace still sat heavy on your skin. And Yeonjun’s hand, even though it barely touched you, felt hotter than it should.
When Minjae turned to greet someone else, Yeonjun leaned closer, breath brushing your temple. “Still sharp,” he murmured. “Still mine.”
You didn’t look at him, you didn’t have to. “You could never afford me.”
He chuckled. “Darling, I already paid in blood.”
And you both knew — neither of you were bluffing.
You could tell by the way the staff glanced at him like he was both owner and threat, the way people stepped aside when he moved, always a beat too late. Power had its own gravity, and he wore it like silk. He walked beside you with a drink in hand, not drinking it, just holding it like an accessory. His other hand occasionally brushed your back, your arm, your wrist. Always light, always casual. Always enough to remind you he could still find your pulse without trying.
“Smile, darling,” he murmured near your ear, smirk curling. “You look like you’re about to kill someone. Which, to be fair, would only make me love you more.”
Your eyes flicked sideways. “Do you flirt with every woman you’ve sold out to a warlord, or am I just special?”
Yeonjun tilted his head, feigning thought. “Definitely special. Most of them don’t survive long enough to flirt back.”
You didn’t smile, but you didn’t look away either. That was your power — the stillness. The knowledge that if Minjae, who scarred your face with the back of his ring-heavy hand, had any idea who you really were, this place would be on fire by now. And Yeonjun was playing the long game, he always was.
Jay leaned against a pillar in the far corner, glass in hand, posture loose but eyes hard. Heeseung was by the staircase, casual enough to pass as bored muscle, but watching every move Minjae made. They hadn’t said much since you arrived, because that was the deal. Stay close, stay quiet, intervene only if necessary.
Yeonjun led you through the crowd, nodding at names you half-recognized. He led you to a private balcony overlooking the main floor. Not far enough to be hidden, but high enough to feel untouchable. You leaned against the railing and he stood beside you, close. His gaze dropped to your scar again, thumb brushing your cheek before you could stop him. You didn’t move or flinch, but something in your stomach twisted tight. “I’ll kill him for you,” he said, tone too casual.
You rolled your eyes. “You don’t get to kill people for me anymore.”
His smile was sharp. “Who said it would be for you?” The silence stretched. He took a step closer, and your breath caught before you could help it. You turned your head, his hand dropped. Downstairs, Minjae laughed at something. Jay’s eyes flicked toward you, just once. Yeonjun leaned in again. “Do you miss it?”
“Miss what?”
His voice dipped low. “Being mine.”
You didn’t answer him, just stared. The kind of stare that had made men confess, cry, crumble. But Yeonjun only looked back like he’d been waiting years for it. “I was never yours,” you said finally, voice like smoke.
His smile didn’t falter. But something beneath it twisted, just a little. “You were supposed to be.”
“Yeah,” you said. “I was. If your father hadn’t murdered mine. If you hadn’t locked me in that room.”
Yeonjun’s smile faded at the edges. He leaned on the railing with one elbow, gaze dragging over your face. “Well,” he said after a long moment. “I guess we’re even. You gave me this one, after all.”
He tilted his face, and there it was — the faint but brutal line running along his eyebrow. Your work, your rage. Your proof that love could rot. “And now I’ve got this one,” you muttered, tapping your cheek where the newer scar still pinked beneath makeup. “Thanks to you.”
He looked at you like he might shatter the balcony glass with his bare hands. “Minjae did that. Not me.” You looked away and Yeonjun stepped in, voice dropping, a hiss. “He’s going to pay for putting his hands on you.” You scoffed. “I’m serious,” he said, closer now. “You think I’m gonna let anyone leave a mark on that face and walk out breathing?” You turned to snap at him, but froze. He was inches away, his mouth too close. “Though I have to admit… you wearing a scar that matches mine?” His eyes dropped to your mouth, then climbed slowly back up. “It suits you. Makes us look coordinated.”
Your glare sharpened. “Fuck you.”
He smirked. “Do you want to?”
You shoved him lightly, but not enough to make distance. He didn’t budge anyway. From the far end of the balcony, Minjae’s gaze found you both. You felt that chill like fingers down your spine. He was watching, curious. Yeonjun caught it instantly. His hand slid to your hip. Not forceful, just a gentle pull to remind you of the lie you were supposed to be living. “Eyes on us,” he whispered. “Play the part, sweetheart.”
“I’d rather jump.”
“Okay… but try not to bleed on the carpet. It’s imported.”
He leaned in then slowly, theatrical, intense, until his face was right there. His nose nearly brushing yours, his lips a breath away. His eyes locked on yours with that too-familiar glint: part hunger, part mischief, part ruin. And Minjae was still watching, waiting. So you didn’t flinch when Yeonjun’s mouth brushed your temple, your cheek, and hovered by your ear.
You didn’t mean to stare. But once you did, it was impossible to stop. Yeonjun’s face was older now, of course, but under the dim golden light of the balcony, you could still see the shadow of the boy he used to be. The one who smirked too easily. Who whispered reckless things when no one was listening. The one who used to lean so close you thought he’d kiss you, but never did. He was always just a breath away, dangling the possibility like a blade over your throat.
You used to wonder what it would feel like — his mouth on yours. You were fifteen. A girl made of rage, and Yeonjun was a fire you wanted to hate but kept reaching for. You never let yourself find out, never crossed that line. But now, standing in the heat of his stare, you didn’t know why you ever thought you were safe from it.
Your gaze flicked up to the scar that split the edge of his left brow, faded now, but unmistakable. You’d given it to him in a moment of betrayal so bright it still burned behind your eyelids when you closed them. Funny. You'd thought it would make you feel powerful, seeing it. But it only made your chest ache.
“Still staring, sweetheart,” Yeonjun said, low and smug. “If you want to touch it, you can just ask.”
You rolled your eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“You say that,” he said, leaning closer, “but your breath hitches every time I talk like this.” He wasn’t wrong. “I could make you forget who you’re pretending to be,” he whispered, mouth ghosting near your jaw. “One touch. One word. You’d remember exactly what it feels like to be mine.”
You turned toward him, mouth parted to curse, or worse, but the sound of a cough cut through the tension like a knife. Yeonjun didn’t even flinch. His gaze flicked lazily over your shoulder. Minjae stood by the balcony doors, watching you both with eyes too polite to be innocent.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Minjae said, though the smug twist of his lips made it clear — he wasn’t. His gaze lingered far too long on your face, right where the scar cut across your cheekbone. “But we’ve got business to discuss.”
You didn’t flinch, but your heart, however, knocked once, hard against your ribs when Minjae’s eyes landed on your face again. You knew that look. That casual cruelty, the one that reminded you exactly who gave you that scar, and exactly who still believed you were nothing more than Yeonjun’s favorite toy.
The corridor to the private lounge was quiet, lined with dim lights and mirrors that made everything seem hazy. You saw Jay just before you entered, leaned against the wall in black, dressed like security, his mouth set in a practiced scowl. If you didn’t know better, you’d believe the act yourself. Taehyun walked beside Yeonjun with silent confidence, his sharp eyes sweeping every shadow. And you played your part.
Inside the lounge, everything was low light and dark velvet. Minjae sat first, sprawling like he owned the room, and maybe, in some ways, he did. Jay stood near the door, eyes on you. On Minjae. On everything. Yeonjun didn’t sit until he’d guided you down beside him, his hand still warm on your waist. His thumb brushed up once, just a fraction, grazing your ribs through the fabric of your clothes. You gave him a warning look, and he only smirked.
“Let’s get to it, shall we?” Minjae said, lighting a cigar like the caricature of a villain. “I want to finalize the territory shift.”
Yeonjun smiled lazily. “Of course.”
“Must be nice,” Minjae said after a beat, changing topics. “Having someone so pretty that devoted.” His eyes flicked to your face again, and something uglier bloomed behind his grin. “Though I don’t remember that scar being there last time.”
Yeonjun’s hand moved again, but not away. This time it slid across your lap, over the silk of your dress, and came to rest on your thigh. He squeezed gently, like a warning. Or maybe comfort, maybe both. You swallowed, eyes trained forward. You weren’t sure if it was your own pulse you were hearing, or Yeonjun’s.
Business was discussed, territories laid out. Taehyun handled most of the numbers, Jay nodding occasionally as if he were part of the team. But through all of it, Yeonjun never stopped touching you. His hand drifted to your knee, your waist, your back, in a casual, intimate, possessive way. Like he meant it, like he wanted Minjae to see.
And you let him, because Minjae couldn’t know the truth. Because Yeonjun was playing his role. Because, somewhere deep down — under all the betrayal and blood and broken pieces — you remembered what it was like to be touched by him and believe it was real. And maybe some part of you still wanted it to be.
The meeting ended, Minjae stood first, adjusting the lapel of his tailored jacket with that same smug smile glued to his face since the start of the night. He looked at Yeonjun, and then at you, lingering a second too long. “Congratulations,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Getting territory from the Ghost Queen isn’t a small thing. You must have a special talent, Yeonjun. Or she must really like you.”
Yeonjun didn’t flinch, he just smiled dangerously slowly. His hand tightened slightly at your thighs, grounding you, warning you, comforting you. Almost like he was saying, Let it go. I’ve got this.
Minjae took a couple of steps toward the door, tossing a final comment over his shoulder. “I hope the scar makes your girlfriend even prettier.” A smirk. “Take good care of her, Yeonjun. Women like that are hard to find… and easy to mark.”
Your entire body stilled. Not from fear—you’d burned that out of your system years ago. But from the kind of fury that didn’t flash, it simmered, low and dangerous in your veins.
Yeonjun leaned in before you could speak, his voice brushing hot against your ear. “Give me one reason. Just one. And I’ll tear him apart.”
You didn’t answer. The tilt of your chin, the ice in your gaze, it was enough. Minjae left with his goons, the door swinging closed behind them like the end of a nightmare that didn’t know it was over. But Yeonjun didn’t step away, not even an inch. If anything, he pulled you closer, with his hand drifting up your back to rest at the back of your neck, thumb gently brushing just beneath your jaw. Possessive, protective and dangerous. Not for show this time, even if the performance had technically ended.
Jay let out a slow breath and finally stepped forward from the shadows, pulling out the earpiece he’d worn for the entire meeting. “Well,” he said, with a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “if hell had a homeowners’ association, I think we just sat through the board meeting.”
Taehyun snorted quietly, heading to the table to collect the documents Minjae had left behind. “He really thinks he’s winning.”
“Let him,” Yeonjun said, fingers still tangled in your hair. His tone was calm, but it carried an undercurrent of violence. “The higher he thinks he is, the harder the fall.”
Jay crossed his arms and finally looked directly at you. “You alright?”
You nodded slowly, your eyes still on the door. “Yeah. The worst part’s over.”
Jay looked back at Yeonjun. “We need to get the logistics in place. Can’t hand over territory without locking in transport, security, collection.”
Yeonjun gave a small nod, finally turning, but he didn’t let go of your hand. His fingers stayed interlaced with yours, like the truth was still too dangerous to set down. Like he needed them to know you were his, even if it was still just pretend. Even if it never really was.
“Let’s handle that tonight,” he said, looking at the two of them. “But first…” He turned to you again, his gaze heavy with something you couldn’t quite name. His expression softened only slightly—only for you. “I want to make sure she has what she needs. And that no one—ever—lays a finger on her again without bleeding for it.”
For a moment, it sat in your chest like warmth. Like safety. Like the kind of thing you'd once dreamed of when you were a teenager and he was still the boy with fire in his eyes and a promise on his lips. But then it cracked. Because it hit you, all at once—there was no one left to pretend for. Minjae was gone. The room was full of allies, no one was watching. You weren’t his girlfriend. And he wasn’t your hero, not anymore.
You stepped away from him like waking from a dream, the trance shattered. You didn’t even meet his eyes when you stood up. “You don’t need to worry about me, Yeonjun,” you said, voice cold. “I’ll handle it.”
There was a silence. Jay raised an eyebrow, halfway to speaking when you reached over and plucked the drink from his hand without asking. He didn’t stop you, just tilted his head slightly, watching as you started toward the door. “You need anything?” he asked, cautious.
You didn’t look back. “Yeah, to be alone.”
And then you were gone. You went straight to an outside balcony, the cold air outside hit you like a slap. You lit the cigarette with fingers that didn’t shake, but only because you wouldn’t allow them to. The burn in your chest wasn’t from the smoke. It was the memory of his hand on your waist, his voice in your ear, his lie living under your skin like a second pulse. He always did that—wrapped barbed wire in silk and called it love.
You heard the door open behind you ten minutes later. You didn’t have to look to know who it was. No one else had that kind of presence. That specific gravity.
“What the fuck was that?” Yeonjun’s voice was low, sharp, laced with confusion and something angrier underneath.
You didn’t turn. You exhaled, slow and bitter. “What was what?”
He stepped closer, not touching you now, not daring to. “You walking out like that. The attitude. The—” He stopped himself, like he wasn’t sure what the hell he was trying to say. “I’ve been protecting you all goddamn night. And now you're acting like—”
“I didn’t ask you to protect me.” That made him pause. You turned to face him finally, eyes dark. “I didn’t want your protection, Yeonjun. And especially not after everything you did.”
His jaw clenched. “I did what I had to do to keep you alive.”
“No,” you said. “You did what you had to do to keep yourself alive. Don’t rewrite history just because I’m standing here again.” He didn’t answer. You stepped closer, enough that your breath could find his collarbone. Enough to remind him that once upon a time, you wanted to be close. “You had years, Yeonjun. Years to come clean. Years to fix it.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“Bullshit.” Your voice cracked barely. “You let me rot.”
“You think it didn’t kill me? I thought you were dead!”
“I think you lived just fine with it.”
He looked at you like he wanted to tear something apart. Maybe you. Maybe himself. “You think I wanted this?” he hissed.
“I think you let it happen,” you snapped. “And I think it’s too late now to play the good guy.” There was a silence. He stared at you with that same infuriating expression—equal parts regret and arrogance. The one you used to fall for. “I don’t need you,” you said, finally. “And I sure as hell don’t need you pretending like we’re anything anymore.”
Yeonjun tilted his head, eyes narrowing just a little. “Then why are you still wearing my necklace?”
The question landed like a slap. And you didn’t have an answer.
Before you could even breathe, he was stepping closer. Each step heavy with something darker than tension, something primal. You stayed still, partly because you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of moving. Partly because your legs didn’t fucking work when he looked at you like that. He stopped only when his chest nearly brushed yours.
His eyes dropped to your collarbone and he towered you, looking down at you. “Still fits you like it was made for you,” he murmured, voice honeyed and low. “Of course, it was. I picked it out when I was younger and so fucking in love with you I couldn’t think straight.” You blinked. The weight of that sentence crashing into you all at once, but he didn’t give you time to recover. “Funny thing is…” His gaze dragged up to your lips, then your eyes. “Even now—after all the blood, the lies, the shit we buried—I still look at you and want to fuck you against the nearest wall.”
You sucked in a breath.
“I still think about what your mouth would feel like saying my name the way you used to—sweet and desperate.” He tilted his head again, like he was admiring the way you looked pissed off and frozen in the same breath. “Still think about what your skin tastes like under all that attitude.”
Your fingers curled at your sides. “You’re disgusting.”
“Yeah,” he breathed. “But you’ve always liked me that way.”
And the worst part is that he wasn’t wrong. You hated the way your body reacted to him, how your pulse betrayed you, how your mind told you to step away and your feet stayed planted.
His eyes dropped again, this time to your mouth, and lingered. “Do you even know what you look like right now?” he whispered. “All cold and fire at the same time. Like you want to punish me for wanting you.”
“I should punish you,” you said, finally finding your voice again, though it came out rough.
Yeonjun smirked. “Baby, if that’s a threat, I’ll fucking beg for it.”
That made you flinch, just a little. But he saw it. Of course he saw it. And that was all the invitation he needed.
He tilted his head, watching your every breath like a predator. Then, slow as sin, he leaned in, close enough that his breath kissed the shell of your ear when he spoke again. “Tell me something.” His voice was a hushed rasp, too close, too deep. “In all these years… did anyone make you feel good?” Your lips parted, but he didn’t wait. “I mean—really good,” he continued, his mouth dragging close to your cheek. “The way I would’ve. The way I still want to.” A pause, his lips ghosting over your skin, not quite touching. “The way I will.”
You turned your head sharply, eyes slicing toward him. “You talk like I was yours to begin with.”
Yeonjun only smiled. “You were.”
You let out a short, bitter laugh. “We were young. You don’t get to rewrite that.”
“Young and stupid, yeah,” he agreed. “But you never stopped looking at me like you wanted to tear me apart. And you think I didn’t see that? You think I didn’t feel it?” He stepped in even closer, one hand bracing against the wall beside your head. “I’ve had to live with that image in my head for years. The way you looked that night you cut me. Face flushed. Hands shaking. Breathing like you’d just—God, I wanted to taste the blood on your fingers.”
You exhaled through your nose, trying to stay cold, unbothered. “You’re sick.”
“And you love it.” He leaned down, murmuring right against your ear again. “Tell me, baby. Did anyone ever get to have you? Did they get to fuck that attitude out of you, or did they all fail?”
“Yeonjun—”
He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes. “I’d ruin you,” he said, voice low and steady. “So slow, so good, you’d forget your own fucking name. You’d forget who you are—Ghost Queen or not. You’d just be mine.”
You didn’t answer, you couldn’t answer, because you hated that a part of you was imagining it. His hot skin, rough hands, his mouth on your throat, dragging out every gasp like it belonged to him. You could almost feel it. The pressure, the filth of his words against your ear, the pull of him unraveling you. So you clenched your jaw, locking it in place. “You never had me.”
Yeonjun stared, quiet for a breath. Then the corner of his mouth curled. “But I could’ve,” he murmured, leaning in, lips brushing dangerously close to your cheek. “And I still could—maybe I should ask your little dog to watch us. What’s his name again? Beomgyu?”
You didn’t even think. In one clean, practiced movement, your hand slid from beneath your sleeve, the blade catching the low light as you slammed him back into the wall with your forearm to his chest and your knife pressed right to the hollow of his throat. The force of it knocked the smirk off his face, but only for a second. Then it was back, wider and hungrier.
“Well, well,” he breathed, tilting his head against the blade. A bead of blood bloomed at the contact, but he didn’t even flinch. “There she is.”
Your eyes were all fire, teeth clenched, breathing sharp. “Say his name again, Yeonjun. Say it. I fucking dare you.”
His hands didn’t go up, didn’t push you off. He stayed still, almost inviting the cut. That damn smirk still plastered across his lips. “You know,” he drawled, voice barely above a whisper, “you holding a knife to my throat is hotter than anything I’ve ever jerked off to—and I’ve had years to imagine this.” Your grip didn’t loosen. If anything, it tightened. But his gaze didn’t drop, it burned into yours. “I missed you,” he whispered. “You insane, deadly little thing.”
You hated the way your pulse betrayed you. How your body thrived off the proximity, off the danger. You could kill him, right here, right now. You wanted to. “You think you scare me?” you snapped.
“I hope so,” he said, smiling wider. “Because nothing makes me harder than a girl who might slit my throat after fucking me.”
Your blade was still slick against him, your chest rising and falling. But you didn’t need to move, because he did all the work for you, leaning in just enough so his lips hovered by your ear, voice thick with venom and something far more dangerous.
“What’s the matter?” Yeonjun said, low and sickeningly sweet. “Afraid I’ll say something else that gets you all worked up?” The weight of his body so close, the smell of his cologne crawling under your skin. “I've got a thousand fantasies about you pressing that knife a little lower.” He exhaled like he was enjoying himself. “God, I missed you. Every version of you. The girl who kissed my cheek once and made me lose sleep for a week, and the one who nearly slit my throat just now. They both get me off.” Your grip faltered for half a second, just enough for him to feel it, and he grinned. “Don’t know if you love me or you want me dead.”
You stepped back like the words were a punch to the chest. His gaze followed you as you turned, fast and sharp, like you had to run before your legs gave out. Before he said something even worse, or something you wanted to hear. You shoved the blade back into the sheath under your sleeve and stormed toward the club’s hall, the music echoing louder the closer you got. You thought you could lose him in the noise, that maybe if you slipped back into the crowd, back into the role, back into your armor, he’d vanish with the bloodlust and the memories.
But of course not. You’d barely made it to the bar when you felt him again, his hand finding your waist from behind like it had belonged there all along. His chest pressed to your back, lips brushing against the shell of your ear with that voice, that stupid, dangerous voice—
“We still have to sell the story, baby,” he whispered, shameless and slow. “Minjae’s watching. Don’t make me hold you tighter.”
“You keep touching me like that,” you muttered through clenched teeth, “And I swear to God, Yeonjun—”
“You’ll what?” He cut in, nuzzling against your hair. “Make me beg? Scream? Kill me in front of everyone?”
You turned your head just enough to meet his eyes. “Maybe all three,” you said.
His smile was pure sin. “Fuck, I hope so.” But then he leaned in closer, voice a breath over your skin, lips ghosting the shell of your ear— “Truth is,” he murmured, slow, filthy, “I think about it every night. What would you let me do to you if my father didn’t kill yours.”
Your brain short-circuited. There was no time to think, just movement. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, hard enough to make him groan, and yanked his smug, beautiful face toward yours. His smirk only widened. You didn’t waste a second, you shoved him back across the room, until his back slammed into the wall near the nearest private door. You didn’t even check if anyone saw you twist the lock.
The second the door clicked shut, you spun him and slammed him against it, fingers still tight in his hair, breath heaving. He was grinning. “Knew you missed me, princess.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
You grabbed his jaw, nails biting into his skin, and forced him to look at you. He was already hard, cocky as ever, eyes gleaming like he’d won some twisted game. But he didn’t say another word. You pressed in close, body flush to his, letting him feel every inch of your control. “You talk too much,” you muttered, dragging your mouth along his jaw—not kissing, just hovering and teasing. “Always did.”
“I can shut up,” he said, already breathless. “If you sit on my face.”
“Quiet,” you hissed. You slammed him back against the wall again, just to feel the sharp inhale he took. His eyes fluttered, and for a split second, the mask cracked, just enough to show how gone he was for you. How long he’d been starving for this. “Tell me you missed me,” you demanded.
He licked his lips, eyes blown wide. “I missed the way you make me fucking weak.”
You didn’t give him time to breathe. Your lips crashed against his jaw, not soft, not sweet. You sank your teeth into the sharp edge of it, biting down until his whole body jolted under your hands, a strangled groan ripping from his throat. You could feel him trembling. “Fuck,” he hissed, head tilting back against the wall, eyes fluttering shut for a second. “Fucking bite me again—”
“I said shut up,” you growled against his skin, your breath hot and ragged. You licked where you’d just bitten, then bit again, just below his ear, harder. “God, you’re pathetic.”
He let out a low, breathy laugh, already wrecked. “Only for you.”
You leaned in close, lips brushing his ear. “I think about it every day, Jun. Every fucking day.” He stilled, but you didn’t stop. “The sound you made when I cut your face. That pitiful, shocked little gasp. You looked like a kicked dog. And I swear I wanted to kill you,” you whispered, pressing your mouth back to that same spot on his jawline, biting again. “After my father died, and your father left me rotting—you just let it happen. You walked away. You knew.”
“Y/N—”
“No.” You gripped his chin, forcing him to meet your eyes. “You let me starve. You let them humiliate me. And I swore—every fucking day—that I’d make you pay for it. I built myself from blood and ash, and you? And now you are fucking stealing from me.”
Yeonjun stilled. For one long, charged second, he didn’t move or speak. Then his eyes darkened and everything snapped. With a brutal sort of grace, he grabbed your wrists and spun you, slamming your back against the wall in a single, fluid motion. His breath was hot at your throat, his body crowding yours, his thigh sliding precisely between your legs until it was pressed against your heat firmly and deliberate. Your breath caught and you hated how fast your body betrayed you.
“You think you’re in control?” he growled, pinning your wrists above your head with one hand, while the other slid down your side, fingers dragging painfully slow. “You think you built yourself?” His thigh pressed up hard, just enough friction to make you gasp, and he chuckled. “I love it when you look at me like you want to kill me—and fuck me in the same breath,” he hissed, lips brushing your jaw.
You choked on a sound, part fury, part need, grinding involuntarily against the pressure between your legs and he smirked. “I bet you ache,” he whispered, mouth moving to the shell of your ear. “Bet you’ve always ached. You try to fall asleep at night, and you squeeze your thighs together, pretending it’s nothing. Pretending it’s not me you’re thinking about.” His voice dropped lower and meaner. “Tell me the truth,” he murmured. “When you touch yourself—because I know you do—do you pretend it’s my fingers? Or do you imagine me throwing you against a wall like this, fucking you so hard you forget your own name?”
His thigh flexed against you again, and your hips bucked helplessly in response. He grinned, dark and wolfish. “You hate that you want it. That you want me,” he breathed. “But you always have. Even back then. You were mine long before you knew what that meant.”
His hand slid under your dress, fingertips teasing the sensitive skin of your thigh, just barely skimming where you needed him most. “You wanna know what I think about?” he asked, voice rough and sinful. “I think about spreading you open. Holding your legs apart while I taste every inch of you—slow. So slow it hurts. I wanna hear you whimper. Wanna ruin you so completely until you cry for my dick. Again. And again.”
You gasped as his thigh pressed up again, harder, firmer, angled just right. It sent a jolt of pleasure through you so sharp your knees nearly gave out. His hands clamped down on your hips, tight and possessive, guiding you against the flex of his thigh. The friction sent another sharp jolt of heat through your core, and you cursed under your breath, biting down on your lip hard enough to hurt.
“That's it,” he rasped, grinding you down with purpose. “So eager now, aren’t you? I can feel how wet you are through your panties, baby. You're soaking me.” You clenched your jaw, trying to hold on to that last shred of control. But he was relentless, dragging your hips with a slow rhythm, the pressure maddening. “Go on,” he coaxed, voice low and filthy. “Use me. Ride my thigh like the needy little thing I always knew you were.”
“Shut up,” you spat, even as your hips betrayed you, rolling down against the muscle of his leg with pathetic desperation.
He chuckled, dark and hungry. “Shut me up, then. Or are you too busy soaking my pants like some spoiled brat in heat?”
Your nails dug into his shoulders, leaving half-moons in his skin. You hated him. You hated how he knew exactly what to say. How your body responded to him like it had never belonged to you in the first place. “I should’ve slit your throat the day I found out what you did,” you hissed, breathless.
“Oh, baby,” he murmured, voice dripping with mock sympathy. “You should’ve. But you didn’t. And now look at you.” He leaned in closer, closer to your mouth, his lips almost touching yours. You turned your face at the last second, his lips brushing the corner of your jaw instead. You can’t kiss him right now. You don’t know how you feel about this. And he notices it, that resistance in you. So he rolled his thigh up again, harder this time, making your head tip back against the wall as a ragged moan escaped you. “You're grinding on me like a whore,” he murmured, leaning in close. “But you won't even let me kiss you?” He barked a laugh. “That’s cute.”
One of his hands slid up your back and tangled in your hair, pulling just enough to make you gasp. “You're so good at pretending you're above this,” he whispered against your cheek. “But I can feel how close you are.”
Your lips parted, a breath catching, but no words came. He pressed his forehead to yours, keeping you pinned, his thigh flexing beneath you in slow, deliberate circles. “You're shaking. You gonna come just from this?” he whispered, tone wicked. “Gonna fall apart without me even needing to touch your pussy properly?”
“Fuck you,” you hissed, even as your fingers clutched his shirt like a lifeline.
“We already are,” he breathed. “You just don’t wanna admit it.” You tried to snarl something back, anything brutal, but all that came out was a broken whimper when he angled his leg just right again and ground you down on it hard. “Say it,” he growled. “Say you want me to ruin you.”
“No.”
“Say it.”
You hesitated. His grip on your hips tightened, and he dragged you over him again with a force that knocked the breath out of your lungs. “Say it, or I’ll stop.”
You looked at him. At the flushed skin, the blown pupils, the restraint in every muscle of his body barely holding back his own hunger. And something in you snapped. Not from surrender, but from something darker, older. Something forged in every time you’d had to bite your tongue, bury your desire, and walk away from him when all you really wanted was this. The way he looked at you now—wild, worshipful, starved like you were a sin he’d been denied too long—it ignited every sharp, burning edge of you.
You gripped the front of his shirt and yanked him closer, your breath brushing his lips. “You think you’re in control now,” you whispered, voice low and trembling with fury and want. “But you’re not. You never were.”
He grinned, teeth flashing, but there was a flicker of something else behind his eyes. Respect, maybe, or awe. “I’ve always been in control,” he murmured, dragging his thigh up again between your legs. “Even when I wasn’t touching you. Especially then.”
You let out a shaky breath, your forehead pressing against his for a beat. Your hips rolled of their own accord, chasing friction like your body had given up waiting for your mind to catch up. He hissed. “Fuck, that’s it. Keep going. Let me see what that perfect little cunt does when you stop pretending you don’t need me.”
His hands moved like instinct, one cupping your jaw, the other sliding down your spine and grabbing your ass as he ground you even harder into his thigh. You moaned into his mouth, and he groaned into yours, the sound deep and guttural like he’d been dying for this. “You like that?” he rasped, mouth so close to yours. “Like grinding that soaked little pussy on me while I whisper every filthy thing I’ve ever wanted to do to you?”
You gasped as he rocked you forward again, the pressure brutal, perfect. “I wanna wreck you,” he said, voice like smoke and sin. “Wanna fuck you in every way. Wanna hear you beg for it, cry for it—thank me for it.” Your head tipped back, a raw sound catching in your throat.
His thigh flexed under you again and your whole body jolted. “You gonna come for me like this?” he asked, hand sliding between you to press against your clit through the soaked fabric. “So desperate you’ll cream on my leg like a needy little slut?” You whimpered, you fought not to, but your hips bucked against his hand. “Say it,” he growled. “Say you’re mine. Say it and I’ll make you come right now.”
Your lips hovered near his, breathing him in. His breath ghosted over your mouth, but still—you wouldn’t kiss him. Not yet. That, you’d keep. That was your line. And then you whispered: “…I’m yours.”
He exhaled, like the words physically undid him. “That’s my fucking girl.”
His mouth was everywhere but your lips. He kissed your neck like he wanted to brand you, tongue dragging over your pulse, his teeth grazing that sensitive spot below your ear, making you shudder so hard it nearly hurt. You didn’t mean to move, but your hips ground down on his thigh anyway, desperate for friction, for relief. Yeonjun’s hands locked around your waist dragging you even closer. He rolled his thigh up hard, and you choked on your breath, eyes fluttering shut. “That’s right. Use me,” he whispered, and then, closer to your ear, darker: “But if you think I’m just gonna let you come without claiming every inch of you first, you’re fucking dreaming.”
Your fingers dug into his shoulders, legs shaking, brain fogging fast with the pressure building between your thighs. “I can feel it,” he groaned. “You’re right fucking there. Gonna soak my leg like a needy little slut, huh? Can’t even wait for my cock—just wanna make a mess on me.”
“Yeonjun—” you breathed, but you didn’t know what you were begging for.
He bit down gently on the curve of your jaw, just enough to make you whimper, then spoke so close to your ear it sent a bolt of heat down your spine. “You don’t wanna kiss me?” he taunted. “Fine. But you’re gonna come like this—shaking, grinding on me, moaning my name like a fucking bitch.”
You broke. The tension snapped like a rubber band. Your body convulsed, the orgasm tearing through you so hard you nearly sobbed. Your hips jerked once, twice, before collapsing into him, legs weak, chest heaving, mind blank with the force of it. You were screaming his name. And Yeonjun held you through it, strong and steady, one hand firm on your back, the other gently stroking your thigh, lips brushing your ear.
“That’s it,” he whispered, voice smug and thick with hunger. “That’s my good fucking girl.”
