能不能坐在我身旁

lou kai. xxi. floor one, room three.

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

... “ are you drunk?  jet-lagged?  you did just get back from china, right?  you haven’t just been chilling in korea and hiding from me? ” hyojin keeps firing questions at kai like it’s his fucking job. mainly because he’s embarrassed, and confused, and the floor is swaying beneath him from it all. what in the FUCK is he supposed to say to that?  is he supposed to take it as a confession?

none of it makes sense.

“ but you … ” he trails off, tugging the blanket around him tighter. hyojin knows kai can still see him shaking his head as he mutters out, “ … but you don’t like me? ”

kai should have expected hyojin’s suspicion of his words he’d been far too vague for far too long; with others, with hyojin, with himself. perhaps the other was fed up with such, and looking for a way out. looking for a way pretend to not know what he’d said over the phone mere days ago -- to make kai feel like a complete fool. he shouldn’t have come back. leaving had been best. for the both of them. walk away, walk away, walk away.

he took yet another step forward.

“ i do, ” kai released a breath. confirming the vagueness of his heart aloud felt strange, like he had been hollowed out for all to see. the vulnerability dried his throat like wine. god, he was such a fucking fool. he sighed deeply. “ i do, okay? i like you so much it’s driving me fucking crazy. ” he didn’t remember the last time he had been both straightforward and honest about feelings lingering in his heart. perhaps he never had been.

nausea rose in his stomach. he’d handed out rejection after rejection over the years, if only to reject feeling it himself. but there he stood, exposed, his heart held in his hands for the other to take if he so chose. it was fucking terrifying, and he didn’t like it at all. hyojin didn’t even seem to believe him. maybe kai had spent too much time hiding for his truth to seem real to others. it was painfully real to himself.

if only he had the right words. if only he had words to begin with. explaining had never been his strong suit.

“ people don’t come back to a place they don’t want to be in for someone they don’t give a shit about, ” utterly truthful, but not nearly as direct as he was previously. “ why else would i have come back, if it wasn’t for you? ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

hyojin squeaks. he fucking squeaks in surprise at the realization of how god awful he looks right now and immediately hops out of bed, bringing the blanket with him. the tissues and trash scattering everywhere as a result. but it didn’t matter, none of it mattered so long as kai didn’t see him like this. because this isn’t him, park hyojin doesn’t cry over boys, and he sure as hell never looks anything less than a 9 ( and right now, he’s a solid 3.5 at best. )

wrapping the blanket over his head and shoulders to ensure kai can only see his eyes, hyojin finally speaks. his voice comes out raspy as hell from sobbing all week which is just – great, really. “ why are you – the hell are you doing here!? you’re supposed to be in CHINA!  this is KOREA, kai, i don’t – what the fuck, bro!? ”

he was glued to his spot. stuck staring all whilst the other moved frantically about the room, covering himself up. it was all kai could do to process the situation. god, what was he doing? crawling back to korea to yell at someone for ignoring his phone calls. this wasn’t him. impulsive, yes. angry at someone for not talking to him? never. it was just an addition to the list of things hyojin made him feel that he hadn’t felt before; or, at least, not in a long time.

and even then, his anger had almost completely dissipated, fizzled merely to mild annoyance. rather he was wanting to know what had made hyojin so distressed, and he wanted to fix it. for once in his damn life, he wanted to fix something. but he knew deep down the answer to any question he could ask would circle back to him. he’d done this to hyojin himself. that was the worst part of it, to kai. wanting to fix something he’d shattered with his own hands.

“ i know this is korea. ” was the only response the younger could force out of himself. fuck, what now? he made his grand entrance and his impulsive anger betrayed him as quickly as his heart did being faced by hyojin. god, how he wished he hadn’t listened to his gut in coming back.

instead of indulging his instinct to flee, however, he stepped closer to the elder. maybe it was time for kai to stop running. maybe it was time to face the storm dead on.

