the visionary

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” writer, philanthropist, trying to be a father.

[mrmacdiarmada]

elixjackson·:

Getting through the time leading up to their meet-up had left Eli entirely restless. As if Eli didn’t have trouble sleeping already, texting back and forth with Garrett of all people had seemed to do the trick just fine. He felt exhausted waking up the next morning after getting a full two hours of sleep - definitely not enough to brave the day and make it till it was time for them to face each other but as always, Eli somehow managed to pull through enough to function. 

Despite thinking about cancelling on several occasions, Eli knew that he should give it a shot for the sake of finding closure, which was what ultimately convinced him to drag himself under the shower so he could at least feel a little more like an actual human being. He even put a little more effort than usual into his appearance, not wanting to feel inferior when facing Garrett again properly for the first time in three years. After sending Garrett the location, Eli made his way to the bar he’d chosen for their heart-to-heart, his hair perfectly styled and dressed in one of his signature looks: a pair of dark washed skinny jeans, combat boots, a black, tucked in dress-shirt and a denim jacket to top it off. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jacket as he walked, his head lowered and eyes focused on the ground rather than what was in front of him. The sinking feeling in his stomach that had set in ever since he’d seen Garrett again was still present and continued to get worse the closer he got to his destination. Sighing, Eli checked the time, trying to stall for a moment while everything inside of him screamed for him to walk the other way but his pride wouldn’t let him - he’d not let Garrett win this time and after all, he’d waited for this moment for a while now.

The day of Eli and Garrett’s planned meeting played out like any other ordinary day for the playwright, aside from the fact that his daydreams consisted less of his work and more of the pianist. It had been awhile since Eli had crossed his mind right up until, by the grace of sweet fate herself, he stumbled upon the younger man at a bar that turned out to be his workplace. But now ever since that moment, he couldn’t quite stop imagining all the ways this long overdue conversation between them could go.

Many of the scenarios ended with the same sharpness of the tongue and dark emptiness in the eyes that Eli displayed on their not so pleasant previous encounter. A fair share of them were more optimistic though, and those were the ones Garrett held onto for confidence while sauntering into the location Eli shared with him. Not that he needed any extra boost to get him through, his head was big enough on its own to keep him afloat through most situations. He arrived a few minutes prior to 8pm, scoping the place with his ever observant eyes before deciding on a place to settle. Garrett ordered himself a drink that now sat untouched on a square napkin in front of him, condensation collecting on the exterior of the glass as he patiently waited for his company to arrive. Once the older man caught sight of Eli, a face and a presence he could not miss in a bar full of strangers, he swept his hand in a gesture toward the seat across from him. “This seat isn’t taken,” Garrett offered to him pretending as if this wasn’t already prearranged, grinning upward at Eli. “I would’ve ordered you a drink but I didn’t want to offend you by assuming you still pick the same poison.”

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: I will be listening as long as you're going to be listening to me, too. I'll do my best to be at mine as well so we should be okay.

ELI: See you tomorrow around 8pm then.

GARRETT: Of course. I think we'll manage just fine.

GARRETT: Goodnight Eli, see you then.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Is that supposed to make me actually want to do this? Because I'm starting to think it over. But hey, unless you make me wanna do that, you'll be fine. No drinks will get wasted, I can promise you that. I know a place though, I'll send you the location.

ELI: 8 pm? Does that work for you?

GARRETT: If the point of this is to get the chance to talk about things, the whole purpose is kind of moot if you're not listening huh? Hey. I'll be on my best behavior, don't you worry. I have no ulterior motives.

GARRETT: It does, so 8pm it is.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Whatever helps you sleep at night.

ELI: Tomorrow should work.

ELI: How about we keep this on more neutral grounds? I feel like that'd be a better option. We could grab a drink somewhere or something like that.

GARRETT: Sure, as long as you don't threaten to throw said drink in my face again. That's fine with me. Somewhere quiet enough so you have no choice but to listen to me.

GARRETT: What time tomorrow?

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Did you really just call yourself old? Because that's all I'm going to gather from this.

ELI: I'll have to check back with work...see if they want me to work a shift or not.

ELI: Where?

GARRETT: Tomato, tomahto. You say old, I say matured.

GARRETT: Let me know. We can do it before or after work, if you'd rather not do that, there are six other days of the week to pick from.

GARRETT: Wherever you're comfortable? I can come to you if you'd prefer that.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: I appreciate it that you can admit to that. It was definitely neither of those things. Aw, how come? Is looking at small text for too long too straining for your eyes these days? 😛

ELI: When are you free?

