living tomb

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AAAHHHHH ABBY MY LOVE

woW WHAT A COINKYDINK BECAUSE I ALSO LOVE YOU AND YOUR FACE AND EVERYTHING 

EXCUSE ME WHILE I FREDO KISS YOU FOREVER AND EVER

looooooove  /  gunlegacy

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“i love you, nina.”

those words will never fail to make her heart flutter almost straight out of her chest  ,  never fail to bring the brightest most goofiest and dimpled smile to her face  .  by the stars she love love loves this man more than anything and more than anything she loves being able to kiss him like this  ,  so free to just be happy and do things like this to make him smile  ,  to make him happy  .  with the same bright and goofy smile on her lips she leans forward to kiss him again and again before finally pulling away  ,  hands still rested against the sides of his neck  ,  

‘  i love you too  ,  i love you so much  .  i never want to stop saying that and i never want to stop hearing it  .  ‘

heard your heart saying love love love  /  waldenborn

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“i can’t give up on you, so please don’t give up on yourself.”

a sigh escapes her as she stands with her back to him  ,  facing their bed and she sighs before turning to face him  .  she wonders if he can tell  ,  if he can look at her messy hair  ,  her rumpled clothes and her eyes and just know what she’s done  .  he takes a step towards her and she backs up in the small space  ,  resigned pain flashes in his eyes and she hates herself  ,  it’s a familiar feeling down here in the bunker  ,  this utter feeling of self-hatred and guilt that drowns her completely  ,  causes her to hurt everyone she cares about  ,  especially when they don’t deserve it  .  there are still bruises on her skin from her last fight  but  ,  some are fresh from last night  .  helo deserved better  ,  he always had and he certainly deserved better than what she had become but  ,  he never listened  ,  he always fought for her  ,  he was always there so understanding and patient  ,  more kind than she deserved  ..  this was the only way  .  

‘  i slept with mike last night  …  after the fight  ,  after i left here i went to mike and i slept with him  .  ‘

her voice doesn’t even sound like her own anymore  ,  so flat and cruel in the way she keeps speaking even as the pain and confusion grows on helo’s face  .  

i promised i would never hurt you … 

nina swoops down to grab her bag off the bed and swing it onto her shoulder walking past him to brush her arm against his  ,  

‘  you need to helo  ,  you need to give up on me  .  ‘

sentence starters  /  waldenborn

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“ i got you. it’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be okay.”

she hears helo’s voice from a distance it sounds like  ,  like he’s underwater but  ,  she can’t make out anything that he’s saying  .  she’s so cold and the cage feels like ice against her skin and part of her wants to huddle close and wrap her arms around herself to try to find some kind of warmth but  ,  still she remains pressed flat against the cage so she can keep helo’s fingers locked with hers  .  she had heard her parents  ,  she knows that and part of her had wanted so desperately to reach for them  ,  to feel their arms around her once more but  ,  then sound and light and feeling had come rushing back in a painful rush that had had her unable to even take a breath at first  .  one moment she had been splayed on an exam table and the next they had hauled her back to her cage  .  

he had looked so worried  ,  she could see it in his eyes and no matter what she was feeling she had used all of her strength to latch her hand onto his  ,  needing it as much if not more than him  .  she doesn’t cling much to reality just to the feeling of his fingers wrapped tightly around her own shaking ones and tries to hold on when it feels like she’s shaking apart  .  suddenly  ,  he’s gone and she feels adrift at sea and terrified  .  they’re taking him  ,  they’re taking him away and she pushes herself up on shaky arms shouting before she really realizes it  ,  tears dripping down her face when suddenly the door swings open and arms are pulling her out of the cage  .  she wants to fight but  ,  her body doesn’t feel like hers anymore so all she can do is scream and shout until hands settle on her face  ,  until there’s a quiet voice that has her opening damp and dark hues to see him  .  

