future's gonna be okay ☽ @moonchild1 - Tumblr Blog

Apr 11

lonely night | jjk

⤷ after a heartbreaking and devastating breakup, you’ve never truly left jungkook’s mind. never once did he stop thinking about you, wondering who you’ve become and wishing he could have you back. but one night, years later, you unexpectedly meet again. you realize that even in new relationships, you’ve never stopped searching for each other.

— pairing: jungkook x fem. reader — genre: exes to lovers, angst, and smut — rating: 18+ — words: 8,042 — warnings: morally grey jk and oc, toxic relationship, heartbreak, breakup scene, crying, swearing, strong language, mention of sex, heated argument, mention of cheating, mention of break up, this is just messy, car sex, riding, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, they are soooo obsessed with each other and way too careless, a tiny bit of teasing, some begging, hickeys, and the ending itself is a damn warning‼️ — author’s note: THIS IS PURE CHAOS!! honestly, i’ve never written so chaotic and toxic at the same time 😅 it’s just that i’ve been wanting to write something different and sad but i can’t write something sad… honestly, i don’t know how i pull this fic but hopefully you’ll enjoy it ❤️ — playlist: glimpse of us

MASTERLIST

The last time Jungkook saw you, you were crying so hard that you couldn’t breathe. His eyes were shining with tears that he was so desperately trying to hold back.

The ache in his heart was suffocating him, and if it was even possible, he could die right there. Seeing you crying because of him was the worst sight he could have ever witnessed. But even if he wanted to close his eyes, he’d still hear your sobs.

Your words were all a blur to him. He couldn’t hear anything besides his trembling heart. But your next words caught his attention.

“You gave up on us,” you said, voice shaking.

He strongly wanted to argue, to say that it wasn’t true, but you’d never understand his perspective. You’d never understand how you deserve so much better than him. He was a fucking mess. His life was a damn mess, and he didn’t know how to pick up the pieces.

The only right thing was to let you go.

You’d be a hundred times happier without him. Any other man could give you what he couldn’t. He wasn’t worthy of your love—he never was.

“You can’t understand,” he managed to say.

“Then, explain,” you said, stepping closer.

That horrific sight of your red eyes, devastated cheeks, and shaky hands would, without any doubt, haunt his nights for the rest of his pathetic life. He hurt the only person he had ever truly loved.

Nonetheless, it was the best option.

“It’s best if we just stop,” he mumbled with uncertainty.

Jungkook never wanted to say those words out loud, but as heartbreaking as it was, it was the right decision. You were always too good for him.

Your entire life was planned and perfect. You always managed to get yourself together, no matter what life threw your way. You were strong, brave, optimistic, and wonderful. Jungkook didn’t fit there.

His life was full of uncertainties. He was completely lost in life and was never able to get his shit together. He’d drown his sorrows in alcohol and cigarettes, thinking they’d solve all his problems. But he simply spiraled even more, dragging you with him.

You didn’t deserve that. You were worthy of all the best in the world. You deserved to be loved like you were the most precious diamond on earth. You deserved to be worshipped like a damn empress. He couldn’t do that.

However, even if he couldn’t give you all that, he’d burn the world down for you. He loved you with his entire soul. You were the first person he truly ever loved.

“Stop?” you screamed. “You already left weeks ago.”

Jungkook flinched, the words hitting harder than he expected.

“There’s nothing left to stop,” you said, anger cracking into hurt. “You already killed us.”

This was the sad truth. He had already destroyed everything you had built over the past two years, and it only took him a couple of weeks.

In that moment, his entire body craved to hold you in his arms one last time, but that was selfish. He couldn’t do that while the tears were ravaging your face.

“I’m done with you, Jungkook,” you added.

Jungkook kept his mouth shut, only nodding as if he agreed, and as if it didn’t break him. His heart was entirely bleeding.

“Okay,” he said.

You became quiet, too quiet, and he hated that. For a moment, you simply stared at each other, hoping one last time that the other would say something to save your relationship. But it was too late. There was nothing left to save.

Without further words, you took your things and walked out of his apartment without slamming the door. You just left in a heavy and soul-crushing silence.

The second you left, Jungkook collapsed onto the floor, pressing his hands into his eyes, finally allowing himself to cry. His tears streamed down his face while his sobs broke the silence of his apartment.

He told himself he did the right thing. He told himself you’d be happier without him. He told himself you’d move on with someone who would treat you right. But none of it made the pain easier. None of it erased the void you left in his heart.

Months later, Jungkook met Mirae.

She was kind, patient, and uncomplicated. She arrived at a moment when things were slowly getting better for him. He was finally getting his things together. She appeared in his life when the huge cloud in his mind slowly disappeared.

He still perfectly remembered the day he met her. They were at the same café—he was there to find a new job, and she was there with her friends. The moment she showed up in front of him, she shone so brightly.

