of love and war.

dorcas meadowes. auror in training. order of the phoenix.

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

magiicaleye‌:

His own frustration coming back to choke him, Moody felt himself turn hideous. He felt disgusting, he felt heavy and burdensome and suffocated. The white of the walls had begun drilling deep into his skull, only making it easier to feel them closing in on him. Was this what drowning felt like? Was this what crumbling was? 

   It was comical – pathetic, even – to see the so-called legend that was Alastor Moody, the formidable wizard, the force of nature he had been turned into by sole piles and piles of empty, ignorant praise he couldn’t hold less regard for. He always rejected these stories, mostly because they occupied his time and this troubled him. He had, like an act of magic in itself, retained his modesty as well ( by choice ). But now, now that the ground under his feet was shaking and sending him quivering along with it, Moody wanted to take each and every single one of them and grasp it… grasp it till they crumbled and turned to dust that would then sear the skin of his palm. He wanted to take all of them and make them a part of him just as much as he did with his grief and his regrets. He wanted to be as strong and resilient as others made him out to be. It was indeed comical that this was his current whim, now, the one time he felt the most defenseless and weak and alone. 

   In a true childish manner, he was quick to reassure himself that Dorcas had no idea what she was saying. How could she? It’d been mere hours ago when she’d been left unable to even move. Yes, this was most probably a side effect to the shock and the healing charms. Of course, it wasn’t and he knew it, but trying to trick himself into buying it seemed one of the only remaining tactics to resort to. 

  “It wasn’t like there would be anyone else looking for you! Too bad, innit?! Wake up, Dorcas. I’m all you’ve got, the only one left who’s actually willing to risk his neck to get you out of whichever gutter you land yourself in. If I’d known I wouldn’t even be said a ‘thank you’ I would’ve headed home to get some rest, but looks like I’m still stuck doing babysitting duty. You don’t always get what you want, right?” he huffed, a cynical smile dangling from his lips. The surname ‘Malfoy’ stood out, luring his objective attention for a second. However, his anger was quick to return, making him overlook even that important detail. 

   A burst of upset laughter left him – had he misheard her? 

   “Where your shoe can fit?” he asked, as if for clarification. Each word was said sharply yet slowly, like making himself echo her were to make her realize her own impulsiveness. “You’re in no position to threaten me, Meadowes! You risked the integrity of the entire Auror Department, which is already under bloody scrutiny as it is, as well as you know exactly what else! You’re no good to that family of yours dead, or worse, fired for insubordination. And yes I am ‘lecturing you like we’re outside of work’ because your recklessness has now crossed that line. Congratulations.”

    He clapped once, very obviously with sarcastic intent. Hands then placed on his hips, he looked at her, at last falling quiet. The brunet shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes for a moment. This entire interaction had succeeded at giving him the strongest migraine to date. It was to be expected, though. He may have not been attacked in that alleyway, but that didn’t mean he’d get back unscathed. 

   “I don’t give a bloody fuck about Zuiderweg, Dorcas! For all I care he could get himself killed and it wouldn’t keep me up. In fact, I don’t care about those malcontents in the slightest. Do you think I’m stupid, or blind? Do you think I don’t know what they do outside the Ministry?” The man let out a groan, evidently struggling to keep up with Dorcas and maintain control on his behalf. 

                                             Then it all came bursting at the seams. 

   “I couldn’t care less about those divs, Dorcas, I care about you!” 

   His volume was lowering, and now he was now fully aware of the weight to the words that were leaving his mouth. He’d been so afraid of admitting it out loud, he couldn’t give his fear of facing more loss any authority. But now it was all out, like the rumble of thunders during a storm. 

  “Yeah, I care about you, Dorcas! And I was so bloody scared of losing you. I was so afraid of being called to the alley and finding you dead! I was so scared thinking that you were risking your life for a tip that was evidently fake, that you’d be done with for something so stupid when–” 

                                                  When she meant so much to him. 

 At that exact moment, something inside him felt itself turn incredibly vulnerable. He felt as though he’d taken a dagger and cut himself open right before her. His insides had been pulled forward, collected, displayed. And it was enough to strike fear into his heart but also enough to feel the weight of a thousand years’ worth of grief pouring in. 

  His gaze fell to the floor, and for the first time in a long while, Alastor Moody breathed out a sob. 

   “If I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change, I don’t… want you to die – not for something so dumb, not for anything. I worry about the fact that I’m unable to stop you from getting hurt or killed. And it’s so naïve, it’s so… stupid too. Yeah, I know that’s not how it works. I can’t stop you from doing whatever you want, that you’ve shown me, Dorcas. That doesn’t make it any easier to stop worrying.”  

Dorcas could feel the heat of Moody’s frustration, feeling herself becoming an Icarus. The wax of her resolve melting with every second she fueled the fire and soon enough she would come tumbling down to Earth. The slow dissolve was solely her fault and every part of her wanted to run. 

Run away from the disappointment, run away from the pity, run away from it all and all she could do was sit there. Even if only from the pain keeping her seated. Her world was burning from the inside out and she was starting to see, for the first time, that the world was not black and white. She had constructed this fantasy that she would leave a legacy and be everything she wanted, but every passing second made her realize that was never going to happen. The world has taken claim to make her forgotten. 

