Sideblog for watching the 2016 Fan-voted Top 100 Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes from the 2016 kickstarter. We are watching in reverse order from 100 to 1, knitting all the while.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K for short) is a show whose premise is that mad scientists have marooned someone in space on a satellite and are forcing them to watch bad movies as part of a twisted experiment. To survive the experiment, they make fun of the movies as they watch them with the help of two robots that the initial test subject built out of parts of the satellite, and their efforts are then broadcast for our enjoyment.
The experiment has changed hands a few times over the course of the series run, with new mad scientists taking over and occasionally test subjects escaping and new ones being captured and sent to the satellite. But the format of the show has stayed mostly in tact over the years: the bulk of the episode is spent watching and "riffing" the movie, with a silhouette of theater seats over the bottom of the screen so you can see the human test subject and the bots as they mock the film. In between the theater segments, there are "host" segments* made up of video calls between the host and the mad scientists (Mads, for short), scenes of daily living on the satellite, and sketch comedy performances by the host and bots that are usually (but not always) reactions to what they've seen in the movie. There are some running gags and lore that carries over, but each episode mostly stands alone.
*The human subject of the experiment is also called the host of the show, because the characters are aware that their experiences are being broadcast as television.
The show initially ran from 1988-1999, first on a local Minnesota TV station called KTMA (1988-1989), then on the Comedy Central cable channel (1989-1996), and later on the SciFi Channel (1997-1999). New seasons were shot for Netflix in 2017 and 2018, and the showrunners managed to make a crowdfunded independent season in 2022 on their own streaming platform called the Gizmoplex. The original TV episodes show stream on the Gizmoplex for free, and on several other free-with-ads streamers and on official and fan-run YouTube channels.
What is this project?
To promote a kickstarter to fund the Netflix seasons, in 2016 MST3K fans were asked to vote for the top 100 episodes of the original series (not counting that first local television only season). I have lots of knitting to do, so I am watching the list from bottom to top while I knit, and writing about what I think of each episode. You are welcome to watch along with me, or reply with your own thoughts on any episodes you remember!
Just over a year ago, I started this project of watching the fan-voted top-100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 while frantically knitting an afghan for my close friend's wedding. Fifteen months and ninety-nine episodes later, I'm watching the top-rated episode of all while knitting a new blanket for that same friend's baby shower. It must be the will of Manos! And now it's time for the final episode of this top 100 list. Do we all know what to do? That's right: You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, rock on the porch all night! Let's get this party started!
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
1. Episode 424 Manos: The Hands of Fate
Content Warning: The movie involves a cult that is attempting to take over people's minds to enforce servitude, particularly women for sexual slavery. One of the potential victims is a *very* young child who, if the cult is successful, will either be killed as being of no use or taken and raised by the cult to become a sexual slave as an adult. There is also some onscreen pawing at unconscious (or frozen in terror) people, and the death of a dog.
Summary: We start with a short, the second part of Hired!, the beginning of which we saw all the way back at number 79. during Bride of the Monster (a criminally underrated episode.) In Part 1, new hire Jimmy feels like he's spinning his wheels as a salesman for Chevrolet cars, while his frustrated manager complains to his own father that none of his new employees seem to know what they're doing. Here in Part 2, Dad passes on his folksy wisdom that no one knows how to do a job unless they've been trained, and reminds his son that when he was green, his own boss worked closely with him to show him how to do the job right. (Petition for weird porch-rocker dad to explain to all those five-years-of-experience-for-an-entry-level-position companies that everyone serves an apprenticeship for every job). The boss returns to the Chevrolet lot determined to help his sales people grow with hands-on guidance and management.
In the film proper - I don't know how to explain how weird this movie is. We have had incoherent films and surreal films and weird films and incompetent films, but this - somehow seems to become a more bizarre viewing experience the more times you watch it.
A family - a mature dad, his significantly younger wife, and their little daughter - drive through endless alfalfa fields to a completely inappropriate jazz soundtrack while looking for a place called Valley Lodge. Dad misses an opportunity to ask for directions from teens necking at a crossroads, but when he goes back, they've been chased away by the local cops. We will periodically cut back to what the teens and the cops are doing throughout the movie, although it never becomes relevant. (I think they're trying to tease the audience with the hope that the cops might figure out that something's wrong and come to the family's rescue, but the editing is so poor that everything just feels very random.) Dad finally stops for directions at a mysterious ranch house that wasn't there the first time they drove by, and the very odd caretaker Torgo (with an even more inappropriate theme) reluctantly allows the family to stay the night while making creepy comments about a "Master" and ogling the young wife. In the night, the family poodle runs outside and is killed by desert animals, Torgo creeps on the wife, the car refuses to start so they can't leave, and daughter Debbie discovers a secret room where the Master and several wives unconscious in ritual poses around an eternal flame. (That last one gets only about 20% of the reaction it should.) Now when I type it out like this, it seems obvious that the death of the dog is to establish that the desert is dangerous and explain why the family doesn't run into it the second they find the cult room, but I cannot stress enough how much the editing of this film is so odd that it makes it hard to put together cause and effect.
Eventually the Master wakes up and starts talking about a sacrifice to the god Manos, he wakes the wives and they begin fighting about whether to kill Debbie along with her father or convert her into the cult along with her mom, Torgo says that he wants the new lady for his wife and threatens rebellion when he is refused, the first wife repeats "your power fails you" a couple of times, and then everyone kind of wanders around aimlessly for a bit? Eventually, the Master uses his powers to kill Torgo and the first wife, and the family flees into the desert. When the wife tires, they try to trick the pursuing cult by doubling back to the house. The Master appears, is shot by the husband several times but is immune to the bullets, and we cut to a new group of vacationers arriving at the house where the dad is now the creepy caretaker and mom and Debbie are both among the wives.
MST3K lore or notable moments: The whole episode is iconic. This is their most famous one. But if I have to pull a few things, it's that Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank both sneakily apologize to the SoL crew for the badness of the movie, and this is the introduction of Torgo, one of the shows most iconic recurring guest characters, who appears at the end of the episode to deliver a suspiciously warm pizza to Deep 13. Honorable mention to Joel's Manos costume with the feet robe.
What do I think about its place on the list? As soon as I learned that this list existed, I knew that the number one episode would be Manos. It was always going to be Manos, it almost couldn't have been anything else. MST3K has no shortage of baffingly incompetent and deeply surreal movies (The Beast of Yucca Flats, Monster A-Go-Go), but every frame of of this one is so memorably weird. Unlike the others, it's in color, but the camera could only record short clips of film at a time, so everyone moves very slowly and stiltedly and spends a lot of time standing still when they should be moving. All the dialogue was recorded in post and sounds weird. There are so many films with bad soundtracks that I don't remember at all, but every note of this terrible sountrack is imprinted on my mind. So yes, my favorite episode, my number one - is Cave Dwellers. But I can't really argue with this episode being in this spot. (Incidentally - Torgo is apparently supposed to be a satyr. He's wearing some kind of contraption that's meant to simulate goat legs, but it just looks like his pants are stuffed with newspaper.)
Did some swatching this time around during MST3Knitathon, my attempt to finish many knitting projects while watching the fan-voted top-100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order from bottom to top. We're almost done with the list! And a baby shower has been announced for the end of August, which means that I really need to get knitting, so we should get on with the write up. But first! Important administrative detail: did you all sign Sherry's birthday card?
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
2. Episode 820 Space Mutiny
Content Warning: In one of the sketches, Crow comes out as a Bellerian and then questions his newly assumed identity in a way that can be read as an analogy for trans experiences. It's mostly fine until the end when Crow decides he is not a Bellerian after all and derides himself as a gullible moron whose identity changes on a whim, which if you extend the metaphor, is a nasty thing to say about questioning people. Your mileage may vary.
