Dark & Deep

A Dark Motivational Lonely Lame Person ---- Ask^

[motivational-baegchi]

To think I can become stronger?

What a joke.

This hurts and it will never stop.

Something so painful like this,

to hear something like this is just devastating.

The worst advice you can give.

“Everybody Iives like this, you aren’t the only one having a tough time.“

Comparisons with others.

You think I don’t know?

That makes me feel worst.

Right there, being compared saying mine could be bad.

But not as bad as others.

Or I’m suffering like everyone and it’s nothing to worry about

because everybody is having it.

What a joke.

I can’t do this.

Hearing it over and over again.

Pain after pain.

Getting stronger and stronger.

It will never stop.

Forget it.

I can’t do this.

[motivational-baegchi]

Sometimes it’s fun mentally bashing myself because it doesn’t exactly hurt anyone around me but myself.

I’m not usually a social person and I barely go out but when I do it’s just myself.

I wonder why didn’t I? Why am I still breathing, when there’s really nothing I can do to make the people around feel like I’m useful.

People say you live for a reason.

Nobody said if it was for a good or bad reason.

So now I’m just thinking.

What’s my reason and when will it arrive?

Because I’m tired of waiting to the point I just want to give up and let whatever happen just happen.

Maybe it’s natural for me as it’s always has been.

Putting everyone before myself, because honestly.

I no longer care for myself.

Or maybe I never did.

[motivational-baegchi]

If my life is as beautiful as the breeze today, then I will stay.

If my smile is as beautiful as the breeze today, then I will keep it.

If my thoughts are as beautiful as the breeze today, then I will be free.

If my heart is as beautiful as the breeze today, then I will share it.

But

Why am I still here if my life isn’t as beautiful as the breeze today?

Why can’t I smile as beautiful as the breeze today so I can keep it?

Why can’t my thoughts be as beautiful as the breeze today, so I can be free?

Why is my heart not as beautiful as the breeze today but tightly closed and cold?

[motivational-baegchi]

I’m sorry for being born like this.

I’m sorry I wasn’t the child you expected to have.

I’m sorry I didn’t meet your expectation of the child you wanted.

I’m sorry for letting you down every single time.

I’m sorry for being born like this.

I’m sorry that I was unable to impress you on everything I do.

I’m sorry that I keep disappointing you.

I’m sorry for being that burden not only towards you but to the whole family.

I’m sorry for being born like this.

[motivational-baegchi]

I’m here alone.

I’m alone and afraid.

I’m afraid to talk.

I’m talking it’s hopeless.

I’m hopeless to speak.

I’m speaking it’s useless.

I’m useless, I’m fading.

I’m fading and I’m here.

[motivational-baegchi]

- Hoseok

How does one describe pain?

How does one make another feel that pain?

Like water and oil, that can’t mix.

I want to scream to the world.

I want to shout so loud.

But the only ringing noise is in my head.

Because I can’t let it out.

If I’m this sad. If I feel this bad.

How does one cure this feeling?

How does one cure this pain?

Like water and oil, that can’t mix.

How does one combine it instead of letting it fall apart?

[motivational-baegchi]

Why should I have it?

I don’t even like it.

Why do I have to cope with it?

Why do I need it?

We want things in life. We need things in life.

I don’t need this. I don’t want any of it.

What life is this?

I can’t deal with myself.

I can’t deal with my life.

I can’t put up with it.

I’m annoyed.

I don’t like it.

Take it away.

Please...

[motivational-baegchi]

I’m sorry.

My teachers, My parents, Myself.

I’ve tried. I really did.

But what am I suppose to do? 

What else can I do?

All I give out is disappointments.

To. Every. Single. Person. I. Meet.

You can have high hopes for me.

But I can’t give the hope that you want.

You can praise me all you wish.

But I’ll praise myself with more negativity than you can ever imagine.

It’s all my fault I know.

I’m not perfect, and I know no one else is.

But you see...

I can’t even define myself as an average person.

Even the word “low” can’t even describe me.

I’m failing.

I’m falling.

and I’m sorry for that.

[motivational-baegchi]

Success is something you have to try your best for right?

But why does it always backfires at me?