Dorcas wanted to continue to argue. She wanted to push the envelope. She wanted to throw things and yell and show Moody that he was not allowed to speak to her this way, but she couldn’t bring herself to fight anymore. She kept her head down as Moody yelled, bulldozed over her. “I never asked you to babysit in the first place, Moody. I--,” she started in a whisper as she wiped underneath her eyes. Shaking out her shoulders. Releasing the nerves until--

She could feel a ton hit her shoulders at Moody’s explosion. The tumble happening as he spoke. 

She knew that Moody had always felt a sense of responsibility for his employees, but she had never seen him confess to anyone else in the department that he cared about them. She knew how her coworkers and other order members perceived him.

They called him brash, cold, paranoid. She couldn’t deny that she had made those claims too, but this person before her was not that and she could feel every single insults and retort burn at her lips. The ash of her words escaping her and all she could was watch him as he let his own eyes cast to the floor.

Without a second thought, Dorcas mustered up all the energy she had in her body and stood up from the cot she had been using to form her own little island away from the man. Taking shuffling steps forward, Dorcas stepped into Moody’s space and wrapped her arms around the man’s waist and hugged him tightly. The sob that left the man’s lip resonated through the tiny room and she let her arms squeeze tighter. 

“I don’t want to die either, I don’t want it to change either,” she started as she continued to keep her arms around Moody. “I wanted to do something great and I’m sorry. I don’t want to pretend that the Death Eaters don’t have our names on a list of “Worst People In The Ministry”, but I don’t want you to die either,” she added, taking a deep sigh as she let silent tears fall down her cheeks. 

“I’m not leaving you, Moody. You might get bored without me, can’t leave you all alone with all those divs at the Ministry or the children in the Order. If you think I’m a handful, you should get to know James and Marlene more,” she said with a small chuckle as she pulled away. 

[misstanwyck]

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

daisyhooks-um‌:

It was such a nice feeling to see such a warm and familiar face in Dorcas, but it did seem that since the last time she’d seen her, her eyes had a hint of sadness or worry behind them. Sitting back down across from Dorcas, Daisy smiled, “A desk job? That sounds horrible. I’m sure you’re bored out of your mind. But it’s wonderful to see you as well, my dear! I’ve just been working away with Madam Malkin, researching for my book. I’ve been having a really great summer.”

She smiled at her friend as she scanned over the menu. Daisy couldn’t help but to remember James mentioning that Dorcas was recently at St. Mungo’s, and couldn’t help her curiosity, “So, James had mentioned you were in the hospital recently, are you alright?” She questioned, concerned for her, “If you had Lily taking care of you, I’m sure you’re just in tip-top shape now, though.”

Bending back in her chair, she made her order to the waiter that was navigating his way through the maze of chairs and tables. The constant fluctuation of volume in the tiny meant that Dorcas was playing her own dance with her seat, choosing to scoot closer to the strawberry blonde girl. Keeping a watchful eye on the door as she continued to let herself take a moment to relax. Allowing herself to take a second to let her lungs fill completely before releasing. 

“It has been a pain in the back. I spend all day just watching the other Aurors come and go from missions and I’m stuck filling out and filling their paperwork. The most tedious of every task we do in the department,” she complained as she slouched into the wooden chair. Reaching across the table to pat Daisy’s hand with a soft smile. 

“A rogue house elf attacked me. Mistaken identity, but the elf did a real number on me with the cruciatus curse will take you out for a good while,” she lied through her teeth. She wanted to confide in Daisy, tell her everything. Tell the truth. Rat out Malfoy, but she knew better.

Daisy didn’t need to get involved. 

“Lily definitely mended me back together. I don’t think she let any other healer touch James or I. She was fiercely particular about our treatment,” she said with a small chuckle. “Yes! The book! How is it coming along?” she asked, as she scooted a little closer to Daisy. 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

unchainedandromeda‌:

Her hand loosely wrapped around Nymphadora’s, Andromeda steps easily into the elevator, her free hand clutching the strap of her bag where it rests on her shoulder. No matter how many times she stepped foot in the Ministry, she couldn’t deny the anxiety that rested on her shoulders regarding who she may run into. The elevator moves quickly, before the doors spring open once more, and Dora tears her hand away from her mother, darting into the corridor. 

Softly cursing under her breath, knowing that Dora was only excited because visiting Daddy at work was a special event, Andi chases after her with as much dignity as she can muster, wincing at the sound of an angry voice. Andi feels a wave of both guilt and overprotection rush through her as she gazes upon the scene in front of her: parchment all over the floor, Dora standing mouth agape and bottom lip wobbling, and the poor witch who was barrelled into gathering up her parchment in anger. Ducking down to help, Andi keeps her voice low and steady, “I’m sorry, that was my fault. I didn’t have a firm enough grip on her hand,” she says, “But please don’t swear at my child.” 

When Dorcas’ eyes had come to face those of a toddler, her resolve all but fell when she saying the wobbling lip and teary eyes. She could feel the flip in her stomach when a stern voice filled her eyes, reminding her that everything did not stop when Dorcas refused to think more than ten seconds ahead of the current second, it was why Moody had all but dug some far into her and made her face the realities that was her stream of thought and reasoning. With a sigh, she stood up. Arms full of disorganized and wrinkled parchment, she looked at the ground with her own eyes filling with water. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-- I didn’t realize it was child, I have just been out of wack lately- I,” she started before she cleared her throat, letting herself over analyze her actions as she took a cautious step away from the woman in question. “I should be on my way,” she started before she held her hand out to the little girl before her, “I’m sorry, I yelled. Please forgive me?” she asked as she continued to fell water flood her eyes.