“ someone told me that he liked me, ” he started, unsure of where he would take the speech; he had no knack for speaking, and his skills were only worse when it came to speaking korean. kai took another step toward hyojin. “ but he waited until i left to do it. then he ignored all of my calls when i tried getting back to him. annoying, right? ” kai couldn’t help himself; poking holes in their situation was the best way he could ease the tension he felt. however, his next sentence was uttered whilst he looked the other in the eye. “ i was trying to tell him i feel the same way... should i have not come back? ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

it had been a week since his drunken voicemail. a voicemail park hyojin had sulked over, cried over, and stayed in the house watching re-runs of movies he’d already watched with kai over ( because once he was sad, he always made sure to make it worse ). it was more so the what ifs that kept hyojin up at night, curled up in his bed. the emptiness in the bed beside him always jumping out at him like some monster in the night.

he missed kai so fucking much he was sure it’d make him physically sick. and it had, at least in the sense where he didn’t have the energy to do much of anything. falling for someone had never been in his plans, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that his inexperience with feelings was sure to bring a big ol’ dramatic reaction. and while he wasn’t surprised, he hadn’t expected to feel this shit about it.

he supposes this is only karma for not telling the boy when he was around how he felt. though it’s not like hyojin could really put it into words anyway.

with that, hyojin wipes his teary eyes at the rom-com currently playing on his laptop. he’s in kai’s gucci t-shirt and supreme sweatpants, two things that are probably worth more than nearly all of his closet, and here he is staining them with his tears and greasy popcorn fingers. but he knows kai’s never coming back, so it shouldn’t even matter. it doesn’t matter. they don’t matter.

he does his best to finish the movie, he really does, but he feels sick to his stomach as the two protagonists get together. the envying thought of why he can’t have that popping into his brain. hyojin tries to convince himself it’s stupid thinking that way, and it works for a second, before he can feel his eyes filling with tears again. he doesn’t want anyone else in the house to check on him though ( hyojin had more than enough of that the last couple of days ), so he does his best to muffle his cries into the blankets.

then some sort of shuffling comes from outside his door, and hyojin hurriedly gather himself ( read: he still looks a mess ). he’s sure it’s just another concerned sweetheart resident looking to comfort him while lowkey hinting he should shut the fuck up already. so with that in mind, hyojin decides to stick to his bed and play the movie again. at least this way they might take a hint that he’s busy and leave him alone.

if not, hyojin will just play dead or something.

          lou kaihao never had a mind for rationality. nor instincts that weren’t utterly impulsive. it was reckless impulse that drove him away from his home in the first place, trying to flee a life that merely sounded unsavory to him. and it was reckless impulse that pushed him to kiss hyojin the way he had the night they got high, and reckless impulse that drove him away once he realized feelings were involved on his end. kai would likely spend the rest of his life running after his own reckless impulses, and running away from them when consequences surfaced.

it was reckless impulse and a flair for dramatics that drove him back to korea after he had sworn it off. it was the urge to run after hyojin with any form of emotion he held in his heart. it was anger, for now, but it wouldn’t be for long.

kai didn’t have all that hard of a time trying to convince someone to let him inside the sweetheart. although he was hardly friendly with residents, he was familiar to most of them; gaining access to his former apartment was much easier than it should have been. then again, he should have been thankful for such. he was rustling around the apartment with the person who allowed him in before approaching the familiar room. if hyojin wasn’t on the other side of the door... well, he didn’t want to think of what he would feel then.

he quickly steeled himself, then forced himself through the door, his voice much louder than usual ( really, was it ever heard in the first place? ) when he spoke.

“ and what in the FUCK do you think --- ” the visual he was met with wasn’t one that had been expected; the elder splayed across his bed in kai’s clothes, seemingly tearful and indulging himself with food and entertainment. maybe comfort. the flair of kai’s anger fizzled out as quickly as it had started, as his heart took a nice leap from the valley of his rib-cage to the bottom of his stomach. he hated the way he felt when he looked at hyojin.

“ what the fuck? ”

[wooyecn]

too soon with a drunk call. @mmkaihao

the person you are calling is unavailable right now. please call again later or leave a voicemail after the beep … BEEP!

a sigh. the sound’s hollowed out, tired, but breathy. it’s the only sound for a few seconds before finally a voice is chiming in, low and scratchy.