GARRETT: Never thought you'd turn out to be a bully, I'm a second away from reporting you for elderly abuse.

GARRETT: Tomorrow?

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: I'm gonna take that as a compliment. You sure as hell do owe that to me though, especially after denying me the option for the past few years. As I said, I think that closure is a goal we can both get behind and I may not love the idea but I'll give you that while I was seriously contemplating throwing your number into the next trashcan, I was glad you gave me the option of reaching out after all.

ELI: As you said, we owe it to ourselves so here I am, giving us a shot at it.

GARRETT: I'm glad you didn't end up tossing it out but I wouldn't have blamed you if you did. I'm not oblivious to the fact that what happened wasn't ideal or pretty. There is so much I could say, but I don't want to talk about it over text like this.

GARRETT: When can I see you?

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: I'm not foolish either so no, obviously it was not. You really have to learn the difference between me being cynical or genuine. I'm well aware that this is probably the last thing you want from me but either way, I wouldn't say there's any familiarity left, Garrett. You left my life without ever looking back so let's be honest here - we're basically back to being strangers after all this time because the keyword here is "were".

ELI: You walking into a random bar isn't even the issue. You couldn't have known I was working there but did you really have to actually approach me and seek me out? Probably not but you never took no for an answer so I should've known you wouldn't let it go just like that. I'll have to give you that, I guess..."better late than never" is probably the motto to go with after all this time. As to your definition of "too late", let's just say it was a close call.

GARRETT: The amount of cynicism you dish out is tough to swallow. We're not strangers, Eli, you can pretend we are all you want but I know you. That's why I left my number - I'd be a fool to not realize it was a bad time but I needed you to realize that we need to have this talk. Maybe we become strangers after all is said and done, but we owe it to ourselves. I owe it to you.

GARRETT: I didn't take no for an answer because I wanted you to give me a chance. Thank you for giving me one now.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Yeah, well, you had some very bad timing there. Fine, I do admit, I'm exaggerating a little bit but you caught me completely off guard, Garrett. I haven't seen you ever since you walked out of my life and seeing you again was a lot. I wasn't ready. Shit, I'm still not sure I'm ready to face you again but were you surprised by that? Did you expect me to let you back in with open arms as if nothing ever happened? Life isn't a novel. We're not two lovers finally reconciling. You fucked up. I moved on, so there's that. I agree though. I think that we should try again, under better circumstances and in a more neutral setting. That thought was mutual though - which is why my reaction was so intense.

ELI: You won't be so happy to hear that I sure wasn't happy to see you again. I've never wanted to disappear more than I have that night and that's saying something but we gotta take life for what it is, right? You being heartless...I'm not too sure about that. Not after how things went down but closure sounds like a good goal to have in mind for both of us. I'm willing to see you again and I'll do my best to not be so hostile then. Well, at least I'll promise to try.

GARRETT: Is that what you think I wanted from you? A storybook reunion after three years without even a word? I'm not foolish, nor was I ever under the guise that we would be rekindling anything. So no, Eli, I didn't think any of that was remotely a possibility. We were apart of each other's lives, forgive me for being human and seeking out that familiarity.

GARRETT: You're right, I'm a little disappointed. I apologize for catching you entirely off guard but in my defense, I didn't know you'd be needing one. Now that you've had time to prepare and agree, I think it would be in our best interest to have a conversation as soon as possible. Better late than never, no?

GARRETT: And it can't possibly be "too late" if we're both still here.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Always glad to help. It was my pleasure and I'll continue to contribute while I'm still in my prime.

ELI: Oh? So you noticed that, too? I thought it was just me but hey, good to know you came around to realize that the tension was indeed very high. I did think about it though, more than I'd like to admit. I'll be honest with you, I was about to throw the piece of paper away the moment my co-worker handed it to me but I didn't. As I said though, I did it for me, not for you. You didn't give a damn for years so why would you now, right? All of this is serving a very selfish motive, both yours and mine so texting back a creepy old man who wouldn't leave me alone and harassed me at my workplace the other day seems to be my way to find some sense of closure. Why are you so eager to reach out all of the sudden though? It's been a while.

GARRETT: You did always have a knack for exaggerating, but harassed you? Eli. I was just trying to have a conversation. I approached you like a civil human being and then I left the bar in fear that the building would actually implode with all the negative energy outpouring from you. It may be hard for you to believe, but I know when I'm not wanted. However - I thought it might be worth something to give it a shot under different, less emotional circumstances. Well to be frank, I thought I'd never see you again.