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

redandgoldenboy‌:

Sending a sly wink in Dorcas’ direction, James shifts himself once more, knowing that if he was to win this competition (and he was determined that he would), he needed to be in the best physical position to do so. He might utterly hate being trapped in St. Mungo’s, but he couldn’t deny that Dorcas made an excellent hospital roommate, and he was pleased with the chance to spend more time with her, even if it was under highly shitty circumstances for them both. Plus, he thought, it was nice to just muck around. They’d both had a rough time of it injury-wise, and while he hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, it was hard to ignore the complete and utter verbal evisceration she and Moody had shared a few days previous. Therefore, James had unintentionally made it his mission to cheer her up, one stupid game at a time. 

“I will never admit such a bold lie,” he says in a matter-of-fact manner, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth at her laughter. Sure, the Healers weren’t too pleased at the smoking and scorched sheets, but they’d fixed them up in the end.

Pulling the paper apart, one sheet at a time, James crumbles them into small balls, quickly accumulating a pile around his legs. “Sounds perfect to me,” he says cheerfully, watching where Dorcas places the two pans. “Left hand side is yours, right hand side is mine. We get equal amounts of paper Quaffles. No wands allowed, and you gotta toss them. Person with the most in their pan wins,” he explains in a voice not unlike his Captain voice, “And you gotta sit in your bed. If I’m bedridden, you’re bedridden. Sound good?”  

Dorcas winked back at James as she placed the bed pans into their respective locations, smiling as she strolled her way over to her goal and gave it a small twist to be more open to her. “A lie? Don’t forget who can walk Jamison. I can set your goal up to be against your best interest,” she teased as she continued to make paper quaffles and threw them onto her bed. 

“You might as well just be okay with me being a winner, because I know for a fact that I am betting your arse in this game. I am far too talented, Potter,” she continued to trash talk, letting herself miss the game of Quidditch solely for the trash talking. Thinking of the time when she played Quidditch for Hufflepuff. They weren’t the best team, but they were damn competitive and that trait had never left Dorcas after all these years. 

Dorcas conceded when she heard the rest of the rules. “Sounds good. I just want you to know that you are rigging this against me, my aim is shit when I’m sitting. I can’t get a good shot,” she joked before throwing one of her paper quaffles right into her goal. “Well, maybe I can make it,” she said as she stuck her tongue out at the boy across from her. Watching for him to make a shot, she laughed under her breathe. “Remember when you tried to take me on a date in fifth year?” 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

amxcuscarrow‌:

Amycus was not given to haunting the upper levels of the Ministry. 

It was a rare occasion that he would emerge from his office at all, during daylight hours. Even rarer when he would emerge blinking and bemused after a period of time that might have been two hours or a week, distracted by the itch at the back of his neck and an urge to wander. More often of late, his wanderings in the building took him past the Muggle Liaisons Office. A path that was loudly and aggressively obstructed by a cursing, spitting creature that erupted in a sea of departmental paperwork the moment they collided.

Amycus blinked, slowly, bemusedly, down at the sea of papers that had skidded across the hallway, the hostility radiating towards him otherwise ignored as he decisively, clinically circled his wand in a graceful curve that sent parchment fluttering into the air, filing one by one back into a single, orderly pile. He was nothing if not orderly. “I was,” he offered at length, mouthing the word pal as if he’d never heard it before or just wanted to feel the way it sounded before tucking his wand back up his sleeve and regarding the woman crouched over her paperwork with the distinct impression this was someone. Someone of importance, in the complicated hierarchy that was tangled up in his brain. He pulled on a thread in an attempt to place her, following the threads of an Auror relegated to desk duty and found at it’s center .. Lucius. Of course.

This was Lucius’s prey.  

Dull detachment gave way to a spark of interest, Amycus’s long fingers plucking absently at a loose thread in his sleeve. What had her name been — something whimsical and odd. His lip twitched, dark eyes cold and calculating as he reached up to smooth hair out of his eyes and back behind his ear. “Back at work so soon?”

Dorcas had all but felt the darkness cloud the tiled hallway when she had seen the man that she bumped into. She knew who he was. The entire Order would have recognized him from a mile away, but her foggy mind had put her at the vulnerable once more. Consumed with the possibilities and the nightmares, she hadn’t even noticed when Amycus Carrow had walked into her.

A long, cold shudder ran down her spine at his words. She had frozen in her position. Crouched below his eye line and she could feel a sense of recognition in his eyes. Fire spreading through her nerves, the uncontrolled anger letting a spark fly from her fingers.

“Listen here, you little basement dweller,” she shouted, springing up from her mess to get into the man’s face. “Do you want to say that again?”

Dorcas let her hand rest at her pocket, her fingers touching the rolled over fabric where her wand sat. She had already hexed one Death Eater and what was another to that list. Her heart was beating from her chest as she squared up to the man before her. Her eyes watching behind his head, waiting and hoping that not a soul walked down this hallway. 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

unspeakableprcwett‌:

He felt a wave of relief at Dorcas’ laughter. He wasn’t used to things feeling so dark with Dorcas, even on a mission. Usually because they were deeply irritating each other, but it had the same effect in the end. They were falling back into that pattern now, he thought, making a face at her, his eyes screwed up in pretend offence. Except for the moment when Dorcas kissed his cheek. That did not fit the pattern. He stilled, surprised, then recognised it for what it was. She was hurt and probably still frightened, he was familiar, a known ally and friend. It made sense that both had their guards down for once.  

