Whoops

God Bless this Hot Mess

[craved-deactivated20230908]

— What is your problem? — Who knows, I have so many.

Daniel C. L. (via the-cuddling)

[modenfamily]

[pettyrevenge]

I work at a large university, where there are many employees, and, obviously, many parking garages. The one that’s closest to my office has six stories, with stairs and an elevator right next to the stairs.

This morning, when I had to park on the top floor, I went to go walk down the stairs and head to the office. There was a man standing there waiting for the elevator. I usually would just take the stairs down, but the elevator happened to arrive just in time for me to take it down–or so I thought. This douche got in the elevator, MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME as I kind of jogged to the door, and just let it close in front of my face.

As this particular lack of courtesy is close to the top of my “Things That Really Piss Me Off” list, I hurried down the stairs and hit the “down” button on every single god damned floor.

Hope you had a nice, slow ride down. Dick.

[shopivoryella]

This is too cute 😊😊😊 #GOALS 🐘💕🙌

[jigglypuffsvevo]

blastortoise:

Chris Evans really gives off the “I have a big dick but I don’t brag about it” aura and I’m about that

[cull3nblaze]

Most fairy tales in their original form were gruesome to the extreme…

[naik2seki]

[cleverliam-deactivated20160711]

prostituteryan

I LOOKED UP CACTUS PUNS

[reinventedross]

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

[sassy-spoon]

BUT YOU GUYS CACTI IS PLURAL AND CACTUS IS THE SINGULAR FORM SO THEY’RE LITERALLY SAYING THEY’RE READY TO BE SINGLE YOU GUYS ARE FAWNING OVER THE CRUMBLING RELATIONSHIP OF DESERT FLORA

[cravings]

do you ever just stop and realize that you could’ve been a period

[pinch]

no but now I will thank you

[friendlyneighbourhoodpizzaman]

Jesus fuck okay so I’m a waitress at this restaurant that’s open really late and it’s nearly 1am and this family comes in and I’m so tired that I handed their BLIND SON a menu and he’s like “ah… thank you… I’ll just… read this” in a serious voice and I fucking snorted

[friendlyneighbourhoodpizzaman]

GOD DAMN IT I PUT THEIR FUCKING FOOD DOWN AND NO ONE WAS TALKING SO THIS LIL SHIT FUCKING EXCLAIMS “WELL IT LOOKS DELICIOUS” I LOVE THIS FUCKING KID

[snakedead]

[clarkegrffiin-blog]

[avatarjason]

SLAYAGE OF THE CENTURY DAMNNNNNNNNNNNN…

[lovel-ylesbian-blog]

This will never not be great

[hermionejg-deactivated20200701]

Do one thing every day that scares you you’ve been putting off because it’s an annoying menial task that would take minimal energy but thinking about doing it sucks the very life from your flesh until you are a sad bag of mushrooms with no opposable thumbs and you’re filled with frustration at yourself for avoiding the task. DO THAT THING. You will feel magical and powerful.

[adailymirror]

I Am From.

I am from darkness at 3 a.m., awake while the world is asleep. Books and flashlights, sheets and dark streets, up and alive. Staring at the ceiling is never easy, reading is better. Walking alone is never easy, walking together is better. With a friend every dark shadow becomes light. I am from an arbitrary block of lines and property. Jeremy told me to say that. I think he means house. Yes, I am from a house. Not a home. Not my own. Just a set of bricks and lumber and fabrics that restrain. Brick houses are not for the strong-willed. I am from all night long emergency room visits. They say that strokes are what keep you swimming, but my strokes threaten to make me sink. I knew I’d spent too much time at the hospital when I began to hear MRI machines in my sleep. I am from a pair of metal swings on a January afternoon. We swung as high as our spirits, forgetting everything else. He played me music and wrote me poems. It would have worked in theory, but you should never trust a boy who writes about you.

[aiden-christopher]

I Am From I am from sunny morning on the beach Smelling of salt water and sunscreen From sand between my toes and in my hair Running around by the water Screeching with joy And splashing in the water until my skin wrinkled like a raisin I am from barefoot hikes through the woods From the natural beauty of this world From drinking from streams Smelling the pine trees And feeling the fresh clean breeze rush through my hair I am from my family From my father and mother From both of my younger sisters I am from inside jokes that make me fall over with laughter From road trips, flights, and train rides From Taco Wednesdays and trips out to Foleys I am from my grandmother From coffee cake and angel pie I am from her kind words and caring smile I am from my aunt From long hugs and writing workshops From her attentive listening and wondering eyes I am from the love and support that they give me each day I am from behind the hostess stand And my spot at the cash register From camp counseling And student teaching I am from customer service jobs and helping people I am from my Gender and Sexuality Studies classes From studying the things that I’m passionate about And learning how to change the world I am from my friends My co-workers My classmates Even strangers passing by on the street I am from everyone and everything around me And I wouldn’t change that for the world

A.C.M. (via amanda-colleen)

[tickticktocktime]

No, I’m not the girl that’s going to break your heart with my beauty. I’m not the type of person to go get hammered every night while partying with ‘friends’, because that’s not my idea of fun. I’m not going to make you crave my touch or be unable to breathe without our skin on each other. But I promise you I will always reply to your texts. I’ll pick you up from that party at 2 am because you care about me enough to ask for a ride rather than risk your life and drive. I’ll be in my sweats, glasses and messy bun on Sunday mornings, and you’re always welcome for chocolate chip pancakes. I’m not going to wear makeup to impress you, or short shorts to make your lungs race. I’m the type of girl who would rather watch movies than go out on fancy dates. I’ll be by your side from everything from your goldfish dying to missing your mom when you leave for college. My mind will always wander to you, and how you treat me. I hope you treat me right. I deserve that. I’ll write poems about you that I never show you, because they’re my most personal thoughts. Know you are always welcome to read them; they’re everything I think of you. So, I won’t be the girl that breaks your heart or stops your breath. But I promise I will love you with every bone in my body and every breath I breathe. I hope you promise, too. I’m worth that much.

the right one will love you anyway, no matter what (Excerpts From The Book I’ll Never Write) via tickticktocktime (via tickticktocktime)

[aibaaina]

We are both big fans of Ingrid Michelson, and we were together at an Ingrid Michaelson concert, who’s also a friend of ours. And we met and she was, again, so unbelievably lovely. And of course I didn’t have a ride home and it was somewhere so far out in Queens and all of a sudden my husband and I are like, “How are we getting home,” ‘cause there was no cars or anything. […] And she was like a little angel that goes, “Oh, do you guys need a ride?” And I was like, “Oh, no, why?” And she drove us home and that was the end of it. And then I got the text going, “Do you wanna be in my video?” - Mariska Hargitay on meeting Taylor Swift for the first time (x)