I Dont Always Sleep, But When I Do, I Dream

Dream blog of a lucid dreamer Main account @mossfiretheatrecult

[mossfiredreamscape]

So I had a terrible nightmare where Nuggets and I ended up breaking up. I don’t even honestly remember why, other than we didn’t agree on something. But then I grabbed a bag and left our apartment and went to a friend’s, he was comforting me while I watched Nuggets change his Facebook and tumblr and Snapchat statuses, then deleted me. But that wasn’t all - I saw his last post being that he changed his number and everyone was welcome to ask him what it was as long as they didn’t tell me. I texted his old phone one last time, said I’d get my stuff tomorrow but I’m taking my cats with me, and he basically told me to go fuck my self, hoped I was happy with my friend (even though we weren’t doing anything, he’s gay and has a boyfriend) and I told Nuggets that I hoped he was happy and to have a good life. I left my friend and went and got my stuff and left and suddenly I was back in Europe (I had been in Europe for spring break) and decided to audition for a theatre which I somehow got cast for. I heard via a friend that Nuggets was calling me she pronouns and was saying that he’d never been more free and happy now that we were finally over. I decided to stay in Europe and not come back because I didn’t have any reason to, and all the more reasons to stay. It was very hollowing and I woke up crying and shaking - I know now more than ever that I don’t want to ever lose him, especially like that.

[mossfiredreamscape]

You will never touch me again.

I was living with her again. I was on a theatre trip and had got a bunch of cool gifts and stuff for my partner when I got back home. The boy was angry as alwyas and had somehow gotten a knife. He kept saying he was going to stab me or kill me and I kept laughing at his face and telling he he could fucking try, he wouldn't get a hit in because I know how to handle knives and he never has before. There was a cop, one that Vicki was apparently best friends with. Or sleeping with. Who knows. He left the room and the boy turned and tried to stab me. I dodged and gave him a warning but he kept coming at me, so I disarmed him and was about to strike him when something happened and I blacked out. I came to in my room. Vicki and the cop were getting stuff for the boy, apparently he was staying with her family or something, and they were making plans on how to get rid of me. I knew I had to get out of there. I looked out the window and knew I could make it if I jumped, but I also didn't have time to pack al of my stuff. I wanted to go home, back with my dad, but I knew that was the first place she'sd look - she wasn't going to let me leave. While they were talking I snuck out the window and got to my car before they came outside - she told me that I was going for a ride with her and the cop, and I knew that if I got in that car I would die. I slammed on the gas and sped past her as she and the cop scrambled to get into his car. I still remembered my old neighborhood and I headed towards the boy's best friend's house, and then cut through the parks and fields to get to my old best friend's house. I hid out in the back yard while listening to what was goin on in Vicki's house since I had left the phone on so I could hear. They looked for me at my dads and didn't find me, so Vicki said the next step was to put me down and make it look like an accident. Later when I snuck back into the house to grab the bare essentials I would need, I ran into Vicki and when she touched me, I threw her out of the window and she fell and snapped her neck. When the cop came after me, I lit a candle and threw some gasoline in and watched as the whole house burned. They will never touch me again.

[mossfiredreamscape]

The Final Round

In some underground caverns that I and the majority of my school/ people from my past lived in, there were certain events that took place. One of them was a fight to the death when someone is accused of a horrible crime - when enough people enter, it begins. The pairs face off and have only one rule - the last one alive has earned justice.

I entered, accusing someone who we’ll call Theon with the murder of one of my friends. He accepted, and as he had a powerful mother in this society, things were a little different. We came to some ground-rules together in order to handle the situation delicately and make it more professional. The only weapons allowed would be knives, once it started we would’t just lunge and play dirty, we’d respectfully touch knives (similar to boxing) and then get started.

Before this competition to the death, I was preparing. I sharped my two combat knives that I was well trained in, got some stuff from my room and ignored my roommate who didn’t even care that I might die, and went to talk to my circle of friends. I kept telling them that if I die, there were certain things I wanted them to take care of - they kept saying over and over to trust them, that I wouldn’t die.