He felt oddly touched that he could provide any comfort to Dorcas. He really wouldn’t have expected it, and squeezed her hand again. “I’m not sure if I’ve made you laugh or if you’re just laughing at me,” Fabian said ruefully, but with a growing smile. “All the same, this once, I’ll allow it. You’re not all bad, Meadowes. Dorcas,” he reverted quickly to her first name; considering she’d shown a level of vulnerability, Fabian felt he ought to do the same for once. As much as he’d tried to keep Dorcas at a distance, part of his determination to stay emotionally unattached to his fellow Order members, the truth was, he had already failed even though he had never shown it before. 

Sympathising with her barely audible statement, Fabian gave it a moment’s consideration, not wanting to give a thoughtless answer. “It’s a hard question, believe me, I’ve asked it too. But - either way we’re going to lose people, because they’re not going to stop.” His conversation with Bellatrix had made that clear. As much as he’d wanted to hope he could convince her there was a better way, she didn’t want it. She never had. That made his choices easy too. “If lives have to be lost, at least this way there’s some hope of justice along with it.”  He didn’t always feel the conviction so strongly, but right now, looking at Dorcas in her weakened state, he could. “Don’t worry, I’ll remind you of that when we’re partnered up. You should listen to me as the senior partner. There’ll be no losing faith on my watch.” 

“Listen to you? Fabian? The senior partner?” Dorcas laughed into her hand as she winked at the taller man. She couldn’t help but giggle into her hands as she rolled her eyes at him, in an endearing way. The eye roll more of an eye roll of disbelief than annoyance. “I’m more than sure that I have offered the plan that actually works more often than you have, sir. If you would have listened to me that one time, we would have had a successful mission, but no,” she continued to tease as she shook out the darkness that had settled in for a moments whisper of time. 

All the same, Dorcas still felt the pull to question. She didn’t understand why this specific incident had racked her to her core so horrifying. Dorcas had so desperately wished for a reasoning behind everything. Why would Malfoy go this far? Why would Moody chew her out? Why was she sleeping six feet from James? Why had it taken this long for Fabian to come visit her and with all her might, she couldn’t stop her lips from moving. 

“Why did you wait so long to come see me?” she asked, unabashed. Slapping her hands over her mouth, she shuddered. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I just... It's been a few days. I know we aren't the closet but I figured you would be on the team that came running, but-- never mind it's stupid," she whispered before pulling the sheets closer to her body. "Shall we stroll to the cafeteria. I have a very bad craving for something salty."

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

gryffinborn‌:

As much as Dorcas might be joking, Lily couldn’t cope with the thought of letting anyone else look after her. The more rational part of her mind told her that Dorcas would be better served by a Senior Healer, one who actually knew what they were doing, but when Lily looked at her friend, tear tracks on her face, she felt fiercely protective. It would probably pass eventually and her smarter side return, but for now, she clung on to Dorcas’ hand as if she would never let go. 

They might not be looking into each other’s faces, but she could still hear how sad Dorcas sounded, how guilty she seemed to feel and Lily hated it.  “You have no reason to feel responsible or to apologise. If anything, he should have reported you. Lost you your job. That would have been almost fair - although considering what he said, it’s obvious why he didn’t. It would have reflected just as badly on him. This will be worse, though. And we will get him for it,” Lily vowed, and then sighed, still relieved that it hadn’t been Bellatrix who had attacked Dorcas. Not that it made it any better, not that it changed how hurt Dorcas had been.  “My judgement really isn’t as good as you give me credit for, either.  This could have been my fault, you know - I almost thought it was. At least you only cursed a Death Eater … I saved one…” Lily admitted in a rush, glad now that she was holding Dorcas tightly rather than looking at her. 

She felt a swell of hope at Dorcas’ words - something to act on. The thing that made Lily feel the worst was if she was doing nothing. Anything was better than sitting back, looking on, as the Death Eaters did want they wanted and destroyed what they pleased. And now they had touched her friend, that made her even more determined. “Do you know who it was? We have to find them! I suppose the Aurors will be looking, but if I can help, you know I will.” 

Every second that passed felt like a millennium and she couldn’t stop the spiraling that her emotions was taking when every millisecond she bounced from anger and fear and hate and sadness. She was stuck in an endless loop of wanting to crumble and wanting to fight, but all she could was smooth out the frizzy bits at the end of Lily’s hair. The strands made yellow in the harsh light of St. Mungo’s. 

All the magic they could use in this establishment and not one spare thought was given to make the lighting less abrasive. 

Holding onto her best friend, Dorcas continued to let herself expel the thoughts and feelings. Words falling from her lips like vomit of the worst kind. A rambling that was uncontrolled. “I told Moody he should just fire me, because he’s tired of dealing with my “tantrums”. Can you believe that actual load of shit? Then he refused since he said I can’t be left to run around unsupervised,” she started as felt the cries start to calm as the annoyance took over. A small rage burning deep that she couldn’t let take fruition just yet. 

A small part of her wanted to scream and yell when Lily told her she had saved a Death Eater. Every thing in her wanted to pull away and tell Lily that she was doing the exact opposite of what they were trying to accomplish and here Lily was, letting the bad guys get the upper hand, letting the people like Malfoy and Lestrange to find a weak spot for them to weasel their way in and exploit it. 

She wanted to call her a fool but Dorcas just squeezed tighter. “It’s going to be okay, Lily. I swear to you, it’s going to be okay. We have to do what’s right or we end up just like them.” 

Dorcas’ heart fluttered thinking of Lily’s kindness, praying so desperately to a God she didn’t know existed to not let Lily’s kindness be the thing that hurt her. 