‘   helo  ?   ‘

his thumbs sweep under her cheekbone and her breath hitches  ,  painful and wet as she tries to lock onto his features and reaches out to brush a hand against his hair  ,  his cheek  ,  his arms needing to make sure he was there  ,  he was real  ,  this was over  .  nina pressed her forehead against his before moving to tuck it against the curve of his neck  ,  her hands coming to rest between them  ,  curled into the soft fabric of helo’s shirt  .  his voice echoed once more and she felt the vibrations of it and breathed shakily  ,  hands curling a little tighter to press against his chest and feel the steady thud of his heart  ,  

‘  you’re okay  ,  you’re okay  ..  you’re okay  .    ‘

sentence starters  /  waldenborn

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“You ever wake up from a dream and try to get back to sleep?”

‘  umm ..  yeah  .  yeah  .   ‘

nina rubbed her hands together before pulling her sleeves over her hands as she thought of the different variations of nightmares she had had that had woken up  or even the good dreams that left her disoriented and reaching for something she could never have again  .  her parents used to soothe her on both ocassions  ,  always showing up either from their own room and the chairs beside medical to hold her and whisper reassurances  ,  sometimes songs or bits of stories meant to ease her mind and help ease her back to sleep  .  

‘ and you still have that feeling that you’re not sure if things are real are not and everything’s hazy and then it’s that disorienting kind of jarring drop back to reality where you get kind of cold and sad ..  even if it’s a good dream because it’s over and -   ‘

that had been one of the hardest things about being in lockup or even being on the ground was having those wonderful dreams about her parents  ,  where they were alive and she was healthy  .  dreams where she wasn’t all alone  ,  where she hadn’t gotten her parents killed because she had made a selfish and horrible decision  .  it didn’t matter how beautiful and safe the dreams felt because in the end she always woke up cold and alone  ,  choking on so much guilt she felt like would never be able to breathe again  .  clarke had been there a few times on the ground to soothe her and those times had meant the world to her  .  her gaze went back down to her sleeve covered hands before she lifted her dark eyes to meet his own  ,  

‘ i don’t - i don’t know if it’s the same for you but  ,  if you want or if you ever feel like that you can - can come find me if you want  .   ‘

sentence memes  /  cockrch

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“I’d stand up but everytime I do someone kicks me in the ass.”

nina was silent for a moment before she let out a soft sigh as she sat down next to murphy and spoke  ,  

‘  well then it’s a good thing i was trained by the best because the next time someone kicks your ass i’ll kick them right back  .   ‘

she reached out and laid her hand on top of his  ,  careful and light in case he wanted to pull away before she smiled softly at him  ,  

‘  i mean i know i don’t look like much but  ,  i know exactly how to pack a punch especially for the people i care about and i do care about you murphy  ..  whether you like it or not  .   ‘

sentence memes  /  cockrch

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“He looks good from behind”-- Peter (I'm laughing so hard)

she’s sat at a table in the mess with peter sat across from her picking aimlessly at her food  ,  trying to listen more actively to peter because honestly peter is one of the best listeners in the world and she feels guilty she can’t seem to offer up the same just because she had a bad night’s sleep  .  she runs a hand through her hair and then perks up immediately and definitely selfishly as she sees helo walking through the mess presumably after his shift offering them a smile as he passes by probably to get food and she hears peter’s words for the first time as she follows helo and replies without even really thinking about it ,  

‘  he really really does  .   ‘

with a sudden flush to her cheeks she yanks herself back to reality outside of her haze and darts wide eyes back to peter  ,  

‘  oh .. oh  .  i  .. i mean he just umm .. that shirt looks really good ,  umm nice back mus  -  muscles  .   ‘

nina pulled herself out of her sheet  ,  nearly getting tangled in the legs of the table before she righted and found the quickest exit and hopefully a sympathetic ear in the form of her blonde best friend  .  

suggestive memes  /  rainkilled

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( ✉ → sms ) i dropped my pzziza o nt eh floror im fuckgin pissed

nina finished off the last of the chips in the bag before folding it and tossing it aside to join the now empty box of donuts they had finished off earlier before the chirp of her phone’s ringtone caused her features to crinkle in confusion as she fumbled for it and saw helocopter on the screen and grew even more confused  ,  she rolled off the bed and stumbled to the kitchen where he was standing looking sad at the mess that was now the pizza on the floor  .  she wrapped her arms around his stomach and leaned her cheek against his shoulder breathing in his familiar scent and the soft cotton and warmth of his shirt  ,  

