I think itâs bizarre how people canât respect their idolsâ privacy, and I donât mean just Masonâs. Donât photograph them while theyâre on private holidays, but if for a stupid reason you do, donât send it to gossip/fan pages. And if you own a page, if a stupid âfanâ sent you something, donât publish it.
Speculating and being curious is something, but actually invading their personal space is just beyond!
please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun. please remember you are writing fanfiction for fun
Yâall need to just STOP going to blogs (on anon or not) to slag others just because you donât agree with them, or for whatever other stupid reason why you do what you do. Just donât follow, ignore if you donât like their content, but just STOP hurting people.
The fact that Chelsea posted something yesterday about former blues during the 2020 Euros, with a photo of Chilly and Mason AND DID NOT TAG MASON!!! JUST!!! KILLS!!! ME!!!!!!!!
Things had been tense between you and Mason for a while now.
Youâd chalked it down to the difficult season, and tried not to let it get you down too much when you saw how much heâd withdrawn from you. You tried your hardest to still be there for him, even if he chose not to confide in you anymore about what was getting him down.
The change had been gradual.
First, heâd started to go to bed late. Then heâd miss meals with you. He chose to go out with the boys rather than stay in with you, until it felt like heâd rather do anything than hang out with you.
You knew him like the back of your hand, and you knew he was just feeling sorry for himself, so youâd given him the time he needed. If he was spending the day in his games room, you brought his food to him. If he wanted to go out and let loose with the boys, you picked him up to make sure he got home safe. Even if he didnât want dinner with you, you always made sure there was something made for him.
But then he started pulling away from your touch. Whenever you tried to reassure him that everything would work itself out, he became snappy with you. You and Mason very rarely argued but you couldnât remember the last time youâd gone to bed without the pair of you bickering beforehand.
You had found yourself becoming overly sensitive to everything he did, so even when he probably didnât mean to upset you, you found yourself hurting.
Whilst you understood he was going through a rough time, it unsettled you how much it had started to affect your relationship.
Mason had always been an affectionate person. His love language was physical touch, so for as long as youâd known him, he always had his hands on you in some way, shape or form, but you couldnât remember the last time heâd pulled you in for a cuddle or instigated any form of touch. You couldnât recall the last time the pair of you had spent any quality time together.
It had been well over a month since youâd gone on a date.
In the two years youâd been together, heâd always made you feel appreciated and wanted, but recently, you felt like nothing more than a burden.
Every night for the past week, he came to bed well after youâd fallen asleep, though the dip of the bed would always startle you out of your sleep. Youâd wait patiently for him to curl up next to you, but every night heâd go to sleep with his back facing you. As each night passed, your heart broke a little more. He no longer apologised for upsetting you, he just actively avoided you.
Every morning, he was out of bed before you woke up. You couldnât remember the last time the pair of you had spent a lazy morning in bed together.
A part of you was scared that he was done with your relationship, and by not addressing it, you were prolonging the inevitable.
You knew you couldnât go on like this for much longer, but youâd never been a confrontational person and the idea of talking about how his complacency was breaking your heart terrified you. The pain his distance caused was starting to become unbearable.
To make matters worse, you were having a pretty rough time of it yourself. Youâd been overwhelmed by deadline after deadline at work, often coming home exhausted.
You and Mason had always relied on each other for comfort after a long day, but you didnât feel like you could go to him anymore.
You tried not to show it, but it hurt so much for your pain not to be noticed by him. And you didnât know how much longer you could take being treated like this.
-
It was Monday evening. Youâd just gotten in late after a long shift at work. It had been the worst kind of day. Youâd been yelled at by several clientâs who were unsatisfied with their service. Your manager had shortened deadlines, and youâd had to pick up another colleagueâs workload as theyâd called in sick. To make matters worse, you were due on your period, and youâd been experiencing the worst cramps.
Knowing that you would be coming home to another night of tiptoeing around Mason almost pushed you off the edge.
It was safe to say that you were surprised to find Mason in the living room, curled up on the sofa, focused on his laptop. Your heart clenched at the sight of him. He looked so comfy, and had your relationship not been so strained you wouldâve rushed over to him and broke down in his arms. But you remained where you stood
From where you were standing it looked like he was booking tickets for a holiday.
More time without you.
âYouâre homeâ
You didnât mean to sound so startled, as Masonâs eyes flicked up to you. There had once been a time when his eyes would light up every time he looked at you, now they were just blank.