Summary: The Southern Sun is a generational colony ship, taking humans from an overpopulated world to a new planet multiple lifetimes' worth of space travel away that their descendants will be able to colonize, with multiple middle generations in between who will be born, live, and die on the ship. In an interesting and fairly unusual for this genre bit of world-building, the Southern Sun’s journey takes it through inhabited space, with multiple trading and travel vessels coming and going from the larger ship during its journey. In the 13th(!) generation to be born aboard ship, the head of the law "enforcers" decides that he's unwilling to be ship-bound for his entire life, and stages a mutiny to take over the Sun in order to deviate it from its course and take it to a nearby planet in pirate-controlled territory that he intends to colonize personally. Complicating his plans are the arrival aboard ship of a mysterious group of psychic priestesses called the Bellerians, who give vague warnings about the mutiny but don't actually do much, and fighter pilot Buck Plankchest, who narrowly escapes the sabotaged explosion in the docking bay that cuts the ship off from outside help and becomes the only non-mutineering-enforcer aboard with combat experience. The captain's botanist daughter Lea is initially hostile to Blast Hardcheese, whom she blames for the death of his passenger in the crash he survived, but as they begin to bond romantically and travel the ship together, they stumble across evidence of the mutineers’ conspiracy. Can Fridge Largemeat lead the largely pacifist colonists to victory against their entire law enforcement force while Captain Santa and First Officer Sting look on?
MST3K lore or notable moments: While coming up with new macho character names for the body-builder lead is a reused joke from earlier seasons of the show, it's most associated with this episode, where they call [actual character name Dave Ryder] 40 different things according to the list on the MST3K wiki, and it is one of their most memorable and meme-ified riffs. This is also the final episode of the Roman times arc, where Pearl promises not to send Mike and the bots any more bad movies if they help them escape. (A promise she does not keep, as we learn in Time Chasers.) Oh, and also, it's revealed that there were in fact three additional escape pods on the Satellite of Love this whole time until Crow, Tom, and GPC destroy them in a mock space-battle like the pirate fight in the movie. (It's fun that GPC got to fully participate in the boy bots' mischief - she's usually either doing her own thing, a reluctant participant, or the voice of reason)
What do I think about its place on the list? This episode has a lot of the characteristics that I complained about in Devil Fish: mostly mediocre sketches, over-reliance on running gags and obvious jokes, and a little too much eagerness to make fun of the actresses' appearance. Here, though, it mostly works! With the exception of the jokes about Lea's age (yes, she is being instructed to play younger than she is - the actress was 34 when this movie was made and her character is probably meant to be mid-20s - but Big McLargehuge over there is meant to be of equivalent age and being played by a 40-year-old, and not only do they not say "boo" about that, they insist that Lea looks older than him. Unpleasant and unnecessary), the running gags are funny and get funnier over time. Filling in the empty space with an entirely invented subplot about Sherry's birthday was an inspired choice, and while obvious jokes to make, the Captain does have a Santa beard, Dave Ryder does look like a Trunk Slamchest or Fist Rockbone, and there are a ridiculous number of railing deaths. And while none of the sketches are particularly memorable (though the railing one was silly enough to make me giggle), with the exception of the up-to-interpretation content warning, none of them are bad either, with the Roman times bits both plot-relevant and working and the Satellite sketches all at least passable. The movie is a fun one to riff, trying very hard in a lot of places but also obvious and incompetent. While Pumaman I love because it's a great episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 overall, this one is the pinnacle of the typical "SciFi Channel style" of riffing - the riffing dynamic Mike, Kevin, and Bill developed together that they continued in the Rifftrax era, with all its hallmarks positive and negative. This is the episode where what they bring to the table is working the best. So while I go back and forth over whether Pumaman or Space Mutiny are my favorite of the SciFi channel episodes, it makes a lot of sense for Space Mutiny to be the highest ranked from that era of the show, second in overall ranking only to the fan favorite that everyone knows is coming next.
Actually spent some time yarn-balling skeins and decluttering my craft area during last night's session of MST3Knitathon, my attempt to finish several knitting projects while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of the original run of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from bottom to top. We've almost reached the end! But tonight, Joe Don Baker IS Mittens! He's a cop.
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
3. Episode 512 Mitchell
Summary: Mitchell (1975) is often described as a Dirty Harry (1971) ripoff, which is not inaccurate, but my pet theory is that Mitchell is actually trying to be Dirty Harry meets Columbo (1968+) and that many of its oddnesses are caused by trying to rip off both detectives at the same time. Sometimes, Mitchell is a hard-drinking, fast-shooting, out-of-control cop who doesn't play by the rules; other times, he clashes with fellow officers by being too straight-laced, quietly but relentlessly pursuing the truth of a suspicious shooting that his higher-ups would rather went away, and contrasting his slightly unkempt and occasionally befuddled demeanor with his keen insight in interpreting the crime scene. Of course, when you replace Columbo's endearing - let's call it "avuncularity" - with Dirty Harry's violent machismo, the virtues of both (for whatever level of virtue Dirty Harry's one man crusade against crime can be said to possess) cancel each other out into a gross (as in repulsive, not intense) hypocrisy.
We begin in the Columbo-ripoff portion of the movie, where we-the-audience see a rich man shoot a fleeing burglar and then stage the crime scene to make it look like self-defense. Two uniformed cops appear on the scene, but the plain-clothes detective (our "hero" Mitchell) who was previously asleep in their backseat immediately begins questioning details of the story and insisting on interrogating witnesses right away instead of letting them go home, so we have a working-class-coded detective clashing with a wealthy suspect who clearly expects special treatment from the law. I wish the movie had stayed here, because investigating the murder of a burglar as a murder like any other is a laudable endeavor, and you could have had some interesting scenes of Mitchell clashing with other cops who feel that even if the victim was unarmed, the burglar had it coming. Instead, Mitchell is pulled off the case by his boss who tries to keep him busy with a solo 18-hour-a-day stakeout of a suspected drug-runner who is expecting a shipment of heroin. Initially, Mitchell uses his 6 hours of sleeping time to continue investigating the first murder off the clock, but when his boss tells him the suspect is already being investigated by the FBI for "everything," we move into the Dirty Harry ripoff as heroin-dude tries out several strategies for getting Mitchell off his case (during which, Mitchell shoots a fleeing rando just for having recognized him as a criminal, even though that's exactly what the first guy he was trying to put behind bars did.) Lots of poorly shot and overblown action scenes follow and eventually lead to the bad guys being extra-judiciously dead, just like the first victim (though MST3K cut the scene where murderer 1 dies for time, so that storyline is just kind of dropped halfway through the episode). The grossest part of the Dirty Harry ripoff section of the movie is the subplot where someone hires a high-end call girl to sleep with Mitchell as a kind of bribe, which he's more than happy to accept as long as he doesn't actually agree or intend to do any of the things they're trying to bribe him for. Later, she calls him out about accepting her purchased favors not being a particularly straight-laced thing to do, and basically dares him to prove that he's "clean" by booking her for marijuana possession. He does. (Before the war on drugs, this was apparently just a $500 fine, but still). At the end of the movie, she returns to him voluntarily because the sex (which I deeply wish that we didn't have to watch) was apparently just that good, and he "humorously" brings her in for marijuana possession again. (This is the part where we imagine Estelle Winwood appearing, turning into a panther, and eating him, as established in The Magic Sword.)
MST3K lore or notable moments: This is it. This is the big one. THE lore episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to beat all other lore episodes. Due to some behind-the-scenes tensions around the making of Mystery Science Theater: The Movie, series creator and original host Joel leaves the show. In the sketches, the Mads are being audited by a mad science organization (the same one Pearl later tries to get licensed by? I think the names are different, but it's tempting to assume so), so they've hired a temp by the name of Mike to help inventory all the evidence of their mad science that has built up in Deep 13. Temporarily left alone on the Satellite of Love's main set, GPC overhears Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank plotting to kill Mike at the conclusion of the experiment, but misunderstands them to be talking about Joel. After panicking through several segments, she enlists a sympathetic Mike's help to locate a hidden escape pod (in a box labeled "Hamdingers") in the SoL's manifest that Mike is supposed to be filing, and to use Frank's keys to transfer control of it to her. She uses the escape pod to eject Joel from the Satellite and he returns to Earth with a touching farewell, while the stymied Mads look to Mike as a replacement subject for their experiment. (At least they didn't kill him.) This plot gives us so much - Joel's farewell to the show he created, the introduction of Mike in character as himself, and a rare GPC-centric storyline!
