Livlig Avliden @moonstruck-mess - Tumblr Blog

A lot has happened. I fell in love - and out if it. Tried to drown the hurt with alcohol. Just to feel anything. It worked for a little while, but long term? Not the best idea. At least I survived the wounds that I never thought I would survive. The shards of my broken heart cut open my intestines. I could literally taste the blood. I had to re-learn to eat properly, sleep alone and mostly to love myself. Choosing myself over anyone was the hardest thing to do. But here I am. You would not recognize me again and that is the biggest win for me.

well well well it's been a while.

I cannot wait to see the world.

I knew that I liked you when someone flirted with me heavily and I had only you on my mind. I realized that I liked you alot when I fucked your best friend and I knew that I caught feelings for you because it was okay with you and we were all together when it happened.

#F

There's this desire. The desire to be loved, just for who I am. But how. How can I believe in the love, someone has for me when I don't think I deserve it? I don't even know if I love myself truly. What's the point of it. I want to believe it. I really do. But I don't want to be a burden to anyone who has to convince me that I am loveable. That I am enough. Because I am and I know this. It's just that I tend to forget alot of things. Especially the positive ones.

#the downward spiral

And then you appeared.

#F

Just start. Even though before you know how.

#inspirational quotes

There may be something wrong with you and it always has been. You got disrespected all the time. But I don't blame you. I disrespect myself so much that I let things happen to you over and over again. You did not deserve any of this and I'm sorry. I'm deeply, deeply sorry and I'm trying to make this body a nice, safe home. For us both. I don't really say this very often, but I love you. I love you. So much. Thank you, for everything. I'm sorry.

#way down we go #abandoned place

Whatever it is, let it out before it gets to your guts.

sainticides

I tend to destroy everything I love, sooner or later - big time. Why am I doing it? Don't know. Maybe to see if it could hold me at my worst. In the end it's just me anyways, but having some companions on the way sounds lovely. But maybe I'm better off alone. For my own sake and for the other's.

#way down we go

Think of it. Allow yourself to lie in it.

It's gonna be real and it's gonna be good.

The sun went down and it felt like there's never gonna be a day ever again. And it was night. For a long long time. But the sun has risen again and it presented me the most beautiful, peaceful day I could've ever asked for.