Champagne Taste With An Ass Face

I'd take a bullet for cheese, sweet potatoes are my saviour and Nicolas Cage is God.

[theshitneyspears]

Me at 2 AM: I’m bored

My brain: ur gonna masturbate aren’t ya?

Me:

[sparkytheandroid]

the slogan for campbells soup in the 80’s was just “Soup is Good Food” and i wanna meet the young hotshot pussy destroyer who came up with that one

[sparkytheandroid]

[adobe-outdesign]

Old slogans were just… like that. My personal favorite is Steak n’ Shakes’ very descriptive “It’s a meal.”

we’re not saying that it’s a good meal, just. A Meal. no fucking false advertising here folks

[best-of-memes]

[saintsideways]

this one’s a keeper

[1-800-i-love-you]

I have queued this since June 19th

[aggravatedvincevaughn]

Me as a husband

[thatsthat24]

[thedragonflywarrior]

The Body Shapes of the World’s Best Athletes Compared Side By Side

All different shapes and sizes… Every single one of these athletes is a certified bad-ass.

[popiscle-deactivated20150726]

trying to comfort a friend

[teenagerposts]

lil ass me walking around with my man feeling on top of the world, untouchable and protected

[smuganimebitch]

all offense intended but some of yalls ideas for making a “better” star wars film are hot garbage

[blackpyrefly]

49-minute yoda fuck scene

[smuganimebitch]

you are the exception

[mulukhiyah-deactivated20200604]

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

*lying in bed with my wife*

her: honey you seem to have something on your mind

me: no sweetheart i’m fine

her: are you sure?

me: yes i’m sure. good to sleep

my mind:

gapple fcrumble………

[thoodleoo]

don’t get me wrong greek mythology is weird as fuck but it doesn’t have anything on egyptian mythology at its best. for example, ra-atum was the first god, who happened to create himself, and he birthed two children on his own by masturbating (or, alternatively, fucking his shadow), and then those kids had a daughter together, and that daughter’s name was nut

[vespertinelle]

Dude, it gets more fucked up. Nut had a brother called Geb and the twins were basically at it like rabbits. Constantly. A problem any day of the week, but when your kids are the sky and the earth and they’re… ahem, inseparable… this causes eternal night.

Therefore, in the most epic cockblocking, their father Shu, holds them apart each day, then at night earth and sky meet once more and they resume their crazy twincest.

There are of course much more sanitised versions of this story (as there is with the masturbation/creation) but this one stuck with me for its sheer fucked up-ness

[thoodleoo]

bringing this back for everyone who read that ask i answered about set and horus’s salad dressing adventure and is currently asking me if egyptian mythology was really that fucking strange

[tvandfilm]

[positive-memes]

AskReddit is being wholesome again!

[notparishilton]

[gwen-win-deactivated20200613]

Nintendo DS culture is having fun with your sweet innocent game and then seeing your reflection in the screen during the cut screens and realizing how much suffering you see in your eyes then feeling thankful when the game comes back on

[mysharona1987]

I feel bad for the scientists who spent years and years getting their degrees only to eventually end up dressing up rats in lingerie.

[lollydrag0n]

I feel jealous of the scientists who get to spend their time dressing up rats in jackets.

[isolinde-deactivated20150910]

who even thought it would be a good idea to put rats in lingerie

[mysharona1987]

Who are we to deprive rats of the right to be sexy?

[lifesanemotionalrollercoaster]

Me to myself every time I try to socialize with new people:

[unclefather]

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

3:55am

[beastmac]

i cannot believe op left out the best part, all of the fucking memes that came from this