What do I think about its place on the list? The first time I watched Mitchell was in high school, when my uncle brought it over as an episode he had taped. High school me hated the film so much I couldn't enjoy it even with the riff, even with Joel leaving. That was over 20 years ago (gosh I'm old), and I've refused to rewatch the episode ever since - until now. And - I didn't hate it! I actually enjoyed this episode a lot. The riff was really on point, all the sketches were fantastic, and the movie is giving them a whole lot to work with. How Mitchell treats Greta the expensive sex worker is still gross and unpleasant, but aside from that, I don't really have any complaints about the episode. (Incidentally, - I had a whole rant planned about how Mitchell not minding that someone hired a sex worker to entertain him to suddenly being really pissed off when it turns out to have been burglar-murder-guy instead of heroin-guy, but unfortunately during my commute this morning, I think I figured it out. Mitchell was okay with accepting Greta's services when he thought they were purchased by heroin-dude because he wasn't going to stop surveilling heroin-dude whether he slept with her or not - but spending his six-hours off from the stake-out with her was replacing the time he used to spend investigating the first murder (because Mitchell apparently doesn't sleep), and even though this coincided with his boss explaining that they weren't pursuing the murder because they wanted to leave the suspect for the FBI, knowing that he'd been doing what the rich guy who hired Greta wanted him to do made him feel dirty and complicit, and that's why he 180s on it. (And, of course, sours on Greta, because even though she had nothing to do with this, he's exactly the kind of guy who would take it out on her.) I hate to give this movie any credit, but that part does make sense.) I almost want to watch this episode again to see if it grows on me more now that I'm not bracing myself throughout, but I think I'll give it a break for a while first.
So how do I rank this episode now? It's so important to the lore; while the movie still has some irredeemable qualities, the riff made me laugh at several points; I loved watching GPC and Mike conspire to save Joel; and I actually enjoyed watching it this time around. Ultimately, I think it's still not in my personal top 10, which is a very subjective thing, but I don't think I can say anymore that this episode doesn't deserve a top 10 spot. It's well-remembered for a reason.
(Incidentally, if you're in the mood for an anti-Christmas Christmas movie come December, there's a couple of scenes that indicate that Mitchell actually takes place during the holiday season.)
Finished embroidering the face on the little axolotl plushie and folded some laundry during this episode of MST3Knit-get-things-done-a-thon, where we either do some knitting or work on whatever else needs to be finished while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order from bottom to top. Today, you know it's spring when the executioners get in the house
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
4. Episode 910 Final Sacrifice
Summary: A somewhat wimpy teenager goes through his late father's personal effects, hoping his papers will contain clues to his unsolved murder 7 years ago. He finds notes on an ancient civilization's culture and language, a mysterious old map, and an unfinished letter declaring his father's intention to send all these documents to a "partner," something he evidently never got the chance to do. When young Troy calls information looking for contact info for the letter's intended recipient, a mysterious cult realizes that he must have the papers, and thugs break into his house in an attempt to kill him and take the map. A fleeing Troy hides in the truck-bed of a drifter with the unlikely name of Zapp Rowsdower, who coincidentally is a former member of the very same cult, also on the run, whose membership tattoo seems to give its leader some form of psychic influence over him. The map leads Troy and Rowsdower to a grizzled archaeologist who speaks like Yosemite Sam and claims to be Troy's father's old partner. He explains that the two of them were researching a scientifically advanced ancient civilization that lived in what's now Canada before the ancestors of the First Nations people crossed the land bridge, and which was destroyed when the people got too wealthy and started worshiping an idol they hoped would protect their wealth instead of their own gods, who cursed their fields and caused their city to sink into the mud in retaliation. The map leads to the idol, and the cult chasing them are idol-worshipers descended from this civilization who believe that if they can find the idol again, they can make one "final" human sacrifice to it that will restore them to their former glory. But legend says that if the idol is destroyed instead, the city will rise up from the earth. But who will find the idol first, and can Troy really trust Rowsdower, who used to be a member of the cult himself?
MST3K lore or notable moments: Troy calls Rowsdower by name quite a lot, and "Rowsdower" said in a whiny voice is one of this show's most iconic call-backs. Because this movie was made in Canada, this is also a big "making fun of Canada" episode, with the infectious disease of "hockey hair" taking over the castle and ship (Mike, who already had hockey hair in his youth, is immune) and this Canada diss track that goes off the rails:
What do I think about its place on the list? I promise you that I'm not a hater and that I genuinely do like this show. That being said ... I've always found this episode to be over-rated too. There are things I like about it - it's overall a very funny riff (every time they added dialogue for the unspeaking masked cult thugs really got me), I enjoyed the hockey hair sketch, and there's something sweet about the movie, in its amatuerish nature and that neither male lead really fits the mold of stereotypical masculine hero. I also appreciate that while there were jokes implying that the not-very-manly Troy is possibly a young gay boy and that his instant emotional dependence on Rowsdower is somewhat crush-like, the riffers showed restraint in making fun of the man and boy relationship at the center of this movie and none of the jokes that I was paying enough attention to catch were anything I found upsetting. And the singing over the film's closing credits was fun! I did enjoy watching this episode again. That said, I only found about half of the Canada jokes funny. The ones that were mocking something specific I generally tended to be amused by; the ones that were just variants on, "Canada sucks," I found not so much offensive as just - boring. The ratio of obvious jokes to clever jokes was also a little high. Also I hate the Rosdower callback it is one of their laziest and I've never found it funny This one is not my fourth favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Definitely a top 50, would not complain about a top 25 - but fun as it was, it's not making my top 10 list when I write it up at the conclusion of this project.
I want to say that we're over the hump of me denigrating beloved fan-favorite episodes, but unfortunately the next one on the list is Mitchell, and the one and only time I've seen that one before, I found the movie too unpleasant - even with the riff - to enjoy. It's been several years, so I might not feel the same anymore. But then again, I might.
If you disagree with me about Final Sacrifice, please tell me about it in the comments and reblogs! (Especially if you are Canadian - I would be interested to know if Canadians find all the Canada-bashing to be all in good fun or if it is bothersome.)
(Not related to the quality of the episode, but this movie displays the kind of Scylla-and-Charibdis nature of many problematic themes: the ancient civilization that the cult springs from are bad guys for most of the movie, so eventually clarifying that they are not First Nations people is a move away from offensiveness, even if it happens too late in the film. But the substitute storyline that the civilization in question was both more advanced than First Nations peoples and inhabited the land before them undercuts native sovereignty and reinforces stereotypes about real indigenous cultures being primitive, swinging back towards offensiveness again. This kind of thing is really what the word "problematic" was originally intended to convey - that the story and themes were not actively offensive in the manner of, for example, cowboy stories where the Native Americans are cruel savages against the innocent white settlers, but the narrative still has implications that should be consciously interrogated.)
hi!!! I'm canadian!! I love this episode. it's very special to me and my mum, bc she is from Alberta and we both take a very special delight in the very funny and sometimes very specific Canadian riffs. ("free pictures of Brian Mulroney with fill-up" lives in my mind rent-free.) Oblique references to As It Happens and other staples of mid-90s Canadian culture are really enjoyable, as it's rare that Canada’s own popular culture gets any kind of acknowledgement. As cruel as the Canada-bashing can get, the song is awesome and I find servo’s unrelenting hatred hilarious. We like being self-deprecating about our nation too! It’s all meant in good fun. (Also, as both the maritimes and the prairies share a heck of a lot of similarities with the American midwest, to me, Canada jokes from MST3K don’t seem as offensive or as meanspirited as Canada jokes from a place like California. This might be a weird gripe, but I find it’s a lot easier to laugh along at someone who is obviously from a place with a similar background as you, even if they’re being a little judgy, because you know that on some level they get it.)
I think that the general love of final sacrifice comes from this movie being a really really good candidate for a riff. As bad as it is, it’s easy to follow: the filmmaking is low budget and sloppy but comprehensible; the plot details are nonsensical but grounded by way of location/budget; the characters aren’t close to realistic but there are only 4 of them; and the novelty of it being a Canadian production gives the episode a gimmick to hang a lot of jokes on. The riffs almost write themselves.
