no more human than peace on earth

moon/maya/maddox, she/they/he, 22, plural, wings of fire kin blog. main is @new--moons

[moonsmaxxing]

☆★ pinned ★☆

☆★ about me ★☆

hi! i'm moon/maya/maddox and this is my kin blog (my main is @new--moons). my kin identity is a little bit complex as i'm technically a fictive, but for all intents and purposes i'm kin with moon from wings of fire, and kind of clearsight in a weird confusing way i try not to think too hard about because it has absolutely fried my brain in the past. i also have a few warriors kins, and i may end up posting about that here occasionally, but for the foreseeable future it's a wings of fire kin blog. (you can read my full kin list here.)

i have two different timelines as moon, both of which are very canon-divergent. the important thing about both is that i was raised for the most part on the volcano. while on the volcano, because of my powers, i participated in a lot of things i'm not proud of, interrogations and torture and the like. it wasn't really my choice, and i didn't do everything that was asked of me, but i did do a lot of it. i feel that it's important to mention that here, both as context for my posts going forward and so anyone who might feel uncomfortable with nightwings because of what they did knows i'm not an exception just because my source character was. (there's a longer post sort of roughly outlining both timelines here, if you're curious.)

currently, i plan on mostly posting general thoughts and recollections and maybe a few jokes and memes here and there. i may post more personal memories in the future, but i'm a kind of private person by nature. that said, the point of this blog is partially to force myself to open up some, so i don't mind questions or anything, i just might not want to answer.

i'm not sure where else to put this, but: i write image descriptions any time i post pictures online to make them more accessible, and i'll try to make sure there's a description for any image i reblog. that said, any post with undescribed images will be tagged as "no id". please let me know if there's a better tag, by the way, i've been on and off tumblr for so long that i lose track.

☆★ boundaries ★☆

i do more or less consider myself a nightwing, and am comfortable being referred to as such on this blog. i am not comfortable being referred to with moon's full name under any circumstances. i am definitely not comfortable being referred to as clearsight without explicit permission. you can call me a fictive if it's relevant, but otherwise, i'd prefer to be referred to as kin. (more boundary info here, with a tl;dr if you need it.)

i'm not actively seeking sourcemates, but haven't ruled it out, and would be open to chatting with anyone who comes from a similar timeline, both out of curiosity and because frankly i owe a few dragons apologies for being, just, the hugest bitch. truly unparalleled.

i'm totally okay with doubles, but would prefer that you not joke too much about us being doubles unless i know you well. i don't feel the need to block anyone from interacting based on their kins, but i'd appreciate if any morrowseer keeps their distance- you can interact, just don't get too familiar.

i don't have a specific dni, but i will block people who i catch being bigots or assholes. this includes being racist, islamophobic, antisemitic, zionist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, and so on. i'll also block anyone i see promoting things like pedophilia or zoophilia, participating in harrassment or doxxing campaigns, or outright evangelizing.

i'll also block people who try to dictate who can and can't call themselves queer, plural, or kin without a very compelling reason (see above), but i'm not planning on scouring the blog of everyone who even likes one of my posts because i know i wouldn't be able to catch everything even if i did have the time or energy. (to be as clear as possible, this is an endogenic-safe blog.)

if you aren't kin, a fictive, or similar (it's up to you how you define that), it's okay to interact with my posts, but please be mindful of the fact that they're not really for you. for my part, i'll try to tag properly to avoid breaching containment, but this isn't a fan blog and i'd prefer you not treat it as such.

i don't plan on posting anything nsfw, and would say this is generally a 13+ blog in keeping with tumblr's terms of service, but i would also urge minors to use discretion when it comes to any blog they interact with, especially kin blogs. i was very young on the internet once and i did a lot of very stupid things, and i get it, but seriously why are you people trying to find canonmates at like 14-15 years old, i don't think you grasp the potential consequences of putting incredibly personal details about your canons on the internet. please take a moment to consider how this information can be used against you, especially if it's a part of your spiritual beliefs. be safe !

☆★ content warning ★☆

i don't plan on posting about anything super sensitive in detail at all, but i'll likely mention torture, death, child abuse, and injury in my posts. i'll update this section if anything changes and add content warnings to the beginnings of any posts that will be under a readmore and add a tag to any that won't.

(note: i think it's important to talk about death, and as such i typically don't use euphemisms, aside from sometimes using "passed away" when it feels appropriate. this is non-negotiable.)

i also might post about drugs or while high because i use marijuana both recreationally and medically (it's complicated) and occasionally have weird kin breakthroughs while i'm high off my ass. i'll tag "drug mention" if you want to block out these posts.

anything that stands out to me will be tagged as "cw topic mention" or "cw topic," and please let me know if you think i've missed something!

