Well, it sure isn't rocket science...

askblog for TF2 OC, main is @darwindanger

[mortisinferno]

Meet The Mortician

[TF2.5]

The man in frame stops what he was working on- hunched slightly over an embalming table with what looks like a weasel. Is... why are there bat wings and a finger in that tray there-? "Hello? What is- oh. Alright then. Is this a coms thing or-"

"No, it's a computer. You're a smart man, you know what a computer is."

He rolls his eyes and turns away from the table. "Yes, I know I know- It's hard to tell sometimes with all this absurd technology you have here- I mean a building that heals because you're standing near it?"

"It's all very strange, we understand that Mr. Alighieri. Please just offer some basic information about yourself and we can get back to our respective jobs here."

"You've done part of it for me."

"I have."

"...can that be it?"

"It cannot."

The Mortician sighs. As he speaks, the video has interrupting splicings, "I don't imagine they all need to know my full name, so that will be all of that if it's all the same to ya. I'm a Scotsman in my 40s, I specialise in death preparations (there is a cut to a hearse with a European license plate being driven poorly down a long road and the sound of a siren in the distance) though that does come with some anatomical know-how. So. I am operating as a sort of medic, but not to worry. Any experiments I do will be on persons long deceased- usually (a clip of a shelf of wet specimens and a mounted eel blinks once at the viewer). I am very good at what I do, but there are times when it's just very hard to say for sure-"

"I don't think Mr. Reddy would agree with that-"

"Accidents happen! I've patched him up for it, haven't I?"

"...more or less."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"You seem awfully curious about my role here, sounds a bit like ya wouldn't mind seeing it first-hand?"

"No, why would I-"

[Video Cuts]

He's fine, don't worry about it 8:^)

Thought I'd throw my own TF2 create-a-class out there.

Mortician and mun are over 18, but this blog wont get into any risque territory. Mortician isn't particularly interested in all of that anyway.

This blog will contain medical, funerary elements, gore, taxidermy, and really stupid but inoffensive boomer memes from time to time, so please be wary of that if those things make you uncomfortable or squeamish. These topics will be tagged normally alongside the gimmick sorting tags below.

Other tags to decipher:

#from the morgue -> funerary/mortuary/medical

#rogue taxidermy -> taxidermy (wet/dry specimens, pinning, etc)

#canis -> dog posting lol

#Abel -> anything that correlates more towards his BLU counterpart

Voice Claim: Matt Johnston of The Narcissist Cookbook

[mlarayoukai-archive]

"ingredients you can pronounce" "all natural" "organic" "no chemicals"

[boyholes]

i think im in love with you

[mortisinferno]

When I took this job, I did not think to mentally prepare myself for the class name shortenings. So far some of the common offenders have been:

-Mort

-Doc

-Al

...and gravest of all (pun unintended)

Morty.

[azistired]

yearning for the oats rn. reblog if u are also oat yearning rn

[mortisinferno]

a girl suddenly swings down from the ceiling, grinning much too widely at him.

"hi there!! oooh, i just love new friends!!!! say, do you happen to be in the market for about half a kilo of human teeth??"

- @thebubblybutcher

Mortician looks up, somewhat surprised to see a scruffy young woman hanging from the rafters. He relaxes after a moment, setting down the small string of lights he'd been attempting to thread through... some sort of vulture. There's less unease when she mentions teeth. Right, he wasn't the only one around with unconventional hobbies, so he didn't need to bother trying to hide the fact that he had been trying to make some sort of abomination from a bird he'd found. Something about vultures being to death as phoenixes were to life and how hopefully the lights would give that sort of imagery... "Hello... I sort of want to ask how you got in here but I don't think you'd want to share your tricks so fast with someone new," he greets, flashing a smile, "That depends- are you selling or trying to just get rid of them?"

[thebubblybutcher]

"i just want them off my hands -- i need space for more skulls! .. 20 bucks if you really need them :)"

the strange young lady hops down and leans over the table to look at the dead bird. "what a pretty birdie you are!" she coos at the corpse, plucking an inky feather from one of its wings and shoving it in her pocket. "what're ya doing with it? trying to bring it back to life? taxidermy? oo, i love taxidermy!"

she seemed quite comfortable and giddy around the man, she had clocked him as of a similar mind from the start and so wasn't wary of being herself.

