Modern Au Shenanigans

⚬────✧ ASK BLOG ✧────✧───✧ M!A: none✧ ────⚬ 24 | plastic artist | specialist in artwork that scares neighbors. Proud dad of Lady Suna the cat. Dating a redhead art restorer. OOC: English isn’t my first language, so apologies for any mistakes. This AU is just for fun. Please keep things SFW! Please also take a look at the About session

[modernaushenanigans]

Modern AU Things: Food

Deidara

• Deidara LOVES spicy food and paprika. Much to Sasori’s horror, he always tries to add “a little extra flavor” to almost every meal.

• He has an absurd spice tolerance. One time, he accepted a challenge from his followers to eat an instant ramen infamous for being painfully spicy. According to the blond: “It's kinda spicy... but good, hm.”

• Deidara rarely wakes up early enough for breakfast, but when he does, it’s usually bread, cheese, and ketchup (yes, ketchup) alongside lukewarm coffee or an energy drink.

• He has a terrifying ability to mix random foods together and somehow enjoy it. (Pizza with sweet chili sauce, instant noodles with grated cheese, etc.)

• Given the chance, he’ll always pick fast food for dinner. Especially greasy fast food.

• He often brings food into his studio. Once, he accidentally mistook a piece of clay for cake.

Sasori

• Sasori tries to keep a more balanced diet and, much like his aesthetic tastes, believes food should be visually pleasing and harmoniously flavored. (Deep fried food is absolutely out of the question.)

• Secretly, Sasori is a complete coffee addict. He drinks at least four cups a day. (Much to Deidara’s concern for the redhead’s heart.)

• He insists on using the herbs and spices he grows himself.

• He prefers pita bread over regular bread.

• Secretly, he enjoys cooking for someone else (especially Deidara), and enjoys it even more when his food gets praised.

Both

• Sasori tries to cook proper meals, but whenever Deidara decides to “help,” even the ceiling somehow ends up looking artistic.

• Sasori prefers taking Deidara out for sushi, while Deidara would rather go to a pizza place or some greasy fast food restaurant.

• Deidara cuts ingredients unevenly and crookedly. Sasori has learned to ignore it.

• Whenever they order pizza, Sasori always wants Margherita, but Deidara somehow manages to force a “half pepperoni with extra cheese” into the order.

[modernaushenanigans]

Happy birthday to our favorite blondie! And our stubborn Taurus

[modernaushenanigans]

Sasori was enjoying the rare quiet of the house that afternoon. Suna was curled up in his lap, warming his legs, while the redhead kept himself warm with a cup of coffee.

But in that house, peace never lasted long.

—Sasorii!! I did it! I saved enough, hm!—Deidara burst in, holding a glass jar filled with bills and coins.

—And what do you intend to buy?—Sasori took another sip of his coffee.

—I’m not buying anything, hm… I’m getting three tattoos!

Sasori didn’t reply right away. He simply turned his gaze to the blond, waiting to hear what kind of tattoos he had in mind.

—A mouth on my left nipple… and one on each palm!

—Deidara…

—Hey! I don’t wanna hear any of your lec—

—I’m not going to forbid you from anything. It’s your body. But I hope you understand… First: palm tattoos don’t last very long and require a lot of care. Second: nipple tattoos hurt. A lot.

—You’ve never gotten one! How would you know?!

—It’s a sensitive area… and I know you. You don’t handle pain very well.

—I do too! Hm!

—Do you really want me to remind you?

Suna, completely uninterested in the conversation, merely stretched. That matter concerned her servants alone—the queen had nothing to do with it.

[modernaushenanigans]

Modern AU things:

Sasori was diagnosed with a heart murmur when he was younger.

He keeps it monitored, with regular medical checkups. Even so, he can’t give up his coffee.

When Deidara found out about his boyfriend’s condition… the blonde went full paranoid. He wouldn’t let Sasori go anywhere near the coffee maker and started googling everything about it.

(Even though Sasori keeps explaining that his condition is under control and he knows how to take care of himself.)

[modernaushenanigans]

Deidara is on stream, talking to his chat:

—My boyfriend loves acting all proper and stuff, hm... BUT! Did you guys know he has a fucking expensive coffee machine?! La Mar-something! Not to mention he drinks at least four cups of coffee a day! HM!