Mirae dared with her friends that she’d be able to get the number of the handsome stranger sitting near the window. She told him about it, and by pure kindness, he gave it to her. He didn’t want to because his heart was still trying to overcome the pain he inflicted on himself.

But she texted him that day. And they never stopped talking.

Being with her felt safe because she didn’t know who he was before. She was the purest soul he had ever met. He knew she’d never judge him if he ever told her what happened in his last relationship or why he left his last girlfriend.

With Mirae, he could finally exist without the fear of failing someone. He never felt like she was too good for him. It simply felt like he was enough for her.

But truth being told, she wasn’t you.

Even if he cared for her, his heart wouldn’t flutter the way it did with you. His world wouldn’t stop when she walked into a room. His lips wouldn’t crave her kisses the way they did for yours.

They sat on the couch, her head resting on his shoulder while they watched a movie she randomly chose. They’d do weekly movie nights at her place. It was their thing. They both loved these nights because they felt right and good.

When the movie ended, she smiled at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back. She was effortlessly beautiful. For a moment, they just stared at each other without saying a word.

“You’re hard to read sometimes, you know?” she said.

“Am I?” he jokingly asked.

She nodded, “Yeah, it’s like you’re hiding a part of yourself.”

And he did. You were a part of him that he would never reveal. You were his biggest secret—at least, towards Mirae. Not knowing about you was for the best.

“And sometimes, it’s like you’re somewhere else.”

“Just thinking,” he said.

But he was actually thinking about you. Thinking about the day you left for good. Thinking about the way you looked so devastated that day. Nothing or nobody could ever erase that heartbreaking image from his mind. That breakup would forever haunt him.

“Let’s pick another movie,” she proposed with the brightest smile.

While she was scrolling through Netflix to select a new movie, his eyes looked at her. Sometimes, he’d notice the resemblances between the two of you. In many aspects, you and she were similar, and deep down, he knew his heart had chosen her because of it.

Once they agreed on the movie, she leaned her head on his shoulder once more. Jungkook then closed his eyes.

For a moment, he imagined it was you. Not because Mirae might look like you, but because he still associated comfort with you. Because a part of him still belonged to you.

Guilt sat heavy in his chest that night. A guilt that almost suffocated him.

Months later, you met Dohwan through mutual friends.

He was steady, gentle, and goofy. He never overthought anything, as if he knew from the start what he wanted, and communication was the key to your relationship. With him, life felt easy and perfect.

Dohwan knew some bits of your past relationship—not everything, but the most important parts. From the very beginning, you explained how important it was for you to communicate. You explained how your last boyfriend gave up on you and how he simply decided on his own to end the relationship.

It should have been perfect with Dohwan. He was everything Jungkook wasn’t. And most importantly, he loved you the way you deserved. Loving him and being loved by him were easy.

One night, while lying in bed after a very hot and steamy moment—or should you say, after he fucked you right—his fingers traced across your belly. “You’re quiet tonight.”

“We just had sex,” you mumbled with a smile.

“Yeah, but before that, you didn’t speak a word,” he explained. “You just threw yourself at me.”

Well, right before going to his place, you bumped into an old friend you hadn’t seen in years. Unfortunately, she didn’t know you weren’t with Jungkook anymore, so obviously, she asked about him. It was hard to tell her that he wasn’t a part of your life anymore.

But after leaving her, your mind was brought back to that horrible night. You saw his stoic face all over again, and you perfectly remembered the look on his face when you left. It was painful.

At that moment, sleeping with Dohwan felt like the only way to erase Jungkook from your mind. However, it had the opposite effect.

The second it stopped, you wished it was him next to you, and not Dohwan. You wished that it were his fingers touching your skin delicately. And that was a horrible feeling.

It didn’t feel fair for Dohwan, who simply loved you.

“I just needed it,” you replied.

He chuckled while still tracing his fingers along your sweaty and burning skin. Your gaze met his, and your chest instantly tightened. He deeply loved you. You could see it in his eyes.

This broke you because you couldn’t love him back with the same intensity. Because your heart belonged to someone else. It belonged to Jungkook, and it will always be like that.

Nobody could ever look at you the way Jungkook did. He’d look at you like you mattered more than anything. He’d look at you like you were the prettiest person on heart. His gaze on you would always take your breath away.

Nobody could ever fill the void Jungkook left in your heart, and that was the most painful part. Because even if you wanted it with all your soul, Dohwan would never be yours. Dohwan would never be the man you want.

Your heart would only beat for one person. Jungkook.

Two years later, you ran into each other in the streets.

Jungkook left the house after an intense fight with Mirae, and you were simply heading back to your place after working extra hours. You were on the phone, too lost in the conversation with your mom, while he was looking back, his hands in his coat’s pockets.