"oh! where are my manners?? i'm hunter, hmhmh!" she doesn't offer her hand, instead she just grabs his and shakes it violently for a few moments while giggling madly, like someone had explained to her the concept of a handshake once but she had never actually seen one. her hands are rough and disturbingly cold, almost like dead flesh.

[mortisinferno]

Mortician seems to genuinely consider the offer a few moments before nodding slowly, scratching the stubble on his cheek with a faintly formaldehyde-scented hand. Could he even smell anything anymore? "Yes, I think I could use them for something- it could be mutually beneficial... and I wouldn't mind seeing these skulls sometime." $20 for some teeth and a visit to whatever collection Hunter had seemed like a pretty good deal. He was stuck between pride and momentary distress when Hunter touched the bird he'd been working on. It would be a pain to fix should a wing tear, but not impossible. The pride came of course from having a person who appreciated art present. "Yes, I'm articulating it to look like a phoenix- that's what the lights are for," he holds up some of the coiled string of small lights, "I might thread it in and out of the skin, or see if it can be seen if pressed close against the epidermis from the inside..." "I.. don't think I'm much better miss," he tittered softly, trying and failing to match the impish enthusiasm in her shake. "I'm mortician, if we're sticking to aliases." He had assumed that was the case when he signed on, otherwise what was the point in being referred to capital T capital Job-title. "Can I ask where you got those teeth from?" He tilted his head slightly, much like a dog might, though his eyes were an odd dark grey as opposed to the warm brown one would need to properly try and convince someone to spill their beans.

[thebubblybutcher]

she smiles widely at the acceptcance of her offer. "deal!" she squealed. mutually beneficial is always something she likes to hear! "the skulls are mostly from animals, but i have a few human ones i kept!!"

she inspects the bird and the lights again with a hum, seeming to think about the mechanics of dead bird lighting herself now. certainly wasn't anything she'd seen before - she appreciated the craftmanship. in fact, she was kicking herself a little for not having the idea first! she should really play around with dead things more- oh, he's talking to her.

"i'm gonna call you morty!" she smiles. she puts a finger to her lip and looks up in thought at his inquiry. "i had a phase where i took all the pearly whites out of the bodies i got - sometimes i'd pull them out on the field, sometimes i'd pull them from squirmin' blokes strapped to chairs miss pauling let me play with-- but i kept every single one! i don't know why i had such a need for them now, they get boring after your floor is covered in piles of them for a year." for talking about doing such horrific and morbid things, the brit spoke quite casually, with excitement even. and she didn't look the type, either, being a cute younger girl and all. nothing really fit about her.

[mortisinferno]

The elder of the two nods as if that all made perfect sense, like this was a conversation about osteology or some other science for its own sake and not the collecting of said materials. Human skulls without license or scientific reason was far from legal, but then what here was? And Mortician wasn't one to get hung up on all that.

A lot of what he did was sort of just playing around, but he wouldn't agree to that if it was said out loud. Taxidermy was an art- even if what he was up to with it seemed ridiculous.

His amenable expression faltered slightly and he shook his head, "If you're going to abbreviate it- Mort is preferable." He didn't know why but 'Morty' just felt really silly, but it was just one letter. He wouldn't argue over that, but he might sulk about it for no reason later. Mortician focused back on what she was saying and hummed as if sympathising with dealing with vast collections of cadaverous material. "Does she still let you help with those?" He asked, regarding the 'playing'. Whatever sort of 'game' it was in the end... sounded like a good use of time. Maybe Pauling could pass some along to him once they were done being questioned.

[mortisinferno]

a girl suddenly swings down from the ceiling, grinning much too widely at him.

"hi there!! oooh, i just love new friends!!!! say, do you happen to be in the market for about half a kilo of human teeth??"

- @thebubblybutcher

Mortician looks up, somewhat surprised to see a scruffy young woman hanging from the rafters. He relaxes after a moment, setting down the small string of lights he'd been attempting to thread through... some sort of vulture. There's less unease when she mentions teeth. Right, he wasn't the only one around with unconventional hobbies, so he didn't need to bother trying to hide the fact that he had been trying to make some sort of abomination from a bird he'd found. Something about vultures being to death as phoenixes were to life and how hopefully the lights would give that sort of imagery... "Hello... I sort of want to ask how you got in here but I don't think you'd want to share your tricks so fast with someone new," he greets, flashing a smile, "That depends- are you selling or trying to just get rid of them?"