And still, he didn’t kiss you, not yet. Instead, he held you there for a moment longer, letting your trembling body press against his as your breath came in broken, uneven bursts. One hand stayed planted low on your back, grounding you. The other trailed up slowly, until his fingers curled gently around your jaw. “You came so hard, baby. Rubbed your needy little cunt on my thigh like you were made to be ruined by me.”
You twitched at his words, still raw from the high, but your body reacted anyway, too sensitive, too aware. He pulled back enough to look at you, his eyes half-lidded, drunk on power and lust. And then he leaned in, his mouth angling toward yours, lips parted, close enough that his breath mingled with yours.
But something snapped. Reality slammed back into you, all at once—your heartbeat still frantic, your skin still hot, your body still aching... and all of it because of him. The person you swore you’d never let close again.
So you shoved him hard. He stumbled back a step, blinking in surprise, before a slow, amused grin curled his lips. “There she is,” he said, breathless, a dark chuckle in his throat. “My little hellcat.”
“Fuck you, Yeonjun,” you spat, fury and embarrassment colliding in your chest.
He tilted his head, eyes flicking to your mouth. “You bit your lip so hard, you’re bleeding.”
You reached up instinctively and sure enough, your fingers came away red. Yeonjun moved fast. Before you could stop him, he was already close again, hands on either side of your face, and he leaned in—not to kiss you, no—but to drag his tongue slowly along your lower lip, tasting the blood like it was something sacred.
You flinched. “Don’t—”
He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, a wild gleam in his own. “Even your blood tastes good,” he murmured. “Bet I could get addicted to you.”
You shoved him again, harder this time, and he let you. “You don’t get to kiss me,” you snapped, breath still unsteady.
His smile was crooked now, smug. “Baby, I already made you come. With your clothes on. Grinding on my fucking thigh like a bitch.”
Your face burned fiercely—flushed with a storm of anger, humiliation, and something darker, more twisted beneath it all. “You’re disgusting,” you spat, jerking your dress down, trying to steady the ragged gasps that threatened to spill from your mouth. “This was a fucking mistake. It should’ve never happened.” You whipped around, ready to escape, to put miles between you and the man who’d just unraveled you without even shedding your clothes. But before you took two steps, his hand slammed down on your wrist. “Don’t,” you warned, voice sharp but shaky, refusing to turn back.
Yeonjun didn’t care. He yanked you back with a brutal ease, pressing you flush against his chest. His body was a furnace behind you, hot, and that unmistakable hardness pressed right where it needed to, digging into you. You froze, breath hitching, every nerve screaming. His fingers spread over your waist, gripping with possessive force, anchoring you.
“You really think this ends here?” he growled, voice thick. “After how soaked your panties got, creaming on my leg like some desperate little slut who can’t get enough?”
A shiver ran down your spine. Your fists curled, but you stayed rooted, helpless to deny the truth in his words. His voice dropped lower. “Run if you want. Go ahead. But I’m the only one who knows how to touch you like this. You are fucking mine, queen.”
Your breath caught, eyes burning with a mix of defiance and desire. Your body betrayed you, frozen against his relentless hold. His chest pressed heavier against your back, his hot breath trailing down your neck like liquid sin. “You’re gonna fucking replay this in your head,” he whispered, cruel and sweet all at once. Then, just like that—he released you.
You didn’t look back. But his voice echoed in your mind as you walked away, the filthy promise dragging after you like a shadow:
“You’ll come back. You always do. And next time? I’m gonna make you scream my name while I ruin you completely.”
You hated him, you did, you hated everything he had done, the lies, the pain, the silence. But you didn’t hate the way his touch made your pulse skip. You didn’t hate the way his voice, low and wrecked, had said: You are fucking mine, queen.
Yeonjun was a mess. A walking, bleeding contradiction. He was dangerous, infuriating even. But you couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Because Yeonjun fought so dirty, but he loved so sweet. He talked so pretty, but his heart got teeth. And you’d never, never, never let go.
author’s note: okay confession time: this was my very first time diving into the mafia genre and honestly, i always avoided it because i was scared it would come off too cheesy or overdramatic. but somehow, with these two, everything just clicked. so i ended up really liking how everything aligned in the end because some loves don’t fit into the rules AND THAT being said… if by any chance you’d like to see what happens next, i’m already working on a part 2!! but it will take a while :( if you want to be in the taglist, let me know in the comments! ok byeeeeeee
Summary: You're the textbook definition of the perfect daughter. With everything laid out to you, the only thing you should do is follow the footsteps of your parents and become a doctor. If not, marry a soon-to-be doctor and be the perfect wife for him.
Easily, you can do both. Despite being a college student, you are already arranged to marry Park Sunghoon, the son of your parents' business partner. While you're doing everything to tie him to your perfect life, Sunghoon is very much determined to ran away from it, chasing after a dream of passion which you could never understand.
✰ Song inspiration: Decode by Sabrina Carpenter, Autumn by Niki, Already Over by Sabrina Carpenter
✰ Word Count: 23.9k (what the hell sure.)
✰ Tags: Arranged marriage, angst!!, a bit of unrequited love, hurt a little bit of comfort, lots of lots of miscommunication (these two can’t communicate ffs), angst with happy ending ig, short fluff, smut! College setting, reader is a perfectionist and soooo stubborn, Park Sunghoon is a mess, he’s also in a band. Mentions of drinking and alcohol, and mild violence. Toxic relationships, so much drama, Wonyoung and Ningning as your best friends, mentions of enhypen members, fancy dinners and shits, lots of cursing lmao.
✰ CW: smut! Plot with little porn, loss of virginity (both of them are virgins lmao but they kinda know what to do though, don’t ask how), extremely soft vanilla sex!! P in v sex, short mutual masturbation, fingering, mentions of blood, use of condom (!!!), praise, big dick! Sunghoon, aftercare. I might have forgotten some but yeah, shitty smut hope you enjoy nonetheless.
✰ Asul’s note: okay med students don’t come to me, I know that you need to pass a board exam before attending med school, or not, i think that’s based on your undergraduate program sdkfkjddfk. (I base it on my country lmao) so inaccuracies about becoming a doctor might be present here, so now, I am apologizing for the inaccuracies. (anyways, this is a fanfic guys, let it slide.) This is also not proofread lmao.
Anyways, this is the second installment for Arcanum series yay! you guys loved Jay's fic that I decided to write for the other members. :D hope you enjoy this one. <3
By six in the morning, regardless if you have class that day, you’ll be awake. You start your day by taking a 5km walk in the community plaza in your subdivision, wherein the sun has already risen but not enough for you to feel hot.
You should also be home by seven in the morning, wherein you do your morning routine like taking a bath, cooking breakfast, and maybe spare thirty minutes to read the book on your reading list before driving off to Decelis University. If you don’t have any classes that day, you’ll spend the day advance reading your subjects.
Everything in your life has always been like that. Having a routine keeps you organized, calms your mind and keeps your body circling everyday — leaving no room for mistakes, because making mistakes for you isn’t an ideal thing to do.
You’re the only child of your family. You grew up with loving parents who showered you with love and everything that you want. Spoiled but not rotten, everything wasn’t given to you in a snap. They always taught you that everything they give to you, should be repaired. Hence, you grew up with expectations given to you, and you have every determination not to fail your parents.
That’s why you’re studying medical biology, following the footsteps of your father who owns the biggest medical center in your city. Ever since your father exposed you to his work, your dream has been to become a doctor like him, and they were happy that you’re following their path.
While they are anticipating for you to become a doctor, your parents didn’t hesitate to give you a second option — a doctor’s wife like your mother. Someone who tends to their husband, becoming a housewife or trophy wife who spends their husband’s money with no problem, your mother would always joke.
Coincidentally, your parents didn’t even let you choose between the options because easily, you can have both. While your ring finger remains empty, you know you’re bound to be married to someone by the time you graduate college.
“Sunghoon,” you called out, shaking the boy’s shoulder. You were given a short groan as Sunghoon turned sideways and covered his head with the blanket.
“Sunghoon, wake up! We have class at ten!” you shouted, pulling the blanket once again. It didn’t take a minute for Sunghoon to sit up with a loud groan escaping his lips.
“y/n, it’s only eight in the morning, you can go to Decelis if you want to, but let me fucking rest for another hour,” he said mindlessly, eyes still close.
“You’ll skip class again because you overslept,” you pointed out. “Are you still drunk?”
“I have a hangover, thanks for asking,” Sunghoon replied sarcastically. “Also, why do you care if I skip class for today? It’s just a minor subject for fuck’s sake, just go.”
“Make sure you go to Decelis today,” you reminded before leaving his room. Sunghoon didn’t even bother replying to you, he only lay down in his bed once again and dozed off, which only made you heave a sigh.
You’ve known Park Sunghoon ever since you two were kids. You remember the first time you two met, at his father’s birthday, wherein he played the piano for the audience. You watched as he effortlessly played a song you’re unfamiliar with. Eyes locked at him, it was the first time you felt that rush of in your heart, cheeks heating up as you admired him from where you were standing.
Ever since that day, you wanted to marry Sunghoon. His parents own the largest pharmaceutical company in your district which means that he’s bound to inherit his parents’ business. You think that it was destiny. If you two were to get married, your parents’ businesses would merge and you envision yourself as a doctor along with Sunghoon.
It was as if the perfect life had been given to you. While you never formally requested to your parents that you wanted to marry Sunghoon, they pretty much set you two up. You grew up with Sunghoon, played and studied with him, and went to the same school together.
He was your best friend. Although the lingering crush inside you still gives you butterflies every time you’re with Sunghoon, your platonic love for him still outweighs. You two passed Decelis University together, but before you two entered college, the formal arrangement between the two of you was held in a private dinner — completely shattering your relationship with him.
From there, everything changed, the wariness that you two will get married after graduation lingers, and the fact that you two were forced to live in a house together, alone, made it more awkward for the two of you.
Both your parents insisted that it’s for you two to prepare for your marriage. At first, it was hard to adjust, having small talks and walking on eggshells during the first few months despite you two growing up together. But slowly, you two had become well-adjusted with each other.
Going to Decelis together, study dates, and senseless conversations after dinner happened because not only you two live together, you two are also classmates. You two became well-known in your department. With your family’s background and reputation, everyone knows that you two are engaged to each other, and by the end of your freshman year, you two were considered as the medical sciences department’s “power couple.”
Although you two had adjusted well, the two of you knew that what you had were only platonic, two best friends who live together under the same roof, ignoring the future that awaits for both of you.
But when sophomore year came, Sunghoon formed a band along with some friends and a junior of his, and they named it, “Arcanum,” and ever since that day, Sunghoon was no longer the Sunghoon that you knew.
You always thought that his talent for piano will only be a talent of his, but you didn’t expect it to become a passion that he will come chasing after. Ever since Arcanum happened, the sound of his keyboard can be heard all over your house, and instead of medical books and notes from your subjects being on his table, it has become lyrical sheets and chords that only Sunghoon can read.
While Sunghoon still excels in class and passes his subjects with ease, it’s not hard to ignore that his college program isn’t his priority anymore. You found yourself alone in your house every night, Sunghoon separating from you by the end of the class because he has a gig or band practice. Sometimes he goes home drunk, and you’re wondering why the hell he is letting himself get drunk despite his low alcohol tolerance.
You know that it’ll get worse if he continues doing it. You tried to talk him out of it but Sunghoon got angry with you instead, lashing out that why can’t you just support his passion instead. It was the first time he ever got angry with you and yet, it fueled something in you, the way he looked at you that night, you’re convinced that he’s not the Sunghoon that you know — which persisted you more to make him go back to the way he was.
You tried. Everyday, you tried to make sure he goes to his class, waking him up and checking up on him became part of your routine. But it all seems useless because the more you pick up Sunghoon’s mess, the more he becomes annoyed at you. It became something you two always fought about, slowly you two didn’t realise that you two had drifted apart.
“Class dismissed,” the professor announced. You could only close your notebook as you shake your head with disappointment.
Sunghoon didn’t show up, he’s probably in his room, still asleep. You hated how he didn’t show up, and all of it is because of a hangover from yesterday’s gig. You always told him that he shouldn’t drink during school days but it’s Sunghoon, he never listens to you.
As you grabbed your things and placed them in your bag, your professor called you out suddenly, which made you head towards him.
“Yes sir?” you asked.
“It’s about Sunghoon,” he started, your eyes widened but you only nodded, it wasn’t a surprise to you that your professors go to you if there’s any concerns regarding your fiance.
“He might as well drop my subject because he’s already failing,” your professor explained.
“What?” you asked, almost stumbling on your own tongue.
“He’s been absent for the past few weeks, and you know that attendance is still a crucial part of my subject. If he keeps on missing my classes, he’ll receive a failing grade in my subject, no considerations,” he said with a stern voice.
You kept quiet for a moment, but only nodded. “I will inform him about this one, thank you so much sir.”
“I know that Arcanum is slowly becoming popular, but he still has to prioritize his studies,” your professor comments.
You only gave him a formal smile before excusing yourself. As soon as you reached the hallway, you felt yourself in relief, but there was a hurtful tug on your heart. You couldn’t help but to grab your phone, dialing Sunghoon’s number.
But all your calls went to his voicemail, you only stared at your phone, frozen from where you were standing. Your heart is beating at an abnormal pace and you hate that feeling.
You’re nervous. You hated feeling nervous. You’re nervous about Sunghoon, if he fails this subject, he’ll be delayed to graduate. He can’t delay. No, you two were supposed to graduate this year and after a few months, you two will get married before attending medical school. That’s the plan. There shouldn’t be any other options other than that.
Of course you have to tell him about it, but the question was, does Sunghoon care? That’s what scares you the most. Because there’s a large possibility that he doesn’t care about it, he’ll let himself fail a subject if it means proving you wrong.
You couldn’t concentrate for the remaining day. Thoughts keep running in your mind, and to make it worse, none of your subjects were attended by Sunghoon. You don’t know his whereabouts since he wasn’t replying to your texts and calls, and you know that you’re going home to an empty house again.
Sunghoon is probably in his gig again, or maybe practicing somewhere. That’s what you thought when you entered the house, and your guess is right, it was empty and dark. As you close the door, there’s a small pain in your heart staring at the huge yet hollow house, wondering if this would be the house that you’ll go home to in a few years.
But your pondering was interrupted when you felt your phone vibrating, as you grabbed it and opened, you were surprised that Sunghoon’s calling you.
“I’ve been calling you since earlier!” you shouted the moment you answered the call.
“My parents’ are here, I spent the day with them in case you’re wondering why I was absent for today,” Sunghoon said boredly, and despite his cold tone, you were relieved to hear his explanation.
“You should’ve told me that instead of having me wonder where the hell are you,” you replied.
“Get dressed, they’re taking us out for dinner, I know you’re home by now, so we’ll pick you around thirty minutes,” and with that, Sunghoon ends the call. He didn’t even acknowledge your answer. You could only look at your phone for a minute before deciding to go to your room and find a nice outfit for dinner.
Sunghoon’s parents are a lovely couple who treated you like their own daughter. As soon as they arrive at your place to pick you up, Mrs. Park immediately approaches you with a smile on her face, hugging you tightly which you only reciprocate.
“Y/n dear! Look at you, so pretty as ever,” she said with a smile, brushing your hair which only made you smile wider. “Don’t get too stressed, okay? I know with graduation nearing, it can be stressful for you two. Just don’t worry about your marriage, focus on your studies first.”
You only let out a small chuckle, “of course auntie, thank you for the concern.”
“You’re looking out for Sunghoon,” she whispered, knowing that the subject was in the room. “It can be hard sometimes, right? I’m just happy that you’re the one that he’s going to marry. He doesn’t know how lucky he is.”
The smile on your face almost slipped, but you managed to give her a nod. The beaming smile on Mrs. Park’s lips make you wonder what she would feel if she learned about how disastrous her son is now — or how his fiance couldn’t even tame him down.
“Of course, thank you for putting your trust in me.” instead, fake words slipped out of your mouth perfectly even though you were itching to snitch your fiance to his mother.
Mrs. Park only pats your cheeks one last time before calling out Mr. Park and Sunghoon, indicating that the four of you should go now.
Arriving at the restaurant, the four of you went straight to the VIP room where food was already served. Dinner immediately commenced with a few talks and chit-chats.
“Graduation is near,” Mr. Park said in the middle of the dinner, glancing at you and Sunghoon. “Any plans? University of choice for your med school?”
“Decelis’ medical school is one of the top,” you answered diligently. “I might stay there.”
“Ah, I do remember, both your parents attended Decelis Medical School, good choice for you y/n,” Mr. Park pointed out.
“How about you Sunghoon dear?” Mrs. Park asked.
You only glanced at Sunghoon who busied himself with the food. He gives his parents a bored stare before picking up the meat on his plate, “Probably Decelis too.”
“Ah I see, you don’t want to get separated from y/n, such a sweetheart,” Mrs. Park teasingly said.
Sunghoon softly scoffs, making you glance at him. His action were left unnoticed by his parents. When Sunghoon glanced at you, he raised an eyebrow, and you wanted to say something but you held yourself back. Knowing that you two are just putting up a show to his parents.
The remaining hours were filled with nothing but silence, which you are used to. Talks about college were all the conversation revolved around, and somehow, Sunghoon managed to answer his parents’ questions like he was a diligent student who’s top of his class.
“Take care of the two of you okay? We’ll see you during your break,” after a few goodbyes and hugs, Sunghoon’s parents have left the two of you back in your house. The two of you watched their car leave and with that, Sunghoon turns around and enters the house.
You followed him, heels clanking against the marble floor. You watched as he unbuttons his sleeved shirt’s button, walking towards his room when you called him out.
“You should be glad that I didn’t tell them that you’re on the edge of failing a subject,” you blurted out.
Sunghoon merely laughs in disbelief, “oh, now I should be glad that you saved my ass earlier? Thank you then.”
You chose to ignore his sarcastic remark, “Sunghoon, you can’t give up now, we’re graduating, do you really want to get yourself delayed?”
Sunghoon only stared at you, “what if I do? Is there something you can do about it?”
You only blink for a second. “Fine, go on and get delayed, fail a subject if you want to. But do I have to remind you that Arcanum’s a university band? And by Decelis’ rules, they allow bands to perform as long as they don’t have a failing grade? So if you want to be so hard-headed about not attending class, say goodbye to your band then.”
“You’re so annoying aren’t you? Using Arcanum just so I can continue studying medicine,” Sunghoon exhales.
A haunting smirk plastered on your face, “oh no sweetheart, I’m just reminding you that you can’t chase after Arcanum, especially when it’s still tied in Decelis and your studies. So maybe rethink your life choices now before your parents find out about the mess that you’ve been doing.”
Sunghoon mockingly laughs, “you’re such a stuck-up to my parents.”
“Then make a fucking choice Hoon,” you challenged. “Them finding out through me or Decelis? Either way, it’s not going to end well, so fix yourself and get some sleep tonight. We have class tomorrow at eight. Goodnight to you.”
You end the conversation by passing by him. Going straight to your room where you immediately locked yourself. You lean against the door, Eyes shutting tightly as you try to steady your breathing. You can feel all the energy leaving your body, wanting nothing more to sleep.
You always say to yourself that you won’t give up on Sunghoon, but days like these feel like every effort you give to him is useless.
-
The following day, you and Sunghoon arrived at Decelis University together, creating a buzz in the campus. It was a rare occurrence for you to attend together.
Everyone knows. It's obvious that your relationship has been becoming astray, and yet, your “power couple” status remains the same. No one attempted to pursue you nor girls couldn’t flirt with Sunghoon not only because you two are tied together, but because you two are deemed untouchable because of your background.
You two entered the classroom, Sunghoon going to the corner seat near the window while you opted for the second row near the aisle. A few mutters can be heard, but you chose to ignore it, getting used to people talking about you and Sunghoon’s ‘stray relationship.’
The day goes on, classes and laboratories continue on and on, and you’ve done the class with ease. You didn’t talk to Sunghoon but you observed that he managed to catch up with your lectures despite his absences. Natural Sunghoon, he can be gone for half of the semester, and still manage to top his grades.
“Go home already,” Sunghoon said to you by the end of the class. “I have a gig tonight.”
You only gave him a bitter smile, “of course you have.”
But instead of leaving you there, Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, “you know this y/n.”
“And I’m used to it,” you sharply said. “Why are you still standing there? Go now before I convince you to not go to your gig tonight.’
Sunghoon gave you another look before turning around, watching him leave the classroom as you stood there. Short conversations, sarcastic remarks, and bitter statements that’ll lead to arguments. You wonder when will this end?
“What’s wrong? You’re out of focus today,” Yizhuo asked with a worried tone. You only place your tennis racket down as you grab your water bottle.
“Just the same usual thing,” you answer, sitting on the bench as your best friend did the same thing. She places her hand on your thigh, lightly patting it.
“Sunghoon again? You know you should stop chasing after him.”
“It’s not that I am chasing him, I’m already tied to him —” you heaved out another heavy sigh. “He’s the one chasing after a dream. Bands? What’s his future with them? After college, they’ll be gone, it’s not like they’ll continue playing after college.”
“He seems to be so passionate about it,” Yizhuo pointed out. “Watched their performance last week at The Rabbit Hole, they’re great by the way.”
“He should be focusing on med school,” you explained. “But he’s out there performing and getting drunk, I don’t know Ning, I don’t know what to do with him. His parents trusted me to take care of him —”
“There you go again, worrying about things that aren’t your control,” your best friend gently pats your back. “You know, you can always back out of the marriage? You’re still young! You might even meet someone better in med school.”
That’s when you stifle a laugh, “how can I? My parents arranged this one.”
“Ran away! Do you really want to spend your life with that idiot?”
You didn’t answer your friend. Your smile disappeared, and for a moment, you only looked at the court where strangers were playing tennis. Your focus shifted to the tennis ball bouncing back and forth from the players until it went out of the court.
“I do,” you said softly, because from the very start, it has always been Sunghoon. You couldn’t imagine yourself looking for others when Sunghoon is right there from the very start.
“You’re going to let yourself be a fool for him huh?” Yizhuo asked with a disappointed tone.
But you only looked at your best friend with a determined smile, “no, I’m going to make him quit the band.”
“You know you’re already doing it but nothing’s changing,” Yizhuo said. You only gave her a smile before standing up from the bench, you two went back to the table where your bags are located.
“Then I just have to keep on trying more,” you pointed out, fishing out your phone, you opened it and saw missed calls from Sunghoon — which is a surprise.
You pressed Sunghoon’s number and after a few rings, it answered.
“Hello?” an unfamiliar voice called.
“Hello, who is this?” you asked.
“It’s Heeseung, Sunghoon’s bandmate.”
“Oh! I remember you, you study education right?”
Heeseung faintly chuckles from the background, “yes, that would be me, but listen, uhm…Sunghoon’s drunk right now —”
“Already? It’s only ten in the evening.”
“Yeah, but you know his alcohol tolerance — listen, uhm can you pick him up? He’s passed out on the couch but doesn’t want to get inside Jay’s car for some reason.” you can sense Heeseung’s apologetic tone, which only made you roll your eyes.
“It’s not like I can leave him there right? Can you send me the location, I’ll be there in a few minutes, I’m just at Decelis’ tennis club,” you said.
“I’ll send it right now, thank you y/n.” And with that, the call ended. You grabbed your bag and bid Yizhuo goodbye.
“Just reminding you that you can always leave him!” your best friend shouted, and you only gave her a glare before sprinting towards your car.
Sunghoon’s location drove you to a huge house, just a few blocks away from the university. Parking your car nearby, you got off from it and headed towards the entrance, ringing the bell twice.
The door opened, revealing a tall and familiar guy who you assumed was Heeseung.
“You’re here, that’s great, we’ll get Sunghoon but come in first,” he said with a smile, you only nod as you enter the house.
“You’re Heeseung right?” you asked as you two walked towards the living room. Heeseung stops and looks at you, he looks surprised but only nods.
“Yeah, this is probably the first time we met, I only see you inside the campus and that’s a rare occurrence.” he said.
Entering the living room, the first thing you saw was Sunghoon flat-out dead on the couch while some boys were cleaning the mess on the coffee table along with some girls. Can beers and bottles of vodkas placed on the table along with some snacks, while their instruments are set-up on a corner.
“He said that he was on a gig,” you stated, walking towards Sunghoon.
“Yeah, we just finished it earlier and he kinda insisted that we celebrate it,” Heeseung shrugs.
“He has the guts to drink his heart out and then not go to class the next day,” you muttered under breath as you lightly shake Sunghoon’s shoulder.
“He’s not gonna wake up anytime soon,” said another voice. “I’m Jay, and this is Jungwon.”
“Hi, sorry for the hassle,” the blonde boy said.
“I’m sorry for Sunghoon too, I feel like you guys always have to take care of him whenever he’s like this.”
“We’re used to it, no worries,” Jay assured.
“And that worries me more because he just doesn’t stop,” you pointed out. “You’ll end up tolerating his bad habits.”
No one said a thing. The three of them watched as you attempted to pull Sunghoon to sit up from his place, you were struggling but you were persistent.
They know how much you dislike Arcanum, seeing it as nothing but a university band who performs. Despite all of Sunghoon’s rants and complaints about you, the remaining three decided to be civil with you since they know that you’re going to be Sunghoon’s future wife.
“If that’s your worry, we don’t tolerate bad habits here,” Heeseung breaks the silence approaching you as he lifts Sunghoon on his shoulders, along with the other two who held his limbs.
“That’s not my only worry,” you whispered, Heeseung glances at you before proceeding to carry Sunghoon outside towards your car.
They set him neatly on the passenger seat, Sunghoon didn’t move nor made a sound as they put on his seatbelt. It’s safe to assume that he’s passed-out drunk and frustration is written all over your face. They weren’t that stupid to notice it, Sunghoon has lately become too attached with alcohol.
“You guys know that he’s studying medicine right? After college, he’s going to med school,” you asked them, who only glanced at each other, knowing that it’s the total opposite of what Sunghoon has been telling them.
“If he keeps going on like this, I don’t know what will happen to him in the future,” you said one last time before going inside your car and driving away from the place.
The silence was devouring, you kept on glancing at Sunghoon from time to time, checking if he had gained consciousness or not. You only tighten your hold on the steering wheel as you speeden your drive towards your place.
As you arrive at your house, that’s when you face the challenge of carrying Sunghoon inside your place. You opened the door of the passenger seat and lightly shake Sunghoon’s shoulder. He didn’t budge for a moment, that’s when you called out his name, shaking it harsher than before.
You watch as Sunghoon’s eyebrows knit, letting out a frustrated groan as he attempts to open his eyes.
“Get up now, we’re home,” you told him.
“y/n?” he asked before closing his eyes.
“Sunghoon! Wake up please!” you pleaded. But he didn’t move again, so you stood there, thinking about what to do with him. That’s when you used all your strength to swing his heavy arms around your shoulders but as soon as you attempted to pull him out of the car, he didn’t budge.
“Fucking hell,” you curse, removing his shoulder. This time, you shake his head while screaming his name. For a few seconds, he opens his eyes confused and drowsy.
“Just lean on me,” you instructed, you grabbed his shoulders once again and this time, Sunghoon managed to move on his own, leaning his huge body against yours. You could only groan as you helped him walk inside your house.
You didn’t even manage to reach his room, Sunghoon found himself stumbling in the living room — towards the couch where you couldn’t do anything but to fix his position. You left the living room and returned in a minute with a blanket and a pillow for him.
Gently, you place the pillow below his head and put the blanket on him. Then you stood there, eyes never leaving Sunghoon who’s sleeping now. You kneeled in front of him, brushing his messy bangs so that you could see his face closer.
“What am I going to do with you Hoon?” you whispered, eyes never leaving his face. Sunghoon looks so peaceful and gentle in his sleep — this is probably the only time you see him this peaceful.
A bitter smile escapes your lips because the more you look at him, the more it slowly sinks into you that tomorrow won’t be like this. “Goodnight Sunghoon,” you mumbled, patting his head one last time before returning to your room.
-
Your routine was disrupted when Sunghoon barged into the kitchen, angry and frustrated.
“Y/n!? What the fuck!?” you stopped your tracks, turning off the stove before turning around to see a disheveled and mad Sunghoon in front of you.
“Is there something wrong?” you asked.
“Don’t act so fucking innocent now, you know what you did,” Sunghood accused you.
“Maybe get straight to the point rather than pointing fingers on me,” you replied.
“You told my friends about med school,” he answered. “Now they think that Arcanum’s messing up my future.”
“Well isn’t it? Sunghoon, you really think that you’re going to play in that band forever?” you taunted. It’s been a few days since you had a talk with his band members. The following day that time, everything seems to be normal for you — not until now that Sunghoon had discovered it.
“What if I want to? What if I told you that I am not planning to go to med school and I want to perform instead?” he taunted back, stepping forward in front of you which made you step backward, trapping you between the kitchen counter.
“That’s not what’s planned Sunghoon,” you breathe, forehead creasing as you only stare at him dead. “You knew from the start, ever since we got engaged — engagement, college, marriage, then med school. That was the plan.”
“Have you ever thought that maybe things might change y/n? Maybe I want to perform now rather than take over my father’s business.”
“So you’ll be a disappointment?” you mocked. “You’ll go after your dream? Performing stupid songs and covers rather than repaying your parents’ efforts on you?”
“At least I know what I want, can’t say that to you since you can’t decide for yourself,” Sunghoon mocks.
A stinging pain burned on Sunghoon’s cheeks. It took him a minute to sink in what you just did, but he could only laugh mockingly as your eyes remained at him, wide but filled with anger. Your palms numbed as it rounded to conceal yourself from doing it again.
“At least I know what’s best for me, and you may not like it but we’re engaged Sunghoon, and I’m not going to let our future be ruined by some mere passion of yours,” you stated, gritting your teeth as your stare became cold.
Sunghoon didn’t say another word. His eyes speak for it that he’s angry, and he’s only controlling himself from hurting you despite the fact that you hurt him first. You could only stare at him, not attempting to back down.
But it was as if there’s an angel watching over you, the doorbell rang, indicating a visitor. The two of you turned your head towards the door, and before anyone could say another word, you pushed Sunghoon out of your way, walking towards the door and opening it.
“Wonyoung!?” you shouted, surprised to see your best friend.
“Surprise!” the girl shouted in glee, stretching her arms to pull you a hug which you dearly reciprocated.
“Oh my god, you’re here?” you asked, breaking out from the hug.
“I just got back from Milan and went straight here,” Wonyoung winks before she steps inside your house, your eyes following her as she goes to Sunghoon.
“Sunghoon! I miss you!” Wonyoung shouted, embracing Sunghoon who only reciprocated it.
“Long time no see, Wonnie,” Sunghoon gently said.
“It’s great — what happened to your face?” Wonyoung asked, seeing his left cheeks red.
“Bumped on a wall, but it doesn’t hurt,” Sunghoon lied, before glancing at you who only stared at him coldly.
Wonyoung seems to be convinced by it, laughing it off before pulling you two to a hug. Squealing how much she has missed you two — oblivious about the fight that happened just minutes ago.
“Do you want some drinks? Come on, sit down for a while,” Sunghoon insisted, ignoring you as he ushered Wonyoung towards the living room. You immediately noticed how Sunghoon’s face lit up, his smile becoming wider that his eyes turned into two curves — the first time in the many months that you saw Sunghoon’s genuine smile.
It wasn’t always you and Sunghoon ever since you two were kids — there were the three of you.
Wonyoung is a best friend of yours. A sister that you always needed. She’s a free-spirited girl who always indulges in fun even if it means getting the three of you in trouble.
Unlike you and Sunghoon, Wonyoung’s family is richer. She was rich enough to have a choice not to attend college and spend her parents’ money that won’t even dent their bank account. While you and Sunghoon are studying in Decelis, Wonyoung was traveling a lot, attending fashion weeks, and brand launches. Slowly, she became a well-known influencer and socialite that collaborates with well-known brands and walks for their runway. It was hard to get a glimpse of her, that’s why it surprised you that she’s here in the city.