GARRETT: But when I did see you again, I was happy. Grateful for the chance to at least attempt a redo of that cliffhanger of an ending we had a few years ago. So I suppose that means I'm reaching out for closure too, yours and mine. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not entirely heartless.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Oh please, Garrett. You should know me better than this. I don't swipe, period. Not up, not down, not right or left but to help out our senior residents currently developing a mild case of senility - it /is/ right or left.

ELI: Not gonna lie, it kinda is. Considering I made it more than clear that I was not interested to ever get in touch with you again but clearly that doesn't stop you from going after what you want. Before you get too full of yourself though, I did this on my own terms. I slept on it a few nights and figured I'd humor you. So here I am. Letting you hear from me.

GARRETT: Your selfless contribution of knowledge to the old folk community will not go unnoticed, your charitable heart is inspiring.

GARRETT: I was thinking of you. Emotions were taunt, tension high...I thought I'd give you the chance to think more clearly about whether you wanted to talk to me or not. If I may, and God forbid I sound full of myself when I do, you decided to get in touch with me after all and you don't typically fancy creepy things, do you? You never struck me as the type and according to you, I know you better than this.

[mrmacdiarmada]

TEXT ✉ Eli & Garrett

ELI: Just in case that leaving your number at random bars without being asked for it is a new creepy habit of yours that I didn't know about yet...this is Eli.

GARRETT: I find it interesting that people these days think expressing interest outwardly is "creepy" when you all announce your attraction for each other by swiping up or down. Or is it right and left?

GARRETT: I wasn't sure I would but I have to say I'm pleased to hear from you, Eli. Or is that creepy too?

[mrmacdiarmada]

elixjackson:

The way Garrett chose to react or rather chose not to react only seemed to fuel Eli’s anger. He was well aware of the other male’s ways, of his nonchalance when it came to receiving this blind spill of emotion that seemed to roll from the younger man like an avalanche - ready to hit and tear down whatever or whoever was in his way, except this time it didn’t seem to be working. A huff was all Garrett’s sarcastic words earned and Eli let out a humorless snort. “Yeah, well…I guess it’s too late for friendly now,” he mumbled under his breath, almost defeated considering the unbearable ache in his chest when Garrett continued talking. He’d never admit to Garrett that this wasn’t true at all and that in fact, there’d not been a single day where he hadn’t missed him in any shape or form. For the past three years Garrett had haunted him, made him wonder about the what if and the why - Eli had never gotten any answers to those questions. He’d never stopped thinking of him but over time his emotions towards the playwright had shifted into something that came closer to hatred than it came to adoration.

Eli couldn’t care less about how it made Garrett feel when his eyes dropped to the ring that was still sitting in place on his finger, seemingly unmoved ever since and in that moment, this discovery gave Eli all the answers he needed. He swallowed thickly, casting away his glance and physically distancing himself from the situation in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. He put the glass down that he’d been holding, steadying himself by pressing his palms into the counter as hard as he could and when he turned again, it felt like he was going to fall apart. The strangely familiar sense of gentleness in Garrett’s words made his stomach turn once again and he simply shook his head just so he wouldn’t focus on how they really made him feel, making sure not to meet Garrett’s eyes by closing his own for a moment as if to protect himself from the impact. There was so much that he wanted to say in return but Eli couldn’t do it. Not here. Not now. “I’m taking five!” Eli called over to his co-worker, his voice breaking the slightest bit before he grabbed the dish towel he’d thrown over his shoulder to mindlessly discard it.

Much of Garrett’s life was spent sitting in the corners of crowded rooms with his notebook, merely observing the world move around him in effort to get a real understanding of people. People when they’re being natural and don’t think anyone is paying attention, the vast differences and the surprising amount of similarities that lived within the human race. He socialized a lot, too. He was the type of guy who would talk to anybody about anything, he even went out of his way to do so half the time. Garrett spent his life curious, hungry for knowledge and social interactions that would eventually fuel his brain and result in him having a multitude of outlooks for his material. It kept his work continuously come from a fresh perspective. It also meant he had a talent for reading a person like a good book. The angry way that Eli tore into him told Garrett all he needed to know, somewhere underneath that bark there was someone looking for a reaction. Someone unconsciously trying to make the world as mad at him as he was at it. In this case, Eli wanted Garrett’s eyes mirror the same pain that lied within his own.

