Something that I think is super interesting yet isnāt talked about enough (in my opinion) is the idea of āIrondad/Spidersonā and the subsequent infantilization of Spider-Man.
Regardless of if you enjoy the trope or not, it is incredibly interesting to look at the way that Irondad is made to be perceived in modern day media. If you go on Ao3, Tumblr, or Fanfic.Net, you can find story after story that all essentially have the same format: something happens to Peter and Tony is the only one who can make it better.
It isnāt surprising that this is the way that this trope has developed, seeing as thatās exactly how marvel/the MCU showcased their relationship.
In order for there to be a father-son relationship between Peter and Tony, they need to make Peter Parker fundamentally different from his cannon comic book roots. Not only do they need to erase the role that both Uncle Ben and Aunt May play on his development into adulthood, but they also need to shift around more subtle, impactful factors in Peterās life; like his financial situation.
The only way that Irondad as a concept can work is if Peter is raised by a young single parent/guardian who can work enough to support both her and Peter. This allows Peter to have the luxuries that come with growing up financially stable: recklessness with clothing and school supplies, immaturity and gullibility, and a lack of responsibility.
Spider-manās story arc is meant to showcase the struggles of a young boy forced to become a man. Peter Parker got powers and his uncle was killed. Hes essentially on his own, and has to become the type of man that his uncle would be proud of. He has to take the mantle as āman of the houseā and take on responsibilities of someone much older than him. Thatās the brilliance of it. If even a small piece of the story is changed, then it differs how the character develops.
If Ben doesnāt die, thereās no need for him to become Spider-man. Subsequently, there is no one for peter to base his own self/his identity of when comparing his actions and reactions.
If May isnāt frail/unable to work, then there is no need for Peter to become aware of his financials. There is no need for him to struggle to make sacrifices in order to make sure the bills are paid. (A prime example of this is Peter selling his photographs to the Bugle. Why would he sell his photos to a magazine that continuously drags his name through the mud? Why else if not because he has bills that need to be paid?)
If Peter is in a financially stable situation, then there is no need for him to look at corporations/rich people with a critical lens. There is a difference between knowing that someone is richer than you are and being made aware of their wealth in everything that they do. If Peter was raised poor, do you really think he would have been comfortable around Tony Stark or Avengers tower? You think he wouldnāt on some subconscious level, resent the fact that Tony Stark can damn near literally throw money around, while he has to scrape to pay the bills? Do you really think he would have been anything less than hyper aware that Tony Stark has the privilege of being able to buy literal buildings at the last second, just to toss the Hulk through them?
If none of these factors play a role in Peter Parkerās development, then he becomes a different person. A character who has the privileges of being gullible, reckless, and less mature than his original counterpart. Thereās a reason why in every other iteration, Spiderman is more mature/has more emotional struggles.
And unlike Tony Stark, Peter doesnāt have the privileges that he (TS) has. Tony has money, power, and influence in order to make sure that the consequences given to him are less severe.
In my opinion, what it boils down to, is that Irondad/Spiderson can only work is Spider-man isnāt Spider-man. He doesnāt have to worry about bills or politics. He doesnāt have to worry about food, or his aunt, or filling the shoes that Ben Parker left for him. He doesnāt have to worry about the consequences of his identity being exposed or stress over repairing his spider-suit again and again when he goes out to keep New York City safe. He has no responsibilities.
All thatās left is a kid with a whole bunch of powers, but very little responsibilities. And thatās not Spider-man.
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