In two years, not once had you crossed paths.

The moment you collided with his strong body, your phone fell on the floor. “For fuck’s sake,” you swore under your breath.

Jungkook completely froze when he heard your voice, thinking he was hallucinating for a second, but when his gaze dropped on your figure, his mind simply stopped working. He couldn’t believe it.

“Yn?” he asked, his eyebrow furrowing.

Then, you stopped in your tracks when you heard the voice that haunted your nights. Was it a dream? Did overworking fry your brain? That couldn’t be possible! It could only be a dream.

However, when your head lifted up, you realized it was real. Jungkook was standing in front of you in the middle of the street.

“Jungkook?” you also said with evident surprise in your voice.

When your eyes met, the air suddenly shifted. The two of you were brought back to years ago. Jungkook couldn’t help but notice how much you had changed. There was something stronger and more confident about you now. You were prettier than before, if it was even possible.

Your ex-boyfriend had changed, too. A lip piercing glinted against his lip, his shoulders broader than you remembered, and his hair cut shorter. But what struck you the most was his outfit—more polished than before, like he finally had everything together. He looked better.

For a moment, the world around you ceased to exist. It was just you and him all over again.

“Darling?”

The sound of your mother’s voice brought you back down, and you grabbed your phone that was still on the floor. Jungkook didn’t say a thing, simply looking at you bend down.

“Let me call you back, mom,” you told her before hanging up.

Your gaze shifted once more to him. A little smile grew on his face, and your heart missed a beat. How could he still be the same while being so different at the same time?

“Hi,” he said softly.

“Hi,” you said while returning the smile.

You stood there as if everything was still the same, as if time hadn’t gone by. A silence settled between you while you both tried to grasp the fact that you were standing in front of each other.

Two years separated this moment from the last memory you shared. It seemed so far away, and still too recent at the same time. It was like you had only broken up yesterday, while the pain had already had time to ease.

“You look good,” he then broke the silence.

“You too,” you replied.

You wished it was a lie, but Jungkook looked better than before, which you didn’t think was possible. He was devastatingly handsome. The suit he was wearing gave him another look. This wasn’t the Jungkook you remembered. It seemed like it was an improved version.

You started talking about what you had become. Jungkook had finally joined his dream company as a lawyer, which explained the very fancy suit. On your side, you had just recently quit your old job and had joined a novel publishing firm as editor.

You also talked about your respective families, catching up on how everyone was doing. However, every sentence said was carefully thought out as if you were stepping on thin ice. Both of you were scared of saying something wrong, and neither of you wanted to ruin this moment.

Nevertheless, your eyes kept drifting and lingering longer than appropriate.

“Are you… seeing someone?” he asked, but almost instantly regretted it.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “You?”

He nodded back. “Yeah.”

Silence settled between you, both unsure of what to say. From an outside perspective, it looked like you had both moved on, but the truth was you hadn’t. You were constantly on each other’s minds, clinging like something that refused to let go.

“And are you happy?” he asked.

His only concern was that you found someone better than him, that this breakup wasn’t in vain, and that you were happy without him. In the end, it was the sole purpose of the fact that you weren’t together. He wanted you to have what you deserved—something that he couldn’t give you.

“I am,” you told him. “He makes me happy.”

It was the truth, but what you weren’t saying was that he didn’t make you as happy as Jungkook ever did. Your life with Dohwan could never compare to what you had with Jungkook. It was impossible.

“I hope your girlfriend also makes you happy,” you gently said.

That was you being nice, but deep down, you hoped he wasn’t happy. Not because he broke your heart, but because a part of you wanted to have him back.

“I am,” he said, avoiding disclosing the fact that he was outside because he had an ugly discussion with her.

“Good,” you said with a small smile.

“I’m happy for you, yn,” he admitted. “You deserve it.”

Your heart beat faster, your chest boiling with intense emotions. Some memories of the terrible breakup surfaced, and standing in front of him became suffocating all of a sudden. You needed to leave.

“I have to go,” you then said. “It was nice seeing you again.”

And before he could even speak, you turned your back and left, as you did two years ago.

After that, it felt like destiny wanted to reunite you with the man who broke your heart. For a couple of months, you’d accidentally cross paths in a café, or at a bus stop, or even in a bookstore. Conversations were always short, but they were always left with the same heaviness.

No words were needed to understand that your hearts still beat for each other. It was plainly obvious. And seeing each other in those random places would ignite a fire that had long disappeared. It couldn’t happen. It was wrong.

However, you both would go back home to your respective partners. Jungkook would feel a guilt bloom inside him whenever he’d kiss Mirae. He cared for her. He really did, but sometimes, when she smiled, he felt like he was borrowing comfort instead of owning it.

