Authors note- Hi! So this is the first series i’ve ever written so bare with me pls! idk how many parts there will be but i have a lottt to say and write about this story line! So i hope you guys enjoy. I’ve never published anything soo here goes nothing! First chapter will be coming soon!
Summary & Storyline- After just one year of becoming a hairstylist Julianna Ray was working day and night trying to gain her clientele. Can one viral video on TikTok change her life? What happens when Sydney Martin books an appointment and suddenly has a suggestion of who might be the perfect guy for her.
omgggg happy 3rd anniversary to you!!!! here's to many more to come 🥂 for this celebration can i please request, from the general fluffy dialogue prompt list number 8 + 9 with mat barzal pls? thank you!
WINNIE MARTIN’S FAVORITE PERSON
this is the first of my tumblr-versary blurbs, so if that annoys you, block the tag 'taylor's tumblr-versary' love ya <3
8. "who let you be this cute today?"
9. "can we wait a second? i wanna take a picture of you right now." (from this prompt list)
you tried to go to as many games as you could, but you had a job so making it to every game was impossible. but, when you could make it to games, mat made sure to plan ahead and make sure you were gonna have a good time.
"you have a ride, right?" mat asked from the bathroom where he was still getting read.
"yes, i have a ride." you sighed. a moment of silence enveloped you and you knew something was wrong, "you okay? you need help with anything?" you asked.
"...yes." he hesitated.
"you can't tie your tie, can you?" you smiled.
"no." you could see the pout on his face as you made your way into the bathroom.
"ooh." you teased, "mathew barzal, who let you be this cute today?" you teased, enjoying the shy smile on his face.
"stop please. just help." he handed you the tie he wanted to wear, but you shook your head, "what?"
"mat, i love you, but your sense of style is awful." you winced, recalling every bad fashion choice you had seen him make. you set the tie on the counter and grabbed a different one, one that better matched the suit he was wearing, and began tying it.
"i should.be offended." the smile on his face told you he wasn't.
"i'm saving you from ending up on people's worst dressed." you shrugged.
he rolled his eyes, "so, before i go, can i see what you're gonna wear tonight?" it was no secret that you loved dressing up for games. it was fun and you liked doing it. you usually had little pieces with his name, number, or team colors. something to show your support, and mat loved it.
"nope." you shook your head.
"what? why not?"
"that ruins the surprise," you told him.
"you're gonna make me wait till after the game to see." he pouted.
"i don't know. maybe i'll be there at warmups." you shrugged, smiling when he perked up, "i think syd's bringing win, so maybe i'll go down with them." she was your ride, so going down to the ice for warmups made sense.
"okay, well, i guess i might see you during warmups." he kissed your forehead.
"maybe." you shrugged, wrapping your arms around his waist, "try not to fall, okay?" he rolled his eyes.
"i don't do it on purpose." he insisted.
you smiled, "score goals." you told him, leaning up and giving him a quick peck.
"for you, always." he hummed.
after he left, you got ready as quickly as you could and before you knew it, sydney martin was pulling up outside your building, "y/n yl/n, you always put the rest of us to shame."
"oh, stop it." you smiled bashfully.
"i'm serious. how you do it astounds me." she ran her finger over the sleeve of your jacket, "doesn't y/n look pretty, win?" you looked to the backseat where winnie was sitting, clutching a stuffed animal.
"pretty." she smiled.
"thank you, miss win." you winked before getting into the passenger side.
true to your word, you followed sydney down to the ice for warmups and helped keep winnie entertained. you could tell sydney was a little tired, so you did your best to keep her attention.
when the boys came out, you couldn't help but smile when mat tossed a couple of pucks over the ice to a few kids. winnie's eyes were glued to the ice as she watched all the guys skate around.
matt skated over, making his daughter laugh, blowing her kisses and even tossing her a puck, which she clutched to her chest along with her stuffed animal.
when your mat finally skated over, sydney took her daughter back so you and mat could have a moment. he smiled, taking notice of your jacket. he spun his finger, and you gave him a little twirl so he could see your jacket.
he gave a thumbs up and a nod, which made you laugh. he tossed a puck over and nodded to a kid behind you, whose eyes were glued. on mat, watching him mesmerized.
you nodded and waved. as he skated backward, he waved and winked. you rolled your eyes before looking at the puck. you smiled when you noticed that mat had signed it.
you turned around to the kid, who looked at you, probably after having seen mat point at him. you laughed before you handed it to him, "this is from barzy." you told him, "have fun tonight."
you turned back to sydney, who had her phone out and was probably recording and taking pictures of the whole thing, "you guys are so cute." she hugged you, "now come on, let's get some drinks." you smiled when winnie raised her arms in your direction, a signal that she wanted to be picked up.
after the game, and an ot goal scored by mat, you waited with sydney and the other girls in the tunnel. you were sitting with sydney, and the entire game, winnie was in your lap. somehow she had gravitated from her seat into your lap, but you didn't mind.
"look, win, there's your dad." you pointed when you saw matt walk out. she gave him a wave, but yawned and laid her head on your shoulder, "i'm tired, too." you patted her back, making the martin's smile.
you waved when you saw mat walk out. he made his way over to you and hugged you, pressing a kiss to your cheek, "i'm proud of you. overtime goal!" you cheered quietly, not wanting to disturb winnie too much.
"i know. all for you." he smiled into your hair before pressing a kiss to the top of your head, "you ready to go?" you hummed.
"wait, wait, before you guys go." sydney stopped you, pulling out hr phone, "can we wait a second? i wanna take a picture of you right now." she begged.
"fine." mat rolled his eyes playfully, but posed for the picture nonetheless. after the picture was taken, you were going to hand winnie off to her parents, but she clung to you.
"come on, we gotta go home, winnie." sydney sighed, flashing. youan apologetic smile.
"how about this? i'll carry you in the car, but after that, i gotta go." you offered, and she nodded, "all right, let's go." you switched arms and started heading int he direction of sydney's car.
mat walked by your side, holding your hand and talking to you about whatever. unbeknownst to you, sydney, who was trailing behind you and mat, was snapping pictures.
you set winnie in her car seat and waved, "bye, winnie girl." you blew her a kiss and she blew you one back, which you accepted and held close to your chest, which made her laugh.
you walked back to mat's car, "that felt very domestic." he told you.
"keep dreaming, barzal. let's stick to babysitting."
"i know, i know." he raised his hands in surrender.
as you got waited for mat to get into bed later that night, you saw sydney's tag and checked out the instagram story. it was a photo she had taken, without your knowledge, of you and mat walking towards the parking garage, hand-in-hand, winnie in your arms, her head on your shoulder with the caption 'her favorite person ever ❤️ @/yourusername'
mat hopped into bed next to you and saw the post, "you're right. we do look domestic." you smiled.
author's note: let it be known, i've never been to jfk airport, and it probably shows. sue me. also sorry this took SO FUCKING LONG to write. it lowkey put me in a writing slump because it's just a monster but i hope you can forgive me. this fic is literally 18,952 words long, so i apologize in advance.
pairing: mat barzal x reader
summary: when confronted with the idea of going home without a date, you lie and say you have a boyfriend. which would be fine, except you haven't dated anyone seriously in a year. so instead of facing the ridicule of your family, you ask mat.
warnings: cursing (this is a given at this point), mean girl behavior?
you weren't quite sure why you said it.
actually.
scratch that.
you were 1000 percent sure why you said it.
you could not, would not be the family embarrassment yet again.
if you got one more wedding invitation in the mail, you were going to scream. you were happy for all your college friends, really, you were, but it was the presence of this one particular wedding invitation from your cousin angela that had you seething.
mainly because it was accompanied by a phone call from your mother.
"i told angela that she didn't need to put a plus one down for you, but she insisted. so don't feel bad if you don't have someone, sweetheart. plenty of people are still single at your age."
maybe it was the irritation at your mother's condescension, or the exhaustion from being the butt of every family joke for the past five years, that had you saying something you wish you could take back.
"i do have someone, mom!"
her scoff resonated through the speaker. "honey, you don't have to lie--"
"i'm not lying! it's mat!"
the pause that followed your white lie was louder than the new york city streets just outside your apartment.
"your friend, mat? you told me you'd never see him that way!" she accused.
you shrugged, despite her not seeing you. and thank goodness for that, she'd immediately know you were lying if she could see your face. "something just clicked."
"how long has this been going on?"
"a few months."
"and you never told us?"
"we wanted to keep it lowkey until we knew this was something real."
your mom hummed but seemed appeased. "well, i can't wait to meet him. you are coming down a week early, right?"
in hindsight, you should've told mat immediately instead of postponing it until two weeks before you had to leave. but he was out of town for games, then you had a work trip, and then time slipped away from you.
but there was nothing you and a tub of bubblegum ice cream couldn't accomplish together.
at least in matters of mathew barzal.
he answered the door a few seconds after you knocked. a smile overtook his face until his eyes dropped down to the ice cream in your hands.
"what do you need?" he asked with a quirked brow.
"who says i need something?" you blinked in what you hoped was an innocent manner.
mat sighed and opened the door wide enough for you to come in. "because you have ice cream, and you showed up at my door unannounced." but he took the ice cream from your hands anyway. "how'd you even know i was home?"
you shrugged and plopped onto his couch. "i checked your location."
mat blinked. "you have my location? since when?"
you rolled your eyes. "you make me sound like a stalker, you made me share my location with you when i was out drinking with my coworkers and i demanded to have yours as well."
you didn't get to see mat's face because he was walking into his kitchen to put the ice cream away.
"so why are you here?" he asked once he returned.
"can't i just come over and visit my best friend?"
mat blinked. "no. you want something. what is it?"
you threw yourself back into the couch cushions and groaned, tossing an arm over your eyes. "you're not allowed to judge me."
"well that doesn't sound fun."
"mat, i'm serious, okay? i got myself into some shit and you're the only one i trust to help me out."
you felt the couch cushions sink next to you. a hand removed your arm from your face. "are you safe?" he asked. "are you in trouble? do we need to get the police involved?"
you looked at the concern on his face and sat up immediately. "no! no no no no no! it's not like that, i just happened to lie to my mom and need your help."
"why would you need my help to lie to your mom? you're not making any sense."
you took a deep breath and squeezed your eyes shut. "i told my mom we were dating so i had someone to bring to my cousin's wedding."
a pause, followed by mat's obnoxious laughter.
"you told your mom we're dating?" he choked out between cackles. "how did you manage not to vomit after saying that?"
you rolled your eyes at his barbs. "you were the first person to come to mind! what else should i have done?"
"jeez i don't know, told the truth?"
you flopped back onto the couch again. "no, mat, you don't understand. you didn't hear how she was talking to me! 'plenty of people are still single at your age!' i mean the gall of that woman!"
mat laughed again. "'gall?'"
"yes, mat, some of us use words bigger than a fifth grader's vocabulary."
"careful, that's no way to talk to your boyfriend, now is it?"
you scoffed. "boyfriend? are you--" then it hit you. "you'll do it? you'll be the fake love of my life?" you jumped off the couch.
mat smiled and leaned back into the cushions. "ask nicely."
you rolled your eyes but a smile was already pulling at your lips. "mathew michael paul barzal, will you please be my boyfriend?"
he crossed his hands behind his head and smirked. "calm down, you don't have to beg."
"i would throw something at you, but you're already doing me such a huge favor."
"you owe me one," he smirked.
oh, you'd owe him big.
one week till going home
"okay, so how did we meet?" you and mat were seated at a booth in a coffee shop the both of you liked to frequent.
"no need to reinvent the wheel," he said. "let's just tell them the truth."
"that we met at a bar through mutual friends? that's so unromantic!"
mat rolled his eyes. "we're not a fucking rom com, sweetheart. we're lying to your family and being as honest as possible makes the lying look more convincing."
you sighed and sat back in your seat. honestly, you had no reason to be frustrated. mat was doing you a favor, not the other way around. and with it being the offseason, it wasn't lost on you how much mat was giving up to play house with you. he could be visiting his own family instead of lying to yours.
yet here he was, sitting across from you with his disgusting black coffee.
you must've been staring at his cup because he snapped his fingers in your face. "what? what're you staring at?"
your face twisted in disgust. "can't believe you like that shit. no cream or sugar?"
mat eyed the frappuccino nestled in your hands. "i'm sorry, i didn't realize milkshakes qualify as coffee nowadays."
"you're just mad that my drink tastes good."
mat rolled his eyes. "keep telling yourself that."
you looked down at your phone at your notes app agenda. you deleted the intricate backstory bullet point and moved onto bullet point number two.
"okay, how long have we been dating?"
mat blinked. "you're the liar, you tell me."
god, why were you friends with him in the first place?
"i told my mom we've been together for a few months but i'm not sure what constitutes a few."
mat shrugged. "let's say we got together around the time of my injury when you nursed me back to health and realized how handsome i was."
you rolled your eyes, but wrote it down in your notes app anyway. "okay so where was our first date?"
"am i the one who has to answer all of these questions? who says we even need all of this? it's not like they're gonna lock us in a room and interrogate us separately."
"my brother would say otherwise." mat gestured for you to go on. "when we met his girlfriend, my family immediately separated them so they could bombard them with questions. but since everyone will be focused on my cousin's wedding, we should be good."
"who should i be worried about?"
you thought for a moment, in your opinion, your entire family was a concern in terms of introducing them to mat.
there was your brother, who could be an ass in a heartbeat; though, when you thought about it, he'd probably just leave the two of you alone.
your dad and mom would probably ask a few questions. your grandmother would probably be too busy trying to stuff her cooking down his throat to really pose a problem.
if you were being honest, you were concerned about your cousin, angela.
she wasn't what you would call a "girl's girl." throughout your childhood, it was like she was competing against you in a competition you didn't want to be in. who had the bigger birthday, the most friends, the most boyfriends, the bigger house, the better car, the better college.
it used to bother you more when you were younger. the way she'd flirt with your boyfriends or bribe your friends to hang out with her. it was made worse by the enabling of your parents and aunt.
"just keep an eye out for angela," was all you said.
mat's brow furrowed. "your cousin? why?"
you'd never fully told him about your less than perfect relationship with her, but considering the two of you were in a public setting and he wasn't your therapist? you kept that information to yourself and just shrugged.
"we don't have the best relationship."
mat seemed to understand you didn't want to speak on it anymore so he nodded and gestured to your phone. "is your phone ready to be seen by your family?"
"i'm sorry, what? why would my family go through my phone?"
"they'll at least want to see that i'm your lock screen, you're mine, after all."
"i am not." but mat held up his phone and sure enough it was a picture of you and him after one of his games, wearing his jersey with your arms wrapped around his waist. "you're shitting me, why?"
mat shrugged and locked his phone, placing it down on the table. "i looked good in the photo."
you wanted to call bullshit, but he was already doing you a favor, so you let it go.
"fine," you said. "i'll change my lock screen." you scrolled through your photos until you found one you liked.
"can i see it?" he asked.
you immediately held your phone to your chest. "no!"
"i showed you mine!"
"that sounds like a you problem!"
"but it's not fair!" he whined.
"life's not fair, barzy."
he rolled his eyes but dropped the subject, knowing full well he could make you show him just by bringing up the favor he was doing for you. but for some reason, he decided to let it go.
"anything else?" mat asked before checking his watch.
you looked down at your notes app and couldn't find a reason to get him to stay. "no, i think that's it. why, do you have somewhere to be?"
he shrugged. "just meeting up with a couple of my teammates."
"during the offseason? don't you get enough of each other during the regular season?"
"sure, but we miss each other sometimes. i mean we go from seeing all the time to nothing. plus you got me staying in the city a little longer than normal."
you rolled your eyes. "you didn't have to say yes."
but he smiled anyway. "i know." he stood up from the table and knocked on it once. "text me the dates of travel this week so i can put them on my calendar. i'll get the plane tickets. let me know if you need anything else!"
he pressed a kiss on the top of your head and then he was gone.
an older woman stood up and walked towards you and smiled. "i just wanna say, you and your boyfriend are so cute together!"
maybe the whole fake dating thing would be easier than you thought.
going home
you slept over at mat's the night before leaving for the airport because it would make things easier on marty who agreed to drive you both to the airport. you weren't exactly sure how mat convinced marty to do it, but you made it a habit of not asking questions you didn't want the answer to.
"thanks again for the ride, marty," you said from the backseat.
originally, you and mat were fighting over who got to sit in the front, but not in the way others might expect. he said it was polite to let ladies sit in the front (which, when has he ever called you a lady?). you said he had the longer legs and needed the space.
marty groaned at the both of you to stop wasting his gas and to get in the damn car, i swear to god, barzy.
you got the backseat simply because you got in and shut the door before mat could pull you out.
"where are you and barzy headed?" marty asked.
"back to my hometown. my cousin is getting married," you supplied before he had time to ask follow up questions.
"and you chose barzy to be your date?"
you awkwardly chuckled. "tito was already in canada and i didn't have it in me to ask him to come back to the states."
"oh fuck off," mat said from the front seat.
the drive continued with you sporadically staring out the window or tuning into the conversation mat and marty were having about offseason workouts and the nba finals. when marty pulled up to the airport, mat was the first one out, opening your door a beat later.
he grabbed both of your bags in his hands, saying a quick thanks to his teammate for the both of you before shutting the trunk.
"i can carry my bags, mat."
he laughed, but otherwise continued on like he hadn't heard you. if you were a better woman, or maybe someone who hadn't been friendzoned for the last few years, you would've acknowledged the veins in his arms popping out under the strain of your luggage.
but you'd been down that road before back before you were friends and just admiring a handsome stranger from across the bar.
look at how that turned out for you.
you were expecting to split up at TSA since you knew mat had pre check and you most certainly did not. you were expecting him to hand your bags over (a backpack and a carry on) and head in the pre check lane.
so imagine your surprise when he not only refused to hand your bags over, he continued walking to the normal security check.
"mat," you hissed, but he kept walking. "mat." you stood on your toes and grabbed his shoulder to keep him from walking, but he brushed you off. so you stopped moving altogether until he noticed you weren't following him anymore.
"will you come on? you're gonna make us late!" he turned around, looking exasperated for some reason, like he wasn't the one being weird.
"mat, you need to go that way." you pointed to the pre check area.
he blinked at you, rolled his eyes, and turned around and kept walking.
"mathew michael paul barzal, where are you going?" you called after him, practically running to catch up to his long strides.
"i thought it was obvious, i'm headed to security," he deadpanned.
"but your security is that way mr. pre check."
"i'm not doing pre check. i'm going through regular security like you."
"why?"
mat glanced down at you and by that look alone, you would've thought you were the dumbest person alive in his mind. "please don't play dumb, it's not cute."
"i'm not playing dumb! and i don't care about being cute!"
"i'm not going to abandon you at tsa. i'd feel much better if we stick together, happy?" he stopped walking altogether and fixed you with a look. one that kept you rooted to your spot. "you happy, now?" you nodded. "good, let's go."
you followed after him and got in line.
tsa took a total of 20 minutes to get through. mat insisted you go first which meant you put your backpack on and grabbed your carry on before he could.
"you're ridiculous," he said as the both of you started the trek towards your gate.
"you sound like my mother," you quipped.
the rest of your walk was spent in peaceful silence. the both of you made it to the gate with about thirty minutes until boarding, which was the latest you'd ever arrived to a gate before.
you and mat argued about when to arrive the night before.
he won.
mainly because he was the one to tell marty when to pick you up from his apartment.
it felt like no time had passed when the gate attendant started speaking over the intercom. instinctively, you zoned out. you weren't an idiot, you knew when to board. this wasn't your first rodeo.
but mat started standing up when the gate attendant started calling for the first group.
you tugged his shirt sleeve. "mat, what the hell?"
it was a good thing your family wasn't there to see all the drama that unfolded between the two of you in the airport. anyone who watched the two of you since you'd arrived wouldn't believe you were in love.
not when you were actively getting on each other's nerves.
"will you stop?" he swatted your hand away only to grab it a second later to tug you into a standing position.
"what are you doing? we don't get on the plane yet--"
but he cut you off when he shoved a plane ticket in your hand with the words first class written on it.
"mat..." you trailed off. "what is this?"
he glanced down at you and rolled his eyes. "don't act like you've never seen a plane ticket before."
"asshole. why is it first class?"
he shrugged but wouldn't meet you eye. "i get more leg room."
"but why wouldn't you just put me in economy? mat i can't afford to pay you back for this!" you were panicking and beginning to think about how much you'd have to save before you could venmo him the full amount. you were about to pull your phone out to see how much it would cost before he grabbed your hand again, this time squeezing it in his own.
"don't worry about it," he said calmly. "i wasn't gonna let you sit alone, and i have the money for it, so i did it."
"but i can't afford--"
"i was never gonna let you pay me back anyways, so don't even think about how much it cost." while still holding onto your hand, he guided the both of you over to the gate entrance where your tickets were scanned so you could board.
you were sitting in first class moments later.
mat let you take the window seat while he got the aisle, saying it gave him more space, but you liked to think it was because he knew you liked watching the changing landscapes.
when the plane took off, mat leaned his head back in the seat and plugged his airpods in, closing his eyes as he did so. you mentally slapped yourself for forgetting yours, stupidly thinking that maybe mat would want to talk when he'd been uncharacteristically quiet the entire trip thus far.
you sat back in your seat and looked out the window as the clouds passed by. worries of how your family would react to mat, or worse, how mat would react to your family, filling your mind.
god you didn't think you could stomach losing him. in fact, maybe your entire idea was too risky. you'd take being the butt of the family jokes for years to come if it meant you got to keep mat. if you lost him--
your hand was squeezed twice.
you looked away from the window to mat who was holding your hand again and had an airpod out.
"you're thinking too loud," he said. "you okay?"
you nodded but it was clear he didn't believe you. nonetheless, he didn't push. instead, he held an airpod out to you. the tones of some pop song filled your ear.
mat didn't let go of your hand for the entire rest of the plane ride.
as soon as the plane hit the tarmac, mat was taking his airpod back and stuffing both into the case and back into his backpack. you texted your mom to let her know you'd just landed and would be getting an uber to her house.
while you were texting your mother, mat was grabbing your bags and holding up the line so you could slide out.
he didn't even acknowledge the glares and eye rolls being shot at both of you.
you and mat started your walk off the plane and towards the exit of the airport.
"so remind me who i need to be concerned about meeting? is it your dad?"
you laughed. your father was a lot of things, intimidating was not even remotely close to one. "not even close. it's angela that's the problem the problem."
"angela's the one getting married, right?" you nodded. "why are you concerned about her? she'll be too focused on getting married."
you laughed. actually, cackled. "she's had this planned out since we were seven. i'd bet my first born child that she has all of this finalized months ago."
"anything else i should know?" he asked.
you thought to yourself. what could you say about angela that wouldn't be mean but still be true?
"just....stay close. we need to go everywhere together, understood?"
he furrowed his brows. "even to the bathroom?"
you thought back to that one time in 11th grade when you didn't follow your boyfriend to the bathroom. "especially then," you said.
