cannibalistic

He traces road maps of blue veins on my skin, talks about how hungry I make him, that he'd eat me if he could. I wordlessly offer him my arm. Go ahead. He gives it only a soft-mouthed bite, but I would probably let him tear me apart, I'd let him do anything. [ content warning ]

[moreferarum]

kieran didn't expect joshua to stop them and they didn't have much time to relax before josh pulled them back , enveloping them into a hug . they didn't want to soften because of the hug or because of what he said . it was easier to keep a distance between them -- to keep joshua at a distance . kieran watched when he stepped back and turned to walk away . they didn't think much of it as they stepped forward this time , reaching for josh and pulling him back before their hands raised to cup his jaw , coaxing him into a kiss .

[morendodifame]

joshua was surprised when he felt kieran reach for him, he turned back, expecting a fight, but he got the exact opposite. he immediately lifted his hands up, cupping their jaw and returning the kiss with intense enthusiasm. he'd never realised how badly he needed to kiss them, until their lips met. josh was well aware that they could be seen, but he didn't care. it was kieran, and he sure as hell wouldn't be the first to pull away.

[moreferarum]

" at least it's something , " kieran pointed out as they looked back at joshua . they didn't want to unpack what happened back there and it seemed easier to look on the bright side . they moved to hope out of the car , eventually raising their gaze to look back at the other nodding their head , " take care of yourself . " kieran's gaze lingered for a moment before they shut the car door , turning to head up the path toward the porch .

[morendodifame]

joshua smiled, " you too. " he watched as kieran made their way up the path and blew out a sigh, mumbling a quiet fuck it, before climbing out of the car. he rushed up the path and took kieran's hand, then pulled them back. he seemed to hesitate for a brief moment, then pulled them into a hug, " I'm so sorry for what I did to you, and I still have the biggest crush on you. jamie's very lucky to have you. " he squeezed them, then stepped back, nodding once and turning to walk away, he just had to say it.

[moreferarum]

it wasn't as if josh was exactly wrong about that . they didn't have a reason to really see each other unless it came to their siblings . kieran sucked in a breath as they nodded their head , " you're welcome , " they spoke , glancing back at josh before shrugging , " just figured you woudn't want to do it alone . "

[morendodifame]

josh shook his head, sighing softly, " I don't think I'd have done it at all, to be honest, but I'm glad I got some things for riley. " he looked back at kieran and gave them a small smile, " goodbye, kie. "

[moreferarum]

kieran tilted their head , " then why are you saying it ? " they perked a brow as they looked back at their brother . " i just don't think it matters . i'm going to leave town and probably never see him again . "

[morendodifame]

" not never, kie, riley is your friend too, " he objected, then shifted, shrugging, " plus if I ever convince quin to marry me, I'd probably invite him to the wedding. what are you gonna do? blow off your baby brothers wedding? " he teased with a grin, " I just don't think it's healthy to hold his childhood against him, that's all. "

[moreferarum]

" i don't think it would take much convincing to get him to leave . " they glanced back at joshua . " i just never asked before . " then again , kieran never thought things would pick up again and there was nothing they could say or think of to expain away what happened .

[morendodifame]

he hummed softly, " good... " joshua rubbed his lips together, pulling into gabriel's street. " so, it's not likely I'll see you again, at least not until riley gets married, I bet. " josh gave them a small smile, " I don't care that it's not mutual, but I'm glad I got to see you, and I'm-- grateful for what you did today. "

[moreferarum]

maybe they were a little relieved that matteo switched subjects although they wished he had chosen a better one . " yeah , " kieran breathed out , glancing at matteo before shrugging , " didn't exactly go well . "

[morendodifame]

matteo hummed, " didn't imagine it would, and you know, I never did get what you saw in him, but-- he's really not that person anymore. " he shrugged, " not that I'm encouraging you to forgive him but... just so you know. "

[moreferarum]

kieran found themself chuckling at that , " yeah , he did . awkward . " although kieran had been used to it then and they were more than used to it now . " it is cute though . i'm just glad he has someone here even if it's nothing serious . "

[morendodifame]

he laughed, shrugging his shoulders, " I don't know, " josh murmured, " it's nice, but-- I'm not leaving dakota here. " he looked to kieran, " but you're not gonna leave your dad here either, right? "

[moreferarum]

" yeah , " kieran breathed , " that was a bit of a ... wild time , " they looked back at matteo wondering how much he remembered from that . " you did but ... i don't know . you were fixated and you chose a creepy ass white person name for him . "

[morendodifame]

he grinned, " yeah, that sounds like something I'd do, " he didn't remember much at all from his childhood, only that kieran and riley were his whole word. he also knew there was trauma, but he'd thankfully blocked it out and he and kieran never discussed it. he rested his head on his shoulder, " I heard you saw josh at the bar. "

[moreferarum]

kieran perked a brow at the mention of chauncey as they fell into a seat . " uh , " kieran hummed as if they were trying to think . " i mean , we did grow up around a lot of white people . " they tilted their head to the side , " why ? "

[morendodifame]

matteo shrugged nonchalantly, " I drew him on my bedroom wall, " he grimaced, " never thought I was that kid with the stuffed animal best friend, I had riley my whole life. " he picked a fry from kieran's plate, " still, a weird name. "

[morendodifame]

" so, where did I pull the name chauncey from? " matteo decided to ask as they sat around gabe's living room. he was at work but matteo had always took every opportunity to hang out here growing up, he wasn't really ever going to change that. he took a sip from his drink and looked up at his brother, " kind of a weird, white ass name for a teddy bear. " @moreferarum

[moreferarum]

" he's good , " kieran hummed with a small smile . " i mean , i think he's found a bit of a friend in dakota but i haven't pressed him on it . " they wondered if joshua and dakota have had a chance to talk since being back in town .