It was time. As I walked up the stairway leading to the battle ground, I truly felt my own mortality. There was a chance that I wouldn’t come back down these steps. I also really came to the realization that I was going to be wounded and that it would really fucking hurt. Nervous and scared, I walked in, seeing Theon with a guilty and terrified look on his face in the opposite side of the flat field. I took a deep breath and went in, cold eyes staring at him.

“Are you ready?” I asked. He needed a minute so I walked around the surface, looking for any vantage points. My circle was scattered around the area, one right by the stairs, one on the far end, and basically encompassing the field. Theon was finally ready, we touched knives, and began.

Being one of those dreams where it likes to distort reality, I found myself only being able to attack in slow motion. I landed a cut on his hand and felt good until he attacked, in normal speed, and got my wrist. I felt the blood leaving my body and the fire of pain. I was moving too slow: he avoided my swipe easily and with agility, snuck in and cut me again and again on my arms, wrists, and hands. I felt my blood leaving from my body, and when he sank a deep one in my leg I felt what was like a river moving from the wound.

I realized that I was going to die, right here, on fire with the pain, to this murderer. Suddenly, as I was slowing down from my wounds and too weak to attack, a flood of warriors wearing my circle’s vigils rushed in and swarmed Theon, who tried to fight back frantically but was overwhelmed. His people immediately got to arms and rushed out to fight the army that my friends had acquired, as my friends rushed me down the stairs and too safely. As we walked past a food area, my wounds magically bound and taped up, an intense wave of dizziness hit me from the loss of blood and I stumbled and fell right next to a table where my two good friends and my roommate were sitting. I heard my guy good friend start in alarm as he saw me go down, but the other two didn’t move or care so he stayed in his seat, watching me closely. My friends from the circle helped me to my feet and took me to my room to lay down. I asked if I should go to the hospital or at least see a real doctor about the cuts covering my whole arms and my leg, but for some reason no one wanted to actually help me; they said no, that I’d be fine, and just to rest as they left me there, where I finally subcommand to the dizziness and loss of blood, passing out feeling terribly inadequate, not as skilled as I thought, and like I had lost my touch since I barely touched him at all and got completely anhialated. It was a horrible feeling to have, from someone who’s pretty good with knives, defense, and dueling someone to feel like I wasn’t good enough to even hold knives and the fact that now I couldn’t defend myself. So wounded and with major blood loss, I passed out feeling like the worst loser, defenseless, defeated person I was.

[mossfiredreamscape]

Harsh Judgements

At a university that is apparently the college I go with many more buildings and covering vastly more surrounding area, I sat talking with my good friend about our plan. Some mutual friends of ours were going to sneak out the back end (maybe it was a high security college?) to the back lanes where a lot of the seniors and frat kids had vacant houses that they partied out. If you were caught leaving or entering, you would get in trouble with a mean lady and would be on suspension of all activities for a week as well as on possible expulsion from the college. But so many people did it and we were both flys on the wall, plus we were going with five friends, so what could go wrong? The friends who had done this many many times led the way and before I knew it we were over and in the fresh, glorious air. I began to worry and have a sinking feeling in my stomach as I voiced my concerns about getting caught and getting in trouble. No one else cared if we got in trouble, so with apprehension in my heart we moved on sneakily to the huge house, which was shaking with bass from blasting music and had littered alcohol bottles and cans all over the front yard. Entering it, we all talked with the drunk and partying people, as one reassured my doubts by saying that unless someone sold me out I'd be fine. My good friend and I decided that we should head back before anyone noticed our absence, so us two and one of our five friends started the trek back toward the back entrance. When we were just about at the ladder which led up, a siren started going off and on one of the screens an image of the "warrants" appeared with my name and my friends name on it. Everyone panicked and started bolting away from the ladder, splitting up and trying to hide. I found my friend not too far from me, and we booked it towards the house we had been at to seek cover. When we got there, the person who told me not to worry said that he thought one of the friends we came with sold us both out because they were jealous of us (we were a couple in the dream). My friend and I decided that we'd go back, as we'd have to sooner or later, figuring that maybe they'd be more receptive and lenient if we came back right away. We approached the back door which had a line of people who were sold out. When it was our turn, the lady with the stern, bitchy face and constant sneer on her thin sharp face barked at us to close the door and asked who would go first. My friend said he would and sat in the chair opposite her, explaining that he had been trying to find one of his friends and bring him back before he got in trouble. The lady began to get in his head and say everything that set him off, making him lose his cool and snap and led to him getting his paper instructing him what to do with his punishment. Then, it was my turn. I followed with saying that I hadn't know that it was illegal until I was already over, as that's when my friends told me (so I claimed) and that's when she turned nasty. She said she wasn't surprised that I had broken rules and all since I had no money (and she showed a paper of my banking statements, mocking me in front of everyone in the room including my friend) and then going on to say that "anyone still struggling with self harm and depression at my age is bringing it in myself and of course I'd be commiting crimes and trying to be the head of attention." Humiliated and seething with anger, I said nothing else as she handed me my paper and my friend and I were free to go. It was quiet and we didn't say anything until we got to the elevator that was in our dorm building. He gave me a hug and said that we'd figure out what to do in the morning, as we went our separate ways.