“So, what brings you here instead of going back to our hometown?” you asked, placing the glass of juice in front of her.
“Mom and dad’s here, they’re actually planning on renewing their vows — oh by the way, you two are invited there and so are your parents, it’s an intimate event but you know them, they want it grandiose and perfect, so I have to help in organizing it,” Wonyoung diligently said. “And I miss you guys! It’s been like a year since we last hung out, hopefully I’m not intruding on whatever plans you have though.”
Talking about wrong timing. You thought. Everything is crumbling between you and Sunghoon but you don’t want Wonyoung to know about that, so you only gave her smile and said, “everything’s fine, a bit hectic because it’s senior year, but it’s a rare case that you’re here, so we’ll make time.”
Wonyoung only pouts, “you guys, I really miss you, seriously! I love my job but it gets lonely sometimes.”
“You can always go back to college,” Sunghoon teased, making Wonyoung glare at him.
“Ugh, you dumbass, if I returned to college, you guys would have already graduated!” Wonyoung whined while Sunghoon only laughed.
“Anyways, I just dropped by to show up to you guys, just tell me when you guys are free, maybe we could go out for dinner — oh, I wanted to see Decelis too! How’s that sound?” Wonyoung delightfully suggested.
“We’ll make time for you Won, just tell us when you’re free,” Sunghoon answered, making you glance at him.
Wonyoung only smiled at the answer. She told the two of you that she’s free all the time since there’s not much preparation going on. As she bid goodbye to you, you only gave her a short smile before she was walked out of the door by Sunghoon. Watching the two of them exchange banters before Sunghoon closes the door.
You stood up from your seat, ready to leave when Sunghoon cornered you immediately.
But you only gave him a bored smile, “Wonyoung’s here Hoon, can we just not do this? I don’t want her seeing us fight —”
“You care more about what others think of us huh? Of course, you don’t want everyone to see the ‘perfect daughter’ imperfect.”
“It’s seldom for us to see Wonnie, I don’t want her to think that our friendship is ruined, we’re the only one that she has,” you pointed out.
“Well, too bad for her, it’s already ruined, the moment both of us got engaged.” Sunghoon didn’t even let you say another word. He eventually went back to his room, slamming the door loudly like he always does.
You remained there standing, words deeply cutting through your mind. You looked at Sunghoon’s door once again, before heaving a sigh. The palm of your hand remained heavy, guilt swallowing you knowing that perhaps, you went too far this time.
-
Over the weekend, the three of you went out as per Wonyoung’s request. Going to a nearby mall where you three had brunch, played at the arcade, and even took photos at the photobooth. The whole day felt nice for you, it felt like you three are back as teens who would sneak out at night just to hangout and drive around town.
While you and Sunghoon are still not okay, a silent truce was made for Wonyoung. You two never tried to argue or fight whenever she’s around, and although it can be suffocating for the both of you, you two tried to act as normal as possible.
“I do wonder what would happen to us if I stayed and studied college,” Wonyoung ponders. The three of you decided to have ramen and convenience store snacks by the end of the day, opting to watch the sunset at a nearby park. It was Wonyoung’s request because she was curious what it feels like, seeing it on social media not knowing that this is also the first time you and Sunghoon had experienced it.
“What makes you think about that?” you asked.
Wonyoung only smiles, “you guys seem to be so secured with your future, becoming doctors and stuff, while me? I don’t know what I am doing.”
“You’re doing what you love,” Sunghoon butts in. “And that matters, you know? At least you love what you’re doing, not because it’ll secure you a good future.”
You know what Sunghoon was trying to say, but you remained quiet, watching as Wonyoung nodded at Sunghoon’s advice.
“You’re right, I do love the free pr packages and clothes,” Wonyoung jokes, laughing before pulling you two to a hug. “You guys are the best, hope nothing changes with the three of us.”
A meaningful glance was exchanged between you and Sunghoon. Not one said a word, only actions spoke as both of you embraced your best friend back.
The following week, Decelis University had a one-day event, cancelling academic activities which was an opportunity for you to invite Wonyoung to tour around Decelis. She arrived around three in the afternoon, hugging you and Sunghoon as she complained how organizing her parents’ renewal of vows became hectic, happy that she was able to relax for today.
The tour went on with ease, Wonyoung was curioused at the different department buildings of Decelis since its structure differed from others. Taking photos using her film camera which she used to take photos of the three of you too.
“So this is called the lover’s garden because lovers often come here?” Wonyoung asked, pointing at Decelis’ botanical garden which is actually for botany and biology students.
“More like a lover's hideaway, it’s pitch black there during night, I’m leaving up to your imagination what couples do there,” Sunghoon explains, a teasing smile on his lips as Wonyoung’s face distorted in disgust.
“Ew! Why can’t you guys book a hotel room or something,” she commented and yet, her camera was ready. “Oh well, might as well take a picture of both of you —”
“What?” you asked, appalled. “Won, we never did it.”
“And save myself from imagining you two banging, just stand in front of the entrance! You guys are a couple right? Come on now, you two don’t have a photo together!” Wonyoung insisted.
An exchange of glances was given, but before you could even complain once again, Sunghoon pulled you towards the entrance.
“Come on now, the more you complain, the more Wonyoung will insist,” Sunghoon boredly explained. You didn’t say a word, you stood there before facing the camera.
“Pose! You guys are so stiff, it’s like you two aren’t in love with each other,” Wonyoung taunted before preparing her camera again.
Funny because you two aren’t at all. But no protest was made when Sunghoon swings his arms around your shoulder before pulling you closer. You can feel your heart skip a beat, but it was immediately reminded by your mind. The more you complain, the more Wonyoung insists. Sunghoon did it so that it can be finished early, so you fake a smile as Wonyoung clicks the button.
She stares at the screen, smiles wide as she looks at you two, “you guys are perfect for each other.”
“Very funny Won,” you sarcastically replied.
After the endless walking and tour, you three stumbled at your building’s cafeteria, buying drinks as Wonyoung is still in awe about your university, totally immersing herself with your college life.
“What about dinner? I’m pretty sure you guys have a lot of good eateries around,” Wonyoung suggested, it was five-thirty in the afternoon, the sun was almost setting which meant that it's time for early dinner for most students.
“You guys can go on,” Sunghoon said, standing from his seat. “I have to go, I have a gig.”
You internally scoff, even if Wonyoung’s here, Sunghoon couldn’t bear to miss his band’s gig.
“Wait, can we watch?” Wonyoung excitedly asked, making the two of you look at her.
“Ask y/n if she wants to,” Sunghoon bitterly said, and you only looked away from him, rolling your eyes.
“What? You haven’t seen Sunghoon’s gig?” your best friend asked, confused before gazing her eyes back to Sunghoon.
Your lips tightened, “I’m busy…I don’t have time —”
“Then this is a great time to watch his gig! Come on!”
You weren’t able to object, Wonyoung was so excited that it only left you quiet as she pulled you away from your seat.
Arcanum’s weekly gig was held at The Rabbit Hole — a mixture of coffee shop and bar lounge under Decelis University’s funding. The place was cozy, designed with vintage interiors with a small stage place in the end. This is the first time you went to that place, almost surprised to see that it’s full of people; locals, students, and probably fans of Arcanum crowded the small establishment.
You and Wonyoung find yourself at a table for two far from the stage but enough to see their performance. Sunghoon excuses himself as he went to the back room where it serves as Arcanum’s waiting room.
“Do you even know that Sunghoon plays in the band?” Wonyoung jokes, eyes never leaving the menu on her hand.
“I do, I just don’t have time to watch his performance,” you half-lied. The truth is, you never tried to find time to watch their performance. For what? You always say to Sunghoon whenever he invites you to his gig, you rather spend the time studying or doing something much important for you.
“Well I’m glad I’m here because we’re going to watch him perform!” your best friend giggled, you only gave her a small smile before glancing at the menu once again.
While waiting for your food to arrive, you noticed how the place slowly became full to the point that there weren’t any tables left and some people opted to stand instead. Your eyes never left the crowd, wondering if this is the usual situation to Arcanum’s gig.
Around seven in the evening, your food arrived but you were startled when the crowd started screaming — mostly girls of course, making you shift your attention at the stage.
There they were, Arcanum. The four-member band of Decelis University. They changed their school uniform with a casual street-style outfit. Your eyes fixated on Sunghoon who’s wearing a football jersey, pairing it with a huge chain necklace and cargo pants.
You watch as he busies himself with his keyboard — the instrument that he bought by saving up his allowance. You remember how he excitedly unboxed it in the living room, even testing it out while you sat on the couch reviewing for your midterm exams. Somehow, he was careful with it, caring for it like it’s his own child.
“Wow, we have a full house tonight!” your attention immediately caught on Heeseung who’s in the center, holding a bass guitar as his smile was wide and gleaming. Screams can be heard from the crowd, a fangirl even shouted “I love you Heeseung!” which only made the vocalist chuckle.
“Before that, let’s have a crowd check don’t we? Who's here for the first time?” Heeseung asked, raising his hands which a few in the crowd followed.
“Us! It’s our first time!” you were startled when Wonyoung shouted loudly, standing up from her seat as she grabbed your hands and raised it together with hers — caughting Heeseung’s attention, an evident smirk on the male’s lips can be seen.
“Oh? I am seeing familiar faces here, do we Hoon?” the vocalist teased, Sunghoon only smirked as he crossed his arms.
“I have to impress my guests, so you better do your best Hee,” Sunghoon nonchalantly replied before glancing at the two of you. Eyes immediately locking on yours as he raised his eyebrow knowingly — like he was telling you that he was meant to be there, performing.
“Well better set the mood right, come on guys,” with that, Heeseung signals the band and at the count of three, they start playing synchronically.
The crowd started screaming. You can see it, how synergized they were. They weren’t just there to perform, they were also having fun. The way Heeseung interacted with the crowd along with Jay, making the small stage as his own. He then stands in front of the microphone stand, singing the first line of a song unfamiliar to you.
“The vocalist sounds so good!” you hear Wonyoung exclaim and you only nod at her words, it is true that Heeseung was good, but your eyes darted to Sunghoon.
There he was, blending in the background along with Jungwon who’s at the drums, but compared to the junior, Sunghoon wasn’t banging his head as the drumsticks slammed against the drums. He wasn’t like Heeseung who controls the crowd, nor Jay who’s rocking his electric guitar like crazy.
Sunghoon was there like a quiet mystery, a controlled relaxed expression as he immersed himself with playing the keyboard, a few head nods as his chords synchronised with others. You could only blink, deja vu hitting you all of the sudden — you remember the first time you saw Sunghoon.
He bores the same expression that he had back when he was young. Your gaze locked on him, not noticing how your eyes met each other, but quickly, Sunghoon looked away and continued playing. Something inside you was burning, strangely your heart was beating like crazy as you watched Sunghoon perform.
You didn’t even notice that the song was finished. The crowd applauded and cheered for them, Heeseung jokingly bows before asking if the crowd wants some more.
Throughout the whole gig, your eyes never left Sunghoon. Throughout their whole performance, you watch him change his expression more than the duration that you two had lived together, but all only fell into one conclusion — Sunghoon was happy to perform. You can see it from the way he was serious while playing the keyboard up to the way he joked with his bandmates, letting out small laughter and eye smiles throughout the small break.
The gig ends around nine in the evening. As they stepped down from the stage, people swarmed them excitedly. Asking for pictures and small talks. You watch as Sunghoon happily accepts his fans’ request, taking pictures with them, which made Wonyoung laugh, knowing that Sunghoon can be awkward with strangers.
“Congrats! You guys are so awesome!” Wonyoung exclaimed as soon as Sunghoon approached you two.
“Thanks Won,” Sunghoon quietly said, before glancing at you. A moment of silence hovered between the two of you before Wonyoung nudged you.
“You did great,” you told him, giving him a small smile afterwards.
Sunghoon’s eyes widened, surprised by your words. You only looked away, embarrassed while Sunghoon’s gaze remained at you.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
“It’s nothing Hoon,” you quickly turned down.
The night ended with the three of you remaining at The Rabbit Hole for some light dinner and drinks. Sunghoon introduced Arcanum to you and Wonyoung once again, and it wasn’t a surprise that Wonyoung got along with them easily. You remain quiet throughout the night, listening to their conversation while you only take your space at the end of the table — knowing that you don’t relate to them at all.
Around eleven in the evening, you drop Wonyoung off to the hotel where she was staying, reminding you about her parents’ second wedding before bidding you two goodbye. The drive back to your home was quiet, an awkward atmosphere that both of you couldn’t comprehend. You can feel Sunghoon’s glance at you at every minute but you chose to ignore it, too tired to give it a meaning.
“Do you mean it?” The moment you two stepped inside the living room, Sunghoon broke the tension between you two.
You only turned around, a bored gaze staring at him but he remained unfazed.
“Do you mean what you said earlier?” he asked, merely audible like he was embarrassed to ask you that.
For a moment you ponder. You wanted to tell him that it reminds you from the time that you two first met. Like the Sunghoon who you grew up with — but your mind stopped you. What for? If you told him that, it meant that he was right, he’s much better to be a keyboardist than a doctor. That means you accept his passion.
“I wish you could’ve put that same energy in your studies,” so you told him that instead. A cold statement that your mind won’t stop reminding him.
From there, you saw how the small hope in his eyes faded, followed by bitter laughter escaping from his lips. “Why did I even bother asking you again.”
He passes by you, like you’re nothing but a ghost, going straight to his room while you left there standing alone, guilt slowly growing in your heart.
-
The second wedding of Wonyoung’s parents was extravagant just like what your best friend said. A small private reception was held at a banquet of a five-star hotel after their renewal at a small hall nearby. Flowers filled the white crystallized hall, something straight out of a royalty. You could only awe as you entered the place, arms clutched at Sunghoon who merely spoke throughout the day.
“Sunghoon, y/n! Glad to see you two!” Mrs. Jang approached you two with a hug and kiss, you only smiled at the woman who’s like a mother to you.
“Congratulations auntie, the vows were so sweet, I almost cried!” you said, making the woman laugh.
“I bet you’ll write better vows than me,” she winks. “Both your parents have been talking about retirement and taking care of their grandkids from you two — gosh! You two are still young! I told them.”
You only stifled a laugh to hide the awkwardness, Mrs. Jang only gave your arms a small squeeze, glancing at you and Sunghoon once again. “You two still have a long way to go, I hope you two won’t give up on each other.”
You became quiet for a minute, but immediately, you gave her a smile before nodding. “Of course, thank you auntie.”
Mrs. Jang excused herself to entertain other guests, so you took the opportunity to find your assigned seat where you and Sunghoon sat. Wonyoung was busying herself with the event organizer, you can see the stress on her face but she always lights up whenever she passes the two of you, promising you two that she’ll make it up to you two later.
It didn’t take too long for both of your parents to arrive. You and Sunghoon welcomed them with greetings and hugs, and it was obvious in their face that they were so happy to see you two together.
“Look at you two, you two are like a match made in heaven!” Mrs. Park compliments, you only chuckle at her words.
“I can hear the wedding bells already! What do you think sweetie? Will this be a great reception for your wedding?” your mother suggested.
“Mom please, let’s not talk about that right now,” you awkwardly said.
“It’s going to happen anyways,” your mother insisted. “But I do hope you two are doing well in your studies.”
“Of course, everything is going well auntie,” it was Sunghoon who answered, making you glance at him. Faking a smile to your mother who only pats his shoulders with glee.
“Well, that’s glad to hear,” your father answered. “I heard that you two will be attending Decelis Medical School. The passing rate is small there, I’m not scaring you two, just trying to remind you two.”
“Dad, we’ll be fine, put trust in the two of us,” you assured.
“Everyone’s expecting from the two of you,” Mr. Park added. “Families, friends, colleagues, everyone. They say there’s no couple who will have a better life than you two.”
Somehow, that only puts more weights on your shoulder. They’re still expecting, and you don’t know what to say to them, hence, you only put a fake smile as an awkward chuckle escapes your lips.
“Of course,” Sunghoon answers casually like he wasn’t the one who’s actually ruining the whole engagement. “Can you excuse us for a moment? I would like to dance y/n.”
“Oh, such a sweetheart! Of course, you don’t need to tell us that,” Mrs. Park insisted.
Sunghoon only glances at you, offering his right hand to you, which you only accepted. You knew that he didn’t actually want to dance with you, it’s just an excuse for you two to escape the conversations with both your parents before it gets worse.
But it leads you two to an even more awkward atmosphere. Your head low as you ignore Sunghoon’s stare that has you melting like ice. Right hand clasps to each other while your other hand is on his shoulder, as his other hand is on your waist, holding you dearly as you two dance along with other couples on the circle.
It felt orchestrated, stiff like two robots forced to dance. You could only listen to the music as you follow Sunghoon’s steps.
“You didn’t have to do this,” you said.
“Rather have this than straight-up lie to our parents,” he said, which only made you bitterly laugh.
“You don’t need to lie if you weren’t fucking around,” that’s when you look at him, trying to remove his hold when he tugs you closer. His eyes bore nothing but coldness, while yours was intense, filled with annoyance.
“Everyone’s watching us,” Sunghoon whispered. “You’re not going to make a mess aren’t you?”
“Why would I make a mess at someone’s wedding? That’ll be shameful Hoon,” you stated the obvious. “I’ll be surprised if you’re the one who’ll make a scene.”
“Of course, you always think that I’ll do something like that,” he replied.
“With all the bullshits and mess you’ve been doing lately, it doesn’t surprise me at all,” you gave him a knowing smile. His hold on you tightens, squeezing your hands and you’re convinced that a mark on your waist will bloom the following day. But you didn’t want to back down, your eyes remained at him as you two continued to dance.
The song ended after what feels like an eternity. Immediately, you and Sunghoon stopped, making you remove his hold from you before giving him another bitter smile.
“I need a drink, excuse me,” you said, leaving him standing there.
You remained on the champagne section, lightly sipping the drink which you internally wince. You’re not used to alcoholic drinks but tonight feels like you needed it — maybe two or three, because you honestly don’t know what to do with your life.
The event, supposedly an event where everyone witnessed a renewal of love, made you sick rather than feel romantic. Everything’s suffocating, knowing that you’re the only one who knows about Sunghoon’s rebellion and you can’t do nothing about him while that asshole still managed to put up a show and spew lies to both your parents.
On your fourth glass, the song suddenly changed into a bright, lively one. A disco song from the 80s that had people in gowns and tuxedos dance drunkenly. And yet, you remained in the corner, watching the crowd even seeing your parents were on the dance floor too, you stifled a laugh because they were probably reminiscing about their youth.
From there, you caught a glimpse of them. You placed down the glass, stepping forward to see the two of them dancing.
Sunghoon and Wonyoung. They weren’t not only dancing, but they were laughing too. You watch as the two of them dance, copying each other’s steps, synchronising as they sing along the song. You stood there, frozen. Your eyes never leave them, watching how Sunghoon twirled Wonyoung — like they’re in their own world.
Your fist turned round, nails digging on your palm as you tried to control yourself. Something about them brewed something in you. An unexplainable feeling that you don’t want to acknowledge. Watching them hold hands as they spun along to the music, while you remained nailed to a corner, your stomach wrenched into a weird feeling. — then it hit you. Everything makes sense now.
That’s it. You didn’t think twice anymore. You went back to your table, grabbing the purse you brought and without looking back, you quietly exited the party.
You found yourself inside the restroom, locking yourself inside as you tried to control your breathing. Closing your eyes, you tried to relax — but the scene earlier just keeps on replaying in your mind. Your hold on the sink tightens, almost scraping your nails against the marble texture.
As much as you want to insist that you and Sunghoon are already arranged to marry each other, Sunghoon is far from being yours.
This has always been a marriage of convenience. You always remind that to yourself. Yet, there’s not a day where you wish that Sunghoon would see you differently. That you wish that he sees the reason why you’re doing everything for him. But from what you witnessed earlier, you realized that his heart beats for someone else.
All hopes lost. The signs are there. How can you let someone be married to you when he yearns for another? Everything you’ve done for him crumbled in an instant. Wasted and useless, because not only were your feelings devastated, but you also ruined your friendship with him.
For the first time, you accept your own defeat. You stared at the mirror, seeing your reflection disgusted you. A spiraling feeling where as you stare at her, all you can see is a deceitful girl who was too selfish and prideful — wondering, if this is all Sunghoon can see in you.
With a heavy heart, you left the restroom, walking towards the empty hallway when someone called your name. You turned around to see him standing there. Your heart skipped a beat but it’s all because of the nervousness that you were feeling.
“Where did you go?” Sunghoon asked, approaching you but you walked away further, not until he grabbed you by your arms.
“Let me go Sunghoon,” you coldly said, which made Sunghoon let go.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, I thought you’re not going to make a scene?” he sarcastically stated, making you roll your eyes, seeing that it’s just you and him in the hallway.
“Says the guy who made a scene earlier,” you mocked.
It took a minute for Sunghoon to process what you said, eyebrows knitted as he looked at you with anger. “There’s nothing wrong with dancing with Wonyoung.”
You took a deep breath before facing him. “You like Wonyoung,”
There it is, the heavy feeling that you’ve been holding in ever since your best friend had returned.
You can see it. You’re not dumb to not observe it. Still, it hurts as much as you want to avoid it, you couldn’t ignore the way Sunghoon’s eyes light up whenever he talks to Wonyoung. How his voice becomes soft and gentle — something that he has never done to you, and never will he.
Tonight was the final nail. As you watch them dance together, it's hard to ignore that something was sparkling between the two of them, and you hate that the truth is there is. They would make such a better couple, a healthier couple if you must say.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sunghoon asked, appalled.
“You can’t fool me Sunghoon, you like Wonyoung, I can see the way you look at her, like she’s everything to you,” you explained, and every word bites you, hurting you slowly like a venom trailing on your blood.
“I don’t like her,” Sunghoon confessed, and yet, he only stares at you deadpan. “But if I had the choice, I’ll marry her instead.”
For a moment you were quiet, then, a bitter laugh escaped your lips because the statement hurts more than Sunghoon actually having feelings for your best friend. “You really hate me, don’t you?”
“Hate is such a deep word y/n, I don’t hate you, we are just too different,” Sunghoon explained.
“I guess you and Wonyoung are much more similar to each other then,” you mocked.
“She supports my passion. She understands where I am coming from,” Sunghoon pointed out. “Something you never attempt to do.”
You only let out a deep sigh before staring at him one last time. You can feel it, the thumping beat of your heart, the short clasps of your breathing as you could only grasp on your hand tightly.
“If that’s the case Sunghoon, let's just end this engagement, nothing good will come out of this.”
Sunghoon looks at you confused, surprised that those words came out of your mouth. “What —”
“Hoon, I give up.” you confessed. “I am done cleaning up your mess, convincing you to focus on becoming a doctor while you go around playing in the band, getting drunk, and here you are, blatantly lying to your parents, acting like everything’s normal.”
“And who asked you to do that for me? No one, right? Admit it y/n, you’re just scared because the perfect life that you’ve planned was gone.” Sunghoon pointed out.
“You’re right Sunghoon, that’s why let’s stop this engagement. I don’t want to be married to a guy like you, and clearly you don’t want to marry me either.”
Sunghoon gives you a mocking smile. “A guy like me? Like I didn’t know your feelings for me, y/n,”
“The Sunghoon that I loved was the one who was diligent, dedicated, and nice. The one who was excited to study in Decelis to become a doctor. The one who makes me smile and cares for me. Not the drunkard asshole who’s chasing after a dream because suddenly, your life revolves around playing in the band.” you confessed, glaring at him one last time before walking away.
But it didn’t take Sunghoon a minute to reach after you, grabbing your arms and pulling you closer.
“You really think you can walk away from all of this?” Sunghoon demanded, which made you scoff.
“What is your problem!? Shouldn’t you be happy? You’re free now!” you shouted, pushing him on his chest, making him step backward and letting you go. That’s when you felt your body weakening, you could only hold on your knees as you felt something wet streaming down your eyes. You softly tap your eyes, not noticing how fast the tears streamed down your face.
This is the probably the first time you cried. You never cried when you fell from your bicycle. You never cried when you went second place on the honor’s list. You never cried when your parents lecture you. Crying is a sign of weakness for you and you know yourself, that you’re not weak.
You wanted to curse everything but only a mocking laugh was all you could do. You hated yourself for being vulnerable for a split second — that you cried because of Sunghoon. Of all the reasons that made you cry, it really has to be him.
That’s when you stood up, glancing at Sunghoon whose eyes widened to see your watery eyes. He tries to approach you but you only look away. That’s when you turned around, running towards the exit and leaving Sunghoon there frozen.
As soon as you reached your place, you went straight to your room and locked it. You leaned against the door as you deeply exhaled — but that’s where the first outburst came. You dropped to your knees, hands covering your face as you continued to wail. It goes on for so long until your breathing becomes slow, hiccups accompanying every sob that you leave your mouth.
You don’t feel anything but pain. It hurts. Everything just fucking hurts you. Watching Sunghoon be happy with someone else. Knowing the fact that he doesn’t want to marry you, and the dream of your perfect life was shattered in just a blink of the night.
Everything that you planned is now nowhere to be found. You hated that it all led to this mess, blaming yourself because maybe, there’s some ways where you could’ve prevented it. Maybe you shouldn’t have given up, this may be just a moment of weakness but hearing those words from Sunghoon, tells you that there’s no hope for everything to be fixed.
Now that everything is done, you could only grab your phone, and as you open it. Your mother’s caller id jumped on the screen. You stared at it for a good minute, but the thought of your mother being disappointed that you and Sunghoon fought, worse, you broke off the engagement scared you.
So you blocked her number and quickly dialled a number.
“Y/n? Hello?” Yizhuo’s sleepy voice answered.
“I’m sorry Ning but I need to crash into your place —”
“What, why? What happen —”
“I broke it off with Sunghoon.” you said, biting your lips to prevent the tears from falling again.
“What the fuck y/n!? Grabbing my keys right now, stay right there and I’m speeding to your place, give me ten minutes!” Yizhuo shouts.
The call hung-up immediately, which was your sign. You grabbed all the important stuff that you need. Your books, notes, a few clothes and a few toiletries that’ll last you. You still have a few months left before the semester ends, all you need to do is focus on your studies — if you fail to have a perfect marriage, you’re not letting your dream of becoming a doctor slip away too.
Dragging the luggage with you, you hear the car horn and as you step outside, you see the familiar white car Yizhuo owns.
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Yizhuo said, grabbing your luggage and placing it on the back seat. You only sit in the passenger seat as you wait for your friend to enter the driver’s seat.
“You okay?” Yizhuo asked, gently patting your shoulder.
Tears started streaming down your face, you could only sob as your best friend pulled you for a hug.
“He’s not worth it y/n, you deserve someone better,” Yizhuo insisted as she broke out from the hug. “I know it’s hard for you because you love him, but are you really going to settle for less? If he truly cares for you, he’ll understand your side despite disliking the idea but he didn’t.”
You could only nod at her words, “I know, I give up Ning. I’m tired, he said he doesn’t want to marry me, so everything is useless.”
“He’s going to regret letting you go,” Yizhuo swore, starting the engine before patting your shoulder once again. “You can stay in my apartment as long as you want, don’t worry about anything, I got you in this one,” Yizhuo only smiled as you drove away from the place, and as you glanced at the rearview mirror, there it was — Sunghoon’s car.
You don’t know if he saw you leaving the place, but as you felt your phone vibrating and saw his name on your screen, you only closed your phone and glanced at the window of the car, staring at the places that you pass by, thinking that what you did was for your own good too.
-
Days after the party, you returned to Decelis University acting like everything’s normal.
You still did your routine, minimizing some tasks since you’re living under Yizhuo’s place and you don’t want to intrude furthermore. You had plans on renting a place on your own but it’ll be a few months until your semester break. This temporary housing of yours is better than enduring living with Sunghoon.
You still don’t know how to approach your parents with the situation, afraid that it might disappoint them, though your reason wherein it’s not your fault at all is strong, you’re still scared because you just ruin everything they have planned for you.
You only sent a short message to your father that you need time to think, before blocking his phone number too. You know that a lecture will await you, but for now, all you want is space from them. You wanted to focus on your goal without their expectations heaving on your back.
You continued going to your class. Preparations for the Decelis medical school entrance exam are near, and you’re multitasking your time doing your studies and reviewing for the exam. Despite the heavy pressure it had instilled, everything felt light for you, you felt your shoulders becoming lighter and your worries seemed to be fading day by day — perhaps it’s because you’re not worrying about Sunghoon anymore.
Sunghoon on the other hand, you don’t have any news about him. He doesn’t go to your classes either. It looks like he had made up his mind about his life, and whatever he does, you could only wish him good luck.
As you exit the department building, you hear a familiar voice calling out your name, turning around, your eyes immediately widened at the figure.
“Wonyoung, what are you doing here?” you asked, approaching your best friend who’s sitting on the gazebo in front of your department building.
“I’m sorry,” she started. “I’m sorry for ruining what you and Sunghoon had, but listen to me y/n, I don’t like Sunghoon, I treat him like a brother the same way I treat you like a sister. What he said to you was so fucking stupid.”
“You knew?” you asked, surprised.
“I went to your house the next day but Sunghoon’s the only one there. Everyone was worried y/n! They thought you two eloped, you disappeared without saying any word that night, plus you blocked auntie’s phone number.” Wonyoung explained.
“I’m sorry, I just — I needed space, my mind’s all over the place, but Wonyoung, I’m not mad at you, it’s not your fault anyway.”
“Sunghoon told me you broke off the engagement,” Wonyoung said. “Is it because of what he said?”
“He made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry me, so what’s the use Won?”
“You’re giving up now?” she asked. “You used to be persistent, y/n what happened?”
“Even I get tired sometimes, Won. Sunghoon…he’s a hopeless case. No matter how hard I tried to help him, he just didn't want my help.”
“He’s a mess right now, you know that?” Wonyoung stated. “He’s been looking for you.”
You halted because of Wonyoung’s words, but quickly, you threw her a bitter smile. “He has always been a mess Won,” you replied. “I’m just tired of picking up after him.”
Wonyoung merely nods, giving you a pitied smile as she brushes your hair, “I understand where you’re coming from y/n, I know it was also hard for you to decide to break the engagement.”
“Hopefully, it’ll pass,” you said softly. “You’re still going to be my maid of honor no matter who I’m going to marry.”
That made Wonyoung chuckle, which made you laugh, you hugged her once again and as you felt her arms wrapping around you, you felt relief.
You never wanted jealousy to corrupt your mind, but sometimes you couldn’t help but be insecure at how Wonyoung and Sunghoon’s relationship remained the same while him and yours disappeared in a glimpse. You know that Wonyoung’s not at fault in this one, everything was just a matter of fallout.
“Since you’re here already, why don’t we go out for dinner? Oh, I’ll introduce you to Ning! You’ll love her!” you suggested, immediately changing the topic.
“I’ve been dying to meet her!” Wonyoung replied, immediately tugging you so that you two can meet your other friend.
Turns out Wonyoung and Yizhuo are a two deadly duo. You were half-regretting introducing them to each other because now, they were insisting on going out for the night.
“Come on now, you don’t have any class for tomorrow and you should relieve your stress,” Yizhuo insisted.
“Really y/n? You’re going to graduate college without experiencing going out with your friends and partying? It’s a good thing I’m here because I am not taking a no for an answer,” Wonyoung added.
You only roll your eyes, “you know that clubs aren’t my thing.”
“That’s because you never experienced it! Come on now, you should loosen yourself up just for one night,” Yizhuo explained. “Please, you said you need space right? Why not relax? Just for tonight, forget about your parents, their expectations, and your studies. We’ll make it worth it.”
