Atticus had seen his sister like this only once before and she had quite literally died. She had been dead for three minutes before they got her heart going again and he couldn’t stop the heaviness in the pit of his stomach at the thought of having to see her die again. James hadn’t been around for that, in fact the first time Bo Radley met James was the month after she was brought back and he doubted she had mentioned it to him.
He listened to the soft voice James used to try and coax his sister out of her light coma. She was still there, just sleeping; a deep slumber that drowning had put her in. Like a fairytale princess she read so often she was waiting for the right spell to awaken her. Maybe hearing James’ voice would break this spell. Maybe all she needed was James to tell her he loved her and hold her like he was doing. He had to keep telling himself that his sister was stronger than anyone he had ever known and she wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. She wouldn’t leave them like this. Not like this.
Lowering his hand when James spoke to him, Atticus shrugged heavily. “They cleared her lungs she just- hasn’t started breathing on her own yet. They did everything the could, James,” he said softly looking between James and Bo Radley. She looked like death and it shattered something in the older male, drawing a shaky breath from him as he fought worried tears. “She’s- she’s gunna pull through we just… we have to keep talking to her,” he sat beside Bo Radley across from James and reached over to clasp a hand on his arm. “Just keep it up,” Atticus looked at Bo Radley and brushed her hair back. “Come on, Boo, open those pretty eyes. Smile, fuckin breathe.” Atticus wiped at his eyes and leaned back in his chair, watching his sister. “She’s gunna be okay, James,” he didn’t know who he was trying to convince. “Tell me about it, when you knew you loved my sister. I bet she’d like to hear that story, the moment you looked at her and- I don’t know- saw something else.”
James tried his best to begin to remember the great memories he had with Bo, some shared with Atticus. Times where they couldn’t keep a smile off their face. Nothing like how it is now. He couldn’t be negative, he needed to be positive for himself and more importantly, Bo.
His head was lowered, he was looking at his shoes. James didn’t know if he could take Bo looking like she was ready to be put into a casket. It’s too soon, they had so much more they needed to do together. This was almost like a wake up call, a very morbid one for James. He needed to realize that they might be time sensitive, every minute counted when he was with her.
“God.” He cleared his throat and brushed away the stray tears on his cheeks. “It was the summer before sophomore year of college, I didn’t register it at first. We weren’t doing much, just reading together. Wanted to feel the presence of someone else you know? She read a passage she liked, I couldn’t tell you what it was. She said it with so much passion and love that the only thing I could think about was how much I admired her, just like her with the passage. I wanted her to speak of me like that, loved. I knew that night before going to bed that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, reading and laughing until we were gray.” He couldn’t stop the tears then, a certain dread filled him inside. He just wanted to fulfill his wants.