Mason was slightly taken aback when he saw how drained you looked. Your shoulders were hunched over and you were dragging your feet into the room. He noticed the way you kept an arm wrapped around your waist. His heart ached at your sorry sight, yet he made no attempt to move
For a moment, you both stared at each other, neither of you blinking.
You wanted him to ask you something.
Anything.
You needed him to comfort you and let you vent about your day, and promise you that everything would be okay so long as you had each other.
You wanted him to reassure you that this was just a rough patch.
You would get through it, together.
âWhere else would I be?â He retorted sarcastically, turning his attention back to the laptop.
He didnât see your expression fall.
Any other day, you might have let the abruptness slide, but after the day youâd had and the excruciating pain you were in, you felt your eyes well with tears, your face crumbling from his insensitivity.
You knew Mason was an observant person, and you knew he wouldâve been able to see that you were exhausted, but you were certain now - he simply didnât care anymore.
You let your bag drop to the floor with a heavy thud, not even caring about your work laptop inside.
Without another word, you turned on your heel and walked out of the living room, making sure to slam the door behind you as you did. Youâd never been one for dramatics, but you could no longer act like all he ever did was hurt your feelings.
Mason flinched from the loud noise, glancing up from his laptop once more to see that youâd dumped your stuff. He wasnât even sure why heâd said it. He hadnât even been expecting you to greet him when you got home, but heâd spent the day reflecting on your relationship and he knew heâd been treating you incredibly poorly over the last few weeks. His heart clenched in his chest at how youâd given up on fighting with him. He shouldâve asked how your day was, why you looked so exhausted.
Mason hadnât meant to push you away. Lately he just felt like nothing he did was good enough. It wasnât your fault, but he was just tired. Heâd been struggling a lot and you tried so hard to help him come up with solutions and he just felt like he was dragging you down. He felt like he wasnât good enough, and it had resulted in him withdrawing further and further away from you. Whilst heâd never put much stock in the publicâs opinion, constantly hearing that he was abandoning his club, and he was taking you down with him had gotten to him.
He knew this though, and heâd realised today that he needed to make things right with you. He knew youâd been struggling at work, and he just wanted things to go back to normal.
He debated going up to see you, he wanted to get down on his knees and apologise for treating you like shit. He wanted to explain what was going on in his head, but he was terrified that you were fed up with the constant negativity he brought to the house and if he started that conversation, it would only end with you breaking up with him. His insecurities won over and he decided to leave you be.
He closed his eyes, the image of your face seared into his mind. Youâd looked so tired, so sad. He hadnât even bothered to ask if you were okay. The pit of guilt that had settled in his stomach became heavier and heavier as he sat there, deciding he needed to do something tonight to make it up to you.
Upstairs, you had dove head first into your pillows to muffle your scream of frustration. Maybe it was the fact that you were due on, youâd had a terrible day and your hormones were all over the place, but you were fed up with Mason treating you like this. You had done nothing to deserve his cold shoulder, and you were tired of being his emotional punch bag.
Despite the raging pain in your lower abdomen, the last thing you wanted was to sit at home, avoiding him so you fished out your phone from your jacket pocket, sending a text to your best friend, Lauren.
A small smile made its way onto your face as you sank back onto the bed.
Hanging out with Lauren was always like a breath of fresh air, and you knew sheâd cheer you up without even trying.
You refused to let Masonâs behaviour bring you down for any longer. You were done trying to appease him. You appreciated that he was going through a tough time, but so were you, and he hadnât given you an ounce of the same support you showed him every night and day.
You got up from the bed, took some painkillers for your cramps and headed to your bathroom to have a quick shower and get yourself ready. You felt incredibly bitter and petty towards Mason. You werenât vain by any means, but you considered yourself someone he could be proud of dating. But if he didnât want to spend time with you, that was his loss.
You took extra care, making sure your makeup was immaculate and as you rummaged through your closet, you plucked out a dress you hadnât worn in a long time. It was figure-hugging and one of my Masonâs favourites because it complimented you so well. He was always left a little breathless when he saw you in it, unable to keep his hands off you.
Once you were satisfied with your appearance, you searched for your favourite heels.
Well, actually, they were Masonâs favourite heels. They made your feet ache a lot so you only ever wore them on special occasions, but you just wanted to rub it in his face a little.
Downstairs, Mason had decided he would make dinner for you. He knew it was nowhere near good enough of an apology to you for his behaviour, but he hoped it could be a start. It had been a while since heâd attempted to make dinner, and he figured you might appreciate that it would give you the night off from having to cook.