☆★ credits ★☆

header image - nasa's james webb space telescope

profile picture - pinterest user tallstick

blog title - sin eater by penelope scott

☆★ other links ★☆

tags

[moonsmaxxing]

wow moon for real should not be posting some of this stuff sorry what the fuck though like you don’t need to introduce yourself by listing bad things you did i don’t think. that’s kind of insane behavior

like, okay, example, moon met a guy that scared the shit out of us at a convention because he would just randomly say “i work with rapists and murderers and i hate my life” or like. yell. unprompted. he was wearing a full suit and it was 4 am and he was pressuring us hard to drink. it was a big group in a well lit area but still a little unclear why she continued to hang out, but whatever not the point. it is scary when someone introduces themself that way and maybe she should not be doing that is my point. am i crazy here is this totally unreasonable??

i don’t think this is “leveling the playing field” i think this is just oversharing. i mean like it’s fine to share but in the intro post is crazy. she’s like “okay but certain fictives who did bad things are recognizable by name” and i don’t know how to break it to her that as moon (a literal like 1-4 year old for most of the period in question by the way) she was not actually any more culpable for that shit than clearsight was for …all of that stuff so she already has one of those names in the intro post.

anyway i’m making her rewrite that shit in the morning this is ridiculous. i’m putting it in our planner in non-erasable pen this is serious business.

[moonsmaxxing]

can’t believe i’m saying this but i kind of miss those awful dreams that clearsight would give me. i mean the part where i barely remembered them sucked but that’s kind of how i am now too with all my dreams, not just the important ones. but she was actually remarkably clear in hindsight, i’m supposed to be recording and analyzing my current dreams for my therapist (she’s like… really into jung) and it’s fucking impossible. last night i finally had a dream with a clear message but the fucking message was “stop trying to find the answer in your dreams.” meanwhile clearsight was just like “i don’t approve of your boyfriend so we’re going to spend a few weeks reviewing all the ways this could go horribly wrong” or “you’re making a terrible mistake ignoring this vision so i’m going to start making it worse every night until you get your head out of your ass.” now obviously it rarely worked because i <3 making bad decisions but at least i never had to wonder what my dreams meant

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i was doing so well at not immediately panicking upon seeing any fanworks and then saw some headcanons that honestly upset me due to the way in which they were inaccurate and i’m kind of worried that this may cause a loss of progress. that would be frustrating.

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was kind of worried about reading the new book while i’m in front (i mean i put it off this much) but it turns out i don’t need to worry because q will be in cofront making annoying comments THE ENTIRE TIME .

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using music to process kin stuff is so dangerous, during my phase where i was slowly realizing i was clearsight but in incredibly strong denial i had this much briefer phase during some of the worst of it where i would listen to moonsickness by penelope scott on loop for literally over an hour at a time (do NOT do this) and i would be, like, actively having memories but i wasn’t really ready to deal with that yet so i would say things like “me looping moonsickness is unrelated to anything but general feelings about being a nightwing. it has nothing to do with The Memories. i mean what memories haha who said that” totally unprompted to make myself feel better. and while it is an excellent song for having general feelings about being a nightwing to i can no longer listen to it without thinking about my MONTHS of denial over the clearsight thing. so. that’s fun !

[moonsmaxxing]

i hate sharing a brain with q because i’ll be thinking about how i love my friends and they made me a better person and literally out of nowhere, like i did not even know he was awake, he says some shit like “wow that’s so shonen of you” … we don’t even watch anime or read manga or anything this genre is almost entirely irrelevant to our life why are you using these words. fuck that actually where are you learning these words

[moonsmaxxing]

obviously everyone is a mosaic of everyone they ever loved or whatever but i don’t think i was totally prepared for what that means when you’re a mind reader… it took me a while to figure it out but i mirrored all my friends SO BAD. i didn’t really notice it so much in the first two timelines because i had like three friends including my mother but in this new one i was constantly doing it (and my friends loved to call me on it), it was worst right after hanging out with someone one-on-one or for a long time and it would even happen if someone had skyfire, it just took a bit longer to get attuned to them. like there was “oops i’m cursing a little more because i was around dragons who curse a lot” and then there was “okay wow so that was a really uncharacteristically creative use of those words and also you really cannot say any of them in class you do know that right” (i did know that and i did not know i was going to say all that until i said it and please believe i am even more embarrassed than you are)

