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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@mommynearest
Moo Cow
Baby came two weeks ago yesterday. 40+ hours of labor but everybody is safe and sound. Today walking through the dairy cow barn at the county fair, I felt somewhat as though I had found my brethren. If only being a human milk machine came with the same amount of executive functioning responsibilities of my bovine counterparts.
by Sarah Andersen
Dragon has officially moved out, but we're still finding his stuff everywhere. We've started a bag to bring to DCF for him eventually. I'm bleeding. This is very concerning to me, but the doctor doesn't really seem to care. I'm not supposed to call back until I bleed enough to fill a pad. I'm trying not to stress out about it, but it's really hard. I wish they would just do an ultrasound and tell me if my baby is okay.
Dragon is moving out today. My feelings are a mixed bag: a little relief, a little sad, still pretty pissed at DCF and the agency... But c'est la vie. Hopefully it will turn out to be a good placement for him. In other news, my first not-specialist ob/gyn appointment is tomorrow. 11 weeks! I hope everything is going okay in there. It's so weird to go from the couple of times a week ultrasounds of the last pregnancy, to the radio silence of this one. I haven't bled at all, so that's good. But I'm still a bit gun shy.
Evidentially I am a terrible parent because I asked my teen (who, yes, is sick, but had been offered many many different things to help him feel better and he had refused them all) to clean his room. So terrible in fact, that I clearly don't care about him, and I'm heartless for making him "work" (ie empty out the boxes he has been asked to empty countless times) when he feels so bad. Ugh, teenagers. I can't even....
We got a heart beat today!
Slow and steady at 60bpm. Not great, but a whole lot better than no heart beat at all!
It started. I'm officially not pregnant anymore. I guess I'm thankful that I didn't have to make a decision. But it is really really sad.
If or when the baby comes, will you guys ignore me?
nearly broke my little heart.
This sucks.
And the honeymoon is over... Dragon's teen angst has hit a new all time high. He was mad to the point of silent treatment today that he got picked up "late" from camp. Mind you, he got picked up at 4:30, when pick up ends at 6. He was also a bitter pill to his resource worker and gave her one word answers for a whole hour. Then asked me to make a bath bomb for him in the most innocent way, as if he had not been being largely unpleasant for the two hours. Oy! He said he deserved it because he was sad, and I needed to make him feel better. *rolls eyes* What he doesn't know is that there are real things to be sad about. The ultrasound yesterday shows there is no fetal pole. So yes, my body thinks that it is pregnant, but there's nothing inside. So I get to go through the oh-so-pleasant experience of a miscarriage again, only this time it will be topped off by suction and another hysterosalpingogram. Basically a collection of all of the most painful things I have ever been through in life, all over again and all in a row. Awesome. And all because I am pregnant with nothing. I know its not really this way, but it feels like I am being punished. Punished for making a dud egg? For having a "fake" pregnancy? I don't know, but it really sucks.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to die from morning sickness.
It's not even just in the morning! I'd give just about anything to keep even just a few saltines down.
Levels came back okay, but still low. Ultrasound on Thursday to make sure it's not an ectopic pregnancy. I can't even begin to explain the mess yesterday that was Dragon's team. I basically did that all day, no time to work on my own cases...
Got news from the dr. today that my levels are better. One more set of levels on Monday and then hopefully we'll get my first ultrasound scheduled. In other news, Dragon's DCF worker is an ass. I'm pretty sure he said no to Dragon's request to go to an overnight birthday party just because he's queer. (Because clearly, queer kids should never spend the night with friends, right? Jee willikers this man drives me bananas) Also, because the DCF worker has a wicked power trip issue. So much so in fact, that he didn't bother to invite Dragon's mom to the 72 hour meeting (which is, btw, 3 weeks late). When pressed on it, he told the foster care agency to invite her. In the end, we told her about the meeting. I really hope she can make it, because I really hope to go momma bear alongside her against this ridiculously incompetent man. Also, I desperately want to find a reason to flaunt my license in front of him. Because mine WAY outranks his. Sometimes I wonder if his power trips are kind of the social worker equivalent of small-dick-syndrome... Hopefully they can be done with him soon. Mom found an apartment, and slowly but surely we are winning all of the treatment team members over to her side, so hopefully we can all work together to first figure out wtf DCF wants, then make it happen so Dragon can go home.
Apparently my progesterone is only 6.7 and it is supposed to be up past 20... I'm on a progesterone supplement, but I'm still pretty worried. This is what my gyn in college said, tha it would be easy enough to get me pregnant, but that keeping me pregnant would be the challenge. Any prayers, good thoughts, or holding in the light of my little bunch of cells would be appreciated.
Growing another human is exhausting work.
It worked!
Holy wow! On the first try of IUI, we're pregnant! This will be an interesting year - a 13 year old and a pregnant belly.... In for a wild ride!
Insemination last Saturday, and progesterone levels today to make sure I actually ovulated. Here's for hoping! Dragon's official intake is today. He's really moving in! We saw the first bits of teenage obnoxiousness during his overnight visit earlier this week. Hopefully we can curb that though, and it might have been related to my husband forgetting his afternoon meds. Oops! Dragon's outpatient therapist seems like a good ally. PCP not so much, and my jury is still out on the DCF worker. But we'll see. Hopefully we can get him a good team assembled to send him home quickly.
Still 7mm of lining and no good eggs. :-( The nurse sent me for bloodwork and thinks they are going to double my metformin. Yuck! Gotta do whatcha gotta do I suppose. Nervous but excited about the placement interview. The respite went well, the boys threw a tantrum about leaving - which while challenging is a good sign they had fun.