‘  why’d  you text me  ??  i was right in the bedroom silly  .   ‘

the brunette fumbled for his phone that was still in his hand and double tapped the home button ,  

‘   siri  ,  order pizza with cheese and those little pepperoni things and pineapple and bacon … please  .   ‘

she let the phone drop back onto the table and slid her arms back around helo  ,  pressing kisses against his skin before turning so she could smile up at him  ,  

‘   see  ,  don’t be mad  .  siri fixed it  .   ‘

text memes  /  waldenborn

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( ✉ → sms ) plea se eh elep me im drunk and i dotn know whe re i am

she’s half asleep curled up in her lonely apartment with an old hallmark movie playing on the tv ,  looking at the empty baggie sitting on her table that had a few tablets that had run out just yesterday  .  she heard her phone buzz and gave a second thought to ignore it before realizing the more she ignored clarke or bellamy or even jackson that it would just mean they would show up and that was the last thing she wanted  .  it was helo’s contact name that brushed away the sleepy haze and the words that made her slightly uneasy and she was out the door  ,  shoes barely on her feet as her fingers flew across the screen  ,  

( ✉ → sms : helocopter )  okay just stay where you are ( ✉ → sms : helocopter ) i’m coming  ,  okay  ?  i’m coming  .  

text memes  /  waldenborn

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“i don’t want to be alone when i’m in this state.”

her heart physically ached at the lost tone of his voice and she didn’t hesitate to step close to him with gentle hands on his face ,  

‘  you don’t have to be  ,  you’re not alone  .  i promise you’re not alone  .  ‘

she was quick to wrap her arms tightly around him  ,  fingers carding through the hair on the back of his neck  ,  

‘  i’ll always be here for you  ,  promise  .  ‘

  -  meme i totally forgot about during my clearout  /  moonraged  

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!!! How do you feel about Peter Colton?

‘  peter colton is the sweetest person you will ever meet  .  and i know to most people that doesn’t mean anything but  ,  honestly peter is like a ray of sunshine that we all desperately need  .  he makes you feel warm  ,  cared for  ,  happy in this special way of his  .  you think after everything that we had all been through  ,  everything that he had been through he would change  ,  i mean it would be so easy to just let this world harden him but  ,  not peter  .  ‘

a soft laugh escaped nina as she thought of peter and how his smile always made her smile and after everything it had meant everything  ,  it still did  .  

‘   i love peter so much  ,  i think he was actually one of the first friends i made on the ground well  ,  actually one of my first friends ever besides clarke and wells  .  i’m not saying it’s lucky we were on the dropship or that we were criminals sent to earth but  ,  i’m really glad that peter was one of the hundred  ,  that he was here even though i wish he could have just been happy and safe . i just  -  i don’t actually know what i’m saying  ,  i guess i’m just really ,  really ridiculously happy that peter exists  ,  that he’s in my life  .  ‘

  -  how do you feel meme  /  rainkilled

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how do you feel about your time spent in mount weather ??

terror  ,  strong and all consuming flooded hrough her as she flashed back to mount weather ; 

the cramped confines of the cage  ,  the horrible echoes of the drills  ,  the broken sounds of everyone’s screams and pleas  ,  the helplessness of watching everyone she loved being dragged off and being unable to breathe until they came back  ..  or until they didn’t  .  

ms. wilde  ,  this will be much easier if you cooperate  … 

please  !  please don’t hurt him  !  

thought you were almost a goner  ,  sweetheart  

it’ll be okay  ,  it’ll be okay  ..  i promise  .  

nina came back to herself with a choked gasp  ,  she dug her nails into the skin of her hand until she felt the sting of broken skin and could center herself again  .  she could finally breathe  .  

