[mostmiserable]

#mostmiserable - an indie rp blog for carol sturka from the show pluribus. writes both pre show and during. medium activity. also open to write on discord. mature themes will be present. written by maddie, 26, she/her.

A STUDY IN: grief, lesbianism, individualism, depression, self hatred, bodily autonomy, survivor's guilt, and the ethics of being a good person.

self promo. playlist. ask prompts. headcanons.

other blogs: taissa turner. multimuse.

001. hi! i'm maddie! i'm 26 and a college student. my activity won't always be high with school & work but i try to be here as much as i can! discord is always available upon request for mutuals - i love chatting with everyone about characters & plots. plus i'm always open to writing on discord too.

002. i am duplicate friendly! i always think it's so interesting to see how people write the same characters in such different ways. carol is so complex, if anything if gives me more muse to see different people writing her.

003. not that it needs to be said, but i really am just here for fun and to enjoy something that often feels like an escape . i would prefer talking things out if anything serious ever comes up! i swear i'm easy to talk to <3 this is a drama free zone, i don't have the energy for it.

004. obviously there's a bunch of trigger warnings just with the nature of the show. i will try and tag everything i can but if i ever miss something - please let me know!

005. my favorite carol ships are with helen and zosia, but i am open to exploring different dynamics and crossovers. she is a lesbian so i will not ship her with men. platonic interactions are just as important.

[vargesz]

Happy 54th Birthday, Rhea Seehorn! [+] | [+]

[mostmiserable]

everybody knows… about us. the sex.

there's a flush that crosses her face, eyes wandering everywhere but towards zosia's gaze. she didn't know why the other woman was reminding her, it wasn't like she didn't know. carol knows that everyone knows - in the whole world. it wasn't a secret when everyone shared the same consciousness.

but carol had been trying to forget. maybe if she convinced herself that she was just having a normal time with her new girlfriend, void of literally anyone else in the world, it would become true. separating zosia from the hive was what she did best.

"and what do they think about that?" there's a layer of sarcasm coating her tone, knowing the answer. the hive was probably overjoyed. happy to make carol happy. but it still makes her skin crawl for everyone to know her business, even if zosia was everyone. "they just ... know it happened right?" carol's gaze returns to zosia, face softening as her eyes meet hers. she was so completely down bad in a way that should be concerning. "no details ... or visuals ... just a blip in their brains."

[p1ratelady]

@mostmiserable said: quit assuming you know what i'm thinking.

there's amusement written across her features at carol's comment, "it's true we don't know what you're thinking, but we do know how you have responded in the past to situations like this one."

her eyes are dazed as her mind goes through the clutter of the hive, collecting memories of it from past experiences like this one.

"you could just tell us what you're thinking if you prefer that we don't do that. we can't read your mind."

[mostmiserable]

she can't help the look of annoyance that plastered on her face. it was temporary of course, there were small moments when her loneliness would get the better of her, and she would let her guard down. but that was only reserved for zosia, not the hive as a whole.

being reminded that the hive knew everything about her always made her defensive. carol valued her privacy and they walked all over it like it was some funny joke. "who were you pulling from?" she could drop the subject, move on, but as much as she hated this, she was far too nosy for her own good.

"you can't read my mind but you sure act like you can. was the memory from some ex? some friend i had once as a child? you just have everyone up there that i had ever known, i'm sure their memories feel respected with you poking around at their thoughts."

[ohisms]

✱ ˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐒EALED WITH A LEAD KISS ... ( a remastered collection of dialogue prompts originating from syfy's wynonna earp SEASON 01. adjust phrasing / gendered terms as necessary, mature themes present. )

don’t go out there.

pretty AND smart. we’re gonna get along just fine.

if you hurt her i’ll kill you!

what are you doing here?

you’re late. as usual.

you’re in this with me now, [ name ].

no one else is gonna save you.

why don’t you slip into something more comfy, huh? like a coma!

i’m gonna put you in the ground like it’s my job.

you’re following me?

i noticed you already ‘borrowed’ all of my whiskey.

you’re supposed to be normal - you’re supposed to be SAFE!

of all the things i’ve ever wanted to call you? you’re such a coward.

wanna know how batshit i am? nobody shoots my family but me.