[modernaushenanigans]

The text below was translated with the help of translation tools, so if there’s anything off, please feel free to let me know! Other than that, I hope you enjoy it.

It was a slow afternoon… in a good way. Sasori was sitting on the couch with Deidara resting his head on his lap. The redhead’s fingers lazily played with the blond strands, an almost automatic gesture.

Deidara was nearly asleep, enjoying the slow affection from his boyfriend… Suna… the feline little princess was curled up comfortably on top of Deidara’s stomach.

There was nothing important on TV, just the daily news with a few stories neither of the artists paid much attention to…

Until… a headline came up.

“A group of vandals was arrested this afternoon after causing damage to a public square. Statues at the location were vandalized…”

Sasori lifted his gaze, his fingers pausing for a moment. Deidara didn’t pay much attention… until the reporter added, as the story went on:

“There are indications that the group may be connected to a content creator known as Deidara Katsuragi.”

Sasori looked at the blond, his expression neutral—but it was that judging kind of neutral.

“I have nothing to do with that! Hm!” “Tell that to the reporters…” “Sasori! I don’t have anything with any group, hm! I just post my art videos!” “I already warned you about your speeches…”

Ah… this was probably going to escalate. Even if Deidara had no direct involvement, the group likely just followed his channel and, as always… ended up using his heated rhetoric as justification.

[modernaushenanigans]

We spent a day at the beach, hm

[modernaushenanigans]

You are just like your owner...

[modernaushenanigans]

Scorpions carry their young on their backs.

[modernaushenanigans]

The text below was translated with the help of translation tools, so if there’s anything off, please feel free to let me know! Other than that, I hope you enjoy it.

Dinner

3 years ago…

Deidara was out. He had gone to participate in a competition — according to the blond, “one more step toward being recognized! Hm!” He was still working at Dawn Café, but he was always chasing something in the field he truly wanted to pursue.

Sasori and Deidara had been together for a year already. Some things between them were well established. Others… were still under negotiation.

“He’ll come back hungry… and depending on the result, either nervous or with some alcohol in his system.”

That was Sasori’s thought.

He wanted to please him. So, that late afternoon, the Akasuna wore a black apron and stood in their kitchen. The fresh herbs he cultivated filled the space with a soft, refined aroma.

An elegant dish — yes — but entirely homemade: ricotta and spinach ravioli, served with a white wine and leek reduction.

Sasori had the same meticulous care in the kitchen that he had with his puppets and his work. Everything was made aiming for perfection.

He set the table with aligned cutlery, neatly folded cloth napkins, wine glasses already in place.

The perfect welcome-back dinner. A silent way of saying: I care about you.

At 8:00 PM, the front door burst open.

— I’m home! Hmmm!!

— Don’t shout.

— I’M STARVING! Hungry enough for three entire civilizations!

Deidara walked in, already kicking his combat boots off carelessly near the entrance and dropping his backpack on the floor as if he were arriving at a teenage camping trip, not a dinner.

Sasori simply watched, arms crossed.

Deidara was already sitting at the table without even noticing how it had been arranged.

— You left everything scattered. Go back and fix it.

— Later! I’m hungry, Saso. What’s there to eat? Instant noodles?

Sasori remained silent.

Only then did Deidara notice the smell.

He looked at the table.

Blink.

— You… set the table…

— No. The gourmet fairy did.

— You… cooked… for me?

Sasori rolled his eyes as he plated the food.

— No. For me and my other lover. Of course it was for you, you brat.

A wide smile spread across the blond’s face. His eyes practically sparkled.

— Okay, okay! Sorry for the chaos! I’m just… starving, hm. Let’s eat!

Then Deidara finally looked at his plate.

A few ravioli placed delicately, finished with a drizzle of olive oil. Simple. Elegant.

Too pretty to touch.

— Why is it green?

— It has spinach.

— It’s so pretty it looks fake, hm.

— Deidara. Eat.

The blond stabbed a piece with his fork and brought it to his mouth. Chewed. Paused. Swallowed slowly. He stared at Sasori, thoughtful.

— This… tastes like…

Sasori raised an eyebrow.

— Elegant grass.

Silence.

— You DARED call my food grass?!

— I’m saying it’s good! But… I don’t know. It doesn’t taste like real food, hm. Where’s the melted cheese? The red sauce? The pepper? The crispy bacon?