[mossfiredreamscape]

The Importance of Sleep

It was dark and there was this oblong, Shack of a building that was in the middle of no where. It had a few parts to it - one part was like a small living room area with all of the props and set pieces for the shows that we were acting/directing in, the next one down the hallway was the actual acting space, the next one over had a full pool and a few water slides (gods know why) and the last section had some offices of the "directors" and adult people who worked there. Imagine a creepy old haunted house aesthetic with broken, light wood and ominous light and you're getting closer to what this place looked like. We were finishing up rehearsal and putting our props away, locking up, and turning off lights so that we could get home. I was one of the last ones, as I usually am one of the last ones to leave work and theatre, and one of the adults came up to me with a small needle. This "director" may have been Varys from Game of Thrones, ironically enough (don't question it, GoT and theatre are my two livelihoods.) I backed up against the wall, scared, and alone except for him. I had no idea what was in the needle and what he was going to do to me. He told me that I needn't worry, it was just something he needed to try on me for my role and to make sure it would work for the actual performance. He gently pricked my finger with it and I already stumbled back, feeling the heaviness of a sleeping medicine. I could barely move, I was already falling on the floor, and my eyelids weighed more than my whole body combined. "Don't fight it, just sleep," the eunuch whispered as I passed out with just enough consciousness left to know where I was and what was gong on around my body. Three people who were in charge of locking up and leaving last (aka the stage manager) came by and found me. Curiously enough none of them seemed alarmed and the good ol' stage manager just whipped out another needle and carelessly jabbed it into my finger while telling the other two to watch how fast it worked. Suddenly it was as if a ballon inflated inside of me and not only was I wide awake, but it quite literally made me stand up and tall and straight from the energy coursing through my muscles and the power of whatever drug that was. They all laughed about it and told me to get home and left. I, however, had a bone to pick with the Spider. I made my way down to the last section of the building where the eunuch would be lurking about. I got there where his office light was on and blocked the doorway, standing in the way of the light and forcing him to turn around. He did, and smiled pleasantly to see me. When I asked him what he gave me and why, a look of confusion and genuine concern came on his smooth face. He explained to me that he felt bad that I suffered from such bad insomnia and that it was bad for me to not get rest, especially with our show coming up. He wanted to test and see if this would allow me to sleep, so that when I needed it I would be able to actually sleep and get some rest since sleep is important. Actually touched by his concern, I wasn't that mad at all and thanked him. He gave me a smaller dose to let me sleep tonight and I made my way out of the building to my car, to get home before I was unable to drive. In leaving however, I noted that some of the lights in the first segment were mysteriously back on... And I couldn't have that. I went back inside and saw that al the lights in the back were on. I tried to sneak my way back there to see who it was, but the drugs were already kicking in and instead I gracefully smashed into the door and lost my footing, ending up a crumbled mess on the floor. A woman walked back, eyes wide, and I recognized one of my castmates. Apparently she had been living in the back with three cats to get stuff done, work on the theatre, and experiment on something. Cool. Nothing weird about that. Finally ready to head home, I was going out the door when I heard someone call my name and I froze, turning and looking down the hallway. One of my former good friends stood there with a large needle filled with the stuff Varys gave me, with the needle inches away from Varys neck. Ben demanded to know what the eunuch had put in me, if I had wanted him to, if I was okay, and if he wanted me to give the spider a taste of his own medicine. I said no to all of those (except that I was okay) and explained that he was just trying to help for the goodness of the theatre when I slowly woke up and away from my theatre-meets-GoT-characters dream.