“ … fucking smacked right now, kai, i just – i don’t even fucking know. i dunno why i’m calling when i could’ve just talked to you earlier but it’s fucking embarrassing saying this shit in person. and to be honest, i don’t want an answer. i don’t wanna hear it. ”

another deep sigh. this time the sound’s less hollow and more weary.

“ i guess i’ll just – fuck! sorry, ma’am – i’ll get right to it. i uh – ” there’s a shit ton of shuffling in the background, “ i guess it wasn’t nothing … to me. like – all the gay shit we did. i mean i obviously liked it?  but not just because i like guys or whatever, i don’t really fucking know what i like, i just … i wanted you. ”

the speaker shakily exhales, like they’ve just given something precious away.

“ i don’t think i’ve … wanted anything more in my life and it’s fucked because you’re leaving and this is stupid and it wasn’t supposed to be a thing. i shouldn’t even be calling you right now because there’s no point i just … i just wanna tell you one time before i never see you again. just once. and then i’ll take care of my feelings and you’ll never hear shit from me. because i know you, and relationships aren’t your thing … and they’re not mine either. like fuck, i feel so stupid all. the fucking. time. for even thinking like this. but i can’t help fucking hating it when you choose other people over me. and it feels like shit whenever you leave or whenever we fight. i just – wanna be around you all the time and it’s so … so fucking scary, dude. it’s like… ”

his voice comes down to a whisper,

“ i’ve never really thought about taking anything up the ass before i met you. or you know – the other way around. i mean – fuck – i just mean i like you. like – that way. the gay way?  or bisexual way ‘cause i still like pussy. i don’t even know my head is fucking imploding. but that’s not even the point i just like you a lot and dreamt one time about sucking your dick which kinda made me realize maybe you’re not just a friend. ‘cause i don’t suck all my friend’s dicks, i’ve never even sucked one dick. but that’s not – i just mean … whether you’re sad or happy or grumpy, i like you. so much. ”

there’s a three second pause before – “ SHIT !  i actually called him!? oh my fucking – ”

message ended. to save this voicemail press 1 …

[mmkaihao-blog]

korea had turned out to be a different kind of trap than china had ever been; silently disguised as a way out, and a way he would be able to do more than what his grandparents had determined best for him. but running away from one problem in china only created more for kai in the end. he’d gone and stupidly fallen in love with someone who had never felt the same way about him.

so his decision in leaving korea to reconcile with his grandparents after more than a year of being separated, a year of avoidance, and a year of not wanting to go back to his life --- ended up being far easier than it should have been. yes, they’d re-enroll him in a school he did not want to go to, for a degree he didn’t want, for a career he’d never settle into comfortably. but at the very least, he’d be able to get rid of the sinking feeling that filled his gut whenever he saw hyojin entered the room. at least he’d be able to get rid of the love he felt inside him.

he didn’t want to have the feeling following him around wherever he went, reminding him just how unlovable he had grown to be over the years. he didn’t need it. he felt just fine being on his own --- leaving hyojin and korea behind him. that’s what kai had told himself, anyway. that’s how he had stomached the sober flight back to the country he once thought of as home. he knew now that nowhere would ever feel like home; not the way hyojin did. but maybe that was okay. if the feeling wasn’t mutual in the first place, did it even matter? it was useless to make a home out of someone. it could just as easily be taken away.

that’s what he had thought, until his flight had landed, and he’d been able to turn his phone back on; messages from hyojin waiting to be listened to. the characters of his name displayed on the screen before him made his stomach drop.

the message that filled his ears made his stomach drop more, even worse; he didn’t know what was going on past hyojin’s slurred speech. he was inebriated, clearly, and confessed to things that should have brought kai joy. they sparked futile hopes that maybe, just maybe, hyojin had felt the same about what had gone down between them for months on end.

then kai tried calling hyojin back; voicemail. a second call after a few days, voicemail. he had felt unearthly stupid for putting his heart into the false hope that hyojin’s ramblings were the truth, and more than just words of a drunken man saying whatever came to his mind. it was stupid, wasn’t it? kai was out of his mind; who could ever love him? on top of the feelings of stupidity, kai also felt angry. with himself. with hyojin. with everything. and all hyojin was going to do was ignore him?

unsettled by his own feelings, kaihao decided on the second most idiotic thing he had ever done; searching for a flight back to korea to give hyojin a piece of his mind.