On your side, every time you’d hold Dohwan’s hand, you wondered why it didn’t feel like coming home. He was good, gentle, patient, and treated you right. But you continued to compare each moment with him to memories of Jungkook that lingered, unable to be forgotten.

Neither of you crossed any lines. You never cheated but never confessed to your partners that you had met several times. But emotionally, you knew you had never left each other. He was still yours. And you were still his.

You lived in that quiet in-between: loyal in action, and unfaithful in thought.

But that only lasted until one lonely night.

“When were you going to tell me you met your ex?” Dohwan suddenly asked.

His words made you freeze for a second.

“What?” You turned around to face him at the kitchen’s entrance.

Your heart was hammering in your chest. How did he know?

“James told me he saw you yesterday,” he replied as if he had read your mind.

“Oh,” you tried to sound as normal as possible. “I ran into him in a store. We just chatted a bit, nothing important.”

Well, you weren’t lying, but it wasn’t the full truth either.

“Then, why didn’t you say anything?” he asked with confusion, his arms crossed against his chest.

This entire situation was making you extremely uncomfortable and nervous. How are you supposed to talk about your ex with your current boyfriend? How are you supposed to tell him that it wasn’t the first time?

“What is there to say?” you asked. “As I said, it wasn’t important.”

Dohwan scanned your face for a moment, not buying any of the bullshit you were throwing his way.

“So, you’re telling me that you bumped into the guy who broke your heart, randomly talked to him, and that it wasn’t important?” he then summarized the situation. “Sorry, but I don’t believe you, my love.”

“Believe it or not, it’s the truth,” you said, avoiding his gaze.

“Yn,” he stepped closer, his tall frame standing next to you. “You know you can tell me everything?” his soft hands cupped your face. “If it did hurt seeing him again, you can say it.”

You shook your head, pushing his hands away. Having this conversation with him right now was painful. You couldn’t do it.

“Dohwan, I told you it was nothing important,” you insisted.

He took a deep breath, trying to remain calm, but his patience was running thin. He knew you weren’t telling the truth. The few times you had spoken about Jungkook, it made you cry like a literal baby in his arms. How could he believe that when he picked up the pieces of your shattered heart?

“Okay,” he then backed up. “If you don’t want to talk, I’ll leave you alone.”

His respect for your boundaries made your heart ache. This man was too good for you—you clearly didn’t deserve him.

However, things escalated in the days following the conversation. You avoided him more and more, always finding excuses, and Dohwan was slowly losing his patience. He knew something was off, and it was frustrating that you weren’t talking to him.

“Are you cheating on me with that bastard?” he randomly asked some days later.

You almost choked on your water, spilling some onto the plate in front of you.

“Are you for real?” you asked, annoyed and angry that he even thought of something like that. “Do you think I’d cheat on you?”

Dohwan took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to think anymore, yn. You’re avoiding me like I have the plague, you’ve been cold as ice, and you absolutely refuse to talk about him.”

His dark eyes were watching you intently, scanning your face and searching for something that might betray you.

“But that doesn’t mean that I’m cheating,” you said, putting down the fork and knife on the plate.

“Why else would you then be running away from me?”

At that moment, you were the one who took a deep breath.

“Maybe the fact that I simply don’t want to talk about my ex with you is reason enough. I’m not cheating on you.”

“It’s a lost cause…” he whispered.

“What are you saying?” you asked with anger.

“It doesn’t matter…”

You shook your head, frustrated about this entire situation. You were on the verge of exploding.

“Say it,” you snapped. “Stop talking in half sentences and just say what you mean.”

Dohwan ran a hand through his hair before standing up and pacing away from the table. For a moment, he turned his back on you as if he needed some time to gather himself. Despite the fact that he was a very good person, he sometimes had some temper issues. He could get angry in the blink of an eye.

“I mean that I don’t recognize you anymore,” he finally said as he faced you again. “You shut me out, you avoid me, and God forbid I even mention his name.”

“That’s not fair,” you shot back, standing up as well.

“Isn’t it?” he replied, his voice rising despite himself. “You were a fucking mess years ago because of that man, and now, it just feels like he’s back in your life. How is it supposed to be fair? You don’t even talk to me.”

Your chest tightened. Emotions were taking the best out of you. In between frustration and anger, guilt bloomed inside you.

“You’re overthinking this,” you said.

“No, yn,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m trying to understand what’s happening, and you won’t even let me in.”

This conversation overwhelmed you more than you wanted to admit. You hated having arguments with Dohwan because they were always intense due to your explosive personalities.

“I already told you: nothing is going on.”

He let out a short and humorless laugh while shaking his head.

“That’s exactly the problem,” he replied. “There’s nothing. You’re physically here, but your mind is somewhere else.”