I try so hard to the point I get called a “try-harder”.

It doesn’t make sense, I feel like a failure.

I’m tired of trying so much.

I’m sick on caring for such small things.

What is success? Waking up and going,

“Oh great, your alive & your here.”

So I’m alive, going through the whole day,

Trying, trying and trying. 

Caring, caring and caring.

But why do I feel like a complete waste?

I just want to stop.

Can’t I just wait for success to come?

How long do I have to keep trying...

I want to give up.

[motivational-baegchi]

Everything I do.

Everywhere I look.

Why does it feel like your judging me?

When I read, When I talk, When I move.

Why can’t I fit in?

It’s like the world talks about me, making fun.

As if I shouldn’t have belonged.

So why I ask. Why am I here?

When everywhere I go and everything I do.

Feels like a burden.

[motivational-baegchi]

Let us scream.

Let us cry.

Let us drown in our thoughts.

Let them sink.

Let them burn.

Let them stay in our thoughts.

Let it kill.

Let it hurt.

Let it get worst and worst.

Now let's see.

Who wins the game.

Or.

Passing through the next level.

After all. It's just the beginning :)

[motivational-baegchi]

Though...

When people say stuff about me or to me.

I act like its nothing.

But surely does it kill.

Each word that escapes their lips, 1000 meanings go through my mind.

Each action and emotions they show, 1000 more meanings go through my mind.

Do you want to go through my mind?

It's dark. It's scary. It's broken.

It's like a billion of traps and if you make one mistake.

Just ONE.

Your gone.

Game over.

And you know what happens to that trap you made a mistaken on?

It gets stronger.

More worst then before.

So be careful.

You wouldn't want to do that...

Now would you?

[motivational-baegchi]

Is there ever going to be a good day?

Will anyone make it good?

Is there anyone who's gonna step into my life,

And one day I'll think. 'Wow... It's been a good day.'

In surprise. Without lying. Without pretending.

Will it ever happen?

I doubt it.

Same thing. Everyday.

There's always that one thing.

Maybe more. That ruins your day.

Nothing can brighten up my day.

The sun can shine so bright but it won't go through this frozen heart.

No.

It's a bad day. Everyday.

Nothing has changed.

It's always the same.

[motivational-baegchi]

Oh look.

W-we...

Are...

M-M- MAD!

W-we are IsAnE!

INSanITY

HAHAHAHA

Hahahahaha

HaHaHaHaHa

hAhAhAhAhAh

Psychos!

Crazy!

We're all mad!

MeNtAl!

...

....

.....

....

...

..

.

I'm fine.

[motivational-baegchi]

I loose hope so easily and quickly.

I loose faith so easily and quickly.

I loose trust so easily and quickly.

I loose happiness easily. And quickly.

And you know what they have in common?

I take forever to gain them cause it's difficult for me.

[motivational-baegchi]

To be honest.

At school no one really knows me.

Like I said.

1.7/4 of people in my year level probably forgot my name.

And even if people did know me.

I find that very hard to believe.

Because one.

I hardly talk.

Two.

I can't talk properly.

(Until I feel comfortable)

Three.

I don't open up easily.

I do drama I'm good at acting ok.

Even if I wasn't doing drama I'm good at pretending ok.

But then again... The inner me is like 600x worst.

Sure I don't cut and it's somehow not considered as bad depression?

You don't have to cut to show how bad your depression is -.-

Mine is bad I just don't cut.

End of story.

[motivational-baegchi]

Me every single day.

On the plus side I'm short.

Especially for a year 12.

I think the last time I remember I'm 153/154cm.

Yup I'm short for a year 12.

Since I'm mostly invisible, just add that with my height and I'm practically non existence.

Lack of everything.

I don't even talk much though I really want to but I can never find the words.

I'm shy true but get to know me better and I'm random.

Wallflower.

I like that word describes me the most.

Now these days people go for the looks so I'm here not looking normal and short So it's understandable why I'm not socializing with everybody else.

I haven't talk to 3.8/4 people in my year level and I bet 1.7/4 of them forgot my name even though it's simple.

I'm a spirit like those mystical creatures. You can only see me, If you believe in me.