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

hyojin fists a hand in kai’s shirt, pulling the other closer and making sure to lick his lips before finally connecting their mouths. it’s a little rough, admittedly, but hyojin doesn’t care anymore. the satisfaction too great for him to give a shit about things like technique. it lasts for a few more seconds before hyojin breaks it, but he still makes sure to stay very much in kai’s space ( close enough where their breaths are undoubtedly mingling ).

the fist clutching kai’s shirt loosens slightly. “ …that okay? if you changed your mind i won’t be mad. ”

          in a moment, kai got what he wanted; hyojin grabbing his shirt, pulling him closer, and subsequently kissing him. the action was all roughness, with little technique, but kai could hardly bring himself to care for such a fact. he was kissing hyojin again. as far as he was concerned, that was the only thing that mattered. the only thought to cross his mind was how, perhaps, he could get the sensation to last even longer.

hyojin pulled away before he had an efficient answer. fuck. he lost his chance.

the other’s breath could be felt on his skin thereafter, hot and humid in all the best ways. then came his question; that okay? kai’s eyes fluttered opened thereafter, if only to inspect hyojin’s features. sincerity bled from the syllables uttered, so much so that kai was almost caught in disbelief of the situation entirely.

“ yeah, ” kai forced out, and his gaze ultimately softened once it caught hyojin. his stomach churned suddenly, which told him all he needed to know; he was absolutely in love with park hyojin, and he was absolutely fucked. “ more than okay. do it again. ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

so in true hyojin fashion, he declares fuck it and pulls open the door to the washroom, calling out a hello as he does. if there’s someone else in here, they’re gonna have to wait, and hyojin’s not about to expose himself in the case that there is.

          the entire trek to the washroom filled his head with a string of curses; it was a stupid proposition, wasn’t it? hyojin would undoubtedly go back to work, leaving kai in the tiled room alone, acting a fool. at least, it wouldn’t have been the first time such happened. even so, he continued on his journey. what was two minutes?

when he reached the room, he entered with little grandeur, and after he did, settled on the counter of the washroom, counting down the limited seconds he had before a white towel was thrown in. if hyojin didn’t show, it would be whatever; if hyojin didn’t show, at least he would have incentive to move the hell on.

a mixed feeling of surprise and overall smugness erupted in kai the moment he heard the other’s voice ring through the room, and the beginning’s of a smile began to form on his lips. it was now or never, he supposed. laying out all his cards didn’t seem like half a bad of an idea as it usually did. maybe that was just an unmentionable part of his body speaking.

“ hey, ” kai finally greeted, expression telling a story of little else than smugness. he felt as if he had won something. at the very least, he felt that they weren’t needlessly competing anymore. teeth sunk into his lower lip, and he began to approach the other. the moment he was close enough, he reached out to idly play with the hem of hyojin’s shirt, debating on whether or not he wanted to pull him closer so soon. “ did you get lost? ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

“ if you’re game, i’m game. nothing we haven’t done before, right? ” he does his best to come off nonchalant, slowly moving towards kai, almost predatory. hyojin stops once he’s less than a foot away. “ just say the word. ” it’s safe to say he has no idea what he’s doing anymore..