But Garrett wasn’t giving that to him, which clearly angered Eli further. Even now that Garrett’s smug smile and borderline condescending tone had faded away (almost) entirely, the lack of eye contact on Eli’s part only made the interaction feel colder. He waited patiently for another response from the other man, eyes widened and his brow softened as he blinked expectantly. A response never came because Eli ended up asking for a break, or declaring that he was going on one anyway. “Eli…,” Garrett addressed him pointedly with the slight tilt of his head. “Come on now -- you’re not even gonna talk to me?” He asked, clutching his belongings while sliding off of the stool in anticipation of having to follow Eli had he walked off.

[mrmacdiarmada]

elixjackson:

Eli couldn’t help himself. His words had always come out faster than his mind was able to process what he was saying – much to his dismay. It had often caused him trouble, mostly because he either got carried away by the fury he felt or his painful honesty had been too much to handle. Even now there was no way for him to keep his comments to himself and he was aware that even though Garrett didn’t really react to them, he could feel their impact with every single blow. The problem was that he wanted it to cause a reaction – anything to change the man’s smug expression but without success. Gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw at the way Garrett said his name, Eli tried his best to stay strong, to stand tall and not let the other see just how affected he was in return but as much as Eli had tried to stay numb for all those years, he still was too expressive, too vulnerable to the way Garrett made him feel. He huffed, seemingly unimpressed and simply glared at him for the comment he made. “No shit,” Eli spat before he had to avert his eyes for a moment, not able to stand looking at his ex for another second – not when he was busy pushing all the wrong buttons that left Eli losing it. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take before his mind and body would give in.

Pouring the drink for Garrett was nothing close to professional. What was usually done with ease and grace looked forced and Eli was shaky when he did, his body trembling with anger and hand shaking visibly when he put the bottle back down. The words though poured out without any second guesses, without control and Eli bit his lip hard when Garrett finally seemed the slightest bit taken aback by his comment. “It’d still be worth it…,” Eli muttered under his breath, watching the way the older man knocked back the drink in one go. His lips twitched into an almost manic smile at his rhetoric question and Eli had to turn around for a moment, dragging a trembling hand through his unruly hair that was usually done up so effortlessly before gathering his last bit of strength to turn back around. “It’s been three fucking years, Garrett,” Eli hissed, trying to keep his voice down. “Three years and you just waltz in here like nothing fucking happened but guess what? A lot of shit happened and you can’t just act like it didn’t and we’re just two old buddies hanging out at a bar because we’re not,” he argued, trying his best to keep his voice from breaking when his eyes flickered down to the man’s hands and the sight was enough to make his stomach turn. “And clearly things haven’t fucking changed either,” Eli said, his once furious glance now empty. He was still wearing his ring – the one thing that had never failed to make Eli feel sick with guilt and regret but here he was, the dangerous, handsome man he’d fallen for harder than he’d ever had just to be left behind. He got even paler at the realization, his skin tone was sickly and dull anyways due to the lack of sleep and it only brought out the dark circles under his eyes even more. There was nothing radiant about him anymore, no smile even reached his once sparkling, stormy blue eyes. Garrett’s words caught him off-guard and for the first time that night he met his glance, his brows furrowing and his lips parting but no words seemed to come out, he was too taken aback. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Eli choked out, quickly looking down at the counter again as his eyes and chest stung with how deep his ex-lover’s words hit. He knew exactly what Garrett meant but he still needed to hear it, he needed him to see but he could also feel a sense of pity in Garrett’s tone as his dark eyes seemed to scan his appearance. “You had no trouble recognizing me when you came over here so…,” he muttered, turning around again for a moment, acting like he was busying himself with sorting out some glasses when really he just couldn’t take the other man’s look for even another second. He’d always been able to look right through him – some things truly never changed.

Garrett was far too relaxed for someone on the receiving end of the hostility that dripped from Eli’s words, the hushed and bitter edge that acted almost as if they were vocal points of punctuation. I suppose you could say he was desensitized, he had a long running track record of doing the kinds of things that warranted this kind of reaction from someone. Not to mention there was some part of him, an admittedly twisted part of him, that found enjoyment in being able to move someone in such a way. It linked back to his writing and the fulfillment Garrett got from making others invested with his stories, except this had nothing to do with fiction and everything to do with real feelings. He’d always had a fickle relationship with empathy. “We’re not?” Garrett countered sarcastically, as if it were some kind of revelation. “Christ’s sake, I thought I was being friendly.” He muttered afterward, still treating it lightly in hope that it would magically become so. That definitely wasn’t going to be the case. “--Three years, really? Has it been that long? Even more reason for me to be offended that you didn’t miss me.”