You only stared at the two of them, both with pleading eyes as they clasp their hands together. Another roll in your eyes was made but there’s a small smile on your face. “Fine, if I passed-out drunk, you guys take care of me.”
Both squealed in agreement, excited as Wonyoung fished out her phone to make a reservation at a famous club in the city center, while Yizhuo immediately dragged you towards the parking lot where her car is parked, excited to go home so that you can change into something daring (she said) and party all night.
The club was full by the time the three of you arrived, Wonyoung strutted on the small walkway, excusing the strangers as she held your hand while Yizhuo’s behind you, guiding your way towards your table.
A small table for three was reserved for you, a bottle of tequila with lemon and salt was arranged neatly there. As soon as you three reached the place, you immediately sat on the couch while Yizhuo opened the bottle.
“I hope you know how to take a shot,” she teasingly said as she poured the shot glass full.
“I know how to, you’re making me like I’m such a nerd that doesn’t go out of her house,” you insisted.
“She drinks, she just doesn’t like going out to clubs,” Wonyoung whispered to Yizhuo who glanced at you while you boredly raised an eyebrow.
“Well, we’re going to change that, cheers!” Yizhuo shouts, raising the glass which you and Wonyoung copied. The first shot of tequila went straight down on your throat, leaving a burning feeling downwards your chest which made you sneer for a second.
Shot after shot, you lost count the amount of times the three of you took a shot, the tequila bottle is almost half. Your mind has become hazy, spinning but you can manage it. All you can hear is the loud music coming from the speakers, the dj playing Taylor Swift’s songs which was so fucking random and yet, you didn’t care. You were singing your lungs out along with Wonyoung and Yizhuo who are also tipsy.
“Let’s hit the dance floor!” Yizhuo suggested when the song changed to some edm music, the three of you squeezed yourself on the dance floor, dancing and singing along as you bumped onto a few people, giving them smiles and small apologies while never stopping dancing.
You never felt more alive. You didn’t care what would happen tomorrow, all you cared about was that you’re having fun with the two girls that treat you like your sister. They were right, this is what you need and you’re just so happy that you agreed to go out with them.
That’s why you pulled them closer together, “I love you guys!” you shouted, which only made them laugh.
“Oh my gosh, she’s the emotional type of drunk,” Yizhuo giggled.
“She only says that when she’s drunk, so savor it,” Wonyoung replied, hugging you back. “I love you too!” making the three of you squeal together before breaking out to continue dancing.
You only let your body sway along with the music, not noticing a hand wrapping around your waist and as you turn around, you see a guy your age, smiling at you as he hands you his shot glass.
“No thank you,” you smiled, “I already have one.”
But he only laughed, “there’s no harm in having another one.”
You only let out a small giggle as you shrug, taking the shot and drinking it straight. You can hear his cheer, along with some guys that you’re unfamiliar with. You failed to notice Yizhuo and Wonyoung whereabouts as you continued to dance with the stranger.
“You come here often?” he asked, and you only shook your head.
“It’s too crowded here!” you shouted back. The place was getting hotter, crowds becoming bigger as the guy’s body became way too close to you.
“Crowded huh? Do you want to go somewhere less crowded?”
Maybe it was the alcohol — you don’t know, your head’s spinning and everything has become blurry to you, but all you can remember was that you nod at his answer. “Okay! I’m just going to tell my friends I’m leaving.”
“Alright sweetheart.” he smirked, his hold from your waist loosened.
You tried to find your friends, but your mind is spinning — you couldn’t even remember where your table was. Your head searched sideways, when you felt a tug on your arm, making you turn around.
“She’s not going with you,” Sunghoon said with a cold tone.
“Dude fuck off, go pick some other girls around here,” the stranger tried to pull you away but Sunghoon was fast, immediately backing you behind him.
“She’s my fiance, if you don’t want any trouble, get lost,” Sunghoon warns.
“Fuck off Sunghoon,” you rebutted, shaking your grip away from Sunghoon who was surprised by your action. “We’re through, remember?”
The stranger chuckled, “she doesn’t even want you here, so fuck off, will ya?”
But it didn’t take a split second for Sunghoon to hit him on the face. His fist landing directly on the nose which made the stranger stumble down.
Everyone was surprised when the guy fell on the ground, immediately stepping out from the fight. Sunghoon attempted to give the guy another punch but Heeseung and Jay managed to grab him. You didn’t process everything until you felt Wonyoung and Yunjin were behind you.
“What happened — Sunghoon!” Wonyoung shrieks. The stranger stood up from the ground, but Sunghoon was quick to get away from his friend and charge towards him, landing another punch, and if it wasn’t enough, he landed another, this time harder.
It didn’t take a minute for the bouncers to enter the scene, separating the two of them. You weren’t able to understand anything, all you know was that your friends pulled you out of the club along with Sunghoon and his friends.
“Dude calm down,” Heeseung said trying to keep his friend still but Sunghoon pulled away, almost jabbing his friend who only stepped back with hands raised.
“How can I fucking calm down when y/n almost got in danger tonight!?” he pointed out.
“You almost killed someone!” Jay shouted, trying to get a grip on Sunghoon but he got pushed away too.
“He should be lucky because I hold back a little bit,” Sunghoon sarcastically laughs. “He deserves it, the way he looked at y/n? I know he has bad intentions.”
“Stop caring Sunghoon!” you shouted, senses finally hitting you. “So what if I’ll go with that guy? We’re done, remember? I can meet whoever I like.”
“I don’t care if we’re through, you couldn’t even take care of yourself. What the fuck are you even doing at a club?” Sunghoon lectured.
That’s when you scoff, “just because you can have fun, doesn’t me I can.”
“Oh, so that’s your idea of fun? Getting drugged by a stranger and who knows what they’ll do to you — fucking careless,” Sunghoon lets out a deep sigh, his anger heightening as he glared at Wonyoung.
“If it wasn’t for me, she would’ve been in danger tonight, what the hell Won!?” Sunghoon angrily lectures.
“Sunghoon stop blaming us, we were there and we were just letting y/n have fun, we’re not that stupid to let her go with that guy. You just really have to interfere first,” Wonyoung explained, forehead creased with anger.
Sunghoon could only roll his eyes, groaning as he frustratedly brushed his hair. “This is fucking stupid, you three aren’t even safe there!”
“Just go home Sunghoon,” you shouted once again, making him glance at you. “You’re ruining our night for fuck’s sake.”
But in a split second, Sunghoon pulls you away from Yizhuo, and before you could say another thing, he grabs you by your knees and swings you on his shoulders, your upper body bumping on his back.
“Sunghoon! Put me down!” you shouted, punching his back but Sunghoon remained unfazed, he then glanced at his friends who were surprised by his action.
“No one follows, this is between the two of us,” Sunghoon warned before he walked towards his car.
You tried to struggle your way out of his hold, but Sunghoon’s too strong for you. He managed to put you in the passenger seat, even putting on the belt on you.
“Sunghoon —”
“Stop struggling y/n, we’ll go home now.”
“Sunghoon, what fuck is wrong with you? We’re done, how many times do I have to tell you that!?” you shouted at him. “You’re suffocating me.”
“And so do I with you, but we can’t always have what we want.” Sunghoon stated, slamming the door of the car. You weren’t able to say another word, not knowing what he meant by that.
The drive towards your place was quiet yet tense, you could only close your eyes as the throbbing feeling in your head started to become worse. You had too many to drink but all you know that what the guy gave you was just a normal shot. If it would’ve been drugged, then you should’ve been passed-out by now.
As Sunghoon parked the car inside, you could only stare at the entrance of the house. You do miss your house but there’s a deep feeling of pain lingering in your heart as it reminds you of Sunghoon. You didn’t even notice that Sunghoon had opened the door for you, and you mindlessly left the car.
Entering the living room, you only stood there as you stare at the place — Sunghoon had maintained it clean even though you left, surprising you since you spent your mornings cleaning the house.
You can hear the door closing, softly Sunghoon’s footsteps approach you but he stops midway. That’s when you realized how suffocating the emptiness the house had.
“What is this Sunghoon?” you immediately asked, not even bothering looking at him.
“I just took you home,” Sunghoon simply said and you wanted to laugh. Home. you knew that home meant a lively house with a loving family, not a tense one with a broken engagement.
“Sunghoon, since it still hasn’t sunk in your mind, our engagement is done, isn’t that what you want?” you repeated.
“Well, did you even tell that to your parents?” Sunghoon asked casually. “My parents don’t know it yet.”
You didn’t answer and Sunghoon immediately knew.
“Of course you haven’t,” he teased. “That technically means we’re still engaged to each other.”
You only closed your eyes, trying to compose yourself as you felt conflicted. “I don’t understand you Sunghoon, what do you even want? You made it very clear back then that you’d prefer to marry Wonyoung instead of me. Why bring me here again!?”
“I don’t know,” Sunghoon confessed. “It’s just…it’s so lonely here.”
“I’m not a doll that you can keep,” you heaved.
“I miss you.” he breathes, and your eyes widen but you could only let out a bitter laugh.
“Suddenly you miss me? Sunghoon the last time you told me, you don’t want to marry me. Shouldn’t you be happy that we’re done.”
“That doesn’t equate to the fact that I don’t want to call off the engagement,” he stated.
“You’re confusing me Sunghoon, stand your ground, you don’t want to marry me but you don’t want the engagement to be broken? What do you even want?”
“I was hoping that your mind might change,” Sunghoon said, almost pleading. “That somewhere in you, there’s that girl who first recognized my talent.”
Silence. You weren’t able to say another word. Slowly, you turned around to see him standing there. His gaze at you gentle and pleading, far different from the looks he gave to you.
“Do you remember the first time we met?” Sunghoon told you. “Do you remember what you told me?”
Of course. “You have a talent for playing the piano!” you recalled. It was the first thing you said when both your parents introduced you to Sunghoon. It didn’t sinked into you that those words of your younger self would stick in Sunghoon’s mind.
“When I first joined the band, I thought you’ll be supportive because you’re the first one to recognize my love for playing the piano, but nothing,” Sunghoon chuckles bitterly. “I was hoping that someday, you would understand why I am chasing after my passion. That’s why I was so happy that you watched our performance that night — but you’re too stuck in that dream of yours to recognize it.”
“It’s not just a dream Hoon, it's what's expected from me, and being a doctor, that’s what’s also expected from you.”
“Have you ever thought of what you want? Are you just going to wake up everyday, listen to your parents’ expectations and follow it? Do you have any idea how sad that is?”
“I’m my parents’ only daughter, who else is going to make them proud aside from me?” you bitterly said. “And I want this too Hoon, so I’m sorry if my dream isn’t in the form of a passion unlike yours.”
“You’re not going to change your mind aren’t you?” Sunghoon mumbled. “I only pursued my passion and suddenly I’m not fit for your life anymore?”
“It’s not just about having a perfect life, Hoon. My parents wanted me to marry a doctor, and I’m not going to push you anymore when it’s obvious that your heart beats for your passion.” you explained.
“What about your heart then? What does your heart yearn for? You’re not going to fight for me anymore?” he said, almost pleading. A desperate turn in his tone shifted in you.
“I’m done fighting for you Hoon,” you bitterly smiled. “Why are you suddenly asking me all of this?”
“You’re done with me? That’s it?”
“Sunghoon, I’m really, really tired with everything.” you pleaded. “We’re just going to hurt each other the more we stay in this engagement.”
Sunghoon only stared at you. For a moment, he wanted to rebut your words. He wanted for you to fight furthermore because he knows you. You’re hard-headed, you’re not the type that won’t give up easily. But as he looks in your eyes, all he can is your desperation, eyes that scream for him that you’re tired of everything.
“You’re really tired aren’t you?” he asked once again.
“Just let me go Hoon, please.” you whispered.
“Fine,” he said, defeated. “Only if you stay for the night.”
“What?” you asked, his request was sudden.
“Stay for the night, for me,” he said, almost pleading. “After this, I won’t disturb you anymore. Please, just stay for tonight.”
It didn’t sink in everything he said, you could only stare at him, eyes wide as you can see how his eyes were almost begging for you.
“I just…miss you so much,” he whispered. “But after this, we’re done. I’m going to tell my parents that we’re breaking off the engagement.”
“Okay,” you said in defeat, and Sunghoon could only nod. He grabs your hand and you let him do so.
You found yourself in his room. The silence was engulfing, you stood there clueless as Sunghoon opened his closet, grabbing a shirt and pajamas for you — like you didn’t have any clothes left in your room next door. But you let it be, grabbing the clothes and going towards his bedroom’s bathroom.
You can feel your heart beating fast. You were nervous, you don’t know what to do since this is the first time you and Sunghoon will sleep together. Sure, you had sleepovers back when you were kids, but those were the three of you. This one is just going to be the two of you, alone, in one bed.
But that’s his only request, when tomorrow comes, everything will be over now. It’s not like you two are going to do something, Sunghoon only wishes for you to stay for the night.
As you entered the room, you saw Sunghoon sitting on the edge of his bed, already in his sleeping clothes. He only stretched out his hands which you accepted and softly, he pulled you to his bed.
“Let’s go to sleep?” he asked, almost inaudible. You only nod at his request and with that, the two of you settled underneath the blankets. You couldn’t even move, you had your back against Sunghoon and you wondered if he’s already asleep or not.
It was as if he had read your mind, you felt Sunghoon shifted from his place — and in a second, warm arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer. Your breath halted as his hug tightened, your back almost resting on his chest, like he’s never wanting to let you go. It left you even more confused than ever, you two were never this intimate, and this will probably be the last time you two will be.
“Goodnight y/n,” he whispered, and you can feel his lips touching the top of your head.
Goodnight Sunghoon. You said in your mind.
“I’m sorry for everything.” Sunghoon mumbled, barely audible.
You only closed your eyes, taking a long deep breath to hold yourself from crying. You wondered why he suddenly apologized. Why now? When everything is bound to be over. But you didn’t say a word, you tried to sleep instead, knowing that there’s no will inside you left to fight for yourself and Sunghoon.
Goodbye Sunghoon.
-
The first semester has ended. The weather has become cold as fall passes by. Decelis University has slowly become empty with students going home to their hometown.
The remaining months of your semester became a blur to you. You passed all your courses with ease and you managed to receive an academic honor for it. Emails from medical school offers had been appearing in your emails too, which meant that you’re secured to attend med school after graduation. Everything has been good to you — you got everything you need.
When you returned to your hometown, your parents spared you. They told you that they understand why you did it, letting it pass since you didn’t abandon your studies at all. They learned from Sunghoon’s parents that the engagement was called off. They didn’t ask you furthermore about it, and you could do nothing but to apologize not only to your parents but also to the Park family. Disappointment runs through your mind, especially when Sunghoon’s parents trusted you with their son — only for you to fail them.
A knock on the door disturbed your day, as you turned around you saw your parents entering your room.
“Still studying dear? You’re doing too much now y/n,” your mom softly said, sitting on the edge of the bed along with your father.
But you only smile, “I want to make sure that I’ll be able to pass Decelis’ entrance exam for medical school, you told me that the passing rate there is small.”
“Yes I know that sweetie but you’re doing too much, why don’t you do something else aside from studying?” your father suggested.
But you only let out a laugh, “I'm all good dad, thanks for the concern though.”
“Have you ever thought of doing something else y/n? Something that you love?” your mom asked. That’s when you dropped your book, glancing at the two of them.
“Love?”
“A hobby, what about tennis? You’re great at that sport, maybe you can be an athlete,” your mom happily said.
“Oh, I do remember that you used to do ballet, I think you still have the skills sweetie,” your father added, which left you confused but chuckling.
“Mom, dad, what is this all about?” you asked. Silence hovered in the room for a minute, both your parents looked at each other, trying to signal each other who should talk, which left your mother sighing.
“Maybe, we shouldn’t have pushed you too hard to become a doctor,” your mother pointed out. “And it’s okay for us if you don’t want —”
“I want to become a doctor mom, that has always been my dream,” you rebutted, shifting your focus on your book. “I’m okay, don’t worry about me.”
“We had a talk with Sunghoon’s parents,” that’s when you stopped, glancing at them once again. “They explained why you two called it off.”
“Okay,” you shortly replied. You remember that night where you and Sunghoon slept together. His apology still lingers in your mind. There’s a part of you that wanted to know what he was sorry for.
But the more you stay there, the more the pain deepens in your heart. You slipped away from his hold the next morning, and starting that day, you never heard anything from Sunghoon.
He didn’t show up to any of his classes. He just disappeared like a bubble. Wonyoung told you that he doesn’t reply to her texts either. You don’t know if he continued performing in Arcanum, or did he ghost his band members. It’s funny how even though you two are already over, you still have a bit of concern for him.
“Sweetie, we understand Sunghoon. He chose his dream and maybe it was a little disappointing for you because you always dream that you and Sunghoon will become doctors together, but there will come a point where your dream will change.” your father explained. “Sunghoon just so happens to rekindle his passion for music, it happens.”
“And there’s nothing I can do about it,” you told them. “That’s why there’s no reason for the engagement to continue.”
“We shouldn’t have pressured you to become a doctor,” your mother insisted. “We were wrong in that part, and we’re very sorry about it dear.”
“Mom, even if you don’t pressure me, I still want to become a doctor no matter what, I will follow your footsteps, so don’t be sorry about it.”
“It’s not just about becoming a doctor,” your father pointed out. “It’s about your engagement with Sunghoon, we shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s already over, so you shouldn’t worry about it.”
“Listen y/n, when we set you and Sunghoon to marry, it’s not for our business to emerge. We just knew that you two love each other.” your father explained, hand resting on your knees. The old man faintly smiles at you. “You two were too young to understand it, but it was also our fault for putting so much expectations on the two of you — we should’ve let you two navigate your feelings on your own.”
“But you said, I should marry a doctor,” you pointed out. “I always knew that it’s going to be Sunghoon, but he changed dad. If he can’t be the one, I’ll just find someone in med school.”
“Oh sweetie, we’re terribly sorry for saying that,” that’s when your mother pulls you to a hug. “But we still want you to marry for love, and dear, it’s not always about his profession, but how he’s going to treat you as your husband.”
“Why now? Why say that to me all of the sudden?” you questioned, breaking out from your mother’s touch.
“We didn’t think it’ll come to this point —”
“No, because from the very start you two insisted that I should marry a doctor because that’s what you two wanted for me! I was lucky that Sunghoon wanted to become a doctor but when he changed his dreams, I did everything just for him to go back!” you shouted.
Both your parents were surprised to hear your voice raise. You stood there, shaking as tears started to flow from your eyes once again.
“I did everything in my life just to please your expectations because I know that you two always know what’s best for me, and I didn’t want to fail you guys. But now, I feel so stupid because suddenly, I have the freedom to choose what I want,” a bitter laugh escapes your mouth, you brushed your hair as you bit your lips. Trying to stop the tears from falling.
“I even roped Sunghoon in my dreams because that’s what you guys want for me, and I was scared of disappointing you two if he didn’t become a doctor — you could’ve told me from the start! Then maybe, I could’ve supported Sunghoon instead of suffocating him.”
Your parents remained quiet. Sitting there as they watch their daughter cry. Both of them were surprised, never thinking they’ll see you cry. You have always been a strong girl for them, but then again, everyone crumbles.
“We can still fix it dear,” your mother insisted.
“It’s too late now mom,” you answered. “It’s not just about the engagement, Sunghoon and I, we’re done with everything. We spent our lives living up to your expectations, and this is the only time we made a choice for ourselves.”
Before they could say anything. You scurried to grab your phone and jacket, storming out of your room as your parents couldn’t do anything but watch you disappear from their sight.
You found yourself at the small playground near your house. Sitting on the end of the slide as you hiccup your cries.
You hate your parents and how their mind suddenly changed in a glimpse. Marry for love? Love was never the problem for you, it was the fact that they spent your whole life shaping you into an ideal life only for them to take it back. You’ll marry for love in a heartbeat but it never crossed your mind because their expectations came first.
If only. You could only think of the what-ifs because somehow, you spent your whole life making your parents proud — that you couldn’t even make a choice on your own. “Do you have any idea how sad that is?” you remember Sunghoon’s words to you, making you close your eyes as tears continued to flow along with your soft sobs.
Sunghoon’s right. All your life you did your best to follow your parents’ footsteps, never tried to navigate other hobbies or passions — perhaps that’s why you weren’t able to understand Sunghoon’s dreams at all. You suddenly felt lost, not knowing what to do with your life anymore. Sunghoon and Wonyoung, they’ll be choosing the things they love.
What about you? You don’t know anymore, you don’t even know if becoming a doctor is what you want — or it’s just something that has been engraved to you by your parents that you learned to love it somehow.
“y/n?” You looked up and to your surprise, Sunghoon’s mother was standing in front of you.
“Auntie,” you quickly stood up and wiped the tears away. “What brings you here?”
“I was supposed to visit you today,” she said with a soft tone. “But I caught you here on the way, is there something wrong?”
You immediately fake a smile, even though your nose was runny and eyes are puffy red, you tried your best to assure the woman that you’re okay. But she simply shakes her head before patting your head.
“Come on, let’s have a talk.”
You two ended up in a small coffee shop nearby. You watch as Mrs. Park lightly sips on her tea, before glancing at you. She then smiles, and you can see where Sunghoon got his eye smile, and somehow, that comforts you.
“When Sunghoon told us that he wanted to play for a band instead, we were disappointed,” Mrs. Park explained. “His dad was furious, but what else can we do? Stop him from doing what he loves?”
You only remained quiet, listening to Mrs. Park as she softly chuckled. “As parents, we only want what’s best for our children, but it’s still up to them to choose their future. For Sunghoon, we let him be, it’s what he wants.”
Then, she glances at you. “You know, Sunghoon broke the engagement because he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore?”
“I’m sorry I gave up on him.” you apologized immediately. “We — we’re just too different auntie.”
“Well, opposites do attract my dear,” she jokingly said, making you let out a small chuckle. From there, her expression softens. Looking at you pitifully, the woman can see the stress you went through and it breaks her heart, knowing that they were the reasons why you’re like that.
“You’ve done a lot for my son y/n, and I am thankful for that,” Mrs. Park smiles. “You’ll be a great wife for him, someone who’ll come to knock his senses but — everyone gets tired sometimes.”
You only smile at her, but Mrs. Park’s eyes glistened with a meaningful smile on her lips. “That’s why it’s important to rest, everything is not the end just because you were tired.”
You became quiet because of her words. Mrs. Park stretches her hand, holding your hand as she squeezed it lightly. “Just rest dear, take your time for yourself, everything is not too late.”
“But —”
“Listen to your heart this time dear, only your heart knows what’s truly best for you.”
-
You returned to your shared house a week before the next semester started.
The moment you opened the door, you were welcomed by its hollow silence, making you bitterly smile because you do miss the silence — and you’ll miss it more now that it won’t be the place you’ll go home to.
Slowly, you opened your room and noticed that it was the same as how you left it the night you ran away. Sunghoon didn’t touch any of it, and you were glad that he didn’t. You didn’t waste any time, you grabbed the luggage that you brought with you, packing all the things that you have in your room.
You spent the day packing your things. Neatly folding everything, and stacking it inside your storage box. You managed to finish it before sunset, going back and forth to load it inside your car. And with one last glance in the empty room, you could only mutter goodbye as you dragged your luggage with you.
But as soon as you reach the living room, you hear the doorknob unlocking, making you stop. You can feel your heart starting to beat fast, praying that it won’t be him.
“Y/n?” you saw how Sunghoon’s eyes widened as he saw you, but his eyes immediately darted at the luggage that you were holding.
You only took a deep breath before giving him a smile, “I just came by to grab my things.”
“Wait, wait — why?” Sunghoon hurriedly went towards you, hands grabbing your arm.
“Our engagement’s over Sunghoon, so there’s no need for us to be together,” you gritted your teeth. Every word felt like a knife stabbing inside you.
“Y/n, can you just listen to me —”
“Sunghoon stop, there’s nothing for us to talk about.”
“You know that everything’s not too late right? We can still fix it.”
“What’s to fix Sunghoon?” you asked. “I thought we made it clear that we’re done.”
“If you’re done fighting for me, then I’m fighting for you now,” Sunghoon insisted, grabbing you by your shoulders. You tried to get out of his hold but he tightens his hold on you.
“Why now Hoon? Where were you, when I was fighting for everything? You can’t just enter my life and expect me to accept you immediately —”
“I love you okay!?” he shouted, completely shutting you off. Eyes wide from the sudden confession.
Sunghoon looks at you, his eyes stressed and dark, yet it screams for your plea. “I’m sorry that I realized my feelings just now, I know I was late but it’s never too late for us, just listen to me —”
“Hoon stop —”
“Y/n, just for once why don’t you listen to your heart?” Sunghoon stated. “You know deep inside, that it’s not too late for us to fix it. Your parents, my parents, they know that it’s not too late, it’s only you who doesn’t want to —"
“Because I’m scared, Hoon!” you shouted, shutting Sunghoon off.
“I don’t know what to do with my life anymore Hoon and that fucking scares me. Suddenly I have my own freedom and I don’t know whether my decisions will be right or wrong. If I end up choosing what my heart wants, I might just ended up failing myself”
“You know you don’t always need to be perfect right?” Sunghoon whispered to you. “People make mistakes y/n, we’re flawed, and there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes.”
You only shake your head. “I don’t know Hoon, I don’t know what I should do anymore.”
“Just listen to your heart,” The hold on your shoulders tightens. “Go for the things you love, not because it’s what your parents taught you, or because it’s what’s for the best. You know this y/n, what do you want?”
You. You thought. In a heartbeat, it has always been Sunghoon. Despite all the mess, the rough paths, and fights you two had. In the end, your heart beats for him.
And as you look at him, there were no longer cold gaze and emptiness in his eyes, his eyes yearn for you too. The years of your unrequited love for him are over now.
“It’s you Hoon,” you mumbled, a bite on your lips as you started stuttering. “I’m just afraid after everything that happened to us.”
“We can work it out, we may have started on a rough path but I know that we can make it through.” he deeply sighs. “I’m sorry for everything, I know I said some harsh words but I was angry at that time, I’m sorry y/n, I was just frustrated but I didn’t mean every word that I said, it has always been you,”
You only stared at him, “how can I trust you Sunghoon?”
“Let me make it up to you y/n,” he swore, hands finding its way to your face. “If you let me, I’ll prove it to you.”
“How? How can I be so sure about you?”
“We’ll start again y/n, don’t worry about us, we’ll navigate this together, I won’t hurt you anymore.” Sunghoon promised. “Just be with me okay? You’ll be there for me right?”
You only stared at Sunghoon. He has his lips tightly sealed, his eyes were searching for yours, the same eyes that yearned for you that night. Your heart started beating faster, and you weren’t able to process that tears are starting to fall from your eyes. Your mind was telling you to run away again, but your heart — it beats for him.
You don’t know what to say, you only nod at his words. That’s when Sunghoon understood what you meant. Slowly he leans in, closing the space between the two of you.
You always thought that your first kiss with Sunghoon would be at your wedding. After you two exchange vows. It'll be short yet momentary. Significant in your life and a symbol that you and Sunghoon are going to be together, forever.
But as he kissed you right now after swearing to prove his worth for you, that’s when it halted you that Sunghoon’s words weren’t just empty promises. The way his lips trailed on yours, hands holding your face gently as he tilts more to deepen the kiss — making you kiss him back, softly yet surely.
You two weren’t wearing your wedding clothes, no rings, nor applauses from the crowd. It’s just the two of you, alone, in your house’ living room.
As you two broke from the kiss, Sunghoon’s forehead rested on yours, catching each other’s breath, you can see the small smile forming on Sunghoon’s lips.
“Tell me it’s true Sunghoon,” you whispered to him, eyes never leaving him. “I want to hear it from you.”
“I love you y/n,” Sunghoon confesses. “It has always been you, and no one else.”
You could only chuckle in disbelief as you felt a tear fall from your eyes, Sunghoon quickly wiped it off with his thumb before pulling you for another kiss, to which you responded quickly. From there, everything started to heat up, you could only place your arms around Sunghoon’s neck as you two continued to kiss like there’s no tomorrow.
Sunghoon didn’t waste any second. He grabs you by your thighs, lifting you up with ease without breaking the kiss, while you wrap your legs around his waist for support. The two of you ended up in his room wherein he gently placed you down to his bed.
“Are you sure about this?” he softly asked, eyes never leaving yours. He looks at you lovingly, like he was mesmerized that you’re his.
“I’m sure,” you answered. “And I’m sure that it’s going to be you Sunghoon.”
“I’ll take good care of you then,” Sunghoon answered before leaning down for another kiss. You only closed your eyes and kissed Sunghoon back.
You can feel it. The longing of tasting each other. The way Sunghoon kisses you gently, taking his time to savor you as he deepens his lips on you more. Soft nibbles on your lower lip making you whimper softly.
It went on and on, no one dared to break the kiss. Both hands trying to navigate each other. His right hand finds its way to yours, clasping between your fingers as he rests it on the side of your head.
Sunghoon breaks from the kiss, but immediately places his lips on your jawline until it reaches your neck. Planting soft kisses like he wanted to taste every skin of yours. His left hand finds its way to your body, gently tracing your upper body as you grasp on his sheets.
“Can I?” he asked, tugging at the hem of your shirt, which you nodded feverishly. You lifted yourself slightly for Sunghoon to remove your shirt before removing his shirt too. His toned body, and carved abs revealed in front of you which you could only stare for a minute. Who would’ve thought that underneath those baggy hoodies and large shirts, is a godlike body?
On the other hand, Sunghoon didn’t waste any time, he grabs your face once again, locking you to a kiss that’s more intense, hungrier than earlier. He was battling to get a taste of you more, tongue swiping on your lower lip making you moan, you could only shut your eyes as Sunghoon sloppily entered his tongue inside you.
Teeths clashing, tongue travelling inside you, your body started to heat up as Sunghoon continued to taste your lips further. He then started targeting your neck, making you tilt your head to make room for him. Hot, messy, wet kisses trailing on every skin his lips could reach. You let out a soft moan as Sunghoon’s hands trailed towards your bra, softly cupping your breast while his lips continued to bite your neck, sucking it lightly leaving purple marks all over it.
“So beautiful, only for me right?” he whispered to your left ear, planting a kiss on it before glancing at you.
“Only for you Hoon,” you whispered back, Sunghoon merely chuckling before darting his eyes on your lower body.
“Is this your first?” he asked, you only nod.
“Been waiting for you.” you muttered, and the next thing you knew, Sunghoon’s lips were on yours once again.
“Good girl, we’ll make it worth it yeah?” Sunghoon asked. “It’ll be special for us, we’ll be each other’s first. I told you I’ll prove my worth to you.”
Sunghoon gently unbuttons your pants before tugging it downwards, leaving you in your panties while he hastily removes his shorts, leaving him in his boxers.
“Come here love,” he gestured as he sat on the mattress, you only followed him as he pulled you to sit on his lap. A gasp leaving your lips as you could only hold your breath, feeling Sunghoon hard underneath. He’s big. You can feel it as you sit prettily on it, your clothed cunt just right above it.
Your thoughts only trailed off as Sunghoon continued to kiss you, hands attempting to unclasp your bra which made you chuckle in the middle of your makeout. You helped him unclasp it before throwing the bra somewhere.
“So fucking gorgeous for me,” Sunghoon gestured. His hands started circling on your boobs, cupping your right side making you whimper. Sunghoon's eyes never leaving yours as his hands trailed downwards, fingers tracing every skin of your body until it reached the hem of your panties.
“Is it okay?” he asked.
“Please Sunghoon,” you pleaded, unable to ignore the heat that you’ve been feeling.
Sunghoon’s fingers delicately feather on your clothed pussy. You softly moan as his palms cup it, rubbing on it as the slightest friction heats you furthermore. You wanted more, unknowingly you bucked your hips to his hand. Sunghoon fastens the way he rubs your pussy as you continue grinding against it.