          “ no ‘m not, ” responded kai, truth sputtering in finality; a truth to himself just as much as it was to hyojin. it was vehemently clear. he was serious. “ i’m not fucking with you at all. ” if only there were more words for him to utter, sweet nothings to entice heart strings. but kai had naught. all he had was himself and a handfull of words, and a hope that as much would be enough for hyojin. who was he kidding? 

teeth grazed his bottom lip, refraining from sinking in and making his desire for the other even more apparent. it was a tantalizing game that they were playing, much like cat and mouse. his gaze traced the others features, reading, trying to decipher the other’s words and actions as he came closer. maybe it was time to throw in the towel.

then, a reminder of their surroundings surfaced in his peripheral as someone made a simple movement. there were still people around. kai glanced left, then right, then back at hyojin. he didn’t mind the thought of an audience himself, but he had a feeling the other might. “ meet me in the bathroom in two minutes. ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

“ …just kidding! ” hyojin all but shoves kai away from him. his heart’s beating so fast he’s sure kai could feel it earlier, but he does his best to compose himself. “ you should go wash up. the tint looks funny and i uh – i have to go shoot now. i think someone’s calling me? ” no one’s calling him, but it’s as good an excuse as any to get the hell away before he ruins everything. “ i’ll see you after, yeah? ”

          kai absolutely hated what the other was doing to him; throwing him through loop after loop --- and for what? was hyojin seeking enjoyment? was he aware of all he’d been doing, or was he just as lost as kai? he wasn’t usually like that. people didn’t fluster him, and they certainly didn’t make his heart beat faster than it should. his nerves had nearly settled after hyojin had rendered him flustered, only to rile him up again. then should we go and make out?

he was certain that hyojin was joking. he had to be. he was after a joke and little more, even when he knew kai was hardly susceptible to those types of things. their gazes locked, and speech was the farthest thing from kai’s tongue. the only thought that crossed his mind was the memory of hyojin’s mouth --- a hazy memory, surely, but he couldn’t remember the last time he felt so much from a simple kiss.

then hyojin was backing off, taking back all words said before, rendering them nothing more than in jest. kai expected as much, but disappointment still bubbled in the depths of his stomach. if only he would do something about it.

“ maybe we should. ” kai spoke, finally, after hyojin finished with his rambling. he wasn’t too sure if it was a random spark of confidence returning to him, or merely a rare instance of him going along with a joke. either way, the proposition was laid out in front of them, and lingering.

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

“ shit, i got lip tint on your cheek! my bad, i’m sure it’ll wash off, let me just – ” hyojin still has one arm circled around kai as he licks his finger, reaching towards kai’s face to wipe the remains of whatever coral tint the noonas had applied earlier. all while a mantra of fucking idiot loops in his head…he always seemed to be the one fucking it up, didn’t he?

          surprise was sparked in kai the moment hyojin pulled him into an embrace. it was the last thing he would have expected, really; all he said was he could do twenty minutes. as big as it was for kai to compromise such in the first place, he hadn’t expected it to mean so much to the other --- he didn’t know it would have caused the other to throw himself onto kai.

not that he wouldn’t have said so, had he knew how hyojin would react and respond. if anything, it would have encouraged him more. perhaps, though, it was a good thing that he couldn’t read hyojin all the time. it obviously worked out for him from sometimes, especially if the topic of his currently rapid beating heart had anything to do with it. kai was full of surprises when it came to hyojin. maybe it was meant to be that way. a smile almost graced his features.

then hyojin was leaving kisses upon kai’s cheek. the semblance of kai’s smile faded, and his chest tightened. fuck. he was such a goner.

he stood, stiffly, as the elder backed off slightly and realized the situation --- realized the move he had made. kai’s throat felt as if it was about to close up. he wanted to feel hyojin’s lips on him again. fuck. kai cleared his throat, as if telling it to not close on itself, to promote oxygen. to make some form of noise.

flustered wasn’t even the half of it. thankfully, however, kai had managed to catch hyojin’s hand before it touched his face. “ it’s okay, ” kai spoke. finally. he forced out a sound akin to a laugh, but felt more like a sigh, then released hyojin’s wrist. “ i’ll just go to the bathroom and clean it off, it’s cool. ”

[mmsiyang-blog]

let’s get this bread

(tw for mentions of the topic of rape)

it wasn’t often that siyang got drunk enough to absolutely lose his shit and not end up back home, safe in his own bed. the one time that he did end up dead ass drunk enough though, he did still make it back to the sharehouse but not quite all the way back to his own room. he doesn’t consider it getting black out drunk, but he did wake up with a raging hangover and… in someone else’s bed. waking up that day, he’d honestly thought that he’d accidentally had drunk sex with someone and was in their apartment or something. then he realised they were both still fully dressed and whoever’s bed he’d ended up in was spooning him.