"got it. stick to you like glue."
you were staring at your phone and opening up your uber app when mat nudged you, but you ignored him.
but he nudged you before just grabbing your phone out of your hand.
"what?!" you asked.
he pointed. "is that your mom?"
a cold chill went down your back as you made eye contact with the woman who was your carbon copy holding a sign with yours and mat's (albeit spelled wrong) names on it. she was smiling and waving erratically with the hand that wasn't holding onto the poster.
"oh my god."
before you could even stop him, mat was walking towards your mom with an award winning smile. to your absolute horror, he placed your bags on the ground and allowed her to wrap him in a hug.
you zombie walked over to them, like you were trapped in some fever dream.
"honey!" she squealed when she pulled away from mat. "you didn't tell me how handsome mat was!" she said not so quietly.
god you wanted to die. curl up and die right there on the airport floor.
mat was snickering into his fist at your reaction.
maybe you should've asked beau instead.
home
your mom parked the car in the driveway; she nearly swooned when mat opened your car door for you and grabbed all of your bags.
"such a gentleman," was all she said before heading up the front porch.
the two of you followed your mother into your house where your dad, your brother, and his girlfriend sat in the living room.
"mat," you started. "this is my dad, my brother cody, and his girlfriend harper. guys, this is mat."
"i would wave, but my hands are full."
"oh honey, stop being rude and show mat to your room."
you blinked. "you mean, our rooms, right?" your mother and father were very traditional in that sense. so you'd banked on having to share a bathroom at most with mat.
not an entire bedroom.
not a tiny bed.
"we're not gonna act like the two of you haven't slept together already. i was born at night, but not last night," your father said from his position in the recliner.
you could hear mat choking on air while your brother cackled.
"besides," your mother cleared her throat. "cody's old room has been converted into an office, so that just leaves the queen bed in your room, sweetheart. that won't be a problem, will it?"
you shook your head, though you very much wanted to curl up in a hole and die. "no ma'am, that'll be fine."
your father crossed his hands over his stomach and leveled mat with a heated stare. "just because i know the two of you have slept together does not mean under any circumstances that it should happen under this roof. do you understand me, son?"
mat nodded, though he looked the most uncomfortable you'd ever seen him. "yes sir."
"oh honey," your mother started. "let them go settle in. dinner will be in an hour."
you led mat up the stairs and to your childhood bedroom. you finally gave up on offering to help carry the bags. mat, for the most part, looked happy to do something with his hands all things considered.
the room hadn't changed much since you moved out and away from home. the walls were still lilac, the carpet was still cream.
but the dolls you had growing up were missing, and for that, you were thankful.
mat dropped the bags on the ground and shut the door behind him. his shoulders relaxed for the first time since getting off the airplane.
"your family's nice," he said.
you immediately flocked to him until there was only about a foot between you. "mat, i'm so sorry. i didn't think they'd make us share a room, they never let cody do that growing up."
he smiled and placed his hands on your shoulders. "it's okay. it's just for a week. we've fallen asleep together on the couch before, it'll be just like that, just in a bed, okay? and i promise i won't stare when you get changed."
you nodded and wrapped your arms around his waist. "this is already so overwhelming."
"hey, we're the dream team, okay? i'm the best liar ever. we've got this in the bag."
and when he sounded so confident, how could you possibly believe otherwise?
the two of you got settled in your room before completely kicking off your shoes, changing into comfier clothes (with you in the closet and mat in the room) and settling into bed just to scroll on your phones. your mom came knocking before too long to tell you dinner was ready.
dinner was a pot of spaghetti, your mom's best dish. everyone was seated by the time you and mat made it into the dining room. mat, ever the performer, pulled your chair out and took the seat to your right, choosing to sit next to your mom rather than your father.
"are you waiting for a grand invitation? dig in," your father grunted. his irritation immediately kicked everyone into gear, with your family passing around garlic bread and filling plates with pasta.
the table was quiet aside from the sounds of forks scraping against the plates.
"so mat," cody started. "what do you do for a living?"
"oh," he said, wiping his mouth. "i play professional hockey."
"an athlete?" your mother questioned. "i thought you learned from the last one."
you about dropped your head into your plate. "mom...."
"sorry, sorry, i know we said we wouldn't talk about him, but he's going to be a part of the family soon."
mat's neck should've snapped from how fast he whipped it to look at you.
you nudged his knee under the table with yours. later, you hoped he'd understand.
harper cleared her throat. "what team do you play for?" she asked. "i grew up a devils fan, so i have to know."
"islanders," mat smirked, like it was something to be proud of, and to him, it was. to your family though? they were more concerned with the upcoming college football season to really care.
"oh god," harper replied. "at least you don't play for the rangers."
mat took a sip of his water. "agreed."
"do you still have all your teeth?" cody asked.
you inhaled and started choking on what you guessed was a spaghetti noodle. mat reached over and immediately started patting your back quite forcefully until your airway was cleared.
"yeah," mat said. "still have all my teeth."
"how did you two meet?" your mom asked. clearly your family was in interrogation mode, but at the very least these were questions you prepared for.
"at a bar through some mutual friends," mat answered, knowing good and well they weren't looking for you to say anything, their eyes were solely focused on your best friend.
"and out of all the girls, you picked this one? did you know she couldn't tie her shoes till she was in third grade?" cody laughed.
mat didn't.
which was odd, because he was usually the first one to poke fun at you.
"you wet the bed until you were nine," you shot back, ready to diffuse the tension.
a loud laugh burst from harper's mouth. not even her hand over her lips could quite muffle the volume of it.
cody rolled his eyes but held his hands up. "laugh all you want, harp. you chose this."
she smiled and leaned into him. "i did."
you stared until mat's hand landed on your thigh, effectively snapping you out of your daze. you looked at him and gave him a small smile before eating more of your mom's cooking.
dinner was over shortly thereafter, with small talk being made between the six of you. when it ended, mat was the first one up, grabbing both of your plates, while you grabbed the cups, and followed you into the kitchen.
"oh no, you're not washing dishes," you said when you saw him put the plates in the sink. but he made no sound of hearing you. "mat!" you hissed before placing your cups in the sink and grabbing him by the arm. "you're not washing dishes! you're a guest!"
"neither of you are," your mother walked in. "you just got here. your father and i will clean up dinner, the two of you can go relax and unwind. i'm sure you've had a long day."
"i can help--" mat started.
but your mom started twirling a hand towel with a smile on her face. "don't make me smack you with this, mat." and the very sight of that coupled with the lighthearted threat had you both sprinting out of the kitchen. you'd grown up in that house long enough to remember the sting of the towel on your legs when you annoyed your mother.
you also remembered trying to get back at her once and failing completely.
your father passed the two of you as he walked into the kitchen while your brother and his girlfriend took their spots on the couch. it only left one seat left in the room, your dad's chair. but combined with the air travel, the early morning, you were left exhausted and nothing sounded better than showering and crawling into bed.
"we're gonna head upstairs, long day and all," you said to cody and harper, the inference was that they would tell your parents.
mat followed you up the stairs and into your childhood bedroom. "you take the first shower," you instructed. "i have to wash my hair and it'll take longer."
he nodded and gathered his clothes while you searched your bag for a set of modest pajamas. he finished his shower in about twenty minutes.
you hopped in the shower and went through your routine, washing your hair and body before stepping out and drying off. when you got back to your room, mat was laying in bed under the covers watching the tv on your dresser.
in true fashion, he was watching espn.
"don't you get enough of this during the season? i didn't even know you liked baseball." you crawled into bed and cuddled into mat's clothed chest like you always did.
mat shrugged, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. "i was waiting for you to come back to decide what we should watch."
you hummed and buried your face into his shirt.
cuddling wasn't abnormal for the two of you, most movie nights at mat's place ended with you in similar positions. you were aware his friends made fun of him for it, but mat thrived off physical affection and you were all too willing to give it to him.
"just turn on a movie," you mumbled.
he selected a random mission impossible movie that you couldn't give two shits about. but when the movie and your fresh shower were coupled with mat running a hand up and down your back?
you were out like a light.
exploring the hometown -- the dress shop
it was an alarm that woke you up right as the sun rose. you groaned into your pillow, burying your face into the fabric. a warm arm tightened its grip around your waist. for a moment you freaked out, trying to wriggle away from the person who had you locked in, but the person grumbled and groaned.
"if you keep moving like that, i'm going to need a cold shower. so stop."
oh.
mat.
oh.
you immediately stopped moving and relaxed back into the bed.
"we need to talk," he said.
"can we talk later? it's barely even morning."
but mat had no intention of letting you sleep in. he used his arm to forcibly turn you over to face him. when you looked him in the face, his hair was mussed and in his eyes. before you could even stop yourself, you hand was reaching and moving the hair out of the way.
"what did your mom mean when she said the last athlete you dated was joining the family soon?"
you groaned and shoved your head into his chest, but he lightly pushed your forehead away from him so he could look you in the eyes.
"i'm serious," he said.
you sighed. "i dated this guy in 11th grade, his name was owen and he played football. he was the starting tight end and a grade older than me." you avoided looking at him and instead traced the letters on his islanders t-shirt with your fingers. "things were great, he was nice and all, so i invited him to my birthday party. he went to the bathroom, and i noticed he was gone for awhile so when i went to look for him, he was making out with angela."
mat's grip tightened on your waist. he said your name quietly, but you shook your head.
"it's fine," you said. "i told my parents but angela didn't get in trouble, not really at least. my aunt pressured me to make up with her for the sake of 'family' and 'feminism,' so i accepted her half assed apology and congratulated her when they got engaged a year ago."
"what a bitch," was all mat said.
"mat..."
but he was sitting up and pulling you with him. "no, don't brush this off. what she did was shitty. and your family just expected you to forgive her and watch her get married to him?"
"mat, it happened years ago. forgive and forget."
"i think you mean resent and remember," he grumbled.
"can we just go back to sleep? it's too early for this."
mat huffed but sank back into the mattress.
the two of you fell back asleep until light was hitting you in the eyes. "get up, sleepy heads! you can't sleep the day away!"
you groaned at the sound of your mother's cheering, or maybe it was the bright ceiling light blinding you, either way, the way you woke up the first time was better than this.
"mom, what time is it?"
"a little after 8."
you and mat groaned in unison. "you couldn't let us sleep in?"
"there are things that need to get done, sweetheart. do either of you have something to wear to the wedding?"
"mom, it's too early for this."
she sighed and probably rolled her eyes, something you would notice if you weren't too busy burying your head in the fabric of mat's shirt. in turn, he was burying his face in your hair.
"fine. you two can sleep the day away, but i expect the both of you for dinner tonight and to be dressed appropriately for the family dinner tomorrow." she left shortly thereafter.
"family dinner?" mat asked into your hair. "how is that different from regular dinner?"
"it's with the entire family, not just mine. you'll meet all my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents there."
"sounds like a lot."
"it is. they did this when my cousin andy got married two years ago."
mat hummed into the top of your head. "sounds exhausting."
"if you don't wanna see me for a month after this week is over, i wouldn't blame you."
he brought you closer to him, which you didn't think was possible considering you two were already pretty close. "i always wanna see you."
you smiled into his shirt, which you were pretty sure he could feel, but neither of you drew attention to it.
"we need to get up," you sighed, pushing away from him just a little.
"i'm already up."
on cue you felt something around your hip that had you squealing and falling out of bed laughing. "you absolute douche!" but it had no real bite since you were holding your stomach and rolling around on the floor laughing.
"what am i supposed to do when i wake up with a pretty girl pressed against me? ignore nature?"
you rolled your eyes and got up, searching through your bag for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. "get dressed, asshole."
by the time you made it downstairs after taking care of your hair and brushing your teeth, your mother had set out a few granola bars for breakfast.
"i would've made eggs and waffles, but i'm already swamped with helping your aunt, i just didn't have the energy this morning."
"thanks, mom," you smiled and kissed her cheek once before grabbing a granola bar.
"do you know what you're wearing to angela's wedding?" she asked.
you nodded while you chewed your bar. "i brought that blue dress i wore to cody's graduation."
your mom's face twisted into disgust. "that old thing? honey, you can do better than that."
you waited until your mother turned around to roll your eyes only to catch mat coming down the stairs in a t-shirt and jeans.
god he looked so good it should be criminal.
but instead of fawning over him, you just threw a granola bar at his chest with he caught with an ease. "what're we doing today?"
"shopping apparently," you grumbled.
"oh don't give him attitude, honey. you should've packed something more appropriate to the wedding instead of that ratty dress you brought."
"it's not ratty!" you weren't sure why you were defending a dress you didn't care about, you'd only grabbed the first dress you saw in your closet. maybe it was the fact that she was so quick to dismiss something you chose to wear.
"that dress is years old, sweetheart. it's time for something new."
"thanks for the constructive criticism, mom. you never fail to give it at the best times," you deadpanned. you glanced back at mat who was stuffing the granola bar in his mouth. "you ready to go?"
he nodded, still chewing as you started walking towards the door.
"dad! i'm taking your car." you grabbed the keys, then mat's hand, and tugged him out the door.
neither of you spoke until you were already five minutes down the road.
"are you okay?" mat asked, eyes warily staring at your from the passenger seat. "you're gripping the wheel pretty tight."
you looked down at your own hands and eased up. "she just--" you groaned. "she always does this, criticizes me or what i wear. i know she means well, but it's irritating."
"for what it's worth, i liked the blue dress."
you gave him a small smile. "the problem isn't you, mat, it's not even the dress. if my mom thinks it's ratty, angela definitely will. and at the end of the day, i think that's what my mom is trying to save me from."
"why doesn't she just tell angela to mind her own business?"
"question of the year," you grumbled before pulling into the parking lot of a local boutique.
the two of you got out and headed inside, though mat looked a little out of place. "what's the dress code for this wedding anyway?"
"i'm sure if you brought a dress shirt and some slacks, you'll be fine."
you looked around, occasionally checking the dresses on the racks, but nothing caught your eye.
"can i help you find anything?" that voice nearly stopped you in your tracks, it was someone you hadn't thought about since you left for college.
you turned around and smiled at the woman in front of you. last time you saw her, you were standing in matching caps and gowns. you sat next to each other at graduation, and before that, you shared a few classes together. if it wasn't for the bright red hair and the comments your mom had made in the past about her staying in town, you never would've recognized her.
you hoped she wouldn't recognize you.
but she said your name in shock and smiled. "it's been so long!" she said. "back in town for angela's wedding?"
and really, you had no reason to dread this conversation, meredith was as nice as she was in high school. but you weren't sure if anyone was ever this happy to run into someone they knew from high school.
speaking of, you couldn't even remember why you weren't closer to her in high school.
"meredith, hi," you replied. "yes, i'm in town for her wedding. are you going?"
meredith nodded and smiled. "i'm actually her maid of honor."
of course she was.
that explained why you weren't close friends in high school.
"that's so exciting!" you smiled through a clenched jaw.
"i was shocked to hear you weren't in the bridal party though. is everything okay?" meredith sounded genuinely concerned, and while she was sweet, you never remembered her being very observant.
you shrugged. "we've grown apart since i moved away, it's water under the bridge."
meredith nodded until her gaze shifted to behind you were you assumed mat had just appeared. "who's this?"
"this is--"
"i'm mat," he held his hand out to shake. "her boyfriend."
meredith shakily grabbed his hand, you could see it tremble in his grip. "meredith," she practically swooned. a moment passed before she let go of his hand.
you had to keep from rolling your eyes. you were no stranger to mat's effect on women but it didn't make it any less obnoxious.
"we're looking for a dress for her to wear to the wedding," mat explained as his arm snaked around your waist. "i think she looks amazing in anything, but if you could find her something summery that matches her complexion, maybe a nice sundress, that would be very helpful."
you looked at mat like he'd grown a second and third head while meredith scrambled off to find something to fit his description. "are you okay?"
"why wouldn't i be?"
"you just listed of a theme of clothing without even batting an eyelash."
mat shrugged. "i was just being efficient. if you don't like what she picks out, we can always find something else or go somewhere else. but i thought the summery vibe would look nice with what i packed."
"and what did you pack? a white shirt and black slacks?"
"guess you'll have to find out in a few days," he quipped before lightly booping your nose.
meredith came back with an arm full of dresses and ushered the both of you back to the dressing rooms. she handed the articles of clothing to you and whisked herself away citing that she'd be around if you needed anything.
which was perfectly fine with you, it meant you didn't have an audience to trying on dresses.
"try the green one on first!" mat called as you shut the door behind you.
"you're not running the show here, barzal. as much as you would like to think otherwise."
you put the green one on first anyway.
you looked in the mirror, not sure if you liked the sleeves or the cut of the dress. was it too short for a wedding? it felt too casual.
"are you gonna show me? i'm assuming it doesn't take ten years for you to put on a dress, sweetheart," mat said.
"i'm not doing a fashion show for you, barzy."
"your boyfriend would like very much to see what you're getting, baby."
you rolled your eyes, mainly because he had a point. but amidst your irritation, hesitancy rose up but you didn't know why. mat had never given you a reason to be insecure, he was more than affirming about your place in his life and your appearance. you had no reason to be insecure, but yet it was rising up anyway.
still, you opened the door.
you poked your head out to see mat sitting on his phone until he heard the creak of the door. "well, let me see you!" he said.
you came out from behind the door as confidently as you could manage.
only for mat to let out a low whistle.
"oh shut up," you whined.
"you look good, baby," he smirked. "almost too good to wear out in public." you flushed under his scrutinizing stare that seemed to linger on some areas more than others and the nickname made heat slowly crawl up your neck.
"you're such a flatterer."
"just calling it like i see it, honey."
"will you quit it with the nicknames?" you covered your face with your hands.
"am i embarrassing you, baby?" he asked, voice much closer now. you didn't know why until you felt two hands on your waist.
"no."
mat pulled your hands down and smirked as he placed his palms back on your waist. "liar."
you rolled your eyes. "do you like the dress or not?"
"it's not about my opinion, do you like it?"
you all but stomped your foot in frustration. "mat," you whined. "what was the point of coming out here if you're just going to defer to my opinion?"
he shrugged like it wasn't bothering him to be that close to you; unlike you, whose heart was racing a mile a minute. "because i like to see dresses on pretty women, specifically you."
you shoved him away with a light push on his chest. the skirt of the dress bunching up a bit as his grip was pulled away.
"lemme see the next one!" he called as you walked back into the dressing room.
you tried on three more dresses, all of them garnering a similar reaction from mat, but none really feeling like the dress you should be wearing. none of them were nice enough to wear to the wedding without your mother, aunt, or angela saying something smart.
your hope was diminishing when you got to the final dress. it was plain in comparison to the others as far as beading and lace went, just a simple navy blue dress with a deep v and a small slit up to mid thigh. but you tried it on anyway.
"i don't know about this one, but i kinda like it. i wanted to know what you think," you said as you came out the dressing room.
mat looked up from his phone.
only for his jaw to drop.
you shifted your weight from foot to foot, back and forth, as you waited for a comment from him. mat, in all your time as friends, was never hesitant to share his opinion, but the longer he stayed silent, the more fearful you got that maybe this dress wasn't the one you should be wearing.
"do you not like it? i can--"
"no, you're getting it." he stood up and called meredith over who seemed to have been hovering just out of sight, like she was waiting for that exact moment. "she's getting this one, can you ring it up?"
meredith smiled but looked back and forth between you two. "of course, she'll have to take it off but--"
"mat, are you sure? i'm not even sure about this."
"baby," there he went, using another pet name. "you look fantastic, and even if you didn't, which you do, i took one look at your face and could tell you loved this dress. you're getting it." he said it so confidently you were inclined to believe him.
you started reaching for the tag on the dress. "how much is it--"
he ripped the tag off and handed it to meredith along with his card. "will you ring this up for us while she gets dressed, meredith?" he asked.
"mat, you don't have to pay--"
“let’s be honest, this is more for me than you." he said it so confidently, how could you possibly say no to him? "go get dressed," he said. "i'll be out here."
you quickly changed into your other clothes and grabbed the dress on your way out. mat quickly took the dress out of your hand and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. you didn't think anything of it until he pulled you in and placed a kiss on the side of your head.
you would've read into it had meredith not been in plain sight.
he must've done it to keep up the act.
meredith took the dress and wrapped it in a box that mat refused to let you carry, just like he refused to let you see the receipt. you told him that you'd just venmo him, but he ignored you all the way to the car.
preparation mode
your mom had ordered pizza for dinner which you and mat had taken up to your room. no one in your family batted an eyelash considering you both cited it as having a long day and wanting to unwind.
"so tell me about your family, the ones i haven't met yet," mat said through a mouth full of pizza.
you were currently wearing one of his t-shirts that you stole from his apartment a month ago and a pair of running shorts while you leaned back against the headboard. "well, there's my uncle mike, he's my mom's brother and the oldest in their family. for the most part he minds his business, he's on his fourth marriage and probably the last one because him and his wife don't even care to mask their indifference towards each other." you took a huge bite of your pizza and swallowed it before continuing. "then there's aunt patty who is angela's mom and she's about as nice as they come but also she's super passive aggressive and let's angela get away with everything."
"sounds like she's not actually nice, and you're just conditioned to think she is."
you rolled your eyes. "we don't have time to psychoanalyze my familial relationships, barzy."
"sure we do, if your aunt lets your bullying cousin get away with everything, then she's not actually nice."
"what does that make her then, smart ass?"
"a pawn." and he said it so lightly that you didn't even think about it for a moment. when you finally registered what he said, you furrowed your brows. so mat continued. "anyone who lets their child 'get away with everything' even when they're wrong is not a parent so much as they are a pawn in their child's game."
you blinked at him once. then a second time, wondering when your best friend had been replaced by your therapist.
"what?" he asked.
"i'm just trying to figure out what happened to my best friend. it's like you were replaced by dr. phil."
mat rolled his eyes. "i'm allowed to be wise on occasion."
"is it an occasion if it's never happened before?"
"what makes you say that?"
"i'm saying someone who gets hit in the face with a hockey stick or a puck every other game doesn't always have the best wisdom."
"but i do now! and that's what matters." he took another bite of pizza and hummed to himself.
"what?" you asked. "what was that hum about?"
"tell me about your other family members."
you explained how your cousin andrew (otherwise known as andy) was the oldest of angela's siblings and was married two years ago to his wife kelsey. they were distant from angela because she announced her engagement at kelsey's baby shower, but in true family fashion, that incident was pushed under the rug.
then there was thomas who was a year older than you and angela who had an affinity of sleeping around and generally not giving a shit about anyone or anything. he would say what he wanted when he wanted and for that reason, he was one of your favorite relatives. because, for the most part, he was the only one other than your grandmother who called angela out on her shit.
"what about your grandparents?"
you shrugged. "my grandfather died a few years ago and my grandmother is still around. she's honestly my favorite family member, though i'm sure that has nothing to do with me and cody being her favorites."