[mossfiredreamscape]

Locked up again?

I've been having this recurring dream over the last week that's been bothering me. It's short, but each time I have it, it advances a little shorter. It is simply this- I walk from a small bedroom to a small living room area that is next to a hospital door - I'm in a mental ward in a hospital so it's locked and we can't get out. I go out to look at the door and something is trying to get in. I go and try to hold the door closed against this great force and I'm usually able to before I wake up. But this time I'm not and this small, deformed, thing enters into the living area with fangs, bright red eyes, and purplish-white skin. I could tell we were enemies and I woke up with a literal loud snarl that I didn't know I could do. No idea what it means.

[mossfiredreamscape]

The Home Up Above...

There was a strange and inhuman killer lurking around that was preying on pregnant women who were close to their due dates. As odd and unrealistic as it sounds (let's face it, most stuff doesn't make sense in dreams) it was a shadow-like figure who lived on the ceilings of places. What it would do is when the pregnant lady was anywhere, close to her birth, this thing would be right above her and if you didn't have some kind of spinning thing next to her that was constantly spinning, it would slowly be able to come down and kill her. I and some friends were hanging around in this dark, dank, dull apartment like thing during a downcast day when my tech director from school came in with a woman moaning in agony, close to her time. He called us over for our help (he's basically a miracle man who knows how to fix or do anything, so, of course, in the dream he knew how to deliver a baby) as he couldn't help her give birth while saving her life from this fiend at the same time. As he got to work me and two of my friends got our things - I had my spinning coffee Keurig cup holding thing and they had two things that I can't remember. We got to work, spinning constantly and trying to make sure that we didn't stop - but when I looked up they had both stopped and were on their phones. (Figures.) "Guys, what the hell?? Cmon, help me for fucks sake!" I snapped, my fingers slipping and tired and the thing not spinning very smoothly. "We're tired. Plus like, I'm bored," one said, increasing my frustration further. Try and try as I did, I wasn't able alone to keep it spinning constantly and at the pace needed to make this thing go away. As it latched onto her I stormed off, shoving the two girls away from me in disgust as there was a terrible cry behind me and the rage in my TD's voice as he yelled at the two girls who didn't help. I went outside, smelling off in the distance the salt from the ocean, and looked in frustration up at the huge tree before me, in the yard and going up forever. I, being a climber and already in distress, wanting to get away from everything, began to climb. It wasn't long before j was out of sight of the ground below - but then I saw something out of the corner of my eye that was very interesting. A cabin, made in the thicket of the branches, a little ways off. I started to precariously make my way down towards it, the thick stumps and branches giving way to ones that barely held my small weight, before I finally made it. All I could do was gap in amazement. Up here, hundreds of feet above the ground, was a city that looked as if it was made by Giants. All in the trees and branches, there were platforms, little areas to move and talk and play in, the cabin, everything! And moving along these was one family with three kids who looked as startled to see me as I was to see them. They had been living up here for years, once the mom had gotten pregnant after losing her first baby, and discovered this place. They never left, being safe here, and having supplies of food and water. There were other ways of getting down, one exit led right to the beach of the sea, others near the outskirts of town. It was incredible and, according to the father, went on for two miles! I couldn't wait to start exploring and seeing everything, so that's what I did, admiring the architecture of the wood and the spaces until I finally woke up.