and that was how siyang met kai. although their brief cuddling had been broken up by kai waking up and subsequently throwing him off of the bed, it’d felt good to be the little spoon and just… hugging. it was a strange sense of fulfilment that he usually sought from one night stands and without the sometimes uncomfortable aspect of actually having sex. it wasn’t like he always wanted to fuck, but it was always harder for him to actually touch someone without fucking. that was just how he’d grown up. figuring out that kai was someone he just wanted to hug without having sex with was kind of like an epiphany. 

that was also how he ended up offering to teach his flatmate more korean, just to spend more time with the guy and sneak in more cuddles. which, frankly, kai wasn’t that receptive to but siyang was used to being brushed off and having to pursue someone anyway. it wasn’t like it was nonconsensual sex anyway, he wasn’t raping the guy, he just wanted to touch him. in a nonsexual way. seriously. he lines up the material he’s prepped for the study session on the common room table and scrolls through his phone, waiting for kai to show up from the first floor.

@mmkaihao

[mmkaihao-blog]

         kai had been coming back from his early morning shift at seven-eleven when he was faced with a somewhat familiar figure, and he soon realized that said figure belonged to siyang. a fragmented memory of a morning spent cuddling the other came to the forefront of his mind; it was easily the weirdest meeting he had ever had in his entire life, let alone in the just in sharehouse.

then he realized why siyang was there, and a groan followed. kai was looking forward to the comfort of his own bed when he got home from his shift, not a lesson in korean in the common room. half of him almost wanted to walk right out before the other noticed he was there.

perhaps that was part of the reason he was so horrible at both writing and reading the very language it was rather vital for him to be proficient in. perhaps he should stay, on second thought.

“ if this lasts more than an hour and a half i’m going to fall asleep on the floor, ” kai spoke as he approached the other and sat down. “ so don’t be boring, i guess. ”

[cheolshu]

Visit Original Link

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

“ it won’t take very long, just twenty minutes so… ” hyojin’s gaze lifts, locked onto the other in the hopes that kai will finally look up, look at him, “ so can’t you–can’t you stay? i don’t wanna go home alone. ”

          as soon as he felt the other’s gaze bore into his skin, boiling like too hot water upon first contact, he couldn’t help himself. he couldn’t help but look up at the other, meeting his gaze; the moment dark hues connected with another pair of eyes, kai could feel his own expression soften, and pupils dilated to match his softened edges. he knew he would be at the behest of whatever it was that gaze wanted. whatever plead left those lips. whatever hyojin could ever want. 

but he wanted to say no. he wanted to refuse, to show that he still had some sense of pride. perhaps, even to prove that he would go through on what he set out to do. god, he was so exhausted. even so, he knew he had to stay. for hyojin, if nothing else. the other was the only reason he was there in the first place. hell, hyojin was the reason kai got out of bed some mornings.

after a long beat of locked gazes, kai was the first to break contact. he cleared his throat, and promptly lifted his arm to the back of his neck to idly scratch. he was flustered, and it was more than apparent.

“ i guess, ” kai started, yet still found his voice clouded with a film of something he wasn’t too sure he enjoyed. it was softness, breaking through each syllable that left him. kai cleared his throat again. “ i can do twenty minutes... but you need to get used to going home on your own eventually, yeah? i’ll stay just this once. ” or however many times you ask.

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

...

“ i mean – that’s not what i mean. you can, i don’t – i don’t care. why would i? if you wanna hook up with her too you can. it’s fine. it’d just be awkward for me because…” a bead of sweat trails down his temple, and hyojin hurriedly blinks away the panicked look in his eyes. there goes his nonchalant response, huh?