"oh i'm sure," mat said.
"and that's my mom's side of the family." you slapped your thighs and took a sip of your drink.
"what about you?"
you looked at him, confused at what he could possibly be talking about. "what about me?"
"you've told me about your family, tell me about you."
you scoffed. "mat, we're friends, what could you possibly want to know about me?"
he shrugged. "tell me something i wouldn't know. if you don't, i'm going to go downstairs and ask your mom to bring out the baby photos."
you rolled your eyes and sighed heavily, like it was some burden on you. "fine. when i was a kid, angela stuck bubble gum in my hair and i had to get a horrendous haircut. cody made fun of me until it grew out again."
"i bet you were still cute."
you got up from the bed and picked up a picture frame off your dresser. for some reason, your mother insisted on decorating your room with your worst moments, hence why your prom photo was hanging in the stair way. you handed the picture frame to mat who immediately smiled at your seven year old self smiling with two missing teeth and a shitty haircut.
"oh," he said.
"what?" you asked.
mat looked up with a huge smile on his face. "i definitely would've had a crush on you as a kid." you rolled your eyes and shoved him in the shoulder. "hey!" he protested. "i would've! you were cute!"
"shut up, you would not. i bet seven year old mat was the cutest boy in his grade and too worried about hockey to look at seven year old me."
"he might've been, i'd never know. but all i'm saying is if seven year old me knew seven year old you? he'd be in love. well, as much love as a seven year old can feel. in fact, i would've given you my favorite pokemon cards if you'd asked."
you could feel heat creeping up your neck at the idea, and how far it was from the truth. your classmates gave you hell for the way your hair looked, and it was such an odd and unbelievable story that no one took you seriously until the next school year when you grew your hair out.
"well, do you have a photo of you as a kid? it's not fair that you get unlimited access to all my childhood photos and i don't get to see you!"
mat rolled his eyes but pulled out his phone and scrolled through his camera roll. he flipped his phone around so you could see a photo of him in hockey gear with a big smile on his face. "aw mat," you cooed. "you were so cute."
"would you have had a crush on me?"
you thought about it for a moment. "i actually had a crush on this guy in my grade named frankie, so probably not."
mat's jaw dropped. "so my crush would go unrequited?"
"mat, honey, we didn't even live in the same country. this whole situation is hypothetical."
"tell me, did frankie play hockey?"
"what? no."
"was he funnier than me?"
"mat how am i supposed to know if second grade you was funnier than frankie?"
he shrugged. "i don't know. but was he?"
"he was the class clown."
mat groaned and fell back into your pillows. "seven year old mat is crushed. he stands no chance."
"honey, i cannot stress this enough, this is a hypothetical situation."
but all of a sudden, he stood up to his full height and walked towards you with the picture frame still in his hands. he placed the frame back on your dresser and closed the distance between the two of you. "what if it wasn't hypothetical?" he said, his tone shifted from playful to serious.
you locked his phone while you looked at him, to say you were confused would be an understatement. "what're you talking about?"
he shrugged and placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer until you hips touched and it was like electricity struck your nervous system. "what if--"
a knock on the door interrupted anything mat was going to say. the two of you jumped apart. "hope you two aren't naked!" cody's voice sounded through the wooden door. "we're having a movie night and mom made it clear that you two need to be downstairs in five minutes."
"we'll be right out!" you called, though your eyes were still locked on mat's.
he reluctantly let go of you as you cleared your throat. you didn't know what was different about air around you, how it felt tense and warm at the same time.
you headed downstairs with mat trailing behind you and sat on the couch next to each other. you weren't sure what changed, but when mat put his arm around you like he had done in the past, you fought every urge to tense up. what was going on with you?
when the movie was over, and it was time for all of you to go to bed, you and mat dressed in separate rooms. you were in bed by the time he returned and you were too busy controlling your breaths to notice his hesitancy.
he called your name quietly, but you squeezed your eyes shut and evened out your breathing. mat pushed a strand of hair behind your ear as he got in bed before he wrapped an arm around your waist pulled your back to his chest.
your heart beat against your ribs loud enough you were sure he could hear it. you weren't sure why, or what it was, not even your ex boyfriend had your heart beating like that, and it took you months to get over him.
when mat finally fell asleep, you relaxed, and pulled yourself gently and slowly out of his hold.
you placed a pillow between you two.
it was on the floor on mat's side the next morning.
the "big family" dinner
"is this appropriate enough to wear to dinner tonight?" mat came into the room wearing a plain white tee and black jeans with adidas.
it should be a sin to look that good in something so simple.
"if you were anyone else, i'd say no," you replied.
he blinked. "what does that mean?"
"i mean somehow you make really plain outfits look good."
he smirked. "you saying i look good?"
"oh please. like you don't know."
mat put both of his hands in his front pockets and leaned his shoulder against the wall. "maybe, but it sounds better coming from your mouth." you rolled your eyes and shoved him aside as you gathered your clothes in your hands. "what're you wearing?"
"a shirt and shorts." you walked into the bathroom across the hall to change into your outfit before going back in the bedroom to get your shoes.
mat let out a low whistle much like he did at the boutique. "is that my shirt?"
you looked down and saw the islanders logo on the front and shrugged. "must be."
"when did you grab this?"
"must've been during one of our sleepovers." you walked right out of the room and down the stairs to join the rest of your family. the six of you (your father, mother, brother, his girlfriend, mat, and you) would be riding in two separate cars. cody tried to convince your parents that mat should ride with them while you rode with him, but you quickly shot that idea down. you wouldn't say you were embarrassed of your parents, but you surely weren't going to leave mat to his own devices with them.
which is how you ended up sitting in the backseat of your dad's subaru with a foot of space between you and mat.
"mat, honey, tell us about your family! do you have any siblings?" your mother asked from the front seat she tried to give him earlier.
"you have longer legs!" she said.
"and my dad would literally punch me in the chest if i didn't let you sit shotgun," mat replied.
"i have a sister, her name's liana."
"oh, liana!" your mother gushed. "what a beautiful name! i should've named you that, honey!"
"mom," you whined. "you don't think it would be weird to have the same name as mat's sister?"
she hummed. "i guess, when you put it that way..." your mother shook her head. "how'd you get into hockey, mat?"
"mom, mat's gonna be interrogated all night long, can we save the questions for later?"
"baby, it's fine," mat assured you. your heart picked up just a little at the pet name but settled down when he turned his attention back to your mom. "i grew up playing it," he said. "my dad used to play as well."
it was like your mom fell in love with your boyfriend even more. "see honey? he continued a tradition that his father set for him!" you kept yourself from snarking back and rolling your eyes and just smiled. "i wanted my daughter to be a nurse like me," she explained to mat. "but she wasn't interested."
"mom, i can barely handle the sight of blood and you thought i would be okay in the icu?"
mat cackled. "you should see her when i have cuts and bruises from games, she pulls out gloves and about douses my wounds in peroxide."
"i'm not gonna get a blood borne disease because of you, barzal," you replied.
he rolled his eyes but smiled at you anyway.
you zoned out for the rest of the car ride as your aunt's house grew closer. mat, ever the observant friend, reached out and grabbed your hand in his, squeezing it three times until you looked at him.
"you okay?" he mouthed. when you finally nodded he sighed and brought your hands to his lips, kissing it once before placing your joined hands between the two of you. your heart soared at the gesture, but you looked back out the window before he could see it.
your father parked the car in front of a giant house you were all too familiar with. memories flashed before your eyes of summers spent swimming in the pool in the backyard and playing with toys in angela's room.
"be on your best behavior," your mom directed towards you with a knowing look in her eyes. you weren't sure why, you hadn't made a scene in years, though you were contemplating it if your mom kept harassing you.
you and mat slid out of the backseat and followed your parents to the front door. your mom didn't even bother knocking; she opened the door and left it open for the rest of you to follow. mat trailed behind you, grabbing your hand at the last minute before walking through the front door.
you were immediately accosted by a plethora of voices and music, unknowingly, you gripped mat's hand a little tighter as your aunt rounded the corner with a glass of champagne and a large smile. you saw as she greeted your parents with hugs, careful not to spill her drink. when her eyes focused on you, or rather the hand you were holding, there was a sense of smug satisfaction that occurred when you saw the poorly disguised shock on her face.
"hey!" she greeted. "i see you brought a friend."
before you could say anything, mat was taking his hand out of yours and shaking your aunt's hand. "i'm mat, the boyfriend."
aunt patty smiled and then looked at you, like she was evaluating something. "nice to meet you, mat," she said before bringing you into a hug and giving the same salutation she gave your parents. "angela will be excited to see you, both of you!" she said.
doubtful, you thought. very doubtful.
aunt patty ushered the both of you further into the house; mat's hand returned to holding yours until it was time to go outside in the backyard and join the rest of the family, then his hand moved to your lower back.
the two of you walked outside and watched as your family mingled in the backyard.
"who do we talk to first?" mat asked.
you shook your head. "no one. we go grab food first. my family is easier to handle with food."
mat nodded and followed your lead to the table with assorted finger foods on it. the two of you grabbed a plate full of food and found a table to sit.
it wasn't long before the table filled up with cody and his girlfriend who'd arrived moments after you did.
"did you give him the family run down?" cody asked before taking a bite out of one of his deviled eggs.
"this isn't amateur hour, cody. i spent the entire evening yesterday prepping him."
and a coffee date and plane ride dedicated to perfecting a fabricated story.
as if reminded that you two had appearances to keep up, mat reached back and draped his arm around the back of your chair and leaned back in his own. he looked so comfortable doing so you would've believed him to be genuine.
it wasn't long before your other family members came over, your grandmother to start. both you and mat stood to greet her. she wasted no time pulling you into a hug and kissing your cheek, holding your face between her hands and smiling.
"my, my, my, you've grown," she said.
"you say that every time you see me, grandma," you replied.
"and i mean it every time." her eyes dart to over your shoulder where you're positive mat is towering over you. "and who is this?" she asked, but it was clear by the smirk on her face that she already knew. the entire family probably knew given how much your mother liked to talk about your love life.
"i'm mat," he said and extended a hand out to shake.
your grandmother immediately let go of you and all but pushed you out of the way to hug mat who didn't even hesitate to embrace her back. when your grandmother pulled away she smiled and glanced back and forth between you and mat.
"so you're the gentleman who stole my baby's heart?"
mat gave your grandmother a megawatt smile. "no ma'am, you have it backwards. i just tricked her into dating me, still not sure how i accomplished it though."
your grandmother looked back at you and all but swooned. "you didn't tell me how handsome he was."
you blinked. you weren't sure what kind of magic ability mat had but the fact that you grandmother looked ready to become a cougar or push you down the aisle said something.
"didn't think he was your type, grandma."
she rolled her eyes but the smile on her lips said enough. "you and that attitude, girl, i've missed it. i hope she doesn't give you this much trouble, mat."
he only reached around your grandmother and tugged you into his chest. "oh this one? she usually gives me a run for my money," he said before placing a kiss on the top of your head.
your grandmother looked at you and smiled.
and just like that, he'd won over your grandmother's approval. it was a record for you, actually. even your best boyfriend had to meet her several times to win her over.
and mat did it in a matter of minutes.
really, it wasn't fair how charming he was.
"well," she said. "i'll let you two finish eating, i'm sure your cousin will make her way over here at some point." and on cue, your grandmother and you met eyes and shared an understanding. while your grandma loved angela, she, unlike your aunt, was not blind to the passive aggressive comments made by your cousin over the years.
mat pulled your chair out and pushed it in as you sat down before taking his place next to you. his hand immediately made its way onto your thigh, his thumb stroking the outside of your leg.
he leaned in and murmured in your ear. "that went well."
you swallowed the weird sensation in your throat that probably had nothing to do with his touch and proximity.
"a little too well if you ask me," you replied. "she likes you a lot more than my other boyfriends."
mat shrugged like that wasn't the highest praise you could give him. "to be fair, your exes have always been shit."
"they have not!"
cody chimed in from across the table. "they have." you glared at him but he seemed unfazed. "do you want me to tally the boys you've brought home?" but he didn't even give you a chance to answer before he started listing your exes on his fingers. "there was cole who skipped your birthday because it wasn't important. then there was conrad who had the weird relationship with his sister. then there was randall who wouldn't speak to you for days on end and then text you out of the blue."
you rolled your eyes. "those don't count, those were high school boyfriends."
cody deadpanned, though you both knew he skipped one particular boyfriend who happened to be the shittiest. "oh i can skip straight to college and post college if you'd like. you've given me plenty of material to work with." so he continued. "there was yohan who didn't have a bed frame, just a mattress on the floor."
"we were in college!"
mat chimed in. "a mattress on the floor is bad, babe. you can't excuse that."
you huffed and sat back in your chair as cody kept going.
"what about peter who refused to ever get your number and only communicated through snapchat? or lance who had the armpit fetish?"
mat nearly spit out his drink. "a what? what does that even mean?"
you groaned and put your head in your hands until a new voice chimed in.
"it means that she wore a lot of tank tops when they dated, per his request. isn't that right?"
you looked up and saw the rock on her hand before you ever saw her face.
"angela," you said and tried to smile, though the poorly masked snicker made by cody told you it probably looked more like a grimace. "hey, long time no see."
"alright, that's our cue, harper," cody mumbled before him and his girlfriend left the table.
she smiled and fixed her eyes on mat. "and who is this?"
mat, as if sensing the challenge she was presenting, moved his hand from your thigh to around your shoulder. unlike meeting your grandmother, he didn't stand up or offer a hand, he just nodded and smile. "i'm mat."
"and who is 'mat?'" she asked in what she believed was a charming way.
you had to keep yourself from rolling your eyes.
"i'm her boyfriend," mat said before placing a kiss on the side of your head. it was with premature smug satisfaction that you witnessed the smile on angela's lips falter just a little. but then you remembered the times before when you introduced boyfriends to family and how angela looked at them with some sort of predatory gleam in her eyes when met with a challenge.
and mat's indifference to her was the biggest challenge of all.
a tall blond man walked over and wrapped an arm around angela's waist. "baby," he said. "i got you a drink." and he handed her a flute of champagne.
she sipped it but never took her eyes off mat.
"who're you?" owen asked. you had to keep yourself from rolling your eyes. all those years ago, you thought his blunt ways of communicating were charming, now they just grated on your nerves.
"honey, this is mat, the infamous plus one."
"boyfriend," mat corrected. "simple mistake, i get it. it's not like the rsvp's asked for a relationship definition or anything."
"how long have you two been together?" owen asked.
"a few months," you answered in unison, which immediately made angela quirk a brow. you started sweating, your hands started shaking in your lap.
almost as if sensing your nerves, mat reached over with the hand that wasn't around you shoulders, and placed it on your thigh, rubbing smooth circles into your skin.
goosebumps formed on your skin, but for an entirely different reason that a cold breeze considering it was nearly sweltering outside.
"we've been friends for awhile though," mat said. "known each other for about as long as we've been in new york."
angela hummed, but didn't seem convinced. "okay," she smiled. "enjoy the party."
when she walked away with owen in tow, you let out a sigh.
"you okay?" mat mumbled.
"that went better than i thought."
"i thought you said she was mean," mat said.
"she typically is, maybe she's changed though. it's been a minute since i came home."
mat hummed, but maybe your earlier conversations convinced him of angela's normal behavior, because he didn't seem like he believed you.
"don't hum at me," you said. "she could!"
mat shrugged and leaned back in his chair, his hand squeezed your shoulder where it rested. "okay," he said before placing a kiss on your temple. "i trust you."
the night continued on without much incident. cody got a little too drunk, but that was to be expected. your uncle, his wife, and your cousins all came by and said their hellos, but for the most part, you and mat just stayed at the table and talked.
it was moments like that when you forgot how easy it was to just be with him. you couldn't count the amount of times you found yourself sitting on his couch with your head in his lap, his hand in your hair, as you ranted about your shitty day at work or a frustrating phone call with your parents. days like that were typical with mat, because he made it so easy to just be.
you felt most like yourself when you were with him.
and sure it sounded a little codependent, but you were almost positive he was your other half.
but not in a romantic way.
never in a romantic way.
after all, he was way out of your league. the amount times he had women approach him at bars when the two of you went out were astronomical.
you were forever the friend, and you weren't really all that upset about it. so long as you had mat, you'd take him in whatever capacity he'd give you.
the night was quickly coming to an end. harper had cody's arm wrapped around her shoulder, assuring everyone she would be driving them home. mat's hand had found a new home on the small of your back as he guided you out and back towards the front door, following your parents who insisted on hugging every family member goodbye.
you felt your body lean into mat's touch and the side of his body, your own feeling drained and exhausted.
"hey," he leaned down and mumbled in your ear. "i'm gonna go to the bathroom, i'll meet you at the car?"
you looked up at him, faces close together. you were taken back to earlier when you almost kissed and for a moment, you found yourself imagining a world where you could. where you could lean up and figure out what chapstick he used.
"yeah," you stuttered out when it was clear you'd stayed quiet too long.
"great," he smiled before kissing your cheek and disappearing down the hallway.
you were immediately crowded by your mom, aunt, and to your displeasure, angela.
your cousin stumbled up to you with a bright smile on her face as both of your mothers talked to each other. "your friend was cute," she said. "wouldn't mind running away with him." she giggled, but you saw the truth in her eyes, the calculated stumbles and fake drunken smiles.
"oh, angie's had too much to drink," your aunt said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "you know how drunk people can be."
"i've always heard drunk words are sober thoughts," you stated.
your mom scoffed and waved a hand in the air. "oh honey, that's just a saying, angela doesn't mean what she says, not while she's intoxicated. after all, i have done plenty of things while drunk that i didn't mean in the morning."
you squinted at your mother, completely baffled by her excusing of angela. which, after all these years, shouldn't surprise you.
"what'd i miss?" mat popped back next to you like he was summoned.
"oh nothing--" your mother started.
"mat!" angela screamed, throwing her hands up in the air before wrapping them around his shoulders. "if i wasn't getting married tomorrow, i'd run away with you! it's too bad my cousin here didn't introduce us before!"
mat peeled her arms off his body and pushed her away as gently as he could. "before what? before you stole her high school boyfriend?"
what.
the hell.
angela's smile dropped right as your mom's and aunt's eyes widened. "and i'm not a fan of running." he grabbed your hand and pulled you out the front door, and waved down harper who was about to pull out of the driveway.
"we rode with my parents," you said, still in a daze from what he said.
"we're riding with harper and cody back," was all he said.
harper unlocked the doors for you and mat but didn't even bother asking why the two of you decided to switch rides.
the drive back to your childhood home was pretty quiet save for the country music playing softly over the radio. it wasn't your favorite genre, but you weren't going to complain.
by the time you made it home, you were exhausted. mat trailed you up the stairs after locking the front door behind him because harper mentioned something about taking cody back to their apartment instead of staying.
when he finally walked in the room, you were already changing out of your shorts. maybe it was a testament to how tired you were, or how long you had known each other that made you not give a shit about changing in front of him. you did, however, try to stay decent, so you waited until you had your pajama shirt on to remove your bra before sliding into bed.
mat had apparently walked out of the room to change while you had your back to the door because he came walking back in wearing basketball shorts and a tee shirt, like he did the other nights.
"you okay?" he asked, getting in to bed and sliding next to you. he bumped his shoulder with yours.
"why wouldn't i be?" but you wouldn't look him in the eyes.
"c'mon," he said. "you can be honest with me. i'm your best friend."
your eyes watered at his words, the ones he spoke in front of your family, and the ones he spoke just then. "thank you," was all you could get out.
he pulled you into his arms and for a moment, you were taken back to similar circumstances.
like when you watched marley and me. or when your neighbor with the cute dog moved away.
mat had always been there.
"what're you thanking me for?"
"no one's ever stood up to her like that."
mat scoffed. "i wasn't just gonna let her disrespect our relationship like that, real or fake." he kissed the top of your head. "i almost didn't say anything, wanted to keep the peace, but then i saw the look on your face and couldn't keep quiet."
"what look?"
"the kicked puppy look." you looked up at him as his thumb stroked a line on your cheek. something must've passed over your face because his thumb stopped its motion. "what?" you sighed and shook your head. "c'mon," he said. "you can tell me."
you sighed. "i just--i don't want her to take you away."
mat tilted your chin up and ducked his head down so your foreheads touched. "you're not gonna lose me, especially not to your cousin, okay?" you nodded. "i need to hear you say it, baby."
but how could you talk when he called you by pet names? how could you breathe when you could kiss him if you just lifted your chin.
damn.
did he know the effect he had on you?
"baby," he prompted.
"okay," you said. "i trust you."
"and that's all i ask." he kissed your forehead and pulled away, all too soon if anyone asked you. "now, let's watch a movie, i need to destress after tonight."
you settled into the pillows and laid your head on mat's chest as he scrolled through netflix with one hand; the other arm was wrapped around your back.
the wedding
the next two days were spent with you and mat walking around the city, nothing noteworthy happened.
but you woke up on the day of the wedding dreading what was to come.
the ceremony itself wasn't until that night, which gave you the entire day to worry about angela and mat.
his words should've comforted you, but you were too caught up in why you cared. he was your best friend, angela didn't want him that way. and mat was too loyal to let a girl come between your friendship, he never let it happen with his previous girlfriends.
but there would be times when you wouldn't be together that night. could you honestly expect mat to hang around the women's bathroom every time you needed to use it? you were lucky he got along with your brother and your grandmother as well as he did, but your grandmother would definitely leave early and cody would definitely ditch anyone in a heartbeat if it meant he'd get laid.
"you okay?" mat asked, placing his hands on your shoulders as you stared in the bathroom mirror. "you've been in here a minute. at first i thought you were taking a shit, but you left the door open." he rested his head on top of yours and made eye contact with you in the mirror.
"just stressed about tonight," you admitted.
"you got nothing to stress over, you got me, and we're not getting married. we'll just get drunk and party. sounds like a great time to me!"
"god, if i'm like this at someone else's wedding, i can't imagine what i'd be like at my own."
mat shrugged. "i wouldn't let you be stressed. i’d make sure to give you the wedding you want."
you pulled away and turned around, brows pulled together like attracting magnets. "wouldn’t that be weird though? you making sure my wedding was what i wanted?"
"considering it would be my wedding too, no i don't think it would be weird." he shrugged and said it so casually, you almost didn't register what he said. but when it sunk in, your cheeks heated up and you broke eye contact before lightly shoving him away.
"you're such a flirt," you said, hoping it wouldn't give away the way your heart raced in your chest.
"doesn't mean it isn't true!" he called after you. mat flicked on the fan and shut the door. "now watch a movie, i don't want you to hear me shit."