He got to work, deciding to make your favourite pasta dish, texting his Mum for tips on how to make it taste good. He was really nervous as he prepared the meal. He didnât even know if youâd want to eat with him. He just couldnât forget how youâd looked coming home from work, and it had hit him like a ton of bricks, that you had your own life, your own stresses and worries and heâd been so self-absorbed, he couldnât remember the last time heâd asked you how you were. He knew he was selfish, because whilst heâd been busy pushing you away the last few weeks, he had still expected you to be there for him, despite not being there for you at all.
He had never felt more ashamed in himself.
He promised himself that he was going to make it up to you, starting right now.
Mason had never been the best cook. He didnât have the same passion for it as you did. But heâd hoped youâd see that he was trying to make it up to you. He even went as far as to get the fancy cutlery out, and light some candles so you could both spend some quality time together.
He felt a little nervous as he switched the oven off, letting the pasta cool down, giving himself a pep talk as he walked upstairs to get you. He hadnât spoken to you properly for days, it was mainly noncommittal grunts, and he felt shy, knowing heâd been such a dick.
He waited outside the door of your shared bedroom, his heart racing in his chest. He didnât know why he felt so nervous.
This was you.
You were the love of his life.
Youâd argued before and youâd always made up.
Only this time, it wasnât just an argument.
Mason knew he was completely to blame for the way the two of you had drifted. He just hoped and prayed that you werenât completely done with him.
Inside your bedroom, you had just finished ordering your Uber. You were internally debating on whether or not you should tell Mason you were going out, but every time you thought about getting up and going downstairs, you stopped in your tracks, wondering whether or not heâd even care.
The sympathy youâd felt for him over the last few weeks had been replaced with anger. You knew it was better to just leave and sleep on it. Your periods always made you angry, and the last thing you wanted was to have a big blow.
You squared your shoulders, checking your reflection in the mirror one last time before smacking your lips together to leave your bedroom.
What you didnât expect to find was Mason standing on the landing, looking incredibly sheepish. His hand was raised as if he was about to knock on the door, but he froze in his place when he saw you in the doorway.
He blinked a couple of times at the sight of you. You looked absolutely stunning. And for one incredibly stupid moment, Mason wondered if youâd got all dressed up for him, in his favourite dress and those killer heels for him before logic hit him in the face. He swallowed, even more nervous at how good you looked.
You felt smug satisfaction that youâd left him speechless, but the next words out of his mouth, took you aback.
âI - I - I made dinner for usâ He stammered.
He hadnât seen you dressed up like this for a minute, and even though he always thought you looked beautiful, it had been a while since heâd properly looked at and appreciated how gorgeous you were. His heart skipped a beat, feeling a little shy just looking at you.
You, on the other hand, refused to let this one nice gesture, for the first time in weeks sway you. Mason deciding to make dinner was the bare minimum, and if you gave in now, heâd think the way heâd behaved the last few weeks was okay, and it wasnât.
âIâm not hungryâ You said, blankly.
âI - where are you going?â He asked, seemingly shrinking in on himself.
âOutâ
Mason winced at your cold, blunt responses. He knew you were giving him a taste of his own medicine, and it stung. He couldnât complain, because he knew he deserved it.
You were always too sweet for your own good, and he had told you that you needed to put your foot down more often, he just didnât expect the first time to be against him though.
You almost felt bad, but then you remembered the countless times heâd been cold and rude with you, and any sympathy you felt melted away.
âBut - I - I wanted us to talkâ
You levelled him with a flat look, and Mason cringed. It was only in that moment he realised just how far heâd been pushing you away. He couldnât remember a time where you hadnât looked at him with a soft expression, and to see your voice void of any emotion, your eyes blank, it made him feel like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
âTalk?â You echoed.
Mason tried again.
âY/N, Iâm tired of this. I just want to fix thi-â
âStop, I donât want to hear thisâ You sighed.
You couldnât bear to stand there and listen to him talk about how he wanted to fix things when it was because of him theyâd gotten here in the first place.
It was too much for you, and you needed to get away from him before you said something you might regret.
âEnjoy your dinner, Mason. I donât know when Iâm going to be homeâ
Mason grimaced at the sound of his name. You never addressed him by his name. For as long as heâd known you, it had always been cute little pet names, and he didnât realise how much it hurt not to have you address him affectionately until you didnât.
