Mouthfuls of Melodies @mouthfulsofmelodies - Tumblr Blog

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the pieces i love of you are just fragments- there is no whole, only pieces and shards that share the same body, coexisting in liminal space and intersections in time. i would love every piece of you, if you or i could find it.

i am

still afraid of

that day

i am still broken

the cracks are still there

you are so often the mirror

i can see all my cracks within

-a screaming falling deep blackness without an end-

-where i am screaming and you are screaming-

-the ground is like a whirlpool and giant feathers are falling-

-and you're disappearing and i'm disappearing-

-but we never stop falling-

-i never stop falling-

-i have not stopped screaming-

-i don't know how to stop screaming-

and you are the mirror

you shine but underneath you show me a deep dark terrifying depth

-i don't want to be lost in that dark depth-

-i am already lost in the dark depth-

you are everything and the end of everything

you are not a black hole

you are what the black hole is made of

you are light and the opposite of light, the complete absence of light

i am made of static and ringing in my ears

i am screaming, always screaming but not out loud for anyone to hear

how can i look past the screaming dark

if there is nothing past the screaming dark

if i can't find the right way to focus my eyes so i can look between the cracks

if between the cracks there's only another facade, covering darkness

i hate you with every fibre of my being because you let the darkness in and you won't say so in all the right words

you can't say sorry

you can't hold me as i'm broken and be strong and watch the dark leach out of me

you need someone to hold you and be strong and let the darkness rage in you

you let the darkness in to you, and in to me

and i chased you and when i touched you (hand and heart) we were both made of deep darkness closing in

years later i am made of poison and shattered love songs

the jagged edges, shaken up, they pierce my skin

any metal sent to the core will melt in time

the place i keep my darkness in gets deeper all the time

You and me, we've been to the edge of your soul and back The place not found on any of our self drawn maps The bits of us that are forever unravelling, As we are travelling tiptoe or headlong towards the end Reach out and pull a thread Laugh and cry and scream as we run and madly dash from the rippling roiling hole we have opened in our seams----

We have been to the edge of my soul and back, you and me. We used to lie on the edges, hanging upside down into the void, hand in hand, opened and closed. Some days there were stars, and we counted up the shining hopes and made up constellations drawn in wishes. Those were days we danced, and each step took us further from the darkness, closer to light.

The walls are humming The walls are humming The air is vibrating The air is shaking The sound is rising The sound is rising In waves above me To overwhelm me The sky is falling The sky is falling And taking me with it In crashing and falling The night is coming The night is coming To sweep me away In tides of humming the walls are making The dark has come The dark has come To wipe the whole world away, away

So why would I fight to stay above water Commit all my power To fighting the current When I could just let The water drag my body down Into dark depths And I could find my gills And swim so very far away And the ocean would claim me All for its own

As the water would claim me My wings would find me My body turn traitor And push me back up Into the open air And I would cry out And lose the water below me And the sky would claim me All for its own

But my wings would be fragile Waterlogged and new And gills would find themselves useless Without water to feed them And as the earth found me I would lose them all So unwillingly Would have to claim me All for my own

sleep

And it is beautiful, to sleep with you, All tangled together like puppies, Entwined and skin on skin making sparks and shadows and love. In sleep, your breathing regular and close, I watch and listen, Then tune my own breathing to yours, And sleep. Sweating heat, exchanging want and need. The smell of you lingers in sheets and pillow, in very air and breath, So in absence of you I still feel you here, Lacking tangible form. So I sleep alone, Entangled in none other Than memorised Curves and skin.

And in darkness, We are who we're always supposed to be. No incomplete form, Too much or too little. We can be us in darkness, I you, you me, even self if wished for. In the dark I can't see you Seeing me, Hungry eyed all wide with want. In dark you can't see Too much of me To be safe and exist as the me I'm supposed to be.