The words hit harder than you expected. You opened your mouth, trying to defend yourself, but nothing came out. He was right. You had been distant. You were stuck between the present and a past you couldn’t quite let go of.

Dohwan watched your silence, and something in his expression shifted. There wasn’t any anger anymore. He suddenly looked completely exhausted, as if he was done with this.

“I can’t keep doing this,” he said quietly. “I feel like I’m trying to catch someone who’s already halfway gone.”

“I’m not gone,” you insisted, though your voice lacked conviction. “I’m right here with you.”

Your boyfriend didn’t believe a single word.

“Then prove it,” he replied. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s really going on.”

You looked down at the table with your discarded plates. Your appetite was long gone because your mind was spiraling with all those emotions and thoughts. Things weren’t easy at that precise moment.

How could you explain something you barely understood yourself? How could you explain that seeing Jungkook again had stirred feelings you thought were buried? How could you explain to Dohwan that you didn’t even know what you wanted anymore?

Saying all of that out loud would destroy him, and he didn’t deserve it. You loved him deeply, and the last thing you wanted to do was to break his heart.

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted.

Dohwan knew right there and then that something was definitely going on. Something had happened with Jungkook, and it hurt him that you didn’t trust him enough to tell him. He exhaled slowly, disappointment flickering across his face.

“That’s what scares me.”

A heavy silence settled between you. This was crushing the two of you, and you hated yourself for what you were doing to him.

“Maybe…” he spoke after a long moment. “Maybe we need some space.”

Your head snapped up, disbelief plastered all over your face.

“Space?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing.

“I don’t want to keep this going,” he explained. “You’re confused, and I’m losing my mind trying to figure out what’s going on. Maybe if we take a step back for a bit, we’ll see things more clearly.”

The suggestion made your stomach drop, yet a small part of you felt relief. The tension between you had become unbearable.

“You mean a break?” you asked quietly.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Just for a little while.”

You swallowed hard. “And then what?”

“Then we see if we still want this,” he answered honestly.

The words hurt more than you expected because you did want this.

“Okay,” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

Dohwan nodded, but neither of you moved. The distance between you suddenly felt enormous, even though he was standing in front of you. And for the first time since the argument started, neither of you had anything left to say.

Days went by after your argument with Dohwan.

His absence made you realize just how lost you were. Things were definitely messy, and it was simply because Jungkook was somehow back in your life.

After that, you made sure you’d only be at home or work. Any other place was avoided at all costs because deep down, you knew you didn’t want to see Jungkook. It would only worsen everything.

With your headphones on, you walked as fast as possible to the subway station. At a red light, as you looked up, your gaze fell on the other man you had been trying to avoid. Jungkook.

For a moment, you admired him. As usual, he looked extremely good under his fancy suit and coat. His girlfriend Mirae was lucky to have him, and at that precise instant, you were jealous that he’d go home to her. Not you.

A smile stretched across his face when he noticed you. His entire being lit up when he saw you, and your heart melted completely.

When the light turned green, Jungkook basically ran to you, taking huge steps in your direction. That caught you absolutely off guard since you didn’t expect this reaction from him.

“Hi,” he said when his body towered over you.

“Hi, Jungkook,” you said with a silly smile on your face.

His strong cologne wrapped around you, invading your nostrils. It was still the same, even after all these years. But what truly warmed your heart was the fact that you had gifted it to him. It felt like he was still carrying a part of you.

“Didn’t expect to see you here this late,” he confessed.

“Well, I’ve worked extra hours these past few days,” you admitted. “I’m exhausted.”

Concern appeared on his face as his fingers tugged a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch sent shivers down your spine; your gaze locked on his. The world around you completely disappeared. It was just you and him.

“You should try to rest a bit,” he said with a soft voice. “It will only tire you more and more.”

“I know,” you replied. “But I’m way too committed to my work.”

Jungkook nodded while his fingers slid down from your ear to your cheek before his hand rested against it. The moment felt heavy with unspoken emotions, but you both knew what they meant. The affection and love you both carried for each other were blooming all over again, but stronger this time.

However, you put some distance between you. The moment felt way too intimate, and he had a girlfriend, Mirae, who was probably waiting for him at home. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cross any lines with him—at least not if other people were involved.

“You should go back home,” you whispered as you pushed his hand from your face. “Mirae must be waiting for you.”

Jungkook lowered his head for a moment before looking up at you. His eyes shone with an emotion you hadn’t seen in a while—longing. It startled you instantly. How could he look at you like that when he was in a relationship with someone else?

“I’m not with her anymore,” he confessed. “I broke up with her weeks ago.”

Your eyes opened wide. This was definitely surprising. The way he talked about her made it look like he was madly in love with her.

“Why?” you frowned.

A chuckle escaped his lips.

“Seriously?” he asked. “The reason seems pretty obvious.”