You brushed past him, making your way down the stairs and to the front door as your phone buzzed, letting you know your Uber was almost outside.
You could smell the pasta coming from the kitchen and you couldnât deny it smelt delicious, but you refused to give in. This wasnât fair. He couldnât just treat you like shit, and then give you sad, puppy dog eyes and expect you to fall on your knees for him.
âWait, can we please talk?â Mason followed after you, reaching for your wrist
You froze at his touch. You hated the way your tummy fluttered from the way his thumb swept across the inside of your wrist.
The first touch in days.
âMy Uberâs nearly here and Laurenâs waitingâ You told him, trying to keep your voice as stoic as possible.
As much as you wanted to give in, his behaviour had gone on too long and you were in no way going to let him get away with it this easily.
Mason felt a spark of irritation at you. Here he was trying, and you were just brushing him off. You could clearly see the effort heâd gone to. He didnât appreciate that you werenât even giving him a chance.
âGoing out with Lauren is more important than trying to fix this?â
It had been the completely wrong thing to say, but now Mason was starting to get heated. He knew heâd been wrong, but why couldnât you see that he was trying to make it up to you?
Your eyes narrowed as you whirled around, in complete disbelief at his comment. You snatched your wrist out of his grip, taking several steps back.
âHow dare you?â You breathed, your cold exterior shattering as your lower lip wobbled. You couldnât believe the audacity of him.
âI have been trying to fix this for weeks! You are the one that has been pushing me away. You chose going out with the boys over me so many times when you knew I wanted to talk to you. You chose playing video games over coming to me so donât stand there and try to make me feel bad for not putting up with it anymoreâ
Any attempt to resolve the issues between the pair of you was shattered, because now Mason was pissed too.
He was pissed that you hadnât made it easy for him. He was pissed that you were showing a backbone and making him feel like the last few weeks had been intentional when you both knew they hadnât. He thought youâd understood he needed some space to get his head clear, but here you were throwing everything back in his face.
âRight, itâs not like Iâve not been going through the roughest period of my lifeâ Mason snapped, becoming defensive when you didnât give in to him.
You let out a bitter laugh, your blood boiling at his words. Mason had never enraged you as badly as he had in that moment, and maybe it didnât help that you were already wound up from such a rubbish day, but you practically snarled at him.
âAnd I havenât been on my hands and fucking knees trying to be there for you? Trying to take care of you, even though all youâve done is push me away? News flash, Mason. The world doesnât revolve around you and your problems. Iâve had my own shit going on, and you didnât even noticeâ
Mason faltered, but he refused to back down.
âI have the entire fucking internet on my back telling me Iâm a snake. Even the boys at the club are treating me like Iâm some sort of pariah. Iâm trying my best to navigate the best possible future for both of us. The club still hasnât sorted out my contract. My entire fucking future is in jeopardy, you have no idea what itâs been like for me so Iâm sorry that I didnât notice you had one tough day at work. Itâs not my fault youâre so fucking sensitive and clingy all the timeâ
His words winded you. You took a step back, and Mason knew heâd taken it too far.
He was filled with regret almost instantly.
âWait, Y/N. I didnât mean thatâ He breathed, but you shook your head.
Whilst youâd refused to cry before, this time the tears slid down freely. Your heart cracking inside your chest as you stared at the man in front of you, a man you didnât recognise anymore.
âHow could you say that?â
Mason reached forward immediately, trying to cradle you in his arms but you shoved him away, wiping at the tears on your face.
He thought you were clingy. You were too sensitive. He didnât appreciate anything that youâd done for him at all.
It mightâve hurt less if he reached inside your chest and yanked your heart out.
âBaby, no. I didnât mean itâ Mason backtracked, but it didnât matter because he couldnât take back what heâd said.
In your hand your phone buzzed, the Uber driver calling you to let you know he was outside.
âY/N, please. I am so sorry. I didnât mean itâ Mason pleaded, but you turned away from him. He didnât let you get far, wrapping an arm, around your waist and pulling you into him.
You tried to control your ragged breathing, patting at your cheeks to dry your tears, and shaking your head.
Mason was directly behind you, your back flush against his chest as he held you against him, his cheek pressed against the side of your head.
He knew what heâd said was unforgivable, he had just wanted to hurt you out of spite.
âBaby, please. Iâm sorryâ Mason pleaded, his voice hoarse and cracked, but you ignored him.