“I can’t ask you to go on a witch hunt, Lily. Dark times are ahead of us and I would rather settle this issue with Malfoy without the other Aurors. They can’t know, especially Moody. He’ll lose his top,” she said, whispering into Lily’s ear. Dorcas knew that every wall had a stray ear pressed to it. 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

open to: all.

Dorcas never shied away from a loud shoe. Almost everything she wore was heeled and when she walked the click of her heels echoed through the empty black tile halls of the ministry. Ever since the incident, Dorcas had been stuck on Moody’s desk day in and day out. Stuck filing paperwork for every small thing reported to the auror office. Smiling as the stray passerby, Dorcas kept the stack of files against her chest as she wanted the cracks in the cement. Her head down as she shuffled through. 

Dorcas continued through, taking sharp turn after sharp turn until she felt herself ram into another body. The papers flying through the air as she felt her own breathe escape from her lungs. “Fucking Christ,” she spat, bending to the ground to start grabbing the blanket of parchment that covered the tile breaks. “How about you watch were you’re going next time, pal,” she said, feeling the emotions that she had been bottling up since the incident starting to bubble into her throat. 

[prunight]

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

prunight‌:

Tati Gabrielle // Seventeen Magazine

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

magiicaleye‌:

Moody fell uncharacteristically quiet. He let out a sigh, shut his eyes tight, and let Dorcas’ words fall unto him like merciless hail during a storm. On the back of his eyelids, he saw himself, years and years prior, only a lanky kid. Growing up, he had spent little time with his own parents. They were mostly out on missions, testifying at trials, or guarding an important figure in the magical community. His memory was foggy, especially so given the hard blows he had been dealt in the events where he’d barely walked away unscathed or with a missing body part. But never, not once could he recall a time where he had had a tense discussion with his own father. With him, reprimanding had been far harsher, consisting of a gaze in which disappointment was sharp and able to felt to the core. If stares could kill, his father’s would’ve taken him out easily. And during the cruelly short time he had been allowed to spend with his own daughter, he had not managed to teach himself to effectively lead —- not as an auror, or a wizard, but as a father.  He was, in all sense and interpretations of the word, clueless. Lost. Helpless. 

   Now, finally opening his eyes, Moody silently pleaded to him. To anyone. To her, the one ghost whose presence loomed over him the most often. His fingers instinctively made their way over to his ring finger, toying with the metal band long worn-out and rusted. 

      Help me, he pleaded inside his head, to her. 

                             Help you with what? he could practically hear her snicker. She’d most likely take Dorcas’ side on this one. You’re the one who couldn’t keep his mouth shut, weren’t you? The one who just needed to be right all the time.

     His hands were curled into fists, and his arms crossed in front of him as he leaned against the wall. His eye could not meet hers. Not yet, at least. He could feel his nails digging crescent moons into his palms, and he let go just in time before they would begin sprouting crimson. 

   As he listened, he let every word swallow him whole. He let her go on as much as she desired, like a relentless, rebellious youth. He let every word brand onto his skin and burden him with anger and despair. He let it, for, in his eyes, victories were at times only worth it thanks to the suffering that led up to them.  

   “Me, Dorcas! Me! I already saw that getting your petty arse wiped out wasn’t even close to enough to slap some sense into you, so take me as your cautionary tale —- well, that is, if you choose to actually listen to what I’m saying this time around –” Moody exclaimed, his voice once more loud and upset– “I used to be like you. I thought I was entitled to doing whatever I bloody fancied, and that nothing would ever get back to me. I was a carbon copy of you, Dorcas, going around running my mouth off like a dolton, burying my nose where I shouldn’t have and pissing off the wrong people all while thinking that I was safe just because I knew a few spells here and there. But I was wrong; I was naïve and stupid, and so are you! You say you’re not a child but you keep acting up like one! So stop making a div out of yourself before you end up standing over a pile of corpses!”

  At this point in time, Moody held absolutely no regard for any passerby or staff that were able to overhear them. His temper could no longer be kept in check, and all frustration he had kept restrained inside of him these past months simply erupted. 

    Something inside of him halted and shook. Alastor Moody, the one who always needed to be right, the one who always had to have the last word, the one with all the answers knew the reply to her question. 

                           A friend. 

   “You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should’ve just let Malfoy snatch you, then I wouldn’t be here wasting my time talking to someone who’s got less common sense than a bloody toddler, Meadowes!” The man let out, each and every word uttered without so much as a second of forethought. He felt himself change; he felt himself turn young in the childish way he fought back with Dorcas, yet old at all the loss that came back to him all at once, and all the anger that left his whole self aching yet weakened. 

   “Oh, now you’re apologizing? How polite of you. Listen, Dorcas, whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me. You’re stuck with me, you heard me? I’m the one who pulled you out of that gutter when you couldn’t even move, and now I’m the only one here. I just got the shitty luck of having to put up with your – yes, your tantrum. I haven’t seen a single person walk in through that door–” he gestured over at the entrance, which seemed haunting in some sense – “not a friend, not even a family member. So where are these people you say you’d die for, huh?”

   Finally, he felt himself exhale. He wanted to call this a victory, simply for the sake of satisfying his childish, immature urge to always have the upper hand. His chest rose and fell quickly, and he felt the heat burden his face. A hand rested on his hip now, and the other to the side. He said nothing for a moment as if this were all but a game of chess and he was analyzing his arsenal before making a move. 