“ because…she’s my coworker? ”

     the heat of their conversation came to a simmer with kai’s proposal. tell me not too, and i won’t. he was serious about it; perhaps, a little too serious. surely hyojin would think him stupid for bringing up such a thing in the first place. he’d say he doesn’t care and tell kai to do what he wanted, wouldn’t he? why the hell was kai testing the waters in the worst imaginable way?

please don’t.

the plead hits his ears smoothly, but it felt more like a punch to the gut. it rings in his head several times over. please don’t, please don’t, please don’t. kai expected to feel more victorious when given such an answer. like he had won something in getting hyojin to admit what he wanted. he didn’t feel victorious, though; he felt like shit. hyojin’s tone all but insured that much.

“ i won’t, ” kai spoke whilst searching the others expression. he still couldn’t pin it down. not clearly enough, anyway. there was something akin to panic, but he had been wrong about hyojin more times than he could count. “ i won’t even try. ”

kai’s words bled sincerity, which made the next of hyojin’s speech feel that much worse. because she’s my co-worker. kai couldn’t comprehend the mixed signals he was getting. not anymore. he wished he could tell hyojin that he was done with this. done with him. that he didn’t care for what the other thought in the first place. it would have been too far from the truth.

“ sure, ” he nodded, gaze gluing itself to the ground instead of the other. all of his cocky self-assurance vanished in a moment. god, he remembered how exhausted he was. “ i’m going to head back home, ” he informed the elder, hardly bothering to lift his head. “ see you there later. ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

“ nobody’s off limits, that’s not what i’m saying. if you wanna fuck her so bad then… ” the sentence trails off, hyojin’s eyes flitting between the space beside kai and kai himself. it’s hard to look at him ( the panic always settles in when he does ). he can feel his nerves rising, palms sweaty. it’s after a few moments of silence that hyojin clears his throat. “ …then you can sleep with her. i’m not trying to cock block, okay? ”

he pauses, trying to end things there, but words come tumbling out before he can stop himself. “ if i said someone’s off limits then…would you respect that? ”

     “ since when do you give a shit about me being able to do better? what does that have to do with anything? ” just as he thought he had the reasoning for hyojin’s reaction pinned down, the other took a complete one eighty. if kai had been smart (which he hadn’t been) he would have seen he was doing the exact same thing. it was as if the two were doomed to be nothing to each other but a circle of nuisances, never admitting to what it was they really wanted.

something in hyojin’s countenance, however, had kai intrigued. he wanted to know why he reacted the way he did, and there was no way the real reason was the excuse he had given. then the elder explained himself, his reasoning, with what felt to kai like more excuses. hyojin’s expression was the worst part; it awoke something in the depths of his stomach.

okay. he told himself. two can play whatever this is.

“ if you’re not trying to cock block, then what, hm? ” he quirked a brow. “ you don’t want her, don’t want me to have her... what does that leave? ” kai knew he was playing a dangerous game, putting his finger to the flame, but he couldn’t help himself. especially when hyojin all but wrote it out in bold lettering on his forehead. maybe kai had a brain after all.

“ tell me not to, and i won’t. ” kai proposed. it seemed simple enough. if hyojin told him not to, maybe there was something there.

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

kai makes him desperate in a way he’s never been before. hyojin doesn’t know what to make of it, he just knows the sooner he can rein it in, the better.

“ are you seriously gonna have my sloppy seconds? ”

     he was taken back, in earnest, when hyojin came back adamantly insisting he hadn’t been jealous. hell, the elder had all but called the girl an ugly curse word. although kai had merely spoke to agitate the other, to get a reaction wherein hyojin lashed out at him.

“ dude, did she give you blue balls or something? ” it wasn’t a defense of the girl, really, but his curiosity spiked. surely chaeyoung had do have done something horrible to elicit such a reaction out of hyojin. kai had never heard so much distaste falling from the other’s lips. well, maybe when he had gotten mad at kai for sleeping around in their shared room. but that anger had been directed at him. somehow that was better.

then there was the comment about sloppy seconds. kai didn’t know why it scratched at his own agitation, but it did.

