Monologue Musings

Musings from backstage.

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In A Nutshell: A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder

Monty: Most people would say murdering most of your family, wedding your cousin, and helping a married woman cheat on her husband, all to get your inheritance, is going overboard.

Monty: But I prefer the word ‘dedicated.’

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In A Nutshell: The Producers

Max: I have a plan to get rich.

Bloom: Okay.

Max: We find an incredibly offensive play.

Bloom: Okay.

Max: We hire a stereotype to direct the show.

Bloom: Okay.

Max: I get a bunch of money from old ladies in exchange for sex.

Bloom: Okay.

Max: And we keep the money left over after the show closes.

Bloom: And there is no way any of this could go wrong!

Both, in prison: Oops.

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In A Nutshell: Be More Chill

Jeremy: I am so insecure I am willing to use untested technology to completely change my behaviour and ruin my close relationships just to become popular.

The Squip: And we all support your decision.

Michael: Dude.

Jeremy’s Dad: Dude.

Anyone who has ever been to therapy: Dude.

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“This song doesn’t really work out of context. However, given my absolute indifference to your opinion, I shall be singing this song at my audition anyway.”

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Is casting someone for their race in a role whose race is not specified racist?

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Normal people: “You’re too dramatic.”

Production Team: “You’re not dramatic enough.”

Me:

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When you really want the part:

Production Team: “You’re gonna have to drive pretty far to get to rehearsal…”

Me, internally: I will drive across the country for this part.

Me, out loud: “Not a problem.”

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(In)accurate Names for Musical Theatre Songs, Part 3

Bring On The Men (Jekyll and Hyde): Sexual Liberation

Brotherhood of Man (How to Succeed in Business): If Gentlemen’s Clubs Were Cabarets

I Love Play Rehearsal (Be More Chill): Theatre Kid Anthem

Master of the House (Les Miserables): Always Read The Yelp Reviews Before Booking A Hotel

Money (Cabaret): How To Be Fiscally Responsible

Stuck (Groundhog Day the Musical): WebMD

Take Me Or Leave Me (Rent): Relationships Don’t Survive Ultimatums

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Me convincing the production team to cast me.

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Me convincing myself I will get the part.

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When your work and rehearsal schedules conflict so you have to sneak out of the office to go to rehearsal.

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Me: Screaming like the next victim of a chainsaw-wielding serial killer.

My Friend: “Are you working on a new song?”

Me, suddenly questioning every performance I have ever given: “…no.”

My Friend: “…oh.”

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When the music picks up and you just know a tap number is coming.

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A great script can make you root for a protagonist who is worse than the antagonist.

Monty (A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder) wants to systematically murder his relatives to get rich? Fun! Leo and Max (The Producers) want to embezzle 2 million dollars from retirees? Hilarious!

Bravo to the guys who can make you support the misdeeds of a morally bankrupt protagonist. You guys are the real heroes (your protagonists certainly aren’t).

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If the costumes in the show include puffy skirts, there is a 100% chance the actors will be twirling in the hallways like Disney princesses.

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All shows are improv shows if your props break mid-scene.

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(In)accurate Names for Musical Theatre Songs, Part 2

America (West Side Story): The American Dream

I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here (Annie): When You’re Rich, The Service Industry Comes To You

Never Enough (Greatest Showman): Famous People Love Attention

What I Did For Love (A Chorus Line): Ain’t No Stopping Us Now

What Is This Feeling? (Wicked): Sibling Rivalry