So when I ask for shadows, You take the brightest light And extinguish it for me

The feeling of you untying the knot that is me

A dissolution, a saturation, a spill of high volume of sand and glitter and glass

A fragmentation, a prismatic reflection, a rainbow of light splashed on every surface in reach

The feeling of waves breaking onto the legs of the dock and slowly but surely eroding it into the sea

The energy inside a ripple that echoes, down down down, pebble sinking after a long fast skip on the surface

At the intersection of energy between i and you there is nothing and there is everything and there is no space for anything in between

#soft and shiny muse #melodical muse #the sun the stars the open sky

i want to take you apart (you are taking me apart)

i want to make you into art, make you things and bring you gifts and offerings. i want to bite you all over and roar and make you scream with pleasure, make you wriggle, overwhelm you. i want to destroy you, with my bared teeth and unsheathed claws. i want you to feel nothing but good things while you are pulled to pieces, a vessel for destruction. i want to take you apart (you are taking me apart)

#spark and fizzle muse #daybreak spills over into mountains #sparks and sparkles #the sun the stars the open sky

Wild werewolf girl sings into the night

The air is humming to her-

She is singing to the sky.

Dream with me, the stars are young

Lie with me, held hands and no sounds but breathing

Sleep with me, fall dreaming into the crook of my arm, the curve of my side

Above us, Orion and Leo and Pleadies and stars whose names have been forgotten or not yet uttered or without a name that any human tongue can parse, they sleep as we sleep

When we wake your eyes open wearily, still looking at the stars, still with me

Still with me

i want you to want to love me i want you to want me around all the time i want to dance with you, spin circles of twirling smiles, together i want to stay up late and talk about books we both like and games we want to play i want to sometimes buy you flowers, to make you things, bring gifts like a cat with a bird, my mouth full and my heart big and my love visible in my eyes i want to hold you when you wake up afraid of the world i want you to chase away shadows from dark corners when i can’t quiet my mind, burning up darkness with lightning and flame i want to remember your birthday three times out of five, to shower you with cake and affection for one more day of the year i want to listen to you fall asleep, to wish i could follow you into your dreams, and to listen to the words you whisper into the night i want you hear me excitedly spouting my feelings and thoughts, to mirror my excitement just because you love to see me brighter i want you to want me i want you

I stand like a dancer at rest, one foot forward tippy-toed. Quiet movements, quiet mouth. No quiet body. My body does not know how not to move. Willed, or unbidden, there's always a twitch or a hop, skip, jump, a widened gesture or a shifting dance, foot to foot. I am always dancing. There is always music playing, somewhere. I do not know how to be still, come to rest. The finishing step to come to a stop, I half step for the next- --- and I'm stuck halfway moving, I stutter along until I'm no longer falling but holding the pattern between now and the moment I spin into motion again. Every step is a song- Every movement a note and a melody moved along My feet can't falter when I'm making music under my footprints and swirled in my wake, carried along by momentum and a dancer's inaudible song...

Somehow I’m always chasing down a tangled thread Knotted into mystery and you It’s been years since I helped you tear to shreds and scrambled through the scraps Pulled the knot, unravelled to lengths and pieces There are still loose ends I can’t stop pulling at Making ladders, holes and shreds of us, you, me (just me? just really you?)

it looks just like the last time there’s blackness, darkness, but dust and light it swirls to gather up your edges, your shadow, your self once sun all mouthfuls of darkness tender and bitterness dusty and cold tastes like nothing at all only dry mouthed absence and rust a puff of dirt, a slip into the stream of stars and it’s as if you never were

You are the answer if you have ever been the question

Take my hand and walk with me- Take one look back and then let's Take the next step forwards together, Fill our eyes and our hearts with new possibilities. Sing songs of joy and hope, our voices intertwining, Winding, through each other, finding each note in a place that suits it best of all- Walk singing with me forwards, write the journey as we go.

#poetry #mine #spark and fizzle muse

The gap where you were is acidic, on fire The edges keep melting, burning open I lean where you once stood but I fall No longer supported or pushing back to support When I open the door and the lights are all out there's only so long I can wonder when you're coming home

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