you stupid, crazy bitch.

you’re really staying this time, aren’t you?

this is blackmail, you dick!

how DARE you!

you owe me dinner. i’ll settle for tacos!

it seems i have settled among a commune of artists.

how about smiling, huh? you ever do that?

well, i like attention. i always have.

you ain’t one of us.

i’ve been meaning to introduce myself, i’m [ name ].

when i see something i like, i don’t wanna wait.

good thing you’re not some guy, right, or this would be really, really awkward ...

you don’t have to be nice to everybody.

i would remember a face like yours.

i’m an excellent judge of character.

you’re so not my type.

darlin’, i’m everybody’s type.

the dead don’t get a vote.

pfft, rookie mistake.

god, that’s super weird — what’s going on?

you need to hide.

run ! i’ll hold them off.

i am sorry, [ name ], but it’s you or me.

you’re a good man! you’ve got a code!

you don’t wanna do this!

you have no idea what i want.

buy me a round, [ name ]? seems like you’re just my type.

we can’t all settle down with our high-school sweethearts.

welcome to team ‘shut up and do what he says’. sometimes, we get donuts.

you should be doing this. you were meant to.

deal with that ... or i will.

we didn’t trust each other ... and now look what i’ve done.

you do not know what i am.

you’re supposed to be a hero.

pull your head out of the past.

the hell took you so long?

this is what our victories might have to look like.

look, if you’re about to propose a threesome, i’m tired and i haven’t shaved my legs.

this just doesn’t make sense to me.

goddamn, it’s you.

the problem with this criminal thing, is it’s kinda fun.

i can’t live like this, not anymore

don’t get your hopes up, we don’t know what we’re gonna find.

it wasn’t my idea to do this.

this is the only way to sanctuary.

you just could never help yourself.

vengeance is hollow, [ name ]. it isn’t worth a thing.

you’re not a monster.

i need rules. a code. otherwise i’ll end up just like you.

stop kidding yourself, [ name ], you are exactly like me.

i sympathize with your predicament.

leave, if you want.  go get ... dead.

only one death scares me, and it didn’t take.

ugh, ever heard of manscaping?

come on, he is just ... so beneath you.

what’s up, [ name ]? i never see you.

i’m the one with the vendetta, why are you gunning so hard?

we? there’s no ‘we’.

why should i help you?

you think an $8 bottle of pinot will make me listen?

i never liked you, you know.

am i in danger?

back then, you lived and died by what the seasons gave you.

shut up and help me.

can’t we just enjoy the moment for once?

[ name ], now is not a good time.

happiness is a myth.

would you like some company?

it’s gonna be a long night,  might as well make it fun.

you’ve done your worst.

how many tiny pillows does one girl need?

hold on a second, i want to record this so i can replay it to you when you’re being a dick.

you being here is definitely not selling ‘normal’.

there’s been a change of plans, i need to go away for awhile.

this is supremely cryptic, even for you.

say ‘pomegranate’ if someone’s got a gun on you.

this doesn’t seem healthy, [ name ].

i don’t really care where we are, as long as we’re all together.

are you sure you’re okay?

don’t be cross, i’ve got wood.

your ass is like ... top shelf.

dude, you’re like a walking bumper sticker.

is this strip poker? i’m not shy...

this kind of wound won’t heal, i’m dead already.

you save your vendetta for another night.

you suck at your job.

don’t shoot me, [ name ].

honestly, [ name ], you’ve gotten so weird.

that is NOT sexy!

nobody keeps booze in here, [ name ].

i think somebody’s trying to scare you ... toy with you. why?!

you of all people should know better than to try and make me question my sanity.

what do you MEAN you killed a stripper?

in my experience, dynamite solves all manner of problems.

haven’t you read a romance novel lately? heroes always win.

oh, you want to be a hero?

wanna tell me what that was about?

that was really brave. stupid, but brave.

i have something i need to say.

i’m starting to think sanity’s overrated.

i understand if you hate me.

you’re always, ALWAYS lying.

we should get some breakfast, i could murder a stack of pancakes.

you should know by now, i’m not most people.

well, you learn something new every day.

hey, no, you’re okay. lay back.