As for your comments on the treatment of the civilization and indigineity, that’s one of the things about final sacrifice that I find funny in a morose sort of way. The handling of the “legendary, ancient, civilization that’s always been here and that's NOT NATIVE, ACTUALLY, WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?” Is a very Canadian approach to race relations. At first you think it's genuinely racist, but the reveal and attempt to be inoffensive yielding further racism is for me a laugh-out loud bit of unintentional satire. There's nothing more inherently Canadian than covering up racism with slightly-less-obvious racism.
Aww, that's so great to hear! You know what, maybe this episode doesn't have too high a ratio of obvious to clever riffs - maybe I'm just not getting enough of the clever stuff because I'm not Canadian! Reading your thoughts makes me want to re-evaluate this episode's ranking - probably still not in my personal top ten, but jockeying for that coveted 11th spot with Overdrawn at the Memory Bank and Eegah!.
Finished embroidering the face on the little axolotl plushie and folded some laundry during this episode of MST3Knit-get-things-done-a-thon, where we either do some knitting or work on whatever else needs to be finished while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order from bottom to top. Today, you know it's spring when the executioners get in the house
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
4. Episode 910 Final Sacrifice
Summary: A somewhat wimpy teenager goes through his late father's personal effects, hoping his papers will contain clues to his unsolved murder 7 years ago. He finds notes on an ancient civilization's culture and language, a mysterious old map, and an unfinished letter declaring his father's intention to send all these documents to a "partner," something he evidently never got the chance to do. When young Troy calls information looking for contact info for the letter's intended recipient, a mysterious cult realizes that he must have the papers, and thugs break into his house in an attempt to kill him and take the map. A fleeing Troy hides in the truck-bed of a drifter with the unlikely name of Zapp Rowsdower, who coincidentally is a former member of the very same cult, also on the run, whose membership tattoo seems to give its leader some form of psychic influence over him. The map leads Troy and Rowsdower to a grizzled archaeologist who speaks like Yosemite Sam and claims to be Troy's father's old partner. He explains that the two of them were researching a scientifically advanced ancient civilization that lived in what's now Canada before the ancestors of the First Nations people crossed the land bridge, and which was destroyed when the people got too wealthy and started worshiping an idol they hoped would protect their wealth instead of their own gods, who cursed their fields and caused their city to sink into the mud in retaliation. The map leads to the idol, and the cult chasing them are idol-worshipers descended from this civilization who believe that if they can find the idol again, they can make one "final" human sacrifice to it that will restore them to their former glory. But legend says that if the idol is destroyed instead, the city will rise up from the earth. But who will find the idol first, and can Troy really trust Rowsdower, who used to be a member of the cult himself?
MST3K lore or notable moments: Troy calls Rowsdower by name quite a lot, and "Rowsdower" said in a whiny voice is one of this show's most iconic call-backs. Because this movie was made in Canada, this is also a big "making fun of Canada" episode, with the infectious disease of "hockey hair" taking over the castle and ship (Mike, who already had hockey hair in his youth, is immune) and this Canada diss track that goes off the rails:
What do I think about its place on the list? I promise you that I'm not a hater and that I genuinely do like this show. That being said ... I've always found this episode to be over-rated too. There are things I like about it - it's overall a very funny riff (every time they added dialogue for the unspeaking masked cult thugs really got me), I enjoyed the hockey hair sketch, and there's something sweet about the movie, in its amatuerish nature and that neither male lead really fits the mold of stereotypical masculine hero. I also appreciate that while there were jokes implying that the not-very-manly Troy is possibly a young gay boy and that his instant emotional dependence on Rowsdower is somewhat crush-like, the riffers showed restraint in making fun of the man and boy relationship at the center of this movie and none of the jokes that I was paying enough attention to catch were anything I found upsetting. And the singing over the film's closing credits was fun! I did enjoy watching this episode again. That said, I only found about half of the Canada jokes funny. The ones that were mocking something specific I generally tended to be amused by; the ones that were just variants on, "Canada sucks," I found not so much offensive as just - boring. The ratio of obvious jokes to clever jokes was also a little high. Also I hate the Rosdower callback it is one of their laziest and I've never found it funny This one is not my fourth favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Definitely a top 50, would not complain about a top 25 - but fun as it was, it's not making my top 10 list when I write it up at the conclusion of this project.
I want to say that we're over the hump of me denigrating beloved fan-favorite episodes, but unfortunately the next one on the list is Mitchell, and the one and only time I've seen that one before, I found the movie too unpleasant - even with the riff - to enjoy. It's been several years, so I might not feel the same anymore. But then again, I might.
If you disagree with me about Final Sacrifice, please tell me about it in the comments and reblogs! (Especially if you are Canadian - I would be interested to know if Canadians find all the Canada-bashing to be all in good fun or if it is bothersome.)
(Not related to the quality of the episode, but this movie displays the kind of Scylla-and-Charibdis nature of many problematic themes: the ancient civilization that the cult springs from are bad guys for most of the movie, so eventually clarifying that they are not First Nations people is a move away from offensiveness, even if it happens too late in the film. But the substitute storyline that the civilization in question was both more advanced than First Nations peoples and inhabited the land before them undercuts native sovereignty and reinforces stereotypes about real indigenous cultures being primitive, swinging back towards offensiveness again. This kind of thing is really what the word "problematic" was originally intended to convey - that the story and themes were not actively offensive in the manner of, for example, cowboy stories where the Native Americans are cruel savages against the innocent white settlers, but the narrative still has implications that should be consciously interrogated.)
Knitting finished as of last night! Still need to weave in a few ends, wash, and block.
Was aiming for 48” x 60”, came out 39” x 60” so far, but I’m hoping to be able to block it to a little wider and I’m ok losing a few inches of length for that
Thank you so much for all the nice things everyone has said about this blanket! Unfortunately, I do not have a pattern, so much as I have several patterns and some back-of-the-napkin style math notes that won’t make sense to anyone but me - but I do have a picture of this planning piece (since frogged to reuse the yarn in the blanket itself.)
As a few people in the notes pointed out, the dragon pattern is Tahesha the Dragoness by Ina Wendrock
Skill level: Advanced cable knit / Zopfmuster für Fortgeschrittene
But it's on a plain reverse stockinette background, and I wanted this as part of a complex cable afghan. It's going to be a wedding gift for two friends in my DnD group, so I knew I wanted it big enough that two people could reasonably share it while watching TV together on a couch, and for a dragon to still be visible when folded and draped over the back of a couch or chair, in case that's how they store it. So I knew I was committing myself to knitting 5 dragons (one in the center and one in each of the four corners), and figuring out myself how to plop the dragon in to a larger cable blanket pattern.
Back in November, I bought the dragon pattern and knit a test version of it so I could see how it worked and measure the dimensions. (You can see from the curled up edges that I did this before I found the part in the pattern notes where Ina Wendrock helpfully informs us that the dragon is knit over 45 initial stitches, to help us add it to our own projects, but ah well.) Then I started trying to figure out the other cables.