“Sunghoon —”
“Do you want to touch mine too?” he asked, tone deeper than usual. You only stared at him for a good minute before you nod.
Sunghoon grabs your hand, gently guides it until your palm rests on his hard-on. It’s straining underneath his boxer, and just from your touch, you know that one hand wasn’t enough. You palmed it slowly, hearing soft breathing Sunghoon which fueled something in you.
“Can I do it?” you asked, your hands trailing on the hem of his boxer.
“Go on love,” he whispered, planting a kiss on your temple.
You pulled Sunghoon’s boxer, his hard length springing from it. Hard and thick, you looked at Sunghoon as you wrapped your hands around it, and you’re right, one hand isn’t enough. Your hands reach its tip, the pre-cum budding on its end, having you smear it as you circled your palms on his tip.
You watched as Sunghoon looked at you darkly. A faint smirk on his lips as you felt his fingers slipped under your panties, you let out a soft moan as his fingers found their way on your pussy. Softly trailing on its lips before going up to your clit, three fingers circling it slowly which made you twitch for a second.
Your hands started to stroke Sunghoon’s cock, slow and steady like you're memorizing every inch of it. It goes the same with him as he continues to rub your clit, harder leaving you breathless as you continue to pump his cock faster, squeezing his tip at every chance that you can. Earning breathy groans from him.
“Going to prepare you love, just breathe for me okay?” Sunghoon instructed and you could only moan in response. Your other hand found its hold on his shoulders, head resting on it as you nervously can feel his fingers near your entrance.
“You’re so wet for me, so fucking good,” he whispered to you, before slipping inside your pussy. You let out a deep sigh as his index finger rested inside you. “Just relax for me okay?” slowly he drags his fingers in and out, watching you fall in front of him as you couldn’t do anything but to leave breathy moans.
“Sunghoon —” you called out as you could feel him insert another finger inside you, the sudden move made you squeeze his dick hard, making Sunghoon curse under his breath. You mindlessly continued to stroke it as Sunghoon’s fingers circled inside you.
“Relax for me love, we don’t want to hurt you,” Sunghoon assured, kissing your right temple as he continued to finger you. It’s playing inside you, knuckles deep as his long fingers kept pumping inside you, curling at a spot that you feel sensitive the most. He’s stretching you, trying his best to prepare you, his fingers continue to scissor your walls at a right pace, reaching deep inside you.
“I want to come,” you mumbled as you could feel it coming inside you. Your hands gave up on stroking his dick, which made Sunghoon slow down his actions.
“You’re going to come with me inside, can you do that?” you quickly nod in his words, kissing his lips as he removed his fingers from you. You didn’t miss the way your pussy ached, but Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist.
Gently, he lays you down on his bed, and you watch as he reaches for his bedroom’s drawer, pulling the upper box and scavenging something there.
“Why —”
“Just making sure we’re safe,” Sunghoon told you.
“Yeah, but why do you have that…” you mindlessly asked, heat rushing towards your cheeks as you stared at Sunghoon.
“Heeseung gave it to me as a joke —” Sunghoon groans, embarrassed. “But at least we’re safe, right?”
“Right,” you whispered, leaning more against the pillow.
Sunghoon removes his boxer. Your eyes wandered at his cock again, hard and lengthy, you could only bite your lips as you wondered how it would fit you. Sunghoon eyes on you, like he's ready to devour as he pumps his cock with his right hand while he bites on the foil packet, tearing it open and grabbing the condom, sheathing it on his already sensitive cock.
Both of you never left each other’s gaze, you lifted your lower body for you to remove your panties, shamelessly spreading your legs in front of him. Your heart started to beat fast, nervousness started to hit you, but you were only assured when Sunghoon planted another kiss on your lips.
“Take a deep breath for me, okay? I’ll put on the tip first,” he guided you. You only nod at his words, laying back as you try to relax yourself.
Sunghoon could only bite his lips as he stared at you, legs spread with your glistening pussy on display. You’re his. You’re his to keep. Something about that thought had Sunghoon’s heart racing, unraveling a feeling of having you all by himself.
Sunghoon kneels in front of you, hands on your thighs as he hovers over you. He grabs his cock, stroking it steadily making him hiss lightly, at the same time, he grazes it on your cunt’s lips, making you moan.
You took a deep breath as you felt Sunghoon’s dick on your entrance, its girth enough for you to whimper even though it was just a tip. Sunghoon kept on glancing at you, trying to test if you can take it, careful as he pushed his tip inside you, making you let out a soft groan.
“Fuck Hoon,” you said, feeling your entrance tearing apart.
“It’s just my tip love,” Sunghoon told you, “we can stop if you want —”
“No, no, I want it,” you let out a sigh. “Please, just go slowly.”
“You want it all inside?” Sunghoon asked, eyes wide.
“I want to feel you, Hoon.”
Sunghoon was hesitant, seeing your eyes start to water, he was scared. You noticed the way his expression shifted, quickly pulling him for a short kiss with your eyes firm on him. There, he was assured, a short nod as a signal.
“Alright, relax for me okay? We’ll take it slow.”
Sunghoon started slow. Only pushing his tip in and out, so that you can still feel good. Then, he started to insert himself inside you, slow and careful while you could only take hasty breaths, holding it every time you felt yourself getting stretched.
“You’re so fucking tight,” Sunghoon whispered. “So small and tight, you really waited for me huh?”
“Hoon —”
“It’s okay baby, I can move if you want me to,” Sunghoon assured.
You tried to adjust to his size, you’re too full and his dick’s fully sheathed inside you, but it feels good, you wanted more of him. You tried to move, bucking your hips upwards to test the waters, making Sunghoon glance at you.
“You wanted it baby?” he asked, before spreading your legs wider, wrapping it around his waist as he hovered over you.
“You can move now Hoon,” you said.
Sunghoon moved for a bit, carefully checking on you in case you might get hurt. But you quickly nodded, he pulled his dick out of your pussy, eyes surprised as the blood smeared all over the condom. It’s normal. He thought, but it still made him worried.
“I think I tore you,” he mumbled to you.
“I don’t care,” you replied. “Fuck, just put it in Hoon.”
With that, Sunghoon chuckles darkly. “Impatient already?”
Without a warning, Sunghoon pushes himself inside you, making you heave out a moan. A mouthful of curses leaving his lips as he started to thrust himself inside you. A steady pace that’s not rough enough for you but will leave you crying out of pleasure. He continued doing so, until he fastened his pace, too lost in the pleasure of his cock ramming your walls. Sunghoon could only utterly groan as your pussy continued sucking him in.
“Only for me —” Sunghoon moans. “So tight for me, there’s my good girl.”
“Hoon —”
“Want me to go faster? Want to take all of me?”
“Please — ugh, faster please.”
Sunghoon answers your pleas, grabbing your waist, lifting your stomach area, and in a second, he pulls his cock slowly and slams it inside you harshly, making you moan loudly as the pleasure was too much for you. Hands tightly gripping the sheets as your toes started to curl. Only wanton moans and Sunghoon’s names would leave out of your lips, calling his name like a mantra as his dick keeps on abusing your hole, reaching to the deepest part, feeling how his tip rubs a sensitive spot.
“Hoon, want you —” you called out, stretching your hands which Sunghoon eagerly accepted. Both hands intertwined, placed both either on the sides of your head as Sunghoon continued to thrust inside you.
Sunghoon locks his lips on you once again. A feverish makeout, making everything hot yet intimate as both your bodies were glued together. Skin to skin, not minding the warm temperature the room exceeds and how sticky both you are with your sweats. All that matters was how he kisses your lips like it’s his last meal on Earth, savoring the taste of it while his cock underneath fastens its pace.
“You’re so beautiful, all mine right?” he growled on your lips, making a short thrust which left you gasping. He can feel it, your pussy tightening, almost wanting for him to not leave, he continues to thrust in such pace as he watches your face distorting in an unreadable expression.
“Come on, say it love,” he commanded, giving you another thrust so hard that you choke under your breath.
“All y-yours! Fuck —” you cried, everything is too overwhelming for you. But Sunghoon was relaxed as he continued abusing your pussy.
“So good for me,” Sunghoon kisses your temples.
You could only close your eyes, too shut that it hurts. Concealing every cry as your legs started to shake, stomach coiling, and unable to control your breathing.
“Hoon —”
“Gonna come now love?” you heard Sunghoon asked, and your choked moan was the only thing you could say.
“Let’s come together, hold it for me can you?” Sunghoon fastened his pace, leaving you crying out of pleasure. He can feel everything tightening, his dick twitching indicating that he’s also near. It didn’t help that you’re sucking him hard. Everything just feels good for both of you, but Sunghoon wanted for it not to end. He wanted to linger more, to touch you more until he memorized everything about you.
“Fuck —” Sunghoon was almost shaking, his grip on your hand tighten as he glances at you one last time, he leans forward sealing you to a kiss so soft that it completely contrasts how the rough thrusts that he gives.
“Go on, come,” he whispered to you, thrusting sharply that you could only moan as your wave of orgasm came rushing inside you. Your legs shake violently as you let out soft breathing and whimpers. You weren't able to sink in how Sunghoon groaned at the same time as you, his thrust becoming sloppy as he came inside the condom. He thrusted a few times before pulling out, you could only whine because of the loss, not being able to process as Sunghoon lay down beside you.
Sunghoon quickly wraps his arms around you, pulling you a hug which only makes you drowsy. You can feel his skin against you, his warm touch that felt more nothing but a comfort to you.
“Does it hurt?” he asked, breaking the silence between the two of you.
“It does,” you answered. Now that the high has left you, you can feel your cunt aching due to the sudden penetration. It did feel good but you didn’t expect for it to still ache afterwards.
“I’ll run a bath for us, don’t sleep on me yet,” he suggested.
“But I’m sleepy,” you mumbled. “Can we just stay like this?”
“Let’s clean each other first, come on,” he pulled himself away from you, you could only watch as he sat on the bed. Pulling the soiled condom, seeing it all bloodied, Sunghoon’s lips turned into a thin line before tying it and covering it with tissue. He throws it in the trash bin before walking towards his bedroom’s bathroom.
A few minutes later, he returned to grab you, carrying you bridal style which you didn’t mind, too tired to think about. The bathtub was only halfway full but Sunghoon quickly dips both of you inside. Your back resting against his back as you could only hum, relaxing into the warm water.
“You okay?” he asked, his arms possessively wrapping around you.
“I’m tired,” you mumbled. “I want to sleep.”
You hear Sunghoon chuckle, “never thought you'd be the type to get tired after one round.”
“I didn’t know it’ll be this tiring,” you mumbled. “Or maybe I was also tired from packing my things.”
“Which wasn’t necessary,” he kisses your temples. “Because you’re still staying here with me.”
You only hum at his sentence, closing your eyes as you rested your head on his shoulder.
“Just rest for me okay? I’ll take care of you.”
“Alright.”
“I love you,” Sunghoon stated, a loving kiss planted on your head.
“I love you too.”
-
Last night felt like a dream.
You opened your eyes to see yourself in a familiar room. Its silence comforts you in an indescribable way. Seeing how the sunlight sweeps through its curtains, indicates that you’ve slept past your usual wake time — a rare thing for you to happen. You sat up from the bed, noticing that the sheets are different and so are your clothes. A large shirt that almost pooled your thighs along with some boxer shorts in the shades of blue, hitting you immediately with reality.
Last night felt like a dream but you remember every detail of it vividly. You could only hug your knees as the sudden shame came rushing to you. Cheeks are heating up as you can still feel sore down there. Never expect that everything will lead to you losing your virginity to Sunghoon.
You can feel your heart beating, you remember every word said last night. The arguments, and promises, the way Sunghoon looked at you — everything. Everything was real yet it felt surreal. That’s when you glance to your left and see it empty. Sunghoon’s not here, and the thought of Sunghoon leaving you shadowed over your mind.
Quickly, you jumped out of the bed. Light footsteps open the door of his room, and as you skirt outside, you can hear the faint sound of cooking in the kitchen — that’s when you felt relief.
Slowly, you entered the kitchen to see Sunghoon cooking what you concluded were pancakes. He places the last batch on a plate before turning off the stove, turning around only to be surprised to see you standing there.
Silence devoured both of you. Not knowing what to say at all. After all the fiasco that you two had, some issues that needed to be solved, and of course, last night’s intimacy, everything suddenly felt awkward for both of you.
“Good morning,” Sunghoon breaks the ice first. “You’re awake now, let’s have some breakfast.”
“I thought you left,” you blurted out, immediately sinking in that you shouldn’t have said that.
You saw the way Sunghoon's forehead creased, confused. “Left? Why would I leave, I stay here.”
“You stay here?” you asked.
Sunghoon only quips a small smile, “I stayed here, waiting for you…hoping that you’ll come home.”
“Oh.” you only look away, embarrassed at the thought, and yet, a part of you was surprised by what you heard.
Sunghoon really meant what he said, and the thought that he waited for you to come home instead of going after you — he gave you time to think and waited for you to return, while at the same time, it gave him time to navigate his feelings for you. He’s right. It wasn’t too late for everything.
Sunghoon places down the plate on the dining table. While you only sat on the chair, watching Sunghoon set up the table for you. He offers the plate for you as he sits beside you. From there, you two sat in silence, eating the perfectly-cooked pancakes.
Weird. You thought as you took small bites on the food. Everything feels at ease, but you know that there’s still many issues that two have to address. Last night was just a swirl of each other’s emotions, although a proof of each other’s promises, you still don’t know what to do with your situation with Sunghoon.
“What — what happened last night?” you asked. Sunghoon chokes on his food, startling you. “I mean, during the bath —”
“Oh, you fell asleep halfway, nothing happened after, I slept eventually,” Sunghoon explained.
“Alright,” you mumbled, clearing your throat. As you looked at your unfinished plate, you wondered about the two of you, almost immediately things won’t be easily like the way it was.
“Hoon,” you whispered, trying to carefully set the atmosphere.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked, almost concerned.
“I just — I don’t know what to do with us,” you confessed, almost bitterly smiling. “All my life, I always knew what to do, I had a clear path of everything, dragging you in it which you obviously didn’t want to. But now that we have different goals, what about us?”
Sunghoon quietly looks at you. His soft expression completely contrasts the worried look on your face. Gently, he brushes the stray hair that covers your face, with his hand on the back of your neck, Sunghoon remains quiet as a smile forms on his face.
“I’m not leaving you y/n, don’t worry about us. Let’s just support each other alright? I know it’ll be hectic for each of us because we’re going different place, but this place,” Sunghoon’s eyes wandered around the house. “This is going to be our home. We’ll make it a home for us.”
“What about our engagement? It’s over now,” you asked, worried.
“Let’s get engaged when we’re ready, okay? Not because our parents set us up, I want our relationship to be genuine and real. I still have to prove my love for you.”
You only chuckle. “You already did.”
“It’s not enough, one night doesn’t change anything.”
You only nod at his words. “Thank you Sunghoon, for giving me another chance.”
“I should be the one who’s thankful to you, you never gave up on me even when I treat you badly,” he insisted, making you laugh.
“It’s my fault too, I shouldn’t have pushed you to my dreams too much.” you rebutted. “But I’m here now, I’ll support you in your dream.”
“That’s all I need to hear,” Sunghoon stated.
Nodding at his words, Sunghoon pulls you for a hug, his arms instinctively lifting you from your seat, pulling you to his lap to hold you even more tightly. You rest your head on his shoulder as your arms swing around his neck.
Silence hovered the dining area. You two remained there, never letting go of each other. The tranquility gives you two peace, feeling nothing but each other’s warmth as Sunghoon traces circle around your back, while you rest idly on him. It was comforting and assuring, and your heart swells in joy because your future with Sunghoon was never lost to you.
-
Epilogue.
As you open the door of your house, you immediately switch the lights on, revealing its comforting silence that only made you smile. The smell of lavender and eucalyptus filled the room, the relaxing scent coming from the air diffuser you and Sunghoon bought a few months ago, automatically reminds you of your lover.
“Hoon, I’m home!” you shouted, removing your sneakers when you heard the door of your shared room (formerly Sunghoon’s room) open. Sunghoon approaches you with a smile, gently cupping your cheeks to seal a kiss.
“Welcome home,” he greets, making you smile.
“What’s the occasion? You’re all dressed-up, or have you just got home from your class?” A year wasn’t that long, but a lot of things have changed between you and Sunghoon.
Sunghoon was given another chance from Decelis to finish his degree in medbio, stating that it’ll be a waste for him to not continue it. Although the two of you knew that the degree is deemed useless, Sunghoon let it be, a deal that he had with his parents for him to continue playing in the band.
After graduation, you agreed to Sunghoon to take a few months before entering medical school. Although you’re already on board to attend Decelis Medical School, you decided to take time to spend with the people you love because you know how hectic med school will be.
Arcanum continued performing. After graduation, they became an independent band. Slowly, their popularity is starting to rise. Getting invited to events, university festivals, and of course, they still do their gig in The Rabbit Hole, which became more popular and crowded than ever. You, on the other hand, always manage time to watch their performance along with the other band members’ girlfriends — who you eventually became friends with.
“I’m taking you out for dinner,” Sunghoon simply replied, grabbing your bag as he scurried his way back to your bedroom, which you only followed.
“Why? What’s the special occasion?” you asked, laughing.
“Nothing, just want to take my girl out, is that so bad?” Sunghoon grins, and your gleaming eyes can see how excited he is, like he’s preparing for something.
You only hum, as you proceed to your shared closet. “Alright, let me just freshen up for a bit and change.”
You two arrived at the restaurant not an hour later. The receptionist guided you to your reservation which surprised you because Sunghoon had reserved a private room for the two of you.
“This is,” you held your breath as you looked at the room. Nostalgia hits you because Sunghoon had brought you to the place where you two were formally engaged by your family.
“You still remember it?” he asked, smiling.
“Of course,” you could only mumble. “I was nervous. We were friends who suddenly became fiances at eighteen, it was a sudden turn.”
“I was nervous too, but I was in relief because my family chose you,” Sunghoon confesses. “Although we went through a rough path, I’m glad we were able to overcome it.”
You only smiled back at him. “So am I.”
Food arrived minutes later, along with some white wine of Sunghoon’s choice. The two of you spent the remaining time reminiscing, talking mostly about your childhood days, especially the embarrassing moments that had you two laughing loudly.
“I have some news for you,” Sunghoon blurted out, completely changing the topic between the two of you.
“What is it?’ you asked, taking small sips from your glass.
“Daydream Records called yesterday,” Sunghoon started, his smile grew wider, eyes almost turning into a curve. “They’re interested in having us in their label, it’s a five-year contract and they will manage everything for us — can you believe it!?”
“Oh my god —” words got stuck in your throat. Immediately, you stood up from your seat, approaching Sunghoon who only waited for you to fall into his arms. Pulling you on his lap as you embraced him tightly. “Hoon, oh my god — this is good news! You guys will become famous!”
“Becoming famous is still far for us, but no more hassle schedules, and Heeseung’s girl doesn’t need to partake in managing us, we’ll have our own manager, our own studio — everything!” Sunghoon excitedly shared, making you smile wider.
“That’s great love, I’m so, so proud of you and Arcanum,” you only said, leaning on him to give him a deep kiss on the lips which he only reciprocated.
“We’ll be busy this year, you’re going to attend Decelis in two months, while once we sign our contracts, we’ll be gearing up to release our debut single.” Sunghoon explained. “We might always come home to an empty house now.”
“Are you afraid?” you asked worriedly.
“Of course not, I have faith in both of us, but y/n,” he settles you on the chair in front of him. Hands holding you as he gives you an assuring smile. “We might not see each other from time to time because we’re too busy, but I want to let you know that I will always support you no matter what.”
Before you could say anything, Sunghoon grabs something from his coat’s inner pocket, your eyes widening at the velvet box that he’s holding.
“Hoon,” you whispered.
“We were tied to be married when we were young, and we promised that we’ll only get married when we’re ready, and though one year has passed and a lot of things have changed, we still have a long way to go, for us.” Sunghoon stated.
You remained quiet, only staring at him who gently cups your face.
“I want you to think of me whenever you see this ring,” he said as he proceeded to open the box. Your eyes widened at the pair of rings — both have subtle engraved diamonds, with the other one thinner with a much more intricate design.
“And I’ll think of you whenever I see the ring too,” Sunghoon added. “It’s a promise ring. A promise for us that we’ll be with each other no matter what. It’ll be our strength especially during hard times.”
Tears started flowing from your eyes, out of happiness, you let out a choked laugh as you wiped your tears away — bumping into Sunghoon's hands who faltered a laugh as he gently wiped the tears away.
“Hoon, I don’t know what to say…I love it — gosh, I love you so, so much, you don’t know how happy this makes me,” you could only say, almost stumbling to your words.
Sunghoon didn’t say a word. He removes the ring and gently puts it in your ring finger, fitting perfectly like it was meant for you. You copied his action, grabbing the other band and placing it in his ring finger.
“Promise me that you’ll be there for me,” Sunghoon stated.
“Of course, I’ll be there for you, just like you’ll be with me,” you only smiled. “Forever.”
Sunghoon grabs your cheeks once again, planting a kiss on your lips which you delicately replied, sealing the promise you two have. Breaking the kiss, Sunghoon only stared at you, eyes brightening as his smile became wider.
TAGS slowburn enemies to lovers, childhood friends, love triangle ft. jake, slice of life, chaebol sunghoon & reader, found family, college au, heavy angst, heeseung as hoon’s babygirl best friend
𝓦 .. this story contains heavy smut — mdni abuse, violence, toxic dynamics, sunghoon is mean and an overall asshole but reader isn’t any better, they’re both freaks, mutual obsession, big dick hoon, heavy themes of denial, trauma, anxiety, misogyny, power play, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional manipulation, high society elitism
READ HERE total parts ⤷ 15 ⁞ 𐚁 feb 2026 status: ongoing
PROLOGUE
ㅡ PART ONE No profit
ㅡ PART TWO Chessboard
ㅡ PART THREE Endless
ㅡ PART FOUR I’m sick of games
ㅡ PART FIVE Too easy
ㅡ PART SIX Fill the thirst
ㅡ PART SEVEN Sink my teeth in
ㅡ PART EIGHT An empty mirage
ㅡ PART NINE Because I see everything ㅡ PART TEN I know you’re enjoying it ㅡ PART ELEVEN The more you hide it ㅡ PART TWELVE The more it appears ー PART THIRTEEN Feel the bite 001 002 ー PART FOURTEEN Let’s play together — PART FIFTEEN It’s no use — PART SIXTEEN Love 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 more to come
DRABBLES: Seoul City 23.8k ᐟ⋆ S you have a strict “never fuck park sunghoon again” policy in motion. but unfortunately, he’s got a big mouth, an even bigger dick, and absolutely zero intentions of letting you keep your promises.
──── disclaimer this is a work of fiction as in no way a depiction of any of the individuals mentioned.
faq: do you have an update schedule? when will the story end?
i don’t have an update schedule and there’s no official end date in sight the full plot is mapped out though and i update whenever the chapter is ready. teeth is a story i’ve been writing for years and up until chapter 14 i had drafts ready to go but now it’s a process of solely writing as i go, i can’t promise speed so please be patient with me :)
the social media elements in the early chapters are only there to offer perspective in a more immersive way. the story will mainly consist of written chapters. teeth!sunghoon look 01 | look 02
⋆ ASKS/REBLOGS/COMMENTS ALWAYS APPRECIATED ⋆
if you enjoyed, even the tiniest bit of love and feedback means the world to me, especially since this is my first ever published fic! ♡
Summary: Your long-term relationship with your bodyguard-slash-personal assistant Lee Heeseung goes way back in high school. Ever since then, he keeps your heart guarded and humbled in every possible way since your makeup line started to rise into fame. But when a dating scandal tied you with your brand's ambassador, leading to a PR stunt that will last for two years, that's when you realized that your relationship with Heeseung was starting to crumble because of the fortune and popularity.
Fourth installment of Big reputations series.
✰ Song inspirations: King of my heart by Taylor Swift, National Anthem by Lana del rey, Midnight Rain by Taylor Swift
✰ Word count: 22.7k
✰ Tags: CEO au, bodyguard/assistant au, established relationship, secret relationships, aged-up characters (they’re both in their early 30s) relationship conflicts, jealousy, ANGST, mild fluff ig, smut!!! misunderstandings, rumors, breakups (and getting back together,) heeseung is such a green flag and down bad (fuck yesss), usage of korean honorifics. mentions of kpop idols.
✰ CW: plot with porn, smut, service dom! Heeseung, p in v sex, unprotected sex (pls dont), cumming inside, bathtub sex, praise, petnames, riding, fingering, kinda breeding kink, idk what else to tag but this is just soft shitty smut and they’re very much in love.
✰ Asul's note: FUCK YES ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP WITH CONFLICTS, one of my favorite tropes to write. After almost two months I was able to finish this one, thank god. Anyways, I eyeballed everything so don’t come after me and yeah, buckle up because this is going to be a long-ass ride. Not proofread by the way.
The hallways were empty and lights were dimmed throughout the whole building. The only lights that were on were in your office where you sat on your couch, analyzing the latest product campaign for your new lip gloss collection.
You leaned against the headboard too casually like you’re in your house, but it shouldn’t surprise you either since you basically treat your office like it's your own home. Eleven pm was still early for you to go home. There are a lot of things that you still need to check and approve before the meeting tomorrow — you want to make sure that everything will be flawless after all.
Then a soft knock echoed inside the empty office, completely startling you. Your hands scrunched the paper you were holding as you looked up at the person who disturbed you.
“It’s eleven in the evening,” he said. “I think it’s time to go home.”
“Give me five minutes.” you quickly said before shifting your attention towards your paper.
“You said that thirty minutes ago.”
You only smiled, “and yet you let me go past five minutes.”
“Okay, that is enough, let’s go home y/n,” Heeseung said in defeat before walking towards you. You were quick enough to dodge his hands as you gave him a glare.
“Heeseung.”
“Love.” he dictated and your heart skipped.
“Damn you Lee, I thought endearments aren’t allowed inside the office?” you cursed at him.
“During office hours, and it’s just the two of us here,” he explained and with you distracted, Heeseung snatched the papers off your hands. You could only groan as a complaint when he returned to your table to put down the papers. After that, he grabbed all your stuff before approaching you once again.
“Come on now, or do you want me to carry you on the way towards the elevator Miss l/n?” he asked.
You chuckled to his suggestion. Grabbing your bag from him, you put on your shoes and stood up to face him, “I don’t think that the securities will be pleased to see their boss being carried by her bodyguard Mr. Lee.”
“I am your bodyguard for a reason,” he pointed out.
“That wasn’t part of your job description.” you joked and Heeseung merely laughed at your words. You walked out of the office first, and eventually, Heeseung followed behind after grabbing his bag. Walking behind at a safe distance until you two entered the elevator.
The two of you went inside the elevator together, Heeseung pressed the button of the underground parking, and the silence devoured you two in a tension that crawled on both of your skin. You two were an inch apart and yet, it kills both of you to be at that distance.
“Your place? Or mine?” Heeseung asked suddenly.
“Mine,” you simply said before opening your bag. As the elevator reached its destination, you lent Heeseung the keys of your car which he accepted without any questions.
The two of you went to the only car inside the parking lot. Heeseung unlocks the car’s door, opening the door of the passenger seat for you. You gave him a smile as you went inside before he closed it and went to the driver’s seat.
It had become a routine. An act that you two had memorized and danced around for years. The moment Heeseung started the engine, your shoulders relaxed and you could finally breathe again.
“Do you want some food?” he asked as he started to drive away from the building.
You shake your head, massaging your temples as you feel your head spinning. “Just tired.”
““I want to go straight to bed” tired or “I needed something relaxing to do” tired?” he asked once again while his eyes were fixed on the road.
“The latter.”
“What do you want to do then?”
“A bath? Maybe something to soak into,” you mumbled as you leaned on the window, you watched as the car passed by stores and establishments that were closed at the dead of the night. Now that you had gotten out of your office, you suddenly felt weary and tired.
“Just take a nap, I’ll wake you up when we’re home,” Heeseung ordered and it felt like a spell because you unknowingly let out a yawn.
Before you knew it, your eyes closed by itself, drifting to your slumber. The car was quiet as Heeseung only drove smoothly. Eyes on the road as he lets you sleep throughout the whole drive.
As soon as you two reached the building of your house and parked at the garage, Heeseung turned off the engine and glanced at you.
“Hey,” he tapped your shoulder lightly and in a split second, you woke up, glancing at him who gave you a smile.
“We’re home.” Heeseung announced as he removed your seatbelt.
“Thank you love,” you mumbled.
As the two of you walked out of the car together, you couldn’t help but to lean against Heeseung’s side, a subtle way to break down the gap between the two of you. Heeseung knew what it meant and gently, he placed his arms around your shoulders and pulled you close to him. It was each other’s cue — the two of you are free to move now.
Because behind closed doors and private moments, you and your personal guard-slash-assistant Lee Heeseung were lovers. A love that goes way back in high school. Way back in your small hometown where you and Heeseung lived in the same street, went to the same school, wherein your friendship bloomed into a young, puppy love that seemed to be perfect like the movies.
They say never mix business with pleasure, and you make sure that your private life is completely uninvolved in your company. Especially now that your makeup brand has become a consistent trend globally, everyone’s eyes are also on you. Having been present in every collection launch and talks, you were the face of your brand — the spotlight will always be on you, that’s why you wanted to make sure that your personal background would remain unexposed to the world.
While your lover? Heeseung preferred to be in the shadows. A few feet apart from you, assisting and guiding you in every step you make. He made sure you remained grounded, and you’re thankful that he’s always there watching after you. He wasn’t just an assistant in your company — everyone knows how important Lee Heeseung is to their boss.
Still, no questions about your relationship with him. They merely see it as something professional, and perhaps because the two of you are great with hiding your relationship in public.
The reason why it remained private? Simple — Heeseung doesn’t want to be in the spotlight. He just doesn’t want to. End of discussion. It was his only request and you knew that it was for the best for the two of you. Having a relationship revealed in public could end up with unsolicited advice from strangers, the continuous questions about your status rather than your own business, and of course, rumors and scandals that may ruin one’s reputation.
Hence why you two continued loving in secret. Your status remained a mystery to the whole world and you only gave them a smile whenever they asked you whether you're single or not.
“Does it matter?” it’s always been your answer. There’s no interview of yours wherein they ask about your status and every interview, that’s your answer. They seem like they have grown tired of your answer. The public seemed to have concluded that you’re just a strong, independent woman who didn’t need a man, while the man who always trails behind you was just nothing but your bodyguard.
If only they knew, sometimes you wished they knew how tender Heeseung’s love is for you. How he treats you so delicate yet admires your serious side especially inside the office. You wanted to brag about it to other people, but you remained quiet because you didn't want to be a selfish one who couldn’t comply with her lover’s only wish.
But perhaps, Heeseung was the selfish one here, since he didn’t want to share to the public how he loves you. You two could’ve been a great image of a long-lasting love but maybe, things like that are meant to be a quiet form of love.
Despite that, your relationship with Heeseung has been going strong ever since you said yes when he asked you if he can be your boyfriend. It’s not perfect, you’ll admit. There are flaws and challenges you two had to face, but everything seems to be peaceful now. Your relationship has become secure ever since.
“I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday,” you complained the moment you entered the bathroom.
The bathtub was halfway full. Everything’s warm and smelled like lavender. Heeseung was by the cabinet, returning the scent oils you two keep while you hummed in contentment. You grabbed a hair tie and tied your hair in a messy bun enough to keep it dry during the bath.
“You’re overworking yourself too much, that’s why,” Heeseung answered. You only chuckled in his words before you started to undress yourself, same goes with him.
“Well, this is my life Hee,” you pointed out after shrugging the last garments. “And it will always be. Who am I if not a good CEO who’s hands-on to her company and people?”
