How to Convince the Lovely Female Specimen that you are a Sex Guitar
Hi Kids,
Papa Anti-Blog here. This week my parole officers have asked me to give all you anti-bloggers some invaluable advice on how to attract the man or feman of your dreams - so go ‘head and lock your bedroom door and turn off the lights and enjoy this nugget of information on this social networking website. I will be harassing this topic by pointing out what manipulates women into thinking you are the sex guitar that they have wanted to strum for their whole lives. Firstly, let’s find out more about what women like before we can convince them we have it. 1. Power Some girls are frothing at the legs for the ‘alpha-guitar’. Nothing screams power more than a man who has the 3 P’s. Presence, Posture and of course Pistoles. Yes that’s right kids; it’s very hard not to get the attention of all your fellow scholars and socialites than a hostage situation with your newly acquired high calibre .32 magnum. I suggest using blanks though kids, it gives you a better chance at getting a suspended sentence. If you are running low on cash money dollar - then I suggest a Nerf gun that has been redesigned so that all females will be swept off their feet and into the fetal position - YEAH. 2. Fashion Now this is a common pitfall for all my fellow anti-bloggers. The fairer sex needs a man to be well-dressed and classy, so she can show him off to her pimp for collateral. For the daytime, kids, I suggest sticking with the familiar here and going with what all your fellow main-streamers are sporting. That’s right you rhinos, go ‘head and take off the dining table sheets and poke out your Narcissus-like arms and head through them - next venture into the living room, kids, and tear down those curtains for pants. Finally, to complete the look, be sure to comb that hair over to one side, because as daddy anti-blog can recall, no girl wants you to ‘comb-over’ if you don’t have a ‘comb-over’ - OHHHHH. Now kids, now that the daylight has been taken care of - it’s time to figure out what sexy-ass attire we will be wearing for the dusk. Now, I’ve had a lot of questions on what to wear for that special occasion when you decide to go incognito and climb up outside your fair maiden’s eucalyptus tree and camp right outside her window until your ankle bracelet, given to you by good old Uncle Sam, starts to go a flashin’. Papa Anti-Blog suggests a good old black turtle neck and black sweat-pants to ensure you mix style with agility as you mount the branches of love. Don’t forget those tights kids - Daddy Juliet might have those nasty CCTV cameras. 3. Manners Kids, if Hollywood has taught us anything - it’s that being an unholy asshole gets you all the girls. How many times have we seen fine female cheerleaders end up with scumbag football players or knife-wielding mass-murderers? To ensure that your Princess Peach knows that you are 100% made in Douchepan - make sure you insult her and her friends at every opportunity. If your fair maiden has got a haircut, ensure you send that woman a message suggesting that she looked particularly unattractive and go ‘head and attach some of your aphrodisiac covered bodily hair so that she does not have to go a day longer looking so hideous. Also, don’t forget the basic kids. Slam all of your doors, kick all of your pets and slap all of those pear-shaped behinds to secure the hearts of all. That’s all for now kids, but remember to stay tuned in for more nuggets of epicosity from your favourite anti-blogger. Papa Out.