& we're all just living in a fucked up world @mmelissamariee - Tumblr Blog

Ray Ban glasses wish you all a Happy New year! The price of a time-limited event is only $24.99.

joukai-deactivated20130303

jumex

I’m a dumb bitch…but I be knowing

winterhalters

3 hours of sleep: I’m exhausted

8 hours of sleep: I’m exhausted

16 hours of sleep: I’m exhausted

meanmediummode

That’s depression babe!

cleothegoldfish

So it's been a while since I've really been on tumblr (even just to scroll through my feed and reblog stuff) but I'M STRESSED. It's now past 1 in the morning and all day I've been feeling like I'm suffocating. I slept till like 1pm and immediately just wanted to go back to sleep. I'm super depressed. I'm pretty sure it's mainly me pmsing, but it's also triggering a lot of other stuff. I have no job bc I just stopped going to my last one like I always do bc of anxiety/panic attacks. This was in like April. I was babysitting for a while and able to survive on that but my lady hasn't needed me lately and everyone is like well check care.com or urban sitter. But a lot of parents want you to actually have your own car to pick up their kids me take them places which I don't. I was fortunate bc I was babysitting for my bfs cousin. Her and her son live at my bfs house so I was literally able to just sleep over the night before and walk downstairs to babysit the kid. I do have a seasonal job lined up rn that starts the Saturday after thanksgiving. I'm basically gonna be some type of food server/cashier (haven't got all the details yet) at this event that is going on at my local baseball stadium. It's gonna be every weekend all the way til the weekend before Christmas and I should make just under 2k but that's all. I have no guarantees after that and it's stressing me out. My bf is the best in the world and I honestly don't know how he deals with me. I'm a broke bitch with literally nothing to offer rn except for my love and company and even that isn't all that great. But he hangs with me on his days off, he always buys me food, and he still loves me when I fuck up. Honestly so blessed to have him in my life. I also feel like a bad friend. Bc I don't hang out with my besties as much as I would like too but they always wanna do shit that requires money and I'm poor. Also it was just my friend's birthday and I wanna make her a craft that I know she'll love but currently have no money to buy supplies so it's gonna be a super late gift. And Christmas is coming up which means buying people gifts as well omg how am I gonna manage. I was looking at potential jobs on Craigslist earlier and had a panic attack and tbh on the verge of one rn just thinking about it bc there's nothing that I'm qualified for. I'm a college dropout, a parasite for my friends and family. Literally bring nothing to the table why am I even alive ya know. This day has just really sucked. My chest hurts, I'm super sad and hate myself and I miss my dad so much. I'm like lowkey suicidal but not really. Like I wish I was dead but I 100% don't have the guts to actually do anything about it. But I listened to 1-800-273-8255, the suicide awareness song by logic like 5 times today and cried bc I'm still in the first verse phase and yea man. I just really really really hate myself for always being the same and letting my depression and anxiety get the best of me but when I'm in the moment it's so hard not to give in bc I'll literally be having a panic attack and not be able to breathe and know that if i just stay home or whatever I'll start to feel better. But I shouldn't do that. I should push myself and go. I think I'm gonna go listen to that song a few more times tho and cry myself to sleep. I think a lot about if my life would be different rn if my dad never died. Like I was depressed slightly before. But when he died it got so much worse and I began to get anxiety. So many things he's missed and will miss. But I really just wanna get better for Vincent bc he deserves the best and I currently suck. Ok think I'm done talking rn. Only did this bc vin was saying the other day how I should try journaling (he's currently getting his masters degree in mental health psychology :') I'm so proud) (but I've also tried journaling before I ain't new to this rodeo lol) but I really don't like journaling that much. I find that I never really keep up with it. But I guess this is just another form of journaling.

#i maxed out the character limit on my post :(#dont feel like starting a new post just to continue what i was saying #so goodnight everyone #hope i feel better tomorrow lol

the-real-eye-to-see

ephemer-el-deactivated20181208

I love how not only are these women different skin tones but they’re also different body types. sometimes the world can be okay

less-hate-more-lesbians-deactiv

this is so beautiful!!!!

ithelpstodream

the kids are alright.

smartassjen

This is kinda perfect.

glowingangel

if anyone ever tries to tell u that racism/sexism/ableism/etc. are “natural” just show them this video

goldnpoc

Awww

d-e-l-ete-d-deactivated20181014

I was born in the wrong era

seateeth

do u ever suddenly realise how unpopular and disliked and lonely you are and then you’re kind of just like ohhhhhhhhhh o k

tyleroakley

too real (x/x)

mitski-miyawakis

anxiety: but what if you die depression: bUt WhAt iF yOu DiE

supersecretsciencebrosclub-deac

Look, there are some people you’re just always going to be a little bit in love with. Your high school sweet heart, your college sweet heart, prince zuko, the first significant other you live with. Just accept that it’s normal and move on.