   “Nothing would make me happier than to fire you right now,” he groaned, shaking his head. The man smiled as if to show how much he was savoring the option. “But that’d be the most blatantly stupid decision I could make; that’d just enable you to run around unsupervised, and we both know how that turned out. No, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. You’ll stay right where you are, and you’ll have to report back to either me or Kingsley twice as often. You’ll be banned from taking on fieldwork for a month —- see how you like taking care of paperwork only in the meantime.” Then, finally, he walked somewhat closer to her, lowering his voice which still surprisingly contained the rage of the man–  “And until you prove the rest of us otherwise, you won’t be allowed to go on any missions on your own. You’ll have to partner or group up, and you better not get any ideas during any of the operations. Is that all clear?”

Dorcas would be lying if she said that everything that Moody was saying didn’t cut her deeply. Every single word digging deeper than the last as she could feel the anger starting to bubble and dissipate as she held her tongue. She knew that she was walking the tightest rope and the thinnest ice but she couldn’t just sit by in silence as the man she called her boss, ripped into her. She knew the risks of what she did and was not fighting those, but she didn’t know the meanings of her own actions and she had no idea how to make that more clear to Moody that while he may see her in him, they are fundamentally different.

Diametrically opposed.

Keeping her own defensive stance against Moody, Dorcas tried to keep her body unmoving. Trying to look directly into the hurricane that was building inside Moody. She winced when he started to yell once more, the booms echoing off the walls and all she could was think of what everyone outside of the room thought at the screaming and why no healers had come in to try and stop the situation. The world beyond the door was completely uncaring of what was happening.

Yet, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks when she felt the insults burn across her brain. She wasn’t naïve, she wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t what Moody wanted to assign to her, but the want to fight back on that notion was gone. She didn’t know how often she would have to tell him, but in his eyes, she was him. She just scoffed and shook her head, using the wall behind her back to keep her upright during the fight.

“Oh yeah! Well, I wish that you didn’t get to come and find me either! Anyone else in our entire department would have been better than you. If I would have known I would have ended up being patronized, I would have just begged for Malfoy to kill me,” she screamed back at him. She knew deep down in her heart that she didn’t mean it. She was grateful that Moody was there. She just couldn’t let him know that.

“Don’t you dare speak out of turn about my family!” Dorcas yelled, sitting further up in the hospital bed, “You have zero right to speak of my family as if you have any clue of who those people are! If you want to keep talking this shit about my family and friends then bend over, I’ll show you where my shoe can fit,” she pushed at her current volume. Her chest rose and fell with each small breathe. Her age showing more and more with each word she spoke. “I’m sure the news hasn’t reached them since I haven’t had a free moment alone since I got here! I’ve gone from being surrounded by healers to this! You.. You lecturing me like you have truly any authority over me when we’re outside of work!”

Letting herself rip her eyes away from Moody, she shook her head at all of the requirements that she would have to abide by from now on. “This is hardly the worst thing that an Auror has done! Just last week, Zuiderweg completely flipped his mission and got his stupid arse exposed! This is asinine and you know it!” she started, “Why are you so paranoid!? Even if I wanted to do anything on those missions, I’m sure the ass kissers would just rat me out anyway. You have far too many brown nosers in this office,” she complained, pulling the sheets over her body as angry tears slipped down her checks but she rubbed them away quickly. Not wanting to spill more tears over Malfoy or Moody.

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

gryffinborn‌:

Lily let herself relax for a brief moment as she hugged Dorcas. Dorcas was safe, alive, the worst hadn’t happened. As afraid she felt, that at least gave her pure relief. The worst hadn’t happened. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’ll all healed in no time,” Lily whispered in Dorcas’ ear before her friend pulled back. The smile she gave was no different from all the ones Lily had received through years of friendship and yet Lily’s heart broke to see it. Dorcas looked tired, not quite broken, but certainly damaged. She was afraid that this would forever change her, no matter how strong Dorcas was trying to look. 

In an instant, Dorcas’ facade crumbled, falling back into Lily’s arms. While she could no longer see her, Lily could feel the sobs shaking Dorcas’ body. Her own eyes stinged - she hadn’t cried yet but seeing Dorcas collapse like this was so impossibly hard. Especially her words. “Don’t blame yourself,” Lily whispered, holding her tighter. “That’s not fair. And I wasn’t right. I didn’t for a moment think he’d do this. It’s completely inhuman. He’s the one who should pay. And he will.” 

Her own falling tears were blinding her vision, but she could see Malfoy’s face perfectly clearly in her mind. They had to do something, if the Aurors wouldn’t. That was the point of the Order, to fight back. No, part of her thought, to defend. But it was the same thing, wasn’t it?  “I believe you. And if they don’t do something, we will. I don’t know what, but I promise, Dorcas. All of them will see justice. All of them. You’re not alone in this, even if the Ministry is too blind to see it.” She couldn’t sit by and watch Dorcas feel guilty for her choices when Lily had made far worse. No, they were in this together, no matter what. 

Dorcas started to feel consumed by the darkness that had placed itself in her chest and all she could do was listen to Lily have to be the strong one. Dorcas was the strong one, she was supposed to be the one that could anything and everything. All she felt now was this weird sense of loss of who she was. Dorcas was the unmoving, she wasn’t rocked and yet her she was, feeling like a rock slide was pushing her further and further into the Earth until she completely fell victim to the weight. “I know you’ll take good care of me. I trust your capable hands to get me back up and throwing hexes in no time,” Dorcas joked as she ran her fingers underneath her eyes to catch the stray tear.