[thebubblybutcher]

"i just want them off my hands -- i need space for more skulls! .. 20 bucks if you really need them :)"

the strange young lady hops down and leans over the table to look at the dead bird. "what a pretty birdie you are!" she coos at the corpse, plucking an inky feather from one of its wings and shoving it in her pocket. "what're ya doing with it? trying to bring it back to life? taxidermy? oo, i love taxidermy!"

she seemed quite comfortable and giddy around the man, she had clocked him as of a similar mind from the start and so wasn't wary of being herself.

"oh! where are my manners?? i'm hunter, hmhmh!" she doesn't offer her hand, instead she just grabs his and shakes it violently for a few moments while giggling madly, like someone had explained to her the concept of a handshake once but she had never actually seen one. her hands are rough and disturbingly cold, almost like dead flesh.

[mortisinferno]

Mortician seems to genuinely consider the offer a few moments before nodding slowly, scratching the stubble on his cheek with a faintly formaldehyde-scented hand. Could he even smell anything anymore? "Yes, I think I could use them for something- it could be mutually beneficial... and I wouldn't mind seeing these skulls sometime." $20 for some teeth and a visit to whatever collection Hunter had seemed like a pretty good deal. He was stuck between pride and momentary distress when Hunter touched the bird he'd been working on. It would be a pain to fix should a wing tear, but not impossible. The pride came of course from having a person who appreciated art present. "Yes, I'm articulating it to look like a phoenix- that's what the lights are for," he holds up some of the coiled string of small lights, "I might thread it in and out of the skin, or see if it can be seen if pressed close against the epidermis from the inside..." "I.. don't think I'm much better miss," he tittered softly, trying and failing to match the impish enthusiasm in her shake. "I'm mortician, if we're sticking to aliases." He had assumed that was the case when he signed on, otherwise what was the point in being referred to capital T capital Job-title. "Can I ask where you got those teeth from?" He tilted his head slightly, much like a dog might, though his eyes were an odd dark grey as opposed to the warm brown one would need to properly try and convince someone to spill their beans.

[mortisinferno]

a girl suddenly swings down from the ceiling, grinning much too widely at him.

"hi there!! oooh, i just love new friends!!!! say, do you happen to be in the market for about half a kilo of human teeth??"

- @thebubblybutcher

Mortician looks up, somewhat surprised to see a scruffy young woman hanging from the rafters. He relaxes after a moment, setting down the small string of lights he'd been attempting to thread through... some sort of vulture. There's less unease when she mentions teeth. Right, he wasn't the only one around with unconventional hobbies, so he didn't need to bother trying to hide the fact that he had been trying to make some sort of abomination from a bird he'd found. Something about vultures being to death as phoenixes were to life and how hopefully the lights would give that sort of imagery... "Hello... I sort of want to ask how you got in here but I don't think you'd want to share your tricks so fast with someone new," he greets, flashing a smile, "That depends- are you selling or trying to just get rid of them?"

[wolfspaw]

[classsymemes]

starter call 2.0   feel free to combine prompts !

for  a  happy  starter .

for  a  melancholy  starter .

for  an  excited  starter .

for  an  angry  starter .

for  a  soft  starter .

for  a  silly  starter .

for  an  angsty  starter .

for  a  violent  starter .

for  a  romantic  starter .

for  a  sexual  starter .

for  a  comforting  starter .

for  a  threatening  starter .

for  an  argumentative  starter .

for  an  action / adventure  starter .

for  a  flirtatious  starter .

for  a  loving  starter .

for  a  hostile  starter .

for  an  envious  starter .

for  a  fearful  starter .

for  an  injured / sick  starter .

for  an  urgent  starter .

for  a  celebratory  starter .

for  a  reunion  starter .

for  a  lazy  starter .

for  a  protective  starter .

for  a  domestic  starter .

for  an  intimate  starter .

for  a  weather - based  starter .

for  a  surprised  starter .

for  a  malicious  starter .

for  an  illegal  starter .

for  a  concerned  starter .

for  a  tense  starter .

for  a  sentimental  starter .