— This is dinner, Deidara. Not something I bought from a food truck.

— It’s food for emotionally stable people! And I’m an emotionally unstable adult! I need fat in my bloodstream for my creativity to function!

— You need to start eating better.

Deidara put his fork down and reached for Sasori’s hand.

— Love, seriously, hm… it’s beautiful. But I need carbs that taste like they’ll ruin my life. This is… light…

— This is sophisticated.

— Saso… if I’m going to eat grass, at least let there be nuggets on the side.

Sasori sighed.

And gave in.

— Then order something that suits your palate on the app.

He took a sip of wine, closing his eyes.

— Don’t be mad at me, please, Danna…

— I spent over three hours preparing this.

— And I spent over five listening to people who don’t understand art! Hm! But don’t be like that…

— I’m not mad.

— Yes, you are. You’ve got that voice you used when you went to sleep on the couch.

The blond held his wrist.

— Look… I’m genuinely grateful you thought of me, hm. I just… my appetite is for… you know… greasy nonsense.

Sasori looked at him.

That crooked smile.

Damn that crooked smile.

— Fine… next time I’ll just order something from a two-star fast food place at most.

— HEY! Not like that either! Hm!

That day…

Sasori discovered that Deidara had a rather… childish palate.

[modernaushenanigans]

[modernaushenanigans]

Pet

— Hey… Saso, hm. — What is it now? — Sasori didn’t even look up from his laptop. — Did you ever have… any pets when you were little? — My parents worked and didn’t have time. And my grandmother was always very vocal about animals… So no. I didn’t. — But like… nothing at all? Not even something you brought home?

A moment of silence settled between them…

— Well… there was something… — Sasori seemed lost in a distant memory. — Oh! A little bird? A bug or— — An emperor scorpion.

Another moment of silence.

— A WHAT?! — I called him Hiruko. — No! You are absolutely explaining this right now, you snobby old man!

[modernaushenanigans]

OOC A lot of creative liberties were taken here! My sincerest apologies. But here’s their family tree in this AU! Should I make a friendship circle chart too?

[modernaushenanigans]

Deidara parecia ter caído numa maldição, uma que ignora completamente qualquer tipo de tabela com o número médio de baratas por dia que um ser humano costuma encontrar.

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Naruto (Anime & Manga) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Deidara/Sasori (Naruto), Deidara & Sasori (Naruto) Characters: Deidara (Naruto), Sasori (Naruto), Lady Suna Akasuna Katsuragi - Character Additional Tags: relação estabelecida, Baratas, muitas baratas, Modern AU, AU conteporâneo

[modernaushenanigans]

Sasori: I’d really like to know… what makes a 24-year-old adult spend money on something like that.

Deidara: Some people didn’t get a childhood, you know?! Hm! — the blond says, already turning on his brand-new Switch, loaded with Mario, Zelda and Pokémon games.

[modernaushenanigans]

Sasori isn’t particularly interested in games or electronic entertainment… yet he’s absurdly good at them.

Thanks to @im-not-a-vampire-butifeellikeone ❤

[im-not-a-vampire-butifeellikeone]

AHAHAHAHAH YES SasorI couldn’t care less about it but of course he has to be great in them

One time he loses cause Deidara heavily distracted him and he takes it as the best win ever (Sasori was second)

[modernaushenanigans]

And Deidara spends the rest of the week riding that tiny victory like it’s a trophy. He uses it to justify absolutely everything.

Sasori: You’re doing the dishes. Deidara: But I won! I deserve not to do the dishes, hm! Sasori: Deidara, that was two days ago. Deidara: So what?!

[modernaushenanigans]

Sasori: I’d really like to know… what makes a 24-year-old adult spend money on something like that.

Deidara: Some people didn’t get a childhood, you know?! Hm! — the blond says, already turning on his brand-new Switch, loaded with Mario, Zelda and Pokémon games.

[modernaushenanigans]

Sasori isn’t particularly interested in games or electronic entertainment… yet he’s absurdly good at them.

Thanks to @im-not-a-vampire-butifeellikeone ❤

[modernaushenanigans]

Sasori: I’d really like to know… what makes a 24-year-old adult spend money on something like that.

Deidara: Some people didn’t get a childhood, you know?! Hm! — the blond says, already turning on his brand-new Switch, loaded with Mario, Zelda and Pokémon games.