Dorcas couldn’t deny that she felt safe in the redhead’s arms, the loving touch of a friend could make the worst of the pain go away with every subtle point of pressure that Lily squeezed into her skin and she couldn’t help but cuddle into Lily with each second of touch. “But you were, Lils. It’s okay to be right. He’s a wild animal, a pyscho. I knew one day he would try and hex me back, but I didn’t think he would go this far. I’m so sorry, Lils.” she confessed once more as she continued to let Lily hug her, her own arms around the woman’s waist.

Dorcas nodded her head against Lily’s shoulder as she felt a small pride fill her heart at the fire in Lily’s soul grow with every word. “Lily, you’re amazing. Do you know that?” she started as she pressed a soft kiss to Lily’s forehead. “I think... I think a passerby could have saw Malfoy, but I have no clue. It’s my word against his and I wouldn’t be a reliable source because of the pain from the curse,” she said as she held onto Lily’s hand.

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

unspeakableprcwett‌:

Typical that even under the worst conditions Dorcas would keep up her brave attitude. Others in her situation might have felt weak and sorrowful but Dorcas still had composure, even humour, enough to hold her head high no matter what. Fabian admired her for it, and didn’t want to break it, deciding then and there not to press her too hard. “I suppose it’s a good thing you’re sticking around to save me from such a fate, then, isn’t it?” He wasn’t one to lecture anyway, contrary to whatever reputation he might have as the sensible Prewett twin. Besides, it was most likely that Moody had already been round to give Dorcas an earful. 

He had never seen her in a moment of weakness before, their friendship really too new for that. They were more likely to antagonise each other than anything else. It surprised Fabian, to hear her so gentle and sorrowful. It wasn’t the way they were around each other, but he supposed he had started it the moment he’d reached out. After a moment’s surprise, he returned the hug, squeezing back fiercely. “Come on, you don’t need to apologise. Especially not to me. If you knew half of the stupid things I’ve done in my life, you’d be wondering how I ever got the Sorting Hat to let me into Hogwarts, let alone Ravenclaw. You did what you thought was right. That’s what’s brought us all together in the first place. How can I blame you for something I’d have done myself?” he asked, pulling back to look Dorcas in the eyes. 

That was probably true enough, Fabian had been known to act on emotions rather than rational thought more often than he’d have liked. It didn’t make the outcome of this any better, but he hoped she’d be comforted by the thought. It could have happened to any of them. 

Dorcas knew that everything was so damn complicated now. She had bared her soul to just about anyone who would listen and she knew that it would bite her in the arse one day, but she couldn’t help but confide in everyone that came to see her. She needed to release guilt from her chest and all she could was let it spill out like a flood from her lips. Everything that she could throw at Fabian, she did and with every syllable the guilt left but the shame built. Yet, she couldn’t help but let a smile laugh leave her lips when Fabian spoke of his own stupidity. 

“I wonder every day of how you got into Ravenclaw. I’m pretty sure you are the only person who functions normally at an IQ of 30,” she teased as she continued to hug the man before her. Pulling away while he did, she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, before giving him a wet smile. “I do have to say, Fab. You’re the only person, besides James, that has made me laugh while I’ve been here... Thank you, Fabian,” she said, using his full name instead of a dumb nickname she placed upon him. “Sometimes I wonder if we are doing the right thing, though. Is justice really worth all the people we lose at the end of the day,” she whispered out to herself, as her eyes downcast to her legs. 

“Moody’s banned me from doing anything on my own, so looks like we’ll be partnered up again,” she teased, trying to dispel all of the dark thoughts that were starting to brew in her brain, the once colorful landscape becoming black as night. 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

marles-mckinnon‌:

Marlene wasn’t even shocked to hear Dorcas’ actions - in fact, she was colored impressed, her friend’s choices not very far from what Marlene herself would’ve done in that situation. She even let out a celebratory bark of a laugh at the mental image that was Lucius Malfoy, scalped to a stark white cueball in the middle of the Forbidden Forrest. “I wouldn’t say that was a bad thing - a stupid thing, but definitely not bad,” she chuckled under her breath before letting Dorcas resume. 

“No one’s going to do anything to me,” Marlene replied sharply as Dorcas kissed her nose, a firmness dripping off every word, “Don’t even think about me, you know I can take care of myself. You should be resting, you’re lucky –” She paused for a moment, not sure if she wanted to breach the topic of James, deciding Dorcas would learn soon enough and not wanting to add to her burdens for now. “You and me, we’ll figure this out, we’ll get him back,” she continued with a nod, her arms reaching to wrap around Dorcas’ body, pulling the other woman impossibly closer in an attempt to comfort. An exhaustion was beginning to creep into her bones, and Marlene stifled a yawn with the back of her hand.

Dorcas couldn’t help the little giggles that left her lips at Marlene’s reaction to her unloading the secret on her. She wished that Marlene could have been there to see Malfoy’s head and his reaction when he realized what the woman had done to him. Blonde hair littering the floor of the Forbidden Forest is something that Dorcas will never forgot, nor the pride that she felt by besting the man that some had come to fear. She rested her forehead on Marlene’s shoulder as she signed when she felt her body release some of the tension it was holding. The fear dissipating with every word her best friend spoke.

Dorcas felt herself crumble in Marlene’s hold, nerves pulsed through her body at the contact but she couldn’t pull away and all she needed was the reassurance and the hold. Her heart yearning for the comfort that could only be provided by her best friends and she was happy to let them give it to her this time. 