Heeseung faces you. His expression was soft yet filled with worry, “I know my love, and I’m proud of you. But sometimes, you have to put yourself first, alright? It might deteriorate your health at some point.”
“It won’t, you’re there to look after me after all,” you said with full confidence.
“Of course, I will always be here,” he assured before planting a kiss on your lips.
You kissed him back — just enough to feel his lips and love for you. The tension started to rise and the room became hotter as Heeseung’s hold on your face tightened, a breathy groan escaped his mouth as his movement became hungrier, eager for more that it became too much. You pulled away from him in a second, catching your breath as his hands let go of you.
“I’m too tired for sex love,” you told him immediately, and he only stared at you, nodding before giving you a smile.
“Okay, it’s okay love, should we get into the bath?” he offered and you nodded.
The bath tub was almost full when you and Heeseung settled inside the bath tub. The water was enough to cover you two. You leaned your back against Heeseung’s chest and everything moved out of instinct. Heeseung grabbed the loofa nearby, lathering it with enough soap before he grabbed your arms, carefully scrubbing it.
“You don’t have to do this,” you whispered to him and a kiss on the temples was all you got.
“But I want to,” he insisted, and his careful touches were enough for you to relax against his warmth as he continued cleaning every part of your body.
Heeseung had already memorized every part of your body. He knew you like the back of his hand that he knew which sigh was out of relief or out of contentment. He knew that when you rubbed your ears, it was out of discomfort or how you fiddle your fingers out of anxiety.
Or when you rubbed your shoulders with your thumb gently caressing it, you’re eager for something — that’s when he stopped. Placing down the loofa beside and letting you settle down on his chest again. Your thumb left your shoulders and instead was placed on his hands that were wrapped around your stomach area. You started playing with his slender fingers, intertwining with it which he squeezed lightly as answer, making you giggle at the act.
“Contended?” he asked.
“I love it,” you smiled. “A relaxing bath with my loving boyfriend, everything’s perfect love.”
Heeseung hummed at your answer. You rested further on his weight, head on the corner of his shoulder which instinctively made Heeseung kiss your temples.
You closed your eyes as you found yourself relaxed at the tranquil silence. Ignoring how your lover’s hands started to travel around your body, since Heeseung has always been touchy with you.
But slowly, his right hand trailed from your stomach down your pussy. You open your eyes out of surprise when he starts playing with it.
“Love —” but you were cut off when Heeseung hushes you, slender fingers gently rubbing your clit in circles making you lean against him further. “Ha — shit.”
“You wanted to relax, right? Just let me do my work,” he kissed the end of your shoulder while his fingers did good motions on your bud. “Just relax my love. It’s just us, let yourself fall.”
A deep exhale escaped your lips as he drew eights on your clit at just the right pace. Enough to make you moan and give your body little twitches every second. You could hear his contended hum as his left hand travelled on the swell of your breasts. Gently fondling your left curve which left you wanting more.
“Heeseung — please,” you whispered and before he could ask, you turned your head on him and captured his lips in which he reciprocated immediately. The kiss was gentle and careful. His lips guided yours in a careful motion, before you pushed yourself deeper on him, earning an earthy chuckle from your lover.
“What happened to ‘no sex’ tonight?” he teased.
“We’re just kissing,” you stated. “Just — please, I just want to feel good.”
Heeseung hummed for a second before inserting his callous fingers inside your entrance, completely catching you off-guard.
“Love — oh!” his fingers curled at your spot immediately, earning a shaky moan from you. You fell immediately to his touch, breathing becoming unstable as he continued to play with your insides. Your warm walls hugged his fingers, needy and eager to grasp its roughness as Heeseung’s fingers did scissoring motion in a fast pace before curling at the spot that had you seeing stars.
“Hee!” your right hand found its way to his arms but your lover only hushed you quietly, a broken sob escaped your lips as you looked at him. “Please?”
“Are you going to cum now love? That fast?” he teased with a smirk and as much as his tone annoyed you, you nodded to his question, eager for release and an orgasm that hopefully might wash off today’s stress.
Heeseung locked his lips on yours again, hungrier and rougher which you reciprocated with much desire. His finger continued abusing your hole until you broke down — moaning in his lips as your toes curled at the sensation, pussy clamping his fingers but that didn’t stop him, and instead, Heeseung pulled out without any hesitation and rubbed your clit fast.
“Stop! Hee —” you gripped on his shoulders tight, your back ached as his hands didn’t stop playing with your clit until you were a crying mess. You were catching your breath when he stopped while you remained shaky by the aftermath.
You don’t even know if you were exhausted or relaxed by his actions, and yet, you let your lover shower you with kisses and hum as he wrapped his arms around your stomach. Contented with his actions while you close your eyes again in attempts to relax.
“You did good my love,” he whispered to you as he planted a kiss on your temples. You only hummed in response, body finally relaxing as the high slowly started to dissolve. You leaned back against him but you weren’t ignorant with the way his thick cock poked against your back.
“Love, you’re hard.” you told him.
“I know, but It’ll down die later.” he answered immediately and that made you turn around and look around him.
“It’s unfair on your part,” you said before shifting your position to face him.
“Love, you said you’re too tired for sex and I understand. I did it to relax you further, not lead you onto having sex with me,” he explained and as much as you wanted to be flattered by his soft explanation, you couldn’t help but to crave for more especially when his huge shaft stood tall in front of you.
“Yeah, but I couldn’t relax further now, you riled me up Hee,” you objected.
Heeseung raised an eyebrow, “you sure?”
And instead of answering him, you shifted further close to him. Your knees scraping against the marbled surface of the bathtub before you grabbed his dick, pumping it a few times before you aligned it on your pussy.
“I want this,” you answered back before you felt his bulbous tip opening your entrance further, making you moan at the sensation as you slowly sinked down to his cock.
“You feel so good love,” you whispered to him as you felt yourself full and filled while your pussy swallowed his cock whole. You leaned close to him and sealed his lips with a kiss before gazing at him. His round bambi-like eyes turned sharp and lustful making you smirk as you cup his cheeks gently.
“Just relax for me, love alright?” with that, you moved your hips. Going up and down as the water started to spill outside the tub. Your pace slowly became fast as you felt the sensation of your cervix getting rammed by Heeseung’s cock.
Heeseung rested on the edge of the bathtub. Hands on your waist as he watches you bounce on his dick, eager to get him off, even though the mere view of you on top of him was enough. The breathy moans that escaped your lips every time his tip kissed your cervix, the way your expression distorted in pleasure while your tits bounced at every movement. Heeseung could only curse under his breath — he’s the only one who could see this side of you after all.
“Fuck, keep going love,” Heeseung moaned before capturing your breast with mouth. He looked up to you, watching you throw your head back out of pleasure as his tongue swirled around your hardening bud. Your grip on his shoulder tightened as he held you firm on your waist, guiding you in your movement.
“Hee — oh my gosh!” you shouted as you became more rougher, knees reddening against the surface but it only drove you further to make your lover cum.
“That’s it love — fuck, your pussy’s sucking me good y’know?” he spoke into you, pushing you further until your pussy’s starting to tighten around his cock.
“Fuck, why am I — I’m supposed to make you cum!” you cried, but you didn’t stop, you continued your actions because you could feel your orgasm brewing in your pit.
“It’s no worries love,” Heeseung assured. “Come here.”
Heeseung pulled you for another hungry kiss, you let yourself fall back as you kissed him. Hands tightening on his shoulder while you continued bouncing on his dick — the same time he started thrusting upwards to meet your movements.
The pleasure became more intense. Everything felt overwhelming, filled with eagerness as both of you followed a rhythm that only you two could do. The tub that used to be full is now halfway empty due to the roughness of your actions, too hungry for the pleasure of each other’s warmth.
And perhaps, you two are just madly, deeply, in love with each other, because the moment you two broke off the kiss, and you let yourself rest on Heeseung’s shoulder, your lover continued the act for you, knowing that your stamina is lower than him.
You came before he could’ve, but Heeseung didn’t care at all. He had loved that you tried even though you insisted that you’re not in the mood for sex tonight. That’s why he took over, taking care of you just like he always does.
It didn’t take a while for him to cum too. He relaxed underneath your touch, arms tight around your waist as his cum spilled inside you, warm and thick, you could only whine in satisfaction of being filled by your lover.
“You did good love,” Heeseung assured. Rubbing your back gently as he kisses your temple. You only hummed as you let yourself be assured by your lover.
“‘M sorry,” you mumbled, head resting on his shoulder as you find yourself becoming drowsy, tiredness finally hitting you.
“No worries love,” he repeated. “Should we get out now? The water’s cold now, maybe we should take a quick shower to wash our body further.”
You nodded as an answer before your lover carried you to move towards the shower area. The shower was quick with Heeseung washing every inch of your body while you stood there, tired and on the verge of sleeping.
After changing into sleeping clothes and having your hair dried. The two of you returned to the bedroom — not until you grabbed your phone because that’s when you noticed the numerous missed calls from your employee.
“It’s Jungwon,” you announced as you looked at your phone.
“At this hour?” Heeseung tried to snatch your phone but you managed to dodge his hands.
“It might be important,” you stated, knowing how the younger one could be.
Heeseung crossed his arms, “it’s past midnight, things like that are unprofessional y/n.”
“But he won’t be calling me at this hour if it wasn’t important,” you reasoned out.
“Because you enable this habit of his,” Heeseung interjected. “Come on now, let’s go to sleep. We still have work tomorrow —”
“Five minutes,” you pleaded. “Just five minutes and I’d be in bed.”
Heeseung stared at you for a second. He only shook his head before he nodded, “fine, five minutes.”
You smiled at him before planting a kiss on his lips. “Love you.”
Heeseung hummed, accepting your gesture as he smiled shortly, “love you too.”
He watched as you left the room while he made himself comfortable on your king-sized bed. The silence was killing him. You should’ve been in bed, cuddling with him to sleep but Heeseung knew how important your company is to you that you just couldn’t help but to look after it at this ungodly hour.
Heeseung decided to just kill time by playing some online game, something worth five minutes while waiting for you. He grabbed his phone and opened some of his games — and he finished it within five minutes.
He looked at the bedroom door and you’re still outside. Still talking to Jungwon who’s probably talking his heart out about whatever idea he has that he had to bug you late at night. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he looked up at the ceiling. He pondered about whether to get up and grabbed you to go to sleep, but the bed became too comfortable for him to move. Heeseung finds himself tired now too.
Five minutes turned into ten, until slowly, Heeseung lost track of time and he had drifted off to sleep without you on his side.
-
Your company has always been a bustling building that smelled like rose and soft eucalyptus.
The atmosphere has always been light. Bright greetings and warm smiles welcomed you in which you reciprocated naturally as you made your way towards your office. You always made sure that your employees aren’t intimidated by you. Limitations exist but you didn’t want them to deem you unapproachable.
Meanwhile, Heeseung was behind you, casual and relaxed while carrying your bag — a daily sight for everyone. They knew Heeseung was your personal assistant, and they knew how meticulous he was when it came to his job. They always joke about it. Wherever you are, there’s Heeseung trailing behind you.
Still, they never question your relationship with Heeseung. Especially when you two keep it professional and at distance whenever there are employees around.
“Good you’re here,” Jungwon, your creative director, greeted. He was sitting casually on the couch when you entered the office.
“You’re too excited for your proposal Mr. Yang,” you smiled at him as you went to your desk chair. Heeseung placed down your bag at the table, greeting Jungwon midway.
“Well I am because I think this is going to be the turning point of our company Ms. l/n. Trust me on this one,” he insisted, filled with enthusiasm that you couldn’t bear to ignore.
“You said that last night too, and I can trust your suggestion as always. Please gather every section head and hold a meeting at ten, I’ll be there immediately,” you ordered and with that, Jungwon nodded.
“I already gave them a gist of it and they like the idea. All I need is your approval if I am going to be honest.”
“Well, I am listening,” you answered. “What you propose has always been for the good of the company, so who am I to say no?”
“Good, that’s good call Ms. l/n, I’ll see you later at ten,” and with that, Jungwon left the office. You only crossed your arms as a chuckle escaped your lips.
“Always an enthusiastic kid,” Heeseung commented with a chuckle.
“He has so much potential that it’s scary sometimes,” you added. “But it’s good potential, I like how he went from that anxious intern back then to a more confident board member in our company.”
Heeseung nodded, “I wonder what he’s planning to propose this time.”
“We’ll learn about it in the meeting, but for now, how about a warm cup of coffee?” you asked, glancing at him with a nod.
“Of course Miss,” he answered with a formal tone, and that was your cue. The two of you are in your office personas. No more petnames, or sweet gestures. He’s now your assistant, while you’re his boss.
-
The conference room was cold yet it was filled with anticipation as you sat in the middle chair. Heeseung sat on your right, Ipad in front of him as he was readying himself to jot down important details during the meeting.
Jungwon was already in front, pacing back and forth, mumbling some words under his breath which you find amusing. Soon, every chair was filled with the section head who seemed confident about today’s agenda.
“Now that we’re here, should we get the meeting started Mr. Yang?” you stated, loud and clear enough for your other employees to be quiet.
“Of course! Without further ado, the reason why I called everyone in this meeting was because I have found Mayumi beauty, a new brand ambassador,” Jungwon proposed, and you raised an eyebrow.
Heeseung glanced at you. A brand ambassador? This one’s not new to you but it’s been months since you last had an ambassador. You weren’t able to find another one who’s suited for the image of your brand.
You watched as the presentation changed its slide. Jungwon clicked the video revealing a GRWM video from an idol. You weren’t familiar with musicians and singers, but you had found him appealing.
He had strong masculine features, sharp jaws and eyes, and a pretty bare face. He spoke with much softness as he went on with how he does his skincare routine.
“And this, I use this as my toner — this is my last bottle actually, and I heard this one’s discontinued, so shoutout to the owner of Mayumi beauty, please don’t. I need this toner, this one’s mild and doesn’t irritate my face at all,” he then laughed before gently placing the product on his face. He was careful with it, delicate like patting a baby’s skin.
You couldn’t help but to stare at him longer. Finding his features and movement gentle and clean, he seemed perfect.
“Stealer’s Jay?” one employee asked.
“Stealer has a good reputation. Ten years in the industry, no scandals, no controversies, they’re good-looking too,” Jungwon explained “I chose Jay specifically because one, he supports our products, and two, he’s the nation’s gentleman. His gentle and masculine aura is suitable for Mayumi’s calm and colorful branding. Plus, this video was just released yesterday. It trended worldwide and now, fans are demanding to buy the toner.”
“If we are able to get him as our ambassador, we could re-launch the night sky collection again, and it’ll be in demand this time,” you mumbled under your breath, deeply pondering about the possibilities of your collection becoming popular if you release it at the moment along with Stealer’s Jay becoming the face of your brand.
“That’s true! With that, we could also release a variety of skincare collections aside from makeup products, this is the perfect timing Miss l/n that I am talking about,” your director pointed out. A few employees agreed, while you remained quiet, deeply pondering about it as your eyes never left the screen where Jay’s face was plastered.
You didn’t even notice how your lover’s stare lingered on you for too long.
He could see it. The glimpse of hope in your eyes — the feeling wherein someone had appreciated your products. The Night sky care routine was one of your first collections that you had released. It was a risk, venturing to skin care from makeup products. Heeseung advised you to take it slow and focus on makeup products, but you were persistent.
In the end, the sales weren’t good compared to your makeup products. You were forced to stop the production and just let it run out of stock. It took you years to return the loss in profit that you never tried to launch other products aside from makeup products.
“Would he accept it?” you asked. “You know how some labels are wary about endorsement deals, if he’s really that popular, it would be probably hard for us to reach out to him.”
“Trust me in this one boss, I know how to contact Jay’s manager directly, give me a week and we’d have Jay as our brand ambassador in no time.” Jungwon answered with full confidence and you didn’t object further. He knew what he was doing and with your silent approval, that’ll be enough for him to get his phone and reach out to Jay’s manager.
You nodded, a quick glance from Heeseung who only eyed Jungwon.
“Then give me an update within the week.” you settled and Jungwon seemed satisfied with your answer.
The meeting ended immediately. No further concerns were addressed to you. The whole day passed by in a blur. Meetings and shortcomings that were adjourned immediately like a piece of cake. The day felt like your typical day in your life as a cosmetic brand’s owner.
Everything feels fine but you noticed it. The quiet and reserved mood of your boyfriend. He was quiet after the meeting. Formal and distant that it confused you all of the sudden.
“Mr. Lee, please come to my office now,” you ordered. It was three in the afternoon, and you’re not going to wait until five. It’s eating you alive. Heeseung’s the type to keep his concerns all by himself and you didn’t want his worries to be bottled up in his mind.
“Yes, Ms. l/n, is there anything that you want?” he asked using his formal tone. He stood tall in front of you. Hands clasped behind his back, patient as he waits for your words.
“You’ve been quiet since the meeting, is there something wrong about it? You can tell me,” you told him immediately.
Heeseung stared at you for a second. He looked like he’s pondering whether to lie or not. But you knew your lover, you’d be able to catch even the smallest white lie that would slip out of his mouth. That’s why you gave him an assuring smile and you witnessed how his shoulder relaxed.
“Do you really want it? A new ambassador, and releasing an old collection?” he asked. “You’re doing fine now with your makeup collection, why venture out further?”
“Why not Hee? It’s the perfect timing, you see how in demand the toner at the moment, we should be able to get that momentum immediately especially when Stealer’s Jay made it trend too,” you answered immediately before raising an eyebrow. “Unless you don’t trust my choices.”
“Of course not, and I am sorry if I crossed the line with my words,” he immediately replied and it made your forehead creased. The Heeseung you’re talking to right now is your assistant, not your lover.
You stood up from your chair, walking towards him who remained from his place. As you come face to face with him, just a few inches close to each other, your eyes are locked on him.
This distance felt wrong. You two aren’t allowed at this distance especially when at any moment, someone might walk into your office.
But you were concerned about Heeseung, a thin line forming on your lips as you tried to search for his gaze. “Is this about having a male ambassador?”
“Would it be stupid if I said yes?” he answered and you only smiled. Your hands find their way towards his neck tie, proper and clean, and yet you acted like you fixed it.
“He’s just a brand ambassador, we had tons of male ambassadors before, this is not the first time Heeseung.” you assured.
He was quiet for a minute before he said, “just a bad hunch about this.”
“Bad hunch? What do you mean?”
“I don’t know either,” he simply stated. “But my guts are telling me something.”
You chuckled at his words. “Maybe you’re just hungry Mr. Lee, why don’t you go out and buy us some instant ramen at the family mart? I’m kinda craving it too.”
But Heeseung didn’t move. He only stared at you which made you flinch, his eyes told you that he's not joking, and you immediately understood it.
“You don’t have to worry, love,” you swore to him. “This is simply just work.”
“I know,” he replied. “I just, everything feels funny to me right now. Maybe you’re right, maybe I’m just hungry.”
Guilt hovered over you as his words were a sigh of defeat. Before Heeseung could turn his back, you grabbed him by his sleeves. He was surprised by your actions but everything faded when you gave him a smile.
“This is nothing Heeseung, you know that my heart belongs to you,” you told him.
“I know, and I’m sorry for making you worry about me.”
“I like it sometimes, when I worry about you,” you smiled. “Relationships should be equal after all.”
Heeseung only nodded, your heart became calm as you noticed that he seemed satisfied with your conversation.
“We’ll be okay Heeseung,” you said using your softest tone. “Okay?”
His shoulders relaxed. Eyes locked on you as he held your hands, squeezing it for a second before letting go.
“Always,” he answered and that assured you.
A soft gesture. An exchange of words that you two stole from the movie, “The fault in our stars.” Heeseung thought that the ‘okay’ was too cliche, while you, on the other hand, think that ‘always’ was too absurd. In the end, it became a corny thing for the two of you to say to assure each other. Something more meaningful than “I love you,” because you two only knew what it meant.
And for the following years the two of you had been together, those words became constant. A gentle reminder that you love each other unconditionally.
-
Park Jongseong was brooding and charismatic. At the age of thirty-one, he’s one of the prominent stars in the k-industry. Main vocal and leader of Stealer — a three-member male group, they have been dominating the charts and general public ever since they debuted. Never fading, never out-trended by their younger juniors.
In less than a week, Jongseong’s label agreed to the endorsement deal. The following week, he’s in your company building, for the contract signing and first photoshoot of the collection.
Everyone gushed at him. How can they not? Park Jongseong was not only charismatic, he was also charming and a gentleman. Soft-spoken yet humorous to begin with. He had managed to swoon everyone inside the room with just his mere presence and aura.
Most of all, he had managed to capture your attention. You welcomed him with a warm handshake and smile, his expression immediately light-up the moment he saw you. The two of you conversed during the contract signing and his gentle demeanor made you put your trust in him within a few minutes of getting to know him.
“I am serious Ms. l/n, your products saved my life,” he said with much sincerity which made you smile wider.
“Same goes to you Mr. Park, suddenly, there’s a boost in our sales and demands. I am honored that you agreed to be our ambassador.” you replied, not noticing how Jongseong’s smile became wider as he looked at you.
“I am honored too, to be chosen as an ambassador from a gorgeous woman like you.”
The compliment caught you off-guard. The soft squeals and teasings from your employees could be heard but you only laughed it off before you asked one employee to guide Jongseong towards the makeup room. The teasing never stopped and yet, you ignored it as you proceeded to talk to Jungwon about other details.
The atmosphere during the shoot was light. Everyone was in a good mood. Music filled the place as Jay struck a pose professionally in front of the camera. He looked clean with subtle makeup, holding the product in his hand as he gazed at the camera. He was mesmerizing to say, compliments echoed inside the room, boosting his confidence further.
You were monitoring behind the screen. Arms crossed as your face observed Jay’s professionalism. He’s easy to work with. A natural that even if he just stood there, he’d be able to sell the product. He was able to give his own insights, making the photoshoot quick and laid-back.
“This is perfect,” you mumbled. A proud smile on your face as you stare at Jay.
“I told you, I got you boss,” Jungwon proudly answered and you only pat the younger’s shoulders as an act of gratitude.
“Thank you,” you heaved out a sigh. You couldn’t believe it. Your collection would be given another chance. Everything wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Jungwon’s idea. The thought had made your heart swell in pride. You have achieved another goal. You were able to venture outside your makeup products and everything is going smoothly given that you had scored a famous idol as your endorser.
The shoot finished late at night. Everyone was tired yet warmly congratulated everyone for a successful wrap. Jay had approached you and you only gave him a smile as you accepted his hands. Congratulations and words of gratitude started off the conversation until the two of you ventured out, going from one topic to another.
Everyone seems to have gushed at the two of you, but you chose to laugh it off. Remaining at a safe distance with the idol who seems eager to get to know you.
You didn’t even notice that Heeseung has been staring at you for way too long. He was by the corner, helping everyone clean up the studio because he tries — tries hard not to show how it annoys him that you’re talking with Jay.
Heeseung shouldn’t worry…right?
Because he chose to love you in secret. He chose to ask you to keep your relationship private even though there’s a deep yearning for you to tell the public about your relationship. He chose this life and he should owe up to his decision.
Heeseung trusts you too. That’s why he shouldn’t worry about how your laugh was too loud at Jongseong’s jokes — and how the whole room seemed to be amused by your chemistry with him.
He shouldn’t worry. Definitely not.
“Let’s go?” you approached, making his thoughts disappear.
The shoot ended hours ago. It was past one am and everyone had left the studio inside the office. The only people remaining inside the office were you and Heeseung.
Heeseung shouldn’t worry at all. Not when he’s the one you go home with. You seem to be in a good mood that he only resorted to giving you a small smile before grabbing your stuff and leading you towards the elevator.
Your routine never changed. The distance is still apart and yet Heeseung didn’t miss the way you kept on glancing at him, like you were itching to tell him something.
“I missed you,” you spoke to him the moment you two had reached your place. It should’ve assured him, especially when you clinged to him like a koala. Your arms wrapped around his while you pressed your cheeks on his side. You looked cute and soft, and you only act like this around him.
That should lessen his worries. You’re still the same girl who he loved since high school after all. Nothing has changed.
Especially when you two ended up in bed. Naked, sweaty, and high from the euphoric bliss that only the two of you could enjoy. After the assuring kisses and words, you lay on his chest, hearing the soft heartbeat as it rises softly against the warm moment you two just did.
Perhaps, that should settle his worry. Heeseung’s arms held onto you even tighter, caressing your skin unknowingly, finding comfort that you’re here with him — not with Jongseong, not with anyone. Him.
“Love,” you called out, snapping Heeseung out of his thoughts.
“Yeah? Do you need something?” he asked immediately.
You stared at him for a minute, like you were analyzing his expression. That scared Heeseung for a moment. Afraid that he was too obvious about his worries.
But you only gave him a tender smile before tapping his nose.
“We’re okay right?” you asked and that simply made him sigh with relief.
He gave you a smile, strong hands brushing your hair delicately, “always, my love.”
In the end, he shouldn’t be worrying too much. Especially when you could assure him without having Heeseung to open up his worries.
-
Jongseong’s ambassadorship was a hit.
Your sales rocketed. Stocks are in demand and it wasn’t only a domestic hit — international demands were also quick to rise. Expansions of global stores outside South Korea are in talks, and it just processed into you how big of an impact Jongseong’s ambassadorship was to your brand.
You were grateful for him. Sending him flowers and gifts during their domestic concert. Personally, he expressed his gratitude to you and you were just glad that you made the right call to accept him as your brand’s ambassador.
Aside from that, everything was still in the water. You were still preparing for your new launches aside from the night sky collection. Everyday felt like a constant rush, but in a good way for you. Your brand has become consistent in the industry, and you wanted to keep it that way.
Of course, your relationship with Heeseung still remained serene. Private and intimate, just like it has always been. The constant routine never bore the two of you too, and somewhere, with all the busy demands you had at the moment, all you could think of was going home just to be with your lover.
You missed him. Which is funny given that you two see each other everyday. But it’s different when you call him “love” or when his touch lingers on your skin. You wanted more of it. Was it too much to ask? You wondered one day.
“Heeseung, can we go to the mall? I just want to check our store there and I want to buy something for a special someone” you asked Heeseung one Friday morning.
Your meeting just ended, and Jungwon reminded you about your newly-opened store at the brand-new mall in the shopping district. You wanted to check an update on it especially when Jay’s still currently on trend right.
It was a perfect opportunity for you to also buy a gift to Mrs. Lee. Her birthday’s fast approaching and Heeseung had rented a beach villa for the celebration. Aside from that, you also wanted to spend more time with your boyfriend, alone. It’s like hitting a lot of birds with one stone.
“Of course Miss l/n, should we head there right now?” he asked and you nodded as an answer.
The two of you left the office around lunch time. No one batted an eye at the scene. Even at the mall, no one questioned the two of you. Heeseung has always kept a distance from you. Like a puppy trailing to its owner, except well, your puppy is a six-foot tall man in his formal suit.
You went to your store first. Checking the sales and talking to the store manager who accommodated you warmly. You two shared a couple of updates while Heeseung wandered around the store. Seeing Jay’s face plastered at every corner, his lips could only form a thin line — not wanting jealousy to incite him during a field work.
“Everything’s doing fine here,” you said with glee before approaching Heeseung. “Jay’s photocard is currently sold out. It was a great deal to have his photocard as a freebie for the collection. I have to remind Jungwon that we need to restock it — and probably have it reprint again, since it is selling fast.”
“He’s a good ambassador, he’s great at promoting it too,” Heeseung commented yet his voice remained neutral. “He also has the face.”
You laughed at your boyfriend’s words. “You know love, you also have the face. If only, you could be our brand’s model.”
He only laughed, “I’d like to keep my beauty reserved for your eyes only.”
“You’re so corny.” you stuck out your tongue on him before pulling his arms, wrapping around it dearly as you pulled him away from the store. “Come on now, let’s go shopping while we’re here.”
Heeseung removed your hold from his. You were surprised but he gestured to you to walk first. Your frown became invisible.
“There’s nothing to worry about love,” you convinced.
“Please, we’re still outside, Miss l/n,” he said with an authoritative tone and that made you flinch.
Of course. Even in public, the two of you couldn’t act as a couple. Your face and name is pretty known. Rumors could stir up and that’s the last thing that Heeseung wanted you two to get involved in.
And yet, it couldn’t help when a bitter smile left your lips, “alright.”
You walked in silence while Heeseung trailed behind you. A deep sigh escaping your lips as you have your boyfriend around but not on your side. You wonder when will the two of you even have the chance to walk together, do PDA or maybe holding hands like normal couples would do.
All your thoughts faded when your eyes landed at a watch outlet. You decided to go inside to take a look into the products. Eyes darting at the smartwatch, you remembered Heeseung suddenly and his old smartwatch. The one he bought using his first salary. Now it’s hidden somewhere in his drawers, useless.
“What would you prefer?” you asked when you felt Heeseung’s presence nearby. “I think the deep red is your style, but it’s too eye-catching right? Maybe the army green would be nicer.”
“There’s no need to buy unnecessary things Miss l/n,” Heeseung answered and you glared at him.
“It’s for you, love,” you said, dictating the last word, making him raise an eyebrow at you.
“Y/n, for the love of god, we’re in public,” he said with a serious tone and you only stared at him for a good moment before darting back to the watches.
“Can I have this in army green? Thank you,” you asked the shop assistant who immediately left to get your order.
The two of you stood there in silence, waiting for the assistant to return, you impatiently tapped your heel as you turned around to your lover with your arms crossed.
“You worry too much,” you told him.
“Everyone knows you,” he replied. “I am just being careful.”
You wanted to ask him. What’s wrong if the two of you get caught in some rumors? It's not scandalous at all given you two have been dating for too long — nothing’s wrong with your relationship at all. Heeseung just wanted to keep it private and nothing more.
But this is private. No press nor reporters. Just a couple doing a couple things. What’s wrong with it? It’s not like you’re that famous. Sure, some people may recognize you but it’s not to the extent of an idol’s popularity.
That’s why you wonder, why couldn’t the two of you be lovers in public?
The shop assistant returned with the box a few minutes later. After checking the product, you bought it without sparing at the price. Giving it to Heeseung who accepted it in a blink.
“It’s for you, if you’re planning to return it to me, I am buying you another three of the same colors,” you said sternly at him.
“My watch is doing fine,” he said, glancing at the silver vintage watch his father left for him.
“I know, but use it how you want it. For your exercise or playing basketball — it’s for convenience love,” you told him.
“Thank you, Miss l/n.” he spoke formally and you visibly rolled your eyes at the name.
“Just call me by my name, please,” you told him and he didn’t say a word.
The two of you wandered around the area longer than you expected. You couldn’t find a proper gift for Heeseung’s mother and you were slowly becoming impatient. It didn’t help that your lover isn’t in the mood to indulge in your schemes too. You wanted him to move freely and yet, he kept professional. Maintaining his job as your bodyguard.
The two of you ended up at a coffee shop nearby just to fuel your energy. The sun is almost setting and you had probably went to every store and had bought things that aren’t your gift for Mrs. Lee. Your frown was invisible and your feet were tired — not even the sweet cream soda could save your mood.
You stared at Heeseung who’s taking a sip of his coffee. Your eyes returned to the coffee shop and how mostly couples are inside. The two of you blended so perfectly around them.
So this is what going out with your boyfriend feels like. It’s been so long since you and Heeseung had a date in public. Always indoors or if not, private rooms in expensive restaurants. This one felt normal — nostalgic like you two are back in your younger self.
But it was too far from your expectations. Not when Heeseung talked to you like you’re his boss — which is true in some ways, but you hated how he takes your private relationship too seriously.
“Should we go now?” Heeseung asked a few minutes later, and you nodded. Too tired to deal with his attitude, you just decided to focus on finding a gift for his mother.
Fortunately, you ended up at a kitchenware store and remembered that Mrs. Lee had enrolled in baking lessons, so you decided to give her those expensive ceramic sets with different colors.