[mossfiredreamscape]

As it Comes Crashing Down.

*TRIGGER WARNING LATER ON* It was opening weekend for my production and my partner came down to see it and spend the weekend with me. After the performance a bunch of us were hanging around talking and messing around when I suddenly got a Text from my partners best friend and one of my ex-friends who hasn't talked to me in a long time. She was complaining about some guy she liked and I had no idea why she sent it to me. Then, she came around the corner and started talking to my partner, directing a few things towards me as well, which I ignored because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to hold my temper around her. She asked if my partner was still going to come hang out with her at 1:00 AM to watch movies, which my partner said yes to. I don't mind them spending time with their best friend at ALL, in fact when I was still friends with her and my partner and I were telling her that we likely were going to get together, I made sure to stress the point that I wasn't going to get in between them or make things tense for them as much as I can. But I was upset in this moment because my partner had to get up very very early in the morning for practice (apparently they played soccer in the dream) and they hadn't slept the night before. When I asked them if they thought that was wise since they'd had a long day and night, as well as getting up very early in the morning, they laughed it off and said it didn't matter, they were going to do it anyway. What upset me was that I didn't think they were taking care of themselves (I'm very protective and over-concerned, something I've talked to them about, but in the dream it was worse.) I got upset. "Fine, do what you want." And then they left together, not looking back. Forward to the next day, my partner and some of my theatre friends and the best friend were in a class upstairs. I was downstairs numb and pissed off and emotionless inside but my partner for once didn't seem to care or be concerned and left anyway. While they were upstairs I found out some huge information about my past and went upstairs to my partner. I begged them to come talk to me, that I needed them and j was sorry to disturb them, and like in life, they were very understanding and kind and supportive as they left the class thing and came with me to talk about what I'd learned. We made sure things were okay with us, apologized, and were good. That's when things started going wrong again. My theatre friends all flooded in and talked about how we should all go into town and hang out and fuck around which we were willing and wanting to do. As a group of ten of us left and started walking there, my partner and I talked and were cute and things seemed good. Once we got there is when things turned on their head. What the group wanted to do was pair off and go fuck around - again totally willing to do, since most of us were either couples, crushing, or in open relationships. For some reason my partner looked at one of my male theatre friends and said "You and me, let's go and do it!" Leaving me there with the sudden feeling of dread and like I was punched in the stomach. I walked off to a corner and sat down - a moment later my partner joined me, alone. "What the fuck was that?" I demanded, and they said that they changed their mind this time as it seemed to upset me. When they asked if we should get started I felt my chest hurt and break as I just turned away. What made me look back was the sound of a lighter. (Both my partner and I are recovering smokers.) They started smoking - all I did was shoot them the hurtest look I have, to which they rolled their eyes. "I thought you stopped smoking..." I asked quietly. "Nah, I just said that to make you feel better." I felt my heart crush and break again as I passed out. (My partner is not like this at ALL which is why this nightmare affected and still is affecting me so badly - it's playing off my insecurities.) The next day they were hanging out with their best friend, not looking at me, talking to me, or even seeing that I existed once during the whole morning and day, though we crossed paths multiple times. I was talking to one of my close theatre friends, who noticed my arm and my recent relapse and asked if I felt better. "No. Not at all," I answered honestly, thinking about my partner. "Here - the second time will make you feel better," she promised, offering me s blade. The sudden rise of temptation and want was almost too much for me to bear, and I knew I wouldn't be able to resist if I had it. But she wanted me to do it again? "Don't tempt me, please. I'm not kidding. I can't, it won't be good," I tried to say as firmly as I can, my last shred of strength coming from thinking of my partner. "I think you should, you know it makes you feel better. Besides, no one cares anyway." She held it out and I took it. Alone again, I saw no other reason to resist my urges - she was right. No one cared anymore. I woke up crying, sick to my stomach, and wanting more than anything to reach out to my partner but too scared to, for a reason I still can't explain.