"we're not even in the same room, dipshit!" you laughed before heading back to your room and turning on netflix.
mat joined you after about ten minutes in the bathroom and the two of you watched a movie until your parents shouted from downstairs to start getting ready.
you got ready in the bathroom simply because that was where you makeup was. mat took the bedroom simply because it was easier. you put on your dress, fluffing out the ends to make sure no part of it was wrinkled before you started on your makeup.
you were finished rather quickly, mainly because mat kept calling your name like a child, waiting for you to fix his tie because he didn't know how to.
when you walked out of the bathroom, though, mat met you in the hallway. his eyes were focused on the tie in his hands until he heard the door open. he glanced up and his jaw dropped.
"fuck," he mumbled.
you could feel the heat going up your chest and your neck until it settled in your face. "do i look okay?"
mat swallowed and nodded. your normally chatty best friend was rendered speechless for the first time since you met him. he cleared his throat and gestured to you. "i knew buying that dress was a good move."
you rolled your eyes and smiled as you walked over to him. you took the tie out of his hand and wrapped it around his neck, tying a windsor knot until it was snug against his throat.
"i think you're trying to choke me."
you scoffed. "if you learned how to tie a tie, this wouldn't be a problem."
"if i learned how to tie a tie, i wouldn't have an excuse to be this close to you." his hands snaked around your waist and pulled your hips close to his.
"you should know you don't need an excuse to get close to me." you tried out the flirtation a little, unsure if he was joking or not, but given how his eyes lit up just a bit, you were pretty confident he was serious.
"baby--"
"sweetheart! we need to be leaving soon!" your mother called up the stairs.
you and mat sprung apart like the other had spontaneously caught on fire. neither of you would make eye contact too embarrassed to have been interrupted by your mother. though you couldn't meet each other's eyes, you managed to see mat gesture for you to go down the stairs first.
"you both look so cute!" your mother gushed as both you and mat entered the living room. "go stand in front of the fireplace! i have to get your picture."
you rolled your eyes. "mom, this isn't prom night." but mat was already tugging you over to where your mom was pointing and wrapping and arm around your waist.
your mom snapped a few pictures before hurrying the two of you and your father out the door. the wedding didn't start for another hour, but the venue was thirty minutes away and your mom wanted to make sure your aunt wasn't going to have an aneurysm.
mat held your hand as you walked down the front porch stairs towards the car. his grip was tight and firm. when you finally joined him on the sidewalk, you expected him to drop his hand, but he held onto it even tighter, lightly swinging it between your bodies.
he didn't let go until you got into the back seat of your mom's car.
he lightly chatted with your parents while you stared at the space between the two of you. the entire week had your mind whirling, you two were just friends, but sharing a bed, the physical closeness, the flirting, the near kisses, it was all driving you insane.
sure, you thought mat was good looking, but you'd long given up the hope that he'd ever like you. he was mat and you were you. even if there wasn't a large disparity between your perception of both of your physical attributes, you still would've felt the divide.
he was everything, practically your best friend.
and that alone was too important for you to risk on some juvenile feelings.
mat nudged you with his elbow. "you okay? you've been quiet."
you blinked back into the present, noting that your mother had turned on abba and was singing to dancing queen while your father hummed the tune under his breath. both of them were too distracted to notice or hear mat's question.
you nodded, meeting his eyes briefly before looking away, too scared to get caught in their orbit once more. "yeah," you said. "just thinking."
"uh oh. that's not good," he joked. but you didn't laugh. his face turned serious and he nudged you once more before grabbing your hand in his own. "you can tell me anything, you know that right?"
"of course," you replied.
he squeezed your hand twice and didn't let go until you got out of the car.
as your father pulled into the parking lot, you got a good view of the venue. a large building with tall windows and music blasting throughout the open doors.
once you got inside, your eyes were immediately overwhelmed by the visual stimulation of large flower arrangements everywhere with the most pricey looking lighting fixtures dangling from the ceiling.
it was extravagant, and everything you would've expected angela's wedding to look like.
"oh god," mat mumbled under his breath, loud enough just for you to hear. he leaned down, placing his hand on the small of your back. "remind me not to do this much at my wedding."
you rolled your eyes. "what if it's what your bride wants?"
he paused. "do you want something like this?"
"god no."
"then i don't need to worry."
you lightly shoved his shoulder. "quit joking."
"who said i was joking?" he asked.
you stared at him until your dad cleared his throat and reminded the two of you that you still needed to find your seats at the ceremony.
"honey," your mother grabbed your arm. "do you want to come with me to see angela? i'm just gonna check on her and your aunt to make sure everything is ready and together."
you were shaking your head before she could even finish getting the words out. "nope."
"honey, it's your cousin's wedding."
"and she didn't even make me a bridesmaid. i'm sure she'll be fine waiting until the reception to see me."
"i thought you weren't angry about that! i told you not to take it personal."
it took every ounce of will not to roll your eyes. mainly because mat was standing there, and if you let it slip how frustrated you were, he might step in and make your mom hate him. "i don't care, mom. but if she wanted me to see her before the wedding, she would've made her part of her bridal party. but she didn't so i'll see her when she walks down the aisle." with that off your chest, you grabbed mat's hand and marched towards the group of chairs where the ceremony would take place.
you quickly chose a seat close enough to see the actual ceremony happen without being too close that you could see angela promise her life away to the ex she stole from you.
"that was intense," mat commented. "you sure you're okay?"
you sighed and contemplated putting your face in your hands if it wasn't for the makeup you put on earlier. "i don't know why she wants me and angela to act like we're best friends, it's gone on like this for our entire lives, but it's never worked. angela has never liked me, and i'm tired of pretending like it's my fault. i don't even know what i did to make her constantly try to undermine me."
mat looked around before grabbing your hand and tugging you towards what you guessed were the bathrooms, away from the prying eyes of nosy guests.
"it's not your fault," he said, bending down so you could look each other in the eyes. "there's nothing wrong with you, either, okay? she's blind if she can't see how amazing you are. and your mom is wrong for trying to force a friendship. you understand?"
you nodded.
"i need to hear you say it, baby."
"i understand." a beat later. "thanks, mat."
he kissed your forehead and grabbed your hand. "anytime."
the two of you found your old seats taken by an older couple, so you sat in the same row as cody and harper who had shown up while you were gone.
the wedding started shortly thereafter with your parents joining you in the same row. your mother looked relatively calm for what you knew had to be a shitshow in the back room. angela was very particular, and while there was nothing wrong with that were it anyone else, your cousin's strong opinions often stressed your mother and aunt out.
the music started playing and the bridesmaids started walking down the aisle with the groomsmen and owen. you didn't recognize most of the girls, probably because you hadn't been around angela's friends since high school and you never came to her birthday parties after you graduated (not that she invited you anyway). the one bridesmaid you did recognize was meredith from the dress shop. she looked beautiful in her lilac dress. and her smile did nothing to giveaway what chaos the dressing room was in before she walked out.
with everyone in their places at the front, the music changed tune. every guest, including you, stood to their feet and turned around. everyone watched as the double doors opened and angela came walking down the aisle in a princess gown with her father escorting her.
she smiled brightly, probably basking in the attention she was receiving. she didn't even look at owen until she got close enough to the front that there was no one else for her to smile at.
i'd do it differently, you thought. when i get married, i won't be able to take my eyes off his face.
the officiant told everyone to sit and continued on with the ceremony. you mostly blocked it out, peering at mat who looked more interested in the ceremony than you were. he caught your stare a few times and smirked before grabbing hold of your hand and kissing the back of it.
and your heart soared every time.
mat was an affectionate friend, this much you knew. anytime you picked him up from a roadie, or when he came over after you just got back into town, he'd hold you in a death grip hug for five minutes at the very least. most of the hugs involved the two of you swaying side to side with mat mumbling how much he missed you into your neck.
all that to say, you weren't a stranger to his affection.
you were, however, unused to the kisses and pet names, all of which started as soon as you introduced him to your family.
it was the crowd cheering that startled you out of your stupor. you glanced at the front to see owen dipping angela in a kiss while the photographer captured the moment.
and maybe it was the bitterness in your chest speaking for the teenager who lost her first serious boyfriend, but the kiss itself looked more performative than like true love.
mat extended a hand to you when you realized everyone was standing and heading to the tables to eat.
"you alright?" he asked once your hand was secured in his own. "you keep zoning out."
you shrugged. "just thinking."
"about?"
"how do you know if you love someone?" you asked, replaying angela and owen's kiss in your mind. you were so preoccupied, you didn't notice mat scratching the back of his head and blushing.
"well, you uh," he stuttered. "why're you asking me? haven't you been in love before?"
he wouldn't meet your eyes, his own kept focusing on avoiding bumping into people as you made your way to an open table. mat pulled your chair out and didn't sit down until you did.
"i don't know," you continued on. "i thought i was, but i never saw forever with those guys."
"thank god," he mumbled.
"what?"
he looked up all doe eyed and innocent. "hm?"
"what did you say?"
he shrugged. "i didn't say anything. you must be hearing things."
you rolled your eyes, but the smile on your lips said you weren't really bothered by his lies.
cody and harper joined you at the table; your parents took the last two seats. all six of you sipped at the water on the table and waited for your dinners to be ready.
"so," harper started. "what did everyone think of the ceremony?"
you could've groaned, not because you weren't interested in weddings, you loved them.
just not angela's.
and talking about all the beautiful aspects of it sounded like a violation of your eighth amendment rights.
"oh it was so gorgeous, she looked fantastic," your mother supplied, fawning over your cousin as usual. but it was when she looked around the room before she leaned into the table that your attention was piqued. "patty was scared the wedding would need to be called off. said something about how owen was getting cold feet, she wouldn't say why though."
were you a horrible person for internally rejoicing at angela's possible stressor?
maybe just a little.
but you'd taken the high road your entire life. so in your opinion, it was warranted and earned.
mat nudged your knee with his. "at least look concerned," he mumbled with a smirk playing on his lips.
"i do! i am!" you said just loud enough for him to hear. mat looked at you until you cracked under his gaze. "okay, so i might be just a little smug, sue me."
he rolled his eyes, but the smile playing on his lips said he was far from annoyed.
your family continued to make idle chatter until the dj started announcing the bridal party. it wasn't anything that hadn't been done before; the bridesmaids and groomsmen danced their way into the room. moments later, angela and owen came in with their hands riased and cheering along with everyone else. your entire table joined in with the other guests and clapped and hollered until it was no longer socially acceptable.
dinner came out shortly thereafter.
again, it was nothing that hadn't been done before. a simple pasta dish with a side salad wasn't anything to celebrate. the food was absolutely delicious, you wouldn't lie about that, it was just interesting that angela, who prided herself on being different, had planned a party that didn't even crack your top ten favorite weddings.
but she'd never sought your approval anyway, so why would she start now?
you were shocked out of your intense thoughtfulness by an arm wrapping around your shoulder. mat didn't even look phased as he pulled you just a little closer to him, talking with your dad about the upcoming season like they'd been friends for ages.
the weight of his arm was comforting, reminding you of times he'd slung it across your shoulders after a game and pressed a kiss to your temple or when you sat next to each other at bars.
others had looked at your relationship with a microscope. sydney and grace both had asked multiple times if there was something more with the two of you and looked skeptical whenever you gave them a funny look while saying no.
he was your best friend, always would be so long as you never fucked anything up.
"how's your pasta?" mat asked.
you blinked. "same as yours."
he rolled his eyes yet again and kissed your temple. "smart ass," he mumbled against your skin.
dinner was barely over when music started playing, marking the sign of the first dance. angela and owen danced to "can't help falling in love" while everyone looked on. they didn't talk, they seldom even smiled until, like they were suddenly struck by electricity, they remembered they were being photographed and had all eyes on them.
you bided your time, sipping the water in your glass, because you knew mat was gonna drag your ass onto the dance floor like he had before at other parties and weddings.
sure enough, as soon as the song ended and the party music started, mat's hand was in yours, tugging you towards the center of the floor.
you dragged your feet as a front, just wanting to prolong the feeling of his palm encircling your own. you didn't know the name of the song, just like you didn't understand the light feeling in your stomach when mat pulled you close and placed his hands on your waist.
"in case i forgot to tell you," he shouted into your ear over the pumping music. "you look really pretty tonight."
you could feel the heat crawl up your neck. you ducked your head so you couldn't see him, but he pulled your chin up to look him in the eyes.
"don't get shy on me now," he teased, though his eyes weren't full of mirth like they usually were. they were soft, like sunlight filtered through a bedroom window. "come dance with me."
the two of you danced, hips shaking and moving to the beat of the music. mat always had a grip on you, whether he was twirling you around or had both hands on your hips.
you couldn't remember ever having this much fun at a wedding.
who would've thought it would've been angela's wedding?
but the music slowed down, usually signaling that it was your time to sit back down until hey ya! came on. so you made a move to step off the dance floor and head back to where your brother sat nursing a glass of bourbon, but it was a callused hand that kept you in place.
"where do you think you're going, baby?" he asked, a smirk playing on his lips. "you owe me a dance."
you hesitated, knowing that in the past, you'd danced the night away, but with him here, in front of your family, with your grandmother giving you a smile, you didn't know you could fake it any longer. you couldn't keep pretending that you weren't completely infatuated, overcome with love for your best friend.
your hand would've started shaking had he not had a steady grip on you.
mat pulled you close. "c'mon, i won't even step on your toes. i promise."
you relented and let him pull you back into the middle of the floor. he placed his hands on your waist and, for a moment, you thought you were dreaming. in another life, you'd be wearing white and be the prettiest person in the room. in another life, you'd have matching gold bands on your fourth fingers.
in another life, he'd be yours.
you wrapped your hands around the back on his neck, playing with the hair there absentmindedly.
"you're far away," he said. "come back to earth for a minute. what're you thinking about?"
you shrugged. "wondering if i'll ever get this," you answered honestly, even going as far as looking him in the eyes as you spoke.
"you'll get it," he said without a doubt in the world to be found. "i'll make sure of it."
"what about you? do you want something like this?"
he glanced around the room, eyes landing on the newly married couple in the center. "not if i'm not marrying you."
you blinked, heart in your throat. he looked so honest, but you'd known him long enough, seen who he's dated too many times, to know he was joking.
he had to be.
right?
so you laughed, closing your eyes and tilting your head back so that you unintentionally missed the small look of confusion married with hurt on mat's face. you did it to protect yourself, to keep yourself from getting hurt, and unintentionally hurting him in the process.
"i can never tell when you're joking, barzy," you smiled, hoping it covered the shake in your voice.
"but i--"
"may i cut in?" you glanced to your left and saw your smiling grandmother.
"oh i--" mat stuttered, flustered in a way you'd never seen before.
"sure!" you interrupted his train of thought. "i have to pee anyway."
besides, mat was probably safest with her anyway. angela wouldn't try anything while your grandmother was standing there.
you stepped away, waist feeling cold from the lack of contact and made your way towards the bathrooms.
it wasn't that hard to find the restroom, it was just a longer hallway. but it was far enough from the reception that the music was only a faint bass noise.
you walked into the bathroom and did your business. fluffing your hair and fixing your dress in the mirror when you'd finished washing your hands. you opened the door and saw shiny black shoes before you saw the man standing across from the woman's bathroom.
"owen?" you asked. "the men's bathroom is a little further down the hall."
"i know," he said, pushing off the wall to move closer to you.
red flag.
"what?" you asked, moving slightly out of the way so he couldn't push you back into the bathroom. "have you been drinking?"
"sober as a judge."
you furrowed your brows. "what?"
he took another step closer to you while you quickly turned so your back was no longer against a wall, but towards the party. if he kept advancing towards you, the weird tension would soon be out in the open and surely he would stop then.
right?
"i'm sorry for what i did back in high school."
"owen, what are you talking about?"
"for cheating on you. you're all i've ever wanted and it's my biggest regret to this day that i ever let you go."
you were gonna be sick.
"owen, you don't know what you're talking about. you love angela. you got married to angela. she is your wife."
"but i want you." he reached out to touch your hair but you backed up quick enough to just miss his hand.
"no you don't," you said. "you decided i wasn't enough nearly ten years ago."
"but you looked so good and so happy with him, with max or whatever his name is--"
"--mat--"you corrected.
"--it made me miss us. don't you miss me?"
"i don't even know who you are anymore, owen! that person you knew in high school isn't me anymore, and you don't get to decide you want me now just because i'm happy and you aren't."
"we were so good together!"
"we were sixteen, owen! we were children."
"but--"
"i gave you just about everything i could possibly give, and you decided it wasn't enough. you decided to get with my cousin while we were dating instead of breaking up with me. you decided to marry her. and now you get to live with that decision." you spun on your heel and were met with mat's stare. even in the dim lighting, you could see his jaw clenched.
"mat," you breathed like it was your last breath.
"you okay?" he asked.
"yeah," you said. "just telling owen where the bathroom was."
you both knew it was a lie, especially if the look on mat's face was any indication, he'd probably heard enough of the conversation. you allowed yourself to be guided back to the recpetion with mat's hand firmly placed on the small of your back.
you two kept dancing until it was time to send angela and owen off. while mat gathered your things, you said goodbye to your extended family members because you two were leaving tomorrow afternoon to head back to new york.
which scared you.
this last week had been amazing. pretending and playing house with mat meant unlocking feelings you'd pretended didn't exist for the entire duration of your friendship. and while you wished you'd never unlocked pandora's box, part of you was happy you could never go back.
a warm and weathered hand tugged on your forearm and snapped you out of your reverie. "don't let that boy go." when you looked down, your grandmother was staring at you with earnest eyes. "he loves you the way you deserve to be loved."
your eyes welled up with tears as you hugged her. "thanks, grandma."
"i mean it. don't come back without him, you hear me? i need great grand babies soon."
you flushed at the idea and whined. "please don't tell me you said that to him!"
but she didn't answer you, she just laughed.
"you ready?" mat asked, walking over with your brother and harper following closely behind. "cody said he'd give us a ride home."
"treat my baby right, mathew," your grandmother said. "or else i'll have to fly to new york and kill you, you hear?"
he smiled. "yes ma'am."
you hugged your grandmother tight. "i love you."
"love you more."
mat ushered you outside, following behind cody and harper to their car. none of you were interested in the send off, even if was only going to take a few seconds.
the four of you got into cody's car and drove off before your parents could admonish you for leaving early. cody and harper talked amongst themselves about bills and what their own wedding would look like whenever cody proposed (and if you knew him like you thought you did, it would be soon) while you and mat just held hands in the backseat.
it was weird, the physical touch even when no one was looking. but you weren't complaining about it, if anything, you were clinging to it, scared that once it finally ended you'd go into withdrawal.
cody parked outside of your parents house and let you and mat in before driving off. you headed upstairs, with mat on your tail, ready to get undressed and to curl up in bed with a stupid movie.
"that was fun," mat said. "did you have fun?"
you sat down on your bed and started taking off your shoes. "i always have fun when i'm with you," you said absentmindedly. a moment of silence passed. you looked up to see mat shifting from side to side. "are you okay?"
"what did owen want?" he asked honestly.
you sighed and stood up, walking towards him. "i'm not even sure. he started professing how much he missed me, but i shut it down because i don't have feelings for him."
a glimmer of hope. "you don't?"
"nope."
he nodded. "good."
you took a deep breath and stepped closer to him. "i could never go through with it anyway, i'm in love with someone else." please please please don't let this past week be a joke to him. please let him be a horrible actor.
he stared at you.
a moment of silence.
his eyes searched your own, like they were looking for something.
you could feel the tears well up in your eyes at the thought of his rejection. you'd take being heartbroken, but you couldn't take losing your best friend.
and then.
his hands were on your cheeks, his lips were on yours, and your heart had jumped into your throat. your arms wrapped around his neck and into his hair.
when you finally broke apart for air, mat was smiling. "i'm guessing you were talking about me?" he asked, though the smug tone in his voice said he didn't actually need to know the answer. not when the kiss had already confirmed his suspicions.
"you're such an ass," you jokingly shoved him away, but he caught your hand and used it to pull you back in, to kiss you once more.
"but this ass loves you." he paused. "that sounded a lot more romantic in my head than it did coming out."
but you smiled anyway. "this ass loves you too, barzy."
and two years later, standing in front of everyone in a white dress, you couldn't help but smile. lying usually got you in trouble, but you couldn't have imagined a better ending.
a/n + disclaimer: first of all, she's BACK and she finished a fic! second, nobody show this to Barzy, okay? we don’t need his ego inflating as I compare him and his level of fame to that of Justin Bieber lolol. anyways, after listening to Hailey’s recent interview, I just thought this would be a fun one to write – something different! this is an interview from the perspective of the reader, who is married to Barzy.
please note: a few select parts of this were transcribed directly from Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy interview with Hailey Bieber from September 28, so I want to give that credit – those portions are in bold. all in all, this should not be read or regarded as the actual interview! I’m also not claiming it as my own – this is fanfiction based on a public interview. photos were pulled from public Instagram (specifically Mat’s and Hailey’s) and Pinterest accounts. also, be nice to people. like damn. if this interview taught anybody anything, I hope it’s that.
warnings: based on an episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast which I know a lot of people hate (I am certainly not a fan nor a regular listener but wanted to hear Hailey's perspective on this), swearing, alcohol, mention of depression / anxiety / dark thoughts – don’t read if any of these trigger you
word count: ~5,500
_____
“Think I’m just gonna take a drive, you know? If that’s okay,” Mathew said tentatively. “Listen to it on my own.”
You nodded, your breaths shallow, and wondered if he could sense your unease. Then, as he grabbed his keys and set his gaze on you from across the room, you knew beyond a doubt that he could. Of course he could – he’d been your reflection, the balance on the other side of the scale of your life, for more than seven years now.
Mathew came closer to where you sat on the sleek sofa and caged you in with one arm leaning against the back and the other resting on the arm of the couch. He studied you for a moment before speaking.
“You gonna be okay here without me? I can stay if you w-“
You shook your head quickly, pulling the cuffs of your crewneck down to cover your trembling fingers.
“I’ll be okay, Maty,” you interrupted, your voice soft but sure. “Promise. You do what you need to do.”
He nodded slowly, raised his hand to tenderly stroke his thumb along your jawline, and kissed you softly.
“I love you,” he said, as quiet as he’d ever been, yet still at his most firm and convincing. “Nothing in the world is ever going to change that. Nothing. Just… just know that, okay?”
You nodded and brushed back the soft curls that had fallen onto his forehead.
“I know that,” you assured him. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
—
You couldn’t immediately open the YouTube app on your TV after Mathew left. It took you five minutes of pacing to simply press the button to power on the screen. After another five minutes of procrastinating by tidying up around the kitchen, you forced yourself to return to the couch and pull up the app.
You had finally faced your fears last week and had sat down with an acquaintance, Zoe Rodriguez, to comment at last on a topic that you had never before discussed publicly – your personal life.
But this was far more poignant than just a casual chat with a random friend. Zoe just so happened to be the host of one of the most popular, most-watched, most-listened-to pop culture podcasts in the world. The hour-long conversation took place at Zoe’s studio and consisted of details about your upbringing, your professional projects, and – the reason that probably something like 99% of listeners tuned in – your relationship with Mathew.