“What do you think? Would she love this?” you asked Heeseung, glancing at the different displays before deciding to pick the sapphire blue set.
“I think your presence is enough for her,” he commented and you smiled bitterly.
“If only I could, but Jungwon had set it up as a wrapped-up dinner for Jay’s ambassadorship, I couldn’t say no to him since most of our staff had agreed to come.” you told him and his expression changed.
It was a sudden announcement. You weren’t able to say no since it was also the only time Jay’s free. Unfortunately, it landed on the same date as Mrs. Lee’s birthday celebration, leaving you no choice.
Heeseung nodded, “right, I forgot about that. I’m sorry, I couldn’t come.”
“It’s okay, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to auntie’s party,” you told him apologetically.
“You know, you could always ditch the party and come with me,” Heeseung joked and instead of laughing, it only broke your heart more.
“I’ll make up next time, okay? I couldn’t leave my staff too,” you insisted and that made Heeseung exhale sharply. He never thought that you two were going to have this conversation inside a kitchenware store.
“I’m not mad, I understand, but sometimes you have to put yourself first alright? If this is what you want, just go with it, and not because everyone expects you to be there.” he pointed out.
“Everyone’s expecting me to be there.”
“You’re such people pleaser, but y/n, sometimes it’ll just put you in a helpless situation.” Heeseung advised.
“I know love, I’m sorry, I’ll try next time,” you apologized. “It’s a good thing that you’re there for me, what would I do without you?”
“You’re a smart girl y/n, you can do things without me too,” he smiled and that comforted you in a split second.
“I don’t know, maybe I’m too dependent on you,” you teased, making Heeseung chuckle.
“Someday, you’d learn that you’re still the independent girl whom I loved,” he professed and that thought only made your heart skip a beat.
The two of you went home straight after a long day in the district. It was night time when the two of you had arrived at your place. You slumped down everything you bought on the couch while your gift remained in Heeseung's car.
That’s when you remembered, Heeseung’s going to leave in a few hours since he’s going to drive his way back to his hometown. It felt bitter to you since it’s also been so long since you went home. This was your only opportunity and yet, change of plans happened. It was a shame that couldn’t come but you promised Heeseung that you’ll make up with them when you’re not busy anymore..
“Don’t forget to send me updates alright?” Heeseung asked.
You smiled at him, giving him a quick kiss. “Of course love. Enjoy the party — oh! And tell auntie happy birthday, I’ll visit her soon.”
Heeseung nodded at your words before giving you another kiss. With one last glance, he went to his car and drove away from the apartment.
-
The beach villa was filled with bright noises and laughter.
Heeseung’s mother just turned sixty. Her face was still warm and hopeful as she made a wish before blowing the candles on the cake that her beloved youngest son was holding. Mrs. Lee smiled as she looked at Heeseung who had prepared everything despite his busy job in Seoul.
“What did you wish for grandma?” one of her grandchildren asked, and the old lady chuckled.
“Oh, just for my kid’s happiness and good health,” she answered softly. “And to have grandchildren from Seungie.”
“Mom, why would you say that?” Heeseung asked with a nervous chuckle, earning teases from the crowd.
“Well, you and y/n have been together for years! Goodness, when are you going to marry her?” an aunt asked and Heeseung brushed it off.
“At the right time,” he answered confidently.
“When will be the right time? Look at your mom, she’s aging now!” another one commented, erupting the whole room into laughter.
“Time is ticking Seungie,” Mrs. Lee teased before her smile turned small. “I do wish y/n is here with us.”
“Right, where is she by the way?” a relative asked.
“She’s busy, she wanted to come but they’re busy preparing for a collection launch, her employees are holding her back,” Heeseung explained, shrugging at the thought that you’re probably preparing for the company dinner.
“She’s always so focused on her career, it’s rare to find a girl that’s passionate about the things she wants,” Mrs. Lee added, giving her youngest son a smile and pat on the back.
Ever since Heeseung introduced you to his family, his mother had doted on you like her own daughter. You, on the other hand, saw her like your second mother. The one who’d spoil you rotten with food and love aside from the love you receive from your biological one. You never missed her birthday ever since you dated Heeseung. Today was a rare case, but Mrs. Lee brushed it off, knowing how busy your career is.
It was hard for you to be absent on her birthday. Your family was present there — almost everyone was present except for you. Your gift lay rest among the rest, and you knew that it wasn’t enough to make it up to her.
But the celebration continued. Soft music filled the living room, the elders were in their own world. Gossiping, playing cards, and talking about retirement plans while the youngsters took over the outdoor pool and beach outside. The sun was barely setting and everyone was in the middle of the fun.
Soon, beers and liquors were added to the party as night arrived. Heeseung was holding a bottle of beer, half-full and a shield for his uncles and male relatives who encouraged him to drink more. He managed to escape them, hanging out with his other relatives who are in the dining area, eating the cold leftovers.
Heeseung was looking at his phone most of the time. Sending you updates and photos of the party. Messages like, “they kept asking where you are, wish you were here.” and “It’s not been a day where I’m not with you and I miss you already.” were sent to you. It made him wonder what you are doing right now and how the company dinner is doing.
It was past midnight when the party ended. The elders went to their respective room to rest, while some are still up for late-night drinking and swimming. Heeseung busied himself with cleaning up the dining area. Putting the food in the fridge and cleaning the dishes, feeling exhausted but still contended especially whenever he remembers his mother’s smile and excitement at her birthday party.
“Heeseung hyung,” Heeseung turned around to see his younger relatives, gathered with a worried expression.
“Is this the reason why y/n noona’s not here?” one of them asked before handing Heeseung his phone.
Stealer’s Jay rumored to be dating y/n l/n, CEO of Mayumi Beauty following his ambassadorship with the brand.
It was enough for Heeseung to be nailed from where he was standing. His expression shifted into a shocked one as his hand tightened on the phone, staring at the photo of you and Jay. Leaving the restaurant, together, laughing — it looked convincing to the public.
The two of you were in your own world, not caring about hiding each other’s identity. Jay was looking at you with a gleam in his eyes, while you were smiling. It was a reckless act that will definitely ruin each other’s reputation. But if you’re not afraid to tell the world that you’re dating someone as perfect as Park Jongseong, then it shouldn’t be a reckless act at all.
“Uncle? Are you okay?” his niece asked, snapping him away from his thoughts.
“Is this true hyung? Is y/n noona cheating on you?” another cousin asked.
Cheating on him — you wouldn’t. You’re not the type to cheat on a relationship. Not when you’re dependent on him, especially when your conflicts with your relationship weren’t always about third parties and —
It felt like a bucket of ice water washed over him.
This is probably the first time that a person might be the problem in your relationship. And he’s not just any person. He’s Park Jongseong. The nation’s gentleman. Perfect. Charming. A lady’s man. Someone who’s open to his feelings about you in public — the only thing Heeseung couldn’t do.
Heeseung’s heart skipped a beat. A curse escaped his lip as he looked at his younger relatives before giving back his cousin’s phone.
“Excuse me,” it was the only thing he said before he exited the kitchen.
Heeseung found himself by the seaside. The soft crash of waves hummed in the dead of the night. He looked into his social media and all he could see was you and Jay. The two of you are currently trending right now. He skimmed through all the comments, mixtures of bad and positive comments filled the forum and comment sections.
Some are mad, some are confused, while others are supportive. Heeseung doesn’t know what to feel. All he could feel was how his stomach was churning. All the food he had eaten today was rising up to his chest, and he’s fighting the urge to vomit it all out as he pressed your caller id and placed it on his ears.
Heeseung was praying internally. Hoping you’d pick up the phone. He wished you would pick up the phone, explain to you your side because for the duration of the whole day, you’ve been in radio silence.
All his messages were left unread. No updates from you. Not a single message from you and that bothered him the whole day. Whenever the two of you are far away, you two always opted to communicate and update each other as much as you two could. It could be the small things like you just arrived at the restaurant or maybe Jungwon had picked you up and the two of you drove towards the meeting place together.
But he didn’t receive any of it. Not a single message. Heeseung has never felt scared for your relationship up until now.
“Please love, just pick up the call, please,” he whispered to himself as your caller id continued to ring.
“Hello?” Heeseung sighed in relief. Eyes shut as he was about to speak, you immediately cut him off.
“This is Ms. l/n, if you’re hearing this voicemail, she’s busy at the moment, please leave a message and I’d get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you!”
Then came the three seconds of silence before the beep ringed on Heeseung’s ear.
You didn’t pick up the phone. Heeseung’s call went straight to your voicemail — that was when he knew.
“Are you home my love?” he asked, words shaky and breathy as he concealed himself from crying.
Heeseung faced the ocean. The waves crashed down in its tranquility as he engulfed himself with the silence, hoping he’d find strength in his own solace.
“The rumors, they aren’t true…right?” he asked foolishly. Smiling bitterly at how he stupid he sounds right now.
The call beeped once again. His voicemail was sent. Heeseung looked at his phone and his homescreen of you was all he could see — and instead of feeling assured, all he could feel right now was betrayal.
-
The whole building was in a buzz.
Everything was full of chaos. Whispers and murmurs lingered around every cubicle, every desk, and hallway as your photos from last night spread across the country.
Heeseung arrived alone. Clean and sharp just like his usual fit and yet, it completely surprised everyone that he arrived at the building alone.
“I wasn’t able to pick her up, I just came from my hometown and went straight here,” he explained, immediately brushing off the prying eyes and curious expressions from his colleague.
“Ms. l/n had arrived ten minutes earlier, she is a mess right now, would a cup of coffee ease her?” one employee suggested and Heeseung shook his head in response.
“I’ll take care of it,” he said because of course, it’s him. He’s always there to take care of you, to clean every problem you encounter and yet, Heeseung couldn’t bear to enter your office as he arrived at the floor. The door was closed and Heeseung stood there in silence.
He doesn’t know what to do. Should he be professional and ask his boss what she needs, or should he act selfish this time and let you handle everything since he had warned you about Jongseong after all?
“Mr. Lee!” His thoughts trailed off when he saw Jungwon walking towards him. “There you are, the meeting has started, you should be there.”
“Meeting?” he asked and yet, he followed the younger male without hesitation.
“About the rumors of course, we all know that your advice could help us come up with the solution,” Jungwon casually replied. His feet became fast and hasty as they reached the elevator and closed it.
“What even happened last night?” Heeseung asked. “It was a company dinner right?”
“Yes, but almost everyone had left, Jay and y/n stayed,” Jungwon explained. “I don’t know what happened, but Jay dropped her off in her apartment. She sent me an update when she got home, it was around past eleven too.”
Heeseung nodded at the younger’s explanation and yet, it left nothing but a sour taste on lips. He wondered, why did you need to hide everything about that night from him? Shouldn’t relationships be about trusting each other? How could he even trust you when you couldn’t be true to him?
Did you really need to hide the fact that you were with Jay the whole night? Was that really necessary?
The moment Heeseung entered the conference room. You were already there, on your usual middle chair. Hair tied in a low ponytail with lesser makeup. Cold, stressed, and most of all, guilty. Guilty that you’re involved in a dating scandal, with Park Jongseong out of all the people.
Jay was there, on the left side of the table. Casual and chill, like he wasn’t bothered that his fanbases are closing because he got caught in a dating rumor. Heeseung badly wanted to punch that smug grin out of his lips.
But of course he couldn’t. It’ll just surprise everyone in the room. So instead, he sat in an empty chair, three chairs away from you. An odd move that had his colleagues raising their eyebrows since they’re used to Mr. Lee sitting beside you.
“Well, this is a first for everyone, and currently, the public is divided,” Jungwon started, beside him was Choi Soobin, Stealer’s head manager.
“Some are convinced while others…let’s not dive into it because they’re kinda crazy about Jongseong.” Soobin explained before heaving out a sigh. “Jongseong had explained everything to me. It was a company dinner. Everyone had drinks and got pretty drunk at some point. Everyone was having fun like a typical company dinner and then one by one, everyone started to leave, until it was just the two of you. Care to explain further?”
“We just talked the whole night,” Jay explained. “We didn’t notice the time, not until you called and we called it a night. We left and I dropped her off at her place before going back to my apartment.”
“That’s all?” he asked once again and Jay looked at you apologetically. His smile looked sorry but Heeseung wasn’t convinced.
“It’s my fault that we didn’t wear any cap or mask, I’m sorry y/n,” he said softly.
“It’s okay, we didn’t know that photographers were there,” you immediately replied, giving him an assuring smile as your shoulders slacked.
Heeseung scoffed under his breath and yet it was only you who noticed it. You watched how Heeseung’s glare at Jongseong darkened. The grip on his pen tightened and you knew that he was just holding himself back — and you have never felt more guilty than before.
“Lame excuse Jay, you should’ve been more careful, and now, you have involved Miss l/n in this situation,” Soobin waved as he looked at everyone inside the room.
“No, it’s not Jongseong’s fault, I should’ve been careful too,” you insisted. “I knew he was a famous idol, and yet, it didn’t sink into my mind that thought too. I should’ve been more careful too.”
You admitted your fault. Heeseung nodded to your words, avoiding your pleading eyes as he shifted his attention on the empty table.
“Since it’s both of your fault, it is also your choice whether you want to face the consequences or not, this is a rare thing to happen but with Jay’s reputation on the line, we wanted to keep his image good and clean” Soobin stated.
“You could confirm the relationship with Jay but for PR purposes.” Jungwon proposed, staring at you. “There’s no need to be out of the public the whole time but the two of you will be linked no matter what. It is up to you if you wanted to act in public, but confirming the dating rumor would still benefit the two of you.”
“How? This is Stealer’s Jay we’re talking about. What about his crazy fans? Ms. l/n will be the target of harsh comments. This might also affect our sales big time?” one employee asked which the others agreed.
“Isn’t it bad for Ms. l/n image? She’s the CEO, he’s her brand’s ambassador, some may think that there’s a power imbalance between the two of them.” another one pointed out.
“I understand your sentiments, this is why we held this meeting, so that we’d be able to see the advantages and disadvantages of the PR relationship. Please remember that this is for two years, if you ever agree Ms. l/n.” Jungwon added.
“Isn’t two years too long?” you asked.
“Most celebrity couples nowadays wanted to convince the public that what they had was real, two years is believable,” Soobin explained.
“Jay’s fine with it, we just want to hear from you Ms. l/n, are you willing to be in a PR relationship with Jay?” Soobin added and your heartbeat stopped.
“This may have pros and cons, think about it Ms. l/n, but you know, who wouldn’t dare to reject the nation’s gentleman, am I right?” Jungwon teased, and some agreed while others chuckled at Jungwon’s comment.
“Right, I mean, there’s nothing wrong right? Ms. l/n’s single and she seems comfortable around Jay, who knows, this PR relationship might become real.” another one added.
Heeseung watched as your smile became fake and small. He knows that you’re under pressure right now. Everyone was pitching in their opinions and it was obvious — they wanted you to accept the proposal.
“I mean…is our sale doing fine right now? I am scared that they might boycott it due to the rumors,” you said softly.
“Good news is, our sales are stable at the moment,” Jungwon shared. “We still don’t know if it’ll drop the moment you two confirm the rumors, but publicity, whether good or bad, is still publicity right?”
You nodded, convinced as you only brushed your shoulders. “Right…if it’s helping our brand, I don’t see the problem with it.”
Heeseung could see how you seemed determined to agree with the proposal now that Jungwon had put your company on the line. He hated how you were only agreeing because the majority wanted you two.
He trusted you. You were his smart girl after all. You know what you’re doing is right, and probably for the best — but at the same time. Was your company all you value at all?
“Mr. Lee,” Jungwon called out, making Heeseung glance at the former. “Is there anything you wanted to say? Everyone had chipped in their opinions about the solution.”
Heeseung became quiet for a minute. The whole room shifted into a tense atmosphere as everyone’s eyes were on Heeseung, who looked you coldly in the eye and you were surprised by his stare.
There’s a faint nervous beat in your heart as he looks at the other employees. A nod as he said his thoughts.
“I think we’re just wasting our time here,” he commented sternly. “It’s up to Ms. l/n if she wants to do the PR relationship. Whatever she and Mr. Park had, we shouldn’t interfere anymore since we’re just her employees and what happened last night was part of her private life. Our sales are doing good at the moment right? Then let's just leave Ms. l/n decide on this one.”
Some agreed immediately, while others were surprised by Heeseung’s answer. You were nailed at your place as Heeseung stared at you for a moment, and you could see it. He wasn’t just disappointed at you — he was deeply hurt by your actions.
The rest of the meeting continued. Opinions circulated further while you sat there and sinked into your chair. Not caring about what Jungwon and Soobin are talking about in front. You just wanted to go home and rest, and not just rest, but to rest in your lover’s arms.
In the end, there was no final conclusion to your rumor. You weren’t able to come up with the final decision, not when Heeseung’s words lingered in your mind.
They only released a statement wherein both companies are going to look into it. Hopefully, you’d be able to come up with a decision by tomorrow — everyone was hopeful you’d say yes, and yet, the thought of Heeseung walking out of the conference room immediately after the meeting was adjourned haunted you.
You were completely quiet for the rest of the day, and so was Heeseung. It was a suffocating eeriness of silence, and you didn’t like it at all. You didn’t like how he acted like you were a ghost. He passed by you, completely ignoring you, and you knew that it was entirely your fault. Everything was your fault and yet, it still hurts that Heeseung treated you coldly.
“Hee, what was that?” you asked.
It’s six in the evening. The building’s quiet, leaving you and Heeseung alone. You thought he’d go home sharp at five — thankfully he didn’t. That’s why you were able to corner him.
“What do you mean ‘what was that?’ ms. l/n, I am just giving my opinion regarding the suggestion,” he said with a serious tone that your forehead creased.
“It’s past five Hee, drop the act.” you ordered.
Heeseung raised an eyebrow, “suddenly you wanted your boyfriend right now?”
“I needed my boyfriend earlier — why? Why would you say that? Do you really want me to enter a PR relationship?”
“Well, do you?” he challenged. Tongue sharp as his eyes glared at you. “Because if you don’t want it, then what’s holding you back to reject the proposal? I assumed it wasn’t me given how cozy you and Jongseong were at that damn company dinner.”
“Love, it’s not what it looks like.” you convinced.
“Then explain to me, why were you with him the whole night? Knowing full-well that I am wary of him and there’s already a lot of inside rumors about the two of you. Let me guess, for the sales and boost of your brand then?”
“It was a company dinner Heeseung.” you repeated.
“Let’s add more to that. You were on radio silence the whole day, I kept you updated while I went straight to your voicemail, what happened to keeping each other updated over everything? Was that night so fun that you had forgotten that you had a boyfriend?” Heeseung pointed out.
You became quiet. Your stare lingered at your boyfriend who looked at you with disappointment — and it kills you that you couldn’t come up with an answer.
“Heeseung, it’s rude to be on my phone while having dinner with them.”
“Can’t even spare a minute for me? Was Jongseong so entertaining that you couldn’t even open your phone?” he mocked, and you could hear it. How his voice shook as he said his name.
“Heeseung, he’s my brand ambassador, I just want to make sure that he feels supported and welcomed.” you insisted.
Heeseung chuckled in disbelief, “that’s your excuse? y/n you’re a smart girl, don’t you fucking see that he’s hitting up on you!? From the very start, he likes you and has been hitting on you, and you’re enjoying every fucking second of it that it makes me sick standing in the corner watching you two flirt with each other.”
“We were not flirting Heeseung, I was just being nice —”
“It’s different with Jongseong y/n, it’s different and I don’t know why you couldn’t see it.” he objected.
“This wouldn’t have happened if we just publicized our relationship, Heeseung.” you rebutted.
Heeseung stared at you for a good minute, before another chuckle in disbelief escaped his lips. You watched as he groaned as a complaint before shifting his stare at you.
“We were fine with our relationship being in private. We were always fine, but suddenly a guy our age came and I don’t know, he showered you with affection in public and maybe you loved the attention he was giving you in front of everyone.” he accused and every word he said stabbed daggers in your heart.
“You know that’s not true Heeseung, I am doing this for my company’s image.” you defended.
But Heeseung remained unfazed, he stared at you coldly, unconvinced by your reason. “This isn’t about your business anymore. It’s about your private life, which is irrelevant with your brand. Do you really want to be stuck in a PR relationship with him for two years? Two. Fucking. Years. Even if it’s for the best of your brand?”
“If it means saving my image and company, I’d do it.” you said without any hesitation. “I built this company from scratch, Heeseung, and I am going to do everything for it. Everything.”
“Even if it means agreeing to the PR stunt?” he challenged.
“If I had to, I have to,” you said sharply.
“But can you?” he asked and you stopped. “Can you really throw out our relationship for your company? Love Jongseong more than you love me?”
“That’s your issue?” you asked in disbelief. “If you’re man enough, you’d understand that I have to do this.”
“If you value our relationship, you’d understand why I am acting like this,” he rebutted.
“I value our relationship, Heeseung, but I value my company too. You were there from the very start. You knew what I went through just to be here —”
“And your success right now is not enough for you because you’re hungry for more, you want more and maybe that PR stunt could give it to you.” he cuts off. Bitter words throwing daggers at you.
“Maybe it could, because it’s something you couldn’t give me.” you coldly replied and he merely chuckled.
“So I guess I am right. This is about me now. About me asking you one thing. One damn thing and that’s to keep our relationship a secret.” he concluded.
“Yes! Because why? Why should our love be a secret!?” you shouted, all your frustrations about your private relationship finally bursted out.
“I just want my life to be normal! I’m not like you who wanted fame and fortune. I just want you and nothing more, is it selfish that that’s the only thing that I wanted!?” he shouted back, causing you to flinch. Eyes wide at the sight of an angry Heeseung who has always been calm and soft-spoken.
You’d never thought that you’d push his buttons — to break him out of his gentle demeanor. He must’ve been so angry about everything that he had to raise his voice just to prove his point.
“I am yours Heeseung, I will always be,” you assured. “But you have to accept that you’re not dating the same girl from high school. I am a CEO now, I own a company and I have a reputation to hold and protect. If you couldn’t accept that, maybe —”
“Maybe what?” he taunted. “You think I am insecure that you’re successful while I am nothing but just a mere assistant of yours? You think so low of me.”
“No, you just have to accept that I am not yours completely, that I have other priorities other than you.” you stated.
Heeseung’s eyes never faltered. He looks at you for a good minute, calculating, observing as your words cut deep into his mind.
“Fine,” he accepted and you became confused.
“What do you mean —”
“I forgot, you’re the boss here. Oh well, you’re a smart girl y/n. Whatever your decision will be, it’s for the best, right?” Heeseung stated mockingly.
“Heeseung —”
“Go, accept the PR stunt. Date Jongseong or whatever, I am not going to hold you back anymore if it means reaching your dreams and goals for this company,” he said so softly yet his eyes were angry at you.
That’s when your forehead creased further. “What the fuck are you talking about Heeseung?”
“This is the last time I’m going to repeat myself to you” he spoke before heaving a sigh. Tired and weary from the argument you two had. “I am not going to dictate everything to you anymore because clearly, you don’t need me anymore.”
Your eyes widened at his words. Your heart started to pound harder than before, tightening against your chest as your eyes never left Heeseung.
“Are you…breaking up with me?” you carefully asked.
“Maybe I am or maybe I am not, I don’t know y/n, I don’t know,” he answered, eyes landing somewhere else. He’s just as confused as you are. Heeseung doesn’t lie at all. The two of you are in the heat of the argument, everything’s confusing and for the first time — no one wanted to lower their pride.
“But one thing for sure, I am not going to hold your hand in this PR stunt of yours. You think I’d let myself watch you be with another man for the next two years? And do I mention that guy fucking likes you? Might as well call it off.” Heeseung declared and that’s when you felt your world stopped.
“Heeseung, no, please —”
“Do what you want, I am not going to dictate everything to you,” he repeated. “Think about your image, your company and your reputation — don’t ever think about me because clearly, I am just a small part of your life.”
“Small?” you breathed. “I have loved you for more than fifteen years Heeseung, you think you’re just a small part of my life?”
“If that was the case, then why was it hard for you to reject that simple request?” he questioned and you became quiet.
He smiled at you, bitter yet strong. His hands pats your head, for comfort, you assumed and yet it only made you shudder, concealing the tears as his hands brushed your hair before letting go. “Do what’s for the best of your company. I am not going to let everything you built go down to waste.”
“You’re so unfair,” you spoke to him, voice dripping with frustration. “How is it that it’s easy for you to walk away from everything we had?”
“Oh, you think this is easy for me?” he asked in disbelief. “You think it was easy for me? Everyday, you slowly become out of my reach y/n. Even though we go home together, make love, and all the corny shit we always do, your mind is always in other places. Always on your phone, worrying about your company and letting your employees annoy you at ungodly hours — when was the last time have you ever truly decided for yourself?”
“That’s not true,” you disagreed. “I love you Heeseung, I always do. It’s just that —”
“I am not your priority anymore, I know that and we’ll just keep going around in circles here y/n. Let’s just end this conversation.”
“Do you really want this? Do you really want me to go on a public relationship with Jay?” you taunted.
“No, I just want you to become successful in your life,” he said sincerely. “And if this PR stunt would give you that, who am I to hold you back?”
You didn’t say a word. You stood there as Heeseung’s gaze at you was soft. His bambi-like eyes that had you melting in every possible way gaze at you with much love and yet, it only gave you nothing but guilt.
“Don’t forget to turn off the lights before going home okay?” he reminded. “Goodbye Miss l/n.”
His words struck you like lightning. You were frozen in your place as you watched Heeseung turn around from you. Grabbing his bag from his desk chair and before he could reach the elevator, you called out his name, making him stop midway.
“We’ll be okay, right?” you asked, voice shaking as your heart started to race in an uneven manner.
Heeseung looked at you one last time. His lips turned into a thin line as he nodded. “I love you okay? I’m doing this because it’s for the best.”
Those were his last words. Heeseung went towards the elevator and left. Your heart shattered into a thousand pieces as you tried to process the conversation you and Heeseung had. Confusion gets into you as you try to comfort yourself, concealing yourself from crying because you don’t want to cry — you hated crying after all.
This is for the best. You convinced.
This isn’t the first time you and Heeseung called it off. You reminded yourself.
You went home alone for the first time in years and your house has never been this quiet for so long.
-
The truth is, you and Heeseung had broken up twice.
A long-term relationship has never been a perfect relationship. There were ups and downs. You and Heeseung started young and immature, of course, there will be obstacles. But one thing for sure, your break-ups weren’t because the relationship felt suffocating that the two of you had become toxic for each other, most were just because of the outside factors.
The first time was during college, during your senior year. Your internship was too heavy, courses were becoming too demanding, and you were also working a part-time job because you didn’t want to burden your parents with your allowance and rent.
In addition to that, you and Heeseung were in a long-distance relationship. He stayed in your town and studied at a community college because he had to take care of his bedridden father. Communication becomes less now that two are too busy with their own world — the relationship becomes the least priority.
You cried to him when you told him that you couldn’t continue your relationship anymore. You love Heeseung so much, he means the world to you but you don’t want to keep him around especially when you have a lot of burden at the moment.
The call made Heeseung pale cold and yet, he respected your decision even if it hurt him. He let you go, and promised you that he bore no hard feelings and understood why you needed to let go of your relationship. He wished you all the best in life and that only made you even more guilty of breaking up with him.
But the break-up only made you even worse. Your grades dropped, you’ve been sleeping less and eating one to none meal a day. You quit your part-time job because you were always in a daze during work and it didn’t help that you have shut yourself off from everyone — including your family, and that scared them, afraid of your silence. They asked Heeseung if he could check up on you.
Heeseung agreed in a heartbeat. Even though you and him had broken up, he took a train to Seoul just to check on you. Despite breaking up with him, Heeseung went there with a soft smile and gentle care, and that’s when you realized that you couldn’t live your life without him.
The two of you made up that night. With soft apologies and a warm bowl of instant ramen, the two of you decided to give your relationship a second chance.
The second time was when you were just starting your business.
You didn’t know that starting your own business was this overwhelming. Your manpower’s small and you have to be on-hand with everything. Everything became too much to you that you had ghosted your boyfriend for almost a month.
You asked for a break again, just a simple cool-off to clear your head. Although Heeseung was left in the dark especially when you weren’t answering his calls and texts for almost a month, he had seen it coming.
But instead of letting you go, Heeseung took the earliest train the next day and showed up at the footsteps of your apartment early in the morning — completely shocking you.
Heeseung decided to stay there for good. He helped you with your business, carrying your burdens and lifting all the worries off your shoulder with patience and love.
Now. This is the third time you two called it off and this time, it was Heeseung who asked for a break, and that scared you.
You knew you pushed too far. You knew that your reasons were illogical and you just don’t know why you were hesitant to reject the PR stunt. Heeseung’s words continued to haunt you. Were you really too focused with your business that you had slowly drifted apart from him? Perhaps, and you were a little too late to realize it.
Then enter Jongseong. But Jongseong’s probably just the tip of the iceberg. He might have triggered Heeseung’s insecurities too. A man who can love you in public. It was something Heeseung couldn’t do to you. He was content to love you from afar and in private, and you, you should’ve been content with it, because he’s the only one who could love you in your lowest, most raw moment.
But maybe, in the deepest, most corner part of your heart, you yearn to tell the public that you’re happily in love with the guy who you had been loving since you were sixteen. If only your relationship’s known in public, this chaos would’ve been solved. Still, you remained quiet, respecting your lover’s only wish about your relationship.
If only you had paid attention to him too, then maybe, he would have been by your side by now.
“Mr. Lee’s on leave?” you raised your head in a split second, glancing at Jungwon who’s holding Heeseung’s file of leave.
“Did he say how long?” you asked as your heart started to pound harder than before. The last time you saw Heeseung was Friday, three days after you two had that argument and ever since Saturday, he has been on radio silence.
“He didn’t but he has a lot of leave so he could actually leave for a whole year,” the younger male joked before he placed down the paper on your desk and you only stared at it. “This is the first time he filed a leave right? But are you going to be okay? You’re pretty dependent on him too, do you want me to find someone who’d be your assistant for the res—”
“It’s fine, I’ll be fine Jungwon, there’s no need,” you immediately replied. Smiling at Jungwon who only stared at you.
“You seem stressed,” he observed.
“Well, with all that’s been happening, how could I not?” you laughed.
“Jongseong’s manager had called,” Jungwon shared. “They’re asking for an update. You know the rumors are kind of dissolving at the moment but most of his fans aren’t letting it go.”
“Our sales?” you asked instead.
“Still going strong though, the wishlist collection’s currently sold out and the stocks are still in demand. They wonder if you’re going to release another collection featuring Jongseong despite the rumors speculating, everyone thinks that it was just a mere coincidence given that it was a company dinner.” he explained.
“Good, that’s good,” you nodded yet you felt unsatisfied with his answer. “I still don’t have a concrete answer about the stunt Jungwon, don’t you think two years is too long?”
“It is, but it’s what they proposed to us,” he explained. “I tried asking for a year or months, but I don’t know why they’re demanding two.”
“That’s too long.” you commented.
“I know, and they’re eager to know your decision, I don’t want to pressure you but time’s ticking boss,” Jungwon said with a pitied tone.
You only gave him a nod, “I know, thank you Won, could you leave me for a moment?”
Jungwon complied with your request. You watched as he walked towards the door but panic arose and you called out his name so loudly that he glanced back at you with concern.
“Is there something wrong boss?” he asked, looking at you with a concerned gaze.
“I —” I am going to accept the proposal. Your mind was screaming that sentence.
Heeseung said do what's best. He trusts that you’d decide what's best for you and your company. Heeseung — he loves you so much that he’d let go for your own happiness and success. He has always been selfless and you, selfishly took advantage of it.
If the proposal was for the best, then you should go with it.