[mossfiredreamscape]

Away From the Fake

In this nightmare, I was with my mother, her husband, and two of my theatre friends from school. Back home in Colorado, we decided to take a road trip to Boulder and spend the day among the shops exploring and visiting local shops and everything else. I had forgotten to pack anything so I was looking to see if I could get some cheap clothes or whatever when I stumbled upon a cat shelter. I fell in love with this tiny kitten that was missing it's front two legs and, because I always seem to make the mistake of thinking my mother is actually human and cares, called her to come see, as we had all split up looking at stores. All of my party came and saw, while the owners said that I couldn't adopt him because I had pet him once when he was scared and it was "disgusting how I was trying to force him to be comfortable when he wasn't". I thought that was bullshit as I'm a cat person and would never do that but, of course, my mother took the shop keepers side and they all started talking crap about me. I got fed up and stormed out, stalking away and down the street. I walked for a long time before stopping at a nice, grand hotel - it had been raining out and I was soaked through. Ducking inside, I looked around - it was very fancy and high class, someone looking like me didn't belong. I went into the bathroom quickly before someone could kick me out and saw someone had left their suitcase out of their stall. I felt bad but took some clothes and made a quick change, exiting and going to a far corner of the lobby. Exhausted, I curled up and tried to keep my emotions under control and not cry as I texted my partner to try and calm down and have someone who cares about me be there. As j was talking to them, I saw my two theatre friends enter the hotel, looking panicked. I pulled the hood up and slumped over in the couch, hiding. They were talking about how "worried" my mother and her husband were, worried sick and trying to find me (they were talking to the receptionist to see if anyone had seen me) and that they couldn't reach me. That's when I knew for sure the extent of her bullshit - she's all about reputations and looking good. She doesn't actually care and never has. She never tried to call or text - just since she was around people who knew me, she had to put on this front of being worried and sad and concerned. Thankfully the receptionist hadn't seen me so my friends left and I closed my eyes, feeling the unwanted tears coming up for good, wishing I could finally be free from her.

[mossfiredreamscape]

Time to Go

Before the accident... There was a huge mall and in the stores and different nooks and crannies of this huge mall lived a town and many people. We were all connected by these massive hallways. It was as peaceful as a society could be. Everyone was neighbors and as friendly as you could imagine with little conflict - it was as in the old days where you could shop with money or barter instead for the goods, as every store was different and you might like to trade your goods for someone else's. Things seemed great until suddenly it wasn't. It's hard to remember exactly what happened for sure, but one moment I was talking to this girl, one of my neighbors, and things got tense. One moment we were arguing and the next she turned and flung her bottle of stolen alcohol over a flame which happened to be next to a gasline. I barely had time to turn away and open my mouth in warning before everything was gone in a flash of light. After... The few of us who were left, a few moths after the catastrophe were packing up all of our belongs. We were all dead of course, ghosts living in a ghost town, but we had to leave by order of the town. They were rebuilding our precious home and mall on the same sight where it stood, but for some reason it couldn't be built until each one of us had packed up and left. More than half of the stores were closed and stripped bare - not a thing was left in sight in those. It was depression and solemn as few of us were left roaming the deserted halls. It was quiet, in ruin, and most of all - bare. My family's store was one of the last ones out as we struggled to get everything packed and ready to go. I would make frequent raids to places abandoned but not yet stripped and locked down by the local government police force, getting clothes, food, necessities. By the time we were all packed, we were the last ones left in the entire grand mall - the government police people were staked outside our door, waiting to raid and strip the place bare as soon as we stepped out. The place needed to be abandoned so that the new, improved, safer mall could be put up. Finally getting our meager things, all we could do was watch as our life's work, our home, our stuff, and our past was stripped away and gone before our eyes. Packing everything up into a car, we headed out to find a new future for ourselves in the place where ghosts go - the afterlife. Flash forward to us arriving at this new apartment complex. Being dead and all, the afterlife folk tried their best to make sure we were rewarded for making it through life and that we had basic comforts. We had a high tech, classy, relatively big apartment in a connected complex with people who we either knew and loved in life, or people who wanted to meet new people and make new connections. I being the first to arrive in my family, started to unpack and get things in order before I noticed something - the girl who had caused the accident was my next door neighbor. Apparently she was also one of my ex's and someone who was stalking me and in love with me. She kept coming around the joining balconies and trying to break into my new place before, finally, my partner showed up (still alive) looking all hot and glorious as usual. They vanished away the spirit of the chick who ruined everything and we sat down to try and figure out a way for us to still be together. Moral of the story? Don't blow up malls.