A part of you wanted to turn around, to scream at him until you were blue in the face. But it didnât matter. He thought you were too clingy and too sensitive. To him, your problems didnât matter because they werenât the same magnitude as his.
You didnât turn.
Instead you pulled yourself out of his touch and reached for your coat, pulling it over your shoulders. You didnât turn to look at him, you knew if you did, you wouldnât be able to hold in your sobs.
âY/N!â He called, his voice cracking but you didnât turn around you just walked out the house, determined not to look back as you climbed into the Uber.
Mason stood in the doorway watching you go, his heart heavy in his chest, guilt consuming him and one single worry running through his mind - had he just lost you?
He wanted to chase after you, to stop you from getting in the taxi, but he was in disbelief over how fast the argument has escalated. In all the times youâd fought in your relationships, you had never just walked away. You guys always talked it out.
Mason didnât comprehend how painful it would be to watch you walk away from him without looking back once.
He dragged himself back inside the house, feeling his shoulders shake at the thought of you being so upset with him. Heâd never said anything so nasty to you in the entirety of the time heâd known you, and he was kicking himself for it. Even if youâd been wrong, (which you hadnât) he knew he was well out of order.
He reached for his phone, trying to call you, to convince you to come home. But you didnât answer. He sent you texts apologising, begging for you to come back home, but when the blue bubble turned to green, he knew youâd switched your phone off.
Heâd never felt like more of a fuck up in his life.
-
It was hours later and you were incredibly drunk.
Thankfully, youâd managed to compose yourself because the last thing you wanted to do was break down in front of Lauren. As much as you were upset with Mason for what he had said to you, the pair of you were incredibly close with Lauren and Declan, and you didnât want her to have a bad opinion of him after your fight.
Even the thought of Mason felt like a stab to the heart. You were trying your hardest not to focus on it, but his words had riddled you with insecurity. You couldnât believe he found you clingy and sensitive. You had pushed all thoughts of him to the back of your mind, wanting to black out. It hurt too much to think of him, and whilst Lauren had been a grateful distraction, even she hadnât been able to take your mind off the heartache you felt.
Still, it was her first night away from Jude and you wanted her to enjoy herself, so you made sure the night was fun for both of you.
Lauren knew you too well, and she knew that you were clearly unhappy about something. But thankfully she respected the fact that you didnât want to talk about it, so the pair of you let loose, enjoying the time together, since it was so rare you actually got to enjoy a night out.
It was 3AM when you stumbled back into your house, having made sure the taxi driver dropped Lauren off home first.
You were in absolute agony. Youâd come onto your period halfway through dinner with Lauren. Your feet had blisters from the stupid heels youâd worn to spite Mason, and you were exhausted. Youâd kicked them off, grimacing at the pins and needles in the soles of your feet as you made your way to the kitchen to fill up a hot water bottle and have some medicine.
Mason was nowhere to be seen, but you felt your heart crack in your chest when you saw that he had actually laid the dining table, heâd put out your fancy cutlery and heâd even decorated the table with candles. The pot with the pasta heâd made sat untouched and you felt a pit of guilt that heâd clearly attempted to try and patch things up with you before it had all gone so sour.
Your head was spinning as you slowly made your way up the stairs. You gently pushed the door to your bedroom open to see Mason had fallen asleep on his stomach. Your chest constricted at the sight of him.
As quietly as you could, you tiptoed past the bed to go to your en-suite and take your makeup off. You closed the door quietly behind you, blinking at your reflection as you began your nighttime skincare routine.
As you stared at yourself, you felt your eyes well with tears. It hurt so much to know that he found you clingy and unbearable.
All this time, you had just been trying to be there for him.
You were hopeless at trying to stop the tears that slid down your face, so you just carried on with your skincare. Paired with the horrific cramps you were experiencing, you felt like curling up into a ball.
Inside your bedroom, the strip of light from the bathroom peeking into your shared bedroom had woken Mason up. Heâd tried to stay up waiting for you, but he mustâve dozed off.
A part of him had been scared that you wouldnât come back home, and relief flooded through him as well as hope that perhaps you could still fix things.
He hesitated for a moment, but he decided heâd given you enough space to go and get it out of your system and now he just wanted to apologise, to beg for forgiveness.
He crawled out of bed, slowly pushing the bathroom door open. His heart sank down to his stomach when he saw you leaning over the sink. Your arms were wrapped around your stomach, clutching the hot water bottle. Your face crumpled in pain. He could see the painkillers on the side of the counter and he realised you mustâve started your period. He felt even guiltier knowing you always suffered terrible period pains.
