Sojourner Awareness @mrdaddyskool - Tumblr Blog

Youthline | You are not alone. We are here to listen.

We are an integrated youth service that provides a listening ear and free counselling for anyone up to 35 years old.

Prior to work in Social Work, I had worked with children in studentcare services. I also keep up with some of them when they grow up as youths and adults.

Youth is a period where children leave the security of primary schools, and some started evolving into new characters. Some blindly mimic television and movies actors or entertainers, others experiment with fashion,lifestyle and others.

One of my boys ended up in a youth home. Another became a mule but the grandmother salvaged the situation when we forced her to go school after she played truant for half a year.

I was also worried for many youths, as they faced temptations not only from Internet, but also from peers.

I was glad to hear in 2022 of youthline, an organisation that is a hotline for youths in risk, at risks. Some of the children have challenges with getting emotional support from parents, and others may have challenges within schools, relationships, self-esteem and many others.

To youthline, I am grateful for the silent but significant support to youths in need. A listening ear helps ease much heartaches and allows them to share innermost fears and pains.

https://youthline.sg/

2 days before my 51st birthday.

As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God.~Psalm:42:1

As the deer penteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee. David was seeking after the Lord, even though he was distressed and angry.

I came to know the Lord in 1994, when I was crying and catastrophising in an overseas training exercise. I asked that He helped me overcome a difficult period, and He did.

In work, I do have many situations of stress, but I had depended on my own strengths.

I had started to ask if I can have a girlfriend and wife, and I seeked my own while waiting. In 2002, He allowed me to have union with a lovely lady called Christyne. We went on to have 3 lovely children.

I had continued to study after ITE, as my elder sister helped me to appeal to polytechnic through mp. I was happily earning a meagre salary as a technician and was angry with my sister. However, in hindsight, she had helped me significantly as I begin to enjoy studying and become discipline. I later received my Diploma in Electrical Engineering, and soon after, got a Bachelor in Engineering Management. In 2012, I did a Postgraduate Diploma in Social Work. God had help me through many of my good and difficult periods in my studies, and relationships with peers and teachers.

My divorce in 2019 originated from work stress and negligent to my ex-wife needs. I was a workaholic, and have much fears and anxieties. Taking care of 3 children need financing, and work stress in student care and later social work took up time and energy, and me and ex-wife drifted apart.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

God helped me navigated the next 4 years, the consequences of negligent to my ex-wife emotional and psychological needs. I was an angry and negligent husband, and no excuses can sugarcoat the truth. It impacted my children, and I do regret how much it hurt them.

Nights of staying awake, drinking and feeling grief and guilt. God sent angels, through Edward, Simon, Bak Chim, Adrian and breathrens from Duranno Father School. My dad allowed me lodging, mum sent me daily text messages of love and encouragement. Social workers from Care Corner Ctr for Coparenting, ex-colleagues from Sheng Hong Fsc, especially my ex-supervisor, Ai Lin, and Yin Ying, regularly checked in on me. Church brothers Sien Moon and Matthew too call me regularly. God was there, in my darkest days, waiting for His wayward prodigal son to see the light.

Family theraphy talks about family definition, characteristics, and identified 4 major stressors in a family:

- Death

- Divorce

- Disease

- Disasters

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

~Psalm 46:1

After, during and after my divorce, God is always there. He did not leave me behind. He led me to read His word, fellowship with His people, hear His Psalms, proverbs and songs, see His creations of strengths of people who see hope, and find joy, love and mercy. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, worship His Holy name.He is my refuge and strength.

I pray that I will be faithful, not only in good times, but also in challenging times. May I be a good steward, and may many seek to hear His Gospel and truth. Semper fidelis.

#love #art #advice #dadisms #dad-isms

Guide dogs are approved and allowed in halal-certified premises, according to a Muis advisory. Read more at straitstimes.com.

The first time I read about Guide Dogs was about 2017, while research about people with visual handicapped. If I had not researched, nor joined SAVH, and came to know about Guide Dogs, I may be done the wiser today.

Community awareness about people with visual handicapped and guide dogs has much room for improvement. Why?

My professional opinion, to be objective, first lies in that the public has low awareness of people with visual impairment. For an amputee, some may notice wheelchairs or prosthetic legs, but for people with visual impairment, their eyes look normal.

People with visual impairment may sometimes use long cane, which is white and base is red. However, some have a stigma as they may associate shame or grief by hurtful comments.

People with guide dogs do not use long cane. The dogs are substitutes for long canes but with different dynamics.

How can I differentiate a pet dog from a Guide Dog?

Coping with Loneliness

I came to know a man who was divorce, and his 2 children visited him on weekends. He shared of loneliness, and shared he learnt social dancing on some days.