[morendodifame]

josh hummed, he knew all about the friendship that dakota shared with gabriel. it wasn't often that someone got to kiss their dream guy, but josh didn't mention that either. he smiled, " kinda cute, don't ya think? " maybe he shouldn't have said it, " I mean, dakota always had it bad for your old man when we were kids. "

[moreferarum]

the two fell into a silence once they got into the car , kieran's gaze out the window again . maybe it was a little bitter sweet . they knew if they were teenagers again that joshua's confession would have meant the world to them but they weren't teenagers anymore . kieran eventually looked back at joshua , " oh , with my dad . things are weird with my mom , " they spoke with a wave of their hand. things had always been weird .

[morendodifame]

he nodded, a faint smile on his lips, " how is your dad? " gabriel was a good man, one of the best really, and he'd always be grateful for everything he did for josh and riley when they were trying to get away from luke. josh head for the familiar house, wondering if gabe had ever shared that information with kieran-- probably not.

[moreferarum]

kieran swallowed the lump in their throat as they looked away from joshua in a weak attempt to keep him from seeing the tears in their eyes . they understood , maybe more so now than they did before but it still hurt and kieran didn't want to go back to being that kid that took everything joshua said to heart . " okay , " they eventually spoke as they shifted to go back toward the car , " thank you . "

[morendodifame]

he glanced back at them, frowning when he noticed the sadness in their eyes, but considering how quickly they turned away, josh didn't comment on it. he made his way towards the car again and climbed inside, saying nothing for the remainder of the journey. he stopped at a crossroads and frowned, " oh, are you with your mom or dad? "

[moreferarum]

the two didn't hesitate to get into the car and were quick to fall into a silence . kieran kept their gaze out the car window . they knew they needed to get out of this town -- all of them did . they were lost in their own thoughts until josh stopped the car and kieran noticed where they were . kieran was hesitant but eventually got out the car and slowly approached the other . they watched him for a moment before their eyes fell down to the carvings on the bridge . " why are you telling me this now ? "

[morendodifame]

joshua sighed softly, shaking his head, " because I don't know that I'll ever see you again, and I guess-- " he shook his head, " hearing my dad just reminds me of being a kid who was too scared to do anything about it. I tried to tell you exactly here before, then I saw my dad's truck and I just-- did a bad thing. " he looked back at kieran, " I'm sorry. if I could go back in time, I would never have hurt you. I never wanted to, it just felt easier. " he moved back towards the car, shrugging, " I just wanted you to know that you had a crush on me, I know that, but it was very much mutual. "

[moreferarum]

neither of them wanted to say it out loud so they didn't . maybe speaking out loud would make it true and that was the last thing kieran wanted . it was just best to get out of town and never look back . maybe if it was happening again , kieran could convince their dad to move . kieran sucked in a breath , nodding their head , " please , " they murmured before moving to follow after josh .

[morendodifame]

josh unlocked his car, tossed the album into the backseat, his hands still trembling slightly, before climbing into the drivers seat. josh blew out a sigh as they drove away from the house. he hadn't felt that scared in years and he hated it. he needed to get riley out of this town, and dakota, immediately. they reached the bridge and josh frowned, " I need you to see something, and it doesn't matter anymore, I know, I'm happy for you and your fiance, I am -- but... " he pulled over at the bridge and cut the engine, climbing out. his eyes scanned the posts until he found the one he'd marked on his last day in town. kieran was long gone since then. their initials carved into a poorly drawn heart. he pursed his lips, " I've loved you since I was twelve years old. "

[moreferarum]

kieran could feel josh shaking under their fingers and they could only hope their touch let alone their words had managed to calm him some . they kept their eyes on joshua and seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief when the other nodded his head . their own eyes raised back toward the house . they wanted to argue but how could they ? kieran chewed on their bottom lip . was this happening again ? " do what have you to do , " kieran murmured after a moment , " then get out of town and don't look back . "

[morendodifame]

the colour drained from josh's face when he realised what kieran was saying. he hadn't really thought about it for years, as strange as it seemed. it felt impossible now, to be able to forget what they went through. sure, josh was aware that there was a summer where they all almost died, the summer matthias died, but josh didn't remember the details until kieran said those words. he didn't dare ask if it was happening again, as if speaking the words would be enough to piss the thing off. he wiped a hand down his face and nodded, moving towards his car, " you need a ride? "

[moreferarum]

the moment joshua took their hand , they didn't hesitate to exit the living room . the only thing on kieran's mind was to get the hell out of that house . they didn't stop until after they had moved through the gate again , looking back toward the house . nothing looked different . no one came after them . the front door was firmly shut . what the hell was that ?

they were snapped out of their thoughts as they looked back at joshua , concern on kieran's features . " hey , " they breathed out , resting their hands on joshua's shoulders , " it's okay , alright ? you're safe . "

[morendodifame]

josh couldn't seem to focus, couldn't seem to do anything, terror had worked its way to his core and he didn't really notice his shaking until he felt the steady weight of kieran's hands on his shoulders. their voice rang clear over everything else and he held their gaze as his breathing gradually slowed.

he was quiet for a while, then eventually nodded his head. his chest ached from anxiety, but at least he was breathing somewhat evenly again. josh slowly turned, looking up at the house, " that was my dad... that was him. "