‘  do you ever have a dream that’s as good can get  ,  you’re happy and you feel safe and mostly all of your friends are there but  ,  then suddenly everything just falls apart ?  like you blink and then all of the comfort and safety is gone  ,  everyone you love is in danger and the worst part  ?  you can’t do anything to help them  ,  you’re completely helpless and they’ll do everything they can to protect you and all you can do is just  …  ‘

she cut herself off sharply  ,  eyes locked on a sight that she wasn’t really seeing  ,  

‘  i almost died on the ark a couple times  ,  i never told my parents but i was okay with it  ,  i mean as okay as you can get with dying but  ,  i had come to terms with it  .  then  ,  i came to earth and i wanted to live you know but  ,  this what i’m living right now is borrowed time or a gift and so i just  ..  i would have done anything to give up that time to save them  .. anything .  ‘

clarke  ,  bellamy  ,  harper  ,  octavia  ,  jasper or helo  or monty  ..  wells  …  they had all deserved so much better  ,  they deserved more from life  ,  they deserved happiness and safety  ,  to be free of their pasts and the choices they had made as leaders of a war they never should have been a part of  .   they all did their best to protect her  ,  the fragile girl with the sensitive heart but  ,  honestly she had never wanted anything more than to be able to protect them and mount weather had done nothing more than prove how tragically she had failed at that  .  

‘  we’re a family  ..  after everything we’ve been through together  ,  after everything we’ve lost and all we’ve fought for we’re a family  .  family protects each other  ,  my parents protected me at the cost of eve-everything and i’m going to do that for them  .  i love them and they’re all i have left and i’ll give everything i can to save them  ,  that’s what you do for family .  i know they would do it for me and i’ll do it for them  ,  always  .  mount weather is never going to happen  ,  never  .  ‘

  -  how do you feel meme  /  waldenborn

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how do you feel about kane ? ??? ??

it might be the hardest question anyone has ever asked her  .  she doesn’t know what to say because it’s complicated  ,  beyond complicated and it hurts  .  

‘  i  -  i don’t  -  ‘

instinct when she was scared or uneasy was to grip the locket at her throat but  ,  something about doing that when she was talking about kane felt  … wrong  .  she took a deep shaky breath and instead she bunched her hands in the hem of her shirt and closed her eyes tight against the sudden influx of memories ;

nina first ran into kane as a little girl when she had escaped medical  .  the sight of all the needles had scared her and she couldn’t find her parents and so she had took off if anything to at least find clarke who always knew what to do and how to fix things  .  instead  ,  when she had turned a sudden corner she had run smack into the legs of a grown man and bounced back and when she had looked up with teary eyes it had been into kane’s rightfully confused features  ,  

‘  well  ,  hello there  .  ‘

her dad had always told her not to talk to strangers but he seemed nice enough and he was dressed like the other council members and she could trust the council and the guard always  .  she sniffled before she spoke  ,  

‘  hi  ‘

kane had knelt down in front of her and gave her a kind smile , 

‘  nina right  ?  my name’s marcus  ,  i’m a friend of your mom’s   ..  and i’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be down here  .  ‘

nina stayed quiet for a few moments before she wiped her sleeve over her face  ,  ‘  i got scared cause my mom and dad always come with me to the doctors but they weren’t there and there was this big needle  .  ‘  nina’s small frame shivered just thinking about it  ,  ‘  but i got lost . ‘

‘  yeah medical can get pretty scary  .. ‘  the older men leaned in and lowered his tone ,  ‘  don’t tell anyone but  ,  i’m pretty scared of medical too  ,  especially the shots  .  ‘

surprise lit up nina’s features and helped to clear away the fear and sadness that had been following her around like her own personal raincloud  , ‘  really ?! ‘

kane nodded  ,  ‘  definitely  .  i always avoid them but  ,  i bet you’re braver than i am  ,  just like your mom  .  ‘

‘  you and my mom really are friends ?  never met you before  .  ‘

something like sadness seemed to cloud over kane’s features but  ,  it was gone before nina could catch it and h nodded before reaching a hand out  ,  ‘  well sometimes friends get busy but  ,  megan is one of my closest friends  .  now  ,  i’m pretty sure they’re serving cookies to brave little girls in the cafeteria if you want and then i can help you find your mom  .  ‘

nina reached out with hesitation with a smile as she held onto his larger hand with her own small one  .  later  ,  she had sat in his office eating cookies while he showed her all the stars and explained the stories to her when her parents had came and got her  .  before she had left she had tugged on his shirt with a smile and asked if he had wanted to be friends too and even though he had said he would like nothing more she had never saw him again past that day except for passing glances in the hall  .  