[ name ], i need you to listen to me.

okay, [ name ], we’re in serious shit here.

park your daddy issues.

i’m not like you, [ name ]. i’m not brave.

what was the last thing you saw?

close your eyes, take a deep breath in.

look at who the cat dragged in.

cut the bullshit. i know who you are.

you use humor as a form of self - defense.

answer my questions without any more guff.

what is it with psycho’s and talking in the third person?

you’re not really in the position to do any bargaining, are you?

you do look like you can handle yourself.

you want my help? you need to earn it.

i guess [ name ] wants you alive for something.

we should make it look real.

you know how to make someone show you where something precious is hidden? set fire to their house. it’s the first thing they go for.

don’t be irrational, [ name ].

you served your purpose, and now you are released.

i’ve had a lot of names, but you can call me [ name ].

you weren’t leaving without me, were you?

never touch my stuff.

you’re the sickest puppy in the litter.

you were dead ... and now you are not.

oh, aren’t you the master of deception?

let’s not kid ourselves, you’re not going to survive this.

[ name ], i always hoped that i would have this pleasure.

if you stand for nothing, you are sure to fall.

you do what you do best, [ name ], you fight.

you’re just like me. you’re broken.

i’m not lonesome, i just prefer to hunt alone.

you have to let go sometime, [ name ].

you continue to disappoint me.

let me make it up to you.

i thought i’d feel different. i thought i’d look different.

you release the rage, you might find there’s nothing left.

woah, wow, this is not what i expected the cat to drag in.

for the first time in ages, i woke up and knew exactly what i needed to do.

you can try, but i dare you to cockblock the drive i woke up with this morning.

i’ll sleep when i’m dead.

you’re not alone,  [ name ].

just once i want you to say it. that you care about me.

someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

why do i even get out of bed?

i lost you once, i won’t let that happen again.

[ name ], you are shakin’ like a leaf.

jesus, listen to me. maybe i am crazy.

i’m not sure this is the best idea.

you’re the one who told me i should blow off steam.

i’m not crazy, right? there’s something going on here.

you’re making fun of me ...

get in the car.

could everybody just stand still for one freakin’ minute?!

it’s gonna be okay.

i just screamed at you, you shouldn’t be nice to me.

we’re not dating.

i would never ask you to be someone you’re not.

yeah, sure, [ name ], whatever you want.

[ name ], what kind of a mess have you got yourself into now?

if you shoot, this all goes to shit.

your poker face is pitiful.

sorry, no speak evil.

who won’t you make a deal with, huh?

you can judge me all you want.

what do i care for some broken woman’s opinion of my character?

you can talk all you want. they’ll be your last words, anyways.

this whole time you’ve thought this was personal.

you shut your lying mouth.

what happened to being friends?

it’s not so easy to be brazen when the thing that you want, that scares you to death, is sitting right in front of you.

i scare you?

when i think about what i wanna do most in this world, it’s you.

jump in anytime, [ name ], because i really don’t know how to do this.

maybe you should make me.

i owe you a heap of thanks. and my life.

can i at least buy you a drink?

aw, [ name ], you really do care.

it’s worth dying to see the look on your face.

men are all the same. even the demonic ones.

[ name ], calm your tits. have a drink.

do me a goddamn favor and refrain from mentioning that name.

i think you would be very pretty in blue.

everybody knows... about us. the sex.

you tracked me?

what are you doing here, [ name ]?

if you’re keeping things from me, IMPORTANT things ...

don’t get all hard & forget that you’re human.

sun’s starting to go down, we should head back.

i feel a real connection with you, [ name ].

i do hate goodbyes.

look, we need you, okay?

can’t you at least try?

we can’t tell anyone. not until we know for sure.

i don’t want to be rude, but i don’t know any of you ... or what’s happening.

i don’t drink.

what kind of people give a kid a switchblade?

this is your home, [ name ].

how can you think this is funny?

i’ve been crazy, didn’t care for it.

i’ve been told i have character.

are you scared of me?

i need to start drinking less ... or much, much more.

how in the hell did you get this?

i lost control. i was angry at everything ... at everyone.

you promised to never tell anyone that.

it’s always been you and i.

it can be like it always was ... and different, too. in all the right ways.

you’re not alone anymore.

