Chronic Melancholy Eats At My Fragile Soul

a space for my madness to flourish 🥀

[moonchildruins]

Might take up ASL

[moonchildruins]

Something I will do before the year comes to a close, is learn how to waltz. There’s something so beautiful about its rhythm, the gentle bounce and sway, the delicate holding of another. The dance itself, the embodiment of spring flowers in bloom. Dewy skin and soft kisses. Sensual and romantic, intimate, intentional. Things I have been craving deeply lately.

[moonchildruins]

When I look back at the past four months, I remember willpower, strength, trust, forgiveness, grief, and greater than all, love.

[vexheart]

[moonchildruins]

8/6/25

To feel so desperately for you right now

Is killing Me

Keep a place for me

I’ll sleep between yall, it’s nothing

This aching is like being chained to an anchor

Slowly sinking

[needtotalkilllisten]

[moonchildruins]

[moonchildruins]

I wish to escape

[moonchildruins]

Realizing I have some truly gut wrenching journal entries I can feel my throat tighten just reading them

[moonchildruins]

June 9, 2025

how sad is it that it’s ended this way. I want to let go more than my heart will allow. I always wanna check on you in some way. Not out of obsession, or maybe it is. Perhaps it’s obsession because i know that you don’t give me much anyway. Makes me understand Jet more in a way. Difference is i wont villainize you but instead understand that my obsession comes from my own childhood trauma and need for validation which isn’t wrong but not ur place to soothe. Bittersweet that’s what it all is. Letting you go but i dont want to. However i know I must. Not sure how to really go about it though if we’re being honest. Never really had feelings like this for someone in awhile. It’s all strange and contradicting. Really was a double homicide today. Finally closed the door with Jet, and closed the door with you too. I cried a lot today, and im sure I have more tears to come when they’re ready. my heart hurts. things never end how we idealize it huh. No matter how hard we try no matter how much we want something

I always look for that little message bubble to pop up hoping , knowing nothing will come of it but my heart still flutters at the thought. Oh how I want to shut you out completely. To preserve my feelings. To make it easier on me. But i know it wouldn’t. And I know it’s selfish of me to think this way. But I can’t bear the pain. It’s eating me from the inside out tearing through every fiber of my being.

i hate letting my emotions talk

I hate that I love someone who’s quite literally so out of alignment with what I know im capable of.

all i want is to talk to you. to spend the day in ur arms, holding ur face, kissing your eyes. I can see your smile so vividly in my mind. The way ur eyes light up when we’d talk. The long and loving gazes, walks with azula. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you. I hate even more that we can’t be together. All I wanna do is be near you. I wish we could grieve this together but I know that would only make the pain more unbearable. I feel lost and stuck. Glued to this damn bed yet another day. Trying to allow my body to take what it needs and cope in the ways it desires and it’s hard. I want to get up and be productive and move on but how can I? the wounds as fresh as they are.

[wordx]

[moonchildruins]

Absolutely

[bebs-art-gallery]

Two Women Kissing in Nature (b. 1859)

— by Georges Rochegrosse

[moonchildruins]

SO MANY THOUGHTS

I CLOSE MY EYES AND YOUR FACE APPEARS

ALL THE GOOD TIMES COME FLOODING

LIKE THE TEARS DOWN MY FACE

I AM HAUNTED BY YOU

[moonchildruins]

I have such profound ways of being and believing, and I’d really like to allow myself to explore that facet of myself confidently

[moonchildruins]

I stay up late simply to ache and yearn

[moonchildruins]

I sit outside

eyes to the late night sky

Scattered with clouds gliding by

All I can think of is you

[moonchildruins]

I am floating