‘  i had no idea who he was that day in the hallway  ,  i don’t think he did either at least according to abby he didn’t but  ,  he was so nice to me that day  ,  i had been so scared but  ,  he made it all okay  .  ‘  

nina’s sad smile dropped completely as she swallowed against a sudden lump in her throat and spoke  ,  

‘  the next time i saw him was when my parents were  -  ‘  

nina suddenly wished for someone to be there  ;  clarke  ,  bellamy  ,  helo .. someone strong that would make this okay  ,  make it somehow easier to speak when it felt like she couldn’t breathe without falling apart  .  

‘  and then after the mount weather i was  -  i wasn’t okay and i still can’t  ..  i still can’t believe i did that to him  ,  that i did that at all  .  he looked so  -  and my parents would be so upset with me and i - ‘

nina’s voice cracked on a whine and she ducked her head against her chest  ,  a stifled sob shaking her shoulders and she struggled to push it back as she shook her head  ,  hand pressed against her face  ,  

‘  and now i don’t  … i don’t really know what we are  .  i know i have to  -  to try and he’s better  ..  he’s so much better and you should see the way he - he is with everyone  ,  especially bellamy who really needed some-someone like kane on his side  .  ‘

she paused for a moment  ,  calming down slightly as she tried to push back the grief and distress that wanted to crush her like a tidal wave once more  .  

‘  i just  -  i don’t know what we’re supposed to be now because i had a dad  ,  a dad who was sweet and silly and wonderful  ..  a dad who gave up everything for me and now  …  it’s just  …  everything is such a mess and i want to talk to him but  ,  i don’t know  ..  i just … i just really wish my mom was here  .  ‘

  -  how do you feel meme  /  waldenborn

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waldenborn:

he readied himself for the hiss of a lifetime,  knowing that there was nothing he could to conceal the bruises that littered on his body.     especially along the ladder of his ribs,  where they took a steel toed boot to it.     helo stiffened at the ginger touch against his jawline,  lashes fluttering closed momentarily as he inwardly told himself to calm down.     he hated that she was seeing this   –   he thought he could ghost long enough until the bruises mostly healed. lips flattened into a deep frown,  and he scoffed,  but the words are strangled from the confines of his throat.       ‘     i’m good,     ‘     helo spoke to the ground,  too ashamed to meet her concern laced hues,  an uncomfortable knot in his gut like a fist.       ‘     someone didn’t like what i gave ‘em,     ‘      he fibbered,  mustering enough strength to look back up to nina and muster up what was supposed to be his signature lopsided grin.

she hated this  .  she hated what this life was doing to him  ,  he didn’t deserve this  .  helo deserved a wonderful life full of new experiences and memories  ,  he deserved to be safe and happy and free  .  she held back a sad and frustrated sound knowing it would just serve to make helo feel worse and she would not allow herself to be another person that made him feel bad  .  it wasn’t like she was in a better position to judge anyone about their life or their choices  ,  a pang echoed in her chest and she had to hold back on the instinct to grip her locket  ,  

‘  you don’t look good  .   ‘

nina moved her fingers to brush a lock of hair away from his forehead before she pulled away  ,  not wanting him to see the emotions splayed over her face and the fear that was sharpening her tired features  .  he gave her a smile that almost always served to make her feel better but  ,  now in only made her chest ache even more at thought of people laying their hands on him  ..  hurting him  .