for  a  hopeful  starter .

for  a  hopeless  starter .

for  a  guilty  starter .

for  an  embarrassed  starter .

for  an  anxious  starter .

for  a  desperate  starter .

for  a  disappointed  starter .

for  an  aggressive  starter .

for  a  cautious  starter .

for  an  impulsive  starter .

for  a  resentful  starter .

for  a  suspicious  starter .

for  a  conflicted  starter .

for  a  provoked  starter .

for  an  awkward  starter .

for  a  dishonest  starter .

for  a  fatigued  starter .

for  a  grateful  starter .

for  a  flustered  starter .

for  a  vulnerable  starter .

for  a  manipulative  starter .

for  a  professional  starter .

for  a  mischievous  starter .

for  a  relieved  starter .

for  a  cooperative  starter .

for  an  uncooperative  starter .

for  a  moody  starter .

for  an  impatient  starter .

for  a  competitive  starter .

for  an  encouraging  starter .

for  a  sensual  starter .

for  an  interrupted  starter .

for  a  clumsy  starter .

for  a  tearful  starter .

for  an  affectionate  starter .

for  a  cozy  starter .

[resourcesofaqueen]

Thematic Headcanons. A series of subject-specific headcanons you can ask your favorite blog and muse.

hc + 🤝 for a headcanon about a connection with one of the receiver's mutual

hc + 👪 for a family-themed headcanon

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

hc + 💌 for a romance-themed headcanon

hc + 💕 for a loved-themed headcanon

hc + 💔 for a headcanon about a sad experience

hc + 🤥 for a lie-themed headcanon

hc + 😶 for a headcanon about a secret they know of / keep

hc + 😴 for a sleep-themed headcanon

hc + 🌇 for a headcanon about morning- or evening rituals

hc + 🧼 for a hygiene-themed headcanon

hc + 🏠 for a home-themed headcanon

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

hc + 😨 for a fear-themed headcanon

hc + 🤕 for a pain-themed headcanon

hc + 🚶‍♂️ for a habit-themed headcanon

hc + 👍 for a headcanon about things they like

hc + 👎 for a headcanon about things they dislike

hc + 💪 for a sport-themed headcanon

hc + 😡 for a headcanon about something that makes them angry

hc + 👻 for a headcanon about supernatural occurrences

hc + 🥣 for a food-themed headcanon

hc + ☕ for a drink-themed headcanon

hc + 🐈 for a pet/animal-themed headcanon

hc + 🌸 for a plant-themed headcanon

hc + 🌄 for an outdoor-themed headcanon

hc + 🌍 for a travel-themed headcanon

hc + 🗡 for a weapon-themed headcanon

hc + 🎡 for a hobby-themed headcanon

hc + 🚗 for a transportation-themed headcanon

hc + ⏳ for a time-themed headcanon

hc + 🌘 for a night-themed headcanon

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

hc + 🪐 for a universe-themed headcanon

hc + 🌂 for a weather-themed headcanon

hc + ⛄ for a season-themed headcanon

hc + 🎉 for a celebration-themed headcanon

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

hc + 🚬 for a headcanon about a bad habit

hc + 🎭 for an arts-/crafts-themed headcanon

hc + ✂️ for a hair-themed headcanon

hc + 👗 for a clothes-themed headcanon

hc + 💍 for a jewelry-themed headcanon

hc + 💄 for a makeup-themed headcanon

hc + 🎓 for an education-themed headcanon

hc + 📿 for a faith-themed headcanon

hc + 🎵 for a music-themed headcanon

hc + 📱 for a media-themed headcanon

hc + 🎥 for a film/tv-themed headcanon

hc + 📔 for a reading-themed headcanon

hc + 💰 for a money-themed

hc + 💼 for a job-themed headcanon

hc + 💉 for a medical-themed headcanon

hc + 🛒 for a shopping-themed headcanon

hc + 🔞 for a nsfw-headcanon

hc + ❓ for a headcanon of the receiver's choice

[kotarokrusher]

[doctoreveel]

Faux Restoration; {Credit}

[lilgothick]

Old Embalming Fluid

[laceautopsy]

[fuzzyghost]

[girlgonegore-org]

choose and destroy

[postcard-from-the-past]

Funeral of Victor Hugo in Paris

French vintage postcard