I knew I wanted some traditional cables so that it had an heirloom look to it (but with dragons), but I thought that the dragons would look too out of place if everything else looked copy-pasted from a classic fisherman’s sweater. Fortunately, there are a number of knitting designers right now doing cool things with trying to make cables that resemble Celtic knot motifs, so I went to the public library and borrowed a bunch of cable knitting books and started bookmarking what I liked. My favorite patterns were all coming from this book:
Mention the phrase ?cable knitting,? and most people?knitters and non-knitters alike?envision textured ropes, twists, and braids winding up
Which looks like it's out of print now, but wasn't in December and I was able to ask for and receive it for Christmas. (Designer Melissa Leapman's ravelry store is here in case anyone wants to check it out):
I narrowed my bookmarked cables down to patterns that had 1) an odd number of stitches; 2) a central "crossover" cable in multiple parts of the pattern so that I could "open" it up to create the medallions that the dragons would sit in; and 3) a stitchcount of less than 45, by enough that I'd have room to drop a traditional cable on either side. My favorite two would then be the center cables for the central dragon panel and the left & right dragon panels (when I wasn't doing the dragons), and then I decided on a very simple c4b twist between the panels and a tight 5-rib cable braid on the edges. I loved the first two patterns from the book that I tested and didn't have to try any of my runner-up bookmarks - but if you zoom in on the picture, you can see that for the traditional cables around the Melissa Leapman cable for the center panel, I tried and discarded a honeycomb cable and an Xs and Os variant before deciding on the one that I'm not actually sure of the name of that made it into the final pattern. For the side panels, I had thought it might be nice to incorporate a hearts cable since it was for a wedding blanket. I'm not sure how traditional these heart cables are, but I've seen them unattributed in more than one published pattern from different sources, and they're published in a number of cable pattern guides online. They worked next to the Melissa Leapman cable I wanted for the side panels, so they went in the pattern without me trying anything else.
While practicing the dragon cable, I had noticed that many of the cables started with an increase, so on the back of one of my chart print-outs, I graphed a rough plan for what I had decided to put where in terms of the traditional and Leapman cables that would go around the dragons, and numbered out the stitches if I worked the first cables in each pattern as increases instead of cables to mimic the start of the dragons. Then I added up the total number of stitches and cast on, and it worked surprisingly well! After completing one repeat of the side-panel central cables, I started "opening" up the circles where the dragon would be through improvisation (the left and right panels that were parallel always matched each other because I was doing the same thing in each row - other than that, I wound up doing it slightly differently every time, and that was ok. They look the same enough.)
I had planned to either leave it un-bordered or add the full mitered border that Ina Wendrock (who designed the dragon pattern) has on her store depending on how it worked up, but after I'd knit enough to see what it looked like, I decided that the mitered border was overkill, but it did need something, so when I finally got to the end I did an I-chord bind-off and then went back and picked up stitches along the cast-on to do an I-chord bind-off there too. If I had it to do over again, I might have done a folded hem on each side instead, but we'll see how the I-chord blocks.
So, that's how you make the dragon blanket. Either get the patterns I mentioned and try to duplicate, or just buy the dragon and add your favorite cables for the rest!
[Sorry I'm not more help, but I cannot stress enough - I did not write any of this down as I went.]
[[For the patterns that were from the Continuous Cables book, I used panel 10 from page 136 for the center and panel 27 from page 146 for the sides]]
Welcome to MST3KCrochetathon, where I attempt to make an axolotl amigurumi to thank a friend for giving me her late aunt's huge stash of vintage acrylic yarn* while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from bottom to top. We've finally hit the top 5! Trumpy, you can do stupid things!
*which I am donating to the local elementary school's crochet club instead of using, which makes me feel unappreciative of the gift even though she said her aunt would like that, so she's getting a little plushie made with the yarn as a thank you
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
Content Warning: possible implied attempted rape when a poacher grabs at a young woman he finds wandering in the forest.
Summary: Famously, this was originally conceived as a standard alien horror movie and then forced by producer interference to become an E.T. ripoff to cash-in on Spielberg's success. The seams show.
In the plotline Joel and the bots famously dub movie A, three bird egg poachers are deep in the woods of the Pacific Northwest when a mysterious meteor - ship? - crashes nearby. The only one who saw the crash takes their truck to investigate and discovers a cave full of glowing red alien eggs, which he fearfully starts to smash. The alien mother kills him, leaving the other two poachers stranded in the forest without their truck. As they wander about trying to avoid the rangers, they also encounter the alien, whom they initially approach in a non-threatening manner and then try to capture. At this point, she begins to kill any human she encounters, assuming bad intentions.
In movie B, a teen rockstar, his manager, and his backup singers are taking a camping vacation in this very same forest, but their trip is complicated when they all learn that the rocker has invited one of his groupies along despite being in a relationship with one of the backup singers. When the groupie wanders into the forest alone to get away from the other girls' hostility, she takes a bad fall when she runs into the alien while fleeing from poachers, and the gang must figure out how to seek medical attention when an entirely unseen storm (they couldn't have afforded some thunder sound effects?) has washed out the only bridge and taken down the phone lines.
In movie C, a sensitive and animal loving boy named Tommy finds the alien cave and takes the last unsmashed egg home with him to raise as one of his many pets. He names the baby alien Trumpy and learns it has Mary Poppins like whimsical magical abilities. But when the adults react to the aliens with not unwarranted fear and hostility (mama alien has killed several random innocent people by this point), Tommy must abandon his friend in the woods to live apart from people forever alone.
The three plotlines occur in random order for the first half of the movie and don't all connect until the end, giving it a very disjointed feel.
MST3K lore and notable moments: This was one of the first real fan-favorite episodes and the first to start breaking containment among people who had only heard of and not seen the show (it would be de-throned the following season by the episode voted in at number one.) There are plenty of call backs, especially, "It stinks!" whenever music is recorded, and "Trumpy, you can do magic things!" during supernatural moments. It is also the source of three (3!) notable sketches:
(I'm sorry this one is clearest as a short)
What do I think about its place on the list? This is such a beloved episode, that I'm really going to get tarred and feathered for this, but I don't think this is a top 5 MST3K. If this had come in at number 10, narrowly beating out Overdrawn at the Memory Bank - sure, fine, no arguments. But I'm going to say it - the episode peaks too soon. The best part of the episode - yes, even better than "Trumpy, you can do magic things!" - is "Hear the Engines Roar Now"/Idiot Control Now. It's got everything: Inane and repetitive lyircs? Check. English dub so muddled you can't hear what the words are anyway? Check. Music style at least 20 years too old to be a hit song from the era it's taking place in? Check. The phenomenally smarmy *overemphasized OK sing* "It stinks!" Perfect moment, excellently riffed, and less than thirty minutes in. It's already over, and you have the entire rest of the movie to sit through. Yes, the riffers bring their a-game with the Trumpy dialog and their reaction to all the murders, but they never hit quite that height again. The Mary Poppins-esque magic sequence is a very close second, and all the sketches are amazing (I can't believe how funny it is to just watch them copy what happened in the movie without commentary), but the movie drags too much in the middle, even with the excellent riff. It does start to pick up steam at the end, though, and "Clown in the Sky" actually hit me in the feels a bit this time, so close after the announcement that the Gizmoplex is closing down. There won't be a clown in the sky anymore! (Until the Rifftrax episodes drop.) OK, probably a Top 10 MST3K episode if only for how memorable the two best bits were, but it should be near the bottom of the top 10, not in the top 5.
During this episode, I managed to finally refold and put away everything from a Marie Kondo-ing of my T-shirts, that have been draped across my armchair for the past 2+ weeks. This is why she recommends laying everything out on the bed that you sleep in so that you have to put it away before bedtime. Welcome back to MST3Knitlaundryfoldathon, where we're watching the fan voted top-100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order while doing whatever needs to be done. Everybody sing along! 🎶Pumaman, he flies like a moron!🎵
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
6. Episode 903 Pumaman
Summary: Centuries ago, ancient aliens visited the Aztec empire and were worshiped as gods, and left them with two symbols of protection for both the Aztec people and all humanity: a high-tech golden mask that can psychologically control people, and their own genetic material in the form of the Pumaman, a part-human son of the "gods" who inherited superhuman abilities from them and would pass these powers on to his own son, creating an unbroken line of protectors throughout the ages. Why didn't the Pumaman protect the Aztecs from colonization? ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ In the modern day (1970s), the golden mask has been stolen from the Aztec temple and fallen into the hands of a bad guy played by veteran Bond villain Donald Pleasence, who intends to use it to control world leaders and decide the course of global politics. Why did the alien gods who (we later learn) don't intervene in human affairs because they want all men to be free and masters of themselves give the Aztecs a mind-control mask in the first place? ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ Knowing that the current Pumaman is the only one who can stop his evil plan, Donald Pleasence attempts to find and eliminate him by throwing potential candidates out windows to see who falls like a cat. Meanwhile, the high priest of the remaining Aztec temple contacts the actual Pumaman, an American (part-Aztec?) paleontologist living in London who knows nothing of his heritage or his late father's superheroic identity. How did his dad, the previous Pumaman, die so early given all his supernatural powers, and why was his son raised in ignorance? ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ The high priest explains that Tony already has the powers of a puma: to fall gracefully, see in the dark, instinctively sense danger, and possess the strength of a great cat. Then he gives him a belt to enhance his powers that allows him to fly, astral project, and walk through walls. You know, like a puma. Can the high priest teach the whiny paleontologist how to control his powers in time to stop Donald Pleasence's plans for world domination? (Also, why wasn't he the real hero of this movie?)