Your heart started beating extremely fast. When you truly understood the reason, you shook your head, your mind refusing to believe it. He shouldn’t have done that. He couldn’t have broken up with her because of you.

“No,” you said while taking a step back. “Don’t say that you broke up with her because of me.”

His voice softly whispered your name as his hand reached for your arm. This couldn’t be happening. Another woman’s heart was broken, and you were to blame. Before loving Jungkook, you were a girl’s girl, and that wasn’t right to Mirae.

In the end, to you, this seemed worse than cheating.

“Please,” he begged, “don’t run away from me.”

You turned away, putting distance between you and him, unable to believe what you were hearing. Your steps quickened without you realizing it, your heart pounding loudly in your chest.

Behind you, his voice kept calling your name, each time more urgent. His footsteps chased yours as he refused to let you disappear. After a couple of minutes, he caught up with you, stepping in front of you and forcing you to stop.

“Let me pass,” you told him without even looking at him.

“No,” his strong body blocked you. “Listen to me.”

You shook your head, refusing to hear whatever he had to say.

“There’s nothing to listen to.”

Even though you didn’t want to, your body didn’t move as if it was telling you that you needed to speak with him and listen to what he had to say.

“I couldn’t stay with her,” he still said.

His hand reached again to your arm, and the gesture made you look up at him.

“It would have been cruel to stay with her while I was constantly thinking about you, wishing it was you beside me instead of her,” he continued with a weak and shaky voice.

For a moment, you closed your eyes. This couldn’t be real.

“Wouldn’t have you done the same?” he asked, his question echoing in your mind.

Well, the only answer to his question was that you didn’t have the strength to do it. Your heart craved Jungkook deeply, but your mind was telling you the safest choice was Dohwan. Jungkook dared to do what you couldn’t. You settled with a ‘let’s have some space’ when you knew space wasn’t what you needed.

Your silence was answer enough for Jungkook. His hand left your arm before slipping inside his pocket, disappointment written all over his face.

“You actually wouldn’t…” he concluded. “So you’d stay with Dohwan and keep entertaining whatever is going on between us.”

You were completely overwhelmed by everything. You didn’t know what to do anymore. Would you cross the line with Jungkook? Would you choose him over Dohwan? You didn’t know.

“Do you realize that you’ll have to choose between one of us one day?” he asked with clear ache in his voice. “You can’t have us both.”

“Easy for you to say that when you were the one who broke my heart…” You ran your hand over your face. “I’m lost, okay? I don’t even know if I’m with Dohwan…” you mumbled.

Jungkook stepped closer, his hand grabbing yours and squeezing it. The tenderness of his gesture melted your heart and comforted you in some way.

“We’re technically on a break,” you added.

Jungkook’s reappearance in your life had complicated everything. There were moments when you wished there were an easy answer to all of your problems, but there wasn’t. You were the only one to decide.

“Then, give me a chance,” he whispered as his fingers intertwined with yours. “Let me show you that I’ve changed.”

Why did it feel like it right to let him in all over again? Why did it feel like it was the best decision? And why didn’t you think of Dohwan at that moment?

You didn’t know but decided that maybe Jungkook deserved that second chance.

Being around Jungkook felt different this time.

It was like you had a completely different person in front of you. It wasn’t the Jungkook you dated years ago, and honestly, it felt refreshing to have this healthier version of him. Things were for sure messy and complicated, but whenever you were with him, the situation seemed rather simple.

However, when you were alone, far from him, guilt would sometimes take over you. You were having your fun with your ex while you were on a break with Dohwan.

“I saw Dohwan yesterday at a bar, heavily flirting with some chick,” your best friend, Rosie, said.

Your heart squeezed at that simple thought, but somehow, it reassured you that he wasn’t just alone at his place, waiting for this break to be over.

“Mmh, good for him,” you replied.

You couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t some sort of cheating. At the end of the day, you didn’t say that you were over. But at the same time, you weren’t together either. One thing was sure: you couldn’t blame him. You did the same, if not worse.

“Have you talked since the argument?” she asked with concern.

You shook your head. Since the moment you decided to take a break, you hadn’t heard from him at all. He had totally vanished from your life, but that was also the purpose of the break. The point was to see if you still wanted each other. If you were still together and talking all the time, it wouldn’t help figure things out.

Rosie was one of the few people who knew about Jungkook being back in the life. When you stumbled upon him the first time, you immediately told her. She was the one who held you after the terrible breakup with him.

She was also the first person you reached out to when you and Dohwan agreed to go on a break. She warned you that you’d inevitably fall into Jungkook’s arms, but she even encouraged you since she was convinced that it would help you to decide.

“Aren’t you scared that he'll break up with you?”

“If he does, I won’t blame him,” you honestly replied. “It will hurt, for sure, but he deserves to be happy.”