“I can’t let you get hurt, Marly. I can’t. If you help me, if something goes awry I want to take off. No questions. If there is anyway they get indication of who you are, you have to run. I can’t drag you into my mess, I won’t do it,” she rushed out as she continued to cuddle into the woman who more often than not was always doing the comforting and never being comforted. Watching her yawn, Dorcas frowned. “You look sleepy, my love. Go home. Get some sleep, I don’t want to keep you awake.” 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

daisyhooks-um‌:

@msmeadowes

Scribbling in her notebook always meant Daisy was nervous. But why was she nervous? She was excited to see an old friend, her best friend for her entire childhood, and excited to interview her for her book. There was no need to be nervous. Yet here she was, just scribbling away with her signature holographic-foil wrapped pencil in her book while she was waiting on Dorcas. Perhaps it was because they were in such a public setting, here at the Leaky Cauldron, but a nice lunch date was something the pair definitely needed.

As the old door creaked it’s way open and Dorcas had entered, all of her nerves went away. Daisy stood from her chair quickly, with a smile on her face, “Dorcas! So nice to see you!” She embraced her before sitting back down, “How’ve you been, you must be so busy with work! Please, catch me up!”

Dorcas hadn’t been out since she was released from St. Mungo’s, the smallest of irrational fears had kept her coped up inside her flat. She only left to go between her home and work and even then, she disapperated from her door step. The sickening feeling anytime walked past with a dark cloak or even the slightest inkling of platinum blonde hair. She was acutely aware that some people had heard about what happened and could see the tell tale scars on her hands and arms being cut from cobblestone. 

Pushing the creaky door of the all too familiar Leaky, Dorcas let her eyes scan across the entire pub before the landed on the strawberry blonde head of her Hogwarts sister. Smiling, she waved back at the woman before pulling out a car and sitting across from her. “Work has been busy. I’m stuck at a desk for the time being so the days have been so long, but it’s so wonderful to see you Daisy! What have you been up to?” 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

redandgoldenboy‌:

Gruntling slightly with the strain of tugging the curtain across, without actually getting out of his bed, James mentally cheers for himself as the material finally moves along the rod, tucking it carefully behind the head of his bed. He honestly didn’t know how long-term patients could stand it in this hospital. He’d only been here a few weeks and he felt like he was going mental, let alone months at a time. Of course, he supposed, maybe it would help if he was allowed walk around. He certainly couldn’t deny the waves of jealousy that filled him when Dorcas was escorted from the room, but he was not about to lower himself to begging them to take him too.

Smirking widely at Dorcas, James scoffs under his breath, “I don’t talk in my sleep, thank you. One of the boys would have told me,” he remarks, shifting himself so that he’s sitting more upright, wishing he was allowed to even bend his injured leg. “That was a fluked win, and you know it.” 

Contemplating his choices, as he hadn’t even thought about what he and Dorcas could do before he had grabbed her attention, James spies the copy of the Prophet, abandoned on a chair on the other side of the room. “Reckon you can grab that paper over there? And then we need two bedpans,” he points, knowing Dorcas was bound to think him out of his mind, as he grins madly, “It’s time for the seminal event; Hospital Quidditch World Cup: Chaser Edition.”

Dorcas felt little giggles start to escape her lips as she watched the boy that she had come all too familiar with. Her eyes flittering between his face and his leg, she knew what had happened to him from gossiping healers. Her heart sat heavy every time she remembered that what could have happened to her could have been worse. She got away with maybe a small scar from a cut that would fade with time, but James would have a reminder until the day he died of what Bellatrix did and all she could do was wish that one day, she would have her chance to give Bellatrix a taste of her own medicine. When the woman had shown up in her truest fashion and continued to make a threat at James. Dorcas tried to muster all the courage to hex the witch before her, but the courage was gone before it could even manifest and the Lestrange woman knew it. 

Scoffing slightly, Dorcas fully sat up as she watched where James ran his eyes to and she couldn’t help but smirk back at him. “James, it was definitely not a fluke win! I won fair and square. I’m just better than you, admit it,” she teased back at him as she continued to let herself blush and laugh for the first time in a few days and actually meaning her laughs. 

Standing up from her bed, Dorcas grabbed the bed pans and the copy of Daily Prophet. Laughing, she handed the paper to James before standing between their beds and looking around the room. “Chaser edition? Well then we should place these goal posts where they’ll be hardest to get to. Maybe one up in the corner on the ceiling and the other in the opposite corner? What are the rules, Potter?” she teased as she, wandless and wordless, levitated the bed pans with a quirk in her hip. 

[msmeadowes-obliviate]

❤️

FRIENDS.   childhood friends  /  work friends  /  family friends  /  recently friends  /  turning antagonistic  /  turning into something romantic  /  stable  /  falling apart  /  friendship of need  /  friendship of circumstance  pen - pals or internet friends  /  coworkers  /  partners  /  other .

ROMANCE.   childhood sweethearts  /  newly entered  /  soulmates  /  skinny love  /  unrequited from my muses side  /  unrequited from your muses side  /  friends with benefits  /  awkward  /  fading  /  turning  toxic  /  toxic  and  destructive  /  other .

FAMILIAL BOND.   sibling bond  /  older sibling figure to your muse  /  younger sibling figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal  guardian  /  other .

ENEMIES.   dangerous to themselves  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  passionate  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into a sexual tension  /  developing into a romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based of misunderstandings or lies  /  other .