[mossfiredreamscape]

The Luck I Have

(A little bit of background for this to make sense. I've started new meds the last month and one of the ones I started is to help with nightmares and trauma - since being on it I barely sleep and it seems to work by not letting me fall deep enough into REM sleep to dream. Thus I've barely been sleeping and I haven't been dreaming or remembering my dreams (if I did) at all, which is why I haven't posted in so long. But tonight I decided to not take them because I'm exhausted and need sleep and, go figure, the one night I don't is when I finally dream, sleep, and have - a nightmare.) I was in a big city running the theatre musical that I've been working for the last month. Being a stage manager, I run the show. In the beginning of this dream, on Valentine's Day so I was running the show instead of being with my partner, nothing was going right. Props were forgotten, actors were messing up their lines and forgetting the songs, the lights were burning out. It was a disaster. I walked away and headed towards the apartment I lived in, too stressed out to stay and watch the end of a disaster. It turned out that the city we were touring in was hosting a whole bunch of people for a big festival thing, and there was a lot of strange sights out my window and around. In my apartment, conferring with some of my tech designers about what we could do to salvage the show for tomorrow, there was a strange noise outside and I looked out the window to find that one of the magnificent sculptures was, in fact, an alien vessel and part of it had come out like in typical scary alien movies. One of my theatre designers joked that maybe adding aliens would save our show before they attacked. The massive beings in the vessel started to shoot this laser beam thing and kill people. I ran and hid in a closet away from the window as I heard the chaos and death around me. For some reason my mother and brother were with me - the boy was sleeping and my stupid mother was at the window. One of the things these aliens could do besides kill was turn people into their agents with a special beam that kills the person and turns them into one of them - think of human-looking Cylons from BattleStar Galactica. The aliens decided to stop and get back into the vessel and leave, presumably to other cities to ensue the carnage. I was still in the closet, frantically trying to text my partner and tell them that I was scared and didn't know if I'd get to see them tonight or ever. I was about to tell them what happened when the person who used to be my mother stepped into the dark room - no one else knew that it wasn't her anymore. I'm not a crying person, but I started to cry. I just sent a goodbye text to my partner and turned off my phone as she grabbed me and took me away. I was now in the ruined city streets with this thing, getting public water that was being offered to people who lost everything in the attack. While we were in line, me crying softly and her clutching my arm so tightly that it was cutting my skin, she told me what their mission was, and what she was going to do to me and to my planet. Fast forward to us in a car heading up the mountain of my home state (I guess the city I was in was Denver), where this thing was taking me to be killed. It was telling me again, in detail what it was going to do to me, when there was a huge herd of animals (deer? Cows?) that were in the road. It didn't slow down and, thankfully, crashed and flipped the car and started to roll down a small hill thing. I was projected from the car upon impact, not too gravely wounded, so I watched while the car flipped and tumbled away with it trapped inside. Knowing this was my one chance, I began to run down the little ways of mountain we traveled, trying to put as much distance between us as possible. As dreams sometimes do, I was now watching something else, while my person was making towards the hotel like hell. My brother and some adult women whom I didn't recognize were on top of the mountain with the thing that used to be my mother. It was all torn and bang up, and with my brother and mystery woman's help, was being restored back to health. Then, thankfully, the woman realized what it was and thew it down the mountain where it fell to its death. My idiotic naive brother hadn't realized what it was, but was now relieved. Back to me - I had finally made it back to the hotel/apartment thing I was staying at. I turned on my phone and called my partner. I started to explain everything that had happened but was crying so hard that I could barely get it out, until I realized that I couldn't breathe, and I collapsed, dying, until I woke up shaking and gasping for air (freaking out my roommate I might add). Moral of the story- if you stop taking meds to prevent nightmares that prevent you from sleeping, expect to receive payback in the form of a nightmare.

