FindingPassion

[mommanannon]

I don’t think I’ve actually processed that your gone I know you are dead I realize the last time I saw your face It was cold and unmoving That the last time I hugged your chest There was no air moving through your lungs That you would never open your eyes Never would I see the one blue and one brown again Though all these realizations are there And you are not I still have not let go Accepted the fact that I will never hear theirs my baby girl There’s my best friend. My soul mate I don’t know if it is because it had been so long since I heard it before you left Or the fact that the reality is to hard to accept RIP Daddy I love you

[mommanannon]

What do you do

When your crown crumbles

From atop your head

When the kingdom around you

Crumbles to sand

When your strength to keep going

Is replaced with barely surviving

And all the flowers in the land are dead

How do you pick up the pieces

When they just slip through your hand

How can you look towards the light

When all the stars implode

As the world is purging

And so is your soul

How does a queen hold on to

A kingdom that history stole

[untamedunwanted]

“What happened between you two?“ I asked her after they ended and she said quietly, her voice almost a whisper, "What happened? To me, he was the first touch of lava from a volcanic eruption but to him, I was just a flake of ash.”

— Lava and Ash | Nikita Gill

[everythingfox]

Mr. Pokee

[mommanannon]

Alice

All I ever wanted to be

Was Alice

Climb down a rabbit hole

And find Wonderland

How silly of a girl I must be

Imagining six impossible things before breakfast

And when does real life play into that

In the end those are silly day dreams

The impossible comes to not play

As paying bills

Because your head was so far in the clouds

That reality was no where to be found

Rabbit holes may lead to laughter and fun

But what they don’t warn you about

Is how the world is nothing but that

When all is said and done

How the end of the rabbit hole

Is just a dark pit

Anger and sadness

No wonder they say go ask Alice

Because that little girl realized after so long in the clouds

She had screwed up her who life

And she turned to something to numb the pain and make it feel better

Maybe they should say go find Alice

Because I don’t think she ever really left wonderland

Her soul is still trapped amongst the butterflies and caterpillars

A lost little girl who never escaped Wonderland

A vessel that came back to this side

Trying to fill the void with whatever she can find

[mommanannon]

A Poem for my Best Friend

When I first met you

Your vibe and energy lit up the warehouse

You had a laugh that was contagious

And a smile that could warm my heart on the hardest of days

As we started working together

You showed me how to challenge myself at work

Boxes seemed lighter and stacks

Got easy to move, just by watching how you do it

And mimicking those movements

After a short time, we got close

And the highlight of my workday

Was seeing my Jason

I stare red noticing

That a hug from you

Litterally melted the stress away from my soul

When I feel like the weight of the world

And the job is too much

I seek you out, just for a dose of Jason

Laugh, smiles, and big hugs

And my tank is recharged

I can go at whatever task I am doing

Full force after a few moments with you

I have come to care about you so much

And imagining not getting to see you

Everyweek was unfathomable

Little did I know that every hug, every interruption

In your work day was going to get you in trouble

There are so many that laugh and joke and horseplay

That I thought we would fly under the radar

Now one of my big fears I coming to pass

They are taking my best friend

And moving him 9 hours away

My heart aches in a way I can’t describe

Our hugs are bittersweet to me now

Yes they heal my soul

But they leave me with a twinge of sadness

Knowing that I am part of the reason

They are sending one of my favorite people away

I promise I will never be to far though

My annoying ass will be messenging

Did you eat yet, how much water have you drank

Did you sleep or are you over working yourself

I will always be that annoying voice in your ear

Making sure you are taking care of yourself

You will always have a huge place in my heart

Things are going to be hard without you

And God am I going to miss those hugs

But know no matter how far you go, I’ll always be by your side

Your kinda stuck with me now

Just remember I always have your back!

I love you Jason Whatever your middle name is Fonoti!

[mommanannon]

Quarantine This pandemic has effected me a lot emotionally I was not aware of it til yesterday I always said the normal fears people have were not mine Drowning burning alive I could imagine without fear What gets me is the end of the world Always feared more of how mankind would turn against each other So when the evil of man reared his ugly face I started feeling it however I pushed it deep down However I have always known I hated being cooped up or confined Always looking for something to do Or and adventure to chase Something beyond four walls Until yesterday I just thought it was I didn’t like being in one place However when I was trying to upstack boxes And the boxes just kept coming and people all around with me just stuck trying to make space I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think At that point I realized I had claustrophobia as well With how the world is and being stuck inside I fight each day for a normal breathe Living in a fear I don’t want to accept Knowing if I embrace it it could cripple me Having pneumonia when the sickness started And people saying you may have had it does not help I am happy Mother Earth is healing However I am scared of what man will do to itself in the process Terrified I’ll never get to enjoy the beauties of adventure ever again Stuck in a world of sickness and chaos With no real way out