i think i got a little bit shot ...

i need you to tell me everything you know about [ name ].

i thought i was doing what you asked!

whatever you’ve got planned, i’m game.

now there’s a sight for sore eyes.

i don’t wanna hurt you.

why aren’t you more freaked out?

if there’s one thing i’ve learned this year, it’s that ‘good’ is a moving target.

what are you gonna do about it? tell on me?

who the hell are you?

you took it from me?

nobody’s getting hurt on my watch.

when are you gonna take responsibility for all that you’ve done?

i’m running out of goddamn time.

this isn’t over. i’m coming for you.

now you know how it feels when people take your things.

i know that you’re scared, so am i.

are you sure you’re up for this?

you might want to stand back.

you went wrong.

this one’s gonna hurt.

i’m ready for anything.

[danzonho]

zosia gets unhived and becomes attached to carol, but carol becomes plurbed..💔

[mostmiserable]

BEST SELLING AUTHOR CAROL STURKA OF WYCARO FAME .

[sadauroras]

#SADAURORAS: indie multimuse featuring mari from yellowjackets, buffy from buffy the vampire slayer, lisa swallows from lisa frankenstein & more!!! x.

[mostmiserable]

lowkey want to bring back my multi <3

[rottingjam]

zosia starts being a little mean and carol immediately folds

[zhinico]

pluribus riso print blue & yellow

[mostmiserable]

do you really think that's helpful right now?

she rolls her eyes, feeling the judgement hover over her. it stings even more when the person judging you looks exactly like a more well adjusted version of you. carol's never going to get use to that. but that's why she decided to drink. it was all too much. it wasn't like lucy was going to stop her, he wouldn't dare.

"do you have a better idea?" she doesn't even have the energy to get a glass to pour the drink in, she's just going straight from the bottle. it's not like anything mattered anymore. carol takes a big sip, holding it out to the other. "are you going to drink with me, or what? might make all of this a little less insufferable...or are you like...too perfect for that?"

[mostmiserable]

how long has it been since you’ve slept?

she's annoyed that someone sees her for once. they see how tired she clearly is and how well she isn't taking care of herself. there's only so healthy you can look sleeping on the couch after eating frozen dinners everyday. "i've slept." her voice is defensive, hiding the pain that she felt on the daily.

carol doesn't dare mention that she hasn't slept in her own bed in weeks, that she had tried but she would wake up and assume helen was in bed with her, only to turn and see no one. it was a living nightmare. "maybe not well. but i've done it."

[p1ratelady]

they're both dancing around the fact that this shouldn't be happening with taunting one another. the words that fall from carol's mouth don't surprise her, they could be worse, she could assume more and be right. how much she still needed carol when it came to this was evident in the way she looked at her. even if the hive had a part in previous encounters, her body still craved carol's touch and the way the blonde reacted beneath her. it had all become familiar, the fantasy for both of them, each drastically different from the other in terms of what it meant. this was real, what was happening despite the pain that was buried beneath the surface. it was buried down for the sake of one last night, as if it wasn't the driving force the spurred zosia on.

her eyes locked onto carol's to confirm how real it was, it sent more heat between her legs that causes a rasp in her voice. "maybe that's because you can't complain when your head is between my legs and you wouldn't anyway." she lets lust dominate her mind, obscuring the fact that this doesn't have to be the last time it happens, that she doesn't have to leave.

she groans as she feels carol's nails run down her back, this pain she can take and she begins to crave it as it causes to drive her hips deeper inside of the blonde. the hand on carol's thigh pins it down in place, fingers gripping her hard enough to leave bruises, she keeps her angle where she hears the moans grow louder. the fingers that were over carol's swollen bundle of nerves rub at the same pace and intensity as the toy does inside of her, driving her as close to the edge as she could without giving her what she wants.

she feels carol's thighs tremble against her and she feels a moan fall from her lips as the toy hits her clit just right, moving with more purpose, causing the springs in the bed to creak and the loose cardigan begins to slip down her shoulder. the way carol whines her name brings her closer, makes her own walls clench around nothing and she keeps her eyes locked on carol's face. "you can wait, carol." she needs her to, needs the orgasm to be worth the memory that they'll both hold onto when she's gone.