I visited the dance studio out of curiousity. I have never learnt dancing before, but just sit down and watch. I saw some dancing with smiles and enthusiam.

Although it looks happening, I feel awkward touching ladies. Wait send out wrong signals. 小生怕怕

Will go back to my nature walks, jogs and watching netflix. I think I am like In the wizard of Oz, the lion lacks courage. After divorce, trust issues and lack courage. Need to look in fridge..maybe it is somewhere with my pride and ego😂

Dinner

Cooking for 1 is sometime convenience, and sometimes a chore.

If working, lunch or dinner out is neccessary.It is affordable if conscious and budgetted However, when needing to cook, sometimes eating udon or soba is healthier, but more effort. Cooking instant noodle is faster, but there is much less nutritional value.

Food in Singapore is generally affordable if you can cook. Before 1992, I do not know how to cook. My ex-wife taught me to cook instant noodles in 2012, and when taking charge of a student care, the cook ( chinese lady) showed me how to cook rice and simple food for 50 children if she is on leave. A volunteer was an ex-chef and taught me how to make soup boiling chicken bones.

The rest are a series of learning to cook by asking friends and watching youtube videos. Lastly, a team bonding event at Culinary on help me learnt about preparation and cooking.

Old dogs can learn new tricks, if they are willing.

Life and stessors

Woke up this morning and need to do grocery runs and housework.

There is rain and its a long walk to the dry supermarket.

While walking, I recall seeing a male client from my previous workplace.He is 60plus, previously doing well in IT before he had visual impairment. He lives around East Coast in landed property, but will use white cane and take public transport to SAVH and volunteer to teach person with visual impairment to use smartphone. That U saw him near NUH and taking public transport and seeking help from public is a testament of self efficacy.

During my divorce proceedings in 2019 and 2020, life was meaningless and difficult to navigate. My ex-supervisor in FSC and counsellor colleague came in,as well as colleagues from SAVH and others from Fathers School and men network. The village came in, and I am still grateful to this day. It was Covid 19, and everyone is struggling with clients in financial hardship, emotional turmoil and social isolation.

There are stressors in life. Physical stressors such as illness and disease, emotional through relationships of self, family, colleagues or loved ones, divorce and death.

It is not easy to meet, sustain and overcome. However, if we are willing to seek help, such as the blind men and myself, and if we are willing to help others, there are friends and family walking with us, engaging and supporting us. And let us pass this forward, ti walk with others who are vulnerable, in pain or in grief.

Carpe diem, seize the dat. After the night, there is light.After the rain, there is sunshine. Pain is real, but relief and resolution are possible.

Jiayou, gembatteh.May we be like the 3 little pigs, building house of straw, sticks or bricks and finding ways to overcome big bad wolf.🤗😀

Me time..self care..

Have learnt a bit of meditation 2 years back..these 2 months in new work is something new to me..healthcare..

But probably, good to have some me time and watching good old shows..Forest Gump is 1 of them...

Firstly..love his passion and excellence..secondly, resonate with his obsession with Jenny, his gf...still have my ex-wife photo and thinking of kids...good to stuck in time...my past is my present..and future is past...even in divorce I still remember my wedding vow in church..for better or for worse..till death do us part...still in my heart

My Day

I had been pushing myself last month and half in my new job.There are many new things to learn, thus body is getting tired.

I had wanted to run, but decided to listen to my fatigue body.I went for a 2 hour massage instead, and had a good chat with elderly male masseur who is a friend to me in last 10 years.

I saw a funeral procession near my house, and thought of people who had passed on.A young male church mate, in his 20s, after he finally gotten a kidney transplant, but body rejected new kidney. Two middle aged guys, both my clients when I worked with Singapore Association of Visually Handicapped. I had attended workshops and bereavement, and wondered what if today is my last day?

Lastly, I went to supermarket and bought groceries for next week. My daughter had called me a hypocrite, as I was nagging at her to eat more fresh food, and less instant noodles, and my daughter had pointed out I had taken a lot of instant noodles last 2 months. So, more rice and vegetables, and will limit myself to 3 instant noodles per week.

Finally, cooked brown rice and some vegetables and sweet sour soup.

Need to sleep more and read more. Working too long hours and seeing computer and mobile phone too long has significant impact on eyes.

Kids away with mum for next 2 weeks.My anxiety and yearning resurfacing, thus praying for strength to avoid drinking or visiting undesirable website.

A Date with Myself

Life has been different during and after divorce. Staying without children brings a void in life, and it is terrifying. There were weekends where children did not come, and the rollercoasters to deep valleys would suck the breath of life, causing one to assume unhelpful thoughts.