[mommanannon]

A meaningful moment

From a young age my mom knew that I was gay, or Bi I should say. The first time she ever caught me kissing someone it was a girl. She was unhappy about it and always told herself it would be a phase. I remember when they were legalizing gay marriage and she was so pissed. Used to continually say how it was a sin, how it wasn’t right. How to get married you were asking god to bless your union and being gay that was not something god could do or should you ask of him. Our conversations about the subject died out over the years as I was with my ex. She knew from time to time we had girls in our life that we shared and she again disproved. But it wasn’t her life so she stayed to herself on the opinion. When I left my ex it wasn’t long before I introduced my mom to my now wife. She was hesitant towards the idea of me being with this woman. And for sometime I think she thought it was a phase. However life threw us some curveballs and we ended up staying with my mom as we prepared for our wedding. She attended my wedding and even signed as a witness. Today we have been married two weeks and a day, as we are preparing to move out, my mother sat down and talked with us. She thanked us for opening her eyes. My wife and I both suffer from some mental health issues. My mother has gotten to witness first hand over the last month, how much we work together to help each other through. How much we are here for the other. She said that she was at first uncomfortable attending my wedding but I was her daughter. However we have showed her what true love is and how it doesn’t have gender specifications. How she can see how much we truly love each other and that it is okay to be gay. That it is okay for gay people to marry. And she thanked us for showing her a whole different thought on life after 54 years. I may not change the world and I may not be the best person. But the love I have for my wife is true. And I am so thankful that I got the chance to show my mother it is okay to be who you are no matter what that means. I love my wife and my mother so much and am so thankful for all the bumps in the road that could have been road blocks that led us to where we are today!

[mommanannon]

Magnets That’s what we are When I first met you I knew I had met you in another world You were the other half my soul had been calling for I told you from the beginning that something about you Was so familiar Another time another life I had pictured you in my dreams for so long Never getting to see your face Til the day you walked in my life I was so drawn to you I broke every rule I had Just to be close to you And I threw away all thoughts Of how my life was going to go Because you were my true north Sometimes it seems like we get so close That the world tries to separate us It hurts so bad and causes so much frustration Because no matter what we feel that pull to be close The day I married you we welded those two magnets The worlds gonna do its part to try and find the weak point In that weld However we have proven time and time again That our magnetic pull Is to strong Nothing in the world Could separate me from my alien

[bostonpoetryslam]

“Write more love poems. They don’t have to be about/for people. They can be about/for/from the perspective of Digimon.”

— Chen Chen, from “You MUST Use the Word Smoothie: A Craft Essay in 50 Writing Prompts,” via Sundress Publications

[mommanannon]

My mother and her Gay daughter My mother told me an annecdote the other night She never could deny the fact that I was bisexual She remembers coming in my room when I was 12 To find me making out with my best friend Becca She realized then that bedroom doors had to be open no matter what There were times she thought It was just a phase I had brought girls home from time to time But nothing to serious My mother had been raised in a very strict home Where things like gay and interracial dating was a crime So she struggled hard with the fact that I love woman and men Then I found a man At first she was happy Then she started seeing signs That reminded her of her past Instead of heading her warning I pushed her away After 11 years I left that man Soon I had met a women At first mom was hesitant She hoped it was just a phase Then she watched us As I became closer to her again She witnessed the love between When we got engaged I was scared to tell her In fact I told my little brother to tell her And I posted on Facebook When she brought it up to me She was so supportive And it took me back Then on Christmas we found out My family had found out My grandmother pulled her aside and asked her about my decision My mother told her All I have known from men is pain and abuse When she looks in my wife’s eyes All she sees is love and care No she never expected her daughter to marry a women But how can she disapprove When she sees the love and care between us My mother has accepted my wife and I And that is the biggest blessing I could have received As a wedding present and as we enter this new year

[mommanannon]

Dear Decade

When I entered you

I was a naive child

Full of hope

With so many amazing people by my side

Who had my back through thick and thin

Had a man by my side

Who I thought I would spend my life with

Thinking with him I would create a daydream

Of a life that had been a nightmare

As I traveled through you

I started losing hope

I lost some of my biggest teammates

Losing little pieces as the months rolled into years

The beauty and beast fairytale

Turned more into a Joker and Harley nightmare

I spent the decade clawing for the scraps

Of the woman I envisioned

I watched her dwindle as the years passed

However in your last year

I realized the woman I was all along

I burned the past life as my father died

When you took him from me

I had to look at me for who I really was

As I burned the remnants of the girl this decade gave birth to

I emerged a Phoenix

A queen getting ready to take her place on her throne

What was the damsel in the distress has found the goddess within

As I exit this decade

A new journey awaits with strong goals and actions in place

2010-2019 may have tried to kill me

But 2020-2029 will be my rebirth

Thank you decade for creating the goddess emerging into the next.