MST3K lore or notable moments: The makers of this film did not seem to know how to use the flight harness they were able to get their hands on properly, so Pumaman in flight flails about like an idiot. It's laughably unconvincing and really puts even the oldest and cheapest Superman effects into perspective as successful endeavors. It's one of the most well-remembered and iconic moments from the show.
[Edit: Also, another visit from Ortega, who visits the castle to watch Sliders with Brain Guy]
What do I think about its place on the list? I'll have to wait for the ones coming up next in the list to see if I change my mind, but Pumaman might be my favorite episode of the SciFi Channel era. It's got everything - a goofy movie, fun sketches, one of their top-notch riffs, Donald Pleasence, "each man is a god, each man is free" ... fantastic! Love the Prince Valiant-ish "Aztec" costumes, the silly special effects, that ridiculous soundtrack, the way our hero fumbles everything and has to be pushed and pulled through the adventure by the much more competent Aztec priest. And the riff is funny throughout, with special love for every time they sing along with the absolutely absurd sound track, and the "like a puma" whenever Pumaman gets a new bonkers power. And the Coatimundi Man sketch, which didn't quite make it into the notables, but is both a highly accurate takedown of the movie and a super-run bit. I could watch this episode on repeat. It's probably making it into my top 5, but therefore arguing with a top 6 placement would be quibbling in the extreme.
During this episode, I managed to finally refold and put away everything from a Marie Kondo-ing of my T-shirts, that have been draped across my armchair for the past 2+ weeks. This is why she recommends laying everything out on the bed that you sleep in so that you have to put it away before bedtime. Welcome back to MST3Knitlaundryfoldathon, where we're watching the fan voted top-100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order while doing whatever needs to be done. Everybody sing along! 🎶Pumaman, he flies like a moron!🎵
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
6. Episode 903 Pumaman
Summary: Centuries ago, ancient aliens visited the Aztec empire and were worshiped as gods, and left them with two symbols of protection for both the Aztec people and all humanity: a high-tech golden mask that can psychologically control people, and their own genetic material in the form of the Pumaman, a part-human son of the "gods" who inherited superhuman abilities from them and would pass these powers on to his own son, creating an unbroken line of protectors throughout the ages. Why didn't the Pumaman protect the Aztecs from colonization? ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ In the modern day (1970s), the golden mask has been stolen from the Aztec temple and fallen into the hands of a bad guy played by veteran Bond villain Donald Pleasence, who intends to use it to control world leaders and decide the course of global politics. Why did the alien gods who (we later learn) don't intervene in human affairs because they want all men to be free and masters of themselves give the Aztecs a mind-control mask in the first place? ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ Knowing that the current Pumaman is the only one who can stop his evil plan, Donald Pleasence attempts to find and eliminate him by throwing potential candidates out windows to see who falls like a cat. Meanwhile, the high priest of the remaining Aztec temple contacts the actual Pumaman, an American (part-Aztec?) paleontologist living in London who knows nothing of his heritage or his late father's superheroic identity. How did his dad, the previous Pumaman, die so early given all his supernatural powers, and why was his son raised in ignorance? ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ The high priest explains that Tony already has the powers of a puma: to fall gracefully, see in the dark, instinctively sense danger, and possess the strength of a great cat. Then he gives him a belt to enhance his powers that allows him to fly, astral project, and walk through walls. You know, like a puma. Can the high priest teach the whiny paleontologist how to control his powers in time to stop Donald Pleasence's plans for world domination? (Also, why wasn't he the real hero of this movie?)
MST3K lore or notable moments: The makers of this film did not seem to know how to use the flight harness they were able to get their hands on properly, so Pumaman in flight flails about like an idiot. It's laughably unconvincing and really puts even the oldest and cheapest Superman effects into perspective as successful endeavors. It's one of the most well-remembered and iconic moments from the show.
[Edit: Also, another visit from Ortega, who visits the castle to watch Sliders with Brain Guy]
What do I think about its place on the list? I'll have to wait for the ones coming up next in the list to see if I change my mind, but Pumaman might be my favorite episode of the SciFi Channel era. It's got everything - a goofy movie, fun sketches, one of their top-notch riffs, Donald Pleasence, "each man is a god, each man is free" ... fantastic! Love the Prince Valiant-ish "Aztec" costumes, the silly special effects, that ridiculous soundtrack, the way our hero fumbles everything and has to be pushed and pulled through the adventure by the much more competent Aztec priest. And the riff is funny throughout, with special love for every time they sing along with the absolutely absurd sound track, and the "like a puma" whenever Pumaman gets a new bonkers power. And the Coatimundi Man sketch, which didn't quite make it into the notables, but is both a highly accurate takedown of the movie and a super-run bit. I could watch this episode on repeat. It's probably making it into my top 5, but therefore arguing with a top 6 placement would be quibbling in the extreme.
7. Episode 321 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
This was supposed to actually be an MST3Klaundryfoldathon, but I wound up test-swatching a baby blanket pattern instead, so it's a true MST3Knitathon - my endeavor to knit probably too many things while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order. It's the middle of June, but let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas anyway!
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
7. Episode 321 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Summary: The planet Mars is home to a scientifically advanced alien species undetectable by Earth radar or telescopes, as they moved their civilization underground during their nuclear age to protect themselves from bombings. Now the Martians are at peace, living under one ruler (Kimar = King Martian) and enjoying their futuristic technology, such as food pills and teaching machines. But the children of Mars have become depressed - refusing to eat, having trouble sleeping, and showing lack of interest in any activities other than watching captured Earth television rays showing programs about Christmas and Santa Claus. Kimar consults a wizened Martian elder who opines that the lack of fun and laughter in the very logically raised Martian children's lives is stifling their spirits, and they "need a Santa Claus on Mars" to restore their emotional health. Kimar takes a crack team to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus, along with two American children whom he first asks for directions to the real Santa and then takes along so they won't inform the authorities. This should be where the movie kicks off as the greatest toymaker in the world turns his literally magical abilities towards creating toys that will make children from a culture that has literally eliminated fun learn to play again - but the movie has no ideas for how that might go, so they just build a big machine to make regular Earth toys and pad the film with a plot about a bad Martian who wants to stop Kimar and Santa lest they make Martian children as "weak" as Earthlings. There's a lot of unfunny comedy and very cheap props.
(Incidentally, the rest of the main Martian family's names go: Lady Momar = Mom Martian, Bomar = Boy Martion, and Girmar = Girl Martian. All the other Martians are named like clowns (Droppo) or villains in scifi franchises (Voldar))
MST3K lore or notable moments: All of this! The whole episode! But especially "(Let's Have a) Patrick Swayze Christmas." I try not to put all the songs in the notable moments section because even though all of them are great, they did sing a lot of them, but this is one of their best and most well-known songs:
And the Mads' first crack at "The Gift of the Magi," with Frank buying Dr. Forrester a gold watch band that he paid for by hocking Dr. F's Rolex, while Forrester gives Frank a book that he paid for by secretly harvesting and selling Frank's plasma while he slept. O'Henry! (Bonus lore bit as this is one of the few episodes to confirm that the host and bots do get to watch good movies between experiments sometimes, as Joel has tricked Frank into sending them some VHS's of legitimately good and classic Christmas movies.)
