History of all of Tyria or something, Volume 1.
Alternatively: Guild Wars, Wurtz’d
So there’s a planet floating in somewhere that’s called Tyria. It’s got Dragons. but nothing much is going on so they’re all asleep.
There are a bunch of people on Tyria (the continent. yeah I should mention that one of the continents is also called Tyria.) and they’re hanging out and having a grand old time.
The Jotun are 🎵Looking At Stars🎵 and building huge rocks. With runes on them. Runestones. They’re friends with the Seers, who are floaty snake-looking dudes. Nobody knows why they’re called that.
Also there are other snake people called the Forgotten (but only later because people forgot and now nobody knows what they were really called), and some -Underground Friends- called the dwarves. The dwarves have big underground cities in the ⛰Depths Of Tyria⛰, and are digging holes all day.
The seers don’t really get along with these other dudes to the north called Mursaat. The Mursaat can also do some magic and they’re pretty chill. But like I said, they don’t get along with the seers.
🎵‼️The Dragons Are Waking Up‼️🎵
Well shit. Now the dragons are awake and they’ve decided that their favorite breakfast would be ⚡️🔥Armageddon🔥⚡️.
The dragons are eating everyone’s magic and killing things to get the magic inside them. The seers don’t like this and together with their friends they hatch a Cunning Plan™. A plan that’s So Crazy It Just Might Work.
So they decide that the only way to Save The World (insert Undertale Music) is to gather All The Magic, Ever into a big rock and hide it from the Elder Dragons. They used some blood to make it too and called it the Bloodstone.
So the Dwarves, Jotun, Seers and Forgotten all heard about the plan and said “hey yeah this plan is So Crazy It Just Might Work, we’ll go along with it.” And they put all their magic into the Bloodstone. So now the dragons can’t find it. Take that, dragons.
But the Mursaat aren’t okay with that. “We don’t have to give you magic,” they said. “We don’t have to do anything you say.” And they took a whole city and just Went. Where did they go?
They found a crazy SPIRIT PLACE called the 🎵Mists🎵
And the dragons ate, and ate, and ate, until there was no magic left.
(But they never found the Bloodstone.)
“Well this sucks,” thought the dragons. “Now there’s nothing happening again.”
So they went back to sleep.💤
The seers kind of died and the dwarves are still scared of ☀️Natural Light☀️ so the Jotun and Forgotten just have to pick up the pieces I guess.
Then one day, six dudes come out of the Mists. Well, three dudes and three girls actually but they just sort of appeared like “Now what?”
These are Dwayne, Lyssa, Abbadon, Melandru, Doom and Balthazar. Balthazar brought his dad’s head for some reason. Oh, and his brother wants it back. Anyway they plop down another species on Tyria and now we have ❌AN INFESTATION❌ sorry no we actually have Humans.
The humans are really impressed. “Wow,” they said. “We’re here. We weren’t anywhere before, or maybe we were somewhere, but now we’re here.” And they call the six… uh… the six dudes that brought them here. They call them gods.
So now the humans are hanging out around the place and The Six start picking up all the magic things they can find. They take them all to this huge city called Arah which might actually be Rl'yeh nobody’s sure. And one of the things they find is… can you guess?
💉The Bloodstone💉.
So the humans all get up and say, “Hey this Bloodstone thing has some Crazy Magic in it that we want. Can we use it?”
And the Six made a Bad Decision™ and said “Sure.”
So all the humans start learning magic except now they’re killing each other with it because humans. They have a king called 👑Doric👑, and he sees all this happening and runs to the gods like ~Holy shiiit guys you gotta help~.
“😐Okay😐.” Said the gods. And they took Doric’s blood and used it to break the Bloodstone into five pieces. Four of them have a Fuckton of magic in, and that means magic is now split into four types. Why? Because I said so.
The four types are Aggression, Preservation, Destruction and Denial. What do those mean? 🎶Who knows🎶. The fifth piece is the Keystone, which you gotta have to put the Bloodstone back together. You know, in case that needs to become a thing.
Anyway the gods put the Bloodstones in a volcano, because it is 🔥Hot🔥 and nobody can get them that way.
🎵And the Bloodstones go places🎵.
Some of them land in the Jungle, and the Mountains, and one stays in the same general area as the volcano. The other two could be 🙃anywhere🙃.
But now the humans have a kingdom in the continent of Orr, with Arah as the capitol. Yaaaaay~. Oh, and somewhere in there Dhuum got usurped by some guy called Grenth. Who is now the god of death in his stead. And is Better™. He puts Dhuum in the Underworld and has his six best friends called The Reapers keep him there.
Balthazar wants to Make Tyria Great Again, so he tells his followers to go make another kingdom of humans in Ascalon. Except in the meantime since the dragons went to sleep Evolution has been happening and there are massive fuzzy cat people called Charr there now.
Guess how they like their meat.
(Medium rare.)
“No problem,” Says Balthazar. “The humans can do it, they’ll be fine.”
And he was almost right. The Charr do get driven back Up North to their homelands, but they’ve got a grudge now. And now the new royal family of Ascalon makes Ascalon Great Again and builds a wall. Bigger Than Any Other Wall, Ever™.
But Speaking of the Charr, they’ve got a problem. Their big leader the Khan-Ur just died. And all four of his kids want to be the next Khan-Ur. They each have their legions behind them too. The Iron legion does machines, the blood legion does fighting, the ash legion does Edge, and the flame legion does religion.
You’ll never guess who eventually takes over.
The flame legion of course, using the power of THEIR gods, the Titans. Keep an eye out for them later.
Also, new shit is happening underground. There are Skritt, who get super smart but only when they’re together. There are also some Weird Shark Goblins who are also super smart. And they’re starting to learn a lot about magic.
Meanwhile the humans have crossed the mountains and fought with the dwarves who lived there, so they could kill all the centaurs and take their home in ~Kryta~. How original.
So the Charr are planning revenge, the Humans are doing Great™, and the dwarves are still mining. Also, way, way in the north, the norn happened. Nobody’s really sure how. But they’ve got Nature Spirits and Fursuits, so they’re probably okay to talk to at least.
You’d never think it could all go wrong. But it did. How?
Find out next time on another installment of History of all of Tyria or something!
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