And now, after agonizing over its release for days on end, it was time to face the music. Or, in this case, to face the video version of the podcast episode. Which was also being featured as a long-form article with exclusive photos on Zoe’s blog. (So 2022.)
You closed your eyes for a moment and prayed silently, primarily, that Mathew wouldn’t be hurt by either the interview or any backlash from it, and secondly, that it might, indeed, deliver some semblance of the peace and freedom you had envisioned when you had agreed to the whole thing in the first place. Next, you curled into the arm of the couch, your toes tucked between the velvety cushions, the long stem of your glass of red wine secured between your two middle fingers. You took a generous gulp of your favorite merlot, set your lips in a firm line, and breathed in deeply. Then, you reached for the remote again, and this time, finally pressed play. Zoe’s familiar voice filled the air, and photos of you, of Mathew, and of the two of you together – which you had also seen upon briefly scrolling through the corresponding blog post earlier today – flashed onscreen as she introduced the podcast.
Zoe [playfully]: “Mrs. Barzal, thank you for meeting me today to do this.”
You [smiling]: “Of course. Thank you for having me!”
Z: “I wanted to tell you, I know you always do the black, rounded nails with no sparkle, and so to channel my inner you, I did the same thing for this interview. You inspired me.”
Y [clapping]: “Ah, I love it! When people tell me I inspire them to do anything when it comes to like fashion, beauty, anything really, I always say that’s the biggest compliment, so thank you so much.”
Z: “So, let’s get into it. You are married to one of the most famous athletes in North America, and by far one of the most famous figures in the NHL, Mathew Barzal.”
Y: “Yes, I am.”
Z: “What are your favorite things about Mathew?”
Y: “Oh, god, I could go on for so long and this could get really cringey and embarrassing, so I’ll try to keep this short and sweet [giggling]. I think the biggest thing I always tell people is that he’s literally my best friend in the entire world. Like, there is absolutely no one else I would rather spend my time with, even if we’re just snuggling on the couch doing absolutely nothing. And we’ve truly grown up together. We were friends for a long time before anything else, and like… [wistfully] I just love him… He understands me more than anybody ever has in my whole life, and I think that goes both ways. He’s just my guy. He’s the most amazing person with the sweetest soul, which probably not a lot of people know. He’s super romantic and thoughtful. And he’ll probably tease me to no end for saying this but he’s always had this quiet confidence which I find really, really sexy [wiggles eyebrows].”
Z: “I mean yeah, not to make moves on your man, but I would definitely have to agree with that! And I also love how the two of you are honestly just very down to earth for who you both are and the worlds that you come from.”
Y “Thank you! I appreciate you saying that because, yeah, that is not always the perception of us. And it sounds obnoxious to even try and defend, to be like, ‘no, wait, I swear we seriously are normal and boring!’ But it’s true. Like we love just eating super greasy New York pizza and drinking beers in our living room doing puzzles and watching trash TV. That’s just who we are and that’ll never change.”
Z: “Okay, well now you have to divulge what trash TV you’re watching.”
Y: “Shit, he’s gonna be so pissed at me for blowing up his spot like this [laughing]. But I’m gonna do it anyway. We both love watching Love Island. That’s probably our number one most watched trash show together. Like we wait with bated breath for each episode! So lame. And we also love Real Housewives. That one’s harder to keep up with because there are so many of them now, but we always send each other the memes and stuff on Instagram [throws head back in laughter]. My favorite is Beverly Hills; he likes New York. So dumb but it’s just fun.”
Z: “No, I love it! We all need our mindless TV shows to binge. Now, were you into hockey before you met Mathew? Did you follow it?”
Y: “Honestly, no. I grew up in a family where the NFL was like our religion. My dad did watch the occasional Rangers game – which Mathew loves when I say, as you can imagine – especially on weeknights when we were just chilling after dinner. But no, I was not a big hockey gal. Didn’t know much about it, couldn’t name more than like, ten players in the league probably until Mat and I got together. Things will still happen, like penalties or plays where I’m like having our friends explain to me why that’s not allowed [chuckling]. Which, again, has been yet another misconception, with people thinking I was some kind of puck bunny, skate chaser, going after him because he’s an athlete, which was simply not the case. So yeah, another incorrect perception there. But I know we’ll get deeper into that later.” [smirking]
Z: “Yeah, speaking of which… Now, I have to change the subject-”
Y: “Oh, god, here we go [readjusts in the chair].”
Z: “No, no, I know how you feel about this. I know you don’t like talking about it, but we’re just gonna rip the bandaid off, okay? You can do it.”
Y: “Okay [deep breath]. Go. I’m ready.”
Z: “So, since the very beginning of your relationship, you, in particular, have had a rough go of it from so-called ‘fans.’”
Y: “Mhm.”
Z: “Could you speak on that?”
Y: “Yeah, it was not a fun thing to deal with as an eighteen-, nineteen-year-old, I will say that. Of course it’s not fun now either, but I have learned how to cope. But in the beginning it was just so intense, and I had no idea where it was coming from, or why. I remember first seeing shit on social media, which we all know is just a toxic vortex for the most part, and just being like, ‘wait, what? What did I do? Why don’t they like me?’ As a teenager, most people want other people to like them, and when that’s not the case, they obsess over it. It can really weigh on you, and you just wonder what you can do, or maybe even shouldn’t have done, so that people like you more. And that is certainly what was happening those first few years. Like all the ‘bunny blogs’ as people call them, and even some like legit media members were so horrible and nasty about us-”
Z: “About you, specifically. You can say it.”
Y: “Well, yeah. That’s true. Mathew got some of it too, though. And again, we’ve known each other for so long, and we were just kids in the beginning. Like, literally kids! And there was definitely some, like, cocky, asshole, entitled behavior going on on both of our parts which came across negatively to people. For him, he was just a little immature when he first came into the league, just like anybody in that position, and he was maybe acting out a bit because he was so young, with all this brand new money, and you couldn’t really tell him anything for a while. But he comes from a wonderful family and he is very grounded at the end of the day, so he quickly grew up and moved on from that. And for me, it was just being on my own in New York City, with a little distance from my family finally, trying to chart my own course and create my own name, and that certainly contributed to this ‘I’ll do whatever I want with whomever I want’ attitude for me which also came across poorly and didn’t necessarily speak to who I really was. But again, we were both just still growing up. We still are! So yeah, I think that contributed to some of that toxicity and negative energy about our relationship early on.”
Z: “And I also personally feel like, with Mathew being who he is – I mean, let’s face it, he was a heartthrob, and still is – and especially playing in a major market, there was probably at least a portion of his fanbase that felt some sense of entitlement, especially maybe among young women, when it came to him and who he dated.”
Y: “Yeah, I definitely think that’s the case. And I think from day one, there were people who supported us, but there were also a ton of people who were angry that he picked me. Like, ‘why do you get to be with him? Why do you get to marry him?’ And I’m like, ‘I don’t know! We fell in love.’ There was times where I can confidently say, like, I don’t think we knew it was gonna be each other. Several times. So like, I can’t say that at 18 years old, I knew 100% that that was my husband. I didn’t know. I didn’t fucking know.”
Z: “No matter who he ended up with though, fans were never going to just be like, ‘oh, yeah, she seems cool! Go Mat!’”
Y: “Yeah, that’s true. Whether it was me, or some sweet, random girl who grew up two towns away from him in BC, or the most perfect celebrity or athlete in the world. No one, in the fans’ minds, would have ever been good enough, no. For whatever reason, the universe determined that we were going to find each other.”
Z: “Right. Like you didn’t ask for this. The two of you just happened to be living in the same city, you met each other, you fell for each other and, boom, little did you know you’d wind up together.”
Y: “Yes, exactly.”
Z: “And how has being married to Mathew, with him being who he is, like we’ve already discussed, affected you?”
Y: “[wincing] Yikes. That’s a tough one. Again, I don’t like to focus on the negative, as you can probably tell, because there are so many wonderful things about being with him, being married to him. Like, I get to spend my life with the absolute best person I know, and I fucking love that. And we get a lot of amazing opportunities and exciting things that come our way because of who he is, who we are, where we live. But it is not always a walk in the park like people think. I have had some really dark days where I wondered if it would be better if I had never met him, or if I was never even here, which pains me to say now because that is no longer the way I feel at all. I’ve been open with him and with my inner circle about those dark, heavy feelings, and thank god, they just embraced me during that time with completely open arms and never shamed or guilted me for the way I was feeling. They encouraged me to just take a step back and not become so wrapped up in it that I couldn’t see my life for what it truly is. And lots, and lots of therapy – it works wonders, people! And don’t get me wrong, there are still times where I do wonder what it would be like if we both just worked normal jobs. Like if I ended up becoming a veterinarian like I always dreamed about and he was like, a salesman or a carpenter or something. I do think about that, what it would be like to not be under such scrutiny for things we say, things we do, places we go, or even just being us. Or what it would be like for people to just not care about us, you know? [chuckles] I sometimes think that that would be really nice. But I also always say, I never wonder what it would be like to be with somebody else. Like I know that he’s it for me, without a doubt. And I get it – we’re in the public eye, and people want to know what’s going on with us. It’s just something that I’ve had to learn to deal with, and to just decide how much of myself and my relationship that I do want to share.”
Z: “Speaking of which, could you tell me a little bit about how social media has impacted you? Maybe both as an individual and your relationship?”
Y: “Yeah, the thing I always say to my family and close friends is that it feels very foreign and bizarre for everyone and their brother to feel as though they have a say in my relationship. First of all, because they don’t. Let’s just make that very clear. Mathew and I do not take the public’s opinion of us into consideration at all when we think or talk about our relationship and what steps to take next, or what decisions to make moving forward. And it’s also weird because… why do people get so invested in a relationship which isn’t even theirs? That’s what has always been so strange to me. Just because we cherry-pick moments of our lives that we choose to share on social media or through the media, whether that’s magazines or interviews or whatever, doesn’t mean that people actually know us. Again, I understand people recognize us as public figures, but why do they go out of their way to go on social media and let us, and the entire world, know what they think of us? Like, to be quite frank, I don’t care that people were pissed when we got together at 18 and broke up at 20 and got back together at 21 and then almost immediately got engaged and married. Did I ever envision that happening? No, I absolutely didn’t. Can I understand that people were shocked or surprised? Yes, totally. I definitely get that. But why were you angry? That has always thrown both of us for a loop. Because who were the only two peoples’ lives who were actually impacted by that decision? His, and mine. That’s a choice we made together, without anyone else’s influence, and it’s one that we are super proud of. Because it might have seemed crazy to the outside world, but it felt right to us at the time, and it still does to this day. So, as much as is humanly possible, we’ve just refused to let other peoples’ negativity impact the way we view ourselves or one another or go about our relationship, as hard as people might try.”
Z: “And to that point, at the start of this relationship, people were even questioning your motives for wanting to be with Mathew. People were saying that you were only with him for the fame, or the money, or that you sought him out, sought this life out, purposefully, with these questionable motives at the front of your mind. Can you speak to that specific perception of the relationship and how that felt to you?”
Y: “You know, the funny thing about that one to me is, I came from a well-known family, and every single one of my family members will tell you that since I was a little girl I would say, ‘when I grow up, my husband is gonna be a nurse or a professor and I’m gonna be a stay-at-home mom, and we’re gonna live in the middle of nowhere and have a bunch of kids!’ Like, I never wanted this life. I never wanted people to know who I was or where I lived or anything about me, really. I was always jealous of my friends who did have that. So when I heard that narrative about Mathew and me, of course it wasn’t fun, because like I said, as an eighteen-year-old, you do care a lot about what people think of you and how you’re perceived. But eventually I was just able to laugh it off knowing that anybody who really, truly knows me, knows that that is so far from being the case. And it took plenty of therapy sessions and discussions with Mathew, but I realized that no one will ever know the way that this relationship came to be, because it was behind closed doors. And that’s okay. I actually came to love that fact. Because as much as people think they know, they really don’t. Again, the only people who know how it happened and what our intentions were are Mathew, me, and those closest to us who we’ve trusted with that information. And no one is ever going to be able to take that away from me, or from us – not that, nor anything else in my life. So now I realize that that’s a beautiful thing.”
Z: “Tell me about how things have changed for you in these past couple of years since you’ve put in the work, and explain why you say things have gotten better for you.”
Y: “Yeah, I definitely think things have improved over the last couple of years, and part of that probably does have to do with the fact that I’ve spent a lot of time working on my healing and my inner peace. But overall, for the most part, people are nicer. As you know, there were several years there where I just didn’t share anything with anyone. Even my friends from high school or, like, my sister’s friends or parents’ friends would be like, ‘is she okay? I haven’t seen her post anything in forever. She, like, fell off the face of the earth.’ And that was a product of that scrutiny and that pressure being so intense for a while. I thought, well, if I don’t share anything, and if Mat doesn’t share anything about me, then they can’t hurt me. I didn’t want Mathew to post me on any social media outlet, at all. Not for my birthday, not for our anniversary, nothing. And whatever I did post was very guarded, very cryptic, and many times I would just take it down, like, hours later after overthinking it. And eventually I did realize that that was actually really hurting him in ways I couldn’t even comprehend at that time, until we both just opened up and got brutally honest about the way we were both feeling and how the other’s behaviors were hurting each other. And that was like a wake-up call. Like, ‘hey, this is not all about you, and this is something your partner wants to do to make you feel loved, so snap out of it.’ It took me a long time and a lot of work to get over it and let him show me off because he’s proud of me. And you know what? I’m damn proud of him too, and now I let people know it. I’m ashamed to say I used to be scared to post when he, like, hit a milestone or made the national roster or something. And now I’m like his professional hype woman, and when people have nasty things to say about it, we just tune out the noise, because at the end of the day, none of that matters. The only thing that does is how we feel about one another. And now I feel like I can be vulnerable and be my truest, most authentic self with my audience. And in 99 cases out of 100, they have been so incredible to me, and to Mat, too. Like, I have people who love the beauty line who have never watched a hockey game in their life before finding me, now they’re posting Mat on their story and tweeting to him like, ‘yes, king, you’re going to the playoffs, we’re so proud of you!’ And I just think that’s the sweetest thing ever. And I felt like actually taking the step to, even though at times it was really uncomfortable for me, being like, ‘I’m proud of who I am, and this is my personality.’ And like, this is gonna sound probably so corny, but to me, I’ve always felt like I was just a girl from fucking New York… [covers face] Oh my god, this is gonna sound so cringe! I grew up, to me, I felt like, very normal… I’m from a small town called Nyack which is outside New York. And I woke up every day and I was homeschooled and I did ballet! [giggling] And I feel like I’ve remained that same person. And of course life has changed drastically, but at the core, I feel like I’m proud of who I am. I know I’ve always been the same person, and I feel very rooted and very grounded. And I grew up very grounded and rooted. And of course I came from a famous family, that’s the reality of my life. Can’t change that either. And I just feel like people didn’t really know me or know my story or know the kind of person I was. People don’t know what kind of friend I am. People don’t know what kind of daughter I am. People don’t know what kind of sister I am. But I know.”
Z: “Speaking about your family, your friends: as we wrap up, tell me, who are the people in your circle who you lean on? Who do you trust no matter what? Who is there for you, other than Mat, when you’re having a bad day, having a tough time?”
Y: “First and foremost, my parents. I feel super fortunate that the two of them are truly some of my very best friends. They still live in the home I grew up in outside the city, so when I’m feeling overwhelmed in the city or even on the Island or I just need to get away, that’s where I go. It’s like my sanctuary. My mom and I love to cook and bake together, and my dad and I love taking the dogs for long walks in the woods by our house, and when it’s nice we go fishing. See, there’s another thing people probably don’t know about me! I can fish even with these claws. [chuckling as she holds up her fingers to display her signature black acrylic tips] And Mathew and I each have one sister. They’re both out on the West Coast so we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like, but we both talk to them pretty much every day. And when I need to vent or cry to somebody, my first call is to one of them. And I feel really lucky to still be best friends with a couple of girls from my hometown who I’ve literally known for like twenty years now. I won’t call them out here, but they’re on my socials from time to time. They’re my rock. And finally, some of the veteran wives on the team have become my very best friends, including Sydney [Esiason, daughter of New York Jets great Boomer, wife of Islanders enforcer Matthew] Martin, Kristy Cizikas [wife of Casey], Meg Bailey [wife of Josh], and even more. I’m really close with that group in particular because, one, Mathew is really close with all their spouses on the team and two, because for better or worse, they and I have gone through very similar things, so they’ve helped me through a lot. I know I can lean on them for support and come to them with anything because we’re all in the same boat, you know? Plus they all have the sweetest babies, so getting to go over to their houses and play with them and cuddle with them always lowers the blood pressure!”
Z: “If you could say something to the public, which this is obviously giving you the opportunity to do, what would you say?”
Y: “To all of my supporters, I think I’d just say thank you. Thank you to those of you who have always supported me and been lovely to me. Thank you for giving me a continued platform and a voice which allows me to, hopefully, do things that matter, things that can make a difference. And I’d also say, to those people who have not always been so nice or those who do not like me, first I’d say, that’s okay. I don’t need you to like me, truthfully [snickers]. Like, that’s okay and that’s your prerogative. Second, I’d say… I’m not going anywhere. [laughing hysterically] Just kidding… kind of! But in reality, I’d just say, don’t forget that there is a real person on the other side of that screen you’re staring at while you make these mean comments. A real person with emotions and problems and shit going on in their life that you have no idea about. I would just encourage people to keep that in mind next time they go to make a comment or post a nasty video. And overall, just be kind to each other. We don’t have enough kindness in this world, and it can be a really cold place to be. So be a light and just try to make the world around you a better place, even if it’s just your little corner of it. You’ll be happier – I promise.”
—
As Zoe wrapped up the interview onscreen, you held your breath, hand pressed to your chest, waiting for the anxiety, the dread
But you didn’t feel anxiety, though. No, not in this moment. You weren’t nervous or scared or wishing you could take it all back, like you fully anticipated you would feel.
Instead, you felt pride. And that feeling alone was enough to make you smile.
Then, you did another thing that would have terrified you two years ago, especially after a public appearance: you opened your Twitter mentions and began to scroll.
Of course, there was still the occasional troll who popped their ugly head in to spew hate throughout your mentions. But overwhelmingly, almost exclusively… it was love. And, even more importantly, respect.
nobody should receive hate for who they love. we love you, @/yourusername!
wow, I honestly had no clue @/yourusername went through all of this. what a strong person, but she shouldn’t have had to endure that. kudos, gf!
y’all just jealous you ain’t who barzy chose, and it’s time to get over it. shoutout @/yourusername for baring her heart!
I’m glad @/yourusername said things are better now, but damn.. people suck. keep being you, bestie!
we should all be so lucky to have @/yourusername grace us with her being.. @/barzal97 especially you, homeboy. we <;3 you guys!
The feeling of a smile spreading across your face while using social media felt foreign, but you embraced it – another reminder that things were, in fact, different now, better now.
You stood up, stretched your arms to the ceiling, and let the smile grow on your lips and the gratitude bloom in your heart before you took your empty glass to the sink. You peered at the clock and wondered when Mathew might return and how he might be feeling at this very moment.
By way of distraction from obsessing over his arrival, you sat at the kitchen counter on your laptop, attempting to begin sifting through the barrage of emails that had filtered in within just the last several hours since the interview went live. Just as you were wrapping up a response to your agent about one of the many requests for additional comment (never going to happen, you thought to yourself as you shook your head), you heard the familiar sound of the lock on the front door clicking open.
This is it.
You steeled yourself, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath from your belly, and you waited. Against all your rationale, you waited for him to be upset, or offended, or angry, or, far worse than all of the above, disappointed. You could crawl out of your skin at the idea of disappointing him.
His footsteps came nearer, and you couldn’t bear to turn around and face him, not yet. But he didn’t need you to. He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, his chin settling on your shoulder. As you relaxed into his touch, you rested your hands against his forearm.
Neither of you made a move for a beat, and suddenly you heard soft sniffling in your ear. Concern washing over you, you reached back to sink your nails into his hair. He tucked his face into your neck, and it was only then that you felt a warm wetness on your skin. Your heart beat faster, panic coursing through your veins.
“Bubs… are you okay?” you whispered.
You wriggled loose in his grasp just enough to turn on the barstool and meet his eyes. He immediately cupped your face in his long fingers, a newfound admiration in his teary gaze.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just so fucking proud of you,” he finally choked out. “To open up and be vulnerable the way you did… that takes so much strength and so much courage. I just, I admire you and I respect you so much, baby. I love you, you know that?”
His eyebrows were knit together, desperate to make you understand how much he meant every single word. You knew he did — you felt it deep within your soul, could see it in his warm chestnut eyes. You pressed your hand against his and nodded.
author's note: just like all my other fics, we are existing in an alternate plane where tito was never traded. also i've never worked for the nhl, so i have no idea how accurate being a photographer is but guess what. idgaf. also sorry for the amount of italics in this fic, i have no self control apparently. and shoutout to my new friend @dani746 for helping me with this monstrosity.
summary: you've been in love with mat barzal for as long as you can remember, so what do you do when he asks for your help to win over your friend?
pairing: mat barzal x islanders photographer!reader
warnings: cursing and low self esteem
despite working for the isles for two years now, you still got nervous walking into work.
you weren't a stranger to the team, some of them you knew quite well. anders and marty being two players you were friendly with (mainly due to the fact that you were somewhat friendly with their wives). but there was always one player who eluded you, who you'd only ever had professional interactions with.
mathew barzal.
and it shouldn't be surprising, you were a measly photographer whereas he was the star player of his team, the winner of the calder trophy, an nhl heartthrob. why should he pay attention to you?
media day was one of your favorite days, mainly because it was the closest you ever got to holding full conversations with him. not that the conversations went anything beyond "look right here" or "great job, mat."
you didn't even think he knew your name.
the longest conversation you had with him consisted of him asking to see the photos you took and patting you on your back when he liked what he saw before he went off to talk to tito.
"you having a good day?" you nearly jumped a foot in the air when your staring was cut off by anders walking up to you.
"yeah," you said when your heartbeat returned to normal. "just busy is all." you held your camera up as if that was enough of an explanation.
anders nodded. "any of the boys giving you a hard time?"
you shook your head rapidly. "nope, they've all been on their best behavior."
"even barzy and beauvillier?" at the mention of their names, the duo turned their heads and locked eyes with you and anders.
you wanted to dig a hole and die in it.
"what about us?" mat asked, sauntering over with his best friend right behind him.
"you haven't been giving her a hard time, have you?" anders crossed his arms. and if you weren't panicking at the closing distance between you and mat, you might've noticed the shared smirk between the three hockey players in front of you.
"us?" tito asked. "why would you think that? we've only ever been angels."
before anders could ask you to corroborate tito's story, your name was called. you awkwardly waved to the three men before walking over to another set of props, ready to photograph another hockey player.