Your eyes locked with his, and Mason felt a heavy weight settle on his heart seeing your heartbroken expression.
âDonât worry, Iâll sleep in the guest roomâ You mumbled, and he felt his eyes well with tears.
He shook his head, striding towards you. He wrapped his arms around you in a hug from behind, pressing his face into your neck.
You were too tired, in too much pain to push him off so you just sank into him.
âI thought you werenât going to come back homeâ Mason breathed, hot tears spilling down his cheeks and onto your neck. Your heart broke a little more at how sad he sounded.
You didnât speak, not knowing what to say.
Your expression mirrored his, as you sniffled. Your legs felt like jelly and you let out a soft whimper when you felt another cramp tear through your stomach. You gasped, digging your fingers into the bathroom sink. Mason instantly slid his hand under your dress, massaging your stomach the way he knew you liked.
âHave you had your meds?â He asked, his voice hoarse.
You nodded, you were in too much pain to push him away.
âThey havenât kicked in yetâ
You let him lead you out of the bathroom, switching the light off as he reached for one of his shirts. He unzipped your dress from the back, gently pushing it down your shoulders before pulling his shirt over your head.
Your heart cracked because this was the most heâd touched you in weeks. He slipped behind you, wordlessly running his fingers through your hair and plaiting it for you the way you did every night before you slept. It hurt even more to feel him be so sweet and gentle to you after heâd said such cruel words.
You hadnât even realised you were crying as he spun you around to face him. Maybe if you hadnât been so drunk, you wouldâve had the strength to push him away and tell him you hated him for hurting you. But you didnât think it was possible to hate Mason.
You knew heâd been kicking himself. Youâd switched your phone back on when you were in the Uber home and your phone had frozen from the amount of texts and missed calls heâd bombarded you with. It didnât make what he said okay, but you believed that he regretted it.
Mason brushed his fingers under your eyes, hating the fact that he knew you were crying because of him.
âWhy did you say that?â
Your voice was small and timid, and so full of hurt.
Mason opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.
âAll Iâve ever done is try and be there for you. And maybe I didnât realise just how bad all of it was, but I did everything I could. You made me feel like I was a nuisance and a burden. You made me feel like Iâm not good enough for you because I donât have a backbone. Like Iâm pathetic because I get emotional quickly. But I get emotional because I love you. Because it hurts me to see that youâre in pain, and I canât fix it. I wasnât trying to be clingy. I could see all the hate you were getting, I just wanted you to know that even if the whole world was against you, Iâd still be there. Iâd never leave.â
Hot tears spilled down Masonâs cheeks as he listened to you explain.
âI thought we were a team. I thought that no matter what happened we could get through anything together. I thought you felt the same way about me as I did you. I guess I was wrong. But thatâs okay, because now I know where I standâ
You were breaking Masonâs heart with each word you spoke, and he couldnât take hearing anymore. He reached for you, cupping your face in his hands, tipping your head up so you were looking at him. He looked as miserable as you felt.
âIâm sorry, I am so sorry, baby. There is no excuse for what I said. I was upset that you didnât want to have dinner with me, and I wanted you to hurt too. I didnât mean it, Y/N. I didnât mean a word of it, and I know you wonât believe that, so I swear to you, I will prove it to you. You are not clingy, youâre perfect. I love how much you care about me, I love the way youâve never let me feel like Iâm not good enough. I love you, and - fuck - Iâm so sorry. Youâre not too sensitive, youâre caring and empathetic, and itâs one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I was being a dick. Iâm so sorry for the way Iâve treated you the past few weeks. Yes, Iâve been struggling but thatâs not a good enough excuse to hurt you, to push you away. Y/N, Iâm scared. Iâm scared that youâre going to realise you can do so much better than me, Iâm scared that youâre going to leave me, so I pushed you away to protect myself. I know that was wrong, it was the stupidest thing I couldâve ever done, and Iâm so sorry baby. I know I donât deserve it, but please tell me that we can fix this. Please tell me we can work through this and come out the other side, because you deserve so much better than what Iâve treated you, but Iâm too selfish to let you go. I need you, Y/N. I love you, I canât do this without you.â
Your cries hurt him, as he cradled you against him. You didnât know how you felt. You were drunk, you were in pain and you were overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the last few weeks.
