Hi there..love reading about the adventures. I saw that your spouse helped in finding the right +1 (or 2)ā¦prob something in archive but can you outline exactly how and what worked and maybe more importantly what didnāt work?
Wife open to having boyfriend, but with kids , job etc she doesnāt want to expend the energy for search. Tasked me with it if itās going to happen.
In my humble opinion, this is the best possible scenario for you and your wife--her tasking you to find the right guy. There are so many reasons why-but as a wife who was once her in position, it's the best. Letting the husband take the lead eliminates a lot of issues for her--I mean, you know her tastes, so there's a level of excitement and fun for her in seeing who you connect with and bring to her as a potential. Also, allows her to be free from insecurities from you--after all, she can say, "well, you picked him out...can't help it if you did a very good job..."
Now, to the mechanics of it all. Our first (Colin), came about serendipitously and very organically at a neighborhood gathering. So that's not a good example. Ben is probably the closest example. When Colin was seriously dating Maddie we obviously took a break. It was fine for months, but then Kyle and I started discussing a "back up plan" for lack of a better term. I tasked him with finding a guy for me. I'll tell you what he didn't do first: go online. All you'll find online on adult dating sites are duds, flakes, weirdos, or predators. The hard truth is you have to just go out and meet people and not be afraid of rejection and embarrassment.
But I think what you'll find is that if you approach it the right way to the right people, you won't be embarrassed. I think a lot of younger men especially, in their late 20's to late 30's, are more open to this kind of thing. Not sure of your age or what age range you're looking for, but guessing that's in the ballpark. My husband found a couple of guys during that period by simply getting to know them and talking to them. I had a "meet and greet" with two guys before meeting Ben. They were both nice, attractive, and could have been something. But then I met Ben, and it was obvious that he was the right match. Honestly, it was fun during that time--the sky was the limit and I just never knew if I guy I was meeting for coffee was going to be a lover. There's an excitement in that even though it never happened. I think you'll find that with your wife as well.
So, here's my suggestion: take it slow, make it very deliberate. Find a couple of guys and get to know them--make it clear what you're looking for and that you're vetting them for your wife. The right guys will be flattered, and once they know you're not wanting to do anything with them yourself (assuming that's the case), they'll be even more comfortable. Trust me, it'll turn your wife on that you meet them first. Then introduce them to your wife with you there, even if it's just at first. When I met Ben, it was with Kyle at a coffee shop at mid-day. We talked for about 20 minutes, then Kyle left us alone for a while. We took a walk, got to know each other, then Kyle came back to pick me up. That, in my opinion, was ideal. Safe, comfortable, but with enough space to get a feel for everything.
If you do find a guy to do even just that with, I can almost promise you that your wife will want to have sex with you (and vice versa) after the meeting--even if she knows that she won't have sex with the other guy. Just the very possibility is erotic and a turn on.
So, bottom line, the old fashioned way is the best--just meet people and talk.
snowghoul
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