"done embarrassing yourself?" your coworker tyler asked.
you lightly shoved his shoulder. "shut up."
"seriously, you're not his type," he added. "he's not gonna go for you."
tyler might as well have stabbed you in the gut with how much his words hurt you, but you put a smile on and nodded. "yeah, i know. i know."
and you did.
you knew.
but you'd be delusional for a little while longer if it meant going to work wouldn't suck every day.
later that night, you found yourself at a bar with a group of your friends. you didn't want to go originally, but when alexa said she needed to go out to get over her ex, you felt like you had no other choice.
which is how you found yourself sipping a soda water in a booth while your friends danced and took body shots.
your gaze wandered around the bar aimlessly before you checked your phone for the time.
you'd only been there for an hour.
it took all self restraint not to bang your head against the table.
"having fun?" your head snapped up at the familiar voice only to see anthony beauvillier standing at the edge of your booth with a self satisfied smirk.
"i--"
"i didn't take you as one to go out drinking on a weeknight," he said.
you slumped into your seat. "i'm not. my friend alexa wanted to go out because her boyfriend just dumped her and she wanted a distraction."
anthony took the seat opposite of you. "and that is...?" he gestured at your drink.
"soda water," you answered. "i'm the DD for tonight."
"oof," he groaned before taking a sip of his beer. "that's rough."
you shrugged. "it's not that bad, i'd rather my friends get home safe than get drunk and show up to work hungover."
anthony nodded in a way that you'd seen other men do, the type of nod that comes right before someone looks around for someone more interesting to talk to.
"but what about you?" you rushed out, nearly tripping over your own words.
tito smiled. "what about me?"
"why're you here?"
he shrugged. "mat wanted to come out and didn't want to go out alone, so here i am."
mat.
you wanted to vomit.
"oh," you mumbled. "mat's here?"
tito nodded and gestured with his bottle to the bar. "he's over there talking to some brunette."
you followed with your eyes and when you finally locked eyes on him, you wished you hadn't.
he was talking to alexa, smiling at her the way you wished he'd smile at you.
maybe you could leave the bar and get hit by a taxi on the way out, that would be less painful than seeing the man you're in love with flirt with your friend.
"you okay?" anthony asked, nudging your leg with his foot.
you turned your gaze back to him and attempted to give him your most convincing smile. "i'm great!" you said before throwing your soda water back and coughing when the carbonation burned.
anthony didn't say a word.
when you looked back at the bar, alexa was nowhere to be found while mat was fiddling with one of his wristbands. you looked around to find alexa, thinking maybe she was in the crowd dancing or perhaps she was in line for the bathroom.
but she popped up at your table, sweaty and smiling.
"you good?" she asked before fixing her eyes on anthony who was sipping on his beer. "who's this?"
"anthony. i know him from work." tito gave her a small wave before taking another sip of his beer.
"alexa," she smiled before her attention focused back on you. "i actually met one of your coworkers, mat right?"
you forced a smile and nodded. "the one and only. what did you think?" though, to be fair, you didn't really want to know her opinion on him. not when you thought the world of him.
alexa shrugged and tossed her perfect hair over her perfect shoulder and gave a perfect smile that was a healthy balance of nonchalant and mildly interested. "he was alright, he knows he's attractive which is rather unattractive if you ask me."
tito choked on his beer while you stared in awe.
of all the words you'd use to describe mat, "alright" was not even close to the top 25.
"something funny?" alexa asked.
"nope," tito supplied, shaking his head. "nothing at all."
alexa looked at him, unconvinced, but didn't let it bother her. "i'm gonna go dance, you coming?" she asked.
you shook your head. "not really my scene."
alexa nodded and pranced off to the dance floor where the rest of your friends were grinding on strangers to the tune of some 2000s pop song.
"she's a delight," tito said.
you sighed. "she's practically miss america." you were too busy staring at her having fun to notice another person walk up to your booth until he was standing right in front of you with a question posed on the tip of his lips.
mat.
your mouth went dry at the sight of him.
"you know her?" he gestured over his shoulder to where alexa was laughing with one of your friends.
you nodded.
"are you two close?"
you shrugged.
mat sighed. "are you capable of speaking?"
tito spoke up. "mat, you just bombarded her without a single hello, chill."
mat pinched the bridge of his nose. "sorry, i just--she rejected me and i don't know why."
"you're too attractive and you know it," you blurted out before you could stop yourself. you quickly slapped a hand over your mouth like that would stop any other bullshit that might come out.
mat tilted his head and leaned in. "huh?"
"her words, not mine," you said like it would absolve you of any guilt.
"what do you mean by being 'too attractive' and 'knowing it'? how does that even make sense?"
you shrugged for what felt like the twelfth time that night. "alexa's not really into guys who are obsessed with their appearances. she just got out of a relationship with a guy like that," you explained.
mat ran a hand down his face before placing both hands on his waist. "so what do you suggest i do?" he groaned.
"i--"
he snapped his fingers and looked at you for what felt like the first time. it sent a chill down your spine that you had a problem suppressing. "can you help me?"
your mouth dropped open. "huh?"
"you're friends, right? can you help me win her over?"
you could list about a thousand other things you'd rather do. you could think of five just off the top of your head.
but he looked so earnest and willing and how could anyone possibly resist him when he looked at you like that--
"of course!" you smiled.
of course?! yes would've sufficed but now you've got him thinking you'd enjoy this. which you most certainly wouldn't.
oh who were you kidding? all attention was good attention when it came to mat barzal and you'd give anything to keep him looking at you.
"thank you!" he smiled before clapping tito on the shoulder. "ready to head out?"
anthony nodded before addressing you. "i had a nice time. see you tomorrow?"
you smiled and nodded, giving them both a small wave as they walked away. the second they were out the door, you thumped your head against the table.
playing wing-woman for mathew barzal.
what the fuck was wrong with you?
how to be a wing-woman: a guide
usually when you went to work, you kept your head down and stayed out of the way. occasionally, you'd run into anders or marty, or maybe even tito, who would say their polite hellos, but for the most part you stayed out of the way during practices.
you were looking at the photos you just took when someone banged on the glass. a quick glance (that turned into a double take) let you figure out it was mat based on the 13 on his jersey and the fact that you could pick him out of a crowd anywhere.
he waved and smiled (and you might've died inside). "can i talk to you after practice?"
you nodded frantically before gaining a semblance of self respect and slowing down.
"great! meet you outside of the locker rooms!" he said before skating away.
"what was that about?" tyler asked. you turned, not even realizing he'd made his way towards you considering you thought he was on the other side of the arena.
"what? can't i talk to the players?"
tyler laughed. actually laughed. "considering barzal has never so much as looked at you, i'd say him approaching you during practice is pretty strange."
your shoulders sunk at the weight of the truth. "if you must know," you started. "he wants to date one of my friends, so i'm helping him out."
tyler laughed again and walked away without saying another word while you scrolled through the photos you took again until practice ended.
you headed towards the locker rooms only when the last player had been off the ice for ten minutes, you didn't want to chance waiting around too long looking like an idiot.
as you waited, you made a mental note of all the editing you'd have to do when you got back to your cubicle. you got a few good shots earlier, but they'd need some tweaking before you sent them to the social media team. in fact--
"hey, what're you doing here?" you glanced up and saw anders, hair wet from whatever brief shower he took.
you shrugged, not sure if it was your place to give away mat's intentions. "just waiting around."
"for?" he pushed.
"barzy needs her to play wing-woman," tito said from over anders' shoulders. "he wants to get with her friend, but her friend isn't interested."
anders threw his head back and laughed. "barzy not getting a girl? that's fucking hilarious."
tito smirked. "tell him what your friend said" he told you.
"she doesn't like that he knows he's attractive," you mumbled.
if it was even possible, anders laughed even louder. "un-fucking-believable."
"what's so funny?" mat walked up, running a hand through his damp hair.
you said "nothing" at the same time anders asked "you got rejected, barzy?"
mat's face dropped before looking at you and tito accusingly. anthony sighed and nudged his best friend. "chill out, barz. she didn't bring it up, i did."
mat's shoulders relaxed before he punched tito in the arm. "dick," he mumbled.
anders looked between the three of you and sighed. "i don't have time for this shit," he said. "i'll see you later." and he was off down the hallway.
"so what's the plan for today?" tito asked.
"you're not included," mat said. his gaze focused on you. "can i have your number?"
you blinked. "what?"
mat laughed a little and you could feel heat and shame running up your spine. he asked you one fucking question and you had to go act like a weirdo. "so i can text you? i think we should sit down and create a strategy."
you nodded and read off your number as he typed it into his phone. "great," he gave you his megawatt smile. "i'll text you."
"okay," you breathed out as he walked away without a thought.
tito kept standing there, smirking to himself. "you're so fucked," he said.
you nodded because there was nothing else to say.
step one: talk him up
you and mat got lunch two days later on a saturday when he didn't have a game. it was rather surreal, sitting across from him in public. the delusional part of you was begging you to imagine this as a date instead of a meeting to set your friend up with mat.
when did your life turn into something so pathetic?
"okay," he started. "tell me about your friend."
you would rather do anything else.
"she just got out of a long term relationship with this guy named jared. he was a bit self absorbed which is probably why she didn't like you knowing how hot you are." you paused as the words left your mouth, ready to set yourself on fire if he reacted. but he didn't, he only leaned in closer to listen. "she uh--she likes daffodils and goes to the farmer's market at union square every saturday."
"but what's she like?" he asked. "what's her personality?"
how would you say she's the trademarked cool girl? the girl every guy wanted, that mat was one man in a long list of men who tried and failed to win her over.
"she's sweet and affectionate," you started. "she pretty girly on the outside but knows her way around a car. she grew up with three older brothers so she knows a fair bit about sports, just not hockey, but if you wanted to talk stats about football or basketball, she's your girl. in college, she held the record for fastest shotgun in her sorority."
you racked your brain for more information about your friend, but it was difficult under pressure to sum up someone you'd known since freshman year of college.
"what else?" mat asked.
"she's a bit of a partier, but knows how to settle down and just chill. she's a really good friend, like last year i dated this guy who was cheating on me the entire duration of our relationship, which i should've known about because he said he had to go on business trips all the time but he worked as a barista, and she held me while i cried for three days straight and even threatened to fuck up his car."
mat stared at you without saying anything in a way that made you want to sink into a hole, never to be seen again. "you dated a barista and thought he needed to go on business trips?"
you blinked. "that's what you got from that? me dating a shitty barista?"
he shrugged. "i heard everything else, but that was definitely the funniest part. how long did you date him?"
"six months," you replied quickly. "but that's not the point! alexa is going to play hard to get because she doesn't want anything too serious right now."
"great! neither do i!"
"but she's not a one night stand kind of girl anymore. so if you want her, you have to prove to her you can be serious enough for a relationship but not serious enough that you get clingy and overbearing and propose within six months."
mat blinked at you. "how the hell does that make sense?"
"believe me, there's a balance."
he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. "and you would know this how?"
"well i uh--" you sputtered. your nerves were only encouraged by his light chuckling. "all girls know these things! we don't want overly possessive boyfriends but we also want someone to care. it shouldn't be that hard to comprehend."
"it's not," he defended. "just a little...complicated, don't you think?"
"alexa's a complicated girl!"
he sighed and ran a hand down his face. "okay so how do i show her i mean business but that i'm not looking to settle down and get married?"
"i guess i could talk you up to her in passing conversation?"
"what would you tell her? we don't know each other very well."
"i know more than you think!"
"please, share with the class."
shit.
do you confess that in the two years you'd worked for the islanders that you watched him borderline obsessively?
"well, i know you're good with kids, if your interactions with young fans is anything to go by. you don't like dogs, which is a bit of a red flag in my book, but alexa shouldn't mind. you're a fantastic hockey player, and a great teammate."
"is that enough to convince her?"
you grimaced and shook your head. "she's a bit more personable. she one time broke up with a guy because he was rude to waitstaff. she would want to know how you treat non millionaires and authority figures. for instance, how much do you tip a server?"
"25%," he replied. "but why does that matter?"
"alexa used to be a server throughout college and couldn't stand people who she knew had money but would cheap out on the tip because she didn't greet them fast enough."
mat opened his mouth, presumably to ask another question, when his phone started ringing. "shit," he mumbled. "listen, i gotta go. it was nice talking to you, i'll be in touch." he pulled out a few twenty dollar bills and put them on the table before getting up and walking away.
you waited for the server to come back before paying the bill and told them to keep the change before you got up and walked home.
when you got back to your apartment, alexa was already standing at the door, waiting to be let in.
"finally," she said. "i was wondering when you were gonna come home."
"you could've texted me," you said while unlocking the door.
she followed you inside and shut the door behind her. "i could've, but your phone was on do not disturb for some reason, so i doubt my texts would've gone through in time. where were you anyway?"
"getting lunch with a friend from work," you replied.
alexa groaned as she all but collapsed onto your couch. "please tell me it's not tyler. i hate how he treats you."
you dropped your bag by the door and headed back to your room, but not before calling over your shoulder. "he's not that bad, he's like that to everyone!"
"doesn't make it any better!"
you changed into some comfortable clothing before joining alexa on your couch. "did you have fun the other night when we went out to the bar?"
alexa looked at you weirdly.
shit. you must not have been as subtle as you thought.
"i did," she said. "but what makes you ask."
you shrugged. "i know it's been rough with your breakup lately, but i saw you talking to mat and you looked happy."
alexa groaned and sunk into the couch. "i thought we talked about this already. he knows he's attractive, it's such a turn off. you should've seen the way he was talking, it was like he knew that if he gave me a look, i'd be going home with him."
"well he's really nice, i promise! you should see him with kids at the stadium--"
"you mean the kids who idolize him? yeah i bet he's real nice to them."
okay, switch strategies.
"he tips waitstaff really well!"
"with what he makes? he better." alexa sighed. "listen, i'd be more impressed if he could tell me anything about you, but seeing as you've worked there for two years and he couldn't tell me anything other than your name the other night says all i need to know about him. so can we talk about something else?"
you nodded, ignoring the jutting pain in your chest at her words. you knew well enough that mat knew nothing about you, why would he? but to hear it come from the mouth of someone else stung.
getting them together was gonna be harder than you originally thought.
step two: get them interacting
you were dreading the next time you saw mat for the first time in your life. you were in your cubicle editing photos from the game that night to be posted tomorrow to distract yourself from the inevitable conversation you'd have to have with him. tyler, unfortunately got the shot that was posted immediately to the islanders' instagram account to celebrate their win over the rangers and he had no problem letting you know it. and while it was annoying, it served as a great distraction from your other problem.
"maybe you'll get it next time," he sneered as he packed his bag. most days you hated the fact that you were cubicle neighbors, but neither of you were powerful enough to request moving spaces. and even if you could, you knew it would just make you look hard to work with.
"have a good night, tyler," you replied, not even wanting to give him any ammo to use against you.
the door shut behind him with a click, locking you into sweet sweet silence.
until a minute later when your phone went off with a text message.
mat barzal: where ru?
mat barzal: wanna go to a bar with me and tito and you can bring alexa?
you scoffed. "you can bring alexa," you mocked under your breath. "like that's not the sole reason for you asking me to go out tonight." you packed your bag up and shot a quick text to alexa, asking if she wanted to go out. she replied with an immediate yes, asking where to meet you, which prompted you to reach out to mat who sent you an address in response.
which is how you ended up on a sidewalk in front of an incredibly busy bar with alexa next to you.
"i've never been here," she remarked. "how'd you hear about it?"
"oh, a coworker mentioned it," you said in what was hopefully a nonchalant manner.
she looked at you a moment too long before grabbing your hand and pulling you inside. "you find us a place to sit and i'll grab our drinks!" she shouted over the music.
you quickly looked around for mat and tito, the former who'd texted you the second they arrived. you saw a head of dark hair and immediately knew it was mat. you hurried over, panting when you arrived from having to shove your way towards them.
"you made it!" anthony said. you looked at him and mat, eyes bouncing back and forth between them, when you realized your first problem.
they were sitting on opposite sides of the booth.
which meant you would have to sit with one of them, and alexa would have to sit with the other. if mat had it his way, he'd sit next to alexa, but you knew your friend wouldn't have that. she'd feel manipulated and uncomfortable.
"is there a problem?" tito asked.
you gestured to the booth. "alexa will want to sit by me. she's still not convinced about you, mat."
mat, to his credit, didn't look shocked or offended, he just shrugged and moved to tito's side. "this work?" he asked as you sat down.
you nodded.
"so what's the plan? how should i approach this?" he asked.
"keep the conversation on her, when she tries to turn it on you or about your career, focus on other people, applaud your teammates, your coaches, but whatever you do, don't talk about yourself too much. she already thinks you have a big ego."
"to be fair," tito started. "he does."
mat didn't even dignify that with a response. "so keep the conversation on her and others, got it."
alexa found you a moment later and didn't do a great job covering up her disinterest in sitting with mat and beau.
"i couldn't find anywhere to sit," you explained.
alexa didn't buy it if her eyes bouncing around the bar to find empty tables said anything. but she sat next to you anyway, placing your drink in front of you.
"you remember mat and anthony from the other night, right?" you asked.
she just hummed and took a sip of her drink.
"so, alexa," mat started. "what do you do for a living?"
she stared at him and sighed. "i'm a vet tech," she said, but offered no other information.
"she especially loves the cats," you added.
"cats are great!" mat said a little too enthusiastically.
alexa drained the rest of her glass and got up, leaving the three of you behind.
the second she was gone, beau broke into laughter, slapping his own chest. "that was fucking hilarious," he said.
"yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up," mat grumbled, swirling his cup around instead of making eye contact with anyone.
"i'm serious, i don't think i've ever seen you fail so quickly. it's kind of amazing."
mat focused his eyes on you. "what did i do wrong? i tried asking about her life and she seemed wholly uninterested."
you shrugged. "i don't know! maybe she feels cornered?"
tito took a sip of his beer. "i think you need to workshop this. clearly, neither of you thought this through."
you groaned and rested your head on the table.
this was already harder than you anticipated.
step three: reevaluate and regroup
you met mat in a booth of a coffee shop after you got off work. he was staring at his phone when you walked in, completely unaware that you even existed.
which wasn't abnormal considering you didn't even think he knew who you were a few months ago. but the second the barista called your order out, his head whipped up.
you could've sworn time stopped at that moment.
you made your way towards him and plopped down in the booth opposite of him.
"hi," you smiled. "what's up?"
"i don't know what to do, she doesn't seem interested in me." he groaned into his hands before running one of them through his hair.
god he was so attractive.
you snapped out of your reverie. "listen, you've got what it takes, we just need to reevaluate our strategy. i think the bar thing was a bad idea, she felt ambushed and it probably set us back a little, but i have an idea."
he leaned his forearms on the table. "let's hear it."
"practice dates," you said.
mat blinked once. twice. a third time before he spoke. "practice dates?"
"okay hear me out," you said, pulling a notepad out of the bag you brought. "i have a list of things that alexa likes to do and i was thinking, you and i can do them and work on conversations and how to approach her. so when the time comes, you don't feel out of your element."
"who said i feel out of my element?"
you stared at him. "you said last night 'cats are great!' and expected conversation to flow naturally."
"okay so not my best moment."
"not even close." you sighed. "listen, i wanna help you, and i feel like this is your best bet in winning her over."
mat ran a hand down his face. "okay fine. what's the first date?"
practice date one: pumpkin patch
to be quite frank, you were nervous when proposing the idea, scared that he wouldn't be willing to sit in a car with you for three hours just to get to the pumpkin patch. and maybe he would find it childish.
when in fact, he said nothing about the long car ride, he even offered to pick you up from your apartment, and laughed when you offered to pay for gas. when you finally arrived, you jumped out of mat's car like an excited child. mat stepped out like he knew he was the romantic lead in a movie, suave and collected.
you two could not be more opposite of each other.
it took everything in you to focus on the task at hand, and not fall deeper in love with him. but how could you not? when he looked so boyfriend in a coat and flannel and beanie and jeans that hugged his thighs just right--
you were getting ahead of yourself. you were doing this for mat and alexa, not your own selfish ambition.
"so what's the plan?" he asked after locking his car with the key fob.
you shrugged. "what would you do if you were here with alexa?" the words tasted bitter in your mouth. it was such a painful reminder, knowing that this wasn't real and was in service to hook him up with your friend.
mat looked around and shoved his hands in his pockets. "corn maze?" he pointed. you must've made a face because he spoke up again. "what?"
"alexa hates corn mazes."
he paused. "to the pumpkin patch then?" you nodded and followed his lead. "so how did you meet alexa?"
"she was my first roommate in college, we shared the smallest dorm in history."
"that sounds like an exaggeration."
"says the man who never went to college."
he laughed. "i don't need a college education to identify a hyperbole when i hear one."
you gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. "a hyperbole? what a word."
"laugh it up," he said. "but i'm not a complete idiot, you know."
"never said you were. i just haven't heard anyone use hyperbole in a sentence outside of my english lit classes."
"well, you should know i'm full of surprises."
the two of you approached the pumpkin patch and started weaving between families and the occasional rogue toddler. mat had to tug you out of the way a few times when you about stepped on a child because you were gazing at pumpkins.
"if you don't mind me asking," mat started. "why are you helping me? you don't owe me anything. i feel like i'm taking advantage of your kindness."
you shrugged. "you wouldn't be the first one."
"what's that supposed to mean?" you looked up from the pumpkin patch to see mat's brows furrowed together and his mouth twisted in a cute frown.
"well, i mean, i've been told i have a habit of being a doormat at times."
"who said that?" his tone had changed to a softer one.
"huh?" you asked.
"who called you a doormat?"
you shrugged again, that seemed to be your go to move around him. you squatted down to look at a particularly fat pumpkin, inspecting all sides of it before you responded. "i've heard it all my life, some have said it in meaner ways, others have been nicer about it."
"i'm sorry," he said.
you stood to your full height which was still much shorter than mat's. "why? it's not like it's not true."
"what if i helped you?"
it was your turn to frown. "help me? with what? ice skating?"
mat rolled his eyes. "no, with confidence. maybe even get you a date."
you guffawed, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "what?"
mat pulled you out of the way of yet another child and kept his hand on your elbow until you were clear of the pumpkin roots. and if your heart stopped for a few seconds, that was your business, no one else's. "you heard me. you're young, single, and attractive and you spend all your free time at the office or DDing for your friends. we can work on your confidence and get you out there."
"i don't know..." though your mind was still focused on the fact that he'd called you attractive.
"what about that other photographer guy? tony?"
you cackled. straight up burst into laughter. "tyler? that's fucking hilarious mat."
"what?" the two of you continued down the patch, occasionally gazing at the pumpkins, but mostly just talking. "you two are always talking."
talking or being insulted?
you shook your head. "enough about me, we're here for alexa."
mat nudged you with his elbow. "actually we're here for me to win alexa over."
you kicked a small stone with the toe of your shoe and said nothing. the tragedy of your own personal situation wasn't lost on you, neither was the idiocy of your plan. what were you thinking, spending your free time with mat? to win over your friend?
it was textbook self inflicted torture.