“Don’t know how you manage to deal with all that so peacefully,” she admitted. “I would have gone completely crazy.”

You chuckled while looking at the pictures hanging on her walls. “Who said I wasn’t going crazy?”

You got yourself in a very messy situation, and you didn’t even know how to deal with it. You were going with the flow, which at that moment was leading you to Jungkook.

“Having Jungkook back in my life feels great, but I sometimes feel bad toward Dohwan. He didn’t ask for any of this, and I just dragged him into this messy situation,” you confessed. “I’m not even sure I should stay with him.”

There were moments when you were convinced Dohwan would be a lot better without you in his life.

“Don’t rush any decision, okay?” she told you, her hand resting on your shoulder and stroking it in a comforting way. “First, explore this thing with Jk, and then, you'll see how you truly feel.”

You nodded because you couldn’t agree more with her. For now, it was best that you and Dohwan truly took some time off to figure things out. But deep down, something inside you told you that if you couldn’t choose between them, it was best not to choose one of them.

“Hopefully, this doesn’t get any messier than it already is,” you chuckled.

She smiled at you, her thumb caressing your shoulder. Honestly, without her by your side, you wouldn’t know what to do. She always gave you so much good advice. She was the wiser one in your friendship, especially since she didn’t put herself in shitty positions like you. She was in a good and healthy relationship.

That same night, Jungkook picked you up from Rosie’s place. He didn’t want you to wander around alone at night. You tried to reassure him, saying that it wasn’t the first time and that sharing your location with him was also an option. But he absolutely refused.

From the moment you agreed to give him a chance, he’d been picking you up at work every day, making sure you’d arrive home safe and sound. He’d also take you on small dates so that you could rediscover each other all over again.

Those small gestures and moments truly convinced you that he had changed for the better. But was it enough?

Before you could even understand what was going on, Jungkook had pulled up in a deserted parking lot. From the moment you jumped into his car, you had been heavily flirting with each other. The tension became unbearable, and none of you could make it home.

So here you were, dress bunched around your waist with Jungkook’s mouth hot against your throat as fog crept up the windows of his car.

“Fuck,” he swore, “I missed this,” he growled against your skin.

His large hands gripped your hips as you straddled him in the backseats. This moment was hot as fuck, you on top of him while you were both consumed by the same lust. With what had been going on for the past months, it was evident that it would all end up like this.

“Actually, I missed you,” he corrected himself as he licked your throat.

His lips dragged along your collarbones as his fingers found the edge of your panties. They slipped beneath the lace, finding you already soaking wet. He didn’t waste any time and ran his skilled fingers along your folds, which made you moan loudly.

“Already so wet,” he murmured as he circled your clit with practiced ease.

Even after all these years, he still knew your body so well and knew how to make your thighs tremble. It became impossible to think properly with this exquisite torture.

“I bet nobody touched you as I do,” he whispered against your skin, his burning lips pressing a kiss on your collarbone.

You bit your lip, refusing to answer him. Dohwan wasn’t bad at sex, but it clearly was different. Jungkook was more intense, and things were by far a lot better. Your body ended up betraying you as your hips rolled against his hand, chasing the friction.

“That’s what I thought,” his deep voice vibrated against your chest.

Jungkook’s free hand cupped your face to kiss you hungrily. This kiss was all teeth and tongue as he was so desperate to feel your mouth on his. It felt like an eternity ago since you last kissed each other with so much passion and intensity.

Your hands found their way to his pants, fumbling with his belt. If Jungkook was desperate, then you were frenzied. Jungkook helped you to shove his pants down, freeing his cock. His tip was already leaking precum.

“Do you have a condom?” you asked, your eyes completely glued to his shaft standing tall between your bodies.

“No,” he shook his head. “Wasn’t exactly planning on having sex with you in my car,” he chuckled before pressing a kiss on your throat.

For a second, you tried to think, but you couldn’t. The man sitting beneath you was consuming your entire soul. It was impossible to think with his dark and lust-filled gaze on you. You just wanted him to fuck the shit out of you.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

Maybe you shouldn’t. You didn’t know if he had sex with people who had sexually transmitted infections. There were high risks, but you didn’t care, too focused on the pleasure his cock could give you. So you nodded anyway.

Jungkook pushed your panties aside to line himself up, the tip of his cock pressing against your entrance. For a moment, he stayed there, not moving and simply looking at you tremble above him.

This man always loved to tease you, but fuck, this was too much torture for you. You couldn’t handle it.

“Jungkook, please—” you begged.

He instantly slammed you down onto him. The stretch was immediate and overwhelming, and it punched the air from your lungs. It was too much, but too perfect as well.