[mostmiserable]

in a way, she wants to live in this forever. the pain that they'd both given each other didn't seem to matter in this moment, it wasn't even relevant. all that mattered was the act of caring for each other in such an intimate way and maybe that's why carol is being so difficult, wanting to deflect from any real feelings that she knows she still has. it was clear to her that there was something beyond lust that zosia was feeling too, but she knows that she will never get an answer on if she's just seeing things again.

hips once again roll while on zosia's lap, both messing with her now and losing the small ounce of patience that she had as she could feel herself becoming more drenched than she was previously. hand moves to her face, lightly moving a thumb against her cheek. "you clearly wouldn't complain either." it was different to see the real side of zosia, not someone who just did whatever she wanted without pushback. "were you thinking of me before i came in here?" it's a bold question, eyebrows raised. she would lying if she said she wasn't enjoying this.

she was so close. every time she thinks that she will finally feel some release she's proven wrong. carol knows that zosia is doing it on purpose, knows that she wants her to beg. it almost felt like a punishment for everything that carol had done, a way for zosia to finally take that out on her in a way that she knew that the blonde couldn't resist. carol can almost hear her heartbeat in her ears, groaning at the feeling of her walls clenching around the toy. every touch made her more sensitive, not able to focus on anything except how much she was aching.

nails press harder into zosia at her words, eyes looking almost pleading as she looks into her eyes. she doesn't want to have to beg, but the loudness of her moans were starting to feel like she had no choice but to give in. "fuck, zosia!" her hands drop to her sides, eyes now shutting. her breath is shaky as she speaks, so on the verge that she can't think straight. "please, just let me...." another loud groan. "please."

[ptential]

helen knows what it means to her wife to have someone else take care of her, even in an act so simple it would only take the blonde two minutes or less if she was in a rush. she takes her time as she does it, letting her feel every swipe of it, letting her skin breathe slowly and appreciating it more when she was completely bare of any foundation, blush or eye makeup that weighed her down throughout the day. it didn't take her long to see that it was a burden to carol, one she didn't have to do, even if it made it feel like to fans she was putting in the effort.

"you barely let me pamper you." unless it was in the bedroom, then carol allowed for a lot more pampering and helen wouldn't complain about it because she liked giving her wife every bit of pleasure she wouldn't voice that she needed. she laughed at the suggestion of doing her nails, "that was never going to happen, you would mess them the same day." same hour, forgetting that she had to wait for her nails to dry and dipping her hand into a bag of cotton rounds. "i wouldn't put me through that, for the record." there's a smile that tugs at her lips, while she meant it, she also never wanted her wife to feel like a burden for asking for things.

"i would let you do my foundation, maybe.." anything else, she wasn't sure she'd be able to walk out of the house feeling confident. carol knew the basics and she could do it well, but she feels like she'd poke her eye out if she tried to do her mascara. "i thought you would be sick of me the second we moved in together." there's an eyebrow cocked as she continues clearing her skin, checking to make sure all of it is removed.

she won't deny that she loves how loud carol is for her, it's almost as if it's the one place the blonde can't deny the way she feels about her, how much she needs her. "i do, but you're still a brat." it's her way of showing her affection and knows her wife responds to it well, her eyes are light as carol finally caves and thanks her. "it is and i am always right, name one time i wasn't." though, she doesn't give her chance as she closes the distance between them and presses her lips to the blonde's.

[mostmiserable]

there was a time in which she had resisted this. helen doing anything more than her job as a manager had made her uncomfortable, not feeling that she had deserved having someone take care of her in this way. carol was so used to doing things on her own, but even she could admit it was nice at the end of an overwhelming day to have the other woman by her side. even if it involved something as simple as taking off her makeup. the dressing up wasn’t being forced by anything other than her own fear that people would assume things about her and she’s grateful that helen made the whole process easier. it was the first time in her life that she truly felt safe. 