What do I think about its place on the list? This is absolutely one of the best episodes they've ever done. It's a holiday tradition for many MSTies (myself included) and the movie's so bizarre and badly done. I think I stand by my earlier stated opinion that Santa Claus has the slightly stronger film and riff, but this riff is very good too, and even though the sketches in the second MST3K Christmas episode were also great, they nailed it this first time in a way that can't be beat. Even the sketches that didn't make it into the notable moments and lore section are so sweet and funny. And I love Tom Servo's snowglobe head! This is one of the MST3K episode films that I wish would get a remake by someone who knew what they were doing and had some kind of budget the most, because, "After learning about Santa Claus from broadcast television rays, an advanced alien civilization kidnaps him to save their children from depression by teaching them how to play again," is a really good premise for a family Christmas movie, with natural spaces for action scenes, whimsical playtime sequences, and heartwarming messages about the nature of childhood and the importance of play. "Santa Claus in SPACE" is something that a certain kind of kid would find SO cool! It would, however, only intensify the existing "Santa Claus is real" story problem of acting like non-Christians don't exist in order to avoid either explicitly stating that Santa doesn't visit them or pretending like they, too, celebrate the universal holiday of Christmas, so maybe it's better than no one competent has attempted it and instead, we have ... this meandering thing. But at least Joel and the bots help us through. Definitely a top ten MST3K episode.
This is the episode that finally got me through the last of the I-chord bind-off on my blanket! Welcome to MST3Knitathon, where I am/was knitting my way through time-sensitive projects while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from bottom to top, and we're finally in the top 10! Tonight, a safety tip: When confronted by a werewolf, it's important to immediately leave your car and run out into the open.
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
8. Episode 904 Werewolf
Content Warning: film contains scenes of racism against Native American characters, half-assed appropriation of Navajo culture, and the casting of white actors as Native Americans
Summary: So there's a Hitchcock film where one of the big twists is that the protagonist switches half-way through the movie in order to shock even the genre-savvy audience by having the former main character die in the middle. The closet thing Werewolf has to a main character doesn't show up until a third of the way into the film, but it never establishes a faux-protagonist prior to that and doesn't develop any character's story in either part of the film, so this seems to have been an accident rather than a ground-breaking defiance of cinema conventions.
Joe Estevez is back as a "Native American" archaeological digger who uncovers a human-wolf hybrid skeleton that he and his compatriots identify as yee naaldlooshii, (an evil skin-walker from Navajo legends that really oughtn't be appropriated by outsiders) but the white archaeologists in charge call a lycanthrope. One of the diggers turns into a werewolf after being cut by the skeleton during a fight with the most racist of the archaeologists, and despite theoretically being Navajo who interpret the skeleton as a skin-walker and not a werewolf, Joe Estevez and companion shoot him with a silver bullet and all three leave the movie. (Hey, guess which of the three "Navajo" diggers is played by the only actually Native American actor? Go ahead. Guess.) The racist and violent archaeologist has stolen the first werewolf's blood from the hospital in order to make more werewolves in a never fully explained quest for grant money, but in an unintentionally very funny sequence of events, the first guy he turns transforms while he's behind the wheel of a car and dies in the ensuing accident. Meanwhile, this random dude named Paul shows up, having inherited a house from his mother that he intends to use to write a book in. Hey, does this make him Paul the real estate novelist He falls in love with Natalie, the female archaeologist, at a random party and plans to help them get some grant money by writing - something? A publicity piece maybe? They don't actually say. But the violent one is so protective of the project that he bashes Paul with the werewolf skull the first time he visits the lab. Paul was clearly cast because someone behind the camera thought he was hot, and most of the rest of the film's run time is devoted to him writhing shirtless on his bed as he tries to control the urge to transform. Between fits of shirtless writhing, we learn that Paul's house comes with a "comedy-relief" doomsday-prepper groundskeeper and a real estate agent who wears bizarrely short miniskirts with her suits, and there's an unfunny scene of werewolf Paul attacking two teens in lovers' lane where the joke is that the girl sees the werewolf but her boyfriend believes that she's screaming because he's doing such a great job fingering her. Eventually, the violent archaeologist gets killed trying to capture and study Paul, and the final frame reveals that Natalie has contracted lycanthropy from Paul as a sexually transmitted disease.
MST3K lore or notable moments: The most significant is that despite the movie taking place in Arizona, most of the actors have notably European accents, and Natalie's actress in particular cannot pronounce the English word "werewolf" despite being in a werewolf movie. Mispronounced "werewolf" and the riff, "Paul, you is turning into a warwilf" are famous callbacks to this episode. Also notable are an escape attempt by Mike: after another trip through the wormhole, the Satellite is now in orbit around present-day Earth again and the Mads have settled in to Castle Forrester. Mike gets the nanites to built him a ladder long enough to reach the surface, but must retreat when the ladder lands him in Castle Forrester. Mid-episode, Mike cuts himself on Crow and becomes a Werecrow, including during the later theater segments.
And in my second-favorite bit from the episode, Mike and the bots become a fifties girl group to sing one of those bizarrely popular songs about teen lovers dying in tragic car accidents, "Where oh Werewolf:"
[Edit to Add: Oh, and special guest appearance by Kevin Murphy's dog, who plays the "wolf" Bobo attempted to find for Pearl's experiment at the end.]
What do I think about its place on the list? I was genuinely surprised to see Time Chasers at number 10 - I hadn't known that that one was such a fan favorite episode. I was not at all surprised to see that Werewolf had made the top 10, and I understand completely why it's so beloved: the terrible acting, bizarrely meandering plot, Joe Estevez's presence, Natalie's highly imitable way of never pronouncing "werewolf" the same way twice, the sketches with Werecrow, the incredible "Where oh Werewolf" song, and some really top-notch riffs, including the entire sequence when the car-driving werewolf appears to be repeatedly circling the same gas station before the accident, and my favorite bit from the episode, the sing-along medley Mike and the bots do to the inappropriate Native American drum music over the closing credits. And yet, I always think of this episode as good, but not quite as good as everyone says it is. It lacks the ineffable charm of Cave Dwellers, or Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. My final verdict (and highly personal opinion) is that Werewolf is indeed a great episode of MST3K, but it is a top 25 MST3K episode, not a top ten. I totally get why this one would be someone else's favorite, though. (And definitely check out "Where Oh Werewolf," it's a treat!)
I am something like a week late writing this up, but I want to get to an MST3Knitalaundryfoldathon soon, so let's get to it. How much Keefe is in this movie? Why, there's Miles O'Keefe! (Introducing each episode with a notable riff seems fun for the Top Ten. I suppose I should have started that with Time Chasers but a) I didn't think of it, and b) what would I even have put for that one?
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
9. Episode 301 Cave Dwellers
Content Warning: Orientalism in the film, where one of the major characters is a wise, silent Asian warrior who literally never speaks on camera, and in the riff, where the riffers sometimes, but not always, attempt a Chinese accent while adding dialogue for him. Also, his actual credited character name is unfortunately Thong.
Summary: In the time of the cavemen/the barbarian sword and sandals times/the high middle ages/19th century Bavaria, a wise sage and regional ruler named Akrono is captured in an invasion by the warlord Zor, who is sometimes implied to be a former student of his and other times merely someone who wants to be Akronos's student. This is extra bad because Akronos has just discovered the "geometric nucleus," which is never fully explained, but might be nuclear weapons and/or atomic power in general? Which is obviously too powerful to allow Zor to get his hands on, so Akronos sends his daughter Mila to "the East" to seek out Ator, a warrior and former student of his whom Akronos believes is the only one strong enough to defeat Zor. We're treated to a very long recap of the first Ator movie (riffed in the Netflix seasons), none of which is at all relevant to this movie because it's all about Ator rescuing a wife who is now dead from an evil spider god cult and acquiring magic weapons that he noticeably does not use in this movie. (The actually relevant backstory, about Ator losing his wife Sunya, studying with Akronos, deciding to become a wandering hero, and meeting and befriending Thong, is rushed over in like two sentences of voice over because none of that happened in the first movie so they don't have any footage of it.) Mila, Ator, and Thong have a fantasy road-trip back to Akronos's castle, encountering obstacles, like enchanted fog, invisible warriors, a snake god cult and the monster they worship, and even, briefly, some cave dwellers, making the title of the movie only almost completely inaccurate instead of totally completely inaccurate. Meanwhile, Zor's daddy-issue like desire for Akronos's approval prevent him from torturing the location of the geometric nucleus out of him while he portrays the mincing but cruel gay villain stereotype in that turned up to 11 way that's offensive, but still fun to watch, often in a fabulous swan-shaped war helmet. Can Ator, the thinking barbarian, use both brains and brawn to defeat Zor's superior marshal forces? With the help of his feathered hair, fringed boots, giant swords, and tiny leather bikini, anything is possible.