Dating myself is not a voluntary or personal conscious choice.

Things I had planned

1.Go for run

2. Be aware of surroundings when I run

3. Think of my relationships, especially children and ex-wife

4. Watch a movie that helps intrapersonal development eg Good Will Hunting

5. Do a personal blog/ journal

Reflections

1. Spending time to slow down is a good thing

2. I consciously moved away from comfort zone of military/police movies to others, I watch Family ( about yakuza) and The Joker ( from batman series, but very dark as it chronicles his employment and family, showing how he develops psychosis, eg being tied to a radiator and abused as a adopted child etc)

3. Self care

Running yesterday and tomorrow. Helps my cardiac and also allows me to observe my surroundings and think.

Consciously monitoring my diet, as I try to eat healthy on most meals, but today Mcdonalds just to meet sugar yearning

4. Mindfulness

Appreciating God, as He trains me in my academic, employment, relationships. I was reminded that even after Paul believed in Christ, Paul suffered many hardship, eg stoned, shipwreck and imprisonment (incarceration). God loves us, and builds us up.

#Youtube

About 3 years back, my dad passed me this book for my ex-wife.She was not interested and neither was I. Two years ago, a close Christian male friend was sharing importance of organising the house and discarding unwanted stuff. He mentioned Marie Kondo and also joy this joy that. 1 ear in, 1 year out.

These 2 years, I held alot of stuff from my divorce and stayed with my dad. Alot of emotional attachment and grief from loss of roles as caregivers and transition from not seeing kids.

I was watching some Japanese shows such as Danshari, and they showed people whose house are in a mess due to death of loved ones or failed business or relationships. However, the cleaning coaches will engage and process and empower these people to progressively do what is doable.

These two weeks, I was able to schedule to clean up my house. It is physically taxing, but at the end of the session, I feel a deep sense of satisfaction from discarding what I do not use, and having better organisation and clarity of mind .🤗

Experiencing Covid 19 - Day 1(11/10/2021)

On Friday, 8 October 2021, I had fever and muscle aches, flu like symptoms and I brush it off. Maybe I see doctor on Monday, 11/10/2021.

I visited the clinic A and was given medication. The doctor told me as my symptoms are similiar to Covid 19, I would need to go clinic B for ART and PCR tests.

As I registered in clinic B, there was a long waiting time, thus I had breakfast and bought some bread and canned food in case I would be quarantined.

When the queue reaches my turn, I was told that it would have some pain for PCR. The swabber took a cotton stick and poked quite deep into my nostril.It is painful. The swabber took a second cotton stick and twirl it in the other nostril. Less painful.

It took 15 minutes, and I was informed my ART is positive. I was shocked, and I asked what should I do, as I did not expect this. The dispensary assistant asked me to go home and wait for the PCR test results.

I try to calm myself down and went home to wait.

Getting inspired..army stew when I see kids this weekend..need to find recipe and rice cakes..got plenty of spam and noodles.

#Youtube

https://www.steadymarriages.com/stages-of-divorce-recovery-for-men/

They have much to overcome in adjusting to the COVID-19 situation. But their circumstances have also differed in several ways, with some of

Questions for reflection

»In what relationship situations do I see my impulsive 'inner child' come through?

> Which aspects of my inner adult would I like to see more of

a) keeping feelings from getting exaggerated:

b) working on being more principled, not on blaming others

c) becoming more comfortable relating to people who disagree with me:

d) being responsible for mysell without interfering in others responsibilities

e) being able to stand on my values even when I won't be popular, 0 being able to see past myself to the bigger picture of reactions and counter-reactions? > Am I up for working on addressing the immature part that I'm playing within my network of relationships?

Immediate Vs Delayed Gratification

I have low awareness of my feelings. I used very basic feelings such as happy and sad and angry.

I first saw this in a SIM graduate Diploma Course in Social Work. I paid scant attention.

It was much later that I discovered that from first outburst of anger to rage, shouting and punching walls that it was secondary feeling.

While externally, I looked a coming to 50yr old professional, my inner child is still an emotionally immature child. I am impulsive and reactive, harsh with words and with action.

Emotional Awareness from Growing Yourself Up

1. Have your feelings without letting them dominate: tolerate delayed gratification

Mobilising our inner adult means learning how to turn down the Intensity of emotional reactions. Instead of letting feelings and impulses dominate, as in the childhood tantrum, we use our adult developed brain to turn down exaggerated feelings so that some logical thinking can occur.

In contrast to the child, the mature adult is recognised by their ability to delay gratification and tolerate hard work, discipline and at times unpleasantness, in order to fulfil responsibilities and achieve goals. A mature adult does not expect others to meet their needs and knows that they should not always expect to be gratified.

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