Sincerely a goddess queen of 2020

[somepiecesofmyheartandsoul-deac]

“And I really hope that you will fall in love with life the way I fell in love with you.”

— Lukas W. // Coffee thoughts #194 (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

[mommanannon]

When you first walked through the door I thought you were the cutest thing Everytime I saw you and we joked I thought you were the funniest thing When you held me for the first time I thought I felt my pieces falling back into place I was so convinced you were my knight in shining armor Then I spent more lonely nights Crying wishing for your presence Then I did nights in your arms Times I was so excited to get to see you For something to come up Sitting on the end of my bed Crying and wishing I was someone you wanted to race to see You were someone I always wished to see I just wanted that minute in your arms Those seconds laying on your chest Instead I spent my time trying not to be mad at you when you called The last thing I wanted for us was anger So everytime you hurt me I let is slip under the rug Now I sit here without you and I wonder If I had said those things would it make a difference In the same breath I ask myself do I care Because the things I learned in the end Let me know no matter how much I thought you were my forever That you were just here for a minute A breath of something different And I am okay with that When you first left I wanted nothing more then to be in your arms Now I just hope you don’t hold ill will towards me I don’t hate you nor regret our time But I know now it was meant to be over We were never to be a full story just a short chapter In each other’s lives

[mommanannon]

This year Has turned me inside out And I refused to acknowledge it When my dad died I had to put to the back burner that I was once daddies little girl I had to tighten my boot straps And deal with the arrangements I had to be the strength for both mother and brother Then come home to a husband who could only Talk about how horrible of a father he was And criticize my family for how they were dealing I never got to process that loss Because on the tail end of it I had to make another decision Everyone believes I walked away from my marriage for another woman To protect others I let that belief love on Truth is I had to make a decision Our living situation and that of my nephews Depended on me deciding if I could make my marriage work We no longer had time to work through it I walked out on eleven years Because I watched the people who loved us suffer Because we weren’t ready to say goodbye So I closed that chapter and ignored the pain It wasn’t mine to feel I walked away So I swept that under the rug to join the loss of Fred As I found a semi level ground I looked at my career Two years I spent Building and growing myself But a desk and minimum wage We’re eating at me Instead of pushing through this year And trying to make it another year In what could have been my forever career I walked out that door as well I left a family in which I loved A family I will never reconnect with because I am so embarrassed However a silver lining came from that decision I met an amazing man He quieted the angryness in my chest He made me feel alive again A life I had long forgotten He reawoke something deep in me I warned him that I was fucked up I told him He was a daisy in a field and I a pair of waffle stompers I would destroy him Yet he chose to stay At first it was the most amazing thing Then there were nights when I get so alone Waiting for him to call back or show up And at first I couldn’t understand why it hurt so bad Then I realized it awakened feelings of abandonment from my father However those were my insecurities to deal with I wonder now though if I opened up about how broken I was feeling if it would have changed us I was so worried about seeming so broken Maybe even pathetic So I buried it down However my dream state wouldn’t allow All my fears and insecurities hit while I slept They escaped one night in loud screams And comfort was offered In my moment of weakness I took that hand And in doing so I lost something so precious I called my mom last night Asking why losing you hurt so bad Asking why it didn’t hurt this bad to walk out on my marriage Asking why I felt like my soul was collapsing She couldn’t answer me She just told me to breathe But how can I breathe when all I want is to hear your voice When it feels like I’m broken beyond fixing When all I want in this world Is my goofy goober to laugh at me

[mommanannon]

My final Goodbye

I’m sorry I broke your trust

I can’t imagine what it looked like from your end

I know I would have been hurt as well

I don’t want to make excuses

I was not perfect in this

However I tried to give you

What I could when I had the chance

We never got the time to show each other

Fully the words we expressed

I can sit here all day

And make up reasons to be angry

To diminish what was really there

However it does not help

It does not make it any better

I will forever regret

What I did to us

I will regret all the words I said out of hurt and anger

I wish I was in a different place when I met you

I am going to work on me

And still chase the things you inspired in me

I thank you for opening my eyes again

I wish I could have been more healed

Before you entered my life

However time was not our friend in that

And now I see why you don’t believe in fate

Or wishes

It is true the things you wish for the most

Never come true

I will miss you dearly

And I am sorry for how I hurt you

[somepiecesofmyheartandsoul-deac]

“Tonight, when the Moon delivers my thought to you, I hope you will come to know how much I still care, and how I never really let you go all this while.”

— Lukas W. // All this while