borderlines & aliens

they say i'm a WALKING DREAMER baby. if i stop, they would make the show.

[mspigtails-blog]

this account is officially done xoxoxo

[gogettermatlin]

“Wait, what…” Katie stammered out, her own eyes widening. The other girl’s obvious excitement caused an internal twisting. She couldn’t bring herself to disappoint her. “I-I.. yeah, I mean– yeah,” she lied, internally slapping herself. It was only a white lie, but still one no less. “First time…” She grabbed at a smile and her gaze averted to the floor. “So uh… how was I,” Katie blurted, genuinely curious as to how it had been. She may not have been a virgin as she’d just said, or implied rather, but it had been her first time with a girl. The logistics of it wasn’t lost on her. Nevertheless she doubted herself.

[mspigtails-blog]

If Imogen had been thinking rationally, she might have caught on to just how weird Katie was reacting to her statement -- but of course, she wasn’t. She hadn’t thought about her first time in too much detail, but the idea that she would share it with someone else who was also having their first time was really something special to her. It was even better that it was Katie. Her smile widened and suddenly she was much more confident than she had been moments prior. Taking her hands in hers, she swung them gently. “I couldn’t have imagined it any other way, Katiekins. Seriously. If I could relive that night over and over, I would.”

[wnq-writers]

She’s something odd and uncertain, half of her was made of stars, full of death and filled with light; her other half was made of scars, full of life and filled with darkness.

VàZaki Nada (via wnq-writers)

[gogettermatlin]

Much to her dismay, Katie’s breath caught n the back of her throat. Hardly anything at all, and she was on edge. Though, Katie knew it wasn’t really nothing. Regardless of what they’d both just disclosed, she’d always known Imogen was a bit more shy with certain things. “– yeah, I was.” Unsure of what Imogen was getting at, her brows furrowed. “You were– incredible. I mean it was… ” she gave earnestly. And if she wanted to again, Katie would be more than susceptible. Only this time she lacked the courage to go there herself. “That was definitely a first for me,” she rambled, suddenly feeling anxious.

[mspigtails-blog]

Imogen suddenly felt silly for even posing the question, but truthfully, it had been wrecking her brain for so long now. She needed to know whether or not it was the same for Katie as it was for Imogen. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure if she was okay in the moment, but that was all because her nerves had gotten the best of her. Looking back on it now, the thought still made her heart race. “I--” she began, but instead, she only giggled. That was certainly a compliment she had never received before, nor had she ever expected to -- especially after her first time. Shooting a quick look at her, her eyes widened. “Wait, you mean, you’re a virgin? Or -- were?” Completely oblivious to what Katie actually meant, she was almost too excited about the idea that she and Katie shared that together. Of course, she was completely missing something. 

[quotethat]

Because when something happens, she’s the person I want to tell. The most basic indicator of love.

(via yruos)

[gogettermatlin]

Katie found the whole rambling thing endearing. Her brows raised a smidgen, and a faint grin became apparent. “Me, too,” she confessed, mentally kicking herself for giving Imogen that much. The less she knew, the more power Katie possessed for herself. It was simple enough. “Goofball,” she repeated, not at bothered– just surprised. It was hardly a name others would use for her. Nodding her head, she understood. Generally when there was a ‘move’ to be made, she was under the influence of something– mostly Oxycontin. “I’m not really the greatest either,” Katie whispered, suddenly wishing she’d gotten high. Her nerves would have subsided, and her lips would already be on Imogen’s. Despite her hands being shaky, Katie reached out– catching the nape of her neck. Blue orbs flicker between their darker counterpart and the soft awaiting mouth of her former friend. Imogen’s name surfaced just as she closed the remaining distance between them. 

[mspigtails-blog]

Hearing that Katie was in the same position as her put her at ease -- but only slightly. This was all still so new and confusing to her that she didn’t know what to do with those feelings, especially the ones that somehow made it hard to breathe whenever she was this close to Katie.  “Well, we can be bad together?” she offered with a small smile, barely holding her breath as she continued to pray that Katie would make the move. If that were the case, she could handle the rest. Just maybe. Her body remained still as Katie leaned in to her, only moving her lips against Katie’s for the first few moments until she got the nerve to place her hand on the other girl’s thigh. It seemed like a safe enough place to venture. Breaking the kiss quickly, she looked back at Katie now. “What we did that night..” she began in a soft voice, “Were you okay?”

[gogettermatlin]

Furrowing her brows, a wave of confusion engulfed her– making her its hostage. Just as everyone else, Katie had merely assumed that Imogen was gay. Unless that’s not what she’d meant, in which case, she was still baffled. Regardless, it was impossible to not be incredibly flattered. Still, she offered her hand a gentle squeeze. Katie always knew the right things to say; except when it truly mattered. “I like being the reason,” she admitted in a small voice. Both from an emergence of want and minute nervousness, she caught the edges of her lips between her teeth. “Does that mean you still want to– now?” Because Katie really wanted to kiss her; even if it meant only bringing them further disorder and uncertainty.