“well, you know i can do things myself.” she sees the irony of how many small ways that helen had pampered her even just within the last couple of hours, but she viewed that as different, in the same way that she viewed their dynamic in the bedroom. helen never made her feel like asking for anything was wrong, it was different from all of the prior relationships she had throughout her life. carol playfully rolls her eyes at the notion that she would mess the nails up, even if she knew it was true. “you find that so funny, don’t you? what would you do if i came home with them done?” she would never put herself through that, but the thought of it causes her to laugh. 

she’s pretty sure she could attempt foundation, there really wasn’t a way to mess that up. "okay, maybe one day." carol knew they had plenty of time together to experiment with that. she shakes her head, an almost offended look on her face. getting sick of helen wasn't an option. "no, you're stuck with me." her voice is serious, almost monotone. "i could never be sick of you."

there's a flash of a blush moving across her cheeks as helen calls her a brat, way more noticeable now that her face is void from any makeup products. it didn't matter how many times it happened, carol could never resist her. she hums almost in approval, mind quickly trying to find perfect examples to times that she's been right before she feels her wife's lips on her own. arms wrap around helen, bringing her closer. it was definitely one way to get carol to stop talking, one that she enjoys more than anything else.

[p1ratelady]

“maybe it was real.” she doesn’t say it to get her hopes up, no, the words that follow clarify that. “there was someone or something that gave you anything you wanted, but it wasn’t me.” over a decade ago, that might what zosia would do for her, with only one night of meeting her she considered it. it was real to zosia before this, real to her when she waited and waited for a letter that never would come. now, she’s grateful that carol didn’t write her back because she knows the path it would’ve taken them both down, not one either of them would be fond of.

it makes her wonder what carol felt, if she could feel that zosia was fighting inside of the hive just to see if there’d be recognition in the blonde’s eyes. she let herself be convinced by the rest in the hive that her face was influential for a reason, that being buried in someone’s memory enough to make them the face of a franchise would be enough. as she looks at the blonde now, it’s clear it wasn’t. carol would always pretend that she was someone else, she’d known it from the moment things began to escalate between them. she would’ve waited longer herself to move in, but the hive was deceptive and shameless - the goal was more important than the right thing to do. that right thing would’ve given zosia the peace of mind to believe that carol didn’t just think of helen the entire time since she knew her memory was attached to anyone in the hive.

it’s the sting that bothers her, that if she continued anything with carol, the act of closing her eyes while intimate would cause zosia to question what carol wanted to picture behind her eyelids. it’s what keeps her from reaching out to comfort carol, she can only pretend she doesn’t notice her tears for so long. “it’ll be the only thing i ask from you, carol. you won’t notice i’m here.” she didn’t plan to speak with her for the rest of the time she stayed in her house, not if she could help it.

she rolled her eyes as she handed over a smaller bottle of vodka, taking the two she originally had and moving in the direction of the guest room. “the least i could do, i think i’ve done more than enough.” zosia was the one that did everything for carol, regardless if it was what she wanted, the habit lets her do it one last time. it had to be the last time she provided her with anything, but she wouldn’t do it with the smile that the hive planted on her face.

[mostmiserable]

carol never really would have thought of herself as the delusional type. even in the best moments of her and zosia, she really had convinced herself that even if it didn’t work out, that maybe it would once everyone was saved. like it was some sort of fairytale where she would save the world and wouldn’t be completely alone afterwards. “it could have been you, though.” it's silly to say, she knows that it was all her fault anyways. "in another time."

she can’t imagine what it’s like to be zosia’s shoes. the blonde had fallen victim of a lot of guilt in her life, but this was heavy enough to make her retreat into her own shell again. if zosia didn't want to see or talk to her, she'd make herself invisible. the other woman would move out in a few weeks to a few months, they would never see each other again. carol would try to pick back up her life, all alone.

"fine." she wipes her eyes, hating that she still cared enough that she wasn't going to just kick her out. it was foolish for carol to think that they were anything more than strangers. they spent one night together decades ago and carol had let her fear dictate her life. "whatever you want. you can pretend like i don't exist. your life wasn't the only one that was ruined, zosia." they were all suffering because of what the hive had done.

taking the bottle, she almost rolls her eyes. any other time she'd make a comment about how she got the smallest amount, but she stays quiet as she watches zosia walk further away, hating that zosia was right. carol had taken advantage of being able to get whatever she wanted, even if she had outwardly rejected it for so long. "i'm not above doing things for you. if you'd ask." which was funny, coming from her.

[minar-artwork]

i depend on you