Reading your email was upsetting. I never should have messaged you.
I don’t know why you had to throw in the long weekend reference. I also can’t imagine seeking out a job where I would work with you. Awkward.
I’m glad you’re happy and things are working out, I really am.
But it hurts. Maybe it always will.
Some people stick with you and over the years you fluctuate between being in active desire or trying to absolutely wipe them from your memory. I think it’s fucked up how we ignore that deep desire for what are valid or invalid reasons.
I know you have valid reasons. I get it.
I’m at the point of trying to absolutely forget I met you. It’s better this way, for everyone. I’m going to change my number soon and get a new phone to delete you from that too. Seems like a logical next step.
I don’t know what it will be like when I talk to you next, if I ever do. But I won’t forget how you made me feel. I also won’t forget that you brought out the deepest wounds I have and my desire to have a family that I never will. That hurts in ways you can’t imagine, and it makes me feel angry and vulnerable that I let myself be open to someone only to have it thrown back in my face.
I know you have your reasons, but this wasn’t fun for me, and that is a feeling I won’t forget.