[mspigtails-blog]

Everything seemed so silent as Imogen sat next to Katie, her hand in hers. She had no idea what to expect from this conversation. Her head tilted down as Katie said she was glad she was the reason -- there was plenty more she could explain, but she knew now probably wasn’t the time. “My whole body is tingling and I feel funny and--” Her words were running together as she tried to quickly ramble through it all, as if that would somehow put her at ease. Realizing her entire face was a shade of red, she looked back at Katie and shrugged her shoulders. “What do you think, goofball?” she questioned, a small smile forming on her lips now. “Of course I do. I’m just -- I’m not goo at making those kinda moves. It’s scary.” 

[wnq-music]

She’s got everything she needs, she’s an artist, she don’t look back…She can take the dark out of the nighttime…

Bob Dylan, “She Belongs to Me” (via wnq-music)

[gogettermatlin]

They weren’t friends. It wasn’t anything new as they hadn’t been in years. Nevertheless, she familiarized herself with an unsuspected sting. Imogen’s honesty pained her. But she hadn’t been wrong. “No, we’re not,” she rhetorically acknowledged. Maybe there was a part of her holding out. Oftentimes she wanted the two to one day become friends again. While, the rationalist in her knew otherwise. Imogen had only further added to the expectation. Katie’s brows furrowed but her hand remained in its place. It took a second to catch up. She had however just before an explanation was given. “Maybe partly,” she earnestly spoke, though everything else still held some validity. Katie had planned to not have a relationship or anything of the sort this year. Male or female, it hadn’t been an option. Her focus was solely on Stanford.  “I just– I don’t even know if I like girls, or if you’re some kind of exception. I know sexuality isn’t black and white, but– I’ve never even thought about…,” she shook her head, hoping Imogen was on the same page this once. “Just you.” Nipping at the inside of her cheek, Katie shyly brushed a loose stand of her hair from face; careful to not knock her glasses “Stay then,” she whispered, not getting any closer– trying to respect her boundaries.

[mspigtails-blog]

Part of Imogen almost wished that Katie would fight her on it, that she would tell her she was wrong and that ‘friends’ is exactly what they should be, but of course, that wasn’t likely. Even for a wishful dreamer like Imogen, she knew better. Things would never be like they once were, not even close. She sat up a bit, listening closely to what Katie was trying to make sense of to herself. It was clear that she had been wrecking her brain trying to figure this out recently, but she hadn’t seemed to come to a conclusion. That was okay -- this kind of thing wasn’t simple to come by at all. Imogen herself knew how true that was. Moving her free hand to the back of her neck, she rubbed it, thinking it over for a moment. “And I...” she began, taking a deep breath as she stared back at her. “...I don’t even know the answer to all of that, not even for myself. But I do know that you’re the reason I even thought there was more to this than just.. boys and girls together. If I didn’t kiss you that day, I don’t know where I’d be. And if I didn’t kiss you the other day, then.. I’d still be wishing I had.”

[mspigtails-blog]

“Adam Torres! My very own prince charming!” Imogen shouted, spotting the boy across the hall and quickly shuffling over to him, slipping her arm just under his and wrapping them together. “We’ve finally made it to senior year! -- or, well, you did, this is all déjà vu to me!” she chuckled, biting her lip as she stared back at him. So badly she wanted to kiss him, especially after she had spent the last few days thinking about their short moments in the back of the van at summer camp. “Are you ready to take on the world together, you and I?” 

[wnq-writers]

But you see, there is a graveyard in my mouth, filled with words that have died on my lips.

ribsnroyals (via wnq-writers)

[gogettermatlin]

Katie swallowed hard. It was a though Imogen had just reprimanded a small child. Apologies did them no good, because nothing changed. Katie returned to her life; only without Imogen in it. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t sorry for it. The raven haired girl was selfish. Anything that derailed her plans; or in this case, went against everything she’d envisioned for herself– she’d do away with it. Having Imogen this close however made it impossible to push her away. Despite what she truly felt, Katie wanted to tell her that it was all a mistake– that they were nothing. It would be easier than the alternative. “I don’t know what we are, Imogen,” she spoke earnestly. “I know that friends don’t kiss like we did or…” she trailed off. “I don’t know how to balance even the prospect of us…” To demonstrate her point, she took Imogen’s hand. “And everything I have at school. I can’t let anything distract me from what I need to get done but… I like what we had. And I like that you’re here.”