‘  come on  ,  i’ll get you some ice  .  just sit down and take your shirt off and i’ll - i’ll take care of you  .   ‘

the brunette offered up what she hoped was a reassuring smile that would help reassure and soothe him a little before she made her way to the small kitchen to grab ice out of the freezer but  , mostly she tried to think of what her parents would do  ,  if she should call someone else  ,  maybe abby or clarke   .  

‘  so this was a customer who did this to you   ?   ‘

[motherlcss-a]

how do you feel about the ark ???

‘ the ark was home  ..  was home  .  it wasn’t perfect though  ,  i mean i didn’t really see much of it  .  my parents they worried a lot  ,  i mean they were good parents but they worried a lot and did their best to keep me safe and that meant i spent most of my time inside our quarters or at medical  ,  there were a few times i got to go out and those were great but  ,  umm ..  i don’t really miss it if that’s what you mean ?  it’s just ..  it has a lot of bad memories on it and i don’t  .  i don’t really want to think about those and i just  ..  it’s just ..  i burnt it all down  .  i had so many good memories too and then i burnt it all down and all i can think is how dissapointed my parents would be  ,  how horrified they would be that i would not only put myself in danger but others  .  i just -   ‘

nina’s voice cracked as her fingers automatically went to the locket that still after all this time hung from her neck and swallowed against a sudden lump in her throat, 

‘  it’s all gone  …  and that’s it  .  ‘

-  how do you feel  /  waldenborn

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how do you feel about that boye helo morris?

she smiles wide and beaming for a moment before it tones down to something small but sincere and heartfelt  .  she doesn’t know how to properly describe her feelings for helo  ,  for all the books she’s read  ,  for all the things she’s seen and how much she just talks and talks and talks she can’t describe the amount of feelings she has for helo morris  .  

‘  i don’t  - it’s like  …  ‘

she blew out a frustrated breath  ,  tugging on a dark lock of hair as she tried to piece the words together with her feelings  .  

‘  when i came down to earth all i knew was clarke and wells  .  they were the only friends i had and i hadn’t talked to anyone since my - my parents and then i don’t know earth kind of brought me back to life but so did … so did helo  .  it’s like something about him when he spoke to me  ,  he just asked my name and i told him .  it’s kind of like everything is black and white and soundless and then suddenly color and noise and helo was there .  even once i got high on these jobi nuts and decided i would be a mermaid but  ,  helo took care of me  .  he put my clothes back on and took me to bed and watched over me … he always doing stuff like that  .  i mean he used to put on this act that he was some angry rough guy but  ,  he’s not  .  he’s got the biggest heart and he’s always looking out for everyone and doing whatever he can to protect everyone .. even when it gets him hurt .  ‘

nina fidgeted with her hair once more  ,  biting down on her lip before speaking  ,  

‘  he’s sweet and smart and brave and strong  ,  he’s a hero even if he hates when anyone calls him that  .  he’s also sad and angry and hurting much more than he’ll ever let anyone know and i just want to protect  ,  make him happy because he deserves that  ..  because i love him  .  i love him so much more than anything  .  i love him  ,  i love him because honestly he’s probably the best thing that ever happened to me and i’ll always love him  .  no matter what happens  ,  no matter what we go through  ,  no matter what we do or anything else i’ll always love him and want him to be happy  .  ‘

- thoughts meme  /  waldenborn

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a time they kissed / ok but modern v tho

the shot burns its way down her throat and she loves the way it sends a pleasant warmth through her veins  .  she takes another and then drops the glass with a cheerful shout and a little dance .  she stumbles a little as she bounces away from her bar and towards the familiar silhouette of the boy she came with  ,  waylaid by a cute boy who offers her a brightly colored little pill that makes the world spin in a flurry of bright colors and sounds.  arms wrap around her waist and she grins turning to face beautiful eyes and leans in to kiss helo  ,  once and then twice as she pushes him onto one of the chairs and makes herself comfortable on his lap  .

‘  i love this place and i love tequila  ,  like why have i never had tequila before because it’s awesome and those pretty little pills and you ! i love you like so  ,  so much ! ‘

-  kiss meme  /  waldenborn