MST3K lore or notable moments: I cannot tell you about the most notable moment from this movie. On the off-chance that there is anyone reading this who has not seen this episode yet, you must be surprised when it happens. If you've seen this episode, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you haven't yet, trust me, you will know. There's also the fact that the protagonist looks like this:
Joel's great Art of Foley sketch:
And it ends with a fantastic boggle and rant about the badness of the movie and a classic, "What do you want? We're supposed to be evil!" from Dr. F and TV's Frank. (Could not find that one on YouTube, but if anyone has a link to the clip, I'll post it too.)
What do I think about its place on the list? You know how I'm always complaining about the 80s movies? I find them charmless, they bum me out, it's not as fun to watch the riffers make fun of them as the movies from other eras ... Guys, this one's my favorite. Not my favorite 80s movie episode, not my favorite sword and sorcery. This is my favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I love every frame of this deeply stupid movie, and of the episode surrounding it. I love the genuine attempts to make Ator, Thong, Mila, and Akronos demonstrate that they are intellectual warriors and how goofy most of them are; I love everyone's ridiculous wardrobe; I love that every time they travel ten feet they're in a different time period like an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess; I hate that Thong is a stereotype and doesn't talk, but I love watching him do genuinely clever things in the background but still wait until all the mini-skirted extras are killed before intervening to save Ator and/or Mila; I love Ator's attempts to emote instead of be a stoic warrior (NooOoo); I love the riff ("I bet he built that horse." "Yeah. Out of mud and sticks."); I love the sketches (especially the Foley meat-slappers). Ator and Thong made a Ye Olde Bowflex out of rocks and string so that they can work out better! I am not surprised that the number one voted episode, when we get to it, was the number one voted episode. I would have been shocked if it was anything else. And I can see a few places where this episode lacks some of the polish MST3K would develop even in the latter half of season 3. But this is my blog and this is my favorite. Cave Dwellers is the best episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 - the currently voted number one can get knocked down to number two.
[Two fun things that didn't fit anywhere in the write-up: 1) The legend of this movie is that director Joe D'amato was meant to be making an unrelated movie about cave dwellers when funding fell through while he was on set filming, and since he had cast actor and bodybuilder Miles O'Keefe, star of Ator I, in a new role in this canceled film, the cast and crew just decided to improvise an Ator sequel instead, which, if true, would explain so much about this movie. 2) Some bad movie aficionados have theorized that, rather than the past, as the narrator claims, Ator II Cave Dwellers (and by extension the rest of the Ator series) actually takes place in a post-nuclear-apocolyptic future where society has regressed, and that's why all the settings seem to have different time periods (they're at different stages of rebuilding) and Akronos was just able to discover nuclear power (it's a relic, not an invention). Which would actually make a lot of sense, but is not implied by anything in the film.]
Knitting finished as of last night! Still need to weave in a few ends, wash, and block.
Was aiming for 48” x 60”, came out 39” x 60” so far, but I’m hoping to be able to block it to a little wider and I’m ok losing a few inches of length for that
I forgot how time-consuming an I-chord bindoff is over here on MST3Knitathon, my attempt to finally finish this blanket while watching the fan-voted top 100 episodes of the original run of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order from bottom to top. We've finally reached the top ten!
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
10. Episode 821 Time Chasers
Summary: In 1991 Vermont, a college physics professor (whose actor desperately wants to be Richard Dreyfuss and is not) has invented a device that can take a light engine plane backward or forward in time. Having run out of funding, he tricks an executive from a major technology company and a reporter for the local paper into coming along on a demonstration flight to 50 years into the future so that he can trade access to his technology for a research grant. But when he and the reporter return to the future on a date, they find that whatever the CEO has done with the time travel technology has turned the future city into a post-apocolyptic wasteland! Unable to regain control of his invention due to laws around eminent domain of potential military tech, inventor and reporter head back in time to stop his past self from giving the demonstration. The evil CEO follows to violently prevent them from changing the past, and what follows is theoretically a race through time to prevent or preserve the development of time travel technology. In reality, it's just a bunch of pointless, drawn-out action scenes between each step of plot trying to draw everything out to movie length.
MST3K lore or notable moments: Inspired by the movie, Crow travels back to 1985 to convince young Mike to stop taking temp jobs and focus on his band so that he never winds up in Deep 13 and Dr. F and TV's Frank don't get the chance to shoot him into space. But back on the Satellite, Mike has been replaced by his crude older brother Eddie, who bullies the bots and reveals Mike's tragic early death on stage, bludgeoned by hotel keys thrown by over-enthusiastic female fans. Crow must go back again to undo what he changed, but "Eddie's" in the theater for a bit while this is going on, and Pearl points out at the end that all the time travel shenanigans have left one iteration of Crow in 1985. (Is this how he became Art and met Pearl pre-series?) (Also, Brain Guy attempts a joke by breaking into the movie credits with a fake promo for "Observer News," before rapidly losing all confidence in the bit and breaking down to apologize for it.)
What I think about its place on the list? I really liked the bookend sketches of Mike visiting Pearl in the van like they're Midwestern neighbors coming over to each other's stoops. Extremely fun Mike-and-Pearl dynamic! And the Observer cutting in to the movie credits was a delight! I don't think anything in the "Crow goes back in time" plot actually made me laugh, but it was a reasonably fun and entertaining storyline, and it was interesting watching "Eddie" in the theater segments. (Though I go back and forth between thinking that they could have done even more with the contrast between "Eddie's" style of riffing and Mike's, or if making the contrast starker would have been too jarring over the length of time that "Eddie" was in the theater.) As for the movie, it has something of a sweet community theater vibe to it as the number of locations they were able to film in and the number of extras moving through scenes show a lot of local support behind the film (and the sheer number of people and groups they had to thank!) But unfortunately, the movie can't seem to do anything with the resources that it does have. The movie gets potentially interesting in a couple of places - once where past timeline Lisa and Nick start investigating the time anomalies caused by their future selves trying to reach them, and Lisa's own body is identified in the wreckage of the plane crash she's reporting on. If the script had figured out a way to make the latter half of the movie focus more on the past timeline characters trying to put together what was going on, with past!Lisa using her investigative reporter skills to try to discern what both the villain and their future selves were doing in order to help effect events and past!Nick learning from his future self's mistakes, that immediately would have improved things. The second time it gets potentially fun is when the CEO decides to take future!Nick back to the American Revolution to kill him so that his body blends in among the war dead and its discovery doesn't cause any paradoxes, and a whole slew of Revolutionary War re-enactors who've definitely supplied their own props and costumes show up. When the citizens and officials of Rutland, Vermont give you a veritable army of historically accurate Minute Men, do something with them (besides padding)! They don't even get to shoot the bad guy! I want that man taking a musketball to the shoulder! Which yes, is all great riffing fodder (I especially love Tom Servo doing the countdown along with timer and having to keep going back because they are stretching out the seconds), but this is still the first top ten episode that I'm going to call over-rated. It's a good episode of MST3K - in some moments it's a great episode of MST3K! - but compared to the rest of the top 10 list, or even to everything else that made the top 15, this is the comparatively most forgettable episode. If you watch this episode, you'll probably enjoy it, but I can't really say that there's anything particular you would miss if you skip this one. (There's Eddie in the theater, but we had Pearl in the theater during Quest of the Delta Knights and that only made it to 62 on the list.) The extra Crow lore and Brain Guy's fun break in to the theater just isn't enough to make this one the tenth best MST3K episode of all time (pre-Netflix). At least, not in my opinion. What do you all think? Is this anyone's particular favorite, and if so, what are the things about it that you love that I'm missing?