[mspigtails-blog]

Imogen tried to prepared herself for what was to come, knowing that either way it went, she could never fully be prepared at all. Of course Katie didn’t have an answer for her, but why should Imogen expect her to when she didn’t have an answer either? If Katie were to say she wanted to be with Imogen -- fully and completely -- Imogen still wouldn’t know whether she should accept it or not. A relationship with Katie didn’t seem plausible, whether it was a friendship or more. The two never seemed to be on the same page, at least not anymore. “We definitely aren’t friends,” she confirmed, “With or without the kissing...” she added, gulping to herself as she nervously looked back towards Katie. Looking down as their hands connected, she wanted to only focus on this, but her words weren’t making it so easy. “Is it because you don’t want to be...” The sentence went unfinished, at least for now, as she closed her eyes. She knew it probably wasn’t as simple for Katie to accept as it was herself, and she had to respect that. “..you know, um.. like me? Liking.. girls?” she went on, shaking her head. “I don’t want to be a distraction, either. That’s the last thing I want. I just.. want to be here, with you. Simply.”

[katsmoving]

let the wolf of inside you out, girl, howl your grief to the moon until your voice cracks, bare your fangs at those who’d dare touch you, sink your teeth into the flesh of those who’ve harmed you, show the world you are more than fear itself, you are the dark magic in the shadows of the night, no one can touch you, for you are more than a wolf, you are death in its sweetest form.

and death itself cannot die // k.s. (via worthystevie)

[gogettermatlin]

Katie’s brows knitted together, but she said nothing outright. Perhaps they were both a lot safer with adequate distance between them. “It’s probably really lumpy up here anyway,” she rattled off, mostly to appease Imogen. Although, in some respect it was to calm the roaring calamity around them. “You know since I sleep up here.” More and more, she wished she’d caved to her longing– being high would certainly prevent any further awkwardness. If she was surprised by Imogen’s question, it didn’t show. Her head titled to the side in a way that said ‘well’. Her answer hadn’t come immediately. Not that it could as the other girl stammered out a string of words. “It’s okay, it’s a fair question, Moren– Imogen.” And it was, with everything surrounding them at least. “I just– I don’t know exactly. I felt compelled. Honestly though, I really wanted you to know how sorry I am.” She’d behave poorly in the last weeks, and her curiosity was piqued by what Imogen hadn’t said herself.

[mspigtails-blog]

Imogen stared blankly back at her as the realization of just how uncomfortable this was sank in. It shouldn’t have been, not after what they went through -- but that’s exactly why it was uncomfortable. Her eyebrows raised as Katie apologized. She was conditioned to not believe that word. It was always coming from her mother, after every time she swung her fist or shoved her. And now Katie had started repeating the word continuously too, it seemed. Yet she would only ever fall back into the same routine, and it made Imogen more and more nervous. All she wanted was her friend back, and she was beginning to see hope for that.. and hope for more than that, too. But with how wishy-washy she had been, she wasn’t sure where they stood. “I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry,” she said, speaking softly as she looked up at her. Pushing her glasses up on her face, she sighed. “I want to know where you stand. Or.. where we stand, or whatever. I have no idea what’s going on. Are we friends? Are we not? Are we something else?” Gulping, she held her hand out, hoping Katie would take it. “I deserve to know that much.”

[atypicalhipstaa]

[bluesartgent]

[gogettermatlin]

Katie had given her word. It was her alone that mention any sense of sobriety. Simply knowing that Imogen was on her way made her jittery. Just within her nightstand, something that had brought her great comfort could be found. But she wouldn’t. Whatever it was that the bespectacled girl had wanted to discuss, Katie would give her honest self. Despite the endless hours they’d spent together, this was much scarier. Without the added courage, she didn’t know how to act– or feel. While her nerves were racked, she paced around the room incessantly. Chatter could be heard on the other side of her wall. Maya and whatever ditzy friend of hers was there. Of course, that only meant she’d be left alone with Imogen– which was daunting. Brought out of her thoughts, her focus went on the window. Katie immediately hopped back on her bed as though she hadn’t spent the previous moments in a panic. Uncharacteristically an actual grin, one in the truest form, spread across her face. “Yes, that you are here,” she retorted in amusement. Imogen’s overzealous nature actually made this a bit easier. “Come sit.” Katie patted the bed beside her. Though straightaway, thoughts of the last time they were together in her bed flooded. Gulping, she tried to rid herself of them but it was next to impossible.  

[mspigtails-blog]

Imogen hesitated, looking past Katie at the bed and remembering all that had happened last time they were here. It was admittedly one of her favorite nights, one that she definitely thought about most often. Katie was right when she had mentioned it being an escape for her, but that wasn’t why it happened. It was just a bonus to it all. “Sure!” she perked up, trying to act as if it didn’t phase her at all. She took a seat on Katie’s bed, leaving plenty of distance between her and the other girl. Almost a strange amount, now that she looked down at it, and her nerves built up. Quickly standing back up, she looked back down at Katie, her face flushing red before she sat down again -- this time, a reasonable distance from Katie. Much closer. “Sorry.. more comfortable here,” she murmured, looking back at Katie now. “So why’d you ask me to come here?” she finally asked, though she shook her head and waved her hand in front of her. “No! Wait! I mean.. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”