"where'd you go?" mat nudged you again. "i lost you there for a second."
you bent down and picked up a smaller pumpkin. "what do you think about this one?"
"it looks fine. you're ignoring my question."
you juggled the pumpkin back and forth in your hands to determine if you liked it or not. "what question?" you looked up just in time to see mat roll his eyes, but he dropped the topic anyway.
the both of you walked over to the stall to pay for the pumpkin. you reached into your tote bag to grab your wallet, but mat was already holding out a five dollar bill to the vendor.
"you didn't have to--"
"do you wanna get some cider?"
you could've started drooling at the idea of drinking cider. "yes!"
mat chuckled and started walking towards the cider stand where a small family waited in front of you. "does alexa like cider?" he asked.
"what a random question."
"well you're not giving me anything to work with!"
you almost groaned. because he was right. you got caught up in the idea of hanging out with mat outside of work that you forgot the real reason both of you were there in the first place.
"she loves cider, especially when it's spiked. she also loves mulled wine." mat scrunched his face up. "not a fan?" you asked.
"warm wine? no thank you."
mat paid for the cider, going as far as having the cash ready before you could even order.
"you really don't have to keep buying things. i can pay!"
"oh this is all a bribe to get you to go through that corn maze with me."
your face dropped. "alexa doesn't like mazes."
"so i won't go with her next time, but you're here now and i wanna go."
you let him drag you along until you were in the thick of the maze. you let him guide the both of you through it like he knew what he was doing even though you were pretty sure you hit every possible dead end in the maze.
two little kids ran past giggling and smiling. "we found the end, mama!"
you almost laughed at the look of irritation on mat's face.
it took an obscene amount of time to get through the maze, and mat was in a much worse mood when it was all over.
needless to say, the ride home was quiet.
practice date 2: dinner at mat's
you weren't quite sure what mat was planning on making for dinner, but you were willing to bet the smell of smoke wasn't a part of the plan.
the scene when you walked into his apartment could only be described as chaotic. the smoke detector was going off and when you walked into the kitchen, mat was going between waving a towel under the detector and opening every window in his kitchen.
"you weren't supposed to be here yet!" he shouted over the noise before darting past you into the living room to open the windows in there.
you dropped your things on the counter and took over waving the towel under the smoke detector.
"what happened?" you asked.
"i suck at cooking!" he came back in the kitchen and took the towel from you. "i'm taller," he said like that was an explanation.
the beeping ceased and left the two of you in a hazy apartment. when you looked around the kitchen, you saw what had to be charred meat and veggies in a skillet.
"okay so when you cook dinner for alexa, don't. just hire a chef."
mat held up his phone. "or order pizza. you in?"
"do i get to financially contribute?"
he gestured to your belongings on the counter, one of which was a bottle of red wine. "you already did."
"you can't keep buying everything," you said. "it's not fair."
"why not? i'm the millionaire here, i'd look like a dick if i made you pay for anything. besides, when i date alexa, it's not like i'm gonna let my girlfriend pay."
girlfriend.
right.
that was the end goal for him.
you kept forgetting.
you cleared your throat and dusted your hands on your pants despite them being clean.
"you can go pick out a movie or something while i order the pizza?" mat suggested.
you had no choice but to nod and wander into his moderately decorated living room. it definitely still looked like a bachelor pad, but if a bachelor had enough money to hire someone to say he needed artwork, decorative pillows, and a couch that wasn't brown.
you were scrolling through netflix when mat came into the living room and plopped on the sectional beside you, shucking his shoes off. why he was wearing shoes in his own apartment was beyond you, but you weren't one to judge.
"you look nice," he commented, as if just noticing you for the first time that night.
you looked down at your own outfit. it was a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. "this?"
"are you wearing something else that i'm not seeing?" he teased.
before you could die of embarrassment, you switched subjects. "what do you want to watch? i haven't made a decision yet." you handed the remote to him, hating being the one to make the decisions.
he shifted on the couch so he was sitting up instead of lounging on the chaise and took the remote. "what's alexa's favorite movie?"
"birdbox."
mat did a double take. "she likes birdbox?"
you shrugged. "she's into suspense."
mat was about to select birdbox until he took one look on your face. you don't know what you looked like but it made him pause. "but are you?"
"why do you care what i like?"
"because you're here, alexa's not. i don't wanna make you watch something you'd hate." mat shifted on the couch. "why don't we work on those dating tips i talked to you about."
"oh i don't think--"
"why not?" he asked. "you're always so jittery whenever we talk about it."
oh.
was he referring to the other day after practice when he saw tyler tormenting you and mat misinterpreted that as flirty banter? mat had come up to you afterwards to give you pointers but you practically ran away.
"it's not that simple, mat."
"i think it is."
you threw your hands up. "well then, by all means you must be right."
"what's with the attitude?" he asked. "did i say something?"
it was a good question. one that shouldn't make you want to cry, but life felt overwhelming in all the worst ways. between tyler harassing you every second of every day and pretending like you weren't in love with mat so you could set him up with your friend, and taking photos for games and practices, you were exhausted.
"i'm not sober enough for this," you said before getting up and popping the cork on the wine bottle and drinking straight from it.
it was another thirty minutes before the pizza arrived and the both of you were well on your way to wine drunk, you more so than mat. who could blame you though? your life was a sad excuse for a single twenty-something and you were tired of thinking about it.
"truth is," mat started with a mouth full of pizza. "you just need to act like you're the best thing that's ever happened to this city. guys love confident women."
"and that's your biggest issue with alexa right now."
"wanna switch personalities?"
you laughed.
"what?" he asked. "what's so funny?"
"i'm trying to picture you without an ego and i don't think it's possible."
mat rolled his eyes but had a smile on his lips anyway. it shouldn't have made your heart pound the way it did, but you were weak for that man, you had been since day one.
so you switched courses.
"okay," you started. "how do i make get a guy to wanna date me?"
mats eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "you're serious?"
you nodded. "as a heart attack."
mat sat up on the couch and faced you. his eyes scanned your face like he was looking for something but couldn't find it. maybe he was looking for a reason to change the subject.
"alright," he said. "you gotta be confident, even if you don't feel like it. most guys don't mind a little insecurity, they find it kinda cute, but a guy who wants an insecure girl is a red flag."
"should i be taking notes or...?" you took a large sip of your wine and smiled when mat rolled his eyes again.
"secondly, you can't be hiding behind your camera all the time."
you guffawed. "i do not hide behind my camera!"
"oh give me a break, you totally do! you walk around like it's a safety blanket or something."
"because it is!"
"exactly my point! thirdly, chivalry isn't dead. if he's not doing basic things like opening doors, walking on the closest side to the street, and he's only talking about himself? run."
"what? he can't be a good person if he doesn't do those things?"
"if he can't do a basic kind gesture, he's not going to do larger ones. sorry. i don't make the rules."
you blinked. "but you kinda are making the rules for me, right now."
"you're such a smart ass, just like tito."
"is that a good or bad thing?"
mat shrugged and took another bite of pizza. "hard to say, i love tito most days."
love.
don't be an idiot and read into things.
"so," mat leaned back into the couch. "i gave you advice, it's my turn. how do i win over alexa?"
you thought back to the conversation you had with her a few weeks ago about mat. and one comment stuck out the most. "i think the biggest sin you committed was not knowing anything about me despite working together for two years," you admitted shyly.
mat's brows furrowed in that cute way they always did. "what do you mean?"
"she said she's not impressed by you being nice to kid fans or tipping waitstaff. she would be impressed if you knew anything about me because i'm not a hockey player."
mat recoiled as if physically struck by your words. "she thinks that low of you?"
"no she didn't mean to say you were--" you paused. "me? you think she has a low opinion of me?"
mat crossed his arms. "she just insinuated that you weren't important enough for me to know."
"no! that's not what she meant! she was saying that you think you're better than me."
"that's not even remotely true." and he said it so confidently, you almost believed him. "it's not, you know that right?"
you hesitated and you might as well have punched him in the gut.
mat said your name so softly like it was precious. like it was something special. "you have to know, i have never, not once, believed you were beneath me."
you gave him a small smile. "you don't need to explain yourself to me, mat."
he reached over and grabbed your hand, tugging on it lightly. "no. i need you to know, you are important to me."
your heart fluttered at his words, or maybe it was the fact that you were holding hands and you could feel the calluses rub against your own palm.
you could've stayed there forever.
"jesus fucking christ, why does it smell like something burned in here?" the front door opened and slammed sending you and mat sprawling apart like you hadn't been locked in a staring contest and holding hands. tito rounded the corner and crossed his arms, a smug expression on his face. "what do we have here?"
"nothing!" you squeaked out. "i was just leaving!"
"no you weren't," mat started, eyes wide with an emotion you couldn't place. "beau was just leaving."
you looked as confused as tito was. "what? no i'm not." you glanced back at mat who could not have looked more annoyed if he tried. "or i can...?"
"no!" you said. "i need to get going anyway. got work tomorrow, long day."
mat stood up when he realized there was no convincing you. "i can walk you out--"
"don't worry about it! i'm a big girl." you were leaving when you heard whisper shouting. you couldn't fully make out what they were saying, but before you shut the front door behind you, you could've sworn you heard them mention "liking her."
you did your best not to let the talking break your heart even more.
practice date 3: ice skating
you made mat pick out the last date but he hadn't told you what it was, just asked for your shoe size.
aside from that?
radio silence.
maybe you should've seen this coming. you'd talked to alexa a few days ago and she'd suggested that maybe you should put yourself out there more, find a date, find a boyfriend, find some happiness.
after practice, you found yourself scrolling through your camera roll in one of the seats in the arena when a pair of skates came into your peripheral. you looked up expecting to see a mop of black hair and hazel eyes.
but it was tito with a sheepish grin on his face.
"hey," he said.
you put your camera down and smiled. it was always good to see tito, with the exception of the other night. "hey, what can i do for you?"
anthony playfully rolled his eyes. "you don't live to serve us," he said. "i don't need anything, just wanted to say hi."
"hi!" you smiled even brighter.
"i was wondering, what're you doing friday night?"
you jaw dropped. and it must've been funny because tito threw his head back and laughed. "what?"
tito smiled at you and gestured towards you. "i was wondering if you'd want to get dinner with me on friday. i don't know what time you get off work, but i was thinking 6:30?"
you blinked. you blinked again. "are you serious?"
"why wouldn't i be? you're attractive, single, and i like your company. i think we'd have a fun time."
"okay," you smiled again. have you ever smiled this much in your life? you were unsure. "okay yeah, friday at 6:30 is perfect."
"great," tito grinned. "can i have your number?" you handed your phone over rather quickly, watching as he typed his number in and texted himself. "i'll see you," he said.
"bye tito!" you waved until he was out of sight. and even then, you continued to stare at the spot he was once occupying.
"what the hell was that about?"
you jumped about a foot in the air when tyler made his comment from over your shoulder. "jesus fucking christ, tyler." you placed a hand over your heart to feel how rapidly it was beating. "are you some sort of lurker?"
"what did beauvillier want with you?" he condescended.
"it's none of your business." you rolled your eyes when your phone buzzed.
mat barzal: come down to the locker room.
"who is that?" he asked, peering over your shoulder, but you stood up and started walking away.
the both of you headed down to the locker rooms, though you weren't really enjoying the company. tyler kept talking about your lackluster photography skills like the both of you didn't have the exact same job title.
you were rounding the corner when you saw mat leaning up against the wall, still in his hockey gear. tyler, being confronted with an audience, immediately departed. if you had to guess, he probably went back to his office to scheme how else to make your life miserable.
"hey," you said as you approached. "what's up?"
mat reached down and tossed a duffle bag at your feet. "open the bag," he directed.
you squatted and opened the zipper to see a pair of ice skates. you looked up at mat who looked pleased with himself. "what're these for?"
"you ever been ice skating?" he asked.
the short answer? no.
the long answer? once in second grade for a field trip.
"kinda?" you said instead.
mat laughed, like an actual laugh. there was a shiver that went down your spine at the very sound of it. "it's a yes or no question."
"i would say yes, but i was like eight."
"yeah, doesn't really count anymore. grab the bag, let's go." he walked off without a second thought, leaving you scrambling with the bag and rushing after him.
"what's the point of this?" you called after him.
"you told me to pick the last date, this is it!"
you stopped walking immediately. "mat, i don't know if this is a good idea..."
as if sensing your hesitation, mat turned around and walked back towards you. he rested his hands on your shoulders and squeezed lightly, ducking his head down towards yours. "i'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, i promise. you have nothing to be afraid of."
"what if my boss sees? what if lou sees? i'm a lot more replaceable than you are."
mat scoffed. "first of all, you're not replaceable. second of all, it's gonna be fine. i'll take all the heat if we get in trouble, which we won't because it's not a big deal." he reached down and grabbed your hand that wasn't holding the duffle bag. "now c'mon."
he led you out to the bench where you sat down and placed your camera on the bench. "take your shoes off and put these socks on." he tossed a pair of socks at your head that you barely caught in time.
"but i'm already wearing socks," you said.
"these are longer, unless you want the boot to cut into your ankle."
safe to say, you put the socks on.
mat knelt in front of you to help put the skates on, tying them up so they were secure on your feet.
you wanted to swoon at the sight of him before you. thankfully, he stood up and helped you to your feet before you could start imagining anything preposterous.
like him proposing.
you watched as mat slid over the top of the bench railing and onto the ice. he turned around and looked at you expectantly.
"oh hell no," you said. "where's the door, i'll use the door."
he cackled as you walked and opened the door, but skated to you anyway to give you some assistance when stepping onto the ice.
"easy does it," he said, chuckling when your grip was practically crushing his fingers. "you're okay, i'm not gonna let you fall."
"it's not you i don't trust, it's me."
mat kept a grip on your hands and led you out to the center of the ice. on the way to the center, you slipped twice, a squeak leaving your lips. you quickly latched onto mat who only laughed at your death grip on his forearms.
"it's not funny," you whined. "i'm terrified."
"you're right, it's not funny. but it is cute." he removed your hands from his arms and skated away from you. "okay, now come to me."
he was easily twenty feet away.
you glanced down at the ice and then back at mat. you would've sat down if you knew how to without eating it. "mat, i'm telling you right now, that's not gonna happen."
"it's not that hard."
"you've been skating since you were a child. i have not." you attempted to take a step forward, but thought differently of it. "besides, how does this help you with alexa?"
"easy," he said. "if i can teach you to skate, i can teach anyone."
"so your idea of a romantic date is a girl busting her ass over and over for an hour?"
"not quite," he said, skating circles around you.
literally.
"you're being an ass,' you whined. "why did the one practice date you pick out have to do with hockey?"
"because it's what i love. and if a girl can't hang with it, our relationship is doomed to fail."
you rolled your eyes. "that's a bit dramatic. you can appreciate and love hockey without having to ice skate. thousands of fans do it all the time."
"but my girlfriend won't be just a fan, now will she?"
your heart sank at the idea of alexa and mat in a similar situation. alexa actually trying to skate and looking beautiful while doing so. you pictured them laughing as she slipped and mat catching her before she could fall.
"you okay? i lost you again." mat skated right up to you, leaving maybe a foot of space between the two of you.
"yeah," you breathed. "just thinking."
mat smirked and skated backwards. "uh oh. that can't be good. less thinking more skating. would it help if i pushed you?"
"no!" you shrieked. "it definitely wouldn't!"
but it was too late. mat was skating up behind you and placing his hands on your waist. "relax," he murmured. "i'm not gonna push you without a little guidance."
relax?
relax?
when his hands were on your waist and he was mumbling in your ear?
how the hell was anyone supposed to live, laugh, love in these conditions?
mat added a little pressure to your back. and suddenly you were moving. "that's it," he praised. "now just move your feet."
it was easier with mat's hands on you, the sensation forcing you to focus on the warmth of his palms than the fact that you were skating on sharp knives.
"see? this isn't so bad, right?"
it wasn't too terribly bad, truth be told it was just like roller skating, just ten times scarier.
"yeah," you said. "not too bad."
"so you're ready to go by yourself?" his hands starting slipping away, leaving a burning sensation in their wake.
"i--"
but he was already skating away. he stopped about twenty feet away and smiled. "skate to me."
"mat--" your voice shook at the idea. skating with him was one thing, skating to him was another.
"hey," he said quietly. "eyes on me, okay? i'm not gonna let you fall, if i think you're gonna fall, i'll catch you. i was the fastest skater in 2020, remember?"
you nodded. "just like roller skating," you mumbled.
"except better," mat added.
you took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely gliding towards him. you started picking up pace the closer you got to him.
"mat?"
"you're doing great!" he smiled.
"i don't know how to stop!"
mat laughed even as he caught you. his arms gripped your biceps and his smile was a mile wide. "you okay?" he asked.
you couldn't help but smile. "yeah," you breathed.
there was hardly any room between the two of you. your heart was beating wildly in your chest at the proximity, the rush of skating alone, who knew? you surely didn't.
you looked into his eyes and could've sworn his gaze dropped to your chin, but you were known for your hopeless romantic delusions, so maybe--
"hey!" whatever trance you were in ended when you saw a man in coveralls standing at the end of the rink. "time's up, i gotta clean the ice!"
"sorry!" mat called. "we'll get out of your way!" he gently took your hand in his and skated the both of you back to the benches.
mat helped you take off your skates and walked you back up the tunnel towards the locker rooms. the both of you stopped just outside of them, considering mat still had to shower and go home while you had the rest of the day to do your work.
"this was really fun," you said. "terrifying but fun."
"i'm glad you enjoyed it." his smile just about made you collapse into a puddle.
but you got a grip on reality and nodded. "well, i hope this helps with alexa, i'll try to talk to her in the next day or so, see where her head is."
mat's jaw clenched but he nodded. "i'll be seeing you."
"bye, mat."
you might as well have been on cloud nine by the time you got up to your office. you were in a different zone, focused on the way that mat's hands felt on your body, in your own hand. the feeling of euphoria wouldn't leave your body, you were sure of it. nothing could take that feeling away.
until you got to your desk and saw tyler.
who was sitting on your desk and using a paper clip to get the dirt out from under his nails.
"what were you and barzal doing?" tyler asked, moving off your desk, instead choosing to lean up against the cubicle.
you ignored him.
"i asked you a question," he said.
"i heard you, tyler. but i have work to do." you signed into your computer and plugged your camera in, ready to start uploading and editing photos from practice and the game yesterday.
“do you really think sleeping your way through the roster will help you get your pics chosen for the social media accounts?” he sneered.
you froze, your fingers hovered over the keyboard. "what?"
"i said--"
"don't repeat it." another voice joined in and when you turned around to see who came in, you were flabbergasted.
mat.
"barzal i--"
"where do you get off talking to her like that? talking to anyone like that?" he stepped into the room, chest puffed out.
in all of your time working for the isles, mat had never been much of a fighter, but he looked ready to pummel tyler if need be.
"mat, it's fine," you mumbled.
"no, it's not. is this how he normally talks to you?"
you said nothing.
that only seemed to make mat angrier. "you need to go to HR about this. this is workplace harassment. now apologize," he directed at tyler.
"for what? speaking the truth? is this how you think you can get ahead in life?" tyler said to you. "first beauvillier now barzal?"
you and mat both froze. in the corner of your eye you could see his jaw clench before he looked at you.
"can you do your work from home?" he asked.
you nodded. "i just have a shit ton of editing but i can do that on my laptop--"
"great. i'll take you home."
"but my boss-"
"if anyone has a problem with it, they can talk to me. let's go." mat was spinning on his heel and walking out of the room as quickly as he came in. you were unplugging your camera and logging off your computer, packing up your things, before sprinting after him.
"mat! mat, wait up!"
he stopped walking and looked at you, an unfamiliar expression in his eyes. "can you wait for me outside the locker room? i still have to shower and change."
you nodded. "why did you come upstairs anyway?"
"to give you the skates." you glanced down at his empty hands. "i forgot the bag, and by that point, i was too lazy to go down and get them without you."
the both of you continued your walk until you got to the locker room.
"i'll be a few minutes and then i'll take you home."
true to his word, mat was only gone for ten minutes before coming out freshly showered and ready to go home. neither of you spoke until he was pulling the car out of the parking garage.
"what did tyler mean when he mentioned tito?" mat asked after moments of silence. his fists were gripping the wheel tightly, though you didn't know why.
"tito asked me to dinner on friday."
mat's fists tightened their grip on the wheel and his jaw clenched so hard, you were afraid he was going to chip some teeth.
"oh." was all he said.
"something wrong? i just figured for once i wouldn't be hiding behind my camera like you said and i thought it would be fun, you know? we get along fine. why? do you think i shouldn't go?"
"no!" mat said quickly. "no, i just, it just caught me by surprise is all. i'm sure you'll have fun."
"and i can give you alexa's number if you want to ask her out! she's coming over tonight so i can talk you up now that i know more about you, make it seem more genuine."
"yeah," he choked out. "yeah, that would be great."
mat pulled up to your apartment a few minutes later and watched as you got out. "i meant what i said in your office," he said. "you need to tell HR about tyler's behavior."
"i will." you probably wouldn't. "thanks, mat."
he nodded as you shut the door and waited for you to go inside before driving off.
you walked up the stairs to your apartment and unlocked the door. as you shut the door behind you, you felt the weight of today bearing down.
tito asking you out.
the moments with mat.
the slut shaming comment from tyler.
when did your life get so dramatic?
step 4: get her to say yes
you had alexa over that night, armed with a million reasons why she should say yes to mat.
and the one reason why she should say no was locked deep in your chest. your happiness and affection for him shouldn't deter her.
besides, you would eventually get over your silly little crush, right?
right?
"so what's new in your world? i feel like you've been so busy lately. it's kind of strange," alexa said before shoveling a forkful of pasta in her mouth. it should've been disgusting, but she made it look graceful.
"oh you know, just working."
"is that why you were in the middle of nowhere a few weeks ago? work?"
"what?"
"i checked your location, you were on a farm. didn't realize the isles was doing photoshoots that far out of the city."
"oh they're not," you explained. "i was with mat, we were just hanging out."
alexa blinked. "since when do you and mat hang out?"
ouch.
but true.
you couldn't come out and say it could you? that the reason the two of you started interacting was because he wanted to date alexa?
no, you couldn't.
so you lied.
"oh, the social media team wanted me to get some information on mat, like a get to know you segment. they wanted something outside of work, so we were just hanging out so i could write this article on him."
a complete lie. you haven't had to write anything on anyone since your college journalism class. but alexa didn't know that. you never told her what you do all day for work. for all she knew, you could be running the tiktok account.
alexa raised an eyebrow. "and how did that go? was he talking about himself the entire time?"