His jaw clenched when Eli’s eyes wandered, Garrett’s didn’t have to follow to know exactly where they went. Suddenly three years ago felt like yesterday when the older man would catch the pianist eyes lock on the wedding band around his finger for just long enough to make them both uncomfortable. The passive comment Eli made would’ve had Garrett squirming on the bar stool if he hadn’t been so great at composing himself a certain way, he chose to ignore it for now. That was a whole other book that didn’t need opening. Eli’s angrily set features faded into something almost undetectable, the only thing Garrett could think of to describe the expression was the absence of anything at all. Nothing. Though Eli was turned away from him, Garrett’s studying eyes remained on the back of him. “That’s because I’d recognize you no matter what state you were in,” he told him regardless of whether he was actually listening or not. “I have a pretty solid memory so you’re etched in here, whether you like it or not.” He replied, tapping the cap on the back of his pen against his temple.

[jeffrey-daddy-morgan]

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[mrmacdiarmada]

cairexless:

Since the redhead awoke that morning, she had been non-stop hitting the books, studying her ass off for her Greenhouse Management and Agricultural Business courses. They were relatively simple classes, practically, but there was a lot of theoretical nonsense that she had to read and get down by Monday, as she was certain there was going to be at least one pop quiz sometime that week and she wanted to be prepared. She refused to get a failing grade - it was her senior year at NYU and she was determined to maintain her stellar work ethics.

It was coming on noon, now, and Caireann was sat on her living room floor, positioned in front of her coffee table, her various text books and notebooks splayed open. A black ballpoint pen and several different colors of highlighters were also laying about the coffee table’s surface. There was a half-full cup of cold peppermint tea to the right of her work space, and an empty saucer plate that showed the remnants of what was once a freshly baked vegan blueberry muffin. The picture it all definitely told perfectly the life of a university student.

Caireann sat back so that her back was supported by the sofa behind her, and groaned as rubbed at her tired eyes. Perhaps she had overdone it a bit with the obsessive studying, as she could feel a small twinge in her skull, warning her that anymore strain and she’d be regretting it. Biting back a yawn, Caireann stretched, rolling her neck and shoulders, relishing in the many soft pops, and was just about to get up to put her empty plate away and reheat her tea, when she heard the knocking at her door. She sighed, already annoyed by the interruption to her day, and thinking that it was one of her many bothersome neighbors, the twenty-one year-old stood and made her way slowly to the door. 

What she hadn’t expected was to be greeted by her father, standing on the other side of the doorway. At once, she was wide eyed and alert. She could feel her blood pressure spiking, and her heart picking up speed as her anger ignited within her. “What the hell are you doing here?” she bit out, her jaws clenched tightly with tension and temper, feeling more than completely unprepared for this face-to-face confrontation. She eyed the gorgeous purple jasmines that he held in his hands and swallowed thickly at the clear reminder of her mother, before looking back up to her father’s face, eyes narrowed, arms crossing rightly in front of her as she impatiently waited for him to answer.

Garrett stood fidgeting in anticipation of the apartment door opening, shifting back and forth from heel to toe as he wondered whether he’d get lucky and actually catch Caireann at home. Or if their encounter would end in a way that Garrett would’ve been luckier if she weren’t home. He hadn’t much more time to think himself in circles before there was a creak of a old worn doorknob just before it opened to reveal his daughter. The redhead looked almost bewildered at the sight of him, irritated even and he hadn’t even said a word yet. Garrett flashed her his usual nonchalant grin in the spirit of optimism, though in his head said a silent prayer for himself before opening his mouth to respond to her less than welcoming question. 

“Oh, admiring the architecture...” he responded sarcastically, allowing his eyes to glance around the hallway for a moment. “There is something endearing about the slope of this place.” Garrett looked at his daughter again, noting the defensive way she crossed her arms in front of herself. Maybe a little lighthearted humor was a poor choice but it was his natural response to such a stifling tension such as the one radiating off of Caireann, filling the air around them quickly. “I was in the area, thought I’d drop by, bring you a present.” He explained while shrugging his shoulders lightly, gesturing to the potted jasmines he was holding protectively. “Usually it’s the other way around, you know...me being new to the neighborhood and all, but I thought I’d switch it up and welcome myself to the village by bringing you something.”

Way to drop that on her so casually, Garrett. “So. Are you gonna invite me in? The soil is looking a little dry and I’ve yet to see your apartment since you moved out.” Garrett asked, his deep voice taking on more of a gentle tone as he hoped for the best, knowing Caireann likely couldn’t resist such a beautiful flower needing care.