âThat doesnât make it okay, Masonâ You whispered, tearing you eyes away from him, as you tried to swallow the lump that had formed in your throat.
âI know, I knowâ He moaned, holding you tighter.
âPlease, Y/N. Please believe me when I say I didnât mean it - please forgive meâ
You couldnât give him an answer, and you barely registered him guiding you into your bed, not taking his hands off you.
Mason tucked you into his body, holding you as you cried out your pain. He hated knowing he was the cause of this, hated knowing it was on him that you were questioning his love for you. Heâd never felt like a worse person. He had always sworn to himself that heâd never hurt you. You were gentle, and warm. It took a lot to get you down, and to see you so broken because of his actions made him feel sick to his stomach.
You still felt too sore about the whole ordeal to hold onto him, you kept your arms wrapped firmly around your torso, hugging the hot water bottle to your stomach. It didnât deter Mason from holding you against him, his hand massaging into your back to soothe your cramps. Your face was pressed against his neck, and you knew he could feel the tears that were never ending.
Neither of you slept. Mason held onto you all night, even after your crying had subsided. When the water bottle lost its heat, he replaced it with his hands, pressing down gently onto your stomach.
Having him hold you and touch you like this was overwhelming, it felt so good to feel wanted again, but at the same time you couldnât forget everything that had led to this point. He spent the entire night whispering sweet reassurances in your ear, kissing the top of your head and returning to the old affectionate Mason youâd missed so terribly.
It was the very early hours of the morning when your cramps had eased up enough to let you fall asleep for a little while. Mason was still awake, his body entwined with yours. Your breathing was soft, and all he could do was lay in your bed and admire you. The plait heâd tied for you had become loose and messy with all your writhing from pain, and he tucked your hair behind your ear. He still didnât know whether you were done with him, but he hoped that not pushing him away last night had been a sign that you wanted to give him a second chance.
He couldnât stop himself from caressing your jaw. It was as if heâd forgotten how beautiful you were, how precious you were to his heart. He hated himself for being so self-absorbed, as he traced the outline of your face, before leaning forward to kiss your forehead. He hoped you knew how badly he felt, and he knew that youâd both still need to talk a bit more. He couldnât deny the relief he felt having you in his arms. It was like heâd forgotten how much comfort you brought him. You settled his troubled heart in a manner no one else could even begin to attempt.
By the time you woke up it was almost noon. Your head was pounding and your heart sank when you realised the bed was empty. You wished you were one of those people that forget everything after a drunken night, but you remembered it all.
The way youâd broken down, the way Mason had held you, how heâd apologised and begged for your forgiveness, for another chance.
You remembered how you hadnât given him an answer. You couldnât deny it had felt so nice to sleep in his arms, to have him hold and touch you the way he used to before. But where was he this morning?
You dragged yourself out of bed, wincing at the cramps that were just about tolerable wracking through your body. You showered quickly and got ready for the day. You didnât have any plans, and you just wanted to recover from the long week, but you needed to speak with Mason. You needed to be coherent and as badly as you wanted to just melt into him and forgive him easily, he needed to understand you wouldnât be able to take him putting you through that again.
When you eventually headed downstairs, you were taken aback to see that the whole house had been tidied up. The dinner table that Mason had set for you both last night had been cleared away and replaced with a full English breakfast. Mason was standing by the kettle making you both a cup of tea, his head pricking up when he saw you walk into the kitchen.
âYouâre upâ His voice was gentle, his eyes full of hesitation as he glanced at you.
You were in one of his hoodies, a pair of joggers and mismatched socks. You were holding the hot water bottle limply, a bit unsure of what to do.
Mason reached for the hot water bottle, filling it up with hot water again for you as you took a seat at the dining table. You knew heâd gone to a lot of effort to make breakfast for you, and after spoiling his attempts at dinner last night, you didnât have the heart to ruin breakfast too.
He sat down opposite you, both of you eating in silence.
It was quiet and awkward.
You didnât realise how hungry you were, and you ended up scarfing down the food. Mason watched in amusement, happy that you were enjoying your breakfast. His sheepish little giggle broke the taut tension between you. Your eyes flicked up to his and you couldnât help but smile as you met his gaze, warmth spreading through your chest.
Once youâd both eaten, you got up to clean the dishes, but Mason beat you to it. He dumped them in the dishwasher, before gently guiding you to the living room. Your heart fluttered in your chest when you realised heâd made a pillow fort and a tray with all your favourite snacks.
