sleepyhead

Sleepyhead. Yes, I am.

[aliciallw]

[mssleepyhead]

[mssleepyhead]

[mssleepyhead]

[mssleepyhead]

[mssleepyhead]

[mssleepyhead]

[mssleepyhead]

[juansendizon]

[romanticnihilists]

[thegirlwhocrieswolf]

What lessons did you learn this year? xo Lang

Sea of Strangers

[poemswords]

[marcelosantosiii]

I have those lutang moments

Tulad ng isang styropor na naligaw sa gitna ng dagat, ang buhay ko ay palutang-lutang. 

Sumasabay sa agos ng buhay. Minsan nakatitig lang sa alon pero hindi gumagalaw. Hindi kumikilos. Walang ginagawa. 

Alam ninyo yung pakiramdam na mayroon kang gustong gawin at mayroon kang kailangang gawin pero hindi ka makagalaw. Para bang na-sting ka ng isang jellyfish na sa sobrang sakit, hindi mo na maipadyak ang mga paa mo?

Hindi ko alam kung paano magsisimula. 

O magpatuloy.

Napakaraming factor ang gumugulo sa akin, sa atin. Na nalilito tayo kung saan lalangoy, kung paano lumangoy at minsan, kung paano ba lumutang sa tubig.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta.

Doon ba sa kabilang isla? Sa pampang? Sa daungan ng mga malalaking barko?

Noong bata ako, excited akong lumangoy. Minsan nga. pinupunan ko na lang ng tubig ang pulang batsa na ginagamit ng tita ko sa paglalaba. Masaya na ako doon. Nagtatampisaw. Nagpapalamig.

Ngayon, hindi na ako makangiti sa gitna ng dagat. Nalulunod na ako, hindi sa tubig na galing sa Dagat Pasipiko, kundi sa karagatan ng responsibilities, expectations, insecurities, kaba at takot.

Mahirap yung ganito. Siguro dahil hindi na ako bata, kaya wala nang mas matanda sa akin na nagsasabi ng umahon ka na diyan, baka magkasakit ka o huwag mong paglaruan yang hose, sayang ang tubig. Kahit may mga tao sa paligid mo, sarili mo pa rin naman ang kikilos at magdedesisyon.

Naiintindihan ko na yung mga magulang ko, tito at tita, kung bakit sila nahihirapan noon. Kung bakit nagpapasaway pa ako sa kabila ng pagod nila sa trabaho, kung bakit nasasaktan nila ako kapag sinasagot ko sila nang pabalang. Well, deserve ko naman kasi talaga ang masinturon at makaluhod sa asin.

Hindi na ako bata.

Hindi na ako bumabata. Regalo na sa akin kung makakatawa pa ako o makakangiti sa kabila ng mga nangyari, mangyayari, responsibilidad at expectation sa sarili. Mahirap i-sustain ang happiness ah. Siguro dahil introvert ako kaya nasasabi ko ‘to pero sa tingin ko, halos lahat tayo, magdaraan sa ganitong stage. Kung saan para tayong isang styropor na palutang-lutang sa dagat. Hindi alam kung saan aanurin. Hindi alam kung saan mapapadpad.

[juansendizon]

“Healing is not always soft clothes, a bubble bath with scented candles, acoustic music, and black coffee. Sometimes healing is boring. Sometimes healing is sleeping early, taking your medications at the right prescribed time, cleaning your room, taking mindful afternoon walks and meditating at least ten minutes per day. Healing is not always a magical moment you get from watching a Ted talk or reading an online self-help article. Sometimes healing isn’t glamorous. Sometimes healing is simply doing the boring work that takes daily practice, self-control, and strong commitment because it’s not something that happens overnight. Sometimes you simply have to take a step back and cleanse yourself from technology every once in a while and discover parts of yourself that you can cultivate into helping you survive that next panic attack. Healing is not always as exciting as looking at the stars but focusing on your progress and making serious efforts in taking care of yourself as you remember to breathe will eventually lead you to a place where you can find some beauty in your road to recovery.”

— Juansen Dizon, Healing Is Boring 

[mssleepyhead]

Wishing for other people's happiness may also mean saying goodbye to yours.

[mssleepyhead]

The clueless year.

You find yourself alone. All of the people you expected to stay, left. The person you draw strength from, is also the one who makes you weak. You find yourself walking on your road alone. Where everyone you see just pass by you because everyone is taking their journey. A journey of their own. You ask yourself why. Why are you here? Your heart is heavy like no one can lessen the weight. It is heavy that it might burst with tears. Tears that will just fall even when you tell them not to.

What happened to YOU?

Your emptiness cannot be filled. It has been hollow for a time.

[tobeagenius]

When it comes to human nature, it’s true to say actions speak louder than words.