But you could feel your heart tightening as a shaky breath escaped your lips before clearing your throat. Acting like everything’s since you don’t want to appear weak in front of your employee. He doesn’t understand why you’re suddenly acting that way after all.
“I — I just want to ask,” you shared, trying your best to act like your voice isn’t raspy and shaky. “Should I accept the PR stunt?”
“Do you like Jay?” he asked you back and you were surprised by his question.
“Why does it matter? It’s a PR relationship, feelings shouldn’t be involved,” you stated.
“PR or not, you’re bound to a man for two years. Would you like that?” Jungwon shared.
“Well, if it’s for the best and to save our company’s image, why not?”
Jungwon stared at you for a good minute. Observing your expression, he finds it odd how his confident and optimistic boss feels like a hurricane at the moment.
“I thought about Mr. Lee’s words during the meeting,” he stated and your heart skipped a beat at the mention of your lover’s name. “He said it’s your private life and it didn’t affect our sales and stocks. We’re doing fine and come to think of it. You have always been private about your life and relationship. Whatever status you have, are you okay with dating Jay in front of the public’s eyes?”
You became quiet at his words. Jungwon had understood your silence, and carefully, he smiled.
“Take your time but not too much boss, your decision will come at the right time,” he advised.
Jungwon left your office with the door shut. You stared at it for a good minute. You think of Heeseung, and how his office desk is just right beside that said doorstep. Then, you stared at his leave of absence. Personal reasons. It was what’s written in his excuse.
Then you wondered about his whereabouts. You were aching to ask his parents, relatives, or maybe close friends about his whereabouts but it would only make you a dumb fool. They probably knew those rumors with Jongseong and asking them about Heeseung would just give off the fact that you two called it off because of it.
You stared at his paper once again. He’s gone. You don’t know if it's for good or whether he’d returned just for the sake of having a job — you don’t know, because all throughout your life you never ask Heeseung what he wants.
He just wants one thing — you. You never thought about what his dream job would be or even his hobbies other than basketball and gaming. You never asked him about his goal in life. Heeseung wasn’t ambitious unlike you, and that left you dumbfounded.
Heeseung’s right. You have become too focused on your career that you couldn’t even spare a glance at him. Even if he’s the person you’d go home to, and even if you two had a lot of tender moments behind closed doors — suddenly it felt performative and calculated. A routine you two had become used to throughout your relationship.
There’s no stepping stone. No future plans with him — all you could think of was your brand, your collections, and if your products could remain timeless despite the on-going fad in the industry.
Handling a business, a popular brand to be specific, wasn’t easy for you. You never expect that you’ll come this far, and you’re doing everything to make sure your efforts won’t crumble in just a blink.
If the PR relationship would do good for you and your company, then you’d do it. Even if it’s a risk — even if it means losing something important to you. That was your initial thought. Heeseung should’ve understood it. He was there from the very start after all.
But then again, this is Heeseung we’re talking about. The same guy who confessed to you at the school dance two months before your high school graduation. The same guy who was there for you when you called it off twice. He was ever patient, loving, and understanding.
The only thing he wished is to keep your love not in secret, but away from the prying, judgemental public. He wishes that your love would be only for the two of you, and for the people who had witnessed it young and immature — and you, you had understood it from the moment he opened it to you.
And yet, you were so career-driven that it drove the only person who was there for you throughout your hardships. With Heeseung gone, you’re now a mess. You were confused, stressed, and angry at everything that just happened, that you couldn’t help but to laugh at your situation.
It just sinked into you that you had always been dependent on your lover. This is just one of the simplest examples of your dependency on him. It feels so sickening how you can live without him while he’s probably out there, doing something just to clear his mind, trusting that you could decide everything on your own — you were smart after all.
Oh Heeseung. You heaved out a sigh as you looked at his paper, signed with your approval as your heart continued to ache. You trust me too much.
-
It was nearing eight in the evening. You were alone in your office and for the first time in your career, the office never felt more eerie than ever.
You were busy. Busy if it means pondering about your life and career decisions while stalking your boyfriend on the internet. You keep going through Heeseung’s social media but your boyfriend just happens to be the most chronically-offline man you have ever met that there’s not a single trace of his digital platform. All his social media accounts have no posts nor updates. It has just come into you that his offline personality could be so annoying sometimes.
You put down your phone. The object clanking against the wooden table as you leaned against your office chair. There’s nothing for you to work overtime. Your business is doing fine and thriving. You could’ve just gone home and rested, but going home means facing your empty apartment that had a lot of traces of your lover’s existence — it’ll just make you miss him even more.
As you slumped on your chair further, that’s when a knock on the door disturbed your peace, completely startling you. You shifted on your seat as you watched the door swing open.
“Hi,” he greeted with a smile and your heart throbbed with anxiousness.
“Jongseong, what brings you here?” you asked.
“Just making sure you’re doing okay,” he walked forward towards your desk. Placing down a cup of warm coffee, you only gave him a smile as you grabbed the cup.
“I am doing okay Jongseong, I’m just…busy,” you reasoned out.
Jay leaned against the edge of your desk. His boyish smile was warm and should be comforting and yet, you didn’t feel a single beat in your heart.
“Busy?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Yeah,” you quipped immediately. “With the summer approaching, we are aiming to release another collection and new shades. My mind has been afloat lately but this happens very often.”
“Is that the reason why you haven’t decided with your statement about us?” Jay asked and that made you lift your head towards him.
For a minute, you pondered, “perhaps yes.”
“Why? I thought we're doing okay.” he pointed.
You blinked for a moment. Pondering Jay’s words, and then it hit you. “You…like me?”
Jay chuckled at your question. “Am I not that obvious?”
“Maybe you were, it’s just that I was oblivious,” you admitted. “Or maybe I wasn’t oblivious, I just had my heart protected because it already belonged to someone else.”
The smile on Jay’s lips faded. You two stared at each other for a minute. No one dared to move nor spoke. Your revelation caught him off-guard, while you sat there and waited for his initial reaction.
“You have a partner?” he asked in disbelief.
You smiled bitterly at him. “Yes, I have. We’ve been together for more than fifteen years.”
“Woah,” it was the only thing he could say. You nod in agreement at his reaction.
“We kept it a secret, no one knows except our close friends and family — this is probably the first time I told someone about my relationship.” you added.
“Not even Jungwon?”
You shake your head as an answer.
“Is that the reason why you’re still hesitant to our proposal?” he asked.
“Yes, because he made me realise that even if it’s going to give me and my brand a good boost in popularity, it’s not going to be worth it especially when it means I am going to pretend that I’m in love with someone else.” you explained. “The proposal was too long too. Two years? That’s too much Jongseong, then I realized that I could never pretend to be in love with someone. Not even months or weeks, or even a day.”
“You really love him that much?” he asked, feigning a bitter tone in his lips.
“I do,” you spoke softly. “And I’m sorry if I led you into thinking that you had a chance with me.”
“It’s okay, it did hurt though.” he chuckled softly, making you smile.
“You’re the nation’s gentleman Jongseong, I’m sure you’d find someone who’d reciprocate your love.” you convinced, giving him a comforting smile.
“I hope so,” he smiled, before stretching his hands to you. “Friends?”
You only looked at him, accepting it with a firm handshake. “Friends.”
It was that easy. You thought as you removed your hold from Jay. You felt the weight on your chest removed. It was so easy to reject Jay and the proposal that you should’ve done it days ago. It felt bittersweet to you and yet, there’s a sense of relief in you.
You’re not going to lose your company if you reject the proposal. Jay seemed to have accepted your rejection immediately too. It was that damn easy and you were just clouded with fear and anxiety of losing the only thing that you had built from scratch.
But that also meant losing the only person that you’re sure that you’re going to love for the rest of your life. It was a bittersweet decision. You hated that Heeseung had to let go for your sake — and you hated that you let him be. You didn’t even fight for it. Not even once.
“Can I ask?” Jongseong blurted out in the middle of the silence. After your conversation, he decided to keep you company over a cup of coffee he bought.
“What?”
“Is Mr. Lee, your boyfriend?” he asked and your heart skipped a beat. Eyes wide at him and he immediately got his answer.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Jongseong assured.
“Yes, he’s actually my boyfriend,” you confessed. “He doesn’t want public attention and any unnecessary comments from the public about us, that’s why he wanted our relationship private.”
“I assumed he's a smart man,” Jay commented. “I’m pretty sure he was throwing daggers at me during the meeting, and you seem convinced to accept the proposal, but the moment he gave his opinion you suddenly became hesitant.”
“Are we obvious?” you asked.
“No, not really, my eyes were just on you the whole time, and I could count how many times you looked at him throughout the whole meeting.” he confessed and you only chuckled at his words.
“I made a huge mistake,” you told him. “He’s right, the fame got into my head that I wanted everything about me and my career to be perfect — and what’s a perfect careerwoman if she doesn’t have a perfect boyfriend?”
Jay only stared at you who bitterly smiled before taking a sip on her coffee. “Heeseung has always been perfect. He was everything I could ask for…and he was deeply, madly in love with me that it’s sickening sometimes. But you know what? We’re just meant for each other, because I am so dependent on him that I feel like my brain’s turned off because he’s not there to guide me.”
“Is it a bad thing?”
“Of course not, we just…love each other that we know that we’re just fated to be together,” you shared with a smile. A soft smile that Jay thinks was reserved only for Heeseung.
“Your boyfriend’s lucky to have you.” he commented, staring at you whose smile faded for a moment.
It felt ironic. Heeseung was never the lucky one. How could he be lucky to love someone like you? You were lacking in terms of your relationship with Heeseung. Always putting him on the corner, always keeping him around but never on your side. He only wanted one thing and yet, you couldn’t even give it to him.
How is he lucky? Oh, if only there were ways for you to show your love to him aside from sharing it to the whole world, you could’ve.
“No, I’m luckier to have him as my lover.” you said in your most sincere tone.
-
Send to: My love
I told Jungwon that we’d be rejecting the proposal and that Jongseong and I are only good friends.
Jay visited me last night at my office. I told him about you, and you were right. He likes me, but he understood immediately that I am in a happy relationship.
Everything’s done now Hee. Please go home, I miss you.
Or if you still need space, it’s fine. But could you at least send me a message? I just want to know if you’re doing okay. I love you. We’re going to be okay, love.
10:30 PM
Both companies had denied the rumors. The public was pleased with the confirmation. Everything returned to the way it was. You kept in contact with Jongseong and remained friends with him. His ambassadorship with your brand continued and everything had moved on — everyone except you.
Heeseung’s leave is still on-going and you couldn’t stomach the fact you don’t know how long you’ll have to endure his absence. You missed him like crazy. You wonder if he had read your message or saw the news. With the news out now, it should’ve been a sign for him to go home, right? Right?
Another thing that’s clawing you with worry is whether the two of you could still fix your relationship. Is everything over now? What if Heeseung didn’t return anymore? What would happen to you? You couldn’t fathom the fact of living the rest of your life without him.
You didn’t even notice that time had passed in a glimpse. Your worries drifted from Heeseung to your company and then back to Heeseung again. You badly wanted to know if he’s doing okay after all but not a single trace of him could even be found.
You decided that the day was exhausting to you. Grabbing your bag and deciding to go home after the clock strikes seven. This has probably been the earliest time you have clocked out of work.
The moment you arrived at the gates of your apartment, you stopped midway when you noticed who was standing in front of your house. Your heart started to beat fast as you stared at the figure.
“Auntie,” you called out as you approached her. Mrs. Lee turned to your direction, her smile old and wrinkly as she waited for you.
“Oh dear, look at you, you’re so thin now,” she spoke as she grabbed your arms. Her cold hands indicated that she had waited for too long outside your doorsteps.
“Have you been waiting here for too long? I’m sorry — wait, let’s go inside first,” you insisted, guiding the old widow inside your house immediately.
Mrs. Lee knew your house in a heartbeat, having visited you many times. The moment she entered your house, she made her way towards the kitchen immediately and you knew what she’s here for — and somehow, your heart was filled with guilt and worry.
If she’s here, then it means that Heeseung didn’t go home. Does she even know that you and her son had broken up? That Heeseung’s somewhere in this world, doing god knows what as a breather, while you’re here heart filled with guilt because you let your relationship with Heeseung crumble in just a glimpse?
“I just made these yesterday, you could pair it with newly-cooked rice and you’re good to go,” Mrs. Lee chuckled, handing you the tupperware of marinated eggs which you loved the most.
“Oh, look at this, your fridge is empty, good thing, I went here,” she brightly told herself before she opened the huge bag she had brought. You watched as one by one, she filled your fridge with side dishes and prepared meals that’s good for almost a month.
“You didn’t tell me you’ll be visiting,” you blurted out, heart still pounding in a rapid manner.
“I want it to be a surprise,” Mrs. Lee jokingly said.
“You've been waiting outside in the cold for too long, I should’ve gone home early,” you added but the woman remained calm. Her expert hands stacked the tupperwares and jars inside your fridge without a hitch.
“Make sure you eat well, okay? I'll return here next month and they should be empty and clean by that time.” she said the moment she closed the fridge’s door.
Mrs. Lee glanced at you and you nodded at her words. Your words got stuck on your throat as the elderly woman who you consider as your second mother looked at you with a soft smile.
“Seungie asked me to bring you food,” she shared, completely catching you off-guard. “He wanted to make sure you’re eating well without him.”
Her words broke you. A tear formed on your eyes as your lips trembled in front of her. You felt inaudibly terrible, knowing that she knows that you and Heeseung are on a break and yet here she is, with her motherly tone and bag filled with side dishes, comforting you.
Despite that, you were in relief to hear her words. You were assured that Heeseung still cares for you despite his silence.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” you confessed to her and she nodded. Soft hands patting your back making you cry louder.
“Relationships aren’t always going to be on the good side dear, there are challenges,” she shared. “It’ll only strengthen the bond you two had made.”
“I miss him, I miss him so much,” you sobbed. “Could you please tell him that?”
Mrs. Lee nodded, “I’m pretty sure he misses you too right now. Let’s just be patient okay?”
You nodded once again. Mrs. Lee softly brushed your hair before giving you a warm hug that made you sob harder in her motherly embrace.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything,” you apologized to her. “I didn’t want to hurt him — I never want to, I’m just —”
“There, there,” she hushed. “Be strong, okay? You’re a strong girl my dear, that’s what Seungie likes about you. Keep fighting, for you and him, alright?”
You nodded at her words. You couldn’t comprehend everything as she wipes off the tears from your face.
“He just needs time for himself,” Mrs. Lee added. “But he knows that you’re there waiting for him. Could you?”
“Of course,” your lips trembled. “Even if it drives me crazy that he’s not here with me, as long as he’d return. I’m going to wait.”
Mrs. Lee seems to be satisfied with your answer. She cupped your cheeks softly before giving you a hug once again, and that’s when you ever felt assured and comforted for the past weeks.
-
You’re going insane.
It’s been exactly one month, two weeks, and four days without Heeseung.
Everything has died down. The rumors were cleared. Your sales didn’t drop and Jongseong’s out of the country, going on a world tour with his bandmates.
Everything’s fine now and yet, Heeseung is still not here. Still not answering your calls nor reading your messages and you’re turning insane.
Mrs. Lee doesn’t know about his whereabouts. He didn’t go home to his hometown either, and it’s clear that he’s doing everything for himself. For once, you decided to let it go and just be patient. Wait for him and he’d return — that’s what Mrs. Lee told you and you convinced yourself that you’d be okay.
But you couldn’t hold it any longer. You find yourself spiraling. Heeseung’s absence is torturing you.
You have never been this desperate. You wanted to find any clues about his whereabouts. You convinced yourself that he might’ve left a trace of something before he left. Right?
That’s why you went straight to his office desk. That one place that you don’t usually snoop around. You’re not one to look into your lover’s things and privacy but you were desperate. You just need a single clue of his whereabouts — hopefully there is, and you’ll stop and just wait for him.
As you pulled the drawer open, assorted organizers were shown to you. Papers and folders on the side. Some office materials like staplers, glue, and punchers were on the other side. His nintendo switch lay there idly which was funny considering that he barely used it.
Then you saw it. By the corner. Standing out from the rest in its velvet maroon color. Your eyes widened at the sight as the logo of a well-known jewelry brand was engraved on top.
You grabbed it with your hands shaking. Heart thumping out of nervousness as your breath holds on its own. This can’t be. You thought as it felt light on your hands. You wanted to ask your lover — how long has he been keeping this in his office desk?
You opened it, revealing to you one of the most gorgeous rings you have ever seen. Gold band with pink diamond on a marquise cut. You knew what it was. It was the engagement ring that you always wanted — and Heeseung got it for you.
Heeseung was planning on proposing to you. You don’t know when or where or how — but all you knew was guilt wrung into you further.
A tear shed from your eyes. You grabbed the ring and observed it. It was exactly what you wanted. Delicately, you placed it on your ring finger and it fit like a glove. You sighed in relief as tears continued to trail down from your eyes, thinking of your lover and the future that could’ve happened if it wasn’t for the mess you made.
In a heartbeat, you will always say yes. You always knew that Heeseung was the only person you wanted to marry. He’s the only person you have ever loved after all.
You just have to make things right. But you already had. Perhaps you should be more patient. You know Heeseung, he’s just probably cooling down his mind. You just have to be patient. Just like how he was, when he stood by your side for years. He has always been patient with you.
He’ll come home. He’d come home because you were his home no matter what. You could only clutch onto the ring further. It felt absurd to wear it, knowing he hasn't asked you the question but everything just feels right with it around your fingers.
You went home after, and for the first time since his absence, you felt assured about Heeseung’s love for you. As you pressed the keypad, swung the door open and looked into the hallway, you freezed.
Shoes. A pair of huge shoes that you were all too familiar with because it was your gift for him. You stared at it for a good minute as your heart started to beat rapidly.
Is he — he’s here right? Right? You kicked your heels too hastily before entering the living room quickly and there he was.
Sitting by the couch. The luggage was on his side like he just arrived from his flight and went straight here. He looked tired yet calm, and your heart stopped when he stood up from his seat.
“Hee —” your breath halted as you faced him, eyes began to water as he looked at you calmly — and that scared you. Why is he so calm in this manner?
But Heeseung gazed at you softly, shoulders relaxed as he gave you a smile, “I miss you my love.”
Tears ran down your eyes as you walked towards him for a hug. Heeseung caught you immediately, pulling you to a bone-crushing hug that left you breathless. His hold on you firm and strong, indicating that he never wanted to let you go while you let yourself be buried in his touch, smelling his strong perfume which made you sigh in relief.
He’s here. Your Heeseung’s here with you. Hugging you tight with the same longing as you had for him.
“I’m so sorry, love. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to undervalue our relationship. I didn’t mean to hurt you — I’m sorry, please don’t ever leave me again.” you said in between your sobs.
“Hey, deep breaths love,” Heeseung stated before he broke out of the hug. Heeseung cupped your cheeks and made you look up to him. His calm gesture deeply contrasted your mess but your lover was confident. He gave you a smile as he wiped away the tears with his thumb.
“You know that I couldn’t stay mad at you for too long. You’ve done what’s right and I’m sorry if I disappeared for too long. I just — I just need a breather, but not from you, but in this world. You understand, right?”
You nodded to his explanation, sobs leaving your lips as you cupped his face too. “Of course, of course Hee — I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry for ruining your trust.”
But Heeseung hushed you softly, “It’s okay love, it’s okay, we’re going to be okay.”
“We are?” you asked once again, hopeful as it’s been a while since you heard those words.
“We are, always my love, always,” he assured before placing a deep kiss on your lips. You reciprocated it immediately, feeling his soft, luscious lips on yours, you couldn’t help but to whine as he captured you perfectly with his touch. You were melting under his arms and suddenly, you’re overwhelmed.
“Heeseung,” you called out once again. You feel like you’re dreaming and you don’t want to wake up. You couldn’t even bear to look at him right now. You still feel guilty for ruining your relationship.
But Heeseung, he has always been confident with you and your love for him. He hummed softly, as his eyes never left you. He smiled for a short moment, before patting your hair.
“I’m here, I’m not going to leave you anymore,” he promised. “Mama told you to wait for me right? And you’re here, you waited for me, my strong girl.”
He pulled you for another hug and you deeply sobbed in his touch. Your hands were clutching on his shirt hard, as you inhale the familiar scent of his, hoping it brings you comfort than you’ve yearned for so long.
“I don’t want to lose you again,” you told him. “I won’t — not anymore, I am so stupid for letting you walk away Hee. I hated myself for not fighting for you.”
“It’s okay my love, I am not going anywhere again. I’ll be here for you,” he assured as he cupped your cheeks, making you look at him. His stare was calm against your tear-stained ones. “Just promise me, we’ll be okay and will always be.”
“Of course love,” you whispered to him, smiling as you cupped his cheeks. Pulling him to another deep, loving kiss which he reciprocated before pulling away. “You’re everything to me. My constant, my always — my future is with you.”
That’s when he felt it. The hard band against your fingers. Heeseung’s eyes turned wide as he grabbed your right hand to see the ring he had kept in his office drawer.
“How did you —”
“I know I shouldn’t snoop around but I was desperate to find any clues of your whereabouts,” you explained. “I saw it, and yes Heeseung, I will marry you in a heartbeat.”
Heeseung stared at you for a good minute. His eyes wide and gleaming like a deer caught in the headlights. You only smiled at him whose hands tightened on yours.
“I was scared,” he said, voice shaking. “That you’d turn me down.”
“I have loved you since we were sixteen Heeseung. Ever since we dated, all I could think of was building a future with you — what our wedding would look like or how many kids we will have. Love, it’s always going to be you, despite all the challenges we had.” you swore and Heeseung’s grip on yours tightened.
“I — I love you,” Heeseung confessed, pressing his forehead on yours. He leaned close and a sigh of relief escaped his lips. “I love you, thank you, thank you for making me the happiest man alive.”
“No, I should be thanking you,” you rebutted, glancing at him. “You have always been my heart’s keeper. Thank you Heeseung, without you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.”
He kissed you once again. Deeper and intense. A kiss that you never felt before. A kiss that ties your promises — an oath for the future that waits for you. It felt like a new beginning. Like the aftermath of new year’s, wherein everything’s tranquil after a boisterous celebration and yet, everyone’s heart is filled with anticipation for the new start.
Everything became too real for you. The next thing you knew, Heeseung was groaning against your lips, capturing it with hunger that you took a step back. Your lover caught you immediately, his arms wrapping around your waist as he tugged you closer to him. You placed your arms around him, responding to his kisses with much intensity.
“Bed?” he asked in the midst of your kisses.
“Please,” you sighed against his lips. “I need you so bad — you were gone for too long. You were killing me Hee.”
“Well, I was dying without you my love,” he rebutted before grabbing you by your thighs and lifting you. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist as you found yourself leaning downwards Heeseung for another kiss.
Your back hit the mattress before you even knew. But you didn’t care, not when Heeseung’s lips began to get more hungry to get a taste of you. Licking and biting your lips, making you whimper at his actions.
It didn’t help that his hands busied themselves on your blouse and one-by-one he started to unbutton your blouse without breaking the kiss. That’s when you insisted on removing his shirt, making him break the kiss as he hastily undressed himself — along with his pants and boxers while you were quick to remove your clothes too.
“I miss you — so fucking much,” he whispered as he nestled onto the bed once again before grabbing you and making you sit on his lap. Both skins were warm and intimate as Heeseung’s mouth trailed on your jaw, downwards your neck and collarbones. You threw your head back, giving him enough space to worship your body with his mouth.
“I miss you too, love —” your words were cut off when Heeseung’s lips trailed on your breast. Sucking it harshly as his tongue flickered on your hardening bud. He groaned under his act, as he glanced at you who looked at him darkly.
Heeseung removed himself from your breast and once again kissed you. His hunger for your lips was too much. More than a month without you, without your touch, or smile nor laughter had driven him mad. It assured him that you're here with him. Kissing him back, reciprocating his madness with the way your lips roughly battled his, tugging his hair harshly that it made him moan under you.
“You missed me that much?” he taunted in between.
“So much Hee, if you don’t fuck me dumb right now, I’m gonna go insane,” you answered and Heeseung only chuckled at your words before he pushed you to lay down on the mattress. He captured your lips once again, while his hands trailed on your skin until it reached your pussy which made you spread your legs wider for him.
His hands gather the slick before rubbing your clit in a feathered manner. Teasing you who instead of whining at his actions, grabbed his semi-hard cock and started stroking it harshly. Heeseung lets out a soft groan as your expert hands stroke it in a pace he has always liked, tight and fast while squeezing its tips every time you reach it.
“Heeseung — just put it in, please I need you right now,” you begged. His cock was already hard and you’re there, whimpering as your pussy was twitching, begging to be punctured by your lover’s dick.
“Fuck, alright, always so needy for me,” he responded before he grabbed your legs, pulling it close to him before he aligned himself inside you.
The sensation was intense. Your pussy welcomed him in a tight hug as his dick penetrated your tight warm walls. Both of you were holding back each other’s breath until Heeseung fully sheathed himself inside, groaning loudly as he felt your warmth around his cock.
“God — you feel so good,” he whispered to you before kissing you once again. “So fucking good to me, my girl, my love — my future wife. Fuck, that sounds so fucking good when I say it.”
Heeseung started to move. Light strokes to have you adjust to his size again while you could do nothing but whimper at how his cock slid on your pussy, stretching you in a good way that it had your toes curling.
His thrust became more frantic, faster as the room became hotter. Sweat started to bead, mixing in each other’s warmth as you two held each other close. You pulled him close to you as lustful sounds were the only thing that left your mouth. Your hand brushed against his hair, tugging it tight while his face buried in the depth of your shoulders. Inhaling your scent as he scratched your skin using his teeth.
Both of you were drunk at the ecstasy of the act. Your legs tightened around his waist, locking him inside you as he continued to pound on your pussy. Heeseung couldn’t help but to groan louder as his hips slapped against yours. He could feel how his cock slid inside your pulsing cunt, his tip stabbing your cervix at every sharp thrust that he made.
“Mine,” he claimed before slapping a hard thrust inside you, choking you underneath. He lifted his head to look at you, a mixture of desire and love was all you can see and that strung your heart with bliss.
“Yours,” you mumbled back before pulling him for a kiss which he reciprocated lovingly, you grabbed his right hand out of your waist, intertwining it with yours as you placed it on the side of your head. Heeseung could feel the curve of the engagement ring on your ring finger and that thought just drove him into insanity.
His thrusts become hasty as he ruts inside you like an animal. Moans turned into cries of pleasure as you could feel the pooling tension inside your stomach.
“Hee — ” you tried to put out words but the feeling has become too intense. Your fiance found the spot that had you arching your back as your pussy clamped tightly around his cock.
“It’s okay my love,” he gestured, wiping the sweat that trailed on your side. “Just let it go love, ‘m right here, don’t worry about anything.”
Your orgasm came in just a second. Strings of cry and moan escaped your lips, in which your lover hushed using his lips. Capturing yours in a sloppy manner as he continued abusing your sensitive cunt.
“T-too much,” you whispered to him but Heeseung cooed you softly, he rested his forehead on yours as his breath became unstable.
“Be patient, love, just let me,” he asked and you only whined as you felt nothing but becoming overwhelmed with everything. Your hands tightened on his hold, fingernails digging on his skin as your legs weakened around his waist, letting fall on the side shaking.
“You said you want kids right?” he asked you and your overstimulated brain was trying to formulate what he was trying to say.
“W-what?” you managed to ask.
“Going to give you that,” he claimed before thrusting sharply inside you. “Going to put a baby inside you. You want that? You want a family right? Let’s start right now, love.”
“Yes,” you sobbed. “Gods, Hee — oh my god, I want it, I want it with you.”
“Take it,” he ordered. “Fuck, you’re going to be my future wife — future mother of my kids, fuck, it’s all I ever wanted.”
Heeseung’s thrusts never stopped. Not when he’s driven to breed you, fill you with his cum enough that you’re full, warm, and filled with it. All he could think of was your future together. Your married life aside, your business and company, and what your kids would look like. It led him to fasten his pace, impatient for the future that waits for the two of you.
Heeseung let out a feral groan as his orgasm came. Burying his cock deep inside you as his warm seeds filled your cunt, making you whine at the feeling. He was catching his breath as rest on you, head on the dip of your chest while his dick twitched at every short thrust he made.
The room became silent in just a second. The two of you remained at your positions, catching each other’s breath as you found yourself brushing Heeseung’s hair before wrapping your arms around him.
“I love you Hee,” you whispered to him before kissing the top of his head. It was a rare moment, with him clinging for your warmth while you comfort him in the most intimate way.
But in a second, you felt him shaking, alarmed you grabbed him immediately, and to your surprise, you saw tears trailing down from his eyes.
“Heeseung, no, no, why? Why are you crying love?” you asked with a concerned tone, cupping his face as he sniffed his tears away.
“I’m just —” a relieved smile formed on his face as he stared at you. “I’m just happy that you’re here with me.”
“Love, I’m not going to leave you,” you told him immediately.
“I thought I was going to lose you that day. I just — I just couldn’t imagine seeing you with somebody else. Someone who’d love you in front of the world.” he confessed and you knew who he was referring to.
“I’m really sorry for that, I didn’t — I was just scared of losing my company. But after everything, I was more scared of losing you,” you explained to him. “And I am sorry, for only realizing that the moment you’re gone. I should’ve loved you more, I should’ve — seen you more than you have cared for me.”
Heeseung nodded to your words. The tears never stopped and you couldn’t help but to feel your heart shattering because you had hurt the man who had done nothing but to love you. You smiled bitterly as you made him look at you once again.
“You don’t have to love me in front of the world just to prove your love to me,” you stated. “Not when you could love me like this in secrets, with just the two of us. This love is just for us Heeseung, only us — and I’ll make sure that it’ll be this way, forever.”
“Thank you,” he spoke with much gratitude. “Thank you my love, I’m sorry for making you worry.”
“You’re here now, and we’re okay, we’re going to be okay, alright?” you repeated before planting a kiss on his lips, and from there, he nodded.
“Always.”
Heeseung rested on the bed now that he had calmed down. You immediately wrapped your arms around his bare chest as you rested on his side. Snuggling on his warm as the night becomes calm and tranquil.
“Now, I’m curious,” you whispered to him against the silence. Glancing at him who shifted his position. “How were you planning to propose to me?”
“On our anniversary,” he confessed. “I was planning to take you to Paris because you know, it’s the city of love and you always dream of getting proposed there.”
“Love, I was seventeen back then!” you insisted, and yet Heeseung only chuckled.
“I have to take notes on that one, I have to make sure that I have earned enough money to take you to Paris — and to marry you and give you the bright future that you deserve.”
“Oh Hee,” you said, feeling your heart swelling with pride for loving the right person. “You did. I wouldn’t be where I am without you by my side. Even though we kept our relationship a secret, you never left my side — never, and thank you for loving me.”
“I am lucky to love you,” he reciprocated before pulling you closer to him. “And I can’t wait what the future awaits for us.”
“I feel the same way love,” you answered, smiling at him before the two of you fell under the peaceful silence again.
“Love,” he called out out of the sudden, that it made you look at him. His eyes were looking for yours. Eyes round and filled with love as he smiled. “We’re okay, right?”
You smiled back at him. The gentle course of your expression slipped along with your touch. Cupping his cheeks as your stare lingered at him, loved and in love.
“abortion ends lives” so does pregnancy, school shootings, lack of gun restrictions, wars, genocides, and ice. but of course you don’t care about those because you just want control over women’s bodies!
you fucking guys. she’s here. oomf just sent me this edit of teeth she made and i’ve been looping it for 20 minutes straight like it’s the only video left on earth. i can’t believe my silly little fic birthed something so beautiful?
also… there’s a sneaky spoiler tucked in there somewhere as a treat for the girlies. consider it my early christmas gift for vanishing off the face of the earth.
tangentwithtanner
andulkaphoto
gracieabrams
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