"no!" you said. but then you paused, realizing that getting defensive would just look suspicious. "he told me a lot about how he doesn't like mulled wine and loves corn mazes despite being absolutely shitty at them. he loves his friends and hockey, obviously. he refuses to let anyone pay for anything while you're with him because he has money and likes to treat people. and he sticks up for the people that are important to him. and once you're in with him, you don't have to worry about your place in his life or how important you are because he will keep reminding you."
alexa stared at you. "are you sure you don't want to go out with him?"
you guffawed and hoped that it covered up your embarrassment. "what? no! he's clearly into you, and i think you should go for it."
"give me one good reason why."
"because he's kind, and nothing like your ex. he cares, legitimately cares about people and their lives." you sighed, not sure if you were convincing her. “it’s just one date, lex. if you don’t like him at least you got a free meal.”
alexa chewed her lip, letting you anguish in silence. "fine. you can give him my number and we'll set up a date. i trust you."
"fantastic!" you were already pulling your phone out. "he'll be so excited--"
"only if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for him."
you opened and closed your mouth. "i don't have feelings for him," you said with as much confidence as you could.
"honey..."
"no! i don't! if i had feelings for him, would i be going out to dinner with his best friend on friday?"
alexa didn't look fully convinced, but your date with tito was a welcomed distraction as she started rattling off questions about what you would wear and where he was taking you.
alexa left two hours later, meaning you could go to bed at a reasonable hour. as you laid in bed, you grabbed your phone and opened mat's contact, drafting a text to him.
here's alexa's number. managed to convince her you were worth a shot. xxx-xxx-xxxx.
you locked your phone and put it on do not disturb before you could see his response.
when you woke up the next morning, you saw mat had simply liked the message and left it at that.
by noon, alexa texted you that her date with mat was on saturday.
step 5: let the dates begin
friday came faster than you were anticipating. you kept your distance from mat, unable to look at him without thinking about how he was taking your friend out the very next day and that your interactions from that point on would probably be through alexa.
tyler kept his distance, must've been the threat of going to HR (that you still hadn't gone through with) that had him treating you like a human being with feelings.
as for tito, you probably should've been more excited for your date that night, but all you could focus on was how mat and alexa would fall in love and get married and have beautiful babies and grow old together.
and you would be the sucker who set them up because you could never tell mat no.
a slam against the boards startled you enough to look up from your camera to see tito standing there with a smile on his face.
"you okay?" he asked over the sounds of his teammates on the ice.
you gave him what you hoped was a convincing smile and nodded. but he rolled his eyes.
"we'll talk later," he said before skating away. you smiled and waved at him before you made eye contact with mat who was clenching his jaw. at what? you weren't sure. you even turned around to see if tyler had entered the arena, but you were standing alone.
like you always were.
you were headed back to your desk to do some editing as practice let out, but your name was called before you could get away.
when you looked over your shoulder, you saw tito doing an awkward half jog half walk towards you with a tired grin on his face. "hey," he said. "how do you think practice went?"
you turned to face him fully. "you're asking me? a professional asking some photographer how practice went?"
tito rolled his eyes. "oh c'mon. you've seen our practices, by now you should be able to determine whether or not it was a good one."
"well, no one fought each other, so i guess that's a win."
tito shook his head. "nah, that's when the best practices happen. when everyone's pissed at each other."
you smiled. "shows what i know."
"i think you know more than you think. you've worked here for awhile now."
"i've just gotten better at motion capture photography and following the puck around the ice. doesn't mean i know shit about hockey."
"don't think we don't notice you getting riled up during games when calls are missed."
you tilted your head and furrowed your brows. "we?"
tito shrugged and laughed to himself. "mat usually points it out before i can." you must've made a face because he added more. "it's usually on the bench, he's focused on the game when he's playing."
the both of you turn your heads at the other players walking down the tunnel. when the both of you caught sight of mat, tito smiled.
"will you send me your address? so i can pick you up?"
your attention snapped back to tito. "yeah! of course!"
he nodded and started his walk towards the locker rooms right when mat walked up to you. "what was that about?" he asked.
you shrugged. "just going over details for tonight. he needs my address to pick me up."
mat clenched his jaw again and looked down the tunnel, nodding his head. "that's tonight?"
"yep. at 6:30."
he wouldn't meet your eyes. instead, he looked at your shoes, your camera, the hallway, his teammates, but would never look at your face.
"you and alexa go out tomorrow, right? where are you taking her?"
he ran a hand through his hair and nodded at anders as he passed by. "yeah, we're going out to this sushi place. did you ever talk to HR?"
"well no but--"
"do i need to talk to HR?"
"he really hasn't been that bad lately--"
"because i threatened to tell HR on his ass. he's gonna get comfortable and start insulting you again. it's just a matter of time."
you nodded, feeling a lump in your throat form at the idea of mat scolding you, in front of his teammates no less.
mat sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. "i'm not trying to fuss or tell you what to do, i just don't like seeing you treated like that."
"thanks, mat," you mumbled.
he still wouldn't meet your eyes, instead looking down the hallway to see most of his team in the locker room. "i gotta go, but um, good luck tonight. beau's a good guy."
with that he turned on his skates and walked away.
you felt every bit of pathetic as you watched him go.
that night, you settled on a pretty dress that wasn't too fancy, seeing as the only details tito had given you were that it was nicer than an olive garden but not a michelin star restaurant. you were strapping yourself into your heels when you heard a knock on the door.
your phone said it was only 6:15, but maybe tito was accounting for traffic. he never did specify when the reservation was.
"coming!" you called as you put your last heel on and made your way to the door. "i wasn't expecting you this early, you never told me when the reservation was--" your voice trailed off when you opened the door and saw who was standing on the other side.
mat.
he looked more disheveled than you'd ever seen him. it was clear he'd been running his hands through his hair repeatedly just by the strands sticking out every which way.
he still looked handsome.
"mat, what're you--"
"i think you're beautiful. and smart. and passionate about a lot of things. and i think anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot, and i'd fight them if you'd let me." your eyes started welling up with tears. "i think you're perfect for me and if you'd let me take you out, i promise i'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you."
you blinked until the tears disappeared by sheer willpower, not willing to cry in front of him. "that's perfect," you said. "say that to lex and she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand."
you turned around to grab your bag and coat before you could see mat's face drop in confusion. by the time you turned back around, anthony was standing next to his best friend.
"you ready?" he asked, only glancing at mat out of the side of his eye.
you nodded and squeezed mat's arm as you passed; you couldn't help yourself. "get home safe, mat."
neither you or tito spoke until you got into his car. "what was that about?" he asked.
you shrugged. still not fully comprehending why mat showed up at your door in the first place. "he was telling me what he was gonna tell lex tomorrow, i think."
"really." he didn't sound convinced.
"why else would he show up?"
tito mumbled. "i can think of a few reasons."
after he parked the car, tito got out and opened the door for you while you were answering texts from alexa. he offered you a hand to get out that you took.
there were no sparks, no electric sensations going up your arm. just physical contact, just the warmth of his palm in yours.
he led you into the restaurant which was moderately fancy, like he said. the two of you were escorted back to a table in the corner, away from windows and therefore away from prying eyes.
like a gentleman, he pulled your chair out and helped you scooch up to the table.
"i can't remember if i told you this, but you look lovely," he said with a smile.
"thanks," you replied. "you look handsome." and you meant it. if you weren't in love with his best friend, in another life, you could see yourself falling for his blue eyes. and maybe you still could. mat was going on a date with your friend tomorrow so it was better that you just get over him already and--
"so how long have you been in love with mat?"
you choked on your own spit, and for a minute, tito looked apologetic. for his timing, you had to guess, not the question itself.
surely you heard him wrong.
"what?" you asked when you finally got your bearings.
"how long have you loved him?"
nope. you heard him correctly.
"i--"
he leaned forward, arms braced on the table. "you don't have to lie to me, i know. i've known for awhile."
"i--"
but the server came up and asked for drink orders. tito ordered a bottle of red for the table after asking for your thoughts.
you were still reeling from his question, safe to say you didn't have any thoughts.
"sorry," tito started. "i didn't mean to make you feel cornered, i just wanted to be honest."
"it doesn't look like you're the only who needs to be honest, it's me." you fiddled with the ends of your dress.
"why'd you do it? why'd you help set mat up with your friend?"
you shrugged. "i just wanted to see him happy. and i wanted alexa to find a good guy, i knew mat was one. they make sense together."
"even if it makes you unhappy."
"even if it makes me unhappy."
tito nodded, and looked at you like he could see something you couldn't. "let's forget about him for now and just enjoy dinner, eh?"
you gave him your best smile and nodded.
the rest of the night flew by. soon enough, tito was walking you up to your apartment and kissing your cheek before he left. you wished you felt butterflies, or something, but there was no special sensation. nothing to make you weak in the knees.
it was like a kiss from an old friend.
your phone buzzed with a text from alexa.
alexa: how'd your date go?
you typed out a quick response.
it was good. just got home.
you locked your phone and placed it on your nightstand before collapsing into bed. but your phone buzzed again. you thought about ignoring it, but if it was alexa, you didn't want her to think you were upset at her.
mat barzal: did you have fun?
you blinked before typing back.
yeah. tito's great.
not a second later, you got another text.
mat barzal: good. have a good night.
you fell back against your pillows and cursed at the ceiling.
step 6: let them fall in love
you woke up the next morning and stayed in bed until your bladder was about to burst. after the date with tito and the reminder that mat was going out with alexa tonight, it was all enough to put you back in bed as soon as you peed.
and you stayed there, flicking through netflix shows and wallowing in self pity. you usually weren't this pathetic, but the idea of alexa and mat getting cozy on their date that night was enough to warrant your sadness.
you'd pull yourself together by monday when you'd have to go back to work and see how happy she made him.
that's what you kept telling yourself, that at the very least, two of your friends would be happy.
by 7pm, you were sitting on the couch, waiting for takeout to arrive.
when a knock on the door signified your food arrived, you got up with your blanket burrito and walked to the door. you didn't even bother checking before yanking the door open and looking down at your doormat.
only to see a pair of shoes.
"what the hell," you mumbled. "i thought i said leave at the door...' your voice trailed off as your eyes lifted to meet a pair of hazel.
mat barzal.
he had your food in one hand while the other was in his pocket.
"mat?" you whispered. suddenly, you were throwing the blankets off your shoulders and behind you into your apartment where they'd be out of sight.
though it was then you realized you were in sweats and you hadn't done anything with your hair all day so you were probably better off with the blanket burrito instead.
"hi," he breathed. "here's your food." he handed it over, nodding when you murmured your thanks, and shoved his other hand through his hair.
you glanced at the time on the clock on your wall to make sure you weren't hallucinating. "why're you here, mat? shouldn't you be with alexa?"
"that's what i wanted to talk to you about, actually."
"oh no," you started panicking, your eyes widened. "did she not show up?" you turned back into your apartment and went to your phone, searching for texts from alexa to explain her absence. "i swear i thought she'd show. she told me she would and she's usually a woman of her word."
you turned around when your front door shut with mat standing in the middle of your living room, looking out of place and right at home somehow.
your phone was vacant of any text messages from alexa.
"no, she showed. i left early."
that caught your attention.
you set your food on the coffee table and turned around to face him.
"why did you leave early? was she rude? are you sick?"
mat shook his head. "no, i'm fine, she was fine. that's not why i'm here. i mean it is but that's--that's--i want, no i need to tell you something."
"tell me what?"
he rolled his eyes. "i'm getting to that." he started pacing your very small living room. you wondered if he knew how much space he took up in your apartment. you wondered if he cared how messy your place was. "i'm just gonna come right out and say it, and don't interrupt me this time." you nodded.
mat ran both hands through his hair for the twentieth time since he showed up. "when i said all those things last night, i wasn't talking about alexa. i was talking about you."
what.
but he continued.
"i'm not gonna pretend i've loved you this whole time, but i fell in love with you along the way. the way you kept analyzing every fucking pumpkin for the perfect one, or how you bring red wine to dinner unprompted because you can't not contribute to something, or the way you trusted me enough to take you on the ice and show you something i love, or how you laugh like no one has ever said something mean to you in your life even when i know that jackass tyler harasses you on the daily. you're kind to literally every person i've ever seen you interact with.
"but i hate the way you shrink yourself like you're afraid to take up space. i hate the way you act like alexa's better than you, like i couldn't fall in love with you when you're literally the most generous, kindest, passionate, and beautiful person i've ever met in my life. because i do love you. every fiber of my being loves you."
you blinked once. twice. and breathed.
"what?" you whispered as tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.
"i know you just went out with tito last night, and if you like him, if you love him, i get it. he's a great guy and you'd be great together. but i'm asking you to give me a chance, give us a chance. i've had fun with you the last few weeks and i cannot bear the thought of not calling you mine any longer." his chest was heaving as the words rushed out of his mouth.
you rounded the coffee table to get to him. as soon as you were in arms' reach, mat was pulling you to him. with your hips pressed together, your lips just a breath away, you spoke softly.
"please tell me this isn't a dream."
a small laugh escaped his lips and echoed over your own. "it's not a dream, baby. this is real. i love you so fucking much."
"i love you too, mat."
any words you had left to say were lost as he brought your mouths together.
you weren't sure how much time had passed before you separated from him with your hands pressed on his chest. mat tried to follow your lips, but you kept a firm hand on his sternum so you could speak.
"what about alexa?"
mat pulled back. "what about her?"
"you were on a date with her and just left her there?"
"i more than covered the tab if that's what you're afraid of--"
"what if she hates me?"
he laughed. like threw his head back and laughed before kissing you again. "baby, we were there for fifteen minutes and all i could talk about was you. she told me to come here and tell you the truth."
you smiled. "thank god for alexa."
"thank god for alexa."
mat led the two of you over to the couch where you immediately curled into him. he kissed the top of your head, seemingly addicted to having his lips on your body at all times. "you're fired, you know."
you would've pulled away had mat's grip allowed it. "what? fired from what?"
"the wing woman business. you're absolutely horrible at it."
"yeah, well i think it worked out pretty well."
he pressed his lips into your hair and mumbled. "yeah, i think so too."
hi! does anyone remember that fanfic (it was a pretty long one i can’t remember if there were multiple parts but probably) but it was about:
a reader (i forgot the name) who moved to a new city to live by her friend (heather i think) because her husband died of cancer and she had a daughter - then as time went on she fell in love with an nhl player and he became another father to her. and the team all accepted them. i also remember the end the daughter grew up and at her wedding she thanked him for being her dad growing up. it was a complete sob story but i’d love to read it again so if anyone knows what it’s called pls lmk!! thanks!
hi! does anyone remember that fanfic (it was a pretty long one i can’t remember if there were multiple parts but probably) but it was about:
a reader (i forgot the name) who moved to a new city to live by her friend (heather i think) because her husband died of cancer and she had a daughter - then as time went on she fell in love with an nhl player and he became another father to her. and the team all accepted them. i also remember the end the daughter grew up and at her wedding she thanked him for being her dad growing up. it was a complete sob story but i’d love to read it again so if anyone knows what it’s called pls lmk!! thanks!
it’s been eight years since caroline marsh watched matthew tkachuk pack up his old ‘96 dodge ram and drive away from their hometown. it’s been eight years since she watched him chase his dream, all while leaving her behind to pick up the pieces. it’s been eight years since life shot it’s biggest knuckle puck at her, changing her life forever at a time when she thought she had it all. and here he was…back in their small hometown. no longer the 17-year-old boy who she had loved more than anything, but a man who had accomplished one of his childhood dreams…and had unknowingly accomplished the other, eight years earlier– becoming a father. there will always be a piece of her heart that belongs to matthew tkachuk, but she’s not the same girl he left behind all those years ago. a lot can change in eight years, but maybe it’s true what they say. what’s meant to be…will always find a way.
| playlist | sneak peek | series preview |
* last updated: june 27th, 2021 *
part one – 4 seconds and 1427 miles
in which matthew tkachuk’s entire season is at stake over four seconds and a little trash talk– resulting in a late night drive and a red eye flight.
part two – bad news brady
in which caroline marsh’s date is crashed by the middle tkachuk sibling who comes bearing some world crashing news.
part three – curiosity killed the cat
in which matt leaves the house for the first time in a week and finds himself bumping into caroline in the middle of the sandwich meat section…and a little boy excited about hockey cards.
part four – loose lips sink ships
after a stressful week, things take a turn for the worst when caroline’s carefree grocery shopping trip turns into her worst nightmare. but when night falls and she indulges in one too many glasses of wine, she ends up making what could be a fateful mistake.
part five – more treats than tricks
it’s halloween and matt makes well on his promise to help ethan work on his wrist-shot before trick-or-treating and a night of passing out candy to trick-or-treaters leaves matt feeling a little nostalgic for halloween’s past. and when the night comes to end, he gets a little halloween surprise of his own.
part six – count your blessings...or your secrets
a stressful few weeks full of changes and frustration leaves matt feeling less than thrilled for the thanksgiving holiday and having more questions than answers. but another day helping ethan work on hockey gives matt more than he was expecting and changes everything he ever knew.
part seven – eight years earlier...
the summer before senior year is going to be great. family trips with the tkachuks, days spent lounging at the pool and quality time with matt before he heads off to ontario– caroline is ready for it all. until small experiences start to add up and she finds out some news that will change everything. but when reality comes crashing down, caroline finds herself making one big decision that changes everyone’s lives and turns into one huge secret that they’ve all sworn to keep.
part eight – should i stay or should i go?
caroline and matt try to recover from a long overdue conversation gone wrong, where things just continue to get worse on both ends. matt makes a phone call to an old friend to get some fatherly advice and is stuck with a decision to make.
part nine – keep this love in a photograph
still reeling from betrayal, chantal gives matt an overdue gift that leads him down a road to all the things he missed. after some advice, he ends up back at caroline’s door and the two have a much needed, second conversation, finding himself wanting to mend the wounds from the last eight years.
part ten – fun, games and starting over
an unexpected visitor comes out to join the family outing at ethan’s hockey game. but a post game dinner celebration leaves matt and caroline wondering about how things could’ve been different.
part eleven – birthday revelations
a conjoined birthday party means gifts and…a cupcake fight? matt has a conversation with the most unexpected person, leaving him to ask himself just what he sees happening for the future. the families watch brady and the blues take on a familiar foe, leaving the crowd riled up and as the night draws to a close, caroline pulls him aside to give him one last birthday gift.
part twelve – safe and sound
it’s new year’s eve which means a new year and new beginnings are on the horizon. what starts off as a fun and relaxing day with family, quickly turns into a race against time in the matters of life and death. and when tensions come to the boil, matt’s left at a crossroads of whether to go with what feels right and what’s the right thing to do…but both roads lead him exactly where he wants to be at the end of the night.
part thirteen – the morning after
it’s the morning after a hospital stay and matt and caroline find themselves subject to…interesting converstions with ethan– who makes quite the unsual request. matt let’s ethan in on his secret to staying cool and calm whenever he finds himself in a frustrating situation and a persistent jonathan leaves caroline finding solace in the four walls of the tkachuk family home.
part fourteen – consequences
matt’s night out with friends turns into a frantic, drunken 2 am unannounced visit to caroline’s after learning some unnerving news and things get way out of hand. chantal helps ease his fears with another overdue gift. and on his apology tour the next night, matt and caroline sit down to put everything out in the open…but unbeknownst to them, they’re not alone. and as the night draws to a close, caroline is faced with a horrifying discovery.
part fifteen – may the truth set you free
the weather is getting colder as everyone’s driving around town searching for ethan. a short trip down memory lane sparks something in matt’s mind, giving him an idea as to where ethan could be. ethan reveals he knows everyone’s big secret and matt is faced with trying to figure out how to help him heal. and when faced with the harsh reality of the aftermath of last nights events…caroline makes a big decision.
part sixteen – you got me
after housing ethan at the tkachuk household for two days, matt takes notice of just how miserable both ethan and caroline are and takes it upon himself to step in and intervene as peacemaker for them and their families as well…with only one condition. matt learns of his fate for the rest of the season.
part seventeen – call it what you want
while ethan is at an appointment, matt and care have an important conversation about what they’re going to do when it comes to letting the world know their news. matt tells care and ethan about his eventual return to calgary. ethan wants to spend more time with matt and matt’s left wondering where he stands with care.
part eighteen – almost is never enough
it’s the week of valentine’s day and an accidental injury during an after school rink session leaves ethan with a black eye and matt left to tell caroline what happened. ethan feeling insecure about his black eye asks matt for advice on what to get a girl for valentine’s day and matt’s more than willing to help him after gaining some insight on how valentine’s day in the marsh home usually goes. ethan delivers some shocking news to caroline both. caroline receives a heartfelt gift and dinner from matt and ethan and when the night comes to a close, matt’s left struggling with his own feelings and where exactly they fit in.
part nineteen – take a break
matt and caroline have an important conversation regarding ethan and when matt tries to have his own conversation, it results in them taking the first steps of getting matt his rights. tempers fly at a youth hockey game and ethan wants matt to teach him how to fight, despite caroline’s displeasure.
part twenty – i heard goodbye
a hot day out in the garden quickly turns steamy indoors, with matt and caroline finally giving in to the tension that’s been building for months…only for the euphoria of the moment to come crashing down and leading caroline into the arms of the one person she knows she can count on.
part twenty-one – here comes goodbye
after a conversation with andrew, caroline is ready to confront both jonathan and matt about what happened. matt gets surprised by a confrontation with heather after she shows up to his house unannounced where the two come to an understanding about his feelings and role in what had happened between him and caroline. tired of her running away and mad from his conversation with heather, matt takes matters into his own hands minutes before emma’s bridal party starts and confronts caroline, giving her an ultimatium. reeling from the aftermath, caroline confesses to jonathan what happened between her and matt and confronts heather about her going to matt’s house, resulting in an emotional blow up between the two lifelong friends. at the end of it all, caroline is left with the reality of what has happened and seeks help from an unlikely source.
part twenty-two – this is me trying
matt kept his word when he said he’d give caroline all the space she needed and now it’s three weeks later and their day-to-day lives have moved away from the routine they’d become so accustomed to. caroline struggles to find the words she wants to say in her much needed and deserved conversation with matt, as well as just when to have it. it isn’t until an impromptu speech at an important appointment and some choice words from ethan after a hockey game, that caroline finds herself needing to get her thoughts in order and knows just the place to go. one block down, matt can’t sleep and takes a late night drive.
part twenty-three – begin again
time dwindled down fast and now it’s time for matt to head back to calgary, leaving both his family, caroline and ethan behind. not wanting to go back to calgary without leaving some things unsaid, matt finds himself spending his last night in st louis with caroline and ethan, and after promising to spend his last day in st louis with ethan, he finds another way to have his much needed conversation.
part twenty-four – till forever falls apart
with matt back in calgary, caroline and ethan are left trying to adjust to their new normal, which is proving more difficult than expected. a close betrayal introduces the world to the family's secret, creating chaos in ways ethan, caroline and matt weren't ready for. matt worries that the chaos might change caroline's mind about their future.
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