Your nails dug into his shoulders as you adjusted yourself to the intrusion. Jungkook didn’t move for a while, giving you a moment to adjust to him. He groaned low in his throat, his head falling back against the seat.

The sight of his exposed neck gave you wild ideas, so you leaned down to press a kiss. His arm wrapped around your body, pushing you even closer. Quickly, you found yourself sucking on the skin of his throat, making him groan even more. No doubt, it’d leave a nasty mark.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he gritted out. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock.”

His words made you moan against his skin. When your lips detached from his throat, he started moving, lifting you up and pulling you back down. The two of you started to moan inside his car. His grip on your hips was controlling the pace while your nails dug into his shoulders.

Your entire body was on fire, pleasure coiling tighter and tighter in your core. As it did, you could feel yourself squeezing him more and more, bringing you both closer to the edge.

Slowly but surely, the air became filled with sex and sweat. The windows were completely fogged, and the car was filled with your whimpers, moans, and groans. His free hand was all over your body as if he was memorizing every part of you.

“Shit,” Jungkook hissed.

His pace was punishing at that stage, and your walls were clenching around him like crazy. Since the beginning, your gazes were locked on each other as if you were too scared of what could happen if you looked away. The way he looked at you—like you were the only thing that mattered—made your chest ache.

At this moment, nothing else existed except for the two of you. After all this time, you were finally together. You were his, and he was yours, again. And it felt so right. It felt like you always belonged here.

As he shifted a bit, he hit that spot inside you that made you see stars. His thumb found your clit, rubbing circles when he noticed how you were shaking on top of him. Your orgasm was building as fast as the speed of light, and you knew it’d be a devastating one.

And then, you shattered.

You loudly moan his name, your whole body shaking as pleasure consumed you entirely. Jungkook fucked you through it, and prolonged it until you were an oversensitive mess in his arms. He was also so close.

“I’m going…”

He didn’t even finish his sentence before he came inside you with a guttural moan. His cock pulsed inside you as he filled you with his hot cum. The sensation drove you to heaven. Nobody had ever come inside you after him. Not even Dohwan.

Neither of you moved for a moment, sitting there with your bodies still joined as you tried to calm down your heavy breathing.

After what felt like eternity, you climbed off his lap, wincing at the loss of him. Your legs were shaking as you straightened your dress and rearranged your laced panties.

“We should maybe head back to my place,” you said as you sat next to him.

Needless to say, you continued what started in his car at your place all night long. Having him inside you and between your legs simply felt right. It felt like you always belonged there.

After the very heated night with Jungkook, you woke up next to him in your bed. It felt strange to have him beside you, but it wasn’t bad—actually, it felt great. And let’s just say that you couldn’t resist each other.

Sex with him had always been so intense and fucking good. Resisting him had always been impossible. This man was your weakness.

However, you didn’t stay in bed all day long. Since you always enjoyed going for walks, Jungkook joined you. Holding hands felt simply natural while you were discussing with the brightest smiles on your face.

Being with him after all the chaos was peaceful, but you couldn’t help but notice how things were different this time around. When you were dating him years ago, towards the end, it was evident that he was an absolute mess. He destroyed everything. The man you loved back then wasn’t the right one for you.

Today, he was different in a good way—more mature, more confident, and above all, happier. His smile would light up the world, and his laugh was contagious. Loving him this time felt like the easiest thing in the world.

Nevertheless, a part of you was constantly reminding you that it was different. It was like you were holding onto the past version of him, when that version had destroyed you in more ways than you could express. How could you love that person?

Yes, you loved Jungkook, but not in the same way anymore.

That man had haunted your nights and days for the past few years. It was sometimes almost impossible to get over him, but now that you had him back in your life, it was simply weird.

Obviously, you were torn apart between your heart and mind. Your heart belonged to Jungkook, but your mind ached for Dohwan.

Loving Dohwan was easy and always felt like comfort, but loving Jungkook was complete chaos—a chaos you’d always been desperately attracted to. You were fully aware that things with Jungkook weren’t the healthiest. It was all in the way you ended up with him at that precise moment.

Most of the time, when you reflected on the past, you always saw Jungkook as the right person, but met at the wrong time. Would today be the right time? Well, only time would tell.

You and Jungkook weren’t bad people, not at all. It was simply the way you loved each other that wasn’t ideal. Because even the kindest people can lose themselves in the wrong love. It doesn’t make them toxic—it only means they weren’t with the right person.

At that moment, with his fingers entwined with yours, you refused to think about the future. What mattered was enjoying every second with him, because you knew those moments wouldn’t last eternally.

Jungkook was the right person, but would there ever be a right time?

— author’s note: well, thank you for reading until the end!! this was very different than my usual works but i truly hope you enjoyed it!! don’t hesitate to let me know what you thought of it ❤️❤️

spideyjimin

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#to read #jjk

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