“ what’s it matter to you, eh? ” although he had scarcely ever used respectable speech, any thought of it was now gone. “ thought you didn’t care who i fucked. you clearly do. ” hyojin didn’t have any business meddling with kai’s sexual life. why did he care so much that he’d hooked up with her before? the two clearly weren’t friends.

he needed to push further. to push hyojin away again. the two had been doing too well since they’d patched things up awhile back. so kai did what he did best. he nonchalantly pressed buttons. “ who else is off limits then, huh? ”

[mmkaihao-blog]

mmhyojin‌.

the heavens seem to be on his side, as the director’s calling chaeyoung over within the next minute, and hyojin’s heart finally beats at a comfortable pace once she agrees and hurries away. he mumbles a fucking finally under his breath before taking his chance—grabbing onto kai and dragging him behind the dressing trailer, stopping once he knows they’re away from prying eyes.

“ you’re into her? ” he swears he meant to ask something else.

     he could practically feel the other fuming as chaeyoung stepped closer to him, who was listing off her free dates and unfree dates in search of a time that would allow the two to meet up again. he wasn’t sure why, but amusement stemmed from knowing he had the upperhand over the elder. his previous melancholic mood almost nowhere in sight any longer.

kai was about to put his number in her phone when hyojin tugged on him, hurried questions darting past lips. was he jealous of him? it certainly felt so. “ what? ” he asked, expression changing when his gaze settled on hyojin. can you get me coffee? “ dude, do i look like your assistant? ” he tried, but the pleading eyes of the other had kai fully aware that he couldn’t say no. he shouldn’t have looked at him.

as if in a flash, chaeyoung had disappeared and hyojin was pulling kai from the spot where he stood. although he had been unsettled by the puppy dog eyed look he had gotten, mirth still grew at hyojin’s jealousy. he could have any girl he wanted; why would hyojin be so hung up on chaeyoung?

“ you jealous? ” he inquired, answering the other’s question with a question of his own. “ you’re cute when you’re jealous. ” although his humor was merely a deflection, there was some truth to it. there always was.

[mmyeongcheol-deactivated2024012]

@mmkaihao​

       Despite how long he’s actually known Kai - they went to school together back in New York - there’s still very little he actually knows about the guy. They weren’t ever really friends exactly - Deryl’s own awkwardness (worse at ten than it is now) made pretty damn sure they wouldn’t.

He knew that the other used to play basketball, his family was super rich and he was spoiled to hell and back - but playing the guitar wasn’t something he knew of. Unless he took it up after being moved away, which was definitely a possibility.

Either way - Deryl finds himself creeping behind a wall watching him play after he gets back from his shift at the grocers - he was better than Deryl would’ve expected from someone who he’d seen do next to nothing since he moved in. “Dude - I didn’t know you could play guitar,” Deryl said as he came closer.

 He had to admit part of him was somewhat giddy about learning this new fact. If he could just convince him somehow, he’d be ever so slightly closer to getting music out to the public. He could never get that one-man band thing to work out.

[mmkaihao-blog]

     IT WASN’T OFTEN that kai played anymore; it was usually something done idly, without much thought being put into doing it in the first place. such had been for the better part of a few months. the practice of busking in the streets had been moot. no one cared. no one payed him any mind. what was the use?

but as he strummed his guitar thoughtlessly whilst sitting in the lounge, he almost found himself at peace. a complete rarity for the male, really. when he did get himself to play, even if idly, he was reminded of why he was there. of why he wanted to flee what was previously his entire world.

the sound of another’s voice interrupting the silence of nothing but melodic strings brought a slight jump. kai’s head darted to the direction of the other’s voice, and he was quite surprised to find deryl. the two had history; both from new york, and both long gone from the place. although deryl was three years his senior, they had still acknowledged each other. perhaps not friends, but recognition counted for more than one would think.

“ fuck, dude, ” kai responded finally, after a beat of bewildered silence. “ a little warning would’ve been nice. ” well, that’ll teach him trying to distance himself from his roommate; he was all the more likely to run into someone in the lounge than his own room, and yet he still chose it.

“ only for a few years --- basketball got boring. ” he shrugged. it certainly wasn’t wholly a lie. he did lose his passion for the sport. as to whether or not boredom was the trigger, well, that was a topic for another day.