BUT it is kind of nice now because i’ll have a particularly vivid memory of someone and catch myself mirroring them and it’s a little bittersweet but it’s nice to remember all the little habits that made up my world. even the bad habits kind of make me smile. and it’s fun seeing how it adjusts itself to my current abilities… i don’t know i like seeing evidence of those i loved in my surroundings – my art and my impulse buys and all my other whims all have these little flickers of them woven in and it’s nice :3

[moonsmaxxing]

have already gotten through my list of practical concerns, now annoyed that my sudden surge of memories means that i have to name ANOTHER stupid timeline

[moonsmaxxing]

also, every new thing i learn about it makes the whole ordeal worse. i was so paranoid that i didn’t ever feel like i had privacy in my own head and so ungarbling any memory is incredibly difficult and then once i have it all worked out i have to reckon with the fact that i have never made a non-embarrassing decision in any life. and the only person i feel comfortable discussing this stuff with is our sibling who is EXTREMELY comfortable making fun of me, which is fine and actually quite refreshing, but like, it does make it awkward to tell them about these things.

anyways i can officially confirm that i have a timeline that actually kind of resembles canon. there’s some kind of difference early in my life (as always) but i haven’t been able to figure out what and it actually might be 2 or 3 somewhat similar timelines the same way the first two timelines are sort of tied together extra closely but the general gist of that period of my life seems to be very close to canon.

anyways. while the whole thing is very embarrassing and awkward it is also kind of nice. like, i had all these opinions that weren’t really tied to anything and suddenly they make more sense? and it’s really nice being able to look back and see how everything fits together. and i love being able to rely on canon a bit more heavily to figure things out. it kind of drives q crazy knowing there’s a canon that’s so similar to his own that he can be wrong about things without noticing but i’m more comfortable being wrong especially when i’m partly right and i’m also just so sick of trying to figure out a canon that does not resemble “the” canon in any way. i mean like a part of why i feel so awkward in kin spaces is that it genuinely feels like false advertising to call myself by my own name. i always thought “well i am moon but i’m not… that moon.” and i mean i’m still not. the person who i am is heavily informed by so many different lives. but it is kind of nice to not feel like a total imposter because i actually remember more of the dragons who are likely to have given a shit about me.

except now i have to go through the whole process of being wrong about things over and over until i finally find my footing and stuff. again. i guess i should probably just feel grateful that this only happens to me every two years on average (some people have to have life-changing kin epiphanies on a monthly basis. i would simply die) but like it’s still annoying that i can’t just do it once and have it be over with. i kind of- okay i actually don’t have better things to worry about now that i’m not in school but i’d like to !!

[moonsmaxxing]

have already gotten through my list of practical concerns, now annoyed that my sudden surge of memories means that i have to name ANOTHER stupid timeline

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girls will be like no i don’t kin that character and then spend like an hour looping a random song from a kid’s show because it’s the only song my roommate was in and i miss her. and clearly the fact that i call her my roommate and say i miss her means absolutely nothing because of the fact that i obviously do not kin the character. duh

[moonsmaxxing]

i know this blog is steadily devolving to just like a personal account where i occasionally mention kin stuff and i’m sorry about that but my personal and inner life is in turmoil and it’s heavily affecting this aspect of me. anyways i swear to god if the clearsight part of me becomes a separate alter i will find some way to move out i can’t deal with that right now

[moonsmaxxing]

hi it’s river i’ve been remembering more stuff and i think we kind of have to consider me a moon fictive because of the fact that i split directly off of one and seem to be more heavily tied to those timelines than anything else but that means we’re now effectively 66.7% fictives of the same fucking character. how does this shit keep happening to us

[moonsmaxxing]

i know we’re a tiny tiny demographic and this will never happen but i think we should round up all the nightwing kin/fictives/etc (and whoever else wants to come why the fuck not. what is there to be gained from more isolation) and go out to the woods and stargaze together

[moonsmaxxing]

so it turns out i just permanently associate october with the time two years ago when i was doing pretty rough a month after covid with like constant migraines and i took a poorly dosed apparently-homemade edible and had a mental breakdown where i basically just berated myself for an hour and afterwards was like Alright yeah fine i guess i’m clearsight. because this is the second year where i’ve had a lot of really confusing stuff surface and then realized it was that time of year again. to be clear: that is two out of two years after this originally happened.

[moonsmaxxing]

do you ever get mad that colors look different now. not like… that different. but they do look different.

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it’s really unfortunate how often eugenics comes up when i’m trying to write a blog post. i’m always kind of like yeah i don’t know if i should dump this on my followers because thinking about it doesn’t feel great so maybe i should keep this in drafts. and then i never share anything because i feel awkward about everything haha