On the screen, the first Harry Potter movie was set up, paused ready for you both to watch it.
Your lower lip wobbled, your emotions getting the best of you. It reminded you so much of the relationship you adored. You could feel the icy guard youâd put up melting away, appreciating that he was trying to make it up to you.
Mason watched you apprehensively, not sure if it was too much but when you turned around, your eyes filled with tears, his heart sank into his stomach. He was taken aback when you flung yourself at him. He staggered back a little, not expecting you to launch yourself at him, but he hoisted you up with ease, letting you wrap your arms and legs around him. You buried your face into his neck, unable to stop yourself from crying.
âSshh, itâs okay baby. Donât cryâ He soothed, slipping his hands under your hoodie and stroking your soft skin. You clung to him tighter, unable to speak due to the lump in your throat as Mason carefully carried you over and sank down into the pillow fort heâd made, holding you against him. He felt himself relax a little, because this had to be a good sign.
When you managed to compose yourself, you lifted your head, so you were looking at him.
âMase, I really appreciate this. And the breakfast, and even though I spoiled it, the dinner last night. But it doesnât erase the last few weeksâ You whispered, watching as his face fell a little, but you shook your head, cradling his face in your hands.
âIt doesnât. And Iâll never be able to apologise enough for the way I behaved. But I really am sorry. Youâre my everything, Y/N. Knowing I was the reason for your tears broke me, babe. I never want to make you feel like that againâ He apologised, looking in your eyes.
You could see the shame and the regret in his expression, and you nodded.
âI know itâs been hard for you. I wasnât trying to make it harder. I thought I was making it easier. If Iâd known you felt like I was suffocating you, I wouldâve backed offâ You whispered, but he shook his head, nestling his face into your palm.
âIâm so sorry I said that. You didnât and you never have. Youâre my comfortâ He breathed.
When a couple of tears slid down his cheeks, you realised just how badly he was feeling, and you believed his apology was sincere.
âIâm sorry, Y/N. I know I keep saying it, but I donât know a better wordâ He croaked.
Your heart melted, all the frustration and anger youâd felt towards him dissipated as he pressed a kiss to your palm. His apology and the effort heâd gone to this morning to make it up to you had meant a lot. And whilst you knew that you both had to work on your communication, you appreciated the fact that heâd owned up to his mistakes.
âI know, baby. I know you areâ You cooed, and Mason swallowed the lump in his throat at your affection.
âDo you forgive me?â He whispered, and your eyes flicked to his. You leaned forward, brushing your nose against his, pressing a soft kiss to the bridge.
âI forgive you, Mase. And Iâm sorry if I overstep my boundaries sometimes, I just care about you, Mase. I hate seeing you hurting, but I understand if you need space sometimes to come to terms with thi-â
âNo. I donât ever want space from you again. Last night, I thought there was a very real possibility that Iâd lost you and I - I never wanna feel that again, Y/N. No matter what happens, weâll get through it, together yeah?â He whispered, and you nodded, feeling so much better than you had in weeks.
âIâm so sorry I havenât been there for you, baby. Iâm sorry I was so selfish and consumed with my own problems. But that changes todayâ He promised and you nodded, smiling softly.
You were so relieved to have the old Mase back.
âI know I can be a pain, but will you promise me something?â Mason asked, his voice timid and shy.
You raised an eyebrow at him questioningly.
âWhat is it?â
He swallowed, looking away for a second before his eyes met yours.
âDonât let me go, ever. Even if I push you away, sometimes. I need you. You ground me, and sometimes I let everything weigh me down and I forget thatâ He admitted.
Your heart softened, and you stroked his cheek with your thumb
âCâmereâ You said softly, leaning forward and brushing your lips against his.
Mason sighed, melting into your kiss. He hadnât kissed you properly in so long, the taste of you was overwhelming.
He gently pushed his tongue into your mouth, savouring the taste of you, bringing his hands up to cup your face. His kiss lingered for a long while, neither of you wanting to break apart, enjoying the feel of your lips pressed together. You scratched at the back of his neck, causing Mason to shiver as you both pulled away, letting out a heavy breath, your forehead resting on his.
âIâve missed you - missed thisâ You whispered, as Mason stroked the side of your face.
âIâve missed you too babyâ
You smiled, as you snuggled into him.
âWeâre going to be okay, arenât we?â Mason murmured, stroking your hair, and you twisted to look up at him. You smiled as he dropped his lips down to yours in a soothing kiss.
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