[mossfiredreamscape]

The Dark Side

*TRIGGER WARNING* *this one was a couple of days ago* This first nightmare began with me leaving my body from where I was lying, in the dream. I had been so hurt and depressed that I had decided to OD and take my whole life. The dream began then, with my ghost leaving my shell of a body and realizing that I was dead. I had realized I made a mistake but there was nothing I could do about it now. I had been wandering my house aimlessly, my father out of town, when my mother unexpectedly turned up. (She’s not a part of my life and has never been to my house so it was unusual in this dream that she was there.) She began to look around for something and I knew that this was my one chance to be discovered for a long time. I made a noise to alert her towards my bedroom where she discovered my body. She began to call the police while I tried to get a message to her about what I needed before I could move on - I wanted her to contact one of the most important people in my life and tell him that I was sorry for leaving. She was oblivious and it was at that point I realized she wasn’t calling the police to send someone, she was calling a client of sorts and asking him to help her hide the body so that I wouldn’t be found and she could gain sympathy from the neighborhood, the press, and her family. Enraged that she was trying to use my death as a way to get sympathy and favors from others, as she wasn’t even genuinely sad, I began to use my anger and powers to short her phone and called the police, which she wasn’t aware of, so she ended up talking about hiding my body when they heard. She was arrested and incidentally charged with my murder, as it happened. After this nightmare, I woke up and then went back to bed; another one followed since my luck tends to go that way. In this nightmare I was again dealing with loss, but this time it was one that was much more painful and significant to me - the death of my partner. My partner either left me or had died, I’m not sure which one, but I felt the loss and the pain and the emptiness in my heart and soul. I was forced to go through my day, unable to avoid school and work even with the terrible grief that was now consuming me. The classes were a blur and I had no patience for my classmates who were complaining and bitching about how little sleep they got or how they didn’t want to do their homework or how their life was so hard because they only got six hours of sleep and two meals instead of three yesterday. ‘Can’t you see that none of that stuff matters?!’ My inner voice cried out in anguish and bitterness. ‘I have to act like everything is okay and like the day still has meaning and matters when the light of my life has gone out and I’m left in eternal darkness.’ By the end of the day I wasn’t able to function or pretend anymore and I was left knowing that I didn’t want to live without my partner if I had the chance, making me realize that even though things weren’t going the best right now in my real life, I couldn’t give up on them or leave them alone because of how much I care. That is why nightmares often have so much more significance to me - they make us realize things about ourselves and our lives that we hadn’t been able to see otherwise.

[mossfiredreamscape]

Dream 1

My partner was in the woods with some people and wasn’t having a good time so they called me to come and “save them”. Me being a heroic hero in this dream apparently, I took that message to heart and ran over there, emerging from the trees with a powerful stance and ordered the group of people to leave my partner alone. They started to protest and say that they were just having fun and messing around when one made the mistake to try and grab my partners shoulder, so I naturally did what a hero in this situation did and I beat them up. One of them, before I got to him, shoved my partner and they fell down - that one got the majority of the beating up, I assure you.

I scooped my partner up and started to walk out from the forest carrying them to safety when they briefly gained consciousness.

“You know, when I said ‘save me’, I hadn’t thought it quite that literally.” “Oh”, was my academic and intelligent reply. “Well, that was at least much more epic, right?” To which they lost consciousness again.

I was almost out of the woods (literally) when I decided to call the police and inform them of what happened. That’s when things got weird. When I was on the phone and started to explain, the man cut me off and said, “Why did you leave them?” “Uh… Excuse me?” “How could you leave them out there.” “Okay,” I said slowly, “Is this the police? I don’t think that’s-” “Watch your step.” The man said curtly. “What-” I started to say before tripping graciously over a tree root and starting to fall backwards. Of course, being a hero, I twisted and fell on my back so that they were safe as I started to slide down …

And woke up to a text from my partner.