Morgana Ophelia

Daily/Nightly ramblings in poetic form. ***************************** Feel free to ask me questions.

[morganaophelia]

The big world of tiny heartbreaks

There were these images not quite settled yet of a place where you and I became us

Of your hand in mine holding on tight to climb the oncoming cliffs’ edge

Your stuff and mine intermingled books and records in a storm

I had built a world for you to fit into my head a special place for you in my chest

But she has steadier hands than I will ever have will climb walls alone to reach you at the top

This is just a small crack in a heart not fully yours barely noticeable above my joy

For your eternal happiness I will deal with this

Alone

[morganaophelia]

In consideration of Home

People talk to me

Like I am stranded

In foreign lands

On my way out

“When are you going home?”

Gets asked over and over

With no consideration

Of what home means to me

Home is not having to be small

Or invisible in a space

Allowing myself the room to breath

Without fear of breaking

It is not my homeland

Or the house my family lives in

As they would rather

I didn’t come to join them

It is not found

In my mother tongue

In the flat green colours

Of the unending horizons

It is not seen

On city streets

Filled with stores

Where the people know me

Home is nowhere

Home is ‘not here’

Home is disappeared 

There is no place home

[morganaophelia]

Pale blue history

Time is a peculiar thing Moving constantly but feeling static The white noise in the background Of simply living life

It flows from hours to days and weeks Holds you captive in its arms When the past catches up And embraces you too tightly Squeezing air out of your lungs Waiting for you to catch up With passing moments feeling longer And shorter depending on the day

I've gotten lost among the stars Where the past still burns bright Lighting up our world with living history Showing us we are still home in the universe I've imagined the clouds blocking our way Reflecting city lights instead Showing houses and streets close to home Where time passes every night

Sunshine comes through Day by day one after another and another and another Holding steady as the future comes We know our blazing star will rise come morning

The future and the past are sharing the same sky Behind the pale blue history rolls on But on our planet of water and sand Tomorrow is not yet written in stone

[morganaophelia]

Deep Space

I know these are the hard days where everything seems to be falling down And every step takes you further from your beloved and the ground on which your seeds where sown 

I know these days are rough around the edges and the middle when paper crumbles and creases remains no matter how often you flatten them out

I know the days are difficult to get through and get by, get over, get under as the weight of memories and aspirations pushes you further and further from the mountain 

It’s the long strides that you once had walking beside you no longer remaining It’s the faded photographs that are slowly losing definition It’s the songs played on a guitar too heavy for your head and hands It’s not being able to remember the laugh, the voice once so strong

These are the days the world seems darker light sucked from the atmosphere It’s deep space where no sound is created and anybody can gets lost.

[morganaophelia]

Standing still

I've lost Momentum Movement Stilled 

I've lost My battle My war Quiet

I'm standing still On moving ground Looking up At the clouds 

[morganaophelia]

I'll write

It's become easier To read the words Of others Than to write my own They are telling me How to feel A deep grief My lines can not define I've gotten lost again In unbroken sentences With low rhythms Lost in breathing This is an apology To my creativity A calm call To my muse Once again I'll write Broken notes In broken rhyme

[morganaophelia]

Time

I am now feeling The ticking of the clock Against my ribs And in my skin Every heartbeat Closer to the last Every breath Takes me further The weight of age Clings to my feet Heavy steps Toward the future I am nothing yet Nothing I will be When time has passed Over me The one commodity We will always loose Is the one we want Most of all

[morganaophelia]

Silently yelling

I've longed to Disappear Into the air To be nothing Let me not walk On this ground But instead let me Leave this town I don't want to Be here Involuntarily echoes on Trapped in my head I will yell back I'M STILL HERE Until my mind Is once again quiet

[morganaophelia]

Memories (I should be over this)

It seems like My forgotten memories Are closer to me Than what I should remember I'm allowed My sympathy For those Left behind It's the heavy Heartbeats In the cage Of my chest A missing voice In silent repetition Written letters No longer on paper I should be over this by now

[morganaophelia]

Note to self

I exist But feel like Fading away In thin air I will run Far from here To escape Being me Let me step outside Pick out my cloud Look at the ledge And wonder if I'd float I stand still On solid ground Anchored down By living responsibly  Note to self: I exist I still exist I'm still here

[morganaophelia]

Cinema light

I've gotten used To your tired eyes In early morning Cinema light But away you go To real life Leaving me Behind There she is Waiting for us To appear again For extra hugs I'm not sure If I'm the right one To talk to her When you're away Please come back So we can sit In easy silence In cinema light

[morganaophelia]

Back home he speaks

I'm glad to see Your face again Even if distorted By camera lens Your words stutter Through our  Bad connection Getting lost It's been too long Without your smile And tired eyes Blinking back at me I'm sorry for not taking Enough time To tell you whole stories Of my life

[morganaophelia]

She used to be

She did not Use to be the Way she is Now Her eyes gleamed In darkness Ready to strike In a moment's notice Now she stands Ever so still Dull eyed look Over streaming water Her firey hair Made her a target For new opportunities And moments notice She's grey now In old photographs Left behind the past Clinging to the present She used to look Like a skyscraper tall Until her fall Back down to us

[morganaophelia]

Editing room

Fleeting images Fill my head To be ordered Into telling a story Moving on From one scene Rhythm lingers Sound rushes Faster and faster Flashing lights Fleeting images Passing by

[morganaophelia]

Worrier

To do lists On the counter Planning hanging On the wall

Applications To keep track Of traveling And bodily functions

Online courses Internships Course representative Volunteer

Well prepared Lecture notes Backups of backups Script draft four

Perfect grammar Text messages Late night movies No alcohol

Sunglasses Scarves and gloves Winter coats Rain poncho

Laundry done Collected plastic bags Drying dishes Vacuum cleaned

(Am I good enough yet?) (Will this get it done?) (Control freak) (Worrier)

[morganaophelia]

Learning myself

Learning myself Is losing grip Of thight control And high strung nerves Letting others do Some of the work Instead of taking It all for myself This is not just me Having issues But others not Speaking up It's the silence That forever follows When my words Have been said Being more me Is silently listening To what they Have to say

[morganaophelia]

Apologies to my body

I regret to tell you It's not going well Your headache is Your own wrongdoing You've been born Into a body That bleeds Once a month You should be sorry For take more Thought than you Have been eating food I've been informed That you've elected To think you are Fat and ugly again You should be Ashamed of yourself Apologise to your Imperfect skin Feel sorry For your hands That carry your love Even when burned I apologise For ever thinking My body wasn't Good enough